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thebest-medicine · 4 months

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Lustige Geschichten

..a Crit-mas Story for @amazingmsme for Squealing Santa 2k23!!

A/N: Happy Holidays, Merry Chrysler, and Happy Critmas to the amazing @amazingmsme!!!!!! I absolutely loved all your prompts so I tried to combine a few, I hope you enjoy this lovely holiday gift! 💚 (and shout-out to @hypahticklish for organizing and coordinating and presiding over this year’s @squealing-santa)

Critical Role - Mighty Nein - ticklish!Caleb, featuring an assortment of very mean, lovely friends (most of the Nein)

[AO3 Link]

Words: 6.8k

Summary: Jester enjoys a nice story time, and Caleb, despite himself, has a fun evening under the persistent affection of his friends. Errrrybody hops on the tickle-the-wizard-out-of-his-keen-mind train.

...

Caleb stretches his back a bit uncomfortably as he shifts in the wooden chair, having spent the last few hours in more or less the same spot —posture curled forward around the desk.

A cheerful, curious little ‘murrp’ catches his ear. He glances over to find one of the tower cats, Rudi, strolling toward him.

“Mm, guten Abend, Rudi.”

Rudi trots over and rubs up against his legs. His whiskers tickle at Caleb’s ankle.

He smiles, eyes still on his book.

The light, fluffy feeling trails away a few moments later when Rudi pads over to the nearby sofa in the study outside Caleb’s bedroom. Rudi circles a few times before plopping himself down comfortably on a cushion. He ‘mrrow’s and chirrups a few times, tail flicking impatiently as he looks over at the wizard.

“You know, if you wanted some attention you could go find Jester, you know how she loves to cuddle with you at night.”

Rudi meows and rolls over, rubbing his head into the couch cushions.

A few more minutes pass, not without an array of ‘meow’s calling to him, inviting him over.

Caleb exhales, blowing a loose wisp of hair out of his face. “Mmm. You are making it rather hard to concentrate.”

Rudi responds in kind with a trill, rolling back onto his belly. He stretches, then flops onto his other side again in a move to beckon the wizard over to the soft cushions next to him on the couch. He purrs loudly, and then lets out another trilling meow, looking expectantly at Caleb.

“Very well then.” Caleb sighs. “But I’m bringing my book.”

Rudi wiggles, baring his belly as Caleb sits down, a fair bit more comfortable than the wooden chair. Caleb holds up his book in one hand and pats Rudi with the other. He still often denies himself comfort and kindness out of habit — but, it can be nice to be pushed into it by friends (and cats) around you.

“Thank you for the company.” Rudi’s resonating purr sends a wave of calm through Caleb where the cat is pressed up to his hand and thigh.

“Hiiiii. You guys look cozy. Room for one more?” With a colorful blur and twirl around the corner into the doorway, Jester arrives on the scene, a cheerful smile apparent in her voice as she says. “Hey, Caleb.”

Caleb hums in acknowledgement, turning the page in his book. “Hallo, Jester.” He says it without looking up, a dusting of pink on his cheeks at his unexpected guest.

In a few strides, the blue figure in his peripheral gets closer until he feels the couch dip next to him on the opposite side of where Rudi is curled up. “What are you reading?”

“A book.”

Jester harrumphs, shouldering against him with a pout. “A book about what?”

Caleb fights off a smile. He is already thoroughly distracted —so he’s made peace with ending his studies early.

He pretends to turn the page and continue reading, and Jester lets out a whine in a pitch befitting Sprinkle.

He lets her fester a few moments longer before he answers, failing to fully fight off his smile. “Just some texts on Pre-Calamity Exandria I borrowed from Essek’s library— well, it delves into some history as well as specifics on the spells and magic of the time, the ideas behind it, and the history of uses within various schools of the arcane.”

“Oh..” She scrunches up her nose. “I wanted to see if I could read with you. But that sounds pret-ty bo-ring.”

He hums in acknowledgement.

Jester’s tail lashes side to side, impatient and bored —two qualities that, when found in her, tend to lead to an afternoon of mischief.

She sighs dramatically, leans her head on Caleb’s shoulder to look at the book.

Caleb hums again, turning the page.

“If I find you something more… fun to read… would you read it to me and Rudi?” She asks a few beats later.

Caleb’s eyes flick sideways to her, a soft smile on his lips. “Ja, sure, of course.” He turns the page. “None of your smut, though.” He adds, fighting down a smirk.

She sticks out her tongue, and he has the good graces not to call her on it.

Getting up and roaming about his bookshelves, she begins. “Okay, okay. What’s a good one— ummm.. Let me look!”

Caleb marks the page in his text as Jester fingers through his books.

“Oh how about this one! Look at this guy, he’s so scary!” She makes a face, holding up the book. There’s a tall figure with wild, wiry, mad-scientist looking hair sprouting in every direction from his head — his face outstretched in a foul scream. His fingernails are longer than his hands themselves, and scatter, crooked, every which way from his hands.

“Ah, that’s a Zemnian children’s classic.” Caleb sits fully upright on the couch, closing his book.

Jester laughs out loud at that. “This is for kids?”

He sets his book down on the table beside him. “Ja. Der Struwwelpeter.”

Jester bounds over with a giggle, repeating the title in a silly imitation of Caleb’s accent. She plops down and quickly snuggles into the corner of the couch, then turns to Caleb, making grabby hands in his direction.

His cheeks flush a little — as they always do in the face of such open affections — as he leans to sit closer to her on the couch. It’s not a moment before he feels her arm loop around his shoulders.

“Oh— hi, ok.” Caleb lets out a nervous little laugh as she draws him closer. Rudi stands with a stretch.

“I wanna see the pictures- here, like this!”

She shifts him, which he allows with a tired smile, until she’s laying against the arm of the couch and he is dragged back against her, back to chest, his legs over hers up on the couch cushions. Her head comes to rest gently on the mop of his orange hair.

“Perfect! Are you comfy?” Jester asks brightly.

Caleb snorts a little, settling in to his new position practically lying down on the couch. He pretends to be a bit put out, but sighs and stretches one leg out and it bumps into the other arm of the couch. He puts one ankle up on the arm and bends the other leg at the knee, getting comfortable. Rudi find himself a comfortable spot across Caleb’s thighs and plops down, continuing to purr.

“Alright, well let’s see,” he brushes off the cover. “‘Der Struwwelpeter, oder lustige Geschichten und drollige Bilder von Dr. Heinrich Hoffmann’ — this book is a compilation of funny children’s tales and illustrations.” He explains.

“Which word means ‘funny’?”

“It’s this word here, ‘lustig’.” Caleb points to the cover.

“Lustige,” she reads and then laughs.

He reads each of the two first pages in their original form, a cadence coming to his lips at the familiar text. She doesn’t understand what the words all mean, but it still sounds lovely, like an old song from far away.

Then, the story putters to a stop as he pauses to explain to her what it says.

He continues this way, reading, explaining, reading, explaining, holding up the book so Jester can look more closely at the pictures, scrutinizing.

A few pages deep, when he finishes the Zemnian, she suggests. “Hm.. When you tell me what it says… Can you do it in a silly voice?”

“Um-” Caleb is a master of changing many things, but his accent is not one of them. He laughs again, a little sheepish. “Okay…”

He clears his throat and then —in a terrible, silly imitation of Jester— he explains what the passage says in Common.

Jester laughs in delight and follows along.

She ooh’s and ahh’s as Caleb reads each of the next pages in Zemnian and then explains what it says in his decidedly silly voice.

Jester lets out a gasp at the next turn of the page. “Oohhhh my gosh, Caleb, it’s the guy from the front, look at his nails.” She grins, observing the full page of artwork depicting a large child —or, maybe, a small man— with wild hair that looked like it had just taken a bit too much lightning damage, and with fingernails grown out much longer than his fingers. They stretch wildly across the page.

Caleb huffs out a little laugh. “Mmhm.”

And then, because she is Jester, she continues. “Don’t you think they would be..” She brings her own nails up to trace gently along the shell of his ears. “Reaaaaally tickly?”

A shiver runs down his spine. “Heh- ja, yes.” Caleb shakes his head a little, brushing off the flutter in his chest and flare of embarrassment. He takes one of his hands off of the book to swat at her hands. “You would love them, I’m sure.”

“Oh, I really would…” She smiles and wiggles a bit. “I would use them for so many pranks.. ooh and tickle fights. Oh, I would win every time.”

Caleb’s hand has successfully deterred her fingers from his neck.

But, he notes with a shiver, she just reaches down to pinch at his sides a few times instead.

He squirms, readjusting. “You don’t need any extra help. You already do.” His elbows don’t quite clamp down to his sides, but come down enough to gently push her teasing fingers away.

Caleb feels the energy of the evening beginning to shift. There’s something flittering about inside him at that, but he presses on with the task, and the conversation, at hand.

But, a few more pokes and Caleb’s arms press down harder on instinct. “Jester— the book..” He reminds her, voice light with almost-laughter.

The cat shifts in his lap, giving Caleb a look that perhaps on a human would look annoyed.

Jester pulls her hands away from his sides, but quickly redoubles her efforts back up on the side of his neck, quick and gentle. “Mmm. Right, right. Tell me more about ‘dar Schtruvvelpater’.”

“Hey- ehe- hey.” He snorts again, scrunching his neck. “Would you stop it— I-I’m trying to read to you.” His voice is light, fluttering, and it cracks with a laugh around the words —it all comes out a little more high pitched than he intended.

Jester lets out a whine, clearly wanting to continue both. “You can keep reading!” She giggles, pinching down his shoulders and around to the backs of his armpits.

“But—” He pleads, but then Jester’s hands are down around the bottoms of his ribs again. “Ah! Je- Jester I can’t—” He chokes out, snickering and wobbling back and forth between her pokes on either side of his rib cage. His elbows squeeze against his sides, trying in vain to protect himself while maintaining his hold on the novel.

Rudi yowls at them, indignant, and turns to plop up onto the back of the couch, curling up in the middle.

“Oh sorry Rudi!” She chuckles. “But, seriously Caleb—it’s fine, I don’t mind if you laugh!” Jester adds, and wiggles her fingers around and over his stomach.

Laugh he does, pressing the book against his middle in a poor attempt at defense. His arms do their best to attempt to cover a few of his weak spots, but Jester doesn’t seem to mind the obstacle, easily finding others. She tuts at him and crawls her hands back up his sides.

Jester’s fingers work their way up and then jump to his neck again. Caleb clings to the book for dear life, pulling it up to cover his face as he fights a continuous, losing battle with the giggles that Jester is keen to draw out of him.

“Wait— hehe wait I- heh- I thought you wanted— aha- ah— y-you wanted me to read to you!” Laughter cracks through every word, climbing to the surface like weeds sprouting forth between the bricks of a worn path.

“Well I did—I do, but now—” She shifts her legs, wiggling to get them out from underneath Caleb and then wrapping them around his middle to block him in against her chest and the couch. “I thought of something else I wanna listen to.”

Caleb cackles when Jester scribbles, unexpected and intently, over his lowest ribs. “Sch-scheiße! Oh noho- ahaHA NAHA-NEIN JESTER!” He nearly squirms out of her grasp, giggling and chasing her hands with his elbows —but, he’s no match for her leg muscles —plus, he’s still trying to hold onto the book.

He just about jumps out of his skin when he suddenly picks up a green figure in his field of vision —Fjord, who somehow made it halfway across the room without Caleb’s notice. Shit.

Blushing further, the wizard closes his eyes and tries to hide his face between Jester’s shoulder and the couch. “No— don’t!” Caleb squeals between laughs as Fjord approaches.

“What are you two doing in here, hmm?” Fjord asks casually.

Caleb shivers, envisioning the grin on his face. He sucks in a breath and clamps his mouth shut, convinced that maybe he can avoid getting someone else involved if he holds it together—if he just doesn’t laugh again for the next few seconds.

“He’s reading me a story!” Jester responds, chipper.

“Oh, that sounds nice.” And then, closer. “Can I listen too? How can I help?”

Caleb’s heart spins in a swirl of excitement and giddiness and nerves. “Nooooohoho.” He responds, unable to hold back the giggles from his words.

“Shh— I wasn’t asking you.” Fjord scolds.

Caleb whines, a little indignant, with a laugh into the crook of his elbow.

“Oh I know!” Jester gathers excitedly, pointedly ignoring Caleb. “I’ll hold the book and turn the pages, and you can hold his hands because they are probably, like- so, so tired from holding the book up this whole time, hmm?” She nuzzles against Caleb’s ear then, teasing. “Right Caleb?”

Caleb squirms, his legs kicking against the couch. “Mmmmf nooooo—”

“Great idea, Jes.” Fjord answers just as Caleb chokes out another desperate little sound of protest as he breaks down into laughter.

“Here, give me this.” Jester commands, ceasing her light, tickling pokes and reaching to take the book from Caleb’s hands.

He shakes his head, curling his upper body inward protectively. “Nohohoo—” Caleb cries as she pokes at his neck with one finger, bringing his hands back in toward his face.

Fjord’s hands wrap —firm and unyielding as any proper sailor’s knot— around Caleb’s small wrists.

Caleb keens forward desperately with a high pitched laugh, and Jester pulls the book the rest of the way from his grip. “There we go! Okay, okay, now then...”

Jester holds the book up above them, flipping to the page they left off on. Meanwhile, Fjord, standing beside the couch, gently tows Caleb’s shaky arms up over red and blue mops of hair.

Caleb giggles, a few anxious little sounds of anticipation making their way out in between. He tugs weakly at his arms as he is brought back down against Jester’s chest. “Hnnnmf— Fjord,” His voice is light, nervous. “W-wait—”

“Can you see okay? Keep reading, keep reading, go on!” Jester draws the book in toward his face.

A few quick, giddy breaths, and then he manages to read the next line of text between little laughs, his voice shaky, before it’s cut off with a squeal. “und die —CH AHH AHA HAH— NEIN!” Jester has one hand off of the book and wiggles her fingers, close but not quite touching, just above his rib cage. He shakes his head. “Don’t- don’t tease! Bihihitte!”

“Ha!” Fjord laughs at that, squeezing at Caleb’s wrists gently in comfort. “Oh? You’re asking Jester? Not to tease?”

Caleb whimpers, shaking his head more. “I- I..”

Jester grins, pulling her hand even further away and dexterously wiggling her fingers at him. “If I was ‘dare Schtruvel Peter’ I could tickle you from all the way up here!”

“Jester—” Caleb sounds like he’s about to die, his voice strangled.

“Are you gonna keep reading or are we just gonna have to put the book down and focus on tickling you?” She asks, a faux impatience in her voice.

“No! HA NEIN DON’T! Please— I can’t!”

“Sure you can, go on then!” Jester teases, her fingers wiggling threateningly above his rib cage.

Caleb shrieks and hides his head against his shoulder again.

“Alright… well, I guess you’ll have to finish the story later, then.” Jester sighs. “Fjord, can you—” She moves the book up over Caleb’s head, wiggling it in the air.

“No wahahait! Wait—” Caleb shakes his head, trying to wriggle his arms free.

One of Caleb’s wrists is released so that Fjord can safely grab the old book and set it next to his other discarded pile on the table beside the couch. Immediately, the freed arm shoots down and presses against his side, blocking his ribs and armpit from Jester’s teasing. His hand then comes up to cover his red face.

“Oh no you dont.” Fjord says with a sternness as he grips Caleb’s wrist once again, gentle but strong, and pries it up away from his face.

Caleb struggles, he fights him on it with a smile on his face, despite his show of protest.

Well, he struggles for all of three seconds before Jester pinches at the soft spot just under his ribs twice and Caleb flails, melting, and his already limited strength is rendered useless. Fjord gets both arms comfortably back up and pinned and leans over, smirking down at them. “Does that book have any stories about……… tickle monsters?”

“Nein—” He snorts, giggles coming out faster as Jester wiggles both hands toward and away from his prone middle, never quite touching. “But I- I think I could heh—send in ideas for their nehehext publication.”

Fjord agrees with a hum. She is rather terrifying.

“What’s that called in Zemnian, hmm Caleb?” Fjord asks.

“Ehehe— what?”

“Yeah, yeah! How do you say ‘the tickle monster’!” Jester asks excitedly.

He thinks, squeezing his eyes shut. “Hehe it would.. it would be ‘das Kitzelmonster’—” He snickers as he says it, blushing a bit more.

“Aww, that’s so cute. ‘Das Kitz el Monstar’.” Jester pokes at his ribs, whispering a quick, teasing ‘kitz kitz kitz kitz’ with each poke.

As soon as she does this, Caleb jolts. He realizes, too late, that he’s just supplied a new and dangerous fuel for the already devastatingly effective teases they both are. His back rockets up and away from Jester, face flushing hot. “Staha- stop- no! N-HNN DOHOHON’T!” His legs kick up and in toward his middle, but are blocked by Jester’s legs wrapped around him.

With nowhere else to go, they start kicking wildly into the air and at the couch. “BITTE! Don’t— don’t say that!” His voice cracks on a loud laugh, neck and ears red hot with embarrassment.

Jester is known for her teasing and taking apart of defenses, and she’s unmistakably the resident tickle monster of the group. She’s tickled and teased Caleb more times than she can count. He is always a sucker for it —never fails to make things a little worse, a little more sensitive, a little more effective.

But, this time, she notices, he seems even more desperate to get away from the teasing. “Aww, I know how much you looooove it when we talk about how ticklish you are…”

“B-Bitte— HAHA DON’T— don’t!” Caleb wails.

“Is it even wooooorse when I say it in Zemnian? Heehee! What was it? Kitzelmonster? Kitzel? Aww are you too kitz-kitz-kitzel-ish Caleb?” She scratches gently at his sides.

Caleb does his best impression of a contortionist, wailing and struggling against her in a way that seems more keen to actually get away than just for show.

“Did the Kitzelmonster get ya?” She giggles.

He’s taken much harder — and much worse — tickling before, and never reacted quite so viscerally to teasing. Jester feels an evil, delighted little twist in her stomach at the knowledge.

“Eheehee no! HAHA JESTER— Please!! N-not that —don’t say it! Mist, stop it —please.”

“HMMMMmm.” She ponders loudly, gently fitting one unmoving fingertip after another into the grooves of his ribs. With his squirming, he’s essentially tickling himself at this point. “How about… if you ask me to tickle you, I’ll stop saying how cute and kitz kitz kitzel-ish you are!”

“NEIN!” Caleb shouts, indignant.

“I’ll even give you a little break first if you ask nice!” She offers with a laugh. “Because like, you kinda seem like you’re gonna die.”

He says nothing, just laughs and shakes his head.

“Okay then.” He feels her shrug underneath him. Her hands pull away from his ribs.

He takes a nervous, shaky breath —just in time for her fingers to walk up to Caleb’s rib cage under his shirt instead and start doing something very fast and very effective.

He shrieks and breaks into desperate cackles. His laughter pitches up to a scream —and, just as quickly, she pulls her hands back out from under his shirt.

“Now, wanna try that again?” She opens and closes her hands like little claws, a few inches above Caleb’s sides. “Or do you want me to keep talking about how kitz-kitz-kitzel-ish poor little ticklish kitzel-ish Caleb is?”

Caleb shakes his head with a surprising voracity, his body flailing and jolting. Fjord nearly loses his grip on Caleb’s wrists.

Still not touching him, she wiggles her fingers, and Caleb laughs as though her claws are already taking him apart.

“BITTE— NEIN!” He pleads. “AHA— STAHOP!”

She persists, voice dark and scary. “Oh nooooo, Caleb! The Kitzelmonster’s almost got you! And it brought its fri-ends!”

As she speaks, teasing and throwing in every silly variation she can of the word that she can think of.

Her voice gets quieter from Fjord’s perspective as she leans in close and continues, whispering into Caleb’s bright red ear.

Jester teases in a way that should be outlawed, truly a cruel and unusual punishment. It’s— he’s… laughing and squirming so hard already, and- and no one’s even tickling him right now.

Tears in his eyes, face red and blotchy, Caleb eventually whimpers out —his voice desperate, breathless, “Jester- enough, STOP stop- stop saying it, plehehehehease! Okay! Okay— ehehe! Stop!” He groans. “Just- just tickle meheHEHEEHEE—”

Her fingers zip in to do just that as Jester giggles triumphantly. “By the way, next time we do this, I’m gonna make you tell me how to ask for it in Zemnian.” She adds casually.

Through silly giggles, he asks. “NE-NEIN- Jester, ahaha, wh-why?” His eyes flutter shut.

Fjord laughs, the sound radiating warmth into Caleb’s skin. “She really is an evil little ‘Kitzelmonster’, isn’t she?”

“Fjord!” Jester scolds with a giggle as Caleb lets out a pathetic squeal in protest at his words.

Caleb’s legs fly into the air, kicking at imaginary targets yet too uncoordinated to hit even those. His laughter rings out loudly in the room as Jester pokes and scritches under his arms.

“You look like you’re ready to try out for the circus.”

The sudden appearance of Mollymauk’s voice sends a chill down Caleb’s spine.

His head snaps over to confirm that, yes, Molly is leaning casually in the doorway. Smile on his face. Mischief in his eyes. Fingers twitchy in a way he gets when he really wants something (and that ‘something’, often, is to draw lovely laughter from those close to him).

“But really, Caleb, you’re going to hurt yourself if you keep floundering about like that.”

“Hi Molly! Oh, you’re right. I did say I’d give him a break,” Jester smiles, bringing her hands down to rest on his thighs, not tickling.

Caleb’s deep breath out is fizzling with anxious snickers. “Ehehehe M-Mollymauk.. Molly. Molly—” How long has he been standing there?

“Yes?” Molly purrs, drawing into the room.

Caleb looks up at the ceiling, whimpers. “Please,” a breath, “you’ll— ehe they’ll— you’re killing mehehehee.”

“I’m killing you? Ha. Well. It’s a good thing Jester’s close by.” Molly smirks, then, dramatically winces with a waiver of his hand. “Mm. Well, I bet Caduceus isn’t far anyway.”

“Hey! Rude!” Jester shifts to stick her tongue out at Molly. “Anyway. Don’t you think he’s had enough of a break? Go get his feet!”

“What? No wait! But you barely—” Caleb cries out, drawing his legs as close to his chest as possible.

“You bet-ter put those back down…” Jester threatens, tracing featherlight circles into the skin of his sides, just under his shirt.

“No!” Caleb wails in protest. His flailing kicks begin anew.

Well, if he’s going to be stubborn about it… Molly strolls to the other end of the couch, chuckles, and then, like a cat watching a flock of birds, begins batting at Caleb’s legs and dodging kicks, hunting for the perfect in.

Uncoordinated, tickled, and giddy with laughter, Caleb doesn’t make it long before Molly’s towing one of his ankles down to the end of the couch with a victorious snicker.

“Got one!”

His other leg keeps kicking wildly, still unclaimed.

There’s a mixture of Common and Zemnian (or at least an attempt at them) in between loud, boisterous, shrieking laughs as Molly swipes a finger up and down his sole.

Jester moves her fingers up, two on each side, scritching lightly into Caleb’s armpits.

Meanwhile, Molly fully disregards the free foot in order to devote his focus to holding down Caleb’s ankle and wiggling more fingers under scrunched toes.

Molly gets a claw under and between some just as Jester adds more fingers to his underarms, and Caleb makes a sound so loud and desperate that he’s glad —somewhere in his mind where he can remember to be— that they is in his tower and not in the middle of a tavern room, surrounded by other rooms, with people around.

In the moment, he fails to consider, however, that there are in fact still people in the tower.

Caleb’s not thinking about that, though. In fact, he’s not thinking about much at all right now, other than how badly this tickles.

“You have ten seconds to put your other leg down, or I’m gonna have Molly come up here and help me get your ribs.” Jester offers as a threat, pausing her tickling, as does Mollymauk.

A beat of silence aside from quavering laughter, then Caleb asks. “Wh-when… when did you become so evil?”

Jester giggles. “Always been!” And then she blows a raspberry on his neck.

“AAAII— OKAY!”

She stops —and then, denying his better instincts, Caleb brings his other leg down shakily. He allows Molly to wrap both ankles up in the crook of his elbow.

The free purple hand wiggles delightedly, a few inches away from the trapped soles before him. He looks back over his shoulder at Caleb —who looks absolutely lovely when he’s devastated in this way.

Caleb protests without any conviction. “This is— very unfair.”

Jester pokes down his rib cage and over to his tummy.

“Plehe— oh nohoh-AHA haha noooo—” Caleb squirms, his head rolling back with laughter.

Just then, she starts to lightly spider her fingers over his stomach, while Molly does the same technique, alternating over each foot. Fjord watches each of them fondly, Jester clearly having the time of her life — she really is a ‘Kitzelmonster’. They take turns, not wanting to completely overwhelm the tired, scrawny wizard, with Molly and Jester each watching the other and commenting on Caleb’s reactions.

When Caleb opens his blurry eyes again, a few minutes and endless laughs later, he sees Veth, looming over the back of the couch next to a curled up Rudi. She gives him a smug, knowing little smile. It can be intense, electric, unbearable at times —being tickled —but Caleb has confessed under the influence of alcohol and ticklish duress that he doesn’t hate — or even enjoys, much to his chagrin — the opportunities that come up in his life for his brain to slow down and fog up a little bit, til there is no room for guilt and worry. He is in (many) good hands, after all. But, it’s nice to know she knows, she’ll be there, she’ll help take him apart a little too, if she likes, and, eventually, she’ll help reign in the tieflings if he needs her to.

Caleb can’t hold her gaze for long, his eyes close just as Jester’s fingers start poking into his sides repeatedly.

A moment later he gasps, curling his head and neck sideways at the first flutter of a light, fluffy edge of a feather along the shell of his ear.

“Ehe- staha— Veheheheth!” Caleb stutters out through laughter. He attempts a peak at her and finds one of her feather-fall feathers held neatly in her mage hand, twirling about just beside his head. “Ahaha— nein!”

“What is this? You guys threw a wreck-the-wizard party without me?” Beau’s voice cuts through the already overwhelmed sensory input in Caleb’s brain.

His voice is shrill, desperate in response. “No— hehehe nononono— Beheheheaureagard! Aha gehehehet out of hehehere! NOHOHOHO!”

“Oh, please. Don’t bother.” Beau’s response is rippling with smug laughter as she waves dismissively at him.

Caleb soon becomes aware of a hand wrapping around his shins a few moments after she speaks. He curses between laughs and hopelessly tries again to kick his legs.

Beau moves one arm behind his legs and squeezes at his calf muscle once, twice, an attempted scolding for his jolts and kicks of protest. Caleb shrieks. Everyone freezes — it almost feels as though time stops for a moment.

Caleb yelps when she does it again, his breath sucking in a half-second later.

Jester peaks over Caleb’s shoulder. “Oooh, what did you do?” Her hands idle over Caleb’s sides.

Molly looks over his shoulder, smug and grinning. “Look— I knew your knees were bad… but.”

“Looks like someone’s a little ticklish here.” Beau smirks, letting out a little evil laugh. She squeezes the back of Caleb’s leg again, a few inches below his knee.

“No!” He cries out, laughing. “Dohohon’t—”

“Yeah? And what are you gonna do about it? Laugh?” Beau snickers and begins squeezing the back of each of his legs, up and down the calf muscles. She kneels down beside the couch, finding the perfect angle. Meanwhile, Molly keeps Caleb’s ankles locked up in a solid, tight hold, enjoying the show.

Caleb wails out a few more wheezy protests between cackles as Beau tickles up and down his legs. “Don’t! Beauhoho— hahaha stAHAHOP!”

Jester wriggles underneath him as she repositions and trails her hands down.. down.. down as far as she can, lightly tickling down his ribs and sides as she goes, squeezing his hips, past where her own legs are wrapped around his middle. She reaches out, grabbing in the air at Beau’s hands —fingers still a decent distance from tickling anywhere near his calves or knees. “Ha! You’re ticklish everywhere Caleb!” Jester giggles into his ear.

“Yeah, how’d you manage to hide this spot from us for so long?” Beau asks. “Are your legs this sensitive all the way up and down?” She pinches at the backs of his ankles all the way up to his knees, then continues up, squeezing around his thighs.

“Ehehe- no! Leheheheheave them alone!” Caleb cries.

“Not a chance, man- ha! They so are— look at you!” She pinches at a spot a few inches below his knee that gets him kicking — or, well, trying his best to. “You’re fucking ridiculous!” She laughs.

Caleb lets out a noise somewhere between a snort and a plea. His laughter and thrashing continue to grow frantic.

Beau leans against the couch and wraps Caleb’s knees up in one arm. She pinches and squeezes the backs of his calves with her free hand, a smug grin on her face.

Mollymauk’s tail joins her hand and tries to wiggle against the backs of his legs and knees. Meanwhile, his fingers keep up a quick tempo fluttering across Caleb’s wiggling feet.

“Eeheehee whahahahah-why are you tryhihing to kill mehehehee!?” Caleb cries out.

Jester watches delightedly as Beau and Molly drive him up the wall. She holds tight with her legs as he squirms and wriggles, desperate for escape.

“Aww, you say that like it’s a bad thing!” Jester answers him, wiggling her fingers in a tease a few inches above his armpits. “We wouldn’t do it if you weren’t having fun!”

Caleb turns somehow even more red at that and lets out a pathetic little peal of laughter in response to her teasing.

Veth’s mage hand moves down to start poking at his top rib just under his armpit on the side nearest the couch.

“Ehe— no! Neihihein! Bitte!” He squirms to the side, only to meet Jester’s finger on the other side.

Molly and Beau pause to rearrange a bit, trying to figure out the best way to hold his legs while also watching his helpless little squirms.

Caleb sputters out giggles and half-worded pleas.

Jester ponders aloud. “I should probably call Yasha and Caduceus… I feel like they’re going to be preeeeeetty bummed if they miss this. I know I would be.”

“No— no!” Caleb squeaks.

Molly wiggles a finger up and down Caleb’s arch while Beau squeezes just above his knee.

“Ugh. You’re right, Caleb. There’s barely any room for us. You need to make the couch in here bigger next time you bring up the tower.” Jester chastises, poking at his side in light, random patterns. “There’s not enough room for everyone.”

Caleb whimpers into his bicep through laughter.

“I have an idea..” Fjord grins, transferring Caleb’s wrists to one hand and reaching down with the other to squeeze and tickle at both his and Jester’s sides below.

Caleb cackles with a renewed desperation, while Jester cries out. “Hehehee- hey! Hah-” She gasps in fake offense before breaking into giggles.

“Let’s move ‘im to the bed.” Fjord finishes his thought with a few pokes under Caleb’s arm.

“Mmmf— nooooo heh—” Caleb protests weakly, his face tingling with a happy, giddy silliness —sweet and warm under his skin like fresh honey.

Fjord releases his wrists and reaches down with both hands, and —easily besting the now flailing arms— hooks his hands underneath Caleb’s shoulders and around to his armpits. He lifts up. Caleb squeals. Fjord wiggles his fingers a bit. Caleb makes some kind of choked laugh.

Then Caleb is shaking his head more fervently as Beau reaches to lift him under his knees. Mollymauk releases his ankles with a grin.

“Bitte, you-you’ve had your fun! Y-you’re killing me! Mercy!” Caleb pleads, his eyes wide as Beau and Fjord make quick work of lifting him up.

He scrambles for any sort of anchor or purchase —a steady moore out in the sea of giddiness and laughter he’s found himself caught and floating in.

“Hey!” Almost on cue, a familiar sensation of Jester’s claws make their reappearance on his sides. “That’s mine! Give him back!” She scolds.

“NAHA— ehehehee, don’t!” Caleb can’t stop himself from squirming and flinching away as Jester’s fingers prod and tickle at the wizard above her.

She snickers, delighted, and her fingers follow along for as long as she can reach him. Noticing this, Fjord and Beau seem to take an extra long time moving him up and away from the couch —and out of tiefling range —over to the bed.

Finally, he’s out of Jester’s range. His breath comes in shakily as they deposit him gently on his mattress. He’s red-faced, tears welling up in his eyes with a few running messily down his cheeks. His eyes are squeezed shut to hide from the scrutiny and knowing smiles of his companions above.

“Hee- oh nohoho—” Caleb whimpers with a smile. He reaches up with a shaky hand and grips one of his pillows, dragging it down over his head to shove his burning face into.

“Aww, Caleb! Are you hiding from us?” Jester’s voice alone draws an extra giggle from him behind his pillow.

Caleb shakes his head behind the pillow.

“Come onnnnn, where’s that smile?” The mattress sinks as she climbs onto it near him.

“Nooooooo..” Caleb whimpers, wrapping both arms around the pillow and smushing it tighter against his face. It doesn’t do much to muffle his anticipatory laughter.

“What do you mean ‘no’?” Jester scoffs. “Do you know who you’re talking to?”

Caleb’s legs kick at that, drumming against the bed as it dips a few more times —Molly and Veth, he concludes, since Jester is already looming next to him and Fjord and Beau still have hands on his shoulders and knees.

“Alright, come on, let’s get him already!” Beau declares impatiently.

“Ah, I love the spirit, Beauregard, but it can be so much fun to drag it out —build him up, topple him over…” Molly traces a delicate nail down Caleb’s chest. Caleb shivers deliciously. The claw lifts away.

Jester snickers. “We already tickled him like soooo much on the couch, Molly, he’s already all mush-brain. Come on!”

“Oh alright —you’re right, you’re right.” Molly shrugs, crawling his way up to Caleb’s other side.

Caleb wails into the pillow when two sets of tiefling claws touch down gently over his midriff with purpose, leaving teasing trails down his sides and over his stomach and lowest ribs. “Mmpppph- n- nahaha- oh nohohoho— eheh oh dohohohon’t! Bitte! Mmmf-aha ahahaha! Please— please!”

Fjord leans down, taking Caleb’s hands with ease into his own and pulling them up over his head. He adjusts, laying on the bed while keeping Caleb’s arms trapped against the mattress. He shifts the pillow over and off of him so that he can get in close to Caleb’s pink face, then nuzzles into the side of his hair.

“Mmm. It’s too bad I can’t use my hands.”

Caleb feels some quiet relief at that. Maybe a little disappointment too, but he doesn’t have the wherewithal to focus on that.

Still, some sliver of Caleb’s mind registers the rumbling chuckle Fjord gives as dangerous as he continues. “—I guess I’ll have to improvise, then.”

Caleb’s voice catches in his throat as Fjord’s words take on meaning just in time for lips and scruff to brush right up against Caleb’s ear.

“Eeheehee- ah! Yeehehehee- you— aha- no NO plehease!”

“Aww, he’s soooooo cute!” Jester squeaks with a few pinches to his ribs.

Caleb jolts under them with a whine. “Ha- aha I- noooo— I’m —ahahaha I’m not!”

“Yes! Yes you are!” She pinches his cheek just as Fjord sucks in a breath. Helpful little Kitzelmonster she is, Jester brushes Caleb’s hair away from the side of his neck.

“Nein!” Caleb cries as the breath comes out as a vibrating, ticklish, raspberry on his neck.

Caleb is soon lost to cackling laughter as Molly and Jester prod and tickle at his middle while Fjord mouths along his neck and ear. And it isn’t too long before he registers two sets of blunt nails —Beau and Veth, his mind helpfully provides— that have touched down on his feet. He doesn’t even try to kick beyond the instinctive flinching away —he knows he’s not going anywhere.

The feeling— a mindless bliss not unlike that of an evening spent polymorphed —builds slowly. But, soon enough, Caleb’s mind feels light, unbothered and untethered, as his thoughts swirl and spark with the ticklish input from what seemed like every nerve. There is a… a warmth that accompanies it, one that Caleb comfortably slips into with a strange familiarity as though it is where he had always belonged.

Jester’s voice cuts through the sound of Caleb’s laughter as she begins her sending spell. “Hey, Yasha? Are you with Caduceus—” Fjord briefly gets a panicked look in his eye as she starts, jerking his head back and realizing he can’t count her words out as easily. He taps his fingers into the skin of Caleb’s wrists one at a time in counting as she continues, “you guys should come up to Caleb’s room, we’re having a lot of fun! Hurry up you don’t wanna—”

Caleb feels Fjord’s fingers wiggle individually against the thin skin of his arms. They aren’t the only ones —all in all, he registers Jester’s fingers fluttering around under his arm and pinching at his lower ribs with her other hand, Molly’s claws spidering menacingly over his belly, Beau’s arm tight around his ankles, her fingers pulling back his big toes while Veth wiggles her nails all over his feet. His mind feels dizzy and fizzling —some kind of gelatinous consistency, perhaps.

One of Caleb’s last coherent thoughts is that it was at least a mercy (or… was it a tragedy?) that this hadn’t happened in Beau’s room, where he could have ended up having to watch this giggling, disheveled vision of himself taken apart in the mirror over her bed by his friends.

As it is, he simply closes his eyes and lets himself be lost, swimming safely in the sea of hands poking at him from every direction.

…

Zemnian (German) | English Translations: von - from bitte - please nein - no der Struwwelpeter - the ‘shock-haired’ Peter (book) lustige Geschichten - funny/amusing stories drollige Bilder - funny pictures Scheiße - shit Mist - crap/shit das Kitzelmonster - the tickle monster guten Abend - good evening Mm yeah ..and I’m just going…to include these… kitzeln - tickle (verb) kitzlig / kitzelig - ticklish das Kitzel/n - the tickle / the tickling (noun)

…

ADDITIONAL AUTHORS NOTES:

A/N: And now friends and readers who are still here, if you look to your…down — what you’ll see are some fun notes I did and things I learned while researching things for this story — also side note — it’s been about 10 years since, but I took 5 years of German from middle to high school, I’m not by any means fluent but I remember decent enough (and I had the power of the internet and search engines on my side)!!:

ANYWAY — I wanted to figure out some strange quirky little Deutsch storybook that I could have Caleb have in his library, something with a catchy (see also: silly) cover or title that would draw Jester’s eye..

Found this very quickly with a search for German children’s stories. <— yeah, my silly little lee brain was like “lol those nails” immediately — had to use.

Fic title was inspired from the book cover and title / description

Link to the book on Amazon 😆

Did a decent amount of skimming and looking over, I was immediately thinking German fairy tale / kids story, and they’re usually kind of brutal in Germany.

Did cross my mind to use der Katzenprinz or not go into as much detail on the book, or have her try to convince him to read Tusk Love… 😏 😈

Oh great! (affectionate) now am I gonna have to write that? (compulsive)

Yes!

I was conflicted on which translation to use to refer to Jester in ‘Zemnian’. I saw Hoffnar (court jester, king’s fool) , Narr/Närrin (fool, jester, joker), and Spaßmacher (joker, jester, clown) but literal translation of this one is fun-maker which I feel fits Jester very well. She makes fun, is fun, joke, jests, and is all around silly and teasy the whole fic so. Yes bby girl. In the end I ended up scrapping this longer title but it was essentially gonna be "Lustige Geschichten von der Spamacherin" but twas shortened.

Moving on from the language and literature … the em..um… erm.. position was inspired from this lovely video (also recently found out she’s very happily lee and I’m like YES GIRL. ITS SO MUCH MORE DJFJFJJG TO SEE AND KNOW THEY LOVE/HATE/LOVE IT hsjsjdkf. Truly inspiring. What good friends. Caleb deserves to be in her position.

List of some of the lovely prompts / ideas that inspired parts of the story - original prompts in green:

Critical Role c2

1. Caleb & anyone

2. Fjord & Jester

3. Caleb & Fjord

4. Essek & anyone

5. Any combo of the mighty nein you’d like

me: yess. yes. now that I’m making this I realize Essek isn’t there. (Neither are cad or yasha, they’re… meditating and drinking tea). Essek needs to have a turn helping them melt Caleb.

A has noticed that B is acting much sadder & moody than usual, little do they know that B is hamming it up in the hope of getting cheer up tickles. Whether the beans are spilled or not is up to you ;) (by beans I mean the fact they were trying to fake it)

me: I had a few ideas from various prompts floating around in my mind but also sometimes these fics just flow out of my brain — they go where they decide they’re gonna go! I’m sure you know! Anywho, it doesn’t exactly go into sad and moody but stoic and boring and drawing the silliness out of them.

We love a good flustered blushing silly Caleb, we also love a stubborn little journey to get there while slowly losing his composure.

I feel that Caleb knew what would happen as soon as Jester

a. sat on the couch with him

b. picked out the book

c. asked him to read to her, or

d. pranced into the room.

But either way he was #ready to be silly as soon as she came in - some serious #leebehavior immediately winding her up

A has really ticklish calves & B finds out while pinning them to tickle their feet, & they immediately switch targets

me: LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, A ROUND OF APPLAUSE FOR OUR VERY OWN BEAUREGARD LIONETT PLEASE!!!

TICKLISH CALVES! TICKLISH LEGS! AHH!

I love this so much fr fr fr fr

See, but…. What if you have multiple friends and multiple hands… :D

A has been trying to get B’s attention when it becomes clear they’re deliberately being ignored.

me: love this trope so much

Caleb’s brain: I MUST ANTAGONIZE JESTER IMMEDIATELY. BUT SWEETLY.

Caleb’s brain: tells Jester how to say ‘tickle’ in his native tongue

Caleb’s brain a few min later: in turmoil over why he makes it soooooo much worse for himself — well for a few more minutes until he gets all wobbly and brain-buzzy

A either has something B wants or won’t do their job & need some convincing in the form of B’s tickling fingers

me: inner Jester monologue ‘Come on Caleb. Read the book. Read it. Do a silly voice. Read while I poke at your ribs. I don’t mind if you laugh. Come on keep trying. Okay I guess Fjord and I are just gonna drop the playful ruse. But you’re finishing that book for me later.’

Final Author's Note —

I hope this holiday gift pleases you, my dear @amazingmsme! Happiest Squealing Santa to Thee! 2023! I’m so happy I got you for the exchange and I hope you have a wonderful holiday season and new year!!!!!!!!!!

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percahliaweek · 10 months

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FAQ

What tag should I use?

#percahliaweek should work nicely - you can @ us @percahliaweek so we can reblog your contribution on the corresponding day.

Will you be doing anything on Twitter/other social media?

We considered it! However, as other social media sites have proven unreliable (especially lately), we'll be hosting the event only on Tumblr. However, you're welcome to post your work wherever you like!

Can I do _ for the event?

Yes. Yep. Seriously, so long as it focuses on Perc'ahlia (and is appropriately tagged to avoid spoiling people), you can do it. Cosplay, inspired recipes, beadwork, podfic, go wild! Well, with the caveat that no hateful content will be permitted - don't use a joyous event to rain on someone else's parade or promote hatespeech, alright?

Is NSFW content allowed?

Given the ship in question and just how canonically horny they are for eachother - yes! However, we request that you tag this content as #nsfw and use the appropriate content filter on it. If posting in the Discord server, keep it to the 18+ chat. Be mindful of potential minors in fandom space + people browsing content in public.

I want to participate but haven't watched Campaign 1!

We welcome fans of The Legend of Vox Machina with open arms. As a result, it's requested that campaign fans do their best to avoid spoiling show fans for anything beyond what Season 2 has shown (Umbrasyl's defeat). That means late Campaign 1, the oneshots and any mention of them in other campaigns should be tagged as #cr1 spoilers (using just this tag for simplicity). Show fans, if you want to remain unspoiled, I recommend you block this on Tumblr and mute spoilery channels in the server.

Is there an AO3 collection for the fanfics?

One can definitely be set up closer to the start date!

Does my submission have to fit one of the prompts?

That would be ideal, yes! Anything freeform should be posted on Day 7 for Free/Random prompts. But fitting the prompt can be very loose - maybe you just use the word as a motif, or you take it in an entirely unexpected direction. We want to encourage creativity and fun more than anything else.

I don't know what to do for the Free/Random day!

We have a few recommendations (we are unaffiliated with the websites linked): Random page of the Encyclopedia Exandria Random word generator OTP prompt generator AU generator

Ghost’s Spell prompts [roll 2d20?]

Wild Magic Surge table

Life events table

If you've made prompt lists and would not mind them being featured here, reach out!

How did you choose the prompts?

Prompts were chosen over a day or two while talking with friends - they were intended to be open-ended enough to allow flexibility while also touching on key elements of the ship! Some obvious ones (ex: courage, heart, that sort of thing) were left out so that, hopefully, they could be included next year. If there's enough interest, future prompts could be chosen via fan poll.

Will this be an annual event?

We sure hope so! Hence optimistically keeping back some prompt ideas for the future. Let's see how this goes ;3

Why late September?

On September 29th, 2016, the Critical Role episode 'Passed Through Fire' aired, which features an iconic Perc'ahlia moment (no spoilers for show fans!). Following Burr's poll on which scene is most iconic for the pairing, we decided to have the week celebrate the anniversary of that episode.

So why did you announce this so early?

Because Maggie has been a gremlin about the idea since April. Also, most fans in this space are adults with jobs and responsibilities - allowing more time to create without a rush benefits everyone.

A Discord server?

We have set up a little server for this event on Discord, mostly to hang out with other Perc'ahlia fans and motivate eachother to work on our respective projects. The current link is HERE - let us know if it's not working!

Who is hosting this?

At the moment the users running this blog are @burr-ell and @blorbologist! If the event expands beyond our abilities, we will look into taking on other users to help out - you'll know if we need a hand <333

Any more questions? Feel free to send in an ask and we'll do our best to answer in a timely manner!

#percahliaweek #percahliaweek23

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dichromaniac · 9 months

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Ok I've had a minute and some dives into the lore. And here is the MOST coherent version of what I'm calling the "Unified Tree Theory" that I've been pondering since Calamity:

So according to Encyclopedia Exandria, the Luxon created the Primordials/Titans and also devoted itself into the cycle of rebirth/reincarnation in a very Buddhist sense of repeating life to reach a state of "perfection."

How absolutely tragic that a hubristic wizard lit some candles and said some words and not only "deleted" a god of death, but took over the MOMENT when the strings of mortality are cut and deciding to be the arbiter of what happens next. What a slap in the face to the Luxon's intentions for mortal life.

Atrophy and Blight are close enough words connotatively to definitely link Laerryn's spell to the name Atrophy, especially considering we're already on board playing cultural meme narrative telephone with language.

I don't think Evandrin ever chose to come "back" to the tree. I think a piece of him was caught in the runic net and never left, even if most of him was able to travel amongst the stars. We know Zerxus was not a paladin of a Prime Deity, but *of the people.* So assuming that Zerxus and Evandrin were both tapping into the same power source, i.e. the Luxon, it would be even more reasonable that the Luxon allowed for different aspects, versions, or pieces of Evandrin to exist in multiple places simultaneously.

(Probably useful info is that I firmly believe Evontra'vir is a language shift of Evandrin Alterra of Avalir in the vein of Gau Drashari -> Ashari -> Hishari; Avalir -> Savalir; Mt. Ygora -> Cathmoira)

(Ex. Otohan's Dunamancy backpack is the explanation for her Echo Knight abilities. Multiple versions, different place, Same time. But that's diluted, distilled, *stolen* instead of granted straight from the source. I don't currently see a reason why the Luxon itself would not grant more bespoke power directly.)

Also, I have a mighty need to rant about the fucking Trees

The Sun Tree: "Planted" by Pelor/Dawnfather, at the site of the battle between Ioun and Tharizdun, at Whitestone. Lvl 20 Oaths of Ancients Paladins can manipulate their physical form to be more "plant like." Additionally, we KNOW God's can change their champions into other forms/shapes but maintain the personality of the humanoid transformed. (Mace of the Black Crown, specifically, but it does seem all the Arms of the Betrayers used to be sentient creatures - and we have no reason to assume, other than alignment - that a Prime would not have this same power.)

Arbor Exemplar: planted by Melora/Wildmother at the "most desolate location in Exandria at the time" (according to Encyclopedia Exandria) and is *the sister tree* of...

The Seed of Rebirth: planted at the heart of the Abundant Terrace in Vasselheim. Described as the "sister" to the Arbor Exemplar...

Who can say these three trees are not champions? Whose to say the gods are not "reverse engineering" the deep, wordless magic of the Luxon and these three (if not more!!!) Trees are recreating a weaker version of the protection the Tree of Names offered.

And, to the point I set out to make originally, who is to say the Matron of Ravens did not, had not, or would not, manipulate the Tree of Names/Tree of Atrophy to bolster her own defenses, domains and sources of power? Ludinus did it with distilled dunamancy and otohan, why would the Matron, know Wizard, with all the power and perspective of a god, not do the same to this Tree?

#critical role spoilers #cr spoilers #cr speculation #critical role #unified tree theory #billy joel sings “i may be right i may be crazy” in the background

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elahogn · 1 month

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Top of my head reaction while watching CR3E89 below, there's some discussion about the gods and the world, contain some SPOILERS so here's a warning.

Also contain some discussion and spoilers about the gods and world building of the 2 podcasts Legend Lark (Dames and Dragons) and Spout Lore. They are both very good and coming to an end of a long campaign, so check them out if you want to feast on some delicious delicious world buidling.

This whole discussion of whether the gods are necessary for the world to function comes up ever so often in this world of Critical Role and once again in c3e89. True to what Travis said, I think there're tons of missing links here. The only written record of what the gods done to Exandria is definitely by the followers of the gods, given it is by Vasselheim or by the Colbalt Soul (they are the followers of goddess Ioun, regardless of how neutral she is, still one of the gods). That's so obviously unavoidable bias to the gods! No one knows what was going on before the gods arrived. What was called chaos can be orders, just to a different standard. As an aware-but-not-religious person, I'm so deeply related to Ashton (Taliesin)'s sceptical pov on the gods, especially in this world! It's complicated in this fantasy world because the gods are somehow present and physical, and some people actually meet and talk to them. It's true that some people have special power connecting with the gods, it's true that the belief keep the world in order and there's some impact from the gods to keep other realms away from the material plane. But also because they are believed to be bringing orders and peace that there's no way to know what would be without them? It's true that the gods grow stronger with worship and followers. It's also true that they only look out for their own followers. So it's even more questionable whether they would even care if the world is destroyed if not for the dent in their own power.

In Legend Lark (Dames and Dragons) podcast, they also fight gods. The gods in this world are somehow enormous, intangible forces but also so human and selfish. The main big bad, Torva - the Conquerer, is one of the strongest gods, who is known to be the main cause of several destructions of civilizations. His motivation is so selfish, but so true to the chaotic nature of his domain and the grey moral of being one of the strongest gods that live so close to the mortal realm. In short, he wants to destroy the world and deconstruct the pantheon, dethrone the primordial forces to free his love from the cycle, a goddess who ascended from mortal who, in every lifetime, has to reborn herself and dedicate everything to care for her people (I'm not saying she's a selfless entity tho). An amazing thing is that throughout the campaign, it comes to light how humanity doesn't really need the gods to continue as a society. They are aware of the gods' existence, and some receive the blessing and power from the gods. Much at all, in the world history, the gods are recorded as the main force of destruction than anything.

Spout Lore podcast also has a very interesting take on the gods and the world. Interestingly, the world of Spout Lore has 3 realms, the material, the spirit, and the fairy. In which the gods, fundamentally, embodie forces of nature that walk across the three realms but bring the most destruction to the material realm. But somehow, the world survives, and the people live without much attention to the gods at all. The campaign is still going on at this point, but much to my understanding, the big bad, the Gibbous man, was a powerful god, still quite a god, but punished by other gods to be entangled with the human world. He is trying to free himself from the punishment while entangling himself stronger into his own chain. And the force of evil in the world materialised as demons, stem from his power, plague the world with greed, violence, and destruction.

On another note, back to CR, what even is Predathos? There's still so little information about this main reason that this whole campaign even has any plot at this point! Why is it called The Gods Eater? What did it do? What is it doing right now with the flares and the connections with the Ruidus borns? Somehow, this lack of explanation about the main force of the plot makes this campaign feel little like a drag sometimes. I know a lot of people saying that Bells Hells keep trying to avoid the main mission. But also, I feel now that they are on the main mission, all these moments of role-playing character development feel like roundabouts (!?). I don't know if it is a good choice to have the big final boss looming in the distance so early on the campaign with no return like this. Or is it better to establish the characters and story and as the story progressing, buidling up to the reveal of the villain?

#le mumble #critical role spoilers #legend lark podcast #spout lore podcast #dnd podcast

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noelwho · 7 months

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Ultimate Chronological Order Imodna Playlist!!!

Hello! I feel like I have to introduce myself ‘cause I’m barely on Tumblr. I’m still learning how to use it, I posted a couple of fanarts and they went really well, so I want to try and make myself a spot in here. My name is Noel (they/them) and I’m a big fan of Critical Role. I started watching a few months ago, with Exandria Unlimited. Once I was done I went ahead and started Campaign 3. I’m currently on episode 49 (I know, I have a lot ahead yet). I also watched the first season of Candela Obscura and a couple of One-Shots.

Today I’m here to talk about the Lesbian Southern Gothic Witches. Earlier this week I started to obsess over a playlist. An Imodna playlist, to be more specific. It started with me listening to one I found on spotify (I will credit below because it’s been a huge inspiration for this project) and I got the urge to make my own. At the beginning it was something chill, something normal…until it was not. Over the course of the last 3 days I haven’t thought about or listened to anything else. I got the idea of making the playlist in chronological order and I started to take it very seriously. I divided their history in 10 different chapters and assigned each song to the correct time period. At first it was just gonna be into chapters, but then I started to put them in order inside the chapters too, and it became very personal. For real, this playlist has been the one and only thing I wanted to talk about for days. Last night I finally finished it. I’ve played it for run tests several times and I think it’s finally ready to see the light (kinda feels like the project of my life even though I only spent a few days working on it).

After all this brainrot it didn’t feel right to just tweet a link to the playlist, I wanted the world to know everything that went through my head in the process of making this. I also don’t have many people around who care about Critical Role, and I thought it was a good opportunity to connect with the fandom. So all of this took me here, to tumblr. All of a sudden it became very clear that this was the perfect place to set my baby free.

There’s some things I wanna make clear before you start reading, the first being the classic: english is not my first language. Sounds like a joke at this point but for real, it’s very likely that this thing is full of grammatical mistakes and I want to apologize in advance (specially about the in/on/at situation, I’ve been having lots of trouble with those for some reason) This is also the first time I do something like this so it may not be perfect. The second thing is that this will obviously be filled with spoilers. In fact I actually haven’t even got to The Scene, I saw it around on Tumblr and Twitter (impossible to avoid that spoiler, but I don’t really care). I’m aware that there’s a lot of Imodna moments that I haven’t seen yet, but I couldn't wait to start this playlist. I don’t know if the episodes I have left to watch will translate into new chapters or into new songs for the chapters I already have but either way, I will keep this post and the playlist updated.

With that being said, welcome to this ride through an unhinged mind. Fasten your seatbelts and enjoy!

The tether scene is one of my favorite ones. I love that metaphor with a passion. That’s why I chose this name for the playlist. With the photo I wanted to make an allusion to the red thread myth given that Laudna herself carries around a spool of red string. I even edited the picture so the hands on the right are slightly gray like Laudna’s.

There’s not just one specific vibe to this playlist, but I find it to be a very calming one, with the exception of some specific moments that we will talk about later. I tried to avoid strong and distracting beats so I could keep it a little ethereal. Lots of acoustic guitar (which I love). I’m not going to talk about every single song because some of them have pretty obvious meanings. Usually the songs aren't a 100% match, but they do have a part to it that speaks to me and to the story on a certain level.

× Imogen and Laudna’s separate lifes ×

At the beginning of the journey that is this playlist, I wanted to introduce the characters. Intertwining their songs, we get to know Imogen and Laudna’s pasts, before they have each other to face the terrors of being witches in a world that doesn’t quite understand them.

Delilah - Florence + The Machine (Laudna)

I sometimes wonder if Marisha has ever listened to this song, because oh my fucking god. I wanted to start the playlist with Abbey, I didn’t because with the intertwining I couldn’t make it fit, but this one is a very good start as well. This song shows perfectly how it must have been being brought back by Delilah and having that power all of a sudden.

Abbey - Mitski (Imogen)

Matilda - Harry Styles (Laudna)

Imogen - Nick Mulvey (Imogen)

Laudna's lullaby - Ginny Di (Laudna)

Time comes in roses - Bess Atwell (Imogen)

The Tradition - Halsey (Laudna)

Burn it down - Daughter (Imogen)

There’s several songs from this album on this playlist. It couldn’t fit better. It reflects perfectly the moment Imogen started to develop her powers. It even refers directly to the way she parts ways with her town (which doesn’t happen for a few chapters but still I felt this one belonged here). Her fear of being a disappointment, her father becoming absent, the feeling of being cursed. It’s all here.

The hanging tree - The hunger games (Laudna)

Still I wait - Anna Leone (Both)

Even with everything they had to go through, they both still wait and cling to hope.

× Imogen and Laudna meet ×

Finally, their paths cross. They experience the feeling of warmth for the first time in a long time. They both feel the need to keep the other one close and begin to appreciate the little things in life, learning how to be taken care of. Goodbye loneliness.

Season of the Witch - Lana Del Rey

I'd like to walk around in your mind - Vashti Bunyan

How important is this song knowing what Imogen can do…

Comfortable Silence - Bella Porter

Without you without them - Boygenius

A hole in the earth - Daughter

That Moon Song - Gregory Alan Isakov

Love brought weight - Old Sea Brigade

That distant shore - Steven Universe

Sick of losing soulmates - Natalie Dawn

I Hear a Symphony - Cody Fry

Sidelines - Phoebe Bridgers

The bug collector - Haley Heyderickx

Sometimes I feel that it’s always Laudna taking care of Imogen, as if she didn't have anything on her own plate. It can't be easy to live with a voice in your head and paranoia. This song shows how Imogen is there to hold Laudna too when it becomes too much.

Look up - Joy Oladokun

If the last one was an Imogen’s POV, this one is totally a Laudna’s POV. Her and her silly little pep talks. “You’re so capable”.

Daylight - Taylor Swift

I love the idea of them learning that life can be good if you find someone to share it with. This song encapsulates that perfectly.

Spell - Dora Jar

I wanted this one to be the last one of the chapter because it introduces the idea of leaving together.

× Imogen and Laudna run away together ×

“Would you run away with me?” They learn what it’s like to have a home that’s not a place, but something entirely new. The past still follows but they’re no longer crushed by it, because they don’t have to sustain it on their own.

Departure - Daughter

Second child, restless child - The Oh Hellos

Just the two of us - Grover Washington, Jr.

I really like to imagine Imodna slice of life scenes when I listen to this song.

Dandelion Wine - Gregory Alan Isakov

Homesick - Dwara, Khotton Palm

Graceland Too - Phoebe Bridgers

When I realized how much of a Laudna's POV this song is, I almost cried.

Telepath - Manchester Orchestra

I really really like Manchester Orchestra, it's one of my favorite bands. I never let go of the chance of spreading them around, and this one is the best song they have. Laudna's POV for sure.

everything i wanted - Billie Eilish

With songs like this one and Intertwined, I wanted to introduce the idea that even though they're definitely better off now that they left the town, that doesn't instantly solve all of their problems. As I said before, the past follows, but they're no longer alone with it.

Savior Complex - Phoebe Bridgers

Intertwined - Dodie

Nothing else matters - Phoebe Bridgers

As long as they're together, nothing else matters.

× You lied ×

Even though I only have a few songs for this precise moment of the story, I thought that it was very important to include their first fight. The gem is broken and Imogen feels betrayed. Laudna is left abandoned and thinks she deserves to be punished for Delilah’s wrongs. We explore jealousy for the first time.

Witches - Daughter

The silence at the end of this instrumental song represents the loneliness that Laudna felt when Imogen left her alone after her incident with Delilah

Landfill - Daughter

There are two possible ways of reading into this one. This is in my opinion a Laudna's POV. She could either be talking to Imogen, expressing her deep rooted desire for a punishment for what she’s done; or to Delilah, alluding to the attachment she has to her own powers (that at least as far as she knows are there because of Briarwood) opposed to the hatred she feels for her and for herself for wanting those powers (this is a theme that they explore later on future chapters)

Are you okay? - Winnetka Bowling League

Afterglow - Taylor Swift

The archer - Taylor Swift

× Laudna’s death ×

Otohan Thull relentlessly kills three members of Bells Hells. A coin is flipped and Laudna is gone, again. What awaits beyond the afterlife? Perhaps a little girl, a monster and a tree.

DVD menu - Phoebe Bridgers

If death’s not exactly DVD menu by Phoebe Bridgers, then someone tell me what’s like because I can’t imagine otherwise. I freaking love how this song connects with Daffodil.

Daffodil - Florence + The Machine

Death with dignity - Sufjan Stevens

Bells in Santa Fe - Halsey

I like to imagine that Laudna didn't appear in Nightmarish Whitestone immediately. Up until this point, she's in a limbo, accepting her own death. Bells in Santa Fe marks the moment she sets foot in that Upside-down kind of world. The constant repetition of “All of this is temporary” is like a mantra for her, the only hope she has of getting through it with her sanity intact is believing that this will also end and she will finally find peace.

Willow Tree March - The paper kiss

Hard times - Ethel Cain

Tether me - Galleaux

With this song and the next one, I wanted to express desperation. We don't get to know in the series how she feels throughout all of this, but I can only imagine how terrifying it must have been. There's a point where anyone would have started begging for help.

Matilda - alt-J

× Imogen’s grief ×

“Is she your favorite?”. Imogen feels deeply guilty for what happened. The possibility of bringing Laudna back is the only thing that’s keeping her from losing it completely. All the regrets, all the words she wishes she said before, all the times she didn’t approached her when she wanted to, come afloat. Grief, disassociation and sorrow.

Words - Storefront Church, Phoebe Bridgers

This song is meant to represent the exact moment of Imogen floating and losing control, with Otohan in her head pushing her to let go.

Goner - Twenty One Pilots

No other song in existence can express better the moment Imogen realize Laudna's gone for good.

Lanterns lit - Son Lux

True Faith - Ashley Johnson

Hurt for me - SYML

Carry you - Novo Amor

My love - Florence + The Machine

Lucky for you - Novo Amor, Gia Margaret

Killer + the sound - Phoebe Bridgers, Noah Gundersen

Should have known better - Sufjan Stevens

Ya'aburnee - Halsey

Show you a body - Haley Heyderickx

Imogen (even Laura) loses hope for a moment during the ritual they do for bringing Laudna back. The end of this song summarize this repeating a lyric over and over (you can clearly see through this playlist how much I love repetition).

× Back together ×

After Bells Hells confront Delilah at the Upside-down-Whitestone of Laudna’s nightmares, Pike manages to bring her back to life. Imogen and her are back hand by hand, and nothing can ever tear them apart again. Here’s where I think something awakes inside them, but they are far from realizing it.

I am the Antichrist to you - Kishi Bashi

Like an angel “fallen from the sky with grace”, Laudna’s back on Imogen’s arms.

Darling - Halsey

This love (Taylor's Version) - Taylor Swift

Now that you're home - Manchester Orchestra

Lose you again - Manchester Orchestra

Halloween - Phoebe Bridgers

But not kiss - Fayer Webster

Like I said, something changes after this. What they’ve been through is not nothing. This song is here to show that something is born deep inside them, on their subconscious far from their reach yet

× Back to Gelvaan ×

Same as with the “You lied” chapter, I felt that this one was important even though I just have one song for it. It just matches perfectly. Imogen and Laudna visit Imogen’s hometown and the place where they met, searching for answers. Old wounds, some closure and an emotionally absent father.

My tears ricochet - Taylor Swift

× Tethered ×

In this chapter the platonic bond is peaking. It takes place right before The Unraveling, giving in to the “Can I kiss you?” phase and becoming romantic. They’ve been through hell and back just to stay together. This is my personal favorite bit of the playlist, everything is extremely intense but not yet explicit.

Tethered - Sleeping at last

I Will - Mitski

Anchor - Alli X

Don't let them see you cry - Manchester Orchestra

Crosses - José González

Quietly - Manchester Orchestra

Francesca - Hozier

Moon song - Phoebe Bridgers

Capital Karma - Manchester Orchestra

Everywhere, everything - Noah Kahan

In a week - Hozier

Monster - King Princess

j's lullaby (darlin' i'd wait for you) - Delaney Bailey

I will follow you into the dark - Miya Folick

I wouldn't ask you - Clairo

× Can I kiss you? ×

Finally, the moment we’ve all been waiting for. The beggining of something new, the next and most logical step of this journey. The platonic becomes romantic and they get to truly explore the feelings they always had, and some novel ones. This is the moment I know less about, but I’ve used my imagination and my own headcanons.

Can I - Genevieve Stokes

I debated a lot whether to put this one at the end of the last chapter or the beginning of this one because I don't know how relevant Laudna's death is up to this point, and there's a huge reference to this in this song. I know for a fact that the Delilah’s plot is not over and things will change, but I couldn't resist the urge to put it in here, given the name of the song and its obvious connection to the chapter.

We'll never have sex - Leith Ross

Wading in Waist-high Water - Fleet Foxes

This is the last time - The National

All my ghosts - Lizzy McAlpine

Prière pour la nuit - Barbara Pravi, November Ultra

Chewing Cotton Wool - The Japanese House

Bandages - Rachel Bobbitt

This is it, this is The Ultimate Chronological Order Imodna Playlist. I don't know if I'm the first one doing this, probably not, I don't know if this has any value to anyone beyond myself, but I had a hell of a lot of fun. If only one person were to read this till the end I would be more than satisfied.

I’ll link here the playlist that started all of this. Massive respect for this person whoever it is, I took lots of the songs from here

Infinite thanks to anyone who gets here or saves my playlist, feel free to respond with any song that you think adds to the story!! Something tells me this isn't the end of my Imodna brainrot so,,,, more things could be on their way (a fanfic, perhaps?).

No idea how to end this so… long live Lesbian Southern Gothic Witches!!!

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mansionofhaunts · 1 year

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So, we’ve seen the Dawnfather before, in campaign one, and he wasn’t...like this. I assume the Changebringer has, in the past, not said “stay on this one path or everything’s fucked.” They’re fucking terrified, and they’re pulling whatever levers they need to pull to keep their shit together.

We’ve seen the characters in CR who have interacted with the gods have generally positive relationships with them. Vox Machina went and talked to them, and while they weren’t always, like, teddy bears, they weren’t manipulative or forceful in any major ways. Fjord and Caduceus also had very positive relationships with the Wildmother.

So...if I had to speculate as to why revival magic wasn’t working, it’s that the gods had pulled back significantly while they tried to figure out what would and wouldn’t help, and who was safe to trust. This sudden blast of two separate gods reaching out at the same time strikes me as something we’re going to find out has happened all over Exandria.

It also means, I assume, that people like Cad, Fjord, Pike...all of them just got a lot of info, all at once. I’m guessing that the Traveler probably could make contact with Jester, since he’s not behind any sort of Divine Gate, but who knows.

Sending is probably still fucked, because I think that’s tied specifically to what Ludinus is doing, but I bet if they arrive in the same city as the rest of the party, they can get a message out.

(side note: I don’t know how they’re going to link back up. I definitely get the impression that Aabria and Christian are wrapping things up, and heading down a different path that’s going to take them away from the group, but that doesn’t really explain what happened with the other group, and how they’re going to address that. Are we going to shift to the other group, with their own guest stars, for a bit Are we going to just jump right in, and find out what happened to them by what they say went on? Did they get launched forward in time to make it easier to sync the time up? Who knows!!!)

#critical role #cr spoilers #critical role spoilers

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dsudis · 10 months

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So I have not the first idea what critical thingy-bob is but I've just reread all your Witcher fics and it's not enough so clearly I'm going to have to follow you into a new fandom. Is there a primer? How much do I need to know? Is it like OG Bandom where a hundred fics in I'm still not sure how many bands there are? Or Teen wolf where I couldn't quite face the source material at all but feel like I have a handle on the whole set up?

:deep breath:

Okay, so! Critical Role is a long-running Actual Play show on Twitch/YouTube--each episode is three to five hours of watching a group of voice actors sit around a table and play Dungeons & Dragons. All of their main D&D campaigns take place in the world of Exandria which they have created for these games, and as the campaigns go on they connect to each other in various ways, so it does all become one vast interconnected story. Critical Role has a good wiki that gives overviews of all of this stuff and links to videos, but just so you know where to start looking and how it all relates...

Their first campaign began as the home game this group of friends played in their spare time for a couple of years before they turned it into a Web Series (largely, they've all said, so that they'd have a reason to definitely get together and play every week). That first campaign, Vox Machina, is currently in the process of being adapted into an animated series, with two seasons available on Amazon Prime: The Legend of Vox Machina.

Currently, Critical Role is running its third main campaign, Bells Hells, which started in the fall of 2021 and shows no signs of ending anytime soon.

The second campaign, which began in 2018 and ended in the summer of 2021, although there continue to be shorter bonus episodes, is the one my currently-posting sex pollen fic is about, and it's called The Mighty Nein. My fic is set fairly early on in the run, and this is the official artwork of the main characters at that time:

Left to Right: Mollymauk Tealeaf, Beauregard Lionett, Fjord Stone, Frumpkin the Fey Cat Familiar, Caleb Widogast, Nott the Brave, Jester Lavorre, and Yasha Nydoorin.

The entire run of The Mighty Nein's campaign comprises 600+ hours of videos (also available in podcast form) but if you want a quicker route to getting an idea of the story of it all, you can read the recaps or for the even shorter short version, watch the animated recaps which compress the whole story into about an hour of cute animatics voiced by Critical Role's official Lorekeeper, Dani Carr.

I hope this helps!

#critical role #the mighty nein #asked and answered

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essayofthoughts · 11 months

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If Percy spent one year on a fishing boat, what do you think he did for the other four prior to being sprung from jail? How long do you think he spent in certain areas for odd jobs; how long do you think it took him to construct the pepperbox? How long do you think it took him to track down Ripley?

I also forgot to add to the previous ask that I am trying to work out a timeline in my head, as the art book states that almost nothing is known to the public about those five years of Percy’s life.

I already semi-answered this in the first Arc of Ghost Cass, for which I cross-referenced as many canon sources as I could. There's a lot of snippets given throughout the Campaign - hells, we get some specifics in Percy's recounting of events to VM at the start of the Briarwood Arc, and from Taliesin in the Campaign Wrap-Up Talks Machina, and even in a few Q&A's! I know not everyone is as insane as I am about hunting down canon details and cross referencing it all but...

You can do your own research Nonny. Just because "the art book states that almost nothing is known to the public" doesn't mean there's nothing to go on - it means that in the world of Exandria people have little to go on. We have quite a bit!

General thoughts on timeline below the cut.

The Briarwoods attacked five years before the Briarwood Arc. Roughly one year before that, Vox Machina formed, and at some point within the first few months after forming, they found and rescued Percy from a cell. So we have four years to work with, roughly.

From Percy recounting his story to VM in the Briarwood Arc it seems he spent the first two years in a dissociated state because, y'know trauma and grief and shock, and didn't emerge from it until he had the dream of Orthax, at which point he was inspired to make the Pepperbox. It is recounted... somewhere on tumblr, I do not have the link handy right now - that Percy spent some time, as well as on a fishing boat, working as a saddler, which makes sense given he made a leather plague doctor mask, which would require leatherworking skill.

So that fills two years of time, plus however long it took him to accumulate the funds for and properly make the Pepperbox. We know how easy it is for Percy's inventions to go awry and the kind of tinkering checks Matt has Taliesin make, so it may well have taken him six months to a year to draw up plans, get the materials to make it, get the enchantments on the metal, rent time at a forge, make it correctly without fucking up any part of the mechanism, and obtain or make the black powder required, and make the shot himself. He apparently worked on it in kind of a fugue state, so lets go with about three years in before he gets all that done.

I personally think he stalled a bit there, given if I recall correctly, he was hoping to find people associated with the Briarwoods but, notably, was too afraid to go back to Whitestone himself. I imagine him running across Ripley as he did was pure chance. Consequently, I imagine that while he searched and kept an eye and ear out for information, he spent most of a year keeping himself occupied - he needs to pay for food and board after all - until he encountered Ripley again, at which point he went after her.

He tried to attack her, had no luck, didn't even see her face, and was hauled off to Jorenn jail where he was left to rot and die. Given the response of Vex specifically to seeing the prisoner on the pirate boat on the way to Vesrah, comparing him to how they found Percy this causes me to utterly dismiss the comics' version of events here - Vex was there for finding Percy, and Percy was in an extremely bad state by the time they found him. Taliesin himself has said that Percy was near death and thought Vox Machina was a near-death induced fever dream. Given that, he may well have been starving for some time and on minimal water rations.

These are the few anchor points we have. You can work around this to plot events as plausibly as you see fit. Because of the vagueness there's a lot of space to fudge specific dates and that is great for fic - see also me writing Ghost Cass of which a good chunk of the first Arc is all about Percy's time on his own!

#percy de rolo #vox machina #ask #anonymous

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essektheylyss · 2 years

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A proper glimpse at the Age of Arcanum really puts into perspective how wild the Cerberus Assembly is.

The Cerberus Assembly, in its post-Divergence iteration, took its name from an organization of mages during the Age of Arcanum, and grew out of a violent conflict between houses that nearly left Rexxentrum in ruins. At the same time, much of the continent of Wildemount remains in the state of ruin that it was left in after the Calamity, given the extensive battles fought there, not to mention such events as the catastrophic fall of Molaesmyr and corruption of the Savalirwood, which occurred centuries after the Divergence and was attributed to Age of Arcanum magic (specifically something linked to Aeor).

Notably, Ludinus Da'leth is a survivor of this particular cataclysm, and the fact that he was a founding member of the Cerberus Assembly is also buck-fucking-wild.

The corruption of arcane hubris is so marked in Wildemount that it's literally visible in the land, and the Cerberus Assembly views that only as something to emulate. From what it seems, they want primarily to recreate, even before the arcane technology and knowledge, the power structures of the Age of Arcanum which were humanity's downfall.

No wonder Yussa distrusts them so deeply. No wonder half of the problems in Exandria somehow lead back to them. This is the way the world ends indeed.

#see utilitycaster's post about 'maybe vasselheim has a point'#like good lord #i've joked in the past that somehow the assembly is responsible for conflicts across all campaigns but JEEZ.#like no fucking WONDER #critical role #cr meta #exu spoilers #this post is really just 'wow ludinus really is That Bitch huh' lmfao #horrible horrible man. icon.#ngl forget essek beacon heist where is my Ludinus intrigue content #exu calamity

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honourablejester · 2 years

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Okay. Exu: Calamity, Episode 4. I’m only an hour in and I have to leave it for the night, but since that was already quite an hour, I figured I’d put up my somewhat live reactions. To, you know. Zerxus and Asmodeus. Because um.

Obviously, spoilers. And panicky ramblings as I repeatedly pause this episode to try and process things as they hit. It took me about three hours to make it an hour in. I realise this is probably not a sensible procedure to keep up for the other five hours tomorrow, unless I want to finish up next Friday sometime, so we’ll see how that goes when I pick this up again tomorrow. For now, have the panicky ramblings:

Zerxus sees a heart, and within it a writhing humanoid figure, briefly golden, and then settling into red hair (Evandrin’s???) trying to reach out

The figure is beyond the seam, still in whatever other plane

Asmodeus isn’t through, he’s trying one more wounded gazelle gambit for the last gasp, to get his heart through the seam

Zerxus wants to go his companions so bad, but all the answers are in the fire

(Luis: aw fuck, I know what Zerxus is going to do, and I know it’s the bad choice, but he’s gonna do it)

(All credit to him for going all in on his character)

A hand like Zerxus’ hand, ruby red, immune to the fire, reaches out to him across the event horizon and reaches him from beyond the plane, despite the figure being miles away

Asmodeus you motherfucker, he’s scared, apparently, motherfucker, he’s dying here, Zerxus will die to come to him, so Zerxus, of course, pulls him to him instead

(Aabria, despairingly: does the timestop stop?)

Zerxus, you pull the true heart of the Lord of the Hells into Exandria

The hand was his blood, Zerxus’ stolen blood, Asmodeus you absolute motherfucker, you stole the blood, you set this up days and weeks ago, you strung him along through the visions building to this moment, when he went down you brought him back up so he could do this, you put the protection on him so he’d survive long enough, fuck you’re good at this, you absolute shithead of a hell god

Fuck, though, he’s actually good at this, the set-up on that villain, motherfucker

Asmodeus looks like Zerxus now, blood bond

Brings devils and demons with him, shadows, Zartaza weeping in joy, Asmodeus having a little crying fit of victory

Luis: I lay my hand on his chest

Lou: trying to climb into his ipad while lying face-down on the table

Asmodeus mirrors. “Let’s get ourselves cleaned up” you motherfucker, echoes of episode 2, mirroring the old conversation

(Aside note from me: I don’t know if I can do this)

Zerxus: What will become of me? (Don’t ask that, shit son, it’s way too fucking late for that)

Asmodeus: Who can say? You are an oracle. I would think that you would know yourself.

(I am in absolute agreement with Lou’s face right now)

(Travis is also in agreement with Lou’s face right now)

Asmodeus cures him for 40 HP, of course he does, ‘whatever you wish to happen can happen, what do you …?’

They’re floating side by side through a time stopped explosion, lying horizontal, Asmodeus gazing at Zerxus as they fly hand-to-chest together, would you like to add more romance to this scenario, oh Lord of the Hells? Hmm?

Zerxus now moves his hand to his face, instead, holding it gently, my mistake, Zerxus would like to add more romance to this scenario right now

(I CANNOT RIGHT NOW)

Zerxus tries to cleanse him using Evandrin’s name stone

It links to the fragments of the incompleted atonement ceremony before

“I’m doing everything I can to get him to what I believe is the purest him”

(Honey it’s not going to work. The purest him already made this choice. He chose evil of his own free will before evil existed. You can’t get him back to purer than that. He invented evil, or at least part of it, and if he was telling the truth 2 episodes ago, he did so out of the belief that it would aid good. You can’t … there’s no ‘before’ state here. The Asmodeus-as-was already made this choice, and he’ll make the exact same one again. Every time. Evil in the cause of good. Alignment doesn’t matter, he’ll make this choice either way. This is his original alignment. His cause never required a shift of mentality from him.)

(Yes, I’m pausing and stalling because I know where this is going and I can’t yet, let me stall)

Asmodeus: I think you may be the most exceptional mortal I have ever known.

*leans into Zerxus shoulder, accepting his hand, as they sail romantically through the air*

Atonement isn’t working, and Asmodeus knows something’s up

Asmodeus: Is something supposed to happen now? What are you attempting to do?

(You know exactly what’s happening you absolute motherfucker, shut the hell up with this right now)

(Zerxus, please, please stop this, honey, you’re so far over the event horizon)

Asmodeus: I think I know what’s happening. The ritual of Evandrin, the resurrection, it didn’t work because you tried to resurrect him, but he wasn’t dead.

Zerxus: Right

Asmodeus: You’re trying to atone me, and I didn’t do anything wrong.

(And there it is. Yes, I’m immediately stalling again, but oh fuck. That was so perfectly built. All the seeds were sown two episodes ago. If he was telling the absolute truth. I actually had this in my first couple of drafts of analysis on that conversation. If he chose evil in the cause of good, then his alignment never shifted. There’s no way for atonement to work.

Of course, he could have actually succeeded his save against atonement, and he just wants Zerxus to think his alignment never shifted, for this reason, and I don’t know if that’s better or worse. Which is worse to be dealing with, a zealot of immovable morals, or a manipulator so skilled that he knows exactly how the thought processes of both good and evil work well enough to pretend to be either? In the first there is intrinsically no hope, in the second there’s potentially false hope. Which is worse?

Anyway. Okay. Deep breath. Moving on)

*stabs Zerxus through the heart* You wanna know what I’ve always hated about mortals? *starts digging his claws into Zerxus’ head*

Zerxus, ROARING: You’re wrong!

*tries Remove Curse instead* (HONEY! WE’RE SO PAST THAT POINT! But a paladin gotta try, and try, and keep trying)

(For real I can’t do this, I keep flinching and pausing, I can’t fucking do this)

Asmodeus is laughing as Zerxus keeps trying

Zerxus: This is not who you are! This is not who you are.

Asmodeus: WHO AM I?

Zerxus: Not this! How have you forgotten?! You think you know how you came here? You think you stumbled upon this place?

(Sidenote: I love Brennan’s coolly humouring and unimpressed expressions as the Lord of the Hells faced with this … Zerxus, you don’t know! You don’t know how he came here! You don’t know where he came from! Honey, I love you, but you don’t know anything. And you’re about to find out. Badly. We’ve already started with a stab to the chest, you’ve got excellent lung capacity around the lump of fucking steel(?) in your lungs, but honey you didn’t even lose control of this situation a while ago, you never had control of this situation. Well, you sort of did, but you were set up so you would willfully surrender it. And you did exactly that, and here we are)

Zerxus: Look at me, look at me, I am the godless! I am a conduit of divinity that is far greater and more ancient that anything you have ever understood!

(Oh. Avalir’s hubris rears its head once again. Oh dear. And Marisha’s face. Not to mention Brennan’s face, Asmodeus is enjoying this so much, nodding gently along)

Zerxus: Look at me. You didn’t stumble upon this place, you and your kin, you were called here. We have always been here. You were wandering in the abyss, lost, and we called you here. So that you can have a home. You didn’t create anything. We have always been here. You came and you shaped, you took and you changed and you shaped, but you didn’t create a thing. You’re no god.

(Oh. Are we … Are we doing … What is a god to a non-believer, is that what we’re doing right now? And … Okay. So. There’s some cause. If mages can become gods. If the god in front of you has lied to you. Why would you believe what he says of creation? There’s … I mean, this is a much more visceral version of this argument than you can get in our world, when you can argue with the potential god in the flesh, but … It seems idiotic, you with your mortal lifespan telling a being aeons old what he is and what he did and what he thought, but if you know he lies, why would his version be any more true? There’s … cause. There’s a rational underpinning. But oh god does it feel so flimsy in the face of actual Satan in this moment)

(Sidenote: Lou is hiding his whole face behind his hands from Luis and what’s happening and I feel that. I feel that urge. It’s so hard to stop stalling and keep watching)

Zerxus: You’re a child

(Aaannnddd I’m right back out again, immediate pause, immediate stop, oh my god, honey, there’s … any and all rationality to your argument aside, can you not condescend to the Lord of the fucking Hells right now, please and fucking thank you)

Zerxus: You are a child, you’re lost, how do you not see that?

(Not gonna lie, if I was Asmodeus this second I would bitch-slap the man across the city, oh my fucking god, well done to the Lord of the Hells for keeping his cool so far)

(Zerxus, I’m just, I’m just gonna say that, as redemption tactics go, this is, this is not good)

Asmodeus: You have referred to yourself and your fellow mortals as our children. You are not our children. You are … a bad first draft. The first plan was to destroy all this, to let you fade into nothingness. That’s not gonna be how we do it this time. You think that you are a man of true belief and that it is all these wizards around you that are humbled. Who is the most proud man here? These ones that thought they would fly a city? Or the man who thought he would teach me a lesson? The only difference between you and the Dawnfather is that the Dawnfather is a little more humble.

(… Oof. Go off, Satan)

Asmodeus: Now, I’ll tell you why I spit on your forgiveness. I’ll tell you why I loathe your redemption. To reach a hand down to somebody, they need to be BENEATH YOU. And I’m beneath nobody.

(It’s pride vs pride in here, ladies and gents, ding ding, round three!)

(And, look, multiple personality and character tests have told me that pride is my number one sin myself, I know of what I speak here, I am both the people in this conversation many, many times, this is why I know it’s going bad)

(I mean, that and the fact that Satan already has a sword in your gut and has invaded your world, those are also key signs of badness, but howandever)

Asmodeus: You wanted to understand me? Then you should have accepted that I WAS RIGHT!

Brennan: and he pulls the back of your head and rips the skin off of your skull

(Okay. So that’s. Okay then. This is fine.

Zerxus resilient sphere’s himself, Asmodeus 9th level counters, smashes him into the floor and breaks his spine, like. That’s. I mean. What did we expect from the Lord of the Hells?

And then heals him again, this is why healing magic is the worst thing to have in an enemy. The Life Domain is a torturer’s wet dream.)

Asmodeus: In the vision in the Hall of Prophecy, you told me that you would help me confront those who did this to me. Wake up Zerxus, YOU did this to me! You and your kin. You think my enemy are the prime deities? *spits* Those. Are. My. Siblings. We were happy once. Together. We travelled here, together. Has it never dawned on you that before the Schism, all was well between us? We came here to make something. And then, one of our puppets, one of our foolish paper dolls, mattered so much to them that they threw us into the Pit. You think that my quarrel is with them? No. All of you did something to them. You made them turn their back on us. My greatest heartbreak is that when I have collected every mortal soul and all of my siblings into my pit, that I will only have eternity to punish them.

(… Ah. Okay. So. Not the zealot of pure morals, then. That’s … Is that good? The manipulator, not the zealot. Vengeance, not evil in pursuit of good. Does that mean there is hope for redemption, if someone can get the atonement to stick? Or is that just more false hope? If it didn’t work for Zerxus, who, it must be said, made a somewhat slapdash effort at best, or Sarenrae, then … I mean, probably not, but if this is vengeance and not principle, then there might be more of a chance. In theory.

It's weird, this speech is more visceral and accompanied by literal torture, but I find it less terrifying that his significantly gentler speech in episode 2. This motivation is pettier and more visceral, and therefore less terrifying and awe-inspiring than the remote and pitiless ‘I chose evil to make good matter’. It’s good, I think. It makes evil immediately smaller and more manageable.

I wonder if that’s my arrogance talking. Heh.)

Zerxus is … dying repeatedly, and sending tactical information along his telepathic link to Tempus.

Zerxus: Wait. You’re right. You’re right.

Luis: I mean, can I do that, or is he gonna rip my face off again?

Brennan: I mean, this is his vision. Endless torment without death. This is what he is here to do.

(I love how the tables are trying to de-stress any way they possibly can right now)

On an Insight check of 21 into the Lord of the Hells: You see the Father of Lies. You see it was so easy for him. And what you see is you have fought abominations and undead before, you have fought things that are of an alien need for destruction, cold, unfeeling things that are anathema to life itself, and this is not the Lord of Hells. There is an infinite hatred behind his eyes, purer than anything you can imagine. Perhaps at one point he wore a golden face,

Luis: But that’s long gone

Brennan: And, behind his eyes when they were of gold, this hatred lived.

(No. No, atonement wouldn’t have worked)

Brennan: You see in him that, unlike the aberration or undead hatreds you have faced in the past, it is not beyond, it is something that each human has the gift of, because he doesn’t just hate you, he hates everybody. And he doesn’t hate them in an alien way, he wants them to know that they deserve it.

Luis: Zerxus processes all of that, and you just see … pity.

(Is that my arrogance talking? Thinking it makes him smaller and more manageable? I feel like I’ve fallen into the exact same trap Zerxus is about to. It’s a human-like hatred, so it’s human curable. No hatred is beyond redemption, if it’s something close enough that you can see into it and understand. Is that arrogance? I feel like pity in this instance might be arrogance. But I echo it)

(With, I will admit, a bit of contempt, which definitely is arrogance. Now I’m calling him a child, aren’t I? I thought his motivations cooler and more terrifying when I thought they were more remote and principled, but when they’re mere emotion, hatred, I think them lesser. I feel like I’m learning about my own biases and arrogance over here.)

Zerxus: You hate everything. So purely. Oh you poor thing. Look at how much you hate yourself.

(… Okay, I’m not that bad, holy fuck, did you just oh you poor thing him? Like, you can feel his hatred is pitiable while also acknowledgeing that he’s ancient and powerful enough to destroy a world, maybe? Or is this the instinct to make evil lesser, to better fight it? Like, you have to reduce him to something small, something you can fight, or you just despair right there? No force should be massive enough that we can’t at least fight it. Hubris. Necessity. Hope. Avalir’s defining question. Where’s the line between them?)

Asmodeus: You know what your fault is, Zerxus? Other than just being very trusting? You truly believe that you are above this all, this city that you will not call home, me, the gods. But I’m not the one who left my little son down in that city for all of my devils to find.

(I fucking knew he’d go for Elias, I fucking knew it, he’s the Lord of the Hells, what’s the most pain you can put a father through? Of course)

Asmodeus: So I think you’re going to make a very good champion for me.

*kills Zerxus again, his spirit starts to be released*

Asmodeus: Sorry about your sword. I tend to have that effect. But, the fact that you … pity me, doesn’t spoil anything for me, because I think that you are my greatest champion, Zerxus. So. If you’d like to be back in the world …

*crushes and explodes Xartaza into blood and creates the mace*

Asmodeus: … that’s there. For you to pick up if you want, Zerxus. But you know the cost you pay for it. But I won’t force you. The afterlife awaits.

(And on that masterful bombshell of an absolute dick move, I might have to leave this for the night)

(I’m an hour and ten minutes into this fucking episode, this thing is going to kill me)

#exu calamity #exandria unlimited calamity #episode 4 #spoilers #live reaction #ish #i'm pausing a LOT #zerxus ilerez #asmodeus #this is going well #so well

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