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#source: my family
incorrect-malfoys · 2 days
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Lucius, to Narcissa: You, you're unhinged! Lucius, to Draco: You, you're demented! Lucius, to Bellatrix: You… you're just you!
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greenapplebling · 20 days
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(kid)Tim: *suddenly feeling an impulse to do something*
Tim, looking at Dick: ...
Dick, distracted with his phone: ... Tim? What-
Tim, with his teeth attached to Dick's arm:
Dick:
Tim:
Dick: That's not how you bite someone
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thattheater-kid · 1 month
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Hazbin Hotel as out of context shit my family has said
Adam: Enjoy the month, skittle. How about you taste these nuts instead of the rainbow?
———
Husk: Charlie bought Chef Boyardee.
Angel: Chef Boyardeez nuts.
Husk: Low hanging fruit, man.
———
Alastor: Wow, you look divorced.
Lucifer: Thanks, asshole.
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Lucifer: Why didn’t they do the Lunar Faire for the summer solstice?
Charlie: Because it’s a lunar thing?
Lucifer: Oh yeah. This is why you’re the one running a hotel.
———
Niffty: We’re gonna try all the colors on you! Like a rainbow!
Angel: That suits me very well.
———
Adam: Nature is for lesbians!
———
Vox: Velvette, don’t call Val a bald-headed dipshit.
———
*in text*
Vaggie: I wanted to make myself abundantly clear.
Adam (one day later): You’re abundantly queer.
Vaggie: Took you a whole day to come up with that one?
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westannatasharomanoff · 10 months
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Natasha, age 11: Mom, Yelena’s gaslighting me!
Yelena, age 6: No I’m not! You’re just crazy.
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rwby-encrusted-blog · 6 months
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Jaune: Look, Breakfast Sausage links are S-tier, but Sausage Patties are B-tier.
Olivia: They're the same thing!
Saphron: They are not The same thing! You wouldn't put Rotini above Farfelle! That's just sacrilege!
Jaune: Gods, you might as well say that mashed potatoes are the same as Potatoes O'Brian
Olivia: Patties and links taste the same! All pasta has the same mouth feel!
Saphron: It's a texture thing, and the way Sauce clings to the pasta!
Olivia: I don't care about it!
Jaune: Just say your favorite pasta is Penne Lisce!
Olivia: IT'S ALL THE SAME, SO YEAH IT IS! TIED WITH EVERYTHING ELSE!
Papa Arc: Olivia, you're excommunicated from the family. I'm gonna need your Gun and Your Badge.
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Claire, to Jack: Sup stupid
Dean, smacking her arm: Hey! Don't call your brother stupid!
*five minutes later*
Dean, to Sam: Sup stupid
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incorrecteponine · 10 months
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Azelma: Can you help me get my bucket hat back from Gav?
Gavroche: I look better in it!
Éponine: You look stupid, but okay.
Grantaire: To be fair, he also looks stupid without the hat.
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turtlele · 5 months
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Jane has hallucinations
*Cathy hears Catalina and Jane arguing*
Cathy: What's going on?
Catalina: Jane thinks we have a dog. 6 specifically
Jane: But we do!
Catalina: *grabs a stuffie outta thin air* DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A DOG TO YOU?!
Anna: That's mi-*gets hit by said plushie*
Catalina: SHUT UP
Anne: Why is it that the most sane people have gone crazy now?
Kat: We're truly doomed now
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Ryuu: Therapy? I believe in self-reflection. Lunoire: Lunoire: You not believing in therapy makes so much sense actually... Chloe: The thing about self-reflection is that you gotta be good at it.
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sinister-things · 2 years
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Sanders Sides As Things I Overheard
Roman: "Where's Logan?"
Patton: "Roman, Logan's busy being judgemental."
(Source: My brother as Roman, my dad as Patton, my mom as Logan)
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incorrect-malfoys · 3 months
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Narcissa: *to Lucius, after her mother leaves the house* Don't even think about locking that door!
Lucius: Locking it? I was thinking of bricking it up!
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greenapplebling · 27 days
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*at a cafe*
Dick: What would you like?
Damian: Black coffee
Waiter: Sugar or-
Damian: No sugar
Waiter: Are you sure?
Damian: Yes
*later*
Damian, after 1 sip: Richard
Dick: Yeah?
Damian: I'm experiencing regret
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thattheater-kid · 1 month
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Niffty: HEY, CHARLIE WANTS TO KNOW IF YOU WANT ICE CREAM, YOU STRAWBERRY COLORED FUCK!
Husk: Niffty, are you insane? He’s gonna-
Alastor: Tell her no thanks, my tiny friend!
Husk: Both of you can go to double hell.
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Conversation
E
GLaDOS: What's the most commonly used letter in the english alphabet?
Chell: T
GLaDOS: Wrong.
Wheatley: S
GLaDOS: No.
Rick: R
GLaDOS: What's the matter with you? It's E.
Wheatley: That's not even a letter, it's a consonant!
GLaDOS: ...
Chell: ...
Rick: Consonants are letters-
GLaDOS: And E is a vowel, you idiot.
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Meredith: Ok, Ellis, it’s time for your piano lesson.
Ellis: But I don’t know how to play the piano!
Meredith: That’s why you’re taking lessons.
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okaybutmakeitgayer · 2 years
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Some liscence plate: “kyscar”
Jason: *gasp* it’s the “k!ll yourself” car!!
Tim: no I’m pretty sure it’s “ky’s car”
Dick: no, I’m pretty sure it’s “kysc ar”
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