#someone needs to take alignment charts away from me
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Astrology Observations #2
After a long hiatus i'm back with a few observations I've made in the time I was gone. Hope you like it:)
🥀 Neptune in the 5th house may frequently get into a unhealthy one sided love if they don't learn to stop ignoring the red flags in the person their interested in. The presence of Neptune in this house makes you delusional towards your interest and blurs the line between love and obsession. It's the fact that yall chase after people who are obviously not good for you in the first place. Remember guys, reciprocation is very important in love and if you're not their number 1 then they shouldnt be yours either. My advice would be to stop making scenarios in your head and to take them for what they show you NOT what they could be. Learn to assert your boundries and stop romanticizing people who do the bare minimum you deserve better.
🥀 Pisces Venus and getting scammed by their own love interests smh. People who have this placement need to be careful with who they get involved with. My cousin had this placement and she was dating this guy from Australia who was trying to come to America. They were in a relationship for 5 years and when they got a court marriage he got the green card and ran away. So basically he used her for her own benefit and when he got what he wanted he left. Most men she got with ended up treating her so bad but they seemed pretty nice at first. That's what Neptune does. Wherever it's in your chart could be where you are taken advantage of and easily decieved so be extra cautious.
🥀 Mars in the 12th house have terrible sleeping schedules. They're the type to stay up during night and sleep during the day and then take their anger out on everyone because they're sleep deprived. This is me telling you right now to fix your sleeping schedule and even though you might find more peace at night humans are not nocturnal. Who knows y'all not getting the right amount of sleep could be the reason why you feel so depressed.
🥀 Capricorn moons when are you gonna stop running away from your emotions. Life would be so much easier if you just learned to deal with your trauma and forget about the expectations that your loved ones have for you. I know life is unfair to you and your parents dont give you the love you deserve, but that doesnt mean you dont deserve to be happy. It's hard for people to love you if you push them away. Having a crush on someone with this placement, if underdeveloped, is not fun especially if he's a guy because they dont understand their emotions and dont put effort to understand them either. However, these are some of the most loyal, hardworking, mature people I have ever known when developed. They'll make you feel safe and loved in their arms if the truly love and care for you. They're good people but just have a wounded innerchild, that's it. Deep down I know y'all are softies so stop hiding it. Not everyone is out to get you I promise . Also please consider therapy.
🥀 Lilith in Scorpio women give maneater energy for some reason. Its hard to explain but they have this allure to them that people cant resist. Ex- Beyonce, Anne Hathaway, Taylor Swift, Briggete Bardot, Vanessa Paradis.
🥀 Venus square ascendant people I swear your beautiful stop thinking you're ugly. Sometimes you guys dont see your own beauty and the effect you have on people. You have the ability to turn heads when you walk into a room, but you dont see that because of the unbelievably high standards you've set for yourself. You're beautiful but the way you percieve what beauty is, doesnt align with your appearance or reality. Maybe it couldve been because people always commented on your appearence growing up or you feel pressured by society. Remember that beauty is the eye of the beholder. Just because you think your ugly doesnt mean that you actually are, youre just not your own type.
🥀 Mars square Uranus combined with Venus/Moon to Pluto is the epitome of enemies to lovers in synastry. Its like you hate them so much but have this unbelievable urge to slam them against the wall and kiss them. That person will annoy the shit out of you but the attraction is always underlying there and it gets hard to ignore. If you wanna a healthy relationship though, I would steer clear from this synastry because its toxic.
🥀 Lilith in the 2nd house/Taurus are what I would imagine a material girl to be. They love luxury things and will find a way to get what they want if they set their eye on something. Also they might get a certain job or enter a career just because it pays well. They're pretty hedonistic in general and love sex or anything Taurus/Venus related. Alot of the women here have nicely shaped bodies and lips even if theyre on the skinnier side. However, they could have eating disorders and body dysmorphia.
🥀 Leo Venus are so cute you guys remind me of a little puppy begging for attention:/ The thing is, yall are too flighty for my liking. A guy I know liked 2 girls at the same time and one of them even like him back and she asked him out, but he said no because he like the other one more like dude??? The other girl even had boyfriend but still he said no. Then he had the audacity to complain about the fact that he's never been in a relationship before. These people are more in love with the idea and attention of love then actually being in a relationship. As a Capricorn Venus this placement is a red flag sorry.
🥀 Saturn square Venus in synastry is so sad to watch its literally right person wrong time as a placement. The couple I was talking about above had this placement and they didnt end up together because they liked each other at different times and everyone ships them too but it just never happened. The girl was the Venus and the guy was Saturn.
🥀 Virgo Mars are secretly little freaks and if they have aspects from Saturn it could be someone who's into bdsm. I met a guy with this placement and he used to call me master and ma'am. For some reason i could sense the sexual undertone in his voice but idk. Virgos in general are the definition of gentlemen/lady in the streets freaky in the sheets, so keep your eye on them.
🥀 Taurus and Cancer together in the big six gives major milf energy.
🥀 Capricorn and Virgo together in the big six gives dilf energy.
🥀 I hate stereotyping placements in astrology but damn Gemini Venus men are fuckboys sorry. My bestfriend has this placement and he told me he like 4 girls at once. Also he dated all of his best friends and while one of them was in a relationship he asked her out while she was dating the other guy. He got rejected but still. I think this applies to guy with a Gemini Sun though because I've observed that Cancer Sun Gemini Venus guys behave differently.
🥀 Leo risings are not as confident as youd think. People I know with this placement are super insecure and have a love hate relationship with their hair.
🥀 10th and 11th house synastry is seriously so slept on. If you want a ride or die lover go find someone you have this synastry with. Major power couple vibes.
That's all for today don't hesitate to give feedback:)
#astrology#neptune#pisces venus#capricorn moon#scorpio#lilith astrology#mars in 12th house#synastry#lilith in the houses#venus in leo#virgo mars#saturn#astrology notes#astrology observations#my observations#random observations
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Well Here I am... Red flower Anon here for the more detail.
What I've received is that the situation Chris finds himself in is actually linked to something bigger. Something a little beyond him. That's why EvansBlues in his Astrological chart saw him as a leader.
CAA will disappear in less than a year. Yes it's surprising, I don't know if it's going to be a name change or what, but this agency is linked to a lot of scandals and I've seen something similar to Weinstein in the offing. But I don't want to delve any deeper because I don't know if it's relevant to talk about it here… Let's get back to Chris : he's been warned many times by his guides about his life choices. The first thing that comes to mind is his relationship with Jenny. Something happened and he needed to learn from it, but instead he blamed her for everything, even though he behaved badly. Then there was the d*** pic. This one is an hot topic... It showed the public that Captain America is not Chris Evans. And above all, he's less in control than he seems. He has a lot of karma to deal with and this incident should have encouraged him to rethink his way of life but instead, the fans did the work for him by hiding the photo for him and making excuses… again. He got away with it, and he thought : whatever happens, I'll get away with it, there'll always be people to defend me because I'm Steve Rodgers in their eyes, and that's when the illusion thickens.
What is happening now, is a transaction that has to do with image. From what I've been shown, they need his image to enhance someone else, in this case AB. Seeing that he was getting away with everything because of his image, they thought he was more useful for that, cause the people around him don't believe in his artistic abilities. He is just a face for them.
He should have left long ago, but once again he decided to take the easy road. The universe is showing him that he doesn't belong there, and that not only his time at CAA, but the entire team that has followed him for so long is no longer in alignment with his energy. I see big drastic changes in the future, he's going to change his life radically. His family, his friends… everything will change. I could do another post to explain this in detail if you like ? Because I've already said a lot. Thanks again for these exchanges EvansBlues and this space of freedom.
Namaste. Infinite Gratitude ;)
That tracks with a lot I’ve seen, both in my readings and others’. Thank you.
Forgot to be thematic with the gifs.
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cont. 𝒇𝒕. @nightmarefuele
"It takes little time with me to know how I feel about someone. It needs not to say, my father's had unnumberable hours." Her ability to mask her true feelings is limited if not impossible. But the context unsaid matters more to her disdain for her family. And unlike the figure before her, her face is bare as bedsheets. Each tick of her brow and twinkle in her eyes gives her away. She hates her father, everything he stands for, everything he's done to her, and everything he'll likely do. And it's written on her face even if her lips refuse to say anything too treacherous out loud.
She's intimidated by him. That shows, too. Dare say, it could be felt. Her body is uncharacteristically tense. And under the conceal of her cooling hand muff, is her own nails digging into her palms. She would almost regret this if she hadn't believed in the divine providence of it all. The humanitarian mission she was on never had this planet on its chart. They only landed because they needed to. Something had been wrong with the ship.
His choice of dialogue is not particularly clear and she resorts to guessing her way through his meaning. It's no secret the princess was a conditional pacifist. It was unnatural for her to be coming to someone like him. "You are right. I do lack understanding." She has learned lying should be held off on reserve. It wouldn't do her service to insist he's wrong. "But I understand I need someone like you on my side. I can not imagine what you could want from me. Tell me what it would take to get your alignment?"
#nightmarefuele#* filed under — ( verse ) ( galaxie )#* filed under — ( verse ) ( interactions ) ( galaxie )
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Dark grey anon again, greetings! I think, rather ironically considering the themes of this show, we might have misunderstood each other. You say I interpeted your comment on the shades of dark grey correctly, except when you then go into it more, that is in fact not what I meant 😂😂 For me, the dark grey comment read more like, if we take an alignment chart to help clarify, evil, whereas from your description I would personally go with the definition chaotic neutral.
I don't see why people* would interpret that as you not liking his character**... isn't fandom meant to love anti-heroes and morally grey characters? I promise this isn't going to stop Aziraphale*** from being in love with him or irrevocably ruin their relationship. Also, that vague post thing? I'l be honest, much as I love a lot of your other metas, I disagree with probably a good 90% of this one****, but ffs be decent about it!
Out of curiosity: you talk a bit about the character growth Crowley still has to experience. Would you consider his moral ambiguity, and becoming less ambiguous, as part of that, or is that simply part of his personality, and fine to stay the way it is, and it's just that it happens to run parallel when being analysed to the flaws that he does need to work on?
*I will admit my OCD wants a positive analysis for the sake of balance, however, this would be the same case in reverse with wanting a negative analysis to balance a bunch of positive ones. Unless you were to literally have an exact equal count of pros and cons there will always be something in my head going bingbingbingnotbalanced... what can you do? 🤦♀️🤷♀️
**Although, admittedly, English sucks, so that might partially be wording, and not just bad faith. Personally speaking, bad, for me, carries connotations of nasty/ill-intentioned/evil, and dark I arguably find worse, so some of it might simply be linguistic differences. At the very least, as a second language speaker, it's pretty easy to come away with the wrong impression, namely that you're suggesting he's actively villainous/malicious. In my native tongue, a bad or dark character would fall more under the category of commits murders for the sheer delight of human suffering.
***Potential hot take! I don't know, I'm not always overly in touch with fandom views, but Aziraphale is also more morally grey/morally ambiguous than some of the fandom would like to acknowledge.
****I do agree with some of the items on your list, but generally, I have a different or more lenient view on the points you mention and my conclusion is less mostly ambiguous character who can and will do good things semi-regularly and more mostly good character who can and will do ambiguous things semi-regularly.
hi anon, sorry i havent replied sooner✨
sorry, let me clear this up - when i said you interpreted my comment correctly, i was referring to this bit of your ask: "You say that Crowley's dark grey comment is one of the more honest and introspective things he says: that kinda comes across to me like you saying that Crowley's saying he's mostly bad with a capacity for good* and that's a fair assessment of him."
idk how to word the next bit, tbh - i don't necessarily see crowley as a bad character, certainly not outright (and definitely not an evil one). and idk if it was, perhaps, how shittily i worded it in the last ask (im not a writer, i regularly do not have The Right Words), but that's not what i was trying to get across. i just personally find it important that he asserts that he's not nice, he's not light, and imo the narrative has routinely supported this. he regularly shows tendencies of being someone that can be immoral. a little more specifically, maybe - sometimes insensitive, dishonest, distasteful, and acts occasionally without much conscience. yes, sometimes a little nasty, and sometimes a little ill-intentioned, but definitely not to the point where id consider him depraved, malicious, and completely absent of any redeemable quality - that's not what im saying at all. crowley is not a villain by any stretch.
a lot of people won't agree with that (that he's often a 'dark' or 'immoral' character), and in some part i agree with that contradiction, because he does have the capacity to be the abject opposite of those things, and has absolutely shown himself at times to be selfless, and kind, and compassionate - but i feel like those moments, those qualities, are all the more obvious and apparent because his character backdrop is typically the reverse, and because they are less frequent.
@maximumpenguinpuppy made the brilliant symbolic observation in their rb that kind of sums up my thoughts; the taijitu/yin-yang symbol is made of two parts, and one of those parts is a black field with a white dot - the 'good' within the 'bad'. it wouldn't be the symbol it is and have the meaning that it does, if the symbol were all white with two black dots. likewise, crowley and aziraphale wouldn't be the analogy for yin yang that they are, if they both were 'good' with small parts of 'bad'. it's this kind of balance that makes crowley being a mostly dark character, with capacity for good, not only make narrative and symbolic sense for me, but also makes him a more compelling character as a result.
and probably goes without saying, but it understandably wasn't something i explored in your last ask (and maybe should have) but aziraphale is the opposite. imo, his backdrop is mostly good, kind, selfless, and compassionate. it's then all the more obvious and startling when he doesn't act like that, because of the sheer contrast the story's portrayal of him has given us. so, exactly the same as crowley, his self-assessment of being "very light grey' also feels accurate, and again perhaps an accidental introspection that we as the audience ought to believe outright. (by the by, i feel like the audience does buy and accept this without much question - that aziraphale is a mostly good character whose questionable actions are perceived as all the more horrendous as a result - but seems to struggle with accepting the mirror of that where crowley's concerned) (as i see it anyway, this is only my interpretation of course).
as for where id personally like to see his character development go; i don't think it's a straightforward case of him starting to become more 'good' or 'light'. i think it would erase a lot of his personality and 'crowley-ness' for him to step completely away from being a bit of an occasional shit 😂 his darker qualities, i think in his case specifically, are likely to be a product of his experiences, and inner turmoil, and a good deal of bitterness and resentment, confusion and hurt. therefore, to erase his more immoral behaviours would be in part to erase what the narrative heavily suggests is the trauma and pain that he's been through; essentially, i wouldn't want to see what aziraphale is implied to want in the final fifteen, and restore him to 'good' when he's not that person anymore.
that being said, a crucial part of where i feel crowley is in the wrong a lot of the time is that he does tend to avoid blame or responsibility - and there have certainly been times where aziraphale has fallen afoul of that. i think perhaps (sheer speculation here) crowley's actions have crossed boundaries that aziraphale hasn't effectively communicated to crowley, and/or crowley has completely ignored. don't get me wrong; aziraphale has done the same to him too, and they both need to acknowledge this on their individual parts. they do need to make the relevant reparations for it, including genuine apologies, to respect those boundaries in the future, and make purposeful efforts to rebuild that trust. personally, i do think (or at least hope) that this is something that is going to be addressed, as being underlying sources of contention and upset for them both, in s3.
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(TW is labled before I mention it, you can read up until the ⚠️⚠️⚠️ if you want and there shouldn't be anything until then)
My hot take on astrology is that you should probably only do it for yourself.
The way I use it, I align myself with my birth chart (it kinda already made sense for me, lucky me I guess?) and find the areas I'm lacking and pull myself into be a well rounded person.
I'm a Leo, and my whole life I've been told I'm "such a Leo!" And it bothered me. Personally I may look shiny and like bright coloured , and look like I want attention, but in reality I'm very secluded and stay home most of the time (still shiny and bright coloured mind you). I'm almost overly creative to the point that I have to design everything around me, change it, paint it put stickers on it you name it.
However, my partner is also a Leo, and they aren't as outwardly expressive in the same way. I also haven't really read their chart beyond curiosity. I *could* think of a way it applies, but it seems pointless to me. They don't need or want astrology, and if they did, I'd rather them read themselves through their chart than for me to do it.
I used to reject astrology, I used to make fun of it in private and honestly I'm ashamed of myself for doing that. I was *very* naive about it and honestly I think most people are. It's something you can do casually or seriously in my opinion. The only issue is when you read others charts who don't want you to, or you get cause up in your own reading of someone else that you don't take their experiences into consideration.
This is where it gets both complex and frankly upsetting. I suggest you don't continue to read if you do not want to read about:
TW ⚠️⚠️⚠️⚠️ abuse s*xual *ss*lt
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A few years ago I opened up to a couple who were into astrology, one was also a Leo the other shared my moon sign.
I don't think I can type this out right now this was just supposed to be a hot take, but long story short, they wanted to create a small perfect community with pretty much everyone sleeping with everyone.
I am ace.
They did not believe me.
They did not believe in asexuality and wanted to cure me.
I am also trans masc and honest one of them just saw me as a floating strap on holder.
They would regularly talk about how I was perfect for them, had me bring my own friends, a friend who shared the others moon sign.
They would bring up our signs to tell us how perfect we were for the group. They kept telling me how perfect I'd be as a flashy queer man bursting with sexual and "top" energy.
It felt like I was in their image, a perfect blend of what they wanted.
That my shyness at the time was cute but the "raging" bisexual Leo was going to come out. (Something about one of my planetary alignments).
I was just learning about astrology, I was just coming out as trans, and I was just figuring out what asexuality was and in myself.
I enjoyed reading MY OWN chart. Alone. My friend did too. They had been doing astrology longer than me but had been isolated from really practicing it because of people around them saying what they do, "it's not real" and "anyone who believes it is stupid" and the like.
I remember having conversations at the time with them, we'd talk about how we understand how our sign feels for us but their interpretations were weird and *specific*. They would talk about chakras and how each of us was perfect for one single chakra (I don't really do chakras not just because of this reason but when looking into it, it gets really.... Weird and.... I'm not really sure about it's origins tbh so I just stay away from it).
This couple wanted to dictate how we felt based on our charts, but not even just the basic "Leo's are loud and flashy" but more and more specific as time went on.
This mind frame is dangerous and led to very depressing and terrifying ends. As the tw suggests. One of them asked the other to essentially "help" me with my asexuality. I won't really be going into details. But basically the one who told the other to do what they did, thought it was a good idea because we have the same sign.
That's it, they wanted community and used astrology (horribly) to do that.
I understand that those who get super into others charts are screaming for community. Sometimes it makes it faster to talk to people, to engage, I get it. Astrology can be fun in that way.
But as someone who has been harmed by the FEW that do this, and I don't just mean weird job bullshit where your boss is obsessed with your chart, I mean literally SA'd because my sun sign was the same and my moon sign was the same, it bothers me to hear people just casually throw out lines like
"you know the star map doesn't even line up perfectly? Right?" (We literally all know and you saying this makes you sound really fucking silly to most of us. Seriously it's not a fucking gotcha at all, it's mostly funny)
Or
"you know all horoscopes are the same and work for anyone right?"
Or my "favourite"
"anyone who believes this is insane."
Do not use this language if you're actually trying not to be ableist for one.
Two not all astrology practitioners believe in it the way you think.
And three (this is really my hot take) if they do believe in it and don't harm others with it, it's actually fine?
Do you, regularly make fun of people's belief systems? Is it fun to you? How often do you do this practice, of dismantling people's beliefs? Who do you do it for? Everyone? Or just the ones that make feel superiour online for like 5 secs?
Astrology (and honestly this applies to magick as well) is only an issue if you expand it beyond yourself to others who have not given consent.
Doing someone else's birth chart without permission, OR if they do not seem enthusiastic about getting it is also WRONG.
I practice Magick and Astrology. And like doing so. My literal belief seems unnecessary to acknowledge if I'm going to be honest. It seems counter productive.
Now making sure I'm not harming anyone or my environment seems more important.
And I think a lot of people for get that when discussing other people's religion or spiritual beliefs.
If you do not want to participate in astrology then actively say that.
Do not trick people, I find it deeply disrespectful and any time I see it it makes me want to scream.
You're issue is with the person not the tool in which they are using.
So stop.
Tricking people with fake birthdays and joking about it is almost akin to tricking Christians with stating things from the Bible.
At best you're stopping a single individual being a dick.
At worst your literally trying to destroy someone's belief system for the sake of being "right".
It's literally spiritual beliefs?
And again if it's only for the sake of stopping harmful actions then it's literally the person using the tool dangerously and THATS what should be pointed out.
Do not use ableist language it's literally not helping, it'll probably make it worse.
And to those who practice Astrology there's only one thing I think we should all universally understand. It's the only thing we need to do in this situation and it's:
Do not read the birth charts of people who don't want you to. It's a pretty intimate thing to do and you can do it very wrong and hurt people. Do it for yourself and those who want you to.
Other than that go for it, take it seriously for yourself or don't. Read horoscopes and understand what it may mean for you.
Whether you think is literal Magick or the "power of perception" honestly doesn't matter.
How you treat others do.
I understand how it feels to be harmed by this practice, but I also know it's not fair to belittle the people who practice either.
☀️☀️☀️
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Schizophrenia – The Wisdom Hidden From The Masses
There are many misconceptions about Mental Health Issues. For example, the myth that Schizophrenia describes people with a so-called Jekyll and Hyde personality.
I find it alarming that many people discriminate against these people with no knowledge or experience of them as individuals. It is as unacceptable as racism or homophobia. As an Astrologer I have seen ways in which a person’s ‘energetic nature’ as shown in the birth chart is a clearer and less judgmental description of these often very gifted individuals. A birth chart is a map of the solar system on the day, month and year of your birth at time of your birth, as seen from the place of your birth.
BACKGROUND
In 1971, my twin brother Ralph who was studying at St. Andrew’s University, had a serious psychotic breakdown. At least, that was how it was seen by the psychiatric profession. He was sent to an ‘asylum’ and given a diagnosis of ‘Schizophrenia’.
He never recovered and still lives in a residential care home. Over the last 46 years I have visited as often as I could, but it impacted so strongly on my physical, emotional and spiritual health that there have been periods when I could not visit him for fear of where it might take me.
BEYOND LABELING TO THE ETERNAL SELF
It was in the Spring of 2013, that a visit to Ralph changed everything I had previously understood about mental illness. I saw a truth which was to change the whole way I had perceived life. On arriving to see him I sat on the chair in his room. We sat in silence for what seemed like eternity. No eye contact. No attempt to connect. These pauses always made me feel awkward. I had been brought up to have good manners. To ask people how they were. To offer them refreshment.
But in this ‘other’ world these conventions did not exist. These beings who most people shun, are too honest for this world. They are real. Like a cat they live in the moment. Ralph was in his NORMAL. I was the one who felt out of place. All that social conditioning was not needed here. Because here was something much more important. Here was the beauty of Soul and Spirit. It spoke for itself.
I was about to start a conversation with Ralph, when suddenly I saw a bright golden light. Where was it coming from? It was daylight. We did not need electricity. But this light was far stronger than any light that you, the reader and myself know. It was as powerful as the Sun.
I suddenly realised that it was coming from Ralph. All around him was golden light – like an angelic halo. But this was surrounding his whole being, not just his head.
His whole being seemed to transform before my very eyes. I saw the beauty of his soul, the depth of his insight, his acceptance of the folly of human nature. Mankind’s inability to see TRUTH. The blindness that has led us to where we are now. WAR, PAIN, DARKNESS, Man’s INHUMANITY TO MAN. Throwing darkness over the beauty of Mother Nature, seemingly unaware that we as human beings and the animal kingdom are an intrinsic part of Nature.
But here I saw Ralph as the child of Mother Nature. She holds him in her arms. She bestows love on this being whose level of sensitivity cannot tolerate the harshness and the deception of the Earthly realm. His compassion, wisdom and experience of many lives needed to exist separately from the human delusion. He could only exist where there is LOVE and TRUTH.
Here was a Buddha’s heart which could only exist in isolation with those who love and understand him. Nutters, Looneys, Sickos – need I say more? The energy surrounding them is that of a Tibetan temple. Each being is as he is. Aligned with their essence, their beauty.
For me then, their retreat from society is a healthy one. To move away from toxicity, addiction, torture, abuse and intolerance is entirely understandable.
It is someone like me that hides from it. I do not have the courage to be one of THEM – The BENEFIT DEPENDENT, SOCIAL CLASS E, TAKING MEDICATION. Not talked about. Only in hushed whispers after 2 glasses of wine.
I could not hold back the tears, the shock of who my brother was, this being of perception and light emanating love.
Suddenly he smiled at me as if he knew I had seen him for the first time. We embraced, I left. I was too scared to show the depth of my reaction.
I ran out of the building and got to the nearest tube station, grateful I had my dark glasses with me.
While travelling home a conversation of some years ago came back in to my mind. Brian, one of the staff at the care home, had smiled at me when I walked in to the reception area. He had put his hand on my shoulder “Your brother’s problem is not Schizophrenia’, he said. His problem is that he is a genius”.
Thank God there are some people in this World with insight. Thank God.
AN ASTROLOGICAL EXPLANATION
I have been lucky enough to know people who looked beyond social stereotypes. In addition to this I have looked at the birth charts of many individuals who have been given a mental health label or diagnosis. After much discussion, research and working with clients certain ‘themes’ began to come clear to me. It is impossible not to generalise in such a short article, but the distribution of the 4 elements, Air, Earth, Fire and Water appears to me to play an important part in the acceptability of a person in British culture.
The more left brained air signs (Gemini, Libra and Aquarius) express themselves in a way which goes hand in hand with the education system in this culture i.e the use of the rational mind, the accumulation of facts and the goal of academic success. Likewise these individuals often experience themselves and life through the realm of thought rather than emotion. When asked a question, they will more often than not, answer by saying “I THINK” rather than “I FEEL”.
The more Earthy type (Taurus, Virgo and Capricorn) is good at managing the requirements of life on Earth at this point in our history. They will adapt well to dealing with such matters as money, holding down a job, keeping a home and behaving in public in a way that is unthreatening and acceptable to the majority. In other words, those with an Air/Earth emphasis are less likely to be labelled.
But many with a Fire (Aries, Leo and Sagittarius) or Water (Cancer, Scorpio and Pisces) emphasis are often judged in a negative way – Called WEIRD, STRANGE or CRAZY. Fire/Water types are not understood in out society because they are non-verbal or without form. Their predominantly right-brained experience of life – the unbounded realms of intuition, imagination, creativity and connection with ‘unseen forces’ are often regarded with superstition and misunderstanding by their more left brain contemporaries. What is an appropriate experience for them, can be medicalised or pathologised by a health professional. It seems to me we live in an Air/Earth Society.
With reference to my twin and myself, the 2 hours between our births gives him a much stronger FIRE/WATER emphasis and me a stronger AIR/EARTH emphasis. For example, my rising sign is Libra (AIR), his rising sign is Scorpio (WATER). When facing challenges, it has been easier for me to cut off from my emotions and react in a rational way (AIR) but for him life’s difficulties often left him drowning in his emotions (WATER), unable to stand back and see his reactions in a detached way (AIR).
In addition, my sun is in an earth house, his is in a fire house, i.e. the element of my sun house is more acceptable/normal than the element of my brother’s sun house, as seen in western society.
I am in no way saying, that I have the right answer or any evidence that would be considered scientific or stand up in a court of law. I am just describing the conclusions I have come to at this point in my life as an experienced Astrologer and twin sister of a man with a diagnosis of Schizophrenia.
ORIGINALLY FOUND ON-
Source: Veronica Nelson Dodds - Astrology, Hypnotherapy, Reiki(https://veronicadodds.com/schizophrenia-the-wisdom-hidden-from-the-masses/)
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i am tired of identities.
for a month now i have been thinking of pronouns and gender but mostly a purpose of life. and i am afraid i have none. i don’t resonate with the stars that align to form my birth chart, or the daily check-ins with co-star, or the tarot i turn to when everything falls apart. everything tells me i am better off alone, that there is meaning to the silence i have with others, and the infamous individualism i am accused of having like it’s a crime i commit, that it is a part of who i am. that this existence is supposed to be one without companions. but i am so terrified. and tired. and alone. and i just want to know that my friend, yes that one who hasn’t responded for weeks now, is doing okay, that they are alive. i want them to know i am grateful for them, even if we would never meet each other, even if they don’t think of me as much as i think of them, even though loving a friend as a friend is never quite enough to fulfil the emptiness they carry which looks so much like the hollowness you carve out of yourself and serve to others who get a little too close. i really want to have someone but i don’t want to give parts of me away, i just want to take parts of them that they have grown out of and hold it for them in case they change their mind. i stay up at nights, waiting for texts from this friend, who isn’t really a friend, in case they need help, or someone to talk to, because life isn’t kind to them, but they are really kind to me, so i hope i can be kind to them too. but none of that is enough, somehow, somewhere, always, forever, at the end of it all, i am alone, mean, coward, rude, all at once. self absorbed. distant. broken off. clingy. attached. to parts i shouldn’t be.
/listening to jee le zara after aaj ke naam really brings out my thoughts uwu. hope i make it through this year. hope i run fast enough. hope i can be a better friend, and less selfish, and not always make everything about me, hope i can apologize at the right times.
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A Heretics View of the Music Industry Religion
The modern music industry focuses on chart success, data, stats, making money and fame, and, for some, that is aspirational. For me, it has always been a weird religion and one I never really signed up for.
The industry or Popstars have never mesmerised me and I don’t relate to the ethos even though I had plenty of opportunity to drink it in. When I released my second solo album, I gave the cult away so I could forge a music career on my own terms and because of this; I am content today, plus I still produce music and, being a woman of a certain age, that is success in itself.
In a musician’s perfect world, everyone would do well enough income wise to do it as a full-time job. They would enjoy the ride, retire, feeling totally chuffed with a life well lived, grateful they could follow their dream.
More often, however, that’s not how things pan out. You might get to play in a band, release a couple of songs, get an arts grant and if you have a big family (or a lot of friends), you might sell a few albums or some merch. A few years later, however, you will head off into the sunset because you will need to get a ‘real’ job and your music career becomes that story you tell when you reminisce about the good old days.
But here’s the thing; it is very difficult to make a living just from your art, any art for that matter, even though the message preached via industry organisations is that you can attain a robust career as an artist. The hard truth needs to be acknowledged; not all of us are going to be famous and rich and you may need to pivot if you want a roof over your head or to eat.
It’s OK though because this is probably true of 99.999999999% of all the musicians who had the dream to live their life as a music artist. Even those who tasted success, had a recording contract or music in the charts, may one day need to decide if they want to keep going.
For me, it was my twenty-ninth birthday after releasing my second album Tremble, with a major record label. Soon after it debuted, I was singing to a couple of people (literally) in a pub in St Kilda, Melbourne. I looked around at the empty seats and thought, “I think… maybe… I am not going to make it” and decided the next day it was time to go home.
At the time it was heart-breaking, but I am glad I did because everything turned out well because of that choice. Today I am incredibly content with where I am now, plus I learned a valuable lesson; Being famous might be amazing, but nothing beats being proud about what you produced. Would I swap anything in my music catalogue for fame or fortune? Short answer is, no.
I don’t mind that I wasn’t a global pop star, but I do care about my body work and am proud of every inch. Even better, I still get to produce music now. In 2019, I released my fourth studio album, Sportsman of The Year–A Suburban Philosophy, with an accompanying book and it was a creative career highlight and now I am lucky to be thinking; “What next?”
When you are creating your masterpieces, remember that you are the only one who cares about your work (well, your parents probably do too). The people you hope will respond to your music are at this very moment more interested in their own lives and how it’s working out for them. Nobody has asked you to create something, nor do they care if you do. All you can hope for is that someone will tune in to what you are doing one day.
And if you don’t get a huge response from your music release; does this mean the song you recorded is not good enough or you aren’t as talented as you think you are? No, it simply means the stars didn’t align this time. You are in good company because many artists work away in obscurity and some really famous people are not even recognised until after their death. If you believe it’s the best song in the world, then it is. That is your truth, and no one can take that away from you unless you let them.
You need to remember that anyone can be famous now and you don’t even need to be that clever. Most musicians will never enjoy the millions of followers a TikTok star might get for dancing to disco in their undies. Fame may never happen, so it’s best to learn how to be content with your work without the accompanying public overtures and feedback that so many artists seem to need.
The other thing to consider is that everyone, no matter how famous they are, has to watch the success tide go out one day. No one shines in the sun forever and we all face the decline when it eventually comes. It’s life. 100 years from now, all we can really hope for are a few decent lines in the annals of history. Time is a great leveller and we all greet the same destiny, no matter who we are.
In 1993 I won a song-writing award, a Tui, from RIANZ, now known as Recorded Music New Zealand. It seemed wonderful at the time and it was a great honour to receive it. Today, few people I work with were even born then, nor do they care about my achievements. Why? Because it’s 2022, it’s a new generation, and a different zeitgeist. What people are doing with their music now has a lot more appeal than my memories. It was time for me to move aside from the current trends twenty years ago. And I did.
Notice I wrote “move aside”, I didn’t say “move out”. I just accept that I am not the current generation and that is OK. I pick and mix what is happening now and add it to my creative sensibilities, if it suits. The world keeps spinning, so all you can do is concentrate on what you are doing. If you put all your energy into your art while you are in the creative zone, you will always be fulfilled, irrespective of reaching a global number one.
So why bother trying at all? Simple. Because you want to and you enjoy it and that is a substantial reason. The key is to relish success when (and if) it happens, and because this moment in time is fleeting, enjoy the sense of achievement, tip your hat towards yourself and move on.
Whether you are an overnight sensation or just play music to your cat, make sure you do the best job you can. Being totally committed to something you take pleasure in is where genuine fulfilment comes from. This is a state of mind you can achieve for life and is significantly better than chasing the approval of false gods.
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Day 1 : Soap Bubbles.
𐐪𐑂 Pairing : Sapnap x fem!reader {Playlist}
𐐪𐑂 Summary : You're being introduce to the internet in a peculiar way, it's up to you to decide what you're going to do with it.
𐐪𐑂 Word count : 1.4k | W: written part underneath
𐐪𐑂 Warning : very few swears
Masterlist | Previous | Next
.・゜゜・ ・゜゜・ .・゜゜・ ・゜゜・
The coffee that sinks inside your stomach brings out a grimace and a click of your tongue where the taste stains; too bitter, too acidic but you’ll drink it anyway and to the last drop; there is something about the idea of spending time with three best friends that is so made of spring and honey that you wish to miss none of it.
“Someone is lurking,” George contemplates out loud, and the call goes silent for a second as if to look for the intruder. And it would so easy to flinch, to hit the back pedal, because you almost feel like one being exposed front stage like that. But today- today is not that day.
It's not that you don't want to join the discussion, it's that it takes a second to warm up, to absorb the energy and become one with it.
And sometimes, all it takes is Sapnap to exclaim, “Panini head, my beloved!” for your smile synchronizes with his chuckles. Somehow, once noticed by the right person, life flows back naturally.
George and Dream greets you in trailing unison, like two kids forced to greet their unwelcomed aunt on a sunday afternoon.
“H-hey troublemakers,” you finally say. Your voice is still quiet, not reluctant, but rather uncertain. It doesn't bother anyone.
“I’m beating Dream’s ass at chess and he’s bitter,” Sap explains, and you silently nod, as if they were able to see you.
A long silence follows along, rythmed by clicks of mouses and keyboards and it falls in your ears like high droplets. It's comfortable. It's intimate, shared with friends only.
"We haven't heard from you in a while," Dream says. "I mean ... before the clout fiasco."
You wouldn't exactly call it a fiasco, even though you don't really like the idea of being perceived a little too closely from the eyes of twitter.com, but you do agree anyway, "I've been caught up on college essays lately."
"That sucks," George probably adds.
“Good thing you’re here, then,” Dream notes, simple as a breath. “This is a worry-free zone.”
It hovers for a second, carried by George’s approval hum.
You squint suspiciously, detective mode, at the profile pictures that light on and off before your eyes, “Thanks, dream.”
He scoffs a “sure” and you’re not sure why you sense a bit of irony stuck on the back of his teeth. You're so tempted to call him out, but you don't. Instead, you write a mental note of this odd moment.
“It’s because I told him about your three brothers and now he’s scared they’re gonna find him and kick his ass,” Sap explains as if he just read your mind.
Sometimes, there’s this thing in the air, though you’re miles away. Something like a connection. There’s this thing when you don’t need to talk for Sap to understand. Sharing one brain cell, you dismiss ironically. Probably coincidences and predictability, but it always sounds a little special, a little like something you’d wish to be out of this world, like morning dew and fairy circles. And it makes you feel safe, at home, just like snuggling up in the sheets during a stormy night. Your smile washes up the sleeve of your hoodie, covered palm carefully hiding your chuckles.
“Three older brothers,” George muses, and there’s no telling if it’s something meant for you to hear. “That’s kinda scary.”
“You better be scared, one of them is probably your FBI agent,” you tease mindlessly, though there's nothing scary about those three grown men.
“I’m British, Bunny,” he points out. Whether the exasperation in his tone is fake or genuine, that, you can’t tell, but you play it cool, grin carved so deep it almost hurts. Dream’s wheezes rise and fall in the background.
“Say that to his face then,” you outbid smirkingly after a second of silence, heels growing into the carpet to make your chair spin slowly left and right, so breezily.
“I’d praise you for the rest of my life if you-Oooooooh your ass is wacked. Your ass is so wacked, dude. You fucked up so bad,” Sapnap chokes out between strings of giggles.
“Oh no, my streamer is losing his game?” You theatrically pout. “My streamer Dreamwastaken, have you met him? Guess you don’t need any of my brothers to kick your ass.”
“Okay yeah- no- it’s not my fault if your- they’re distracting me, okay?” Dream defends.
Slowly, the energy lowers again and the call remembers peace as Dream admits defeat.
“I’m not playing against you anymore,” he mumbles through greeted teeth, your hoodie shelters a muffled giggle. “Let’s talk about y/n’s twitter fame instead.”
“Let’s just not-” you mutter, both because seeing Dream lose at something is a miracle that has to be witnessed once and because you’re somewhat reluctant. “Let’s just not talk about that.”
“Yeah, sorry about that. I had no idea it would draw this much attention to you,” Sap admits.
“Well, you talk about her all the time it was only a matter of time before twitter finds out,” George taunts and you secretly smile, listening to the way your best friend tries to defend himself, mind flooded with the last memories you have of when you were able to see those chuckles for real.
“Yeah, Quackity already told me you guys talk behind my back,” you fakely muse. “That’s totally fine, I don’t wanna know what you guys are talking about at all.” It’s a lie, obviously, the idea creeps upon your mind with assumptions you can’t quite get a grip of nor let go.
“You and Quackity talk?’ Sapnap asks, hint of surprise, and you hum.
“Or rather, he talks to me. He keeps calling-.” Shit. The forsaken word traps itself into your mouth. It’s too silly anyway.
“Come on, just say it,” Dream pushes as if he knew too much, more than you even do, and your cheeks flush mindlessly. You don’t notice.
“Dream, quit it!” You demand.
“Quit what?”
“You talk as if you knew more than anyone did.”
“Maybe I just do,” he coos, so dream-like.
Oblivious or careless, Sapnap asks, “Is Quackity bothering you or something?”
“He-" you begin but stop to look for the right way to put it, "He triggers my flight or fight response.”
"I mean, duh," Sapnap probably rolls his eyes.
"But I like him. He's funny."
After a second of silence, George says, “Well that was unexpected.”
“Not so much, I think we’re both chaotic neutral people.”
“What is that neutral chaotic thing anyway?” Dream is confused.
Roll up your sleeve girl boss because now is your time to shine! You offer your best dream smp alignment chart to the classroom. They're speechless, but they listen carefully.
"Then you're more chaotic good than neutral. You're too sweet anyway," Sap says.
"I'd even say lawful good," George debates.
"That's because you haven't seen Bunny during her crazy cat hour."
"True," you note.
"She'll go absolutely batshit."
“What?" George burst between confusion and surprise. "We've never seen you like that."
"A lady never reveal her secrets," you retort. No one answer.
It leaves a second for your mind to enjoy peace. For your eyes to lay on c!tubbo on lawful good and think true, then on c!dream on chaotic evil and think also very true. You huff and it's like a wave; as sarcasm leaves your breath, an idea comes in.
"Sap, check your DMs," you request.
Surrounded by the evening lull, Sapnap’s laugh pops like soap bubbles, "God, you’re so stupid. Why can't you just marry me?"
“So, is it Sapnap approved?” You chuckle lightly to prevent Sapnap’s morning fresh laugh to fill your chest and leak everywhere.
“Just press ‘send tweet’ please,” he confirms with leftovers of a smile in his voice.
"George, get me out of here. They're doing it again," Dream whines.
"Doing what?" He asks, unbothered.
"Act like they're alone in the convo. Just get a room." And you don't get to stand up for yourself that you and your best friend are actually sent to another room.
"Well this one is chaotic evil confirmed," you mumble as you roll your eyes but the vibes are much peaceful, much more comfortable in here. "So ... hi."
"Hi," he chuckles in return.
Maybe that's for the best; a moment that needs to stay a little timeless, secretive and special. It hasn't happened in so long, you don't even remember the last time it did.
"I'm glad you're here. I miss you, you know?" He says, and it's hard to not feel so bittersweet about it. It's hard when longing involves a craved touch, a real smile and an eye contact. Your shoulder sinks in the chair a little harder.
"I miss you too. I'll be here soon," you promise. And soon couldn't come any sooner.
But the conversation, soft and free, will wash up any worries, as always, and you'll end up talking about everything and nothing, about streams and planned videos and college and god knows what. As long as it makes the two of you happy and smiling. Just like the old days, you'll both think and it's fair to say until the evening turns into night and night turns into fatigue.
"Are you sure you're okay about that clout?" He asks once again. "I know you don't like being exposed like that."
"Yeah, yeah don't worry too much about it. I'll try to make good use of it."
"I'm sure you will," he murmurs, but oh boy did he not know what was about to come until you two meet.
.・゜゜・ ・゜゜・ .・゜゜・ ・゜゜・
Taglist : @open-minded-chip-101 ; @itsoakaa ; @gaysludge
A/N : so first of all it has come to my attention that 129 days from now on is actually my birthday so that's a weird coincidence lol. Hi how are you guys?? welcome to the first part I hope you liked it. I'm fairly new to the mcyt community and that's the first time I write for them, so bear with me. Feedbacks are always appreciated. Until next time (ɔˆ ³(ˆ⌣ˆc)
#sapnap smau#smau#mcyt smau#sapnap x you#sapnap x reader#sapnap x y/n#sapnap series#129 days#mcyt x you#mcyt x reader#sapnap fluff
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TENSION PNEUMOTHORAX MULTI-ASK
Hey there lovelies! Thanks so much for your asks!
First off, basics: check the ( thoracic trauma ) tag and the ( pneumothorax ) tag. This is ground we've covered before!
There's also a chapter in Blood on the Page: a Writer's Compendium of Injuries (amazon link; yes, I am the author) on pneumothoraces. I believe it's in section 2.2: Penetrating Trauma > Chest.
I genuinely thought this chapter had already posted, but it hasn't.
So have a free chapter on me! (Below the cut)
Tension Pneumothorax
Lethality Index
5 / 5
What Is It?
Tension pneumothorax is a life-threatening injury that occurs when air gets into the chest but is outside the lungs. The buildup of air begins to put pressure on the lung, the heart, and the great veins. The condition is rapidly lethal.
Breathing is a pressure system. To inhale, the body pushes the diaphragm down and expands the ribs, which creates negative pressure in the lungs; that negative pressure draws air into the lungs from the outside world. To exhale, the diaphragm comes up and the chest relaxes — it gets smaller — pushing the air out. Easy peasy.
Tension pneumothorax changes this closed system to an open one, where air leaks from the lung into the sac around the lungs (the pleura) and gets trapped there. Positive pressure then builds up in the pleura, compressing the lung.
The fact that there's air in the lung is known as simple pneumothorax. (Pneumomeans air, and thorax means chest.)
What makes a tension pneumothorax such a big problem is that the air pocket in the pleura becomes large enough that it collapses the lung.
In addition to collapsing the lung, having that much pressure on one side of the chest is a big problem. It actually causes the organs of the chest to shift, to skooch over to the other side. In that shifting, the heart and other lung wind up pinching off blood flow through the heart, reducing blood flow everywhere.
Clinical Signs
· Severe, worsening shortness of breath, with rapid breaths.
· Diaphoresis (sweating).
· Elevated heart rate.
· Narrow pulse pressure (the “distance” between the systolic (top number) pressure and the diastolic (bottom number) pressure; e.g. 90/80 instead of 120/80).
· Engorged veins in the neck (jugular venous distention, JVD).
· Cyanosis (bluing of the skin of the lips and nail beds). (Late)
· Cold, clammy skin. (Late)
· Tracheal shift — the trachea is no longer midline in the neck, and instead is pushed away from the affected lung. (Late)
· Loss of consciousness. (Late)
· Death. (Late)
Symptoms
· Pain at the injury site and possible pain in the rest of the chest.
· Trouble breathing and panic.
· Feeling of impending doom.
· Dizziness, disorientation.
How Does It Happen?
Tension pneumothorax develops when a character suffers penetrating trauma to the chest that allows air to move between the outside and inside of the chest. This can be the result of a stabbing, shooting, impalement, or other penetrating trauma. It's especially common when the lung itself has been lacerated.
Immediate Treatment
Keep the character upright.
Provide oxygen, if available.
If the character is in respiratory failure — if they're dying — someone might give them mouth-to-mouth resuscitation or use a bag-valve-mask (BVM) to ventilate them. This actually makes the pneumothorax worse, but it may be beneficial in the short term because of increased gas exchange.
Needle Decompression
Needle decompression is the act of taking a big fat IV catheter and sticking it into the chest on the affected side. (There are two landmarks in common use: between the 2nd and 3rd ribs, on a line drawn straight down from the middle of the clavicle, or between the 5th and 6th ribs, in line with the front border of the armpit. These are technically called the 2nd intercostal space (ICS) at the midclavicular line, and the 5th ICS at the anterior axillary line.
Needle decompression works by giving the air trapped in the pleura an effective way out.
The problem with needle decompression is that, especially with larger characters, it isn't necessarily effective. Oftentimes the needle is simply too short to reach the pleura, especially in larger characters with strong pectoralis muscles or fat deposits, including breasts. Other times the catheter may kink or get backed up with blood.
Definitive Treatment
Needle decompression has the potential to be a definitive treatment for the injury, but only if it's effective in the first place, and only if the needle is hooked up to some form of drain system to make sure that air can escape.
Surgery / Hospitalization
Diagnostics will include a chest X-ray and likely a chest CT, though if the character is in mortal danger, these will always take a back seat to a clinical diagnosis – i.e. by signs, symptoms, and history – and providers will treat first and image later.
The definitive treatment for tension pneumothorax is placement of a chest tube or pigtail catheter in the chest. A chest tube is a large, straight tube, while a pigtail catheter is of a smaller diameter and is curled, like a pig’s tail.
Both are simple, quick procedures in the ER. They both involve putting a tube into the chest at the 4th or 5th intercostal space (between the 4th–5th or 5th–6th ribs) vertically aligned with the armpit (axillary line).
The end of the tube will have something called a Heimlich valve, which is a one-way valve (air can go out but not in).
Another option is a procedure called a finger thoracostomy. The surgical landmark is the same as for all other procedures, but the act is simpler and more brutal. The site is identified and the doctor — who is likely an ER physician — simply cuts down through the chest wall until they're touching lung. This is done in extreme circumstances, where the character is about to die. Otherwise, a chest tube or pigtail catheter is preferred.
In the Austere Environment
Characters who suffer a tension pneumothorax in extreme conditions are likely to die, unless a knowledgeable character with the correct equipment is around.
In settings before about 1950, the character is also likely to die, and they'll die gasping. Treatment of the tension pneumothorax requires understanding pressures inside the chest, which weren't readily measurable till then. Trauma surgery simply hadn't advanced to the point of understanding this rapidly lethal wound until that point.
The Rocky Road to Recovery
Capabilities Retained
Characters will retain the use of all four limbs and will be cognitively unaffected (barring brain damage from an extended period of low oxygen levels).
Disabilities: Temporary
Your character is likely to have a sensation of pressure at the catheter insertion site. Once the lung is reinflated, they can walk and perform most normal activities while the wound heals.
They will be instructed not to fly for six months after the pneumothorax. This is because altitude affects pressure and can cause reexpansion of the pneumothorax.
Disabilities: Permanent
Tension pneumothorax shouldn't cause any permanent disabilities, unless there are other complicating features of the injury.
Features of Recovery: Hospital Stay
Characters with no other complications, who respond well to the pigtail, can actually be sent home with the catheter in place. Characters with other injuries or who got bigger tubes will likely be admitted.
Features of Recovery: Aftercare
Characters will be instructed to walk up to their capacity, and increase their walking daily. They may want to use a pillow or other object to hold when they cough, because that can be painful.
If a character is sent home, they must come back for follow-up X-ray within 48 hours, to make sure the pneumothorax hasn't reexpanded.
The catheter should be removed after 3–5 days if no other issues arise.
Complications
Pigtail catheters are good for patients because they're smaller than chest tubes, which means they hurt less and can often be sent home in the patient.
Pigtail catheters are bad for patients because they're smaller tubes, which means that they might kink and then fail to vent out the air they need to get rid of.
Flying before the recommended date can cause another pneumothorax, though this is unlikely to be severe enough to collapse the lung again. However, the character might experience significant shortness of breath and exhaustion.
The New Normal
If the lung tissue itself wasn't damaged by the object, your character will return to their full function within 2–4 weeks. (No Disability)
If the lung was damaged by the injury, they may have other complications with the lung.
Future Risks
Even when they think they're healed, significant, rapid changes in altitude within the first 6 months could cause your character's pneumothorax to recur. No long-term risks are known.
Total Recovery Time (Typical)
Uncomplicated: 2–4 weeks
Complicated: Minimum 4 weeks but typically longer, depending on the damage
Sensory
Sights
The hole in the chest might be small, or it might be fairly large. Through a large enough hole, characters can see the injured's lung expanding and collapsing with each breath.
Sounds:
The wound may make a sucking noise as the character breathes. (This is known, appropriately, as a sucking chest wound.)
Medspeak
Tension pneumothorax is abbreviated in a chart as TPTx or TPx, and is colloquially known as a "tension pneumo."
Chest tubes are listed in various sizes; pigtails tend to be 12 French or 14 French, whereas chest tubes are larger: 24 Fr to 36 Fr. Pigtails are inserted over a guide wire, which is called the "Seldinger technique." They are held in place with a kind of stitching called "purse string" suture.
A TPTx that also has significant pooling of blood in the pleural space is a hemopneumothorax, or a "hemopneumo."
The landmarks are almost never said as "intercostal space," but referred to as the "ICS."
Key Points
· Tension pneumothorax is a rapidly lethal condition, developing from slight trouble breathing to deadly within minutes to an hour.
· TPTx collapses the lung and puts enormous pressure on the heart. It also kinks the great vessels.
· TPTx is treated by allowing the built-up air to escape. This is done with a needle, insertion of a tube, or cutting down until the lung can “communicate” directly with the outside world.
#this post is not medical advice#this post is writing advice#blood on the page#tension pneumothorax#pneumothorax#asks#recursive tagging
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Weekly Horoscope :: 26- 1st Jan 2022
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Here's how we're going to break it down :: you'll get one big ole general reading and then it'll be broken down to elements. check your big 6. this can work for both vedic and tropical. so which ever suits your fancy. .
General reading::
9 of Pentacles, Knight of Swords, Page of Swords, 3 of Swords, 4 of Wands, 8 of Swords
Here's what I'm seeing for you guys this week. I'm seeing a rough beginning or ending or maybe somewhere in the middle. things are looking a bit rough. that's just what it is. but I do see it getting better.
Somewhere in this chaos, you find your speed again. for some of you, it might be breaking up. for others of you, it's learning to slow down. I think some of you jumped the gun too quickly on something.
but that's okay. because we have communication. you may feel heartbroken, scared, alone. but there is prosperity. there is hope, and happiness. despite all the chaos in your head, you will find comfort this week.
I think a good majority of you are just going through it this week. and someone is going to come in and offer you solace from all that pain.
Earth (Taurus ♉, Virgo ♍, Capricorn ♑) ::
6 of cups, 10 of Cups, Ace of Pentacles, the Star, 2 of Swords, 8 of Cups
Some of you are going to be meeting some sort of new romantic partner. others of you are getting a job. some of you are getting both. and I feel like a sprinkle of you walking away from what no longer is yours is just the perfect addition to this week for you guys.
a decision is being made. a very big one but it sets you on a beautiful path full of love and emotional abundance and material prosperity. you are chasing a dream. there is no choice here. you are literally letting go.
I feel like some of you just don't care anymore. you're tired of doing things that isn't aligned with what you want. you wish for happier times again. and you're goingt o get it. You may be seeing a friend, or family member or even a lover. some of you are getting that new job, money in general.
overall, a wish is coming true. and it starts with you just letting go.
Air (Aquarius ♒, Libra ♎, Gemini♊) ::
4 of Cups, the Empress, the Emperor, Page of Cups, 4 of Pentacles.
Ohhhh some of you are working on a relationship. Maybe not fully together yet -- but regardless, I think there's some miscommunication going on. this doesn't have to be romantic either. this could just be someone that you care about. I'm seeing a lot of empty feelings. a lot of sadness and grief.
I think someone is having a hard time letting go of the past. the 4 of pentacles in your case is hopeful. it's talking about building a solid foundation. so you and this person can work something out. if it's love, give them time. you two are a bonded pair.
if this is family or a friend or coworker, have a conversation with them. you guys are going to be there for each other no matter want. so just let things resolve.
Now if there isn't conflict with another person, I think this is just you needing to express nurturing energy to yourself and perhaps with other people. I think there's a strong desire and urge to sit with yourself and build what you're struggling with. build your finances, your self love, etc. take this week to really figure out what the heart of the issue is and work from there.
Water (Pisces ♓, Cancer ♋, Scorpio♏ ) ::
the Magician, 8 of Pentacles, 5 of Wands, Queen of Wands, Page of Pentacles, 7 of Cups
Okay, so, there could be a bit of a challenge. especially if you have air in your chart and you just read that as well. I think it's going to be important to work towards your relationships if you are struggling with anyone or having your voice be heard.
I think outside of that, you are trying your best to manifest something. you are grounding yourself, putting in a lot of time and effort, especially when it comes to work. and with the 7 of cups, I think you're seeing a lot of options. you dream of all these possibilities. and you're working on creating this beautiful reality.
I think this week is bringing you the first of that. you are working hard, and perhaps you are going to be a mentor for someone this week. especially if it comes to making plans or meeting a goal. there's a lot of passion and enthusiasm with you this week. just be careful with what you say. that fire energy is going to make others think you are angry when you are not. or pushy or aggressive.
other than that, also try to take your time. you may feel like you're being rushed, but you're not. people will listen to you. you will meet those deadlines, make those plans, etc. some of you might hit a perfectionist streak. try not to look too much into the details. just allow yourself to take things as they come.
Fire (Leo ♌, Aries♈, Sagittarius ♐) ::
knight of cups, page of wands, the wheel of fortune, 9 of cups, king of pentacles, 6 of cups
Fire signs! so for this week, I am seeing that you guys may be exploring a new path. something is rounding up in a beatuiful ending and you are beginning something new as this new year rolls around. I'm seeing some of you finding love, or developing the connection further.
I'm seeing a lot of you finally deciding to follow your heart on something. this doesn't feel sudden. I feel like for most of this year you have been pretty good about working towards your goals. a lot of you may have had challenges, but now, you get to enjoy the end of the year.
AND I'm seeing that you're doing this by simply having some fun. returning to old habits or routines that are good for you. old hobbies you had to let go of, you now have time to do. but I'm seeing you guys wanting to explore more. no longer does the past interest you. You have that beautiful stability, support and love.
enjoy this week. explore your hobbies. see what the world has for you ;)
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Hange x f!Reader Oneshot
Summary: Squad leader Hange is a very busy scientist, so having Moblit and Y/N on their team is a great benefit to their work; so much so that Y/N finishes Hange’s work so that they get time off! Little do they know that the socially awkward Y/N has a passion for astrology, so one night she works up the courage to take Hange star gazing!
Genre: Fluff, Smut 18+
Warnings: spanking, cunnilingus, fingering, swearing, 69-ing, this oneshot is GOOFY af
Universe: canonverse
Word count: 3.9k
A/N: This oneshot is based on the song Space Girl by Frances Forever, I love this wlw song so much I just had to. In this one shot Hange’s pronouns are she/they but I mostly use they/them pronouns! Although in the song the singer refers to her space girl as a ‘cancer’ (astrological sign) I have left the reader’s sign ambiguous so you can insert yourself in! Also I don’t know how advanced the canonverse is with astrology, especially with astrological stories behind the constellations but we won’t focus on that its just a cute (probably inaccurate) oneshot. AFAB!Hange. I am so sorry it’s so long for a oneshot!! I just love them so much 🥺
When squad leader Hange Zoe is in the zone, they will work throughout the day and throughout night with no breaks and no signs of stopping; unless they quite literally pass out. If ever they got in that position of dropping at any moment, you and Moblit would be there to either complete the work or to catch Hange before they fall. You had always admired Hange’s determination and stamina, that alongside their eccentric personality, had you weak at the knees.
If you were honest with yourself, you had quite fallen head over heels for Hange the moment you saw them, their smile felt like a kick in the heart and a thousand butterflies in your stomach. It wasn’t until you helped Levi bathe Hange did you realise your feelings towards them, desperately looking away from their body with great embarrassment. Levi always rolled his eyes at your actions, but he’d usually have a faint smirk on his face as you try and wash them whilst attempting to keep your eyes closed. You and Levi were quite close, despite his quiet (and rather passive aggressive demeanour), a friendship with him was meaningful and he definitely cared more than he’d let on. He, alongside Moblit were the only ones that knew of your passions with astrology and space; he’d always say something like “it’s quite fitting, you’re head is either in the clouds or up Hange’s ass”. The funny little bastard.
Your captain would tease you regularly, especially when he noticed your longing stares; whether it be out on expeditions or back at HQ. He’d reach for your head and shake it, waking you up from your day dream. “Your obsessive pining will get you killed, scout” and “Keep it together space girl” were a regular thing Levi would say. You couldn’t help it, Hange was your moon and all the stars in the sky, all things you’d happily gaze at forever.
As mentioned, the bathing sessions were a great opportunity to get advice (and teased) from Levi. One bathing session he told you that he’s pissed off that you hadn’t revealed your feelings yet. How could you? Hange probably didn’t feel the same way, and neither did they have time for it! Changing the subject slightly, you would say “Poor Hange, always working so hard!”
Its true, Levi would usually have to knock them out to bathe them because they worked so much; you suppose the only ick that bothered you about Hange was their lack of hygiene - they just can’t help it. All of that energy dedicated to work, they rarely had any spare time to do anything else; but you were determined to make today different.
You heard of a meteor shower that was expected around 11pm that night, a spectacle you were adamant not to miss. You decided that if any time was the perfect moment to reveal yourself to Hange, tonight is the night. You day dreamed the whole day, picturing the two of you under the stars. Between paperwork, you would check regularly and calculate the time and position of the moon whilst the meteor shower happened; it had to be perfect.
“A waxing crescent” You whispered to yourself
“A what what?” Hange fluttered over to your table making you jump, you attempted to hide the paperwork of calculations; absolutely nothing must be revealed otherwise the surprise will be ruined.
“Squad leader H-H-Hange! I uhhh nothing!!” You stuttered, looking to their perfect, smiling face. You wanted to both die and dance at the same time, to grab them by their collar and kiss them passionately. Hange leans on your desk, looking at you with a cheeky grin.
“I do hope you’re doing your work scout! You don’t want to be working for 2 days straight like last time!”
“That won’t be the case tonight Hange!”
“Oh?”
“I recon if I work solidly for the next 2 hours I will be completely finished!”
“Really? Ugh I technically have like 4 hours left of paperwork too do, I don’t really even have time to scold you on how obviously distracted you are Y/N” Hange sighed, lifting their goggles up to pinch the bridge of their nose. Your eyes light up, seeing their face without goggles was just...
“Well if you give me part of your work, we will be both finished in 3 hours. Anything else that needs doing I will do!” You offered, Hange darts their eyes at you, an excited expression on their face. Without any warning they grab your hands into theirs and puts their face mere inches away from yours. Your face heats up, staring at their lips, you hold everything back from just leaning in to kiss them.
“You’d do that?? For me?? Well aren’t I lucky to have such a kind assistant!!!” Hange exclaimed
“If you both give me some of your work, I am happy to complete whatever’s left” you hear Moblit say across the table. Your eyes turn to him as he gives you a knowing wink. Gods bless Moblit. “That way you two get to leave early tonight, I hear there is some kind of astrological event on tonight”
Your face dropped, as much as Moblit was helping you, he must have looked at your notes as he walked past; nosy dickhead. Hange placed a hand under their chin and thought for a moment, before they had the chance to say anything about it (worrying they’d say its stupid or something) You stood up in your seat.
“Squad leader Hange! We can watch it tonight together if you’d like!!!” You blurted out, sounding more authoritative than you’d wanted. Hange’s eyes widen and observe your shaking body.
“But what about work?? I am sure after this paperwork needs doing they’ll be-”
“I’ll do it! Even if it means I work into the morning. It’s something that Y/N is passionate about so please!! I can always get Nifa or Abel or both to help me out!” You could hear the panic in Moblit’s voice. You take what you thought about him being a dickhead back, he’s doing you such a favour. The both of you look at each other and then back to Hange, trying to gage what their response will be.
A roar of laughter fills the room, followed by a long sigh. “As long as you are sure Moblit, that is real sweet” Hange turns to you and grabs your hand again. “Tonight’s a date then, what time and where?”
‘A DATE???’ You panic to yourself, did they really call this a date. You scream in your mind, wanting to just faint there and then. You collect your emotions and take your hand away from theirs, coughing into a fist. “10:15, walk south from the back entrance of HQ and head towards some bushes and the oak tree. I will meet you there” You said, you wanted to be far enough from HQ so you wouldn’t be disturbed.
“Sounds perfect! Now, lets get some work done!” Hange exclaims, sitting back at their desk and scribbling even faster than before.
The three of you continued to work, you were the first to finish and left the office to get changed into your casual gear. You pull out some perfume that you saved months up for from the market, it was a beautiful scent that you only used on special occasions. You looked in the mirror and hyped yourself up, “come on Y/N you are a lover and a fighter. Titan killer in the streets, pussy killer in the sheets” You slap yourself for saying something so embarrassing out loud.
Once dressed, you head out to the spot with blankets, pillows and a couple of lanterns; if you were to be there a while, you wanted to be comfortable. Once everything is laid out, all you had to do was wait. You felt the nerves building up, as time passed and drew near to Hange’s arrival, you had looked at all of your notes over and over. You lined star charts up and spotted all sorts of constellations to point out to Hange when they were there, you looked at the notes with all the stories behind the constellations and tried to identity any planets that were visible. You kicked yourself, wishing you’d be able to afford a telescope; apparently Saturn is aligned with Mars and that would have been an incredible sight to see.
You hear a noise behind you, oh lord here they come! You scramble at your notes, looking at the more complicated details and stuffing them into your bag.
“Y/N I could do with a little bit of help!!!” You hear Hange yell out, clear struggle in their voice. You stand up to see them behind the bush holding a very large telescope. You rush to their side and help carry it in front of the blankets.
“Hange! Where did you get this telescope from??” You exclaim with delight, Hange’s face blushes at your excitement and rubs their neck.
“Well after Moblit told me that you’re passionate about astrology, I took a deep dive into what is so special about tonight. A meteor shower right? And the planets Mars and Saturn?? Well so I uh....spent my savings on this baby to see it” Hange said awkwardly, your mouth agape and eyes wide, they spent all of their money on a telescope just for this?
You lunge forward and give Hange a massive hug with excited giggles. “Hange thank you so much!! It’s going to be so amazing I promise you!!!!”
Hange blushes wildly, resisting the urge to kiss you. “Well, it’s nice to see someone so excited over science just as I am, makes me feel a little less weird”
“Oh trust me, in school when we were taught about astrology I seemed to be the only person interested! I would spend hours just researching the constellations and zodiac signs! No one really wanted to be my friend, so uhhhh well I suppose I shifted my focus on Titan fighting and work with you and your science squad. It’s not space, sure, but I too felt lonely in my hobbies!” You explained, Hange’s heartstrings felt a tug, picturing you as a kid is just too cute.
The two of you carried on with conversation, you pointed to the sky and explained the stories behind the constellations. No matter how complicated the story or science, Hange seemed to want to know more and more; you even had to pull out your notes to answer their questions. In Hange’s mind, they had spoke about the science of titans for years and never bothered to ask you where your true passions lie. They questioned why they never asked, perhaps they were too nervous? Hange always put on a mask of being this optimistic, eccentric scientist and even acted cocky in front of you, but secretly they were just as insecure and shy towards you. They wanted to get to know you, but of course the element of dying at any point worried them; if they got too attached, especially romantically, it would hurt more. However, since the two of you are out there, looking at the telescope and talking so much, Hange’s fears lifted, even if it was for an evening.
Using the telescope, you pointed it in the direction of Mars and Saturn, both planets basically next to each other, a wonderful view to see. They weren’t super clear of course, the telescope wasn’t that powerful, but you could clearly see Saturns rings; something Hange got super excited over, asking you millions of questions. It wasn’t until the both of you sat down, waiting for the showers to come did you gulp and turn to Hange.
“Hange, I hope you don’t mind but I really would like to talk to you” You began, nervously fumbling with your fingers
“We’ve been talking all night??”
“AHH no I mean I have to say something okay. Please don’t say anything until I uhh finish because I just kinda wanna blurt it all out okay??” You really are stuttering and slipping up on your words, Hange gives a reassuring smile and nods. “Okay, I uhh...” You were interrupted by the meteors shooting across the sky. Mesmerised, you didn’t move your face away from Hange, just your eyes, they took this opportunity to lean in and kiss you. Your eyes widen in shock, what are they doing?? They’re going to miss the meteor shower! Despite this, you relax and close your eyes, leaning into them and deepening the kiss.
“Hange...”
“As you were sooo distracted, your turn has been cancelled. I’ll go first. Y/N I really like you, I have done for a while, and I know you and Levi bathe me together, and sometimes...sometimes I hear you”
“Ahhhh!!!!” You yell out in embarrassment, Hange lifts a finger to your mouth
“Ah ah ah, I am not finished yet! I find you breath taking, I even get so overwhelmed by the way you just stand there! It makes me want to work harder, so much so I would purposefully knock myself out so you could bathe me...oh gods that sounds bad. Not in that way I JUST REALLY ENJOY HEARING YOUR CONVERSATIONS WITH THE CAPTAIN!!!” Hange is now the one getting all flustered, waving their hands erratically. They didn’t want it to sound weird, but they aren’t exactly experienced in expressing their feelings.
“Hey no I get it, sort of...but yeah I really like you too and I guess I’ve never...I UGH words” You pathetically confess, earning a laugh from Hange.
“We’re not very good at this are we, space girl?” Hange moves their arm around you and pulls you in to a hug. Your eyes light up at your little nickname, they definitely do listen to yours and Levi’s conversations. You take this opportunity to kiss Hange, feeling their soft lips on yours.
“You’ve showered haven’t you?” You smirk into the kiss, Hange looks at you, confused and a little insulted.
“How ... whaaaa?”
“You smell delicious” you say boldly, in fact Hange did shower before meeting you tonight, for the first time in ages. They of course laugh at you, and confess. You both sit there for a moment, watching the rest of the meteor showers, colours of gold and silver shooting across the sky.
“How beautiful” You whispered to yourself, Hange looks at you and smiles
“Not as be-”
“Nope. That’s so cringey” you joke, Hange slaps your legs earning a weird moan/yelp from your lips. You cover your mouth in embarrassment. Hange looks at you with curiosity, what a response to just a playful slap. Hange’s face confidently smirks, taking your chin in their hands.
“What was that?” Hange asked seductively, walking two fingers up your thigh. You shiver at how foreword your squad leader is being.
“Nothing...”
“Do you think I’ll be able to get another noise like that out of you?” Hange moves their face forward, practically whispering next to your ear
“I uh...oh look the meteors! They are still going!” You panic, the air is thick, your heart fluttering at how close they are getting. Not that you wouldn’t want to...it’s just moving so fast that you couldn’t barely keep up.
“The meteors can wait”
“I mean technically...” you’re words at cut off by Hange kissing your neck, testing the waters a little before going right ahead. You softly moan out Hange’s name, heaving a little bit at the intensity. So long have you envisioned yourself in this position, being kissed by your squad leader; you’ve thought about it and you’ve touched yourself to it. You may be feeling a little awkward now, but you shiver with anticipation to see how far this could go.
“Are you okay?” Hange asks, looking at you with a little concern, they can feel you tensing under their touch, even shaking a little. “I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable”
“No! No definitely I’m okay I’m just inexperienced. I mean I’m not but it’s different when it’s you because I...I like you and I want to do this but, can we start off slow?” You ask nervously, Hange gives you a tender kiss on your forehead and holds you close.
“If you ever want to stop, please tell me okay?” Hange asks, you nod at them eagerly before pulling them close in for a confident kiss. You lean back onto a pillow, allowing Hange to hover above you, lips still connected. What a feeling this is, never would you imagine getting this close to them; you savour every moment. Hange sits up and takes off their shirt, revealing a binder underneath before taking that off too, your eyes fall to the exposed skin; a lump in your throat. There Hange is, straddling you and pinning you down, half naked and stunning.
“Gods...” You whisper under your breath, Hange snickers at your cute expression before attacking your neck. They plant several erratic kisses all of you, earning a mixture of moaning and giggling.
“What happened to going slow?” You chuckle out, Hange stops immediately and changes their expression.
“I can slo-”
Hange’s words are cut short as you flip them over underneath you, their eyes wide and breaths manic, that is until you sloppily kiss their lips. Hungry noises leave either of your throats as you fight for dominance; you suppose the issue here is that the both of you are so eager, so keen to please that you clash - but in the best possible way. One final flip and you find yourself locked onto the floor under a very horny squad leader. And by locked, it means having Hange gripping your jaw with one hand and the other being intertwined with yours.
“Be my good little space girl, let me see you” Hange unbuttons your shirt, one button at a time, almost painfully slowly. 1...2..3...4...and suddenly your chest is on full view. You attempt to cover yourself, but too late, Hange is already kissing every bit of skin they can see, uncapping your breast from your bra like a hungry animal and latching their mouth onto a free nipple. They graze their teeth and tongue over your sensitive bud, sucking slightly. You reach a hand up to their head and grip their hair slightly, enjoying the sensation. Whilst you are so distracted, Hange reaches a hand down to your trousers, you don’t even notice them unbuttoning them; it was only until their hand was ghosting over your underwear did you look down. They then press a finger against your clothed pussy, feeling your growing excitement.
“Wet already?” Hange scoffs against your breast, you can’t even answer; either from embarrassment or your panting. Hange thinks back to your little yelp, they would love to hear you make such a noise again. “Over my knee sweet pea” Hange ordered, without hesitation you stood up and allowed Hange to sit down, here you bend over their knee, raising your ass into the air to give them all the access they need. After pulling down your trousers to your ankles, they take extra time to look at you; you’re hot and bothered, shaking a little in anticipation. Hange looks to your perfect ass, stroking and groping it slightly, thinking about all the little red hand prints they will leave on you.
“Such a good girl” Hange mewed before landing a harsh slap across your cheek, you yelp out in a mixture of pain and pleasure. Enjoying the noise so much, Hange slaps your ass over and over, allowing little to no breaks between each hit - you knew this isn’t quite how spanking works but it feels good and Hange definitely was enjoying watching your ass jiggle with each slap.
“Ow!” You yell out, that last hit was a little too hard; Hange, feeling sorry kisses your now extremely red behind.
“I’m sorry, I got a bit carried away; here...” Hange moves their hand over to your underwear again and slips under the fabric to stroke your aching clit. Whatever pain you felt had all disappeared to the sudden wave of pleasure that is Hange. They spread your pussy a little, allowing their middle finger to trace your folds and stop at your clit; here, Hange uses their middle and index finger to rub the sensitive nub, interchanging their technique from circling to a forward to back motion. You could feel the knot build up in your lower abdomen, imaging yourself cumming onto Hange’s fingers. That was until they pulled their fingers away, you let out a disappointed moan and looked to your squad leader with pleading eyes.
Without word or warning, Hange lowers themself down and repositions you over their face. You were now suddenly close to Hange’s pussy, unfortunately still clothed, as you fumble at their belt you could feel Hange lift your ass up a little and look down to see what you’re doing. They smirk, hands leaving you and helping you pull down their trousers and underwear; much better.
You wasted no time but to dip your head at their entrance and lapped up their juices, hands either side of their propped up legs and making sure to be especially rough on their clit. Hange moans out painfully, how long had it been since they were in this position? Your ass is forcefully lowered onto Hange’s face, you feel them lick and suck at your clit, feeling your knot tighten one more. Your legs begin to shake, you won’t be lasting long and Hange can just sense it.
“Y/N look! The meteors are going again!” Hange yells out, you stop licking and look immediately up to the sky; but this was a trick because Hange pulls you down further, inserting 2 fingers into you and eats you out rougher than before, earning an eruption inside you, bursting and almost painful as you cum hard onto their mouth and fingers.
“Venus~!” You strangled out, shaking heavily above Hange who cocks their head to the side.
“Venus?”
“Uh..yeah sorry I don’t know why I do that...” you breathlessly panted out
“Don’t apologise, its cute” Hange strokes your ass, giggling at their little space weirdo. You position yourself above Hange, taking them by surprise as you cup their pussy with your hand.
“Got you” Was all you could say before inserting two of your fingers inside your squad leader. You arch your fingers inside of them, using your thumb to draw circles over their clit as they pant and whine under you. Using your free hand you grab both their wrists and hold them above their head, giving you full view of their body. As you finger fuck them, you reach down and kiss them, moving your lips from theirs to over their neck, sucking hard; making sure to leave a dark mark. That was it for Hange, their whole body trembles and cums undone; what you didn’t expect was the flood that left their body, squirting all over you.
“Globular Cluster!!!” Hange screams out, they were a hot mess, melting into the blanket. You crawl next to them and snuggle into their chest. They begin to stroke your hair, leaving forehead kisses.
“Globular cluster?” You ask cheekily, Hange laughs and pats your back.
“Listen, if you are going to scream out space words during sex instead of my name, I might as well do it too!”
“That is too adorable”
“As are you Y/N, do you think my space girl could love an earth...ehhh girl?”
“There is a gender neutral word for that you know, earthling” You giggle, Hange huffs a little, cheeks dusted with a pink blush.
“But yes, this space girl loves her earthling” you say, kissing their head. The both of you spent the rest of the evening just staring at the stars, Hange continuously asking questions including “What’s my zodiac sign?” and “Is yours compatible with a Virgo?” - not that it particularly matters whether you are astrologically compatible with Hange, you already knew you were.
#hange zoe x reader#hange x reader#aot hange#attack on titan hange#commander hange#AOT#attack on titan smut
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Villains vs Antagonists, what each word means because this fandom uses them as synonyms when they are not
Oh boi, who would’ve thought that this was my debut analysis post on Tumblr for this fandom? Hi, it is I, Redemption Anon from @kateis-cakeis’ blog. This isn’t the post I promised to post first, but this topic has bugged me, especially in the current events. It is time to talk about villains and antagonists, DSMPblr.
Disclaimer before I get into it: I am what would be considered an old dog in this fandom, I’ve watched in a weird way Season 1 while it was still going down, and I officially started lurking on Tumblr through anons on a couple of blogs right at the start of Season 2. It’s just that now I felt the need to make a blog where I analyse stuff. So, I feel like I have some knowledge, albeit imperfect, of characters and events, across the story. Also, I am talking about the characters here, not the CCs. If I mention a CC, their name will be labeled accordingly.
With that out of the way, let’s jump into it.
Now, you may see the words “villain” and “antagonist” being used a lot when discussing the DSMP and other media in general, but the thing is, they are not synonyms, and I feel like a lot of people fail to grasp that, because oftentimes, we have characters that are both at the same time, making the line blurry. Well, let me try to explain my take on these terms.
An antagonist is a person who opposes the protagonist, it’s the rival of the main character, the anchor of the POV that is followed in the story. This usually means that an antagonist can be paired up with the villain role, and the protagonist with the hero role, but it’s not always the case. There are stories where the protagonist is the villain, and the antagonist is the hero (for example, the Genocide Run of Undertale). And even then, there are antagonists that aren’t the villain in the grand scheme of things (for example, you wouldn’t call Gary from Pokemon a villain, would you?) Basically, antagonists are very much POV-centric. In the DSMP, the best example I can give is the BA versus Techno. From Techno’s POV, the BA was his antagonists, while from the BA POV, Techno was the antagonist. Bear in mind, neither party was a villain, or a hero.
A villain is very much a person that serves an evil purpose, the opposing force to the hero of the story, whose actions point to a good purpose. While the hero is the person you are supposed to root for, the villain is the one who is supposed to lose, to not cause a bad ending to your story. The villain and the hero depend a lot on morality. Villains can have downright evil goals, like say, destroying the planet or something repulsive enough to make most people root against them, or morally-grey goals, where they intend to do evil for what they think is the greater good. The last one works well with sympathetic villains or protagonist villains, because you get to see them from another angle. In the DSMP I think it’s safe to say we have two true villains, that being Dream and the Egg, because almost everyone agrees that if these two got their way, it would be bad. I am going to talk just about one of them, however.
Okay, now that we made those two terms clear, let me repeat: antagonists depend on the POV that is observed, while villains depend on morality. On the DSMP these two factors make saying the categories characters belong to tricky, especially when some self-assign or are assigned by other characters or even the fandom into archetypes. In this analysis I want to analyse Wilbur, Puffy (the characters that self-assigned themselves as villains at one point in their arcs) Tommy (who I saw people assigning him as a villain recently) and Dream (one of the true villains of this story, and not only that, he fits the classic combo of antagonist and villain).
The Self-Appointed
Welp, time to talk about my favorite character, Wilbur, and sympathise with Puffy fans, because they’re going right through what we, Wilbur fans, went through since “Then let’s be the bad guys” was uttered.
So, Wilbur and Puffy self-appointed themselves as villains. That makes them villains, right? Not quite. See, the thing with villains is that they are dependant on morals. The audience isn’t the only one that has a moral code, characters have one too. And, in my opinion, in this case we have to talk about the moral codes of these two.
Both Wilbur and Puffy have, or, had, moral codes that revolved around peace, not killing, and the like. Moral codes that you would generally label under “morally good”. What happened to these two, then, for them to go and call themselves villains? Well, it’s quite simple actually.
They broke their own moral codes. I’ll start with Wilbur because I am more familiar with him, and I can use the quotes provided by kateis-cakeis here (thank you my dude for your hard work collecting these!).
So, we all know that at the beginning, Wilbur had a very peace-oriented mindset, wanting to use words over weapons in conflict [“We don’t win wars with battles and with armour. We win wars with our words, Tommy. We’re starting a revolution, not a war.” - (Wilbur’s The Wall: 4:54, 29th July)], and, as such, he saw himself as a good guy [“It was Dream, he’s kinda the bad guy. Yeah, we’re the good guys, we’re the good guys here.” - (Wilbur’s Niki joins L'Manberg: 22:28, 6th Aug)]. What changed? Well, for starters, Wilbur underwent a spiral from paranoia that started from the Independence war. We can see his opinions change thanks to the flashback to the Election era [“And power isn’t gaining from diplomacy, and bureaucracy, and giant courthouses suspended in the sky, blah blah blah. It’s gained from swords, Quackity. It’s gained from blades, it’s gained from steel, iron.” - (Quackity’s Killing My Enemies: 1:06:19, 12th Apr)]. Of course, his spiral worsened after the Election, but we can assume he still thought of himself as a good guy.
That is, until the infamous scene. You know the one: [“Tommy, I’ve got a question for you, right. Because this festival, this is a good idea, this doesn’t seem like a bad like, this doesn’t seem evil. You know? This seems like a nice friendly thing Schlatt’s doing. Tommy, are we the bad guys?” - (Wilbur’s who are you go away: 1:08:14, 8th Oct)]. Oh yes, here, after about two weeks of being in a high stress situation, high paranoia and Schlatt seemingly doing a good thing for his nation, Wilbur starts to question himself. He starts to question if this is the moral thing to do, the right thing to do. And, logically, if you’re not in the right, you’re in the wrong, so the conclusion he reaches, is this: [“Tommy, am I, am I a bad, am I a villain of this story. Am I the villain in your history?” - (Wilbur’s who are you go away: 1:08:59, 8th Oct)]. He self-appoints himself as a villain, and then embraces the role, as well know. As Season 1 progresses, Wilbur doubles down more and more on this idea that he is the villain, and his story ends tragically. Even his ghost thinks of him as a villain, and compares Phil to Saint George, a hero, for killing him (I will get back to this).
So, was Wilbur an antagonist? Yes, definitely, especially from his POV, I would argue, because if he thought he was in the right, he would have never uttered the infamous “Then let’s be the bad guys.” Hell, other Wilbur analysts have pointed out that Wilbur may have wanted to be stopped from pressing the button. Even from his POV, you could argue he’s against the protagonists of the arc. The fact he had some potent self-hatred just helps cement that he was an antagonist, someone who must be stopped.
Was he a villain? I would say no. Look, I don’t see Wilbur as a villain, even if he tried to place himself into this archetype. In Season 1, I think the villain was Schlatt, followed by Dream, starting at the end of the Season. Wilbur strikes me more as a fallen hero, as a man who was okay, who would be cherished and loved and looked up to by others, but at one point took a wrong turn, didn’t find his way back, and continued down the path that doomed him, while his loved ones turned away from him, because they didn’t know how to help and he distanced himself from them by lashing out. It’s a tragic story arc.
“But Redemption Anon!” I hear you say, “CC!Wilbur’s DnD Alignment Chart classifies him as Neutral Evil, bordering on Chaotic Evil!” The DnD Alignment Chart is a chart that while it helps to get the vibe of a character, it can be often arbitrary or can be blurred because characters fit in with characteristics of more than one alignment (see the debate from around that time surrounding Techno’s assigned alignment). Plus, if we look at Wilbur from the POV of most, if not all, characters, without reading into his reasonings, yeah, he looked evil. Even to himself, we see it from quotes like these: [“Here’s the thing, I genuinely think, if it weren’t for me and you dying right, the server would be in shambles. I know for a fact that if I come back, or if I’m brought back to life in some way it’s definitely gonna just go [shit again]” - (Tommy’s am i dead?: 10:10, 4th March)], [“I know what I’m like, that’s the issue.” - (Tommy’s am i dead?: 10:29, 4th March)]. Was he evil, though? I would say not, more misguided than anything. That doesn’t mean he was a saint, nor was he the devil. Of course, he did some wrongs, and me denying that would be weird, because that’s why I say he should get a redemption arc, if he had a clean record, he wouldn’t be in need of one. He’s hurt people, intentionally or not, and he has to make up for those actions, if he is to be redeemed, but that doesn’t make him evil or a villain.
“But Redemption Anon!” I hear you say again, “Ghostbur considers him a villain and the quote from Ghostbur says he was a villain that wasn’t convinced to be a hero!” Yes, true, but we’re forgetting here two things:
1. Ghostbur is biased against Alivebur because he remembers his death as a good thing, and people don’t like him, therefore he rationalises it as Alivebur being the villain of the story and Phil being the hero, pulling out a Christian story that blatantly, hard-line shows us who is the villain and who is the hero: [“I- I- I’ve read the history books, Phil. I’ve read the history books. You- You- You slayed the dragon, you slayed Alivebur. You were the- You- You are the St George of the Dream SMP. We understand, everyone understands that, Phil.” - Wilbur’s First Time Ghostbur Live: 17:58, 6th Jan)]. Honestly, if I was in his shoes and I was everyone hating my past self and I didn’t remember my actions, I would assume I was evil too, because that is easier to comprehend than the fact that they are hating a mentally ill person that didn’t get the help, support and guidance they needed while they had a paranoia-fueled spiral.
2. Ghostbur, when he said: [“But a villain is just a- Sometimes the line’s a little blurry, you could say, a little blurry. It’s a tiny bit. It’s like, a villain, a villain is just a hero you haven’t convinced yet.” - (Tommy’s The Plan To Kill Dream: 1:01:31, 14th Mar)] he was talking to people who considered Wilbur a villain, and he tried to make them consider another side. This context matters, if he dismissed that Wilbur was a villain, there was a risk of his point being dismissed completely. Tommy and Tubbo, while they knew Alivebur from the beginning, his later actions tainted their view of him, and he has caused them hurt, and Ranboo has never met him, only knows of him from word of mouth. It’s hard to make these three consider him from the angle that he was not a villain. The line is still very good, but, again, context matters.
“But Redemption Anon!” I hear you yet again, “Wilbur is even worse in the Void and Dream will be killed to prevent him from being ressurected!” Okay so I don’t think we can speak about the Void here, in this context. You see, all we got out of the Void was a 5 minute conversation that sounded more like snippets out of a longer conversation, or even multiple conversations, that took place over what Tommy perceived as 2 months. From that conversation, all we got is that Wilbur’s self-loathing worsened, he thinks he, and by projection, Tommy, are better off dead for the good of the server, he knows when the Universe will end and he plays solitaire. The rest of the information we got about him was from Tommy, who is, sadly, an unreliable source, because he is not disclosing what Wilbur told him he’d do, beside a general “it will be bad and we have to stop it”. Tommy was also dealing with the trauma of being brought back, and let’s not forget that the Void didn’t give him peace, he was essentially tortured constantly for what he felt were 2 months. To me, it feels like it’s an intentional lack of detail and information, with a lot of discrepancies (like, if Wilbur scared Tommy so much, it’s interesting he refused to talk to MD when offered the chance, and Schlatt mentioned both Wilbur and Tommy being together at the gym) to throw us off. For all we know, Wilbur could be planning the end of the world if he is resurrected, or, he could’ve been making empty threats, or, he was rambling with no thought of it being taken seriously, or, he intentionally scared Tommy into not bringing him back, because he wants to stay dead. All of those could be what happened, and we may not know until he gets resurrected. Until then, I can’t call him a villain, or evil, even if he thinks of himself as a hazard to others, or Tommy’s motive to kill Dream.
Also, don’t be surprised Wilbur’s mental health seemingly went downhill ever since he’s been there. It’s possible the feeling of being constantly pulled apart isn’t just a Tommy thing, Wilbur may feel it too, and he’s been in there for what he may feel as being 10 to 15 years. Add the fact he’s been in Schlatt’s presence for that time, don’t act surprised he’s gotten worse. He didn’t have the conditions to plateau, let’s not even talk about getting better.
I think I defended Wilbur’s honor long enough lol, now onto Puffy.
I am not as familiar with Puffy as I am with Wilbur, but I will try to present her side as best as I can. We all know that post-Doomsday, Puffy took on the knightly goal of protecting people, especially the minors of the server. Puffy had the misfortune, however, that her closest friends and allies turned to be at least antagonists and at most villains, their actions leaving her feeling hurt and betrayed.
If she tried her best to try to help Bad and Ant, her friends, with the Egg problem, the Banquet shattered the remaining trust she had in them because they killed Foolish, and whether her belief that they killed him first to hurt her is true or not, they did hurt her. She felt betrayed, and accusing her of being the reason her son was dead didn’t help.
The moment she got the axe from Quackity Ant’s fate was sealed, because in that moment of grief and anger, Puffy sought out a retribution, a revenge that went against her moral code. We can see this clearly affect her, because once she leaves the Banquet’s hall, she mourns the death of Foolish and the fact that she killed her best friend, when she swore to protect lives. The Banquet, overall, is a highly traumatic event for her.
No wonder that the next day, her outlook on things changed. She branded herself a villain. She started making vague references to what she can do as a villain, because no one would expect it from her, even name-dropping Doomsday, one of the worst events she witnessed, and the one that turned her to her knightly arc. For me it’s clear that what she said was out of trauma, out of shock and out of desperation.
If you think about it, the world of the DSMP is very bleak, canonical minors have heavy trauma and continue to pay for wrongs they did long ago or suffer because people think they need to learn something or because they are used by others. Puffy noted it herself, Doomsday came and went and the perpetrators were never punished for it. While Techno and Phil aren’t villains per se, they are antagonists in this situation, aiding the villain, Dream, neither of them has suffered any consequence for destroying L’Manberg. No, getting locked into Pandora does not count, because Dream was imprisoned just because he had the Revive Book and he was too dangerous to let loose. It would seem that you can perform evil acts without care or consequence half the time, so why not turn to what you perceive as villainy to exact your justice on those who wronged you?
As of me writing this, all Puffy has done so far is say that she will be a villain, yet I have seen some takes that treat her as if she has been pulling the strings all along. I have seen people claim she has the Nuke, that she, for some reason, controls Ranboo’s enderwalk and even that she will break out Dream. I think this is ridiculous, not only because some of those things happened before she even considered calling herself a villain, but also because she has yet to take action. This is another “Then let’s be the bad guys” situation, because we have a character, that, after getting their moral code flipped on them, in a moment of vulnerability, they see themselves as a villain, and being the villain is the way to resolve their problems.
With that said, is Puffy an antagonist? Surprisingly, I say she was one already. If you look at the story from the Eggpire’s perspective, she is an antagonist, because she wants to stop the Egg. From other POVs, she’s not, and she hasn’t done anything to cement her as an antagonist with bad intentions so far.
Is she a villain? No, and I think that call is too soon to make, regardless of what she says. Remember, she feels herself as a villain, she is an unreliable narrator for herself in this situation. All she did was make a promise, with no action or plan. She also doesn’t seem to want to cause mass harm on the server, rather concentrating on the Eggpire. Another thing to note, she sees her killing Ant still something bad she did, even if she doesn’t regret it, because she is open to receiving consequences for the kill.
Truly it’s a matter of time to see where Puffy will go with this promise, and I hope she doesn’t go down the same path Wilbur went, not only because of story purposes, but also meta purposes.
The Fandom-Appointed
Ah, Tommy, one of the most misunderstood characters on the DSMP. So, why am I discussing Tommy here? Because I saw an influx of people calling him a villain after the last lore stream, and I want to set the record straight, because, just like how the reaction to Puffy’s “I’m a villain now” moment are ridiculous, so are the reaction to Tommy’s… especially because Tommy didn’t have an “I’m a villain now” moment.
I have to say, since Season 2 started the parallels between Tommy and Wilbur and Tubbo and Schlatt, people, at the beginning of Exile, were rooting for “VillainInnit”. People seemingly wanted him to follow Wilbur’s path, but he didn’t. He saved himself and went to Techno’s. While at Techno’s, while he was attempting to heal from Exile, due to wanting to feel accepted and gain Techno’s friendship, he started making actions of violence, that painted him in an antagonistic light. He even quoted Wilbur, which, as I remember, sent the fandom in a panic, because people found this as confirmation for Tommy turning to villainy, history repeating itself.
… But it never happened, because Tommy realised at the Green Festival that what he’s doing is wrong, and set off to make up for his actions. Yet since then people have been dogpilling him and calling him a villain, for following his moral compass, finding his way back and trying to make things better. Every mistake he makes or flaw he has is highly scrutinized to a ridiculous level. At this point blaming Tommy for all the wars is a meme.
It’s funny, actually, that Tommy gets pushed into the hero archetype by the people on the server, and the moment he makes a wrong step, by accident or because he was messing around, he’s at best an antagonist and at worse a villain, proving a point I always make when talking about the archetype of the hero, in any media: the title of hero puts the character on a tiny pedestal, and if they make the smallest misstep, they will fall into the pit of being branded evil and a villain. And that pit, story-wise, is hard to climb, because characters forget easy the good someone does, and often remember the bad they did, because it’s easier to see someone in a black-and-white perspective. They did bad? Then, they must have always been bad. Tommy doesn’t even want to be a hero or a villain, he just wants to vibe, but external forces do not let him have peace, forcing him to act, for his and the server’s sake.
Now, I have seen people condemn Tommy and already trying to push the narrative that he’s bad for wanting to kill Dream. Let’s look at Tommy’s morals: he, before he visited Dream for a second time, told Sam that he believes no one deserves to die, not even Dream. We can say that this is a core part of his moral code, not killing people.
This belief, as far as I remember, has been contradicted twice, once when he was killing Dream in the Season 2 Finale, and now, as he plans to kill Dream. Tommy himself recognises that this isn’t the right thing to do, but it’s the only thing to do. Why isn’t he a villain or an antagonist then? Because the context of why he did and does this is important.
Dream was planning to kill his best friend right in front of him, lock him up in Pandora and use the attachments of everyone on the server to control them. Tommy, and everyone on the server, realised Dream was a serious threat then, someone too dangerous to wonder around. Tommy took to killing Dream as a necessity to protect himself and everyone else. The only reason Dream was put in Pandora is because he revealed he knows how to revive the dead, thus they can’t kill him without dooming everyone to being dead, forever. Pandora was the only solution they found to keep Dream alive while keeping him powerless.
Second, Dream killed him, and brought him back, telling him he can send him back and declaring himself a God. Whatever Tommy and Wilbur spoke about in the Void clearly marked him, because he was willing to forgive Dream, if he is to not bring Wilbur back. Dream refused, and Tommy realised Dream is too dangerous for everyone on the server to be kept alive, especially to the people that came to the Vault, thus, for everyone’s safety, he must kill him.
This is not an evil, villainous or antagonistic goal, it is quite stereotypically good, protagonistic and heroic (ironically it’s what Aang was advised to do in ATLA, kill Ozai for the good of the world, even if he betrays his pacifist beliefs). Tommy has been pushed in the role of a reluctant hero, and even if he fails his goal and Dream escapes, that will not make him a villain or evil.
At the same time, as I said, antagonists are POV-centric, so, of course, Tommy is an antagonist in certain POVs. The Egg dislikes him, Jack wants him dead, Dream and Tommy at the point are sworn enemies and Techno doesn’t like him. He is an antagonist with good intentions, and that is the final nail in the coffin that I do not see him as a villain. He never saw himself as in the right doing bad things, never tried to justify them as being the right thing, and has apologised for his actions. He’s not a saint, but he’s not the devil either, and neither is he evil or a villain.
The True One (Story-Appointed)
Okay, now we are talking business. Dream, flat out, is a both an antagonist and a villain. The classic combo people think of when they think of a bad guy in a story. I’ll be honest I like him as a villain. You know you wrote and acted a good villain when you cheer as they hit rock bottom, and you love to hate them. That’s exactly what Dream is.
What in my mind separates Dream from the rest of the characters I have discussed in this analysis so far is intent and moral code. Make no mistake, all the characters I mentioned up until now know they’ve done something bad, whether they doubled down, plan to, or made up for their actions. And all of them, Dream included, started out from the same slate: characters with intentions and goals that are neutral to good on the general morality scale. Yeah, that’s right, I don’t consider Dream to have been evil from the start. At the beginning and middle of Season 1, I would have put him in the trickster category because he seemed to vibe with whoever he wanted, as long as he came on top, but without too much malice. He fanned the flames (like lavacasting Sapnap’s Eiffel Tower and giving Tommy Mars) but nothing big enough to make him a definite villain.
It was at the end of Season 1 that I could see him slowly shaping up as the definite villain we will witness from Season 2 to possibly the end of the DSMP. Allying with Schlatt over the Revive Book, telling Eret he plans to bring every faction under him, the traitor deal and him cheering for L’Manberg’s death all pointed to him becoming the next big threat. Then Season 2 happened, Exile happened, and this cemented him as the villain of the DSMP.
Doomsday came and we finally got a window to see why Dream did what he did: “You’re too fun”. People may wonder why I don’t consider Techno and Phil as villains for participating in Doomsday. This is why. While Techno and Phil had reasons that, while controversial, could be understood as valid motives to do what they did, Phil saying they were sending a message when talking to Ghostbur, Dream did all of that, all of that destruction, because he found it fun. He found it fun to torment and tear down a nation, because it was standing in his way, and it was something Tommy cared about.
The Vault scene also shows that Dream was planning to backstab everyone, by stealing their pets or their valuable items, or, in Bad’s case, cage an entire sentient being, Skeppy, in a cell smaller than an animal’s pen. Not even Techno, a guy that owes him a favor, was going to be spared. Let’s not even talk about him wanting to kill Tubbo just so he can make Tommy a hero by giving him a tragic backstory. All of these, plus killing Tommy and threatening to send him back to the Void for more info and declaring himself a God, point to Dream being a villain.
And then we have the morality side. In the last visit, Dream told Tommy that everyone thinks they are in the right from their perspective, which Tommy immediately denied. Both Dream’s line and the reply he got are very important. Dream’s line establishes that, as far as we know, Dream sees himself as in the right. Everything he did, Exile, abusing Tommy to the point of the latter considering ending his life, Doomsday, the Vault, almost killing Tubbo? All of that seems to have been not bad or evil actions in his mind. He sees himself as in the right, and that makes him a great villain. Tommy’s reply, well, him denying it, I always saw it with double meaning. On a surface level, Tommy’s obviously talking about himself, he has said time and time again that he’s done wrong and he needs to right it. On a deeper level, however, I saw him referring to Wilbur with this line, too. Because, as established before, Wilbur chose to do bad, even if he knew it was bad. He wouldn’t have said “Then let’s be the bad guys” if he thought they were in the right, and that is the fundamental difference between Wilbur, Puffy, Tommy and Dream. The former three, as shown in the previous sections, know that they did bad things, even from their moral perspectives, while Dream thinks he is in the right.
This is why Dream is the villain, while the others are antagonists at best and conflicted, broken and forced to walk a certain path, at worst.
#dream smp#dsmp#wilbur soot#dsmp wilbur#captain puffy#dsmp puffy#tommyinnit#dsmp tommy#dreamwastaken#dsmp dream#dream smp analysis#dsmp analysis
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Alex was hiding something.
Normally, Michael wouldn’t have minded, but this was a secret from him, and knowing that Alex didn’t want to tell him was bothering him a lot more than he was willing to confess.
Alex was always painstakingly honest. The blatant lie was unsettling.
It wasn’t like he was keeping out of sight; Michael saw him plenty at the Crashdown or the Pony, and especially the Project Shepherd bunker when he felt antsy and wanted to go somewhere he knew Alex would be. But the airman was distant, like his mind was a million miles away. Like he was taking breaks in between work, and wouldn’t tell Michael what that work was no matter how many times he hinted that he wanted to know.
Hinted. Because outright asking what Alex was doing would’ve made it look like Michael cared. And he did, it was eating him up not to know where Alex was going and what he was doing all the time, but Alex didn’t need to know that.
It happened again one morning when Michael had walked into the Crashdown to find Alex at the counter, leaning on his elbows and scrolling through something on his phone. Michael came to stand behind him, close enough to inhale his sweet vanilla scent, and it was a testament to his concentration that he didn’t seem to notice someone standing so close to him. What was he doing?
“Busy?” he said, and Alex whipped around, eyes wide.
“Guerin,” he breathed, locking his phone and putting it in his back pocket. He tried for a casual smile, but it was too late. “Uh – hey.”
“Hi,” he said, forcing his lips to an amused smirk. “Did I actually scare you just now?”
Alex shook his head, pressing his lips together. “Guess my senses aren’t as sharp as they used to be,” he chuckled, the sound fake and nervous. “I should put in more hours at the base.”
And he turned around as if to hide his face. Michael should’ve dropped it then, should’ve let Alex tell him whatever lie he wanted. But that was just it. Alex didn’t lie, especially not to Michael.
“More?” he scoffed. “How? You’re already there all the time.”
Alex must have been busier than Michael thought, because he didn’t pick up on Michael’s tone either. Or if he did, he was pretending not to. He hummed.
“Yeah, we get really busy around spring.”
Michael pressed the tip of his tongue to the corner of his lips. “Alex –”
“Oh, thanks,” Alex smiled as the waitress came out with his to-go order.
Michael noticed it was enough to feed two people. His face fell. Was Alex seeing someone? Was that why he had been so busy lately? He had been scrolling his phone, was that because he’d been looking through texts? His heart hammered uncomfortably in his chest at the thought. Alex had broken up with Forrest not that long ago, when did he have time to like someone else so much?
“See you,” Alex said with a small smile as he passed, not even looking at Michael. Michael caught his scent as he passed, his heart hammering uncomfortably in his chest.
Let it go, he warned himself as he heard the door of the diner open and close behind Alex. His hands clenched to fists, and the faint clacking of trembling plates and glasses rang. The ground quivered, and he briefly noted someone to his side go, “Is it an earthquake?”
But he couldn’t care what impression he was making, what people might guess. Let it go, he warned himself again. Let it go, let it go, let it go –
“Damn it,” he growled under his breath, and turned around, leaving the diner to find Alex opening his car door. With a rough, upward nudge of his chin, the door slammed shut, and Alex stepped back, startled. Then he looked up, caught Michael’s gaze, and something in his expression turned resigned, as if thinking, I should’ve known.
“Are you seriously going to do this?”
“Are you seriously gonna lie to my face?”
“I’m not lying,” Alex said, looking away. “I am busy –”
“Too busy for me?”
Alex pressed his lips together. “Okay, you know what? Fine. I’m looking into something, but –”
“Great. What?”
“I can’t tell you,” he said.
Michael shook his head. Since when did Alex hide things from him? The only time he’d ever hidden anything was . . .
“The spaceship piece,” he realized. “You’re looking into something about me, aren’t you? That’s why you won’t talk to me?”
Alex said nothing. Michael huffed a relieved, exasperated chuckle. “Private, come on, what do you think I’m gonna do?”
He searched Michael’s face a moment, as if silently deliberating with himself, and he sighed, his shoulders slumped. “Get your hopes up.”
Michael shook his head, reaching for Alex’s hand. A relief he didn’t know he’d needed hit him when Alex didn’t pull away. He moved closer, his other hand cupping Alex’s jaw.
“When do I ever get my hopes up about anything?”
He’d meant it to be a joke, but Alex’s frown deepened. “You pretend you don’t,” he said. “You’re not the realist I am, Guerin, no matter how hard you try to be.” He exhaled shakily and leaned in. Michael met him halfway, pressing their foreheads together. “If you knew what I was doing, and I – I failed –”
“Hey,” Michael said. “Nothing you do could ever disappoint me.”
He hadn’t realized just how badly he’d needed to be with Alex, to feel close to him and know he was here, not trying to avoid Michael, but to protect him again. He should’ve hated it; how desperately he needed to be with Alex, to inhale his scent and feel his breath against his lips.
For a moment, he couldn’t think of anything but that feeling of Alex close to him. He wrapped an arm around Alex’s waist and pulled their bodies tightly together. He heard Alex’s soft gasp.
“W-What’re you –”
“Giving us what we both need,” Michael breathed, bringing his other hand into Alex’s hair, reveling at the soft strands between his fingers. “Don’t ever ghost me again.”
Alex visibly swallowed and nodded, one hand tight on Michael’s jacket. His dark eyes looked up into Michael’s, and it was a miracle Michael managed to stay standing. Then he licked his lips, and Michael’s mouth fell open as he leaned in.
“Alex –”
But Alex was already stepping back, his knuckles on Michael’s jacket white, and Michael was glad to know the distance between them, no matter how small, wasn’t just bothering him.
Before he could ask Alex what he was doing, why he was moving away, Alex said, “Call Max and Isobel. Meet me in the Project Shepherd bunker tonight at midnight.”
Michael’s brows furrowed. “Alex, you can just tell me –”
“No, Guerin,” he said, something like apprehension in his eyes. Michael couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Alex afraid. “This is about all three of you. You should all know.”
Michael hadn’t wanted to let Alex go for fear that he would disappear again, but the urgency in his voice, the concern, it had Michael taking out his phone and dialing for his brother before Alex could even pull out of the Crashdown parking lot.
Neither of his siblings knew what to make of his request to suddenly come to the Project Shepherd bunker, but as soon as they found out that Alex was the one who had asked, they knew it was serious and stopped whatever they were doing. Alex rarely asked them for anything, let alone anything together. If he said it was important, they all knew better than to question it.
When Michael and his siblings had walked into the bunker, they found Alex and Kyle together, heads huddled closely over a chart of planets and stars. Michael’s brows furrowed as he neared it. It looked like one of his old alignments, discarded and forgotten years ago, but it had more writing and lines drawn over with pens, writing along the corners, equations and different arrows on other, smaller pieces of paper taped on top. It looked like weeks’ worth of work crammed onto one table.
“Hey,” Alex said, glancing up. “Thanks for coming.”
Michael’s priority at the moment was getting close to Alex, so he wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him in against him, and, more importantly, away from Kyle.
“What’s going on?” Michael asked.
“What is all this?” Max said, still staring at the map of planets like he recognized some of them and was trying to remember where.
Alex sighed shakily in that way that always made Michael want to hold him and protect him from the world. He tightened the arm around his waist, all but pressing Alex’s back to his own chest, feeling his heart hammering against his ribs.
“This,” he said, “is a working theory. But just for now. We’ll know soon enough if it’s accurate or not.”
“What do you mean?” Isobel shook her head, looking to Kyle. “What’ve you guys been doing this whole time?”
“Well,” Kyle said, looking almost as tired as Alex, “it was actually Alex’s idea.”
Alex stepped out of Michael’s hold, squeezing his wrist quickly before letting go. “It – the last time I came down to your bunker, I saw this map and I realized it was familiar.”
Michael was frowning. He tried to listen, but he couldn’t focus with Alex so far away. Still, no matter how many steps Michael took towards him or tried to reach for him, Alex still kept a distance, and Michael didn’t know why.
“Familiar?” Max raised a brow. “What do you mean?”
Alex glanced at Michael, then said, “In the – the Project Shepherd archives.���
Michael’s brows furrowed, and he looked to Max and Isobel to make sure he’d heard right. “You’re saying Project Shepherd had this map?”
“They had one like it,” he said. “Some of the planets were in different parts of the solar system and the stars didn’t exactly align, but these symbols here?” he pointed at the little curved drawings along the corners, and Michael realized that he recognized them, too.
“They’re the exact same from the spaceship piece Guerin has, with lights – here, these glowing things here? I tracked their recorded heat signatures and they fit the pods’ signatures exactly. Decades worth of work in these charts, so –”
“So he called me,” Kyle said, “and we’ve been working out a way to connect the two maps ever since.” He smiled humorlessly. “So many things I never needed to know about stars and galaxies, but hey, why would I want to spend my nights at the bar with my best friend when we could be working on astrology alignments in a dark bunker for weeks on end? You know, like all the cool alien conspiracists.”
“Okay, first of all,” Isobel said, “you’re not an alien conspiracist if you know actual aliens. And second –”
“Where did you even get access to this?” Max asked, looking between Alex and Kyle and settling on Alex. “Aren’t your dad’s colleagues going to notice that these charts are missing?”
“I’m the best hacker the Air Force has had in a century,” Alex said with a surety that made Michael instinctively reach out to touch him, even as his eyes stayed on the alignments, searching. “No one will find anything I don’t want them to.”
“Alex,” Michael said slowly, not daring to hope. “Is this what I think it is?”
He looked up and saw that Alex had been watching him carefully, and suddenly, the distance made sense. When Alex had first asked to know everything about Michael, Michael had shown him his spaceship and told him he’d wanted more than anything to leave the planet. What if he was given the choice? Alex had been so terrified that he’d kept a piece of the spaceship hidden for months, something he wouldn’t have done for anyone else. But because it was Michael, because Michael was special, he’d done what he’d needed to do to keep him.
And then Alex had said he wouldn’t stand in his way, and Michael hadn’t stopped him. No wonder he was so terrified now, of what Michael might say, of his decision.
Max shook his head. “Why didn’t you tell us you were looking into this?”
Alex hesitated. “Because there was a smaller than one-percent chance I was right, and I didn’t want to get your hopes up.”
“Alex?” Michael said.
Alex swallowed and looked down, like he already knew what Michael would want, what he would choose, and it was so heartbreaking that Michael almost didn’t want Alex to tell him at all.
But Alex was still Alex, still strong, still self-sacrificing, still too in love with Michael to think of himself.
He swallowed and straightened. He glanced at Max and Isobel, the realization and apprehension dawning on their faces, then his eyes settled back on Michael. “I think Kyle and I got it right. I think we may have found your planet.”
#alex manes#michael guerin#malex#malex fic#malex fanfic#malex fanfiction#roswell new mexico#roswell nm#malex angst#malex fluff#tyler blackburn#michael vlamis
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Today I heard a stranger say
we’re all on a collision course.
Our stars, making their milky way
away from their eternal source,
are not alone in their labour,
and, an epoch on, will veer
into the closest passing neighbour.
They’ll merge, these two galactic peers,
to form one spiral in their place.
But there’s no need for us to sweat,
as both are mostly empty space:
a billion stars hold no threat
when held a trillion miles apart.
There’s no impact on us, he said;
just an updating of our charts
to map the change above our heads.
Our night sky, in its dreamless sleep,
would simply accept the new stars:
both sets combining seamlessly
(in the way that two lanes of cars
take turns to join where their roads merge).
The two titans would just... converge.
No impact though? That can’t be right.
Aren’t we touched by our stars today,
as we dream on our backs each night,
although they’re all light years away?
If they were to evaporate,
how might our ancestors have coped?
Would they have learnt to navigate?
Or been spurred to build telescopes
and learn what else was in the dark?
Though we’re beyond their warmth and pull,
it seems to me a strange remark.
They were a fixed atlas for all
as our own mortal maps shifted;
held still as nations rose and died.
even as continents drifted.
And what of the path of our souls?
The stars have always been our guide.
We cast them to play certain roles
(animals painted parsecs wide)
in myths we built around their shapes,
projecting our stories on high:
knowing before we learnt of apes
that we were children of the sky.
We read our own fates in the stars:
even now, we trace their paths
but most do so to learn of ours,
constructing horoscopes and graphs
to see the future in the past.
Imagine twice that number now.
We’d need an entirely new cast,
our sigils scattered in the crowd.
What constellations might we link
from joining twice as many dots?
What new creatures might we ink
from twice as many midnight blots?
What star signs? What horoscopes?
If destinies are written there
scrawled up above the forest oaks
are they all changed? A bit unfair
for those whose promises are lost
but new dreams form to take their place
a reward to outweigh the cost
rewritten into empty space.
Might bones of star-crossed lovers find,
after a millennium’s wait,
that they can rest, at last aligned,
their love permitted aeons late?
The impact may not feel like much
given our distance from each star;
far too remote to feel or touch
only to gaze at from afar.
At least, that’s what I heard him say;
a stranger on a crowded street.
I listened to him anyway,
despite knowing we’d never meet,
because in that moment we did.
That’s all it takes: a few words caught,
a message heard, a point heeded.
We make contact with every thought
that touches someone else’s mind,
and in that moment, brief or not,
we find our galaxies combined.
It seems to me that he forgot
how much the stars above the clouds
have influenced us without touch,
but proved, reaching me through the crowd
we move each other just as much.
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I think the thing that gets me about theories saying Tommy, Tubbo, Niki, or Quackity are the traitor, is that they’re never convincing.
All four of these people have a vested interest in L’manburg. None of them except maybe Tubbo show any signs of not truly being dedicated to their nation, and in Tubbo’s case a betrayal is rules out via the caveat of his immense loyalty to Tommy.
A betrayal from them would be possible under specific circumstances, however the majority of the speculation I see around a possible betrayal from any of them do not consider what they would or wouldn’t actually betray for.
Put frankly, many of these theories don’t consider the character’s motivations.
I see many people point out how Tommy has been wronged so frequently by Wilbur as cite this as a possible motivator for a betrayal. His leader treats him poorly, so he joins Schlatt expecting to get more respect from him, some even speculating that Schlatt could have offered him the power he clearly wants. This falls flat on multiple levels, though. For starters, Tommy could easily break away from Wilbur without breaking away from Pogtopia as a whole, after all, the vast majority of their allies are very much against Wilbur and what he stands for. I’d go as far as the venture that the only reason Will is still welcome amongst Pogtopia’s ranks is because Tommyinnit still cares deeply about him, even now. Quackity has never liked Wilbur, Tubbo and Niki like him but understand that he can’t be trusted anymore and would likely get it if he needed to be isolated from the rest of them for everyone’s safety, the rest of their allies not counting Techno think he’s fucking insane (they aren’t wrong) and would probably feel more comfortable without Will around. The reason he hasn’t been properly snubbed by the rest of Pogtopia is likely because of Tommy’s influence among the group. I mean, during the last important stream, the one where they set the date for the war, Wilbur was sort of just standing it the background rambling about tnt. Nobody holds respect for him like they once did, nobody thinks he even needs to be here. Tommy could very much be rid of Wilbur without having to go to Schlatt. What’s more, Tommy is one of the main people being rallied behind here. He’s the heart of the group. One of the closest things to a leader at this point in time. It’s ridiculous, if he was on Schlatt’s side, that he would lead this war effort. Even if we are to believe Tommy would betray his friends, he wouldn’t string them along and drag them into a war he plans on them losing. And that’s assuming he’d betray them at all, which he wouldn’t. The first example that jumps to mind is Tubbo. Can you really see Tommy betraying Tubbo? Really? Can you see Tommy willingly placing himself on the opposing side to Tubbo for greedy or selfish reasons? Can you see him helping someone who’s hurt Tubbo so much? And it isn’t even just Tubbo! Tommyinnit would never betray Niki or Quackity or anyone else who’s backing him here. Hell, Tommy still won’t fully turn against WILBUR! Not to mention that Tommy has proven multiple times that he doesn’t actually care about gaining power...like...at all. The perception of Tommyinnit as somebody who desperately wants to be president, who is yearning for the power he so strongly craves? It’s a fabrication created by Wilbur Soot and bought into quickly by the fandom. I’m sure Tommy would like to be president one day, and I don’t blame him, because there are very few people I trust to protect L’manburg like I trust Tommyinnit to. However if his craving were really strong enough for him to betray everybody he loves for power then Tommy would never have allowed himself to be second to Wilbur all throughout the independence war up until the festival. If his craving for power was really that strong then he wouldn’t have let Quackity present Schlatt with a document to transfer presidency to Quackity. Nothing about the way this theory is typically presented lines up with Tommy at all.
Then there’s Quackity. When it’s suggested that he could be the traitor, people consistently bring up the possibility that he never really turned against Schlatt. That his allegiance with Pogtopia has been staged from the beginning, or at the very least that Quack willingly went back to Schlatt simply because he wanted to without much outside bribing. And uh...no. Absolutely not. Quackity’s character, from the minute he stepped foot on the server, has been completely and utterly taken with L’manburg. He loves his nation, he loves the people in it. Quackity, much like Tommy, is completely and utterly dedicated to L’manburg. That’s the reason he ended up sided with Schlatt in the first place. I actually think that Quackity and Tommy are quite similar narratively speaking. Their stories parallel one another in a way that’s almost uncanny, to be honest. Tommy and Quackity from the beginning have both been very chaotic people. They've both done a lot of 'bad' things non seriously for most of the smp's history because...i mean...fucking everyone does, yknow? However, they've both also always been known to care about their nation. During the election both thought they were doing what was best for L'manburg. Tommy was manipulated by Wilbur into thinking Will would be the best leader, Quackity was manipulated by Jschlatt into thinking Schlatt would be the best leader. Tommy noticed Schlatt's corruption while being blind to Wilbur's and Quackity noticed Wilbur's corruption while being blind to Schlatt. After the election they watched their individual leaders do increasingly horrific things (they were also both abused on a very personal level by said leaders) until they decided their leaders could no longer be trusted to do what's best for L'manburg and created their own unofficial faction within. Everything I said about Tommy’s dedication to L’manburg applies in equal measure to Quackity. This has always been present in his character, and throughout Schlatt’s reign, Quack has consistently opposed the tyranny Jschlatt exerted over Manburg. Quackity protested the erasure of their history, stood in the way of the destruction of their monuments, tried with horror to reason with Schlatt during the festival. I cannot remember a time when Quackity hasn’t done the right thing for L’manburg (and don’t bring up the election, wilbur was corrupt, quackity was completely right to oppose him) and now that it’s become so clear Schlatt isn’t whats right for L’manburg, Quackity is not going to support him. Never again. That’s not to mention how Quack acted all throughout the other day’s stream. When he met with Schlatt is was so incredibly obvious that Quackity was genuinely panicking. He wants this so fucking much. And I know some people think Quackity suspecting Tommy made Quack suspicious, but honestly, as much as i’m completely and totally certain it’s not Tommy, I get why Quack would be a litttllleeee suspicious of Wilbur Soot’s little prodegy after all the corrupt bs Will has pulled. Quackity is NOT the traitor, at least not with the common reasonings given. It just doesn’t fit Quack. I’m sorry.
Then there’s Niki. She’s theorized about less often, but i’ve still seen people bring up the idea. Typically it’s presented that, seeing the state Wilbur is in, she could have gone back to Schlatt, thinking he’s the better option of the two. And uh, the issue with this is...there aren’t just two options. That’s the thing. We can excuse why Niki would think Schlatt’s plans are better than Wilbur’s plans. Most people on the Smp actually think Schlatt’s rule is better than whatever the fuck Wilbur’s doing. That would make sense. And if Pogtopia was trying to put Wilbur in charge of L’manburg, I would support this idea. But they fucking aren’t. The plan is the put Quackity in charge, and I can’t think of one reason Niki would consider Schlatt a better option than Quackity. I can’t think of any reason why, even if she did think this, Niki would immediately betray Tommy and Tubbo (who she promised to help take back l’manburg with!) instead of..you know...talking to them and trying to find a way to get one of them put in charge instead? Niki hates Schlatt. Niki has pushed back against his reign since the very beginning, she screamed and sobbed during Tubbo’s execution, she stood with Tommy and Tubbo watching the sunset and swore to them that they would get their L’manburg back. I have literally no clue how or why she would side with Schlatt. I just can’t. She may not be as deeply and passionately dedicated to L’manburg as Tommy and Quackity are, it would probably be easier to turn her I guess, but I can’t think of a single convincing reason she would think the best course of action at this moment would be to go behind everyone’s backs and team up with Jschlatt when that directly conflicts everything she’s said or done to date.
And finally Tubbo. I admit, out of the four this is the one i’m most open to because Tubbo is the only person out of the four who doesn’t default to L’manburgs side. If you placed these four characters on an alignment chart the other three would all be strictly good wheras Tubbo is certainly true neutral. He isn’t strictly placed on the side of good and i’m not sure Tubbo is strictly dedicated to L’manburg either. Under certain circumstances, I could very much see him siding with bad people, I mean, just look at how little he really objected to Wilbur blowing everything up. Tubbo is the person i’m most open to suspecting as the traitor (out of these four that is, i still don’t think its tubbo and i’ll get into why in a second) ...however he isn’t the traitor. Tubbo isn’t strictly bound to morality, however he’s still very capable of loyalty, and he has an immensely strong bond with Tommyinnit. Tubbo would not betray him. I’m not sure Tubbo could bring himself to do it if they wanted to. They love Tommy too much to even consider teaming with Schlatt, I can promise you that. Most people who theorize Tubbo is the traitor recognize this, though, which is why these people often double as people who think Tommy may be the traitor. And I can tell you with certainty, the traitor is not both Tubbo and Tommy because it’ll be a cold day in hell when Tommyinnit betrays Pogtopia. And, to be honest, if it isn’t Tommy and Tubbo then it isn’t Tubbo period.
I don’t think any of these theories are possible, in fact, I think they all go directly against every single established personality trait and every action these four characters have ever done.
It would be dramatic.
But drama should never come at the expense of the characters.
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