#sorry for the 'negativity' i just want to read reviews for this and i came across this and i just got angry | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

avatar-anna · 19 days

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Workday Blues

2024 Masterlist

i wrote this weeks ago after a co-worker had me seeing red lol

"I just don't get it, H," you sighed, leaning back against the leather seat of your car as you waited for the light to change. Your voice felt strained, and you knew you sounded whiny, but you couldn't help it. After a long shift at work, you told yourself you reserved the right to complain. "Why can't people just, I don't know, do the job they showed up to do and get paid for?"

"I'm sorry, bub," Harry said, his voice tinny as it filled up your car. "Did you talk to your manager?"

You scoffed. "There's no point, but I swear I wanted to tell them I didn't want to work that shift anymore. I'm just so sick of—of—doing more than what's required of me and not being compensated for it."

Harry remained quiet over the phone. At this point in your relationship, he knew when you wanted his advice and when you just needed to vent about your job. The latter happened more and more as of late. Sometimes you felt bad for being so negative, but after nine hours of being overly positive as a restaurant server, you didn't have much positivity left in you.

"Need me to leave you a review again?" Harry finally asked.

Despite your exhaustion, you smiled. "What's that, now? The third one this month?"

"Fourth. Three and a half. I had Mitch leave one after the, what did you call it, 'influencer incident?'" he asked, referring to an afternoon where someone tried to pay for their meal by posting a video online.

"Hm. I'll have to bring him a slice of pie the next time I visit the studio."

"Hey, what about me? Where's my pie?"

Grin widening a bit, you said, "I'll give you something better."

"And...how far from home are you now?"

"Pulling in right now. I'll see you inside."

You pulled into the home you shared with Harry, resting your forehead against the steering wheel once the car was in park. Your feet hurt, you smelled like the food your restaurant served, and you desperately needed to take your makeup off. Sometimes you wondered why you were still putting yourself through all of this, and Harry definitely did too. For years now, Harry promised to take care of you, to take care of your student debt so you could focus on your career and not be so tired and unhappy. He didn't say it often because it typically led to an argument about independence and needing to be able to take care of yourself, but you knew how he felt, and after days like today, the idea of letting someone else take care of you financially seemed more appealing than it normally did.

Sighing, you slid out of the car, gathering your lunch bag and purse before shuffling into the house on slippered feet. "H?" you called, eyes lighting up when you heard the sound of nails scraping against wood floors. A shadow of jet black fur whipped around the corner and bounded toward the entrance hall to you, tongue out and tail wagging.

"Hi, pookie! How's my sweet boy?" you cooed. Hades nudged your leg with his nose, and you bent down to run your hands over his soft puppy fur until he eventually fell onto his back in need of belly rubs.

"You talking to me?" Harry's voice sounded like it came from the kitchen, which you followed once you straightened up and your dog was finished licking your face.

"You're gonna eat your words when you get your cute butt over here."

"I live with two boys, and only one of them greets me excitedly without fail. You do the math," you joked.

You smiled and shook your head at the comment. Harry knew your feelings about your "unflattering" work uniform, so he often went out of his way to compliment you whenever you were in it.

When you finally made it to where Harry was standing at the kitchen counter, tears nearly welled up in the corners of your eyes. "Is that—"

"Wild Cherry Pepsi," he said, his grin wide and knowing as he read your expression. "With pebbled ice. And dinner, but I know you care more about the drink with that sugar addiction of yours."

"You know me so well," you said, your voice rising in pitch as your head bowed.

"Aw, come here, bub." You shuffled over the last few steps to Harry, folding right into his welcoming embrace.

His body was firm and comforting against yours, his t-shirt soft beneath your cheek. Breathing in deep, you wrapped your arms around Harry's torso, letting every frustration you felt at work fall away as he held you.

"Thank you," you mumbled, tilting your head up after a minute or two had passed.

Harry smoothed his hand over your hair and down your back, pulling at the hair tie that held your braid in place all day. "For what?"

You shrugged, eyes closed as he began to pull the strands of your braid apart. "I don't know. For being you, for not suggesting I should quit when I know you want to."

"Another time," Harry promised. Pulling out a chair at the kitchen table, he gestured for you to sit down. You practically fell into the chair, feeling like you could finally relax as you took the plastic to-go cup into your hands and took a sip. Your eyes closed, feeling as though you could fall asleep right then even though you knew you should probably eat. As if he could tell you were on the brink of sleeping, Harry asked, "Do you want to keep talking about work or are you ready to forget?"

Harry wasn't being rude, nor was he belittling your frustration. You'd done this song and dance a time or two, but some days required you to vent more than others.

Around the straw, you said, "Can I?"

He sat beside you, taking Hades in his lap, who was happy to be held even though he was getting way too big for it. Usually, you chided Harry for holding Hades like that, but you were too tired, and honestly, it was kind of cute.

You talked while you ate, and Harry listened, letting you get everything you needed off your chest. He was quiet but attentive, apologizing for things out of his control and cursing your co-workers when you did. None of it would really improve the situation at work, but you always appreciated Harry's willingness to listen when you needed him to, and share in your anger and frustration when necessary.

Standing from the table, you took your plate and put everything in the dishwasher. Grabbing your plastic cup in one hand and Harry's hand in the other, you said, "I think I'm all done."

Harry kissed your temple before pulling you up the stairs toward your bedroom. Hades snaked between you and him to run ahead, waiting on the landing impatiently. "Good, because the Real Housewives of Salt Lake City won't wait for just anyone."

"Not a reading night, huh?" you asked, resting your head on his shoulder. Harry looked down and raised his brows in an expression that expressed he was not, in fact, going to be cracking open his book tonight. Kissing his cheek, you said, "Go ahead and start the next episode, baby. I'm gonna hop in the shower and wash my day off."

Harry, who'd been on his way to do just that, paused and frowned. "Well now I want to watch something else."

Grinning, you held out your hand while you continued to sip your drink. "Come on."

Hades, who had already claimed his spot at the edge of your bed, tilted his head to one side, clearly confused as to why his parents were walking away instead of joining him. "We'll be quick," you promised, even though you knew your dog didn't understand. But the message was for Harry too.

When you were finally in bed, watching Harry's show through eyes that were struggling to stay open, you looked up from where you resting against his shoulder. Harry's glasses were perched on his nose, his eyes focused on the television in front of him as he ran his hand idly over Hades' fur, who had conveniently found his way onto your lap once you settled into bed for the night.

"If you insist," Harry said on an exhale, turning the shower on and setting it to a temperature he knew you both liked.

"Be honest," you said suddenly. "I'd be happier if I quit, right?"

Harry was quiet, but you knew he'd heard you. He was just weighing his words. "Is another job lined up in this alternate universe?" he finally asked.

"I don't know, maybe. They argue quite a bit, though. Don't think you want to be part of all that drama," he replied, taking the remote and pausing his show. He looked down at you, eyes soft but perhaps a little concerned. You'd never considered his offer of letting him provide for you this seriously before. "Honestly? I think you'd get bored, bub."

You shrugged. "I don't know. You've said you'd always take care of me. What if I just...let you? I could be one of them," you mused, nodding your head at the women on your TV.

A nod and a noncommittal hum was your only response for a few seconds until you'd gathered your thoughts. "I'm just so...tired. I'm tired of everything I do not being appreciated. I'm tired of not being supported. I love my regulars and I like most of my co-workers, and part of me feels a sense of loyalty to this place despite, well, everything."

"We'll do some job hunting tomorrow," Harry said. "I'll help you update your resume, you'll send some feelers out, and we'll go from there. How does that sound?"

"I could get a remote job," you mused. "I'd get to be home more. I could travel more with you."

Harry kissed the top of your head. "As much as I would love that, I think your strengths lie in the connections you make with people. You certainly charmed the pants off me."

"Literally or metaphorically?"

"Both."

You grinned, cheeks reddening as you recalled the night you first met Harry.

*.*

"Holy shit you're Harry Styles."

Your hand immediately clapped over your mouth, as if physically covering it would keep you from embarrassing yourself further. In your defense, it was the first time a celebrity sat in your section at work, and no one had thought to warn you. And Harry Styles, no less. The man in front of you was probably still immortalized on your childhood bedroom wall, and now you'd all but outed yourself as a fan when he'd no doubt wanted some privacy.

"I'm so sorry, I—" How were you supposed to recover from this? Harry stared at you with a small smile, a pitying one, no doubt. God, you had one opportunity to act cool in front of a celebrity and you blew it in less than ten seconds. "I'm sorry, let me start over. Hi, I'm Y/n, and I'll be taking care of you today. Can I get you something to drink?"

"Just a water please," Harry replied, his voice soft as his smile widened, which made you think that perhaps he thought you making an absolute fool out of yourself was at the very least amusing.

Once you made it back to the service station to retrieve his water glass, you gave yourself exactly one minute to collect yourself. "He's just another customer. An extremely attractive customer," you murmured, grabbing a pitcher of water from the fridge. "You can do this, Y/n. Pull yourself together."

From there, things went smoothly. You acted like you hadn't freaked out when you initially greeted Harry's table, and Harry was thankfully on board with that plan. He was polite, wasn't fussed when a dish he wanted couldn't be made vegetarian, and was surprisingly interested in making conversation with you anytime you were at his table.

"How long have you worked here?"

"Too long," you joked. "Sometimes I feel like there's a bit of Stockholm Syndrome with this place, but the tips are good."

Your eyes widened a bit when you realized he might think you were making a joke about one of his songs—which you absolutely weren't trying to do—but you didn't comment on it, and thankfully neither did he. You talked a little bit more about the career you did want to get into, and casually asked what brought him to the restaurant you worked at. It wasn't one celebrities tended to frequent, but perhaps that was its charm to Harry.

"Had a day to myself, just thought I'd do some exploring," he explained before you left him to enjoy his meal.

You'd gotten a couple more tables since then and couldn't go over and talk to Harry like you wanted, but perhaps that was for the best. You flitted around the restaurant floor like you always did, charming customers and taking complaints in stride with a smile. Tips were key, and snarky comments or not being accommodating would get you nowhere with certain customers, even if it did kill you inside just a little bit to see an insufferable person get their way.

You didn't realize it at the time, but according to Harry, he watched you—not in a creepy way, per his recollection of your first meeting. He watched you chat with regulars and help your co-workers place orders and carefully placate disgruntled customers. And all the while, you still managed to stop by his table, smiling and topping off the coffee he ordered after he ate, which, according to him he'd done just so he could keep talking to you.

Apparently, he'd been working up the courage to flirt with you when you finally set the check down on the table. "No rush," you said with a smile before heading to another table, a party of ten that you accidentally huffed to him was supposed to be a party of five.

Harry paid, then smiled when his bill and credit card came back to him. Sorry for acting like an idiot earlier. It was nice meeting you! you'd written on the receipt, adorning it with a smiley face. You watched as Harry smiled as he read your note from Expo before one of the line cooks shouted at you to run the food that was up.

You didn't think you'd ever see Harry again, a universal truth, some might've called it. But for some reason, the notion disappointed you, and not because you didn't get a picture with your teenage crush. It felt bigger than that somehow, which was altogether crazy considering you'd only just met him.

So imagine your surprise when you saw him again two days later. "He was supposed to be in my section, but he insisted on yours. Don't fuck it up," one of your more vile co-workers told you, clearly jealous. And as you saw him, his head bent over the menu and his knee bouncing beneath the booth, your heart leaped in your chest in a way that made you both nervous and excited.

"You forgot something," he said as he closed out his check for the second time that week. Time had passed in a blur, despite it slowing down every time you went over to talk to him, which was to say a lot. It wasn't as busy as the day he first came in, leaving you no choice but to check on him more than you normally would.

"Did I?" you asked, looking down at the bill with furrowed brows.

"Last time I was here, I mean," Harry corrected.

Last time, you thought. All Harry had gotten was a salad and a coffee, but the tip he left was well over half of what your other tables had left that day combined. But you rang everything in correctly. Perhaps he was expecting a discount for his celebrity status? He didn't seem like the type, but that was the only conclusion you were able to draw.

"The note you left," he continued, a faint blush spreading across his cheeks. He sat up straighter, giving you a better view of the Keith Harring shirt he wore. "It didn't have your number on it, so I've had to come back the last two days so I could ask you for it. Only now I know you don't work on Mondays."

Shock ran through your entire body, to the point where you couldn't even speak. Harry, Harry Styles, mind you, wanted your number. Badly enough that he'd come back to an average Mom-and-Pop restaurant to get it.

"No, I—I don't," was all you could manage as your entire face heated up.

"I hope I'm not sounding like a creep right now," Harry said, scratching the back of his neck nervously. "I realize now I may have participated in some light stalking."

"You're not," you blurted, trying to remember how to speak. You felt like you'd somehow entered an alternate dimension. "Here, hold on."

You pulled your order pad from your back pocket and scribbled your number down, willing your hands to stop shaking. Ripping it off the stack, you handed it to Harry, who took it from you graciously.

"Can I call you later?" he asked, standing up from the booth. You had to back up a couple steps to give him room, and you were now aware of just how tall he was as you craned your neck to look at him.

"Please," you blurted, cursing yourself for sounding so eager. Harry didn't seem to mind, though, smiling as he slipped his phone and wallet into the back pocket of his jeans. "I—I mean, sure. I'm off at eight tonight."

"I'll be counting down the minutes," he said before cursing under his breath. "Shit. I sounded like a stalker again, didn't I?"

A laugh bubbled out of you, making Harry's shoulders relax. "I'll allow it. Just this once."

Harry laughed too, then winked, and you were honestly so proud of yourself for not swooning in front of him. "I guess I'll be talking to you later then, Y/n."

*.*

"You made me so nervous," you said as you recalled the memory of how you'd embarrassed yourself in front of Harry the first time you met.

"I know," he said, laughing when you smacked his arm. "It was cute, though! And you also made me plenty nervous, to be fair."

"That is true," you sighed, grinning a little as you turned your face into his arm. "One of us stalked the other, and it certainly wasn't me."

"Sure, but one of us has posters of the other plastered all over their childhood bedroom."

Scoffing, you sat up and scooted away from him, making Hades bark in protest. "It's one poster. And you weren't even my favorite. Zayn was."

"Sure. Keep telling yourself that."

"I will."

Sighing, you settled deeper against him, as much as you could considering the puppy still in your lap. "Sometimes I think I keep the job because that's where we met."

"It's okay to let it go. We'll have the memory," Harry promised, his hand meeting yours as he began to scratch Hades' fur. "We'll figure it out. I promise."

Nodding, you reached for the remote and pressed play on the show, content to leave the conversation there. If Harry promised to help you figure it out, then you believed him.

#harry styles #harry styles blurb #harry styles x reader #harry styles fanfic #harry styles oneshot #harry styles imagine #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles x you #harry styles fluff #harry styles writing #harry styles one shot #harry styles fic

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sadcharactersrmykryptonite · 1 year

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Read the beginning of tsats and i am loving it. Saw a lot of negative reviews for the book. Mainly about how ooc the characters are.

I am sorry but they didn't feel ooc to me at all. May I remind you that nico became the emo, brooding, traumatised character after bianca died. Before that he was a very enthusiastic, bubbly, kind, sassy child that told the minotaur to shove figurines up his a*s. Frankly I saw that nico coming back in tsats and i am loving it. He's healing and after what he has been through I want him to be as cheesy as a boyfriend as he wants to be. Almost the entire time i was just awwwing because they are so cute. And that's what my boy deserves.

About will. I think much of the problem with him is that his characterization have mainly been fan made. And in toa and other books we have been seeing him from others pov. This is the first time that we have been inside his head. And i find it relatable that someone that's described as chill will have such a Pessimisitic inside voice.

Also he's a child of apollo in the exact opposite of his domain. He's been battling death ever since he came to camp, of course he is going to be scared. And it's hell, they are in hell, it's going to effect their personalities.

The fact that will, despite being scared of death, was still able to give a healthy relationship to our nico and actually make him happy is a great credit to him.

I did find the humour cheesy. But i haven't completed the book. I have to wait till then. But up till now it's the nico story that i have been waiting for. And that's all that matters.

#tsats #tsats spoilers #solangelo book #the sun and the star #nico x will #solangelo #nico di angelo #will solace

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kalinara · 4 months

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I was skimming through my dashboard and I saw a post that I thought was really interesting.

In the post, the person stated that they missed when fandom was more interactive, when it came to fanfic writers and fan artists, rather than today, where it was like the content creators were machines that didn't need positive feedback, but were just there to create product.

I'm paraphrasing, because I can't find it again. It stuck with me for a bit though.

See, I think this is the natural effect of discouraging constructive criticism.

I can appreciate that very few people enjoy logging into their email or messages and seeing a comment regarding a project that they've spent so much time and effort on and seeing "Well, this is what I think you did wrong."

I can appreciate that for most folk, fanfic is a labor of love, something that they're sharing with the community. They're not craftsmen honing a craft, per se. They're not looking for advice on how to improve.

That's understandable. But I think it misses something really important: that constructive criticism, heck, even a polite yet negative review is still ENGAGEMENT.

It's a conversation in a way that kudos aren't. It's a conversation in a way that gushing praise really isn't.

I'm not saying a writer has to agree with the criticism. People are people and sometimes people are full of crap. But the fact that someone took the time out of their busy day to actually engage with a writer about something they created, and to talk about it, and think about it, and examine what worked for them and what didn't...

That does mean something, in my opinion. I've been a fanfic reader, primarily a lurker, since I first took baby steps onto the web in 1996. Back before AO3. Back before fanfiction.net. I remember webrings, and mailing lists, and geocities. I even, vaguely, remember bulletin boards.

As I said, I was a lurker primarily. I didn't talk much. I followed the discussions. Sometimes I'd agree with it. Sometimes I'd disagree (quite strongly). I very rarely commented or reviewed.

But when I did review, that was because I really wanted to. And when I did review, I put a LOT of effort into it. I'd talk about what I thought the author did really really well (which was a lot! Or I wouldn't have bothered.) I'd mention what didn't work so much for me, and what I thought might have worked better. It'd take hours, sometimes, to figure out exactly what I wanted to say - what I would want to HEAR if I'd written the story. I always tried to leave the kind of reviews that I wanted to receive on my own work.

I'd never write a review like that now. The etiquette's changed. I recognize that the kind of review I wrote back in 1998 would be incredibly rude now. But when I look at the comments I've left nowadays - they're quick. They're meaningless. Even on fics I've truly loved. Sometimes I don't even comment. Just a kudo. Sometimes I forget to do that. It's not personal, but I've got things on my mind.

It occurs to me that even the word is different. "comment" vs. "review". There are very different expectations.

I see people sometimes talking about how what they really want is comments, though. And interaction. And I get that, but when you limit the type of interaction that you're looking for, then I think that you're going to get less of it.

I'm sorry. But sometimes I'll read a fic that's okay, but not great. It's got wonderful ideas, but they could be developed better. It's got good character voice, but some of the word choice is a little off. It doesn't sing.

At least, to me. Maybe it's just a matter of personal taste. Maybe it's a craft issue. The author didn't ask for my opinion, and that's fair enough. But am I going to leave lukewarm praise and nothing else? Maybe. I have before. But more likely, I'm just going to hit the back button and look for something else.

It's easier to give feedback now than it was in 1997 in a lot of ways. Kudos buttons are lovely. Instant review buttons/forms that don't require a perpetually shy anxious person to send an email to a stranger are wonderful things. I probably do leave more comments now than I did back in 1997.

But when it comes to actual substance and engagement...I'm not sure there's even a comparison. Why bother? If I feel really strongly about something in the fic, well, I can write a blog post about it instead.

It is kind of funny that this means that I get the engagement out of it, rather than the author, but that's how it goes sometimes.

#fandom woes #this is not to say that fandom back in 1997 was all sparkles and wonder #there were a LOT of problems too #but that's not the point of this post

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best-fnaf-song-competition · 4 months

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HAVE you yet heard Stuck Inside, released an hour ago and made by Black Gryph0n, TLT, CG5, Baasik, AND Kevin Foster??

Because it is so good TvT

WOAH, WOAH, WHEN DID THEY ADD A BUNCH OF NEW PEOPLE TO THIS?????? HELLO????

Okay so I checked and THERE'S A NEW VERSION UP!!

[Link to the song]

This version is actually SUPER interesting to compare to the original, I think I liked the other one better? But I will admit CG5 went OFF on this one. I don't think I've ever really heard him scream like that in a song before and it really fit the tone they were going for here!!! Very cool, check it out if y'all want to :)

Since this is a sort of remake of the original (like a month after that version came out?????) I do have some opinions about how this stacks up and, for the first time, I will be getting a bit negative with it so if you don't want to see that I've put it under a read more! If you're interested feel free to take a peek but definitely don't worry about it if you don't want to hear it.

One more thing! This song would not be applicable for the tournament, since the only thing that really changed was CG5's verse and it doesn't really feel substantial enough to me to make it an entirely new song. Sorry! But if you like this one and haven't already, please consider submitting the original instead!

Okay here we go nobody kill me for this okay?

So being entirely honest here, because sometimes reviews can be negative reviews and these are all just my personal opinions, this one felt a little lackluster compared to the original. CG5 performed great and it looks like everyone had a fun time, but from a music standpoint I prefer the original beyond a shadow of a doubt.

CG5's verse was fine, I thought the lyrics were cool, but the chorus...felt a little weird. The original song felt like every part was sung by Springtrap with the exception of the bridge by Kevin Foster, so using the same lyrics and giving that verse to the kids felt really strange to me. I did like the bit where the other animatronics show up and suddenly it's a whole chorus of people singing! But to me the lyrics just felt so weird coming from them that I couldn't really focus on anything else.

The rest of it is a banger, as always, but personally I feel the CG5 verse detracts from the rest of the song and what it was going for. Also, I'm not a music producer so I don't know what that part of it is like, but why come out with a slightly changed version of your song a MONTH after the original came out??? It almost feels like they don't like that version anymore which to me is a little sad considering it's quickly become one of my favorites.

This isn't as relevant but the animation also felt a little forced and flashy in a way that felt uncanny which might have been exactly what they were going for!!! Doesn't vibe with me though, personally.

#not a poll #ask #lightgriffininsect #song review #i want to make it very clear that just because i dont personally vibe with the remake as much as the original #does Not mean it is bad it looks like everyone had a blast making it!!#i just like the original better <3 so it goes

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marmixedwithabitofintellect · 1 year

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Chapter Three: Understanding

Chapter 3 is finally here!! I have enjoyed writing this chapter so much especially because of all the topics it covers! I have loved it so much and it definitely is my favorite in this story so far 🥹✨ Come talk to me after you read and tell me what you think! All the love 🤍 Mar

Disclaimer: In no way do I wish to spread hate or negative opinions about any of the characters here depicted, this is just fiction and with the purpose of entertaining you guys

February 14, 2022 – March 13, 2022: Month Three

October 16, 2014

Boston, Massachusetts. 7:35 AM.

The smell of coffee was welcome on this fall day, for once I had made it on time to Professor Jameson’s class and was able to buy my coffee. The class started filling up with students from all over campus since “Political Analysis of the 21st Century” was a common core subject for a lot of majors and minors, including mine.

After a series of arguments with my parents they agreed to let me get my bachelor’s degree with a major in Communications and a minor in Graphic Design, and so far, I have loved every single moment. Upon the recommendation of juniors and seniors I decided to get done with the common core subjects first, hence the reason I was here sitting at one of the biggest halls at Boston University waiting for my professor.

While I was reviewing my notes someone cleared their throat, I turned to look at him and I had to hold my breath, he was tall and lean, head full of loose curls, brown eyes full of kindness hidden behind a delicate frame and a smile to die for, “Hi, are you Y/N?” I stared for a few before I cleared my throat and nodded

“Yeah, that’s me”, his smile grew bigger if that was possible, “We got partnered up for the midterm project, I tried to catch you last class but had no luck”, I chuckled, “Yeah, I tend to get out as soon as I can, but thank you for reaching out”, he nodded and took the empty seat next to mine, “No problem, hey why don’t you give me your phone so we can work a schedule or something”

I nodded and reached into my bag for a post-it, scribbled down my phone number and handed it to him, he smiled before speaking up in a half whisper since Professor Jameson had arrived, “Thank you, I’m Matthew by the way”, I smiled, “Nice to meet you Matthew”

February 13, 2022

London, England. 12:30 PM.

I was pulled from my thoughts when I felt someone squeeze my arm, I opened and closed my eyes wanting to make sure I was not dreaming, however when I opened them, I came across the smile that a few years ago had me weak on my knees, Matthew chuckled before speaking up, “I’m sorry, I guess old habits die hard”

I chuckled, “How are you? It’s been a few years”, he nodded before asking, “About four or five I reckon?”, I nodded. Harry then cleared his throat and I turned to see him, he had a strained smile on his face and was silently asking who the man standing in front of us was, “Oh! Where are my manners? Matthew this is Harry”, he smiled before offering his hand to shake, “Harry it is a pleasure to meet you”

He nodded and curtly answered, “Yeah you too”, they both pulled back before I cleared my throat, “So, do you live here now?”, he nodded, “Well not really, I’m in the process of moving”, a ding from his phone had him checking the message before sighing, “I’m sorry, I have to go, but I hope to see you soon yeah? Maybe catch up?”, I nodded, “Yes of course”, he nodded before turning to look at Harry, “Nice to meet you Harry”, Harry gave him a tight-lipped smile, “You too”

And as he pulled back, I felt myself get lost on memories before Harry squeezed my hand, “Hey, everything okay?”, I smiled at him and nodded, “Yes baby, just surprised I guess”, I cleared my throat before squeezing his hand back, “Shall we?”, he nodded and reached to kiss my temple while we made our way to the museum.

February 20, 2015

Boston, Massachusetts. 9:30 PM

The party was in full swing when the girls and I got there, Chelsea went to look for her boyfriend while Cassie and I searched for Otto and Davie, the four of us were studying communication and had become a very close group of friends. A few minutes later we could see Otto’s blonde man bun and standing next to him was Davie with his favorite Red Sox cap and beside him was another tall man.

When Otto saw us, he smiled and waved to us, and as we were making our way to where he was standing Davie and the mysterious guy turned, and when he did, I stopped in my tracks, it was Matthew. I could see a flash of recognition and a smile on his face before he smirked, “Well, well, well, if it isn’t my favorite partner”, I laughed before saying hello to them and pulling each of them into a hug and stopping to stand next to him.

“It’s good to see you! How have you been? How is junior life treating you?”, he smiled and nodded, “Good, good, working on my dissertation and final credits, and you? How is freshman life?”, I sighed, “It’s interesting, but I cannot wait for it to be over”, he laughed, “Oh you’ll regret saying that soon”, I smirked, “Speaking from experience?” he nodded.

I did not realize but soon enough we were left alone, and we decided to go sit to the back patio next to the bonfire where we delved into a conversation about anything and everything. And as we were sitting there, I realized I could get used to this, conversation on never-ending topics, a feeling of ease and well, looking at his handsome face. I was pulled back from my thoughts when Cassie made her way to me, an apologetic look all over her face

“I’m sorry to interrupt, but we have to wake up in about four hours so we should sleep”, I stood up and nodded before turning to look at Matthew, before I could speak up he blurted, “Go on a date with me”, my heart started beating faster after he said this, I pretended to ponder for a few before giving him a small smile and nodding, “I would love to”, he smiled

“I’ll text you the details, yes?”, I nodded and reached in to place a kiss on the corner of his lips before making my way to where Cassie was waiting for me, after we linked our arms, I turned to see Matthew standing there and waving, I gave him a wink and turned back to see where I was walking to.

February 13, 2022

Harry. London, England. 5:00 PM.

Our date at the museum had been everything I expected and more; I had forgotten how much I enjoyed visiting museums and especially with her and being able to share our passion for art with Pippa was everything I ever dreamed of. After we finished visiting the exhibitions, we went to the gift store and bought Pippa a few books and puppets so we could play with her.

We stopped at the café so we could grab a drink and let Pippa feed, and while we waited for her to be done, we discussed what we wanted to do while we were still here and what we would need to get done before leaving for Coachella. About forty minutes later Pip finished feeding and after we made sure we had everything, and she was buckled back in her carrier we made our way to the car and headed home.

Tonight, was bath night and it was Y/N’s turn, while she was busy bathing the baby, I handled the laundry we had definitely been neglected these last few days. I had just finished putting away the last of my t-shirts and changed into some sweats when the bathroom door opened and out came my girls, I smiled and went to grab Pippa from her arms and kissing her cheek multiple times, “Hi little bug, oh you smell so nice! Did you thank mumma for your bath?”

Y/N smiled and went to the closet to change into some cozy loungewear, when she came out, we headed downstairs for our evening routine. Rain had started to fall since we got home which had us cooking some Minestrone soup and garlic bread for dinner and while everything was ready, we sat down in the living room, Pippa was laying on my knees and Y/N cuddled to my side and started playing with her tiny hand.

There was a question that had been nagging me since we ran into Matthew a few hours ago, and truly I did not want to ruin our day, but I knew that if I kept quiet it would not be good, so I took a deep breath, kissed her forehead and half whispered to her, “It was him, wasn’t he?”, after a few moments of silence I felt her nod her head.

I swallowed the lump of anxiety I could feel was stuck in my throat before speaking, “Do you… do you want to talk about him?”, she nodded again before whispering, “Let’s eat and put her to sleep and then we’ll talk okay?”, now it was my turn to nod and kiss her head in reassurance while she cooed at the baby who was enthralled with the attention that she was getting from her mumma.

August 20, 2015

Boston, Massachusetts. 2:45 PM

My plane had just landed and the only thing I really wanted to do was run to Matthew’s apartment. He had been in Washington for the whole summer working, we had been able to see each other a few times but truly it had not been enough.

After that first date back in February we had continued to see each other until he asked me to be his girlfriend in April. May brought the end of the semester and a few tears with a promise to see each other during summer and a much-awaited reunion in August. Once I got out of the plane I ran across the airport and picked up my bags in baggage claim, ordered an Uber and made my way to the dorms.

I dropped my bags and decided to take a shower before leaving to see him; however, a knock on my door had me furrowing my brows and quickly running to open it, when I did, I found Matthew standing there, a bouquet of daffodils in his hand and a smile adorning his face.

I smiled before letting him in and pulling him into a hug, “What are you doing here?”, he kissed the top of my head multiple times before muttering, “It’s been too long Birdie, I missed you and couldn’t wait”, I smiled and nuzzled into his arms before kissing his pec and pulling back a little, “I missed you too hot stuff”

February 13, 2022

London, England. 7:30 PM.

After we finished eating dinner and cleaning the kitchen Harry said good night to Pippa and I headed upstairs, I sat down in the loveseat in our room and started feeding her; as I did, I took the time to grasp the fact that she now was two months old, her personality was definitely showing through, and she is starting to look like a complete mix between Harry and me.

After a feeding, a diaper change and a little sway and kisses she was fast asleep, I settled her into the cot, turned on the monitor and headed downstairs to meet Harry, I smiled when the smell of apple and cinnamon filled my nostrils, and my suspicions were confirmed when I entered the kitchen and found him brewing some apple cinnamon tea.

When he saw me come in, he smiled and handed me the big cup we had made a few years back during a pottery class, it was definitely well loved and held a lot of memories. We turned off the lights in the kitchen and settled in the T.V. room, the fire was on, and soft music played throughout the speakers.

And as we sipped our tea, I took my sweet time studying Harry’s look; there was something bothering him, and he was conflicted about it too. I could bet it had to do with Matthew and the run-in we had today, but as I had learned with Cece my therapist, I would need to let him speak and not pressure him to do so.

We sat there in silence for a few before he spoke up, “Were you shocked?”, I turned to look at him, “Hmm?”, he gave me a small smile, “Matthew, were you shocked you ran into him?”, I sighed and nodded, “Very”, he nodded too before taking a sip of his tea.

March 25, 2016

Boston, Massachusetts. 9:00 PM

After unlocking the door, I was met with the pleasant smell of Bolognese pasta and my favorite chocolate cake. Soft music was heard through the whole apartment and Matthew’s humming made me smile. After dropping my bag and keys, I removed my shoes and made my way to the kitchen.

I smiled when I saw him finishing plating our dinner, “Hi darling”, he turned and gave me a smile before dropping the plates on the table, “Hi Birdie! Happy birthday!”, he walked to where I was standing and pulled me into a hug, “Thank you babe”, once we pulled back, we made our way to the kitchen where I was welcomed by the smell of Italian food, a personal favorite at the moment.

I was distracted with dinner before Matthew cleared his throat; when I turned, I smiled at him, he was standing there with a big bouquet of daffodils and a gift bag in hand, we both started walking and met halfway, after he handed me my gifts, he kissed my temple before I pulled him into a hug.

Once we pulled back, he started cooking again and I went in search of a vase to put my flowers, while fixing them I spoke up, “Thank you for the daffodils, they’re so beautiful Momo”, I turned and gave him small smile which he returned and continued to serve dinner. I helped him bring the salad and bread to the table while he carried our pasta plates.

And as the soft music played, we started eating and catching up on everything we had missed about each other since the last time we had seen each other two days ago. Being a junior and trying to finish getting all credits while working on projects was very tiring, but I knew at the end it would be worth it.

After we finished dinner Matthew picked up our dinner plates, I was pulling out the dessert plates while he went into the fridge, when he turned, he had a small chocolate cake in his hands; and after he placed it on the table and lit up the candle, we both sang ‘Happy Birthday’, and just before I blew out the candle, he told me to make a wish.

So, I closed my eyes, placed my hands over my heart and made my wish, I wish for a life of adventures, love, and happiness, I opened my eyes again and blew out the candle while he clapped for me.

February 13, 2022

Harry. London, England. 7:30 PM.

A million thoughts ran through my head; was the surprise good or bad? Either way why was she so quiet? Did she miss him? Did she love him still? No, please no, I wouldn’t be able to handle that. Alice had told me that I shouldn’t keep quiet my fears and doubts, but the question is, am I willing to learn the truth and live with it?

She squeezed my hand before asking, “Hey, what’s in your head? Talk to me, yeah?”, I nodded, sat up straighter and turned to look at her, “I know you have told me about your story with Matthew, but I have always felt like there was a part of it that you kept quiet, and I never tried to peak into it”, she nodded, and I took a deep breath.

“But I want you to trust me, to share it with me; I want to know you, what lead to your breakup and what I can learn from it to make our relationship, if you want us to have one, better”, she smiled, “You got me physically naked already and now you’re getting me emotionally naked huh?”, we both laughed at her comment because technically, it was true.

She reached in for my hand and squeezed it before pulling it up to her lips and kissing it and then lowering to her lap, “I agree with you, and you are right, I didn’t give you the whole story, but I need you to know that it had nothing to do with me not trusting you, but with the fact that I was hurt and grieving still”

I nodded before asking her, “Did you ever stop grieving?”, she smiled a little and nodded, “I did, actually”, I smiled, “When?”, “The day I flew to LA to meet a certain singer who had been busy traveling the world, I think you know him?”, a mischievous smile on my face when I answered her, “I may know who you are referring to”, we both laughed before she cleared her throat.

“I’m not going to lie , Matthew was someone really special in my life; you already know how we met and how we started dating”, I nodded, a melancholic faraway look took over her face, “He was my first in so many ways; first love, first kiss, first time, he was the first one to help me pull out of my comfort zone”, there was a feeling at the pit of my stomach I couldn’t identify but I hoped it would disappear soon while she continued to talk.

“Everyone loved him; for my parents he was the perfect future husband: a young handsome guy with a nine to five job, that was a philanthropist on his free time and played tennis at the club and who never missed Sunday Service and Brunch. For me, a guy who didn’t undermine me for our age difference, even if it wasn’t that much and who always said that if I wanted to work I could, or if I wanted to be a stay-at-home mom, he would support it too”

Okay now I understood why she had kept so much private about her relationship to him, and God I wished I would’ve stayed quiet, but if we wanted to learn and be better, I would have to. As if she could read my mind she quietly said, “This is why I was so reserved on talking about it, because you are probably overthinking the situation”

I laughed while nodding my head before clearing my throat, “I really don’t want to be cross or rude, but I really don’t find other way to ask a question”, she nodded and I continued, “If he was so perfect, what happened?”, I saw her lip quiver and tears start to line up her lash line, my heart started beating too fast before I reached to pull her into a hug.

Once she was safely in my arms I kissed her neck before whispering, “Baby no, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you cry”, she shook her head and sniffled, “No, don’t apologize”, she pulled back a little and I grabbed her hand and started running my finger down her knuckles, “Harry, before I continue I need you to know that you are the first person I have ever told this to, not even my siblings know”

My mind started running with the worst-case scenarios, but I had an inkling on what she would say, she blew her nose before continuing to speak, “Matthew and I, we never labelled our relationship; yes when people asked if we were dating we said yes and I referred to him as my boyfriend and him to me as his girlfriend, but there was never a lot of fuss around what we were, the only thing we knew for sure was that we loved each other”

I nodded and continued to run my finger over her knuckles while she continued talking, “Once I graduated college we moved to New York together, we were renting this little apartment in the West Village and life was good, I started working for Vogue while he was working at one of the top financial companies” I nodded.

“We had started discussing what were our common goals, we both agreed we wanted to get married, have babies and maybe move to the Upper Side of Manhattan and raise them there, but the answer was always ‘in a few years down the line’, until one day I found myself with a missed period for two weeks and anxiety crawling out of my throat waiting for the test to finish loading”

What? I was not expecting that, and I bet my face could tell how shocked I was because she let out a half chuckle before continuing, “I think it is safe to understand the result the test showed given the situation we are currently in, but that result lead us to a conversation on how ‘a few years down the line’ could be kept for moving and babies, but not for marriage”

She let out a laugh at the shock I bet was displayed all over my face, this was all too much too soon but I was glad we were talking about it, I cleared my throat and spoke up, “He proposed?”, she shrugged her shoulders before answering, “I mean he did not get down on one knee and said the words ‘Will you marry me’, but there was love; we decided we loved each other enough to share a forever together and then he gave me a ring”

I nodded in understanding still processing what I was hearing, “ However the words ‘we really don’t have to make a big deal of this’, and ‘maybe we should keep it to ourselves for a while’ were involved, which at the time seemed to be a comfort, when in reality it should have been a sign”, I gave her a half chuckle and cleared my throat, “How… how long were you two engaged for?”

“Three months, first month and a half was as if nothing had changed, then came the letter to Edinburgh”, I furrowed my brows, “Edinburgh?”, she nodded, “He applied to study a master’s at the University of Edinburgh, when he first told me about it, I even started looking onto programs for me, but I never found one that fulfilled me”

“I still remember the day the letter came, we had just returned from visiting my parents and there it was, sitting in between bills; I still remember how happy he was and how proud he felt of himself, and I did too, I knew how much he had worked for it, but as the excitement of acceptance washed off and reality of what this move meant crashed, I knew deep down what would eventually come”

June 26, 2017

New York City, New York. 8;45 PM

Thunder, rain, and lightning had overtaken the city over the last few hours, the only source of lights coming from the candles I had lit up a while ago. Boxes were staring to line the hallway, and it seemed they were mocking me, knowing what was about to happen.

A key turning inside the lock pulled me out of my thoughts and made the dread wake up again, he went into his routine, closing the door, dropping his keys in the bowl, removing his shoes, and walking to the kitchen where he leaves his work bag.

A few seconds later he appeared at the living room entrance giving me a smile, “Hi Birdie, how was your day huh?”, the nickname was enough for me to start tearing up again, he started making his way to sit next to me, I answered quietly, “Hi Momo, it was good”

He furrowed his brows, “Birdie? What’s going on huh?”, a small sob left my mouth before I covered my eyes and let the tears fall, he placed his hand in my back and started rubbing it, “Birdie… come on”

After I cried for what felt like an eternity and clearing my tears, we sat there in silence, Matthew’s hand not stopped running down my back, I took a deep breath and prayed to the heavens that the correct words would leave my mouth, “I have been thinking a lot in the last few days, about us, the pregnancy scare, the engagement, Edinburgh”, he nodded.

“And I have found myself feeling conflicted every time the reality of what this all means”, he cleared his throat, “Conflicted?”, I nodded and sniffled, “Matthew, I’m not ready”, he squeezed my hand, “We still have a few months Birdie, everything will be okay yeah?”

Silence. An uncomfortable silence I have never experienced, I started toying with the ring that had been sitting on my finger, but instead of feeling joy I felt dread, I dropped my hands before turning to the window and started talking again.

“I know I was the one who said we shouldn’t make a big deal and we should also keep it quiet; I really thought it had to do with us enjoying the moment, but there was always something there, at first I thought it was because of all the newness this would entitle, but truthfully as the weeks have gone by, the uneasiness has grown”

I sniffled, “And I’ve come to realize that… that I’m not ready for it all”, he whispered, “What?”, I sniffled again, “I’m so sorry Matthew, but I’m not ready; this is all coming too soon too fast, and… and I don’t feel the same excitement or dreaminess I felt a few months ago when we talked about it”

Matthew nodded, a solemn look in his face, “And us?”, oh God, a sob left my mouth while I reached to squeeze his hand, “Matthew, you are so special, so unique, you have brought me so much joy, happiness; you showed me a world I didn’t know and for that I love you, and I’m so thankful for you”

A sad smile started adorning his face, a squeeze returned to my hand, “But you’re not in love with me anymore huh?”, I couldn’t look him in the eye while I nodded, a sob leaving my mouth while he pulled me into a hug swaying and shushing while I cried whispering how things were okay.

When we pulled back, he started clearing my tears, while I apologized, “I’m so sorry Matthew”, a smile adorned his face, “Why Birdie? You were honest and your feelings are so valid; I will not lie, it hurts, and I will probably be sad for a while, but everything will be okay, yes?”

I shook my head, “How can you forgive me so easily?”, he kissed my cheek, “Because I love you, and you are special to me, and I’m so grateful we got to share so much and before you start thinking I hate you I don’t, Birdie you’re young, you deserve to live your life, not the life I want or your parents want”

“And if that is not next to me, it is perfectly fine, I just hope that one day we can run into each other again I hope you tell me that your life was everything you wanted it to be, okay?”, I nodded and sniffled, “Thank you Matthew”, he smiled, “Thank you Birdie”

February 13, 2022

London, England. 7:45 PM.

“I moved out the next week into the apartment we now live in, we didn’t keep in touch after that, but it took me a few months to be other the heartache”, Harry sat there a serious look on his face, “And then?”, I smiled.

“And then, I fell in love with my life again, continued to work in free-lance projects, until I landed a very picky client, he’s a pretty famous singer”, he smirked and pretended to think, “I think so, care to tell me more about him?”, I laughed before continuing.

“Well, he hired me to help him with his album, and somewhere along the way we fell in love; but sadly, one day we broke up, and heck was I felt with a broken heart. I had started to learn about living without him, until one day a little tiny plus sign changed our lives forever, and now we are trying to raise a baby and getting to know each other again; after all I never fell out of love with him”

The smile on his face made everything worth it, he reached and pulled me in for a kiss, a kiss that was everything I needed at the moment, I hear you, I love you, thank you for trusting me, when we pulled back, he smiled at me before whispering, “Thank you for sharing this with me, I feel honored that you trust me enough”

“I do Harry, and I want for this to work for us to be together; frankly we both know that if we were to co-parent, we would do It awesome, but I love you and I want to have a relationship with you”, he ran his knuckles down my cheek, “I do too baby, more than anything I want you”

February 14, 2022

Harry. London, England. 4:30 PM.

I had just finished burping Pippa while Y/N was getting ready, my mum was finishing setting up in the guest room; she had agreed to come stay with us for a few days because she missed her granddaughter and future daughter-in-law, a comment that had me laughing every time she told me.

When I heard someone come down the stairs I smiled when I saw it was my mum, she smiled as she started walking to where I was standing with Pippa in the kitchen, “Hi mum, everything okay?”, she nodded and reached for Pippa, after I handed her the baby, she started kissing her forehead.

“Pippa you need to ask your daddy when will he ask your mumma to be his girlfriend again huh? Say ‘Daddy Nana wants to call her daughter in law”, I laughed before turning to the door to check if she was near before leaning in to whisper, “Baby tell your Nana it will be soon, like soon next week” I winked before pulling back while my mum danced a little.

I laughed and turned when I heard footsteps come down the stairs, I walked out of the kitchen to meet her, she looked so beautiful, once she reached the main floor, I pulled her in for a kiss and whispered against her lips, “Well it seems I’m the luckiest man this Valentine’s Day” she laughed before giving me an eskimo kiss before whispering, “Hi handsome”

We started making our way to the kitchen where my mum was finishing her tea, she smiled and walked to Y/N and handed her the baby so she could give her a cuddle before we left, my mum took a sip of her tea before speaking up, “So, what are your plans today loves?”

I smiled before answering, “We have an appointment for a painting class with a friend of Gemma’s and then we have dinner plans; is Darren still planning on coming over?”, she nodded and smiled, I was happy to see my mum falling in love again, Y/N made her way to stand next to me while my mum gave us a questioning look.

“Are you two sure you have no issue if he comes?”, we both shook our heads before Y/N spoke up, “Anne you deserve to have your date, it is the least we could do after you agreed to babysit”, my mum smiled, “I missed my girl, so this makes me happy. I’m just glad he can be here with us too”, I smiled, “Mum dinner is on me and don’t even try to fight it okay?”

She rolled her eyes and nodded while making her to where we were standing saying goodbye to Pippa, “Bye baby, be good for Nana yes? We’ll see you in a few hours”, after we kissed her forehead once more, we gave her back to my mum and grabbed our coats and masks before making my way to the van.

The drive to the little art studio took about twenty minutes, we got out of the car and walked to the white door before ringing the bell, and while we waited for, I pulled my girl into my arms and started cuddling her and kissing her forehead, and in return she kissed my pecks, we pulled back a little when we heard the lock turn.

When the door opened, I smiled, the brunette had not changed through the years, she smiled before excitedly saying hello, “Harry! It’s so good to see you!”, I smiled and moved from Y/N so I could pull the brunette girl into a hug, “Sadie! It’s been so long”, once we pulled back, she turned to look at Y/N and smiled, “Hi! You must be Y/N, I have heard so many good things about you from Gemma”

Y/N smiled and pulled Sadie into a hug before telling her, “It’s so nice to meet you Sadie, I have also heard so many good things from Gemma”, she smiled and motioned for us to come in, we removed our coats, but she told us to leave our shoes on to prevent accidents and we started following her when she spoke over her shoulder

“By the way, congratulations on Pippa’s birth, Gemma showed me a picture and I died, she’s gorgeous”, we both smiled and thanked her before she stopped in her kitchen and turned to smile at us, “I might have a little surprise for you two from a little birdie”, from the distance you could see the fairy lights inside the greenroom.

I laughed while shaking my head as we followed her to the backyard where I could see a little greenhouse, “I’ll thank Gemma later”, she grinned and nodded before opening the door to the greenhouse, inside the first thing you could see was a long table full of little remnants of arts and crafts, in the back corner there were big racks where different clay figures were sitting, two cabinets full of material were hidden in the back wall and along the right side you could see painting hung up to dry.

When we got in, we noticed that Sadie had set up two canvases opposite of each other and an array of paint colors I bet there were colors I didn’t even knew existed. On the ither side there was an ice bucket with a bottle of sparkling apple juice chilling and a picnic basket with some paninis, chips, fruit, and chocolate.

I smiled as I watched Y/N take in everything before giving Sadie a smile, “This is so beautiful Sadie!”, Sadie smiled and cleared her throat, “So, there is a speaker on the table so you can play your music, and I will go inside. I left a little book with some pictures so you can get ideas on what to paint or you can leave it to your imagination; if you need me you can click on that doorbell and I’ll come, otherwise I will see you two in a few hours”

We both thanked her and waved as she left the room before settling down and getting ready to paint, while I was looking at the book for inspiration she cleared her throat, which had me looking up to her, she smiled before speaking up, “I have an idea for our paintings”, I nodded and placed the book in the table to give her my whole attention.

“Let’s paint something that represents a happy memory for us”, I smiled, “Just one?”, she laughed, “But it cannot be around Pippa, let’s think, like really think about everything”, I smiled and nodded, and while I opened the bottle of wine, and she unpacked the food I raked through my mind on what I wanted to paint.

And as we sat down, I got the perfect inspiration, I cleared my throat before asking her, “Know what you will paint?”, she nodded and grabbed her brush to start painting, I pressed play in my phone, and we started painting.

It had been about fifteen minutes before Y/N called my name, “Yes baby?”, she let out a shuddering breath, “Can I… can I ask you something?”, I nodded, “Did you and Olivia, uhm, ever discuss the future?”, I dropped my brush before turning to look at her, “What do you mean?”, she shrugged, “Like, did you two ever discuss marriage, having your own children? Like it’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it”

“No, no, it’s okay darling, I understand, and we did promise we were going to be honest with each other”, she nodded, and I sighed, “I made it clear since the beginning that before we ever thought of the future, things regarding Otis and Daisy would have to be settled with Jason, she wasn’t too happy about it but agreed”

“When Jason and her were able to work something out for the time being we started discussing moving in, truth I wasn’t too sure, Otis and Daisy were getting used to this new arrangement, I still remember one day Daisy asked me to call her dad because she missed him and it broke my heart, funnily enough, the day I found you in L.A. we were discussing the fact that she wanted to move in but I didn’t want to”

She nodded and squeezed my hand, which I took as a sign to continue, “Marriage was not on the table, I was busy touring and she still had to settle with Jason, and kids were ever only brought up when she had that scare last year, and we know how that ended”, she cringed at the memory and I kissed her knuckles before speaking up, “So yes, there was some talk, but nothing too serious”

She nodded and I cleared my throat, “Baby everything okay? Where is this coming from’”, she nodded, “Well… no, I guess I have been thinking a lot about my relationship with Matthew and your relationship with her, and… I don’t know”, I squeezed her hand once more before kissing her knuckles, she sighed before talking, “I cannot help but compare myself to the Y/N that broke up with Matthew all those years ago, and how karma did reach me when I broke up with you over falling in love with Olivia”

I nodded solemnly letting her know I was listening, “If I told the Y/N that was sitting in her first NYC flat that things would improve after her break up, then go to shit again and then shift so much, she would laugh; because truly my life has been so unexpected and what I needed but wasn’t sure I did, and I know that it sounds like a complaint but it isn’t, I’m still trying to understand everything, and well truth is that every time things come up in therapy I stir the pot”

I smiled a little, but there was something in her eyes that told me she wanted to say more, “Darling, what’s bothering you still?”, she laughed before speaking up, “You’ve always known me too well… I guess I have a confession to make, and I’m scared of how you will react and the floodgates it will open”, I furrowed my brows, but she beat me before I could speak up, “I saw the ring H”

My heart stilled and I whispered, “What?”, she smiled a little, “I was putting away your laundry from set, from the two weeks you were away due to the Covid case, and all of your underwear were not fitting perfectly, so I reached in to see what was going on and found the box”, I gave her a nervous laugh and she cleared her throat, “I thought you were acting the way you were because you were going to propose, and God how different it turned out to be huh?”

I nodded and she squeezed my hand before taking a sip of her wine and clearing her throat, “Wow okay this feels loaded now and I do want to continue talking about it, so why don’t we finish our paintings and once we do, we’ll show each other and continue yes?”, I nodded and reached in to pull her for a kiss, okay maybe two and then we continued painting.

February 14, 2022

London, England. 6:00 PM.

I knew what i wanted to paint since we arrived at the studio, and I was very excited Harry was so onboard with it. As we were painting, and conversation started flowing I realized we still had a lot to discuss but we needed to decompress a little before we could continue talking. I had just finished putting on the finishing touches to my painting when H cleared his throat and let me know he was done too.

I smiled before speaking up, “What if we showed our painting at the same time?”, he nodded and grabbed his canvas before clearing his throat, “On the count of three yes?” I nodded, “One… two… three!”, we both turned our canvases, and we started laughing. Because right in front of our eyes I found that we had both painted something related to the same memory.

Harry had painted the landscape of the hill where the house we stayed during our visit to Sorrento, while I had painted the hill and the ocean because we both knew we weren’t professional, his eyes lit up when he came to the realization and he let out a laugh, “Really? Same memory?”

I nodded and grinned, “Guess we really loved it huh?”, he nodded before reaching for my hand and squeezed it, “It was a very special trip and time baby, it was magic and bliss”, I reached from across the table and pulled him into a kiss before whispering against his lips, “It really was”, he smiled before pulling me into another kiss.

While the painting dried, we started munching on the contents of the basket and continued to talk, I was finishing my panini before he cleared his throat, “Should we… uhm should we continue the conversation we left off?”, I nodded and swallowed before speaking up, “Just promise me, that this won’t cause a fight between us”, he reached in for my hand and kissed it before speaking up, “Uncomfortable topics will make us have a better communication okay?”

I nodded and cleared my throat, “I have trouble understanding why would you buy an engagement ring if you weren’t sure”, he sighed, “I bought the ring a year into our relationship”, my heart stopped, “What?”, he smiled, “Funnily enough, during the Sorrento trip, while you were busy baking and cooking and learning Italian with Giuseppina, I was visiting jewelry stores”

I nodded and he continued talking, “I wanted to propose right then and there, but I knew it would be too soon, so I decided to wait, and wait, a year later we were both in our projects and on top of our careers that I thought 2021 would be a better year to get married, but… yeah”

I chuckled, “We both know what happened”, he nodded, I sniffled and cleared my throat, “If you were so set on us… on us getting married, why Harry? Why break my heart like that?”, he reached in and pulled me in for a hug, where he let me cry for a few moments before he pulled back started caressing my cheek and speaking up.

“Everything was good, yes we had our fights and we made up, we shared our dreams, goals and aspirations, and for the first time, ever, I felt complete peace, I was truly happy, because I had found my better half and yes I know it sounds cheesy but is the truth, you balance out my perfection and I do my best to uplift your confidence, you help me see the good in everything and I help you remember how beautiful and charming and incredible you are”

I smiled while he continued to speak, “It was finally starting to feel real, it was sinking that sooner rather than later I was going to ask my best friend to marry me, that we would start a new chapter of life together, have some babies, and live until we were old together, and as exciting as that was, the realization was also hitting; how could I, a child of divorced parents keep a healthy relationship and marriage together?”

I squeezed his hand before whispering, “You are not your parents H”, he nodded, “I know that now, but at the time I didn’t, and my insecurities got the best of me”, I squeezed his hand, “Baby how long had you been feeling that way?”, he shrugged, “A few months, I was planning to propose on the anniversary of you moving in with me”

I nodded while he continued, “But then filming started, and I formally met Olivia and Chris and met again with Florence and Gemma, and you were here and everything was great, until one day the compliments started flowing, ‘Great job H, better than last time but we will roll it again’, ‘Harry the dancing? Impressive I’m so glad you agreed to it’, and we then moved to ask for my imput on shots, what emotions should we convey”

He sighed, “Then after we came back from our break from the Covid case she seemed even more excited than before to see me, and there were subtle details like a coffee just how I ordered it in my trailer, some lunch a few days and when the cast and crew got together she always made sure I was there for the important discussions and the thoughts and opinions got back to my higher up management which was a win-win”

I bit my lip and nodded a little before he continued, “I guess at the time I was loving getting that attention, and slowly I was expecting those details, because I started to see that this was not because of my acting but for me; I would be a hypocrite if I said that I didn’t love the attention I was getting, and after breaking up I used it as an excuse”

He squeezed my hands, “A few months later I realized that I had confused being needed by someone to being wanted by someone; because unconsciously I needed her attention and her love to heal up the pain I was feeling from our breakup, but truly I wanted all of you, your heart, your best and worst, your thoughts, and above all your love”

I sniffled before speaking up, “I really thought you had feelings for her”, he nodded, “I cared for her, and I was appreciative of her helping me deal with what I was feeling, but I didn’t love her”, I nodded, “You didn’t come for me”, he gave me a sad smile, “I did”, I furrowed my brows, and he ran a hand down my cheek

“I flew to New York after Jeff and Glenne’s wedding, I was determined to get you back, and I remember standing outside your door about to knock until I let my fears get the worst of me, like how on Earth would I explain to you what I was feeling without hurting you even more? And if you did forgive me, how would I be able to make it work? like I said, I realized I didn’t have the best examples; so, I didn’t knock and left”

I gave him a sympathetic look, “Harry…”, he smiled, “I am better, therapy has done wonders and I know I am not them and I am only responsible for my actions and not theirs; and I do get to choose and learn from them”, I nodded and smiled in agreement, “but there is one thing that will never change: the fact that I am choosing you; I am choosing Pippa and I am choosing the life we will build together” I gave me a timid smile and nodded, “I am choosing you and Pippa and our future life too”

February 25, 2022

Harry. London, England. 8:30 PM.

We had finished eating the past we spent all afternoon making, and while Y/N went and settled Pippa for the night I was cleaning up the kitchen and moved to the living room, I could hear some steps behind me before she spoke up, “She went out like a light” I smiled and patted the space next to me in the couch.

She gave me a smile and started cuddling her and kissing her forehead while she sighed in contentment, we pressed play in the movie and ate our sweet treat my mum had left for us. There has bene something on my mind for the last few days and especially since her and Pippa would fly back to the US pretty soon.

That had caused a fight between us, but I understood that it would be the best for Pippa, and in turn I would definitely push to be back soon with them. Once the movie finished, we sat up and stretched she turned to look at me and tapped my nose before asking me “What is on your head baby?”

I smiled, “I have been thinking about a lot of things, but above all about how much we have both grown and above all, how much I love you”, she smiled and squeezed my hand, “I love you too”, after a few seconds in silence before I blurted out, “Be mine”, she sat up straighter, “Sorry?”, I smiled and squeezed her hand, “Will you be my girlfriend?”, she smiled and gave me an apprehensive look.

“Harry, how can I be sure you won't pull a freak out again? Because I must remind you, now it isn't just me but her too”, I nodded and understood where she was coming from, that is why I had something planned, I reached into my jacket and pulled out a box, handed it to her and asked for her to open it, when she did tears were filling the corners of her eyes before she let out a wet chuckle and whispered, “My necklace”

I cleared my throat, “Turn it around”, she furrowed her brows but followed my instruction, a choked sob left her mouth once she did, because the inscription had changed from To a promise of forever to read, To a promise of forever; cross my heart

She grabbed my cheek and pulled me in for a kiss, we pulled back and pressed our foreheads together before I whispered, “I know it’s not promise ring, but I need you to know, I held onto this until last month when I had to send it to add the new engraving”, she pulled back and sniffled before speaking up “What do you mean?”

I smiled, “Had Lamby add a small pocket in my concert and in normal outfits i always had it in my pocket, I couldn't part with it; like I told you last time, I screwed up, but I’m done thinking about the what ifs, I’m not wasting this second chance and as soon as you let me, I’ll marry you and we will think of when's”

She let out a wet chuckle, “You’re so sure I will say yes that you’re thinking about marriage huh?” I laughed and nodded, before she pulled in for a kiss before whispering against my lips, “Yes”, I pulled back and gave her a small smile, “Yes?”, she nodded before kissing me again, when we pulled back, she kissed my cheeks before saying “Let’s write the story of us”

March 4, 2022

Harry. London, England. 12:30 PM.

The tarmac was buzzing with planes getting ready to leave, Harry, Tommy and Jeff were finishing talking with the stewardess about our flight information; we had agreed that Tommy would fly with us and make sure we got home safe.

The last few days here had been spent visiting family, house hunting and above all enjoying the bliss of being able to tell people we were together again; I will always remember the happiness in Anne’s face when we told her, and Gemma was on her way to celebrating a party.

We had to tell my family and our friends back home through the phone, but the excitement was the same. Yesterday we had spent it packing and crying, Harry would be staying here for the next two or three weeks while I would return home and settle back into our routine. We both weren’t so happy about this but knew it was for the best, and that was enough to keep us both going.

The mood had significantly dampened since we left Harry’s house and made our way to the airport, the private terminal was empty which allowed for us to be a little more at ease. I had just hung up with Anne and Gemma and said goodbye again, Pippa was in her stroller sleeping, when she started stirring up a little, I placed her cover over the stroller, and I swayed it a little hoping to help her settle.

As I was putting my phone away, I saw Harry make his way to us, I gave him a smile and he gave me back a very small one, “Hi mister”, he sat down next to me and kissed my temple, “Hi sweetheart, everything is set”, the knot in my belly tightened, we waited for a few minutes before Jeff came to get us before he stopped in front of us and asked us, “Shall we?”

We both nodded, we stood up and Harry grabbed the stroller’s handle, while Jeff grabbed our bags and I grabbed my backpack, security helped us get to the plane and waited until Harry and Jeff were ready to leave, after storing the bags we wouldn’t need for the flight along with the stroller and car seat, Jeff and Tommy let us know they would confirm some things with the crew.

Jeff hugged me and he caressed Pippa’s head before wishing us a safe flight and walking away with Tommy, when I turned to see Harry my heart broke, he was sitting and cuddling Pippa to his chest while tears clouded his eyes, I kneeled in front of him and squeezed his knees, he closed his eyes and sniffled

“Baby…”, he shook his head before sniffling and speaking up, “I know we agreed to do what’s best for her, but that doesn’t mean I’m not devastated”, I kissed his knee before speaking up, “We always knew this would be hard my love, but we will always make things work okay? you’ll be back with us before you know it”, he nodded and then leaned to kiss her forehead multiple times before whispering to her temple.

“Please don’t grow up too fast Pip, daddy won’t be able to handle it”, Pippa let out a squeak which made us laugh, I hadn’t noticed I was crying until I tasted the salt on my lips, “She won’t, but I promise we will talk every single day yes?”, he nodded and then pulled me into a kiss, “I’ll miss you my love”, I smiled, “I’ll miss you too handsome”

He disembarked the plane but not before sending us a kiss, and once the doors closed and the plane started sliding around the tarmac, I started to breastfeed Pippa while whispering to her, “Everything will be okay baby, it’s just you and me for a while, yes? And then daddy will come home, and we will be very happy together”

Taglist @adoredeanna @alienorknight @be-with-me-so-happily @beachwoodcaferryy @behindmygreyeyes @cherrylovesblog @clarawolf22 @dayxoxodreamer @dirtytissuebox @futuristicpalacegardenpsychic @goldenlouvr @groovychaosavenue @harrysficreblog @harryspirate @hoya122 @imaginesofdreams @i-got-the-cinema @infinitely-yellow @irelilien @itsgabbysblog @itsgigikay @jgoff717 @kathy522 @kaitieskidmore1 @last-saturday-night @michellekstyles @msolbesg @qualitygiantshoepsychic @shawnsblue @spicyscorpsag @sunshinemoonsposts @tinydeskwriter @tinydestinybear @tpwkstyles1d @voosa @watercolorskyy @wherethehellhaveyoubeenharry

#harry styles x reader #harry styles imagines #dad harry styles imagine #the story of us #harry styles imagine #harry imagine #dad!harry #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles story #harry styles fanfic #harry styles fic #harry styles fluff

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widgenstain · 7 months

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Alright, almost a week later, here is my review of Vanya and the night I saw it. Autocorrect didn't let me type this on my phone in my grimy bunk bed and that cold got me good, but here are my thoughts! @itsathingialwayssay , @shegottosayit , @illfayted17 this might interest you. Be aware, there are spoilers for the play as well as the production behind the read more.

I saw the play on Monday September 25th, so my opinions are based on that evening, can’t say anything about other nights!

I’ll start with some negatives:

The theatre. Not so much the interior or the personnel, who are absolutely lovely, but why oh why did I have to hear the trains throughout the whole performance?! At first, I thought it was on purpose, with it being the Russian country side, so you might hear some trains here and there, but no, it’s Charing Cross that you hear. Also it’s freaking expensive, but we knew that.

Secondly, I was annoyed by the audience. It was a surprisingly large number of classic elderly theatre goers, who all seemed to enjoy themselves a lot (except for one guy who snored), some teenagers dragged there by their parents (or the promise of seeing Moriarty) and some assholes, like the ladies next to me. One came in after the first act, prosecco in hand, they whispered to each other during weird moments and generally seemed bored and/or disappointed. Which is their prerogative, you don’t have to like everything I do, but with these two it seemed… performative.

Also, about the standing ovations: I get Andrew’s critique, it’s dumb if you feel like you MUST do it, but the fact is, that in a theatre that small, you don’t get to see the person bowing, if you don’t stand up. So yeah, people stood up, I did too (because unlike in Austria where you clap for like 5 minutes if you DIDN’T like it and for like 30 if you did, in the UK they only come out to take a bow once or twice and I wanted to see him), but these two ladies just left with sourpuss faces.

Thirdly the cigarettes. I knew he was going to smoke on stage, what I wasn’t prepared for was them smelling this bad. They’re not normal cigarettes, they’re of the self-rolled, cheap student tobacco kind, that you only really use for blunts. They reeked. If you’re in the first few rows, I’m sorry.

Fourthly, I don’t know if the play really lent itself to a one man show. Don’t get me wrong, I loved what Simon did with it, the way he mostly cut out the love rivalry between Vanya and the doctor, and shifted the focus more on Helena was a great decision. It made the play more cohesive and boiled it down to its message quicker. Loved the modern language and the Britishisms (could have dealt without the name changes, no one is called Vanya in a play named Vanya) and it was truly laugh out loud funny at times, which is great, because I’m depressed enough without listening to depressed Russian people for a full show.

But still, while it all worked in the end, I think there are plays better suited for this treatment. I have spoken to shegottosayit about this, but I also think they kinda expected a familiarity with the play, because it helps you following the plot. I talked to two girls in the queue outside though and they weren’t familiar with the play and understood it well, so what do I know.

Which brings me to the great stuff. The whole thing starts with Andrew just wandering on stage, smiling into the audience, switching off our lights and turning them on on stage. As if to communicate, ok, we’re in the theatre, you’re here to watch a play, I am an actor doing that play, like we’re all in on a joke. He starts with the different characters and they all have an identifier. For example, Vanya has his sunglasses, Helena her chain, Sonya her dishrag and it’s all nice, haha, see the actor is using props, so you know who is who, it’s simple and harmless. That’s how he gets you. Because he doesn’t need them and over the course of the play he starts playing and fucking with them and it’s SO GOOD!

He doesn’t change his voice much between characters, except the two “funny” ones (and maybe Alexander), there he goes a bit into more comical registers, but for the main characters he pretty much uses the same voice. And you still can tell them apart! Because he changes posture, his body language, yes, his tone, but not his voice and the levels of masculinity and femininity (in a traditional sense), yet he never veers into camp or offensive (that aspect really fed into my unpopular opinion on the whole “straight actors in gay roles” discourse, which I will never talk about). It’s incredible to watch how fast and seamlessly he does that and how effortless too. That’s the craziest thing about watching him act, he makes it seem easy, as if it’s nothing to him.

And the faces. The theatre has opera binoculars you can rent for one pound, I forgot my glasses (mild myopia, objects further away get blurry after a long day, especially if they’re an actor I’m watching from the second to last row), so I was super glad to have them and look at his face close up. What did I see? He changes faces. I’ve seen him do it before, but in this it’s instantly and so quickly! I’m not gonna lie, it’s a bit creepy how he can change his facial shape somehow and go from sweet Sonya to hardened Ivan Vanya. It’s not just countenance or expressions, it’s something else and wow is it impressive! But a bit scary too once you think about it. ^^’

Also “zooming in” on him really cleared up something I’ve been wondering about ever since I’ve seen King Lear: One of Andrew’s biggest shortcomings on film can be that he sometimes comes across as too much, as a bit over the top. It is a theatre actor thing and he’s not the only one doing it (especially not in King Lear) and yes, that completely disappears live on stage. He acts for the whole house, but it always feels natural.

The one thing that felt a little bit forced was the singing in the end, he's right, he’s not a good singer (sorry!) and it took me out a little bit. The ending of Vanya is beautiful and heartfelt, I get what they wanted to achieve with him singing “If you go away”, it was a pause, a mood setter, but I think there are better ways to do this than through a musical interlude. That said, I saw A Little Life the other night, which is by the same production company, they made poor James Norton sing too and compared to him Andrew sings like an angel. So maybe I’m just a massive snob (hint: I am).

The other things that took me out a little were the sex scenes. Yeah, sex scenes in a one man play where the original play has none (at least not explicitly so). Damn, it’s been almost a week and my mind is still reeling from them. Did I like them? I have no fucking clue! I seriously need to talk to someone who didn’t have Andrew star in all her lonely sexy fantasies for the past 4 years, because I need to know how they affected someone with a normal, working brain who is not me.

I was torn between “wtf is going on” “JESUS HE TOOK HIS SHIRT OFF” “…you’re watching a dude make out with himself…” “…the sounds…” “don’t look at his naked back while he’s humping the stage, that’s rude, OH GOD YES LOOK AT HIS NAKED BACK, LOOK AT IT MOVE”. The second scene was even worse, because he’s standing up against a door, entangles his fucking impressive arms and moans as the lady while you see him move as the guy. Which was, yes, hotconfusingweird too, but I could have dealt with it, if he hadn’t mimed the penetration literally two seconds before and my brain just short-circuited and disappeared downstairs. The third confusingly hot thing happens in the end, when the doctor says his goodbyes. It’s actually a very good and touching scene, it has been set up that he’s falling into alcoholism and now that all his endeavours are nil, he downs more than half a bottle of vodka. We’ve all seen Andrew chug that beer in The Town and he does it here as well, but it takes a while and it’s so quiet in the theatre that you can hear him swallow and cry all the way through. Yeah. Yeah, I know.

Seriously though, there are more than one moment when the whole theatre is just stock-still. I mean, people laughed and reacted, again, one guy snored, I sighed a lot at Sonya (#ohlookitme), but in the important moments the theatre was dead quiet. Except for Charing Cross, of course.

When I left the theatre, my brain was buzzing and I walked out right into the backstage area. I read “backstage to the right” and was ready to walk to the right, even though no one was there. Except that stupid me HAD to ask the security, who I recognised from pics and the Cyrano backstage, if that was the way to the signings. And no, it wasn’t, that’s literally in front of the theatre (and honestly, probably why there are no selfies allowed this time, if they were, people would block that busy street for hours), I was walking towards the actual stage door. If I had had just one ounce of more self-confidence, I just could have kept on walking into the dressing rooms, God damnit!! (I’m kidding, I would never do that, and it would most likely get me banned for life, but still, it was a funny situation and that security was actually really nice and cool).

As for the signing, it’s a straight-forward affair, you line up, you move forwards, he signs your stuff, you move on (except if you’re an old lady, but more of that later). I soaked him in in all my manic brain overloaded happiness while waiting for my turn though, and the first thing I noticed was that he isn’t as short as people pretend he is. Yes, he wore some trainers with a thicker sole, but with them he wasn’t that much shorter than I am. Perfect height, for eye-contact, just saying.

Second thing was that he’s in the shape of his life, dear Lord! I always read him as wiry, which can look buff on screen, but no, he’s genuinely, proper buff. Those are some serious arms and just generally he’s wider than I would have expected. Other than that, he looks pretty much exactly like he does on screen. Some actors don’t, they’re either plainer or prettier (Anne-Marie Duff, she really was fucked over by some cruel form of unphotogenicness) in fact, the second night I went there I saw Sam Yates (he shook my hand :D) and he does not look like he does in pics for example. Andrew does. He has a fascinating and alive face and looks just like he did in that Vanity Fair video, except without the orange goo.

The first night I saw Simon Stephens coming out the stage door too and I literally hopped over to him, beaming like a loon. He and the people he was with were SO nice and so helpful, he signed my version of Vanya (the German edition) and I could actually voice my thoughts (which I couldn’t with Andrew) and tell him how much his interviews have helped me through the lockdowns and how I admire his writing, bla bla bla.

Anyway, I made him laugh, he shook my hand and said “it was a pleasure meeting you [widge’s real name]” in which moment my jaw literally did that looney tunes thing and dropped to my chest. Night was MADE, you don’t understand how much!

[Here I cut out a large chunk of extra thoughts to allow myself to post this in the tags]

Anyway, back to the old lady, she was the one who made Andrew laugh during the signing (LOVE that laugh), I passed her on the way back to the train and had to talk to her. She was a proper lady, dressed elegantly and she was the first damn person outside the theatre who understood my need to DISCUSS the play! Everyone else in the line was talking about other things, I had to PROCESS what had happened. She and her assistant were so cool, and she said she’d absolutely loved it and had a ton of other well thought through opinions on it. Big fan of her, no idea what her name is, but we all should get some cool older ladies to talk about theatre with, when our brains are buzzing with so many new impressions!

I aimlessly wandered on over the Thames after that, sat down in some red paint on the way, which made my jeans look interesting for the rest of the trip and had to just move for a while to cool down. I did go to the queue the next day too, just to be a little less tongue tied around Andrew (it did not work, whatsoever xD), but that was the day Joe Alwyn and a fox made an appearance, so it was totally worth it. As was the whole international camaraderie in the queue. Honestly, I’ve missed that, just people being excited about something together, I got hugged by a tiny Indian (?) girl and a Russian lady, all because we’re a bunch of excited nerds outside of theatre. It felt fucking great.

#andrew scott #vanya #simon stephens #anton chekhov

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kaitidid22 · 1 year

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Fanfic: Family (Conrad/Billie)

Summary: Gigi feels very comfortable expressing her wants and desires, while stirring up Billie's baby feelings and a panic attack. (Canon friendly to date & set post-DevonxLeela's wedding)

A/N: She's alive! This one went sideways on me for a while, and I couldn't get it to gel. And then I realized I was trying to write three stories in one, which was a bad plan, clearly. Working on the other two next!

Family

Billie picked up her coffee and gave the barista a polite smile. As she turned to leave, she heard a tiny voice yell, “Aunt Billie!”

As always, a well of love and happiness rose in Billie’s chest at the sound of Gigi’s voice, with an extra little hiccup of pleasure at the sheer unexpectedness of getting to see her in the middle of the day. Scanning the café, Billie spotted the little girl sitting with A.J. at a table outside, double-wide stroller parked next to them, and they waved at each other. Before Billie could take more than a step or two towards their small group, Gigi had hopped out of her chair and run over to throw her arms around Billie’s middle.

Billie gazed down at the crown of Gigi’s head and noted that the French braid Billie had put in that morning was showing amazing endurance.

Nice work, Dr. Sutton, she thought smugly.

“Hi, sweetie,” Billie said out loud.

Gigi raised her head to grin up with big eyes that were starting to look exactly like Conrad’s, right down to the note of mischief always lurking behind them. Billie ran a thumb over Gigi’s soft cheek and felt a lump rise in her throat when Gigi snuggled her face closer into Billie’s palm.

Abruptly, it occurred to Billie that it was Friday, and Gigi should be in school. Billie had, in fact, dropped the six-year-old off that morning at her grammar school with Conrad on their way to work. And, yet, Gigi was in the hospital café at—Billie glanced at the clock on the wall—seven after eleven in the morning.

“Are you on recess?” Billie asked, doubtful. Wasn’t recess at ten? Ish?

Gigi shook her head. “I got sent home, and Uncle A.J. said he could watch me until Daddy’s done for the day.”

“What?” Billie asked dumbly, taken aback.

Gigi never misbehaved, and Billie felt her hackles start to rise in the little girl’s defense. If Gigi was being blamed for something another kid had done, Billie was going to—

Nothing, she told herself sternly. You’ll do nothing.

Because she was an adult, and Conrad had incredible relationships with Gigi’s teachers. Billie was never going to jeopardize that in any way. So, she would do nothing about this transgression. But she was going to resent the hell out of it. Quietly.

“Why, sweetie?” Billie asked belatedly.

“Emmett tested positive for COVID,” Gigi said. “So, we all got sent home, and we have to get tested for three days.”

Oh, Billie though to herself, slightly ashamed of her own vicious response.

It still didn’t answer the lingering question of why Conrad hadn’t called Billie. Or texted her. Or had Hundley call her. Something. Her schedule was light. She could have driven back across town to pick Gigi up, especially if A.J. was only tasked with bringing Gigi back to the hospital. Billie could have taken Gigi for part of the day. It was performance review season, and Billie was scheduled to be reading boring forms all day.

“I’m sorry, sweetie,” Billie said, forcing herself to focus. “Are you feeling all right?”

“Yeah, no symptoms,” Gigi said, sounding entirely too knowledgeable on infectious diseases for a six-year-old. “A.J. took me for my test. The rapid came back negative.”

Billie bit her lip to keep the smile from crossing her face at Gigi’s serious tone. Gigi was very clear with everyone who would listen that she was going to be a nurse practitioner just like her mother. And she had an uncanny understanding of medical issues, given that she couldn’t even read a chapter book yet.

“That’s very good news,” Billie said, she slid her hand over Gigi’s shoulder and began to lead her back to the table where A.J. was still sitting. “And at least it’s Friday. So, you’re not missing much school at all.”

“Yeah, I like school,” Gigi said, a little glum.

“I know you do,” Billie said as they reached A.J. and the boys. “Good morning.”

“Billie,” A.J. greeted her.

He had taken one of the twins out of the stroller and was holding a bottle at the baby’s mouth. Billie squinted but couldn’t tell which boy it was. She thought it might be Arjun, given the scowl on the face of the baby still in his stroller seat. Elijah was the grumpy one. But she had a fifty-fifty chance of being right, so she wouldn’t even be impressed with herself if she was.

“I didn’t know you were running a daycare today.”

A.J. shrugged a shoulder. “It’s my day off, and I had the boys anyway. What’s one more?”

“That’s the spirit,” Billie said.

She took a sip of her coffee as she watched him switch the baby. His movements were deft, practiced, and she nodded in approval as he got the baby settled and buckled in without a single fuss.

“Impressive,” Billie told him.

A.J. smirked. “I know.”

Gigi began to gather up her belongings, and A.J. said, “Whoa, kid. Where ya going?”

Gigi pointed at Billie. “With Aunt Billie,” she said. Then Gigi looked up at Billie with concerned eyes. “Can’t I?”

Billie started to say of course, you can, and then she stopped. Was this something she still needed to ask Conrad about? Technically, if the school hadn’t been able to reach Conrad, they would have called Billie as Gigi’s emergency contact, and she would have taken Gigi for the day anyway.

But that wasn’t what had happened. Conrad had asked A.J. to watch Gigi for the day. And the decision of who would be watching his daughter was Gigi’s father’s to make. If he wanted Gigi with A.J., then who was Billie to come along and scoop Gigi up? And, on a more basic note, Conrad believed Gigi was with A.J. If Billie was going to take Gigi, didn’t she need to tell him first? What if he came looking for her? Did he even know A.J. was at the hospital?

Billie turned uncertain eyes to A.J., who looked surprised. “Yeah. Can’t she?” A.J. asked, keeping his voice sedate.

“I’m sure it’s fine, sweetie,” Billie said finally. She reached into her pocket and pulled out her ID card. “Why don’t you go order yourself a hot chocolate, ok?”

“Okay!” Gigi shoved the rest of her school supplies into the backpack and dashed off, blonde ponytail streaming behind her.

“Conrad is always fine letting you take Gigi. Always has been. You’re Super Auntie,” A.J. said, pointed. “Why would today be different?”

“He didn’t call me,” Billie said. “That’s weird, isn’t it?”

A.J. gave her a disbelieving look. “He only called me because I had the day off, Billie. You are definitely overthinking this,” A.J. said. “Is this because you won’t move in?”

“He told you about that?” Billie asked.

“The man was terrified he had run you off,” A.J. said. “Needed someone to talk to.”

Billie was ashamed that hearing A.J. describe Conrad as terrified to lose her made her chest warm and her hands shaky. Sometimes her relationship with Conrad—as joyful as it made her—didn’t quite feel real. Like it was still three years before, and she was living in a prolonged dream that she might wake from at any second.

Billie turned slightly so she could keep one eye on Gigi at the counter. The barista was smiling at the little girl, using Billie’s ID to ring up the hot chocolate.

“I know,” Billie said again.

“Did he?” A.J. asked. “Run you off?”

Billie hesitated.

“Oh wow,” A.J. said, with what sounded like genuine concern. “He almost did.”

“No,” she said, realizing she had given him the wrong impression. “I love Conrad. I want to be with him. I don’t think there’s anything he could do to run me off. Ever. If he had made it an ultimatum—”

“Which Conrad would never do,” A.J. pointed out.

She nodded in concession. “But if he had, I would have moved in a heartbeat. But that would have forced some issues to be worked out a bit faster than I was ready to face them.” She sighed and muttered, “Apparently, I’m still not ready to face them.”

“So, if he had forced you, then you would have moved in with him? But because he respects you and your boundaries, and he’s waiting patiently, you’re avoiding the conversation. That makes no sense.”

“It’s complicated,” she said on a sigh, eyes locked on Gigi. “I almost wish he had forced it.”

“That is not the Dr. Billie Sutton I know,” A.J. said.

Which was entirely fair but slightly judgmental, and Billie gave him a quelling look. A.J. was unfazed, staring her down with disapproval.

“It would have given me an easy out. Which, you’re right, I should not want. But the thing is, in my head, if I make the decision to move in,” Billie said, “then it’s a conscious decision that Nic doesn’t factor in anymore. And I know that’s not fair, but I can’t get past it either.”

She could see from A.J.’s face that Conrad hadn’t told him this part. Or maybe Conrad had only spoken to him during the limbo weeks when Billie had been lost in her own head.

“Billie—” A.J. began.

“It’s okay,” she said, with a wan smile. “Conrad knows. And I’m working on it.”

A.J. nodded and, for once, let it go.

“I need to text him that I’m taking Gigi,” Billie muttered, pulling out her phone with more nerves than she should be feeling.

“It’s going to be fine,” A.J. said, still sounding confused about her hesitation.

“Mm-hmm,” she hummed.

She quickly typed out a text, Ran into A.J. Taking Gigi to my office., and shoved the phone into her pocket again with more force than necessary. Gigi dashed up next to Billie and held the ID badge out. Billie clipped it back on her white coat and ran an absent hand down Gigi’s hair.

“I’m going to take her upstairs,” Billie said to A.J. “We’ll see you at brunch this weekend, right?”

“Family brunch!” A.J. said. “I am honored and will attend.”

Affection swirled through Billie, and she shook her head on a chuckle. “Devon and Leela land the night before. The sleep deprivation and lovey-dovey time will be real.”

“Ah to be young and in love,” A.J. said with a smirk. “No, thank you.” But then he followed it up with, “It’s all right if the boys and Padma come, right?”

“Of course,” Billie said, hiding her smirk.

“Good because I already invited them.”

Billie laughed.

“Arjun and Elijah are coming?” Gigi asked excitedly.

“Seems like it,” Billie told her. “And Sammie.”

Gigi squealed. “I like the boys,” she said when she had calmed. “Babies are great.”

“Babies are great,” Billie agreed, smiling so hard her face hurt.

God she loved this kid.

“Auntie Billie, can you have babies?” Gigi asked.

The question was a sharp left hook, sideswiping Billie and knocking the wind out of her entirely. Once Billie was able to move again, her eyes jerked to A.J., who immediately looked away. Suspicion set in, but she had to deal with Gigi’s questions first.

“That’s a really good question. Why don’t we talk about this on the way to the elevator?” Billie asked. “Say goodbye, sweetie.”

“Bye Uncle A.J. Bye Arjun! Bye Elijah!” Gigi cried as she slung her arms through the straps of her backpack.

Then she followed as Billie led the way from the café towards the elevators. Billie cleared her throat, wondering what A.J. could have said to prompt questions about Billie’s fertility in a six-year-old.

“So, let’s talk about babies,” she said, trying to sound like a professional doctor, detached and unaffected. “If someone is born female, they often have the ability to produce eggs. And we usually think that’s all it takes to have a baby.”

“Egg and sperm!” Gigi said.

Billie bit back a smile as a few people glanced at them, startled. “Indoor voice, sweetie,” Billie reminded her.

“Egg and sperm,” Gigi said, more quietly.

“Exactly,” Billie said. “But it’s much more complicated than that.”

The elevator opened, and Billie urged Gigi inside and to the far back corner, pausing to press the button for the surgical floor. They settled against the wall in the corner while other people crowded into the elevator with them.

“What else do you need?” Gigi asked, sounding like she was making a grocery list.

“Well, a woman’s uterus needs to be able to carry a fetus to term. Not every female body can.”

“Why not?”

“A lot of reasons,” Billie said with a shrug. “Sometimes the placenta isn’t able to attach to the lining. Sometimes the uterus can’t form the plug that keeps the baby inside until it’s ready to be born.”

“Do you have any of those reasons?” Gigi asked.

“Not that I know of, sweetie,” Billie said. “And, remember, I’ve had a baby before. I had Trevor.”

Gigi nodded thoughtfully. “But you’re old, right?”

Billie could feel the amusement wafting off of the other people in the elevator and wanted to glare at them all. She took a deep, silent breath.

“It’s very common for women in their forties to have children. It’s just harder to get pregnant.”

Gigi narrowed her eyes. “And you get a period?”

“I do, sweetie.”

Though she was on a miraculous birth control that only required she get a period every three months. Modern medicine was spectacular.

“And that means you still have eggs,” Gigi said.

“Not necessarily,” Billie said, wrinkling her nose in apology at Gigi.

“More complications,” Gigi said on a sigh.

“Yes, sweetie,” Billie said, hearing someone in the elevator chuckle and hide it under a cough.

Belatedly, she remembered she had never checked if Conrad had responded to her text. She pulled out the phone, and, sure enough, he had reacted to the message with a heart. The sight of it should have eased her nerves.

It didn’t. He hadn’t sent anything else.

As they left the elevator, Billie glanced down at Gigi, offering her hand. Gigi took it.

“Did that answer your questions?” Billie asked.

Gigi nodded. “Can we color?” she asked.

Billie smiled. Curiosity assuaged. Nice work, Dr. Sutton.

“Heck yeah, we can color,” Billie said.

~*~

That night, in bed, Billie found herself lying awake, wishing she had just asked Conrad about A.J. But she had told herself not to be so insecure—Conrad had been very clear with her that he was in love with her, had taken every opportunity to remind her that she was it for him. It didn’t feel fair to constantly make him reassure her, just because he had done the whole life partners thing before and she hadn’t.

She rolled over while Conrad was sleeping and watched his chest rise and fall. He looked so peaceful asleep, younger and lighter. And the memory of A.J. telling her Conrad had been terrified no longer made her chest warm. It made her throat clench and eyes burn.

She scooted over closer to him, so that she could rest her head in the soft place where his chest met his shoulder. The divot seemed to fit her cheek perfectly.

Conrad stirred, his head turning so he could blink open bleary eyes and look at her. Then he smiled sleepily and rolled to curl around her. His prickly cheek brushed against hers as he wrapped her in the approximation of a bear hug.

“I love you,” he mumbled.

Billie wondered if he was even awake. “I love you, too.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Go back to sleep.”

He hummed in her ear, then pulled back to look at her again. “You sure you’re okay? You’ve got that look on your face.”

“What look?”

“The one that says you can’t believe I’m real.”

“Oh, that look,” Billie said, dry. “I wasn’t aware you knew that look.”

“It’s a great look. I mean, I am amazing,” Conrad said. “It’s perfectly understandable.” He sounded more awake now, and his smile died. “Are you okay?”

“Why did you have A.J. pick up Gigi today?”

His brow crinkled. “They got sent home because of a COVID scare. She didn’t tell you? Sorry, I assumed she explained. She loves talking about medical stuff.”

“Why didn’t you call me?” Billie asked, ignoring the rest.

“Because you had to work, and A.J. didn’t.” His eyes studied her face. “Has this been bothering you?”

Yes. So much. But she didn’t say the words out loud.

“We’re okay, right?” she asked.

“We’re more than okay.” He cradled her face in his hand, thumb brushing her cheekbone. “Why would you think we’re not?”

“Because I’m scared.”

That this is a dream.

That I’m going to lose you.

That I only half have you.

That I’m going to ruin this.

He nodded, like that made sense, even though she knew she had explained nothing. “I called A.J. because he was free, and he likes having Gigi around. That’s all. I was really happy when you texted, and I knew you two were together. You’re always my first choice, Billie.”

She squeezed her eyes shut hard. Then she nodded. “Okay.”

“Okay,” he whispered back. “I love you.”

And, this time, instead of answering, she kissed him.

~*~

The next morning, Conrad was up early, rousing Gigi and Billie was just enough time for them to head to the hospital for another set of COVID tests. When Billie and Gigi returned, Billie joined him in the kitchen, and Conrad had the oven, broiler, and three burners going.

“We could just take everyone out,” Billie said, stealing a piece of bacon.

“Sacrilege,” Conrad told her, leaning over to sneak a kiss despite her mouth being full.

“Gross,” she said on a laugh.

“You,” he said, punctuating the word with a kiss to her nose, “are never gross.”

“Not me,” Billie said pointedly. “You. Who kisses someone with a mouth full of food?”

Conrad closed in again, and she squealed, laughing. “No! Go away!”

Kit and Bell arrived first, with Jake, Gregg, and Sammie in the car behind them. Gigi thundered to the front door as soon as she spotted them through the windows.

“My rapid was negative again!” Gigi said, instead of greeting them.

“That’s great,” Bell said.

“So was her full PCR from yesterday,” Billie said. “I took her for a second one this morning to be sure.”

“And we’ll take her again tomorrow,” Conrad called from the kitchen.

Sammie and Gigi ran upstairs while Bell, Jake, and Gregg wandered into the kitchen to meet Conrad, who was still stationed at the stove. Kit and Billie were left behind in the foyer without so much as a glance. The men all peered in the various pans and dishes Conrad had out, clearly discussing food strategy.

“How did we get so lucky?” Kit asked, tilting her head to the side as she gazed at her husband.

“Well, you are a badass boss lady with a gigantic heart,” Billie said.

“Pot meet kettle,” Kit said to her and laughed.

Billie chuckled in response, liking that Kit saw her that way. “You want some coffee?”

“I would kill for coffee,” Kit said. “Murder. Mayhem. Cause a riot.”

Billie nodded calmly. “Good thing Conrad already started a pot.”

“When are you moving that wonderful espresso machine in here?” Kit asked. “I dream of that thing, but Randolph is so attached to his ancient one, I can’t bear to make him get rid of it.” She paused and added, “To be honest, he might divorce me if I tried.”

The question was innocent enough, almost absent really, like Kit was just making conversation. But Billie felt her stomach twist at the second reminder in twenty-four hours. She knew the exact spot she would put that espresso machine, and she would send Conrad’s trusty Mr. Coffee straight to the garbage dump.

Or could you recycle coffee machines? They were glass and metal and plastic, right? All of that was recyclable, wasn’t it?

“That’s… a touchy subject,” Billie told Kit.

“Oh, I’m sorry,” Kit said, surprised. “I didn’t mean to pry.”

But Billie just smiled and shook her head, picking up speed to the kitchen. “It’s fine. Cream? Sugar? How do I not know how you take your coffee?”

“Black like her soul,” Bell said, with a grin.

Kit gave him a salty look. “Two lumps and a generous topper of plant-based creamer. Any one you have. And milk is fine if not. Thank you, Billie.”

As soon as she had grabbed a cup for Kit, and made sure Gregg had an extra-large cup of his own, the doorbell rang. Billie smiled at everyone. “Let me just get that.”

But she was beaten to the punch by Sammie and Gigi, who came careening down the stairs yelling, “The babies are here! The babies are here!”

“Aren’t they a little young for baby fever?” Bell asked as the adults watched them open the door and swarm Padma and A.J.

“Peaks and valleys through life,” Kit told him. “They like them now, and then they won’t, and then they will again. And then they might not. But then they do for sure, and it just doesn’t go away. That’s when you know you’re old.”

“Ah,” Bell said.

“Good morning, family,” A.J. boomed, the boys each cradled in one arm.

“Perfect timing,” Conrad said. “We’re just about ready to sit down.”

“Wait,” Padma said, looking around the room. “Did we beat Leela here?”

“She texted that she and Devon are running a bit behind,” Billie said. “They wanted us to start without them.”

Padma smacked A.J. on the back lightly. “You are allowed to bully me into leaving early any time.”

“We left exactly on time, Padma,” A.J. said, firm.

“I am going to lord this over her for years,” Padma said.

“We set up a blanket for the boys outside next to the table,” Billie said. “Let me help you get everything down the stairs.”

“Oh, we’ve got it,” Padma said, breezing through the back door and down the wooden steps to the garden.

A.J. stared after her, a resigned expression on his face. Then he glanced down at the boys in his arms.

“Why don’t you let me take one of those?” Bell asked.

“Thank you, Bell,” A.J. said, snuggling the baby in his left arm close to him as Bell slipped the other from his grip.

“And we can take these platters down,” Kit said, picking up two of the serving dishes.

“Happy to,” Jake said and nodded to Gregg.

They each grabbed a dish and followed Kit outside, with Bell and A.J. close behind with the babies. Sammie and Gigi dashed after everyone else, and Billie and Conrad found themselves alone in the kitchen.

“That was surprisingly efficient,” Conrad said.

“I’ll get the plates, if you get the silverware?” Billie asked. “They arrived together,” Conrad murmured in the higher pitched voice he used when he was being silly.

“Right? I’m not crazy,” she murmured back to him, as she gathered the plates out of the cabinet.

“So,” Billie had said, nonchalantly one night after Gigi had gone to bed.

She and Conrad had each been stationed at one end of the couch reading the latest issues of their favorite medical journals, highlighters and pens discarded next to them, legs intwined in the middle.

“Padma and A.J.,” she had said, glancing at him from under her lashes.

Conrad had lowered his reading to look at her, a guarded edge to his gaze. “What about them?”

“I mean… they could be cute, right?”

His eyes had studied her for a long moment, and then he had chuckled. “You know, don’t you?” he had asked.

“You know!” she had said.

They had both straightened on the couch, throwing their respective journals to the carpet.

“I can’t believe you know,” he had said, still laughing.

“Of course, I know,” she had said. “Did A.J. tell you?”

“Devon,” Conrad had said.

Billie had gasped. “I can’t believe he outed his sister-in-law’s friends with benefits situation with our colleague.”

“To be fair, he didn’t tell me until after they stopped sleeping together,” Conrad had said.

She had made a face of mild distaste. “I really can’t believe that he told you.”

“Yeah, never trust Devon with a secret. He will always tell me. Whether I want to know or not.”

“What is it with you two?” she had asked, poking him in the thigh with her toes.

“I’m sorry, Billie,” Conrad had said. “Our relationship predates you. You’ll always have to share me.”

Ignoring that comment, she had nudged him with her foot again. “How long have you known?”

“I don’t know,” Conrad had said, catching her foot in his hands and squeezing lightly, teasingly. “They called it off, what, two years ago?”

“And you never said anything to me?” she had asked, pretending outrage. “I cannot call you my best friend.”

“It was none of my business!” Conrad had said on a laugh. “Besides, you didn’t say anything to me either.”

“Like you would have cared,” she had said, dryly. Then she had remembered the look on A.J.’s face when he had told her about the arrangement with Padma ending. “I think he actually liked her. But he didn’t really know what to do about it.”

“Yeah,” Conrad had drawled. “I think you’re reading into it. He hasn’t been interested in anyone since Mina.”

Billie had wrinkled her nose. “That was years ago. You think he’s still pining?” Before Conrad had been able to respond, she had said, “No. I think he likes Padma, but she’s completely different from anyone he ever pictured for himself, so he’s avoiding.”

Conrad had shrugged, still rubbing her feet absently. “You could be right. I mean, no one would have guessed that we would end up together, Miss Button-Every-Button.”

“Yeah, okay,” she had said. “Mr. I-Rappel-Down-Buildings-And-Climb-Into-Exploding-Buses-To-Save-Patients.”

“That’s a terrible nickname,” he had pointed out. “Does not roll off the tongue.”

“Words are not my forte,” Billie had admitted.

“And you have to admit you love all that about me. It’s kinda hot.”

She had rolled her eyes. “But what do you think? It’s the way they look at each other, right?”

“I don’t know. A.J. is a careful dude,” Conrad had said, almost warningly. “And he risks losing a lot if things go south with Padma.”

“We had a lot to lose,” Billie had pointed out.

Conrad had smiled down at his hands on her feet. “True.” Then he had squeezed her toes again and met her eyes with a serious expression. “But I almost screwed this up. A couple of times. And A.J. watched that happen up close and personal. So… I don’t think he’s going to take a chance on love with the mother of his children.”

Billie had sighed a little at the sad look on Conrad’s face. Then she had pulled her feet out of his hands so that she could crawl across the couch to straddle his lap. His arms had come around her, and his head had tilted back to look up at her as her fingers had lightly scratched the back of his head.

“You didn’t screw this up,” she had whispered.

“Almost,” he had muttered, squeezing his eyes shut.

“But you didn’t,” she had said. “Neither did I, despite my best efforts.”

He had swallowed audibly. “No. It wasn’t you.”

“You have to let that go, baby,” she had whispered. “We’re here, together. And I love you.”

But it had become an old refrain by then, and Billie had known he wouldn’t listen if she tried to argue him out of believing he had hurt her unnecessarily. So, she had pressed a kiss to his forehead and gotten back to the topic at hand.

“A.J. can’t avoid love forever. You don’t have control over that. You’re in it or you’re not. And Padma is amazing with the boys.”

“Does it make me a bad person that I’m really looking forward to giving him a hard time about this?” Conrad had asked, squinting sightlessly somewhere in the vicinity of her neck. “If it happens, that is. Which I still don’t fully believe it is.”

“Not at all,” Billie had said. “I am going to tease him daily. I might start popping in on his surgeries just so he can’t escape me.”

“Vengeful,” Conrad had murmured with some surprise.

“Do you know how hard he pushed me to tell you how I felt, even when you were with Cade? It was nonstop. I swear.”

Conrad had scoffed. “I probably do. Because I’m pretty sure he was giving us the exact same advice. Probably the same lofty speeches even.”

Billie had sat back slightly, and Conrad’s hands had trailed down to her hips. “Wait. So… if we had just listened to him and told each other, then…”

Conrad’s eyes had locked on hers. They had both sworn under their breath.

Gigi insisted that she and Sammie should take the heads of the table Conrad had set up in the backyard, and, so, Conrad and Billie seated themselves across from each other on either side of Gigi. They had just started dishing up food when the backdoor slid open and Devon and Leela appeared.

“Welcome back to beautiful Georgia,” Conrad called to them.

“Trinidad was gorgeous,” Leela said, with a broad, dreamy grin on her face.

“Sorry we’re late,” Devon said, as he and Leela slipped into the empty chairs at the table.

“They don’t care,” Leela said, smile dying. “It was, like, ten minutes. And I texted Billie.”

Billie frowned at the harsh words, but Devon didn’t seem bothered.

“We’re newlyweds,” he said, as if that explained everything.

And maybe it did, but Billie really didn’t want to know. Leela groaned and shot Billie an exasperated look.

“He loves saying that word. It started on the honeymoon and just hasn’t stopped.” Leela turned to Devon with a glare. “Why won’t it stop?”

He smiled at her, unbothered and completely besotted. Across the table from Billie, Conrad smiled at her. A small, secret smile that had her body threatening to melt into the chair.

“What’s a honeymoon?” Gigi asked.

“The single greatest vacation of your life,” Devon said.

Conrad shot him a warning look, and then turned back to his daughter. “It’s a vacation you take after you get married.”

“To celebrate?” Gigi asked.

“Exactly,” Conrad said. “And because it’s your honeymoon, people give you extra stuff. Like champagne or bigger hotel rooms.”

“Chocolates,” Kit said. “Cheesecake. Dinner. A hotel once gave me a whole pig. That was my second marriage.” Then she paused to consider. “I think. Was it third?”

“I love you so much more for the fact that yours are all food related,” Bell said.

“A girl’s got to eat,” Kit said defensively.

“Massages,” Leela added. “Roses.”

“Where did you and Mommy go on your moon trip?” Gigi asked.

Billie hid a smile behind her water glass, eyes laughing at Gigi’s word choice as they met Conrad’s. He was gazing at Billie when he answered the question.

“We went to Key West, Bubble. Beautiful beaches. Lots of seafood.”

“And margaritas,” Billie added, with a teasing smile.

A reluctant, slightly embarrassed smile twisted at Conrad’s mouth. He shook his head, as if only just realizing that Nic had spilled on their honeymoon shenanigans. Billie wasn’t quite sure why that would be surprising. Of course, Nic had spilled to Billie. Nic had told Billie almost everything.

“What free things did you get?” Gigi asked.

“I’m sorry, Bubble. I don’t remember,” Conrad said, shaking his head. “It was seven years ago. A lot has happened since then.”

“I think Nic mentioned a bottle of champagne,” Billie said, shrugging one shoulder.

Conrad looked off into the distance. “Oh, yeah,” he said. “The first night. When we got to the hotel, they had covered the bed in rose petals and had a bottle of champagne chilling for us.”

“Wow,” Gigi squealed.

Billie studied the bittersweet edge to Conrad’s smile. Then his eyes met hers, and his face softened—only slightly, though, before all expression disappeared. And, suddenly, she couldn’t read anything there, like he had blockaded her out. Her heart rate increased as her skin went cold.

“We’ve really been missing out on this whole honeymoon thing, A.J.,” Padma said.

A.J.’s head jerked around to her, but she’d spoken thoughtlessly, more interested in Arjun in her arms than the adults at the table. Billie flicked her eyes back to Conrad, who had clearly clocked the same exchange.

A.J. totally has a crush.

His eyebrow quirked at her—message received—and she dropped her eyes to her plate, worried she would start to giggle. Billie relaxed, at ease now that she felt she could read Conrad’s mind again.

“When you and Billie get married, where would you go on your moon trip? And would I go? It sounds fun.”

Of course, you would. Billie shoved the thought away to examine later and swallowing the spurt of panic at her own easy reaction.

Her eyes flew back to Conrad and found him staring at his daughter, lips parted, but no words escaped. The side conversations had ceased at the table. Even baby Elijah had stopped fussing in his father’s arms.

When another few moments of silent staring from her father passed, Gigi’s face began to crumple in confusion. Billie decided it was time to step in and ran a hand over the little girl’s soft hair.

“Not everybody gets married,” Billie reminded her. “Remember, we talked about this?”

“I remember,” Gigi said.

Her big brown eyes shot sideways to her father, who finally regained movement, leaning back in his chair. Billie wanted to check in, put a hand on his chest and feel his heart beating, strong and sure. But he was on the other side of the table, too far for that to be an option. The distance across the table suddenly felt like a lightyear, and Billie found herself utterly disconnected from his shuttered expression again.

“But?” Billie asked to prompt Gigi.

“But what about babies?” Gigi asked.

Billie heard someone choke. “Babies?” Billie asked. “What do you mean, sweetie?”

“You said you can have babies,” Gigi said.

Billie’s mind raced. She hadn’t mentioned the conversation to Conrad. Gigi had always brimmed with questions about medicine. The curiosity about Billie specifically had just been because Billie happened to be female and still of child-bearing age. Billie had told herself it had been just one more set of questions about bodies, and she had assuaged Gigi’s curiosity, so why mention it?

But the truth was that Billie was a big chicken. She hadn’t wanted the innocent curiosity of a six-year-old to raise the topic between her and Conrad.

Part of her was convinced it was a moot point. Conrad would never consider having another child. He had done that. He had Gigi. He was content. And that would be okay, whenever Billie got around to broaching the subject. She didn’t want a baby more than she wanted to be with Conrad, or more than she loved Gigi. They would have the conversation, she would know for sure babies weren’t in her future, and everything would be fine. A bit sad, but fine.

This—at brunch with their friends and colleagues and his daughter interrogating them—was not how Billie wanted to have the discussion. But she also never wanted to make Gigi feel like a topic was taboo or inject the idiotic concept of “polite company” into Gigi’s mind. So, Billie swallowed her discomfort.

“Well, sweetie, remember I said that was in theory. I should be able to. But I don’t know if—”

“I want a baby,” Gigi said. She pointed at Arjun and Elijah.

Billie took a deep breath in through her nose, but Conrad was still silent on the other side of the table, stunned. Billie was on her own.

“They’re so cute and sweet, right?” Billie asked. “I’m sure if you wanted, Auntie Padma and Uncle A.J. would let you spend more time with them.”

“That would be fine, Gigi,” Padma said gently. “All the time you want.”

And for all Billie thought Padma was a little off-kilter and a lot selfish, she was grateful that Padma was the most tolerant and accepting person Billie had ever met. Maybe even more so than Nic. Padma had an uncanny ability to roll with other people’s foibles, even when she lambasted herself for her own.

“I’d like that,” Gigi said.

Everyone at the table relaxed.

“But I still think you and Daddy should get married and have a baby.”

“A lot to unpack there, Bubble,” Conrad said, finally recovered and rejoining the conversation.

Billie was happy to let him take over for a while. Picking up her juice glass, she chugged some of the orange-mango juice.

“This is the greatest brunch of my life,” Leela said to Devon.

He shushed her.

“You can hear just fine,” Leela hissed at him.

“Not with you talking,” he said in an undertone.

“Yeah,” Jake said in a drawl. “We can all hear you two, though.”

“They don’t care,” Devon said. “I’ve been telling Conrad to marry Billie for two years.”

“I’ve been telling Billie to marry Conrad for a similar span of time,” A.J. said in a booming, jovial voice. “What an amusing coincidence.”

Devon grinned at him. Leela rolled her eyes.

“If only they had taken our prestigious advice.”

At that, Billie found herself compelled to address A.J. “Prestigious?”

“He went to Harvard. And I am me. Prestigious we are.”

“Okay, Yoda,” Conrad said. “Bubble, you know a couple doesn’t have to be married to have a baby, right?”

“Padma and A.J. aren’t married,” Gigi said dutifully. “And they have two.”

“Exactly,” Billie said. “So, when you say you want us to get married and have a baby, which do you really want?”

“Both,” Gigi said simply.

A thought suddenly occurred to Billie, and she put a gentle hand on Gigi’s. “Sweetie, is this you angling to be a flower girl again? You’ve done it twice in a year. That’s a lot.”

She didn’t miss spotting out of the corner of her eye that Conrad’s shoulders eased at the cute explanation. Hurt stabbed at her, and she reminded herself sternly that the reaction wasn’t fair. They weren’t even in private, and the topic had been thrust upon him with no warning—

It was thrust upon you, too, a nasty voice pointed out. And you’re not relieved it’s just Gigi wanting a pretty dress.

Of course, I’m relieved. We don’t even live together, Billie told the voice. Pipe down.

And whose fault is that? the voice asked.

“That’s not why,” Gigi said. “I just want you to get married.”

“She’s always wanted you to get married,” Sammie said. All the adults turned to look at her. “Well, not always,” she amended. “But since last year, at least. Maybe the year before. I wasn’t there for that wish.”

“Wish?” Billie asked, turning back to Gigi.

Gigi was staring hard at the table.

“What does she mean your wish, Bubble?” Conrad asked.

“Her birthday wish,” Billie said.

Gigi’s face jerked up to look at them, suddenly crestfallen. “You’re not supposed to tell anyone your wish. Then it won’t come true!”

“It doesn’t count if someone guesses,” Padma said, calm and tranquil.

Gigi looked immensely relieved. “That’s good.”

Meanwhile, Billie’s mind raced, trying to piece it all together. At least two years, she realized. It’s been her wish for at least two years.

Because Gigi had refused to tell Billie her wish at her fourth birthday. That was the first time in her whole life that Gigi wouldn’t tell Billie the wish she had made. Until she had turned four, Gigi had even whispered her wishes in Billie’s ear right after making them, as if Billie needed to keep them safe for her.

Gigi wants you to get marry Conrad, her brain helpfully reminded her.

And Billie knew how Gigi knew about marriage, obviously, even at four years old. But Gigi had never once mentioned her father remarrying. Neither before nor during Cade, who remained his longest relationship to date—except the one conversation with Sammie, but Sammie had asked if Conrad would marry again, not Gigi. And Gigi had just rolled her eyes at the idea of Cade, unconcerned, and then asked Billie if the girls could help pick out her dress.

Oh, Billie thought. Then, No.

Gigi couldn’t have meant Billie marrying Conrad. But Billie could remember Gigi’s small voice saying it wasn’t like her Mommy with Cade, and had she meant for herself? That Cade wasn’t like a Mommy? Or had she meant with Conrad? That Conrad didn’t care about Cade like he had cared about Nic?

He wasn’t in love with Cade, her brain pointed out.

And little kids were very intuitive, Billie had learned through her time with Gigi. Gigi always knew when either Conrad or Billie were sad. Gigi had that same level of extreme empathy that both Nic and Conrad had always possessed. So, Billie supposed it would make sense if Gigi had simply been reacting to the love she could sense in Conrad for Billie, long before he sensed it himself.

Love equals marriage, Billie realized, wondering how long it had taken her to get to the crux of it.

“People who are in love don’t have to get married,” Conrad was saying to Gigi, having reached the same conclusion at the same time. “It doesn’t mean they love each other any less.”

Billie cleared a suddenly achy throat and forced herself to deal. “Sweetie, what would we have if we get married that we don’t have now?”

“We’re already a family,” Conrad said.

“And we love you. So much,” Billie said.

“I know,” Gigi said.

But she wouldn’t say anything else, and Billie couldn’t tell her yes, of course I’ll marry your father because she really hadn’t even thought about marriage. It was marriage. It was huge. It was something she had never wanted.

Amazing that she could easily picture sitting on the porch swing, old and gray, with Conrad’s arm around her. But she couldn’t picture a ring on her finger. Or maybe she just couldn’t picture one on Conrad’s again, even though he had stopped wearing it years before.

Besides, Conrad was already married. And maybe that shouldn’t be a factor in the decision, but it was. It was.

Billie could hardly get past his desire to move her in, let alone anything beyond that. She still owed him an answer almost five months after their first conversation. And he had been patient. So patient that sometimes she would think he had forgotten all about it, but then he would work it into conversation again.

“Why don’t we spend the night at your place?” Conrad had suggested as they slid into the car, ready to head to the grammar school to pick up Gigi after their Friday shifts.

Billie had given him a look. Ever since Trevor’s visit had necessitated a sleepover at Billie’s, Conrad had been working the offer in at least once every couple of weeks.

“I never promised not to try and convince you,” he had said, with a cheeky grin as he put an arm around the back of her seat and leaned in.

And his cheekiness, paired with an adorable determination to win her over to the idea of cohabitation, had made her grab the front of his shirt and pull him into her body.

“Is that a yes?” he had asked, holding his mouth back from her.

“Fine,” she had said. “Yes, let’s drag poor Gigi to my boring house with no furniture.”

“Gigi likes tumbling around your empty den,” Conrad had said against her lips. “And I find it very encouraging that you haven’t bought any yet.”

And the words had stuck in her mind as a strange thing to say, though they had been shoved to the back so that she could fully focus on the feeling of his tongue sweeping into her mouth.

But the words replayed in Billie’s mind as she watched the disappointment on Gigi’s face and felt an echo inside herself. What could he have meant? She didn’t have furniture because she was busy. She spent most of her time at the hospital, and she tried to spend the rest with Conrad and Gigi—wherever they might want to be. She had been telling herself for five months that it was the only reason.

But the pang in her chest at Conrad’s stunned, panicked reaction, and her knee-jerk assumption—fear based, she knew—that the door was completely shut for him on babies, was making Billie rethink that.

She definitely needed to talk to Conrad before she answered anymore of Gigi’s questions.

“Sweetie,” she said to Gigi. “Can we talk about this some more tonight? We’re definitely going to talk about it, as much as you want, but we only have a couple of hours with everybody. Do you want to spend your time with Sammie and the boys talking about this?”

Gigi looked reluctant, but her eyes flew to Sammie, who waved at Gigi from down the table. And Gigi nodded. Billie ran a hand over her soft blonde hair again, desperate to feel connected to the little person who owned Billie’s entire heart. Gigi didn’t pull away, and the tight knot inside Billie’s stomach loosened.

“So, I’m thinking we’re long overdue for one of our spa trips,” Kid said in a cheerful tone.

“Please go,” Bell said to the table at large. “If you don’t, she makes me.”

“Relaxation and self-care are the best medicine,” Kit said.

“So I’ve heard,” Bell said. “And been told. Many times.”

The rest of brunch was a blur for Billie. She knew they discussed the spa trip. She was relieved that Gigi had started to come back out of her shell after some talk of mud baths. The idea of getting muddy on purpose was just too intriguing, Billie supposed. And she knew that everyone stayed long past when they had planned to leave. But the details were foggy at best in Billie’s brain as everyone piled out the front door.

And when Conrad and Billie started cleaning up the kitchen, Gigi climbed onto the sofa, quiet as a mouse. Conrad was silent, too, as he loaded dishes in the dishwasher. But Billie wouldn’t let herself think about that.

One sad Hawkins at a time, Billie reminded herself.

And then a sad Billie. Because she was definitely in need of some alone time to think and process after all of that.

“That’s a lot to unpack,” Conrad had said.

Too true, my love, Billie thought at him silently, feeling the weight of the day pressing down on her.

But, first, Gigi. Nothing in the world was as soul-crushing as a sad Gigi.

“Sweetie, you want to put on some music?” Billie asked, pulling out her phone.

Gigi nodded, taking the phone without a word. She opened Spotify, knowing the apps by their thumbnails, but then she stalled.

“Want me to help you find some Miley?” Billie asked.

When Gigi nodded again, Billie clicked into recent plays and opened a new radio channel using “Party in the U.S.A.” (Because of course Gigi only enjoyed teenager Miley.) And then Gigi set Billie’s phone on the side table and hugged a pillow to her chest.

“I love you, sweetie,” Billie whispered and pressed a kiss to the top of Gigi’s head.

“Breaking out the big guns with the Miley,” Conrad murmured as Billie came to hover a few feet away from him.

They were the first words he had spoken since their guests had left. Billie wasn’t sure what to say to him.

“It’s her favorite,” she said. “This week anyway.”

“And you hate old school Miley Cyrus,” Conrad pointed out. “I believe your exact words were ‘It’s like she’s throwing up in my ears.’”

“I said that about Hannah Montana.”

“What’s the difference?” Conrad asked, confused. Then he held up a soapy hand. “Wait. Don’t tell me. I think I’m happier not knowing.”

“Likely,” Billie said. Silence crept back between them, and Billie couldn’t take it anymore. “I’m going to take a bath.”

Without waiting for his response, Billie glanced at Gigi, who was pretending not to pay any attention, and made her way up the stairs. The sound of Miley blared from the surround sound speakers, drowning out her steps on the stairs. She supposed she shouldn’t be surprised that Conrad followed her, but somehow when she pushed the door open and walked into the bedroom, she assumed she was alone until he spoke behind her.

“Can we talk about this?” Conrad asked, pushing the door shut, quietly enough Gigi wouldn’t hear over the music.

She opened her mouth, intending to tell him that yes, of course, and it was up to him. She hadn’t realized that other, different words were bubbling up inside her until they began to spill out.

“I haven’t bought furniture because it doesn’t make sense to,” Billie said, as if continuing a conversation that they had already been having. “You already have a house full of furniture, and we’re going to move in together.”

“I know,” he said. “That’s why I’ve been so calm about you going dark on it for five months. If it wasn’t a done deal, you’d at least have a desk by now.”

“I just need to get out of my own way,” Billie muttered.

“You’re taking your time on a huge decision,” Conrad said. “There’s nothing wrong with that. I’m the one leaping in with both feet.”

“I love that about you,” she said in a chiding tone.

“I know,” he said, with a semblance of his usual cheeky grin. Then it faded away. “Billie, you’re it. We’re it. There’s no rush on anything other than me wanting it all to happen as fast as possible.”

Then why doesn’t he want to marry you? the nasty voice said, rearing its ugly head again.

Because that would be batshit crazy, she told the voice. We’ve been dating for seven months. Shut the hell up.

Conrad’s voice was thick. “What are you thinking about?”

“I never wanted to get married,” she said.

Conrad winced and dropped his gaze to the floor. She couldn’t tell if the wince was because he dreaded discussing this, or if her phrasing had been harsh.

In case it was the latter, she corrected herself. “I mean, I never actively wanted it. Even when we were little, we planned Nic’s wedding a thousand times, and she married my stuffed panda, Jorge, about seven hundred. He was huge. He made a great groom. But I never wanted to plan mine.”

“Who did she marry the other three hundred times?” Conrad asked, crinkles fanning out from the corners of his eyes.

“She had this elephant,” Billie said. “I can’t remember his name.”

“Too bad.”

She licked her lips. “Similarly, I never wanted kids. The experience with Trevor probably had a lot to do with that,” she admitted. “But then I met Trevor. And I got to have Gigi in my life. And, suddenly, that wasn’t such a firm stance.”

His hands found his hips as his eyes locked on her face with an intensity that should have been daunting. But it wasn’t.

“I’ve been hesitating because I don’t want us to live in my house,” she said. “I want us here, but I can’t seem to get past thinking of this as Nic’s home. Even though it feels like my home, too.” She rubbed a hand over her face. “I’m sorry. I’m trying.”

“I know,” he murmured.

“Being with you has made me… not as opposed to marriage,” she said. “Not that I was opposed before. I just never really saw the need.”

Conrad’s lips quirked, and his eyes danced at her. She thought she saw a bit of giddy relief in his face. “I get that,” he said.

“No, you don’t,” Billie said on a relieved laugh of her own. “You planned two weddings. You always wanted to be married.”

“That,” he said with wide eyes, “is not true. Katherine… well, that was… I’m going to stop talking. Please finish.”

“Good call,” Billie murmured.

But he knew she was only joking and would let him talk through the debacle with Katherine whenever he wanted. And he had, both when they were still just friends and after they were together. Billie and Conrad were very much on the same page about their pasts. So, he sidled a few steps closer.

“I know that you married Nic believing she was end game. That there would never be anyone else,” Billie said, softly cradling his gaze with hers.

His eyebrows came together. She heard him swallow.

“And I just want you to know that it’s not some sort of expectation with us. I want you, and I want Gigi. That’s my whole world.”

His face melted a little, and he opened his arms wide for her. It only took her two steps to cross the distance between them. He put a hand on the back of her head and pulled her as close as he could get her and still be two bodies.

“I have absolutely no idea what I did to deserve you,” Conrad said. She opened her mouth to argue, and he cut her off, saying, “It’s my turn.”

She nodded reluctantly.

“Let’s sit,” he said, letting go of her, but entwining their fingers together.

They settled at the foot of the bed, inches apart.

“I mentioned kids once,” he said. “And you told me to put a pin in it because it was a long way off, if ever.”

As he said it, a vague memory surfaced. She had been so caught up in the piece about the house that the mention of “more kids” had barely registered at the time. She couldn’t even remember what she had said back.

“Oh right,” she said, squinting into a middle distance. “Huh.”

Conrad’s smile was fleeting. “I love you,” he muttered. “You’re right that I thought Nic was it, forever, the last woman I would ever love. But she wasn’t.” He shrugged, a sad but affectionate twist to his lips. “I fell in love with you. And every piece of me loves you, even the part that loves Nic. I know that sometimes makes you uncomfortable, and I get that. I’m so sorry. Maybe if Nic hadn’t loved you as much as she did, I would find it uncomfortable, too. But it would still be true.”

God she loved this man. It hurt how much she loved him.

“I would happily marry you,” he said simply. “But I couldn’t even get you to agree to alternating weekends at your house, so I figured I’d put a pin in that discussion, too.”

Billie stared at him in shock. “You want to marry me?”

“Billie,” he said in that gravelly voice that did things to her insides. “I am making up for lost time here. We’ve talked about that.”

They had. They had talked about the intensity of his feelings once he had let the floodgates burst open—he had needed to talk about how overwhelming it felt and, in turn, make sure he wasn’t overwhelming her. He hadn’t been, but she had appreciated the check in.

And he had gotten very lucky that night.

Billie knew Conrad considered them forever. She knew that like her heart knew how to beat. They said it to each other all the time.

But… marriage? She had been so convinced he would never even consider it. And, yet, they were talking about it a mere seven months into their relationship. Somehow a baby was way less daunting, and that was a whole human life.

Conrad’s voice interrupted her spiraling thoughts. “See, that look of dread and panic on your face? That’s why I didn’t want to have this conversation yet.”

She couldn’t help but burst into laughter at that. He laughed along with her, though his had an edge of nerves to it that made her shore up her own spine.

She rested her head on his shoulder. “I love you.”

“I know,” he said, then acquiesced and added, “I love you.”

“No. I love you,” she said into his shirt. “I love you like… big, epic love.”

“It’s disconcerting, right?” he said, unfazed.

“Very.”

“You get used to feeling a little dizzy and shaky every now and then,” he assured her.

She hummed and breathed in the scent of him—pine, musk, and home.

“Now, about those babies,” he said. “How many are on the table?”

A floaty feeling of weightlessness swirled around in her chest. “Why do you think any are on the table?” she asked, striving for a teasing tone.

“Because I’m sensing a lot less hesitation about the babies, and I could definitely do all of this out of order. That would be totally fine with me.”

“You really want this?” she asked, not quite letting herself believe it.

“Are you kidding? We’re so great at being parents.”

“We?” she asked on a scoff.

“Yes,” he said. “We. You and me. We’re Gigi’s parents, Billie.”

Between the two Hawkins, they were going to kill Billie. Like each of them was inflating little balloons of hope and love and wonder inside of her that might burst her open. And they were going to talk about that another time because she didn’t want to cry right then, not when he wasn’t finished talking.

He rested his cheek on her hair. “I really, really want this with you. As fast as possible. But as slow as you need to go.”

She nodded, thoughtful and introspective.

“You still with me?” Conrad asked.

“I want that,” she said simply.

Conrad stiffened, and she swore he stopped breathing. Then he said, “We could start trying today. Do you want to start trying today?”

“We’d need the addition,” Billie said instead of responding. “I don’t want Gigi sharing a room with a baby.”

“Two hundred thousand. Give or take. And they always take,” Conrad said ruefully.

She raised her head to blink at him. “What? To build it?”

“I had a contractor come out after you mentioned it. I wanted us to have all of our options.”

“That’s fine,” she said faintly. “I’m rich, remember?”

He laughed and tucked her hair behind her ear, thumb brushing across her cheekbone, calm and sure.

Billie stared as it started to sink in just how seriously he had been taking all of this, quietly in the background by himself. Conrad had a game plan, and that game plan involved babies. Plural. And he wanted to marry her, which she really wasn’t very sure about. The fact that he wanted it this badly, though, and was still more than willing to wait for her to catch up with him was so heartwarming and wonderful. It was…

So damn hot, she thought to herself.

Joy set off inside her like fireworks in her chest. She was going to get a baby, and Gigi would get a little sibling. And Conrad loved them both, and they were going to change the house and fill it with kids and make it theirs. And Nic would still be there, with them, but they would make it Billie’s, too. Everything was good in the world.

Conrad looked amused. “Are you thinking about taking my clothes off? You’ve got that look.”

“Do you think if we’re really quiet then we could—” She let her eyes slide to the bathroom door.

“Make love in the shower?” he asked. “Definitely. Let me just go start a movie for Gigi.”

“Lilo and Stitch,” Billie said, standing to pull off her shirt.

“And I will hurry,” Conrad said, stalling out as he eyed her lace bra.

“Conrad?” she asked, amused.

“Yes, right. Hurrying.”

~*~

“We need to talk to Gigi tonight,” Billie told him as they were toweling off.

Or, rather, she was toweling off. Conrad was dragging slow, sensual kisses over her neck and shoulders.

“You’re very distracting,” she said, as his hands got in the way of wrapping the towel around her body.

“Good,” he mumbled against her skin. Then he sighed. “I know. I don’t know how to explain all of this to her.”

“Me either.” She took a deep breath and said, “So, let’s start with facts.”

“Which ones?” he asked curiously.

“Fact, nothing is happening right now.”

Conrad followed closely behind her as she walked into the bedroom, wrapped in a towel. “But soon,” he said, pointedly.

“Fact, we don’t know if I can have a baby. So, first step is getting fertility testing done.”

“I bet I can get one in there,” he said, hand sliding to her belly. “With enough practice. Lots of practice.”

“Hilarious,” Billie said dryly.

“Sorry,” he said, not sounding sorry at all. “But you know the chances of conceiving after forty only decrease. They don’t disappear entirely. It’ll probably just take longer. Which implies that we should start right away.”

“Didn’t we just do that?” she asked, pointing back at the shower.

“Yes,” he said, smug. “Yes, we did.”

You could be pregnant right now, the nasty voice was back.

That’s not how it works, Billie snarled back at it. I’m still on the depo.

But the voice had gotten under her skin. Her temperature dropped as her brain began to whir through all the stages of fertilization and implantation, all of which could legitimately be happening in her uterus.

“Oh my god,” she whispered. “We’re going to try to have a baby.”

“Yes,” he said, bemused. “I thought we agreed. Did we not agree? Are we still talking about it? Because that’s fine, but we did just have sex without a condom and birth control has been known to fail. You look green. Are you going to throw up?”

Depo is really reliable, Billie told her brain before the nasty voice could chime in again. It takes months to get pregnant after going off birth control. Sometimes over a year. Calm down.

Billie shook her head. “No, I’m fine. We agreed. I just can’t quite believe our six-year-old is who convinced us to try.”

“I keep saying that I can only hope Gigi continues to use her powers for good.”

“I’ll call my doctor tomorrow about fertility testing.”

“In the meantime,” Conrad said in a serious voice. “I think it would be beneficial to do more testing of our own.”

Because Conrad was somewhat of a jack-of-all-trades, who could absolutely be planning a round of blood tests and sonograms, it took Billie a long pause to understand that he meant sex. She huffed out an amused breath and shoved his shoulder.

“And move in together,” he added, like ripping off a bandage.

“Yeah,” she said, nodding. “We should get some quotes from movers.”

“Because if we’re going to have a baby then—”

Conrad cut himself off as her agreement sank in. Then a megawatt smile broke out over his face, and he wrapped gentle arms around her.

“Gigi and I should move in with you while we get the addition put on,” Conrad said. “Lord only knows how long that will take. They quoted six months.”

“You think Gigi would be okay with that?”

“We’ll soften the blow somehow,” he promised, amusement making his voice deeper.

“That’s where we start with Gigi,” Billie pointed out. She pulled back and clutched his shoulders. “We tell her that we might not be getting married, but we’re all moving in together.”

“Please don’t take this the wrong way, honey,” Conrad murmured to her. “But how is that going to be different than things are now? You’re here every night.”

“And we have to tell her it’s not forever,” Billie said. “That we’ll move back in here once the extra rooms are done.”

“Because heaven forbid we live in your big beautiful house,” Conrad said with a grin.

And she knew he was teasing but she was legitimately worried about Gigi. Their house was the only home Gigi had ever known, and Billie felt like she was yanking Gigi from it.

“Oh, god, Gigi,” Billie said, as she suddenly realized what was at stake. “What if I can’t get pregnant? And then we’d have broken her heart.”

“Gigi would survive,” Conrad said, kissing her on the cheek. “Plus, we could adopt. Or use a surrogate. We have options.”

Her heart squeezed. “You’d do that?”

“Of course,” he said, blithe.

The joy was back, coursing through her veins and spreading through her limbs.

“I want seventeen,” he continued. “But I have a feeling you’ll cut me off at five.”

“Two.”

“Four,” he countered.

“Three,” she said, indignant.

“Works for me. I’ll quit my job and become a house husband. I’ll moonlight with search and rescue, and you’ll be CEO.”

“Not that you’ve given this much thought at all.” She dropped her eyes to his chest. “But you’re okay if it’s just one more, right?”

“Of course,” he said, soothingly. “And I’d be happy if it’s just us and Gigi. But the more the merrier in my opinion.”

“I can’t do more than three,” Billie said, firm. “Total.”

Then she pictured them—three little girls with the same chins and noses, with big brown eyes, and cheeky grins. The floaty weightlessness was back in her chest.

“Yeah, we’ll see about that,” he murmured. He pressed a kiss to her forehead and moved to the dresser to pull out clothes.

She took a moment to anchor herself.

“And you’re okay putting a pin in the whole marriage thing?” she asked.

Conrad gave her an amused look as he pulled on a pair of jeans. “Are you?”

Relieved, she thought. To him, she said, “I don’t know if I want to get married.”

But she couldn’t quite decide if that was because she had never particularly wanted to, or if it was because he had already done it. Or it was a complicated mix of both. And her brain was tired, so she shoved the conflicting emotions away.

“That’s fair,” he said, voice achingly gentle.

We’re going to have a baby, she thought to herself. And they might have Conrad’s eyes. Or his hair. And they would definitely have his kindness and probably his sass—because even if they weren’t born with those, they would definitely learn those qualities quickly between Conrad and Gigi.

She had been watching him throw his jewelry back on, eyes roving over his bare chest and shoulders as the muscles rippled beneath his skin. She hadn’t realized she was so obviously drooling until he spoke again.

“One more round? Of fertility testing.”

“Yes, please,” she said in the prim voice she knew always turned him on and made him want to muss her up a bit.

He tackled her to the bed, mouth catching hers even as she laughed. When they were both breathing heavily, he pulled back and asked, “Hawkins-Sutton? Or Sutton-Hawkins?”

“I’m not hyphenating,” she said, dazed and panting against his face.

He sucked a kiss onto her neck, and then shushed her gently when she moaned just a little too loudly. They paused, straining to listen. No footsteps came up the stairs, so they relaxed.

“No, I know,” he said belatedly responding to her. “But for the baby.”

“Why would we hyphenate hers?”

“Hers?” he asked.

“You’re a Girl Dad, honey,” she said. She felt drunk. Was that from the feel of him against her? Or was that the happiness? “It’s your fate.”

He pondered that. “That sounds nice.”

“Exactly,” she said primly and watched his eyes darken in response. “Girl Dad.”

Conrad tugged on her towel and then growled when she giggled and held onto it. “Give me that,” he said, and she let go, letting him toss it across the room.

“But we should have her name match Gigi’s,” Billie said.

“But she needs to match you, too,” he said agreeably. “Sutton as a middle name?”

“Sure. And maybe, if we have the baby, I’ll take Hawkins.”

He stilled and pushed himself up on his forearms, hovering half over and half on top of her.

“You’d take my name?” he asked gruff. “I didn’t think you would do that.”

“I’d still use Sutton professionally,” she said. “I just like the idea of all of us matching. It’s cute.”

“You’d take my name?” he asked again.

“Yes, Conrad. I’d take your name.” She felt him shiver against her, and her brow furrowed. “Conrad?”

“That’s so unbelievably hot,” he said.

“I never thought you were that traditional,” she said, the words stilted in her astonishment.

“I’m not,” he said.

Billie eyed him. “Are you okay?”

“Today has melted my brain,” he said, dropping his face into the pillow her head was resting on. “I’m getting everything I want,” he said, voice muffled.

“I’m getting everything I want, too.”

He rolled his head, so that his lips brushed her ear. “Except the name. I don’t care about that.”

“Clearly,” she murmured.

“I just like that you want it.”

“If we have the baby,” she insisted.

“When,” he said.

Then, at the mention of this hypothetical baby, for whom they had already assigned a sex, Billie went icy cold again. “Oh my god. We’re going to have a baby.”

After a second, she realized Conrad was shaking on top of her. She reared back, terrified he was having a seizure, only to find him silently laughing.

“Excuse you,” she said.

“Today melted your brain, too.”

“I never thought I would be here,” she said.

“Happy?”

And she knew he was asking Are you happy? But the other meaning was true, too. She never really thought she would be. Content, yes. Fulfilled, yes. But she never dared to imagine happy.

“Perfectly,” she said.

“If we want to get a round of fertility testing out of the way, we better hurry,” Conrad said, looking at the clock. “Stitch has probably just been re-kidnapped.”

“You better work fast then, doctor.”

He smirked, leaning down and settling his lips on hers in the world’s most gentle touch. Three slow, lazy, languid kisses later, though, he raised his head again. She chased him for a moment, then let her head collapse back on the pillow.

“I’m going to call the contractor in the morning. I’ll get quotes on moving companies, too.”

Impatience swept through her. “Conrad, I am so glad you’re excited. I’m excited, too. Now shut up and kiss me before Stitch goes home.”

“Yes, Mrs. Hawkins.”

“Oh my god,” she muttered. “Now I’m not taking your name just to spite you.”

“That’s fine. Because I’ll always know you wanted to.”

She couldn’t help the giggle that escaped her.

#the resident #billie sutton #conllie #conrad x billie #cobillie #fanfic #gigi hawkins #billie x conrad #conradbillie

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