#south park city wok | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wonderfulworldofmichaelford · 8 months

Text

Psycho Analysis: Egg Fu

(WARNING! This analysis contains RACISM! Seriously, just look at this fucking guy, holy shit! What were they thinking?!)

People always have different answers to why people just don’t know Wonder Woman’s adversaries to the same extent that they know Batman or even Superman’s, despite her being one of the Big Three of DC. Some say it’s because Diana is all about diplomatically resolving conflict, and thus ends up befriending her foes. Others claim it’s because she kills her enemies. I’m not sure if either of these groups know what they’re talking about because I don’t read comics as extensively as some, but considering what we’re talking about here I’m guessing DC wants to keep people from knowing her enemies because if they do, they’ll find shit like Egg Fu.

Like, just look at this fucking guy. Look at him.

Like I get comics were racist back in the day, but this one takes the cake. What's even more insane is how they keep trying to revamp and revitalize the character in the modern era, from being a bad guy from Apokolips:

To... whatever the hell this is:

There's got to be reason, right? Why are writers so dead set on trying to rehabilitate the racist communist egg man?

Motivation/Goals: As a Yellow Peril villain, Egg Fu exists to show the EVILS of communism while also making sure to show Asians in the most unflattering light possible. He's not particularly good at either job to be honest, dying every time he comes across Wonder Woman and being so utterly absurd a concept it's hard to take him seriously at all. Like, he's an egg. For what reason? I mean yeah there's the pun, but why is he a fucking egg in-universe? What's the benefit of being an egg with a prehensile mustache? How exactly does it help dominate the filthy Americans (oh, I'm sorry, the Amelicans).

Final Fate: In his very first appearance, Wonder Woman does the right thing and fucking cracks this egg:

When the next Egg Fu shows up, she does more of the same:

Unfortunately, when another Egg Fu named Dr. Yes (he's a robot duplicate, because of course he is) showed up, he got away.

As for the modern Egg Fus, they're probably still kicking around. I'm not reading through fifty issues of storyline to discern the fate of some rebooted racist egg man, sorry.

Best Quote: Surely such a character as Egg Fu must have some great dialogue! Let's see, how about...

Oh. Oh dear. That's, um, not great. Uh, what about...

Oh fuck that's even worse. Er, there has to be something here...

Oh god, the only thing worse than racism is finding out a mid-tier DC movie starring Dwayne Johnson has arrived!!!!

Yeah no this guy gets no points in this category, his dialogue ranges from generic bullshit to the kind of stuff you'd hear from the City Wok guy on South Park.

Final Thoughts & Score: So a while ago I reviewed Fu Manchu, a villain that absolutely fascinates me. He is the archetypal Yellow Peril supervillain who has had an absolutely undeniable impact on popular culture, altering history by spawning legions of imitations (such as Egg Fu here) as well as doing things such as giving a name to a style of facial hair. As with all villains that have such a colossal influence, he got an 11 with an asterisk denoting how monumentally racist the character was, despite their being positive aspects to him that were fair for the time period he was created in.

Now imagine that but without any of the positive qualities. That’s Egg Fu.

This is such an absurd, baffling supervillain even for the time he was created. Like, okay, I get racial stereotypes were prevalent in a lot of comics… but a giant communist egg with a prehensile mustache?! Far be it from me to suggest writers were on drugs when coming up with their wild ideas, but you have to admit that substance abuse would go a long way towards explaining why this was allowed to happen. Simple racism can’t explain this; it’s a giant fucking egg.

I think the sheer insanity of it all is what draws me to this character. Not only is it blatantly racist, they also keep trying to bring back and reimagine him. And like, yeah, that’s kind of sick and I love when weird-ass ideas get revamped and recontextualized for the modern era… but Egg fucking Fu? It’s bad enough we had Egg Fu the Fifth and his evil clone Dr. Yes all within the span of a year before being dropped for decades, but then they decided to dust him off and try a redo? Why?

I think the appeal to try and revitalize him comes from the fact that, as far as stereotyped and racist caricature villains go, Egg Fu is so fucking bizarre. Like I can't stress enough this is a giant communist egg who speaks in broken English and has a prehensile mustache. In a sea of Yellow Peril villains he easily stands out despite being relatively obscure from the sheer fact he's not simply a racist stereotype; he's an insane racist stereotype that just boggles the mind as to what the writers and artists were actually trying to say with this.

The history of this character is just so weird, his very existence is weird… He’s the opposite extreme of Fu Manchu for me. While Fu is fascinating for his impact on culture and deserves the highest marks with that caveat that he’s also extremely problematic, Egg Fu gets a 3/10 with a similar caveat. He’s so bad it’s good, but he’s bad because he’s a racist caricature, which isn’t great. I see this like I do the movie The Conqueror, the movie where John Wayne played Genghis Khan. Yes, it’s absolutely absurd and tasteless that these white people are playing Asians, but at the same time everything about this is so absurdly racist it crosses the line twice and somehow manages to become hilarious. Like what are you even trying to do here? It’s offensive in a way where you can’t do anything but laugh at them because they genuinely thought they were on to something here.

And that’s ultimately how I feel about Egg Fu. They really thought they were cooking something with this one, but this egg didn’t poach them any new readers and he hasn’t gone over easy with modern audiences. It’s really hard not to crack up at this complete yolk of a character. So yes, Egg Fu is enjoyably bad in a “What were they even fucking trying to do here?” sort of way, and he’s definitely one of my favorite insane comic book villains that time has forgotten… but there’s no denying that this is a character who is inherently problematic.

Anyway, this review has given me excessive racism poisoning, so I think I'm going to review a comic villain who isn't horribly offensive next time.

COMING SOON! PSYCHO-ANALYSIS: HEMO-GOBLIN!

The South African white supremacist vampire who gives people AIDS!

(Just kidding, I'm reviewing Snowflame).

#psycho analysis #Egg Fu #DC #Yellow Peril #Racism cw

14 notes · View notes

tinybasementrats · 1 year

Text

(719) 249-7906

City Wok phone number

from a official South Park escape room

#south park

7 notes · View notes

wanderingmind867 · 2 years

Text

Last night I saw the South Park episode "City Sushi". This episode was one I can't say I despised, but I didn't find it too funny either. If I may ramble for a moment; I'd like to mention that this episode was somewhat hyped up for me by the fact that I once frequented a subreddit about people faking disorders like DiD, and they mentioned this episode as a good parody of that. While that is very true, I also can't say I found it too funny.

The thing that really soured me on it was the twist at the end where it's revealed that city wok's owner has DiD. I found it too bizarre and surreal to be funny, and it's now something that leaves a blotch on an otherwise funny characters story. Sure they addressed his stereotypical behavior, but now it just seems like we're supposed to accept him as a man in yellow face or something. It's not very funny, and it left me with a sour taste in my mouth as I found him incredibly funny up to that point. He was the only really funny part of the story Since the Butters part was okay, but nothing special to me.

#south park #butters stotch #sp butters #butters south park #my thoughts #stan marsh #kyle broflovski #eric cartman #kenny mccormick #south park butters

12 notes · View notes

dreamhouse-luxury25 · 8 months

Text

Why should you buy property in Baner? or What are the benefits or advantages of buying a property in Baner?

Baner, situated within Pune, India, forms a part of the Western Metropolitan Corridor and boasts a rich cultural heritage, notably in its "Varkari" Parampara and Bhakti Aradhana. Its geographical borders encompass Pashan to the south, Balewadi to the west, Aundh to the north, and Pune University to the east.

Historical Background:

Dating back to the 17th century, Baner's history is intertwined with the Kalamkar family's dominion over the area. Kavaji Kalamkar, on a hillock nearby, erected a temple dedicated to the goddess "Tukai Mata," which has become Baner Hill and contributes to the Baner-Pashan Biodiversity Park.

Attractions of Baner

Baner has evolved into both a residential and commercial hub, accommodating a significant presence of IT companies. As an emerging development zone, it thrives with local amenities, thus making it a prime destination to benefit from the new luxury residential projects in Pune.

Its strategic connectivity to major IT parks, offices, and business centres renders it a favoured investment and residential locale. Whereas, its proximity to National Highways enhances its accessibility further. Choosing to reside in Baner means embracing a luxurious lifestyle away from urban clamour while still remaining connected to the main city of Pune and Mumbai as well via the Highway.

Lifestyle & Entertainment:

Baner offers an array of entertainment options, including pubs, clubs, shopping complexes, cinemas, and malls. The lifestyle is defined by opulent residential communities and diverse housing choices, from 1 to 4 BHK luxurious simplex and duplex flats.

The latest addition to the landscape is Kolte Patil’s 24K Altura Baner. These 4 BHK luxury flats in Pune epitomise the harmony of aesthetics, the astounding awe and the aristocratic life that would prevail here. For the affluent who seek the high life, these highrise towers that kiss the clouds, overlooking vivacious vistas of hills & urban skylines are the destination for the luxury of pure 24k gold life.

Geographic:

Baner's geography is defined by its connections: Aundh to the north, Pune University to the east, Pashan to the south, and Balewadi to the west. Notably, Pune University stands as a significant educational landmark. Pashan, to the south, is also experiencing rapid development while hosting government establishments. Balewadi, in the west, is renowned for its landmarks like Balewadi High Street and Shree Shiv Chhatrapati Sports Complex (Balewadi Stadium) which even hosted the National Games in 1994 and the Commonwealth Youth Games in 2008.

Prominent Landmarks:

Baner offers a range of dining, cafes, and pubs like Malaka Spice, The K Factory, Minus 18 Degrees, Pimp My Wok, and Flying Duck. While it lacks a comprehensive commercial mall or multiplex cinema, individual stores such as Fab India and Westside are present.

Price Trends (2006-2023):

Over time, the price dynamics in Baner have shifted significantly. From around 800 rs per sq. ft. for land in 2006, prices escalated to 3,300 rs per sq. ft. for flats in 2010. Presently, the rates have surged well past 8,000 rs per sq. ft.

Future Development Prospects:

We anticipate further growth and the thriving business ecosystem, Baner is poised to become an ideal residential and employment hub. Reduced commutes will enhance well-being and increase quality time spent with loved ones. The upcoming metro system will also bolster city-wide connectivity, while Pashan's plans for a major junction will add to the city's appeal. So, in essence, the area is all set to become a major real estate attraction in the upcoming 5 years.

#24kaltura

0 notes

sunveiledrp · 10 months

Text

Hey sunlings! This time we're here with a preview of our locations. San Castana is a diverse city, so while these are the only listed locations, there are (of course) many, many others you could perceivably write in. But these locations are all selectable occupations in profiles.

Our members will have opportunities to create their own locations to add to the list, too. By buying a new business location with points, you can add to this list, get your own forum, and be able to have other members select it as an employer.

Check beneath the cut for the preview of our locations and start thinking about where your character might fit!

Downtown

Lower - Upper Class Residents Downtown is the busiest area of San Castana, hosting large businesses, expensive venues, and the city's most popular hotspots. During the day, downtown is packed with traffic and a bustling economy, but during the night is when it really comes to life. With a lively night market and an animated nightclub scene, San Castana knows how to keep things interesting no matter when you visit.

Capri Café - an Italian café

Hypnotic - a night club

The Hot Seat - a local salon and spa

Tinctures & Tonics - a family-owned magic shop

East Castana

Lower - Middle Class Residents The home of most of San Castana's public services, East Castana sits adjacent to Downtown along the port. While the neighborhood serves most of the city's lower to middle class citizens, it's not without it's unique charms. Known for it's eclectic and family-owned businesses, East Castana has a distinct community feel to it with a little more space to breathe. Here you'll find most of the city's laborers, fishermen, and service workers.

Aces & Ales - a sports bar

Kosmic Coffee - an eclectic coffee bar

Luminous Wok - an Asian fusion restaurant

San Castana Fire Department

San Castana Hospital

San Castana Police Station

Castana Beach

Middle - Upper Class Residents The hotspot for tourist attractions, Castana Beach operates year round. Dip your toes in the ocean, take a ride on the Ferris Wheel, or stop into one of the boardwalk's shops and buy a trinket to take home. To the south lies East Castana, and the northern edge of the beach skirts along the forest, which rises into a series of sheer cliff faces and sea caves.

Cooled Delights - ice cream shop

Lobster Cove - seafood restaurant

Tipsy Tiki - beachside bar

The Beach

The Boardwalk

The Valley

Middle Class Residents The Valley is a middle class sprawl of neighborhoods and public institutions. The largest area of San Castana, the Valley is a large spanse of relatively flat land between the beach to the east and the mountains to the west. While there are some parts of the Valley that are better or worse off, it's relatively average (for California) when it comes to cost and cost of living.

The Burrito Bus - a Mexican food truck

The Great Northern Park

San Castana University

Castana Shopping Mall

#sunveiled rp #previews #locations #jcink rp #jcink #jcink roleplay #semi-private jcink #jcink forum #jcink buzz #jcink premium #site buzz #semi private rp

1 note · View note

empressofthesunwriter · 11 months

Text

The Stick of Truth

Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1!

N.K. is angry at her parents. Not only did they move again, no, but they moved into a snowy hicktown named South Park! She was sure she would hate it there, yet surprisingly she gets to participate in the epic RPG the kids play and falls for the human princess and the elf king. Who is friend, who is foe and which side should she choose?

Main Pairing: New Kid/Kenny McCormick/Kyle Broflovski

Chapter 3: First Summon, Gas-Mask, and Drug Dealers, oh my!

You guys 'member when in the last chapter I said how this game would be a full Final Fantasy rip-off if I can summon in the future something?

Well, guess what happened?

At first, me and Leo just enter City Wok, because I got the munchies and wanted to check out the noodle soups of this place.

Somehow we got robbed into beating up a lot of little Mongolian kids in the Tower of Peace since the parents of them have conquered Mr. Kim, the owner of City Wok, the week before.

Then we had to beat up the parents.

I admit I felt kind of like Mulan doing this.

Also, I got a new kickass bow.

Yet, how in the name of Isis, is the whole city involved in the whole LARPing these kids here do?

Anyway, for beating up all the Mongolians, Mr. Kim not only became my Facebook friend, but he also gave me a little Gong so I can call him to beat up my enemies.

Besides bosses.

Since they are too tough.

Again, I ask how this works?

I think I have just to try it, then I will see.

South Park is the weirdest town I ever lived and I have a feeling I haven’t even seen the weirdest shit yet!

After this little adventure, we finally reach Jimbo’s Gun. Behind the counter is a tall chubby man in hunter gear and a shorter guy with sunglasses, who only has one arm.

These two make just only for the looks an interesting duo.

“Well hello there Jimbo and Ned!”, greets Leo cheerfully.

I give them a nod.

“Afternoon gentlemen.”

“Well! What brings you here today? Business or pleasure? Or vengeance?”, ask the chubby guy, which Leo whispers is Jimbo.

“Sweet, sweet vengeance!”, I answer with a maniac chuckle, which only seems to disturb Leo.

Jimbo and Ned just grin.

“You've come to the right place.”, tells me Ned, speaking into a voice box.

He sounds like a robot!

If he had the voice of the Cybernetic Ghost of Christmas Past from the Future I would have been sooooo happy. Then again I’m not currently playing a children’s card game and trying to attack someone with Obelisk the Tormenter.

Torment.

“Howdy there!”, Jimbo’s voice shakes me of my thought. “Haven't seen you before. You must be the new kid that moved to town - and you're into huntin', huh?! Well, my boy, you've come to the right place!”

Again, I’m currently Link, but again someone doesn’t see I’m not a boy. Or my cosplay is more than amazing, or there is something in the water that makes the people here stupid.

Well nearly everyone.

I try to correct Jimbo, but against his talking like a raging river, I can’t get a word out.

I only get that he has something against Democrats, wants to sell me a book about hunting here in South Park and oh, he can sell some weapons to me.

At this, my eyes check the counter before us and I see it.

A beautiful katana.

Oh hell yeah, time to get my Demon Slayer game on!

“I want a gas mask, this beautiful Katana, and sure give me this hunting book.”, I tell Jimbo.

“Oh, sure New Kid, but your level is too low for the Katana.”

…What?

“It’s so unfair!”, I cry at Leo, waving the gas mask around.

“We will get the Katana later for you N.K., you just have to level up a bit.”, he reassures me.

We are on our way back to the Security Guard and I can’t even enjoy that I will be ready for this motherfucker because Jimbo and Ned are part of the whole shikt with levels for weapons like us kids.

I want the Katana now!

Not when this whole game is nearly over!

I need to come up with a plan to get it!

Mmh, maybe I can buy it normally if I go to the shop with my normal clothes on…?

Sadly I can’t try it right now, since it’s time to kick someone in the Kuribohs.

I pull the gas mask on my face and command practically: “Leo, you let me handle this. This asshole will feel all of my burning rage!”

“O-Okay.”

So I stalk over to the Security Guard and call: “Hey, pigheaded, dickless, lurd of tard, I’m back!”

He doesn’t waste time to pepper spray again, but this time nothing happens.

I see the fear in his eyes and it is delicious like chocolate.

“What the fuck? Oh NO!”

“OH YES!”

I don’t wait that we get transported to the battleground ala Final Fantasy. I make my promise come true and kick him with all my might in the Kuribos!

Aka. his balls.

He falls down, clutching his jewels, whimpering pathetically.

“Move... along.”

“Never test me again bitch!”

Satisfied at his cowering, I take off the gas mask and smile brightly at Leo.

“Let’s go, little bro.”

Leo looks sympathetic at the Security Guard before he rejoins my side.

“Y-You are really scary big sis.”, mumbles Leo at me, while I ring the doorbell of Token’s home.

“It’s part of my charm.”, I jest.

Well, a bit.

Security Guard had it coming.

The door opens and a black kid opens the door.

…Don’t tell me his name is a goddamn pun-!

“Yeah?”

“Oh yes, hello I’m N.K., you must be Token.”, I say and hand him Cartman’s letter. “I’m the new mage of Kupa Keep and Lord Fatass wants me to fetch all his warriors since the elven took the Stick of Truth.”

“Nice to meet you N.K. I’m surprised that Cartman lets a girl play with us.”

At this Leo and I wince. It’s nice to see there is another person who has eyes in his head, but…

“His chubbiness thinks I’m a dude, so can you…”

“Of course. Hang on a second.”

Token closes for a second the door and after opening it again he is in his Kupa Keep get-up. Wow, he dresses fast!

“Thank you for thy message, traveler! Your secret is safe with me. I shall make haste to Kupa Keep!”, he announces, then turns to his right and calls: ”Mom! Can you drive me to Eric's house?”

And closes again the door.

I shrug my shoulders and mentally strike him from my list.

One warrior recruited, two more to go.

The next warrior recruit (who gets the reference gets a cookie) is a boy named Tweek Tweak, since we can’t simply just go and grab Craig from school and I ask Leo if he is messing with me about his name.

Who names their kid like that?

And why?

Were they on drugs? (No pun indeed)

With any hour passing South Park gets weirder.

Leo assures me that it’s really his name and with a sign I follow him to Tweak Bro. Cafe. A cafe owned by Tweeks family if you didn’t get it. But I’m sure we all here are smarter than Cartman by a mile.

We pass the cinema and I stop Leo by grasping his arm.

“Oh look! They play Asses on Fire 2!”, I squeal happy. “Did you watch the first one?”

“Yeah, I did. You like Terrance and Phillip, big sis?”

As an answer, I start to sing the well known song from the first movie: “Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka! You're a cock-sucking, ass-licking uncle fucka! You're an uncle fucka, yes it's true! Nobody fucks uncles quite like you!”

Leo laughs happily and joins me.

“Shut your fucking face, uncle fucka! You're the one that fucked your uncle, uncle fucka! You don't eat or sleep or mow the lawn, You just fuck your uncle all day long!”

“Suck my balls!”, I end the song happy giggling.

“Oh I wish we could watch it now.”, confesses Leo. “I bet it’s better than the first.”

“Well, I was planning to watch it with my parents. I’m sure you can tag along when we go!”

My little brother lights up like a Christmas Tree.

“Really?”

“I promise!”

I wrap my arm around his shoulder giving him so side-way hug. We continue our way to Tweek Bros Cafe.

“Psst. Pssst, hey. Over here.”

I ignore this weird older dude hiding behind a tree between the cinema and the cafe, I got no time for this shit and enter with Leo the cafe.

The cafe is cute, but the smell of the coffee is a bit strange.

I can’t put my finger on it.

My parents and I are avid coffee drinkers, so I’m familiar with its smell, so this strange smell, makes me frown.

And yes I know I’m 11 I shouldn’t already drink coffee, leave me alone! I need my coffee or I don’t function.

I wanted to get a cup, but this smell turned me away. That doesn’t stop me from going up to the counter to ask for Tweek.

The older gentleman greets me in a calming soothing voice which throws me off a bit.

“Welcome to Tweek Coffee. Coffee made with ingredients supplied by local organic suppliers. It's local coffee. Brewed locally.”

I swore I hear soft background music.

Are we in a commercial?

I blink rapidly to get my bearings back.

“Erm, hello sir, is Tweek here? We want to ask him to play with us.”

“Hello there.”, Mr. Tweak greets me. “If you're looking for Tweek, he's in the back room, unattended. Unattended, like a pristine meadow known only to the wild horses that graze there. Would you like to try some coffee? It's fresh, like a sun-dappled cornfield ready for harvest.”

“Eh no thanks, another time…”

I nearly drag Leo to the backroom to get away from this coffee dealer. It’s just soooooo weird.

In the backroom we find who must be Tweek, wearing a little apron and with a broom cleaning the room.

“AHGHGHGH! How am I supposed to do all this?! There's no way, man! Starbucks has like eight employees! Here it's just me!! GAHGHGH!!”, he talks frantically to himself, twitching here and there.

Oh dear, what is his problem?

I get my answer when I see him chuck down a whole cup of coffee like some Tequilla shot.

He didn’t even blink.

I don’t know if I should give him kudos or be scarred for life.

“Hello, Tweek?”, I call out to him.

The poor boy lets out a shrill shriek.

Ups.

“AHGHGHGH! Who are you?!”

“Sorry didn’t mean to startle you.”, I talk to him in my most calm and reassuring voice. “I’m N.K., new in town and also the new Mage of Kupa Keep. Lord Tub of Lard calls all his warriors to the castle to reclaim the Stick of Truth from the elves.”

He doesn’t stop twitching, even after I had him Cartman’s letter.

“NOW?!?! The guys need me now?! Oh, there's no way man! I have WAY too much to do! HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO DO ALL THIS?!”, he screams in my face, shaking me by my shoulders.

“Wowowow, calm down, Tweek. Can Leo and I help you somehow? Maybe we could help you clean.”, I suggested, taking his hands from my shoulders and caressing them gently to help calm him down.

It seems to work since Tweek takes a deep breath to get his thoughts under control.

Well mostly.

He is still twitching and shaking.

“You could go get the four o'clock delivery for me?!”, he asks.” If you do I can finish here and then - and then I'll still have time to play! PLEASE!”

Me and Leo look at each other and he nods.

“Sure thing Tweek. Where is the delivery?”

“It's at Kenny's house - like always! Y-you give them THIS - They'll give you the delivery!”

He gives me a piece of paper.

“PLEASE! Would you?!”

“Consider it done.”

With that Leo and I leave the backroom.

I can’t even describe what I’m feeling when I see where sweet, sweet Princess Kenny lives.

I feel sad and angry on her behalf.

No one should live in a dump like that.

“The princess family doesn’t have much money, huh?”, I mumble, kicking an empty beer bottle away.

Leo hears me anyway.

“Kenny and his family were always poor. He is actually the poorest kid in school.”, he explains to me.

“This sucks.”

“Agree, but don’t pity him, Kenny hates that.”

“I wasn’t going to.”

Still…it hurts me to see this sad excuse of a house and think how cold and dirty it has to be in there.

I wish I could help somehow…

Since we came here on a mission, I ignore my desire to help Kenny and his family somehow and knock on the front door, which probably saw better days. It feels like the door is going to crack under my knocks.

The door opens and a red-haired woman with a green I’m with stupid T-Shirt stands before us.

That’s for sure Kenny’s mom.

She has the same pretty blue eyes as her child, just they seem tired and lifeless. Looking at her, I bet she was once a beautiful young girl, but whatever happened to her made her now look older and defeated.

“What?”, she croaks at us.

“Hello, ma’am.”, I addressed her and hand her the letter Tweek gave me. “We are here to pick up the delivery for Tweek Bro.”

“Oh, this isn't for me. This is for the nice people who are renting the guest house out in the back.”, she explains to me, handing me back the letter and a key to this guest house.

“Thanks for your help ma’am.”

“You are a nice girl, goodbye.”

I admit it makes me feel giddy that Kenny’s mom seems to like me and even can tell I’m a girl. These are some brownie points for her.

Me and Leo make our way to the guesthouse, which is actually a garage, and…yep we are in a junkie hideout.

Awesome, just awesome.

I’m not touching anything in here.

I don’t want to get tetanus or hepatitis or some shit.

“Yeah, yeah. We got the package for Tweek Coffee. You got the envelope?”, say’s one of the three junkies to us.

They are two males and a female.

I swore, I formally feel the drugs and sickness coming from them.

“Uh, these witch doctors must be cooking up a secret potion. I wonder if it's a healing potion...”, voice Leo his thought and I can just stare at him.

Didn’t he get what this person actually are?

How innocent is he?

“Stay close and don’t touch anything.”, I whisper to him before I turn to one of the junkies and hand him the letter. “Here.”

No time for pleasantries, I want to get out of here, before I catch something nasty.

“Hey... that's not the usual kid that picks up the package.”

“Huh? Oh shit. It's a COP!!”

Uh-oh!

Our little adventure in the garage ends with beating up the three junkies and then getting the Tweek Bro delivery ourselves.

Once we are out of the garage, I search in my little backpack for the hand sanitizer I know I have and wash myself and Leo with it as well as I can.

“Nasty, nasty, nasty!”, I shudder. “I don’t want to get any sickness that will eat my brain!”

“Big sis you are rubbing the hand sanitizer in my face! It hurts.”

“It’s for your own good, little bro!”

After what feels like an eternity I’m satisfied and stop cleaning us.

Leo’s face may be red as a lobster now, but he will be thankful later for it.

With that, I drag him back to Tweek Bro Cafe. We hand over the delivery to Tweek, who gives it to his father and Mr. Tweak dumbs it into the coffee.

Yep, I’m never gonna drink that. Now I know why it’s smells so funny, it has drugs in it.

At least Tweek gets permission to play with us.

That makes now two warriors recruited.

We could hand it back now to Kupa Keep but I ask Leo if we can explore the town for a bit.

I mean, the Stick is not going anywhere.

Also, our third warrior recruit is still in detention.

We have some time.

My little brother is okay with that and we start our exploring.

Time to get familiar with my new hometown.

#southparkfanfiction #southpark #new kid sp #dovahkiin #stick of truth #SP FanFic: Codename: Dovahkiin Part 1 #douchbag #kenny mccormick #kyle broflovski #k2 #polyamarous

0 notes

akechi-if-he-slayed · 7 months

Text

ill be like uh huh yup yup yup to most feminist writings and ideals and then whole heartedly laugh at the jokes in south park.

#be explaining how things like ‘girl math’ and ‘girl logic’ is stupid and perpetuates the female experience to be less than and of lower impo #rtance and intellect than that of a man and then proceed to be in tears over that one city wok guy scene i posted yesterday.#girl.#it’s ok im allowed to be a little hypocritical as a treat #also i shave everywhere regularly and wear lip gloss sometimes so. kind of a fraud here.#it’s ok tho #south park #feminisim

2 notes · View notes

maiosx · 1 year

Video

youtube

City Wok Guy Builds a Great Wall - SOUTH PARK

#youtube #shorts #south park

1 note · View note

leela-small · 1 year

Text

Crimson and Clover

Chapter 2

This chapter’s working title is “AU where everything is the same except Butters doesn’t know Mysterion’s secret identity” 😅 I was going for a sort of Superman and Lois Lane scenario (or, if you’re too young to understand that reference, a sort of Chat Noir and Marinette scenario)

This was actually the plotline that got me to write this story in the first place! First I thought of just writing this as a one-shot, but then more ideas ideas kept coming, so here we are 😊

Just a quick side note: I have never — ever — used the F-bomb in my stories before (I never even use it IRL), but seeing as this is South Park fanfiction, and since Cartman has some lines in this chapter, I have to make an exception. *sighs dramatically* The sacrifices we make for our art 😩 /j

Anyway, enjoy~ 💖

Continue reading on AO3 or under the cut

Seventh Grade

It was just another regular Friday evening in the sleepy mountain town of South Park. The sun was setting over the horizon, bathing the area in the bright orange hues of dusk. The streets were empty, safe for a few citizens who were returning to their homes after a busy day of work. Barely a sound could be heard, the entire city enveloped in peaceful silence.

Well, the entire city except for the Cartman residence.

“God damnit Stan, hurry up! You’ve been customizing your character for-fucking-ever!”

Kenny groaned as he watched Stan scroll through the game’s weapons inventory for the umpteenth time. When Cartman invited them for a sleepover to play the newest and, according to him, ‘greatest multiplayer game on the planet’, with the added promise that his house didn’t smell too much like old hot dog water anymore, the boy in the orange parka had been ecstatic. He would take any excuse to get away from the shithole he called home and from his parents, who were constantly at each other’s throats. Yet, after waiting to start the game for what felt like hours, he wasn’t so sure anymore. He and Cartman had customized their respective characters in no time, but Stan was being a really picky douche for some reason. Add the fact that they were missing a player — the manual specifically said they needed at least four players for the best playing experience — and the night was definitely beyond ideal. On the upside, he hadn’t lied; his house did smell a lot less bad.

“Give me a sec, I want to make sure my guy has all the best features.” said Stan, his eyes glued to the screen as his thumbs moved the controller’s stick around.

“Psh, like that’s gonna make a difference.” Cartman scoffed as he scooped another handful of Cheesy Poofs into his mouth. “I’m totally gonna beat your ass in the first round.”

“Like hell you are! Besides, I thought we were playing against other people online as a team.”

“We were, if Kyle hadn’t decided to be a little bitch and pussy out.” the overweight boy grumbled, crumpling the now empty bag of cheesy snacks into a ball and tossing it over his shoulder. “What’s his excuse, anyway? Did all the sand in his vagina finally give him a yeast infection?”

“No, he’s sick with the flu. I talked to his mom earlier. She told me he’s bedridden until, quote, ‘his nose stops running like a broken fire hydrant’.” Stan replied, making air quotes with his fingers as he quoted Mrs. Broflovski.

“Ew, sick. Well, did you at least try to find someone else to play with us?”

“I called a bunch of guys, they’re all busy.”

“Really? They’re all busy?” Cartman deadpanned.

“Surprisingly, yes.”

“Craig?”

“Date with Tweek.”

“Clyde?”

“Soccer practice.”

“Tolkien?”

“Homework.”

“Scott Malkinson?”

“Doctor’s appointment.”

“Jimmy?”

“Open mic night at City Wok.”

“Even Timmy?!”

“Band practice.”

Cartman was about to throw his controller onto the floor in a fit of rage, but was able to stop himself, opting to lean back on the couch and groan loudly in exasperation.

“What about Butters?” Stan asked after a beat. “I’m surprised you didn’t drag him into this after Kyle said he wouldn’t be coming.”

“For your information, I called him earlier.” Cartman retorted, dropping the controller on the couch’s armrest. “Guess what his excuse was.”

“Grounded?”

“Bingo.”

“Oh, he’s out at Bingo?”

“Wha— no!” Cartman exclaimed, glaring daggers at his friend. “He’s fucking grounded again, Stan! God, try and keep up!”

“Sorry, geez.” Stan rolled his eyes. “What did he get grounded for this time?”

“Hell if I know, his parents always ground him for the stupidest bullshit reasons. But it must’ve been serious this time. He was crying like a whiny bitch baby when I called.”

Kenny’s head perked up when he heard that. He hadn’t been paying much attention to the conversation between his two friends, having zoned out until then, but that last sentence brought him back to reality. He knew how ridiculously strict Butters’ parents could be, having had to serve as a proverbial shoulder to cry on for his classmate on more than one occasion, so he knew perfectly well what they were capable of doing in their twisted notion of discipline. That’s what he feared; that someday they would go too far.

Something inside Kenny shifted and triggered his protective instincts, his brow furrowing as a plan began forming in his head. Perhaps it was time he paid Mr. and Mrs. Stotch a visit and gave them a taste of their own medicine.

“If no one else is coming, maybe we should call it a night?” Stan suggested.

“Fuck that! Do you know how much time and effort went into getting this game?” Cartman retorted angrily. “I had to tell my mom I’d do the vacuuming for a whole month! Like that’s gonna happen… So just get your dude equipped and let’s fucking go!”

“OK, OK. There, I’m done.” Stan declared with one final click from his controller, the screen changing back to the main menu.

“Finally, God!” Cartman grumbled as he picked up his own controller. “Alright, we’ve already wasted enough time, so let’s get our shit together and play as many rounds against each other as possible. I’ll go first, and Kenny, you —”

When he glanced over Stan towards the opposite end of the couch, he discovered, much to his chagrin, that the spot was now empty. He and Stan looked around, but Kenny was nowhere to be found.

“For fuck’s sake!” Cartman yelled, finally hurling the controller onto the floor as hard as he could.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The sound of snow crunching under hurried steps broke the deafening silence of the empty streets. Kenny almost held his breath as he practically ran through Avenue de Los Mexicanos, laser-focused on the mission at hand. From an outsider’s perspective, all they would see was a small dark figure scurrying through the sidewalk, but the fact of the matter was that he was on a mission; a mission to right a wrong that had been long overdue. Way too long overdue, if you asked him. After tonight tonight, it would all change.

It didn’t take him long to find house number 1020. After a quick glance around him to make sure nobody was watching, he slowly pushed the living room window open, careful not to make any sound. He remembered Butters telling him a while back that the latch was broken, no doubt the result of one of his father’s infamous fits of rage. Kenny was glad nobody had remembered to fix it yet, as he had no other way of entering the residence otherwise.

He quickly climbed into the Stotch residence and hurried up the stairs, his swift footsteps thankfully silenced by the carpeted floor. As he reached the top floor, his gaze zeroed in on his target: Mr. and Mrs. Stotch's bedroom. He took a moment to collect himself, taking a deep breath as he adjusted his cloak to make sure any identifying features were perfectly hidden.

Kenny didn’t don his Mysterion outfit as often as he used to, him and his friends having given up playing superheroes some time ago. The only reason kept the costume was Karen; he would show up in her room dressed as her ‘guardian angel’ whenever she was feeling down and needed a pick-me-up. He couldn’t remember the last time he had put it on, now realizing it felt much tighter than before. As uncomfortable as it was, it was required for tonight's mission.

His objective was simple: give Butters’ parents the fright of their lives. He had done the same to his own parents a few years ago and it had worked like a charm, albeit only for a short period of time. However, Stephen and Linda were much more impressionable than his parents, so he was hoping that after tonight they would give Butters a much needed break from their iron grip. If not, he would personally see it that they got what they deserved. Of course he would never resort to physical violence… unless it was really necessary.

After another quick breath, Kenny made his way to the bedroom door. He wrapped his gloved hand around the metal doorknob, ready to sneak into the room and awaken them like one of the demonic entities from those horror movies that Kevin liked so much.

He was about to turn the knob when he heard it. It was faint and he surely would’ve missed it if not for the dead silence, but there was no mistaking such a sound: sobbing. Its source was obvious, since it was clearly not enacting from the bedroom right in front of him. Turning his head to the left, Kenny saw that the door to Butters’ room was slightly ajar, and he could hear more soft whimpers coming from inside. His protective instincts kicking in again, he released his grip from the doorknob and walked up to the other door, taking a quick detour from his original goal.

As he gently pushed the door open just enough to peer inside, his suspicions were confirmed: Butters was lying on his bed, his back facing the door and his shoulders trembling as he whimpered. Kenny’s heart instantly ached at the sight. Butters was always such a happy child, a welcoming ray of sunshine in the otherwise gloom that was this shithole town. No matter how bad things got, he always had a smile on his face that seemed to make everything better. Seeing him like that was heartbreaking, to say the least.

Kenny tiptoed across the room, cautious not to make any noise so as not to startle the other boy. As he climbed onto his bed with great care, Butters’ sobs became perfectly audible, each one like a pin pressing onto Kenny’s heart. It almost made him want to cry as well. What the hell had his parents done to him? Whatever it had been, he had half the mind to make them cry just as hard.

“Butters?” he whispered as he gingerly laid a hand on Butters’ shoulder.

The other blond jolted with the sound of his voice, quickly sitting up and turning to face him with wide eyes. It took him a moment to react, during which time he gasped for air and blinked a couple of times in apparent disbelief.

“M-M-Mysterion?” he asked in a shaky tone, reaching up to wipe away the tears welling at the corners of his eyes. “Wha-What’re you doin’ in my room?”

Kenny was confused for a second, but quickly remembered that, out of all of his friends, Butters was the only one who didn’t know who he was behind the mask. The thought of telling him crossed his mind, but perhaps this was for the best. Perhaps this was exactly what Butters needed: his own hero, just as Kenny did for Karen. One day he would tell Butters the truth, but for now he was just going to play along.

“I sensed you were in distress.” he replied in the usual gruff tone that came with his superhero persona. “I could tell something had happened, so I came to check on you.”

“That’s awful nice of you…” Butters sighed morosely, the sound feeling like a suckerpunch to Kenny’s heart.

“What happened?” Kenny asked as he shifted into a sitting position.

Butters gripped at his bedsheets, a worried look on his face as his gaze darted every which way but at his face.

“You can trust me, Butters.”

As Kenny reached forward to give him an encouraging pat on the shoulder, Butters suddenly flinched and scooted back. At first he thought this was due to him having given him — well, not him exactly, but his supervillain persona, Professor Chaos — a very generous beating that one time, and that he had grown fearful of him ever since. When he glanced up, his heart nearly stopped as he noticed what he instantly recognized as a red bruise peeking from underneath the collar of Butters’ pajama top, right on the spot where his shoulder met his neck.

“I don’t know, I don’t think I’m supposed to tell you.” Butters muttered, reaching up to rub his sore spot. “And even if I did, it wouldn’t do any good. The damage is already done.”

“Butters, look at me.” Kenny instructed as he gently placed a hand on his arm, careful to avoid his bruised skin. “I promise that whatever you tell me will never leave this room. I need to know what happened so I can figure out the best way to help you. Do you trust me?”

Butters was silent, his eyes fixed on Kenny’s partially obscured irises. He seemed to be deep in thought, weighing his options before ultimately making his decision. Kenny didn’t blame him; for all he knew, he could be confiding in a complete stranger that would turn around and stab him in the back the first chance he got. He really needed to tell Butters it was him underneath the mask, someday.

“Well… I guess I can.” Butters replied after a moment. “You are a superhero, after all.”

Kenny was unable to stop the small smile that formed on his lips at that statement. Sweet, pure Butters. He hoped he never changed. He watched as the other boy lied back down and pulled the covers over himself, inching closer to the masked vigilante as he took a deep breath.

“Well… it’s kinda silly, actually.” he began, smiling sadly as he stared off to the side. “It all started ‘cause I asked my dad for some datin’ advice.”

To say Kenny was taken aback by what Butters said was an understatement. That’s why Butters had been reprimanded; because he wanted a girlfriend?! He knew Stephen was strict, but this was just ridiculous. Was he trying to shield Butters from heartache or some shit like that? If so, that was a pretty fucked up way of doing so. Still, he could probably see himself doing the same thing for Karen if she were to ask him for dating advice. He couldn’t believe he was starting to empathize with Stephen Stotch of all people, but he could kind of see where he was coming from. Kind of.

“My dad was real happy when I said that. He asked me ‘Who’s the lucky lady?’. But then he got real sore when I told him it was a boy.”

Nope, forget it. Stephen’s hypocritical homophobic ass was grass.

“He started yellin’ all sorts of nasty things at me. I couldn’t really make sense of what he was sayin’ anymore, he was so angry.” Butters pulled the sheets closer to his face and Kenny saw fresh tears begin to emerge from the corners of his eyes. “Then he turned around and… and…”

He released a strangled sob, shutting his eyes as the tears rolled down his pale cheeks. Kenny rubbed his arm reassuringly.

“It’s OK.” he said softly, feeling himself be taken over by sadness, which he pushed down as deep as he could.

Butters sniffled as he lifted himself, one of his trembling hands reaching up to tug at his shirt collar, pulling it down just enough to reveal the damage. Kenny almost wasn’t able to hold back a gasp when he saw the full extent of Butters’ bruise — a large blemish that spread from his shoulder to the top of his forearm, so red in contrast with Butters’ skin tone that it seemed to glow. He could almost make out a large handprint, anger beginning to bubble up inside him as he wished he could do the exact same thing to Stephen.

“He grabbed me and started shakin’ me real hard.” Butters continued, wiping his nose with the back of his hand. “It hurt a lot. I tried tellin’ him to stop, but he wouldn’t listen. He only stopped when my mom walked in and asked what was happenin’. He told her he was tryin’ to shake some sense into me.”

Kenny balled his hands into fists tightly, gritting his teeth in a vain attempt to control his fury. He wanted nothing more than to kick that sorry son of a bitch’s ass so hard that he would have to eat every meal through a straw for the next month.

“I know he didn’t mean to hurt me so bad. He’s my dad, after all.” Butters sighed as he lied back down. “Is it really so bad to like a boy just as much as a girl?”

“No, Butters, of course not.” Kenny replied, having finally been able to simmer down, even if just a bit. “There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. You’re entitled to have feelings towards any gender. If that boy makes you happy, then that’s all that matters. And if your dad can’t see that, that’s his problem.”

“Thanks, Mysterion. You’re a real swell fella.” Butters gave him a small smile, which Kenny gladly returned. “And he does make me happy. Real happy. Whenever I’m around him, I feel all fuzzy-like inside. Almost feels like I’m floatin’.”

Kenny’s smile widened. He was glad to see Butters return to a small semblance of himself. He wondered who was this boy that got Butters all flustered. He almost wanted to ask him, but he knew better. It wasn’t his place to ask.

“Not only is he real handsome, he’s also real kind. He’s the only one at school who’s actually nice to me.”

Kenny’s smile fell into an intrigued frown with that description. He couldn’t possibly mean…

“This one time, he helped me get to Hawaii for my hapanoa ceremony. If it weren’t for him, I never would’ve left the airport.”

And that’s when Kenny’s heart stopped.

Well, not literally, as he had experienced countless times before. But it did get very close.

As Butters continued gushing about his newfound crush on him, Kenny’s mind began to spiral. Of all the people — no, of all the boys — Butters could’ve developed an attraction towards, he had to be the very last one he would’ve expected. He hadn’t done anything to warrant such feelings from the other boy. Sure, he had been nice to him, but he was usually nice to everyone. Well, to everyone who actually deserved it. And sure, he may be the only one to actually treat Butters with the respect he deserves, but that was just because everyone else around him didn’t have a caring bone in their bodies. Still, this new information left him utterly flabbergasted.

However, a tiny part of him was flattered by all the nice things Butters had to say about him. He would be lying if he said him saying he was handsome didn’t do wonders for his ego. He was so determined to hide his face away from the world that he didn’t think anyone cared about his appearance, but here was Butters proving him wrong. He couldn’t help but feel a tug at his heartstrings from all the sweet things that escaped Butters’ lips. He didn’t remember the last time someone complimented him — except for Karen, of course.

“I just wish I had a chance with him. But I know that’s never gonna happen.” Butters sighed, his smile turning back into a frown. “He likes girls. Everyone knows that.”

It’s true, Kenny did like girls. He liked girls with big fat titties and deep vaginas, as he would proudly tell just about anyone. However, lately Kenny had begun to realize that gender wasn’t as big a deal as it previously had been when it came to attraction. As admittedly desirable as he found the female gender, something inside of him told him that it was time to consider broadening his horizons, although he still wasn’t one hundred percent sure about that. Still, it wasn’t out of the question, and everyday that went by he would find himself feeling less picky about people’s sex or gender identity.

Regardless, the last thing he wanted was to lead Butters on. It broke his heart to see his friend so desolate about his unrequited infatuation, but until he figured himself out, he had to spare the poor boy’s feelings as best as he could.

“Don’t give up hope just yet.” he said, clearing his throat before continuing. “You never know, maybe things will change and he’ll realize he likes you back.”

“You really think so?” Butters asked in a hopeful tone, lifting his gaze to meet his masked features.

“Of course. Matters of the heart are often confusing. I wouldn’t be surprised if he had some thinking to do. Just give it time.” he smiled down at him.

“I guess that makes sense.” Butters murmured, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “Thanks, Mysterion. You really are a top-notch superhero.”

Kenny’s smile widened at that statement. Butters always had that effect on him; being able to make him smile even in the most dire situations. His innocence was endearing as his joy was contagious. He was braver than he or anyone else realized — even braver than himself — and Kenny just wished he could see it.

That was but one of the reasons they had always gotten along as well as they did. While Kenny’s closest friends would, ironically, ridicule him for being financially challenged every chance they got — granted, that was mostly Cartman, though Stan and Kyle didn’t seem to make much of an effort to stop him — Butters never even touched on the matter. He always treated him as an equal. Moreover, he was always kind enough to lend a hand and help him any way he could. Kenny would never forget that time he shared his lunch with him in the fifth grade. He had no obligation to do so, yet he did so out of the kindness of his heart. Butters probably didn’t realize it, but that was one of the memories which Kenny cherished the most.

Butters was unable to hold back a yawn as he snuggled against his pillow, his eyes fluttering shut despite how hard he tried to keep them open. Poor little guy, he must’ve been exhausted — both physically and emotionally. Before Kenny could register his actions, his hand had sneaked into his friend’s hair, his fingers tangling into his blond locks and gently caressing his scalp. Butters’ smile broadened with the ministrations, humming contentedly in his drowsy state. Kenny had to hold back a chuckle as he thought about how much Butters resembled a kitten, almost purring as he gave soft strokes to his head. He was glad to make him feel at ease after the rough day he had. He certainly deserved it.

As Kenny inspected every inch of his features while running his hand through his hair, his gaze involuntarily wandered up to Butters’ left eye, where the sight of the partially-faded scar across his eyelid caused his smile to disappear. The memory of the day he had ‘accidentally’ thrown a shuriken into his eye still haunted him to that day. He couldn’t believe he had been so careless. What was he even thinking? Sure, he and his friends had been young(er) and stupid — great emphasis on ‘stupid’ — but even now it sent waves of deep guilt throughout his body. If only there was a way to go back in time and stop himself from ever getting roped into buying ninja weapons…

He didn’t leave Butters’ side until he was certain the platinum blond had fallen asleep, which didn’t take very long. The sound of his steady breathing soothed his spirit, his lips curling back into a smile at how adorable he looked. He’d always thought Butters was cute, both due to his appearance and his mannerisms, although now it felt… somewhat different. Something at his core told him that there was something much more significant to this, but he couldn’t quite put his finger on it. Perhaps time would tell.

After slowly detaching his hand from Butters’ head and sliding off of his bed as carefully as possible so as not to disturb his deep slumber, Kenny tiptoed out of the room, gently closing the door behind him. He shot one last glance at Butters before pulling the wooden barrier to a close, his heart warming at the sight of his sleeping form. He was glad to have someone so caring and sweet as a friend. Maybe one day he would be able to show him just how much he valued their friendship.

Finding himself alone in the Stotches’ hallway, Kenny took a deep breath and adopted a stern demeanor, easily slipping back into Mysterion’s dark disposition as he made his way to the next door on the left. Now that he had taken care of Butters, it was time to ‘take care’ of his parents. He had a feeling he was going to enjoy it.

A very special thank you to my IRL pan friend who read the part about Kenny’s conflicted thoughts and helped make sure they were accurate! 🙏💖

#Fanfiction #South Park #Kenny McCormick #Butters Stotch #Leopold Stotch #Eric Cartman #Stan Marsh #SP Bunny

0 notes