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mystical-blaise · 1 year

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Dadriel #11: Fear is Not My Future

Azriel reminisces fondly about the past as he simultaneously dreads what the future holds.

Read it on Ao3 here

I haven't posted anything in a while and needed to get this out of my head. Mostly fluff with a little side of emotional hurt/comfort. Enjoy!

Remember this, the shadows used to hum as Azriel held the entire world in his hand.

Not that he needed their heeding. After all, how could he forget how impeccably both Llyr's and little Catrin's heads fit wholly cupped in the heart of his palm?

A heartwarming, idyllic match. So miraculously perfect.

Almost as if the Mother herself had measured his hand's span. Both of the two wriggling babes a wonderfully complicated compliment into his life—just like their mother.

He'd never forget his first time like this. Seeing them nestled in his hold, was against a background of fuzzy snow-white whirls. The backdrop of a blanket between them.

For a while, he had been nervous to hold them like that soft to marred skin. Worried how the roughness of him would feel against such tender flesh and featherlight wisps of hair. So when he'd often hold them at night when they were newborns, he would with a blanket between them.

And it wasn't until Gwyn had caught him one night, finally realizing what he was doing, that she calmly, gently told him, Remove the barrier, my love.

Barrier. The word tolled through him like a clear bell of challenge.

Barrier. It had been years since he'd allowed any between himself and his beloved mate, his friends—or around his hands. He loved the feeling of Gwyn's palm and fingers, now strong and roughened from years of training, against his own. He found comfort and clarity in her touch. Renewed vitality and strength.

And wouldn't his children gain the same?

Fear, uncertainty, were the ultimate hurdle. But eventually, with deep breaths and the shadows and Gwyn's loving support and gentle coaxing, he had held them. One at a time, their tiny, precious heads in his palm, the weight of them in his arms a joy he still couldn't comprehend.

Gods, they had been soft. They'd been so wondrously soft. Like his shadows whispering over him. Like fate and love and magic given form.

Perfect.

The sweet image of their small heads nestled in the center of his palm as he cradled them was imprinted on his soul, imparted with a promise.

A promise he thought about every time he glanced at his hand.

While Gwyn fretted and assessed the twins' lives in reaching milestones, Azriel measured the passing of time by his hand.

The once perfect fit was long gone, Llyr and Catrin not even needing the extra support of it anymore, each of them able to hold themselves, sit on their own. Their inquisitive son was even starting to pull himself up on furniture.

Catrin was getting there, but she seemed content to allow her brother and others to bring things to her. Which still worried Gwyn, though their family did their best to allay her ruminating.

Don't worry, Berdara. My father often said how late I was at walking—until I saw something I wanted. Catrin is just willfully stubborn, just like her mother. Gwyn had stuck her tongue out at Nesta for that. But, her Valkyrie-sister continued, when she finally sees something she really wants, that little Valkyrie is going to run, not walk. And then you will beg the Mother for her to sit still again.

And Azriel had little doubt about Nesta's claim.

Even now in sleep, her ever-growing wings splayed beneath her, spread out as wide as her arms, her forehead was puckered as if she was scheming. Her small rosebud lips with the perfect bow were parted on soft puffed breaths, little snores that reminded him so much of watching Gwyn sleep. Though with her onyx hair, he could only imagine she was the spitting image of her namesake. Apart from her wings and the wavy ringlets in her hair, the little girl was most definitely a Berdara.

He peered over at the other crib. His son, even with his porcelain skin and copper coloring, was Azriel through and through. A quiet boy, always content to assess a situation before trying. And Azriel swore Llyr was paying close attention to the shadows more now than ever, enough to make the Shadowsinger wonder.

Catrin's pitiful whimper called his attention.

It was a nightly ritual now whenever he was home—when nightmares dragged him from the little sleep his body called for—to check on his family as they slept.

Safe, Singer.

Safe. All of them were safe. No demons from his past or enemies of his present were here.

And that had been that promise the first time he'd held them with no barrier between them.

His children would never know the true reality of cold. Never know the bite of shackles on their wrists or ankles. They'd never long for comfort.

They'd never question if they were loved.

Their safety would always be assured.

Safe to sleep. Safe to dream. Safe to love.

They'd have everything he didn't have. And he'd make sure of it with his last breath.

That was his promise.

And yet…

His knuckle gently smoothed over Catrin's forehead, over her chubby cheek.

Every day, he compared their heads to his hand. Every day it sunk in that they were bigger, no longer fitting to the dimension. They were growing up. Every day was another day closer to—

Arms circled him from behind, and he stretched his wings aside as a pointy chin rested on his bare left shoulder. He sighed into her, loving to be surrounded by her softness and her scent.

"You all right?" Gwyn asked.

"Yes." He swallowed thickly. "Couldn't sleep. And you?"

"Nightmare," she sighed. His arm encircled her as he kissed her temple. Her soft chuckle caught him off guard. "Just look at them. They're getting so big."

His throat bobbed, his fingertips and shadows grazing over the peach fuzz of the babe's cheek again. "They are. It seems they are doing new things each day. It's truly remarkable."

"It is. And yet…it worries me."

"Gwyneth Berdara, worried? No. I can't believe such a thing," he teased, earning a little playful nip to his shoulder.

"The more they move, the farther they go, the more dangers await. Cauldron, the House of Wind is built on top of a godsdamn mountain. It suddenly feels like a death trap. I shouldn't even dare blink when they're awake."

"The House won't let anything happen to them, love. Neither will we."

"Still, I'd feel better if we need to take precautions. Be proactive. Cover corners, secure doors and knobs. Gates around the stairs and fencing off the training ring." She eyed him. "How would you feel about covering the tips of your wings?"

Azriel snorted. "Gwyn, I love you and your creative mind, but there's no way in hell. Illyrians have had babies forever and I haven't read one single instance of eyes getting poked out by wing tips."

"If you insist." She exhaled, her eyes taking in the dozing girl in the crib. The shadowsinger tightened his hold on his mate. "Does it…does it make you a little sad, too?"

His lips twitched. His clever copper-headed wife always saw straight through to the heart of the matter. "It does."

"I don't know what I'm going to do when they leave to be on their own one day," she confided, her mouth trembling slightly against his collar. "Though I guess it's silly to think about right now, one day they'll be starting their own lives. It'll be up to them. They won't need us."

He kissed her again, tugging her ever closer to him, glancing between their sleeping children. "We'll always be there for them. And it's not silly in the slightest. I am, too. I think perhaps it's the nature of parenthood. The blessing of children comes with the curse of constant worry about what they will face, what the future holds. The perils. The heartache. I just…I don't want them to feel a moment of pain."

And he wouldn't be able to bear it. Because that was the risk of letting down barriers of the heart and soul—it left one vulnerable to the worst heartbreak, the greatest pain imaginable.

The tactile fear of losing it all after he'd finally allowed himself to feel, to accept.

A panic he used to solely place on Gwyn and now…

"I wish I could relieve your fears and mine, Shadowsinger. But…it's not practical." He peered down at his lovely beauty, falling immediately into the teal orbs staring up through heavy lashes. "Some pain is simply a part of life. The elation and happiness of first loves, families and friendships can't be had without risk. Without having faith. Because you go in knowing that things could end with heartache and loss. I don't imagine the fear will ever abate. But it's worth it to experience love, is it not?"

He didn't take his eyes off of Gwyn, remembering all the times he almost lost her, had seen and felt her pain and dread. How he'd witnessed her drift away from him after the birth of their children. Hell, forget about battle; he'd been more terrified of losing her on the birthing bed—and their twins.

Yet she was here. Now. They all were.

And he would relive his haunted past over again if it meant he'd end up right here.

Arm still wound around Gwyn, his fingertips left his daughter's brow to tip up his mate's freckled face. He'd memorized it long ago, each freckle as familiar as his own scars. And as he stared down, felt the touch of her skin against his own, without linen or fear between them, he dipped his face down and pressed a tender kiss to her lips.

Every kiss was a blessing.

Every touch was a miracle.

Every fear was worth living.

The love for his family was worth everything. A love he would hold forever in his heart and carried in the palm of his hand.

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pigeon-princess · 2 months

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Can a Targaryen not enjoy eating a live fish from the river without judgement?

#my art #game of thrones #asoiaf #asoiaf ttrpg #asoiaf art #got #a song of ice and fire #ttrpg #dnd #dnd art #ttrpg art #Gwyn #Gwyndon Pyke #Tobiah Martell #Oswick Crakehall #tw blood #Toby watched Gwyn eat the fish and then lie about it #Oswick is so tired #Gwyn you're so funny to me tell me more about your weird dragon dreams I'll listen

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retconomics · 8 months

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Evil people in love >>>

#theyre so.. (tears a piece of paper into a million pieces) u know???#my art #tavstarion #bg3 #idk what their ship name is but i guess for block tags we'll go for that #anyway no one laugh at me drawing cute shit in this vulnerable time im going through things #oc: gwyn #astarion

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clockwork-carstairs · 2 months

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the dark artifices has so many moments that just floor me. when diana opens up to gwyn and he tells her she’s the bravest woman he’s ever met and gently asks, Can I hold you? when kieran feels betrayed and mark kneels in front of him to ask for forgiveness and tells him I love you, I wish you could believe me. when julian says to emma “I’ll love you if I never touch you” and emma thinks, I love you more than starlight. kieran telling mark “you are all that exists on the earth and under the sky that I do love.” julian telling dru that “you’re the heart of this family”. ty and kit being each other’s reasons to stay. livvy’s protectiveness over ty; livvy telling julian she wants to be like him. kierarktina dancing together and all being stunned after. there is just such fierce and fragile love in this series in so many different forms, i’m so soft for all of them

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mycadences · 15 days

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"Keep reaching out your hand" was used seven times verbatim in ACOSF as a central theme between Nessian. And now, I present to you this juicy little tidbit:

And when Gwyn reached the finish line, bloody and panting and grinning so wildly her teal eyes glowed like a sunlit sea, she only extended her battered hand to Azriel. (ACOSF, Chapter 60)

(Also I'm crying because Azriel finally got to see for himself how "Gwyn's teal eyes might light up [...]" in this scene because he didn't see her reaction to the necklace 😭)

#gwynriel #pro gwynriel #gwynriel supremacy #gwyn x azriel #I love them so much #they have my whole heart #antielriel #anti e/riel

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angee1011 · 3 months

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I don’t know how girlies read the Azriel bonus chap and didn’t immediately walk away with the knowledge that Azriel and Gwyn are mates.

#azriel #gwyn berdara #a court of silver flames #Sarah j maas #azriel x gwyn #gwyn x azriel #gwynriel #like his didn’t warn him anyone was there…#they danced with her breath #they sang back to the music that seemed to be there…..#they hid from Elain #they apparently always do that when she’s around #it so obvious

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foxylady13 · 15 days

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Gwyn and Azriel in ACOSF

I figured I'd put together a little post of Gwyn and Azriel moments throughout ACOSF, outside the Azriel bonus chapter, so that others could see why us Gwynriels ship them without needing the bonus chapter.

These moments include looks that others notice or just them looking at each other, interactions of them together, and just moments I find foreshadowing for them.

Without further ado:

♧ Gwyn had been distracted today—one eye on the other side of the ring. Cassian could only assume she was watching his brother, who had given Gwyn a small smile of greeting upon arrival. Gwyn hadn’t returned it. - Chapter 39

♧ Gwyn let out a high-pitched noise that was nothing but pure excitement. Azriel, on the other side of the ring with the rest of the priestesses, half-turned at the sound, brows high. - Chapter 44

♧ He nodded to Gwyn and Emerie, the former glancing toward Azriel, who watched in silence.

“We slice the ribbon in two,” Emerie asked Gwyn warily, “and our training is complete?” Gwyn again glanced to Azriel, who drifted closer. She said, “I’m not entirely sure.” - Chapter 51

♧ Azriel had winnowed her and Cassian here after training, but hadn’t lingered. Apparently, Gwyn wanted him to go over dagger handling, so he’d left them with a promise to return in an hour. - Chapter 55

♧ Cassian glanced over at Az, but his attention was fixed on the young priestess, admiration and quiet encouragement shining from his face. - Chapter 60

♧ Azriel went wholly still, as if he, too, had felt the shift. As if he, too, were aware that far larger forces peered into that training ring as Gwyn moved. - Chapter 60

♧ Azriel clapped his hands, and all the females straightened. “You’ll work in groups of three.”

Gwyn asked Az, her teal eyes bright, “What do we get if we finish the course?”

Az’s shadows danced around him. “Since there’s no chance in hell any of you will finish the course, we didn’t bother to get a prize.”

Boos sounded. Gwyn lifted her chin in challenge. “We look forward to proving you wrong.” - Chapter 60

♧ Gwyn threw Azriel a withering stare as she strode past him. “See you tomorrow, Shadowsinger,” she tossed over a shoulder. Az stared after her, brows high with amusement. When he turned back, Nesta grinned. “You have no idea what you just started,” she said. Az angled his head, hazel eyes narrowing as Gwyn reached the archway.

“Remember how Gwyn was with the ribbon?” Nesta winked and clapped the shadowsinger on the shoulder. “You’re the new ribbon, Az.” - Chapter 60

♧ “There are plenty of other unspeakable things that could be happening to her,” Cassian said, voice thickening. “To Emerie and Gwyn.” The shadows deepened around Azriel, his Siphons gleaming like cobalt fire. “You—we—trained them well, Cassian. Trust in that. It’s all we can do.” - Chapter 68

♧ “Azriel slaughtered all of them within moments. He didn’t hesitate. But I could barely move, and when I tried to get up … He gave me his cloak and wrapped me in it." - Chapter 68

^That is confirmed by Cassian from Chapter 14 when he said “I heard that Mor had brought one in. Azriel was the one who made it out there first, and he killed any of the Hybern soldiers left, but by that point …”

While these scenes do not have romantic feelings or connotations, I would rather have Gwyn and Azriel romance built upon in their book, and there is potential from these scenes to have that happen.

Now, I might be forgetting some so if I have.... please leave a comment, or even reblog, with the scene 🥰

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dimalry · 1 year

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It’s those 2 in black 😌

Do NOT repost without credit!

#I recieved such good news today!!!#after crying for days thinking the worst #so I decided to post this today #they’re also very hot #gwynriel #gwyn x azriel #gwyneth berdara #azriel shadowsinger #acosf #acotar #digital art #illustration

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maranigai · 6 months

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My fav band released new album, so it's time for song-inspired angsty drawings with certain fiery deities.

#my art #dark souls #gwyn lord of cinder #manus father of the abyss #furtive pygmy #song inspired #I love these destructive idiots so much

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stuffyflowers · 3 months

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I’ve finished prodigy and wow. I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you guys (the handful of people who talk about it) sooner it was so amazing… to anyone who hasn’t watched it just bc “it’s for kids” I’m begging u to give it a shot it genuinely has the most beautiful and emotional story and most engaging main characters out of any modern trek I’ve seen so far.

#star trek #star trek prodigy #my fav is either gwyn or rok I can’t decide tbh #rok specifically reminds me a lot of susie now that I think about it. having so much love trapped inside you but you’re a monster. you’re #too big and intimidating. even when you’re only a kid trying to find your place in the world

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illyrianinvelaris · 5 months

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Every time I think about how Nesta Made those friendship bracelets, I get emotional again. Like the absolute fire poetry she spit when enchanting them?

“I wish for us to have the courage to go out into the world, when we are ready, but to always be able to find our way back to each other. No matter what.”

SJM didn’t just nibble. She engorged. She devoured. As a girly who has had past trauma™️ that inhibited me from doing things I wanted/needed to do, it hits so hard. It’s for all of us, not just the Valkyries. Because it will get better, and we will be ready to face the world head on eventually, but we will always need a support system. And being able to come back to the people you love is such an under appreciated blessing.

#why am I so emotional #a court of silver flames #acotar #acosf #a court of thorns and roses #gwyn berdara #pro gwyn #pro nesta #nesta archeron #pro gwynriel #gwynriel

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loquaxleemons · 20 hours

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Whiteboard insanity 2 electric boogaloo

With @abs0luteanarchy again :)

#kinito pet #kinitopet #kinito #kinitopet fanart #kinito the axolotl #kinito fanart #kinitopet oc #Gwyn the Goldfish #Hazey the Hadal Snailfish #kinito oc #kinitopet game #Loquāx Scrawls #Chaos's Art #My art #I had so much fun again... we're like an unstoppable force together... COQ brothers #whiteboard fox

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shadowriel · 16 days

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it's gwynlain but it's hot and possessive, elain bites the infamous necklace straight off gwyn, that's it, send tweet

#gwynlain #gwyn berdara #elain archeron #they are both so hot and for what #like put a girl out of her misery PLEASE

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faiurytale · 3 months

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IMPLIED HOFAS SPOILERS (Azriel/Bryce/Nesta Bonus Chapter) !!!!

This bonus chapter proving ONCE AGAIN that his shadows dancing are good thing. They’re dancing because Azriel is enjoying himself. He’s relaxed/happy.

I wonder how the “his shadow only dance because of Gwyn’s breath cause she’s a lightsinger!! they’re only reacting to her power!!!* crowd feels right now.

#hofas spoilers #hofas #gwynriel #gwyn x azriel #azriel’s book is so next

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mycadences · 1 month

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Gwyn: *flips opens smutty book* Shadow: *wriggling in greeting* Gwyn: Oh hello there sweetie. Did you replace my bookmark with yourself? Shadow: *nods proudly* Gwyn: Does your master know you're here? Shadow: *slinks back between the pages and closes book on itself*

#gwynriel #gwynriel headcanons #az's shadows like to sneak out to play with gwyn #he has to come and collect them #and that is how they not so subtly make gwyn and azriel interact #takes place before gwynriel are mates #somewhere in the friend stage?

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venusin-aries · 7 months

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I think, and it’s very important to note and a VERY big point in Gwynriel’s favor in my humble opinion, Gwyn is not judgemental.

We’ve seen the way she is with Nesta in particular, she’s not intimidated by her attitude, in fact she seems to kind of find her amusing. She accepts her completely. I wonder, and I don’t remember if it was mentioned in the book or not, if Nesta reminds Gwyn of Catrin.

She’s seems to, at first, maybe be kind of wary (or maybe curious) at Azriel’s presence but that quickly rectifies itself. She’s comfortable enough to tease the both of them in a little amount of time. With what little we’ve seen of her we can already tell she draws out the best in people and she really knows how to lighten their moods. I have to say, her little mischievous nature we only got a peak into is so fucking cute.

The way that she immediately got Azriel out of his own head in his Bonus Chapter? That says a lot. Azriel NEEDS someone who helps him get out of his own head and Gwyn didn’t even have to try, his focus was totally on her.

She teases him and challenges him and asks him questions that take him by surprise, she doesn’t need to try to draw his attention to her, it goes there automatically.

Her excitement from across the training ring drew his attention, she smiled at him in his bonus chapter and he calmed down. The thought of her happiness glowed in his chest. Nowhere was there a looming threat of another’s mate in the back of his mind, no feelings of ‘unworthiness’ in her presence.

No shadows vanishing or skittering away because he’s unintentionally hiding a part of himself he doesn’t want to be seen and someone is getting too close.

His shadows are obviously thrilled to be in her presence. Yeah, it’s his magic reacting to her. But have we explicitly talked about how it’s likely they’re reacting to the subconscious joy and absolute pleasure he’s experiencing being the direct center of her attention, even if he doesn’t realize it??

Her bright eyes, the intensity of her attention focused on Azriel when she asked for a prize? Of course his shadows danced for her. Maybe an addictive little thrill went through him? Hmmm. Maybe.

And the whole, “see you tomorrow, Shadowsinger.” scene aksksbdkd. Nesta calling him Gwyn’s new ribbon. He stared after her and was INTRIGUED AS FUCK. No one can tell me otherwise.

Gwyn has explicitly stated she doesn’t need to be coddled. And I think some people in the fandom need to remember that.

#gwynriel #I have so many more thoughts and essays to share about these two y’all are gonna end up getting SICK of me #pro gwynriel #gwyn berdara #acotar #azriel x gwyn #gwyn x azriel #gwyneth berdara #azriel shadowsinger #gwyn acosf #acosf

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