SMART BOMB

The completely unnecessary news analysis

by Christopher Smart

June 21, 2022

DEAD GIVEWAYS

Europeans can spot an American tourist a mile away, according to a recent advertorial in Huffington Post. Among the giveaways are men wearing backward baseball caps and shorts — totally uncool. Americans are forever asking for more ice in their drinks —  annoying. Americans are always on their phones or taking selfies. Europeans hate it when Americans address them as “bro” or “dude.” A dead giveaway is when an American orders ketchup.“Hey bro, gimme a glass of ice and some ketchup.” Americans wear flip-flops and fanny packs — embarrassing. That got the staff here at Smart Bomb to thinking: How do you know if someone is from Utah? When they say “well” and you don't if they're talking about a “whale” or a “wheel.” And, of course, if they utter the words, “The Church,” it's a slam-dunk. You can tell someone is from Utah if they say Murray is a town rather than a man's name. And it's a dead giveaway if they say, “It's down to Murray.” They're probably from Utah if they're bad tippers. It's a good bet someone is from Utah if they carry around a 64-ounce to-go cup. You know they're from Utah if they have license plates like this: IM1RU2. If they use words like “flip” and “garbage” in place of expletives, they're from Utah — and that's no shit, er, uh, garbage.

CONNECTING THE DOTS

For the sake of argument, let's say that Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas didn't realize his wife, Ginni, was a radical who was bent on overturning the election of Joe Biden and that he didn't know she had pressed 29 lawmakers in Arizona not to accept the  Democrat's victory there. Maybe Justice Thomas was just clueless that Ginni exchanged messages with Mark Meadows, the White House chief of staff, days before the Jan. 6 insurrection. That's a lot not to know about your spouse but maybe it's possible. Does your wife have a secret credit card? Is she really playing bridge with the girls on Wednesday evenings? And why does she smell kinda different when she gets home. Maybe it's just coincidence that Clarence Thomas was the only member of the court to vote in favor of Donald Trump's attempt to keep secret his communications that would have included those between Meadows and Ginni. Maybe Clarence had no idea that in the week heading up to Jan. 6, Ginni was in contact with John Eastman, the architect of the coup and may have told him there was a dispute among the Supreme Court justices whether or not to hear arguments about the 2020 election. Maybe Clarence Thomas didn't see his wife as an insurrectionist. Or maybe he just couldn't believe his lyin' eyes.

A WELL REGULATED MILITIA

The Second Amendment says we have the right to bear arms for a well-regulated militia in order to secure a free state. Well, we're in luck, we've got the Proud Boys, a well-regulated militia. Nah, we don't care about no well-regulated militia. We care about owning guns. Collectively, we own some 400 million of them. That's why we're a free country and those people in Australia and New Zealand and across Europe aren't free — they don't got no guns. Of course freedom isn't free. As Bill O'Reilly said of the 59 people who were killed and the 411 injured at a 2017 country music festival in Las Vegas: “That's the price of freedom.” The same must be true of the 19 4th-graders and two teachers who were shot dead at the elementary school in Uvalde, Tex., as well as 10 people killed and three others wounded at a Buffalo, N.Y. grocery store. And the 20 six- and seven-year-olds killed at Sandy Hook, along with six adults. And the list goes on. What would the Founders think of our new tradition of mass shootings. They lived in a time of single-shot muskets and couldn't possibly envision such carnage. But here we are in the present-day United States where freedom means your kids could be killed at school or the grocery store or at a concert. That's the price of freedom? Some freedom.

Post script — That's a wrap for another week here at Smart Bomb, where we keep track of election deniers so you don't have to. The Jan. 6 committee hearings are totally bogus, say diehard Trumpers, who took to social media to fight back: Bill Barr lied because Dominion Voting Systems paid him to say Trump knew he lost the election. The testimony of Ivanka couldn't be real when she agreed with Barr that claims Trump won the election are B.S. And, of course, the Earth is flat. Here's a little something from our “Science”-file: NASA’s Mars rover is searching for life on the Red Planet. But recently the rover came across something else — human garbage, apparently from an earlier mission. Extraterrestrial joke: How can you tell where Earthlings have been? Here's something from our “You Won't Believe It” -file: Swedes love to pay taxes and they are the highest in the world. According to the BBC, Swedes have piece of mind because they have a high standard of living with free tuition, low-cost healthcare, daycare, parental leave and on and on. The Swedish Welfare State is as a well-funded resource that is used by everyone. And Swedes say compared to the U.S. costs of healthcare, education and daycare, they're getting a good deal. Try selling that in Washington, D.C.

Alright Wilson, people make fun of Utah but we don't care. More and more, folks from all over look favorably on Utah and are moving here. Gone are the good ol' days when they stayed away because they thought we were all a bunch of tee-totaling polygamists. So wake up the band, Wilson, and show those gentiles how the cows eat the cabbage:

It was a paradise for lizards when young Brigham saw it first He said I've seen some nasty deserts Lord, but this one here's the worst Then the Lord called down to Brigham, said "I've got a great idea" I want a mighty city and I think I want it here Salt Lake City, where it's so easy keeping straight Salt Lake City, just really makes Des Moinеs look second rate Ain't making no big deal about it But I hеar the Mormon girls are really great

Salt Lake City, hey, dig that Tabernacle Choir Salt Lake City, yeah they be bound to take you higher There just ain't no two ways about it, yes Lord they really light my fire Well Brigham kicked a prairie dog, and he muttered in his beard Said you've put me through some changes Lord but this one's really weird The Lord just laughed at Brigham, said "you'd better get to work" The next time I check in here, I want paradise on earth Salt Lake City, where Brigham made the desert bloom Salt Lake City, put a color TV in every room And they got them crazy Mormon chicks, yes I'll be going there real soon Salt Lake City, hey feel that magic in the air Salt Lake City, you know that's kind of why I like it there Salt Lake City, well you know that's where I'm bound Salt Lake City, I'm going down to Salt Lake town

(Salt Lake City — Bob Weir and John Barlow)

Edward Sinnott "Tex" O'Reilly (15 August 1880 – 9 December 1946) was an American soldier of fortune who is said to have fought in ten wars under many flags. Initially serving in the U.S. Army in the Spanish–American War and Philippine–American War, as well as the Boxer Rebellion, he would claim to fight in Venezuela, Honduras and Nicaragua. He fought with Pancho Villa in Mexico and claimed to have fought in the Rif War with the Spanish Foreign Legion in North Africa, as well as serving as an international policeman in Shanghai. He became a writer, including as a reporter for the Associated Press. He wrote an autobiography, Roving and Fighting, and Lowell Thomas wrote Born to Raise Hell about him.  The latter book has been reprinted and is distributed by The Long Riders' Guild Press. 

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tex_O%27Reilly

Discount Bunk Beds Uk

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NASCAR Texas 2017 live stream: Start time, TV channel, and how to watch O'Reilly Auto Parts 500 online

Kyle Busch will look to become the first three-time winner of the O’Reilly Auto Parts 500 on Sunday, the seventh race of the 2017 NASCAR Monster Energy Cup season.

Fox will televise the race beginning at 1:30 p.m. ET, with Mike Joy calling the action alongside analysts Jeff Gordon, Darrell Waltrip, and Larry McReynolds.

Busch is coming off a second-place finish last week at Martinsville, and finished third three weeks ago in Phoenix. He is looking for his first win of 2017, and if he gets it Sunday he’d be the first back-to-back winner of the O’Reilly Auto Parts 500 ever. Busch, who also won this race in 2013, is one of four drivers to win this race twice, and is looking to become the first to win it three times.

He’ll have to hold off the likes of Brad Keselowski, who won last week and has five straight weeks finishing in the top five. Keselowski is looking for his first win at the O’Reilly Auto Parts 500.

The Fox telecast on Sunday will also include pit reporters Vince Welch, Matt Yocum, Chris Neville, and Jamie Little. Online streaming of the broadcast is available through Fox Sports Go.

O’Reilly Auto Parts 500 info

Location: Texas Motor Speedway, Fort Worth, Tex.

Race coverage: 1:30 p.m. ET

Green flag: 1:46 p.m.

TV: Fox

Radio: SiriusXM channel 90, and Performance Racing Network

Online streaming: Fox Sports Go