#sometimes i write some hella depressing shit
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WARNING: OPINIONS BELOW
not to bring up old amd major fandom discourse but...
okay so watching the atla live action drove me back into my 2010 zutara era, and reading all that zutara fanfic made me think of klance (the other blue/red ship we should have had) so i was reading klance fic which made me realize i forgot most of the show and made me want to rewatch the show and im about to finish season 2 again and guys??? omg????
ok i was a klance girly thru and thru like everyone else but in the early seasons like 1 and 2 (and i realize what i'm about to say is blasphemous but bear with me) allura and keith had HELLA chemistry. like they had bonding moments and had like...a lot of deep talks and skinship (like the ep where they thought they were being tracked by zarkon, or the ep where allura gets over some of her galra hatred for keith's sake, etc etc) and were honestly more compelling than allura and lance or allura and shiro. maybe it's because i'm no longer a child/i'm looking at it through a more critical lens but the dynamics are totally different than what i remember in the early seasons.
OBVIOUSLY IT'S MEANT PLATONICALLY IN THE SHOW but the chemistry is real platonically or romantically. and for fandom that ships anything with a pulse, this ship really should have been more popular.
i think ppl were just so obsessed with wanting gay characters or characters with specific sexualities that they glossed over characters that had real chemistry. and only sticking to the skinny characters was whack. lance had hella chemistry with hunk and but i think y'all are too fatphobic to properly appreciate him. i blame the show for making hunk the least fleshed out of the main characters. hunk is more than comic relief!
also? y'all butchered my boy keith in fanon. he's got way more personality in the real show than in fanon, which like i understand that usually fanon characters have less personality but the difference is wild. canon keith is not nearly as withdrawn or moody as he is in fanon, he's just kind of a grumpy guy who knows what he wants and is incredibly determined to get it. he's not as emo or depressed (or repressed) as fanon makes him either
for the record, i'm still klance for LIFE but omg have a little fun sometimes. bi keith supremacy.
also, unrelated and completely off-topic sidenote, stop writing spanish into your fics if you can't speak it. i can't speak it even i can tell yall on some gringo shit. use italics or <brackets> like they do in comic books and webtoons. way less cringe.
#tell me how blasphemous is this post scale from 1-10#klance#voltron#voltron legendary defender#i'm telling you we deserved one (1) kiss involving keith#could've been allura or lance idc#ALSO I DON'T WANNA HEAR IT IF YOU HATE ZUTARA OR KLANCE#IDGAF#FANDOM IS MEANT FOR FUN AND I LIKE MY PURPLE PAIRINGS#oh the yinyang of it all#anyways i still wont watch season 8#no siree i value myself
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STAN MARSH and KYLE BROFLOVSKI friendship hc's!! ☆⋆｡𖦹°‧★
pairings; stan and kyle x fem!reader (all aged up 18+)
summary; goofy friendship head cannons!!
warnings; cussing, underage drinking
a/n; my first time writing so lmk if theres any mistakes
YOUR FRIEND GROUP WITH THEM
you guys try to start a band. stan plays the electric guitar and you play the drums. but kyle.... oh sweet kyle. this orange head plays some type of classical instrument. my boy be playing the cello during a mcr (my chemical romance) song i swear😭😭.
stan: "dude c'mon this ain't the 1700's your piano doesn't belong here."
y/n: "yeah pack it up bethoven"
kyle: "DUDE IM SORWRY YK MY PARENTS MAQDE ME PLAY THIS GAY ASS INSTRUMENT!!!"
you and stan just giggle
there's always sleepovers at your house 24/7. your house is a safe spot for them. like y'all always snuggle and cuddle together in your bed. its so comfy too because you have so many plushies. you guys always watch movies and take naps after for sureee.<33
baking bro. kyle is the best baker out of y'all. one time stan and you tried to bake premade cookies. hell nah the fire department came. kyle was so mad that day becuase it was his oven and his parents were out of town... you and stan had to get summer jobs to pay off his oven. you guys still owe money whoops. you guys really hope kyle forgot about this accident. (he didn't.)
you guys go stargazing!! and it's the best thing to do too. kyle would bring his telescope and. you and stan would bring the snacks, flashlights, and blankets. one time you guys went and there was a mediator shower. all of you guys were in awe as you saw the mediators flash by. lowkey wanna of the best and rememberable moment you guys all have together.
YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITH STAN
sometimes when stan is having a bad day with his parents he sneaks into your room and brings some beer to drink with you. kyle doesn't know you guys do this at all. but you guys drink A LOT whenever he comes over. it's literally a problem but #yolo😜. the conversations are worth it though. you guys talk about the meaning of life and. say some random ass shit. for example you both confessed that you had a crush on each other at some point in your guys life. nothing but laughter after that.
one time stan decided he wanted you to bleach his hair. he only wanted to dye it cause he didn't wanna look like his dad. he was having a mental breakdown about it. he never really shows this side to anyone but you, his bestie. he cries into your chest for a long time after venting. once he looks at your shirt (filled with snot and tears) he says "sorry" so much it's literally so cute. once you were done comforting him it was time to bleach his hair:D. (Y'ALL WERE STILL DRUNK) after bleaching his hair it looked good to y'all at that time... when he got sober he literally said, "y/n what the fuck happened to my hair." clearly you remembered what led to his bleached hair but he didn't. stan dyed it back to black himself ha.
he always plays his guitar to you. if he had a crush on you he'd definitely write a love song for you to listen to. definitely hasn't wrote one before. he play's all these catchy riffs for you and loves to see your face in awe. always tries to teach you to play but you get distracted cause he's so close to you😏. you listen to music with him 24/7 and share headphones!! radiohead, deftones, mcr, my bloody valentine are y'alls go to music artists. music is therapy for y'all.
THIRFTING!!! y'all go thrifting everyday bro i swear. he always finds the best stuff too. he finds all the embroidered jeans, vintage tees, and hella cool jewelry. LIKE HELLOO SHARING IS CARINGG!!! nah but you guys do be sharing clothes and accessories. since you guys have the same style. you guys also be pulling up to them yard sales. that's when your luck happens and. that's when stan gets jealous. you guys are depressed but well dressed.
YOUR FRIENDSHIP WITH KYLE
you always play with his hair. since its so cute and fluffy. he often gets insecure cause of cartman. but it comforts him when you play and style his hair. when you style his hair i'm talking about pigtails, braids, space buns all that cute stuff. to go with that you add clips, headbands and bows. he looks goofy as hell but anything for his best friend. sometimes when he's so stressed he asks if he can come over to your house. you say yes ofc. he only comes just so he can get his hair played by you. once you guys start chatting away and his hair is getting played with he get's so relaxed. this is what heaven feels like to him!!
starbies and studying at the library. ok out of the 3 of y'all you and kyle are the smartest. when you go to the library you guys always go to your go to spot every time. if someone is setting there. kyle asks them to politely leave. if not his short temper comes out. once the person finally leaves you guys set up everything organized. you guys borrow fancy highlighters for notes and. big wordy text books to read to each other. you guys always go over the answers if you have tests at school. kyle usually is the first to one to passout. so you have to carry him out of the library sometimes. he looks so peaceful why would you wanna wake him up😭. stan secretly gets jealous that you guys study at the library without him. like come on guys he's smart too.
PLAYING DREIDEL WITH HIM!!! he adores when you play dreidel with him! you always loose though🙄. no one can out beat him. when he first asked you to play with him and. you asked him what it was. he was so excited to tell you. you fell asleep because he told you the whole ass history of the dreidel. like you just wanted to learn how to play😭. whenever it's getting close to hannukah you make dreidels out of clay for everyone. you decorate them and stuff. sheila is tearing up cause y'all so cute together making dreidel's. she defenitly takes a photo of you two. after you gave everyone their dreidel. the last person to receive one was cartman.... it didn't go so well.
since you guys are nerds. you guys definitely write emo poems and. it always be late at night too. this is when y'all become so sensitive and emotional. trauma, bullying, blood, sweat, and tears. go into these poems omfg. you guys also write books for ike!! he loves them!! especially the ones from you. you and kyle also write dumb ass books for each other too. they even have lil crayon drawings lmaoo. for example: kyle wrote on called, "jew on the boat". it was one page that said, "jew on the boat". with a silly drawing. HELPPP YOU GUYS LAUGHED AT THIS FOR HOURS AND. IT WASN'T EVEN THAT FUNNY.
#south park x reader#south park hcs#south park x you#south park x y/n#stan marsh x reader#stan marsh x you#stan marsh x y/n#stan marsh#kyle broflovski x reader#kyle broflovski x you#kyle broflovski x y/n#kyle broflovski#- kye writes!
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TW: vent, personal..
Okay so.. I'm almost 100% sure that some fans thought that today's FAFFS episode was a called out to me.. like lol
I'm very self-conscious in this regard.. like if someone is talking about me.. or it's just simply my paranoia lol vsjsjbsksk
Anyway.. I'll address that matter to clear up some things and so no one will assume anything about me...
Sun is dealing better with stress due to detachment and dissociation.. Remember he needs to be stronger.. His personal problems (mental or not) are insignificant comparing to what they're dealing with rn.. or anytime really.. cause Sun thinks that his issues are just not that important..
He's doing better but at the same time not.. he definitely isn't in his best mental health.. like pls let's not forget that Sun is a known liar..
Like him hurting himself and being suicidal definitely means that he's not okay even if he continues to say otherwise..
He's far from mental breakdown for sure.. I never even said that he'll have one or that he'll snap in anger and all that shit that was in today's FAFFS episode.. (episode was hella funny so it's not complaint about the episode btw)
I only said that he may have another psychotic episode which isn't the same thing as mental breakdown.. It's definitely more probable considering that he has some sort of psychosis (probably depressive one)..
I don't know why I feel compelled to explain all of this.. sometimes I feel like I need to defend everything I say about Sun or about this show... QwQ (cause I feel like others are judging me and looking down on me because of what I'm saying.. sometimes I feel really stupid for saying something.. like for example sharing some thoughts on some things..) (edit: it's not only in this fandom that I feel like that.. maybe I have some issues lol definitely)
But talking about that helps me a little bit.. cause when I'm thinking about things like that too much without letting them out.. they're just killing me from the inside.. QwQ
I didn't write that to offend anyone.. I just simply felt the pressure that I need to explain myself.. cause many times I've seen that people didn't understand what I'm saying.. I know that I'm not the best in explaining things so probably that's why.. 😓
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Diff anon but does Dabi have D.I.D. or split personalities in timh? I was wondering cuz of the drastic mood swings and names changing sometimes depending on how he's acting
Not, like, explicitly but I kinda default Touya with some form of dissociative disorder in every fic I write because he's hella system coded. I have whole ass hcs about it (which you can ask about you know you wanna ask about) and honestly at some point i gotta write a fic where he is explicitly a system.
In timh tho most of his mental shit is more centered around psychosis and him falling in and out of delusional states of mind, coupled with being groomed and shit as a kid so having really mixed up perspectives about shit. This is where a lot of his big shifts in mental states come from, specifically like when he stopped taking his medication without telling anyone, making his mental state worse, and like after the miscarriage entering a psychotic episode due to postpartum psychosis and depression. Again just because I do tend to default him as some kind of a system even if i dont go into it too deep, that also plays a part in things with the shifts between using "dabi" and "Touya" and him hearing voices. Though both those things could also be contributed to his psychosis.
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All the even numers >:)
Bahahaha, alright Anon. I saved this for last.
2. Do you drink tea or coffee? How do you take it?
(Answered here)
4. Do you sleep on your back, stomach or side?
I'm a side sleeper, mostly facing outwards. But sometimes, I wind up on my back and when I do I snore so loud Doom Them has to wake me up.
6. Do you prefer drawing or writing?
I can't draw for shit. Writing is my creative talent
8. What’s your favourite band/artist?
I have SO many. I listen to a wild range of music. Everything from ska to indie rock to punk to emo to pop. Some of my all-time fave bands include: The Killers, Foreigner, Avett Brothers, Postal Service, Betty Who, Beyonce, Lizzo, Tegan and Sara.
10. How tall are you?
5'6" or 168 cm
12. Who are five (or more) people you want to hug right now?
@otahkoapisiakii @bittersweet-bibliophile @the-kazoo-kid @gaelic-symphony @mygenitiveisobjective
14. What’s your favourite colour?
(Answered here)
16. Want any tattoos? What of?
I have around 35 tattoos (hard to count when you have half sleeves and such). I DO want more tattoos, but in the past two years one of my chronic conditions has made it so I'm allergic to my tattoos. They get welts and hives all the time. Which really sucks because uhhhh, my entire body is covered in them 🤷♂️
18. Who is the last person you texted?
I sent Frankie some smut as a little treat!
20. What/who do you miss?
I miss all my loves in the US. But in terms of 'what' -- the thing I miss everyday is being able to leave my house without it having to be an entire Event. I miss life before the pandemic where I didn't have to take 100 pre-emptive steps to protect myself every time I go out. I miss 2020 when everyone (in my country) was in this together, when everyone was masking and staying home when they were sick, when everything was accessible by being online. I miss when people cared.
The pandemic isn't over. Some of us have never left lockdown.
22. How much sleep did you get last night?
I actually went to sleep hella early. I was asleep before my daily kudos email (this is how I tell time, okay?) which comes about 00:20. Then, I got up early with Doom Them -- so I think I got about 7 hours? I only need 5-6 to be functional.
24. When was the last time you cried? Why?
Last night I cried from laughing so hard at this picture of our cat
26. What are some seemingly childish things you like?
I don't believe joy has an age limit. I'm a regular at our local toy stores, I know all the staff, I'm always buying new fidget toys and Squishmallows. I got into Squishmallows about the same time I got my Autism dx (mid-2020) and since then, Squish have become a constant form of comfort for us. We currently have about 300 in our collection -- and that's after some major downsizing. There's no way to know how many squish we've rotated through over the years. Here's the last full squad photo we took in Jan 2022 (there's nowhere in our house to do a full pic of the 300 we have currently)
28. How are you, really?
I'm actually doing well this week. Summer weather arrived without warning and my depression is lifting. I feel really inspired for the first time in weeks!
30. What are you looking forward to in the near future?
Finishing Fooled Around (and Fell in Love) - Part 3!!!!!!!!
32. If you could go anywhere right now, where would you go?
If I could see my US friends without actually having to go to the US itself, that would be perfect.
34. What’s your favourite flower?
(Answered Here)
36. Do you like your middle name?
Not really. My middle name is the name of some random ski instructor my parents met the year before I was born (I have theories about this, about why my dad randomly remembered this person's name -- but that's a whole other thing. Oh, and also that's one of my middle names, it's complicated. I have like 5 names)
38. Do you have any phobias?
Ornithophobia (fear of birds). Also scared of horses, cows, and airbags.
40. Do you like the beach? Do you prefer it sunny or cloudy?
YES!! I love living ten minutes from the beach. We go there a lot to relax and scream at the ocean. I prefer sunny weather, hands down, but it's cloudy 90% of the time here.
42. Tag 5 of your favourite blogs
Oh, this is really difficult. I'll just tag some rad mutuals: @knitmeapony @chaotic-archaeologist @unitchiefs-blackbirdphoenix @gaelic-symphony @artcake
44. Who was the last person you said “I love you” to?
I've said 'I love you' to at least five people today and it's only 10am. And I meant every one of those. I'm very much the type of person who loves my partners and friends openly and freely.
46. What do you need when you’re sad?
Cranky Cave(tm)! Cranky cave is when I'm having meltdowns. I go to my room and turn on the fairy lights and galaxy projector. Grab a ton of squish and fidgets. Bury myself in blankets. And watch my comfort shows.
48. Who’s someone you can trust with your life?
Doom Them, Kay, Coyote.
[Send Me Asks]
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Well damn.. I respect your marianne takes but thats pretty brutal.. Checked out their supports and like, C is okay, A is pretty cute! but B is really nasty weird like what??? Just straight up degrading Marianne and guilting her about it too, which to me is odd cause Hilda's usually less demeaning! I know getting people to do your work for you is kinda shitty, but most of her supports end with her balancing out a bit, or doing things back for people, but with Marianne it's only in the A support you get something resembling a connection!It's annoying, cause Marianne isn't stupid enough to not realize what Hilda is doing, especially during C and A when she almost admits she's being manipulative, I get that Marianne is a very meek person, but I dont get how she doesn't talk about it at all during the A support. They really should've left out the B support and wrote something about Marianne trying to stay away from Hilda cause she doesn't want to deal with the mind games or something? With Hilda doing some damn reflecting, which she can and does do! I feel their relationship is usually fun, but that B support is just gross! Almost everyone else she tries to manipulate like that either sees through her or calls her on it, and she sometimes admits what she's doing isn't good even if it is to try and avoid having people expect something of her, and either takes a bit more responsibility (Cyril, Mercedes, Lorenz) or tries to compense somehow (Ignatz, Annette, also Mercedes)! And usually if she manipulates "too well" she feels guilty and tries to fix it, but suddenly she's completely fine guilting Marianne into the ground. It's inconsistent! I'm not trying to change your mind about it, maybe subconsciously, sorry. It just makes me sad to see you hate the pairing that much, even if it makes hella sense cause that B support is that garbage. 3 houses' writing is. frustrating, in the worst way... On the one hand you've got great, flawed but lovable characters with interesting dynamics, but then they make Hilda, who's supposed to be a bit of a manipulative asshole with a good heart just. a manipulative scumbag with no qualms about destroying Marianne's self worth some more. Supports with Caspar or Cyril or even Byleth aren't like that! I wanna love Hilda and think, in most content, e.g. heroes or warriors or fics or art, that she and Marianne are a really cute couple that can bring the best from each other, with Marianne making Hilda take a bit more responsibility and Hilda making Marianne a bit more confident in her own worth/rights. It makes me so sad!!!! Jesus christ this is fucking essay I'm so sorry. I'm still gonna send it cause I wonder what you think and value your opinions a lot, but this can't be interesting so I get if you don't wanna fuckin bother. I wanna enjoy the pairing but that can be difficult, so I guess that's why I spewed this much text at you, sorry again 😔
im not gonna reread the supports but if you think only B is fucked up then i am worried about you anon. B might be particularly bad but they are all following the exact same plot of 'hilda convinces marianne she sucks shit and needs more practice, so she can push off all her work on her', which like. yes its manipulative and shitty and awful. but the real issue is the constant fucking 'damn marianne youre basically the worst you suck' i dont CARE about her reason, thats not something you should ever say to someone who is seriously fucking depressed.
as always though anon. i dont give a fuck which anime characters you like. youre more than welcome to toss the whole 3h script into the bin if it makes you feel comfortable liking hilda more. theres no rules and you are only binding yourself.
i am done talking about marihilda though, for the day. so i will probably not answer if you send another ask about them. dont let people on the internet dictate who you can and cant like. love u <3
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I see u 👀 changing ur pfp & background image... are u teasing us 😫. I miss u and ur scrump-didily-umptious writing
why do y’all notice EVERYTHING ‼️‼️ yes you degenerates I have works almost done to post 😔 hella ppl died in my family at once and I am in school plus writing for work so academic writing fries my brain. low key kinda want beta readers so i don’t have to edit as hard core bc grammarly just isn’t cutting it and ppl repost my works on other websites (idc as long as there’s some sort of credit somewhere) and i cant be posting unedited things. I’m gonna make a master list too sorry I be depressed and shit sometimes LMAOOO
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The past few weeks I’ve been observing, exploring, and understanding several areas in my life. I can say that this brings more peace to the extreme chaotic emotional realm as well as slowing down my brain from endless loop of thinking of stuff beyond my control.
I spend most of my time alone now. So peaceful and relaxing. I just found that my own self is my best friend. I am just tough on myself most of the time. I mean independence should be just something common since we’re adults. but well, for some to be able to operate autonomously by yourself is a privilege.
I know, the past few weeks have been rough. and the last few days hormonal changes are extremely hard on me. I have period since I'm 12 but every time, it’s a brand-new madness. I’ve been practicing mindfulness (inconsistently) since late 2020, I also had some therapy sessions to help me with my anxiety. I know basic and best practice to manage stress and anxiety. But for the past few weeks I’ve been practicing meditation, journaling, reading, and slowing down. It’s hella great yeah!
I don't know if it was my Aries ass that is always easily triggered or I just can't chill, but those who knows me well and how chaotic my emotional realm can understand that sometimes I can't even control how I feel about certain things. But I actually know how to do that. I’m just letting my emotions (which def only a passerby) control me. So, these days I feel extremely depressed like I’m alive but not living,
I try to have a conversation with myself. Journaling, writing, talking it out, just letting those temporal asshole negative emotions to just explode in those medium. Well, I do still googling stuff to help me navigate how it should work, but then, I am able to see the whole thing in both personal point of view and bigger picture. I am also able to understand and validate my feelings and emotions. I def don't feel certain feelings and emotions just because I like to because I'm the dramatic ass biatch lol. Everything has its own trigger and sometimes, previous experiences and trauma make the insecurities within even stronger. May those assholes who leave scars on our skins and mind rot in hell. Amen.
I mean I want to deny that I can be needy and codependent but independent and self-sufficient at the same time. Kinda confusing but that’s true lol. And at the same time, I can play it out with that situation if I know where to put those in the right place. Only needy when partner is around, but independent like a boss babe when partner isn't around. Men are hella distracting I have to say. There are always two sides of the coin, there’s always some parts that is more dominating, and with a little more consciousness to be put in the situation, try to be more engaged with them and understand how to navigate the whole thing, I think that might work.
Exploration is another word I like a lot these days. The act of exploring the unknown, the gray area, finding, etc. Whether exploring intimacy and sexual or romantical relation, exploring the emotions and thoughts, exploring is like learning. You don't bring pre-judgments to the table; you just try to understand and learn. What works, what doesn't work, and whether there’s a development opportunity part where we can try to work things out. I explored a new “territory” a few weeks ago and I use kindness, love, patience, engagement and understanding as approach, somehow it works. Well maybe that’s how it should work as well all the time but my egoist ass just like to make it hard lol
I somehow still have a hard time applying that to myself. As you know (or maybe you don't know, but maybe people also have similar polarity as well), I have these 2 sides of me that are always on different magnetic polar. One that Independent, leader, I can't get shits together, organized, boss babe, work like a champ, smart ass, winner, goal-oriented, egoistic, control freak, focused, a totally red and Aries fire champ, one that hates rejection, scared of the unknown future, one that have abandonment issues, etc, and there’s the lazy ass, moody, messy, but patient, loving, emotional, needy, slow, insecure, distracted easily etc. I need to figure out ways to have these two sides work together so I can have a better life.
So far, what works is by starting my day with 15-30 mins of meditation. I write down my feelings and analyze them then give myself some word affirmations, light my incense, and manifest all the great things for myself. Just like what the boy in Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist said (I just finished this so I have the need to show it off):
“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it.”
Know what you want, believe that you deserve it, and you’ll get it. Maaaaaaaybe not as what you wanted in your head but it’s the best for you. Or just what this quote said:
“Who you’ll meet, where you work, who you’ll fall in love with, think you have figured it all out? Life has better ideas. Life gives you more than you thought. It is what you need underneath the want. It gives you what you can't breathe without.“
I believe that our lives have already been written for us and all we have to do is to live it and go with the flow and open to the unknown and infinite possibilities. Although I still want to control certain outcomes but still, sometimes things are beyond my control. I have to learn to live life maybe using different methods, but still not controlling how it works out. I mean, we should be living the life that applies to our current situation, no? Some traditional living values might not be applicable anymore to our current lives. I mean I'm a pretty flexible person and I can fit certain lifestyle, although in the future it depends on what I agreed on with my future partner. But living an unconventional, creative and against the mainstream life, isnt a bad idea, right? At the end we’re exploring the certain kind of life we want and pursue the passion that becomes the drives of our lives.
But yea, Bali feels like a home now.
Dam I write a lot. lol.
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#delete later#sometimes i write some hella depressing shit#but then pretend everything is ok#it's like idk ...#i feel like i've been conditioned to see the positives in every situation every day#yet cry myself to sleep idk#like i'll be writing something or talking to someone about my feelings#but then automatically say but i'm ok or it's going to be ok soon!#and smile that shit off#idk i've started noticing that this is something i do quite a bit#i want to stop and be genuinely honest about how i feel#but my own mind won't let me?#one thing i hate is when people are asked to describe me#but it's always something like she's the life of the party#or she brightens up every room with her smile#her smile and laugh are contagious what would we do without jordana's positivity#but what would i do without my positivity#i feel like i'm going through a bit of an identity crisis and i want to s c r e a m#i am so sorry if you read all these tags#i talk a lot of shit#hehe#it's fine#i'll be fine#it's whatever i guess
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me.. simply taking out the trash when it is full. simply washing clothes when they need to be washed. simply taking a shower like a normal person.. it's more likely than you (I) think
#I mean I still struggled making it happen but I did it. only dishes and snail care left which I'll tackle in the morning#why is this still such a pain. why did I have to spend the entire day feeling slightly off kilter and hella sick - who knows#I just want to go back to being a responsible capable being but it's such a struggle to make even the smallest things happen#all I ate today was two kohlrabi and I didn't even think to make food it just didn't come to mind which is still pretty bad#I know I told the lady during the interview that I believe I can handle the six weeks with them but tbh I'm not so sure#could be I go there and fail on every level and they tell me to go back to more sick leave and recovery#it just feels like I haven't made a single bit of progress in the past year and a half and it fucking sucks#I don't want to be this person who can't even cope with life anymore. this isn't me#and writing on here seems more like screaming to an empty void than ever. hard to think sb actually cares and why should they#that's not their purpose in life. I need to just do this on my own somehow#like I used to for all these years before I pretty much just fell apart#sometimes therapy teaching you to feel things again just fucks you up beyond recognition#sometimes introspection and hope and wishing for connection just set you up for disappointment and failure#idk#I'm so tired. somehow this kind of depressed is worse than the one I dealt with for the previous decade and a half#somehow not dissociating actually did make it a lot worse to deal with. I mean I was advised this might happen#I guess I just didn't think this much bad shit would happen right after we made some progress with that#who could have known there would be three deaths in one year and mobbing at work and more stress than I thought possible at once#I thought getting through my exams was the hard part but nah it was everything that came after#what was supposed to be an achievement to be proud of (Vorarbeiter at 28) turned into absolute fucking hell#I just wanted an average normal fucking settled life working as a gardener for the city but this has been a fucking nightmare and a half#I miss being happy. it was only there for a few months but it was amazing. and those two weeks of absolute bliss.. would give anything#would give anything to feel that again#anyway. I know only like two people will read this and to them: thank you. I appreciate you#I guess I'd just rather not exist right now at least until things get better again#everything I had looked forward to. all the plans I'd make have kind of just burned away into ash and smoke and it makes me sad#but I don't blame anyone or the circumstances either. I just wish I could be more hopeful that things will happen again someday#but right now there isn't any hope left in this box of mine#I should go to bed. this is pointless ruminating and it's not helping me
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How do you think Kirumi, Miu, Kokichi, Kaito, and Shuichi would react to a reader that goes insane? Like, insane as in psychopathic but not killer psychopathic and they keep talking about a potion that can make it all better?
Hi! I’m very sorry but I dont write for Miu and Kirumi (sorry, I just don’t like them enough to write for them!) but I can make an exception for Kaito! Thanks for requesting and I hope you understand! (Also, it was easier for me to write if the reader is already insane so I’m sorry if that bothers you!)
*After getting a warning from someone about how it is stereotypical to call someone a psychopath with this sort of behavior, I changed it to be sadistic on behalf of their request. I’m not sure if I got everything but thanks for the warning!
🟪🟨(?) Kokichi, Kaito, Shuichi reacting to sadistic reader
Pairings: Kokichi x reader, Kaito x reader, Shuichi x reader
A/n: please read tag rules before continuing! Thanks! Also I made it so reader is in a relationship with some characters because it would be better for the plot
Kokichi:
•He doesn’t really care that you’re sadistic. Like, he already has some sadistic traits so he’s sort of immune to that kind of behavior
•But if you’re beginning to go mad, talking nonsense and all, then he would start to get a bit of annoyed mixed with worry
•Sometimes when a body is discovered he would look over at you to just see you staring at the body while others are tearing up, making it seem like your the culprit
•This also lead to, in many class trials, you almost being voted out even though you didn’t kill anyone. Of course he still was on your side, but he couldn’t help but think that you were maybe the culprit after all…
•You both had visited the science lab area once, and got a “lecture” on different poisons from Maki
•Then you began talking about how you wanted to drink the poison, saying it would make your troubles go away, making Kokichi think that you were depressed
•He had asked you about it later, but then remembered that you were the embodiment of insanity so he just shrugged it off
•But he’s still worried about you (sort of) :(
Shuichi:
•Yeah, he would do his best to stay away from you basically the whole killing game
•But when you both actually communicated for the first time, he was like “this person ain’t even a danger to me, what could go wrong?”
•…
•Since he didn’t have Kaede anymore, you were pretty much the only person he had left, meaning you should get used to being by his side
•Since he’s almost always with you, he always attests for you in trials
•Unless, of course, evidence is suspiciously pointing towards you…
•Other than that, he sometimes gets a bit scared from your bursts of demonic laughter and nonsense, so just be careful when he’s around because :( he don’t wanna deal with that
•He’s used to you and Kokichi’s lies already, so don’t expect to trick him by yourself. Sometimes you’d get Kokichi to help you trick him so he would have to believe your lies
•He always checks up on you tho, like “Are you mentally stable rn? Do you have any triggers? I’ll always stay by your side, even if you’re a possible murderer <3”
Kaito:
•Haha
•This fool
•Is HELLA scared of you
•He tries to act tough a lot when you’re around, half because he likes you (shh) and the other half because he doesn’t want you to think he’s an easy target
•But dude
•When you aren’t there, he would start talking SHIT behind your back
•Nothing bad, just talking about how scary you are
•“F/n… they’re gonna kill me one day, man… I’m supposed to be manly but I’m afraid that they’re gonna kill me in my sleep (•—•,)”
•Though he’s scared of you (kinda), he really does like you! Like Shuichi, he sticks up for you in class trials unless your basically the only one you could’ve killed the victim… then that’s when he’s truly scared of you
•After the culprit was caught, but all evidence pointed to you, he would keep his distance until you’re safe again
•I mean, you’re that suspicious so he doesn’t want to be a victim
•Just don’t act weird because that ain’t cool
Tags
#shuichi x reader#kokichi x reader#kaito x reader#shuichi saihara is actually hot#like no seriously#danganronpa x reader#drv3#drv3 x reader#anime x reader
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Shit they don’t tell you about Autism/Aspergers
Well, I’ve been learning more and more about different signs of being neurodiverse and I thought I’d put my own experiences here just in case it might be able to help someone else understand their diagnosis or themselves better. If you feel you have Autism, please speak to your GP or doctor to be able to talk to a professional because like all things, self diagnosing isn’t a good idea, ya feel me.
- Let’s talk clothing b. Yes, so basically Autistics like to dress more comfortable, probably hate things like tags (I used to cut them off) and might only wear certain fabrics. Some people might wear certain colours only as well. Although, the general thing is that Autistics “aren’t expressive” you’ll find a lot of Autistics are and that might be reflected through their alternative clothing choices. Another thing is you might have very sensitive skin, washing powder can cause rashes and itchiness, you might not even be able to use soap.
- Hair. Hair is so gross. So basically you might feel that having your hair in your face is so annoying. Ever since I was little I always remember just tying my hair up and leaving it like that. Wanting short hair to avoid it touching your face because of sensory issues. Although, you might like to have it coloured and expressive you might struggle to have your hair down because it just feels so gross. In relation to hair when washing it you might hate the sensation of shampoo and water and all that.
- Although, being very monotone is a sign of Autism being very expressive is also a sign. The thing is I feel a lot of Autistic people without the correct support have probably got a diagnosis of depression or anxiety and I feel like that combined with feeling Autistic might make it hard for you to put any energy into things, whereas you know you are a expressive person. Also you probably have hella empathy. I know that is like the opposite of what you hear but seriously, myself and some other people I know with Autism are very empathetic people and feel emotions to an extreme. Although, it might not seem like we feel anything from facial expressions and responses we might be feeling so much it’s just too overwhelming to express it.
- Let’s talk acting like a child. Not saying this to dig because I’m the same way, but most people who have Autism might regress into a childlike state which is known as age regressing. It’s usually a coping mechanism to deal with stress but I suppose it could also be triggered by sensory issues? Like I find when I’m really happy I’m very childlike. Oh and you might act younger then you are or be really immature, not always taking things seriously or understanding things. Which is okay and why having a specialist to help support you with the stuff you struggle with is key.
- Stim. Stim. Stim. We hear about happy stim, sad stim but honestly you might just stim for every emotion. Also people with Autism might seem like they have tics but they can have vocal stims as well as motor.
- Gender is complex right? Yeah I feel you. Feel like you flucuate between genders, have no gender, feel in the middle or might even be trans - although, this is a sensitive topic Autistics actually are more likely to have different relationships with gender due to how we view and feel about the world. So whatever gender you are b, you are valid!
- Identity is confusing. The thing is you might feel like you have alters or different versions of yourself as well, which is why Autism is not diagnosed and you might be diagnosed with BPD or like DID. The thing is identity for us is always so confusing and we have such a different relationship about things about ourselves and how we view things. Sometimes it feels like someone were not and sometimes we feel like a different person, but that is okay and valid.
- Control as a stress management. Now this is where things like eating disorders can be developed, maybe self destructive behaviours like self harming or perhaps being very toxic to keep everything the way you can because you feel like your life is going out of control. I really do feel you - and that’s why seeing a specialist can help you cope with shitty times like this. But that is a sign.
- You have a safe space. Probably your house, your room and you barely leave it. You feel so fucking overwhelmed outside. Too many people, too many noises, too many things going on, which is why Autism can seem like an anxiety disorder but you just feel things very sensitive and can have sensory overload.
- If you’re an adult now, probably as a child you were told you were just intelligent and there’s nothing wrong with you. Yep. Same here. Parents tried to get me diagnosed as a young age but they wouldn’t even test me.
- For me, I cannot stop listening to music. I express myself through music. I’ll send people songs and tell them to pay attention to the lyrics or the video because it’s how I feel and it’s how I express myself. Some people might do that with art or writing or something they use to express that isn’t vocally with words, people might sing or make songs. There tends to be a creative or different way you express your emotions.
- Special interests. They might change throughout your life. I thought you had to have something you were interested in since a kid but they can change and it’s known as hyperfixations! It can be literally anything, and they are valid. You probably hate talking to people if they don’t share one of your hyperfixations because you feel misunderstood or weird or lonely. Doesn’t have to be anything out of the ordinary.
- Might blurt out how you feel to people, like having no filter. You like to have deep meaningful relationships and want friends you can talk about your deep routed emotions and dreams with rather then wow there is something on the news. That shit doesn’t interest you at all.
- This might be an embarassing one but you might have a lot of issues with going to the toilet (ie. bleeding or runny stools and etc), especially when you’re stressed you might have really bad stomach issues or abdomen issues. That aren’t always explained but are probably stress induced when everything is too much for you, people tend to be more sensitive to those types of things if they’re Autistic due to sensory and sensitivites.
- Meltdowns can be shown in crying breakdowns, anger breakdowns, can also be shown as completely shut down and you might experience catatonia, where you struggle to talk or move because you feel so sad, you might get so worked up and might even feel as low as feeling suicidal and might self harm as well when in these meltdowns.
- You hate injustice and you probably are an advocate for the mentally ill or disabled. Seeing injustice might actually trigger a meltdown because you want to change things - due to your extreme empathy but you struggle to accept you can’t save the world.
- Might have fake friends but as you grow older might cut those people off for using your energy and might end up with having barely any to no friends. Might feel extremely lonely and not understand why people can’t just be nice to you.
- Relationships you probably take very seriously, like full on planning marriages when it might just seem like nothing to someone. This can make you prone to abusive relationships and you might not always notice if that person is good for you, no matter what they do you probably try to continue to fix the relationship.
Took some notes from p-3a-s-life-resources <3 and personal experience.
#autism#asperger#aspergers#neurodivergent#neurodiverse#shit they dont tell you#signs#mental health#awareness#information#oh heck this is long
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Thanks to your recent reblog, I only just realised Mr. Klaus I-Get-Frequent-Vietnam-War-Flashbacks Hargreeves found himself in another war in the beginning of 2x01. Since your character analysis is top notch, I'd love to hear your take on what this meant for him.
From a non-trauma-related perspective, it means Klaus in this alternate reality has found the same kind of place among his siblings as he found in the 173rd Airborne. Which is a great step. And it seems to be essentially where he ends up by 2.10 as well—while he’s not actually fighting, he’s still part of the fray. At no point does anyone make him the lookout (though old habits die hard, as he’s still the one who spots the Handler and Lila). This is a positive development! It’s definitely one of his frustrations in s1 that he’s constantly looked at as being only slightly less helpless than Vanya. His participation in the action scenes tends to be through either luck (good or bad) or his own insistence.
Regarding the other aspect of your question, I’ve been reading up on PTSD for over a decade so I can write fiction involving characters who have it, but writing it believably in fiction is a whole different beast from meta. I can speak about a lot of psychological shit that I experience for myself—anxiety/depression, alcoholism, codependency, narcissistic abuse, panic attacks, dissociation, dysregulation, bunch of shit like that—but I don’t have PTSD. And I definitely haven’t been to war. Most of the reading I’ve done on PTSD has been more of the domestic type rather than what gets experienced by people in the military.
So I can’t tell you exactly what’s happening in Klaus’ head that allows him to function in this situation despite his combat trauma. I can tell you psychology isn’t an exact science. Sometimes, your brain works in a situation when other times, it doesn’t. I can speak in very broad terms, though, and some of it has more to do with history than with psychology.
At the time of the Vietnam War, PTSD was called “battle fatigue.” Before WWII, it was called “shell shock.” In all cases, it was considered a legitimate and debilitating medical diagnosis. Today, what was called “battle fatigue” or “shell shock” can be separated between acute/combat stress reaction, and the chronic condition of PTSD. PTSD, in turn, is being understood as one of a variety of trauma reactions, and in some diagnostics, is taking on some variety of its own. It is standard practice, from what I can find, to separate a soldier experiencing a combat stress reaction from the war, same as with any other major wound or illness. They are not considered to be in a fit state to carry on. Vietnam was an especially bad war for this, with some estimates saying 30% of Vietnam veterans developed PTSD. Yet here’s Klaus, functioning well in combat.
Klaus shows a lot of signs of what psychologists call complex PTSD, or C-PTSD. This is its own diagnosis in the ICD, but not in the American DSM. To American psychologists, it’s sort of a concept rather than a diagnosis, an idea of a variety of PTSD unique to people with chronic, repeated trauma. C-PTSD has a much stronger emphasis than PTSD on insecure attachment (his longest relationship lasted three weeks), dissociative episodes (check), emotion dysregulation (HELLA check), cognitive issues (has difficulty with attention and task completion even when sober), substance use and other pathological self-soothing (all the fucking time), low self-image (continually devalues his ability to contribute and admits to not liking himself), and an extremely pervasive sense of shame. PTSD is more about fear and hypervigilance; C-PTSD is more about shame. People with C-PTSD are more likely to be revictimized than people with PTSD—for example, someone having been in one abusive relationship for months or years is prone to getting in another abusive relationship. People with C-PTSD are also prone to having a certain preoccupation with the perpetrator—something essentially all of the Hargreeves children have, wherein their father is either overly idealized (as by Luther in season one), credited with far too much power (look at Klaus’ terrified reaction in 1.01 when he thinks he has summoned Reginald the moment Five returns), or the subject of revenge fantasies (Diego is the worst about this).
Vietnam wasn’t what gave Klaus PTSD (as the first nightmares and flashbacks we see from him happen prior to his Vietnam trip), but the latest in a series of traumas he has experienced in his life. I cannot say whether that makes a difference or not, it’s just a variance between him and other people with combat PTSD. Moreover, this battle in Dallas is presumably a situation they all went into knowing they weren’t coming out again. The mindset here from them all may be that they’re well beyond the goal of survival here; rather, they’re just taking as many of the bastards down as they can, possibly to make time for civilians to escape. Again, not sure if this makes a difference, it’s just another variance.
Finally, Klaus’ specific Vietnam trauma seems less about his own life being in danger, less about the sheer level of violence, pressure, and overstimulation overwhelming him to the point where he couldn’t function, and more about the loss of Dave—it’s the one part of Vietnam we’ve seen him have flashbacks to. People seldom understand that witnessing something can be as traumatic as being the victim of it yourself. Some peoples’ trauma comes from being shot; in Klaus’ case, it was watching someone he loved get shot and die. Once again, not sure whether it would make a difference. It seems doubtful to me that it would, since I would think he'd have similar triggers regardless.
The reality is that nobody’s mental illness has ever read the rulebook. Nothing is ever a certainty in terms of how someone with PTSD will react; even triggers are highly prone to change. The degree of it changes as well, if I’ve learned anything from my friends who have it. Whatever’s going on in Klaus’ head that’s allowing him to function in this situation probably boils down to “brains are chemical soup.” I don’t think this analysis narrowed much of anything down so much as took it apart even further, but it’s my honest opinion of the scene. If I were the writer in this situation, I’d feel like the only really important thing would be that Klaus is functioning, and likely not thinking very hard about it or questioning why he is functioning.
But the importance of the scene, generally, is that it gives us a glimpse of what this team looks like at its best. I suspect it could also be to demonstrate the power caps the individual characters have, if they are indeed going the route of power caps. If that’s the case, what we’re seeing is that Klaus can summon armies of the dead. That’s what we’re seeing him work toward.
#tua#the umbrella academy#ptsd#klaus hargreeves#absolutely not committing to anything regarding klaus' ptsd#well I mean some things are obviously symptoms we see in action but I can't tell you much besides that they are symptoms#do some grain-of-salting#and be informed before you repeat any information you hear#tua meta#ask answered
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Naruto Characters and Quarantine (Part 1)
Naruto characters x reader during quarantine
warnings: none
rating: K+
includes: konoha 12, sand siblings
Authors Notes: These are centered on the idea that the two of you are adults who don’t live or work together.
part 2, mayhaps?? anyone want that?? 👀
Anywho, enjoyyyy~
also, remember, these guys are shinobi. they gotta stay healthy, which is what I kept in mind when writing a lot of these.
Naruto
- totally ignores social distancing rules to come and see you
- he just has to, he doesn’t know what he would do if he didn’t :( probably die of y/n-deprivation
- this boy will not care at all about social distancing if none of you or any of your loved ones are at greater risk
- will sneak into your apartment and spends nights cuddling with you to get through his restlessness of not being able to go outside as much
- will bring you food and do your grocery shopping for you 100% if you or those around you are at a higher risk and can’t do it yourself
- just don’t expect your groceries to be 100% what you asked for
- “How was I supposed to know that Nesquik doesn’t count as a seasoning!?”
Sasuke
- non-massacre au
- another rule breaker
- just to a lesser degree
- he’s definitely gonna come see you whenever he wants, he just won’t do as much touching
- like, if you two are watching a movie together, you’re sitting on opposite sides of the sofa
- which honestly he was fine with at first, but then he realized he’s a little something called.... ✨touch starved✨
- and is now having a hard time not touching you as much as he wants
- he gradually gets more touchy overtime but still always insists on sanitizing afterwards
- he still won’t do more than a peck tho. he would absolutely hate it if you got sick bc of him.
- he also brought you a shit ton of toilet paper at the beginning of quarantine because he was worried you wouldn’t have any and it was the last batch he saw
- it’s his form of romance
Sakura
- at first she was totally all for the rules
- you two kept six feet apart with masks on at all times
- but very gradually and unconsciously... that changed lol
- she started to completely forget about the rules as it went on and would just randomly grab your arm or hug you out of excitement without even realizing it
- eventually she resorts to touching but with very strong precautions
- you both will sanitize, brush your teeth, wipe down areas, etc. as soon as you’re done hanging out
Shikamaru
- 50/50 with him
- he doesn’t care so much so as to stop seeing you and won’t wear a mask around you
- but if you try to kiss him he goes “you know we can’t do that right now.”
- will grab your hands and play with them and everything
- and may occasionally cuddle
- but he’s not going to do it as much as usual
- you two mainly just nap together
- but now you guys are napping with a couple feet between you
- again, these guys are shinobi. they gotta stay healthy and he knows that. he can’t prioritize kissing you over being the village’s strategic backbone and he needs you to understand that, too.
Choji
- my baby boy :(
- he tries so hard
- he really does
- but he just has to be around you
- he won't risk any health precautions and will still keep distance
- but he will always find ways to spend time with you while staying six feet apart
- expect a lot of social distancing picnics and food dates
- will 1000% bring you food if you need any
- he will also gladly buy you masks, sanitizer, wipes, etc. if you need it
Ino
- Ino isn’t as frivolous as many people in the fandom depict her
- She has a good head on her shoulders
- She may be a hopeless romantic, but she isn’t stupid and knows she has a job at the hospital
- She basically just like Sakura except a little more feisty
- will yell at you if you don’t socially distance well enough
- but will also snuggle you if she knows she has some sanitizer on hand to use afterwards
- ultimately, she knows she has to prioritize your guys’ health
Kiba
- not a total rule breaker
- he’s just like a kicked puppy tbh
- will always use his nose to sniff out sickness on you when you’re not looking (you know how like some dogs can?)
- will gives you hugs and look after you
- but he, too, will keep social distancing
- I could see him just grabbing your shoulders after a distanced hang out and just gently rubbing your shoulders from an arm’s length bc he knows he can’t get any closer
- but he does break the rules sometimes
- he’s snuck in a few kisses here and there
- Akamaru always barks at him for this though
Shino
- I love him so much
- but he ain’t breaking the rules
- he’s definitely going to social distance from you, bc him getting sick means his whole colony gets sick
- and he needs to keep himself healthy
- not to mention, if you got sick?
- he can’t even stand the thought
- he’ll just watch you do your thing from a good 6-7 feet apart and hope for everything to end soom
- he also puts a bug on you without telling you that’ll track your health
- that way he knows when you’re sick or not
Hinata
- I headcanon Hinata as being a bit of a security freak tbh
- not in the sense that anything’s wrong with her
- but she has to check that the doors leading into the house are all locked before going to bed, always stocked up with medical supplies in case of emergency, having extra face masks on her just in case, etc.
- small and quiet but still very safe
- she just likes to keep her distance and maintain safety
- she lives in a compound so any spread within it will likely extend to a few other people within her clan
- so she likes to stay distant
- but she really loves social distancing dates :)
- things like picnics, outdoor movies and training sessions!
- definitely makes you a lot of food and small gifts to make up for the lack of touch
Neji
- another rule-follower
- I mean what did you expect
- he just really doesn’t want you or anyone else getting sick because of reckless actions
- will 100% sanitize everything for you before and after you use it if you guys are out in public
- he claims it’s because you just won’t do it right
- but really it’s just because he cares
- kissed you a total of 3 times and felt a little guilty after the third since it was right after he came back from a mission and he hadn’t cleaned himself off yet
Lee
- follows the rules almost too well
- makes sure that you both are six feet apart at literally all times and might as well measure as much considering how dedicated he is to it
- HE’S HELLA DRAMATIC ABOUT IT ALL THOUGH
- EACH TIME HE REALIZES HE CAN’T HUG YOU BRINGS ON A NEW WAVE OF PASSIONATE TEARS
- he just cries a lot about it and really wishes things weren’t like this
- will often go grocery shopping with you bc he buys groceries for his elderly neighbors who are at a greater risk so they don’t have to go out (awwww)
- he will get very upset when he sees people outside without masks on when it’s things like that that make the virus keep spreading and thus keeping him from you for even longer :(
Tenten
- honestly I think she’s really casual about the whole thing
- always wears and mask and sanitizes everything, yeah
- but she gives you hugs and kisses just fine
- but only in private
- and she won’t be cuddling
- she just keeps her distance but still gives affection
- the type to get angry if you aren’t being safe enough
- like if you go to a party with multiple people there?
- she’ll scold you 100%
Gaara
- Gaara would have to social distance as kazekage
- he’s not allowed to run the risk since it’s public knowledge you aren’t living together
- this makes having private moments very difficult
- and he has to set a proper example for his citizens
- it’ll also be a large political scandal only worsened by his political opposers if he were to be caught not social distancing
- also if he got sick then that would leave the village susceptible to enemies who would take advantage of his vulnerability and attack
- but you two still do things together
- water cacti, discuss political events, watch over the village, etc.
- he gave you a cute succulent to look after while he’s not there as much
Kankuro
- similar to Gaara, as his brother, it wouldn’t look very good if he was caught disobeying the rules
- he’s pretty mature about it but will have private moments with you when you’re alone
- he doesn’t care so much about keeping 6 ft apart when you two are alone
- he just won’t go overboard
- just some handholding, hand kisses, and just petting in general
- when quarantine ends though, he’s all over you omg
- you’re the first person he comes to see and will hold you so tight
Temari
- angry love
- will personally bark orders at you about proper safety precautions
- your mask never has to worry about being on improperly when temari is around
- you can see her blush underneath her mask though
- despite her tough exterior, it’s visible just how sad she is
- Temari is tough but she thrives off of being around the people she loves
- not being able to be truly with you really makes her depressed for a while
- even offered to have you moved into the kazekage family house with them so you didn’t have to socially distance at home anymore
- takes every precaution she can with herself and those around her so this can end faster and she can be with you again
THAT’S ALL! SORRY THEY LOWKEY SUCKED! MAYBE A PART 2 IF REQUESTED ENOUGH???
#Naruto#naruto headcanons#Sasuke heacanons#shikamaru headcanons#Gaara headcanons#Neji headcanons#Sasuke x reader#Gaara x reader#Naruto x reader#neji x reader#lee x reader#Konoha 12#sand siblings#sakura x reader#sakura#shikamaru#choji#ino#team 7#team 10#team 8#kiba#shino#hinata hyuga#neji#lee#tenten#gaara#kankuro#temari
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Ok this isnt my usual way of doing things cuz... Well, tbh i dont really care enough to actually make a post bout most things, id just rather reblog shit, but I've now seen several posts comparing the Loki finale with spn's and just... Where?
Spn ended as a show with one of the most hopelessness inducing shit I've ever seen, taking a character thats been consistently seen as at the very least depressed and killing him off with a 'that's what his happy ending looks like' plastered on it, another character who's whole ark was reconciling with himself about who he is only to make him essentially cut half of himself out for a kid and also still be unhappy, and a third who's whole thing was learning what free will is and that he too deserves free will only to have him go back to obeying orders in heaven. It was absolutely against everything the show had portrayed for 15 years, including in the actual season this finale was a part of.
Loki is an on going show (s 2 confirmed), but even if it hadn't been, the shows main narrative themes remained true to the end, Loki did in fact grow as a character, the shows ultimate plot is about free will, tackling also the fact that free will means shit will also happen, its not only roses and happiness and Sylvie stuck to her actual goal and achieved it, aka killing whoever was behing the TVA. Loki's goal throughtout the show wasn't killing the Time keepers, it was having the free will to write his own life story and he's done and doing exactly that, sometimes that means shit happens, no characters died needlessly in my opinion and as I've said, in no way did it go against its own themes that it established initially. Not to mention the fact again that it's ongoing!
Finally to touch on what people are really complaining about (the more vocal post I've seen circulating, I've no doubt some people just genuinely didn't like it and thats fine) which is the Sylvie/Loki thing. Ok lets discuss. Firstly, if it's not ur thing that's entirely fine, its not mine either, but to claim it's a problem for u cuz it's, as Ive seen multiole people say, heteronormative is hella problematic to me since it seems to erase the fact that both characters by their own words are bi/pan. That's shitty. Number 2: 'if Sylvie was male presenting they wouldn't have gone there'... Now while I do think Marvel/Disney wouldnt likely have the balls, I still find issue with this statement since it feels very... Sexist to me. I dunno what exactly about it, but it very much reads like y'all would not complain bout the pairing if Sylvie was male presenting more so than a dig at Marvel/Disney and that is not cool with me. And finally, C the selfcest thing as incest stand-in. Ok so I get that selfcest aint for everyone, which again, fair point if u just dont vibe at all, but the actual issues people seem to have is less with it being selfcest and more that its not mlm, which is highly hypocritical. Now to the people who do just dislike it for being basically incest, ur perogative, ur view , but I'd've hoped that the whole multivers aspect of this show could've made it clearer that while they are variants of each other they are not actually the same person. Also also since the spn parallel is what began this, to the spn fans I ask, how tf can y'all not see this, the multuple versions of Sam and Dean alone should have you realize it's someones history, experience, surroundings, accuaintances that mould a person. We don't even know for sure if they share parents! Its a dif universe they've been born in, oddly enough that means they couldn't be more physically different, even if they may share some personality traits or some history between them. Again, i dont ship it, it feels awkward to me based on their interactions, but that doesnt mean imma say some bullshit bout incest just cuz I dont like the idea. Fact is they're not actually related and, as an aside, the would u fuck ur clone talk has been around for ages with little issues about incest because its already covered in the meme as is the pollar opposite.
Ok this was rambly and well, hopefully some of my points have been made clear. To end I just wanna say I do look forward to season 2, I can't wait to see Mobius and Loki reacquaint now that we have a Mobius that doesnt remember/know Loki it'll be a nice juxtapose to their relation this season (yes i ship it, whatever) and also also wanna see what's gonna happen with Kang overall and with Sylvie. She wasn't having a good time there.
Edited below:
So quick add, I just realised why the comparison fucks with me so much more than other shit and it's cuz it reduces both finales to shipping, thats why it annoys me, it essentially undermines Loki's whole arc and reduces it to shipping and it also undermines just how bad spn ended and why its bad since it also reduces it to a ship. Neither are bad or good because of a ship being canon or not on its own and seeing this comparison makes it seem very much like thats the reason spn ended bad and equally makes Loki ending bad because of course it would if the ship didnt go the way you wanted it. But thats not the way to measure a show like Loki or Spn, or at least def not the only measurement to apply for the end conclusion.
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I hope your not feeling down on your writing skills because I haven't caught up and commented on your latest releases. It's not you it's that I pick too many fanfics to follow and they all update a lot and I've been so busy and I've fallen behind on so many fics from various authors and sometimes my depression just makes me want to lie in bed all day doing nothing and it doesn't help I have to spend my limited spoons helping family everyday. I know these aren't good excuses, but I do sympathize with the lack of energy feeling at least.
But your work really does bring a lot of joy to my life. It's so fun keeping up with your various AUs, and your latest one that features Kaya as Spider King has me really hyped because I want to learn more about Kaya, she's so fun! And Ruclipse is such a good comfort ship that just hits all the things I like seeing in a ship. You're so amazing and creative and it's awful that anyone would try to make you feel otherwise! Like your newest OC, Justin Tyme seems like such a lovable dumbass bastard. I love his wild, curly hair and his dapper outfit. I can't wait to see what dumb shit he gets himself into!
I know this is really long and rambly, but I hope you know you have fans who genuinely love your work. I don't know if you're still thinking about that one comment you mentioned that got you really down, but honestly, fuck that guy. I don't know what they said but it must have been pure BS to have you doubting your hard earned art skills. I wish I could do more to prove you're awesome and that your fans really admire you, I just hope you don't stop sharing what you love because some rando was nasty for no good reason. Because we love what you do!
It's not like anyone one person nonny so please don't blame yourself. This has been an ongoing thing for a few months actually...
it's just a general thing over all lately like. I mentioned this in dm's with a friend but overall past few months I've had lower engagement overall with my works and it really does a number on my confidence. More so because like your latter point.
yes, I am still very much thinking about that one negative comment. Because that person also has the need to comment on other things and I even had a thing asking why I took a few weeks to update (when reality I posted to another ongoing fic and my TLC chapters are long chapters) and just the fact they could tear into a character (yes it was a comment on a character specifically and not even a main character it's a side character who has an important role for Snatcher's growth as a person down the line) then go saying "why didn't you update" when I posted a double update that week---
Like it lives in my head rent free and I want to literally cry because like the character is a focal in an upcoming chapter and I can't deal with another "why are they back" type thing. because "everyone finds them annoying"
And I'll be honest. it was Kaya. Like I've been trying to have fun with my BCU stuff with her as Spiderking because it's engaging for me and me and @/doodleimprovement even came up with a b-plot involving Kaya and Hattie trying to hook Nell and Marcus together and it's one of the best things as well as Kaya and Nell having a really good relationship.
but because of that one comment it makes me hesitant to do anything with Kaya despite she's one of my oldest ocs, my most thought out ocs and I adore her beyond anything. Like yes she's over powered and such and in TLC rn she comes off as a know it all, but upcoming chapters will show she's just a spacey kid who's trying to fit into a role others decided for her and isn't really as all mighty as she seems. Snatcher even ends up thinking of her as a little sister more than anything. Like fuck I'm even hesitant to share anything on her actual story despite how much work is in it. Like she's my favorite Oc (that's why shes my discord icon, and I'm pretty sure she's my twitter icon as well)
And like the points in the comment just. IDK they didn't fit to her, if anything the points are more suited to be shot at Eclipse.
Which is another thing I just get iffy on. I love RuClipse and everything with it. I love writing and drawing the dorks. But I'm now so afraid if Kaya could be attacked for only showing in a handful of chapters that don't even touch on who she is, when is someone going to finally tell me off on my wolf? who's going to tear into a character I pour a lot of personal shit into to try and comfort myself?
I use Ruclipse to deal with my own romantic heart, they are what I wish I could have so I love to write them, I hurt them but i like to make them happy in the end. Someone who can deal with your highs and lows. No ones perfect but you can still figure it out and love even the negative parts (I am a heavy romantic OTL)
he is in fact a lovable bastard. i have fun plans and he gives me an excuse for why Cel is so tired and having to be the brain cell and how she even wound up working with the time kids when she's so much older than they are. Currently I'm trying to think of how to use him and honestly I think he's gonna wind up hella comic relief fun guy who's just making a mess and do his own side story while Hat and Bow are busy in subcon----
thank you, I don't mind the rambly it kinda gave me a chance to get this off my chest... like I've typed this kinda response up time and time again and I always delete. I feel like I'm whining because I get upset but it's just, I spend so much time making things, I use all my spoons on either working or creating, I just want to know if it means anything but then negativity lives in my head because what's a functioning meat cube??? I try to stay positive but it's hard. Like another thing is Moon Guardian; the reason I haven't updated? because I have had someone bothering me about it. weekly I get asked about how I'm doing on it but it's not from a place of "want to read it" it's because I told them they couldn't post a certain thing until the chapter is done so it feels pressuring to constantly get asked because I feel the only reason they want to post is to boost their thing and I'm just the machine to boost it with my characters and comic.... like it feels they've taken the comic from me and it sucks because I have so many fun things planned. Like I accidentally went off on Nina about a thing with Alpine skyline and Eclipse as well as a thing with a Time Rift and a Jelly ghost.
Sorry kinda went off, just I've sat on this thought train since like early april. I've done my best to ignore it and just keep going but it's gotten really hard with the fact my health hasn't been really great. I've spent a lot of time lately bed bound because I just hurt so badly. if I'm not resting, I'm at my day job which is incredibly stressful rn as I only really work mornings and I see things that are being missed so then i report it and it still gets missed and i can't get it fixed after a point cuz we're back to full service and need the people so I can't nitpick but just.... I'm bitter okay like if I left this shit when I worked I would have gotten yelled at but now we just let it slide??? and this stresses me out which then causes my body to freak out because I'm stressed which puts me in more pain. and then like at work have people acting shocked I have my cane or soemthing and just skfdslkfksdf
so my energy is so tanked. and then the negative comment in my head, no idea if people like things cuz I have no idea if I hear nothing, just has had me doubting why post. Like I should go back to just not posting my stories and sketches or w/e and slink back to my hole like I was before.
idk Its just. a bad night in the house of bun. I've had these thoughts festering and I guess today was the dam breaking. It's probs cuz I'm nervous posting Chimeras because it's a very dark au.
#ask#anon#not art#long post#sorry im just in a bad spot tonight I guess#like i started my day pretty okay but somewhere along the way it nose dived and I'm just trying to not cry in my room
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