#strict parents
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"Why don't you spend time with us?" they say, "Keep your phone away at the table."
Parents say they want to talk — until it's about anything real.
They don't want to know about how their plans for your future make you feel.
They don't want to know your fears, hopes or dreams.
The things you're interested in — your favourite music, games and movies;
Or the things you've come to believe.
Sometimes it feels like parents don't want to get to know you as a person. They only see you in relation to themselves.
Or sometimes they do talk about music and games and movies, and it's even worse — because the conversations you want to have are serious.
And it's worse because it becomes very clear, that they don't want to have conversations that matter. That, god forbid, make them feel.
They want to avoid talking about all the times they yelled at you. No apology, no acknowledgement. Just glaze over those parts and pretend everything's normal. Neither guilt nor remorse.
And you're left wondering whether this thing you have a memory of actually happened, because everyone is acting like it didn't. And whether your anger is warranted, because everyone is acting like it isn't.
An unspoken decision: "Yes, we were harsh earlier, but we felt bad and are being nice now"
The implied demand: "...so be grateful,"
The undercurrent of a threat: "...or I'll get angry again."
And a push to move on: "Why do you bear grudges? Leave the past in the past."
All these little clues, that you learn to read in their body language and their eyes and their vibe.
And then they balk when you don't call them. Or jump at the chance to spend time with them — or even have a relationship.
It's weird, loving people you don't like. That you'd never choose of your own volition; that you'd never be friends had you met in the real world. People you're indebted to anyway, because they took care of you your whole life and changed your diapers and drove you to school, and what friend would ever do that?
Had they been overly abusive I would've cut them off without guilt; if I didn't know that despite it all, they really did love me, I wouldn't have cared about hurting their feelings.
Some people... you love them only because they are family. If they were a boyfriend, I would've broken up with them; if they were a spouse I would've divorced them. Alas, they are my parents, and I'm destined to love them. To give up a kidney for them if need be, but not any days out of my workweek.
I don't have these conversations with my family because I've come to realise that this is something they're not emotionally equipped to handle. Too much self-awareness would bring out memories not only of the mistakes they made with me, but also all the times adults in their childhood failed them; of all the ways they themselves were wronged; all the years they wasted because of choices they didn't know they had; and all the things they wish they'd done differently. So I understand; the flood of anger and regrets it brings to the surface must be draining.
But that also means that I'll distance myself from them, because for me, their misunderstood love is draining. And because this has to stop somewhere; someone has to start choosing differently — and I've decided it'll be me.
#the daddy's girl to daddy issues pipeline#brown parents#break the cycle#strict parents#toxic family#brown people problems#self love#self care#quotes#writers on tumblr#desiblr#desi culture#desi girl#indian writer#desi parents#dysfunctional family
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"Strict parents raise respectful children"
They raise kids who are pretty good at hiding and lying when necessary
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Like this post if you had restrictive parents
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ive been thinking a bit recently and i thought id share how i hid things, for any of my followers that may be in a toxic living environment and need to hide something such as a phone or any other small object.
1 - wrap it. wrap it in toilet paper or napkins, this is to stop it from making noise and to hide it even more. the messier the better.
2 - put it in something. put it in a small box or container that nobody would expect to look in. make sure that its hand-held size and can safey hide the object. the smaller, the better. some things may be able to fit in empty pill bottles, wallets, mini drawstring bags or empty acne pad containers.
3 - hide it in plain sight. take the container and put it somewhere nobody would really expect it to be. for example, the bottom of a cluttered nightstand, in the very back in the corner of your closet, in a shoe, just anywhere that will hide the object while still making it appear "normal" or hidden away.
this guide could be used for secret phones, religious items youre trying to keep a secret such as tarot cards or crystals, etc etc. anything small, heres a guide to hide. probably wont work for clothes or bigger items but you can definitely try lol.
#toxic parents#toxic family#toxic people#toxicity#toxic relationship#hidden#experience#escape#searching#running away#toxic household#toxic home#strict parents
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I don’t want to be a doctor.
But I do want to study so I can be a doctor just so I can show to people I was not useless and I made it! Even if it was not on the first try I did it! I got a degree in medicine.
Now can I be enough?
#mental health#burnt out gifted kid#academic validation#tw depressing thoughts#burnout#friends#friendship#school#academicism#strict parents#toxic parents#high standards#never being enough#i want to be enough#why is is so difficult ?
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The Ideal Mother vs The Borderline Mother from the book “Understanding the Borderline Mother” by Christine Ann Lawson.
a gold standard for information on BPD mothers. a painful but eye opening book that single handedly healed a lot of my mother issues (not all of them) but this a must for anyone that’s never received the validation of growing up with an unwell mother.
#bpd#raised by narcissists#borderline personality disorder#borderline mother#abusive childhood#self care#mental health#self development#pluto moon#hades moon#mother wound#strict parents#emotional abuse#glow up#psychology
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I wanna be wild I wanna go out late at night and just roam around with my friends and get McDonald’s and scream until my throat hurts
I wanna live my teenage years but I am losing them to my strict parents
#girlblogger#girlblogging#this is what makes us girls#just girly things#girlhood#love being a girl#hell is a teenage girl#aesthetic#soft girl#this is a girlblog#i wish i was dead#teenage years#teenage girly#strict parents#i am just a girl
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Camp Damascus by Chuck Tingle
#resentful reads#camp damascus#chuck tingle#bookblr#book quotes#book excerpt#strict parents#religious household#taste of freedom#i feel seen#i feel seen and i hate it
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thanks for explaining why I’m so fucked up today🧍♀️
#toxic parents#mental illness#mentally ill bitches be like#toxic family#trauma#abusive parents#strict parents
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If you live in a strict Desi household, you...
Can identify who is coming up the stairs based on how they creak.
Know how to lie smoothly, even about really small things.
Have an insanely clean room, since even one sock on the floor is known as a mess.
Know and can properly name all the relatives that exist in your huge family tree.
Study harder, even when your grades are perfect, since nothing is ever enough.
Take part in poojas and religious ceremonies.
Know not to talk back to your parents, especially in front of other judge-y Desi people.
Have been taught how to (at least) understand your mother tongue.
Can make at least one Indian dish.
Are used to putting up with cranky grandparents who judge your perfect grades and insist on teaching your parents "how things worked in our time".
Get scolded for not getting into that one competition club but receive no appreciation for all the other competitions you have won.
#my experience#idk what you guys are going through#desi parents#ugh#theyre so strict#indian parents#strict parents
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i hate having strict parents, why cant i live my life like everyone else
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When you have strict parents so miss out on all the stupid highschool/college experiences…..
All your friends are out there, getting their party on, making memories and you are stuck, feeling like you’re missing out on the time of your life. Those lit Friday night parties? Nope. Those wild Saturday ragers? Forget about it.
It’s like you are trapped in this lane bubble while everyone is out there having a blast. You are trying to act cool, but deep down, you’re feeling hella isolated and left out.
You try to talk to your folks, hoping they’ll ease up a bit, but it’s like talking to a brick wall. They hit you with the classic “focus on your studies” spiel lecture. And yeah, sure, education matters, but so does having a freaking life, right?
You are stuck daydreaming about all the epic memories you could be making, all the laughs and adventures you’re missing. And it’s like,damn, when will these prohibition ever end?
#feelings#alone with my thoughts#depressing shit#feeling alone#sad thoughts#dark thoughts#loneliest#all alone#tw depressing stuff#strict parents
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If going away for your home makes you feel free then I’m not sure everything is alright.
#strict parents#mental health#burnt out gifted kid#school#academic validation#tw depressing thoughts#burnout#gifted burn out#gifted kid syndrome#trying my best#not being able to do what you want because you will get in trouble for it?#toxic love#toxic parents#emotional blackmail#gaslight#daddy issues#mommy issues#parents issues#parenting
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