#so yeah.. logically i know i'm overthinking it and they're not annoyed with me | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

theboardwalkbody · 1 year

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Real Talk for a hot minute:

My fear of rejection and abandonment is strong. It has cost me relationships in the past. I perceive (doesn't matter if that perception is accurate or not) a change in behavior, assume it's them going to leave or reject me, so I push away first. Can't be rejected/abandoned if you leave first, right?

Anyway, I try to stay aware of it and remind myself that most of the times it's just that people have emotions that are caused by things Other Than Me and maybe they are annoyed or tired or mad but that's not Always All My Fault and doesn't Always mean they're going to Leave.

But it's at it's strongest during the "PMS" stage of my cycle (which I actually hate the term PMS because hormones causing mood shifts is a real and legit thing and PMS just has this air of dismissal around it) and I think that's what has me so worked up rn.

My BF is coming over today after he gets done with classes. I was at work all day, he had stuff to work on this morning before leaving for class. We talked a bit here and there, but my brain keeps saying illogical shit.

1. Illogical: "he's not talking as much as usual" vs Logical: like, no, because we were both fuckin busy.

2. Illogical: he sounds annoyed, and there's lot of one worded responses, that means he's annoyed. vs Logical: he literally just said he's starving and almost passed out in class. You get irritated when you're hungry too you know, besides you can't even tell tone though a text so youre overthinking, he may not be annoyed and is likely just hungry and tired.

3. Illogical: he's mad at me and is going to not want to come over. vs Logical: he's assured you multiple times that he's straightforward with what he feels and if he didn't want to come anymore he wouldn't. And he's asking you what's for dinner so obviously he hasn't changed his mind.

The stress is real I feel like I'm going to explode. I'm nearing "push away" levels of stress even tho there's literally logical reasons for what I am perceiving as rejection.

(also note: it's not even just him, I was feeling guilty for asking my manager to clarify what I'll be getting paid for picking up two last minute shifts tomorrow. They were offered to me with a bonus attached for it being so last minute and I accepted but the way the message was worded I wasn't sure if the bonus amount was per shift or total for both so I wanted to ask for clarification but felt so bad about it because I felt like they'd be mad at me for asking. So yeah I'm just a mess.)

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