#source: brooklyn nine nine
waterfire1848 · 2 months ago
[ After the Batkids destroyed the manor. ]
Jason: Anyone else have the weird urge to lecture themselves?
Jason, as Bruce: Jason, what are you doing?
Bruce, appearing from behind Jason: Jason, what are you doing?
Jason: I conjured him.
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harringroveera · 2 months ago
Billy: Oh, hey, Chief. Did you find the report I put on your table?
Jim: Yeah, I did, nice work finding it
Billy: Thanks, dad
Everyone: ...
Billy: Why is everyone staring at me?
Max: You just called Chief Hopper "dad." You said, "thanks, dad”
Billy: What? No, I didn't. I said, "thanks, man”
Jim: Do you see me as a father figure, Billy?
Billy: No. If anything, I see you as a "bother" figure, 'cause you're always bothering me
Robin: Hey, show your father some respect
Billy: I didn't call him dad
Jim: No, no, no, Billy. I take it as a compliment
Argyle: It's not a big deal. I called Jonathan "dad" once, and he’s my boyfriend
Billy: Guys, jump on that! Argyle has psycho-sexual issues!
Max: Old news. But you calling Jim "daddy"...
Billy: Hey, "daddy" is not on the table here
Steve: But you did call him "dad," Billy
Billy: You shut up. You've done nothing but flirt since you got here
Steve: All right, all right, I was flirting with you. But the dad thing, that happened
Billy: Aha! He admitted that he was flirting with me! It was a trap, all part of my crazy, devious plan!
Jim: I believe you
Billy: Thank you
Jim: Son
Billy: ...
Jim: Do you want to talk about it later over a game of catch?
Billy: ...
Billy: I'd like that
(Gif version)
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incorrectbatfam · 5 months ago
Tim: Alright, you’re clearly not listening to me. I can say whatever I want.
Jason: Tell me about it.
Tim: I murdered the the Joker this weekend.
Jason: I feel you.
Tim: Now that I have a taste for blood, I can’t stop murdering.
Jason: Been there.
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merememberjust · 13 days ago
Yasmine: Just be yourself.
Ava: “Just be myself”? I have one day to win Beatrice over. How long did it take before you guys started liking me?
Camila: A couple of weeks.
Mary: A few months.
Lilith: The jury’s still out.
Ava: “Be myself” What kind of garbage advice is that?
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incorrectquotesmcu · a month ago
Steve: Alright, Fury, what’s this meeting all about? I have a full workload today.
Fury: I didn’t call it. I thought Romanoff did.
Natasha: What? I did no such thing.
Clint: So if neither of you called it, then who did?
[music starts playing]
Everyone: Ooohhh… Tony…
Bruce: That makes sense.
Tony: [confetti entrance]
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trashcancalicojack · 2 months ago
[ After the Company accidentantly destroys something ]
Fili: Anyone else have the weird urge to lecture themselves?
Kili, as Thorin: Kili, what are you doing?
Thorin, appearing from behind Kili: Kili, what are you doing?
Fili: You conjured him!
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lesbian-deadpool · 3 months ago
Tony: Let me guess, you and Bucky are having problems and you want me to teach you how to kiss.
Tony: *Starts leaning in*
Steve: What? No, stop that! I know how to kiss, I’ve read books.
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marksandrec · a month ago
Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media Tumblr media
Marks and Rec: Misc #2444
(Ol' "Ulterior Motives" Bergara...) (Dialogue from Brooklyn Nine-Nine.)
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mlsletflo · 2 months ago
*Avenger doing paper works*
Y/N: this is killing me
Natasha: Good, die.
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moony-is-a-sassy-bitch · 4 months ago
Steve, after Will's Coming out: This is going considerably better then when I came out to my parents. They were not, as the kids say, awake.
Eddie: Do you mean woke?
Steve: I did mean woke, but it's grammatically incoherent.
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nr-yb-wm-hm · 4 months ago
Steve: Batteries?
Eddie: Check.
Steve: Bats?
Eddie: Check. 
Steve: Did you eat your breakfast?
Eddie: That’s not on the checklist. 
Steve: I added it because I care about you.
Eddie: No I didn’t. 
Steve: Unacceptable. Check you back pocket.
Eddie: *Pulls out a granola bar* Hey there’s little chocolate chips in this.
Steve: Yeah, I’m not an idiot. I know how to trick my boyfriend into eating his fiber.
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waterfire1848 · a month ago
[ Batfamily doing an undercover mission. ]
Bruce: You two are sure you’re not gonna be spotted?
Jason: Absolutely. Our cover makes us invisible.
Dick: Excuse me, ma’am. Do you have two minutes to talk about the environment?
[ The woman runs away. ]
Jason: Nailed it. Now no one will make eye contact with us.
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harringroveera · 2 months ago
Billy: All right, give me your hairdryer
Robin: What?
Nancy: What are you talking about?
Billy: Don’t you carry one in your purse?
Robin: Have you ever met a human woman?
Billy: Hey, Chrissy, do you carry a hairdryer in your purse?
Chrissy: Of course. I'm not an animal
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incorrectbatfam · 5 months ago
Clark: I can't wait to see the inside of Batman's house.
Barry: I bet it's really fancy. Like Beauty and the Beast fancy.
Hal: No, it's probably just an empty white cube with a USB port in it for him to plug his finger in when he's on sleep mode.
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incorrectquotesmcu · 2 months ago
Tony: Look, I don’t talk about this a lot, but I actually had a difficult relationship with one of my parents.
Steve: Yes, your father. You talk about it obsessively.
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latteagle · a month ago
Obi-Wan: We will meet you at the rendezvous point.
(holo calls deactivated)
Obi-Wan: Alright, let's do this quickly.
Cody: (scoff) General, I mean, Kenobi you can't just do it quickly. You need to romance me, seduce me with—
Obi-Wan: (unbelted without breaking an eye contact)
Cody: Yep, the faucet's on. Let's go.
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