#tbf i think i'll feel better in a bit. i slept at half to 7 and i woke up sometime at 3 pm around an hour ago
Text
good afternoon c:
#🌙.tbd#just a quick vent. maybe the last one on this account before i spam these sort of things on that sideblog instead#tbf i think i'll feel better in a bit. i slept at half to 7 and i woke up sometime at 3 pm around an hour ago#anxious. i think. overwhelmed. likely too. i'm so tired of thinking too much about all this bcs i know i can manage better but#am i not sure what to do? maybe i'm afraid? bcs fuck i don't want others to worry. i really really need to stop writing these things. but#idk i'm afraid of the image i put out to others. afraid of how it impacts the world around me.#so i want to hide. but then i feel like a fraud. in these anxious moments. am i faking being better?#the contrast of it. hurts. i've never been one to hide. i hate hiding. but i'm so used to hiding. i'm too accustomed to it#i think i'm afraid. recently i think i've been influencing some friends more idk about my irls i don't talk to them particularly a lot but#one example is online friend on twt that i mostly talk in a gc w apollo. we've been talking more ever since the 28th n very recently#(yesterday) we've been talking in dms & maybe that's opened up smth i may have been bottling recently#am i afraid of making mistakes. that if i'm not 'perfect' or 'ideal'. my worth would be lacking?#that's smth i've struggled w all my life i think. since as a kid i used to perform very well in school n all. i was so afraid of failure#but at the same time i knew i was lacking. i was too shy. i was afraid to recite. n other things brought me down too#sometimes i feel so fake bcs other times i genuinely can be proud of myself. but when anxiety grips me. everything changes#and i feel so fake bcs i can't seem to really accept in a way that. bcs fuck i know that's normal. i'm human. i'm human....#what if i'm not aware of the extent i push others away. of this subconscious barrier around me i can't take down no matter what#i shouldn't have to be so afraid. but even if i am. i shouldn't have to be so harsh on myself#then i just get confused. overwhelmed. i wish i could just force myself to be better. but i know i need to slow down. just feel this#overwhelmed by what i'm doing. what i need to do. what i'm not able to do. the pressure i place on myself is so anxiety inducing#i know i can do better. but rn in these moments it's just so hard for me to 'rest'. accept that i#it hurts bcs i'm so weighed down by it all. being too much? too little? what is real & what is fake? it's hard going on confused#i feel like a hypocrite. i just can't seem to really be kind enough to myself to genuinely accept that#i'm human. it's alright to feel like this. it will pass too. it always does.#but then it weighs me down even more when i think of my mistakes in the past. & of the time i'm wasting by doing all of this#then i'm just left overwhelmed and confused and sorry. sorry for everything i've done & couldn't do.#sorry because i'm just not enough in these moments. too much too little... never quite enough. i'll try to rest though. even if it hurts#being afraid of the unknown right now hurts so much when last night before i went to sleep i was writing to myself about how much it#fascinates and interests me. but life isn't consistent. and as human i also have my downs. it's inevitable. i need to really accept that.#but it's so so hard. it hurts it suffocates me n leaves me cold. i wish i could at least just be good enough for others.
0 notes
Last Seen Blogs
bimtl2
Untitled
relentlessrunaway
Light my fire
big-brother-sasaki
Untitled
idksayuri
idk༶ ⋆˙⊹❀♡
fertigre
Sin título