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#stupid thoughts about stupid vampires
bull-shit-suji · 11 months
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not to like wax poetic about the literary nuances of Black Fucking Butler but i feel i need to point out how insanely campy it is. oh okay cool the butler is throwing butter knives at people with guns and winning. we're battling undertaker's zombie army by starting a boy band (we actually got the idea from the ZOMBIES' boy band). theres a curry making competition and its so important it needs an entire volume and a continuing motif dedicated to it. the Grim Reaper Death Gods are all cornballs with gardening sheers. the contradiction. the unintended irony.
i think the manga is like. toeing the line of camp. like its silly yet takes itself so seriously but its not too silly. my immersion is not broken by the silliness. but the anime is uncharted levels of camp. what the Hell was going on with pluto. you're gonna look me in the eye and tell me the phantomhives own a fifty foot dog thing and no one has noticed. simply one hell of a deer. ice skating. theres opium in funtom candy. the queen of england is maybe a little girl. speaking of which, the city of london just burned down. yeah the whole thing. the fifty foot dog was there too.
it's so ridiculously out of left field and the fact that none of the characters seem to notice or care feels like being gaslit. camp so visceral it's causing psychic damage. i am constantly begging the narrative to break character just once and acknowledge its silliness but doing so would negate the lack of awareness that makes it camp. its dated and timeless. an absolute milestone in camp history.
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danidoesathing · 2 months
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bitches cant be normal about fic writing they'll watch something silly and not meant to be taken seriously "hmmmm yes but have you thought about the horrific implications of living through such an event" and proceed to write the most fucked up shit you've ever read
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lordmushroomkat · 1 year
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Anyway I have purged my queue of Ace Attorney (I posted it all, enjoy the the massive wall of nonsense from me.) So now it's just miscellaneous and then The New Brainrot.
There's already an image of one of these clowns on here so enjoy that.
But anyway... It's Vanitas Time.
I am unhinged about all of the characters but I am becoming absolutely unwell about the titular Vanitas himself.
He's an asshole and I like him so much.
He's unhinged. He's so disingenuous and so repressed but he's so bad at keeping his feelings in. I swear sometimes he's just dissociating in the middle of a conversation.
He's a bastard and a bitch. He hates both vampires and humans for their cruelty but not nearly as much as he hates himself.
He has completely given up on life and is sustaining himself purely on spite and guilt. He makes people hate him on purpose.
He is kind but not nice. He is the embodiment of that cat knife meme, you know the one. He is babygirl and pathetic little meow meow. I want to send him to therapy.*
His vibes are constructed entirely out of red flags. He's a bisexual man that you want to keep 20 feet away from all women at all times because geeeeez my guy learn to behave yourself. He's a sarcastic prick. He's incomprehensibly traumatized.
I want to run him over with a freight train. I want to wrap him up in a homemade quilt and give him a cup of hot cocoa. I want someone to hold him tenderly. I want that twink obliterated (gayly).
He looks and acts like a feral alley cat. His outfit is simultaneously iconic and absurd. I think he stole someone's gender. He wears gloves with claws on them.
He is terrified of genuine connection yet he craves intimacy so badly. He is a massive pile of trust issues.
He is doomed by the narrative, he is running out of time, he is destroying himself through every step of his objective. He knows he will likely destroy himself before he can ever succeed. He is terrified of losing his humanity. He calls his objective vengeance but I'm pretty sure it's actually absolution.
There is something very very wrong with him.💖💜💙
*(I want to send all of these characters to therapy.)
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dayurno · 6 months
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do you write vampires!kandreil? have you written vampires!kandreil? will you write vampires!kandreil? when will you write vampires!kandreil? pleaseee 🙏🏻🧎🏻‍♀️
(all jokes asides hope you’re having a great day!!! Can’t wait to read your next fic whatever it is!! 😁)
I DO I HAVE I WILL forever and ever and ever . !!!!
ive admittedly never written the entire unholy trinity as vampires but i am not infallible to baby vampire kevin day getting his sensitive fangs stuck on a plastic cup.... nor is it missed on me the inherent psychosexual undertones between a vampire and the vampire who turned them (kandrew).... and of course i love thinking about neil being feral in the literal sense of it and moved by instincts of violence and blood... Of course
maybe vampire kandrew and human neil would be very fun. (with the intention of making kevin day cry because of his bloodthirst until neil takes him in his lap and offers kevin some relief) (with the intention of making andrew the one who turned kevin and it was an accident) (with every intention to make it sexual and weird)
but honestly all of this pales in comparison to the humble human x two vampires concept sorry. sorry! the humble drinking blood from your wrists your thighs your neck the humble i cant control myself around you the humble you are prey the humble oh you know. anyway! what do i have to say that you people will not already know.
kevin: this buffet is so ridiculous how can a human eat this
vampire neil who only heard the words 'human buffet' in kevins voice and got so horny he blacked out: yeahg
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faunandfloraas · 2 months
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inadvertently stopped using my freckle fade cream without thinking.... right around the time i started making gifs of felix.... coincidence?
#positive influence.....#i do wonder sometimes how jarring it must have been for he and lil chris to go from australia to korea#bc i copped shit for being pale and freckly as a kid#i have a core memory of this girl talia wearing a country bumpkin costume with these cartoonish freckles drawn on and she pointed at me#and was like Lol im jessie haha and i was like Okay so you want to fight??#another time had to do some speech and when i finished and had questions from my classmates and two boys just asked me why i was pale#and why they could see idk i guess my bloodvessels in my legs ??? i didnt even notice like i was just like UHHHH idk ask about my topic#had so many instances like that and they werent terrible but it did make me insecure#like in the 00s here being tan was /it/ you had to be nice and tanned- go lay in the sun and ignore we are number one in melanoma deaths#like it was so consistently the thing... prob why i have so many freckles bc i didnt tan in the sun i freckled#but in both felix and chans aus photos they were quite tanned!#so imagine going from Hey go lay in the sun and get nice and brown ya pale fucker to Do Not Do That. Be pale as a ghost#white as fuck twilight vampire printer paper ass complexion or else you arent the beauty standard must have been so...... odd#idk beauty standards are so fucked and stupid#at least for me it was just like mean it wasnt like systemic. still wasnt nice but its not damaging the same way#but yeah I imagine some of the cultural differences must have been jarring and weird#like when chan said he was glad to get sex ed in australia bc it was comprehensive here and its not something i would have thought about#but yeah he went to school here and there he would know#idk must be hard to be an idol and straddle that line of not wanting to cause any ripples but having your own ideas and beliefs#oh i'd love to talk to him off the record lmao#dont take this as anti korea sentiment btw like australia is also wack#it just must be interseting and sometimes hard...#wow these tags are long SORRY
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I'm so happy to see you getting active again. Honestly, I thought this account just died 😅😅😅😅😅.
I have fallen in love with your posts, especially those meta analysis about Comte are so on-point. I can't wait to see your reviews about his drama CD.
Also, have you seen Comte’s 6th birthday story? I saw the CG but I dont have the chance to read the story. Is ok if you also give some spoilers about it? 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏
Glad to be back! Sorry for the scare--life just got ahead of me, and alas my spoons were limited and focused on survival. That being said, I've still been reading/translating his stories, so I have indeed seen Comte's 6th bday story.
I think you've given me a bit too much power 🤣 but I'm happy to gush about Comte anytime. Since I'm going to discuss something that hasn't been released in the English version yet, the deets will be under a cut.
A reminder that I'm not a professional, so this is by no means an infallible translation. I try to convey what I find to the best of my ability, but I'm sure there are nuances I miss.
Where to begin? Honestly this story was A Lot, and arguably among my favorites, but the title of the CG/story is allegedly "Courtship at the Nape of the Neck." Get hyped, y'all--if I understood things correctly, it's exactly as it sounds.
The story begins with MC and Comte on their way to a ball for his birthday, and MC is all like "honey. When I said I wanted this day to be for you. That did not mean. Another dress for me." To which Comte's response is "New phone, who dis."
All jokes aside, MC does feel bad about it but he insists it makes him very happy, so she concedes:
MC: You got me a dress as a gift again…despite the fact that it’s your birthday;;;
I smiled at MC, who seemed to feel bad about it.
Comte: It’s because it’s my birthday that I gave you that dress. It’s my greatest pleasure to gift them to you, and accompany you in it.
I reached out beside me to stroke her hair gently.
Comte: It’s always fun to think about what kind of dress would suit you…And besides, when I see you all dressed up like this, I can’t help but fall in love with you all over again.
MC then mentions that she's made him a gift, and downplays it--likely out of shyness--before handing it over.
It was a handkerchief with a simple yet elegant design, with a name embroidered on it.
Comte: Did you embroider this yourself? How did you prepare such a wonderful thing?
MC: Hehe, I did my best under Sebastian’s guidance.
(To do something this intricate by hand would have taken quite a bit of time…)
Comte: Thank you, MC. I’ll treasure it.
I felt a warmth fill my chest at the sweet gesture, and I dropped a kiss to the handkerchief I received.
Comte: I’d prefer to be kissing you, but I fear if I do I won’t want to get out of the carriage after I start.
So like, yes, take a moment to scream, because wow. First of all, how dare you Abel. Second of all, AAAAAAAAAAA IT'S SO SUBTLE AND SWEET BUT ALSO LOWKEY SULTRY HOW DARE!!! I will have my r e v e n g e--
But also??? Aside from my brainworms, I really do love this part of him. Even though her gift is simple, he really does cherish the effort and dedication she put into making him something. I guess I think about how someone in his position could easily downplay its significance--but he doesn’t. He’s mindful of how her feelings saturate the act, and he honors it openly. And in case you think this is a one-off instance, it really isn’t. In his Anniversary story event, there is a direct emphasis on how he still keeps MC’s wedding gift to him--the preserved flower pins--polished as if they were newly gifted to him, not a speck of dust clouding their surface, lovingly tended.
I think it’s very easy for people to minimize him as unfeeling or haughty the way only very rich people can be, but...the his character construction and the intimate personal details you see if you’re close to him reveal that he doesn’t really fit that stereotype at all. Sure he’s selective about who he shares himself with, but that doesn’t make him fundamentally shallow.
Moving right along, MC gets bashful (and honestly who could blame her idk how she even makes sustained eye contact help) and they arrive at the venue in short order. None of this is especially notable except that it says, when they exit the carriage:
Her small, lovely hand covered the one I gently held out for her to take.
Thanks! I'm devastated!!! You just broke down adoration to its bare essentials!!!! I'm a romantic for one person and one person only, and it's HIM--
Naturally, they enter the ballroom and everyone flocks over to congratulate Comte on his birthday. Gracious and measured as ever, he accepts each one in turn, but MC is silent/stiff for most of it. All of a sudden, MC says she's going to get some fresh air and slips away to the balcony to clear her head. Comte is understandably confused and tries to follow after her, until he's intercepted by another noblewoman.
(What’s the matter…? It’s not like her to leave on her own like that so suddenly.)
When I tried to follow her at once--
Well-dressed noblewoman: Wait, Comte
As soon as I’m stopped by the woman, melodious music swells to fill the hall.
Well-dressed noblewoman: I’d love to spend some time with le Comte tonight. Won’t you share a dance with me?
A woman with a charming smile from the past crossed my mind.
(In the past, when I hadn’t been in love, I would have accepted such an invitation for the sake of simply enjoying the novelty of a single moment; that ephemeral warmth was something I relied on in the endless sea of loneliness that was eternity.)
--But now, I don’t feel that way anymore.
(Because I met MC.)
Comte: I’m sorry, but I’m afraid I’m already accounted for. Have a pleasant rest of the night, young lady.
So after Comte picks the correct answer, he continues on his way to the balcony and finds MC staring up at the sky.
Aight so like. I love when they have a certain writer create these stories, because they literally always make MC the strong and silent (stoic/defensive) type and Comte her little meow meow. It may be specific to me and my tastes but I love it here and I'm never leaving.
Before I add the transcription, I will say that I'm not really sure the "were you crying? did someone bully you?" part was something I fully understood. It appeared to be some kind of idiom/nuance the translator struggled to pick-up on, so I apologize for that. But it is my understanding that he's alluding to MC being picked on/unhappy.
When MC turned around, she had a surprised but also somewhat anxious look on her face.
(If I try to ask her what’s wrong…she’ll say it’s nothing. In that case…)
Comte: Were you crying? Did someone bully you?
MC’s expression relaxed a little at my dramatics.
MC: What are you on about, I wasn’t crying or bullied. But if I was crying…what would you do?
Though she throws the question back at me, I smile in response.
Comte: A gentleman's handkerchief is there to wipe away a lady's tears. I would tend to you with the very handkerchief you gifted me tonight.
MC: Thank you. But, I’m not one to shed tears so easily.
Comte: That’s right, you’re very strong.
The anxiety that clouded her expression earlier has faded away now, and she’s smiling.
I hold my hand out to MC once again…
MC: Yes, with pleasure.
Y'all but the way she claps back, and then he kills with that line about the handkerchief. God damn sir, if nothing else you get full points for incredible verbal repartee. (Lowkey, I’d make out with him for his emotional intelligence alone, don’t look at me.)
Okay but because I can’t help myself. I love how he’s like. I’m No Gentleman, MC. I Am A Liar.
Also Comte: A gEnTlEmAn’S HaNdKeRcHieF iS tHeRe To--
Mfer certainly knows how to lay down the charm when he wants to cheer her up--
After that, it simply says they spend a lovely evening together and then cuts to them relaxing in a hotel near the venue. Cuddled together (GOD I WISH THAT WERE ME), MC eventually speaks up to explain what happened earlier that night.
MC: Hey, Comte…
MC is picking at the hem of her clothes absently when she calls out to me.
Comte: What’s the matter?
I caress her hair to encourage her to continue, and she slowly opens her mouth as if she were choosing her words very carefully.
MC: When I was on the balcony earlier tonight…I wasn’t crying, but I was pretty frustrated with myself. I saw so many beautiful women giving you their congratulations tonight, I can’t help but worry you’ll be snatched away from me…I’m sorry you had to see me like this on your special day…
So, in the immortal words of Beyonce, "What's worse, looking jealous or crazy? Jealous or crazy?" is basically the mood of this whole scene. I'm usually not the territorial type, but I wouldn't even blame MC for getting pissed--nobody likes to see other women ogle/grab at ya mans (especially when ya mans is Comte).
Also beginning to wonder if Comte has a certain interest in MC’s hair 🤔
(I see now, so that’s why)
Comte: MC
After hearing such a cute confession, my fingers moved from her hair to stroke her cheek.
Comte: It’s all right, you have nothing to apologize for. Besides which, I know how you feel--I’ve been jealous/frustrated plenty of times too.
MC: Oh…like when?
Comte: Always/All the time.
MC suddenly looks at me, looking as if she really hadn’t been aware of it.
Okay but when he just gives that flat expression and goes "ALWAYS" without hesitation, I nearly started wheezing with laughter. Petty and glamorous, I love him your honor it's not a phase!!!!
Comte: Today, for instance, that Baron who was in love with you from the moment you stepped into the hall. A young waiter brushed his hand against yours while handing you a champagne glass. Every time I see another man taken with you, my heart is agitated.
(Of course, it’s not limited to just today. It’s been like this ever since I fell in love with you…)
Comte: Rather immature for someone like me, isn’t it?
MC: Comte…
Comte: But now…I’m not the only one who feels that way anymore.
I wrapped my arm around her delicate waist and hugged her close, a sweet scent catching my attention.
Comte: Come, MC.
Just the thought of him seething because some random waiter brushed MC's hand literally just. Sent me. Like straight up astral projection, that is so much I had to stare at the nearest wall to cope. And like I'm not sure if it's the same guy, but I have to wonder if the Baron he's talking about is the one that hit on her in Comte's rt--because if that's the case, that would be hysterically funny. At the same time if it’s literally just some random dude that thought MC was pretty at first sight, that is somehow even funnier. Le Comte de "Peace was never an option" Saint Germain. Monsieur le “Don’t even think about looking at my wife. Walk away.” Comte.
I live for it, I love it, I regret absolutely nothing!!!!
I escort her to bed and sit with MC in my arms. I kissed her soft hair and laid my forehead on hers.
Comte: You belong to me, and I belong to you.
MC: Co--Abel…
She calls my name and settles against my chest, and I’m filled with such affection for her.
Comte: You’re so cute…Telling me all about the frustration and the bullying honestly. You’re so lovely I want to bite you.
"You belong to me, and I belong to you." SCREAMING, CRYING, THROWING UP THAT'S SO ROMANTIC AND TENDER AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
"You're so lovely I want to bite you." Do you promise. I want it in writing. 👁✒️
Then MC, who was silent as if she were thinking about something deeply, looks up--
Comte: …what is it, MC?
She pinches the skin of my neck between her lips and nips at me.
MC: I want to bite you too…I love Abel so much…
She keeps nipping at me, her soft lips nearly ticklish against my skin.
(I can’t believe you’re doing this…) NARUTO VOICE: BELIEVE IT!!!
She bit me lightly, and our eyes met.
MC: Am I the only one…allowed to do this to you?
Comte: Yes, of course…you can…bite me harder
So like. I'm aware I've already had several episodes in the process of recounting this birthday story and I apologize for the moments where I breach containment--But.
Bite.
Me.
Harder.
Wow, thanks, none of my thoughts are holy and I am forever changed. I am not going to heaven, and I'm okay with that. I lived, and that's what matters. BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK BARK--
Also yes MC, girl get it!!! Go MC, go!!!!!! Live your best life!!!!!! Get his ass!!!!!
I leaned back to give her more room and she nodded, digging her blunt little teeth into me. The slightest pain is followed by a feverish arousal that blooms from my chest outward.
(I want to bite you even now, I want to love you forever)
MC: Abel…
She called my name again, as if she could sense the urge rising from deep inside me.
MC: I’m the only one who you will bite one day.
Comte: …Of course
(I only want you)
The reversal/mirroring???? The intimacy????? Comte being blindsided but literally out of his mind in love?????? Help??????? It’s more than I can bear??????
This is especially insane to me on the level of like. The game is pretty clear about how biting your lover (at least for vampires) is a mutually understood sign of courtship. It’s a clear sign of who your lover is. And the fact that MC uses that sign to convey her feelings despite being human????? As the signal that she’s ready to fully be his and wants no one else to be able to interfere with that??????? Long time coming but also BWAH, BWAH BWAH BWAH BWAH
The other part of the end that kills me is that. They make love. With her fully dressed. And sure not necessarily that notable out of context, HOWEVER. BECAUSE I NEED TO DIE ON THIS HILL. What he specifically says is:
I reach to undo her dress--before my hands freeze.
[Comte: It’s always fun to think about what kind of dress would suit you…And besides, when I see you all dressed up like this, I can’t help but fall in love with you all over again.] (He’s remembering what he said before.)
Comte: I’ll make love to you as you are tonight. You’re dressed up to my liking, after all.
For those of you who haven’t seen the CG. MC. Is in a black dress. With sleeves that are see-through. Low cut bust. A long and visible thigh slit. With slight gold accents.
SIR. SHE IS DRESSED. TO YOUR LIKING????????????
At this point I’m convinced Cybird wants me to be in palpitations before the game ends for good. So much for Mr. Prim and Proper, I know you nasty Comte--
The rest of the bits are fairly raunchy so I’ll forgo that (let it be known simply that he is a firm believer in foreplay) but there are a few lines that I want to focus on.
(You haven’t the slightest idea how captivated I am, do you?)
[He asks her to say what he can only hear on his bday, and naturally she says happy bday.]
The heat of where our bodies are connected, her voice crying out for more, my heart and soul are on fire with the twin calls.
Comte: MC…
I kiss her tears away before connecting our lips with a smile…
Comte: I love you, too
(MC, you are the best gift of my life.)
With a feeling that is equal to eternity, I dropped my lips to her delicate neckline and…--
A lot to unpack here, but I will try (and fail) to remain composed as we go through each one.
“MC, you are the best gift of my life.” Like. Sincerely don’t even know how to approach this one. I have no clever witticisms. No trite commentary. Literally it is just beyond touching...[insert your preferred sobbing meme here]. It’s an odd feeling because honestly it doesn’t even feel like a surprise; his actions 100% substantiate what he’s expressed. It feels more like the inevitable culmination of his devotion up to this point. But there’s just something about the way it’s crystallized into that simple but enormous sentiment. That she was something unexpected, but not only welcome--accepted with such gratitude and joy. 11/10 I was not okay when I first read it and I’m not even okay now, every minute is half-catatonic.
And now to the question many of you probably have as you wait for me to address it. Did he..........b i t e bite her? The answer is I have no freakin’ idea. That’s where the story ends, and there’s no itemized specification as to how he bites her. But the phrasing keeps bothering me. If it were just another harmless love bite--as we’ve seen him do before--it’s never prefaced with “a feeling equal to eternity.” That kind of distinction is only made when he’s talking about how he changed the men into turned vampires when he found them.
Additionally, so many of his most recent stories have featured MC as a vampire (AU settings) but also in the most recent Christmas story (in the normal mansion setting), he gets extremely close to biting her for real--the closest I’ve ever seen, up to this point.
Granted all I can really do is speculate, but I will say it feels skewed in the direction of “holy shit he bit her for real, this is not a drill, LET’S GOOOOOOO Y O O O O O O”
I hope this summary was as cathartic for you as it was for me. But yeah!!! This is the vast majority of the contents ✌🏼💛
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forcedhesitation · 3 months
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lorna esthelian is one of the most insane NPCs in all of bg3. you mean to tell me that a man invited you down to the SEWERS to "meet his close friends" at a party IN THE SEWERS and your response to tav pointing out how suspicious that all sounds is to tell them to tell the man that you "weren't interested in a relationship" if they see him.... AS IF A RELATIONSHIP WAS EVEN REMOTELY A POSSIBLE INTEREST OF THIS MAN. miss esthelian do you realise how scary what you had agreed to SOUNDS? even without the vampires??
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freetobeeyouandme · 9 months
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Still stuck on the fact that Dustin "How many times do i have to be right for you guys to start trusting me" Henderson is the one to call out Steve for his 'stupid' observations re Vecna (Vampire and Clockmaker) when there is an OST track called 'Sleeping Dracula', meaning that Steve was RIGHT because Vecna IS a vampiric figure. And it means Steve was right at least 3 times (Vampire, Russians in the mall, Skull Rock), which is a pattern so chances are high he is RIGHT about the clockmaker thing as well. The obvious things are that which no one by chance ever observes except Steve fkn does. The call is coming from inside the house Dustin!!
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taonpest · 10 months
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LoK family meal and unfortunately grandpa Janos gets political
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tillman · 9 months
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Ive read 7 light novels in the past 2 days I do not think this is normal autism.
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keyleth-clay · 1 year
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Critical Role Moodboards: Sasha Murasaki
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darlingpassion · 11 months
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I could technically put this on my main blog since this isn't necessarily horny... But I'm posting it here because why not.
There is a (untrue) rumor surrounding weasels that they suck the blood from their prey. This is because they bite into the animals jugular, causing their faces to be covered in blood.
You know what's a popular creature for media and monsterfuckers? Vampires.
...
What if I made a Vampire!Toon Patrol AU?
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good morning!! :3
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ghastlyvampire · 9 months
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Someone in my family is reading interview with the vampire and when i asked about Armand they said that he, despite being weird, seems like a genius and is probably so intelligent because of his age
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mybuttonfelloff · 8 months
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Knowing I can never live out my vampire dreams bc when my baby teeth were falling out my other adult teeth grew in too fast, so my k9's never had room to come down. They're just hanging out in my upper gums, in every damn x-ray like "heyyyy we could grow out the front at any moment like beetle horns and you'd need to get them surgically removed!"
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godzexperiment · 11 months
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*posts that brain rot only to post more xD* -nix encountering gabriel is quite literally an inner dialogue like "ah yes I can work with fellow victim of Cosmic Horrors, if I am tolerated and just maybe ignore my own issues." (could be bloody, having just done some fatal stabbings *highly moody* and nix is just like unphased by it) -ironically, in contrast encountering michael for nix would be far more terrifying for nix (his internal everything would be like 'neat- this is cool and he seems pretty adjusted... so how about you feel like you're in extreme danger despite that' and nix is just forced to be cagey as shit more than normal by forces out of his control)
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