Thank You

There was a break between performances on the ballroom's main stage. Bijoux strode onto the stage with her harp in tow, setting it down and uncasing it. Her dress sparkled with every movement, and it was something that certainly caused gala attendees to take notice. But unlike at the high school, Bijoux's intent was not to fulfill a promise to her mom. This was her own promise, one that had been years in the making, and it was about to come to fruition as she stood in front of the microphone, holding a small stereo and disc in her hands.

"Good evening." She watched several gala-goers look her way. "For this performance, I thought I'd use a song derived from the mythologies surrounding several regions of the world. While some of it is inspired by Hisuian/Sinnohian mythos, many portions derive from Kanto and Johto as well. Portions of it were once used as odes to deities and as a method of storytelling. This particular song is considered an ending to a famous tale, and yet speaks to the hints of a new tale, perhaps even a retelling of the tale it had just closed."

The Cinccino-taur noticed several of the audience members seeming slightly restless, but continued with confidence. "Some of will notice several patches of rough, imperfect translation from some of the original lyrics, even slight changes made to the source material. No disrespect is mean by this; in fact, I, along with several others in my classes, spent months, bordering on years, fine-tuning this to our best knowledge. And I dedicated a few word swaps to a very special mythical in attendance. Mom, I'm hoping that maybe, in some way, this will help you find a bit of closure and solace."

Ohhhhhhh no. Not this again. The Shayfeon-taur looked around at the attendees, but very visibly seemed uncomfortable given what had happened the last time Bijoux had dedicated a performance even slightly in part to her. She's just lucky that she's old enough to not be groundable at this point…because I have a feeling I know exactly where this is going to go.

"Um… so, I'd like to present a song created to tell the story of a scene fading with the passage of time. Composed and coupling itself with the aftermath of the sun goddess and her victory over the demon of darkness. An ode to goodbyes… to new beginnings. A movement forward, to prevent being stuck in the past. Acknowledgement of a loss, but keeping one's hope. Something that asks for, as it were… a reset."

Oh, hell. Yeah, this is definitely where this is going to go, isn't it. Loki dreaded the oncoming performance with every fiber of her body. But if she could get through Bijoux taking the most private, deeply resonant song she'd ever known and making it into a public performance, the hybrid could make it through this one… right? Well, she kind of had to at this point.

Bijoux pressec the stereo's play button. Here came the backing track. A slow, deliberate ocarina melody began to echo through the hall, and she stood there with a long, careful sigh escaping her snout. She noiselessly counted the tempo of the melody, preparing to match her words with the newly-arriving shamisen track, fingers now strumming delicately on the harp. And with their coming, she began to sing.

Millions of flower petals fall Scattering and colouring the town However this time is at its end As the wind had foretold it to us all

Small percussion beats added themselves to the mix at this point. Traditional of the old styles that would have been played when the myths were young, perhaps even freshly occurring in the world, finding perhaps analogues in the modern world but never quite being perfectly replicated in their styles of old. It was hardly from a lack of effort; the musicians recording these instrumentals certainly did their best to remain faithful to the interpretations.

There's no need to worry anymore The seasons always find a way to change We knew that ever since the time that we Watched the moon in its brilliance before

And the string instruments were gone… mostly. While they stayed in the background to accentuate things, the next verse focused mostly on the ocarina melody, with a very faint piano score beginning to weave in alongside Bijoux's vocals. It began to set the tone for how the rest of the song would go, an alternation of letting the instruments do their work, and letting the Cinccino-taur's voice speak volumes when it was her turn to carry the song forward and tell the story.

All the time constantly, we shed these tears and we Do it again and again We don't know how much it's worth Until it's gone away for good

Well, that verse had certainly been the catalyst for Loki's memories once again. There she was, settled beneath the blooming dogwood tree in Redolent Grove. Yet again, Bijoux had transported the hybrid into memory lane. But she was alone here in this flashback. Where she would normally recall Shijima, lay simply the trunk of that treasured tree. She was alone, and with the oncoming first chorus, a cymbal crash broke her back to reality, at least… until the words again poured out of Bijoux's snout.

If I could have just one wish I would Go back to who I was Yesterday, and I'd say My goodbyes to you

Oh wait. There was the Houndoom. The purple eyes, the backward-tilted ears circled by devilish horns. Snout topped by the scar, body settled alongside her as the two locked gazes. The last lyric, 'My goodbyes to you' began to see the canine slowly fade, scattering into the earlier-mentioned flower petals, a rainbow of colours scattering with a sudden breeze that tickled at the hybrid's fur.

If my feelings stay the same and do Not change or fade away Just meet me At our favourite dogwood tree

Great. Bijoux just had to mention the dogwood tree, didn't she? And between the cymbal crash alongside part two of the chorus, and the heightening volume of all of the backing instruments, the visuals of her memory clouded, leaving her much less time to be lost in her pain. That was certainly an upside compared to the talent show from spring, if nothing else. Perhaps it was just from not having nearly as unbreakable a connection to this song as the previous one. Maybe her mind was actively shuttering herself from having to feel those same emotions. Either way… Loki was rather welcoming of this development.

We made a promise on that sunny day, So I made sure that it won't be lost By tracing my fingers on the beams Of the sunlight that chased the dark away

The percussion became more prevalent here. It was evident that progression theory was well and at work here. And the shamisen turned into a more modern guitar, giving a feeling of time's march forward as too did the song.

And here, despite whatever had kept Loki's memory blocks in place, the 'promise' lyric definitely created snippets of her wedding day to Shijima. The promises to keep him happy, to be the light that countered any darkness in his world… at least this memory was nice. There wasn't an undertone of death or loss in this portion… for once she wanted that visual, cursing whatever defence mechanisms kept her at bay. That wedding had been arguably the best day she'd ever had, and of all the things to cloud, she begged for this to not be it.

No moment is the same as the one after it You can't return to the past I'll move on with life and then, I won't hesitate again

Well… it was still nice. And still rang true. Except for second part. She certainly hadn't "moved on" in any sort of meaningful fashion, and she certainly remained hesitant through her continued attempts to push forward in her love life. Maybe that was the reason those visuals weren't coming in clearly this time. Was there something about "you can't return to the past" that hinted at it? That the most important thing she could do at this moment was to simply look forward, and not cling to memories that could never return? Part of her wanted to have that same visual play in her head, to see her husband again, but things remained cloudy despite her best efforts to create clarity.

So that all my deepest prayers will reach you Safely where you are To this day, I will sing this song again for you

Great. Loki just felt like Bijoux was deliberately calling her out at this point. It had been bad enough that her daughter had purloined the final song she had ever sung to Shijima. It was even worse that she had turned it into a public spectacle at her talent show. There was solace in knowing that despite the difficulty in listening to that one, at least it had been in front of those she knew. But here, in front of strangers? Still… maybe that was a blessing in disguise, that she wasn't so well-known in this circle, that her pain and struggles weren't as public, the scars not so evident.

If the answers that I'm looking for Exist within the world Gently Please just tell me that they do

It was probably for the best that these lyrics were followed by an instrumental interlude. It gave Loki's mind time to catch up to her heart, to indeed search around as the words had suggested, wondering… where were the answers she needed? Did she even really know what the questions in her heart were asking? Or did she only pretend she had her questions in place? She thought back to Celeste's complete undressing of her emotions; were there even questions remaining anymore? What held her back at this point anymore, if her vows to her eldest living daughter were true?

No moment is the same, as the one after it you can't return to the past I'll move on with life and then I won't hesitate again

Bijoux's harp playing was at its most prevalent during the following interlude. A familiar lead-in to the final chorus. Once again, the words stuck deeply in Loki's mind. As with the previous choral movement, she looked inwardly, wondering why she continued to hesitate. Why she couldn't move on. The centuries of staring at her past, clinging to things that would never again be. The desires to have them return, despite knowing the impossibility.

If I could have just one wish I would Go back to who I was Back in time, Just to sing once again to you

Harp and ocarina became the sole backers to Bijoux's voice as the movement into the finale began, with the two previous choruses entwining, only minor variations in the words. 'Yesterday' became 'Back in Time.' A dedication yet again to progression of the song, as if it had carried one through years, centuries even. Loki felt a definitive longing to sing to Shijima, even just one more time, and the last line of this grouping felt once more like a personal callout.

If my feelings stay the same and do Not change or fade away, Just meet me At our favourite dogwood tree

Again, the dogwood reference. But here, instead of multiple instruments and traditional sounds from verses prior, there was a more modern, quiet progression, a solemn dedication to remain by that promise, to return to that spot. A brief flash of Shijima's face appeared alongside her visualisation of the dogwood, before dissipating just as it had in the prior movements.

So that all my deepest prayers will reach you Safely where you are To this day, I will sing this song again for you

Of course this portion had to reappear. Because what kind of ode to Loki would it have been if it didn't feature a reprisal dedicated to a continued promise of singing? And as any final, final chorus would be wont to do, it brought back the percussion rhythms. A mixture of old and new. Small chimes, powerful strings, woven alongside Bijoux's voice, entwined alongside the harp and guitar chords.

If the answers that I'm looking for Are right before my eyes Gently Please just tell me that they are

The search for answers, one final time. But now instead of just existing in the world, it was as if over the song's progression, the searches had placed them so much closer than once thought. A slow, drawn-out process of realising, perhaps the solutions truly did not just exist, but so much closer to home than once expected. Too close. And then, as a callback to the very beginning, the shamisen made one last cameo alongside the flute. One set of drum beats, leading to the final vocal line, accentuated with brief guitar chords.

And reset All the sadness within me…

Bijoux's voice was gone now. And now, so too was the visual of Loki's prized dogwood tree. Several seconds of soft instrumental melodies played while the hybrid's brain puzzled things together. And as the final guitar riffs strummed, the last drums beat… it was a flick of the switch as the song's meaning became clearer. Bijoux's song had ended, but it lingered in Loki's mind. There was a brief minute of time that the Cinccino-taur basked in the polite reception to her performance, acknowledging applause as it came and then settling as she nodded with a final 'thank you' into the microphone. Loki's applause was probably the loudest, even with the rest of her brain occupied in dissecting the words she had just heard.

So that was what the Cinccino-taur had alluded to with her hint of an 'emotional reset.' That Loki's salvation of a happier future, would require more than just 'letting go' of the past. She, indeed, would have been better served resetting her emotions. Not to forget entirely, no. She would still be allowed to remember the good; it would be integral, even. Could she acknowledge the losses she had suffered? Sure. But, to cling onto previous trifles would be to never move forward. And that would leave her in the same state she had been for all those centuries since losing Shijima.

The answers were right before her eyes, weren't they? All this time… she had been searching for a sign, any hint to guide her in the right direction. She had looked in literally every possible hiding spot, and neglected to think that it could have possibly been even close to as simple as just hitting a so-called 'reset' button upon her emotional state. Once again, it had been one of her children, combining familial wisdom and reflections of the past. And unlike in Bijoux's previous performance, where the only feelings she left with were turmoil and sadness, painful relection…

Bijoux stood up, taking first the stereo off the stage, and then re-casing and removing the concert harp. She took a single look at Loki, nodded, and the pair exchanged broad smiles before hugging one another with loud, happy purrs. They then made their way silently to exit the gala, finding it fitting that such a heartfelt song would be the ending to their time at the event. And as they made their trip to the agreed-upon spot to meet Shania for teleportation back to Redolent Grove, Loki's mind continued to race with thoughts.

This time, the framework was there to rebuild herself. Loki had to commit. No matter how many times she rewound her memories, or begged otherwise, the ending would never change. She was going to find a way to sail forward, to create a new story as fulfilling as the one she had kept replaying. And if she felt herself straying…

She just had to hit 'reset,' and start anew.

((Loki and Bijoux have officially left the Abaddon's Gilded Gala.))

((Reset is a song from Okami, released 2006. This particular arrangement is from Shanath, and all proper credits are in the video description linked below. As a writer, I took inspiration to have Bijoux perform alongside this particular song. I make no claims that I wrote or performed the arrangement linked below, and all rights and accolades go to the original performers.))

infinity war and endgame: *presents near 6 hours of superhero content filled with various characters and storylines and a timeskip*

loki fans, as they should: *focus on the collective less-than-5-minutes of time Loki was on-screen or mentioned*

I finally get the anger about Thor: Ragnarok

I’ll admit it: I saw it the first time in the theatre and loved it, because it seemed funny and fresh. And it was absolutely what started me on the Thorki Spiral, which I hadn’t shipped before.

It was also where I really started to get emotionally invested in the MCU, and started plumbing more of the meta depths online, and understanding the character arcs beyond the plot arcs. And of course I’ve spent two years on this blue hellsite, enjoying the GIFs and the fics and the art.

But I didn’t actually rewatch the movie.

And last night I sat down to rewatch it, and... wow.

Wow, it is really not funny.

I recall reading a defense of Taika Waititi’s choices in this film, and how he is deconstructing colonialism and puncturing the White CisHet Male Hero myth, and I totally get all that. All the NZ/Aussie voices and aboriginal cultural influences are genuinely refreshing.

But I also recall reading Waititi’s casual dismissal of the Thor comic canon, and how he viewed Thor and Loki as “rich spoiled boys whining about their problems.” How he sees Loki as an “emo goth kid” who needs to grow up. How he deliberately ignored everything which had come before. And I recall reading about Hemsworth’s boredom with Noble Thor and how he longed to do more comedy.

The problem with Ragnarok is that Waititi views the protagonists as bad guys.

Bad Guys need to be punished. They need to lose.

I was intrigued by how Odin, by way of Hela, was framed as a conqueror, and how that part of history needed to be acknowledged and rejected. But: 1) Odin was already previously presented as a bad guy because of his shit parenting 2) the narrative re-rejects that point of view by redeeming him on the cliff in Norway just before his discorporation. Odin is never punished for his conquering rampages. He never has to acknowledge what he stole, or how he hurt people or entire cultures, or make reparations. He never has to admit what he did to Loki. He just gets to melt away and join Frigga.

In Waititi’s view, the White CisHet Male Heroes who think too much of themselves and need to be taken down a peg are... Thor and Loki. The title character and the canonically queer/pan/genderfluid outsider.

Yes, Thor and Loki are played by White CisHet Male actors. That does not make both characters White CisHet Males. (And let’s be clear: while there’s a lot of White CisHet Male Privilege going around which can certainly stand to be dismantled, “White CisHet Male” isn’t automatically equivalent to “evil jackass.” Thor’s identity as a White CisHet Male doesn’t mean that by definition the narrative has to break him.)

Loki was not a conqueror in the MCU — not the way Odin was. Loki’s “conquest” was canonically forced at the hand of the actual enemy, Thanos, who tortured and brainwashed him, and was controlling him via the Mind Stone.

Loki is not a colonizer. Loki is an outsider, an Other. He may present as White Cis Male, but he doesn’t have to, and he hasn’t always. There’s the wink from Jeff Goldblum and the implication that Loki was sleeping with him to “gain his favor,” but this is presented as more of a joke on Loki than anything else. And that’s what the entire narrative does: repeatedly make Loki the butt of the joke.

Poking fun at the people in power is a well-worn narrative device. Using humor to puncture legend, to remove power from people who claimed it illegitimately and at the expense of the less powerful, is a classic function of storytelling and should absolutely be celebrated.

Mocking Thor’s pompousness? Keeping him off-balance? Cutting his hair, having him whack himself in the head with Hulk’s sparring ball? Sure, why not. Because Thor is the hero. He is the center of the narrative. He is the one who has taken power and needs to learn to live without it to grow.

Except... that was the arc of the first Thor movie. Thor is not the arrogant shitheel he used to be. And Thor doesn’t grow or change in Ragnarok. There’s no character arc. He just... blithely sails on, pursuing what he thinks is right. Granted that what he claims to be pursuing is “saving the people of Asgard,” which is a noble and selfless goal, Thor personally doesn’t change. He’s as goofy and blustery in the post-credits stinger as he is in the pre-credits scene where he’s dangling in chains.

The only moment which can remotely be framed as “change and growth” is “Are you ‘Thor, God of Hammers’?” Which, again, could have been really powerful, as Thor learned that he didn’t need the literal mark of Odin’s approval (a measure of his “worthiness”) to channel his divine powers, but it ended up being an admittedly kick-ass action scene. And he’s never shown as being utterly helpless without Mjolnir; the hammer is an excellent weapon, but not his only one.

And Loki? Loki doesn’t have power, not in the narrative sense. Loki didn’t rampage over entire realms, not of his own volition. He did not steal or kidnap. Loki was never in line for the throne; that is, again, the entire plot of the first Thor movie. Loki has nothing to puncture. Attacking someone in power to even the scales is justice. Attacking the powerless is just bullying.

Which is what it felt like Waititi was doing, over and over: bullying Loki. Dr. Strange, who has been studying sorcery for what, 18 months? can outwit Loki, who has been a seidmadr trained by the seidkona Frigga for over a thousand years? Strange sends Loki into a portal where he is falling for half an hour?

When did Loki fall last? Off the Bifrost. When he was committing suicide. When he was captured by Thanos, who then tortured him for six months.

Oh yes, that’s something to make fun of. But Waititi wouldn’t know that, would he, because he made a point of ignoring the characters’ histories.

Thor being casual, callous, even rude, to the beloved brother he thought had died in his arms years ago? Thor putting an electrical torture device on his beloved brother, the man he defended to the entire Avengers, the man he refused to surrender to Midgardian authorities, and leaving him there to suffer? Thor mocking his beloved brother, telling him he needs to change and grow? Loki is the bloody god of chaos. How is Loki the character who hasn’t grown and changed?

But Waititi wouldn’t know any of their past interactions, because he made a point of ignoring the characters’ histories.

Waititi just saw the most superficial possible reading of these two characters and assumed that they were ripe for punishment — that they needed to be reduced. Which is what he did, proudly. So when the fandom reacts and complains that he’s disrespecting beloved characters, what he hears is that we’re defending White CisHet Male Privilege.

Waititi thinks he dismantled two copies of Obidiah Stane. The fandom saw him bludgeoning Bisexual Steve Rogers, Pre- and Post-Serum. You don’t pick on the little guy. You don’t reduce your hero.

Thor and Loki’s rich and complex history, even just in the MCU, is completely ignored. It’s reduced to the throwaway line of “You faked your death” (which is not what happened) and “I mourned you! I cried for you!” and Thor’s anger that Loki managed to survive. Not relief that Loki is still alive, but offense. And if the script had explored that more — “Why did you pretend to be dead? Why did you hide in Odin’s guise? Why didn’t you find a way to let me know what happened? If you were hiding as Odin, why didn’t you act as Odin?” — I would even have bought that. There is, in fact, a lot to unpack there. But that would have meant exploring everything that happened off-screen between the Thor movies. It would have meant studying that history, acknowledging it, and expanding on it. And Waititi saw Two Spoiled Rich Kids and had no interest.

The problem with Ragnarok is not the humor, or the outsider perspective from a Maori director. The problem is that the creator chose the wrong targets. I have learned in the past two years how many fans have come to identify with Loki the outsider, and Waititi deliberately chose to remain ignorant of that aspect of the character. He created two strawman versions of the characters and proceeded to tear them apart.

I am less hopeful now for Thor: Love and Thunder than I was. I don’t know how important Jane Foster’s storyline is in the comics, but if he ignored Thor and Loki, it’s not unreasonable to imagine he’d ignore Jane’s history too. I may have defended Waititi’s Ragnarok before. I won’t do so again.

Imagine that you are involved with Loki.

More than that, he is your soul mate, and you love him to distraction.  And you have absolutely no doubt that he feels exactly the same way.

But because you are a Midgardian mortal, Odin has let it be known that, even if you marry Loki at some point in the future - which is a subject he’s already broached with you - he will refuse to allow you to be given the title of Princess.

You just shrug when Loki tells you this news.  You don’t care in the least about that side of things, and you say as much to him.  He probably already had a pretty good idea that that was going to be your response.  You’ve always been that way – who he is, the fact that he’s royalty and a God are not selling points to you at all. 

The first time you two were at the same party at the Tower - when other women were swooning and flocking around him, trying to curry favor with him – you had ignored him completely. 

Frankly, you’d been doing your best to avoid him for the past few months, which had only served to do the opposite of what you intended and catch his eye.

When you were inevitably introduced, you managed to present him with a cool, polite facade, while your insides were shaking and your loins had begun aching from the moment he bowed low to you.  Then he compounded your agony by rising gracefully to bring the back of your hand to his soft, warm lips, all while maintain the kind of eye contact that had you practically melting into a puddle.

Despite your attraction to him, though, which you hid so successfully that he didn’t even think you liked him, the Prince had a terrible time just getting you to agree to go on a date with him.  You appeared to him to be utterly disinterested – and it was that much worse for him because he could sense that it was very real.  You weren’t just trying to play hard to get.

Your body might practically already be his, but the rest of you really wasn’t impressed by him – far from it.

But he definitely managed to change your opinion about him - over time - his patience in his pursuit of you amazing you no end . 

And now, if your positions had been reversed, you’d have gone up against Odin with no holds barred until he agreed to make Loki a Prince.

But this is about you, and you know you’re a mutt and a mongrel and you don’t care one whit about titles and such in the least.  All you want out of your life - however long it is – is to be with Loki.  His royalty is a matter of complete indifference to you.

And, frankly, you also don’t much like the idea of giving Odin any more attention than you absolutely have to.  Even if you did feel disrespected by his action, you would never let him see that.  You would never let the fucker – who treated your love horrendously, as far as you were concerned and therefore deserves no respect or acknowledgement whatsoever – have the satisfaction of knowing that he had affected you in any way.

Loki, however, is totally affronted by Odin’s petty little decree - as you suspect Odin knew he would be - and he’s frowning at you because – although he loves that you’re so “down to Midgard”, as he insists on saying, instead of “down to Earth” – he can’t bear the thought that you would be denied your rightful title as his wife.

“If anyone deserves to be a Princess, my love,” he vows, practically seething, “it’s you.”  Loki hauls you up against him, kissing the breath out of you.  “And he is going to change his mind about that, or I shall hold his feet to the fire until he does.”

Then he disappears in an angry puff of green smoke, and you sigh, knowing he won’t hesitate to start a war with his jerk of an adoptive father over this, even though that’s the last thing you want.

Odin’s Family Dynamic - Part 2

There has been a lot discussion recently whole the subject of Thor and Loki’s relationship and whether or not it’s abusive and who is the abuser. To answer this, we need to first have an understanding of the kind of family they grew up in. This analysis is extremely long and it has 4 parts and they are completely related and you need to read all of them to get the whole picture. The posts will be updated with the links to other parts.

Part 1 - Odin: The Narcissistic Parent

Thor and Loki: Golden Child and Scapegoat

This is probably the longest part of this analysis. I have analyzed Thor and Loki’s relationship in other posts, so the links I’ve provided are necessary for understanding this analysis and my points. So if you have a counterargument please read the posts I linked here first, you might find your answer there.

It is established in the previous part of this analysis that Odin is a narcissistic parent, a black and white thinker that creates the dynamic of a golden child and a scapegoat between his children. But not all golden children turn out to be narcissist themselves.

“The vast majority are just ‘golden’ – as in all good, doted on, coddled, and adored. However, the narcissistic ‘golden child’ is not so benign, and more often than not will take great pleasure in supporting the narcissistic parent in destroying the scapegoat child’s confidence and self- esteem. Sibling to sibling psychological abuse is very real and can affect the children abused by these toxic siblings terribly in adulthood.”[1]

Why Thor is a narcissist golden child? He clearly showed the signs of being one before his banishment:

“Narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) involves a pattern of self-centered, arrogant thinking and behavior, a lack of empathy and consideration for other people, and an excessive need for admiration. Others often describe people with NPD as cocky, manipulative, selfish, patronizing, and demanding. People with narcissistic personality disorder are extremely resistant to changing their behavior, even when it’s causing them problems. Their tendency is to turn the blame on to others. What’s more, they are extremely sensitive and react badly to even the slightest criticisms, disagreements, or perceived slights, which they view as personal attacks. For the people in the narcissist’s life, it’s often easier just to go along with their demands to avoid the coldness and rages.” [2]

It’s not deniable the Thor was an arrogant and self-centered prince who didn’t care about what would happen to his friends if he violated a peace treaty. He wanted war for glory and never cared about the lives that could have been lost during it. He killed many Jotuns just because he was called a princess. He then continued to shout at Odin because things didn’t go as he wanted them to, and still didn’t care that his friends got hurt.

“The narcissistic golden child is often a replica of the narcissistic parent. They subconsciously take on the narcissistic parent’s values, beliefs, and way of life. They integrate these beliefs into every aspect of the life. Whereas the scapegoated child consciously completely rejects the narcissistic parent’s way of life, beliefs, and values. They consciously question the narcissist’s way of thinking – whereas the narcissistic child just goes along to get along. The narcissistic child completely models their narcissistic parent and chooses to treat others based on how their role model treats others. The scapegoat, on the other hand, decides that they will treat people respectfully, because they don’t like how their narcissistic role model treats others.” [1]

We can see an example of this aspect in the way Odin treated Jane. When Odin first met Jane he didn’t acknowledge her presence directly. He talked about her with Thor and compared her to a goat. Thor treated Jotuns with complete disrespect and treated humans at first with arrogance and looked down on them. On the other hand, Loki upon meeting Jane introduced himself without any arrogance or disrespect (the only time we know Loki was in a better and relatively healthier state of mind).

“The golden child learns very quickly that to gain the narcissistic parent’s approval, one must behave in this un-empathetic, judgemental, disgusting way. If they behave like the scapegoat, (concerned, empathetic, and loving) they will be treated like the scapegoat. The narcissistic golden child refuses to stand in the corner with the scapegoated child and have stones thrown at them. Instead, they unconsciously decide that one will fare better in this family system, and may even gain some approval, or feigned love and support if they take on the role of psycho bully. This isn’t thought out properly. It’s just a survival of the fittest mentality that some children (narcissistically inclined children) take on.” [1]

This is obvious in the scene where Thor and Loki are both children and they are talking about Jotuns. Loki asks whether Frost Giants still live and Thor declares that he will kill all the monsters. Then both kids look at Odin to know which of them he will acknowledge, which of their view he will approve, a curiosity to know about Jotuns or just killing them. His answer( “A wise king never seeks out war but he must always be ready for it” ) not only confirms Thor that Frost Giants are monsters but also implies that the only information they needed about them is how to defeat them.

“The narcissist’s differential treatment of the two children puts the scapegoat in a position where they begin to see through their golden child sibling. They can see straight through the lie the golden child has fallen victim to. The scapegoated child knows their golden child sibling is not entitled, knows they are not grand, are not going to be famous, and is not this amazing person the narcissistic parent keeps making out they are. They see how cruel this child is becoming. So, the scapegoat child openly rejects narcissism.” [1]

Loki as the scapegoat child who saw through Thor’s perfect facade, who saw that Thor was reckless, arrogant and dangerous, chose to disrupt the coronation indirectly. And the main reason was to show to Odin that Thor isn’t ready. But why he didn’t directly address the problem with Odin and used trickery?

“Challenging the narcissist’s illusion about their ‘special’ child ends badly for the scapegoated child. They spend their entire childhood being pecked at by a psychologically dangerous child, and a psychotic parent. This golden child represents to the narcissistic parent everything amazing they see in themselves. The narcissistic parent lives and breathes through this grandiose, omnipotent, amazing child. This is the child that will defend the narcissist to no end, battle all of the people that continue to harm the narcissist’s ego, and will prove their omnipotence to the people around them. The narcissist will shine like a star through this child.” [1]

Thor as the narcissist golden child, as a replica of Odin, unintentionally, treated Loki, the scapegoat child, with the same kind of abuse, that he saw Odin did to him.

“The narcissist encourages the golden child to try to gain control over the scapegoat child. The narcissistic parent never intends to encourage love and harmony. Instead, they allow the golden child to abuse the scapegoat, and they don’t bat an eyelid.” [1]

How Thor’s behavior was abusive?

Thor constantly disregards Loki’s achievements as tricks which in turn enables other people to do the same. We see in the deleted scene that a servant openly laughs at Loki after Thor’s dismissed Loki’s magic: “Some do battles, others do tricks”. A guard takes his time to obey Loki’s order and inform Odin of their departure to Jotunheim. Not to mention W4 who constantly taunt Loki and their and Heimdall’s obvious reluctance to obey Loki when he is the rightful king. We see Thor continuously treats Loki as his inferior. He interrupts and dismisses Loki with “enough” and “know your place” and Loki’s reaction shows us that this behavior doesn’t surprise him. He is used to it.

Why is this behavior abusive?

“Psychological abuse is any act that diminishes a sibling’s sense of identity, dignity, and self-worth. is likely to be constant and intense.Examples include ridicule and degradation, belittling, intimidation, scorn, provocation, destruction of possessions, and torturing and killing of a sibling’s pets.” [3]

There is also the evidence of possible physical abuse in Thor and Loki’s body language when Thor is angry.Thor has a habit of blaming Loki for everything that happens and attacking him physically when he is angry and Loki has a habit of instinctively backing away from Thor in these situations(The two posts I linked here are part of the analysis).

Possible counterarguments:

“But Thor wasn’t abusive. Thor didn’t mean to hurt Loki. This was the only way he learnt and knew how to treat Loki. He didn’t know any other way to treat Loki.”

What is abuse?

“Abuse is defined as any action that intentionally harms or injures another person.” [4]

“Abuse is any behaviour or action designed to control, intimidate, threaten, or injure another person. It is a misuse of power which uses the bonds of intimacy, trust and dependency to make the victim vulnerable.” [5]

“The abuse can vary from treating someone with disrespect in a way which significantly affects the person's quality of life, to causing actual physical suffering.” [6]

“While the definition of abuse is simple, the meaning of abuse isn’t so clear. Yes, abuse is when one person purposefully hurts another, but that is a common occurrence in life and most of us are guilty of engaging in that from time to time. But what abuse really means is control. When a truly abusive situation exists, it’s because one party is seeking to control the other through abuse. And while this might be an explanation of abuse, it’s certainly no excuse. One person has no right to exercise control over another through abuse.” [4]

What Thor is doing in those situations is trying to control Loki. He dismisses Loki’s words and magic to put him in his place. Because Thor sees himself as superior and he doesn’t want anything to disrupts this mentality. So he controls Loki through silencing him and to establish that he is the one who has power. Thor threatens and attacks Loki physically to control his behavior, to make Loki stop what he is doing or to make Loki act as Thor wants or because he is simply angry and needs someone to blame. The dynamic of a golden child and scapegoat in itself is based on imbalanced power and control.

But is it still abuse if Thor didn’t know what he was doing is hurting Loki or it’s abuse. Can abuse be unintentional? Here’s why this is a wrong question to ask:

1. It still hurts. The reason we say that “intent isn’t fucking magic” – or, for those who prefer a bit less profanity, “intent versus impact” – is because being hurt hurts whether it was meant to or not[7]. In the end, what does the intent of our action really matter if our actions have the impact of furthering the marginalization or oppression of those around us[8]?

2. No one ‘intends’ to abuse. if you ask an abuser why they do what they do, they won’t say, “In order to control and hurt people.” They’ll say, “Because I can’t live without him so I need to make sure he won’t leave me.” They’ll say, “Because she’s disrespecting me and I won’t stand for that.” They’ll say, “Because I want my children to grow up successful and strong,” or “Because they made me so angry and I want them to feel the way I feel.” They might say, “Because I’m in love. How else do you expect me to act?” Do any of these people “intend” to be abusive? That depends on what you mean by “intend.” Do they intend for their targets to feel trapped and terrified? Maybe, maybe not. Do they intend to make their targets feel like nobody will ever treat them any different? I have no idea. But I’m guessing that very few abusers wake up in the morning thinking, “I’m going to abuse someone today.” So, no. Many abusers probably don’t “intend” to be abusive. They probably intend to preserve their relationships, be partners in the only way they know how, and maintain their own flawed and convoluted sense of safety. That doesn’t make them any less abusive. But it does make the question of intent less useful than you’d think[7].

3. If this answer matters, abusers can let themselves off the hook. If we decide that it makes a difference whether an abuser meant to abuse or not, why wouldn’t all abusers just say they didn’t mean to? Even if we acknowledge that “unintentional” abuse is still abuse, this still creates a sort of hierarchy of abuse in which one is presumably less bad than the other. if we decide that abusing someone “by accident” isn’t as bad as doing it “on purpose,” then the abusers in our social spaces just have to say, “But I didn’t mean to! I thought my behavior was okay because I’ve seen it on TV! I just love them so much and wanted to keep us together!” And then they’ll escape the worst of the social censure[7].

“This is normal sibling rivalry.”

Sibling violence is the physical, emotional, and/or sexual abuse of one sibling by another. It is not the everyday squabbles, rivalry, or physical playing between siblings. Sibling violence often involves a power imbalance that makes it difficult for the harmed child to protect or defend themselves[4]. Arguments are inevitable to erupt between people who live together. But this narrative, which siblings fight like cats and dogs constantly with one sibling always being the aggressor, and that’s the way life works, has proved to be utterly wrong[9].

As it is mentioned there is a clear power imbalance between Thor and Loki as golden child and scapegoat respectively. Loki doesn’t have a support from his parents. In fact, Thor’s behavior is enabled by Odin. And while Loki can defend himself perfectly well against Thor, it only happens when he is totally angry and out of control. In situations when he blames himself and feels guilty he either backs away, or is resigned to just defend himself.

“Loki is guilty in those situations.”

The use of violence and intimidation is not ok unless there is an actual fight. And abuse can’t be excused because someone is guilty. This analysis considers the instants when there isn’t a fight between Thor and Loki.

“Loki manipulated and lied to Thor all the time. He was abusive.”

Manipulation to hurt and control someone else is also a form of abuse. We’ve seen how Loki knew to use right sentences to enable Thor’s idea for going to Jotunheim more. He also lied to Thor about Odin’s death and permanent banishment to hurt and demotivate him. If this was a repetitive behavior from Loki, then it was abusive. But just like violence in fighting isn’t abuse, the occasions that Loki used manipulation as a tactic in battle isn’t abuse.

“Loki never told Thor how he felt. They just have communication problem.”

We don’t know that Loki never told Thor. In fact, we saw Loki directly told Thor that he never wanted the throne and he only wanted to be Thor’s equal. And he is dismissed the next time for having “imagined slights”. They have communication problem but it doesn’t make either of them abusive.

“Loki faked his death all the time”

Please read this.

“Frigga favored Loki over Thor.”

Please read this.

“Loki stabbed Thor his entire life.”

I only analyzed Thor and Loki’s relationship without including TR. Because Thor and Loki are both very ooc in this movie and I don’t accept TR’s retcons of their characterizations. I explained before why I don’t accept the snake story as a representation of their childhood dynamic:

Analysis of Thor and Loki’s characters in Their Childhood

If after reading it, you still insist on accepting it because it is canon, Then you have to accept that Thor was also a pathological narcissistic abuser in TR(What makes TR Thor worse than his characterization before his banishment is the level of narcissism he has in TR. Narcissism is a spectrum and TR Thor is very high on it), that he is perfectly capable of torturing his brother and enjoying it(and no it’s not ok to compare Loki’s villainous actions with Thor who is a hero) and throwing your brother to enemies, sth your brother finds humiliating but you don’t care, is also abusive.

It is important to mention that Loki wasn’t the only victim of abuse in their family. Golden children are also abused by their way of upbringing.

“they[parents] can manipulatively groom the child to be incredibly vain and selfish for the parents’ own purpose, which is usually extension of the parent’s ego via the child. Through the child, they seek to experience accomplishments, to punish enemies, etc. The child’s identity isn’t allowed to form as it would with an empathetic parent: the child is simply pushed to see himself as a super star, to achieve power by trampling others, to be a “success” who takes what he wants and won’t take no for an answer, because these are the parents’ fantasies of grandeur. The child’s developing personality is entirely subsumed – and warped – by the parent’s machinations, which are exploitative and grossly selfish.” [10]

“The narcissistic parent is completely to blame for this over exaggerated sense of grandiosity and entitlement in the golden child because this parent taught the golden child that they have complete control over everybody in their environment. The first victim under the complete control of the golden child was the scapegoat. The narcissistic parent gave the golden child this position of power over the scapegoat and set the golden child up to believe that they will have control over anybody in their space.” [1]

Thor was also a victim of abuse because of Odin’s parenting and it’s really sad that he will probably never realize it.

Maybe the reluctance to call either Thor and Loki, abusive comes from the mentality that believes perpetrators of abuse are monsters. This is not true.

“When we pretend that only a monster could do those things, we ignore the reality that a person perpetrated abuse. When we relegate abuse to the realm of monsters and demons, we begin to falsely believe that no one we care for could ever be abusive. We ignore red flags as we fall for someone or deny that our family member is abusive because, well, only monsters perpetrate abuse. We ignore allegations as our imaginations fail to see the person we think we know and love carrying out violence. We categorize abuse as something not done by kind, thoughtful, charming, well-liked, curious, and confident people. Something much more ambiguous is true. The truth is that people who perpetrate abuse can also have a multitude of positive traits, and they often have a genuine loving side. It does us no favors to ignore this conflicting truth. Do not meet someone and assume they must be safe because they are smart, well liked, and charming. Do not dismiss allegations of abuse because you see someone’s good side.” [11]

Thor and Loki’s upbringing can help us understand them and the reason for their behavior. It’s true that empathy needs to be learned. It’s true that they are the result of their environment but in the end, it doesn’t change the fact that some of their actions are abusive. 

Part 3 - Frigga: The Enabling Parent

Sources:

[1] The relationship between a narcissistic golden child and the scapegoat

[2] Narcissistic Personality Disorder

[3] Sibling Violence

[4] What is Abuse? Abuse Definition

[5] What is Abuse?

[6] What is Abuse?

[7] Can Abuse Be Unintentional? 3 Reasons That’s the Wrong Question to Ask

[8] Intent vs. Impact: Why Your Intentions Don’t Really Matter

[9] Sibling Abuse: How Much Fighting Is Too Much?

[10] How the “Golden Child” Upbringing is Abusive

[11] 11 Reasons Not to Classify Perpetrators of Abuse as ‘Monsters’

Loki x Reader - Runes - Part 6

Ok guys, next parts ready-ish. I’m not a huge fan of this chapter, but I was desperately trying to find a way to worm in a half-decent explanation of my rune idea into the story. It doesn’t flow great, but I hope it clears a few things up? (Though I’ve probably missed some stuff out so let me know if you have any questions on it and I’ll try and answer if it doesn’t give away the rest of the story haha)

I have based the runes off real runes - the Younger Futhark runes. I haven’t used all of them and I know very little about Norse mythology. I have vaguely used their meanings, but everything I am doing with them is completely fictional and I don’t mean to disrespect them or their meanings in any way so I hope no one takes offence if I mess this up in anyway!

(I actually only came up with his whole fan fiction because I own a necklace like the ones in the story with one of the runes on it!)

Let me know what you think!

Let me know if you want to be tagged in anything!

MAIN MASTERLIST

RUNE MASTERLIST

The Asgardian tradition of a women’s rune necklace was something that had been around for longer than anyone could recall, and its reasoning long since lost to time. You were unfamiliar with anyone ever having challenged the custom in history – or anyone even questioning why it had only ever extended to the female population – but this mostly likely due to the varying wives’ tales that surrounded the soul binding.

And that was what the necklaces were, a part of a girl’s soul trapped away at birth until they were able to unlock it on the day of their marriage. You glanced down at yours now as you sat, your knees pulled up to your chest – a position you had often be chastised for by your mother – in the graveyard garden, the smell of smoke and smouldering wood still lingering on the air. You lifted the antler tip off where it always rested on your chest, now rotating it between your fingertips to examine, for the millionth time, the rune shape carved into it.

You knew the etching in the bone was made by using a piece of sunglass, and the antler then stained in beeswax to seal it, but the actual binding that took place between a person and the rune was a heavily guarded secret that even your extensive reading on the subject could shed very little light on. This was for good reason of course, binding a person’s mind to a vessel was powerful magic and not something that should be accessible to learn for any layman, hence why a small council had been formed that oversaw the practice for each girl’s birth, their methods secretive and their recruiting limited.

You fiddled with the antler piece, scowling at it. The soul runes were a subject that had frustrated and tormented you for most of your life. The bare basics of them were taught to a girl at a young age – they formed questions pretty quickly after all about the leather thong that was placed around their neck at birth – but you had taken a special interest in the topic, educating yourself further than any other girl would care to go. Most just accepted it. You had wanted to know why.

You put down most of your intrigue to the fact that your parents – unlike other children’s families – had refused to explain your runes meaning to you. You remember the other girls running around thrilled and proud about what their rune meant, how they would be this or that when they grew up. Of course, they would then ask you what your rune was – what you were destined for – and you hadn’t known. Neither had they though, when they demanded to see your rune – they had never seen the odd symbol before. That evening, they had run home, bursting with questions about the odd rune on their friend, seeking the answer of its meaning from their parents, but they too refused to speak of it and instead strongly advised that the child stay away from the girl and offered the same advice to any boy as well.

There were few who rebelled enough to ignore these words of wisdom, and before you knew it, your friendship pool had diminished to only a few chosen few - Yuliya always having been the one by your side consistently.

So, you kept your rune hidden from then on – quickly having pieced that together as the source of people’s discomfort around you – and quickly changed the subject If it ever came up. Your grandfather was the one who had helped you discover the true meaning of your rune.

You glanced to your right at the stone statue next to you. It was barely over two-foot-tall but the stone crow – its wings thrown open - was carved with such detail that it looked as though it might take off from its little dais at any point, or at the very least turn one of its cold eyes on you. It was the work of Yuliya’s courter – a blacksmith who dabble in stone work on the side – and you’d paid him with every coin you had and promised him several weeks wages despite his protests. It was a work of art after all – a thing of beauty - and exactly what you had wanted to place in memory of your grandfather. Since it had been laid a little over a year ago, a few weeks after his death, you always visited the spot once a week – more if you needed to. The garden was not a popular place like it once was, but even so, you had chosen the most private area for your memorial, a little hollow in the western corner which a tall willow largely obscured. You and your grandfather had always enjoyed peace and quiet – often not saying whilst you helped him, simply enjoying each other’s company – and you felt it was only right that his earthly reminder be kept away from the business of the world beyond the shrubbery and it, in turn, offered you a sanctum to hide at as well when you needed it most.

Your grandfather had been the one to point you in the right direction to discover the truth behind your rune. He was subtle about it, giving no answers outright - so not as to disobey your parents - but instead suggesting you peruse a certain book you would be able to find at the palace library where your studies took place alongside the other high-ranking children close to your age, including the two princes.

So, you sought the answers for yourself, using your free time to seek out the few books you could find on the runes and their translations. It became clear to you - as you had run your eyes over the pages - why certain runes suggested certain occupations and personalities and you soon made it a hobby of yours to learn and observe different types of runes and their behavioural affects.

There were ten different types of runes in total - some more common than others - and each predicted a certain path for an individual, foretelling their future personality and natural skills. It wasn’t that you were forced by law down these paths laid out for you, but more that these rune around your neck were in fact you – a part of you at least – and the reconnection with that part of upon the ceremonial burning of the necklace unleashed an area of your mind that you didn’t know existed – the part of you that was maternal, or judicious or a voyager, and then you understood your predetermined future.

It was whilst you poured over these books - scribbling notes whenever you found the slightly ‘new’ piece of information amongst a repetitive babble - that you had first met Loki in fact. You had seen him around the palace and in lessons, of course, but never had the two of you acknowledged each other’s presence. The prince had seemed almost as surprised as you upon discovering someone else in the library aside from himself. He had said nothing at the revelation however, but merely grabbed the book he had been searching for from the shelf and taken a seat directly opposite you at the central table.

You had fought the urge to glance up again, knowing for certain you were blushing a bright red, but you had felt Loki’s eyes on your face and the pages you now pointlessly turned. Eventually he had turned his attention to his own book and the two of you had sat in silence together for the rest of your study period. After that though, you had always made sure to hide yourself away in the deepest recess of the library where you definitely could not be found and your studying took on a almost desperate fever, the eligible age of marriage fast approaching and you praying to every god that the more you knew about your rune, the more you stood a chance of fighting against it and your so-called ‘destiny’.

“Look how that turned out.” You murmured to the crow, brushing a hand quickly over your eyes. You weren’t sure whether you regretted knowing about your rune or not, it had permanently altered the way you lived your life after all, but at least now you could stop it – or at the very least try to make up for it.

You glanced back down to your necklace where it just hung as a constant threat. Not everyone kept their rune as a necklace – although it was the most popular style it seemed – where occupations or job made a necklace cumbersome or annoying, some would merely keep the token in their pockets or adjust the leather into bracelets for their ankles or wrists. Anything was generally acceptable really – as long as it remained on your person. Not that there was any law that forbade the removal of a rune though, but it was strongly frowned upon - Gods forbid it break before your marriage after all. Not that anyone knew what would happen if it did – no one even considered damaging their rune – no one except you. You had never done it though – you did not even know if it was possible outside of the matrimonial flame - but you had considered it. You always wondered if it you broke it before your marriage, would that part of you simply disappear into the ether? Or, maybe the rune’s secret would simply be unleashed on you earlier than it should. That was the fear. That was the thought that had always stopped you from trying.

The sound of footsteps on the gravel path to your left now pulled you out of your thoughts. It was a public garden, it could have been anyone, but you knew who it would be – the only person who knew that this is where you sought sanctuary away from reality. You didn’t bother to lift your gaze though, your eyes still on the small tip of bone in your hand, noticing the branches of the willow being pushed aside out of the corner of your eye.

“Sol. Go.”

“I beg your pardon?” You asked, the croak in our voice giving away the tears you had wiped away.

“The rune. Its meaning. I know you still know it - go.” Yuli urged. You raised an eyebrow at her. Yuliya hadn’t always been thrilled with your obsession for the rune necklaces, but she had found the occasional entertainment in how she could question you on any other them and you were able to quote the translations straight back to her.

“Yuli, do we ha–“

“Call it a distraction, come on.” She insisted.

You sighed quietly. “Rune of victory,” You murmured, “Success and spiritual control. Often predicts a warrior’s heart.”

“Tyr?” Yuli suggested down to you. You rolled your eyes, pulling your cloak tighter around your shoulder at the evening wind chill.

“Rune of law and order.” You recited, “Foretells a passion in the legal system and ensuring justice through judgement.”

“Reid.”

“Rune of riding. Predicts wanderlust, a need for journeying – found most commonly amongst travellers and traders.”

“Oss.”

“Rune of communication, songs and words. Prophesises a scribe or bard occupation.”

“Ar?”

“Rune of timing, of knowledge and skill. Very general, can envisage anything from crafter to scholar to farmer. Presents the least direction and is seen as the most freeing rune.” You always added.

“That’s a personal opinion, not a quotation – keep it to yourself.” Yuli scolded you playfully, scowling like one of your old, stern tutors. You smirked. “Bjarkan?”

“Rebirth and purification, common amongst those in the medical profession – especially midwives.”

“Madhr.”

“Means man, family and/or clan connections. Predicts a caring personality and occupations reflect this…” You trailed off, craning your neck as you searched the recesses of you mind for the last part of that particular paragraph. “Can also been seen amongst seafaring folk.” You said quickly, nodding as you suddenly recalled it.

Yuli nodded, “Logr?”

“Water, cleansing. Another popular rune amongst sailors, but also in those that find strong devotion to the gods.” You said, fiddling with the collar of your cloak, the information easily flooding back now.

“Yr.”

“Rune means bow and iron. Also known as the death rune.” You quoted, “Often seen in those babies that die at birth and so often strikes fear in a parent. Despite its tendency to suggest a weak child, it can also suggest a stronger than average child both mentally and physically and predicts an archer or smith’s future.”

You didn’t miss Yuliya’s slight pause before she spoke the final rune, nor the flicker of concern in her eyes, nor the fact that she had purposely chosen to leave the particular rune till last. “Purs/Thurs.” She finally said, keeping her eyes firmly on you now as she waited for your answer.

The mere mention of the rune’s name always made your heart drop in your chest and your throat constrict slightly – always able to recall it, and all the extra information you had ever read concerning it, with ease. “The rune of power, strength and brute force.” You finally answered stiffly, “Used for bindings or magic staves to increase their power. Means torturer, cliff-dweller - giant. Foretells a future of harm and destruction.” You listed.

“Wrong.” Yuliya stated quietly but firmly after a pause. You let out a sigh, closing your eyes in exasperation, knowing what was to come next. “You always get that one wrong.” Your friend reminded you gently.

“It’s not wrong, Yuli,” You sighed tiredly, “That is, word for word, what every book states.”

“That is half of what the books says.” Yuli pointed out, “You always forget that the rune has i meanings. Two opposite meanings.” She stressed. “It may mean destruction. It can also mean protector.”

You rolled your eyes in exasperation and exhaustion, letting your head fall back against the willow you sat against. “I thought you said this was a distraction.” You growled. “That we weren’t to talk of it anymore.”

She sighed, sitting down next to you on the damp grass. “In an ideal world…” She admitted sadly, gazing out over at the garden visible through the trees drooping branches in front of you before turning her eyes back to you. “You could say yes, you know.” She murmured.

You closed your eyes, not about to question how she knew about the proposal, “Yuli, I could not do this to someone I did not love, let alone to someone that I do.” You groaned, “This rune is my burden now, but when I marry it becomes Loki’s as well - I cannot do that to the prince.” You insisted despairingly.

“[Y/N], you have to allow the prince the choice to carry that burden.” Yuliya explained, “He may well refuse,” She continued quickly before you could refuse, “and then you may carry on with your current state of self-pity –“ You scowled, “- but the prince may agree, [Y/N] - and then you could have your happily ever after.”

All you could do was shake your head hopelessly. You didn’t know what to say. Yuli was right, no one could predict the prince’s reaction to your rune, but if he was like anyone else he would simply turn and flee.

But there was a tiny chance he would not.

But that would require you confessing to Loki, and that in itself seemed like a near impossible task. You did not think you could stand the look you knew you would see on his face when the realisation hit him. “Yuli, I – I don’t think I can do it - tell him I mean.” You clarified, “I – I can’t see –“ the look of horror, you wanted to say - the look that confirmed to you he could not love you – not all of you. Not the part that had yet to show itself. That he could not marry you, in fear of what you would become. And, if he couldn’t marry you, you knew that he would not be with you period. He was a prince after all, which meant that no matter how much fun he may find with various ladies each night currently, one day Loki would be forced to settle down and marry. And it couldn’t be with you.

Whether your heart broke now or in a few years, it would have to break.

You groaned, covering your face with your palms now, pressing the back of your head harder into the bark behind you. Why had the prince proposed to you in the first place? In your mind it made no sense. None of the past few days did. Why had he insisted on accompanying you through the market? Why had he kissed you at the wall? Why – why on that very first day of all this, had Loki come to the tower and asked for something he could damn well have made himself?!

Loki’s behaviour was just as puzzling to you as yours likely was to him. “I just don’t know.” You groaned miserably, dropping your hands from your damp cheeks and glancing across to the stone carving again. It felt like its eyes were on you, telling you that you knew what to do, you were just too scared to do it.

“What would he have said?” Yuliya asked gently next to you, nodding to the raven.

“Probably the exact same as what you have said.” You admitted with a weak laugh, “Though, he would call me princess.” You added with a small shrug, a sad smile playing on your lips at the fond memory.

“You see,” Yuliya pointed out gently, “he thought you were princess material.” You smirked feebly. “He also knew what your rune was and didn’t shun you.” Yuli pointed out, “and neither do I.” She reminded you. “There are people like that out there, [Y/N] - like your grandfather, like me, and maybe like Loki – that do not care about your rune.” She insisted earnestly. You sighed tiredly. “I promise you, [Y/N], the prince is different around you - more genuine, honest.” She explained. “Maybe it is time you are that with him.” She pointed out.

You glanced at her in surprise. She was right really. Wasn’t she? You closed your eyes, grimacing as you looked away again. Were you truly considering this? You jumped slightly when you suddenly felt a hand on your own - a warmth against the cold skin of your healing frostbite still hidden under your bandages. “Stop trying to prove yourself to him,” Yuliya urged, “And give him a chance to prove himself to you.”

Tags for everything: @thatwriterizzy @arkhamsurviour @sheldonsherlocktony @beautifulbows924 @angelicshinigami @wanna-see-my-lease @minahraven @adaliamalfoy

Tags for Loki: @drakesfiance @vanyali07 @frostymoon11 @hakuoyuki @imagine-that-100 @lexiiiii28 @vgurl18 @jungwencantdie

 Tags for Runes: @l0kisbitch

Can you explain/sum up the overall attitude Hellenics have towards Riordan? I loved his books when I was much younger, and they're what got me into polytheism (I'm now much much more educated and take the books with a grain of salt). I just find it frustrating that polytheism is now such a trivialized religion. If people did a quarter of what they do to Polytheists to Christians, they'd absolutely freak you out. Also I love your blog!!

Thanks for the compliment, I’m glad you enjoy what I post.

Ooooookay, Riordan. In my opinion, he isn’t respectful to the religion and the Gods and the worshippers of them. On his website, giving an otherwise academic account of the earlier struggles of native Grecians trying to establish religious presence in Greece, he says, “We just found this posted from Associated Press — another story about an attempt by a tiny fringe group of Greeks to revive the worship of the Greek gods. For years, worshipping the Greek gods has been against the law in Greece. Now, this group is seeing how far freedom of religion can go. I love Greek myths, but why anyone would want to worship the Greek pantheon is beyond me. Still, it’ll be an interesting court case to watch.”

Now, there’s nothing wrong with his approach to modernizing the myths. He makes the main demigod characters relatable to kids that don’t get much representation. He makes it funny. He creates an odyssey of adventure in the books and creates new conflicts. He changes the god characters as they change in the traditional myths. Which is all fine. They’re meant to be entertaining and that is what happens.

BUT what changes and frankly sours many polytheists, myself included, is his attitude towards the religion itself and the people. He said the above quote along with these (sources I don’t have access to but here is the link to the post that gives them):

http://practical-magick.tumblr.com/post/116366161150/you-should-tell-us-about-how-rick-riordan-is-a

“It’s strange to think anyone would still worship the Olympians seriously” (X)

“I didn’t realize some people still worship the old Viking gods. Very strange, and a little scary…In my opinion, the more you learn about the mythology, the more impossible it is to take it seriously as a religion… after you’ve met Odin and Thor in the stories, who in their right mind would ever want to worship them?” (X)

“As long as we recognize them as stories that are part of our heritage and long-since stopped being any kind of serious religion” (X)

“Early in the book, the character Chiron makes a distinction between God, capital-G, the creator of the universe, and the Greek gods (lower-case g).” (X) “I don’t have the words for how much I hate this sense of religious superiority” (@ccconfidence )

“…Cernunnos is a bearded guy with horns, and he’s got… a torque, around each of his horns. Was he the god of playing ring toss games? Did you win a stuffed animal if you got one around his horns? I don’t know.” (X)

“…that horrible Disney animated movie based on his life” (X)

If you can’t tell in these quotes, Riordan takes the myths at face value and thinks the ancients and modern day worshippers did/do too. He treats the myths and thinks we treat the myths as many (if not most) Christians take the Bible: as canon fact of the deities.

Now, this contrasts greatly with Neil Gaiman, another author that modernized polytheistic gods. He focuses more on Norse Mythology in both his “American Gods” book and his retellings in “Norse Mythology”. Both are fantastic books and I recommend them. In “N.M.” he introduced it by explaining his process to writing these stories. He went through months of research, cross referencing CLASSICAL versions of the myths, asking and getting editorial advice from classicists and academics in the mythology. Essentially, he shows RESPECT for the mythology and the Gods. And that, I’ve never heard him say it, brings the feeling he would respect the worshippers of the Aesir and Vanir. In “A.G.” he creates versions of Odin and Loki and other gods of MANY pantheons that he expresses are not THE gods. Even at the end of the book (spoiler alert) he shows the actual Odin who explains the version of himself that the story was driven by was not, in fact, THE Odin.

At the end of the book, in a note section, Gaiman explains how his version of America in “American Gods” is not a true America as it is. He feels, and so do I, that he has made an America that is entirely fictional and other. I feel he accomplished that same aspect with the gods he wrote and kept it entirely fictional.

Okay, now that I’ve defended Gaiman, I’ll explain. When Gaiman writes about other people’s gods, even those who are not living any more (as many segments of American Gods illustrate) he shows respect and reference towards them. Riordan on the other than, does not. He mocks the religions his books’ mythologies are based on. He, when given the chance to acknowledge respectfully that others worship the Gods, outright mocks people and devalues us.

I’ve seen things and articles about him and his interviews and he seems to act like an authority on the mythologies he writes about. Greek, Kemetic, Norse, all of them he boasts a “superiority complex” when it comes to his knowledge. And I personally don’t think he should. If he takes them at face value and doesn’t see the reason for myths as entertainment, lessons, and pure FICTION inside of the religion, then he doesn’t understand the myths and isn’t as knowledgable as he claims to be. Gaiman, on the other hand, says in his exposition in “N.M.” that he wishes he could write about the lesser known gods and giants in the Norse mythos but he doesn’t and says it wouldn’t be right for him to assume he can. He shows more understanding of the purpose of myth than Riordan.

When I first saw that he was coming out with the Magnus Chase series, i honestly got upset. Not only was yet ANOTHER pantheon and its worshippers going to get the same treatment, but it was the heritage of my family (my family is 100% Norwegian and as Norse as it goes outside of the worship). So Riordan’s words and attitudes follow him wherever he goes, in my opinion. IF he ever did apologize, earnestly and honestly take back the words he has said and actually LEARNED about the religions he so openly and unfairly mocks, then I would give him a little forgiveness, but as that has yet to be even alluded to, I still say he is an asshat.

So, in short (as I could go on), Riordan is disrespectful towards the Gods, religion, and the worshippers both ancient and modern of any polytheistic religion he decides to incorrectly appropriate with his books. He is unapologetic towards his words against our beliefs and doesn’t see us as sane, moral, and valuable human beings. And he takes the myths at face value and thinks he’s an authority on them. Furthermore, this attitude seems to rub off on his fan base and fandom making it to where they think they know the myths and everything because they read his books. This makes it incredibly hard for worshippers to go through tags and find good, religious content, and for us to hold reasonable conversations and NOT be seen as simply book nerds who take it a little far.

Hope that answers your question. If you want to discuss it more, comment on this, or send me a message and I’ll be happy to reply!

Cheers!-D

The Raven and Her Wolf- Chapter 11: Fit For A Princess

Rose’s discussion had left her with more to think about than answers to her questions. She knew that Frigga was probably right about not thinking about what she had seen, however, she still wanted to know for sure what she had seen. What if she could prevent it by knowing?

Loki found her the next morning, though he was in high spirits, she couldn’t bring herself to share the feeling. At breakfast, Thor tried to get a rise out of her, just to be ignored. Loki grew worried about her and asked Frigga what had been said. He agreed with his mother, that Rose should just pretend that it never happened.

A week went by and after trying and failing multiple times to find the Oracle, Rose finally admitted defeat and went back to her life as it had been. Loki was overcome with relief.

~

There had been several conversations between Loki, Thor, and Odin about the matter of Loki’s right to wed. Thor was oldest and should marry before Loki, however, Thor maintained that he couldn’t be happier about how everything worked out.

Loki found you in the garden the morning after the final discussion. He wasn’t wearing his usual wardrobe and it was a pleasant change. He looked so nervous; perhaps Odin had decided to kick her out after all.

“Good morning, Rose. How are you today?”

“Loki, Dear, I am fine, but why are you being so formal?”

“I have a matter that is most important to discuss with you. Oh, nevermind being formal. It feels wrong. Rose Crane, will you do me the honor of ruling by my side as my Queen?”

“Are you asking me to marry you?”

“Please say that you will.”

“Of course, Loki. I would want nothing more than to be your Queen!”

~

It wasn’t the proposal that she would have expected, but he was royalty and there were probably guidelines on how one is to propose to their future spouse. The Asgardian culture never ceased to confuse and amaze her.

Since she had agreed, the wedding wouldn’t have to wait for long. Unlike in Midgardian culture, where you can be engaged for however long it took to plan and arrange the perfect wedding, everything here moved fairly quickly and it didn’t leave a lot of time for cold feet. 

The Palace transformed before her eyes; in a matter of days, it was completely ready to house the most ornate wedding imaginable. Flowers were free to climb every pillar and red carpets lined the way Rose was to walk in less than two days. White benches were set out and Frigga diligently sent out invitations. Thor disappeared a few days before the wedding, and no one knew or would say where he had gone.

Rose was beyond nervous. Frigga and Lady Sif set out to pick the best dress, and they couldn’t seem to come to an agreement. In the end, Rose agreed with Lady Sif’s choice of a slightly loser fitting dress that allowed her to breathe better. Frigga’s choice had been equally as stunning but was a little tighter that Rose would have liked for such an exciting day where breathing was important. 

When Thor finally turned up again, he wasn’t alone. It had been over a decade since Rose had seen them, but she knew it was them before she even saw their faces. The man was very stiff and clearly didn’t want to be there. The woman kept shifting about, taking in all of the scenery around her. Loki was talking to them, although he was mostly talking to the man. 

Loki would make a good diplomat. Rose knew it wasn’t easy to speak to this man, but Loki was making a good show. She was secretly proud of Loki for putting in the effort. Thor found her watching and gave her a hug. When she asked what that had been for, all Thor could say was “That man is terrifying. You are so brave.” Rose let out a laugh, Loki had heard her and bowed as she left the visitors to look about. 

“You should talk to them.”

“I didn’t want to interrupt. What did he have to say?”

“A lot along the lines of ‘Why am I here? Who are you? and Where are we?’”

“Dear Lord, what did you say?”

“’You are here because you were invited and I am Loki, Prince of Asgard. As for where you are, you are in Asgard.’“

“He won’t want to speak to me.”

“You’re probably right, but she will.”

~

At this point, Rose wasn’t sure whether if she was nervous about getting married or talking to two close strangers.

“Hello, Mother, Father.”

“Rose! Look at you! You look so gorgeous!”

Her mother was over to her and holding her in a matter of minutes and was quietly sobbing on her shoulder. Her father hadn’t moved or acknowledged her in any way. She had expected nothing less. 

“I missed you so much, Sweetheart. Where have you been? I heard you were fighting in Washington’s Army.”

“I was, Mother. I missed you too.”

“And that is precisely why I don’t want to be here. You are a traitor to the Crown.”

Your father had always had a way of crushing nice moments. It made you so mad, but now you were in a position to do something about it.

“Perhaps, but now I am wearing a crown, so it was all worth it.”

“Why are we here? He wouldn’t answer the question.”

“He answered it just fine. You are here because you were invited.”

“Why?”

“That man is my Fiance and you are here for my wedding. Don’t worry, you won’t be walking me down the aisle. His brother is.”

“You ungrateful little brat!”

“I am grateful to many people for many things, you aren’t one of them. Now if you’ll excuse me, I must go speak with the Queen; my future mother in law. Mother, it was lovely seeing you. Father.”

Rose turned and left, Thor and Loki were hot on her heels and it took them both a few paces to actually catch her. Thor had gone pale. Loki had that look of pride on his face again. Neither of them could believe that Rose had told him off like that. Though Loki had to admit that he had wanted to say something himself, though he had thought better of it.

The day before the wedding had Rose too busy to really spend time with Loki, and she wasn’t going to see him at all that night. Frigga had invited Rose’s mother to help with the final touches and both women seemed to get along quite well. They hadn’t heard Rose come back from running an errand and she could hear Frigga talking with her mother.

“She is a brave girl, Rose. The risk she took saving Loki in the woods was great, but she knew she couldn’t stand back and watch it happen. I mean no disrespect, but I noticed how your husband speaks to you and others he deems below him. Why do you let him? I imagine Rose had to get her bravery somewhere.”

“Honestly, Your Highness, it is not my place to speak to him in the manner required to stand up to him. Wives are property in our culture. He treats me accordingly. Rose is a creature of her own making. She didn’t like being ignored and she did something about it. She was deemed too strong-willed to find a spouse back home. The man she loved was promised to another. I drove her to fight and then he died. I’m not sure it is bravery rather than being too proud to say she can’t. She borders on stupid and reckless. So did her brother. They call it honor because it sounds better.”

“Well, as a mother. I am immeasurably grateful to her for her actions and sacrifice. My sons would not be alive without her recklessness.”

“Sorry it took me so long, Lady Sif wanted to show me something. What were you talking about?”

“You, Sweetheart. I am so proud of you. Do you know that? You have grown so much. I remember when you would pick a fight just to prove you were better than someone else. No, you are more reserved and there is an air of elegance about you; I had all but given up on you ever being a lady. I am sorry I didn’t do more to make you stay.”

“I’m glad you didn’t. I made a difference. I lead my men with dignity, I fought alongside Ichabod, and I did something that mattered without even knowing the implications of my actions. I am glad I left because I grew. I would have stayed the same if I hadn’t left Dover.”

Frigga’s smile was that of motherly pride. Rose’s mother, teared up and pulled her daughter into a hug. She had never received this much affection from her mother in her entire life. It was the closure she needed. 

~

Thor looked so handsome in his ceremonial attire. Rose was definitely happy she picked this dress over the other. As it was, she was hyperventilating. She could see her parents sitting in the front row. Her mother had on the prettiest dress she had ever seen. It suited her and she deserved to have something nice.

From between the curtains, she could see Loki standing up front with Odin and Frigga. He had never looked better and it made Rose melt just looking at him. Loki turned to face her and she knew Loki was taking advantage of the connection.

“That’s not fair. You can see me while I am left using my imagination. You’ll pay for that. Look into a mirror and your punishment will be swift.”

If she couldn’t feel the teasing behind his words, she would have been worried. She remained planted where she was out of spite. 

“Very well. Slowly it is.”

She could see his smile from where she stood, hidden.

Before she thought something else, they were given the signal and Thor held out his arm. She took it and the curtain was pulled aside. Everyone was on their feet and a little Asgardian girl was throwing white rose petals down in front of her and Thor. They started walking and there were awes coming from all directions. Loki was tearing up and smiling. He was barely able to stand still. He would have blown it had Frigga not placed a hand on his arm, steadying him.

When Rose reached her mother, she paused long enough to give her a kiss. Her father, the stern man that he was, was tearing up and Rose gave him a kiss too. Then went back to Thor to continue the rest of her trip to Loki’s side.

When they were to Loki, Thor did the handoff and whispered in Loki’s ear.

“Take care of her brother.”

Thor gave you a kiss on the cheek and then moved to your other side. Odin began the ceremony.

“We are gathered here today as witnesses to the marriage of Prince Loki and Lady Rose. Any who object, speak now or forever hold your peace.”

There was a deadly silence in the hall as everyone was afraid that they would ruin the day.

“The Prince and Lady will now share their vows to each other. Loki.”

“Rose, I vow before all who witness, that for as long as there is still breath in my body, I will defend you and fight along your side. Ruling as equals until the end of our days. You have saved my life and this is a debt I will pay back to you for all of eternity.”

“Rose.”

“Loki, you have saved me from evils so dark, I couldn’t fight them myself. You have helped me grow as a person and been my rock when I felt as though I might drown. I will honor you until my dying breath.”

“Loki, do you take Rose to be your lawfully wedded wife, to rule by your side in sickness and in health, for the better or poorer of this kingdom as long as you both shall live?”

“I do”

“Rose, do you take Loki to be your lawfully wedded husband, to rule by your side in sickness and in health, for the better or poorer of this kingdom as long as you both shall live?”

“I do”

“I, Odin, the All-Father, pronounce you husband and wife, Prince and Princess of Asgard. Turn and face your subjects.”

The wedding wasn’t to be sealed with a kiss, as intimacy and affection were to be kept behind closed doors. It wasn’t a weakness, it just wasn’t proper. Instead, they turned to face the entire population of Asgard as they kneeled before their future Queen and King.

The walk out of the hall was long and many of the citizens threw roses down as they passed by. Her parents followed out next with Frigga and Thor behind them. Odin was next and everyone else followed him.

The night passed in a blur as alcohol was served and Rose never did find her parents in the crowd of people. Still, it was a night fit for a Princess.

Odin had one final order of business, as the Princess, it would be in the best interest of the kingdom if she didn’t grow old and die before Loki. So as his gift, he gave her the Golden fruit and granted her with a semi-immortality. She was now like them, extended lifespan and strength.

Goro Akechi: The poorly executed frenemy.

So in Persona 5, there is a character that is introduced about half-way through the story and is so poorly executed in the sense that i have yet to hear anyone who was actually surprised about the twist that occurred after Palace six (belonging to Sae Nijima). It was something that could have had much better context and relevancy to the overall plot, but was instead made into an obvious kind of side plot that wasn’t given very much focus.

One of the first times we see Akechi at all is when he is being overly excited to help with the case of the Phantom Thieves with Sae, and then later at the Television Station. From the moment Akira/Ren and crew met this “Detective Prince” I could tell that he had a completely different aura that made him stand out among the other cast members. But in a different way from Persona 4′s Detective Prince, Naoto Shirogane. In that instance, Naoto stood out because she was introduced early, given bits of development across the story until we finally recruit her. She felt real, and was trying to achieve a goal that she set for herself across multiple years. But even then she gets disrespect by her superiors because of her determination about the string of murders in Inaba.

On the other hand, we just see Akechi getting fame as if its something we’re supposed to know and understand, with people praising him for voicing a few opinions towards the Phantom Thieves, both positive and negative. So to summarize, we have a seemingly happy-go-lucky, thought provoking character who is cherished for work and discoveries that we do not see personally. Its plain to see how he stands out from everyone else instead of seeming like another citizen or even someone who was visiting for the investigation. It’s unrealistic in my opinion and could’ve been fixed with a little more fine tuning.

Finally we’re at the main idea of this entire discussion which is how Akechi was written after Sae Nijima’s palace. Since we know just as much as the game told us until this point, it would be a good place to reveal the truth about the last party member. If the difference in character archetypes, outstanding move set, the idea of *someone* in the group being a traitor (which was said from the beginning. Huge misstep in my opinion), hints from earlier parts in the game (aka Morgana saying Pancakes), and even the fact that Goro was so intelligent he could handle any situation in Nijima’s palace, and finally being blackmailed to go to Nijima’s Palace all didn’t give it away. He was the traitor in the group. All these factors made it way too obvious for anyone else to be “ratting us out”.

It really is such a shame too. The premise of having someone who is working against your main goal as a group of Robin Hood type heroes could have brought up many different types of conflict and struggles between the characters. Since Akechi is so intuitive, maybe he would be the one too really press on the question of “what truly happens to people when we steal their hearts?”. Perhaps introducing him as a party member earlier in the story and reliving him of some personal trauma could have made things go smoother. 

Akechi was a simple person who wanted to get revenge for the neglect that he was given as a child by his father: Shido. Trying to become one of the best prodigies in his field was a possible coping mechanism that allowed him to be good at something, and be loved by all. Despite that, it wasn’t enough for him because he still needed the respect of the one man who never acknowledged him for who he was. Not that any amount of popularity or glory would do him any good regardless as Shido later states that he was planning to rid himself of Akechi once the election is over.

Then there is the whole “Death of Akechi” scene during Shido’s Palace, where Goro figures out based on context clues that Akira/Ren is somehow still alive and operating as a Phantom Thief and trying to steal Shido’s Heart. A battle ensue’s showing he has the ability to switch his trickster persona Robin Hood to the more devious Loki and he is full of blood lust and seething with anger towards our main cast. The protagonist wins of course, but then he is no longer considered a valuable asset to his father’s grand plan and is “killed” (i use that term loosely because it was off-screen) by Shido’s own interpretation of what Akechi is. A cold blooded assassin. But we don’t feel remorse for Akechi. In this scenario he was just a good person turned wrong for reasons out his control. But it doesn’t excuse the actions that he himself committed.

As I said, i truly believe that trying to write Akechi as a earlier party member who received friendship (but not real “help”) could have been something to mask the obvious fact that he was working for a higher power. There could have been a palace dedicated to Goro that showed his twisted, but true perspective of his position and the people that surround him. A kingdom of his own ruling, where he is the hero that saves everyone from  the Phantom Thieves and gets recognition from Masayoshi Shido. This idea comes from CrossPawGaming’s “How I would have CHANGED Goro’s story line”

Irked

Title: Irked Author: lokilover9 Chapter: #19 Notes: Movie ~ What Women Want with Mel Gibson and Helen Hunt Rating:Teen Twenty minutes after Shandis initial panic, coffee was finally brewing in the kitchen as Nat watched her pace back and forth from the table. “Sit, woman. You're making me dizzy.” “I can't believe Loki left his phone here. He’s to have it with him at all times. And why isn't Clint answering his? Where are they?” “Stop worrying, I'm sure they're together. Why would Loki go out in this storm alone? Clint probably left his phone in the truck. It's a habit. Shandi poured equal amounts of cream and coffee in her mug, then added three spoonfuls of sugar. “I'm Cactus sitting, responsible for him at all times. Couldn't he have left a note or something? What if Tony calls? Oh man.” Nat smirked, as she paced again. “Maybe coffee isn't the best option, for you.” “I'm worried.” “No shit.” Shandi then downed her coffee, went to look out the front windows, returned and paced yet again. “Final warning.” Said Nat. “You've about three seconds to halt, or be tied to something.” “If he thought I was upset last night, that was nothing. You wait, Natskies.” “The spanking paddle might be handy. Unless he runs.” Nats comment fell on deaf ears, then Shandi stopped abruptly. “I should go clean my room, make my bed and shit? Yep. Maybe that’ll help me relax.” She darted upstairs and Nat sipped her coffee. “I’m staying down here.” Another twenty minutes past and she heard Shandi shower quickly, run down the front stairs, grapple with something amidst a closet, run back up and start the Central Vac. Two minutes later, Loki and Clint returned. “I can't believe you convinced me to drive in this. You're a manic, Cactus.” “And you're a whiner.” Loki teased. “How does Kroshka even tolerate such nonsense?” “Bite me and you're now in debt another coconut cake.” “Shall I decorate it with candied nipple clamps?” “Go for it.” Nat suggested as they entered the kitchen. “Hardy har.” Said Clint. “Mind if I use your bathroom, to shower? I need more sleep too.” “Certainly baby cakes and again, thanks for the escort.” Clint started up the stairs. “Maniac!” “He was tanked last nigh, Cactust. How did you get him up so early?” “I threatened to tattoo ‘Porn Bitch,’ on his forehead. When ignored, I handed him a mirror.” Said Loki. “Baby cakes would have sufficed, but good choice.” Nat kept smiling, observing Loki organize what sat upon the island. “Something on your mind?” He asked. “Care to know why Shandi loves those movies, I mentioned?” “I do.” “Both are about men who fall for women, in ways they could never fathom. In the beginning, they mess up, then become determined to make amends.” “I see. I gather Shandi spoke of my deceit?” “Yes and you and I never had this conversation.” Said Nat. “I understand.” “Considering the subject, I convinced her you meant well, but may I offer more friendly advice?” “Of course.” “A beautiful heart, doesn't mean a weak soul, Loki. Disrespect her personal choices and she'll toss you to the curb.” He nodded in acknowledgement. “Duly noted, Kroshka. Anything else?” “Yes. The next time you go anywhere without informing her, remember your phone or consider leaving behind a horse tranquilizer?” “Whatever for?” Nat explained and he laughed. “My bad. As we’re on the subject, what did I miss from that scene in What Women Want, which captivates her?” “When they're dancing in the bedroom?” “Yes.” “Watch it on YouTube, Cactus. You’ll figure it out.” Shandi was toiling away in her room when the vacuum stopped and Nat entered. “I wasn't done with that.” “Yes you are, they're back.” “She flopped onto the bed with her arms stretched out. "Thank heavens.” Nat pulled her up. “Come on drama queen. There's something you need to see.” As they entered the kitchen Shandis mouth fell ajar. “What? He actually did this?” There on the island, sat everything Loki hadn't purchased during their shop, including her two boxes of Fruit Loops. “Yes beautiful. He went out in that storm, to make things right with you.” Nat smirked as Shandi blinked at her, misty eyed. “Are you just going to stand here like a love sick puppy, or go talk to him?” Loki had retreated to the library, closed the door and searched that movie scene on his laptop. It was very evident the love and adoration the male actor portrayed towards the female, as though she meant everything to him. ‘Do you seek such affections, Pet?’ Someone knocked then and he closed the app. “You may enter the God of Mischiefs lair.” Shandi peeked in and smirked. “Is it safe?” “For now.” Loki kidded. She leaned against the doorframe, in momentary silence. ‘Damn him when he looks at me like that.’ “I noticed you went shopping..in the storm. You didn't have to do that. I mean, I could've waited until tomorrow. Regardless, it was very kind. Thank you.” “You're quite welcome, Shandi. I apologize for my deceit.” A warm smile, overtook her. “I accept. Nat and I thought to watch another movie. You're welcome to join us.” Loki recalled Nats fantasy from the previous night, Shandis pleasured response and hesitated. ‘I've only presently escaped trouble. Perhaps I shouldn't lead myself into temptation.’ He cleared his throat. “You ladies enjoy. I've still some research on Shamus's hobbies to do." Two movies later, Clint woke and everyone except Nat, had some drinks. They stayed until late evening, Shandi disappeared for a few minutes, then brought some food from the entertainment room, to help tidy up. Loki noticed the booze had gotten to her and swiftly took action. Shandi returned from a second trip and found the drink she'd left behind, replaced by a water bottle. “Seriously Loki? Yur doin’ this again? Where's my drink?” She politely, asked. “Pardon me. I thought you were done and emptied the remaining contents.” “You should've assed.” ‘Assed? Good thing I didn't.’ “Next time, I'll be sure to.” He changed the subject. “I thought we'd visit Carters Bakery tomorrow, but may I take you someplace first?” “Where?” “It's a surprise.” “K.” She slid her hands into her pockets. “So’s this sorta’ like a..mini date kinda thing?” Loki smirked. “Would you like it to be?” Before she could answer, odd squeaky noises and the washing machine lid rattling, caught her attention. She darted down the hall and Loki followed, just in time to see bubbles overflowing from beneath the lid and her slip on soapy water, leaking out the bottom. She landed on her ass, legs spread on the floor and cursed. “Oh fur fuck sakes.” He burst into laughter, helped to her feet and turned the machine off. “Generous with the detergent, were you?” “The model hasn't a soap dispenser. You gotta pour it on yur clothes.” She lifted the lid and saw nothing beyond the bubbles. “Maybe I was too generous. Still, it must be broken if…” She faltered again and as Loki moved to balance her, she slid into him, grasping at the front of his shirt. Loki smirked and gently placed a hand on her back. “Welcome to my personal space.” ‘Oh lord.’ “Sorry.” “It's alright. I did say welcome.” ‘Stay a while.’ Shandis heart raced as she gazed between his lips and eyes, contemplating a kiss, when an uncomfortable sensation stopped her. “My butt feels soapy an’ wet.” He noted her rapid pulse, the sudden softness in her tone and how her hands spread open on his chest. ‘Please, Pet. Feel away.' “Norns, what a predicament you're in.” “Yeah..an’ now I've a melvin.” “And what pray tell, is a melvin darling?” Shandi slowly backed towards the door, shifting her hips and tugging at the back of her shorts. “It's kinda like..where your panties creep waaay too far into places ya wish they didn't.” Loki smirked. “I see.” “Let me go change, come back an’ clean all this up.” She left and he chuckled under his breath. ‘And risk yourself an injury? I think not.’ Magic fixed the problem and when she didn't return, he found her passed out in bed. ‘Might I assume, lack of sleep caught up with you? What a shame.’ She was sprawled out on her back, naked beneath a robe, with one leg folded and part of her hoo ha exposed. ‘I would've enjoyed watching you clean up in this attire.’ He resolved her impending hangover and licked his lips. ‘Time to occupy myself elsewhere.’ ***** Back at the Tower, Tony had just finished tinkering with one of his suits, when his phone rang and he put it on speaker. “Hey Cactus. Everything alright?” “Everything's fine.” “Oh. Where's Shandi?” “Sleeping.” Silence fell and Tony thought it odd. “Cactus? Are we still in the same dimension?” “We are and I've been thinking.” Tony's eyes closed and fists clenched. ‘If you're backing out of this, I'll call you a taxi for the fucking BiFrost.’ “About?” “Events, since my return.” His eyes opened as Pepper came up beside him and placed a finger to her lips. Loki then spoke of regret for the immense responsibility, Odin had placed upon Tony and apologized for all the hardships his presence, had brought each Avenger. He expressed remorse for being the reason Tony feared for Peppers life, the person he loved most and also expressed gratitude for every minute kindness, they'd shown him. Then he asked a question, Tony least expected. “Has requiring me for this job, weighted your concerns?” “It has.” “Remember my given word in the truck, regarding everything?" Asked Loki. "Yes." "Understand, it was genuine and I intend no malice. If Shamus is involved, I will learn of it and help resolve this problem to the best of my ability. Alright?” Tony was utterly astonished. “Uhhh..well, hey. Alright, Cactus and...thanks for all that other stuff too.” “Your welcome Tin Man. Goodnight.” The call ended and Tony looked at Pepper. “Do you think he's gotten into some spooky broccoli?” “And what would you know of it?” She asked. “Nothing..pshh..I..did that just happen? Can you pinch me?” Pepper obliged and he yelped. “Bully!” She rolled her eyes. “I think he meant it.” “You do?” “Yes. He's changed. A lot, recently. Are you coming to bed?” Tony picked up his phone. “You're asking all sexied up in your pajamas? Why wouldn't I?” They were halfway up the winding staircase, when Peppers bottom lip began quivering as tears filled her eyes. Tony stopped her. “Pepper?” She sobbed then and leaned into his chest. “I'm sorry, Tony.” After they sat for a moment, he lifted her chin. “For what?” Her sobs suddenly worsened. “I was worried because you were so worried..about this mission and..sending Loki and then..what else Obadiah might have done...I..feared adding to it.” Tony’s heart hurt, having never seen her so distraught. “Adding to it? Virginia, what's going on? Talk to me. Whatever it is baby, we’ll get through it.” “That's what it is. A..a baby, Tony. I'm pregnant.” At first his mouth fell open, then he beamed, cupped her cheeks and repeatedly kissed her face. “Ha! Tony Stark is gonna be a father! Well holy shitballs!" Then what she’d said struck and he became serious again. This is what you're sorry for?” “Yes. I haven't missed..a day of my new birth control, but it must've failed. I've known for two weeks, but..couldn't bring myself to tell you.” “Oh Virginia, please don't cry?” He sighed and wiped her tears. “Out of concern for my well being, you withheld this? We're in this relationship together and how selfish of ‘me’ for not grasping your distress. You're the other half of my logic, my serenity and often my sanity. By causing your inability to share such a significant moment in our lives, I've obviously taken that for granted. 'I'm' sorry.’ “That's untrue, Tony. You were stressed, you're human. Hearing Loki brought such relief, I just couldn't hold it anymore." “My point is, you shouldn't have felt required to.” He placed a soft kiss to her lips. "Baby, listen. Now that there's to be three of us, it's imperative you ‘never,’ forget this. I don't give a rats ass what I'm stressed about. If you need me, then come to me and I mean it. Always Virginia. Promise?" She nodded. "Promise. I love you, Tony." "And I you. How far along are we anyway?" "Eight weeks." "Whaaat? Who else knows?" "I'd never tell anyone, before you." "Perfect. To keep you safer, we only inform your family and close friends. Then when you get bigger, I'll buy you a porta potty for the limo.” “Tony!” He chuckled and scooped her into his arms. “Two months means a lot of celebrating we're behind on. Let's play catch up. Jarvis, please bring some champagne and whipped cream to our room?” “Whipped cream?” Asked Pepper. “I'm not sayin’ what that's for. You'll have to wait.” “I beg your pardon, Sir?” “I should fire him for not having legs.” Minutes later, Tony laid Pepper on their bed and was about to kiss her. “What is ‘whipped cream,’ Sir?” “Yep. He's definitely fired.” Pepper smiled. “Privacy please, Jarvis?” Tony kissed beneath her lobe. “Now that we're alone, Iron Man has something special just for you.”

QUEER REPRESENTATION IN MEDIA 🏳️‍🌈

A post by: Danae Ali @acidmerbaby for @caribbeanfeminist

Queer Representation in media, be it television shows, books, movies, or even in the music industry, has significantly increased in recent years due to the progressive normalisation and acceptance of LGBTQ+ individuals, but still has a very long way to go.

Still, in 2018, Queer Erasure in the media is an issue. You would think that with the recent headway made by the LGBTQ+Community, this would become less of a problem. However, there are numerous issues pertaining to the representation of Queer individuals in the media which are still very prominent and frequent such as Queer Erasure as well as Stereotyping. In this article, I will be talking on the issue of Queer Erasure.

Firstly, we must understand why accurate, positive representation is necessary.

Everybody is different, we all know that of course, as one of the earliest lessons we learn as a developing child. However, there are certain characteristics, such as race, religion, sexuality, gender and physical/mental ability, to name a few, which segregate us even further. In today’s world, ideals of intolerance, discrimination and hatred are so interwoven in the fabric of our society that due to these differences, such marginalised groups are discriminated against and denied opportunities and basic human rights. This is largely attributed to human history and many people being determined to carry over these antiquated mannerisms into modern society.

Due to this, we the LGBTQ+ Community, have been struggling to have our voices heard over those that divide us. A vital role in this, is representation. Representation can positively impact the viewers in many ways. It can present LGBTQ+ individuals as they are, as people, in order to spread awareness in the hope that people may change their minds.

Casually showing LGBTQ+ people just existing, living a normal life just as anyone else around them, can help acquaint people with the idea of them existing and being prevalent in their day-to-day lives. This is important because, while most of the population accept the existence of the Community, they still view it as something that should be censored, as if it’s something to be embarrassed about. I’m sure you’ve heard at least one person say, “I’m fine with gay people, as long as they don’t publicly show it.” Don’t you see how wrong that is? To treat someone being themselves as if it’s disgusting, or inappropriate? That presents their sexuality/gender identity to them, and the world, as something that should be hidden, as if it’s shameful.

This is incredibly damaging because to a young, queer person, it teaches them that something is ‘wrong with them’ and that it’s something to be embarrassed about. It also perpetuates the idea that that same something is ‘unnatural’ or ‘inappropriate’ for the public eye. It promotes the further alienation of Queer people from the rest of society. Therefore, representation, although it may not seem to be, is one of the most important tools which can be utilised to help destroy the segregation and negative image of Community constantly perpetuated by those in power.

Media consumption in our society is the highest it has ever been due to Globalisation and the Internet as well as the fact that devices such as laptops, tablets and phones are now commonplace within the average household. This widespread channel of potential distribution must be utilised to its full potential. On-screen representation is one of the best ways to obtain information about the world, therefore it is crucial that this information is not used to the detriment of marginalised groups.

Moving on to Queer Erasure. In today’s progressive society, there is much more representation that we could have ever hoped to get 20 years ago. Nevertheless, there is much room for improvement.

For one thing, representation doesn’t mean the token white gay that the show’s executives including for the sake of having a gay character. Who, majority of the time, plays into a stereotype such as the ‘gay best friend’. Now, there is obviously nothing wrong with having a best friend who is gay, but your only reason for becoming their friend shouldn’t be because they’re gay. In that case, it’s usually fetishizing which stems from the presentation of gay men in this way by mainstream media, as a gross generalisation, rather than a diverse group of people each with his own personality.

It also doesn’t mean the lesbian couple included for the pleasure of men. In that case, it’s once again fetishization, because to present lesbians, or queer women in general, as a source of pleasure for men rather than as their own person, is extremely toxic and dehumanising. It spreads the message that they exist for the pleasure of men, not as their own person. And that, furthermore, they must be of some use to men to be accepted, due largely in part to misogynistic ideals which survived to today. It also makes men feel entitled to their attention, which dehumanises them further.

True representation means having queer women who don’t all exist for men’s pleasure, masculine/feminine gay men, queer POC, bisexuals, pansexuals, polysexuals. Include gender non-conforming individuals. Have trans, genderfluid, and non-binary representation. Normalise everybody within the Community, represent everybody within the Community. Give young queer individuals people to look up to. Let them know that there’s nothing wrong with them.

A fairly recent example of Queer Erasure is the Bohemian Rhapsody movie, in which, Freddie Mercury will not be portrayed as bisexual. You can’t crop out a piece of his identity because you don’t like it. That’s extremely disrespectful and, as I have mentioned too many times before, presents his bisexuality as a negative aspect of his life. If you are going to do a movie about his life, include all of his life because if he had no issue with his sexuality, why should you now choose to exclude this part of his life.

As a result of constant Bisexual Erasure, many of today’s world doesn’t acknowledge the existence of Bisexual people and consistently invalidate them. However, at least there is some representation, for many other identities. For people who identify as pansexual, asexual, polysexual and non-binary, to name a few, there is almost no representation at all. Whenever I come out as pansexual, I almost always have to explain it. To this day, there are only two instances of pansexual representation I have come across.

Another instance of Queer Erasure is in the Marvel films. Do you know that in the comics, Loki is explicitly queer, and Valkyrie is bisexual? Odds are, you didn’t, because these facts were omitted from the movies. And for what purpose? Because it was too ‘explicit’? Someone’s sexuality should never be treated as explicit.

There is also the issue of negative representation. One very prominent example being the TV show ‘Friends’. In the show, jokes are frequently made at the expense of Susan and Carol’s relationship. Implying that there is something odd about them being lesbians, and often saying how Ben must be confused being raised by them.

Another instance is of Chandler’s ‘father’. Now I say ‘father’ because she is a trans woman whom the group constantly refers to as ‘he/him’, or laugh about her gender identity, which is blatantly transphobic and downright rude. This can lead to the audience believing that it’s okay to do the same to a transgender individual they know because it’s what they’ve seen and viewed as normal and acceptable.

However, there are sometimes where there are amazing examples of queer such as in Orange is the New Black, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, The Fosters and How to Get Away with Murder.

I see no reason for the erasure of Queer individuals from mainstream media as I , as a member of the LGBTQ+ Community, see nothing wrong with my identity and am the farthest thing possible from embarrassed about it, so I sincerely hope that there will not be as many instances occurring from here going forward as we move towards an even better tomorrow in which we can thrive.

Anyway have a wall of text about Helpheus -- from first meetings up to the moment he figures out how he fucked up with her and tries to make it right. pre-romance, just laying the groundwork for now. it’ll all be enemies to friends to lovers by the end. and it will hurt.

there’s just shy of 2000 words under the cut why am i like this nobody cares but someone said it would be ‘tasty’ to talk about them at all. so i blame that person. and the fact it’s almost midnight.

Starting with first meetings, of course. 

Hel, a teenager, thrown out of her home by someone she thought loved her, isolated, lied to, gaslighted by Odin. Invited, as a queen, young though she might be, to some affair. Her family is not there -- but of course not. Odin has already told her that her father left with his new wife, and he would not want to see her, the daughter of a lost love. So Hel comes to Asgard tired, and she is angry, and she only wants to go to her chambers and sulk.

But wait! Someone is in her room! Someone is in this place, with its high windows, that was hers in another life. This tall, dark eyed Jotunn, with his black hair wild. And she demands to know what he is doing here. He is in the wrong place at the wrong time -- and she is shouting at the wrong man for it. 

Things are said. Lines in the sand are drawn. No less than Frigg herself intervenes, clasping her hand across Hel's mouth, offering the most fearful and profuse apologies for Hel's behavior. And Hel wants none of it, but she is dragged from the room, denied entry to the one place that was her comfort. 

Before she can say anything to defend herself, gentle, good Frigg is half to slapping her. Asks if she knows who that was. Asks if she knows what she has done. 

Frigg breaks the truth to her like fine china against the face. She's mouthed off to no less than the Third of the Seven. 

Hel's blood runs cold, thinking her days are numbered now, she knows Dream’s reputation and his love of cruelty. This is how she dies. Still, for the sake of politics, she bites her tongue, makes her apologies to Frigg. She swallows her own pride but its another blow to know that nothing in this place is hers anymore. 

 She spends the rest of the affair keeping her distance from Dream or studying him too intently. At one point asks her little kin Thrud if she sees the Jotunn at the front of Odin's table. What Giant, Thrud lisps, that's an Asa with Afi. and Hel knows she's fucked and that really is Dream.

She catches Dream at the end of the delegation, as he himself is leaving. Asks his forgiveness. Says she is sorry for incurring his wrath, and rattles on like a girl, not the queen and diplomat she will become. Dream would have let it slide, because Frigg had pleaded so skillfully and so kindly for the girl and her youth and her struggles. But Hel's apology also paints her afraid of a tyrant, and his pride won't have such disrespect.

So he mocks her again, asks why she thinks Queen Frigg's words were not enough, why her arrogance made her have to say anything at all. And Hel bites her tongue near to bleeding at the naked self-righteousness of his actions. But yes, little queen, he will forgive her, after tonight. She need never worry for his wrath again.

That night, in her own dark hall, she is reunited with her brothers. They are all free. They are back in the Ironwood, where once she was safe and happy. Her mother and father are there, too. She is happier than she has been in years. Everything is right, everything is just what she wants. There is no emptiness in her. 

And then she wakes up, alone in her bed, beneath Yggdrasil, knowing that it was a dream, and she weeps. In this, the Dream Lord has his petty revenge on a girl.

But he does not break his word. After her punishment, all is forgiven, if not wholly forgotten. She grows more solemn, and well-spoken, and she is polite with him, if reserved. He repays the sentiment in kind, in the times when they run into each other at various affairs. She comes to befriend his most beloved sister, and at times they hear of each other, and their affairs, from Death. Neither pays the other much mind.

And then he disappears after centuries of.. acquaintanceship. Things are certainly more chaotic without him, but Hel can hardly notice. She wonders to herself, over the decades, if he has died and if the 7 can ever be 6. He is the great mystery. The only missing persons case in all mythology.

But her returns, at the end of a decade. And it is strange, when she first hears his name in present tense. But his sister is happier for his return, and Hel does not question it. Perhaps sends her regards via messenger with all the others who remind the Dream Lord of their loyalties and alliances.

She owes him nothing and he has no power over her. It's little more than goodwill and acknowledgment of his station.

She has little and less to do with him for nigh a year. When he gains Hell. When he holds his court. It stings at first, knowing Odin so easily forgets her and her realm and its function, not realizing his true intentions with the Christian Hell. Worse still that her father is only freed like a dog upon a chain. 

What cuts her the deepest is the midnight specter, Loki given form before her. He must be a dream thing. Grimnr and Lord Shaper conspire to hurt her, and she knows not why, as if Odin ever needs reason for his cruelty, as if Dream ever, ever did. And she tries to tell him to stop, stop talking with her father's voice, and stop weeping with his eyes, to please get out of her hall and return to whatever master made him. This is a dream, and it settles leaden in the pit of her stomach. It is the crueler mate to Morpheus' prior 'gift' 

Loki pleads his case. and with one question, he proves himself. He is real, and he is not of dreams. Her father is free. She could weep for joy, but they have much to discuss, webs to untangle of Odin's making. She starts to realize the truth, and that Loki spent so long seeking her out, trying to find her brothers. That Odin lied all that time. Her father did so many things up to and including slaughtering Odin's own dearest son to try and send a message, or some regard, something to his only daughter. That he would have fought and died to find his way back to her, to free her and her brothers. That someone out there loved her and ruined himself to try and show it. 

They have all the time in the world for it, as he comes and goes. But that first night, he reveals his liberator.

The Dream Lord.

A creature she has known to be more monster than reason. Perhaps he is, as others say, changing. Perhaps, at the very least, he is not the monster she knew him to be for so long.

It scares her to death, approaching him in his own home, but she must. Debts must be repaid, or named. And half-trembling, she has her audience with him, and thanks him truly for his mercy with her father, and offers herself as ally and tool, if ever he has need of her.

He does. 

Even then, he sees her value as a potential pawn in his long game. At the very least having her loyalty might make Loki more malleable -- what father wouldn’t move the heavens to free his daughter? He accepts her as ally and, should the need arise, an agent of his interests. With that, half of Hel’s business outside of her own realm is concluded, leaving only Odin to be dealt with.

That is what leads her to Asgard in the aftermath. By her mirror, in the way that she swore never to do. She finds Odin's chambers, and she does not make a threat, she is a threat.

Hel coolly, with darkness surging around her because something dead and long atrophied in her still fights to be free, lets him know that she knows. She knows everything now. She knows Bestla's son a liar, a monster, the kind of man who hurts a little girl for no reason but his own need for control and to try and burn fate to the ground. And her eyes are so sickly green against the chiaroscuro of her form. She is jotunn, and that's a primal, brutal thing. 

How can she know? 

And that is when she drops the bombshell of her latest company. The Dream Lord. and Odin realizes an alliance might slip from his hands. And she says that, in Morpheus’ honor, she ought to show Odin how cruel she can be -- she wants his pulse against her palm as she tears his neck from his torso -- and she ought to pay him as he deserves -- long, lonely teeth tearing deep into him -- and so she will. So she will. She says this in parting. She will make the Allfather pray for Ragnarok.

Odin going to Dream for explanations, for why he’s allowed himself some affinity with Odin’s enemy. Dream calmly explaining that he did Hel a good turn after the affair with... Well, Hell, and she saw fit to owe him a boon in return. It will pass. He's sure she's too proud to keep the arrangement long. They discuss it and Dream just 'why do you care about the company she keeps, all these centuries you've told me she's nobody, just a...' 

And it slowly suddenly dawns on him. Oh, she's your prisoner. She's nobody to you. And I encouraged that once. 

So now, in fine Dream fashion, he’s facing the reality that he encouraged what was done to Hel and it's just a modified version of what he himself endured for 70+ years, that Hel was given titles and false power with her imprisonment but it's still that. Helheim is still her cage. 

Dream did nothing when it was first brought up as a possibility, and supported it over the centuries, by not speaking up, by encouraging Odin to keep it up, by never questioning what a child did to deserve being sealed way beneath Yggdrasil. He said that it was acceptable because she was a threat. Because of what she might do when grown, her fate was brutal. To him it was no different than destroying a dream vortex, because Odin did what he had to in order to protect his own. And now sitting on the other side of his imprisonment, Morpheus disgusted.

Dream trying to make up for it. Trying to give Hel some time, some boon, anything that might give her freedom, for however long it might agree with her. He knows her destiny, writ clear in his brother's book. He knows she must have the cage, and the war with Asgard, that he cannot stop this -- but Ragnarok is so far away.

He wants to badly to do whatever he can to keep her from what he encouraged be done to her. He can't apologize for it and she shouldn't accept it but he's not doing this for his ego or his newfound sense of conscience, he's doing it for her, because she never deserved any of it.

It is through this consideration of ways to pull Hel from her own prison that Dream gets the idea to send her on a sort of quest. There is, in fact, something she can do for him -- seek out knowledge of a particular rite from Svartalfheim, that has fallen out of practice. And in this, Hel begins her path towards Dream’s ends.

And if anyone actually gives a shit about any of this, next time I will write out the build up of their romance arc.

homecoming feelings inc (spoilers: most of them will look something like i love tony stark i LOVE tony stark i loVE TONY STARK I LOVE ad nauseum) 

peters video recording of civil war what an absolute babe

“thats not a hug im reaching for the door” (yeah right tony we all know you crave human contact)

why does peter know spanish?

peter taking time to pet the cat *_*

peter desperately looking for ways to help and giving that lady directions,,,, my son

“why did i mention the churro”

peter saving the cat and handing it back to the shop owner LIKE OH MYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY GODDDDDDDDDDDDD I LOVE HIM 

michelle doing situps with her book

no one will convince me flash doesnt have a massive gay crush on peter parker yall, i mean cmon?? HE MAKES EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM CLASSIC CRUSH SIGNS,,, hes legitimately obsessed with him, like i’m not kidding i can’t remember the specifics but several times i was like ok this is just kinda coded like hes into peter actually?

“you’re here too” “am i?” truly the best scene in the film michelle is a gift and zendaya is our glorious goddess who has bestowed this wonder on us

god the van scene, i immediately loved donald glover but that could be bc hes cute. but the thing is, this movie did such a Job of making peter immature. like i was continuously frustrated with him bc he was so markedly different and less mature than any of the other heroes. he screwed up again and again and again and the kidness of him was so well done. like it infuriated me half the time. but damn it was well done

TONY INSTALLED A HEATER IN PETERS SUIT

TONY WAS PAYING SO MUCH ATTENTION TO PETER THAT HE NOTICED WHEN THINGS WENT POORLY

TONY LISTENED TO THE PROBABLY HUNDREDS OF REPORTS PETER SENT AND REMEMBERS THE FUCKING CHURRO

tony wants to talk to peter about his college plans

tony stark is the best dad ever, and really in general he is the best person ever and no one will ever tell me that there is a person with a better heart in the MCU BECAUSE THERE IS FUCKING NOT 

TONY STARK IS TOO GOOD FOR ALL OF US WE DO NOT DESERVE HIM

poor ned :( “that hats not working” i was really mad at peter for the way he kept ditching all hsi real life friends

kinda glad vulture killed that guy what a disrespectful douche

“i thought that was the anti gravity gun” “wHAT NO” hmMmMmMm I LOVE

also he treats his other ppl with a lot of respect and later the ppl still think they can leave and like, thats cool

michelle noticing what peters quit already

i have a hot date with black widow later

that is false

another long one: i didnt super buy peters crush on liz. it felt really faked because he never really made choices for her, and i get that he was more into spiderman but i never felt the significance of the crush... i think that was played over a little bit too much

also i dont think ive been this impressed with a villain in the marvel franchise since loki. vulture was so compellingly realistic. i know they tried that shit with whats his face from civil war but he was so irrelevant i didnt care. vulture was relevant, scary, but also emotionally compelling

fucking taser web

you jumped off the sign and landed on your face

i love karen

i read a post about tony coding an AI thats emotionally encouraging and invested in peters life bc tony is invested in peters life and like iw ant to die

i just dont want to celebrate something built by slaves

THE GUARDS LIKE PREACH

michelle is a gift

“kiss her peter”

“thank you”

donald glover I HAVE A NEPHEW YEEEEEEEEEE BOY GIVE ME MILES I DESERVE IT

the whole interrogation scene was golden,,,, “NEVER DO THAT AGAIN KAREN” 

you’re a criminal!!! you deserve it!!!!!!!!!!!!! bye!! criminal!! i love peter so much

TONY STARK CALLING TO TELL PETER WHAT A GOOD JOB HE DID IN DC TONY STARK BEING A SUPPORTIVE, GOOD PARENT AND WANTING TO MAKE SURE PETER KNOWS HE IS PAYING ATTENTION 

peter just keeps causing disaster after disaster 

that whole ferry scene had me cringing

but he tried so hard to help everyone!!

tonys anger after it was totally warranted. i dont blame him for taknig the suit. 

MY FAVORITE LINE: if you really cared you’d be here AND TONY MOTHERFUCKING STEPS OUT OF THE SUIT

and god rdj brings the fuCKING PAIN you can see how panicked he is how muc hhe doesnt want to hurt peter but how SCARED he is bc peter isnt listening to him and god!!! what if something happened to peter!! you can hear the self loathing and the pain that hes carrying from all the other movies all he wants to do is make sure nothing happens to peter or anyone else

tony listened to peter to try and stop the vulture, tony takes him seriously!!!!!!!!!!! tony is such a good dad and such a good person and HOLY SHIT!! TONY STARK!!!!!!!!!

hes hurting so much in that scene he doesnt wanna be like howard HE DROPPED EVERYTHING TO GO HELP PETER IM UNDONE

also look how well peter got back on track after he lost the suit

still ??? at the liz scene tho?? i just didnt feel that relationship much at all, there wasnt anything there

PLOT TWIST PLOT TWIST PLOT TWIST 

MMMM THATS SOME GOOOOOOD SHIT 

and once again vulture is incredibly compelling bc that brings a whole new context to why his face changed re: dc and why he didnt try to kill peter on the ferry

michelle doing the casual flip-off, god i love her so much??

holy shit peter in the wreckage, tom holland go off that acting tore my heart in half AND THEN HE REMEMEBRED TONY WORDS

CMON SPIDERMAN I AM SOBBING

FLASH ASKING DO YOU REALLY KNOW PETER PARKER HES IN LOVE

vultures desperation in this final scene is,,,wow, you fucking feel it, it makes sense. hes such a compelling villain.

peter saving vulture what a fucking babe

liz really is a sweet girl i wish i’d believed the crush more bc she deserves all the love

my friends call me mj YISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS gimme that michelle/peter RN

michelle acting like she doesnt care and then THAT LOOK THAT LOOOOK OMG ZENDAYA KILLED ME HOW DID SHE CONVEY SO MUCH ACTUAL LOVE AND COMPASSION AND CRUSH 101 IN A 2 SECOND CLIP YALL

happy in the bathroom. goodbye to me.

can we talk about tony? being so ecstatic that peter did all this? tony saying thatw as the tough love moment you needed and being so convinced that it wasnt and so convinced by his own acting that he could never actulally ahve inspired anything like that so hes just going to blaze ahead and not even acknowledge that yes!! it was actually!!!!!!!! he was a great father figurei n that moment and in this whole movie 

but he doesn’t believe that so he’s just going to keep being sarcastic to cover up for the fact that he doesnt think any of this had almost anything to do with him and everthing to do with peter

bc he has no concept of his own self-worth and yet to contrast that he directly inflates it and is so used to ppl disregarding it and accusing him of having an ego that even in this moment when he does something really amazing he makes it about his fake-ass ego and doesn’t let anyone actually give him credit for anything bc he is too busy giving himself fake-credit that he uses as an excuse in every other scene to call himself a piece of shit,,, that other ppl use to call him that bc ppl cant see through it bc he doesnt actually WANT anyone looking too closely, and yet, in this scene, he seems to be using it to exempt peter from actually acknowledging what he did was good bc hahaha im a self-congratulatory egomaniac

anyway hahahaha i love tony stark

also he is sad, he wants peter to stay with him, but he lets it go bc he recognizes it was the mature choice (and probably not the one he’d ahve made) 

hes so proud of peter i want to die

PEPPER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THE RING!!

they’re both so confused about happy and the ring i love it

PEPPER!!!!!!!!! THEY’RE BACK!!!!!!!!! THANK FUCKING JESUS BC IF SOMEONE DIDNT LOVE TONY STARK IN THIS DARK TIME THEN IW OULD HAVE FOUND A WAY TO BREAK INTO THIS FICTIONAL REALM AND DO IT MYSELF

that little kiss was everything she lvoes him i love them

ugh

this movie was gr8 a++++

i love my son tony stark and his son peter parker and his future wife michelle