Vines and Blood Soaked Dirt
@rainbow-frog-earrings
i swear when i made this i wasn’t going for angst but the book timeline y’all—
tw: blood, kidnapping, choking, death
Of all the bad decisions Simon has made in his lifetime, this has to be the worst. He just had to come along to talk to the Seelies.
Great job there Lewis, now you’ve got vines threatening to kill Jace and Clary, they think bitterly. Of course he’d do this.
“What do you even want?” he asks, not taking their eyes off of Clary and Jace, who gasp for air that will not enter their lungs.
“I want to play a game,” the Seelie Queen says lightly. She seems so excited, smiling like Rebecca does when she’s about to bankrupt Simon in Monopoly.
“Like what? Fucking checkers?” he snaps.
Great job, Simon. Perfect reaction. The Seelie Queen laughs, throwing her head back slightly. Then she looks back to Simon, smiling with sharpened teeth.
“Kiss the one you desire most,” she tells them. She stares at him as his face twists in surprise. They know he can’t take much longer, one thing they remember from Rebecca’s true crime phase is that it doesn’t take much longer than four minutes to choke. He doesn’t know how long it’s been, but it can’t be much longer now.
“This cannot be real,” they mutter. The Seelie Queen opens her mouth, Simon turns to glare at her. They don’t have time for whatever stupid remark she’s going to come up with.
He knows who he should be kissing. They know exactly what everyone’s expecting and why Jace eyes are telling him, for the Angel’s sake just kiss her already, and why Clary’s are telling them, come on, kiss me already.
But he also knows exactly why they hope their eyes are telling the two, for fucks sake this is not an easy decision right now. They know it really should be, kiss his girlfriend to keep the two, you know, alive. But with the, well, certain feelings he’s been having for Jace recently (okay, not recently), make it a bit harder than anyone in the court thinks it should be.
“One more minute,” the Seelie Queen says in a sing song voice that makes Simon want to claw his hears out.
Okay, okay, okay. Easy choice, Lewis. It’s Clary. Ms You’ve-Been-In-Love-With-Since-Seventh-Fucking-Grade, Simon tells themself. Then they take one look at Jace and all he can think is:
Wow. Goddamn yeah, there goes all my certainty.
“Oh! The boy’s lips are blue! Oh my, I didn’t think it would take you this long.”
Fuck.
Simon decides that if he can’t decide, why not kiss them both? Work out their feelings by magic, not actually figuring it out.
He kisses Clary, stepping back and realizing that, oh shit, the vines aren’t moving.
I’ll deal with this later. They hope that this won’t make Jace hate him even more than he already does. Simon grabs the sides of Jace’s face and kisses her blue tinted lips, quickly and pulling away after just a moment.
The vines are already almost off of the two. Jace looks surprised, and Simon can’t blame them. Clary is seething, and Simon can’t blame her. They know she’ll start yelling soon, Clary always yells when she’s mad.
“I—I have to go. Game night with Becca,” Simon says quickly. They can hear Clary yelling at him for them to come back when he starts to run away. Someone’s running after them, heavy footsteps falling behind his own. They don’t look back to know who. He loses whoever was following them.
He doesn’t know where he’s even running to, their lungs and legs burning so painfully they could think he was even on fire. He stumbles in their steps until they tumble to the pavement of an alleyway, rocks digging into his hands. It leaves them heaving on the ground wishing his jeans weren’t ripped on the knees, with blood staining the pastel purple denim. These have always been his favorites.
They press their hands to his knees, trying to stop the bleeding, only pushing the rocks deeper into their skin. Tears spring to his eyes. They run a hand through his hair, streaking blood through the brown.
“Do you need help?” someone asks, voice like velvet. Simon doesn’t look up, and shakes their head. The someone grabs their hand from their hair and sighs as if looking at a home cooked dinner.
“No. I don’t need help,” Simon says quickly. Maybe they did not see the shake of his head.
“Disappointing, it would be easier.” Fear rises in Simon. This will not end well.
“Let me go.”
Silence.
“Let me go,” he says, stronger in his words with confidence they do not have.
The stranger picks Simon up. Simon tries to fight.
The stranger is so strong.
“Let me go!” Simon shouts. They do not. They drag him into a rundown building that Simon would recognize anywhere. Hotel Dumort, the worst possible place for him to be. He screams more, trying desperately to pull away, to run, to do anything but be here.
He screams for help as more and more vampires come in, looking at him, smiling, and saying:
“Trust me, you’ll be some much better after this. You’ll thank us.”
He screams and screams until they can’t anymore. There are so many fangs in his skin, draining every ounce of blood from their body until the rest of the world turns to black. Their life having been torn from his body.
.
They’re so hungry when he wakes up. Oh so hungry and they can smell the blood through the dirt. The dirt, so thick and heavy, pressing down on his chest. He is cold. Is that why?
He digs and digs, rocks tearing up their hands that will not bleed. Breaking to the surface they take a gasp of breath that they do not need to take, soil thick in his lungs. Someone throws blood to him.
They break into the bag, blood running down their filth caked throat.
He is not hungry anymore. But their hands are bloody.
How did they get this blood? They cannot remember. Why is dirt covering their body? Oh god, what has he done? What has been done to them?
Someone’s hand grazes his shoulder, he scrambles away. They will hurt whoever it is. They will not hurt anyone else. They begin to hyperventilate with his lungs that shouldn’t breathe inside a body that is too cold.
He stares at their hands, which have started to sting with blood that is not his. That will never be his because blood will never be something that is his again.
“—Simon!” someone yells. They snaps their head to the yell. Jace is there, concern laced in her features. Jace steps closer. Fear bubbles up in Simon’s throat, but they do not back away. Clary is standing off to the side. She is crying, he thinks. Is it Clary’s blood in his veins? Did he hurt her?
The thought makes him sick.
“It’s okay,” Jace says softly. It is not okay. It will never be okay. The inside of his bottom lip bleeds, fangs of his own cutting them. Simon tries to speak. All the sounds get stuck in the dirt of their throat.
Go. I will hurt you just as they hurt me. I have hurt someone already, he longs to say. Make Jace step away from his cursed self. She steps closer, and sits next to Simon.
They try to back away, to save Jace. A gravestone stops him. Jace moves back.
“Cough, Si, it’ll get the dirt out of your throat,” Jace tells them softly. Simon does, blood soaked filth coming from his throat. They look to Jace, taking in a shaky breath he does not need.
“I don’t want to hurt you,” they say. His voice ragged, still ruined from screams and rocks. He stares at his hands, stained with cherry red. Jace reaches out, a cloth wiping away the stains.
“You haven’t hurt anyone. It was cows blood, Raphael brought it.”
“No—they did. I will, it’s—”
“You are not who did this to you, Simon.” Jace holds Simon’s hands, looking him in the eye, and Simon finds it hard to convince themself that Jace is lying with his next words. “You’re still you, and I know you. And you won’t hurt anyone.”
Simon shakes, harder and harder until sobs start to come. He pulls Jace towards him. Jace holds them, rubbing circles on his back while he grips Jace’s shirt.
He is careful not to crush Jace with strength he should not have.
“I’m sorry, Simon. I should’ve protected you,” Jace whispers. He holds Simon closer, Jace’s warmth making Simon’s cold fade away.
They do not know how to respond.
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fortune favors the bold (and i am a coward)
kinda maybe came up with the title first and didn’t entirely follow it but damn, i think i did something with the wording.
liking doesn’t do anything, so please reblog so others can enjoy it like you did!
tw: smoking
@xanadaus
Moonlight is sewn into Simon’s hair as he laughs, loud and bright. Jace hangs onto every word he says like they’re the last things she’ll hear. He doesn’t understand any of it, but god are his words beautiful. Simon’s hands move as they talk, simple movements with freckled arms. Jace just watches him, like a character in a movie that she watched so long ago and has now turned to gold in their memory.
It is just them, sitting on the roof of the Institute, a pack of cigarettes between them, still almost full. Smoke hangs in the air, filling Jace’s lungs while Simon’s is held forgotten in their left hand. The smoke hurts in a wonderful way, like the sting in his knuckles after using the punching bag. They are alone up here, wind soft on their cheeks. Alone together with Simon’s beautiful words and the sweet, acidic smoke. Jace can pretend that this is how it will always be, just them and Simon together.
But it won’t be. Simon’s beautiful words aren’t his to keep, or have. They’re Maia’s. Simon’s words are for Maia to have. So Jace sits on the roof, alone with the most beautiful person she’s ever seen.
.
Simon’s smiling widely, the kind of smile he only has around Maia, then one they used to wear around Clary. Jordan’s voice fills the coffee shop, strong and loud but the sweetest sound is Simon’s guitar.
He’s dancing around the best they can, leaning into his mic whenever Jordan needs background vocals. She can barely hear his voice, but when they do it sounds just as beautiful as the way he talks.
“You’re an idiot, you know that right?” Izzy says. Jace takes a drink of his coffee, Izzy shakes her head and punches Jace’s arm lightly. “The biggest idiot ever.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” He takes another drink, wishing they could pull a cigarette out and fill their lungs with that painful smoke.
“Jace, you look at Simon like he hung the stars.” Jace’s throat tightens.
“And you look at Clary like she painted the Mona Lisa, I don’t see the problem here.” Izzy stares at Jace for a bit, disbelief clear on her face. Then she laughs.
“Clary is my girlfriend who I am very much in love with, thank you very much for proving my point.” Jace doesn’t respond. Izzy sighs. “Look, I know you love him, or at least like him a whole hell of a lot. I also know you probably won’t do anything about it, but you should. Tell him, I mean.”
“I can’t.” She could, they dream of it. They dream of a confession where Simon laughs and kisses him. But that’s all it is.
The dream of a hopeless romantic who’s never fell in love before this.
“Okay,” Izzy says quietly. Jace goes back to watching Simon, the lights reflecting off their glasses. Smiling and laughing while he dances around, playing his guitar and singing with his beautiful words.
Izzy rubs their shoulder, standing up, leaving her untouched coffee for Jace. It stays untouched as she stays lost in Simon’s beauty.
“I don’t love him,” Jace says in a whisper to no one. “I don’t.”
.
Simon’s broken up with Maia, has been for a while now, and he’s smiling wide. They’re dancing around the kitchen on his and Jordan’s apartment, screaming along to Simon’s playlist of happy music on repeat. Sunlight filters through the blind, while Jace watches them with a smile on his face.
They see a spatula lying on the counter, smiling even wider and grabbing it, singing loudly into it like a microphone. The sunlight is weaved into his brown hair, breathtaking in the yellow light. Simon laughs and reaches out of Jace, a pristine hand reaching out for her scarred ones.
He grabs it, letting Simon pull them into his frenzied spinning dance. Smiles and laughs fill the sunlit room, music flowing over them in waves of beautiful chords. Simon’s smiles are so bright, as if he’s made if sunlight himself, melting Jace in the best way possible.
She’s in love, so beautiful in love with his own sun, like Icarus who’s already flown too close. They’ve fallen horrible with a being made of laughter and beauty. Spinning around in a wonderful orbit, and they are in love. Izzy was right and they are in love. A beautiful pain of love.
“You have no idea how to dance, do you?” Simon asks, breathless and flushed.
“Wasn’t a training requirement,” Jace says. Simon shakes his head, and grabs his phone.
“You’re about to get the best lesson you’ve ever had, Pretty Boy.” For once, Jace recognizes the song Simon’s playing. City of Angels shakes in Jace’s ears, Em Beiholds voice loud and soft at the same time.
“What now?”
“Do whatever you want along with the music. Jump, spin, wave your arms around like a madman. Boom dancing.”
“That’s bullshit, Lewis.” Simon shakes his head with a fond sigh.
“Just do it, trust me here. Who’s the one in a successful band?” Jace gives up, and begins to spin in time with the beat of the music. And a smile grows, maybe even as wide as the ones Simon wears when he’s on stage.
The sun watches Icarus, already fallen, and maybe starts to fall himself.
.
They’re on the roof again, it’s quiet this time. A sunset, painted in the watercolors of night falling basks them in orange pinks. Cigarette smoke sticks in the air, yet again, and they both breathe it in.
Simon’s hand sits dangerously close to Jace’s and he cannot breathe. The orange sits in his glasses, a cigarette between his lips that looks so damn kissable right now.
She is in love, and Simon is the sun. And he would fall over and over again and deal with this terrible pain of love untold, like the acidic sweetness of the smoke in their lungs.
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