#someone said yes to posting this finally. which was enough for me to share this finally after months of it being in draft limbo pff
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Idk bro.
I remember a post about Shen Jiu wanting someone to be there for him when he needed it most, and that it would've changed the way he is if he had said person.
And its not wrong, Shen jiu really needed someone to be there for him
So in every Shen twin au, it would mean that Shen Jiu wouldn't be the cruel person he was. He would just be sassy. And because they share trauma, Shen Yuan and Shen Jiu would both be over protective of each other.
Imagine they become peak lords and decide to be silly and have the same peak lord name and have the same disciples. Imagine the confusion the disciples must have when on their first day the teacher is strict and cold. Then the next day he's overflowing with love and is suddenly so kind.
The disciples just came to the conclusion that their shizun has D.I.D until they find themselves having to go on a mission with the both of them because one doesn't like to go out and has to keep count of affairs that doesn't involve crowds and the other has to keep count of affairs that involve crowds.
And then they realize "oh. They're twins. But why would they both be Named SQQ?" That wasn't answered. They both answered vaguely.
And the fact that Shen Yuan is now a Native in the world he probably told Sj about the system. That or Sj found out about the system, and he became a glitch.
So when Lbh finally arrives, Sj keeps a close watch, and Sy immediately shows favoritism.
Which eventually shocks the other disciples because the twins hardly ever play favorites. Though the disciples know that Sj's favorite person to be around would be Sy, but Sy??? Having favorites??? Shocking.
Though Sy still tries to live under the radar of the system, Sj takes the place of protecting Lbh for him.
However due to Sj's having a villainous appearance being the supposed villain, scares poor white lotus.
Sy being over filled with joy just seeing lbh, gets hit with a big bang of, OOC. because Sj is a glitch. He cannot count as Sqq, therefore Sy, has to take over has Sqq.
What's more, Lbh gets confused on who is who from time to time. One he hardly ever interacts with (Sy) who is actually very kind but he's not close enough to let his guard down. The other, strict and scary, and has no plans of getting to know him or close to him.
Eventually, Sy gets rid of Ooc, and gets to be close with Lbh, and Lbh gradually latches onto this kindness.
Soon enough the Demon attack thingy arc happened, and since the Shen twins were known to hardly ever fight, nobody knew what type of fighting style they had. They think just like how common stereotypes work.
But to their surprise, Sj is more on defense and Healing, Sy is more on offense. Despite their appearance, they tend to act more differently from what they look at certain times.
Ofc the poisoning thingy happens, and Sj scolds Sy for saving someone who won't be affected.
Ofc this leads to Sy telling Sj about Pidw, and etc etc, and about the Abyss.
So blah blah blah. Non of this matters.
What matters is that Shen Jiu is happy, and not cruel. Just Sassy and happy.
Sy: wanna talk sh/t about other peak lords?
Sj: how unbecoming of you. Yes, I will. why ask?
Etc etc.
Lqg: fight me.
Sj: ... Oh me? No thank you, I don't wanna fight children.
Lqg: but I'm not-
Sy: he says you're childish. Now leave.
So yeah basically.
Shen jiu is not cruel if he just had someone be there for him. Baby boy just wanted to have someone by his side.
Oh and. Sy has trauma too. Oh and Sj is on good terms with YQY.
#svsss au#mxtx svsss#svsss#mxtx#shen jiu#shen yuan#original shen qingqiu#shen twins#shen qingqiu#yue qingyuan#liu qingge#lou binghe#scumbag villain#scumbag self saving system#scumbag system#scum villian self saving system#scum villain
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Maybe I want Him to Bite...(Lucifer Selfie Card Prologue React III) *Spoilers*
You know the drill lovelies...back it up to part 2 if this is the first part you're seeing!! ->
From there you can be linked back to Part 1 if you haven't read that first either. If you've read both, yay you made it to the final part! Let's goooo (༎ຶꈊ༎ຶ╬)
Alright so let's see what' this goofy ahh bitch did...
We done broke all the rules up in here and I'm-
Good LORD he looks like that????
I was startled because I'm like oh no boo you gonna have to warn me before you pull a "jeff the killer, creepypasta, the rake, smile dog" on me. /j
LMAO I can hear this even though MC doesn't have a set voice.
And everyone else was silent asf like not saying a goddamn thing. Even Gamigin who's usually loud as fuck was saying nothing. LMAO
Yes MC, you did. All in order too like? XD Even though this is some shit I'd do personally, I would also be like "Oh damn I didn't die??"
And Lucifer was like "What are you talking about?" and MC was panicking trying to get an answer from the nobles being like hello????? but silently and Marbas and Morax hit em' with the-
"Ah so staring at him and touch his snake doesn't do anything. Got it."
This would have been me.
Because what do you mean?????? YOU HAD RULES AND WAS JUST THROWING MC OUT THERE WITHOUT CONFIRMATION????
This is why I have trust issues. Lol
So it turns out Lucifer was reacting the way he was out of being startled, not because he was going to end someone's life. But I think we all know what he looks like when he actually is out here in murder mode. The event was clear in that regard.
So Lucifer calms down the snake on his clothing, and MC comes up to also touch it out of curiosity. So this tells us, the snake doesn't really cause any harm per say...but I'm sure it does something more so give Lucifer the power to do something.
Snake boi
MC apologizes and well Lucifer doesn't really understand why for a moment (he does laugh at the action though mostly from amusement). But MC lets it be known that they are apologizing to the snake and him.
WAIT WAIT WAIT "Child of Adam?????" AYO? I need more lore about why he said that, which I can only guess why he said that. (and honestly, now I'm thinking of Adam from Hazbin Hotel lmao)
But I mean, this statement just shows he's a least learning to observe MC for their own personality. Not Solomon's.
MC is confused tho, but Lucifer is like "You're amusing"
ANd then????
HE BITE?????
HE BITEEE
h e
b i t e
Stop. Why is this so hot?
HES SO GODDAMN HOT????? BITE ME SOME MORE????!?!?!?!
SO AFTER HE BITES MC HE ORDERS THEM TO TOUCH HIM?
And this is where I was freaking out on that post. Because I had a headcanon I didn't share here, that because of Lucifer's power he could basically order you to do whatever and you'd have to carry that out.
i.e. If he said you aren't allowed to touch yourself ever unless I give you permission, that means no matter how horny you are you can't get off or do anything until he says so and that brings in a whole new kind of foreplay/dominance type thing where literally his word is to be followed. But at the same time....there could be loopholes if you're smart enough to figure them out and want to be a brat.
Whoever gets his card and unlocks the rest of the story?? I'll be waiting patiently.
Okay, so I'm gonna say that from this prologue alone, his selfie card is possibly the best selfie story out of the 5 kings. I was vibin' with Mammon's but this one rightchea?
Phew. Mostly because I wanna see how Luci gets down and it already seems like his venom is some kind of aphrodisiac. Because sheesh MC was getting worked up and horny quite immediately from being bitten and you know what?
I wonder if you can extract the venom and have it applied to foods for the same effect...(Don't tell Bimet he'd capitalize on that shit)
But man. I told you all that once his card released I'd probably stop caring about Juno and transition over and well that happened. (still gonna do the reader fic though)
It's funny also that I did this prologue faster than I did his event which I STILL have yet to post about. lol
But as always lovelies, I thank you for sticking through my crazy reacts
-your lovely admin ♥( ˆ⌣ ˆԅ)
#whb#what in hell is bad#whb lucifer#whb paradise lost bois 🤍#whb gamigin#whb spoilers#L card spoilers#whb selfie cards#part three had a lot of gifs which is fine because lol
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## buy one, take me. — l. heeseung
synposis: with his best friend asking him for help because said best friend was scared he wasn't "boyfriend material" enough, heeseung looks for flower shops for his best friend's girlfriend. thankfully, jake knows someone from the university who has an aunt that owns a flower shop, you. now, heeseung messages you and shyly, but shamelessly asks if he can get any promos or discounts to which you shamelessly answered him, "buy one, take me". heeseung doesn't pass on this, of course. after all, you are pretty damn cute.
pairing: heeseung x fem!reader
content/genre: college au, slowburn, fluff, angst and crack, smau.
warning(s): swearing, of course. and as always, i'll put it in every chap if there's something you need to look out for.
note: yes, blod-talicized for slowburn because this is already planned out three years ago (but for another idol) anyway !! i'm excited to share this, my ass had been wanting to post this,,,,,, i already have the ending i just really need to do from part eleven up to,,,, that. so here you go. T_T okay, if i suddenly ghost again FLOOD ME MESSAGES/ASKS/IDC WHAT TO FINISH IT. TAGLIST CLOSE.
tags: r.asks: botm, botm updates, botm thoughts
sample texts. / playlist.
profiles. / profiles two. / profiles three.
ep 1. — the pilot.
ep 2. — the bf problem.
ep 3. — the help from jake.
ep 4. — the promo.
ep 5. — the benefit of jeongin.
ep 6. — the availing of the promo.
ep 7. — the two introverts.
ep 8. — the era of reporter sunoo.
ep 8.2. — the dog cafe.
ep 9. — the look. what look?
ep 10. — the panicking of heeseung.
ep. 11 — the time heeseung decides to trust y/n.
ep 12. — the real heey/n friendship era.
ep 13. — the star stamp.
ep 14. — the late night in the flower shop.
ep 15. — the biggest cliché.
ep 16. — the text-snapping of y/n.
ep 17. — the weekend of heeseung without y/n.
ep 18. — the two am ride.
ep 19. — the stupidity.
ep 20. — the time y/n blocked heeseung.
ep 21. — the whipped y/n.
ep 22. — the painful sight (according to riki).
ep 23. — the library.
ep 24. — the dog café pt 2.
ep 25. — the frustration of jungwon and sunoo.
ep 26. — the flowers and bambi sticker.
ep 27. — the pretty dense boy texting y/n.
ep 28. — the message from jay.
ep 29. — the look heey/n give.
ep 30. — the pet name.
ep 31. — the switch up.
ep 32. — the no more denial.
ep 33. — the time seungmin called y/n 'sweetie'.
ep 34. — the way y/n sensed it again.
ep 35. — the talk.
ep 36. — the halfway there.
ep 37. — the another lame line.
ep 38. — the time heeseung accidentally kissed y/n.
ep 39. — the drive-in.
ep 40. — the flour and eggs.
ep 41. — the favorite view.
ep 42. — the one time they used their main accs.
ep 43. — the origami flower bouquet.
ep 44. — the stressed gf.
ep 45. — the plane plan.
ep 46. — the time y/n isn't teasing with heeseung.
ep 47. — the time when everything is "fine".
ep 48. — the time heeseung forgot.
ep 49. — the fight.
ep 50. — the graduation.
ep 51. — the flower arrangement on the cashier.
ep 52. — the favorite flower of heeseung.
ep 53. — the fact that heeseung is still jealous.
ep 54. — the supposed three year anniversary of heey/n.
ep 55. — the bubble chat turned blue.
ep 56. — the dumb flowers.
ep 57. — the time y/n finally replied.
ep 58. — the rehearsal dinner.
ep 59. — the flowers weren't dumb after all.
ep 60. — the lifetime promo.
bonus. — the matching icons.
bonus 2. — the pettiness of flower and seungie.
bonus 3. — the one where heeseung thought y/n's leaving.
bonus 4. — the one with heeseung's doe eyes.
alternative ending. — the one when y/n almost stayed.
marriage discount; p. sunghoon [ fem!reader ]. — after endless of weddings that sunghoon attends to, he's been spending non-stop. so, upon hearing about a discount for married people even if it's just in the dry cleaners, sunghoon tells the employee that the girl, who happens to be you, walked in in the shop is his wife. even if he doesn't know you.
heeracha, 2022.
#OMG SECOND HEE SMAU RAWR LIKE I PROMISED WONT BE AS ANGSTY AS YMTM#Hiraya-M#enhypen imagines#enhypen reactions#enhypen scenarios#enhypen fluff#enhypen smau#enhypen social au#enhypen social media au#enhypen socmed au#heeseung imagines#heeseung scenarios#heeseung reactions#heeseung fluff#heeseung au#heeseung social media au#heeseung x reader#enhypen x reader
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WIP Wednesday
So I'll be sharing a snippet from a different fic today! If I share anymore of Bring Me Home, I may as well just post the entire first chapter. (Which, I will be looking for a new job and hopefully moving in 2 months or so, so I'll probably try and start posting after that. Get another chapter or two written in the meantime.)
This fic is also from a prompt that was submitted by @regonold to @stealingyourbones. I did part of a collab fill previously, but the idea has been living in my mind rent free and I couldn't help but want to take it on more fully. I've written 5.5k and this snippet is just under 900 words.
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The formal gardens beyond the iron gate filled Danny with dread. Vlad’s mansion had looked like this, too. But Jazz had promised him, over and over again, that the Waynes were nothing like the Fruit Loop while begging him to come. Besides, he’d spent weeks making sure his schedule was clear and making deals to prevent any interruptions. No backing out now. With a sigh, he pressed the button for the intercom.
“Good evening, may I ask your business?” asked a man with a British accent.
“Um, yeah. Good evening.” Why was it so much harder to communicate with other people as human Danny than ghost Phantom? “Um, I’m Danny. Jazz’s brother?”
“Ah, yes. Of course. We’ve been expecting you. Follow the drive up to the house and welcome.”
Motors activated and the gates slowly opened. Danny started the trek up the long driveway. His anxiety wasn’t relived when he saw the manor with it’s dark stone facade and literal tower. If it was made of lighter stones, it could have been a copy of Vlad’s castle.
“This is for Jazz,” he muttered under his breath as he walked up the stairs. Before he could knock on the doors, they opened and Jazz ran out to hug him.
“Danny! Thank you so much for coming! How’ve you been? I know you’re busy, but you need to call me more often.”
Danny hugged her back tightly. “Sorry, Jazz. You know how I lose track of time. So where’s this famous Jason?”
A man stepped forward and started speaking, but hanging off his back was a ghost. The ghost of the dead Robin, to be exact. Shit.
At least the position of the ghost meant he appeared to be looking at probably-Jason. Even if he didn’t hear a word the man said. To make it worse, Robin realized he could see him and was sending out help-me trills.
Danny had to bite hard on his tongue to keep from vocalizing his own comforting chirps.
He was so focused on Robin that he almost didn’t notice probably-Jason holding out his hand to shake. Laughing self-consciously, he took it. “It’s great to finally meet you.”
The other man hesitated a moment and asked, “Is everything all right?”
But all Danny could focus on was Robin hanging off Jason’s shoulders and sending out happy-sad-helpless feelings. Danny relaxed the hold he had on his ghost self and tried to sense what was going on. But he had to reassure the human, too. “Yeah, I’m fine.” But wow, was Jason not. Where had he come into contact with such weird ectoplasm? It seemed to twist every emotion into anger and fear and violence.
Even worse was Robin. He was barely perceptible even to Danny’s enhanced senses.
Of course, Jazz was liminal enough to realize he was doing something. Quietly, she chirped a question.
Danny just shook his head and pulled back his power. “Later,” he murmured.
“I’ll hold you to that,” she said back, just as quietly.
Louder, Danny said, “Sorry. I just have bad memories about large manors like this. Has Jazz told you about Vlad?”
“He’s come up a time or two. With the black hair and blue eyes, someone will probably make an adoption joke at you before the night is over. But I’ll stab them if they do.”
Danny's laugh would have been much less forced had he not just felt the twisted anger inside probably-Jason. “Just don’t hit anything vital,” he said, hoping it sounded like a joke.
Robin rolled his eyes—and how could he do that so obviously with a mask on?—and tried to pull on Jason to lead him inside.
“Well, it might be summer, but Gotham is never warm. Come on in and I’ll introduce you to everyone,” said Jason.
Jazz grabbed his hand as they made their way inside where they were greeted warmly by an elderly gentleman.
“You must be Mr. Danny. Welcome to the Manor. I’m Alfred. Dinner will be served in one hour and please let me know if you need anything. Your sister stated you didn’t have any dietary restrictions?”
“What’s that?” Danny was trying not to stare at Robin who was now hugging the older man. Before Alfred could repeat himself, however, Danny’s brain caught up to the human conversation. “Oh, uh, no. I don’t. Jazz is right.”
“Very good. Can I take your coat and bag?”
Danny did shrug off his backpack, but only so he could also take off his coat. “Can I keep the bag? I don’t feel comfortable without it on me.”
“Very well.” Alfred hung the coat up on a rack right next to the door. “Master Jason, be sure to show him where the bathroom is on your way to join the others. Mr. Danny, there are plenty of drinks in the sitting room where everyone is relaxing should you need a refreshment.” And he finally had confirmation that this was Jason!
“’Course I will, Alfie.”
“Thanks,” said Danny, though he was more focused on the desperate chirps Robin was sending out.
I’m here-notice me-I love you.
Looks like he was breaking his promise to Jazz to not do any ghostly business tonight. Of course Jazz’s boyfriend would be haunted by a ghost that needed help. Why was he even surprised?
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As far as I know, there hasn't been a lot of requests for a tag list on this one. @addie-lover-of-stories is the only one I noticed. But let me know and I'll start one!
Next Part
#dp x dc#danny fenton#jazz fenton#jason todd#anger management#alfred pennyworth#i reread everything ive written today for the first time in a week or two#and theres some scenes i cant wait to share with others#it'll be fun#for danny at least#the bats not so much
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i’m obsessed with ur work rn omg :o can you please write a shayne x reader fic where it’s their first halloween together and they’re just indulging in all the mushy couple activities? like matching costumes, scary movies, pumpkin carving, sweater sharing, all the sweet cozy fall vibes? thanks so much! <3
Hi!! Thank you so much for sending in a request, and I appreciate your comments so much! I’m sorry it took a little bit to get posted. (Tumblr is being a pain and not letting me post things directly from my computer so I have to jump through hoops just to get these to post, it’s so frustrating!) I really hope this meets your expectations. There were so many ways I wanted to start this and so many options of what to focus on, I couldn’t decide! I do plan on posting another version of this that will capture more of a cozy couple-y vibe! And it will be longer! But I hope you like this as well!
Not to be dramatic or anything, but Halloween was THE best time of the year, and to say that you were excited to finally be able to start decorating for it would be an understatement. If you had it your way, and technically you could have, you’d keep your place decorated in a spooky aesthetic all year round! Or at least fall themed, though either option would be equally valid. This year particularly, though, you were even more excited because you were able to spend it with your boyfriend, Shayne. You and him had been friends for a little short of a decade so it wasn’t even close to being the first year you two did something together, but this year was different because you were a C O U P L E and it just hit different.
Practically since after the 4th of July you were in plot mode, having a serious conversation with him about what you were doing for Halloween. It was important to know what you were going to dress up as, and it was vital to get ahead of it so you had time to get on the same page about what you were doing. Costume parties were going to be starting soon, and you had to be ready! You had both talked about options; going as a salt and pepper shaker, Mario and Princess Peach, Morticia and Gomez Addams, or more cliché, Barbie and Ken (though Shayne would most definitely be an Allan)!
“We should go as a cat burglar!” You exclaimed out of nowhere, startling Shayne a bit as he adjusted a leaf garland he was hanging up. “What?” He chuckled. “For a matching costume idea. We could go as a cat burglar! I’d be a cat and you a burglar and together we would be a cat burglar!” You raised your brows, enthusiasm sketched all over your face like it was the most brilliant idea. “Say cat burglar again, I don’t think you said it enough times,” he teased playfully. “That would be pretty funny, though.” “Or OOOH!! Pennywise and Georgie! Wouldn’t matter who would be who!” Shayne just laughed, watching you go back to placing plastic pumpkins on the mantle above the fireplace.
“I think the best part of this costume planning is going to be watching you get all excited about what idea to go with,” he laughed again. Shayne’s ideas were more subtle, which was great too. You didn’t normally go crazy about the dressing up aspect of it, but this year you wanted to do something special since you had someone to plan this sort of thing with. And you appreciated him being such a trooper about it! “It feels weird getting this amped up about costumes because normally I would prefer to just stay in and have horror movie marathons, which you can expect we’ll be doing because you can’t not do that during the spooky season.” “Yes, of course. Though technically spooky season isn’t until October..” “That’s up for debate,” you retorted quickly, getting another laugh out of him.
“Spooky season should always happen directly after the 4th, just like they do it with Christmas after Thanksgiving. But TECHNICALLY, spooky season gets started August 1st because that’s when all the fun things start, like horror nights and spooky conventions.” You let out an excited squeal as you hyped yourself up all over again. “So many fun things are starting!!”
After finishing up the decorations, your placed mostly decked out with fall themed items; apple cider and pumpkin spice scented candles and black cats and garlands everywhere, you were very pleased with how it all turned out. Standing next to Shayne, you wrapped your arms around his waist and marveled at both of your work for a few moments. “It looks like a Spirit Halloween store threw up in here.” “I know, don’t you love it?” You grinned. Shayne wrapped his arms around your shoulders and squeezed, giving you a long hug before breaking it.
Thinking about what the next couple months were going to bring brought you so much joy. You were anxiously awaiting for the colder weather to kick in so you both could snuggle up on the couch with hot drinks and a crackling fire while you watched scary movies. You were excited for when you could carve pumpkins, make halloween goodies together, experiment with spooky themed bread because you knew Shayne would enjoy the hell out of that! There was so much to look forward to and you couldn’t wait to share this all with him.
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Be My Mistake
Summary: Under the influence, Matty makes one of his biggest mistakes which ends up with him losing you. And now there’s nothing more to do, other than deal with the heartache and pick up the pieces.
Word Count: 7.1k
Warnings: cheating, use of substances, substance abuse, rehab.
A/N: Hi!! I'm so excited to be posting this, even though is a heartbreaking one. I had been wanting to write a oneshot based on this song for so long so after watching La La Land for the millionth time one day, I finally felt in the right mood to do it. I hope I did it justice lol. Let me know what you think! Hope you enjoy! Happy reading!
Masterlist
✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧
You were a dream anyone would be too stubborn to let go of, refusing to let themselves wake up and pushing their heads further into the pillows in hopes to carry on with it. But just the same way everyone fails to resume said dream, Matty couldn't keep his mistakes from ruining the most precious thing he'd ever had.
The way ink can't be fully cleaned once it's spilled. The way a snowball rolling down a hill can become huge and fatal.
Matty remembered when it all went down. It had been unusually warm outside, sky clear and enough wind to deem the weather 'perfect'. But it was completely different inside your flat. He felt freezing cold as he watched you crumble in front of him. Your cheeks stained as your eyeliner ran down with endless tears, your nose red and your eyes puffy.
He hated seeing you cry, so he was crying with you. He had told you about the night before, how he had succumbed to temptation and gotten too high to even remember what had happened — he just knew he woke up beside someone else, clothes all over the floor of a hotel room that was definitely not his.
You had asked if he'd lied about going out with his mates, if it had been a regular occurrence and he had shook his head earnestly. The last thing Matty remembered was Jamie asking him if he had ordered an Uber already to get home, to which he had lied and said yes.
His only plan was to stay and drink a little more, even if it felt pathetic to do so by himself. Matty remembered a girl approaching him and making conversation, and he knew he was a tad too tipsy by then. That's why he had found it easier to say yes to sharing some lines of coke and heroin in the bathroom, but after that he couldn't remember anything.
Matty's heart sank with every word, his voice breaking as he recounted the night and blurred images of the stranger and him in bed flashed through his mind.
And you had cried, knowing the only one who could bring you comfort was the one breaking your soul apart. You were desperately trying to find answers within yourself, as if you could figure out his mind about the situation just like you had always done before.
But this time, there was no way you could read his mind. This was your worst nightmare, and nothing could've prepared you for it. You'd never imagined you would be going through all this with him, not with Matty.
Because it had been that for so long, Matty and you.
You had been one of the first talent scouts that had shown interest for the band, and even though the label you worked for hadn't finalized any agreements with them, you had kept constant contact with them.
Eventually you went from acquaintance to friend, and then to a very close friend to them all. Until one day, under the influence of several joints, Matty had told you he really wanted to kiss you. And after that kiss, it was as if your names had been welded together.
You had been there for the other, through it all. Everyone would say how you were perfect for one another, how you were meant to be. Four years you had been together, and you had really thought the same as everyone else.
And Matty thought he knew love, because he loved you, but what did he truly know then if he'd done that to you?
It had taken you half an hour to get all your important things in a suitcase that rolled beside you as you walked towards the door. Matty was still frozen, sat on a chair in the living room, and his words tangled in his throat when you sniffled and opened the door.
"Fuck you Matthew." was the last thing you said to him, and it echoed louder in his head than the door slamming behind you as you left.
Just like that you were gone.
When he managed to gather his thoughts and he made his way to your room, it hit him what he had done. The closet was half empty, the bathroom seemed deserted without all your bottles laying around, your favorite book was gone, no necklaces were spilled on your bedside table.
You were gone but remained in every single one of his belongings, pictures of you two still on the walls, the vinyl you got him still beside the turntable, your scent lingered in the air. The mirror you had picked out for the room, the walls painted your favorite color. You were engraved in everything.
Matty couldn't stay in the bedroom for longer, he felt like he was going to be sick. So he went to the kitchen and called George, praying that he would let him stay over. And he did, so with barely anything in a small bag, he got a taxi to his best friend's house.
The second George opened the door, he broke down in his arms. Panic had settled inside the drummer, as Matty kept mumbling between sobs.
George had him breathe with him, slowly and controlled until he managed to settle down enough to make out what was going on. And when the words finally slipped past Matty's lips and he could make out what he said, he'd had a hard time believing it all.
"What?! That's gotta be a joke innit? You're just taking the piss right?" his questions sounded like a beg, because he adored you both. And as much as Matty was like his brother, he would be fuming if what he had just said was true.
Matty sobbed as he shook his head, "Do I fucking look like I'm fucking joking George?!" he felt defeated as he heard the hostility of his tone and he could only sob harder as he mumbled apologies to his best friend.
George held him as he cried, feeling pity for him but anger was overcoming him at the same time.
Once Matty had passed out on the guest bedroom, George had debated within himself if it would be good to call you. Would it be too much to call and make sure you were alright? He knew the story already from his best friend so he didn't want to know more of that, he just wanted to make sure you were safe.
So George called you and it only took your weak "Hello?" to feel his heart break for you.
He had let you rant to him, and he listened as his silent tears fell. He felt so useless stuck in the middle, fuming at Matty for fucking up something so beautiful and for ruining a person who was nothing but sunshine.
"Please George, I wanna know if I deserve this? Did I do something wrong? Should I have done something different? Maybe I should've gone out with you lot, maybe I should've canceled on my cousin to go along with you. Maybe—"
"Y/N/N, sweetheart, you did nothing wrong okay? You're not the one to blame here, please don't do that to yourself."
"But then why, George? Why?!"
Your desperation ripped a sob from your throat, and it had burned to let it out. George had to bite his lip to not sob himself, he would do anything to take your pain away. He had no answers for you either, and as you kept crying, he wasn't sure what to do to try and fix anything that was in his power.
So all he could do was promise you that he'd keep Matty for as long as he could the next day, so you could finish getting all your stuff from the flat.
And the next afternoon, when the curly headed man made it back to his flat — it was just his now, not yours —, he felt his blood running cold. Your key was on top of the kitchen table, there was framed artwork missing from the walls — the ones you had gotten and were your favorites. Your silly little ceramic decorations no longer sat on top of his furniture. All of your vinyl gone, as well as your vhs film collection.
When Matty got to the bedroom, his knees failed him and he fell to the ground beside the bed. The shirt you'd been wearing the day before, which was his, freshly washed and folded on top of the duvet; and resting on top of it was the ring he'd got you for your fourth anniversary, next to it the locket necklace he'd gotten you for your birthday, the first one you celebrated as a couple.
You never took those off so that felt like a slap, a stab and a gunshot, all at the same time. He had ruined it all, that night would forever be the biggest mistake and regret of his life.
Weeks had gone by and it was like the world was completely different. Making music was the only thing that pushed Matty to wake up in the morning so in order to feel like he had a sliver of purpose, he stayed cooped up in the studio.
The lads were angry at him, they didn't ignore him but he could feel their distaste towards what he'd done. Matty knew they kept in touch with you, having caught fragments of conversations between you and them on the phone multiple times. But he didn't feel any resentment towards them, if he was in that situation, he'd choose to side with you as well.
Regardless, it stung, the way he felt like he had no one.
And that feeling of loneliness had brought him to make another insanely stupid decision: he called the girl.
Kendall was her name, and he only remembered the fact because she had texted him when he was on his way back to your flat that awful morning.
The second she picked up and greeted him with insinuation in her voice, Matty regretted the thought ever crossing his mind. It was too late to hang up though, so he kept the small talk in the most uninterested tone and ended the call right after they arranged a meeting place.
After that night, Matty had felt the guilt wash over him once more. But it was the feeling of someone actually needing him in any way for the first time in weeks, that overshadowed the disgust he had for himself.
That's why he had kept this secret agreement with the girl, because it was the loneliness getting to him. He kept telling himself that, every night.
Matty had lost count of how many times he'd taken the same steps as if this deal had a schedule. He'd go up to the receptionist and check in whatever suite they had available, he would go up to the room and lay in the bed as he cried while staring at the ceiling, and then he'd text her the room number but tell her not to wait outside — he'd always ask her to wait for him at the hotel bar.
The first few nights she had tried to make him laugh as they drank, but Matty had tuned her out and afterwards he just decided to have them drink separately. He'd felt bad for the way he was treating her, but she liked this play of mysteriousness — it somehow got her going.
So he would sit and drink alone now, in the furthest corner of the bar, slouching as he swished his drink around the glass. He wouldn't stop drinking until he'd lost count, and that's when he'd decide to go upstairs.
The singer would usually nod his head with his eyes stuck on her, a sign that meant he was going up and for her to follow after him in a few minutes.
When she knocked on the door, Matty was always smoking on the balcony. The smell of cigarettes followed him as he opened the door for her.
It didn't take them long for their clothes to end up scattered around the floor. The girl was pretty, Matty couldn't deny that, not when his body reacted like it did to her naked complexion; but it was nothing compared to the way you would make him feel.
Even with a hundred layers of clothing on, you'd leave him breathless. His knees got weak at the sight of you, from the very first moment he'd seen you and he was sure that it'd be the same until his final days.
To beat his thoughts, Matty forced his hands to be fast and his feet to take them to bed as soon as they could, so his need for release would scream louder than his subconscious shaming him for his actions. Some nights they'd even do some lines before getting to their main purpose, it helped when he was fully gone, he felt less guilty.
But for some reason that night felt the worst, a knot formed in his throat when he came back down from his second orgasm. Kendall had noticed something shift in the air so she scooted close to him and rested her chin on his chest, but he didn't look at her, his eyes were stuck on the big light burning his corneas.
"You alright?" she'd asked with a hint of worry, but when she was met with pure silence she decided to tease him to get at least a reaction from him. "Do you want a cuddle?"
He looked down with a frown, a smirk was plastered on her face and he wanted nothing but to put as much distance as he could between them.
"No, I don't want a cuddle." his voice was sharp, and she tensed at the bitterness in his tone. "Let's just sleep."
The girl chuckled awkwardly and turned to her side of the bed. He caught a whiff of her hair's scent and his heart dropped when the sensory memory of you came to the front of his mind.
Jasmine and lilies. Her hair smelled exactly the same as your feet.
Matty remembered the endless times he'd grab your lotion and give you a foot massage after a long day of work, and he sounds you'd make from the pleasure of his work on your sore limbs. And how those moments would almost always end in you two tangled up in bed, chanting each other's names as if it was a prayer, like the loudest you'd get for the other would bring you closer to the chance of seeing heaven.
In the past four years, there was not one day when he'd refuse to hold someone or let that someone hold him. But that was because it was you, Y/N. He used to hold you like a devoted christian holds a crucifix to their heart, desperately and passionately — like you were his lifeline. He'd refuse to let go of you, even if you used to stir like crazy in your sleep — he would move along with you with his arms firmly around your frame, and your legs always intertwined together.
Matty felt his tears making a path through his temples until they fell on the pillow. He turned around, his back to the girl beside him, and he forced his eyes closed.
"Can you turn out the big light?" his inquiry sounded weak, his voice was a single thread from breaking as the tears kept falling and wetting the pillow under his head.
He felt her stand up and comply, going to the bathroom and then coming back after a minute. He probably should've done the same but he couldn't be arsed, he hated himself and he had no motivation to do anything at all.
When Matty woke up and absorbed his surroundings, his hangover got worse, his heartache multiplied and he was sure he deserved the title of the worst person on earth.
Kendall was still there, sleeping peacefully like his whole world wasn't crumbling down around them. It sure felt like that to him, like the end of times.
He ran to the bathroom when he felt everything he'd consumed the night before rising up his throat. The loud noises woke up the girl who had scrunched up her nose at the gagging.
"Yikes." she mumbled, rising to her feet and getting ready to leave.
Matty had come out of the bathroom as pale as ever, and went straight for his clothes. He only wanted to leave the room as soon as he could, he couldn't keep this going anymore.
He dressed himself as he thought about which way would be best to approach the situation until her voice interrupted him.
"Where are those jeans from? I love them."
She seemed so relaxed as she watched him, leaning on her elbows on top of the messy bed sheets.
He let out a humorless chuckle, melancholic as he replied, "Dunno, Y/N got them for me."
She shrugged, not caring about who that person was and just as she was about to ask him for the date of their next rendezvous, Matty cut her off.
"Look, this has to stop." he said absentmindedly as he sat on a loveseat to tie his shoes. "You're a smart girl so, I reckon you won't be going around telling this to your mates. Don't make me have you sign an NDA."
She snorted, "Fair enough, this will be our dirty little secret then." The smirk she had on her face only made him want to crawl into a hole and never come out.
Matty shook his head, unamused. "Don't–"
"It was fun while it lasted." she added, cutting him off and jumping to her feet.
Kendall grabbed her purse from the floor, and then walked up to him. He frowned when he saw her leaning in and froze when she pressed a kiss to his lips.
"Thanks for the shag, Matty." she winked and proceeded to leave the room.
The sound of the door closing snapped something inside him, and he went back running to the bathroom to be sick again.
When he flushed the toilet, he screamed. Like he was getting murdered.
Matty truly couldn't care less for whoever was in the rooms next to him or if they'd heard him. He felt pure rage inside of him and he had no idea about what he should do.
He yelled as he cried, tiring himself out until he got a knock on the door and was asked by the hotel staff to either stop or to leave the premises.
"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." he kept apologizing between sobs, "I– I was about to check out. I need to check out." he said as he walked to the lifts, the tears barely letting him see the way.
Behind a pair of sunglasses he hid as he dropped the keys to the receptionist, giving her a fake smile as she wished him a good day.
Fuck that.
When Matty got back to the flat, he made a beeline to the shower. He scrubbed his skin raw, as if that would help him feel better about himself.
And as he banged his fists against the shower walls, he continued yelling. He was sure he would lose his voice, but the ache wasn't enough to distract him from the way it felt like his heart was malfunctioning.
After changing, he had decided to open wine bottles and let the alcohol lull him to sleep. He hoped for a long deep sleep, but as he finished the second bottle and his eyes refused to close, he chose to call you.
Y/N.
Your contact picture tore his heart apart a little more. Your smile beaming at him behind the camera, you were opening presents in the morning of Christmas day and you just looked too adorable waiting for him to open his present.
Why had he been so stupid?
Matty pressed 'call' and the phone rang and rang, but you wouldn't pick up. He was filling your voicemail up slowly, his words slurred and broken, his voice so rough that he thought he might've caused some worse damage to his vocal chords than he'd anticipated.
He fell asleep eventually, his phone in his hand but out of battery. His third bottle of wine three quarters empty on the floor beside him. And the long deep sleep he had asked for was interrupted by George opening his front door and coming in at around eleven in the morning.
"Matty what the fuck?"
The singer had grumbled, his cheek pressed against his carpet. He'd fallen asleep on the floor.
"George?"
"Why don't you answer your phone?"
Matty sighed, and rubbed his right eye as he tried to turn his phone on with his other hand. "It's dead."
"Fucks sake. Well get up mate, you need to eat something. You look terrible." the tall man frowned before disappearing into the kitchen, Matty had caught a glimpse of take out bags on both his hands.
He rolled his eyes, "Thanks, G. Very lovely."
The reason George was there was because you had heard every single voice message he'd left her, and your soul had left your body from how worried you were about him. You called George as soon as you got a break from work, you sounded so shaken up that the drummer thought something had happened to you.
"I'll go check on him as soon as I'm done here Y/N/N, I promise."
"Just try and hurry please, G? I don't know if he's taken anything–" you had started to frantically breathe as you talked, you were gonna spiral so he interrupted you.
"Hey, hey. It's okay, I'll be on my way in a bit. Stop worrying about him okay? He doesn't deserve to disrupt your peace after everything he's done, that's why we're there so you don't have to deal with it."
"You know I will never not worry about him G... It's like he's cursed me."
George sighed, completely heartbroken at your state, "I'll text you when I see him, I'm sure he's alright. Just take care of yourself okay?"
You hummed but he could hear you were still agitated. "Okay..."
"Love you, Y/N/N. You're gonna be okay"
"Love you too George, thank you."
That had been about forty minutes before George had shown up, but he would not tell that to Matty. He shouldn't know that you still cared, not from him, it wouldn't be good for either him or yourself.
Matty felt like a kid, George was basically babysitting him now: making sure he was eating enough, filling up a glass with water over and over so he stayed hydrated, plugging his phone to charge, making small talk to keep him distracted.
And he felt even more like a kid when his phone buzzed alive and when he unlocked it to show the drummer some demo he had come up with, it opened on your contact. His voice had died at the sight and at the memory of him calling her tirelessly the day before.
"You shouldn't be calling her, you know?" George's voice sounded reprimanding, "You're only hurting her more when you do that."
Matty could only nod, changing apps and showing George what he had meant but his words were long gone and lost somewhere. The drummer had had to scoop things out from him after that.
When it reached seven in the evening, Matty told George he was just going to sleep. He was knackered, all his energy had drained and if he wanted to go to the studio the day after, he'd need a long rest.
So George left him with a lengthy hug and made him promise to call if anything happened before they saw each other the next day.
Matty went to his ensuite right after he closed the door behind George, washing his face and brushing his teeth slowly to then plop on top of the bed.
It felt so big without you, the room wasn't familiar anymore, the place didn't feel like home.
All the lights were out, so the reflection of his phone blinded him when he picked it up. He had ignored the device for most of the day and he would continue to do that, because he was too tempted to call you again and after what George had told him, he didn't want to keep hurting her. You deserved better than the ache he continued to cause you.
Scrolling through his notifications he found himself laughing at the memes Adam had sent him, sending one to his mum that he thought she'd enjoy.
Denise had found out about what had happened, he had called her crying and apologizing like she was the one also needing to forgive him. As any mum would do, she had consoled him, taking a coach to stay with him for a week just to keep an eye on him, but she had also been firm with him, not downplaying what he had done.
She had taken one of her days in London to visit you, at your best friend's flat where you were staying. And you had cried in Denise's arms for hours, as she rubbed your back and kept telling you it wasn't your fault.
His mum was heartbroken for the two of you, she encouraged Matty to find help in regards to his addiction. "A few lines cost you Y/N," she had said and what a tragedy that was.
When he kept scrolling down his notifications, he found a missed call from you. Just one. And that was enough to startle him like he'd just gotten shocked back to life.
He deflated thinking he had missed the ringing of his phone, meaning he had missed the one and only chance to talk to you — maybe for the last time.
But then he caught a voice message sitting on his voicemail. From you.
He played it instantly, his whole body washing in relief at the sound of your voice.
"Matty?" you had asked softly, and he sighed but then you sniffled and he heard you take a shaky breath before continuing, "Hey, erm, I don't know what's going on but I just–," you cleared your throat when your voice broke. "I hope you're doing okay, don't do anything you will regret okay? There's people who can't lose you for something like this."
'There's people.' Not her.
Matty started crying, trying to keep his sobs down so he could hear you.
"Fuck," you whispered, "That sounds like I don't care but no matter how hard I try to trick myself, the truth is I will always care about you. And I fucking hate that." his heart was shattering more and more as you spoke.
"You know... I loved you Matt. I still do." you sighed, and he could picture you so clearly picking at your cuticles like you always did when you were upset and anxious. "The worst part is that even knowing how it all ends, I'd still do it all over again." You broke down after that, your sobs making him sob and it was like you were crying to each other again in the living room as he told you what he had done.
"But I'm gonna need you to stop calling Matty. And I know how hard that is because, despite it all, the one thing I've been dying to do is call you and hear your voice. But please, I need you to stop." You were begging now and you sounded tired, "You have to let me go, so I can heal. Maybe one day we can be friends again — I hope we can."
Your voice had broken once again and it sounded like you had covered your mouth so your sobs were less audible. "Take care of yourself okay? I want you to promise that you will, make me that last promise Matty..." the line went quiet and he would've thought you were gone if it wasn't for your heavy breathing. It was like you were waiting for him to magically say 'I promise' as you recorded the message. He had started chanting it, as if you could hear him, over and over until your defeated sigh was heard and all you had left to say was, "Goodbye, Matty."
He replayed it several times, until his heart couldn't take you saying the final goodbye anymore.
That night Matty fell asleep crying, and woke up barely being able to see from how swollen his eyes were. He had woken up in the middle of the night after he'd dreamt about you getting married, he had hugged your pillow and fallen back into slumber. Until a nightmare woke him up before his alarm, the image of your body cold and covered in blood after you'd been in an accident stuck in his mind as he got ready for the day.
When he got to the studio, Matty made the decision to keep his promise to you. He felt like he owed it to you. So he made some calls and when the lads arrived, they were met with the news that he'd go to rehab.
They had engulfed him in a massive hug, which made him break down in tears. Matty wasn't sure how long he'd be gone for, or where exactly he was going but he was determined to go through it again and fully commit to getting better.
✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧
It had been almost three months since your life had been shaken up. You had moved to your best friend's house for a little bit before finding a place of your own. It was slowly coming together but small things like getting the post always made you feel like this was actually your home.
There wasn't much, a parcel you had been waiting for and a couple bills. You found yourself surprised at a small envelope that was under everything else, it had an unfamiliar stamp on the top right corner.
Barbados, it said.
Your fingers were quick to open it, inside was only a small usb. No note with a name to give you a clue of what it was.
Curiosity was eating you inside so you almost ran back up to your flat.
You opened the door with too much force, causing it to slam against the wall. After making sure the door was intact, you went to your room and hurried to find your laptop. You cussed when you tried turning it on and realized it was out of battery.
You plugged it in and paced around the bedroom waiting for it to turn on. And when the screen lit up alive, your curiosity turned to nerves. You didn't even know why, but you had a gut feeling and those you never ignored.
When you inserted the usb, the only thing you could see inside it was a video named 'dec. 22nd, 2017'.
Your frown was set hard on your face, it was past the first week of the new year already. What could this be?
All of your questions were answered when you clicked on it and a face you missed was shown on the screen.
Matty looked so different. For a start, the curls you'd adored for years were gone — replaced by a buzzcut that he so effortlessly was pulling off —, his skin looked glowy and he'd ditched his usual vintage band shirts for a light knitted sweater. He looked healthy.
Your heart felt like it was going to burst, from happiness and relief but also from the memory of everything that had gone down.
What was he doing in Barbados? Why would he send a video on a usb through the post? Why not email it?
You were so confused, questions flooding your head. Eventually, you just decided to play the five minute clip and hear what he had to say.
Matty cleared his throat, his chest covering the lenses as he was leaning over the camera to press record.
There was a chair a few steps behind him, set in front of a massive window that allowed you to see outside the place he was at, and it looked like the definition of paradise.
"I, erm... You're probably so confused at the moment." Matty rubbed his eyes with his hands before letting them drop on his lap. "I'm in rehab. In Barbados."
You felt the oxygen leave your lungs for a few seconds before you took a deep shaky breath.
"We are doing this thing where we think back about the worst things drugs have made us do to the ones we love and, erm, apologize for them." he chuckled, it seemed in an ironic way. "They had us forgive ourselves first which, as you may imagine, was really hard for me to do. Ever since October, I haven't felt more than hatred towards myself. So that was a challenge."
Matty tried looking into the camera but his eyes didn't know where to concentrate, he just let his head fall in defeat. "This is weird. How do people manage to record themselves and not feel like an absolute idiot?" He looked up, rubbed his face and sighed in frustration.
"This rehab has been so different to the last you know? I've been bonding with this bloody horse– They have me talking to a horse, Y/N!" Matty laughed genuinely this time, and his giggles made you giggle as the start of your tears rolled down your cheeks. "Fucks sake, can you believe that?" You wiped the tears as they fell but eventually gave up when they came faster than your fingers could clean them.
Matty sighed, taking a look outside the window before looking back at the camera. "He's amazing though, you must know horses are great listeners and they are so majestic." his hands were on his lap and you noticed how he'd started fiddling with his fingers. "Gonna miss him much more than I anticipated once these seven weeks are up..." he trailed off and his smile faltered as he came back to his main point in his head. "But, erm, I digress."
He cleared his throat before continuing, "The second part of that forgiveness ordeal was to apologize to those we've hurt. We were told we could write letters, record voice messages or videos. I wanted to write a letter to you but it wasn't– I feel like it–" he paused, gathering his thoughts. His brain going faster than his mouth like always. "I couldn't hide behind words this time, you deserved better than that. I owed you a different level of vulnerable, raw me."
"I started this because of that last promise you made me make to you — thank you for leaving that voice message actually, I don't know what would've happened if you hadn't." His eyes stood stuck on the lenses so it felt like he was staring into your soul. "So, yes, I started this because of that promise and I felt like I owed this to you but they've made me realize here that I owed it to myself." You saw the way his chin wobbled and it had you letting out a sob.
"I don't like how it's always taken me fucking things up to realize what I had." Matty let his head drop as he shook it, disappointed in himself.
"This isn't some kind of plea for you to take me back, you just deserved closure from me I suppose — and to hear a proper apology." You didn't know if you could take that at the moment but you just couldn't pause it, so despite your heart begging yourself to stop for at least a minute you let it continue. "It's too late for anything else, and you definitely deserve so much better than someone who could do that to you just because he was under the influence." The memory stung like a fresh slap, causing a river of hot tears to run down your cheeks.
Matty sighed before continuing, tears falling down his cheeks as well and his voice wavering as he spoke. "I'm deeply sorry for what I did, for ruining everything we had and making you go through something you were the last person to deserve. I ruined you and I am eternally sorry for that." He kept fiddling with his fingers, "I'm sorry for letting something so mundane and stupid come between us, I'm so sorry for not being the person you deserved." Matty started listing all of his regrets, and it felt like a thousand needles to your heart. "I'm sorry for being weak and letting myself break. I've hated myself so much for saying yes to some lines and then seeing it all unfold like it did." His head shook, letting himself let out a few quiet sobs.
"You have to know I regret that night and everything else that happened afterwards, that's my biggest regret in life and I will carry that with me forever but please, Y/N, don't feel like you have to." You clutched your chest like you could somehow bring your heart some comfort that way, the way he was staring at the camera with his eyes starting to redden made you hurt so badly.
Matty let out a shaky breath before continuing, "This makes me sound like such a cunt, that I'm asking you to move on as if I have to be the one telling you to do it for you to actually do it but this is me begging to not let my mistakes pull you down because you're so fucking wonderful Y/N/N." his voice wavered at the end of that, and in unison both of you started sobbing your hearts out like you were in the same room in front of the other.
Your desperate cries bounced off the walls and you felt like your chest was being ripped open again. You watched as Matty looked up at the ceiling and harshly wiped his cheeks, taking a deep breath to keep talking. "You are easily the best thing that has ever happened to me and so I also wanted to thank you."
It was so complicated for you to understand what that caused you to feel, it was like a hug but it punctured your heart that this was the situation he was thanking you in. "You were our absolute biggest fucking fan, going through all of it with us — going through so much shit with me. I'm still having a hard time figuring out what I did to deserve you. I clearly didn't." Matty's lips twitched up in an attempt to smile, as if he was trying to make it a tiny joke but it failed.
"Now, this isn't something I'm entitled to do, I shouldn't have the neck to ask you to make me a promise but I don't think I'll ever stop caring about you, not tomorrow, not in a year, not in this lifetime nor the next. So I want you to promise me that you'll always choose yourself and take every decision that will lead you to feeling the happiness you deserve as many times as possible." his knee started bouncing up and down now, but his eyes were stuck staring straight at the camera and you could see just how pleading they were.
"You know I've never thought happiness was ever a destination but if it turns out to be, then I wish only that for you." his hands fell on his knees then and you saw through the tears his knuckles turning white as he held them.
Matty went to speak again after a few beats of silence but he stopped himself as his voice didn't come out. He let himself stare beyond the camera for a few seconds before his gaze fell once again on the lenses, "I don't think I'll ever not love you, you know? My love for you goes beyond the grasps of time and space, and maybe that's extremely selfish to say — fuck."
He wanted to kick himself when he realized how unfair he was being, just saying shit like that, like it wasn't his fault that it had all happened. "I'm sorry, I just—" Matty backtracked and he stopped himself as the knot on his throat tightened again. "Sorry. I'm still a mess, and unfortunately human."
The tears ran down Matty's face, matching the ones running down your cheeks as you stared at your laptop screen. You felt the urge to reach out for him, to touch him but he wasn't there and that broke your heart even more.
"I don't know what else to say, this introspective shit is harder when you have so much time to think about yourself. I have never been more self aware in my life... Maybe this is what I needed." He trailed off and he shifted in his seat, looking back outside for a moment and smiling slightly at the view.
Matty took some time, trying to gather his thoughts and see if he could form any more sentences that he wanted desperately to tell you but his brain was a tangled mess and he felt awful for making you waste more of your time on him when it was the last thing he deserved.
"Well, I will leave you now, I hope I didn't disrupt you with my bullshit. And, erm, I hope you had a lovely Christmas time, you truly deserve it. Hope George got you that drumming set he promised you back in May." He chuckled remembering the messy lessons George gave you and how he'd promised to give you one so you could practice with him.
Matty struggled to find the best way to finish the video, you could see how hard he was racking his brain for what he wanted to say. He ended up settling for honesty, because that's what you deserved from him.
"I miss you, as selfish as that sounds. And I love you, always, as selfish as that is. Goodbye, Y/N." He gave you a tight lip smile, before he stood up and the frame ended in the same way it had started, with him covering up the lenses as he leaned forward to press the button.
Your heart settled heavily on your chest and it was how concluding it felt that had your head dizzy. A bitter taste on your tongue as you once more looked back at it all and at how, after months, the overwhelming amount of love you felt for him was still there.
Hidden away in the back of your heart.
✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧✦✧
A/N: I'm so sorry for that... But I hope despite the heartache you still enjoyed it! Thank you so much for taking the time to read, the fact that I'm even posting this for everyone to read is mental to me. Please let me know what you thought of it. I’ve got more things coming that I’m so very excited to share with you all!! *screeches* okay, thank you again and see you soon!
Send me a message if you want me to add you to the taglist :)
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#matty healy x reader#matty x reader#matty healy#matty#healy#matty healy fanfiction#matty healy fanfic#matty the 1975#the 1975#matty 1975#1975 matty#matty healy oneshot#matty healy drabble#matty healy blurb#the 1975 fanfic#the 1975 fanfiction#ross macdonald#adam hann#george daniel
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A/N: I found this from a while ago. Don't remember why I never posted it, but here you go.
~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~
Hermione POV:
When I met Y/n, it was on the train to Hogwarts in year 1. I had just boarded the Hogwarts Express and was looking for a place to sit when I had come across her sitting alone in one of the compartments.
I knocked on the door and she turned her head towards me and gave me a small smile. “Do you mind if I sit here?” I had asked.
“No of course,” she said and gestured me to come in.
I sat across from her and her smile grew.
“My names Y/n, Y/n Y/ln,” she put her hand out to shake and I put mine in hers.
“I’m Hermione Granger, it’s nice to meet you.”
“It’s nice to meet you too, you have a beautiful name,” she pulled her hand back into her lap as my smile grew more at her compliment.
“Thank you, I like your name as well,”
We sat there in silence for a bit as she looked out the window. We hadn’t moved yet and we were on the side of the train with no people visible.
“What are you looking at?”
“Hm? Oh nothing in particular, i’m just waiting for the train to move,”
I hummed as she continued.
“Is this your first year?” she asked as she looked back at me.
“Yes it is, is it yours?”
She nodded and I felt more at ease. At least I met someone in my year. “Have you ever heard of Hogwarts? Before you got your letter I mean.”
“No. I’m a muggle-born so all of this is very new to me. However, I have read a lot about this stuff.”
“Well you know, knowing something and experiencing it could come to be very different things,” she looked back at me with an eyebrow raised. “Or at least that’s what my Uncle tells me,” she chuckled a bit and we heard the train horn sound as we started to move along the tracks.
We could hear a commotion across from our seats as kids started sticking their heads out of the windows and yelling goodbye’s and I love you’s to their families once more.
~ ~ ~ ~
That train ride is what sparked our friendship and we have been best friends for 5 years now. We’re in our 6th year and are sharing a dorm together. Good thing we were both put in Gryffindor, along with our other friends Harry Potter and Ron Weasley. We met them on the train as well in year 1, but that was because a boy named Neville lost his toad and we had offered to help him look for it.
Which led us to asking the pair if they had seen it, safe to say that at first the four of us were split between duos. The boys didn’t seem to take a liking to me, especially Ron, yet Y/n had somehow befriended them. I mean I understand how, she’s someone you just always want to have around if you can. But she stuck with me the whole time. It wasn’t until the three of them had saved me from being, as Y/n puts it, bonked down to a pancake, by a troll in the girl’s bathroom that we all finally joined together as a group. Y/n likes to think of us as ‘The Golden Squad, I think it’s a bit stupid but my opinion seems to not matter in this case as Ron agreed to the name and Harry just went along with it, saying it had a nice ring to it.
But I digress. Currently i’m heading back to my dorm from the library. We have a test in potions next week that I wanted to review for. Y/n was going to come with me, but she cancelled last minute. To say I was hurt wouldn’t be a lie, but she said she needed to do something and could study later. So I left and am now on my way back, hopefully she’ll tell me what it was that she had to do that prohibited her from joining me in the library.
I got through the portrait hole and up the stairs towards the dormitories. As I was nearing our dorm, I heard the soft strum of a guitar coming from behind the door. I slowly walked up and put my ear to the wood to listen.
You were a phonograph, I was a kid
I sat with an ear close, just listening
I could hear Y/n softly singing, her voice muffled by the space between us but still clear enough to understand.
Was there when the rain tapped her way down you face
You were a miracle, I was just holding your space
She sounded calm and sang with a low hum as she continued to pick the strings of her guitar. I always found her voice to be endearing, singing or not. It calmed me and I found some kind of peace and joy whenever I heard it. I’ve never told her this of course, because that would be weird..right?
I decided to stop standing out in the hallway and slowly open the door, hoping that she wouldn’t notice and continue to play. But as soon as I peered my head into the room she looked up from her journal and stopped what she was doing. She gave me a smile, a smile i’ve grown to love seeing, and put down her guitar as she walked over to me.
“Hey ‘Mione,” she greeted as she gave me a hug.
I smiled and reciprocated, easing my head on her neck and giving her a muffled “Hey Y/nn.”
She kissed the top of my head and pulled away from me, going back to her side of the room. “How was your studying?”
“It was alright, wish you were there. Why weren’t you by the way?”
“Oh I needed to finish something important. But i’m done with it now,” she put her guitar on its stand and sat on her bed. I hummed and set my stuff down on my desk. I turned around to find her laying on her back just staring up at the ceiling. I smirked and backed up a little before bolting straight for her bed and yelling. She shot her head up and opened her arms letting me land on top of her as I threw myself onto the bed.
We laughed and she hit me with one of her pillows.
“What have I told you about doing that?”
I thought about it for a moment before replying, “That you love it when i’m on top.”
She shook her head and set her pillow back down. Getting comfortable, I laid my head on her chest as she had one hand around my waist, the other playing with my hair. “You’re going to be the end of me ‘Mione,” she sighed and I stifled a laugh.
“You say that like it’s a bad thing,” I pouted and she just laughed.
“With you Granger? It’s an honor,”
I blushed and dug my face into her chest, “shut up,”
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DNA| sec.80 high power- chapter 3
A/N~ a shorter chapter this time around. But after this, I promise the story will finally get more interesting i'm so excited!!!
Also, I quickly put together a little visual aid for what i think Rhaella would look like, i linked a Pinterest board for her in my pinned post too!
anyways <3
The atmosphere following the meeting hung heavy as Rhaella, flanked by her two sisters walked away from the grand hall. The worst was seemingly behind them.
“I do hope this settles the Driftmark succession once and for all,” Baela says. Rhaella and Rhaena share a look of doubt.
“I fear this is just the beginning sister,” Rhaella said. It was all too apparent to her that the Hightowers had already put their pieces in place.
Baela comes to a halt, turning to face her sisters. She held a strong look of conviction.
“Our stepmother will ascend the throne, of this I am certain.” She said.
Rhaella paused at Baela's tone. She could have sworn that there was something accusatory in her tone.
Rhaena must've sensed the looming tension as well, grabbing Rhaella's hand, the three continued to walk the long corridors.
“Are you content with ignoring the topic of the marriage proposal?” Rhaena asked.
Yes. Rhaella was more than content to not bring up the matter. What bothered her more was the slight Otto had thrown at her in front of everyone.
Rhaella kept her gaze straight ahead. “The proposal is of no consequence, didn't you hear?” Her voice was flat, and annoyance was growing in her tone. “He was prepared to ship me off to the sept.”
Rhaena smirked at the response. “ Yet despite the rejection, you and Aemond are quite shameless with each other.” She said slyly.
"I'm not sure what you mean, Rhaena.” Rhaella's response was immediate.
“Oh please spare us your lies, Rhaella,” Baela spoke again. “ Everyone in that court saw how he looked at you, it was plain to see.”
Rhaella felt very cornered. Of course, she was well aware of Aemond's seemingly prologued stares. Stubborn as ever, Rhaella crosses her arms childishly.
“Let us be done with this, maybe I'll find someone less accusatory to converse with.” Turning around, Rhaella walks off in the opposite direction.
“Conversing with Aemond I assume?” She heard Rhaena call out which she promptly ignored.
Rhaella wandered around the long halls of the Red Keep, lost in thought. Everyone around her was being so unreasonable. She and Aemond had been friends, close cousins even. Nothing more on her part. Except maybe a growing attraction.
The concept of love had always been a puzzling thing to her. The earliest memory she could recall was the brief fling she had with one of the dragonkeepers. It was nothing serious, she wanted to know all the ins and outs of dragons and he wanted a kiss. Or two. He was cute enough so it was more than fine by her.
Then there was her previous handmaid, Astris. It was a little more than curiosity on her part. The two would often share many private moments. Astris was known to dabble in dark magic which fascinated Rhaella.
Had Rhaella loved either of them? Not in the slightest. The only love she had in her heart was solely for her sisters.
Up ahead, Rhaella saw her cousin, Helaena walking alongside Aegon.
Rhaella grimaced at the sight of him. She attempted to avoid them but Helaena had already spotted her.
“Cousin!” Helaena called out to her. Rhaella smiled politely as Helaena rushed to her side, grabbing her hand. After Aemond, Helaena was quite close with Rhaella.
“Helaena, I see you are well,” Rhaella said. She can see Aegon roll his eyes.
“ Aegon.” Rhaella greeted.
“Your prince, I think you mean.” He spits back. Aegon's eyes rake over Rhaella's body brazenly. Rhaella found him nothing short of repulsive. She truly felt sorry for her cousin. Had Aegon been her husband, she would've since slipped poison into his wine.
It would be so easy too.
“ Come Helaena.” Rhaella ignored Aegon's comment. “ I wish to see your bug collection.”
The girls walk to Helaena's chambers, settling into the chairs. Helaena's twins were on the floor playing. Rhaella reached out to Helaena's daughter. She had insisted on being present at the birth to keep watch over her cousin, the children were very familiar with her.
“Jaehaera, come to me sweetling.” Rhaella called. The small girl situated herself in Rhaella's lap, clutching her doll. She watched as Helaena held up a jar proudly.
“This one is new, I found it crawling outside of my room,” Helaena said, excitement in her voice.
Rhaella stared at the creature. It had a black body with a yellow membrane stretching across its transparent wings. Standing out were its deep red eyes, staring right at her through the glass.
“Might I hold him?” Rhaella asks. Heleana passes her the jar. Jaehaera slides off Rhaella's lap, going back to her dolls.
Heleana watches, seemingly in a trance as Rhaella opens the jar. She gently scoops the bug out. Upon closer inspection, she recognized it as a Cicada.
“Dragons and death are one and the same,” Heleana mumbled. “ A dragon walks closely with death, death shall be its crown.”
Rhaella looked up from the bug in a look of pure befuddlement. She knew Heleana to often go on tangents, speaking in rhymes and riddles.
Rhaella supposed it was one of the main reasons she kept Heleana so close to her.
“What was that you said, cousin?” Rhaella asked, handing her back the jar. Before Helaena could respond, the doors to the room were opened by a maid.
There stood Aemond. He looked from Heleana to Rhaella. Quickly, the handmaid escorted the children out of the room. Nervously clutching the jar, Heleana hastily left the room.
Alone. Rhaella refused to shrink away from Aemond's gaze. She relaxes into her chair, legs crossing one another.
“Aemond.” She said.
“Rhaella.” Aemond sat down in one of the chairs opposite to her. Rhaella wanted to fight the bubbling anticipation in her stomach. This mental bout they engaged in was all too inviting.
Aemond's eye briefly scans all over Rhaella. Somehow, when he did it she didn't feel repulsed. No. Quite the opposite.
“You've changed,” Aemond said. And she had. Long gone were the days of the innocent little girl dresses and free-flowing hair. These days, her long, curly white hair was kept up in braids, the typical Targaryen style. She grew fond of deeper-toned colors for her gowns. Her brown skin had tanned slightly darker from her time in Pentos.
“Have I?” Rhaella said, shooting him a lofty grin. Aemond hummed in response. The tension between them was almost too much to bear.
“Have you maintained your grip on my mother's dragon?”Rhaella asked. Aemond's lips slightly twitched up into a smirk.
“Vhagar, the dragon I claimed, I was within my rights.” Aemond points out. Rhaella knew he wasn't wrong. Still, though, she had the newfound desire to push his buttons.
“She's far older than any of us, her will is surely iron-born,” Rhaella said, her violet eyes unabashedly eating up his form.
“I think you'll find she bends for me all the same.” Rhaella was unsure if they were still talking about Vhagar.
“Zaldrīzes buzdari iksos daor.” The high valyrian flowed from her. “ A dragon is not a slave”.
Aemond scoffed. “ Vali tepagon nyke se rigle nyke gūrogon skori nyke kipagon zirȳla.” 'Men give me the honor I deserve when I ride her.'
Rhaella found Aemond's high valyrian to be a little stiff. To book like to be natural.
Aemond's legs spread out wider slightly, tilting his head at her. “ What would you know about dragons, I've yet to see you with one.
“Oh. He's grown to be a cunt.” Rhaella thought. Aemond seemed to remember how to push her buttons as well. Rhaella was all the more enticed.
She longed for nothing more than to throw something at his smirking face.
A heavy chair. Perhaps herself.
“I do wonder how your grandsire conjured up a marriage proposal,” Rhaella said, switching the subject.
“ It's not natural for a lady to be unmarried,” Aemond said, eyes glinting cruelly.
“Even that savage you call a sister has managed a betrothed, somehow.”
At the insult, Rhaella rises from her seat. She had satisfied her curiosity for the time being. Aemond had grown a big head,his arrogance irked her immensely.
All was well though. Rhaella enjoyed nothing more than a challenging game.
Rhaella walked towards the bedroom door. Aemond can't help but follow her with his head.
“ I'll see you at dinner.” With that, Rhaella exited the room.
#black oc#daemon targaryen#house of the dragon#baela targaryen#rhaenyra targaryen#aemond x reader#black reader#oc character#rhaena of pentos#game of thrones#black fem reader#x black reader#black characters#aemond targaryen#helaena targaryen#aegon x reader
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Aegon and Gold
Side note : this is a very mixed up “analysis” that sort of combines both show elements as well as some popular fan theories/assumptions since we barely had time with the character (may I remind you all, to possible infuriation, that we never saw Sunfyre up close). So yeah <3
So I do think it is said quite a lot that Aegon would wear gold to honour Sunfyre and what not and I do believe he would happily do that, it’s just he can’t.
Okay so first let’s just get straight what gold can mean for him.
Yes of course, it’s the colour of his most beloved dragon. They aren’t strongest dragon - rider bond in all of Targaryen history for nothing. Sunfyre was able to kill dragons much larger than him, defended Aegon in crisis and would not go down without a fight even when he was on the brink of death. Looking at the larger picture I think Sunfyre represents a sort of freedom for Aegon. To fly anywhere he’d like, on his own terms, never to be found and be freed from these shackles of duty that he (initially) does not want. Sunfyre also symbolises him finally having bonded with someone. His father acted as though he didn’t exist ; his mother was too young and pressurised to shape him into a worthy heir (and taking whatever means it takes to do so). His dragon is his very first true bond, him claiming the dragon alone is proof enough that he is a worthy Targaryen (in his head)
Other than Sunfyre however, gold is also the colour of the first dress we see (a grown up) Helaena in. His lady wife and younger sister. Now going off the show alone, sadly we do not have any scenes of them together but in context and background clues alone (Helaena laughing at his taunts at Jace, Aegon getting jealous when she accepts Jace’s offer, Helaena looking at him with pity/worry when he is crowned - knowing what this means for both of them and so on) I do not think that their marriage is a utter disaster (as some fans suggest). Gold is the first impression of his wife, the mother of their three children. Who do you think he had the courage to vent his heart to when he got too drunk in their shared rooms? Who do you think he constantly sends gifts to, as an apology for not being around? Who do you think Alicent brings up first when the Dyana situation happens? (“think of the shame on your wife..on me”). I do believe that Helaena is some source of happiness for him. It may have taken years to develop a strong bond ,as he did with his dragon, with her but they are there. After three kids and six kingdoms to manage, I think it is fair to assume that they get along fairly well.
Now obviously there is a lot more to Helaena and Aegon’s marriage than “getting along fairly well” but for the convenience of the post and the topic at hand, I have had to make it somewhat more concise.
So Gold is definitely a positive colour for him. But one thing that is not gold is the very symbol of his title, claim and rule. His crown.
The crown of the conqueror is black with the red ruby in the middle. I’ve also heard some people call it a dark silver (which would be the direct contrast to gold). So while gold represents his freedom and happiness, silver (the direct contrast) or black (the title colour representing the opposing faction) represent the cage of duty he has to put himself in for his and his family’s safety. During the coronation itself, he does not wear dark green (as he did earlier) or gold (even though he may prefer it) but rather black to represent this in a way.
In comparison, the crown worn by Rhaenyra (the key figure of team black) is gold. And I think arguably Rhaenyra (even as a Royal woman in Westerosi society) has more freedom than Aegon.
Also the gold crown of The Old King was also worn by Viserys. I do not think that in Aegon’s perspective, his father was a source of happiness in any way. But what could have been, was his crown. Gold and the symbol of King Jaehaerys I, someone who had a long, relatively peaceful reign over Westeros. Since the idea that he was to inherit the throne was put in his head so early, he must have thought about it quite a bit. He did not want it of course but if it had to be done then perhaps, he would have desired a reign like the Old King’s. (Not to mention, he and Helaena named their first borns after Jaehaerys.)
A few comparisons to my Alicent “analysis” :
So similar to Alicent leaving her childhood memories with Rhaenyra behind when she became queen (abandoning the colour blue), Aegon also leaves his freedom behind when he becomes king (not wearing gold or green but black)
Both her eldest children and now king and queen (Aegon and Helaena) are following her patterns and reaching their breaking points and have had a shift in their wardrobe to symbolise as such.
#aegon ii targaryen#house of the dragon#analysis#colour analysis#helaena x aegon ii#team green#helaegon#alicent hightower#sunfyre
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In a recent post, I shared some thoughts I have for s6. I have some more thoughts to add. Possible s6 spoilers!
In that post, someone made a good comment that the writers may want to keep Robby with Johnny so that they have more interactions, and so it's likely that Robby won't be back living with Shannon when s6 picks up after summer has ended. This got me thinking about my other ideas for s6. (I have many ideas lol.)
One of my ideas about Shannon is that, while on her trip, she decided to move to Bainbridge Island permanently and didn't want Robby to move with her. She came back, they packed up all their things from their apartment, and she moved away while Robby moved in with Johnny. Like she had just left Robby with Johnny over the summer without discussing it with Robby first, she told Robby that she's moving away permanently and that he can continue to live with Johnny. In s1, Shannon said that he'll leave her when he turns 18 so she has to find a man before then. But, she was always the one doing the leaving those days. So, it's possible that she's finally decided to move on with her life and leave Robby behind, like she seemed to hint at with her comment. She's cleaned herself up, Johnny claims he's ready to be a dad to Robby (which Johnny really isn't), and she can make a life for herself elsewhere.
Also, in s5, Shannon's comment about her parents' place was vague enough that there was debate amongst the fandom about if her parents are still alive, and if so, why haven't they ever done more for Robby especially given Shannon's lifestyle before rehab. If her parents are alive, there's some speculation that they're rich. Another idea I have for Shannon is that her parents have always lived in Bainbridge Island and she moved to LA when she turned 18 (which is something she projects onto Robby when she says that he'll leave when he turns 18). Her parents didn't approve of her choices and didn't approve when she had Robby, and they cut her off years ago. But now that she'd cleaned herself up, she had gotten back in touch with them and they were open to her visiting them over the summer. She'd also convinced them that she'd bring Robby with her, but after Johnny suggested Robby stay with him for the summer, she just left Robby with Johnny because it was easier for her. Either way, the idea is that Robby is now stuck living with Johnny because Shannon decided to move away permanently and leave Robby behind.
Based on the group bts pic at Miyagi-Do, Robby is still in the dojo when the season starts so one of my ideas in the previous post doesn't fit. Here's another idea for how the votes go for the girls leader and boys leader.
Maybe the girls don't take a vote. With everything that has happened in the dojo war, the girls from Cobra Kai being new to Miyagi Fang, and Sam technically winning the avt, the girls in the dojo come to the conclusion that Sam is the obvious choice. She's also been the leader of Miyagi-Do for a while, and she's the one who the senseis will support the most anyway because she's Daniel's daughter.
For the boys leader, at first, they plan on taking a vote. It's going to be Miguel vs Robby, but Johnny and Daniel pull Robby aside before the vote. They start by telling Robby that they all want to make the best decisions for the dojo, and ask him that that's what he wants too. He nods yes, but he's watching them carefully. They then say that Miguel as the boys leader would be a better for the dojo. Miguel is an avt champion, is going to school, has great grades, has no record, and is going to go to college, maybe even to a university like Stanford. Meanwhile, Robby has lost two avt championships, was expelled from school, has a criminal record and has gone to juvie, and may get his GED but may not even go to college. On paper, Miguel's the better choice for leader. It would be better for PR and for gaining sponsorships for the dojo for the tournament. Robby quietly agrees.
Johnny and Daniel then announce to the kids that Robby has decided not to run and, because Sam is uncontested as well, Miguel and Sam will be the respective leaders for the boys and the girls.
The third thing in that other post was about Robby's support system. In addition to seeing Bobby take on a primary role in Robby's support system, I'd like to see Chozen and Kumiko play some roles too. Chozen is still around, helping them train for the tournament, so it's possible he can help Robby. I assume right now he's not privy to how Johnny has treated Robby his whole life. For Kumiko, well, maybe they'll go to Okinawa for a visit or she can come for a visit. It depends on the situation (which I also have different ideas for). Either way, she can keep in touch with Robby online. So, Bobby, Chozen, and Kumiko are my hopes for Robby's support system. Johnny isn't capable, and may never be. Daniel and Amanda are iffy, but they can grow if they're open to recognizing their faults. Daniel sticks to "no bad teacher, only bad student" when it comes to Robby because "maybe he has too much of [Johnny] in him", while Amanda dismisses Robby as a teenager and thinks of teens with anger problems as lost causes who need wake-up calls. Robby needs compassionate and understanding adults in his support system, which Bobby, Chozen, and Kumiko seem to be.
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I need to know the process of max and daniel telling people in glitter. I mean, obviously there were 80 billion people who found out based on everyone being at their wedding, them casually mentioning it at f1 shoots, obviously the teams knowing, etc, but the key first reveals? Who knew, how they told them, how they took, etc, I want to know all! Also, I want all the insight of them in 2022 that you’re up for sharing with how they navigated the emotional minefield there, because the snippet you shared about the two shows such a interesting glimpse into max being in the peak of his career while his boyfriend is falling and suffering and barely eating and forcing smiles when he’s never had to before. Sorry, two very broad questions in one ask, but since we as outsiders don’t have the details, I definitely have some curiosities around these bigger topics.
Final, actually more specific question: how is Daniel with the cats?
yes, i will say that this socmed format def has one downfall and it's not being able to share the deeper details but i am very happy to just dump all of this here, hope this satisfies some of your curiosities anon!
how max and daniel tell everyone:
charles is absolutely the first person max and daniel tell, and that's just because he was the first person to catch an inkling that they may want to be more than friends. that's done with a facetime with max and daniel (which is in ch 3, charles' post). he was basically the driving force to getting maxiel together-- they got together after daniel invited max to stay in his house in perth during COVID, there’s a kookaburra called gary that taunts max to make the first move, it’s a whole thing--charles basically forced daniel to invite him over. but also, there are definitely drivers who thought they were already dating, here's a snippet from the new year's day fic, a conversation between daniel and nico hulkenburg during singapore, 2019.
Are you two okay?
We’re fine
I know you don’t like talking about him but you’re okay right?
It’s awful when you fight with your partner, but I guess it’s worse for you cause you have to race him the next day.
Nico
What
We’re not dating
Oh
Did you think I was dating Max this whole time?!
Does Max know that
i don’t think they tell the rest of the drivers, probably just the ones they’re close with. if charles knows, pierre knows. when max told alex he was going to stay in australia, he laughed really loudly, gave a pat on the back to max and said “charles told me you two were always weird about each other” and walks away. so make of that what you will. they don’t tell george, he finds out from someone and feels instantly betrayed as leader of the daniel ricciardo fanclub but gets over it quickly. no one tells sebastian but they both get a “Congratulations. — Sebastian” text one random day.
max’s sister instantly finds out when he doesn’t come back to europe for lockdown. daniel doesn’t tell his mum till max has left to go back to the UK before the season starts again, but she already knew (he wore a red bull shirt with 33 on it whilst they socially distanced exchanged food with each other).
the red bull team find out during a meeting where daniel walks through the living room with a basket of laundry. they don't say anything there, but daniel receives a vague message from a number he doesn't recognise basically being like treat him right etc etc (it's GP.) the renault team were under the impression that they were dating the whole time, so no shock from them.
but i think for the first two years (2020-2022) they try and keep it as much as a secret as they can, especially because of how turbulent their careers were at that time. when daniel has his pseudo 6 month sabbatical and is back with red bull, that’s when they slowly start to talk about their relationship around everyone more. (with the help of some very strong NDAs i imagine to stop stuff from leaking. but people probably respect them enough to not leak. it’s a fictional universe, people are nicer here.)
2022:
2022 is a real turning point for them. as you put very nicely, max is at the peak of his career, daniel has never been lower. i think for both of them it's a do or die point of their relationship--i think they were kind of stuck in this honeymoon period during the first year of the relationship, but daniel going through a depressive period snaps them both out of it. obviously, i can only speak for my own fictionalised daniel ricciardo and my own experiences, but i think he just slowly stops trying. like here's what i wrote, and i think it just encapsulates what daniel feel internally throughout the year:
“Sometimes I think you are not angry enough about it. You used to fight back everything you did not like at Red Bull and now Lando says you just sit there in meetings and accept all the bad things they’ve thrown at you.”
he’s tried being nice about it, he’s tried being angry about it and none of it works, so why try anymore? but also this is when max realises that daniel needs something tangible for him to realise that max is in it for the long run, which is how the tattoo is born. it doesn’t fix all their problems, time will help, but it’s a nice thing. he doesn’t tell max but max getting a no.3 tattoo is basically a marriage proposal in his eyes and frankly it is—if someone came up to me and was like hey i got a tattoo of your racing number 3 next to where you always place your hand on me and when they’re together it reads 33 which is my racing number, i would’ve dragged their ass to the nearest government office and got married right there, but that’s just me—the actual proposal is probably in early 2023, and it’s max who proposes whilst they go on a bushwalk, he knew that daniel has bought a ring recently and wanted to catch him off guard. (proposal pic is daniel’s post on august 5th in ch3)
daniel and the cats:
the cats definitely hate him at first (i have genuinely never heard a nice, calm story from jimmy and sassy). they destroy his shoes by playing with the shoelaces, only sit on daniel’s clean laundry, sleep on his side of the bed (cats are vindictive like that) but after a couple weeks of this behaviour they probably realise that daniel’s not going anywhere. they like him more when he buys some super duper expensive cat treat and max comes to the conclusion his boyfriend has stolen the hearts of his cats.
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It will soon be Easter and this needs to be said. My cousin posted this over on Facebook, and I promised to share it here. Please do NOT use living creatures as disposable "toys." They have feelings and deserve to be treated with kindness and respect.
I euthanized your duck today….You know....the duckling you got for Easter to celebrate spring? Well, he barely made it into summer. You thought he was cute when he was little, but before he was fully an adult, you took him to a pond somewhere and dumped him where he had no one to make sure he got proper food, no one to put him up at night so he could be safe from predators, no one to keep him from harm.
So, 'harm' found him. There are many bad things that happen to domestic ducks that are dumped in ponds. I could list all those things and even show photos of the various conditions that I have seen as kind people rescued ducks like yours and brought them to me for care. But the good people who who properly care for all of their pets don't need to have those awful images in their heads. Having seen them all and having worked hard to save them, I cannot EVER get those images out of my head.
YOUR duck had many problems, including being bone thin. But he got wounds on his feet and the bacteria entered his young body and found a place to settle in the joint of his leg. The bacteria grew into a huge knot of infection that painfully ate away at the ligaments and tendons and then attacked both ends of the bones at that joint. The bone infection, which could have easily been corrected if you'd been there to watch over him, instead, grew unchecked and disintegrated the bones and began working out in both directions to the point that the leg swung freely at the joint. To walk, your duck stepped painfully on that leg anyway and the bottom part of the leg bent at odd angles from the site of the infection, looking as if it were broken.
Many people walked by your duck. Some noticed and kept on walking.
I took your duck to the vet where we did a series of xrays at my expense to see if there was any hope to save this duck. Your duck wasn't even old enough to quack properly. When he was afraid, he still peeped. It broke my heart to hear him peep. However, there was no reasonable way to save that leg. He was not even at his full adult weight and ducks can't hop around on just one leg. So I was not going to condemn him to further suffering and a lifetime of issues by just removing his bad leg, especially when there are not enough homes for the healthy ducks that people didn't want. So we set him free from his body that could not properly support him.
I held his head while the drugs made him sleepy. I kissed his head and apologized for all the bad things that had happened to him in his very short life. I was there when he took his last breath, when the pain and suffering finally left him forever. I was there......you were not. It should have been you seeing the effects of dumping him and walking away. His loss broke my heart. Did you even notice his loss in your life?
I promised as he slowly slipped away that I would not let his death go unnoticed.
I promised to share his story and perhaps change people’s minds of buying ducklings, chicks, and bunnies as temporary living toys for children. If someone wants a duck or chicken or rabbit and plans to keep it for its ENTIRE LIFE, then go ahead and get a duckling, chick, or bunny. And better yes, if you DO want an adult version of any of those, then adopt from a rescue. And DO expect to be thoroughly questioned as to your plans for caring for your new pet. But if you don't want an adult of those species, then don't buy the baby version.....because the little known fact is that baby things grow up into adult things.
Please join with me to share this message to anyone that you know who still gives temporary living toys to their children (or themselves)......NO EASTER PETS. They are not toys. They are living creatures. And dumping unwanted domestic ducks into public ponds where there will be no one to care for them is illegal in most areas and even so, it's morally wrong. I've tried for YEARS to get this message out in a nice, polite way. As I cried my pool of tears over this duck, I've come to realize that people aren't listening. So I'm going to be sharing more of these stories and their faces in the hopes that these messages start reaching the people who are making this whole 'Easter' industry of suffering continue. If people don't buy, then stores won't sell, then breeders won't breed, and the suffering stops. Please help me get the word out.
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I don't know enough about Taylor Swift's new boyfriend to judge him but there are few things I dislike about this situation. I read somewhere he participated in a reality show to find a girlfriend. Do I think someone like him, a famous football player, needed it to find himself a woman? Of course not. Women fall like flies for men with his dating profile. Do I suspect he did it for the media attention that participation would bring him? Of course yes. And people like him do not change. Taylor seems to be ok with it which is where the problem lies to me because it throws a doubt on everything she has been saying for years. Did she really mean it when she said she wanted to live her relationships in private? Did she really mean that deep feelings grow outside of the public eye? I do not believe for a second that she acted the way she did and said what she said because Joe made her. She's always held the power in their relationship, even at the beginning. So what's left? That she didn't really think/feel it and did something against her own nature because she wanted Joe so badly and she knew she would've never had him or the world would have interfered if she had acted differently? Or did she really mean it and is now acting like she's ok with someone wanting and living differently as the pathological in this case boyfriend pleaser some accuse her of being? Is it something that people like me have any right to know? Of course not but you can't stop people from asking themselves questions when you start "showing" so much to the them.
So, I get your pov but I don't think I agree.
If I'm not mistaken, Travis said he did that dating show because he needed money. Now, would a televised dating show where one man gets to choose a woman be my first option to gain some income if I found myself struggling financially? Absolutely not, and those dating shows can be criticized in a thousand different ways (not Travis's one in particular, just in general). But it's something he did like seven years ago when he needed money, and he seems to laugh about the show and not take it too seriously now, which is actually very healthy.
I think people can change. This is true for Taylor and also for Travis.
Also, Taylor's relationship with Joe and its level of privacy wasn't the norm for her: her rs with CH and TH were much more "public". When she got together with Joe she was going through some rough stuff (to put it mildly), and it makes sense that she wanted to protect what she felt was the "one right thing" she'd made in her whole life (per her own words). Even so, her relationship with Joe became more public at times too (whenever Joe posted pics from Taylor's home or with the cats, for example, or when they attended award shows together), it wasn't always strictly private.
I think she meant every word she said while she was dating Joe, but that doesn't mean that she can't act differently now, now that she has different needs and she is in a different relationship with a different man who has a different personality. I just think we shouldn't hold what she's said years ago against her.
Finally, I think she's keeping her rs with Travis way more private than people seem to think. Yeah, we have the pap pics and she went to his games, but, beyond that, they haven't shared anything on social media and he's politely said a couple of words and then changed the subject whenever he got asked about her.
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[Part 9 incoming. I really should name this thing, other than always referring to it as the AFAB Bestie x Leon fic series. I just don't know what to name it lmao. Also the whole Friends With Benefits suggestion came outta nowhere. This thing has a life of its own, I swear! Contains spoilers for RE4R]
[Post with links to previous parts]
Leon treated you to dinner that night. Nothing fancy, but not simple fast food, either. A little dine-in experience, which was a nice change of pace from what the two of you usually had when you were together. Him paying was also different. The waitress did try to give him free dessert once she realized you weren't his girlfriend, but Leon immediately passed it over to you, much to her chagrin. She tried to slip him her number on a napkin, too, only to stare in shock as he tore it up in front of her and tossed it in the trash. He didn't even apologize. In fact, he reported her to her supervisor for making him uncomfortable. You almost felt bad for the poor waitress as Leon took you away from the restaurant at the same moment her boss started chewing her out. Almost.
Don't disrespect his friend by ignoring her or you'll find out his civility only goes so far.
It's a nice night out. Leon suggests going for that "goddamn walk" you mentioned earlier while finally opening up to him. You're grateful the streetlights aren't bright enough to give away how red you become from being reminded of that. There's a park of decent size not too far from the diner and your home, with a large pond that has a nice stone bridge that crosses over it. You've been to it many times in your life. Tonight feels different, though. There's something about it ...You just can't put your finger on it.
You walk by Leon's side, hands in the pockets of your jacket. Leon mirrors you. You notice he's not wearing his favorite jacket, the one your parents sent him for a birthday gift a couple of months ago. The brown sheepskin bomber, ridiculously expensive but well worth the cost in everyone's opinion, was missing. Leon had been wearing it every chance he had since receiving it. Why not now?
Noticing your quizzical gaze, Leon let out an awkward chuckle. "Your parents are gonna kill me."
"Why?"
"Because I lost an eighteen hundred dollar jacket in Spain," he replies.
"Wha--How do you lose a jacket in Spain?"
"Get knocked the fuck out and someone steals it while you're unconscious," he says, and it's so casual you almost dismiss it.
"Leon...I think the jacket is the least important part of what you just said. What the hell happened to you in--? Oh, right. You probably can't tell me. Classified, need to know, etcetera."
"Technically yes," he admits. "But I'll tell you, anyway, if you really want to know."
"I don't want you to get into any trouble because of me."
"I get into trouble all the time, whether I want to or not. If Uncle Sam says to jump, I'm not even supposed to ask how high. I just do what the man says." The bitterness is so strong, you can almost taste it. He takes a deep breath. "So, do you want to know about Spain?"
You hesitate for a moment before saying, "If you're willing to share, I'm happy to listen."
So it begins. He tells you all about the mission, starting with what it was in the first place. President Graham's daughter, Ashley, was kidnapped from her college campus. A cult was responsible. They received intel from an unknown source that she was taken to a rural area in Spain. He was sent there, along with two cops from the area. He and Ingrid Hunnigan, the woman assigned to help provide him with information and to send out a chopper once Ashley was found, were forced to use stupid code names. "Condor One." "Baby Eagle." "Roost." As if those weren't obvious to whom they were referring.
The officers fell victim to the villagers, who had been infected with a parasite. A Plaga. Las Plagas. Los Illuminados, the cult responsible for Ashley's abduction, was to blame. They forced everyone they came in contact with to carry Las Plagas, injecting them with an egg that would hatch and proceed to steal control of the body from the host. If you were lucky, anyway. Some people they simply killed, like the cops who brought him to the village.
Las Plagas work as a hive mind, taking orders from one dominant Plaga who controlled the cult's leader, a man named Saddler. He wanted to infect Ashley to help spread the reach of Las Plagas throughout the world, or some shit like that. He also had Leon injected with a Plaga egg, intending to unite him with the so-called holy body.
Leon tries to explain what Las Plagas look like and how they affect you. Sounds like an alien invasion, or a scene from Alien. It's eerie how much of it sounds like it came straight out of the nightmares you had while Leon was living through it. The black veins. The blood red eyes. The parasites. The fleshy tentacled monstrous abominations. There's no way you should know what these things look like, yet you can recall them so clearly, like you saw them with your own eyes.
While fighting to stay himself and to save Ashley, he encountered some familiar faces he wishes he never saw again. Ada, who apparently survived Raccoon City and was in the area for the same reason she was in RC. Major Jack Krauser, his hardass mentor when he was first forced to become a special agent, who became disillusioned by the American government after the fallout of a different mission two years ago and decided to join Los Illuminados because of it. While Ada did provide some assistance when Leon needed it and it suited her, he wasn't happy to see her, especially since she lived and had a Plaga sample with her when she made her escape, just like she did with the G-Virus years ago. As for Krauser... He couldn't be saved. Not from Los Illuminados, not from Las Plagas, and certainly not from himself. Leon had no choice but to kill him.
Leon takes a moment to collect himself after revealing this, putting his arms on the stone railing on the bridge as he looks down into the pond water below. You stand by his side, copying his actions except you keep your eyes on him.
Like with Raccoon City, there were people he met and lost in the same day. Those two officers, killed by the villagers, of course. Then there was Luis Sera, or Luis Serra-Navarro. Luis. A researcher who once worked for Umbrella and then for Los Illuminados. He had a change of heart, decided to help Ashley and Leon since he already successfully removed his own Plaga, and went to great risk to do so. He did have an arrangement of some kind with Ada regarding that Plaga that Leon mentioned earlier, but...He was a good man who made some really shitty choices in his life. He died because he was helping Leon rescue Ashley. Krauser stabbed him in the back and then tried to kill Leon. One of Luis's final actions saved Leon from dying right along with him.
"Remind me to find a copy of Don Quixote," Leon says with a halfhearted smile. "Luis loved that book. Kept making references to it throughout our short time together. I know of it, but I've never read it. I should."
There was also Mike, the helicopter pilot who came to give Leon backup on the island where Ashley was taken. This was after dealing with the village and then the castle. Leon walks you through the journey somewhat quickly, dropping names of people he had to fight if he knows them and the places they were. Bitores Mendez, village. Ramon Salazar, castle. Osmund Saddler, island. When Leon was on the island in pursuit of Ashley, Mike showed up with the helicopter Hunnigan sent to support him. Mike helped even the odds against the well-armed Plagas-infected forces there, but was ultimately killed when some insectoid B.O.W.s attacked the chopper, causing him to lose control. All Leon knew about Mike was his name...and that he knew a good bar they could go to for drinks had he survived.
Ashley survived, though. Thanks to Luis and his laboratory on the island, she lived and she was cured of the Plaga. She in turn helped cure Leon of his when he passed out from the exhaustion of fighting for hours and hours on end with little time for resting. It's no wonder he's as battered and bruised as he is. It's a miracle he's not worse off, to be honest, or even dead.
You rest your hand on top of one of his, rubbing the back of it with your thumb. His other hand moves on top of it as he holds it in earnest, giving it a tight squeeze.
"Did you...have any thoughts of...doing something drastic while you were infected?" you ask with much hesitance.
He reads between the lines. "No, no. By the time I found out I was infected, I already had Ashley. She was my number one priority. I never really considered...Maybe, in the back of my mind, but if I did that, then I would've had to--Ashley..."
"What...was it like? I mean...if you don't mind me asking."
"Awful. Just...fucking awful. I wasn't in control of myself. It was painful to resist. Saddler's goddamn voice was in my head...I thought my head was going to fucking explode and a goddamn monster was going to take its place. Thought my body was going to...Ugh, I don't want to think about it anymore. I'm sorry."
"No, no, it's fine, I understand."
"It's over...for now. I'm not sure what Ada wanted that Plaga amber for...I can't believe I let her play me again. She makes me feel so--"
"You're not stupid, Leon. You want to see the best in people. You always have. She just took advantage of that. She didn't get as far as she has without the skills to back it up. Is Ada even her--?"
"No, it's not her real name. And even if it was, there's too many Ada Wongs out there to narrow down which one is her." Catching the look you're giving him out of the corner of his eye, he explains, "I've looked into it on my own time. You're still the only person I've ever told about Ada...Though in her line of work with B.O.W.s and bio-terrorism in general, her existence is probably not as secret as it once was."
"I'm sorry she's hurt you...again."
"Don't be. As much as I hate to admit it, without her being there, I'm not sure Ashley and I would've survived. So...She was helpful. Not sure if that balances the scales, exactly, but..."
"Well, I'm glad you made it. I just wish you wouldn't have to do this."
"Yeah. Me, too."
A long pause. Then, you say, "Let's go to Barnes & Noble tomorrow. It should have at least one copy of Don Quixote. The question is, you want the translated version, or are you good enough with Spanish to read it in its original language?"
He chuckled. "Sweetheart, I only know enough to get by. There's no way in hell I'd be able to read an entire book, even if I wanted to."
"Sounds like quitter talk, but fine. We'll do the English version and forget there's anything that could've possibly been lost in translation."
He raised an eyebrow, though in the dark of night you can't really see it. You just kind of know he's doing it. "We? What do you mean, 'we?'"
"I could read it with you. I've never read it before, either."
"Oh, you don't have to--"
"I want to, though. It's something we can do together, in your friend's honor."
He smiles. "I'd like that."
It's late. You should be heading back to your home, and Leon realizes this, too. He offers you his arm. With a small smile, you take it, resting your head against his bicep. Wow, even in its relaxed state, it's big. If there's one good thing that came out of Leon's enslavement, it's how it really whipped him into shape. You kind of miss when he was softer and a bit squishy, though.
There's a pleasant silence on the walk back. Leon feels a little lighter now that he's had a chance to talk about his experience against Los Illuminados. Even if it doesn't undo the damage, it at least reminds him that he doesn't have to be alone in this. You're here. You'll always be here.
And you're not going to be judgy like that professional people keep trying to push him to see. Fuck therapy. It hasn't helped him in the past and it won't help him now. Hell, they'd probably tell him the monsters he's fought and almost died to aren't real, that they're all in his head. Hallucinations. Yeah, no. He's had hallucinations. He knows the difference. He knows he does have issues, but some doctor who spends all day on a couch listening to people talk about their problems isn't going to solve them, especially when the existence of B.O.W.s isn't common knowledge.
"Hey, Leon."
"Yeah?"
"I was thinking back to that conversation we didn't have while making the guest bed. Did you...really imply you wanted us to be friends who, uh...?"
You trail off, too embarrassed to finish the question. He feels your face get hotter through the fabric of his jacket sleeve. You're not alone in that, however. He's just as flustered, if not more so.
"I, uh, might have, yeah. If that makes you uncomfortable--"
"It doesn't. It just...caught me off guard. It's not every day my best friend suggests we fuck, you know?" Nervous laughter escapes you as you resist the urge to pull away from him. "Especially since I admitted just before that that I...feel like your security blanket. If I was anyone else, I'd...assume you're finding another way to use me."
"Oh no, I didn't mean it like that at all. I'm sorry."
"It's fine, it's fine!" You're so quick to reassure him that he almost doesn't believe you. "I'm the one that made the joke about doing you in the first place, so I really don't have a problem with it. Really! The only reason I'm bringing it up is...I want to know if you meant it, or if it really was just us messing around."
Well now, how's Leon supposed to respond to that?
He remembers drunkenly confessing to loving you years ago, on the first anniversary of the end of Raccoon City. He even kissed you. You acted like it never happened. You probably didn't even believe him, given his mental state at the time. He chose not to bring it up again at the time because he realized his new life wouldn't allow a relationship to take up any space in it. It was too dangerous, too time-consuming, too demanding, and so much more.
But now, after everything that's happened and with the passing of time, he can't help wondering if he should try again.
"Actually, sweetheart, I...I did mean it."
"Wow," is your simple reply, quickly followed by, "I can't believe the Leon S. Kennedy thinks I'm fuckable. Holy shit..."
"It's not just that, babe. I love yo--"
"We'll have to take it slow," you say, oblivious to cutting Leon off. "I'm still a virgin, so I'll probably be really, really disappointing. You'll have to show me the ropes."
"The ropes? Isn't it early to be--?"
"Not actual ropes, silly! That kinky shit is way outta my comfort zone right now. Geez, I haven't even been touched by anyone and you think I wanna be tied up for my first time? Please."
You laugh, and the way your entire face lights up has Leon in awe as he looks down at you still clinging to his arm.
"At least you took me to dinner first," you add. "Such a gentleman."
"Whoa, hang on. I never said we'd--You're getting ahead of us here." That isn't to say you're implied enthusiasm isn't appreciated. It's kind of a turn-on, if anything. The heat is pooling in an area other than his face. Leon needs to try to focus on something else or--
"I know, I know. I'm not about to hop into bed with you without protection, which neither of us has at the house. And also...Well..." You hide your face in his arm, away from his gaze. You're unable to take it while thinking about this conversation. "I'm not ready for it. Not...Not yet. Which is dumb because I'm twenty-seven and practically everyone my age has fucked at least once, but--"
"There's nothing dumb about it, and there's nothing wrong with you."
"Isn't there, though? There's teenagers with more experience than me. I'm a grown woman. Shouldn't I have...?" You shake your head. "I guess that would've meant I let someone into my life, huh? Trusted someone to love and respect me? And I'd have to be attracted to someone other than yo--I mean, be attracted to someone." You sigh. "It's no wonder the only kiss I've had was when we were both drunk. I don't put myself out there enough."
"Nothing wrong with that." Leon maneuvers the arm you're holding so it's now around your shoulders, pulling you closer to him as he gives you a tight squeeze. "You're overthinking this, sweetheart. We're not going to jump right in and I'm not expecting anything from you. It doesn't even have to happen if you don't want it. The last thing I would ever want to do is push you into something you're not ready for. You set the pace. I'll follow your lead."
"I thought following a lady's lead wasn't your style."
You both laugh at that. Dorks. It's something stupid he's said before, something he often liked to believe he did. But for you, he'll make you an exception. You're always the exception. His exception.
He leans down to leave a kiss on the top of your head. You shrink into him, unable to do much else other than giggle in response. What's going on today? You have no clue what's gotten into Leon that he's coming onto you and giving you a kiss. At the very least, you know it's not alcohol. He hasn't had even a drop. His breath doesn't reek of it, either. So what was the deal?
Eh, you're not going to complain. You find yourself enjoying his doting too much to try to put a stop to it. Not to mention the possibility of something you imagined happening since high school might actually come true after all this time. Leon really knows how to make a lady feel special.
But you're just best friends.
You're not dating. You're not a couple. You're not together.
Just best friends...
...now with potential benefits.
#dreamer writes#resident evil#leon kennedy#leon s. kennedy#leon scott kennedy#leon kennedy x you#leon kennedy x reader#long post //#suggestive#ask to tag if needed
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I am really tired being quiet about this and feeling absolutely helpless.
In January I made an RQ account to try and better understand what they go through. I called it being undercover as I'm not a radqueer and I didn't have a better word for it. I really didn't. During it I saw the hate they get, even recoeved it, and got to know people in the community.
I felt like I was finally gaining an understanding until Ciel, also known as @/syakesan-sal hacked my friend's account who is his ex and pretended to be her to me. I have screenshots and video proof of when I found out during this whole ordeal. I censored any sensitive information as I started yo breakdown and doxx myself.
youtube
As I was doxxing myself I was hoping that maybe he would post it, maybe even if I did it publicly someone would hate me enough to try and kill me. Which is stupid and irresponsible of me, but as you can tell it hasn't worked.
During this he blamed for making an RQ account and said I was doing it to stereotype them and shit. Yes, totally, I have the energy to purposefully stereotype a group I had been avoiding and am used to stealing shit from me. I don't even have the energy to not be sarcastic anymore, so I might as well not even hide how much distain I have for this person.
I didn't want him to just run away like that from the conversation, especially after clearly caring enough about me to lhack my friend and lie to me. And before I continue he tries to say it's not hacking and that he also didn't know what happened to my friend, yet here's 1 my friend celebrating being free from him and 2 him admitting it.
He then played victim and people said I was harassing him for having gotten pissed for what he had done to me and my friend. I just didn't want him to runaway that easy and skirt responsibility, but he definitely likes to play victim as I can tell.
I tried to kill myself later and even after failing posted my doxx publicly, so people try to say it wasn't my doxx, but I have evidence of ot having been my doxx and even my friend sending me a pizza with said doxx.
Even have a censored picture of what I sent my friends in surprise they sent me a pizza
So yes, that doxx was mine and anyone who got it could've done anything to me with it. I was crazy and unstable enough to do it.
With all of this being shared, I wouldn't be here without my alters and friends. If they didn't help me I probably would've killed myself like I had planned that day. It hasn't stopped me from doing other dangerous things though and now feeling like none of my friends are truly themselves anymore.
Ciel also tries to claim he doesn't care about me and yet put on the long haul after hacking my friend's account and making it so I can't talk to her anymore, while then lying to be her to me, so he clearly cares enough about me to have made me into his little plaything for 3 - 4 days and then leave me broken for over a week.
I don't care what people want to say about me in this situation, call me slurs for all I care, but I refuse to let the person my friend was so happy to be free from snake away from responsibility AGAIN.
#anti radqueer#anti rq#pro para#anti radpara#anti rq 🍓🌈#anti rq 🌈🍓#radqueer#rq 🌈🍓#rq 🍓🌈#anti transid#anti transx#anti prat#anti trace#anti transabled#Youtube#evidence#manipulation#hacking#tw doxxing#doxxing#actually mentally ill#mental breakdown#tw suicide#tw selfharm#tw self destruction#tw self harm
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Doctor's Note
Vyn Richter x Reader with general anxiety
Warnings : Not sure if this counts but the punctuation and formatting is probably bad since I don't have enough peace of mind to edit, fem reader, no beta, kinda short, other then that basically just fluff I guess, oh! And usual anxiety stuff is talked about a bit so I'm unsure if that counts as sick, if yes then this is technically a sickfic!
A/n : I wrote this instead of writing my essay for my critical thinking class which is worth 20% of my final grade! No shame and no regret about it! Not feeling great but at least I'm feeling oddly brave today so I decided to share the exact thing I wanted to hear so I hope you don't mind! I hope you guys like it too! I'd like to please ask for no constructive criticism for this post please! I can't handle something like that at the moment and thank you for understanding! Love you guys! Drink water and eat stuff and remember to sleep! Sending lots of hugs and love and warmth! Vyn does too!
Y/n felt restless and unable to shut off the noise in her head, she could hardly focus on the task given to her, however she promised to help Vyn restock the waiting room reading material at Giannovyn since the current ones were a little dated.
She just finished shelving some magazines and brochures when she felt a familiar touch on her arm, she turned her head to see the comforting smile of Vyn.
"Thank you for the help my rose, let's take a break and pick up where we left off in a bit" he said walking towards his office.
Y/n nodded and hummed in agreement, a smile appearing on her lips as she noticed that Vyn started brewing her favorite tea. Vyn offered her a seat on the chaise lounge he typically has his patients sit on for consults.
"Sorry for the lack of seating options, we're replacing some of the older equipment and appliances and it would seem the boxes were stacked on top of the chairs" he explained.
"It's alright Vyn, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a little curious what it felt like to sit on it, it's probably the most eye catching thing in the room" Y/n chatted.
He moved a coffee table a little closer and placed two cups of tea on the table before he took a seat in his usual armchair.
Y/n leaned a little forward placing both hands around the cup, the warmth and fragrance of the tea was a comforting feeling, however the comfort was short lived as she found herself unable to focus on Vyn or the tea and instead glancing in the direction of the hallway every time someone walked down it, her eyes darting towards any noise in her vicinity.
"Y/n, are you perhaps feeling anxious?" Observed Vyn.
"Sorry Vyn, could you please repeat that" Y/n asked as she willed herself to look at Vyn and not around her.
Vyn put down his tea and walked towards Y/n, "forgive the sudden intrusion my rose" Vyn said as he gently placed his hand on Y/n's chest feeling the rapid beating of her heart.
Y/n looked up at Vyn as he moved his hand from her chest to her chin, moving her face slightly side to side, and up and down gently.
"Is everything alright Vyn?" She asked.
"I should be asking you that my poor rose, it would seem you've been experiencing some difficulties causing you to struggle with anxiety" he stated.
"It's not to bad Vyn! I promise! Plus it's way passed clinic hours! You should relax Vyn" Y/n asked.
"Don't worry about that Y/n, for you I always have time, I noticed just now that your heart was racing and having looked at your complexion and your eyes, you seemed to have trouble sleeping at night, that's only a few observations I made, now will my favourite patient tell me what's wrong?" he asked.
Y/n blushed and awkwardly averted her eyes.
"It's really nothing Vyn, just a mix of all aspects of my life, I've been working into the night most nights since I was given harder tasks recently, as well as managing family issues and also everything with the NXX, it's becoming rather overwhelming, but I promise it's ok" Y/n finished.
Vyn considered her words carefully, he could tell how some of these issues greatly affected her. "Have you had enough time to process your emotions about some of these troubles?" He asked.
"Not exactly, it's usually one after another, I just finish up what I was working on and once I'm home I have to deal with anything that happened with my family while I was gone" Y/n answered.
Vyn considered this and said "I'll be writing you a doctor's note for some time away, don't worry about any repercussions because it won't affect anything, I'll make sure of that and during your time off I'd like you to allow yourself to feel your emotions and process them, and you needn't worry about family interfering or what the NXX will say, you can stay with me for a while if you'd like, you'd have a room to yourself away from any stress or you may have a treatment room here if you would prefer that"
Y/n blushed hearing the seriousness in Vyn's tone, she really appreciated him taking this seriously. He really was an excellent doctor.
"Thank you Vyn" she said looking down.
Vyn smiled as his slender fingers glided over the screen, printed the note for his dear rose.
#tears of themis#tears of themis vyn richter#tears of themis vilhelm albert richard de haspran#at least I hope I spelled that correctly#vyn richter x reader#vyn richter x reader with anxiety#general anxiety which the reader experiences#hugs!!!#Doctor Richter#Doctor Vyn Richter#Sorry I've been away#not feeling great#does anxiety count as sick#if so then technically a sickfic#sickfic
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