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#talk shit get hit
silversoulstardust · 4 months
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the animation really did this scene justice
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mochiwei · 2 years
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Art progress!! 2021 vs 2022
One Hit Obliterator vs Scrungled Master Sword
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gubgam · 2 years
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What to say when a stranger asks about your cane in an uncomfortable way:
Most recently used: “It’s for emotional support”
Immortality is hard on the knees
I’m a professional pole vaulter
(Look side to side conspiratorially) …you can see it too?
I keep my quarters for the car wash in here
Huh? Sorry I didn’t catch that? Sorry what? (Make them repeat it until they get loud and/or embarrassed)
You should see the other guy
Do you wanna guess?
I drank raw milk once
Nothin’ gets past this guy! (loudly, pointing)
It’s actually for fitness, like ankle weights
Mmmm I just like the fact that I’m disabled is way more interesting to strangers than anything else about me
It’s a very rare pez dispenser
Wow!
I’m never gonna dance again, guilty feet have got no rhythm
Walking? In this economy? Psh!
Essential oils go in it
For shits, giggles and a debilitating neurological condition
My no-good-pig-stealing-great-great-grandfather forgot to carry madam zironi up the mountain
Cane?
It’s how I sneak snacks into movie theatres
Well it’s not for walking
(Croaky voice) I’Ve wAiTed 400 yEars for sOmEoNe to aSk mE thAt QUesTion
Finally someone noticed!
Thirst trap
Have you heard of Benjamin button syndrome
To hit small children!
I’m donating my leg to science
I’m going to be Tiny Tim this Christmas, you know, from the musical
To humble me
I mastered walking and thought I’d like a challenge
I keep rolled up $2 bills in here (whisper) …I don’t trust The banks
It’s sexy and cool
You tell me ;) no really, what’s your best guess? (wait for ittttt…. Boom now they are uncomfortable too)
Religious reasons
Then the last one on my notebook page is just a drawing of those 2 dogs from the ‘y’all got legs’ animation in sunglasses and “I got legs”
So there you go
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347-emeraldbitch · 2 months
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Harry, Ron, & Hermione: Why are you here and not in the library studying?
Percy: Someone started a rumor that the pure bloods are so inbred they’re illiterate. Slytherin took that personally because reasons so now they’ve taken over the library.
Hermione: More competition? Good.
Percy: We’ll see when the next progress reports come out.
…………………………………🐍🐍🐍………………………….
Hermione: The Slytherins have taken over the top spots in every year’s ranking!!! And EVERY TIME I walk into the library they hiss!!!!
Harry: Their pettiness and spite are something to admire. I think I saw Snape smile.
Ron: Percy!!!! I saw you sitting with them!!!!
Percy: Do NOT judge me!!!! They brought books from their old pure blood family libraries. I’m not a fool!!!!
Hermione: *runs to the library*
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icedjuiceboxes · 6 months
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We can discuss the possibilities how Corvo told Emily he was her father but this is how the public found out
Bonus:
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A follow up, of sorts, to this comic
Emily's teen design can be seen in full here (I just wanted something to bridge between her Dh1 and Dh2 designs)
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suprsaturatd · 11 days
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TALK SHIT GET HIT
Cripplepunks of the world, unite! We have nothing to lose but the shins of people who tell us we’re “too young” or “too healthy-looking” to use a cane or other mobility device. Slap this bad boy on your jacket or patch pants or what have you to tell those annoying commenters off.
more of my art | shop | tip
[description in alt ID]
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newsfromstolenland · 8 months
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I got no problem with the 9/11 memes but I feel like if you're islamophobic just. don't.
if you know how many muslims were killed and/or terrorized in the name of 9/11 and still wanna call us all evil or backwards or whatever the fuck, you don't get to make jokes about it. this is not a request.
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sailermoon · 5 months
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R O U N D 5|Alien Stage by VIVINOS
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aaamike · 2 years
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Wife Material
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lazulisong · 6 months
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satan works hard but the gays work harder
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mara-xx217 · 2 years
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Albert Wesker x You Commission P.3- Caught His Eye
The timeline is totally fucked but shhhh it's a secret between me and you~
The last part of @prettycutebunny's Wesker commission! Part One and Part Two.
Warnings: Some Upsetting Content, Wesker Project Discussed, Murder, Angst, Jealousy, Eventual Happy Ending, Light Smut
    He promised to protect you. He swore to you that he would never leave your side. With him, you felt safe, secure. Loved. He made you feel loved and you knew that this love was real and genuine. He always treated you right. He treated you with honour and respect- He saved your life. You couldn’t- You wouldn’t live your life without him. 
    Why did it have to end like this…? 
    You couldn’t believe it. Albert Wesker- your Albert- dead…? Dead, no body, and in the midst of the biggest corporate-government cover up scheme that you think you’ve ever seen- or may see- in your entire life. 
    Shock didn’t cover the scope of the emotions you were feeling. Anguish was pretty close but abject terror was also right on point. The love of your life was dead. Dead. Here one day, when he gave you a kiss and told you he would be back soon, then gone the next in a cloud of blood and smoke. 
    Everything was going right, for once. So good… Now you are left with a hole in your chest and the threat of an evil corporate entity looming over you. One that tried to kill you before and one headed by your legal spouse. 
    All day, you couldn’t stop vomiting, even vomiting when nothing else remained in your stomach but saliva and bile. Wrapping yourself in one of Albert’s shirts did nothing to soothe the pain and fear that threatened to consume you. It was finally starting to settle on you. Reality was washing over you in a claustrophobic wave that left you unable to think or see or even breathe. 
    Albert was gone- never coming home- and you have been left to fend for yourself against an organization with no morals and who was above the law, and you had a bright red target painted on your back from disrespecting and inconveniencing the man that founded this cartoonishly evil corporation that, under different circumstances- make you laugh it the threat wasn’t already made so real by the simple fact that he nearly fucking killed you once already. 
    What were you supposed to do? Where could you go…? S.T.A.R.S. was decimated. Gone, with- w-with… 
    … 
    You packed your things, though you didn’t know what you were planning or even if you could escape the long shadow of Umbrella. You realized this after the fact, but you had taken more of Albert’s things with you than what was your own. It’s not like its a surprise, though. Your possessions could be easily replaced. If you would or could ever replace them… Albert’s, though? You couldn’t let any of it go… You couldn’t- You wouldn’t. It’s all you have left. It’s the only amount of security and comfort that you have left. 
    You wouldn’t know this, but you weren’t even a passing thought in the minds of Umbrella’s damage control unit. You were a nobody. Oswald E. Spencer’s wife? Sure. A brilliant scientist? Well… don’t get ahead of yourself. You were plain. Disposable and replaceable. You could try to tell someone how fucked up Umbrella was, that there was an attempt on your life and it was likely your husband in name only that orchestrated this plot. 
    You could try… but you wouldn’t. They already succeeded in intimidating you from doing any such thing. Your one and only safety net was cut away and thrown to the wayside. You wouldn’t dare to open your mouth and paint an even larger target onto your back. Not now not ever. You’ll fade into the background, remaining silent in fear of retaliation. As if anyone would listen to you. You were a disgraced employee, an adulteress wife. A liar and a cheat. It works out in your favour more than you would ever know or care to know. 
    Now you can run away. You’ll run away and hide and pretend that you don’t exist while you mourn the only person to show you any amount of kindness, dignity, respect and love. It’s sad that you remained so ignorant for so long… 
    Albert hopes that you will be able to forgive him…
    He had no intention of leaving you in this way, though things had quickly spiraled out of control. Out of control… Whenever you are on his mind, something unexpected always happens. Albert doesn’t blame you- he would never- the blame lies solely on his shoulders.
    He had become cocky and overconfident. The other members of S.T.A.R.S. put up more of a fight than he could ever expect from him. Albert would have been impressed if it hadn’t completely fucked everything up. 
    Albert hated that he waited until the dust settled to reach out to you. He couldn’t risk it- couldn’t risk you getting hurt further. The surveillance he had placed you under was for naught. One day, he knew where you were and the next, you were gone.
    Only you could make him panic. Albert was almost confident that Umbrella had next to zero interest in you. The Mansion incident had them completely overwhelmed with covering their asses from leaks and the public pointing the finger at them for this terrible tragedy. He had his contacts, his ways of snooping from the outside. No, Umbrella couldn’t care less about you.
    Then… where were you?! 
    Time wasn’t on Albert’s side. The possibility that you were alive and safe seemed far fetched. If he wasn’t certain, if he couldn’t see you with his own eyes and hold you against his own body, then Albert knew you couldn’t be safe. You needed to be found before any other tragedies befall onto your life. 
    Albert never stopped looking for you. Even as he continued his own, personal work, he never took a break from searching for you. Regardless of how it irked his “partner”. Every time Albert began to pick up your trail, it would immediately go cold, much to his dismay. 
    No matter how aggressively he searched for you, he would lose you. It was as though you were acutely aware that someone was tailing you and you remained one step ahead of the potential danger. 
    Would you continue to run if you knew  it was he who was looking for you…? 
    It was dismaying. So upsetting, in fact, that when an all too familiar person contacted Albert out of the blue and with no explanation as to how he knew where to find him or why, other than a curt “Speak to me. Alone.”, Albert agreed, though cautiously. 
    He really meant to speak to him alone… 
    Albert wasn’t too pleased to see Spencer again, but the old bastard seemed as indignant and smug as ever. Always looking down his nose at others, even when he is the one that is on his last legs of life… Albert wasn’t interested in any “reminescing on good times” or “lamenting on what could have been”. If he has information-
    “Where is she?”
    “Hmph- That is what concerns you?”
    Albert set his jaw. His hand reflexively clenched into a fist as he grited his teeth. “That”? Is that how he addresses you? “That”, like an object, a thing, a possession. Heat rose up Albert’s neck and he straighened his posture to correct himself before he lashed out prematurely. Not that Spencer cared to face him. 
    Too cocky for his own good… 
    “It would be wise not to test me, Lord Spencer.” Albert’s anger rarely showed through his voice, but when you are concerned, the carefully crafted exterior that he had built over the course of his life always seemed to come tumbling down around him. Spencer scoffed. 
    “You have so much potential, yet you choose to waste it on a mutt like that. A pity, really, it’s unbecoming of you-”
    Spencer fell silent as Albert clutched the armrests of his chair in a white-knuckled grip, trapping his much thinner and frailer arms. Leather squeaked in protest as his grip tightened. Albert had boxed him in, not that Spencer could move if his life depended on it. He’s been ill for years- decades- now. Bed bound, in need of constant assistance. Albert leaned down so his head was level with Spencer’s. 
    “Don’t waste my time. You of all people should know how detrimental that would be for your already ailing health. Do you know where she is or not?” Albert’s eyes narrowed as Spencer sighed. 
    “It’s disappointing how you cling to her so. You- you, Wesker-, you are the one that is of great importance. Unlike you, she is something that can be replaced-” 
    Spencer cried out as Albert crushed one of his arm underneath the flat of his palm. He quickly regained control of his faculties, though the pain was something terrible that made the elderly man wheeze and choke in pain. 
    “The only reason I have yet to kill you is the possiblility that you know where she is. Tell me. Now. Before I have a mind to break the other.” Spencer scoffed.
    “Y-You-” Every word, he struggled to breathe. “-are the best- the best of the best. Just as I intended.” Albert was taken aback.
    What-? 
    Things came out that left him stunned. Superior. Perfect. Progenitor Virus. Him, created, by Spencer. He wanted to not only play the part of God, but be worshiped as one too. Albert wasn’t born, but made. Hand crafted to be better than the best humanity had to offer. 
    “Don’t you see? You are better than her. She would only dilute-” 
    Albert’s own strength surprised him as much as it surprised Spencer. Blood flooded into Albert’s gloved hand, warming his clammy skin as the life left Spencer’s body. The angle was awkward. His arm to slightly above his wrist had implaled into Spencer’s chest. 
It was a surprise… but it wasn’t. It was a long time coming, especially for what he had attempted to do. Too many things clouded Albert’s judgement. What was said, what wasn’t said- The Wesker Project… 
Albert took off his glove and flicked the blood from his hand. Sticky. Already cooling. It didn’t feel like much of anything. Even as his hand trembled as he clenched his fingers into a fist, he feels numb, distant, as though he is in a dream. 
Words repeated in his head. Superior breed of humans… Him, created to be as he is today- 
No.
Everything that he had accomplished in his life was by his hand and his hand alone. No one, no God, manmade or not, made him who he is today! No one tells Albert Wesker what he is capable of! No one is in control of his life other than him! The fire inside of him was renewed. 
He was angry- enraged that someone like Oswald Spencer tried to commandeer his fate. No, not just his fate. Yours as well. Rage boiled into something wholly different. Albert was now calm. He replaced the glove back onto his hand and he went to work.
Spencer knew something, most likely. He’s too thorough and controlling to not keep you under his thumb in one aspect or another. Albert was prepared to comb through entire cabinets worth of files and paperwork. He had to be thorough, for your sake… It didn’t take nearly that much work to learn exactly where you were and where you were about to move in the next week or so.
Interesting that this information was simply lying about. Perhaps Spencer had a thought to make his own move, likely to harm you or scare you into moving somewhere else. Perhaps he was merely lamenting on how you managed to slip out of even his own iron-clad grasp for some time. Albert wouldn’t give you the opportunity to spook and flee out of his reach once more. He will bring you back home, with him, before the next day’s end. 
He promises you this… 
You were at your wits end. 
You couldn’t keep this up, anymore. Perhaps you were overly paranoid… or, perhaps, other things were making you irrational and overprotective of yourself. The motel bed is uncomfortable and puts too much pressure on your lower back. No matter how you lay, extra weight causes different parts of your body to ache and shift in painful ways. You curl on your side and stare at the door. 
The only window was beside the door. For now, you are safe… You think… You don’t want to sleep, something is making the hairs on the back of your neck stand on end. But… you’re exhausted. Your eyelids are heavy, like lead. They slip shut for a brief moment…
…? 
Your heart leaps into your throat when weight is placed at the foot of your bed. Is this it…? The weight didn’t shift, didn’t move in the slightest. You couldn’t stop your eyes from snapping open. 
You stared forward, unmoving, unblinking, not even breathing. You couldn’t see anything in your peripheral vision. Terror siezed your lungs as something touched your leg. A hand, firm but- gentle…? This person knows you aren’t asleep. You hear them inhale a deep breath-
They stood and your heart sank to the soles of your feet. You closed your eyes. Why? What’s the point…? You feel like a child who’s about to hide under the sheets to avoid garnering the attention of an oncoming monster. You didn’t know what was happening. Were they walking? Grabbing something? Maybe they are kneeling beside you?! Your lips trembled along with your breathing as a hand rested on the top of your head. 
“I’m sorry…” 
No. That voice…
You shouldn’t. You can’t- Your eyes peek open, tears blinding your vision along with the harsh yellowish light of the lamp you had yet to turn off. 
“A-Albert…?” 
Shock as something you had hoped you would never feel again. It blindsided you, left you speechless. Vulnerable. You couldn’t believe your eyes. He couldn’t be here, right? It wasn’t possible! 
…right? 
A gloved hand thumbed away the tears that spilled from one of your eyes. He caressed your cheek and combed his fingers through your tangled hair. Your head seeked his touch. You have been so tired and scared for so long… 
You struggled to sit up. At first, he tried to usher you to remain lying down, but you gripped onto the front of his overcoat and pulled yourself up. He steadied you, both hands on either of your shoulders. His grip, at first, firm but then falls lax as he looks down at you. 
Instinctively, you drape your arm over your swollen abdomen. You weren’t sure if this was some sort of dream or some… -what, assassin?- that has come to take you and your unborn child’s life. This man… looks exactly like Albert. Even has those damn sunglasses that he always wore, no matter what. You couldn’t read his expression and it scared you. Yet… somehow, deep inside, you hoped- no, you believed- 
The hug felt so familiar you couldn’t help but to immediately lose control of your emotions. The way he touched you, caressed your arms, kissed you on the top of your head… You gritted your teeth and sucked in a lungful of air as you buried your face into his shoulder. 
Your palm connecting with his face didn’t hurt. It didn’t hurt physically, emotionally, it didn’t hurt his ego or pride. Albert took whatever blows you landed on him. They were few in number and they were weak, but he took them and refused to let you go. 
It was more than anger that you felt. It was… relief. Rage, too. You were hurt, you were scared. You feared for your life and the life that was growing inside of you and Albert was- was alive. He is alive! He’s here, holding you. Comforting you. Albert shields you and he promises that he will never leave your side ever again. Do you dare believe him…? Could you possibly not, with how he trembles and how his hands shake as he wipes away your tears as he leans down to place a kiss to your forehead?
You couldn’t bring yourself to hate him… though you were hurt and feeling more than a little betrayed. 
Albert brought you… somewhere. You were exhausted and slept through most of the journey. There was a lot of movement and it left you feeling nauseous and fatigued. More nauseous and fatigued than you already were. 
The place he brought you to was… nice. Very nice- clean, spacious, mostly empty. You were more than a little terrified when a tall woman you never seen before approaches the two of you a little too quickly for your liking. You clutch onto Albert’s arm and he places his hand over yours protectively.
Shit, she’s beautiful… You felt even more intimidated than you did before. Albert seemed indifferent, as he always did. He told you of his business partner- what was her name… Excella Something-or-Another?- a twinge of jealousy began to warm your cheeks. You glued yourself to Albert’s side and, to your surprise, he shifted so he could wrap and arm around your shoulder so he could hold you even closer.
To say she looked flabbergasted would have been an understatement. Though she was about to speak, her mouth immediately snapped shut. Her eyes were wide as they darted between the two of you. Then her gaze shifted lower, to your clearly pregnant belly. Her cheeks warmed. 
“Ah- Excella. This is my wife, the one I told you so much about.”  Albert was as cool and unreadable as always. He stroked your shoulder with his thumb and he gave you a little squeeze as he placed a kiss atop of your head. You had a feeling he didn’t break eye contact as he did so, from the way this Excella looked away, red faced. You didn’t bother hiding the smug smirk that broke out from the corners of your mouth.
For the first time in many, many months, you felt genuine confidence.
You felt secure. Albert didn’t even hesitate to show that simply gorgeous woman- who was waaaay more attractive than you by far and away- that he loved you and he wasn’t interested in her in the slightest. It must have happened before- many times- and yes, you felt jealous. You were antsy and you immediately pulled him down into a kiss the moment he led you to a private bedroom and closed the door behind the two of you.
Oh God… You missed him so much… 
You worried your… current state would be something that would turn Albert away from you. It has done the exact opposite of that. He was more protective of you now more than ever before. You were so beautiful… Words didn’t do what he was feeling any justice. His hands, though?
Albert’s touch was delicate. Not as though you were made of brittle glass but rather that you were something precious that was to be honoured or- dare you say it- worshipped? 
He seemed fascinated that you were pregnant. Surprised, shocked, even, but not disappointed in the slightest. Was he… happy? You blushed as he rested his bare hand on your swollen abdomen. 
“May I-?” Albert was a little surprised when you yanked him down by his shirt collar until his cheek was flush with your belly.
Of course, you fucking idiot… You stared down at him as he… listened? Felt you? Your unborn child? Occasionally, you felt… something, but you were never sure it was real or merely wishful thinking. Albert raised his cheek from your abdomen. 
Your heart skipped a beat. 
It felt just like that night. The next kiss left you breathless and you allowed Albert to gently lower you onto the bed as he fitted himself between your legs. You didn’t want him to worry over you right now. Before he could speak, you pulled him into another kiss.
You only wanted to feel him. Words wouldn’t give either of you what you needed. His body against yours, showing you exactly why he wanted you and only you. Albert could have anyone he wanted- that other woman clearly pined for him- but he didn’t want or need anyone other than you. 
Some would try to come between the two of you. That Excella would try to do so, only to face the full wrath and ire of Albert Wesker. Not the doctor, not the good man and husband that you knew him as, but as some sort of beast that only a select unfortunate few would ever get to see in whatever short amount of time they may have left. 
You didn’t give a shit that she hated you. She can hate you and the child you now carry on your hip all she likes. There’s already another on the way and you doubt that you or Albert would stop at a measly two. 
Tonight, you think you’ll give her another show. Albert always dressed you nice- far nicer than she- and you only had to give him a little glance over your shoulder to have him glued to your heels as the two of you made your way up to your shared bedroom. You do hope Excella doesn’t mind the extra noise… She could always go for a walk, should it become too bothersome for her majesty. 
Not that she wouldn’t complain. She will. It only makes you wonder…
“Why are you listening to a married couple have sex?! Are you some kind of pervert?!”
@prettycutebunny, @infinitewhore, @kennbb, @slutwithadegree, @dead-bxxxtch-walking, @space-arsonist, @pink-soft-shadow, @sinlessdesire, @hoemine
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sorceresssundries · 1 month
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I can't even tell you how long I STORMED my way round Sharess' Caress looking for Elminster when I found his room there.
I was too fuelled by indignant rage for my wizard boyfriend to realise the room was, in fact, a themed sex library for a dominatrix dwarf and not Elminster's holiday home.
Guess I was just really getting into the character of my 8 INT Paladin.
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cygnahime · 2 years
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American Girl dolls cannot be possessed because there’s already someone in there. And Felicity doesn’t want to haunt me; she wants me to take her on adventures, and maybe do something with her hair.
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queenielacy · 1 year
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Croatia NT to Canada NT:
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viperiumprime · 5 months
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“Pssh, it was just a little scuffle, officer! Honestly, not even worth the effort reporting. I don’t think that racist is gonna show his face again anyway for court…”
Lounging pose doodle of TY I got carried away with. When I first designed him one of his story elements was that he fights bigots (usually while he’s out partying) and wins. So, here he is, trying to rizz his way out of a disorderly conduct charge or jail time
——
There’s also a black and white version I really love too! Been struggling with color lately… not my fav step by a mile 😫
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short-wooloo · 2 years
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It's very disturbing how people took the word of an emotionally unstable mass murdering white man about the native-inspired people who he slaughtered being "like animals" at face value
Like, y'all sound like colonizers
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