i read up this morning on the ned from the try guys scandal and omg that's so funny. it always astounds me how men will risk losing literally everything, their wives trust and love, their family, their job, their reputation, just for some pussy to boost their ego. and in this case they both had so much to loose. i find it extra insulting towards their partners that they didn't even try to be super secretive about it, like no effort at all. asdfggfghh how can you hate your wife so much you're gonna put her through this publicly?!?

Idk if passenger is really a thing on here or if Barry Sloane gets any love on this app BUT I literally adore that show already.

THIS POST WILL CONTAIN SPOILERS FOR PASSENGER IF YOU HAVEN'T SEEN IT!

Passenger. Oh my fucking GOD. I've watched it so many times. Eddie Wells has altered my brain chemistry. The tears I shed over that sweet, beautiful man.

The way he didn't even remember doing it, but thought he must have done because he was told he did, because everyone else was so fucking sure he'd done it, he believed them. He was branded evil, a monster, a freak, and probably everything else under the sun for something he didn't even remember doing. The guilt he felt. The staggering loneliness in those five years. It isn't discussed but I bet you any money his family didn't go and visit him once. In five fucking years. (I do understand why, I totally understand Joanne, Katie and Lily's motivations but that doesn't make it hurt Eddie any less)

Then he got out, and all he wanted was to be a part of his own family again. He wanted to be a husband and father again. He missed his little girls, he missed his wife. He missed his home.

And what did he find, what was his open and welcoming heart met with? Coldness, tension, conflict. His family is everything to him, and they didn't want anything to do with him. He wanted to bring Joanne a sandwich to her work, just to be nice, and she asked when he was leaving. Later his eldest daughter nearly threw boiling coffee in his face, his little girl, ready to cause him serious harm. A few days after Lily asks if she can tell him a secret.

He looked so delighted to be trusted with one. To be let back in just a little by the baby of his family, his darling baby girl. And she tells him "I wish you were dead." The TEARS I SHED when he looked up at her and visibly broke. (Barry Sloane is fucking slept on as an actor i swear to god, he is literally incredible). You could see something die in his eyes. The resolve when he stood up.

He went to end his life in the icy lake. 'This is what monsters deserve'. And who saved his life? But Jim, his 'victim'. Jim pulled him from a terrible death.

Because he was owed an answer.

Because Eddie was the beast that attacked him for no reason. Because Eddie was evil and did an evil thing, and Jim wanted to know why.

And then it turned out he was fucking innocent.

The whole time, HE DIDN'T FUCKING DO IT. 5 years in prison, in a 6x8 shoebox. For a crime he didn't even commit.

If you've read this far, do you get why he's changed my brain chemistry forever? He was pushed away, shunned, got himself beaten up, nearly killed himself over something he didn't fucking do.

Eddie was broken by the people of Chadder Vale. Even his own family. And none of it was his fault. 5 years stolen from him, his relationship with his family stolen from him, his reputation stolen from him, his life stolen from him.

AND THEN- AND FUCKING THEN- BARRY TWEETS THIS.

THE FUCK YOU MEAN HE HAS HIS DAUGHTER'S BIRTHDAYS ON HIS WRISTS. THE FUCK YOU MEAN HE HAS HIS WIFE'S NAME ON HIS LEFT FOREARM. THE LAYERS OF TRAGEDY IN ONE CHARACTER IN A SIX EPISODE SERIES ON ITVX. I AM A MESS OVER THIS INFORMATION.

HIS FAMILY IS HIS WORLD. CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW MUCH IT WOULD'VE HURT HIM WHEN AFTER ALL THAT TIME THEY REJECTED HIM??

I'm sobbing all over again. Don't even get me started on the 'it felt real, no?' When Joanne rejected his affection so harshly, because my boy was fucking devastated. (Again. I can empathise with her, I do get it, I do understand her point of view. Eddie has just messed my brain up and I adore him.)

Sincerely, I love him. Thank you Barry for him. I'm going to sob in my corner and think about giving Eddie a hug until there's a season 2.

I am never going to be the same.

I am so sick of people trying to lecture others about being involved/interested in this whole mess. "PaRaSoCiaL ReLaTiOnSHiP" this "Entitlement™️" that, "yeah lol I like the Try Guys but I Don't Get why people care so much about-".

First of all, stop feigning ignorance as if the concept of gossip or community is foreign to you, you just come off as a try hard. I highly doubt you've gone your entire life without engaging in some sort of gossip or news that you heard about but didn't directly involve you. Like yeah we get it you're socially enlightened and Not Like Other Fans.

And you're right to an extent that fans aren't "entitled" to know every detail about a person's personal life. But considering the implications of the rumor (before it had been revealed to be true), the people involved, the fallout, and the very messy way the attempted coverup had been handled by the creative team, it's natural that people would be curious about what's going on. Like, you might have a point if this was some rando on the street or some lesser-known celebrity, or even one of the other Try Guys, but that doesn't really apply here. Ned's whole persona/Brand was built around him being a wholesome man in a group of guys who break down toxic masculinity and don't care about any preconceived notions about what it means to be a guy. Ned unabashedly loving and doting on his wife and child[ren] was a huge part of this. So many times in the media you get men who really seem like they don't care for their wives: the "Ball and Chain", "marriage is terrible", "Wife is a Nag", etc. crap, not to mention the amount of men who think that doing the bare minimum of parenting deserves praise or referring to taking care of their own kids as "babysitting".... but Ned wasn't like that. He outwardly cherished Ariel and their kids and never missed an opportunity to talk about them.

Ned cheating broke that sort of trust that he built with the viewers, destroyed the Wholesome Family Man image he projected, screwed over the Guys and their company, and most importantly hurt Ariel and their kids. And you could make the argument that we shouldn't be surprised by this because we didn't know everything about Ned's home life, and that private relationship issues should stay private, and to an extent I agree. However, that doesn't really work here because of multiple reasons.

If you remember the Paula Deen scandal, it's very similar to what happened here (and before you start screeching at me I'm not saying racism and cheating are the same thing). Paula Deen's image was that of a friendly and warm Southern grandmother, but when it was revealed that she'd used racial slurs in the past, it damaged that image and Food Network had to let her go. Ned's persona of being a devoted husband and caring family man is pretty much destroyed, and retroactively sours all the previous videos with or about Ariel and his kids. Second, he made no attempt to try and hide that he was cheating. He was out in public at a Harry Styles concert for fuck's sake. Did he really think no one would recognize him?

You can bitch and complain about "entitled fans" and "HE DOESN'T OWE YOU ANYTHING" or whatever, but that doesn't apply here. They've marketed their family, marriage, and children into videos, podcasts, books, and shows. You can’t make a career based on people’s investment in your relationship and then beg for privacy when you fuck it up. And considering that they also have a Patreon, I think the viewers have a right to know who they're giving their money to so they can make an informed decision about where it goes.

To add onto that, not only did he cheat on Ariel, but he cheated with an EMPLOYEE that he was the supervisor of, which is a legal and ethical nightmare. And his actions affect nearly everyone: Ariel and the kids, Alex's fiance, the company that now has to do some insane damage control and rebranding, lost his job, and destroyed his friendship with Keith, Zack, and Eugene.

Over a fling.

You said I could rambles about Rexanidala @ you so here we are, i hope you won't regret your choice ❤️

OKAY SO FIRST OF ALL you have the characters aka the canon couple (Anakin Skywalker & Padmé Amidala that i think most people know at least from names?) and then you have Rex aka Captain Rex aka Anakin's right hand man during the Clones Wars and LISTEN in general i love their relationship but if you add poly to it??? -chefkiss-

Like listen you have one of the most powerful Jedi, one of the most badass & kindest Senator & one of the best Clones Officer around there, you put them in a room together, and they lost all their braincell and something ends up in fire. There's so much raw chaos in them. They're so competent but they forget everything when you put them together. They just go and cause so many problem, they're probably the reason why Mace Windu decided to stay bald and why Obi-Wan Kenobi ended up grey that young.

Various exemple of their chaotic energy: the very classic "someone is trying to assassinate me so I'm gonna go into the lion's den and almost get killed, i mean i did take my Jedi bodyguard with me after all—" from one Padmé Amidala; "one of my friends got killed so I'm gonna resolve his murder even if it's not my job" from the same Padmé Amidala; "imma gonna crash this ship on the enemies bc why not" by Anakin Skywalker (self-proclamed best pilot of the Galaxy); "imma gonna give my lightsaber to my very secret wife to prove to her how much i love her and oooops there's a hostage situation and i don't have my weapon anymore" by, again, Anakin; "I'm gonna shot point blank at a clone bc he was acting suspicious and I'm not telling anyone and especially not my superior officer why i did that — hey look it was a droid i was right lol" by Rex; "you know what since droids want to pretend they're us I'm gonna pretend I'm a droid in clone armor" by Rex AGAIN; and, obviously, the whole "Padmé & Anakin are married but it's a secret so obviously we're gonna kiss everywhere, give lovesick at each other all the time, acting all lovey-dovey and/or jealous when with each other, to the point that even our enemies know we have something going on", to the "Rex for some reasons knows about their relationship and is trying to cover for them but he's really not any better than them in the art of lying and/or pretending he has no idea what's going on". They're disasters and i love them <3

ALSO Re: the last part, there's a whole scene where 1) Anakin is like "hey Rex come on we have something to do -wink wink wink-" IN FRONT OF SOME OF THEIR MEN 2) Rex is like "srly, rn now??" And Anakin insists and i swear when you watch this scene without context........ so gay 3) Anakin uses Rex's helmet to call Padmé "in secret" (re: they're so bad at keeping it a secret) and Rex is keeping guard 4) while they are talking, and despite the fact that they haven't seen each other in months and haven't been able to talk to each other a lot, Anakin asks advices to Padmé bc he's worried about Rex and wants to help him 4) Padmé knows Rex & the way he think enough to reassure Anakin and she's also worried about Rex but trusts him 5) LISTEN THEY'RE IN LOVE I DON'T MAKE THE RULES.

Anakin/Padmé is pretty much established but it's like,,,, so easy to add Rex to their couple??? Like, ofc Anakin is close with him, he's his most trusted man and his right hand man!! He knows him & cares for him & trusts him everything and everyone he hold dear!!! But also Rex & Padmé bonded in their own way!! Like, mainly, they got infected by a dead virus together and almost died, which, u know, is always a good way to bond with your future wife <3 And they're obviously friends!! And i absolutely believe they team-up to stop Anakin from doing his most stupid ideas lmao (at least when it's not their brand of chaos and thus they enable him ofc).

ALSO there's Ahsoka!!! She's Anakin's Padawan so obviously she's close to him, and bc she goes to war with him she's also close to Rex (and the rest of their men, tbh it always kills me a little how they all care for each other)!! He gives her advices and takes care of her and supports her!!! And they obviously love each other a lot!!! Rex's love for Ahsoka literally saved her life during Order 66 idkdjdj I'm so normal about it. BUT ALSO she's close to Padmé!!! Padmé is her friend!! She follows Padmé on stupid mission she decided to do herself and uses as justification "Anakin told me to stay with her to learn politic :D" kdjdjdjdj anyway she's at the same time their little sister and their kid and i LOVE IT.

Also there's so much angst potential. Like, Rex survived the end of the war but neither did Anakin nor Padmé. Rex didn't know Luke & Leia were their children. He was robbed of his kids' whole life!!! Rex didn't know about Anakin being Darth Vader either!! (He had a suspicion but no real answer.) How do you want me to be normal about it???

And in a Palpatine-slips-on-a-banana-peel-and-dies au, they can just raise the twins together and they would be even more chaotic that they already are in canon <3 but also i think they deserve it. As a treat.

Anyway i love them so much and we're like five out there shipping them but IT'S FINE. MY LIVE WILL NOT DIE.

thank you <3

(sponsored by the show Star Wars: the Clones War)

Thank you so luch for rambling @ me about ur blorbos i love when ppl are sonpassionate about stuff they love

Writing Theory: The Morally Grey Character

The morally grey character is the character within the narrative that is neither light nor dark, good nor evil. They are a character who does not fear to do what is wrong or to do what is difficult in order to do right, just so long as they survive/or achieve their goals. A morally grey character will oft at times seem very villainlike. They will not usually be liked as a person and will likely be ostracised for their choices in life by your heroes. A morally grey character is a difficult balance to achieve as we want the audience to judge their attitudes to the world but also to still like them on some level so hiw do we approach it?

What makes a character morally grey?

Being morally grey does not mean your character will be slaughtering younglings one minute and then petting baby bunnies the next. These characters are complex. You have to find the balance between sociopath and ray of sunshine.

Common traits of a Morally Grey Character

They will usually follow their own sense of justice and their own rules.

They will have their own ideas about wrong and right.

They will have their own the limits. They will push the normal limits, going past the brink of what a traditional hero will do to achieve their goals.

They are unpredictable. Remember, they don't think like your regular brand if hero or character.

They are not robots. They will have feelings. They will love, they will hate, they will cry, they will laugh. They might be morally deficient but they are people.

They usually have a weak point. In the morally grey character it often makes them darker because of it. It is their frontier, often the reason why they are what they have become.

How to Write a Morally Grey Character

#1 Give them a Reasons

Nobody likes somebody who is a dick for no reason. Nobody likes a Snape. Your Morally Grey Character cannot just make these choices just for laughs. They need reasons. This makes a Reader bond more easily with your character and allow them to understand why your character is doing these things. For example, Tyrion Lannister had a singer dismembered and fed to the poor of the city. He did this to save his girlfriend lest the singer open his mouth and tell Lord Tywin about it, who had threatened to execute any woman Tyrion banged.

#2 They must have a weak spot.

Like I said above, they need a weak spot. The weak spot works as the character's human side, the one thing that is certain to ensure your reader understands them on some level. Sometimes it is even the reason why they make morally grey choices. Everyone has a weakness whether it somebody they love or something they would do anything to protect. For example, June Osbourne in A Handmaid's Tale begins the story a very traditional downtrodden hero. As we move on through the story, June turns to murder, espionage and pretty dark behaviour to try and save her daughters and the other Handmaids from the hell known as the patriarchy Gilead.

#3 Their Background

The morally grey character often has an underlying reason of why they are the way they are. Their behaviour is usually born from a bad experience. For example, Kaz Brekker from a Six of Crows has a particular harrowing one. As a kid, he travelled to the city with his brother with all the money they had in the world. Kaz's older brother Jordie got swindled out of their money which led to them being homeless and to Jordie's death. Kaz grows up to be an unscrupulous gangster, who trusts nobody fully and ends up creating an elaborate scheme to avenge his brother's death and the downfall of the man who betrayed he and his brother.

You can keep these lessons in your mind in a quick equation: Reasons + Weakness + Background= Action/Choice

Choosing your Morally Grey Character's Decisions and Actions

Using the first three, you must begin to put yourself into the mindset of your character. When faced with a decision between what they believe in and what is morally right, what will they do? You have the blueprint of what they will do from the three steps above.

For multiple examples:

June Osborne from Handmaid's Tale comes upon her ally's wife, Mrs Lawrence who has taken an overdose. June appears first to want to get help but instead, leaves Mrs Lawrence to her fate. June does this because Mrs Lawrence is a loose cannon who is in danger of ruining June's operation in getting the children out of Gilead. So our quick sum to see whether to makes sense: Saving the Children + the lives of the Children + June's two failed attempts at escape.

Kaz Brekker from Six of Crows is interrupted in one if his heists by the homeowner's daughter. Kaz frightens the little girl half to death threatening to come back and kill her and her family if she dies not return to bed, playing on her fears that he is the boogeyman. Now let's see whether this makes sense: They need to get in and get out if the house & the kid will jeopardise their escape + Kaz doesn't want to kill a kid + Kaz was once that frightened child.

In Peaky Blinders, Tommy Shelby sells out his closest relatives to the government leading to their immediate arrest and coming execution. Now let's see if it makes sense: It was going to happen anyway with or without his consent + his grief over his wife's death + Tommy is a solider and he's used to watching his fellow soldiers die

devotion (douma x f!reader)

summary: His pet watched as the metal was heated. Douma held the poker like it was precious; watching in delight. Black steel turning dangerously red was quite the show. Certainly, his excitement was sweetened by… her. Even now, Douma was sure she regarded him with disinterest. She would learn this was to her benefit.

"Are you excited, little one?" Douma mused.

She simply nodded, words unable to form. Her savior finally saw her bare. Heat bloomed across her face. She wanted his hands to roam her body and learn every curve. Waiting for his touch left an ache in her chest. Her breathing came out in spurts. The room felt too hot -- too humid. 

warnings: blood and injury, mild gore, vaginal fingering, cults, public humiliation, branding, yandere elements, dismemberment, loss of fingers, smut, etc. etc.

word count: 3.3k

shoutout to @calslaundry for the beta read

a/n: hello friends, apologies for the lack of content! i haven't written in a while + this my first kny fic 😭

twitter | masterlist

She came to him in a miserable state -- her delicate body broken. Blood, like ribbons, flowed from her stomach. The wound was deep and hideous. Yet, the woman before him wore a serene expression, as if unaware of her current state. The sight brought amusement to Douma. His thin lips pulled into the phantom of a grin. Rainbow eyes dilated and focused on her pitiful form. 

Behind her bounded a man; his skin filthy and caked in dried crimson. He looked disheveled, as if the listless woman struggled. Sweat kept his hair slick across his forehead. In his hand, his shaky little human hand, was a butcher knife.  

"Stay out of this! She's…" The man trails off, waiting for the words to materialize, "My wife." The word sounds slimy, uncomfortable, coming from him. To punctuate his love, a calloused hand gripped the woman. 

No sound came from her. Perhaps, she was his wife. Douma continued to observe the dramatic affair; fingers laced together. His expression was nothing less than curious. A carnal morbidity he wanted to see through. 

Suddenly, the woman collapsed. Her skin lacked the rosy pigment so beloved by mortals. The man stumbled and instinctively cradled her wound. Disgust formed onto his features -- the man seemingly unaware of her state. 

Douma felt blood drumming in his ears. This tiny, injured woman came to him near death, but didn't utter a single grievance. She had remained stoic despite her hideous wound. "Leave her." 

Without a second thought, the man abandoned his would-be wife. His rapid footfalls echoed down the hall as Douma examined his pet. He noted how elegant her kimono was -- its silk now reddened and ruined. Douma believed the blood complimented her, and brought out her softness. Softness Douma wanted to destroy. 

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

Her eyes adjusted to the darkness slowly. The room was unlike her little hovel. Innate gold and rubies were encrusted within every aspect; nothing less of excess. A room fit for a god. Perhaps this was her afterlife. Delicate fingers prodded her stomach -- the flesh swollen and blemished. Her fingertips brushed against the barb of wire. Lifting the simple Yukata, the woman noticed how intricate the stitching was. Black wire woven into itself to mimic the intricate shape of a flower. 

"You're awake, my dear friend!" The voice was cheerful and deep. The sound not unlike the rumble in a summer storm. 

Silence marked their conversation. 

Floorboards creaked; a sign her mysterious caretaker was advancing. "Is my dear friend deaf?" This time, the man's voice held annoyance. A blatant disregard for his kind words left a rotten taste in the demon's mouth. 

"I apologize for the trouble I caused you," she confessed, head level with the floor. The newly stitched woman was bowing before him. Had she hoped to mimic his congregation? 

Unlike his devotees, her body didn't shake. No, her insignificant form stayed rigid. The slender curve of her back was straight, eyes still regarding the floor. Truthfully, Douma found himself savoring the view of this mortal. She seemed so obedient -- so unafraid of him. 

The damned sentence stumbled last Douma's lips, "Stay with us; with me." Suddenly, the woman sensed a large hand atop her head, "You need to heal, my friend." 

Tears began to foam at her eyes -- this man's kindness was unfamiliar. This rainbow eyed stranger not only stitched up her broken body, but offered sanctuary. 

"Thank you." Douma noted the monotonousness of her voice. Here this pitiful woman was, her briny tears reeking, and yet she remained stoic. The scent was pleasant; as if crushed roses and salt had been mixed. Douma had noticed her blood carried a similar scent. 

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

The days that followed were… familiar. Her days fell into structure. First, worship in the morning. Then, chores and her first meal followed by more chores. Finally, as dusk settled, her makeshift family gathered within the main hall for a special dinner. However, the dinner wasn't any fundamentally different. The menu still consisted of rich meats and exotic fruits, but their meal was special because of him. 

At the end of their long, gold flecked table sat the rainbow eyed Douma. His face carried his typical jubilant expression. A soft smile graced his face -- leaving his eyes bright and lively. He watched his flock with interest, his eyes all too often falling upon his wounded pet. 'Pet' seemed to fit this woman far more than any word; she was compliant. The woman finished every task created for her. Her devotion to him -- only him -- brought a budding flush to his cheeks. 

It was true the women of his cult would die for him. Their single-minded loyalty was stereotypical, expected. They chose to bleed for him, but once faced with their own mortality, his devotees lost steam. And yet this harpy had bled at his feet -- asked for his forgiveness. 

Douma watched as the woman carefully gripped her chopsticks. Her hands were slender, and as soft as blooming flowers. In another world, Douma would have described her as delicate, but all the demon could feel was disdain. There was something so innocent about her fingers. Douma's eyes continued to flick between her face and hands. Such soft things devoid of callouses -- devoid of humanity. 

His mind didn't typically race like this. Images of this woman seemed to plague him during dinner. She was a sickness that he couldn't shake. Her body had infiltrated him -- illustrating fantasies of him breaking her fingers and laughing as he ate them. Would she finally scream, finally allow herself emotion? Or would she succumb to him? 

Douma's thin lips curled into a grin. 

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

"I don't want to ruin the elaborate textiles, sir." It was a habit to call him sir as her eyes bore into the floor. The woman acted like she was… unworthy to even glance at the demon. She seemed to make herself scarce when Douma was around. But now, she was forced ⁸to meet his face. Forced to tailor his clothing, despite the woman having no seamstress experience.

Douma didn't mind if his clothes were ruined. He merely wanted to observe his pet create with her hands. 

A large hand rested atop her head, "Do not worry, my dear friend! I picked you for this. Do you not trust my judgement?" His question was more of a test than anything. He wanted to see more of her sickened devotion to him. 

"I trust you," the woman replied, her hands buried in rich fabric. His clothes made her hands itch. Yet, she hid any discomfort. This was a task bestowed upon her -- it was the least she could do. This man had saved her life. 

In the corner of his view, Douma saw it, the phantom of a smile. His emotionless pet still held humanity. However, the happiness stopped at her lips. Nothing seemed to reach her eyes. 

"That expression suits you," his breath tickled her ear, "little one." The sensation of him -- his warmth was enough to quicken her pulse. A blush rose to her cheeks. 

Before she could thank him, Douma vanished. She wanted to glance into his chromatic eyes. They held a light she hadn't noticed before. Something so spectacular and light. 

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

Darkness naturally crept into Douma's eyes. The demon couldn't pinpoint a moment of emotion. It was as if he was born void of humanity. Perhaps that was his reason for being so disgustingly soft upon this woman. 

She was in a tangled mess before him; eyes perpetually to the floor. The more he saw her like this -- the more Douma longed for her gaze. He was the only one worthy of her. 

"This little runt broke the vase, my lord." Beside his little pet stood a woman; one of his most devoted. Yet, her very voice annoyed him. 

Douma shifted in his throne, "What of it?" His face was contorted into happiness, but there was a callousness to him. A viper waiting in the grass. 

The woman's expression hardened.

"Shouldn't she be punished, my lord?" Her question wasn't more than a whisper. This was common for his most loyal of followers; cowardly mortals that were afraid of him. 

Douma leaned forward, his rainbow eyes lacking any compassion, "Are you telling me what to do?" 

"N-no! I'd never, my lord! Please -- please forgive me, Lord Douma!" Her pleas flowed like a river; excuse upon excuse. Douma used to take pleasure in a maiden's distress. Now, he simply felt bored -- empty. 

Certainly punishing his pet and maiming her would bring relief. Mortals were for his enjoyment, after all. 

"Stand up," Douma commanded. 

His voice sounded of the gods; nectar too sweet for human ears. His wounded pet felt heat rise to her cheeks. Gently, she assumed a knelt position, hands folded in her lap. They looked so delicate, so perfect for him. Saliva pooled in his mouth. His fantasy of her seemed unending. 

"Sit," the demon motioned to his feet. "You are to stay until I find a suitable punishment, my dear friend." Without hesitation, his pet assumed her position. Her hands were now clear in Douma's view, tiny things clasped together. 

As if satisfied, his devotee blended back into the crowd. 

Even his presence was warmth; she could feel his radiance. Lord Douma was the opposite of her husband -- his chromatic eyes held nothing but comfort. He had opened his home to her, and allowed her to join his congregation. He was the sun; bright and nourishing. 

His pet felt as if her heart would burst. Being this close to him -- to Lord Douma was almost overwhelming. He practically dwarfed her; his frame tall and muscular. Lord Douma's presence was suffocating above her. Lewd flashes of her savior played on loop. Silver hair slicked back, his bare chest on display, muscles flexing. 

Quickly, she looked away from the demon with a silent curse on her lips. 

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

Several days pass. Douma's pet had yet to leave his side. Her punishment was decided the second day she sat at his feet, but Douma found her presence… human. Slowly, she brought forth an emotion; serenity. Her very breathing seemed to lull him. In another life, she would have made a man very happy. 

The demon's eyes shifted to his maiden. Her face was stoic as ever. She looked… Miserable? The thought made Douma's blood burn; sitting between his feet was a privilege. No other woman of the cult had been so close to him before. 

Douma's thick brows knitted together in annoyance, "We should prepare for your punishment, shouldn't we?" Plastered on his face was the smile she yearned for. 

"Yes, my lord." 

Douma clapped his hands. Suddenly, his harem of women began to spill into the room. They looked to him like god; eyes wide and wanting. He cherished his cult for their devotion, something that would benefit him today. 

He tilted his head and pointed, "Strip her." Douma's instruction was materialized before him. Her body laid in the brood of his women. Bruises marked her body like bee stings; his most devoted had such vicious means. Her exquisite yukata was ruined. Shreds hung to her trembling form. 

She made him sick. 

"Hold her down, my dear friends~!" Douma's feigned happiness crinkled at his eyes. To any nonbeliever, he looked human, yet his followers knew better. They knew behind the facade was a monster; a man bent on misery. "Bring me the brand." 

His pet watched as the metal was heated. Douma held the poker like it was precious; watching in delight. Black steel turning dangerously red was quite the show. Certainly, his excitement was sweetened by… her. Even now, Douma was sure she regarded him with disinterest. She would learn this was to her benefit. 

"Are you excited, little one?" Douma mused. 

She simply nodded, words unable to form. Her savior finally saw her bare. Heat bloomed across her face. She wanted his hands to roam her body and learn every curve. Waiting for his touch left an ache in her chest. Her breathing came out in spurts. The room felt too hot -- too humid. 

The demon sauntered over to his pet, the brand now smoking. "Stay still," he murmured. It was her shred of justice before Douma plunged the brand between her breasts. First there was silence. Then came a cry unlike any before. Loud. Anguished. Heart wrenching. It was the sound of his pet bearing her soul. Something so private, meant only for him. 

He pressed the metal further into her flesh. Burnt skin reached his nostrils; her scent wasn't unlike roasted boar. Rich, gamey. His mind painted her nude and covered in sake. Underneath his regalia, Douma felt blood rush to his cock. Douma looked at her, waiting for another cry. Yet, she regained composure. Her skin was balmy and she trembled. 

Finally, her eyes met his. Douma sees the hint of relief -- as if she wanted this. "L-lord Douma," she slurred. His gaze shifted to her lips; anticipating her speech. Nothing left her except a heave. A soft little noise before she passed out, limp and vulnerable. Somehow, Douma felt sorry for her. 

✼ •• ┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈ •• ✼

The woman woke with a jolt; air burning her lungs. Gasping, she took inventory of the dimly lit room. The space was more of the caricature of a room. It was a bedroom, but looked almost unlived in. Everything was too perfect. The realization came as she touched her chest. This was Lord Douma's private quarters. A place reserved for his most devoted. 

...and here she was, laying in his bed. 

Her chest was tender. The skin was charred and bandaged. She wondered if Lord Douma himself had treated her. The fantasy brought a flush to her cheeks. She fingered the wound; gentle to trace its shape. Between her breasts was a delicate lotus; her body marked forever. 

"I can hear you, my dearest friend," his voice sounded like rainfall after a drought. "Come. Bring me more sake." 

Beside the futon was a gourd. The object was heavy; enough for two hands if not more. Truthfully, his pet struggled to lift it. The liquid inside sloshed around like the sea. It carried a sweet smell. Fruity. Radiant. The scent reminded the woman of Lord Douma. 

Soft humming filtered into the room, the source not far. Practically dragging the sake, his pet ventured towards the sound. Towards him. 

With the push of a door came humidity and steam. The atmosphere was sticky and too warm. Lord Douma had created a swamp instead of a bath. 

His booming tone shook the room, "Come closer, little one." The phrase sent goosebumps up her spine. 

She continued to drag the gourd across slick tile. His pet didn't want to make a fool of herself. However, with each step came unequal footing. She wobbled, trying to keep her grace and sake intact. One particularly heavy footfall was miscalculated. She fell onto the porous ground with a sharp bang; the gourd in pieces at her feet. 

"Clumsy, aren't we, little one?" His tone is lousy with arousal. The sentence vibrated from his chest. 

"I'm sor--"

Douma only uttered a simple phrase, "Join me, my pet." 

Her legs moved without authority. Douma had complete agency over her; bewitching his prey. It was the kindness she deserved, after all. She was his most devoted -- his most prized slab of meat. Partially, Douma believed she was plagued with bad luck. First the damned woman is stabbed, then she falls desperately into his lap. She was a fawn -- clumsy and aching for attention. 

Muscles were the first thing she noticed, followed shortly by ashen hair. Somehow, his chromatic eyes still shined within the haze. He had to be a deity -- someone special. 

Quickly, she averted her eyes. This sight wasn't meant for a mortal like her. Crimson hung to her cheeks like warpaint, the woman more blush than skin. His pet removed her yukata without ceremony. The elaborate fabric crumpled at her feet. Douma felt air pitch in his chest and blood rush to his cock. 

"Sit in my lap." 

His lover looked at him; her eyes curious and wanting and wide, pupils dilated. She shuffled into the bath, like a babe taking its first steps. Gingerly, she sat beside him. A hiss escaped her lips as the hot water meets her burn. Mortals -- as Douma knew -- were devoted to a fault. 

A cold arm encompassed her waist. Douma pulled the mortal closer, her smell mixing with the bath. Saliva dotted at the corners of his mouth. His polite aurora seemed to drop -- the predator now before her. "It's okay, little one," his breath tickled her neck, "you can relax. You're safe." 

Safe. He was safe. Her body untensed in his grip. The woman leaned into him, her bare back pressed into his chest. Her rapid heartbeat echoed into Douma; his body rang with her life force. It hurt to hold her like this. His instincts demanded he tear her apart, her blood diluting the water. Yet, he resisted. Instead, he took inventory of her hands. They were tender -- fragile. His broad hands engulfed hers as he rubbed circles into her palms. 

Douma -- with grace -- lifted her fore and middle finger into his mouth. His fawn exhaled a gasp. The sudden movement caused her to wobble atop his knee. A hand rubbed her stomach, as if to provide comfort. Slobber leaked down her hand. Lord Douma's saliva. She wanted to bring the spit covered hand to her chest -- to feel a part of him. Douma sucked at her fingers. His tongue rolled over her knuckles and savored her. 

"Lord Douma --"

Her words hung in muggy air. Only one sound penetrated through the room; a sob. The woman's blood mixed with unholy drool. In Douma's mouth were two delicate fingers -- her fingers. The sudden pang subsided, yet her heart continued to race. She was stuck; fear had collapsed in her veins. Her weak, mortal body shook. The sensation was uncontrollable. 

"Stay still, my pet," Douma mused, his voice obstructed by gore. He refused to relent; his tone still cheery. Her body demanded she move, but her mind screamed for him. Torn between heart and brain, she quaked in his lap. Her hand fell limp into the bath water. Red blossomed beside her. 

Douma's hands trailed down her body, as if to memorize her shape. His cockhead ached for stimulation -- for her. Without the air of a lord, Douma shifted his pet, her cunt now exposed to the heat. Carefully, he removed her disembodied fingers from his mouth. "Let me take care of you." His words were little more than a command -- no -- a threat. 

Harshly, the demon shoved a finger into her cunt; the very finger he bit off. Disgust and lust bubbled together in her stomach. Naive eyes looked down as Douma pumped into her. A bloodied chin rested on his pet's shoulder. His humming vibrated into her bones. Thunderous. Awful. 

Heat bloomed between her thighs. Lewd sounds of her core bounced off the walls. She bit her lip, stubborn and refusing to give into the demon. 

Rainbow eyes drifted to her face, "Are you not satisfied, little one?" His tone faltered before a second finger jams into her soaking cunt. The woman's mouth betrayed her. Out came a wanton moan. Loud and squealing. Douma's face contorted into a grin, his breath beating upon her. "What's that? You want me to go faster~?" His pace burst into an almost hellish speed. The fingers hit her walls, scissoring her entrance. Douma acted as if he knew her very body. Roughly, he tweaked her nipple. Another cry pierced the air; his reward for her devotion. 

"Come for me," Douma commanded, heavy humming now vibrating her jaw. "Show me your devotion." His voice wasn't more than a whisper, yet she felt the warmth between her thighs explode. The bundle in her stomach dissipated into bliss; eyes closed and breathing even. 

Douma rubbed her cheek. This was perhaps his only action of humanity -- of charity. As his most devoted, she was worthy.  

This is not about kadi so if you don't want to answer I would understand. Have you ever had information that surprised you? Something you can't believe? Related to kpop idols, actors or ent industry?

That Jongdae didn't want to have a child at this young age and in the beginning of his Solo career! But once it happened he was so accepting and so understanding! He married his GF becoz he loved her and accepted her pregnancy with open arms even though that brought him so much hate! But he protected her and never let the bad words reach her he is a shield to her and his baby 🍼 But the baby was not planned! when the girl is born he loved her with all his heart and she is so spoiled i saw her she is so cute and has Jongdae's lips 👄. I recently saw Jongdae's footage with his wife and daughter at Apujongreodo entering the mall, he was holding his baby and his wife was holding the baby bag! And they went shopping and got back into his fancy black car.

All Exo members are smoking some stopped but most of them not!

That Sehun is not a happy person and he has more dark thoughts that what y'all see. He hasn't had the best childhood like yall thought. I won't say more i don't want to interfere his private life and expose it. So please Love him and give him a lot of support! He is lovely and he thinks he is useless in the band and members always cheer him up but he needs to hear it from his fans! That's why he is working harder and attending vocalization lessons with Baekhyun and chanyeol's voice tuning teacher and y'all can tell his singing skills has improved from the DFTF ALBUM!!! PLEASE GIVE HIM LOTS OF LOVE!, He is working hard for his fans to be proud of him! He needs reassurance!

That BAEKHYUN is so attached to ExoL! He is so scared of losing them and being forgotten when he comes back from military. He has these doubts and he talked about it with everyone he knew! Even His Fans! Yes he calls his fans and talks to them!

That BAEKHYUN often calls his fansites' masternims and fans he trusts and they chit-chat a lot!! He is close with them!! He asks them about everything related to Exo if they enjoyed the albums, the songs, his Solo etc.. he asks them if he should improve on something, he asks them to tell him if he lacks something in his latest performances! He even calls his fans to chitchat for hours about what content he should post on youtube ! He asks his closest fans to check what other Exol want him to do! And if they're satisfied with his hard work! And if he made the proud ! He discusses everything that bothers him with some of his fansites and trustworthy fans! ALSO He talks to fans about their struggles and he cheers them up! And buys them gifts during their birthdays yes he remembers their bdays!

That BAEKHYUN loaned money to a fan when she called him saying she needed money! He even paid surgery for a fan!

Sehun often pays meals for Exol secretly before leaving the restaurants or Coffee shops especially when he couldn't sign for them !

That Seungri wasn't the one to be blamed in the burning sun but all evidence was against him and he was played ( I don't know abt this, i don't defend any man who assaulted women as a feminist myself i can't come to terms with believing this but i saw a lot of ppl saying it!)

That BP members are jealous of Jen for getting all the brands and the commercials, which YG ent solved and started distributing solo projects to the other members and asking sponsors to not only focus on Jen and suggesting them the other members! Now we see other members promoting for famous fashion, cosmetics, sports and make up brands, while before, they were jobless and only Jenn who was getting all the money and roles and brands and was the only member active for two years 2018/2019 and even the first one and the yongest to have the earliest solo debut only after 2 years of debuting with her band, i mean a rookie shouldn't get a solo until they skill their singing and acting! But Jenn's potential was big and she has tons of fans that's why YG wanted money so took advantage of her epitome fame to debut her to get cash🤑💰 Jenn didn't like her members being left out and she talked to them about this a lot. This subject of members being jelaous of her bothered her and at a certain period caused their dinamics to go down in the band. She saw them changing and she saved the issue from getting worse by talking to YG coz she truly loved her members.

Jenn is more perverted than what ppl think, she knows a lot of guys and she is very loved by everyone. She is Nice! But she is not innocent! SHE DATES A LOT! ONLY HOT and Tall wealthy GUYS ! MODELS and ULZZANGS! Her mom and dad are in the industry that's why she gets everything she wants and she does work hard for it though! But the opportunities mostly come at her through her parents ! She is very spoiled baby girl.

Kaistal are close friends i mean i saw their pics together and they're still friends and they're still talking and Ji supported her so much when she left SM also he is still supporting her Solo career as an actress now, he texts her to support her works and to give her his opinions, Krystal trusts him a lot he protected her and helped her a lot before! 🤷🏻‍♀️

Ksoo hid his relationship with Ji from his Fam for a long time??

Kaisoo kissed during a truth or dare game when Ji lost and had to kiss Kyungsoo on the lips and Ksoo didn't object it was from before debut! I guess that's when the members knew they were in love?? I don't know abt this! I'm not sure. But it's a possible probability.

Chanbaek did kiss but it was not during a truth or dare game, it was Chanyeol who shocked Baekhyun by kissing him on the lips to shush him down 🤫

Chanbaek living together coz baek is a clean freak and can't stay with many ppl in one place he is a private introvert who loves to stay alone and play videogames! And chanyeol granted him this wish and invited him to live in his house for 2years or more i don't remember 🤷🏻‍♀️

SUHO dated Two members of Apink

Jongdae dated one member of Apink!

Exo are so so close with APink!

Luhan had a crush on Chorong from APink!

Sehun is close with Oh Hayong of Apink! Coz they have the same last name!! He is still close to her and supports her a lot, she is close with Suho too! And all other APink members! Sehun is also close to Gugudan.

Taeyeon loved Baekhyun truly and their breakup left a scar on her heart! She hates men now hahaha I hope she gets to find the love of her life she deserves happiness please give her much support! I want her to be dating Ravi he is a softie and will treat her well!

Yeri of RV is a playgirl she is so bold and asks guys out when she likes them! I love her for that! Girl power! But she is so nice!!!

A lot of news about BTS their Gfs their Exes with Pictures and all their dating history, their toxic company overworking them etc... But I'm not too interested in BTS these things came to me I didn't ask for them🤷🏻‍♀️ lucky? IDK maybe.

And many many many more things. I just can't list everything

I don't know if I answered your question! But that's all that came to my mind! Some things may not be too shocking it surprising or unbelievable like you asked but still they're precious secrets and gave them to y'all for free!

Surrealtà | Nicky Valentino x Assassin!OC

A/N: Hello, my fellow Valentinhoes! I already mentioned this series that will be approximately 10 chapters long (if not more). I tried to keep the prologue short trying my best to not bore you. The dialogues between the characters are modified according to this story and yes, there will be a lot of new characters alongside the original ones. With that being said if you have any questions or suggestions, let me know :)! 

Enjoy, toots.

Warnings: Violence, mentions of death, usage of inappropriate language.

Prologue: Inferno

“Do you ever doubt your actions? I mean, you know the uproar about them being ethically wrong.”

Andrea's words revealed her agitated behavior. Her sincere concern for her friend was boggling her mind with more questions.

“Why would I doubt my actions when there are enough people already doing that.”

Heaven lifted her glass to her lips and stopped moments before taking a sip.

“I never give people anything more or less than what they’ve done.”

The sour taste of alcohol lingers on her tongue while it makes its way into her system causing her body to warm up.

“If they kill, I kill. Easy as that.”

“You know what’s going to happen when they get you behind bars, right ?” said Andrea. Fully aware of the fact that her attempts at getting her to tap out were not affecting Heaven at all.

“I don’t."

Heaven said as she turned her head towards the anxious eyes that were studying her. Her smirk becomes more prominent as she sets her booze down on the glass table.

“Because It’s not going to happen."

Upon hearing her words Andrea couldn't manage to hide her astonishment.

“How can you be so sure ?”

“I’m not but do I have any other options? I am not someone that you would want to see panicking.”

Heaven said as she continued to play with the rim of her glass. She proceeded as she eyed her reflection on the glass table.

“I might appear dangerous when I let my anger take over, but panic?” she scoffed as she pushed her long locks away from her face.

“I wouldn’t wish that on my worst enemy.”

“Why?” Andrea said, engaging herself with the conversation more and more. Afterall there were no limits to her curiosity.

“I lose control.”

Says Heaven as she collects the documents scattered over the table and then stands up from her stool. She lowers herself at Andrea's eye level as she proceeds with her speech.

“...and If I lose control, my love...”

Andrea drops her gaze as she couldn't bring herself to look straight into her eyes. Heaven whispers her last words, unaware of the fact that this statement will be the foreshadowing of what was about to come.

“All hell will break loose.”

With that, the curiosity killed the cat.

January 1st, 2020

The cold breeze of New York combed her long locks as she stared at her watch. Her pupils dilating as her eyes followed the second hand, continuing to count the seconds.

"Thirty more to go. Then it's time for the Fiesta."

Pushing back the hem of her coat, she pulled out a brand new Glock 19 and a suppressor. Her hands started to wander around the gun as she let the feeling of absolute power captivate her senses. After rolling the silencer onto the muzzle of the Glock, she placed her gun back at its previous position.

The silencer, her infamous nickname.

Nobody knew her true identity nor her background. At this point in her life, others weren't the only ones to do so. Her memory was as unreliable as her trigger. Her past, present, and future remained unknown to her. In her opinion, keeping her past locked in the forbidden spaces of her mind it's for the better.

"Henry Harding, age 46, a prick who traded the life of his wife for the comfort of his stacks."

She reminded herself as her steps quickened. The darkness of the night emerged as the light of the day shuttered under its vigor. Her breathing became apparent, evaporating in front of her eyes.

"His right hand, Richard Kindell, a coward who sold his soul to the same devil that killed his son. Porca miseria! What type of leverage does that son of a bitch has over Richard that keeps him loyal no matter the cause?"

She cursed under her breath as she took a sharp turn. Upon seeing the large crowd in front of the theatre she decided to examine the atmosphere surrounding her. Women in elegant dresses were accompanied by men in suits. Their sweet conversations concerning their excitement about the movie, pervading the air with love. Utterly oblivious of the fact that they were soon to be bystanders of a tragic ending.

"Tragic but a well-deserved ending."

Her plan was too simple for her liking. She made Richard get the same gun that she had attached to her thigh, two weeks before she sent the suspicious mail to Henry. The mail that contained information exclusively known by the two of them regarding Richard's son's death. She was simply using their trust issues as an advantage.

"25 meters till the warfare."

As she moves closer, the ticket booth becomes more visible and her eyes meet the man of the moment, Murray.

"Smile, Heaven. You don't want to disappoint your audience."

She said as she put her killer smile on, turning heads as she walked by. Her charming nature and her mysterious aura always captured people's attention. Even so, she couldn't care less.

Her hair flowing in harmony with the wind, her steps overflowed with confidence, and her eyes gleamed with the fact that she could finally put an end to what the judiciary system defined as a dilemma. It's time for Maria's long-awaited vendetta.

"Hello, Murphy. How's the night treating you?"

Murphy gave her a heartwarming smile, accompanied by sincere laughter.

"So far so good. What about you my dear?"

"Lovely, I'd say. New York has its charm, you know."

She said as her hand reached her pocket, searching for the ticket.

"Seems so."

Murray said as his eyes carefully scanned Heaven's. Sensing his unusual behavior, Heaven glued her eyes back onto his as she took a step further.

"How do you figure?"

She asked as she gave him a smirk. A smirk that often got people's breath hitch, hands sweat and their heartbeats accelerated.

"Your eyes."

Said Murray letting his body language do the favors, he pointed at her eyes.

"They tell a lot."

He said as he positioned himself back behind the booth. Murray was a part of her plan even though he didn't know much about it. She didn't lie to him but she also didn't tell him things that were none of his business. Such as her soon to be attempted murder.

"I suppose."

She said as she lifted her wrist casually to check the time.

"Aces. Perfect timing."

She dipped her hand back again into the pocket of her coat. Unable to feel any sort of texture regarding the existence of the ticket, she slid her other hand into her other pocket.

"Nothing."

"Your ticket, my dear?"

Without disrupting her composure, she thought of a quick backup plan.

"I need him to participate, I lost my ticket. How is this even possible?"

She thought as she closed her eyes shut. Letting out a deep breath, she opened her eyes only to reveal her teary vision. She strongly held on the cuffs of her coat making her knuckles turn white as she lowered her gaze to the floor. Even the most successful artist would be envious of her skilled performance.

"Murray, my ticket is missing."

Murray studied her reaction as he gave her an apologetic smile.

"I'm sorry my dear. I don't think that we have any other tickets left for the night."

Upon hearing his words she raised her gaze to meet his, giving him a look that will scar him for the rest of his life.

"Murray, You know that I can't miss this. Tonight was my main reason for coming to New York. I'm desperate for your help."

She said slowly pushing her coat back to display the outline of the gun beneath her dress. Her innocent demeanor was falsified by her reveal. Murray gave her an empty look, seemingly unaffected by her threat. He stopped for a second before turning to her with a smile.

"I got you, Heaven."

He said as he reached under the desk revealing a golden ticket. He slowly extended his hand as hers followed. Then, he retracted it. Unaware of the dangerous game he was playing with Heaven's patience.

"One last thing, Heaven."

He indicated to her to come closer as he leaned in. Not wanting to waste any more of her precious time Heaven obliged.

"It's time for you to prioritize yourself. For the sake of your good."

He said as he gave her the ticket and pushed the gate open for her.

"Have fun, my dear."

Heaven, unimpressed by his discourse, stepped inside. Hearing the gate close behind her. The heavy smell of tobacco dominated the large area blinded by the lights of the enormous chandelier and golden decorations that reminded her of the Palace of Versailles. A palace that was full of people with extravagant attires laughing and cheering, adorning their social interactions with excessive reactions. Baffled by the unanticipated environment Heaven took a few steps back, letting her back hit the wall.

The wall, located exactly where the gate should be. As her confusion gets the best of her, at her right she notices a man reading a newspaper. She walks close enough to see the contents of the front page. Only to realize that the front page was listing absurdly familiar names of the several presidents. Names that surely belonged to the 20'ies. Heaven gently closed her eyes then she leaned her forehead against the palm of her hand.

"Where the hell am I?" she muttered as her own words, followed by her deep voice, echoed inside of her head. She gave one last glance at the velvet wall where the entrance gate should've been.

"Abandon hope, all ye who enter here."

Vocabulary: 

Second hand: the hand on some watches and clocks that moves quickly, showing the seconds.

Fiesta: an event marked by festivities or celebration.

Porca miseria: in this case used as “Bloody hell”.

Vendetta: a blood feud in which the family of a murdered person seeks vengeance on the murderer or the murderer's family.

"Abandon hope, all ye who enter here.": A message warning one about a hopeless situation from which there is no return. The Italian version of this phrase appears in Dante's Divine Comedy as the inscription on the entrance to Hell. The phrase is most often used humorously.

Ali & Carly

Ali: . . . – – – . . . Carly: ? Carly: nodded on your phone Ali: OG 🍑📞 Ali: nah save me Carly: it's pretty lemme just grab a 💄 really quick Carly: what's up baby? Ali: you are and I need distracting Ali: got band practice and I really have to Ali: missed the last two so she's dead moody Carly: go solo ill play a tambourine for you Carly: until you get famous anyway Ali: we'll get you those noise cancelling headphones they give to rockstars kids Ali: then you just gotta close your eyes n shine Carly: aw Carly: you're a 🍑 Carly: but before then I know how to sweeten up rockstars Carly: lots of jd is 🔑 yea so ill swipe ronans & its a party Ali: know that'll go down a treat Ali: almost as good as the ego stroke of calling them rockstars Carly: y you asked me its a not so hidden talent of mine Carly: strokes where needed Ali: 🎨 Ali: alright monet Ali: I'll try not to make it completely boring Carly: i have to take 5 to finish up here or he'll be dead moody Carly: so he's all you have to be more fun than Carly: & whats more boring than a horny lad when ur not feeling it Ali: easy Ali: I remember being that bored Ali: less memory more reliving but shh Ali: all fun and games yeah ✌ Carly: yea Carly: he gets it over quick tho some go & go without getting u anywhere Carly: ha Carly: ive got a home to go to sometimes boy Ali: he's very considerate like that Carly: i wont share it w him too big of a word for rn Carly: wheres this practice @ Ali: 'course not Ali: all he needs to hear is biggest and best Ali: memory serves Ali: in one of the other's garage Ali: so punk rock Ali: I'll come meet you Carly: long as he can call me a slut & I make the right noises it dont matter what I say Carly: thats every lad on here Carly: k well he's done so direct me Carly: u dont wanna meet me outside here Ali: if that's your jam, go off Ali: you mean you don't trust me not to 👊 your mans 😏 Ali: I started walking, call me a pessimist, Ronan 🤷 Carly: yea u kno for a good time call any of these caravans Carly: the old lady w the gnomes is a dark horse like Carly: i don't want u to see me looking this way ty ronan 💘 Carly: so rough about everything Carly: him & u ha Ali: she's living my dream, I remember her Ali: the pink trailer, like Ali: shoulda been going to see her if not you Ali: 🤡 Ali: you alright? Ali: you need a sec or Ali: idk, anything else Carly: her cats are living my dream Carly: lying in the sun all day, getting fat Carly: being loved whenever they ask Carly: i need a drink but im taking all of his its k Ali: duh Ali: only had it slightly better in ancient Egypt, like Ali: forever goals Ali: we'll drink it on the way Ali: need to see where to put their fingers Ali: not code for gay shit but like Ali: also Carly: theres lots they can have some as promised Carly: he owed me for all the 💊 Ali: you're sweet Carly: we can get your gf ☕ to dump it in thats the adult thing to do Carly: trying to make her happy not more mad Ali: she's 17 Ali: she just fronts a good game Ali: suppose one of us should Ali: #badgirlfriend Carly: ur the best wife tho Carly: ive missed u Ali: 😚 Ali: comments like that are why I've deffo missed you more Carly: aw Carly: comments like urs r why ill make today really fun for u Ali: 💚 Ali: we can make anything a party yeah Carly: yea Carly: but u gotta help me carry these drinks to cos i think my wrist was broken from all the coaxing that boy needs when hes been on it Ali: ugh, the struggle is so real Ali: though if you use that as an ice breaker they're all gonna look at you blankly Ali: fucking lesbian priviledge amirite Carly: i bet at least one of them's hurt their wrist trying to get a girl off Carly: half who go to our school r so uptight you need to check for sticks Carly: catholic guilt be like Ali: 😂 real Ali: but you gotta be on my side Ali: already outnumbered Ali: team bi for the day okay Carly: so i can talk about masturbating with my grandma's jesus cross or i cant Ali: you can Ali: that's a story whoevers company Ali: 'cept grandma, obvs Carly: punk rock enough? Carly: if theyre all as scary as ur lesbian im shotgunning more beers Carly: bag of recycling before we even get to the garage Ali: when she cares about the 🌍 Ali: 😍 Ali: they ain't, if we're being real Carly: dont want the earth to die Carly: its so pretty Carly: & fun Carly: k i wont have every can Carly: before we get there Ali: 👼🌟🌈🍓🐰👸 Ali: you Ali: and I'm literally just 'round the corner hold on Ali: not dragging my feet 'cos of you babe Carly: ur too sweet Carly: are you the singer & the guitarist or do they make you just do one cos youre too big of a 🌟 Ali: got it in one babe, I'm relegated to guitar #2 most the time Ali: at least you can own the stage more when you ain't so Carly: ill tell them you need to be 1st guitar & lead singer you're too talented for it to go to waste Carly: its sad Carly: but its cute that youre in a band together Ali: you wanna be backup baby? Carly: yea but i cant 😢😢 Ali: you can when it's just us though Ali: you're too pure for rock n roll anyway Ali: their brand of Carly: how you said that makes me think i need to drink more Ali: it's a good thing about you Ali: just saying though, my voice will be fucked by the end of this Carly: ill get you some 🍯 baby Carly: you can be 👼 again in no time Carly: church ready Ali: only if you coming with Ali: 😈 Carly: only if we do some more sinning first Carly: make it worth the walk Ali: naturally Ali: how we do Carly: k Carly: are all the band dating each other or just you two Ali: 😏 more and more apparent how straight you ain't tbh Ali: currently off again, I think Ali: they've all dated each other though, every which way you can combo it Carly: i have met a lesbian before ur rescued me @ that party Carly: been hit on by lots Carly: i kno they like to date in circles & all kinds of other shapes Ali: I bet Carly: aw don't be jealous Carly: i didnt like it Carly: ur my fave Ali: I'm not Ali: am glad I ain't giving off those predatory vibes though Ali: good to know, like Carly: you give off the best vibes Ali: 👼 energy, baby Carly: 🌟💙 Ali: let's hit 'em with it Carly: yea Ali: after she can drive us to a decent shindig 🤞 Carly: me & a car full of gays Carly: ronan will be in a mood ha Ali: always a bonus Ali: also always in a mood Ali: they really would get on if she could get over the whole man hate vibe Carly: ill bring him to the next rehearsal Carly: he thinks hes got what it takes Ali: 😏 Ali: I'll put my money on Mar Ali: poor boy Carly: steals my 🎸 every time he comes over Carly: i cant be impressed that you can play 2 chords baby boy I'm sorry Ali: 😩💦 Ali: even as relegated #2 I can do more than that Ali: promise Carly: me too & im only groupie #1 Carly: he still tries to teach me tho Carly: so boring Ali: 🙄 Ali: what a dickhead Ali: he just wants to be behind you to 'position' your hands, boys love that shit don't they Ali: I know how to play pool too so get off Carly: we should play my da taught me Carly: make some money & have some fun Ali: I'm down Carly: k Carly: cos i need to buy more 💊s he really did eat them all Carly: 😢😢 Ali: Babe Ali: I know a reliable lad Ali: invite him Ali: make it a party Carly: yea me & him been up since i saw you last how long ago was that? forever it feels Carly: be more fun away from site Ali: damn Ali: how the other half live Ali: I feel like I haven't had any fun since I last saw you Ali: get enough to take the edge of your comedown if nothing else or that'll be rough Carly: i wanted to invite u my baby but u kno how he gets Carly: hates that weve met Carly: ill make you feel good now promise Carly: hes had too much of my time Ali: worried that Imma tell you horror stories like you don't know him? Ali: backatcha 💚 Ali: swear Carly: yea he thinks my head's empty Carly: just a body like Carly: not that weve done school for years together or anything Carly: i kno i dont always go but boy come on Ali: you're miles ahead of him Ali: he only acts like he reckons that 'cos he don't want you coming to your senses and binning him off proper, like Carly: ur lil bro writes & reads better Carly: but hes a smart lil cutie Carly: what am i gonna do move the caravan in the middle of the night? no wheels is there Carly: stuck as fwb til he gets married his wife finds out & comes for me Ali: yeah he likes you too Ali: always chatting on when you coming 'round again so you know Ali: better hang some more, for his sake Ali: I know you got locks Carly: aw i love him Carly: always wanted a lil bro but my rents dont fuck no more so that ain't happening Carly: unless my dad knocks up someone younger Carly: u kno id lock myself out & end up round there Carly: ha Ali: lil blue pills don't fail us now Ali: ick Ali: should go to casa flamenco Ali: don't think she'd steal your stash Ali: oldies always have their own, the real good shit too Carly: that what ur calling it Carly: ill steal hers Ali: exactly Ali: 😍 #babe Ali: ronan who Carly: i do go older but not sure i could handle peeling back the wrinkles Ali: weak 😉 Carly: you seduce her for me, thats love Carly: & you wanna be under her anyway Ali: 'scuse you Ali: I'm happily married Carly: me too Carly: pimping me out to the older generation wasnt in the vows were it Ali: could've been Ali: you know how creative I am Carly: yea i do love that about you Ali: I 👀 you Ali: [runs up and takes some of the shit] Carly: [unnecessarily long hug moment because always] Ali: ['it does feel like forever'] Carly: [just rambling on about how much she's missed her & like all the compliments for how she looks/what she's wearing etc cos again always] Ali: [lbr she'd go all out for rehersals even so it would be a look, Ali lowkey fixing Carly up whilst checking 'cos was concerned but not gonna make it a Thing tm] Carly: [save her Ali she looks like shit rn & your gf don't need to be seeing her like that] Ali: [finishing by kissing her nose 'cos that is a thing] Carly: [😳 but really happy obvs & another hug cos they really have missed each other so] Ali: [walking and talking baby] Carly: [& letting Ali catch up with all the drinks Carly's had] Ali: [giving her the lowdown on the other bitches who are clearly not as scary as kstew] Carly: [you'd think she's not listening because 1. state of her & 2. how distracting Ali is in her lewk but she is] Ali: [is like soz it's boring but I'll make it fun] Carly: [she's like its not you're just pretty & also I'm saving you & making it fun] Ali: ['not about to beg but please do'] Carly: ['knew I should've locked that down in the vows' cos being flirty with it] Ali: ['too late now babe, 'less you make me wanna renew'] Carly: [is just like yeah okay will do, soz kstew but we know its true so] Ali: [turning up to your function, imagine kstews face oop] Carly: [Carly handing the booze out cos she's a babe while kstew talks shit on her by pulling Ali aside like we said] Carly: u want me to go? Ali: [Ali tryna explain but also being kinda over this mood like why can't she be here, u lowkey know why but you know] Ali: no Ali: don't Ali: I'll sort it Carly: k Carly: [Carly just drinking a little bit too hard cos the vibe is wrong & her anxiety don't need this thank you ladies] Ali: [just walking away and being like okay come on let's start 'cos can't argue if you're playing] Carly: [pissing about on some spare instruments while they're setting up cos awks] Ali: I've text the lad Ali: reckons 10 minutes 👍 Carly: 💙🌟 Carly: ty Ali: [ooh crimson and clover 'cos joan did it and it'd be a sexy moment so blatantly directed at carly] Carly: [Carly literally 😍 harder than her gf is, oops] Carly: [& so many compliments as soon as the song is over before kstew can get a word in, god bless] Ali: [gently/not being a patronizing dick with it showing her dance moves and stuff like getting her involved without being like you have to perform now lol] Carly: [k stew fuming like now the WARM UP is done we should play OUR songs we all know the type like excuse you everyone is having fun especially my sweet baby angel] Ali: [being like oh but I just learnt this song it's got a good bass bit we should do that, overruled lol] Carly: [has to go with it cos no argument she can make that won't sound petty as hell and not trying to look like that bitch in front of the squad] Ali: [doing electric feel for the gay sexiness] Carly: [Carly even more into it cos a song she knows cos lets say she don't know the glory of our cat song just because so its such a moment okay bye] Carly: [Marlene calling a 🚬 break immediately after cos fuming & that can also be when Drew comes] Ali: [as if you weren't fuming enough there's how a man here 😍 at your woman, also giving them droogs] Carly: [meanwhile Carly ain't noticed cos sharing a 🚬 with the prettiest & least intimidating lesbian perched on her lap like so cosy....way to kill Ali babe we know she's special but let her know please] Carly: [hops off to get her drugs but still a moment] Ali: [these other girls just stirring the pot rn lmao] Carly: [that girl being like you should come out with us & Carly's like yeah cos she's pure] Ali: you know this one's flirting with you too, yeah? Ali: 😏 Carly: ha Carly: shes nice Ali: yeah Ali: pretty cute Carly: u kno the dealer wants to fuck you tho yea Carly: hes pretty Ali: obvs Ali: his hairs a bit naff but yeah Carly: ur gf is gonna drag him out by it Carly: let me slip him my number first ty Ali: lol 🙄 Ali: better you have his, no Ali: 💊 Ali: idk why she's the fun police today Carly: k good idea Carly: [goes to get his deets] Carly: she's so mad Carly: u gotta love me more when shes not around Ali: i ain't done nothing Carly: shes jealous of me like i am of her Carly: two girls one 💙 Carly: [lowkey flirting with Drew before he gets thrown out] Ali: hmm Ali: maybe you can duel Ali: [helping herself 'cos they clearly got enough to go around 'cos Drew's easy lol] Carly: 😢😢 Carly: you want me to be killed Ali: don't be silly Ali: not very gentlemanly of her, she'd never Ali: for someone so punk she loves following rules you know Carly: y u like her or y ur bored? Ali: [casually loling at her phone like what you think] Carly: [a moment of eye contact soz kstew] Carly: y dont i kno this lad? Ali: idk Ali: he wasn't always that cocky Ali: maybe his pubes came in Carly: ha Carly: ill find out Carly: gotta b known as the school slag not the girl who pissed herself on the stage Ali: more catchy Ali: I get it Carly: u only remember our wedding day i kno but it tends to stick in everyone else's memories Carly: a day of bad vibes Ali: I remember you but not like that Carly: hope its not worse Carly: how you do Carly: [casually taking too many 💊 to deal with the bender she's been on with the gypsies, you know Drew will remember her like this] Ali: nah Ali: you were cute Ali: and nice when all these random english kids showed up Carly: cos you were cuter Carly: im always nice to the pretty ones Ali: 💘 Ali: s'a good line walsh, you get it off him n all Carly: 💔😢 Carly: i love you i dont need him feeding me those kind of lines Carly: we gotta crush some of these tho its gonna take forever to kick in Ali: only joking baby don't be sad Ali: [comes over and helps 'cos why not kstew already furious her band practice has descended into anarchy] Carly: [using a shoe she's wearing for once to crush pills casually but stops to put her head on Ali's shoulder cos is sad lowkey] Ali: [gives her top of the head kisses] Carly: [is smiling again & telling her how much she missed her again and all that good gay content while Marlene fumes in the distance] Ali: [whispers like sorry for the bad vibes and I am gonna fix this 'cos she knows it's been fucked but realistically don't know what she's doing about it yet 'cos where do we stand] Carly: [kisses her on the forehead cos that big brain always thinking & worrying & she know] Carly: u wanna 👃 or 👅? Ali: 👃 Carly: yea dont want a numb mouth Carly: no fun Ali: probably would help my throat but kinda 'bout that smokes and drinks a 40 a day vibe so Ali: soz to my nasal cavity in advance Carly: the 🍯 is coming as promised Carly: [puts enough powder in her hand for Ali to snort, how intimate excuse them like she could have used her own hand or any surface Carly but go off] Ali: you're sweet enough darling Ali: [soz kstew just gals being pals 'cos obvs returning the favour and 'holding her hair out the way' aka stroking it] Carly: [when you more about that intimacy than the drug you're trying to take] Carly: aw Ali: [moment being ruined by some kind of unignorable strop moment from marlene clearly so she has to go and have an argument brb] Carly: should i go now? Ali: wait for me Ali: please? Ali: outside if you like or whatever, I'm being selfish but Ali: I ain't staying either Carly: k Carly: [is outside quietly singing a little mash up of both gay covers while she waits, just little bits of lyrics she likes from each lol] Ali: [not tryna drag this out and clearly we can't let it get to let's break up point so] Carly: lets go have some real fun Ali: [when she comes out, resting her arms on her shoulders and spinning her 'round and 'round like let's go] Carly: [is loving life again bye bitches] Ali: ['we can do anything we wanna' means now but also like always] Carly: [is buzzing because her life is literally so stagnant already like what a welcome premise & hugs her cos that's what she wants to do, always gotta be touching] Ali: [and hand holding] Carly: [complimenting her AGAIN as they going along cos she's a really good singer tbf so] Ali: [chatting away 'bout the kinda music she wanna do and what the band is about and starting her own etc but also about how pretty Carly's voice is and how it's too precious for the stage anyway] Carly: [okay but after they've nerded out over music Carly be like 'wait for me' runs into a shop really quick & buys Ali some honey for real cos she that nerd & presents it to her really happily wrapped in her headscarf or something cos again nerd] Ali: [you know how buzzing and touched she'd be 'cos also that nerd, being like you're such an angel and imma get you something so special etc] Carly: [Carly like you gotta eat it tho & opens it right there like she gonna drip it into Ali's mouth if she don't how gaaaaaay, steals some with her finger too obvs cos cute but also accidentally sexy all the time] Ali: [winnie screeching in the distance] Carly: [gets a phone call from her mum & answers in this state cos no fucks given on either side & then turns to Ali like my turn to take you to a family bbq cos I think the contrast would be hilarious so we should but not now cos give them some alone time @ god] Ali: [is down 'cos she's not a snob unlike someone we know rosalin and she'd be lowkey about it 'cos any excuse to spend time] Carly: [ronan will 100% be there cos hilarious like you gotta fight him Ali tbh] Carly: [just rambling about how much she loves Ali rn though cos always] Carly: 💙🌟🐝👼🚀 Ali: [backatcha and dropping the charity shop plan] Carly: [is so down obvs like little kid levels of excited] Ali: [running thru the streets of dublin like babes] Carly: [god fucking bless] Ali: [charity shop crawl so wild like leave 'em be world] Carly: [like how pure that they think of cat lady Ro & kstew would never bitch] Ali: [probably making friends with all the nice old ladies in there/horrifying the old bitches tho too lol] Carly: [this is why Carly makes my heart hurt cos she'd wanna be friends but would probably horrify lol] Ali: [tbf they are high] Carly: [as per again let them live peeps its summer] Ali: [should steal something but like something really tiny and silly 'cos sinning and stealing from a charity shop is pretty bad in a cute way somehow lol] Carly: [but leaving shoes behind or something cos barefoot life so the universe is balanced] Ali: [and ali would buy stuff for 'em both but making sure carly knows this ain't THE gift 'cos wants to swag that lol] Carly: [okay but can they also come back to buy homewares for the caravan when she gets her own thanks bye] Ali: [absolutely, just window shopping rn how you do like 'when I have my own place' but saying we 'cos #married] Carly: [Ali can actually get one of the actual things when cos its still there, oh my heart]

A Good Story Well told; a Story about a Traumatic Experience,Justified Hatred, Redemption and Love against all Odds

This post refers to a TV drama called Fatmagul, but it doesn’t really matter if you have seen it or not because the post is more about story telling and how good writing is based on details, how one apparently small detail may say or suggest much more than it seems. This is something good writers know well.

This story is about a pretty young girl called Fatmagul, who is going to marry her handsome boyfriend, Mustafa, a blue-eyed fisherman who looks like a Prince Charming. Well, he is bulding a house himself, brick by brick, the house where the couple will live when they get married. When he leaves his girl because of his misguided sense of pride and honour after she is raped by three men, he burns their house down.

His mother even says to Fatmagul that she is nothing but ashes to him any more and Fatmagul says later that Mustafa burned their house, their future and also herself when he did that.

As a result, she gets a husband she doesn't want, a husband she despises and hates. Telling why she marries this man she despises isn’t really necessary for the porpuse of this post but you can read why here.

They run away from their village and the scandal that follows the tragedy and he rents a house that, of course, doesn't belong to him, that he didn't build, that is not his. A house where Fatmagul has to live whith some members or her own family and also Kerim's adoptive mother. A house where he doesn't sleep and where he doesn't eat because he is not accepted there by his wife and he complies with her wishes. He sleeps and eats in a shed that is in the garden, a barren garden without flowers.

In the picture above there’s another beautiful detail, Kerim and Fatmagul’s brother are bringing their belongings into the rented house (only Fatmagul’s family have brought things, Kerim hasn’t brought anything and is with her family, he’s there in hostile territory, so to speak). As he unloads the objects she shouts at him ‘don’t touch that’ and runs to prevent him from touching her hope chest, the one where she still keeps her trousseau. Mustafa built this chest for her and it contains the things she kept for her wedding with her beloved.

All the family members work to turn that rented house into a place to live, perhaps a home, although it seems unlikely because everything is misery there after what happened. Fatmagul hates her husband's guts and shows this at the slightest chance, not the way we are accostumed to in most TV shows or movies but whith real viciousness. Some of the things she says feel like a slap on the face even to a spectator. Not that he doesn't deserve it, because he didn't rape her but didn't stop it either, which is disgusting enough. The fact is that neither him not Fatmagul remember if he did it or not and this is not clear until one of his former friends confirms he didn't do it. Even when this is confirmed she finds it impossible to believe him. He is guilt- ridden anyway because he didn't stop it, which is enough for him to feel like shit.

He can only look through the shed’s window longing to see his wife inside the house, cooking in the kitchen or studying in the living room, there’s no place for him in that “home”.

Anyway, I got derailed, LOL, because the detail I wanted to comment is about the house, just the house, but its so poignant and poetic to see these two looking at each other through its windows without meeting each other’s gaze, like strangers with broken hearts who have only misery in common. Whenever he tries to approach her, she averts her eyes and turns her back on him. He is the living reminder of what she suffered.

Well, we have this house that Kerim rents, which is not his, just like this wife that is not his and this “relationship” he neither built nor owns. And this is just an old dilapidated house, not like the brand new one Mustafa was building for Fatmagul and him in a beautiful sunny place. It's always cloudy here, it's cold and the house is old, ugly and in very bad condition.

All the family works to make the house habitable, they paint the walls, they cook every day, etc., but the one who mends broken things is Kerim. If anything is broken or doesn't work he fixes it. So, little by little the house starts to look different; there's a new floor, new panels for the shed walls, even the shed looks habitable although it looked absolutely awful the first night he slept there. The shed was by far what was in worst condition at first,which is quite telling.

Only looking back in time did I get this, this man, Kerim, fixes BROKEN THINGS. He didn't start from the first stone to build that little ramshackle house like Mustafa did with his new one, which was so near his parents' house. Kerim owns nothing, he doesn't even have parents, only a generous woman who raised him when he was abandoned as a kid, and he has a rented house, a “fake” family and a wife who doesn't belong to him.

He has this wife who is “temporary”, like the rented house, because he intends to go away as soon as the family is settled and she counts the days until he leaves for good because she can't even stand breathing the same air as him, as she puts it in one of the “cruel” sentences she throws at him. They both agree that the sooner he goes away the better. Until then, he fixes things in that ugly little house where he can't sleep or eat and hardly ever enters.

As I see it, all the family members contribute to Fatmagul's recovery, giving colour and warmth to that little house and also to her life that is now so cold, miserable and barren. And this feels real because she needs all of them to help her heal. The family's support is essential.

Mustafa built a house himself in his parents' grounds for him and his fiance, but she didn't take part in its construction and neither did his parents or her family. This time it is different because all of them take part in making the rented house into “a home”? I don't know yet, because I haven't finished watching the episodes, but it feels like hope.

Everything is “rented”, temporary, in another city, unwanted because none of them wanted to leave to another city, another house and another life. But here we have a girl who is absolutey broken and was an innocent virgin in love with her fiance Mustafa so little time before. First she was passive and took no part in the construction of her future and let Mustafa take the initiative in everything, later she takes the reins of her life and takes no shit from anyone any more. She studies, she starts to work and learns to drive. The girl turns into a woman and her “temporary” (“rented”) husband has patience, the patience needed to mend things or to turn ugly things into something beautiful. I'm talking about objects, but can he do the same with other types of broken things? Only time will tell because this is slowburn at its best and nothing is rushed.

How can a girl recover from a traumatic experience in no time and just because of the magic of love? Here the answer is that she can't. She needs professional help to recover and she is the only one who can start to heal from the tatters of her life when she finds the will and the strength to do so. The others can only offer their empathy, their love and support to help her.

Love doesn't conquer all and doesn't wipe her trauma with its magic. It takes hard work to fix someone as broken as she is and her traumatic experience is not just a plot device, it's taken seriously by the writers.

Anyway, we have two men here, one who loved his pure future bride and was going to have a brand new house but burned both to ashes when she was “tainted” by the evil actions of others. On the other hand, we have another who chooses to fix things and then unwittingly falls in love with a girl that has been “defiled”. He was a witness to her worst night that ended up being his worst too. In a way, she is someone else's girl and she is neither “new”, nor in “good condition”, just like the sad little house.

Unlike Mustafa's love, which didn't survive misfortune, Kerim loves her even though she was raped by three other men and everyone knows this, even though she is still in love with another man (Mustafa), even though she hates him and can't or won't forgive him and she doesn't trust him or believes him when he says he never touched her. And he feels guilty anyway because he didn't stop what happened. Kerim loves Fatmagul but doesn't expect to be loved back, not even to be forgiven, he loves her anyway and doesn't run away from the pain of being hated by the one you love. He will endure as long as she needs him. He is also willing to let go if it's better for her but ,as he says, he will never stop loving her.

This wouldn’t be the same in Western countries where a rape victim wouldn't be seen as tainted, and where girls don't wait until marriage to sleep with men, but it has a meaning in other parts of the world where some traditional patriarchal customs haven’t still disappearead as they should. Anyway, wherever you go, there’s still a long way to go until equality between men and women is really conquered. Even in Western countries many girls don’t denounce when they are raped because they fear to be under public scrutiny and that they may not be believed. They also fear their aggressors’ reactions ather the denounce or what may happen if they aren’t sent to jail.

Mustafa was in a hurry to build the new house and get married to his beautiful pure bride, but Kerim has all the patience in the world to live in rented and “shelter” houses that belong to others, with a group of family members around them, deprived of love or a woman's touch, and he fixes things gradually, step by step. It’s more about little details than great gestures.

Nearly a year passes by and he still endures, her contempt eats at him but he endures. Not only does he mend the little house but also the shed where he sleeps because his life is broken too, like the shed, due to what happend that night but also because of a terrible past he hasn't overcome. 

Eventually, she starts to trust him but even when she starts to fall in love with him, she can’t stand a man’s touch, not even his, because of what happened to her and can’t wipe from her mind. That night hovers over their heads like a curse, it’s a curse for both of them.

Little details are important though, like seeing him plant flowers in their house's flower beds when they get to have a home of their own, or like her giving him a flower pot with forget-me-nots she planted herself when they are separated.

This is a man who did something terrible, works hard to redeem himself and on the way falls in love with a girl but doesn't get forgiveness or love just because this is his heart's desire. Somewhat like Sandor and Kylo, because they all did something really terrible, it's not just a trite plot device or a trope. As far as I can see, this is treated well in Fatmagul TV show, I hope it's treated well in ASOIAF if it's ever finished, and my wishful thinking wants to believe it may be treated well in Star Wars.

FRIDAY, JULY 17, 2020

Blind Item #11

This A+ list mostly movie actor has already received special permission to skip quarantine on his return from the UK and also to skip it when he returns to the UK.

Blind Item #10

This foreign born A- list dual threat actor has been asked to get a vaccine shot first in his country. He led the way overseas much like the A+ lust actor did here. I guess everyone forget he already tested "positive," so why would he need the vaccine?

Blind Item #9

Translate a final Instagram message into Dutch and you get,

“One - Gravity keeps pulling me down, but the urge to breathe helps me float. I didn't do it ”

Blind Items Revealed #5

July 10, 2020

Apparently this foreign born permanent A+ list model and this southern Housewife have both been paid to be the companion of this recently arrested person that sounds like a fried southern dish.

Naomi Campbell/Porsha Williams/Hushpuppi

Four For Friday -

The media tells you this is not really happening, that these are dark fantasies, which exist only in the minds of conspiracy theorists. The reality is even worse.

There are people who pay thousands of dollars, all over the world, to watch young children get raped, tortured, and even murdered on internet livestreams.

The main producer in this global network was previously a man from an English-speaking country, living in a less developed nation in the same part of the world. Let's call him MP #1. This is a part of the world where young children in remote, impoverished areas can be acquired cheaply, when measured in Western money, without any questions asked. MP #1 was captured about 3 years ago.

MP #1 was replaced by a more shadowy, and sophisticated consortium of players, let's call them MP Group. MP Group exclusively uses cryptocurrency, and for an additional price, will customize the child rape, torture, and murder for individual customers.

MP Group has generated significantly greater revenues than MP #1. MP Group can afford many additional measures to conceal themselves, which render them nearly impossible for law enforcement to catch.

A series of secure but temporary locations for MP Group are set up by an advance team. Each location is used only one time, for just a couple weeks, before it gets dismantled and moved to the next temporary setup. Combined with sophisticated encryption and satellite internet transmission, the group has been rendered nearly untraceable.

A couple small customers, who weren't very careful, were recently caught in a European nation. Their crime? They were arrested for paying Bitcoin to watch murder, torture and sexual abuse of children on livestream.

However, the massive organization behind this remains at large, as do thousands of its customers around the world.

Blind Items Revealed #4

July 10, 2020

There wasn't a peep of pushback from this A- list mostly movie actor in an acting family about being called a rapist, because it's true.

James Franco

Blind Items Revealed #3

July 10, 2020

This permanent A+ list mostly movie actor says he is broke but he has tens of millions of dollars in an overseas trust an another in a shell company's bank account.

Robert De Niro

Blind Items Revealed #2

July 10, 2020

This former A+ list tweener actor turned A-/B+ list adult actor is about to have some even more embarrassing photos and videos revealed from his past.

Zac Efron

Blind Item #8

This A+ list CEO not named Elon Musk is trying to get the US government to ban the social media app that every teen loves. He has one ready to slide in its place.

Blind Item #7 - The Rape

Leave it in the words of the tipster.

When I was in college over 30 years ago, I became friends with a guy who had been kicked out of his house at a young age because he was gay. To give you an idea of how his family had ostracized and abandoned him, when my friend graduated from high school (where he was valedictorian), his teacher bought him a cake and celebrated his graduation with him. That was it. Only his teacher, her family and him. None of his family was present because they didn’t want to be around him because he was gay.

In college, he was confused and looking for an identity like so many kids do at that age. He was also trying to come to terms with being gay. And even though he was very bright, he later dropped out of college. There were so many traumatizing personal issues he was dealing with, he couldn’t concentrate.

He was a good-looking young man, very photogenic. He started hanging out at a lot of New York City gay clubs. At one of those clubs, he met ___________, the famous photographer, who told my friend he wanted to take photos of him and that would help launch his career as a model. My pal showed these photos to me and his other friends. They were gorgeous. He looked wonderful. We were so excited for him. Soon after, inexplicably, he left NYC and moved out of town, where he drifted from job to job. Then he met someone and for the first time, found stability in his personal life. Unfortunately, during his aimless days, he became careless, stopped using condoms and contracted HIV. Several years ago, he died of cancer that was exacerbated by his being HIV. He was only in his early 50s.

I asked a dear friend of mine, who was very close to him, why our friend left NYC that time when he was so gungho about being a model and it looked like the photographer was going to help him achieve that dream. She told me the photographer had raped our friend and ever since then, every time she read or saw anything related to the photographer, she was filled with rage.

Blind Items Revealed #1

July 9, 2020

The alliterate former actress turned royal is pleading she be allowed to do an upcoming speech in the same virtual space as the wife of the former A++ lister. She thinks it will be great for her brand.

Meghan Markle/2020 Girl Up Leadership Summit/Michelle Obama

Blind Item #6

It is true that this three named actress/offspring of an A lister has several times used the N word, it is only being brought to light because the A- list actress wants it out there during this legal mess.

Blind Item #5

This B+ list actor who is an Oscar winner/nominee is trying to strike a plea deal which bears no resemblance to the actual charges he faces.

Blind Item #4

When you have a fake relationship, but are each super busy, then it can work if you want it to. When you are forced to quarantine together two months after moving in together, it exposes a lot of flaws.

Blind Item #3

The huge online tabloid is seemingly always on the wrong side of fights. This time, as usual, they have decided they are against the permanent A list "singer."

Blind Item #2

Don't believe the hype. This current superhero is not shacking up or sexually assaulting the underage celebrity offspring of two A listers. Now, if it were the foreign born former superhero? We could have a discussion.

Blind Item #1

I know this A-/B+ list mostly television actress is disappointed after the cancellation of her latest show, but, a showmance, especially with that guy is not what your career needs right now.

What is Myle's brother like? Why don't they get along?

Jayson M. Baida

Age: 33Height: 6′2Sexuality: unknown convenience and blackmailMarital Status: marriedOccupation: Second in Command of [insert Organized Crime Group I have yet to name], an aggressive businessmanSiblings: Myles K. Baida

Jayson is a high key control freak and does not bother to try to hide or dial it down for anyone. Any request he makes is a demand, any nice gesture he makes has a cost, and under no circumstances does he accept rejection or the words no. 

Just like Myles, he comes across as extremely polite, well put together, and in control of not only himself, but others and often exudes a sense of intimidating. He is 7-8 years older than Myles, has a very strong work ethic, and a scary ability to make people do what he wants/needs. If they don’t, has an even scarier ability to actively ruin their lives because of it. Unlike Myles who will stop once he feels things have been made equal, Jayson will continue until you are dead or grovelling. You’re either with him or against him, and if you have a deal you’re looking to make, you better believe he will get the upper hand at almost any cost.  

 He has an extremely violent streak in him.  Do not be fooled by clean cut suits and well groomed hair, or how his voice tries to lull you into a false sense of security. He will not hesitate to make you swallow your teeth and then fuck your wife in front of you while you choke on your own blood.

While his ambitions are high, he is not stupid and will weasel his way as best he can to get the best end result. He doesn’t care about money, he does not deal in trust.  His marriage was one of convenience and his main goal is to obtain power. He moved up quickly within the ranks of the organization and aims to stay at Number Two because he has his hands and control over a majority of the business aspects.

Jayson is an unpleasant and scary man and is the only person Myles is actively afraid of. Since as long as Myles could remember, he has been fighting with his brother tooth and nail.  Jayson often attempted to control Myles in even the smallest of ways which would only result in fists flying. Even as they grew older, it became so bad that they couldn’t spend longer than 5 minutes together before Myles would be trying to improvise a weapon to cut his brother with. 

Myles is significantly weaker and only as he got older has he learned how to escape the other’s clutches. Myles is also the only one (that Jayson feels) has eluded his clutches of control which causes him to go through extremely manipulative and aggressive tactics to force Myles into the box he wants him in. 

I SHOULD SAY that Jayson doesn’t hate Myles, he just wants him to be another puppet. The two of them being at each other’s throats has just been something that has always been and even though more often than not their fights would end in Jayson letting go (or Myles passing out), the fear of Jayson didn’t hit Myles until much later. Jayson forced him to be marked with the organizations tattoo and Myles killed four people that day before they managed to hold him down and brand him while Jayson lorded over him that it was for the best. There is way more to this story, but this ask is already getting kind of long. 

Main Points: Jayson “loves” his little brother and “wants the best for him” aka for Myles to fucking listen to everything he says and the more Myles resists, the harder Jayson is gonna punch him. Imagine if Myles was genuinely evil instead of just full of self loathing, ramp it up to 10 and you’ve got Jayson. 

Edit

Myles will never bring up that he has a brother and if you mention his brother, he will fucking bolt. I shit you not, Myles will lose his shit if he sees his brother on the street.  Either he’s going to run or try and kill him. He fucking hates Jayson and it doesn’t matter who is around, there is beef on sight.  He will just grab whatever is closest and aim for the throat sdjkgh skdjg

He's My Collar

Featuring snapshots of the three most important road trips in Zemo and John's journey of working together.

I take her down to somewhere drab and naughty I clear my system, I don't need no other This is my persona, secret lover (She's my collar)

WARNING. Before you move down any further, there are some disclaimers. The content below contains:

- discussion of cheating, infidelity

- unhealthy/toxic relationships, abusive behavior

- derogatory language, slut-shaming used in an intentionally derogatory manner

- attempted suicide (in slight graphic detail)

I am not advocating for any of John or Zemo's toxic behavior. Please treat your loved ones with kindness and respect. Cheating is unacceptable and should never be condoned. I will always try to explore the psychology that drives people to do different things, but this is not meant to be an accurate representation of reality.

That being said, if you choose to continue, ENJOY <3

JONES GALLOWAY ROAD, AMERICA

“You don’t have to be such a fucking bitch,” John spat. He slammed the car door shut, making the entire car rattle. Crossing over to Zemo’s driver’s seat, he yanked the door open and motioned angrily. “Get out. I’m driving.”

It made Zemo’s skin crawl - usually, John’s displays of violence would leave his spine (and his cock) tingling pleasantly, but now, directed against him, it’s been whittled down to fear. Fear, fear, fear.

“No,” Zemo ground out, unable to hide the contempt in his voice. “What are you afraid of? You’ve hidden us from her, after all.”

John’s eyes widened - Zemo had struck a nerve, and the thought gave him pleasure.

“There’s nothing between us. It’s just sex.”

“Just another word for infidelity."

"Infidelity," John repeated, but Zemo knew that he did not fully understand the implications.

Before he could say anything else, he was gripped harshly around the wrist and dragged out of the driver's seat. John shoved him into the passenger seat on the opposite side with little care, and he bit back a whimper at the sharp jolt of pain that raced up his arm. Just another few ounces of pressure and Zemo's shoulder would probably be dislocated from his body.

John looked as if he wanted to end the conversation right there, his face like thunder, dark and unbridled in a way that a man was when his honor was at stake.

“I love her,” he said.

Zemo laughed, hollow and mocking. “Love is just a four-letter word.”

The long road to John’s house in Michigan was full of splendor, with great yellow rock dunes resembling that of a desert mesa, and a smattering of lichen and bushes coating the land, so green and dense they looked like moss from afar. Zemo watched the landscape drift by, gaze unfocused. What a shame, this beautiful oil painting spoiled by the foulness of their destination.

John spoke, after half an hour of driving. Zemo wasn’t entirely looking at the clock, but the dullness of the sun told him of the time that had elapsed. “It’s pathetic how you pretend to be so morally upstanding when you whore yourself out to a married man. Hypocritical bitch. You’re just as disgusting as I am. Don’t even pretend that you give a shit about fidelity, we both know that’s not why you’re doing this.”

The words stung. It was with the vulgar, careless way that John had said it - that made him feel dirty, used, like a ratted old washcloth wrung out too many times. Zemo carefully kept his face still, so that nothing would give him away. He swallows thickly- “Care to elaborate?”

“I think you’re doing this because it makes you feel better. Because it’s always about you, isn’t it? The moon and sun revolve around Helmut Zemo. I think you’re insecure because you know I’ll always choose her over you. And you think that the fact that I keep secrets from her means that I have more to lose? That gives you power over me? Give me a break. Newsflash - if I stop giving a shit about you, Zemo, there’ll be no one else who wants you. Or will ever want you.” John snarled, his face contorted in anger. Zemo had to turn away, heart trembling in his chest. He felt like he was hyperventilating - with the anger, the fear, the humiliation of having his trust betrayed, his willing intimacy taken and strangled in John’s fists. He brought this upon himself.

“You’ll save her life over mine?” He’s addicted to pain the same way he can’t stop chewing on an ulcer or pinching a bruise.

“Won’t you do the same for your wife?” John countered.

Zemo did not answer, instead buried himself in deep thought, recalling Heike’s beautiful ideas and soulfulness, her supernal form of love that could knock Goliath to its feet. Soon, he had no more bitter recrimination left in him. John sat beside him in morose silence, anger dampened by Zemo’s tepidness.

After a while, the urge to speak became too great, “If she and I were held at gunpoint, who would you save?” The question was childish. Zemo asked with the tenuous expectation of someone who couldn’t quite accept what they had heard and doubled back to demand a different answer.

“I’ll save you both.”

“You can only save one.”

“Then I’ll save her since you’re experienced enough to get yourself out of the situation.”

“We’re both unconscious.”

“I can’t answer this question in a way that makes you happy, Zemo.”

The hardness in John’s eyes made Zemo pause and bite down everything that he had wanted to say. There would be no more discussion here.

“I know,” he confessed, feeling oddly magnanimous. “That’s why I asked.”

John Walker couldn’t be fully trusted to protect him - this fact Zemo understood from the very beginning. John Walker had been a tool to be used, playing the part of shield and sword to perfection.

Trust is quixotic in nature. John still had dangerous attachments to others in his life, attachments that could put Zemo’s life in peril. The convenient removal of Lemar sent the already untethered man afloat, spiralling further into his orbit, and if he managed to put a bigger schism between John and his wife...

Zemo itched to crawl over John, rip those clothes off him and wrap his legs around his hips, burying his nails into skin and muscle. He laid his palm on the warm glass of the car window, imagining it to be all around him, just staying there forever in the soft afterglow. Just like that one night in a Pakistan motel, where they made love over the rough sheets, uncaring of the chill or the consequences of their actions - single-mindedly sating their bloodthirst and hunger and nothing else. John had fallen asleep holding him close, one hand circling the column of his throat, another splayed across his soft belly, as if at any second Zemo could fall off the face of the earth.

He fell asleep to a nightmare that showed him: once those hands were lifted, his intestines would spill out from his stomach, the blood would bubble like a geyser from his slashed throat.

And when morning came, he wished that he could fall into a dreamless sleep forever. As if in a daze, he had reached for the gun in the bedside drawer, only to be pulled back into a cocoon of warmth.

“Stay,” John had said, voice muffled from burying his face into Zemo’s hair. His exhales were warm, lulling Zemo back to sleep like the gentle rumbling of a steam engine.

John Walker was strong enough to save him from himself, and that made him valuable - Zemo wished he had the foresight to see this from the very beginning.

There’ll be no one else who wants you. Or will ever want you.

That’s why you’re mine. Mine, mine, mine. I will always have a pound of your flesh.

Before he knew it, the sky was falling grey. They were passing under a big storm cloud. The wind whipped up the powdery dirt around them, whooshing and wailing like phantoms in a blossoming sandstorm, only to be struck down by the fat raindrops that pelted down from the sky. John slowed the car down and heaved a sigh, drumming his fingers on the dashboard as they plowed through the muddied road.

From the squelching beneath them, Zemo could not tell how many microscopic life forms or frogs or snails that they had rolled over, leaving a trail of destruction.

“Fuck!” John cursed loudly when the car spluttered to an abrupt stop, causing Zemo to jump in his seat. He sat still and silent as John ran out into the downpour, and simply watched the water droplets on the window gather in mass, congregating, then roll down the glass. If he were to glance outside at the hazy cliff edges, his vision would go fuzzy with the mad frenzy at which rain was pelting down - so many that they stayed suspended in his vision as one thunderous shower of water, changing in direction as the wind blew. With the rest of the world tuned out to a soft hum, he was left alone with his thoughts.

Zemo hadn’t realized that he drifted off until a loud groaning of metal made him jolt, followed by John’s groan. “Jesus fucking Christ. Now, of all places.”

He rolled down the windows slightly - “What’s going on?”

John soon emerged into view, his hair and clothes soaked and plastered to his skin. “Get out. Car broke down, so we’re walking.”

Zemo wrinkled his nose, but complied nonetheless, knowing that John was in a foul mood, one that meant he should be best left alone. He left his coat in the car, not wanting the extra weight or the soggy feeling of it. The rain trickled into his hair, drawing a wet, cold line down his scalp. His cheek stung, giving the phantom feeling of being slapped, even though he knew it was just from the raindrops. Trying his best to ignore the discomfort of his clothes steadily getting wetter, he went to the trunk and helped John retrieve the essentials - the vibranium shield and Zemo’s important documents stored in a waterproof bag.

“How long will this take?” He risked a question.

“An hour.”

They began walking, and with the water dripping down into his shoes, his pants turning wet and stiff, Zemo’s initial indifference was starting to sour. He resisted the urge to kick away a stray pebble, not wishing to devolve into the same brand of childishness that John retired to once all options were exhausted.

Zemo was starting to shiver. “We should have stayed in the car,” he thought aloud.

“Go back if you want,” John said with cold indifference.

“Walker,” Zemo moved even before meaning to, fisting John’s shirt in his hands. “I’d advise you to watch your tone.”

John cocked his head. “You’re the one who started it.”

“If I recall, earlier, you said that I was whoring myself out,” Zemo said each word delicately, dragging it out with excruciating slowness and waiting for each one to sink in.

“You never had a problem with it in bed,” John laughed. The sound tore through Zemo like a bullet. If it were anything else he could have stayed indifferent. But this was his naked body being pinned down like a butterfly specimen in a dissection class, exposed for everyone to see. He let John touch him, degrade him, under the unspoken condition that what went on behind closed doors stayed there. He had never expected this. If John said these things now, what would he let slip in front of Contessa? Hammer? Starr? In a fit of fury, he might announce everything that they did together. Or perhaps he already had, in a conspiratorial voice- guess what I found out about Zemo? Perhaps Zemo had been the butt of the joke the entire time, unaware as the rest of the Thunderbolts stole glances at him and pictured him on his knees.

John took a step forward, uncaring that they would collide, and Zemo’s feet shuffled back involuntarily to keep the distance between them. In terror, he tried to pull his hand away, but John had a vice grip on his wrist. He reached out for Zemo’s throat with his other hand, snarling- “You can’t do anything to me.”

It all happened in a blur after that.

His palm stung. John was stumbling away, broken out of his violent stupor, one hand on his reddening cheek. The relief poured into Zemo, filling his lungs with oxygen.

“Oh god,” John sobbed. He curled in on himself, a wretched, broken thing. The rainwater was still running down his face, so it was only when he covered his face with his hands that Zemo realized he was crying. “Oh my god, I… ”

“Stay away from me,” Zemo said. His own voice was hazy and far away. Almost mechanically, he pulled a knife from his boot and pressed it to his wrist. Droplets of blood beaded up on the surface of his skin, a thin bracelet of ruby crystals. “Don’t move closer.” What the hell am I doing?

“Stop!” John wailed, his voice nearly unrecognizable in its desperation. “Please, please, I won’t move so stop!”

Zemo was so tempted then, to tear the knife down his arm anyway, just to demonstrate to John the price of broken promises, of fractured trust. He gritted his teeth in preparation for it, but… oh, fate, godforsaken fate, had the blade slip from trembling fingers. And life had a way of creating its comedy, because staring at the dirty knife on the ground, Zemo felt too tired to pick it up again.

Saved by a fucking tremor.

“John,” he called weakly, and let himself fall. The impact never came.

---

When he came to, he was somewhere warm and dry, dressed in a clean cotton bathrobe. The fireplace crackled away merrily in the corner of the room.

“This is a small inn. I took a detour from our route,” John said. He approached Zemo cautiously, waiting for silent permission before offering a glass of water.

“I’m sorry,” John said again, his voice small. “I really am. I shouldn’t have said those things. They weren’t true. I’ve never, ever thought of you that way. And I lost control of my strength and my temper...”

“Did you tell anyone?”

John looked up, startled.

“Did you tell anyone else that you and I - that I was a-” The word, meant to mock, lodged painfully in his throat. Zemo looked away, unwilling to let John see his weakness.

“No. Never. I have never told anyone else about us. I know that after today, you probably won’t believe me again. But please just… take my word for it that I have never told a single soul. And I may have complained about you to others, but never like that. I never used that against you, never will.”

John let out a pained sigh. “God, I sound like such an asshole right now. We can stop this arrangement, I mean it. I understand if you don’t want to do it anymore.”

“Look at you, being so serious, trying so hard.” Zemo murmured, trying to relieve his gnawing discomfort. “Are you forgetting? It’s just sex.”

John didn’t respond. He reached for Zemo's wrist, stroking the bandaged skin tenderly, and when he looked up, Zemo was shocked to see that his blue eyes were wet with unshed tears.

John’s touch burned, searing his bare skin. Zemo squirmed and trembled from his ministrations, his body vibrating like a plucked violin string. “Don’t. Don’t try to be... better for me. Save that effort for the woman you love.” I don’t deserve it.

He leaned forward to lick the tears off John’s lips as they started to spill over, letting the salt hit the back of his throat like a whisky shot. “Hurt me. I can take it.”

No guilt.

No strings attached.

That’s the reason you keep coming back to me, and not anything else.

Don’t spoil what we have, John. If you tire of me and run away, who will be there to save me from myself?

You will always be fond of me. I represent to you all the sins you’ve never had the courage to commit.

“Don’t apologize to me. I hold no grudges against you for what you did. We merely exploited each other. Selflessness is not in our nature unless it’s to those who we truly love. For them, we can do anything.”

“Yeah.”

“Olivia, do you truly love her?”

“I do.”

Zemo could read John like a book by this point, and he knew that it was the truth. His chest felt light from the hope of seeing young love flourish, and he smiled a genuine smile that made John flush red in embarrassment. Yet it felt like a needle had been plunged into his heart. It was a reminder of things that he could never possess.

“Heike was just like that. We two can only hurt each other, but people like them will always make you a better version of yourself.”

“You know, I feel that Olivia fell in love with a version of me. A version that’s no longer there, or buried so deep that I can’t dig it out. I'm just an imposter. And now…”

“Now you don’t feel worthy?”

John’s eyes widened. “Yes,” he said breathlessly. “Yeah, how did you know?”

Because I once felt the same way. And I wasted my time trying to figure out the answer, while death stole her away from me.

“Give her that best version of you.” Zemo pressed a kiss to the shell of his ear. “Your home is not a battlefield, leave the violence here with me. And when I’m gone, take it to your grave.”

---

“Zemo, I’ve been thinking...” John lit a cigarette. “...Is it really just sex?”

Zemo turned the question over and over in his mind. “It’s codependency,” he said carefully.

“That’s a big term that I don't understand.”

“A man can’t part from his preferred choice of drug, for the withdrawal will destroy him. That’s what we are.”

“Addiction, you mean.” John took a long drag from his cigarette, exhaling the smoke slowly. Zemo watched the way his throat bobbed, mouth feeling dry all of a sudden.

“Something like that.”

“You know, an asthmatic guy can’t part from his inhaler either.”

“In this metaphor, are we the asthma or the inhaler?”

“Hey, I tried my hand at being philosophical. It’s more of your thing. It's because you’re a smartass who likes showing off, and you’re also a bitch,” John retorted without any real heat.

“I think the word you’re looking for is an affliction.”

“Like I said, smartass.” John put the cigarette out, leaned forward, and gave his forehead a playful little flick.

---

John left in the middle of the night. Zemo heard his footsteps down the stairs and saw from his window a car pulling out of the driveway. Tomorrow John will greet his wife on the porch, and inform her that unfortunately, his colleague couldn’t make it.

When the roar of the engine had finally faded away, Zemo allowed himself to cry - deep, rattling sobs muffled into whimpers.

He cannot bring himself to hate a woman whom John loves.

He cannot bear to separate them.

From midnight into the morning, he laid there paralyzed, cold and alone, clawing at the cut in his wrist until it bled, wishing there were strong arms around him.

My ending thoughts: Is it really just sex? (Hint: It's not)

This is the official end of the three-part road trip series. Thank you all for staying till the end. I will be uploading all 3 parts to AO3 for easier access as well :)

Inspiration and images were taken from:

Zion National Park, United States (Utah)

Black Canyon of the Gunnison, United States (Colorado)

Trollstigen, Norway

Transfăgărășan road, Romania

Karakoram Highway, China-Pakistan

Images were taken from Google, not owned by me.

Heroes to Villain, A Guide:

"You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain."

— Harvey Dent, a.k.a. Two-Face, The Dark Knight

A hero is someone good, somebody whose morals are never in question and someone who stays the course of good for all time. Until... they don't.

A hero who has battled through horror and loss can easily lose their way and find themselves on a darker path. We have all suffered something in life and in the throes of that, we often find ourselves thinking dark thoughts or not acting like ourselves. This can be one of the hardest things to do right in any story, so let's have a look at it from the inside out using 5 characters: Book!Theon Greyjoy, Anakin Skywalker, Book!Tyrion Lannister, Carrie White, Magneto.

In the Beginning

If we accept that your protagonist was a hero, we need to know what kind of person they were. Who were they before hand? Everyone, even if their life has been shit, sees goodness in life at first. Begin when we are first introduced to them.

Theon Greyjoy: He was a smiling playboy with notions of grandeur who loved nothing more than hunting and whoring.

Anakin Skywalker: He was once a slave but made himself into a Jedi Knight during the Clone Wars.

Tyrion Lannister: He was an intelligent, kind playboy.

Carrie White: She was a picked-on, plump and unpopular girl with a terrible home life but with a hope things would improve.

Magneto: He was a caring son who had only his mother in the world.

Though each has a different beginning, we see positivity in all of them. Every hero is hopeful and believes in good.

Sowing the Seeds of Darkness

In every hero, there are seeds of some unsavory trait lingering under their persona. No person is squeaky clean. Having a bad trait doesn't always mean that character will turn bad however. But when looking at any character, you can see how they COULD go bad.

Theon Greyjoy: He has illusions of grandeur, he wants to make his father proud, he is rash, he is sullen, he is resentful

Anakin Skywalker: He can be a sullen person, he is comfortable in battle and can be very rash and violent.

Tyrion Lannister: He's intelligent, prudent, pragmatic, shrewd and sharp

Carrie White: She's a religious fanatic with deep disgust for anybody who doesn't follow her mother's brand of fanaticism.

Magneto: He is very comfortable with inflicting violence and horror upon people, he doesn't trust in people, he is full of unsated rage and hatred.

Peering through the Veil

You ought to let your characters show these through their actions. Even if it is just a glimpse. Percy Jackson is a great example of this. We have watched him grow up since he was 12 but in the newer novels, we have begun to see a darker side to him. He tortures the goddess of misery and even begins to share some startling traits with the primary Hero turned Antagonist, Luke Castellan. Though I doubt Rick will turn Percy villain, showing the seeds beginning to flower is enough to plant doubt in our heads. Harry Potter also experiences this when he tortures one of the Carrows for spitting in Professor McGonagall's face. Even his deadpan comment would chill you, "I see what Bellatrix meant, you have to mean it."

Theon Greyjoy: We first begin to see Theon's nature in the scene in A Game of Thrones, after he kills the wildling threatening Bran. When Robb points out the rashness of the action, Theon answers back in a distant tone.

Anakin Skywalker: He went to go see his mother after a vision, finding her dead. Anakin goes on a rampage and kills everything in the village before burning it down.

Tyrion Lannister: In a Clash of Kings, Tyrion has his first taste of power. The exchange between he and Janos Slynt shows Tyrion's villainous side.

Carrie White: Carrie is walking home and she begins to think bad thoughts about a neighbor, using her powers to shatter the window. This shows her disdain for the people in her life.

Magneto: When he is sitting before the banker in the Swiss Bank, he snaps and pulls the metal filling from the teeth of the banker. Then his torture of Emma, when he almost shatters he diamond form.

The Reasons Why

Every Villain has a sob story. Especially those who were once heroes.

Theon Greyjoy: Was taken from his home aged ten by the man who invaded his home and destroyed his father's kingdom. He was raised with the knowledge that he would be killed by Ned, if the Ironborn threatened Westeros.

Anakin Skywalker: Anakin saw a vision of Padme dying and believes the Sith have the power to save her.

Tyrion Lannister: He is abused by his father and Westerosi society for his dwarfism.

Carrie White: She is abused by her mother, humiliated by her peers and abused by society.

Magneto: His mother is shot by Nazis nd he is abused by them

The Breaking Point

Though we may laugh at the tragic villain backstory trope, there is an interesting flip. Heroes can have a sad backstory and fight through it to still be good but what makes a person turn evil. The Breaking Point is the tipping point between hero and villian. This is the final straw that drives the hero into the arms of Darkness.

Theon Greyjoy: His rejection from his family, the Starks and then the people of Winterfell. He murders two farmboys, one who could very well be his son as he was banging the miller's wife, orders the death of many people he knew well and betrays Robb, his best friend.

Anakin Skywalker: Padme refuses to help him and then he strangles her to death beginning his turn to darkness. He casts off Anakin to become Darth Vader.

Tyrion Lannister: His wife is gang-raped by his household guards with his unwilling help, his girlfriend betrays him, his father tries to kill him after years of emotional abuse, he is cast down and vilified by those he thought his allies. He soon begins to talk openly of destroying Westeros, his dreams of killing and raping Cersei and the destruction of the legacy of House Lannister.

Carrie White: She is humiliated with a bucket of pig's blood at prom leading her on a path of destruction and revenge.

Magneto: After slaying the man who killed his mother and saving humanity from a Nuclear war, Erik joins the others on the beach. When the humans try kill them via missiles, Erik snaps and tries to kill them all.

The Hero Turned Antagonist: The Failure of Dave and Dan and the Destruction of Daenerys Targaryen.

Now that we have looked at how to turn a hero into a villain, I want to point out the dangers of the trope and how it can be done wrong. Daenerys is never shown as a possible villain until the last season. There are no prior points and scenes to back up her turn to darkness. Tyrion's speech to Jon even highlights how stupid casting Dany as a villain is when he points out that killing the slavers was evil. Anybody with the wits of a pea would gave listed this as a good act of Dany's, though a violent one. It is a long and difficult road to turn a hero into a believable antagonist and Dany, though with her troubles and issues, does not fit the template. It was lazy writing that killed a perfectly good character.

For the ever patient @kathryn-anna

Ali & Carly

Ali: Carls, what's good? Carly: me Ali: ooh, ok, love a bit of self-love Ali: ✝ or 😍 or 💊 or other good [please state] Carly: 🍆 Ali: 👌 noiceee Ali: anyone i know? Ali: nosy bitch i know but i'm living vicariously these days 😉 Carly: yea Carly: i cant tell tales outta school Ali: ugh Ali: boo! 😂 Ali: I'll have to stick to being excited Ro and Drew are back on... Carly: you can try Ali: 🔪💚 Ali: killing me Ali: need some good news gurl, if you can't tell me about your dickscapades then tell me something else for my posi vibes Ali: yeah? Ali: got a ☮ rep to maintain Carly: theres pills for that Carly: ill share Ali: aw, she really cares! 😘 Ali: i'm still attached to rio by the tit so can't Ali: bummer 😋 Carly: 🍼 her Carly: she old enough? Ali: breast is best baby and mine are spectacular Ali: depends on the kiddo, and whether you can or can't, if you can you usually do it to a year max tho, that's my goal so got a while yet Carly: dont rub it in 🔪 Carly: killing me now Ali: bitch please Ali: you're 😍 Ali: and clearly someone is loving it Carly: if youre trying something im tired Carly: wait Ali: i know you straight as hell, despite the bait honey 😂 you're good Ali: ? Carly: dont tell him that Carly: rep of my own Ali: how can I tell him? Ali: don't know who it is, do I? Carly: yea you do Ali: right Ali: what to do Ali: quandary man Carly: nothing Ali: I fear you're right Ali: not your fault, he won't listen and neither will she so Ali: but I should, yeah? what would you do Carls Carly: he listens to me thats far as i go Carly: keep out Carly: nobodys gonna thank you for sticking in Ali: and I'm not going to convince you arguing Ro's case, am I? Because- Ali: Yeah, I figured as much Carly: why Carly: she can talk to me herself if shes got something to say Carly: not your job Ali: she's not going to do that Ali: that isn't her, on so many levels Ali: its sister shit Ali: I'm supposed to at least try but its hard when I know they're wrong and that fighting it would be a losing battle Carly: i can not text him first Carly: but he'll text me Carly: not missing out i was here first Ali: I know Ali: Fun times, man Ali: can I ask you something? Carly: it is for me Carly: sorry for her but we have something Carly: yea Ali: that's what i wanted to ask Ali: kinda Ali: is it just the fucking and drug connecs? and there's no judgement there, that's enough if it is Ali: just curious honestly Carly: idk idc Carly: its good Carly: thats a shit word for it Ali: i get it Ali: it makes more sense than with Ro Ali: sorry, don't repeat that Ali: but I'm trying to work out the attraction Ali: collecting info like the nerd i am Carly: does he like her Carly: or just the chase cuz she dont put out Ali: I wish I knew Ali: There has to be something in it for him, doesn't there? Or, what the fuck is he doing Carly: id lie that its about me if thatd help Carly: but we arent that Ali: Nah? Ali: Maybe he don't fucking know either Ali: I'd ask but I'm not getting a straight answer so meh Carly: he doesnt use my name Carly: does he remember hers Ali: Like you said, she doesn't talk about that kinda thing, but I hope so Ali: I don't think Ro would deal if he didn't but what do I know Ali: you're cool with it? Carly: the answers there Carly: he must like her Carly: scared to wife her Carly: i dont have his tattooed on me either Ali: funny way of showing it Ali: fucking hell, more drama than my own 😂 Ali: good, i'm glad you're happy with it forreals, one less to worry about Carly: i miss him Carly: thats not for you to nerd over Ali: but he doesn't stop Ali: that's what drives me wild, he gets his cake and eats it too when he's with Ro too Ali: but preaching to the choir or whatever the fuck here Ali: sorry, wish I could tell Ro this, that's all Carly: hes not getting any cake from her Ali: is that what he's telling you? or just presumption? Carly: we dont talk about her Ali: okay well at least he's not bullshitting here Ali: 'cos nah girl Carly: not good shit k Carly: thats why he wants me so bad Ali: that's what i mean, so if he loves her and wants you, that'd be chill if Ro was cool with it but she ain't Ali: right Ali: know what I gotta do now at least Carly: but youre not ratting me out to him Carly: dont need that mood Ali: of course not Ali: like i said, you've done nothing wrong Ali: he's not trying to hide anything, i think she knows Ali: so its not gonna come back to you, it can't Carly: k Carly: i need him to come around Carly: whenever Ali: sounds like he will Ali: don't think anyone or thing is stopping him Ali: do you love him? Carly: no Carly: i Carly: we have fun Ali: alright Ali: good Ali: i hope he'll treat you better when all this shit gets sorted Ali: more fun, full time, what could be better? Carly: he's good to me Carly: 🍆 & 💊 Carly: no better Ali: you won't have to miss him Ali: for one Ali: or share Ali: 🍆 at least Ali: you'll have to always get in line for the 💊 Carly: there's always other girls Carly: get in line for him too Carly: sharing can be fun Ali: yeah? fairplay Ali: do you get to bring other boys Ali: or is it just other girls for him Carly: why would i wanna bring other lads in? he's the better fuck Ali: if you insist Ali: plenty of dick in the sea tho Carly: not for you Ali: but i'm wifey-ed Ali: that ain't you, like you said Carly: yea Carly: i know when im onto a good thing tho Ali: you ain't a good thing? Ali: or drew just a fool? 🤔😜 Carly: no im not Carly: ask around Ali: why not? Ali: i don't listen to the town goss, heaven help my self-esteem if I did Carly: aw Carly: youre sweet Ali: yeah yeah yeah Ali: I know I'm annoying tf out of you but can't be tamed Carly: me too Ali: 😂 Ali: bitchfight in woodwork? Ali: really rock their worlds Carly: yea Ali: just no tools okay Ali: i don't want permanent disfiguration Carly: only the tat Carly: k Ali: oh, you're conservative on skin art now? 🤔 Ali: got a kid honey, if he chucks me, that's the real glaring awkwardness Carly: shit true Carly: & id go for some ink Ali: let me let me! Ali: i've convinced you that i'm dead sane and aren't going to brand you with a red A, yeah? 🤪😉 Carly: come over and do it Ali: yeah? Ali: lets do this Ali: think what you want Carly: draw what you wanna Ali: 🙌🙏 Ali: have you been sent by god herself?! Carly: or her boy Carly: isnt that who the devil is? her bf Ali: 🤨 Ali: imma give you a theology 101 whilst i'm there too Ali: the real story is lowkey better, trust Carly: idk the porno was good shit Ali: rule 34 baby Ali: i'll draw you that Ali: not on you Ali: unless you're REALLY vibing Carly: whats rule 34 Ali: if it exists, there is porn of it 🤓 Ali: fun game Ali: think of the most outlandish fucked up shit you think no one would think of, search it on pornhub Ali: drink if it exists Carly: ive done that Carly: it is fun Ali: high 🖐 Carly: tomorrow? Carly: bring the kid if its a thing Ali: fosho Ali: playdate! 😜 Ali: might have a gran on duty but cheers if not Carly: k Ali: imma sketch Ali: where do you want this Carly: idc Carly: use the space you wanna Carly: gotta have a 34 in there tho now Ali: absolutely Ali: lucky number Carly: yea Ali: do it in mandarin or something so you can be #deep and #classy Ali: keep 'em guessing gurl Carly: 🔪 im dead Ali: ☠ i'll write a beautiful eulogy on your corpse Carly: aw Ali: i ain't drew but want me to bring any goodies Ali: aside from aformentioned tits Carly: hitting with all the qs you know the answers to Ali: aw honey i'm flattered Ali: #whenshegoesbiforyou Ali: i'll see what i can do 😉 Carly: can't wait