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heartshapedcas · 2 years

Text

And if I can’t go home, I’ll build one in these bones

@spnpoetryrenaissance prompts: bodies & home

transcript under the cut

The body count started the moment I crashed into these bones

Wrapped myself around two lungs

and melted into muscles all the way down

to feet that have been carrying me ever since.

Always walking away

toward some higher altitude absolution

where I'll make myself worthy

of the eyes that once watched that little girl run through fields instead of fire

of the arms that sheltered her from nightmares

about monsters that look a little too much

like me.

Maybe I'll never stop striving to be better

but quietly, somewhere along the way,

forgiveness flooded the path

splashing up at me with every step

I can feel it seeping in

I thought if I could be useful

that goodness would follow

But what are healing hands

to legs that keep leaving?

What good is this body if it can't be held onto?

And when is a good time to tell you

That your hand on my shoulder

breath on my cheek

arms circled around me like a new kind of halo

helped me learn to make a home of myself

The way you pulled the love right out of my stolen chest

Gave me words and a place to come back to

Again and again

Until the heart and the home and the phrases were my own.

Now I'm sitting here in this beating heart

and I can hear a thousand others.

These ears weren't meant to know the melody of a prayer 20 miles away

Or the bumblebee buzzing in a garden two doors down

Just as these wings weren't meant to sway in a slowdance

Or fold around a child of my own

But I’ve settled into the entirety of me

whatever I was before, swallowed down

absorbed into the walls

and the door inside with a lock

and a key that fits only in my palm

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