i think i officially set my sights on a therapist and i'll be contacting her very soon?? therapy was legitimately not on my 2024 bingo card (or in the cards for me at all) but here we are????

representing trauma as being split in two, the part that’s suffering at the same time the loudest, most violent, but also the one who’s locked and stuck in time, replaying times and times again what happened and not being able to move forward. and the you that could have been, the one who’s not scared, or the one who’s scar has healed, not being able to open the door despite trying again and again and again. fuck.

Tumblr is way chiller than Twitter for sure but sometimes I see a post and I'm like. Y'all DO remember this is a block game, right? You're not gonna get legitimately pissy and passive-aggressive over characters doing things in a block game, RIGHT???

Could you write hcs for Nikolai and price with a shy s/o pls & ty

Yeah, of course! Though, I think reader is a bit more anxious than shy in this one, but what is shyness if not anxiety regarding social situations that isn't debilitating? Thanks for requesting!

Price and Nikolai with a Shy!Reader

Price: While I do believe that he thinks shy people aren’t his type, valuing someone who can stand up for themselves, speak their mind and aren’t afraid to be a bit more honest than they maybe should be, the heart chooses who it chooses. He values open and honest communication with his partner more than anything else, but when it seems like you can’t talk to him, no matter how much time he gives you, he rethinks his strategies. Since being stern with you only seems to make you more nervous, more apprehensive, he’d opt for being more gentle, always asking your honest opinion. He might ask further questions, though, if he thinks that the answer he received from you is a bit too short or barely, if at all, reflects what you’re likely thinking and you simply don’t want to hurt his feelings. Sure, he may be a natural leader, so having someone agree with you for once feels good, but having someone give you a piece of their mind, giving you a different point of view so you can see the faults and flaws in your plans, is essential for good workmanship. Price values you and your input, if he has to coax you into giving him a longer, more subjective answer, then he will. A relationship can only really work if both parties are trying to keep it upright in a healthy manner.

While he’ll try to get you to open up in any gentle way he can think of, if the two of you are on an outing, then he’ll speak to the other party for you if you really can’t reply. Price is a good speaker, he knows which words are appropriate in which situation. With his confidence as well, he can cover most conversations for you. However, I can see him trying to make you a part of it anyway, regardless of whether you’re talking to your friend or his working colleague. Being included in a conversation can feel nice, after all. Besides, it might help you in getting out of your shell a bit. Despite absolutely hating making decisions for you, if you really can’t decide on something small, such as which burger to get or whether or not you should buy that lovely sweater, he’ll take the burden off of you if there are people around. But on bigger things that have a greater impact on your life he’ll simply consult you, give you all the potential outcomes he can think of and which effect they may have. It’s not his place to take your life into his hands like that.

Shyness can stem from insecurities, and he can tell when you’re not happy with yourself. It doesn’t matter if you’re beating yourself up over having said something stupid in a conversation earlier that day or if you think you’re not worth listening to or having around, he’ll reassure you that it’s quite alright. Hell, if you’re willing to listen to him, he’s more than happy to tell you an anecdote or two about how he has slipped up when talking to his superiors. It happens to anyone, and by tomorrow that person probably won’t even remember what you said anyway. Unless he had trouble following you or didn’t understand what you meant clearly, Price won’t call you out on not having made complete sense either since he knows you might not take kindly to it, but he’d never make fun of you for misspelling any word, mixing things up or, well, not making sense. Sure, severe misinformation he will correct you on if it can greatly impact something, but not if you have a hard time speaking with correct grammar or pronouncing words perfectly.

Nikolai: Nikolai has met so many people in his life, he can get along just fine with just about anyone, especially because of his relaxed mannerisms. You being shy really isn’t a turn off at all, it can make for amusing scenarios at times. If you get flustered easily he’ll have a field day with that. You start stuttering? You blush? Say some nonsense while your mind is going haywire? That’s so adorable. While he’ll try to not overdo it and keep you comfortable, he does want to have his fun from time to time. If you don’t want to voice your opinion, that’s fine, but he will always ask you for your input. Even if you’re not a fan of saying anything with other people around, if it’s just the two of you, and you’re more willing to talk that way, then he’ll whisk you away. You don’t wanna say what you think in fear of him judging you? He will tell you that it’s alright, regardless of what it is, because truth be told, he’s probably heard far worse things than your opinion on the borschtsch he made. He’s observant enough to know when you’re lying to him in order to not make him mad, but won’t continuously poke and prod at you to have you spill the beans eventually. He’ll ask again once, but if you still won’t budge, then he won’t force anything out of you.

Because of him leading a private military company, he also knows a thing or two about how to engage in a conversation and keep it going for a while. If you want to say something, then you’re more than welcome to do so, but he knows that a shut mouth catches no flies. Yes, he might ask you a thing or two that he might not immediately remember off the top of his head, but if you don’t wanna come out of your shell then he won’t force you to. If you do wanna be more open, however, then it’s different. In that case, he’ll try to include you in the conversations that aren’t too taxing and give you some practice on being more open and social. Like Price, however, he won’t make every decision for you. He doesn’t have the time for that, plus you have enough autonomy like that. However, he is more than happy to call the pizza place you usually order from or tell the waiter at the restaurant what you’d like, that’s not a problem in his eyes. If you find yourself growing increasingly uncomfortable in a situation, Nikolai will get you out of there. He’s just as good at making any conversation end on a pretty good note.

If your shyness stems from insecurities then he, too, will reassure you that you didn’t mess up that badly. No one ever listened to what you had to say? Unless you’re both starting to talk at the same time, he won’t ever interrupt you, giving you his full attention instead. What you say doesn’t make any sense? Mixed up some information? Nikolai might chuckle a bit if you say something along the lines of monkeys liking bananas because they’re both yellow, he’ll gently correct you too, but he won’t be mean about it. Not everyone can remember everything all the time, he forgets things too. Besides, it’s not like he cares all that much. Sure, you said some nonsense, but he can also assure you that he’s heard far worse things. Can and will tell you some anecdotes about what he’s been told as well, there are quite a lot. If you don’t take too kindly to him smiling about something nonsensical, he’ll apologize. Trust me, if you’re upset, he’ll know immediately.

it is mind-boggling that the first thing people do after seeing a horrible antisemitic attack, or the firebombing of a synagogue, or a mob going after a jewish teacher, or the assault of a jewish student, is to go out and make a statement condemning "islamophobia and antisemitism and other forms of hate" in that order.

yeah I’ll say it again: there was no reason for Azula to be put in an asylum for a year and still be going through it that bad all for a breakdown that took, what, less than a month? If we take Zuko’s betrayal, then Mai and Ty Lee swapping sides(? we never really see them “turning good” they just prevent Azula from hurting Zuko and the Gaang but that’s a different discussion) and then her father’s denial of her joining him to the Earth Kingdom (then feeling like she’s being treated like Zuko - thus she’s suddenly lesser in his eyes) followed by Zuko defeating her (which, in her mind, is a whole new failure and she probably feels like she failed her Nation)... yeah that’s stuff that, if given proper therapy, she could have just stayed in a hospital, and within a year, possibly even be living back in the palace with a whole new outlook on life. The writers make it sound like Zuko just wanted her out of his hair which is not how you want to write your hero whose arc is based around growth and wanting acceptance and is forgiven by a family elder after he hurts him. Yes he’s a new Fire Lord and he’s got a lot on his plate, but to just handwave his sister away after he knows the pain of being denied by his family is... bleh (also you all know how much I hate Iroh's canonical endgame)

And I know that there were talks of a fourth season in which she got her healing arc (which would have been really great to see); but it’s such a mess that the comics just kind of decided ‘nahh let the teenager who’s been locked up for a year keep her antagonist role, that’s fresh right?’ Not the girl who was put on a pedestal until suddenly everything she did was wrong (which... yeah, she WAS doing wrong; but she’s been raised to believe everything she was doing was for a greater good for HER nation and the world. She believes she’s a hero because she’s doing what she was raised to do, and to them she IS a hero. She has daddy’s ‘love’ so long as she’s perfect and amazing - and then suddenly all of that gets absolutely obliterated right in front of her one at a time as she realizes everything she’s been doing to maintain her power is also driving people away. Being 'the good kid' until suddenly you aren'twill unravel you.). Zuko knows how that feels, to feel like everything he did was wrong. He knows how it feels to have to break away from realizing he’s been hurting people; to learn from that and how he needs to change his ways.

And not only that but the way they write Azula as a villain in The Search is just AWFUL like it’s boring af. They recycle the same beats over and over and no one gets the bright idea to stop the cycle it’s AWFUL everyone in that comic is a raging idiot.

idk I could keep going in circles and we already know the comics are awful but there’s my extra 2 cents on the matter. They took a character that was already entertaining and fascinating and denied her a really great potential arc to make her one of the best allies the Gaang could have (and Zuko could have some FAMILY) but nope. Let's retread the show but instead let's make it bad.

(draft from my main, disclaimer for anyone who sees this: this blog is primarily a porn blog and stupid debating will be ignored or laughed at, you can try it but i dont care)

reading stuff about trans rights (especially in the south) on places like twitter is SO fucking frustrating because SO many people uncritically say "people never judge trans men for not meeting/meeting male stereotypes!!" "conservatives/republicans/gender criticals/etc don't care about trans men, they only hate trans women!" "no one cares if a trans man wants to play sports with cis men!" "trans men dont have their presentation criticized!" etc because that's not fucking true! its not!

trans men have all of that and more thrown at them, we're the forefront of a lot of anti-trans talking points (IRREVERSIBLE DAMAGE: THE TRANSGENDER CRAZE SEDUCING OUR DAUGHTERS. do you remember this? do you realize this is still one of their huge sources?) and our bodies are seen as mutilated and disgusting, often even more than trans women's, because they see us as women, as ruined women, women they dont see as sexually appealing, potential mothers/incubators, and they take it out on us especially violently. i didnt go through DIY conversion therapy from two conservative transphobes (that included straight up illegal shit) in texas/oklahoma to see people online uncritically parroting the idea that trans men/trans masculinity arent just as fucking hated by people like that. fucks sake.

listen. LISTEN. I knoooowwwwwwwww that August has never been important enough for canon to ever bother expanding upon issues like this. I know, but...

In the pilot, we KNOW that Emma is lonely. We know this because she’s sat in her apartment, alone, celebrating her birthday by herself. It’s well established that Emma had no one she considered her family and has had extreme trouble connecting with people over the years (Neal, Lily and Ingrid as fleeting exceptions).

But August? Canon gives us NOTHING. We know almost NOTHING about his past in the Land Without Magic. We’re given the name of one (1) character (Isra) that he has a connection with (someone who is clearly not THAT important to him, as she’s never mentioned again ever) and that’s IT.

Emma stays in Storybrooke to begin with because of Henry, yes. But it’s not a particularly tough decision for her because, well...she has nothing to go back to anyway. And I can’t help but wonder how true that was for August as well? Like....??? did he bother to contact ANYONE when he thought he was dying???

August is a genuinely intelligent and charismatic character (albeit, a little obnoxious). I have no doubt that he has made friends + friendly acquaintances over the years. But close friends? People he can open up to about his past with and who won’t think he’s losing his mind? HIGHLY doubtful.

I know that the show didn’t really explore their friendship very much or expand on it in any meaningful way, but Emma and August’s relationship is sooooooooooo *chef’s kiss* to me. Yeah, they have genuine chemistry and a fun dynamic, yeah the ‘I can always tell when someone is lying to me’ character interacting with a character that is literally Pinocchio is funny af and surprisingly poetic. But also!!! These are two lonely, emotionally closed off characters that were essentially orphaned by their parents for 28 years that have both had shitty childhoods and have connected so genuinely with one another and I don’t know where I was even going with this but I love both of them so much and they both deserve this friendship and WHY WASN’T AUGUST AT EMMA’S WEDDING I’M STILL MAD ABOUT THIS OKAY

Being a human is literally like this weird combo of being okay and not okay that goes on forever except there is also death

Princess tutu tulpa save me save me save me princess tutu tulpa

what happened to butch + masc/gnc women taking testosterone with the understanding that it doesn't change your biological sex. what happened to lesbians who took T while occupying the butch role unapologetically. what happened to the women who were seen as men by everyone except other gnc women. what happened to those moments of tenderness in recognising another woman's femaleness, reconciling that with her masculinity, understanding the space she took up and why she did so. why does everyone use they/them pronouns. are there other people like me? am i setting a bad example? am i erasing a future little girl's role model by making the choices i do? will i inevitably be grouped in with the trans crowd? is it possible to be recognised as a woman who looks and sounds like a man anymore?

The way western leftists react and discuss Ukraine and the war made me realize that sometimes exposure is not useful and helpful at all. Sometimes it’s better to just shut the fuck up, in fact. If someone is unable to admit that Russia is commiting war crimes and genocide without mentioning all the other wars, NATO or the USA (to somehow downplay the seriousness of it) such voice is annoying/useless at best and incredibly harmful at worst. People who until february couldn’t even point where Ukraine lies on the map are trying to drop some hot takes that just make them sound like the most tonedeaf and ignorant pieces of shit. If you are unable to understand nuances and the reality of eastern/central Europe just stay quiet about it. Nobody needs your voice, thank you. Best thing such people can do is repost fundraisers (preferably with support for the Ukrainian army) and listen to others.

to anyone dealing with ptsd, has there been anything that has helped relieve some of the symptoms?

Currently putting my entire soul into portraying Geto’s experience as a trans teenager. I’m literally ascending and I can’t wait to post it

Not to sound like someone with a personality disorder on main, but people who have no friends can give the most attention.

As someone who is a simp for attention, is this why I’m drawn to the really mean characters that don’t have any friends, can’t keep friends, or betray their friends, or whatever unpopular thing they do or are that makes them not have friends?

As someone who doesn’t quite feel that hex experiences platonic attraction, it feels interesting to me how I am drawn to the most excluded people, or the people who don’t fit in. I feel a little bit too isolated to go into much detail about this, but sometimes it kind of feels like I’m being selfish.

If I’m nice to someone that everyone else is mean to, then I know that it’s likely going to be appreciated that I treat them like a human. If I befriend the person that everyone else is scared of, then I can’t help but feel special or chosen, since the person wants to be my friend or maintain a friendship with me.

Idk these are all probably things I need to discuss in therapy.

i feel really disappointed in myself because i keep talking to my partner and therapists about how much i want to get sober or at least drastically reduce my usage and stick to using naturals only to continue to partake in those very habits and it makes me feel like such a fucking hopeless hypocrite. like. how can i claim to be so desperate for help yet i continue to dig my own grave. im still trying to get better in the ways that i can but i really do feel bad and like im wasting everyones time because ive come to the conclusion that ill never be able to live my life without drugs. i know saying this is never helpful but i really do wish that things couldve been some other way.