damn, can’t trust any blog with ‘fox’ in the url

@/everythingfox posts copaganda, @/snooty-fox-fashion reposts art without permission AND ignored @/sergle’s request to take the reposts down until they were called out for it

this timeline sucks :/

It is one of the most meaningless thing I’ve done in time - all least-to-most ranks and just characters’ fact answers (those that with no pictures) from oficial Ask Arcana gathered in one place. Have no idea what that information could be used for and if it even useful but it kept me occupied and distracted from some life shit for a while, so let it be.

who is most to least likely to enjoy the movie Frozen? Lucio, Portia, Julian, Asra, Muriel, Nadia

Out of the cast, who is the most to least likely to be the jealous type? Portia, Lucio, Muriel & Nadia (tied), Julian, Asra

would you like to rank the characters from who cries most to least ugly? like from sniveling to shoujo manga tears? Muriel, Lucio, Julian, Portia, Asra, Nadia

who is the most to least superstitious Portia, Julian, Nadia, Lucio, Asra, Muriel

most to least excited to be at a WWE event Portia, Lucio, Asra, Julian, Nadia, Muriel

From worst to best at handling children Nadia, Lucio, Muriel, Asra, Portia, Julian

From worst to best for alcohol tolerance Muriel, Asra, Lucio, Julian, Portia, Nadia

Character ranking from best at keeping secrets to loose-liped gossip? Asra, Muriel, Nadia, Lucio, Portia, Julian

best to worst dancers? Asra, Portia, Julian, Nadia, Lucio, Muriel

Most to Least likely to slap you for stealing a mcnugget Nadia, Lucio, Asra, Portia, Julian, Muriel

Least to most likely to eat something weird (read: probably shouldn't be eaten) because of a dare? Nadia, Julian, Muriel, Lucio, Portia, Asra and not even on a dare

how old are each of the revealed characters? everyone is old, but in order of least old to most old: Asra, Portia, Muriel, Julian, Lucio, Nadia

Who's the best kisser? Who's the worst? Best kisser: Faust (good snake smooches) Worst kissers: Mercedes and Melchior (too much cronch)

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If the main 6 played MTG what color decks would they play? Asra: Blue Nadia: White Julian: Black (Portia made his for him) Portia: White/Green Muriel: Green Lucio: Red

How did cast look as babies? Nadia: The best baby, perfect in form and function Asra: A cute baby, always looking around Julian: Not the most handsome baby, a little gangly Portia: Round, squealing delightful baby Lucio: Red-faced screaming awful baby Muriel: Sturdy and well insulated for the long winter

Of the main six characters, which ones are capable of juggling and which ones would absolutely love doing needlepoint? capable of juggling: Portia, Asra, Muriel absolutely love doing needlepoint: Nadia, Julian incapable of juggling/ absolutely hate doing needlepoint: Lucio

what would the cast choose as their job in the mmo final Fantasy XIV? Julian: Dragoon Asra: Astrologian Lucio: Ninja, but he messes up the mudras Nadia: Machinist Portia: Summoner Muriel: Paladin

What would be the favorite attractions/rides of the cast at Disney? Julian: Pirates of the Caribbean Asra: Astro Orbiter Lucio: Tower of Terror (RIP) Muriel: Matterhorn Portia: California Screamin' Nadia: Carousel of Progress

What do the rest of the cast smell like? Nadia: Les Larmes Sacree Du Thebes by Baccarat Asra: Lord of Misrule Lush Shower Cream Julian: Leather seats in a rental car Portia: Cocoa butter and laundry soap Lucio: Fireball, Axe body spray & ass Muriel: myrrh

What board game would The Arcana gang be? Nadia: Clue Asra: Twister Julian: Sorry! Portia: Mouse Trap Lucio: Monopoly Muriel: Guess Who

Who do all the cast main in over watch? Nadia: Ana Asra: Sombra Julian: Reaper Portia: Zarya Muriel: Bastion Lucio: Genji

If everyone participated in a Winter Olympic sport, which one would they be in? Nadia: figure skate (singles) Asra: snowboarding Julian: alpine ski Portia: freestyle ski Muriel: luge Lucio: ice hockey

Main casts Starbucks orders? Julian: Black coffee and he flirts with the barista until it’s ready. Nadia: London Fog Latte. She comes in at exactly 8 every morning. Asra: Matcha latte unless there’s a new radioactive-looking Frappuccino flavor and then he gets that. Muriel: Waiting outside in the car, asks Asra to get him a water. Asra comes back with a hot chocolate and a cake pop. Muriel grumbles but accepts them every time. Lucio: Salted Caramel Mocha extra whip extra sprinkles nonfat no foam soy upside down actually coconut milk instead and then he yells at you if you get it wrong. Portia: Pink Drink and all the baristas get excited when she walks in because they love her and she always tips.

The cast as Kanye songs Nadia: Power Lucio: No Church in the Wild Asra: Love Lockdown Julian: Heartless Portia: Paranoid Muriel: Coldest Winter

Which characters would be in the fire, water, earth, and air nations? Slightly different from what you asked, but: Asra - waterbender Nadia - airbender Julian & Portia - non-benders Muriel - Earthbender Lucio - Firebender

What kind of parents are the cast at their child’s soccer game? Nadia: standing on the sidelines in sunglasses and heels biting her thumbnail and watching every move on the field because she doesnt trust the ref Asra: cheers whenever anything happens, takes as many kids as can fit in the car out for ice cream but doesn’t check with the parents Julian: chats up the other parents relentlessly and isn’t watching when his kid gets hit in the face with the ball Portia: “cmon cmon cmon cmon cmon cmon cmon AW WHAT WAS THAT” Muriel: watching from the parking lot inside the car Lucio: yelling on the phone the whole time, spills all 24 oz of his salted caramel mocha on the bench and doesn’t do anything about it

Which Disney movie is the favorite of each of the cast? Nadia: Fantasia 2000 Asra: The Emperor’s New Groove Julian: Muppet Treasure Island Portia: Muppet Treasure Island Muriel: The Fox and the Hound Lucio: Cinderella 2: Dreams Come True

what kind of youtube channel would each character have (letsplay, cooking, craft, etc)? Asra: very unstructured mostly-cooking channel that also features videos of him just eating weird things, and videos of Faust existing and being cute Nadia: beauty guru with very polished high-end editing Julian: doesn’t know how to use youtube but Portia made an account for him and uploads her shaky/blurry phone videos of his jazz performances Portia: likes and comments on all of Nadia’s videos while occasionally posting cute cat vids Muriel: does not have an internet connection Lucio: extremely loud letsplayer, mostly FPS

What would the cast be as animal crossing villagers? Muriel: Cranky Bear Julian: Smug Eagle Portia: Uchi Cat Nadia: Snooty Ostrich Asra: Lazy Wolf Lucio: Jock Goat

What Fire Emblem Fates' classes would each character be? Asra - Diviner Nadia - Priestess Julian - Adventurer Portia - Maid Muriel - Wolfskin Lucio - Berserker

if the arcana cast were naruto characters, which ones would they be Portia: Naruto Muriel: Gaara Lucio: Orochimaru Julian: Itachi Asra: Kakashi Nadia: Fancy Shikamaru

If the characters of arcana watched rupaul's drag race who would be their faves? Nadia: bebe, raja, peppermint Asra: yara, aja, adore Julian: nina bo’nina, sasha, raven Portia: chichi, bob, ginger Lucio: willam, kimora, mimi imfurst Muriel: Latrice Royale

WHAT ARE THE CHARAS PREFERRED FLAVOR OF ICE CREAM? Nadia: Lavender Lemon Asra: Rainbow Sorbet Julian: Pistachio Portia: Cookie Dough Muriel: Rocky Road Lucio: Red Velvet

Please please arcana cast as mcr songs Lucio: It’s Not a Fashion Statement, It’s a Deathwish Julian: Thank You For The Venom Asra: Welcome To The Black Parade Muriel: House of Wolves Nadia: You Know What They Do To Guys Like Us In Prison Portia: Give Em Hell Kid

What are the characters going to be for Halloween? Asra - glow-in-the-dark mermaid Nadia - [elegant ballgown interpretation of] a swan Julian - tortured vampire/werewolf hybrid Muriel - sheet ghost Portia - ninja turtle Lucio - slutty angel Faust - a very long hot dog

If you had to assign the characters from the Arcana to characters from Labyrinth who would they be? Nadia: Jareth Asra: Sara Julian: Sir Didymus Portia: Hoggle Muriel: Ludo Lucio: The Chilly Down birds

What's each character's favourite fruits? Nadia: Concord Grape Asra: Blue Raspberry Julian: Fig Portia: Banana Muriel: Lemon Lucio: Pomegranate

what's everyone's favorite season? Asra - spring Nadia - summer Julian - autumn Muriel - winter Portia - spring Lucio - summer

Who would the Arcana cast be in a cliche Noir Film? Nadia: boss with kinetic ball bearing desk ornament and brandy in the drawer Asra: first love turned old flame that you run into halfway around the world Julian: haggard scientist with an unbuttoned shirt scribbling on the walls Portia: wisecracking secretary who takes a bus a train and a ferry to work Muriel: ominous farmer that lets people use the phone after a car breaks down Lucio: raging starlet shattering a vase after being blacklisted by every studio

The Arcana cast as Michael Jackson songs? Nadia: Man in the Mirror Asra: You Are Not Alone Julian: Smooth Criminal Portia: Will You Be There Muriel: Ben Lucio: Bad

What would each character be in cats? This probably wasn’t supposed to be Cats the musical but if you think i’m gonna pass this up Nadia: None they’re all awful/ Munkustrap Asra: Mister Mistoffelees Julian: Macavity Portia: Jennyanydots Lucio: Rum Tum Tugger Muriel: Grizabella

what would their favorite emojis be? Asra: 🌚 Nadia: 🍷 Julian: 🎷 Portia: 👀 Muriel: 👁 Lucio: 💃💸😏👑

What panic at the disco songs describe each character best? Julian: Death of a Bachelor Asra: I Write Sins Not Tragedies Portia: She’s a Handsome Woman Nadia: Northern Downpour Lucio: Victorious Muriel: From a Mountain in the Middle of the Cabins

What stereotypes for a super cliché highschool do the characters fall into? Nadia: Valedictorian who has been doing independent study and hasn’t set foot in the building for the past two years Asra: Shows up late every class with loud ass Sunchips, does homework in glow in the dark gel pen Julian: Eats lunch with his teacher so they can keep talking about mitochondria Portia: Gets really hype about dances, always ends up fighting at dances Muriel: Puts away all the folding chairs that everyone left behind Lucio: Gets on the intercom to talk shit about the teacher who gave him a D+ on his plagiarized essay

What sports would the characters play? And would they be any good at those sports? Muriel: Any solitary sport. He likes track and shotput. Nadia: Swimming. She isn’t on a team, she just likes the water. Portia: Wrestling. She’s got a few championship belts. Julian: Grandma Devorak forced him to take One Sport in high school, and he chose long-distance running. Asra: Beach volleyball and snowboarding. He’s just there to have a good time. Lucio: Ice hockey, but he spends it mostly punching other players.

what dragons from books/movies/games match each character best, would you say? As for dragons, one of our writers plays Flight Rising obsessively so here’s every character as a Flight Rising breed. Asra: Fae Nadia: Imperial Lucio: Wildclaw Muriel: Guardian Julian: Skydancer Portia: Snapper

What is each character most likely to do with the mc when they're feeling 'unusually affectionate'? Nadia: feed them champagne grapes and engage them in conversation so she can watch them try to talk with their mouth full Asra: stare at them and stop acknowledging anyone or anything else Julian: preen and spoil them to the point of being a public embarrassment Portia: constant cuddly contact Muriel: follow them at a respectable distance Lucio: belt out an aria at the sight of them

What's everyone favorite manga if they read any in this world? Nadia: Rose of Versailles Asra: Yugioh Julian: Blackjack Portia: Ranma ½ Muriel: Hunter x Hunter Lucio: Berserk

how much does faust like all the characters? like, who does she like the most/least? does she like the main character at all? Faust adores the main character almost as much as she loves Asra. But if she had to choose from the rest: Most good smelling: Nadia Most fun to squeeze: Julian Most too big to eat: Muriel Most hard to hide from: Portia Most attackable: Lucio

what kind of drunk is everybody? Nadia: capable, professional drunk on the move. Never in the same room twice Asra: touchy-feely but won’t leave the couch, still somehow manages to catch on fire Julian: morphs into The Storyteller, everyone in earshot ends up caught in a dramatic reenactment of his life story waiting for him to take a breath but he never does Portia: makes 6 new friends in the bathroom line Muriel: moody, talks to no one, keeps taking everybody’s empty bottles out to the trash Lucio: the loudest, the drama, the legend, the first to dip out when the cops show up

Of the Characters: Who tells a dirty joke? Who doesn't understand it? Who is disgusted? Who laughs? Who hides a smile? Who gets annoyed? Lucio: tells a dirty joke Muriel: doesn’t understand it Julian: is disgusted Asra: laughs Portia: hides a smile Nadia: gets annoyed

What are the characters usual reactions when subbing their toes? Nadia: It Does Not Happen Asra: hops it off Julian: hissing, closes his eyes while he savors the pain Portia: (string of curses) “ok………. i’m fine” Muriel: doesn’t notice because his toes are too far away Lucio: shrieks, revenge kicks the wall, shrieks harder

what you think everyones deadly sin would be? the deadly cliches: Nadia - Pride Asra - Lust Julian - Wrath Portia - Envy Muriel - Sloth Lucio - Gluttony

On a scale of good to bad, who sings karaoke? Nadia has a silky voice with impeccable vibrato. But she only sings karaoke alone in the bath. Asra has an airy, intimate voice. He’s the worst at karaoke because he doesn’t even get up off the couch. Julian has very limited singing ability, but he will talk sing the whole way through if he has to. He’s great at duets, somehow. Portia has a throaty, powerful voice. She brings the house down with Heart and Bonnie Tyler ballads, even if she squeaks on the high notes. Muriel has a gravelly grumble that he is convinced is useless for singing and if you hand him the microphone he’ll drop it and go stand in the corner. Lucio has an overdone musical theater voice but he is tone deaf. He will shout out the high notes and power through the rest and if you try to skip his song there will be hell to pay

which social media platform which each character Prefer™ ? Asra - twitter (RTs a lot of memes and shitposts, posts incomprehensible dril-like tweets at 3am) Nadia - instagram (flawless makeup and aesthetic™) Julian - yahoo answers Portia - snapchat Muriel - what is social media Lucio - LinkedIn (you will NEVER stop getting email notifications from him)

what dnd classes would the cast be (like mage, assassin, cleric etc)? Nadia: Paladin Asra: Warlock Julian: Rogue Portia: Bard Muriel: Fighter Lucio: Barbarian

what would each characters spice girl name be Asra: Mystery Spice Nadia: Boss Spice Julian: Suffering Spice Portia: Sassy Spice Muriel: Surly Spice Lucio: Spicy Spice

how complicated is each character's personal hygiene routine? Nadia’s personal hygiene routine: an exact science and takes a practiced team of servants to execute. Julian’s personal hygiene routine: splashing his face 5-7 times and gargling with his famous mint vodka peroxide formula Asra’s personal hygiene routine: sticking his head underwater until he’s awake Portia’s personal hygiene routine: putting her hair in a bun and scrubbing herself with a cloth and bucket down by the frog pond Lucio’s personal hygiene routine: milk and caviar bath every 13 hours Muriel’s personal hygiene routine: standing in the pouring rain

What's everyone's favorite alcoholic drinks? Asra - St Germain, tequila, blue curaçao,  lime juice, hibiscus syrup (serve in a champagne flute or martini glass, garnished with a wildflower or tiny umbrella) Julian - whiskey, Kahlua, Grand Marnier, lemon juice (serve in a highball glass) Nadia - Chambord, white wine, seltzer (serve in a wine glass, chilled or on the rocks) Portia - beer & apple cider with a shot of rum (serve in a lowball glass) Muriel - Baileys, butterscotch schnapps, hot chocolate (serve warm, in your coziest mug) Lucio - Jägermeister & Goldschläger topped with overproof rum (serve as a flaming shot)

what would be each of the characters' favorite genre of music? Asra: Bossa Nova and EDM Nadia: Obscure Opera and Calming beach sounds Julian: 20 minute tracks of Quality Jazz Portia: Reggae and dad rock Muriel: New wave and white noise Lucio: Top 40 and Dark Funky Disco

who would the arcana characters be from mean girls?? Asra: the guy who asked what day it was Nadia: cady Julian: gretchen weiners Portia: janis Lucio: regina george Muriel: damian

Which Hogwarts house would each of the Main Cast belong in? Asra & Julian - Ravenclaw Nadia - Slytherin Portia & Muriel - Hufflepuff Lucio - Gryffindor

What would the characters modern!au job/career of choice be? Lucio owns and manages several nightclubs and has a trashy daytime talk show Asra does really low-budget magic shows at kids’ birthday parties by day, and DJs at one of Lucio’s clubs at night Nadia is the city mayor, an international chess champion, and concert pianist Portia works at Home Depot (used to be a waitress at Red Lobster but the tips were terrible), but she wants to be a zookeeper Julian is a doctor at an underfunded hospital with lots of drama Muriel lives off the grid in a broken-down van in the woods

Just due to mild curiosity what would be the casts favorite musicals? Asra - Legally Blonde: The Musical Nadia - Chicago Julian - Les Mis Muriel - Wicked Portia - Cats! Lucio - Phantom of the Opera / Kinky Boots (it’s a tie)

what cryptid is every character Asra = Chupacabra Julian = Mothman Nadia = Nessie Portia = Loveland Frog Muriel = Bigfoot Lucio = Jersey Devil

how would the game's characters celebrate the MC's birthday with them?? Asra would take them on a long journey without telling them where they were going (but would keep them entertained with riddles) to a scenic oasis, where he would pretend to drown so MC has to dive into the water and at the bottom is a magic flute that can summon a swarm of bees (their favorite!) Nadia would throw a tastefully brief festival in their honor. MC would be lavished with pampering (by professional pamperers) from dawn to dusk and when the clock struck midnight, they would be presented with seven bejeweled eagles (one for every day of the week) Julian would meet them for dinner in a shady tavern, bring them heaping plates of food and offer unsolicited advice for the coming year. About halfway through the meal he would have to scramble out the back door because law enforcement arrived on the scene but he’d put it an order in the kitchen to bring them something for dessert Lucio would declare the day a holiday and call it Day of the Beloved One of Lucio. They would have to sit uncomfortably still while a master artiste painted their portrait and a mile-long line of peasants laid gifts at their feet. Muriel doesn’t celebrate birthdays because time is a human construct Portia would throw a big loud party with a barbecue :D

Since it is soon, what would the characters do for Valentines day with us (the MC)? Nadia would take you on an elegant river cruise stocked with 130 varieties of tiny cake and a private crooner hired to serenade you but she would end up throwing them overboard for not hitting the high notes Asra would take you to the mall and splurge on all the stuff you both can’t afford but wait way too long to get lunch so you get into a fight and he proposes in the food court Julian would show up on the 15th after with all the candy he scored at 75% off, pretend it was on purpose that he got the day wrong, and wake you up at 3 am to come clean because the guilt was eating him alive Muriel would light some scented candles, cook up a sensual meal and throw a bearskin rug in front of the fireplace for you to enjoy alone while he escapes into the woods Portia would pack a picnic of chicken and tortilla chips, take you to the beach where you could splash around until the sun goes down and lull you to sleep on the sandy blanket with her acoustic guitar Lucio would have servants fill your room with floor to ceiling flowers while you sleep and wait impatiently for you to wake up like

Would you roommate with any of the characters? it’s hard to decide, so here are some pros and cons Asra - pro: never home / con: leaves dishes in the sink for weeks Nadia - pro: your home will be spotless / con: it’s spotless because she orders you to clean it for her Julian - pro: medical professional / con: half of your apartment is now this

rate the characters on how #extra they are Muriel: 4/10 Lucio: 13/10 Everyone else: 10/10

Which character could be best described as "tender"?? "Spicy"??? “tender”: Muriel “tender”/“Spicy”: Asra, Portia “Spicy”/”tender”: Julian, Nadia “Spicy”: Lucio

what the favorite Pokemon of all the characters were. Asra - Ekans, Delphox, Espeon Nadia - Noctowl, Gardevoir, Musharna Julian - Absol, Bisharp, Murkrow Portia - Chansey, Politoed, Hoothoot Muriel - Pangoro, Aggron, Wigglytuff Lucio - Houndoom, Pyroar, Skarmory

Is it a coincidence that there's a clothing shop called the snooty fox or was that intentional?

In my hometown, Cincinnati, there is (was?) a lil boutique called the snooty fox which I named this blog after. I went in there probably twice as a kid and was just dazzled by all the pretty clothes and it’s my first real memory of being interested in fashion. If we’re referring to the same one, hey what up!!! If not, perhaps they opened other locations or there’s just several named that.

Tenet Is Christopher Nolan’s Unofficial James Bond Movie

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This article contains Tenet spoilers.

Throughout the Daniel Craig era of James Bond, the influence of Christopher Nolan has been hard to miss. A year after Nolan reinvented Dark Knight mythology with Batman Begins, and created the industry term of a “reboot” in the process, 007 had his own back-to-basics reset in Casino Royale. And following The Dark Knight’s praise for reconfiguring its iconography again for a post-War on Terror world, Skyfall would receive similar acclaim a few years later for its chilly, realpolitik tone.

But no matter how many developments in the Bond canon end up attributed to Nolan’s influence, it should be recognized that Bond influenced him first. That fact is almost inescapable after watching Tenet, which just premiered on HBO Max. It’s the filmmaker’s latest time-bending thriller, and the one that most resembles a 007 flick. With its smoothly dressed secret agent hero, its allusions to British intelligence, and its plot about a megalomaniacal Russian seeking to destroy the world, it’s a wonder John David Washington never once drained a dry martini.

More than any of the films before it, Tenet crystallizes that Nolan has always been chasing James Bond. And with this new film, the Memento director finally went ahead and remade that character in his coolly nonlinear image.

For more than a decade, the 50-year-old filmmaker has not been shy about his admiration for the Bond movies that captured his imagination as a child. At the 2010 London premiere of Inception, he even celebrated the similarities between his work and the Bond oeuvre.

“The Bond influence on the film was very intentional because, for me growing up with the Bond films, they’ve always stood for grand scale action,” Nolan said (via BBC). Those early 007 films from his youth, starring Sean Connery, George Lazenby, and Roger Moore, all “stood for the promise of being taken some place bigger than you could have imagined.” In an Empire print interview from the same year, he confessed, “I’ve been plundering ruthlessly from the Bond movies in everything I’ve done, forever. They’re a huge influence on me.”

And you can see it in every action film he’s made since 2005, beginning with the groundbreaking Batman Begins. While his origin story for the Dark Knight might have influenced how grounded Bond producers took their own 007 reboot less than 18 months later, the Bond influence on Nolan’s vision of Batman was there from the outset. It’s even in one of the key appeals of all three of Nolan’s Batman movies: his desire to open Bruce Wayne’s world up and depict him as a jetsetting crusader living in a larger global community, as opposed to in a contained Never Never Land version of Gotham City. The desire to show exotic locales like Iceland (doubling as the Himalayas) and Hong Kong visibly came from Eon Productions’ depiction of Bond as an adventurer always on the move.

More specifically, Nolan’s reinvention of the Lucius Fox character (played by Morgan Freeman) was modeled wholly after Desmond Llewelyn’s Q, the gadget-making quartermaster and occasional sidekick of 007 across nearly 40 years of Bond movies. Similarly, the focus on the chic habits and hobbies of the ultra-rich in those films (and many others of Nolan’s films, actually) likewise stems from 007.

As the Batman sequels continued to heighten the tension throughout The Dark Knight Trilogy, the influences of Bond also became only more pronounced. With each new film, the villain of the piece got a table-setting prologue action sequence that acted in a similar fashion to Bond movies’ famed pre-title sequences, and Bane’s aerial hijacking of a CIA plane over Scotland in The Dark Knight Rises is particularly a much more sophisticated riff on the same concept that starts License to Kill (1989).

Similarly, Batman kidnaps a Chinese national out of Hong Kong in The Dark Knight by holding onto him as an airplane grabs a cable tethered between the superhero’s back and a balloon floating in the sky—thereby yanking both into the air. Lucius Fox says he got the idea from “a program the CIA had back in the ‘60s called Skyhook.” And it’s true, that program existed, but Nolan almost certainly got the idea from the 1965 Bond movie, Thunderball, where Sean Connery and Claudine Auger (or at least their stunt dummies) are yanked out of the Caribbean and into the wide blue yonder.

Even the third act twist of The Dark Knight Rises, where it’s revealed that Tom Hardy’s dastardly Bane is actually subservient to (and in love with?) the woman Bruce thought he cared for is taken more or less from the underrated Pierce Brosnan Bond film, The World Is Not Enough (1999).

Eleven years ago, Inception was simply more brazen about these lifts, with its finely tailored heroes never needing to don superhero threads, and with a third act in large part focused on a ski and snowmobile raid of a fortress taken right out of On Her Majesty’s Secret Service (1969), which Nolan just happened to call his favorite Bond film. At the time of Inception’s release, he also called the dream-based actioner “absolutely my Bond movie.”

Nevertheless, with Inception’s structure being more derived from heist thrillers than spy movies, and its hero being a family man haunted by past mistakes instead of an international man of mystery, the filmmaker’s thoughts on that being “my Bond movie” have softened over the years. In 2017, he told Playboy (via Business Insider) that he’d “definitely” consider doing a Bond movie one day.

One might assume Tenet is that movie, or as close to it as possible.

In both Nolan’s Batman movies and Inception, the filmmaker grafted Bond inspirations onto the existing structures of superhero lore and heist movie conventions. Yet with Tenet, Nolan finally embraces the spy movie’s form… while still situating those conventions within his own distinct obsessions and narrative sleights of hand.

Excluding the most recent Bond movies starring Craig, the 007 of the screen has always been defined by his impenetrable ambiguity. Connery’s Bond never talked about his childhood or parents, Moore’s Bond never had any lingering attachments to friends or lovers beyond the current adventure he was already in, and the only acquaintances in their lives were work colleagues like Q, M, Miss Moneypenny, and poor hapless Felix Leiter from the CIA. With two notable exceptions, we never even saw the inside of Bond’s flat for the first 50 years of cinematic exploits.

Tenet thus takes that idea of a mysterious presence as the lead character to its extreme. Washington’s protagonist is even rather cloyingly named just that: the Protagonist. He has no family, friends, backstory, or even 007’s defining vices of vodka and sex. All we know is the Protagonist came up through the CIA before being recruited into the Tenet organization, and he doesn’t like it when colleagues are killed—well, that and he’s more inclined to drink a Diet Coke than a martini.

Still, he nestles into 007’s world neatly throughout the film. When he’s scolded by a marvelous Michael Caine for wearing a Brooks Brothers suit to a meeting at a London club so snooty that you’re chided for not addressing your betters by their titles, the Protagonist quips, “You British don’t have a monopoly on snobbery, you know.”

“Well not a monopoly,” Sir Michael smirks. “More of a controlling interest.”

In essence, Washington’s Protagonist is an interloper infiltrating the rich and privileged world most 007 actors are depicted as walking through as if it were their birthright. While there was a roughness around the edges to Connery’s original (and best) Bond, the character’s smirk implies he was born with the silver spoon, only no one realized it until he took it out of some other less deserving aristocrat’s mouth.

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We likewise see Washington slowly assume that identity throughout Tenet, intentionally irritating the stuffiness of Sir Michael’s club, or joking about hot sauce in a high-end restaurant frequented by billionaires. Nonetheless, he assumes all the Bond airs smoothly and with minimal effort as the film progresses. After Michael’s condescension about his suit, the next time we see the Protagonist he’s wearing a tailored three-piece gray number which doesn’t look that far removed from Connery in Goldfinger.

And when he sits down to match wits with the film’s villain, a man named Sator (Kenneth Branagh), he Protagonist acts like Connery: a fella who claimed the privilege that was mistakenly denied at his birth. When the Protagonist is asked if he’s slept with the villain’s wife, the way he so subtly smirks while saying, “No. Not yet,” would do Connery proud.

But then Sator, perhaps even more so than the Protagonist, is what makes Tenet a near full-on Bond movie. Following in the grand tradition of British actors adopting bad Russian accents to play heavies, Branagh’s Sator lives the life of a super-evil megalomaniac on his yachts and high on his vices.

Those trapping may be more sophisticated than the Bond movies’ often comic book-level depictions of wealth and power—hollowed out volcanoes and swimming pools filled with sharks—but for all of Sator’s musings about the paintings of Goya and Freeport tax havens, or the F50 foiling catamaran sailboats he flaunts in front of the Protagonist, he’s still a Bond villain who wants to conquer/destroy the world. In his case, it’s because of the complicated science fiction methods of a future generation wanting to wipe us out. Still, Sator’s function is all so much fodder for a third act monologue.

Where this becomes most apparent is his relationship with his wife Katharine (Elizabeth Debicki). A woman trapped in a toxic abusive marriage by literal blackmail, Debicki’s Kat is intended to be more developed than a typical Bond girl (not to mention many of the leading roles for women in Nolan movies). We see her twisted relationship with Sator strictly from her point-of-view as a mother living under duress, with her husband threatening to send her to prison if she ever attempts to leave with their son. In fact, he twists the knife further by saying he’d only allow her to leave if he kept the child he doesn’t even care about.

However, the Protagonist trying to get to the supervillain through the manipulation of his lover is Bond movie plotting 101. The Dark Knight might’ve borrowed the Skyhook concept from Thunderball, but Tenet lifts the central romantic triangle conflict in total, with the hero pressuring a woman to spy on and undermine a villain who’s essentially middle management for the bigger threat (SPECTRE in Thunderball, vengeful future generations in Tenet).

There’s more complexity to Kat than Thunderball’s Domino, and she nor the Protagonist need a romantic rendezvous under the sea for her to turn. She’s already ready to do that long before the Protagonist shows up. However, she is still, at least in one scene, the damsel in distress who must be saved, and the woman who’s also tortured and beaten by the man who keeps her under constant surveillance.

At least, also like Domino, Kat gets to kill the villain by shooting him on a yacht. Kat’s victory over Sator is more satisfying, too, since she does it to quench her own thirst for revenge and not to save the hero.

“I’m not the woman who could find love for you even though you scarred her on the inside,” she says, drawing the gun. “I’m the vengeful bitch you scarred on the outside.”

For all of Tenet’s confusing misdirections and head-spinning discussions about introverted entropies, paradoxes, and parallel worlds, it is in essence a spy thriller right out of the 007 template. But does that make it better or worse? The answer might be somewhere in the middle.

Like all of Nolan’s spectacle films, there is something to be said about Tenet’s fidelity to in-camera stunts and action. Nolan’s seen enough Bond movies over the decades to know the images that stay with you and hold up many years later are the ones where actors (or stuntpeople) are doing it for real. So original death-defying imagery, such as when the Protagonist and Neil (Robert Pattinson) bungee jump upwards and above a Mumbai high-rise, or a third act climax in which filmmakers simultaneously shoot vehicles moving forward and backward, is thrilling stuff. (The movie finishing in a third act siege is also taken from Thunderball and numerous other Bond movies, by the by.)

But personally, one of the greater appeals about Bond movies is their unapologetic desire to have fun. With few exceptions, the atmosphere is relatively lighthearted in each 007 adventure, or at least playful. Tenet, like all of Nolan’s films, has a somber earnestness about it, which makes the slipperiness of its protagonist harder to hang onto, and the motivations of its villain less credible in a story about our descendants trying to wipe us out over climate change.

In many ways, Tenet is denser and less mischievous than any of Nolan’s brooding Batman efforts or Inception, which is a picture where the central protagonist is a grieving widower. It’s one of the reasons, I suspect, Tenet has left a lot of viewers cold. So if this really is the closest Nolan ever gets to doing a 007 movie, maybe it’s for the best.

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The post Tenet Is Christopher Nolan’s Unofficial James Bond Movie appeared first on Den of Geek.

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Globe, September 7

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Tucker Carlson -- TV’s most hated host -- misogynistic and racist spawn of Satan

Page 2: Up Front & Personal -- Kylie Jenner, Brandi Glanville washes a car, Tekashi 6ix9ine goes shopping in L.A. 

Page 3: Matt LeBlanc wears a mask, Halle Berry, Shia LaBeouf points his fingers together 

Page 4: Love-hungry Christie Brinkley is on the prowl for a new man and the younger the better, Madonna threw a wild week-long 62nd birthday for herself in Jamaica and brought along a boatload of weed 

Page 5: Miley Cyrus has confessed why she’s been a wrecking ball to her male loves is because she prefers women in the sack and always has 

Page 6: Self-proclaimed crusaders for female empowerment Prince Harry and Meghan Markle are being slammed for making a deal with the devil by buying a sprawling $14.6 million mansion from a Russian moneybags who’s accused of wifebeating 

Page 7: Demanding Meghan Markle is trying to secretly worm her way back into Tinseltown as a producer and wants to bring henpecked husband Prince Harry along for the ride -- the two have been quietly pitching a project in closed-door meetings with top Hollywood executives including some of former actress Meghan’s connections from her stint on Suits 

Page 8: Newly discovered photos reveal murdered pedophile Jeffrey Epstein’s $22 million private jet the Lolita Express was a flying pleasure palace -- the luxury Boeing 727 carried up to 29 passengers and was specially outfitted so guests could have sex with gorgeous stewardesses and masseuses who were often underage teens 

Page 10: Steamed Sharon Stone had harsh words for folks who don’t wear masks during the pandemic blaming them for her sister getting COVID who’s hospitalized and fighting for her life, Angelina Jolie’s surprise move to get the judge booted from her divorce battle with Brad Pitt was triggered by her desire to pack up their six kids and split to a snooty suburb in England -- she wants to move to the wealthy Richmond area in southwest London which she believes in a perfect environment for the kids from an educational standpoint and culturally 

Page 11: Star Wars hunk Ewan McGregor’s angry ex-wife Eve Mavrakis has struck back and captured a big chunk of his estimated $45 million fortune and half the royalties from several of his hit flicks and TV shows -- Ewan was taken to the cleaners in California divorce court after trading in Eve for a younger hottie his Fargo co-star Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Wendy Williams has finally dumped the New Jersey home she shared with ex-husband Kevin Hunter but she took a bath on the sale unloading the home for $1.4 million after the couple had paid $2.1 million for it in 2008 

Page 12: Celebrity Buzz -- Jay Leno takes his 1957 Chevrolet Corvette for a spin (picture), Sharon Osbourne and husband Ozzy Osbourne will be spilling decades’ worth of titillating tales in a tell-all flick about their roller-coaster marriage, Busy Philipps is blabbing personal details about her young daughter Birdie’s first bra but it could have something to do with her new deal to plug bras for a well-known national brand, Britney Spears popped up on social media to answer quickie fan queries like what’s your favorite fragrance and she answered Tom Ford apparently forgetting that she’s actually put her name on a signature line of 28 fragrances in conjunction with Elizabeth Arden, Drew Barrymore turned a walk-in closet into a culinary library and reads three cookbooks a week cover to cover 

Page 13: Giada De Laurentiis running errands in L.A. (picture), Blac Chyna in a Hollywood sex toy shop (picture), Fred Dryer wears a mask (picture), Cheryl Tiegs lived right next door to the mansion pictures in the Beverly Hillbillies 

Page 14: Weeks after undergoing an operation to remove her breast implants Chrissy Teigen complained her natural boobs were still too huge and was considering making them smaller and then came a surprise pregnancy announcement, it doesn’t sound like Sharon Stone will throw rocks in her upcoming memoir The Beauty of Living Twice because she says she has learned to forgive the unforgivable, Fashion Verdict -- Olivia Munn 8/10, Melissa Gorga 9/10, Kelly Clarkson 3/10, Regina Hall 2/10 

Page 16: Elvis Presley didn’t have to die -- autopsy proves surgery on his clogged colon could have saved the King 

Page 19: 10 Things You Don’t Know About Gayle King, Hilary Swank turned her back on Hollywood for three years to care for her ailing father after his lung transplant and she has no regrets, Lady Gaga admits she wrestles with her mental issues by taking anti-psychotic medication 

Page 20: True Crime 

Page 23: Frenzied talk queen Ellen DeGeneres has ousted three top producers from her gabfest in a last-ditch bid to keep her job after being rattled to the bone by backstage scandals 

Page 24: Cover Story -- Tucker Carlson of Fox News 

Page 26: Health Report 

Page 29: Head-over-heels Ben Affleck got a great 48th-birthday present from his girlfriend Ana de Armas -- a custom BMW motorcycle built from scratch just for him and he immediately took Ana for a spin with both of them wearing color-coordinated green helmets with white trim to match the new bike, Dennis Quaid found the purr-fect pet -- a Virginia shelter cat named Dennis Quaid, former talk host Tavis Smiley is learning that if you play you have to pay as a court has ordered him to shell out a whopping $2.6 million to the PBS network for sexually preying on women workers, golf legend Tiger Woods carried his son Charlie’s golf clubs at a junior tournament where the 11-year-old blew away the competition 

Page 30: Music icon Jimi Hendrix was rock’s greatest guitarist and lover bedding countless gals before his early death at age 27 a shocking new book claims -- some of Jimi’s lovers named in the book include Brigitte Bardot, Janis Joplin and the blond photographer who would later become Linda McCartney, horndog Harry Hamlin knocked up Bond girl Ursula Andress during their very first hookup claims his wife Lisa Rinna 

Page 38: Real Life

Page 44: Mike Tyson and Roy Jones Jr. slug-fest hits below the belt 

Page 45: Former daytime TV dynamo Sally Jessy Raphael is devastated by the death of her husband of 57 years Karl Soderlund

Page 47: Hollywood Flashback -- Michael Keaton in 1988′s Beetlejuice, Bizarre But True 

New from Every Movie Has a Lesson by Don Shanahan: REWIND REVIEW: Where’d You Go, Bernadette

(Image: cnn.com)

For an occasional new segment, Every Movie Has a Lesson will cover upcoming home media releases combining an “overdue” or “rewind” film review, complete with life lessons, and an unboxed look at special features.

WHERE’D YOU GO, BERNADETTE

There are parallels between which filmmaker Richard Linklater always seems to operate. It was either “free-wheeling fun” or “poignant realism” with “scant middle ground.” Call them Party Linklater and Deep Linklater. The question mark skipped from the title of Where’d You Go, Bernadette can be placed in the sentence of which Linklater did we get? Welcome to the uncharted and unexpected “scant middle ground” where grandiose fiction is the party and odd eccentricity is the depth.

Neurotically charming, yet misshapen in many ways, Where’d You Go, Bernadette is wholly unique from the Texan and Hollywood outsider. The movie has the equal ability to disarm and disgust depending on your perspective or experience with the Maria Semple source material. Non-readers will float with the staccato blustering and the Antarctic kayak currents of fancy. Ardent fans will wonder where all the scintillating mystery went that gave merit to all the haphazard happenings beset on the family of narrator Balakrishna Branch, affectionately known as “Bee” and played by debuting talent Emma Nelson.

ANTICIPATORY SET AND PRIOR KNOWLEDGE:

Bee is the uber-precocious 15-year-old daughter of a pair of brilliant-minded, attracted opposites. Her father is the Microsoft-backed tech innovator Elgin Branch, played by Billy Crudup, earning industry kudos and TED Talk stages with groundbreaking new mind-to-text recognition software. The extroverted and borderline workaholic is matched by his reclusive and agoraphobic wife and Bee’s titular mother, played by Academy Award winner Cate Blanchett and her bangs. Detailed by exposition-minded video essays viewed by characters on screen, Bernadette Fox was once the toast of Los Angeles and the most brilliant architectural design savant of her generation before professional disappointment burned and stomped over her creativity.

LESSON #1: “THE BRAIN IS A DISCOUNTING MECHANISM” — Bernadette’s own explanatory observations of self-diagnosis are fueled by empirical study, plenty of science, and a side of doubting bullshit. It’s true that the brain looks for risk and signals accordingly. To call it a design flaw for danger instead of joy, however, is where you squint at the woman’s nuttiness to a degree. Still, this background and Cate’s delivery of it all sheds light on the movie’s nervous system.

For years, Bernadette has buried herself in two projects: being a mom and endlessly tinkering with restoring a huge derelict old school building into the family’s home in the Seattle burbs. Anxiety has grown into to insomnia and a racing heart during social and domestic confrontations. Her most common clashes are anything requiring Bernadette to interact and keep up with the joneses of the hoity-toity private school Bee attends (something matching of Semple’s inspiration). That judgy crowd is led by the granola and snooty next door neighbor Audrey (Kristen Wiig) and her minion Soo-Lin (TV actress Zoe Chao) who works with Elgin.

LESSON #2: DIFFERING PERSPECTIVES ON FAILING LIVES — We learn a great deal about where Elgin and Bernadette stand in a dynamite sequence of two separated venting sessions. Elgin has approached a psychiatrist (Judy Greer) about how to deal with his wife. In a different location, Bernadette catches up with an old colleague (Laurence Fishburne) that she hasn’t seen in years. Deftly constructed with surgical editing from Linklater regular Sandra Adair, his lament combines with her rant. His conclusion is help while hers is to create, showing just how far apart the two former lovebirds are now.

Outside of her impressionable daughter, Bernadette’s verbose and unrestrained external monologue is received and filtered through “Manjula,” her unseen automated text-to-speech personal assistant service. Even with the prospect of an Antarctic cruise vacation for Bee on the horizon, all of the loose threads of Bernadette’s current course are unraveling to several breaking points. Everyone can see these potential disasters coming except her and the loyal Bee who considers her mother her best friend.

MY TAKE:

LESSON #3: LOVE SOMEONE’S FLAWS — The movie presents a family that still loves the mess that Bernadette has become. Her husband, for all his worry, remains a willing confidante. The nearly unconditional love between daughter and mother is tremendous. Mom defends her daughter’s independence and the resilient girl gives it right back in the face of the catty other moms. Accepting and inspiring familial love trumps every quirk or mistake and the film forces a great many syrup-coated steps to ensure that happens.

Showing off as much if not more unstable petulance as she did winning the Oscar for Woody Allen’s Blue Jasmine, Cate Blanchett bring a dizzying level of detail to her characterization of depressed pizzazz and wallowing pluck and play Bernadette Fox. There is never a wasted movement or breath with Cate. This is complete immersion and her vocal and physical expressions and actions of exasperation are fascinating to watch. Sure, maybe we’ve seen this level of difficulty before from the newly-minted 50-year-old, but the capability and brilliance she brings to these odd roles is nearly second to none. Put her right there next to Meryl Streep where her dedication to any and every challenge cannot be questioned.

Across from that celebrated star of rich and storied career heights is Emma Nelson, the rookie in her first movie. Experience be damned, she becomes the emotional linchpin of the whole darn thing. Every arc of personal improvement for Bernadette lifts one for Bee and the first-timer exudes mettle and moxie. That girl is going places besides just her next year of high school.

Admittedly, Where’d You Go, Bernadette is tricky business for Richard Linklater. Semple’s best-seller is a uniquely mystery-driven collection of documents, emails, and transcripts, stuff not easy or clear to translate on screen without heavy narration or the wild visual creativity of something like Searching. Linklater and the Me and Orson Welles screenwriting team of Holly Gent and Vince Palmo bent and stripped away that hop-scotch of truth and “you never know everything” intrigue to fashion something more straight-forward and safe as a character piece narrative. In doing so, the resulting film skimps on opportunities to wreck more havoc in personal lives. The fits and spurts of how far to raise eyebrows comes out in the film’s unevenness. Luckily, the acting is steadfast and satisfying.

LESSON #4: TAKE A JOURNEY OF SELF-DISCOVERY — Critique aside, the clear goal for Linklater was to create or hone something more pleasant than a tawdry yarn of competing gossip. The third act of this movie takes a walkabout-ish excursion and turn for Bernadette and company brings aims positivity to elevate the doldrums of everyone’s downward spiral. Choose your journey to reinvigorate your soul. The Antarctica location doesn’t matter. It’s the fact you take one when you need it most.

3 STARS

EXTRA CREDIT:

(Image: filmlinc.org)

The 20th Century Fox home media edition of Where’d You Go, Bernadette offers a tiny sprinkle of background on Linklater’s feature film. Tiny does mean tiny. There are only three special features and one of them is a 26-picture gallery of production stills. That’s hardly a deep dive. Someday, a talkative casual guy like director Richard Linklater needs to grace us with an audio commentary on the level with his legendary Dazed & Confused track. Until then, these vignette crumbs made the Trailer Park Content house will have to do.

The main feature is the 15-minute “Bringing Bernadette to Life.” It’s a sharp behind-the-scenes retrospective on how this project came to be with its assembled talent. The blue-jeans-casual director talks about how he was introduced to and dissected Maria Semple’s book with his trusted screenwriting collaborators Holly Gent and Vince Palmo. Linklater was captivated from the opening line of “Just because you can’t fully know somebody doesn’t mean you can’t try” while Cate Blanchett called it a “bugger” to adapt with its format of letters and emails. Richard’s goal was the show everything about the main character and not shy away from raw truths and painful confrontations.

Blanchett was the actress Linklater pictured while reading Semple’s novel and came to realize she was the only one to pull off this discombobulated lead role. The Oscar winner puts in her interview time in the feature discussing all the quirks and themes. For a fun fact, Blanchett wore Semple’s own sunglasses from when she wrote the novel. Furthermore, nice bouquets are also shared by Emma Nelson, Billy Crudup, and Kristen Wiig. Each player speaking on the main character and her wavelengths.

The second mini-doc is the five-minute “Who Is Bernadette.” For a movie about thinking and talking out loud, we get the talent thinking and talking out loud. It’s more of the same with the edited montages set to the voiceover sharing of the cast and crew. It’s not much, but the insight is appreciated, especially with Semple herself offering her stamp of approval. All in all, the special features won’t be the reason one purchases this movie. They’ll be there for the finished film itself.

LOGO DESIGNED BY MEENTS ILLUSTRATED (#843)

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What information does the shape language convey ? + construction sheet

1. For this badger this is an emphasis that he is the ringleader over the other badger and intended to be more intelligent. He dresses quite chavy too which fits in with the ‘young hoodlum’ stereotype. Has a lack of direction in life and typically sofa surfs at his friends houses.

2.This badger is represented by the shape language to be tall and goofy this is why there is a lot of stretched out shapes which gives off a more comical appearance. Im doing the dress rather disorganised too to show he is not as intelligent and that he is the sidekick, used to be a moral student but has got in with a bad crowd.

3.The triangles on this fox are meant to represent a more antagonistic appearance and a not very friendly character. The triangles represent arrogance and being in control. I have done him in a suit too represent the ‘snooty estate agent businessman character’, often very abusive and inconsiderate of other road users especially with learners his appearance frightens them.

4. The shapes of the tortoise is representing being a bit out of touch with young people and being a bit out of fashion but overall a pretty carefree temperament and quite an easily likeable old man with lots of stories to tell. Circles often represent the air of protagonist and the tortoise is generally a rather friendly character, likes to spend some evenings in a pub especially on quiz nights.  

5. The cat is generally a rather sassy character, who can be okay in small doses but generally does not get on with the majority of people as she likes to overly control and manipulate people the cat built rather triangular in shape language helps to represent this. She is also a single mother with four kittens.

6. The chicken represents a personality of being a bit social awkward and indecisive. He lets people leads his life and doesn't really have any direction, but he is a young secondary school student just coming into Year 11, Gives in to fashion and peer pressure easily and is overall a very average teenager.

7. The baby squirrel is used to being looked after and is quite a spoiled child and used to being the baby as he is the youngest, often plays with a toy ball but also enjoys tree climbing whenever he can.

8. Generally quite a motherly squirrel and wants to look after her children, but likes to spoil her children but overall very caring. Matriarch of the family, and likes to gather all of the extended family round for Christmas

9. Generally a computer geek, and very into technology. He wants to be in control but really isn't and the mother tends to run the household. Tends to enjoy reading the newspaper at breakfast and works in software engineering. 

10. A shy girl and very timid, but enjoys playing with her brother and is a very caring older sister. She is in her third year of school and generally enjoys art she especially likes drawing sunflowers. Often very quiet at family functions and hides away, her teacher says she is a very intelligent student and learns very quickly.

11.A pretty serious guy, he enjoys his job and very dedicated to his work in the police force, He has two children and a wife at home but works pretty long hours, his social life tends to revolve around work. Has a good relationship with his family but is a pretty moral character and his character often gets people to comply, no matter what the situation which makes him an excellent negotiator.

20 Questions!

Thank you @alwayseleven I really love when I get to actually interact with people on Tumblr. Plus, it’s taking along time to import Sinatra At The Sands and I still have to burn the Ben-Hur soundtrack.

rules: answer 20 questions, then tag 20 people (I don’t know 20 people on Tumblr. Imma tag a few)

name: the pasta-tense of draw (I like pasta) nickname: don’t really have one, although on occasion people will refer to me as “grandpa” or “old man” or something like that because I’m so old-fashioned (I swear, I’m only 191). zodiac sign: O my sweet Katherine Hepburn, this junk? Pass. height: 5′8? I think, I don’t get measured much. I think I might still be growing. orientation: (Playing this song in the car is no joke how I came out to one of my friends)

ethnicity: I’m a soup of all of the European countries that sunburn, and Grease (so white). fave fruit: Oh, that’s tough. Peaches are lovely and fun to rub against your face! fave season: Maybe Summer, because there’s something profound and simple and happy about it. fave book: Gosh, I admittedly don’t read as much as I should. I always really liked Catcher In the Rye and To Kill a Mockingbird, but I don’t know. I really love this book by Carol Burnett called This Time Together. It’s a bunch of short vignettes in chronological order and it’s really funny and touching.  fave flower: I admittedly don’t know too many flowers. Orchids are gorgeous, although bougainvillea are great to have in a yard. fave scent: I’ve always loved the scent of jasmine in the air. fave animal: Maybe foxes. They’re adorable, but also cunning. coffee, tea or cocoa: Coffe, tea, or meee? No, really, tea most of the time. average sleep hours: Oh, well. With school staring again, 11/12-7/8:30 depending on when class starts. I really should manage my sleep better (I say typing this at 2am..) cat or dog person: I never personally had either, but I’ve of course had friends and relatives with pets. I guess dogs. fave fictional character: Oii! That’s a tough one. RRRRGGGG HRMMM AWWWRRREMMEMEMGGGGG.. For now, at 2am, I’ll put down Tracy Lord (as played by my idol Katherine Hepburn [Grace Kelly plays her in the musical remake High Society, but she at times comes across as too snooty and looses the audience’s favor. My opinion.]) from The Philadelphia Story. She’s gorgeous, sophisticated, smart, witty, hilarious, utterly lovely, damn strong, yet vulnerable. I very much relate to the whole ‘goddess on a pedestal’ thing that's one of her major plot points as I like to think I have extremely high standards for myself and this can be tough. As Tracy is told by what, 3? people independently, with no group co-ordination or communication whatsoever, that she needs to “have some concern for human frailty”, I’ve been told by a couple people that “it must be nice to be perfect” or my favorite one (which inspired a drawing) “is it cold up there (on the pedestal you put yourself on)?” [he followed up to be sure I understood the implication]. Tracy gives me strength and inspiration, but also validation as she’s not just a tower of strength, she has weakness and human frailty of her own that I can empathize with. number of blankets you sleep with: Most of the year, just two. My top sheet and a blue/sea-foam green one, but when it’s cold out like this, I’ll add a third thicker blanket, and if it’s really cold, pile on my comforter and if that’s not enough, put on this sheep rug we have. dream trip: Oh gosh. I don’t know. It may sound kind of touristy/nerdy, but I’d love to go to The Bahamas and Jamaica. I’m a huge James Bond fan and there are tons of Bond locations on those islands. Plus, they’re gorgeous tropical paradises. I’d want to stay at the “One & Only” Ocean Club in the Bahamas (sadly, the Coral Harbour hotel from Thunderball was turned into a naval facility :( and at Ian Fleming’s estate: Goldeneye, in Jamaica. Scuba diving, shopping, good food, palm tress, blue mountain coffee? Mmmm blog created: When? I started Tumblr late last summer. number of followers: 30. It would be a bit more, but I block porn blogs from following my personal/main blog. I don’t even post anything pornographic! I don’t get it! At the most, on rare occasions, I’ll reblog a photo of a cute guy, but even then I try to keep it very tasteful,SFW, and non-sexualized. I don’t get it. And it’s all these lady porn blogs. I’ve seen more lady parts blocking these blogs than I have/will ever see anywhere else.

Tag -  @bonjour-im-tired @reluctant-martyrs @justalittleblue-butterfly @orosnagos @tyronepowerbottom @kelliiee22 - YOU’RE IT! 

Update: I just started Ben-Hur... that only took half an hour...

Why Katy Perry Can’t Save “American Idol”

https://styleveryday.com/2018/03/13/why-katy-perry-cant-save-american-idol/

Why Katy Perry Can’t Save “American Idol”

American Idol judges’ giant head display takes over the Walk of Fame on Hollywood Boulevard, March 12, 2018, in Hollywood.

Brandon Williams / Getty Images

Since the announcement early last year that American Idol was coming back on ABC, after wrapping up its supposedly final season on Fox in 2016, most of the excitement about its return centered on the new panel of judges. The trio that ABC ultimately selected is a motley assortment, plucked from across the musical celebrity spectrum: contemporary pop queen Katy Perry, throwback R&B legend Lionel Richie, and the “King of Bro-Country,” Luke Bryan. The controversy over Perry’s $25 million salary probably made the most news, and since the show’s debut, Perry’s antics have garnered most of the attention. But the overall focus on these celebrity judges speaks to a larger problem for Idol that helps explain why the onetime ratings giant lost steam and seems unlikely to regain its former glory.

It’s hard to remember now how Idol grew into a groundbreaking ratings juggernaut, outperforming the Oscars, peaking at 36 million viewers in 2006, and inaugurating a new wave of old-fashioned talent competitions, from America’s Got Talent to The X Factor. It did so by making stars, not hiring them. The original judges — producer Simon Cowell, ’80s pop star Paula Abdul, former A&R executive and bassist Randy Jackson — became iconic as judges, not for bringing their own pop star brands onto the show. But once Abdul, and later Cowell, left the franchise, it was reduced to relying on outside celebrities to attempt to bring audiences in — losing ratings, its own star-making power, and some of its identity as a forum for pop democracy in action. The show’s producers started trying to generate ratings by moving the focus from the contestants to the judges, in a way that distracted from the show’s musical focus and inspirational aura, as the legendary 2013 blowout between Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj proved.

The show’s uplifting brand became tarnished through these “reality” tactics, which began to seem increasingly desperate as the show’s ratings fell — ending its run on Fox with 9.3 million viewers, a quarter of the audience it drew at its peak — and the later winners failed to graduate to successful (or even visible) careers in the music industry. In contrast, NBC’s The Voice, the kind of competitor that Idol’s success opened the door for, found a more organic way to center its celebrity judges. They were reframed as down-to-earth “coaches” who could relate to the singers onstage, in a role that allowed them to keep their own brands intact (and be replaced, as celebrity schedules inevitably demand, without upsetting the fundamental dynamic of the show).

The fact that Kelly Clarkson, arguably the face of Idol, chose to join The Voice this season as a coach — as well as Idol’s ratings loss to The Voice in its premiere — underlines that the fresher competitor now better represents the earnest authenticity that Idol is struggling to recapture. Everything about the reincarnated Idol, besides the judging panel, is nearly unchanged from its first life — down to the set and Ryan Seacrest’s blinding white smile. And relying on the star power of Katy Perry or her fellow judges to bring in viewers is at best a temporary patch over the changing realities of television and music that made Idol’s promise of blockbuster pop stardom impossible to keep.

Winner Kelly Clarkson embraces fellow contestants during the American Idol Season 1 finale on Sept. 4, 2002.

Kevin Winter / Getty Images

Even if you didn’t watch the first season of American Idol in 2002, you might have seen Kelly Clarkson’s coronation from the first finale. It is, by design, one of the most compelling moments of reality television history. YouTube is full of bootleg videos of the moment; one has over 5 million views. Clarkson had just been selected — through 15.5 million phone calls, pre-texting — as the first American Idol. Like a pop Miss America in prom-night curls, she immediately went on to sing the perfectly crafted pop power ballad “A Moment Like This” — cowritten by one of the Swedish pop wizards who helped launch Britney Spears to stardom — which was supposed to become everybody’s prom and wedding anthem. As the song builds, Clarkson makes it her own with her big, belting voice, which begins to crack as she sings “I can’t believe it’s happening to me.” She apologizes for her tears, the camera often turns to her own crying mother, and it all culminates with the other contestants coming in for a group hug and helping her finish the song as her voice breaks.

Clarkson cry-singing “A Moment Like This.”

Fox

That one moment represented what made early American Idol great: a brilliant mixture of pop perfection, unembarrassed sentimentality, and reality television surprise. With its promise of a major label recording contract at the end, it was less amateurish than Star Search, yet it still flourished on the underdog appeal of its contestants. After Clarkson’s win, the entertainment press raised questions about how “amateur” she really was, but the focus and excitement was entirely on her, and such questioning was still entirely in line with what the brand was selling.

Clarkson wasn’t the only previously unknown quantity whose stardom was minted during that first season. Throughout the process of auditions, “Hollywood week,” public voting, eliminations, and results shows, the public also came to know and love (or love to hate) the judges. Cowell, with his be-sweatered pecs and performance of snooty Englishness, seemed almost like a parody of American ideas about critics as effete Europeans. Paula Abdul had disappeared from the music scene, clearly done with her pop moment, and had never really had a defined public personality beyond her brilliant dancing and music videos, so she was a revelation. Witnessing her loopy attempts to frame feedback in positive terms was almost like watching Hallmark spoken word poetry. Randy Jackson was the seemingly objective, level-headed judge, giving practical feedback on singing — often describing performances as “pitchy” — and coining an iconic catchphrase/meme (“gonna be a no from me, dawg”).

The original trio established the perfect template of commentating chemistry: the good cop, the bad cop, and the neutral tiebreaker.

After the auditions phase of each Idol season, the judges acted more like sports commentators than active participants in shaping the contestants’ personas — they were central to the show, but not the center of it. And in retrospect, that original trio established the perfect template of commentating chemistry: the good cop, the bad cop, and the neutral tiebreaker. There was a delightful quality to all this perfect, cheery fakeness, which could be enjoyed both sincerely and as camp. The show, initially itself an underdog, turned unknowns into stars at every level and remained on brand, and growing, for a decade.

The show’s growth was aligned with its mission of launching pop stars, and the drama it generated was primarily about the contestants — both the clashes of different musical styles and their fates on the charts after the show. The second season had the show’s highest-rated finale ever, followed by eager speculation over whether runner-up Clay Aiken would end up outselling winner Ruben Studdard. Season 3’s Jennifer Hudson went on to win an Academy Award and star on Broadway, and Carrie Underwood emerged as the show’s country star in Season 4, which pitted her folksy appeal against Bo Bice’s rocker style.

Idol ratings peaked in Season 5, in 2006, as sexy-sad rock singer Chris Daughtry was upset by Taylor Hicks’s drunk-uncle-at-karaoke act (much to Cowell’s annoyance), though Daughtry ended up massively outselling him. From there, the show’s winners began to blur into a forgettable hegemony of white guys with guitars, punctuated by the spectacle of Season 8 runner-up Adam Lambert as the show’s first not-yet-openly gay pop star in 2009 — arguably the last season the show made news for the right reasons.

Judges Simon Cowell, Paula Abdul, and Randy Jackson on the set of American Idol, broadcast live July 16, 2002.

Kevin Winter / Getty Images

Paula Abdul uttered one of the great truths of our time when she declared, on her masterpiece Bravo reality show Hey Paula, that people don’t treat her like the gift that she is. On Idol, she was the gift that kept on giving: a tireless engine of train wreck television and sweet platitudes. But when her salary demands weren’t met for the ninth season — she reportedly wanted a raise from $4 million to $12 million — she tweeted her goodbye. “I’ll miss nurturing all the new talent, but most of all being a part of a show that I helped from day one become an international phenomenon.”

It’s impossible to pinpoint one cause for Idol’s struggles in its later years, as it failed to produce pop stars and ratings declined, but songwriter Kara DioGuardi’s addition as a fourth judge during Abdul’s final season (she was most memorable for her singing battle with “Bikini Girl”) certainly upset the existing balance and chemistry of the judging panel. The show’s falling ratings fell further once Abdul left, and even more tellingly, that was the first season that none of the top four finalists achieved noteworthy singles or sales success.

Ellen DeGeneres joined the panel for Season 9, in what she later called the biggest mistake of her career. Like Abdul, she didn’t want to be mean, but as a professional comedian she gave harsh critiques wrapped in humor (“the line between sexy and scary is a thin line”) without any of Abdul’s loopy charm. (Though she did jump on Cowell’s lap to dispel persistent rumors of a feud.) Ellen’s stint on the show made clear that Abdul was impossible to duplicate, and probably worth every penny. But more importantly, it highlighted the difficulties of bringing established celebrities onto the show in an organic way.

Some critics have argued that Cowell’s departure after Season 9, which both diluted the Idol brand and contributed to TV’s singing-competition overload by bringing The X Factor to the US, put the nail in the coffin of the show’s ratings. But X Factor and post-Cowell Idol both had the exact same problem: They were trying to bring in ratings and recapture the magic of watching no-name artists become big stars, while leaning on static formats and the attraction of famous judges who would inevitably distract viewers from actually paying attention to the contestants.

Big pop stars like Jennifer Lopez have no incentive to pollute their existing brands by becoming a mean Simon or a compellingly zany Paula.

Idol tried to solve the problem by hiring Jennifer Lopez and Steven Tyler for the 2011 season, but neither were distinctive or compelling judging personalities, and even their big names weren’t enough to prevent a major 13% ratings drop. They played their already existing pop personas and seemed more interested in boosting their own careers than adding to the show. As CNN noted, it was unclear if Tyler was promoting Idol or himself. Lopez debuted new videos on the show, performed her own songs, and used the job to launch a further TV career. But big pop stars like Lopez have no incentive to pollute their existing brands by becoming a mean Simon or a compellingly zany Paula. Idol offered these stars in need of a career boost a huge platform, but the celebrity judges got more than they gave, and Idol only slid further into irrelevancy.

While Idol and The X Factor (which recruited Britney Spears, with disappointing results) were struggling with their judging problem, The Voice appeared in 2011, and seemed to find the best role for itself in the new pop landscape by giving the judges, and their interactions with contestants, as much screentime as possible. Featuring Cee Lo Green, Christina Aguilera, Adam Levine, and Blake Shelton in its first season, The Voice purposely framed the judges as coaches and co-conspirators, and made their relationships with the contestants the point of the show: They work together on teams. Because they didn’t have the specter of any original, archetypal judges to compete with, The Voice’s pop star coaches basically played themselves, and the format still worked.

The show also benefited from viewers coming to accept that TV competitions are — for numerous reasons having to do with the way the music industry has shifted — no longer a viable way to instantly mint stars. The Voice’s very name doesn’t promise pop stardom, but rather the chance to craft a style based on “pure” vocal talent, as the famous chair-swiveling shtick of the show’s blind auditions suggests. The turn to live television for the public eliminations on Voice does send some of their songs rushing to the top of iTunes, and this more modest success somehow seems like an acknowledgment of the way that pop stardom — in the age of Spotify playlists and SoundCloud indie rap — can no longer be a big destination predetermined from the top down, but an ongoing process of tiny wins. The complaint against The Voice has always been that it has never launched a star, but arguably, after Adam Lambert, neither did American Idol.

The Voice Season 8 coaches, from left: Adam Levine, Pharrell Williams, Christina Aguilera, and Blake Shelton.

Nbc / Getty Images

Things To Do In London This Weekend: 4-5 February 2017

All weekend Explore The Ladybird Life of Dickens: an illustrated adventure at the Charles Dickens Museum MAGIC LANTERNS: Follow the trail at The Magical Lantern Festival to see lantern installations themed on the Silk Road and the Chinese Year of the Rooster, as well as the Houses of Parliament. You can also enjoy ice skating, food from around the world and funfair rides. Chiswick House Gardens, £16.50/£10.50, book ahead, until 26 February LADYBIRD LIFE OF DICKENS: The original illustrations from the 1965 Ladybird Life of Dickens book are on display at the Charles Dickens Museum. Marvel at John Kenney's drawings alongside Lawrence du Garde Peach's words. Each illustration shows a scene from Dickens's life. Charles Dickens Museum, free with admission, book ahead, until 1 April WILDLIFE PHOTOGRAPHY: Ranging from dramatic landscapes to intimate portraits, see a selection images depicting nature through the eyes of passionate photographers at the Wildlife Photographer of the Year exhibition. It's one of our favourite exhibitions every year. Natural History Museum, £13/£8, book ahead, until 10 September FALLING SHAWLS: Learn all about traditional Sami shawl-making with Sami artist Outi Pieski's installation, Falling Shawls. The installation is a combination of hundreds of fringe elements to make a coloured three-dimensional drawing. Southbank Centre, free, just turn up, until 31 December FLEA MARKET: With a choice of 30 vintage stall holders, get your hands on some unique and beautiful clothing, jewellery, homeware and more at the Hackney Flea Market. Abney Public Hall, free, just turn up, 11am-6pm, 4-5 February SHEER PLEASURE: A new exhibition of Japanese furniture, paintings, prints and ceramics opens at the William Morris Gallery this weekend. The items belonged to the gallery's founder, Frank Brangywn, and marks 150 years since his birth. William Morris Gallery, free, just turn up, 4 February-14 May Saturday 4 February Watch Labyrinth at Prince Charles Cinema. 3D DRAWING: Channel your creative side under the guidance of 3D printing pen artist Grace Du Perez and make your own phone case with the 3Doodler pen. Drink, Shop & Do, £31, book ahead, 10.30am-12.30pm ALMSHOUSE TOURS: Look around one of the Geffrye Museum's restored 18th century almshouses. Get an insight into the lives of the poor and elderly of the past with this guided tour. Geffrye Museum, £4, book ahead, 11am/12pm/1pm/2pm/3pm CRAFT BEER FESTIVAL: North London Brew Fest's craft beer festival culminates today, with 25 cask and keg beers to choose from, plus entertainment in the form of DJs. The Snooty Fox, free, just turn up, noon-1am UNUSUAL HISTORY TOUR: Londonist contributor Laurence Scales leads a guided tour around the St James's area, telling the stories of forgotten heroes and curious lives, with a focus on science and inventions. Exact location on booking, £12/£6, book in advance, 2pm HER: A 15-year-old girl from London finds that conflict has made her an alien in her own country. In Her, the protagonist, as different versions of the 'girl', faces the harsh realities that young girls in conflict zones are confronted with. Half Moon Theatre, £7, book ahead from 3pm/7pm MUSICAL MUSEUM: Explore some of the Musical Museum's exhibits before settling in to an evening of Maiastra concert featuring the works of Tchaikovsky and Debussy. Musical Museum, free (donations to Aidan Woodcock Charitable Trust recommended), just turn up, museum open from 6.30pm, concert at 7.30pm LONDON REMIXED: London Remixed Festival — offering the fun of a festival without the mud — concludes tonight. Expect remixed sounds from ghetto funk, drum and bass, reggae, anarchic hoedown, latin breaks, brass band hip hop, electro-afro music, balkan beats, folk remix, electro swing, tropical bass, afrobeat and more. Rich Mix, £20, book ahead, 8pm MASQUERADE BALL: Don your finest ball gown or cravat for this special masquerade ball and screening of Labyrinth. Cheer Sarah on as she makes her way to the Goblin City to rescue her baby brother, 'FRIEND' with Ludo and give a shoutout to Sir Didymus. Prince Charles Cinema, £13.50/£11, book ahead, 8.45pm SOHO COMEDY: Join funny lady Shappi Khorsandi as she celebrates the 40th anniversary of her arrival in Britain. 'Oh My Country' From Morris Dancing to Morrisey features whip-crack jokes, razor sharp wit and endless charm. Soho Theatre, £18/£16, book ahead, 9.30pm [until 11 February] Sunday 5 February Frock Me! vintage fashion fair is back at Chelsea Old Town Hall. LONDON WINTER RUN: There's still time to enter Cancer Research's London Winter Run. The 1okm route states in Trafalgar Square, £45, book ahead, from 9.30am VINTAGE FROCKS: Get you hands on some vintage threads at the Frock Me Vintage Fashion & Textiles Fair. With 50+ traders from across the UK and France, you'll be spoilt for choice. Chelsea Old Town Hall, £4/£2, book ahead, 11am-5.30pm FAMILY THEATRE: David Gibb performs original music, as well as songs inspired by children's music from around the world. Whether he's singing about swimming, finding a dragon in your bedroom or waiting for the postman, David Gibb: Letters Through Your Door  is a lovely way to keep the kids entertained. Artsdepot, £7, book ahead, 11am/2pm STORY TIME: Enjoy an afternoon of creativity and family time with A World of Stories. The afternoon encourages families to discover their story-writing skills, taking inspiration from the Horniman's handling collection. Recommended for children aged 3+. Horniman Museum & Gardens, kids £3, adults free, book ahead, 1pm-2.15pm/2.45pm-4pm PULP ON ICE: Skate like Common People at Alexandra Palace ice skating rink. Feeling Gloomy dedicates an evening on the ice to the music of Pulp. Alexandra Palace, £8.70, book ahead, 5.30pm-8pm STEVEN SPIELBERG: Celebrate the life of acclaimed director Steven Spielberg as he turns 70. The Philharmonia Orchestra is joined by film legend Iain Johnstone for an evening of music from Spielberg's films, including E.T., Jurassic Park, Jaws and more. Southbank Centre, from £15, book ahead, 7.30pm SUPER BOWL: Plenty of places are screening the super bowl, but we like the sound of this Super Bowl party with huge screens, grilled cheese sandwiches and booze. Oh, and it's raising money for charity too. The Social, £9, book ahead, 8pm Stage review: Depression based comedy with Chris Gethard The funny parts are well worth the wait in Career Suicide. It runs until 1 February. A comedy show about depression is a tough sell. That's the theme of Chris Gethard's new show, Career Suicide. It's all true and has parts that will bring you close to tears (not of joy), taken from Gethard's battle with depression, alcoholism and suicidal tendencies. When the laughs do come, they're huge and worth the wait. So join Gethard as he takes you on a tour of life in New Jersey and breaks out a spot-on Morrissey impression, and meet his wondrous but terrible shrink Barb. Career Suicide, Soho Theatre, Wardour Street, W1. From £8, until 4 February ★★★★☆ Harry Rosehil Stage review: Cirque Du Soleil Is Beautiful But Lacks Thrills The latest slice of epic big top action from this world-conquering circus brand has beautiful imagery and choreography but lacks genuine heart-in-the-mouth action. Cirque du Soleil - Amaluña, Royal Albert Hall, Kensington Gore, Kensington, SW7 2AP. Tickets from £20, until 26 February. ★★★☆☆ Franco Milazzo Funzing Fun things to do with our friends and sponsor Funzing. London Talks @ Night || The Science of Psychedelics Scientific research is resuming on how psychedelics affect the weirder aspects of human consciousness. This talk from Dr David Luke engages in current study into pyschedelics and their historical use in shamanic rituals. Be prepared, you might leave with more questions than answers. Get tickets LDN Talks @ Night || Neuroscience of Powerful Habits Every January you do the same thing. You make a New Year's resolution to lose weight, be thriftier, quit smoking or possibly even to start exercising. Yet how many of us find ourselves in the exact spot we started in once the month is up? This talk by Dr Gabija Toleikyte, explains why the brain resists changing habits of a lifetime. She'll also explain how to create long lasting change, by working with your brain rather than against it. Get tickets LDN Talks @ Night||Body Language of Love & Attraction What does it mean when someone flicks their hair or crosses their legs while they’re talking to you? Dr Peter Collett analyses the role of body language in relation to dating. £10 Get tickets

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The gentleman's guide to ordering wine like a pro

Wine in the U.S. is a bit like fashion: We tend to mystify it, rather than demystify it.

Nobody knows that quite like wine expert Ken Maguire. As the proprietor of Fox and Hound Wines and Spirits in New Paltz, NY, Maguire knows how the American habit of putting wine on a pedestal can be detrimental to his business.

“In the rest of the world, wine is just food—it’s just part of life,” he says. “I was in Argentina visiting a famous winemaker. Before my appointment, a guy pulled around back with a big plastic jug, the [vintner] opened a spigot, and he filled up with wine for the week.”

[RELATED1]

That said: A little bit of studying wine will translate to a lot of skill and confidence in the wine world. That skill pays off when you’re ordering in a restaurant, pairing a wine with a meal, or bringing a bottle to a friend’s barbecue.

But to get from zero to hero, you’ll need a little bit of guidance. To gain that confidence, follow these steps to buying wine like a pro.

First: Taste the wine

A no-brainer, right? You need to drink wine to understand it. But that’s not always the case.

“I go to tastings,” Maguire says, “and too frequently you hear the server tell people, ‘This is going to taste like ripe cherries, licorice,’ and something in there nobody would eat—like road tar!”

Don’t let your server lead the witness. Instead, “trust your palate. Your taste buds and mine aren’t the same thing,” he says. While reviews and apps with tasting impressions are useful, begin your education by deciding what you like yourself, he says.

The best way to do that, he says, is to look for wine shops that do regular tastings (most decent shops run weekly tastings because it drives business). It’s not a bad idea to take notes, or at least to snap shots of bottles that you like, and to start keeping a catalog in your head of the kinds of qualities you like, and the grape varietals (literally, the kind of grape) that you tend to find appealing. If you know the beer world and you’ve learned that you like (or loathe) IPAs, then congratulations—that’s just the kind of refinement for which you’re aiming with wine.

A primer on tasting wine

As with beer, the wine world is just as nerdy, with myriad grape varietals and methods of production, blending, and aging. But Maguire says not to sweat it. Smell the wine before you taste it. This might seem pretentious, but teaching your taste buds begins with your nose, since humans instinctually know when something is spoiled by smell before taste.

Then, catalogue what you smelled. Was it floral? Fruity? Were there notes of anything like toasted nuts? Can you refine the aromas in familiar analogues—what kind of flower, what kind of vegetable or fruit?

Next, when you taste the wine, note how sweet it seems. Wine is graded on a sugar spectrum, from sweet to “dry”—not tart, per se, but a lack of any sugar taste.

Above all, try to think of your own words to describe the wine, because it’ll help you cement your own understanding of that wine, why you do or don’t like what you’re tasting and experiencing. Remember: This is wine school.

[RELATED2]

Order or buy wine with a strategist’s taste

If a wine merchant or restaurant sommelier makes you feel uncomfortable about wine, here’s an easy solution: Don’t go back.

“They should make you feel good about what you know, even if you know very little,” Maguire says. “If they make you feel intimidated, you should never go there again. Remember: They’re providing a service, and you’re going to spend your money there, so it’s their job to help.”

To that end, there are a few good tactics to order wine intelligently, especially if you’re on a date.

Do advance research: First, decent restaurants typically have their wine lists online, so you can study what’s there ahead of time. You can even call the restaurant to be sure the wines you research are actually still for sale. This lets you handicap some options ahead of time, and to quiz the restaurant’s sommelier on what she or he might recommend in a specific price range. Take down a few red and white names from the list, depending upon what food your date orders.

Order glasses, not bottles: “It lets you and your date taste each other’s wines, and that’s more fun,” Maguire says. Plus, ordering glasses puts less pressure on a single decision. If you’re ordering a few appetizers and a few main courses, the wine list might not offer the ideal match.

Bring your own wine: Call ahead and see if the restaurant will let you pay a corkage fee and bring your own bottle, Maguire says. Even higher-end restaurants are usually OK with this, and while you’d still better study the food menu, it lets you recruit your favorite wine merchant to act as sommelier instead. If you really want to step up your research, share the restaurant’s menu with your wine merchant, and let them guide you toward wine that will work with the meal, just as if you were cooking at home. Most decent wine shops also stock a good selection of half bottles, so you could bring two to dinner and food-match that way, as you would by ordering glasses instead of a single, 750-ml bottle.

Just ask the sommelier: A good restaurant should have zero problems suggesting wine that matches your food, and should be flexible enough to understand what to do if you say you can’t spend more than $30 on a bottle, or you absolutely don’t want to drink red wine (because, say, you or your date just doesn’t like it). “If their staff is well-trained they can get you in the right direction.” Being honest, even in front of a date, is a good idea, because if you’re trying to pretend you know a lot about wine—or astrophysics—and you don’t, that’s going to get you into trouble eventually. Especially if you’re dating an astrophysicist.

[RELATED3]

Be adventuresome in your selections

Because wine can have a huge variety, it’s not a bad idea to plant a stake in a particular type of wine and then explore that range.

Rosé is a good example, Maguire says. Most Americans think of rosé as a light, fruity, summer sip, but rosés with far more backbone are common; Americans are only now catching up to that potential.

“Bandol, from France, is made from Mourvedre [a grape more closely associated with heavy reds], and it’s really muscular enough for grilled chicken or fish,” Maguire says. One of our favorite rosés, Argentina’s Crios, is made from Malbec. It’s the perfect halfway point between red and white wine, so it’s incredibly flexible for food pairing.

Make a mental note of your favorite wines that pair with lots of food

Some wines are especially versatile, and they give you the flexibility to break the traditional wine-pairing rules.

“I have a lovely, light red from Sicily, Frappato, which a restaurant will often serve lightly chilled, and it’s fruity but not sweet,” Maguire says. “It’s a way you could still drink red wine with fish. It goes great with something more casual, like a grilled vegetable appetizer, or a pizza.”

Would you know to order a Frappato? Maybe not. (Now you do!). But if you’re open to exploring wine you haven’t tried, a skilled sommelier would know to steer you in that direction. Think about it the way you would trying one those strange sensory deprivation tanks Steph Curry uses: You’re not quite sure what you’ll experience, but it will probably be cool, and if you don’t love it, you still learned something.

Technology can help

We like the Delectable app. Snap a pic of most wine labels, and the app will quickly produce crowdsourced ratings, reviews, and a retail price estimate.

We’ll be honest: The tasting notes are snooty. As with Yelp, though, you can read between the lines to understand whether a bottle is for you. Also, once you log tasting notes for bottles you like, Delectable begins to suggest other wines you’ll dig, and it becomes a sort of sommelier in your pocket. That may or may not matter to you, but if you get in the habit of rating bottles you like, it’s invaluable to share that list with a sommelier. When you’re buying wine, dig back into your archive to find the same bottle again.

P.S.: At the risk of undermining our next point, referring to an app at a restaurant can look a little cheeseball, depending upon how fancy the place is (and how much you’re trying to impress your date).

Lighten the f' up!

“People take wine soooo seriously,” says Maguire, rolling his eyes. You don’t have to—and while everyone loves a bon vivant, nobody likes a snob.

Also, be patient with yourself. Learning about wine is a great, and an important life skill. “Say you’re in a business situation and your boss or the client wants you to order the wine and hands you the list—it’s great to be able to stare at this giant book of a wine list and not be intimidated.”

Gaining that confidence is a fun journey, and you shouldn’t invest too much baggage in it.

We’ve never lived in an era with more great wine, even at $10 a bottle. The goal posts are very wide. Shanking a wine order is pretty hard to do these days. The key, Maguire puckishly hints, is to remember that wine is just fermented grapes in fancy bottles. And you can take it as seriously as you want—but the last thing you want to do is get too stressed about getting it “right,” because there’s no such thing.

[RELATED4]

Alcoholic beverages

Article source here:Men’s Fitness

The gentleman's guide to ordering wine like a pro

Wine in the U.S. is a bit like fashion: We tend to mystify it, rather than demystify it.

Nobody knows that quite like wine expert Ken Maguire. As the proprietor of Fox and Hound Wines and Spirits in New Paltz, NY, Maguire knows how the American habit of putting wine on a pedestal can be detrimental to his business.

“In the rest of the world, wine is just food—it’s just part of life,” he says. “I was in Argentina visiting a famous winemaker. Before my appointment, a guy pulled around back with a big plastic jug, the [vintner] opened a spigot, and he filled up with wine for the week.”

[RELATED1]

That said: A little bit of studying wine will translate to a lot of skill and confidence in the wine world. That skill pays off when you’re ordering in a restaurant, pairing a wine with a meal, or bringing a bottle to a friend’s barbecue.

But to get from zero to hero, you’ll need a little bit of guidance. To gain that confidence, follow these steps to buying wine like a pro.

First: Taste the wine

A no-brainer, right? You need to drink wine to understand it. But that’s not always the case.

“I go to tastings,” Maguire says, “and too frequently you hear the server tell people, ‘This is going to taste like ripe cherries, licorice,’ and something in there nobody would eat—like road tar!”

Don’t let your server lead the witness. Instead, “trust your palate. Your taste buds and mine aren’t the same thing,” he says. While reviews and apps with tasting impressions are useful, begin your education by deciding what you like yourself, he says.

The best way to do that, he says, is to look for wine shops that do regular tastings (most decent shops run weekly tastings because it drives business). It’s not a bad idea to take notes, or at least to snap shots of bottles that you like, and to start keeping a catalog in your head of the kinds of qualities you like, and the grape varietals (literally, the kind of grape) that you tend to find appealing. If you know the beer world and you’ve learned that you like (or loathe) IPAs, then congratulations—that’s just the kind of refinement for which you’re aiming with wine.

A primer on tasting wine

As with beer, the wine world is just as nerdy, with myriad grape varietals and methods of production, blending, and aging. But Maguire says not to sweat it. Smell the wine before you taste it. This might seem pretentious, but teaching your taste buds begins with your nose, since humans instinctually know when something is spoiled by smell before taste.

Then, catalogue what you smelled. Was it floral? Fruity? Were there notes of anything like toasted nuts? Can you refine the aromas in familiar analogues—what kind of flower, what kind of vegetable or fruit?

Next, when you taste the wine, note how sweet it seems. Wine is graded on a sugar spectrum, from sweet to “dry”—not tart, per se, but a lack of any sugar taste.

Above all, try to think of your own words to describe the wine, because it’ll help you cement your own understanding of that wine, why you do or don’t like what you’re tasting and experiencing. Remember: This is wine school.

[RELATED2]

Order or buy wine with a strategist’s taste

If a wine merchant or restaurant sommelier makes you feel uncomfortable about wine, here’s an easy solution: Don’t go back.

“They should make you feel good about what you know, even if you know very little,” Maguire says. “If they make you feel intimidated, you should never go there again. Remember: They’re providing a service, and you’re going to spend your money there, so it’s their job to help.”

To that end, there are a few good tactics to order wine intelligently, especially if you’re on a date.

Do advance research: First, decent restaurants typically have their wine lists online, so you can study what’s there ahead of time. You can even call the restaurant to be sure the wines you research are actually still for sale. This lets you handicap some options ahead of time, and to quiz the restaurant’s sommelier on what she or he might recommend in a specific price range. Take down a few red and white names from the list, depending upon what food your date orders.

Order glasses, not bottles: “It lets you and your date taste each other’s wines, and that’s more fun,” Maguire says. Plus, ordering glasses puts less pressure on a single decision. If you’re ordering a few appetizers and a few main courses, the wine list might not offer the ideal match.

Bring your own wine: Call ahead and see if the restaurant will let you pay a corkage fee and bring your own bottle, Maguire says. Even higher-end restaurants are usually OK with this, and while you’d still better study the food menu, it lets you recruit your favorite wine merchant to act as sommelier instead. If you really want to step up your research, share the restaurant’s menu with your wine merchant, and let them guide you toward wine that will work with the meal, just as if you were cooking at home. Most decent wine shops also stock a good selection of half bottles, so you could bring two to dinner and food-match that way, as you would by ordering glasses instead of a single, 750-ml bottle.

Just ask the sommelier: A good restaurant should have zero problems suggesting wine that matches your food, and should be flexible enough to understand what to do if you say you can’t spend more than $30 on a bottle, or you absolutely don’t want to drink red wine (because, say, you or your date just doesn’t like it). “If their staff is well-trained they can get you in the right direction.” Being honest, even in front of a date, is a good idea, because if you’re trying to pretend you know a lot about wine—or astrophysics—and you don’t, that’s going to get you into trouble eventually. Especially if you’re dating an astrophysicist.

[RELATED3]

Be adventuresome in your selections

Because wine can have a huge variety, it’s not a bad idea to plant a stake in a particular type of wine and then explore that range.

Rosé is a good example, Maguire says. Most Americans think of rosé as a light, fruity, summer sip, but rosés with far more backbone are common; Americans are only now catching up to that potential.

“Bandol, from France, is made from Mourvedre [a grape more closely associated with heavy reds], and it’s really muscular enough for grilled chicken or fish,” Maguire says. One of our favorite rosés, Argentina’s Crios, is made from Malbec. It’s the perfect halfway point between red and white wine, so it’s incredibly flexible for food pairing.

Make a mental note of your favorite wines that pair with lots of food

Some wines are especially versatile, and they give you the flexibility to break the traditional wine-pairing rules.

“I have a lovely, light red from Sicily, Frappato, which a restaurant will often serve lightly chilled, and it’s fruity but not sweet,” Maguire says. “It’s a way you could still drink red wine with fish. It goes great with something more casual, like a grilled vegetable appetizer, or a pizza.”

Would you know to order a Frappato? Maybe not. (Now you do!). But if you’re open to exploring wine you haven’t tried, a skilled sommelier would know to steer you in that direction. Think about it the way you would trying one those strange sensory deprivation tanks Steph Curry uses: You’re not quite sure what you’ll experience, but it will probably be cool, and if you don’t love it, you still learned something.

Technology can help

We like the Delectable app. Snap a pic of most wine labels, and the app will quickly produce crowdsourced ratings, reviews, and a retail price estimate.

We’ll be honest: The tasting notes are snooty. As with Yelp, though, you can read between the lines to understand whether a bottle is for you. Also, once you log tasting notes for bottles you like, Delectable begins to suggest other wines you’ll dig, and it becomes a sort of sommelier in your pocket. That may or may not matter to you, but if you get in the habit of rating bottles you like, it’s invaluable to share that list with a sommelier. When you’re buying wine, dig back into your archive to find the same bottle again.

P.S.: At the risk of undermining our next point, referring to an app at a restaurant can look a little cheeseball, depending upon how fancy the place is (and how much you’re trying to impress your date).

Lighten the f' up!

“People take wine soooo seriously,” says Maguire, rolling his eyes. You don’t have to—and while everyone loves a bon vivant, nobody likes a snob.

Also, be patient with yourself. Learning about wine is a great, and an important life skill. “Say you’re in a business situation and your boss or the client wants you to order the wine and hands you the list—it’s great to be able to stare at this giant book of a wine list and not be intimidated.”

Gaining that confidence is a fun journey, and you shouldn’t invest too much baggage in it.

We’ve never lived in an era with more great wine, even at $10 a bottle. The goal posts are very wide. Shanking a wine order is pretty hard to do these days. The key, Maguire puckishly hints, is to remember that wine is just fermented grapes in fancy bottles. And you can take it as seriously as you want—but the last thing you want to do is get too stressed about getting it “right,” because there’s no such thing.

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Alcoholic beverages

from Men's Fitness https://www.mensfitness.com/nutrition/what-to-drink/gentlemans-guide-ordering-wine-pro

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