#singleness
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#love#valentine's day#you matter#self love#self compassion#self care#you are enough#you are worthy#singleness#grief
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The staff member dancing by herself in the background while they all dance with their partners is my entire romantic existence
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Individuality Series Part I: Do You Really Need That Relationship to be Happy?
It seems like for many the thought of living life without a companion by their side, even if for a short period of time, is unbearable. And it's hard to blame them for it. From birth, we are bombarded by society to believe that we must be inadequate if we don't pursue romantic relationships and prioritize them in our lives. This is especially true for women and girls.
I am here to tell you that not only is there nothing wrong with singleness, but it can actually be a blessing in disguise.
I've always been an individual, since childhood I've stood out from the crowd, and while like many other children my age I daydreamed of fantasies of being with prince charming and what my life may look like as I grew up with a boyfriend and later husband, dating was never at the forefront of my life growing up. Now, as a young adult who is working very hard to make a name for herself, I've come to realize that much of the pressure we often put on ourselves to be in a relationship is unnecessary and quite frankly, toxic.
Not only is today's dating scene completely awful in many ways - especially for women with high standards for themselves and others - but the hyper fixation we often times give to having a partner often times derails us from our long-term goals and puts us in situations that can potentially harm us n many ways. From STDs, unwanted pregnancies, soul ties, abuse, and control, or simply bad influencing from someone we consider a romantic partner, giving our time, space, and body to those who do not deserve is a recipe for disaster.
There is power in solitude and individuality. There is power in having a clear focus on the things we want out of life and finding joy outside of romantic relationships. Life is full of so many beautiful experiences awaiting for us to tune into them, but we need to have a clear and clean state of mind to do so, and this is impossible when all our attention goes towards trying to impress and be with people who can only push us down.
This isn't to say that romantic relationships are inherently harmful - far from it. But for those who are interested in being in one, it's always best to allow them to develop naturally when you least expect it. To ensure that you aren't desperate to be in one and end up settling for people you know are not a good fit for the sake of being in one.
When you are secure in yourself and you know you don't need someone to be happy and feel fulfilled, is when you can allow those who are truly great for you into your life at the right time.
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Isaiah 26:3 You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you.
Focus on God in every season. He will bring you joy, love, peace, and so much more. Nothing in this world will satisfy you like God can.
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"Now I can explain what single means: You don't have a serious partner. The simple distinction, you have a serious partner or you don't, maps onto the golden rule of singlism, the way of thinking that has become the conventional wisdom of our time: You have a serious partner or you lose. If you are single, then, you lose by definition. No matter what you can point to on your own behalf — spectacular accomplishments, a lifelong and caring convoy of relatives and friends, extraordinary altruism — none of it redeems you if you have no soulmate. Others will forever be scratching their heads and wondering what's wrong with you and comparing notes (he's always been a bit strange; she's so neurotic; I think he's gay). It is like having a gymnastics routine lacking a key element that qualifies it for a perfect score; no matter how skillfully and gracefully you perform your routine, it will always be judged as lacking."
Article of Bella DePaulo Ph.D. again (my new hero❤️ I really love her studies about singleness, go check it up!!!)
This is so relatable... Though nobody offences me to my face for being single - I do hear the way people tend to treat a single person. And so I know that in different place and time ppl around me most probably think and speak that way about me as well.
"Singlism" I suppose can be treated like "aphobia" or even a wider phenomenon.
#amatonormativity#singlism#aphobia#asexuality#asexual#ace#aromantic#aro#single person#singles#singleness#aro ace#aroace#aroace positivity#Bella DePaulo
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#funny#humor#me#mom#type#single#singleness#single problems#alone#lonely#forever alone#seinfeld#george costanza#sitcom#comedy#tv shows
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To Christians who are asexual, side B, or single, I greatly recommend reading 7 Myths about Singleness by Sam Allberry. This is a wonderful dive into what the bible truly says about singleness and how it is a blessing in a world that promotes marriage.
I just began reading it yesterday and already highlighted so many passages in the first chapter alone. One passage really stood out to me. It says that Jesus was God on Earth fully human, and He was celibate. He set the example that sex, romance, and marriage is not what makes us human. This whole passage definitely gave me a change in perspective on this topic.
I'm only one chapter in and 5/5 stars strongly recommend
#asexual#asexuality#aromantic#christianity#aroace#aromantism#side b#celibate#christian#christian living#ace christian#christian asexual#singleness
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"You don't want Romance™?! You don't want marriage and children? BUt wOn'T yoU Be LONeLyY??"
No??? No. I don't know why you would even ask that. Do you think I don't have friends? Do you think I don't know what I want? A romantic partner and children sound terrible to me. I would make an awful parent and probably a not-great romantic partner. And wouldn't it be selfish of me to seek a romantic relationship and children just so that I, personally, won't be lonely?
Yikes.
#singleness#amatonormativity#allonormativity#child free#aromantic#asexual#aro-ace#marriage#romance#allos being annoying#platoniromantic-feelings original
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I just wish I had someone who wanted to curl up on my chest and scroll their phone while I play my music softly and read my little fics fuck
#not writing or fandom related ive just been single too long and im a lonely fucker#singleness#lonliness#gahhhhhhh it's fine I'll be better when it's not 2an#ive been single for over 2 years now#love that for me
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#self respect#you matter#relationships#fawning#trauma bonding#self care#mental health#singleness#self love
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Hi, I’m having a really hard time with finding a romantic partner. Im 26 years old and I have been single for a couple of years now. Sometimes I go on dates but It’s just not matching. Praying and reading the Bible more has helped a lot but sometimes the waves of feeling lonely in a romantic way is difficult and it just feels hopeless sometimes. I want what God wants for me and if that means, me just being an nice aunt, that’s what it is. Maybe I have a different purpose? I don’t know how people go about finding Gods plan for you.. Do you maybe have some insight? Xx love your blog btw
Hey friend,
Sorry for the super late response.
First off I want to say, I understand how annoying it can be and just difficult in general it is. Although God is sovereign, it is okay to acknowledge that singleness isn't always fun for everyone. Some people enjoy being single, while others struggle through it - and both of those are okay. The key in it all is to truly trust in God's goodness through it all.
We were created to be beings that hold relationships/companionship. Firstly, with God Himself (which is why part of the work Christ did on the cross was bring reconciliation between us and God), and secondly with other people.
I do know there are some people that are called to be single and celibate for life. Paul, for example, said in 1 Corinthians that he was single and some people that lose a spouse would find it much more beneficial to remain single too - unless they cannot exercise self-control (verses from 1 Corinthians 7 paraphrased). So, even Paul acknowledges that some people should not seek to stay single.
The truth is I don't believe we can somehow find out God's plan for every single tiny part of our lives. We do know His core goal though: to bring glory to His name (Colossians 1:16; 1 Cor. 10:31; 1 Chronicles 16:24; Ephesians 3:21; Isaiah 42:8; etc) and to sanctify us throughout our entire lives on earth (1 Thessalonians 5:23).
The best advice I can give you is to surround yourself with people that will support you during this season. Not people that will make you feel like there is something wrong for not being in a relationship nor people that will shame you for wanting to have a husband in the future. You are not alone, friend. I will be praying that, if it is God's will, He will guide the person - He has ordained to love you and be your teammate - to enter your life.
Praying for God's best for you!
-S
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"Why is a woman like you still single after all this time?"
To put into words all the things that are on my heart into words, is to search through all that life has made me experience. The laughs and the tears. The sleepless nights, both with someone or with just the moon and stars. The questions of faith, love, life and the little nuances in between. Big moments. Little moments.... They all define my innermost being.
They are precious and invaluable, not be easily bought.
You see, to share these moments gone past one must put forth effort as well as action. My heart, nor mind, cannot be purchased with sly words or flashy jewels or flowers. I find romance in the gritty and imperfect. Where others find it flawed, I see the diamond underneath one's "dirt"... And I only hope to find another that can see me in this fashion.
Feed my mind with literature that reminds you of me. Teach me your favorite dances so when it's late at night and the rest of the world is fast asleep, we can start a fire slow dancing on the kitchen floor. Introduce me to your favorite songs while we watch the sunset make a masterpiece over still waters. Show me where you grew up as a kid, and where your soul grew from a kid's to that of a man's. Show me your hideaways, your favorite routes to cruise on Friday nights just because. And if you do whisper me sweet nothing's, don't do so in the vain hope of seducing me. Do so because you find me to be the most beautiful when I'm unkept and not expecting your kind words. The same goes for your touch. I have felt the hardness of a man's hand, so when I do allow you to touch me, do so with the tenderness of that of a Morning Dove's feather, otherwise I will not know your intent.
Understand that I am not perfect, my past has made me anguished and my thoughts at times are dark, so when I overthink or retreat during the good times, I am simply needing your reassurance that what we have is not fleeting. When I let you into my little corner of life by speaking of my dreams, childhood memories or fondness of this week's hobby, please understand that my little tangents aren't in vain, only that I'm wishing for you to listen and become a part of these things, too.
I do not find myself to be a part of this generation that dates out of experimental practice or "fun", but do not condemn those that do partake. Instead, I date with purpose and this is why I will not settle for mediocre love. I want romance mixed with adventure, I want a lover who can also be my best friend and above all else, be my safe space. So no matter where we are in the world, I am constantly filled with the feeling of being home just by looking your eyes.
I'm not a girl who simply wishes for flowers, but for a man to plant a garden in my heart, so whenever I miss him, I can immerse myself in the year-round blooms he's sprouted for me.
I don't just wish for a mere boyfriend, but for a partner that I can come running to to share exciting news, sad news, advice or just to catch me before I fall. I want a man who is strong enough to protect our home and family with his mere presence, but soft enough to shower me with tenderness as we raise our children with the same love The Father shows us everyday. A man who is confident in his place in the world, but is humble enough to know he will always be learning things until his soul leaves this realm. He will be the leader of our home, but he will love and respect me enough to see my role as equally important as his. We'll make decisions together as well as make a few mistakes along the way, but no matter what, we'll always remind each other that it's 'Us against the world' and not 'Us against each other'. Our relationship will be stronger than iron ore or titanium, and when life tries to throw us off its rails, we'll simply look at each other, take a breath and go into it holding hands and head first...
Now, to answer this old-as-time question:
If a man is not willing to make these simple things a reality for us, then what point is there to stoke an already dwindling ember?
#romance#old soul#singleness#poems and poetry#self love#love#poems on tumblr#relationship#reading#writings on the walls
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lament of a single girl at a Christian college
they stare into each others’ eyes
I feel the jealousy arise
it rears its ugly head
I hate the words it’s said
whispers words into my heart
each sentiment is like a dart
love lives are a work of art
& I’m just a blank canvas
it’s like God has writer’s block
the love around me seems to mock
what I have; my lack thereof
I ask the Lord, my God above
why at nineteen do I feel old
left out in the loveless cold
falling behind; no one to hold
no one to hold me
the Author’s pen is never dry
He sees each tear that I cry
does His plan for me include
romance like the ones I’ve viewed?
I no longer place my hope within
romance I’m trusting to begin
hopelessness is not a win
hope must remain.
romance may not be guaranteed
but love is, that I believe
God’s love alone is enough
to fill my heart & my cup
so why do others receive
romance & the One I believe
why must I sit and grieve
and feel so foolish?
He is not cruel, though it seems so
from my view down here below
He does not scoff at my pain
He will not leave, but will remain
His timing perfect; never late
He, the One holding my fate
will never ever fail to sate
desires of my heart.
He’ll ease my hurt & hold my hand
Until in confident hope I stand
and still He will not let me go.
Jesus loves me, this I know
change my desires til I have found
Your joy and hope; most profound
and in my soul let this resound:
“He is enough.”
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I admit I was fool enough to be fed this
"When single women hit a certain age, they will be desperate to find a husband/boyfriend." BULLSHIT.
My fellow men, it's a big fucking LIE and it's made up by men with a patriarchal sight. It's an immature BOY's consolation.
The world is a different place now, and believe me it doesn't work like this👆🏻(anymore, at least) Even unemployed women in their late 30's and even 40's are not dying for marriage. They still have standards and money is not even one of them. (We LOVE to think the opposite but, sorry...) They want to see some character and more importantly, "maturity" in you. I was so immature and stupid. Now I am paying for it.
Listen to women and try to understand them. Learn women from women, not from losers in your neighborhoods.
The future is female!
#Feminism#patriarchy#confession#i confess#i admit#foolish#immature#boys#women#men#marriage#singleness#being single#radfem#radical feminism#dating#growing up#grown ups#losers#the world today#humanity#my observation#i have learnt it the hard way#i am sorry#i regret#maturity#life#the future is female
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"Finally, I’ve made this point many times before, but it is worth repeating: Being single doesn’t necessarily mean being alone or being lonely. Most single people do not live alone, and even those who do live alone are often not lonely – they live alone because they want to, and have vibrant personal communities of family and friends. Of course, there are people for whom single life is not at all what they enjoy or desire. At heart, they are probably coupled. I don’t often discuss the downsides of single life on this blog because you can find that anywhere. It is the conventional wisdom that single people are miserable and lonely, and for most singles (based on scientific research), that wisdom is wrong"
Bella DePaulo Ph.D.
#aroace positivity#asexual positivity#aromantic positivity#singleness#single person#single life#asexual#aromantic#asexual aromantic#aroace#aro ace#arospec#acespec#aspec#a spec#a spectrum#bella depaulo#I suppose it might not resonate with aspec who are teens or in their 20s as much as it resonates with me#but I've lived all my life hearing judges about single people at certain age: old maiden. old virgin. crazy cat lady. dirty old lady.#and younger singles? for years I've been told they're: egoistic. career seeking. only thinking about themselves.#not thinking about who'd take care of them when they get old. or nobody wanted her/him. what's wrong with him/her?#like there always have to be a reason why you are not coupled.#you get that?! couples don't need a reason to be together and don't need to explain themselves! single people need to have an excuse!!#and if you have an excuse: I'm unlucky in relationships. I can't find the right person. I got traumatised after painful breakup#- you may be given an absolution and become ''poor'' instead of ''weird''#but all in all you are only accepted as someone pitiful. the idea of being fullfilled single in my society is wrong by default#so can you imagine how freeing and empowering is the knowledge#that being almost 40 I DO have a right to CHOOSE being a single and not be apologetic about it any more?
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