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yawnderu · 4 months

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Simon's encounters with an angel or Simon Riley is pathetically in love with his princess

>Simon Riley x Bimbo!Reader Masterlist♡

🌸'cause this type of love's the epitome | playlist

>Reqs closed! 🎀

✩ Another planet earth?

✩ Ms. Whiskers

✩ Their dynamic

✩ Their dynamic | Part 2

✩ Their dynamic | Part 3

✩ Skincare

✩ Corruption (NOT CANON, OOC)

✩ Jealousy (NOT CANON, OOC)

✩ Gym Princess

✩ Clubbing

✩ Interests and book smarts

✩ Would you still love me if I was a worm?

✩ Simon carrying her out of the club

✩ Does Simon support her financially?

✩ Goofy Trial | Friendship with Gaz and Soap

✩ Filthy Frank Merch

✩ Taking the lead

✩ Kiss marks

✩ Matching nails

✩ How did they meet?

✩ Does she know he's in the SAS?

✩ I <3 my boyfriend sweatpants

✩ Does she ever get jealous?

✩ Would she wear the TikTok forbidden pants?

✩ Bow trend

✩ Rewards after acing an exam

✩ Bow trend... on his dick

✩ Would Simon share her with the 141?

✩ Christmas with Simon and your family

✩ Would Simon let her see his soft dick?

✩ Their Instagram accounts

✩ Albert Whiskers

✩ Baby carrier

✩ Playing Roblox together

✩ Doing her skincare after finding her asleep on the couch

✩ Snow day

✩ How would he propose?

✩ Spa day at home

✩ Matching tracksuits

✩ Did you know him? [meme]

✩ What would they argue about and how would they make up?

✩ Matching crop tops

✩ Sex!💗

✩ Would he fuck her with full gear and mask on?

✩ Sonny Angels

✩ Boyfriend effect

✩ Simon's reaction to her nipple piercings

✩ Relationship weight gain

✩ Pillow fort

✩ Periods stop nothing but sentences

✩ Wrapping a bow on it

✩ Pegging

✩ Backshots

✩ Interacting with Gaz and Johnny

✩ Playing mermaids

✩ Eating pussy

✩ Long nails

✩ Their daughter

✩ NSFW Link

✩ Trying anal

✩ Holding her pregnant belly💗

✩ Baby kicking

✩ Fashion style while pregnant

✩ Hand tattoos

✩ This type of love's the epitome

✩ Valentine's day card

✩ Back scratches

✩ Masturbating on videocall

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curtsycream · 3 months

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Here you’ll find all my newer works, want to read my older fics click the link in my pinned for it <33

New MasterList

* <- smut

+ <- angst

• <- agere

~ <- m!reader

! <- f!reader

Fics/Ficlets

COD

Poly 141 x Reader

Sons of Anarchy*!

Beautiful Woman*!

Price x Reader x Simon

Could You Understand?*!

Golden Era

Hermione Granger x F!Reader

Anything For You, Beautiful !

Marauders Era

Jily x F!Reader

She’s in Love !

Regulus Black x Reader

Could Never Unlove You !

She’s Her !

My Heart Lingers in Italy !

James Potter x Reader

My Greatest Love, My Greater Enemy+!

Heartaches & Coffee+!

Lost It All+~

WolfStar x Reader

A Long Night*!

Haikyu

Ushijima Wakatoshi x Little!Reader

Daddy’s Touch•!

BNHA

BakuKiriDeku x Little!Reader

Hide n Seek•!

What Makes Them Happy•!

Baby Voice•!

Missing You•!

Pacifier Complications•!

When Sleep Won’t Come•!

Criminal Minds

Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Farmer’s Market Crush !

Stranger Things

Robin Buckley x F!Reader

No One Puts Lovey In A Corner !

Eddie Munson x Reader

But It’s Not Real+!

Support The Arts !

Beside You+!

Support the Arts 3*!

Steve Harrington x Reader

Split Ends !

Headcanons

COD

SoapGhostGaz x Reader

Frat*!

Platonic!TF141 x Reader

Their Daughter !

Stranger Things

Eddie Munson x Reader

Gallstone!Eddie*!

Criminal Minds

Aaron Hotchner x Reader

Cottagecore Wife !

Blurbs

COD

John ‘Soap’ MacTavish

Tell Me About Your Day

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley

Video Call*!

Stranger Things

Robin Buckley x F!Reader

They Call It Love !

Eddie Munson x Reader

A Lesson in Good Girl Training*!

A Lesson in Answering Calls*!

A Lesson in Picnics*!

A Lesson in Bat Boyfriends !

A Lesson in Nails and Blowjobs*!

The Country Club*!

His Scene Girl !

Steve Harrington x Reader

Cockwarming*!

Haikyu

Seijoh Four x Reader

The Way To My Heart…Oranges !

Rainy Days !

Marauders Era

James Potter x Reader

I Promise !

Blue Hands !

BNHA

BakuKiriDeku x Little!Reader

Mama Bear•!

Favorite Blankets•!

Snow Days•!

Lay Your Head Down•!

Broken Vase•!

Surviving Summer

Baxter Radic x Reader

I Like You !

SMAU

Celebrities

Reneé Rapp x F!Reader

Mi Amor !

Mean Girls 2024 !

Stranger Things

Eddie Munson x Reader

Support the Arts 2 !

Marauders Era

Jily x F!Reader

Ringed Fingers !

#masterlist

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theearlgreymage · 1 year

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Okay, but, Snow for Christmas was a fucking TREAT!

Can we please discuss how precious it was? And how I need MORE after reading it.

I'm dropping spoilers below because I've reread this 5 times while at work today and need to let my emotions out.

Baz and Simon having regular lunches with Fiona? Please give me those dialougues. Gimme a fucking screen play of nothing but their lunches

Simon regularly practicing his sword skills AND distracting Baz? You cannot convince me this isn't a flirting tactic doe Simon. Let me read about Simon seducing Baz via a sword 😏

ALWAYS KISSING GOODBYE? MY HEART CANNOT.

Okay, but I also want more family drama from the Grimms and Pitches. Uncle Cyril? Tell me what this man has done to find himself on the wrong side of Malcom Grimm and Simon Snow. Spill that tea. (I will always map Baz's entire family tree if you let me.)

The sofa is PINK!! Need I say more?

Wing Flap Shirts!! I'm so glad our dragon baby finally has clothes he can wear without needing magic. NOW. Which one of you lovelies is drawing this?

"He reaches up and carefully starts to loosen my tie. He's become very skilled at this over the last few months." 😏😏😏

Baz internally swooning at EVERY thought of Simon being his boyfriend.

Simon being a GOOD boyfriend and immediately being up for another dinner with Baz's family. For Baz. Because he's so GOOD

Baz referring to Lady Salisbury as Simon's grandmother? ADORABLE. Lady Salisbury being cool with Simon and Baz bring "as gay we want. We can be extra gay, as a treat." YES. GIVE THESE BOYS A KIND FAMILY FIGURE WHO ACCEPTS THEM WITH NOTHING BUT LOVE. Please give me more visits with the Salisbury family. I need the wholesomeness.

WHERE CAN I READ ABOUT FIONA AND NICOS WEDDING!?!?!?

"We could be married with children --" "Could we?" PLEASE GIVE THEM A FAMILY

Can I get more fanart of Baz with his siblings. Because they are precious little things. And I need more of Petra and Sophie climbing Baz like he's their personal jungle gym. I need more pre-teen Mordelia spending wholesome time with her brother. I need to see Swithin climbing this fucking Tibetan mastiff. Thank you very much.

Can we please give Rainbow Rowell a massive thanks for giving us a more detailed description of Malcom Grimm finally??

I will foot the entire fucking production crew to have that dinner recreated for the screen. I would sell my soul to a Demon like Shepard if it means I can have a quality holiday special of that dinner. Fucking. Hell. Baz IMMEDIATELY grabbing Simon to ground him. Simon SUPPORTING HIS MAN and holding his hand. SIMON BELIEVING IN BAZ THAT HE'S GOT THIS DINNER IN THE BAG AND JUST SERVING BAZ FOOD. Malcom and Daphne crying and pouring drinks over Baz finally finally finally getting to eat dinner with him. Sophie getting gravy in her hair.

And can we also discuss the fact that this scene proves that these little girls know their big brother is a vampire? And they still adore him? They still climb all over him and practically beg for his attention? That these girls just want to spend time with their brother and aren't afraid in the slightest of him?

FANG BACKSTORY BREAKING MY FUCKING HEART. Baby Baz fucking hiding in the barn. Terrified. And Fiona just fucking supporting her nephew. I 100% cried during this scene.

Edit Add cause I somehow forgot to mention : Simon's fucking obsession with Baz's fangs. Like. Honey. No, his family does not want to watch him drain a deer. That's just you.

"I think I got drunk with Baz's dad at dinner." Had me rolling.

Backtracking. WE HAVE CAREER OPTIONS FOR SIMON. And so help me. I would refuse to talk to this man too if he tried to join the RAF or police force. Like. He really needs to address this hero-savior complex with his fucking therapist. For fucks sake. Stop trying to save people Simon. Just get your fucking fork lift license and RELAX.

Really. Die Hard? Are we shocked?

THE. FOREHEAD. KISS.

End of discussion. (But really. Discuss. Because I am feral right now. And I cannot focus on writing lesson plans in this state.)

#snowbaz #carry on #sfc #simon snow #tyrannus basilton grimm pitch #basilton pitch #baz pitch #simon salisbury #rainbow rowell #scattered shower #snow for christmas #spoilers

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ladysmutwriter · 5 days

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Take me one more time

Continuation of Watching her Fade Away! Summary of that fic// after a nasty fight with your boyfriend Simon Henrikkson, you cheat on him with his best friend David, breaking up with him afterwards.

After breaking up with Simon you move from Stockholm to pursue your studies, however, after a year of no contact with him, Sophie calls you to tell you Simon was badly injured in a hit and run, leaving him paralyzed from his waist down, and that perhaps your company could help him in the deep depression he now has.

This was an unfinished fic, i might not finish it, but here are the two chapters i wrote into one.

art credit @/ throat2834 on TikTok

You were walking out of school, hands in your hoodie as the snow fell from the sky, all the other kids chatting with their friends as they got out of their classes.

You were never one to have many friends, usually more kept to yourself, your only friend being David, a guy who was a few years older than you, about to graduate- you two met on detention, after you got sent there for "vandalizing" the bathroom's walls; the teacher there just told you to stay quiet, and then got out of the classroom to go smoke, there, the only other kid was this messy brunnette, his hair falling on his face and a scar under his eye as he mindlessly drawed on his history book.

Getting closer to see his drawings, you began talking, and then he walked you to your home, exchanged numbers and began talking.

You had a bit of a crush in him, after all he had this "bad boy" look plastered all over him, teaching you how to smoke cigarettes behind school, introducing you to Simon and Sophie, which had the same age as you; you four began hanging out daily, until your crush for David faded away and was filled with Simon.

Thankfully, your attraction was mutual, as Sophie once told you Simon had told her he liked you.

It was the beggining of the sour relationship you'd endure for years.

You were driving back to Stockholm, the map on the copilot seat and Deftones sounding in low volume as you entered the colorless town, all of your memories coming back and the guilt rotting deep in your brain once again eating your head.

After your little affair with David you two cut off all relationship you used to had, the years of being there for each other burned into regret from both parts, the only contact you still had being only Sophie; her constantly talking to you and keeping you up with her life. After you confessed what had happened with David, she promised you that Simon would never know about it in your absence.

Stoping the car in front of Sophie's house, you got out and knocked on the door, after a few seconds a happy Sophie oppened the door and hugged you tightly, telling you how much she missed you, her arms giving you that warmth you missed oh-so-much. Breaking the hug she invited you to her house, you sitting on her couch as she went to get you some coffee, after all you drived some good hours to get back, feeling your eyes close by themselves as you took in the warmth of her house and fell asleep on the couch.

Once you woke up, you saw Sophie watching the TV as she sat next to you, the still warm cup of coffe in front of you in the little table; reaching out to drink it, you began some small talk with her, mostly about how she had been, until the topic landed on Simon.

"I really regret what i did" You admitted, suddenly your throat becoming dry, the memories of seeing Simon cry as you broke up with him coming back to your head.

"I know Y/N" she answered after taking some time to think, her eyes scanning your face as she gave you a soft look, never judging you, instead, understanding you.

She knew how Simon was with you, after all she heard always she sides from both of you whenever you had an argument, her support mostly landing on your side as for all she loved Simon and held him as a dear friend, she knew how toxic he could be.

You ended up crashing at Sophie's, spending the night cuddling with her as you watched movies and ordered some chinese food; preparing yourself to go visit Simon the next day.

The sun rised, Sophie waking you up so you'd go shower and get ready- the warm water hitting your skin making you relax, after all, you were supossed to fix things now.

Second Chapter:

Simon was... Empty.

He still remembers your breakup, you asked to meet him in his house, a day after the big fight; you looked... Bad, to say it somehow, your eyes didn't look at him how you used to look at him, with love; no, it was almost disgust now, empty, voidless eyes staring into him as you said the words he feared so much.

"I don't think we have a future together"

Those lips he used to kiss so much, now giving him the worst words he ever heard. You were his first love, his first everything. And you were leaving him like everyone else, he felt his body go cold, his hands trembling, the urge to scream and beg for you to not leave burning his throat, instead, he went silent, his eyes staring at the floor.

You two were sitting on the edge of his bed, your hand over his as silent tears ran down your tired eyes; his face seemed of pure rage, you were just like everyone else-

"Din jävla tikt"

You frowned your face at the insult, letting out a short squeak of fear as Simon pushed you to your back, him straddling your hips as his mouth forced onto yours.

Was this what you wanted? For him to be like your shitty exes? He could be that and way worse- inflict on you the pain you were giving him right now. Teeth against each other as his hands pressed down on your body keeping you still as you tried to squirm, fingers digging painfully into your soft flesh as more tears ran down your face, screams of desesperation muffled against Simon's mouth.

You'd never forget the taste of that last kiss, cigarettes and coffee, a taste you used to love so much turned into one of the worst memories of your life.

It was when one of his hands left your torso to move onto your neck, choking you as you finally got the strength to push him away, him landing on the floor as you got up, face red, hair messy and tears streaming down your cheeks like rivers, your legs shaking as Simon's mother opened the door after she heard the struggle, asking what had happened in a panicked voice, after all, her son was on the floor looking at you as if he was one step from murdering you, and you completely terrified on the other side.

You ran, away from that house, away from the memories.

...

Simon's thoughts were interrupted as his phone buzzed.

It was already 3 PM, him still on his bed, his curtains closed as he took a look at his phone- his chest hurting as he recognized the number.

"Can i visit you? I'll stay at Stockholm for a few days in case you want to talk"

He stared for some seconds at the message, his hands becoming sweaty as he answered with a simple "yes". Shit, he hadn't bathed in days, less brushed his teeth, and his room probably smelled like shit too- but he didn't bother changing any of that, after all, a part of him wanted you to feel pity for him, to feel guilty, to beg to be back with him, somehow those thoughts making sense in his delusional brain.

Probably half an hour passed before he heard the door ring, hearing his mother squeal in happiness at seeing you, now all that was left was for you to cross the door to his room.

On your perspective, going back to that house made you uncomfortable, the feeling of being choked returning to your head as you hugged his mother, she was a nice lady- always worried about Simon, cleaning his mess and working her back off to afford him treatment. As much as she used to be a motherly figure to you, her hugs felt like Simon's; after having a small chat with her, you told her you were here to see her son, she said goodbye as she had to go meet Simon's dad somewhere and left you alone in the house.

Everything was silent there, only your footsteps ringing in your ears as you finally stood in Simon's door.

Knocking, you got in, the harsh smell of bad higiene hitting your nose as you saw his room, a complete mess, magazines on the floor, rotting food in plates and his wheelchair with clothes stacked up on it, the lump on the bed being Simon, who didn't even bother looking away from his phone to greet you.

He was vulnerable now- you had to remind yourself, he was weaker than never before; a small sense of pity forming in your gut as you walked towards his bed, sitting next to him as you placed your hand gently over his, him letting his phone drop to the covers as his eyes went to yours.

Deep eyebags, unkept facial hair and reddened eyes from sleeping all day- he looked like shit.

No words needed to be spoken, and neither of you wanted to anyways, anxiety filling up both your chests as your eyes met.

Your hand went to his face, caressing it softly, fingers then tangling on his greasy hair, sighing as you realized he was living as bad as he looked, his breath stank too- you trying your best to not make any face of disgust.

"Let's go wash you" You said to his surprise, but he didn't say anything, he was locking his feelings, afraid that if he showed any emotion he'd break into a million pieces, letting out his feelings for you in the proccess.

Getting up, you cleaned up his wheelchair, grabbing him up by his armpits as you dragged him to sit down on it, moving the chair towards his bathroom- thankfully his bathroom was big enough for you two, you going to turn the faucet on as you prepared him the tub, as soon as warm water filled it, you turned to Simon, giving him an awkard smile.

First step was to help him brush his teeth, as soon as he finished you helped him clean any toothpaste left overs from his facial hair.

He didn't even stare at you, his eyes lost on the tub as he thought how long had it been since he properly bathed, layers of sweat stuck to his skin- probably the water would end up black afterwards. Realizing he was a lost case, you kneeled in front of him to take off his black t-shirt, him offering no help nor protest, anxiety bubbling up your skin as you saw he spread his cuts to his torso, some fresh, some older, some already healed; you'd need to disinfect some later. Moving down, you began pulling down his pants, his hands instantly going to grab yours- his face crimson red as he looked away from you.

"It´s nothing i haven´t seen before Simon" You said- his hands leaving yours as he breathed a little more heavily.

Pulling the pants down with his boxers in one fast movement, you avoided looking at his groin- you weren't a perv. Lifting him up and getting him into the bathtub was another whole task, he had gained some weight, making it harder for you to move him in your arms. Once you had him in the tub, you got to work, applying shampoo on his head as you used a cup that was lying around to wet his hair.

You spent a good 15 minutes on his hair, untangling it and massaging his scalp, making him ease into it, letting out little sighs as he relaxed. After his hair looked shiny, you moved some of it from his face, smiling at the tenderness of the situation- the hatred you once had for each other forgotten into the peaceful situation, the only sound being of your fingers softingly cleaning Simon.

Things changed when you went with the sponge, your hand underwated rubbing on Simon's thighs, trying to clean his skin when his hand went to grab your arm, his wet hair pressing down on your shoulder as his fingers digged into your skin. Realizing what was going on, you had a mental debate- where you really gonna go down this path? What if he assumed you were going to go back with him if you "did" this?

However, something lit up inside of you... Seeing him so, vulnerable, desesperate- you were probably the first person to care for him this way in such a long time, wouldn't you extend your kindness just a bit more?

Letting go of the sponge, your hand went up his thigh, feeling his body hair thicken as your hand reached upper and upper, feeling the intense warmth emanating from his crotch, even in the hot water.

He let out a low groan as your hand grasped his hard dick, fingers going to rub his tip before masturbating him, hand moving up and down as he bit your shoulder, his whole body tensing. He finally looked at you- god, were you gorgeous, your brows furrowed as you bit your lip, focused on getting him to cum, now letting out groans and moans for you to hear, your face moving to his direction, finally your lips meeting as he felt his orgasm come closer, since he hadn't done anything in some time, being a bit too sensitive, not really lasting long before feeling the knot on his lower abdomen grow.

Your tongues danced with each other, your hand jerking him off rapidly as his grip on you tightened, letting out little mewls of your name as he broke the kiss, hiding his face on the crook of your neck as he came, his fluids mixing with the water as he came down from his high, breathing heavily.

"Well, we better change the water now"

#cry of fear #cry of fear x reader #cry of fear smut #david leatherhoff x reader #simon henriksson x reader

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sailorblossoms · 2 years

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Simon Snow's not good, actually bad, perhaps even traumatizing "virginity lost"

(And by extension Agatha's)

When I made the case for why I read Simon as aspec/possibly demisexual despite loving and fully supporting him unlabeled, the point was this: Simon does not experience sexual attraction like "the norm", and knowing this is helpful to understand the character. In the same vein, I feel the need to make this list to point out how there are enough clues to say what's on the title without actually saying it, and it's very possible to miss them if you're not paying attention to them (some points are my own interpretations and observations on how it went down based on what's on the text, so it gets long haha anyway):

-Simon tells Baz he was always going along with what he thought Agatha wanted, but he "always got it wrong". The relationship never felt right. Why wouldn't this include sex?

-This aligns with how Simon is very somewhat passively "this thing that has to happen/happened to me" about the relationship in general (he's even like "I waited for her to give up on/breakup with me" at one point") so

-Probably Agatha's idea, because she has Normal friends she can do typical teenage girl things with, and the subject of boyfriends and virginity likely came up.

-The Wellbelove home is sort of Simon's hetero cage: it's a place were expectations of heteronormativity where inescapably voiced, it makes Simon uncomfortable, reminds him of expectations he failed to fulfill and it's associated with internalized homophobia. (I elaborate here) it probably happened there.

-Probably happened late in the relationship. Simon says "we were together for a long time" as an explanation. Meaning they likely waited "as long as they could" before expectations and curiosity won out. It likely contributed to driving them further apart, hence Agatha running after Baz trying to get kissed that 7th year. Like "she has already tried it all" the "right way" and she didn't like it/wasn't feeling it, so time to look for a spark "the wrong way" (going after "the bad boy" lol)

-The fact that Simon even felt like he had to explain it, and that he said it like he was sorry about it feels indicative of Simon feeling like he did something wrong, or that he did something that wasn't really a good idea (or both).

-Simon erases experiences that were bad, traumatizing and/or a source of great discomfort from his mind. He never gets even close to thinking about this, to the point you wouldn't think it even happen until Baz actually asks him about it.

-Remembering the experience (and thinking about what that means for his sexuality) clearly causes Simon great discomfort, to the point he starts to self-harm (pulling hair, kicking walls etc).

-"It was fine. It was sex" is the closest he gets to saying something not negative about it and still... it's not positive. It's dismissive as hell, it's Simon still avoiding thinking about it (like telling Baz "he didn't like him in 5th year, he doesn't even like him now..." despite being unable to put 2 thoughts together without thinking about how much he likes him like an hour ago at most. He's bullshiting).

-This experience is the main thing Simon uses to argue against him being bisexual, and thinking about it (after having a better understanding of how attraction feels, because he's sure he feels it for Baz, he's "the only person he has ever wanted", just that morning he woke up aroused by Baz's smell and proximity) makes him realize he didn't experience attraction for Agatha. And this is with Baz kinda encouraging him to admit it was good and that surely sex means attraction (which isn't necessarily true, it doesn't apply to comphet and aspec folks), but that just pushes Simon to finally voice no, he wasn't attracted and that he wasn't into the whole relationship either (what he liked about her was that he didn't like her, he wasn't invested)

-Lack of attraction and reacting negatively when thinking about the experience is... well. That just has to suck ass.

-Given how bad Simon can be about understanding and untangling his most complex reactions and feelings, if there was even a little, tiny bit of good in that experience, would he be able to look back and realize his lack of attraction? Or would it be more likely if there was general discomfort?

-When he's making the conscious decision to have sex with Baz, he's "too turned on to think" "so in love" and he "actually wants to do this". A comparison to that time with Agatha starts coming up before being quickly pushed out of his mind because "it doesn't matter", but the way the paragraph is structured lets you know what goes unsaid: that experience wasn't like that (he wasn't excited, wasn't in love, didn't actually want it).

-Simon makes the UTI comment when Baz is trying to leave the bed. When Dr. Wellbelove gave them the talk it's likely he just focused on protection and avoiding diseases, and it's very likely Agatha used that to leave without hurting anyone's feelings/forcing anyone to process anything.

-Heteronormativity along with them being casted as hero and damsel/prize is relevant here, because sex in this context is often presented as a prize she has to give him (Agatha was always "playing along" her role until she finally exploded) and as something he has to want, he has to like. There's definitely pressure here. There are also assumptions that hormonal teenage boys have to be into it, no matter the context. Bullshit to begin with, but also clearly not appliable to Simon (thinking about it/trying to process it has him self-harming!). He isn't a regular hormonal teen boy (his displays of attraction include "going apeshit" and "pulling an honest to god sword on his nemesis") and he just doesn't experience attraction like the "norm" (his "baz-sexual" comments are a whole aspec experience I tell you). (Also general pressure to lose your virginity before becoming an "adult" and other related bullshit coming into play here)

-There is such a thing as a negative orgasm. It can happen to anyone when forced to go through the motions (Simon's exact words, he wasn't into it!) of sex. Basically you can make the body get there, but it isn't pleasurable, it doesn't feel good. At worst it can even feel painful. It doesn't affect you physically, but it can affect you emotionally and mentally. It can also cause discomfort, make you upset, irritable, frustrated, emotionally detached, etc. At least 3 of these apply to Simon just thinking about the experience. Just something to consider. (Although I don’t think either could get off in anyway, or that it would be possible for Simon. Also see: arousal non concordance)

-If we were to talk about the traumas/issues getting in the way of Simon being intimate with Baz, we would have quite a list. I would add Simon's negative past experience here. Based on how he forcibly pushes it out of his mind ("it doesn't matter"), and how even the memory of it puts him in a negative emotional state, it's fair to conclude that there's unacknowledged, unprocessed, and downplayed trauma there. He has forced himself to go through the motions once, and it didn't do him any good, and now he just can't do that again. Especially not now that he actually wants it, that he's so invested and feeling so much he doesn't know what to do with himself.

-Simon's traumas/issues with touch hardly started in WS. The events of CO made it all worse/gave him NEW traumas, and his feelings for Baz/how much he wants him overwhelms him. But even if he was never overwhelmed with Agatha because he didn't have feelings for her, it's unlikely that he was able to make himself go through the motions without issue. Baz is a natural caretaker, and he's very attuned to Simon, so he can tell when something is wrong (and when in doubt, he proceeds with caution). It's possible that Simon could've dissociated on his first time, but Agatha wouldn't be able to tell/deal with it because she's not attuned to him, and would have "enough on her plate" at that moment. Given how his mind works, it's also possible that when he thought about it, he mostly remembers how he felt (awkwardness, discomfort, mechanically going through the motions, etc) but can't remember much of what actually went down.

-When Baz takes a jab at him (because he's jealous) "Does Wellbelove? (appreciate a job well done)" Simon gets angry, but he sorts of freezes there. Baz recognizes he's out of line and backs off, but Simon's reaction seems to indicate a sore spot. Maybe guilt and inadequacy because there was not "a job well done". Maybe also sensitive because the person he wants to have sex with inadvertently reminds him "he's shit at it". (Relevant here again is Simon saying "he always got it wrong", and also downplaying it as "he's just a shitty boyfriend" as he did with the whole relationship, instead of processing what was wrong and why)

-Agatha doesn't think about it either until she sees him half naked and remembers kissing his chest. It happens in a clinical setting (reminder of comphet when Simon was getting ready to get his gay wings cut off, but Simon is in distress and the setting is both detached and upsetting. Also relevant is this ending with Simon running back to Baz) and even then, Agatha's main emotion about it is "weird". And she doesn't go beyond that! It's like they both silently agree to pretend it never happened.

-Reinforcing the previous point, Penny doesn't know about it, and she was the closest person to Simon. So they never talked about it, and probably never behaved in a way that had Penny like "yeah they're totally tight like that". (their early CO scenes truly ooze uncomfortable/awkward energy) And Penny only wonders because of general assumptions. (whenever she's on the subject Penny's like "you're terrible for each other, why did you have to fuck with the perfectly good friendship we all have here") (You know what else Simon doesn't really talk about with Penny despite their "no secrets pact" during CO? his traumas, the upsetting shit he doesn't want to process. That kinda stuff)

-A general observation: the naked male chest is probably the most neutral ground to go about it (especially without mention of nipples) (reminds me how anime is often erasing male nipples when they don't want to "sexualize male characters" haha). Below that you can hardly avoid the most "sexual parts". Above that you get too close to "emotional investment" (Simon kisses Baz all over his face when they're together in bed, talking, to express affection). Not saying the chest can't be sexualized or used to show affection (Baz kisses Simon's chest when they're cuddling) but based on everything else here, including how mechanical they're about the relationship... who wants to bet it was either delaying or Agatha trying to help Simon because he had trouble "getting there" in the most detached way possible.

-Related: Baz is the only person Simon opens up to on certain issues, like with his previous relationship. In awtwb we see Baz trying to get Simon to communicate more, and he usually gets him as close as Simon can get to processing his shit. So his conversations with him are very revealing, even if it starts or end with some bullshitting lol that's when Simon gets the closest to saying how he really feels, the closest he gets to untangling his messes and reaching some clarity (feeling wrong in the previous relationship, not feeling attracted, not being into it etc)

I'm probably forgetting something, but there's so much going on there, and as a someone who's bi and also falls somewhere on the aspec spectrum, and is generally interested in what sex can reveal about people, I have inevitably given this a lot of thought lol

#simon snow #agatha wellbelove #baz grimm pitch #pennelope bunce #carry on #simon snow trilogy #awtwb #wayward son #snowbaz

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barethemusicalbutjasonlives · 2 years

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Actual bisexual characters in fiction bc I’m sick of characters being ambiguously bi;

Evelyn Hugo; A bisexual women , my dudes. Who married a bunch of men and even loved a few , but who’s deepest love was with a women. The most stylishly bi argue with a wall

Monty Montague- Gents Guide- The bisexual icon Dorian Gray wants to be (and also date , probably) obviously does not use the word bisexual as is set in 1700 , but it’s the bi icon we all need

Nina Zenik + Jesper Fahey- Six of Crows; As the Grishaverse doesn’t mention sexual identities , these two (and the other queer characters) don’t have any label. But oh my god are they bi. Holy shit. Canonically can flirt the entirely of Ketterdamn into submission. Icons

Frances Javier- Radio Silence; A bi icon who *shock! Horror!* does not actually date anyone during the book. But is still just as bi as if she did.

Adam Parrish- The Raven Cycle; The most iconic bisexual bitchy witch , Adam is quite honestly my favourite bisexual in this entire list. Has both a girlfriend and a boyfriend during the book , but is never made to feel like his sexuality needs to be re-examined during either relationship

Nick Nelson- Heartstopper; Say it with me

!Bisexual Golden Retrievers Deserve Rights! But seriously , it’s so refreshing to have a bisexual character who is allowed to come out and explore his sexuality with a group of supportive queer friends around him. Nick Nelson you will always be famous

Lister Bird- I was Born For This; What’s this? A bisexual who has a reputation for sleeping around with just about everyone, but is secretly angry at his bisexual slut stereotype? Iconic. Delicious. Excellent. Obsessed with the way Alice uses the stereotypes and throws them on their heads. Nobody write a bisexual like Alice Oseman.

Simon Snow-Carry on; A bisexual plus size wizard who’s in love with a gay vampire? Sign me the fuck up.

Alex Claremont Diaz- rwarb; We love chaotic bisexuals in this house. Imagine the literal prince of Wales kisses you , and for the next few weeks you find yourself having a proper gay crisis until you met again? Buddy , you made the list

#osemanverse #heartstopper #iwbft #netflix #lister bird #nick nelson #jesper fahey #Adam Parrish #monty montague #evelyn hugo #nina zenik #simon snow #carry on

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tamorisana · 1 year

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Forehead kisses

For the love of God, he hated being smol.

Not just small.

Smol.

Almost everyone is taller than him and he almost fucking despises it. Almost.

This one thing is helping to keep him sane and saint.

Ghosts affection. Ghosts kisses. Forehead kisses to be precisely.

He wouldn't survive if it wasn't for this man and his clinginess.

A peak on the back of his head after mission when no one is looking. Another one to his bandages temple after unseccesful one. On top after successful one as saying 'Good job, love. I'm happy your alright. Let's go home.'

It's a night before their holiday leave. First one in Ghosts career that Simon agreed on taking. Not without compromise of course.

1. No celebration.

2. They aren't going to Manchester.

3. He wants all of the attention.

Which, to be honest, pretty good deal.

So they are on their way out of base, out of those names, no more Sergeant John 'Soap' McTavish and Lieutenant Simon 'Ghost' Riley, just Johnny and Simon. Just a little bit and they are off to Scotland.

"Soap! Ghost!"

Bloody creeping Jesus.

God no. They are too close to exit to stop.

Darn you, Price.

Ghost stops him, looks in the eyes and, my god, did he look apologetic. Tough finders brushing against his own, calming almost fuming with anger man. The 'It's just Price, lets get on with this' almost goes unattended.

"Hey" He plasters the best smile he can, tries to look friendly. "Everything alright? You needed something?" Again, he feels Simon's fingers against his in silent support. If 'Its alright, just a little bit and we'll be kissing in the car' could be a touch it would been this one.

"Oh no, nothing is wrong, just wanted to wish you boys good holidays." Captain is still in his gear, not for long thats for sure, he is leaving for someone too..or with someone..?

Either way, Thank Fuck. He doesn't think he would have handed a long conversation.

"Well, thanks. Good holidays to you too, Cap! Are we free to go then? Kind of in the rush, no matter how handsome we are, plane won't wait for us, ain't I'm right?" Soap pokes Ghosts side, looking so damn nervous it's hurting.

"Ye, ye. Go ahead, sorry for stopping you. Take care, boys " Price chuckles and Johnny doesn't understand whether its from how wrecked and nervous he is or from the way Simon's tries to shrink.

Which doesn't matter since they are already sprinting for the door before anyone else stops them on their way to Scotland. On their way home.

Door is literally 3 meters away so Johnny reached out to grab Simon's hand, squeezes it lightly while pushing on the door to open it only to stomp in the inch of snow.

Shit, he hopes theur flight wont get delayed.

He has a boyfriend to snuggle with.

[———————————— ————————————]

Man, I won't even check it. Probably just some nonsense.

#Ghostsoap #John Soap McTavish #Simon Ghost Riley #Soap mwii #Ghost mwii #they are boyfriends your honour.#cod mwii

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heaven-s-black-box · 5 months

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He was Right there- Blackmadhi & Faraskye

Return to File

Recovery date: July 31st, 2020

Description: Nahyuta is dead, and Simon and Ema aren't quite sure how to deal.

Notes: Content warning for character death. An entry from my 2020 research project into the universe of Ace Attorney. This entry was recovered with aid from Eleanorr and Yujinx from research lab designation Ao3. You can find the first entry here.

Word count: 881

Back to directory

Simon sits silently in front of his sister. There’s a bit of a glare on the glass, and it hides some of Simon’s face. Still, Aura can see his sadness from his body language. He’s slouching slightly, and playing with the feather between his lips. She knows what’s wrong, Athena told her when she sent Simon to her. Aura knows what Simon’s going through, the pain of losing someone you love. She just hopes she can keep Simon from the path she walked.

Eventually, she spoke up.

“The princess told me what happened,” Simon flinched slightly, “ I- I know I haven’t been the best sister, but if you want to talk, I’m here. And she’s there for you to. I’m sure Mr. Edgeworth will give you time off if you need it, the princess said the funeral is in a week, you should take time off until then I think.” What did Aura know about dealing with loss properly? There were probably plenty of other people more qualified, and yet Athena had sent him to her.

“We were on the phone when it happened,” Simon finally said. Aura’s expression turned to shock, before she felt like crying. Athena hadn’t told her that, she probably hadn’t known.

Athena had told Aura that Nahyuta Sahdmadhi, Simon’s boyfriend, was dead. She’d called Aura last night, saying Simon was flying back in from Khura’in. He’d been gone for almost a month, and Athena had stayed with him. At first, she’d followed him for moral support. He wasn’t even planning to tell her, he’d only returned to the apartment to grab a bag, and that’s when he woke Athena. Once in Khura’in he took on the investigation, and Athena stayed to make sure he didn’t do anything stupid. After his murderer was caught, they’d stayed for the funeral, and Simon told her he wouldn’t be going back to L.A with her. Athena convinced him he had to at least go back to pack a proper suitcase.

What Athena didn’t know was that they had been talking when the gunshot went off. Simon had been working late, and Nahyuta was telling him to go to bed, while he and Ema made their way to a crime scene. In the background, Ema could be heard complaining about snow. Nahyuta was in the middle of telling her to dress warmer when he was cut off, and Ema screamed. The smile on Simon’s face had dropped, and he could hear Ema screaming at Nahyuta and some others.

Simon kept calling her name, but he received no answer. All he heard was Ema yelling at Nahyuta to stay with her, and telling people to get help.

“I’m going back to Khura’in tomorrow. With-with him gone, they need more trustworthy prosecutors and… I want to help. Justice-dono has buried himself in cases, and her benevolence refuses to speak to anyone but her mother.”

“What about Ms. Skye, I can’t imagine it’s been easy on her.”

“Skye-dono has returned to the U.S temporarily. Her mercifulness insisted on it, I think she’d preferred I stay here longer as well.” Aura nodded.

“I’ll visit you, once my sentence is done. Until then, would it be too much to ask you to come by for christmas?” For the first time in the past month, Simon cracked a small smile.

“Not at all.”

____________________________________________________

Ema lays in bed, blanket wrapped tightly around her, staring blankly at the wall in front of her. She’s in Lana’s guest bedroom,while Lana’s out getting groceries. There are empty bags of snackoos all over the floor, and the lights are off with the curtains drawn. A glass of water, science textbook, and her phone sat on the bed side table.

She’d left Khura’in yesterday with Athena and Simon, Apollo hadn’t left, but she had a feeling queen Amara would make him come back. While the queen was just as distraught over losing her son, she made sure everyone else was okay. She was probably trying to calm Rayfa right now.

“Em?” A voice came from her window, making Ema jump. Looking up, she could see a silhouette against her curtains. “Ema?” The voice called again. This time, Kay stuck her head around the curtain.

“Kay, what ar-” Before she could finish, Kay was by her side and hugging her.

“Lana called me, and… Mr.Edgeworth told me what happened. I came to check on you,” Kay said, pulling far enough away to look Ema in the eye. Ema looked tired, and she was. She hadn’t gotten any sleep on the plane ride over. She’d been having nightmares since Nahyuta’s death, for some reason, it felt like she was to blame. “When was the last time you got proper sleep?” Kay asked, snapping Ema out of her thoughts.

“I don’t know. Lana asked me the same thing…”

“Here,” Kay said, shaking off her coat and pulling Ema to lay down with her. She pulled Ema into her chest and began to stroke her head, humming. “Get some sleep, I’ll be right here when you wake up.”

“I’m going back you know. Not now, but they still need me,” Ema mumbled, sleep slowly over taking her.

“Mhm, maybe they could use a detective,” Kay hummed, although she didn’t expect an answer.

“Maybe.”

#researcher s's recovery #S's 2020 recovery project #ace attorney #simon blackquill #nahyuta sahdmadhi #blackmadhi #aura blackquill #ema skye #kay faraday #faraskye #angst #angst with comfort #oneshot #aa oneshot

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pridepages · 1 year

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Make the Yuletide Gay: “Snow for Christmas”

Happy Christmas from Pride Pages! We have a special edition featuring Rainbow Rowell’s short story “Snow for Christmas”...

Here there be spoilers!

It’s a jolly holiday for snowbaz fans! Our favorite rivals-to-allies-to-lovers have grown by leaps and bounds since we left them in Any Way the Wind Blows. They’re cohabitating, domesticated, and surrounded by friends and loved ones. The holiday’s looking to be merry and bright. Except for one thing...The Grimms have invited Baz AND Simon to the family hearth for Christmas!

Although, some things haven’t changed. Baz’s stepmum extends the invitation, saying “we hope you’ll bring a guest...whomever you might want to spend Christmas with, I was thinking Simon Snow.”

You know: Baz’s buddy. His pal. Eight snakes!

When Baz cries out to Simon “I don’t want to be closeted in my own home on Christmas!” I felt that. Deeply.

Here’s the thing: as Simon points out, this looks like acceptance. “They already know you’re gay--everyone knows you’re gay! Are you upset that you didn’t get to give a speech? They invited you to bring your boyfriend home to meet them properly...How will you be less closeted going alone--than with me right there, sitting next to you?”

But people knowing while still refusing to talk about it--living under a taboo that you feel in your heart even if it was never explicitly said--still feels like being shoved in a closet. When you know people around you are uncomfortable in the knowledge of who you are...then YOU feel uncomfortable existing around them as who you are. And you feel pain in that awareness.

Fans of the series will remember that Baz’s queerness is not the only unspoken reality about Baz’s identity. The fact of his vampirism is also censored. For years, the family takes it for granted that Baz does not eat with them. If he were to do so, his fangs would be exposed and their carefully constructed fiction would collapse. But, as readers know, Baz has learned to control his fangs between holidays. And with his boyfriend’s support, Baz gets to flex his new skill. When Baz demonstrates that he can eat Christmas dinner with the family for the first time in years, the party really gets started. Most significantly, Baz’s father goes from “steeling himself at the sight” of his guests to “openly staring...his eyes are shining.”

In the wake of the family celebration, Simon and Baz feel open to be more comfortably themselves. Baz pivots from calling Simon “Snow” to calling him “Darling” at the table, not blinking when Simon calls him “Babe.”

It’s not perfect. After all, “No one asks what’s changed. Or what it means. Where my fangs have gone. For them, the only variable factor is Simon...my family might think I’m cured. If they do, I’ll let them go on thinking it. Cured by homosexuality. Cured by Simon’s ministrations.” I don’t love the implication that Baz has to be thought of as “cured” or otherwise “fixed” of the vampirism he had no choice in contracting in order to bring joy to his family with his presence. I furthermore resent the idea that Baz’s queerness only becomes acceptable to his family--in their tacit way--because it’s seen as somehow related to said cure/fix.

I don’t want to be a total grinch about this little Christmas card to the fans. There are so many snippets of Simon and Baz just oozing love all over each other, whether it’s Baz calling Simon “the handsomest man I’ve ever laid eyes on” with Simon replying “I thought you said vampires could see themselves in mirrors.” Or apparently a shared competence kink: Baz “trying not to look impressed...it’s a constant effort” by Simon’s swordplay or Simon calling Baz’s shooting his wand from a cuff “dead sexy.” Plus, we get Simon Snow deciding the is-Die Hard-a-Christmas-movie issue (conclusion: yes). Still, it makes me wish we could have seen our boys at the Salisbury Christmas where they could have been “as gay as we want...we can be extra gay, as a treat.” Like all queer people, Simon and Baz deserve untempered comfort and joy among friends and loved ones every day of the year...but especially around the holidays.

To all my rainbow siblings struggling to find a safe hearth to keep warm during the holidays, know that hearts are with you. We all deserve celebrations where we are safe and loved, merry and bright.

To those of us lucky enough to have found our forever homes and families, I wish you every good thing today and every day.

Keep making the yuletide gay!

#snow for christmas #snowbaz #simon snow trilogy #simon snow #baz pitch #tw: homophobia #mlm #gay #lgbt reads #queer lit #rainbow rowell

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forabeatofadrum · 2 years

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Summary: Simon Snow dies in the White Chapel, and Baz has to live an immortal life without him. Or so he thinks. Every twenty years, when the Veil lifts, Simon and Baz are able to reunite. Something is keeping Simon from moving on, and Baz doesn’t know if he wants to find out what that is, because it would mean letting go.

And if there’s one thing Baz can not do, it’s letting Simon go.

Notes: Welcome to the fic that I affectionally call “damn Baz, you live like this?”, although Christina @facewithoutheart is the one who came up with the title Time After Time (thanks!)

I started this fic before Any Way The Wind Blows got published, so when it was still up in the air whether Baz was immortal or not, so back then I ran with the immortal!Baz idea and it turned into this. A few weeks ago I decided to finally revisit it and I’m happy to tell you that it’s almost finished. Yes, almost. The first four chapters are already finished and I hope to update this every Monday.

Enjoy!

AO3

Before

2016

I almost did not go to the funeral.

In the end, I decided to go there to support Bunce. I wonder if I will ever forget the image of her screaming and clinging to Simon’s lifeless body. I don’t think I ever will.

It was short and, well, sweet. It was a private funeral. The entire World of Mages could mourn their Chosen One, the Greatest Mage who sacrificed himself to defeat the Humdrum.

We mourned Simon.

I didn’t cry. I never do.

After the funeral, Bunce came up to me to tell me that she’s moving to America. She’s going to Chicago. Her boyfriend Micah lives there.

“I never actually planned on going to America,” she had said. Her voice was raw because of all the crying. “Simon always thought that, but no way in hell I was going to leave him.”

Now, she has no reason to stay.

Wellbelove has also decided to leave, but she’s going to California. She wants to become a vet. A Normal vet.

I was never friends with either of them, but having them leave makes me ache. I did go to the funeral, but I did not go to the airport to say goodbye.

A lot of people don’t understand why I have come back to Watford. No one expected me to. This is the place where my mother and my boyfriend were murdered by the Mage.

But people don’t understand how much Watford meant to those two. Simon loved Watford more than anything, including me, probably. And I was not going to be the first drop-out in the Pitch family. My mother would’ve wanted me to finish my education.

It hurts to have the room to myself, though. Mitali Bunce, who is now the Headmistress, even tried to bend the rules, but magic can be unforgiving. I spend most my days outside my room and I spend the nights in Dev and Niall’s room.

I’m so grateful to have them as friends. No one else approaches me. They pity me, since they know what I’ve lost.

Everyone knows the true nature of my relationship with Simon. This was not the grandiose coming out that I had planned, but I also hadn’t planned on Simon being murdered. I still don’t fully understand how it happened. One moment, Simon and the Mage were holding each other. The next, they both dropped dead.

Dev and Niall try their best to distract me from my thoughts, but they weren’t there. They didn’t see what I saw. Still, I appreciate them.

With Bunce gone, I am the top of our class. I am asked to give a speech at the Leaver’s Ceremony. I decline.

2017

I don’t make friends during uni. Dev and Niall have become a couple and they’ve moved to Oxford together.

I try not to be jealous of them.

2022

Mitali Bunce is surprised to see me.

“Well, I must be dreaming,” she says when she reads my application again.

“You’re not, ma’am.”

Mitali looks up from my CV. “You sure you want this?”

I nod. Watford is my home. Watford brings me closer to the ones I’ve lost. I’m ready.

#story: time after time #snowbaz #simon snow series #carry on #holy fuck I wrote #2021 #multichaptered #2022 #this is basically a small prologue!!!!

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kestrelknight · 1 year

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water backed up and filled the shower. raw sewage water seeped through the wall into the carpet of my bedroom. landlord made everything filthy in the (slow) process of getting a plumber and everything fixed. still hasn’t brought carpet shampooer, and accused my friend of lying about not flushing wipes. I didn’t pee for over 11 hours due to The Situation, and I have not eaten a full meal for like. two days now? my airways already started tightening up when still in my room a day or so ago, and my cat’s eye has started weeping from either exposure to the shit, or the stress of being confined to the other bedroom all day. nothing ever dries out in Seattle in winter, and there’s really no way to get the moisture out of the wall. the walls, which were already exuding moisture before this, mold already in my windows. one of my beloved fairy books was on the floor when it flooded, and will need to be cleaned. all my underwear and my house pants were in the wash when this happened, and it is unknown if sewage water went up into that, and it definitely has been in the washer long enough to get mildew. Can’t wash it again yet because the landlord pulled the washer and drier out of the cubby and they might rattle around and fall if ran now. I have slept maybe eight hours over the last two days, and was so dehydrated my eyes were drying out.

however. I still have eye medication for Simone that I don’t think is expired yet, so I can give that to her if this persists. both the cats are being very good girls, cuddling a lot and climbing around. We used the bathrooms at a nearby tea place while our whole system was fucked, and they had delicious snow mochi (mango, strawberry, and oreo flavors). The staff were very nice, I need to give them a bigger tip next time for letting us All use their nice clean bathrooms, one after the other like sad ducklings. I have drunk my boba milk tea, and a bunch of water. the toilet is working. my friend has two days off work finally. my parents have offered to buy us a dehumidifier, and have been extremely supportive in general. both of them seem to be recovering well from Covid. most of my belongings should be fine, it was mostly furniture over the Wet Spot. my electronics were not in there, or my sketchbooks. I am going home in a week to see my parents, and go on bird counts with my dad. the bed is big enough for three people (mostly). boyfriend has so much extra underwear. my closet has not been contaminated. Simone’s food was okay, too. the desire to hide under the blankets and shiver like a frightened prey animal has Abated (mostly).

#on the third day of (december) my sewer gave to me #the horrors.#the cats are Extremely good tho I cannot emphasize this enough #wonderful sweet babies

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ukbooksdownload · 2 years

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The manga adaptation of the beloved novel by #1 Bestselling author Rainbow Rowell! New York Journal of Books Cath is a Simon Snow fan. Okay, everybody is a Simon Snow fan, but for Cath, being a fan is her life. Cath's sister has mostly grown away from fandom, but Cath just can't let go. Now that they?re in college, Cath must decide if she?s ready to start living her own life. But does she even want to if it means leaving Simon Snow behind? Cath doesn?t need friends IRL. She has her twin sister, Wren, and she?s a popular fanfic writer in the Simon Snow community with thousands of fans online.? But now that she?s in college, Cath is completely outside of her comfort zone. There are suddenly all these new people in her life. She's got a surly roommate with a charming boyfriend, a writing professor who thinks fanfiction is the end of the civilized world, a handsome new writing partner ... And she's barely heard from Wren all semester!

#bookish ,#kindleaddict ,#EpubForSale ,#bestbookreads ,#ebookworm ,#readyforit ,#downloadprint

By click link in above! wish you have good luck and enjoy reading your book.

(Works on PC, Ipad, Android, iOS, Tablet, MAC)

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aevapollo · 3 years

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As I Am

My entry for the @trans-mages exchange week, my gift for @wellbelesbian. I hope you enjoy it!

My prompt was: Non-binary Baz, perhaps experimenting with pronouns and presentation and feeling affirmed by Simon and his friends.

(The title is from this quote from Carry On: "I just wanted to tell you that I’m going to carry on. As I am." -Baz)

Read it on AO3 or continue here!

Baz

Simon looks peaceful, looking up at the sun like that. Blissfully unaware of my fidgeting hands. I think about what he said just now--what he said about the vampire hotel, how happy and natural I seemed. The worst part is, he’s not wrong. Obviously, I didn’t want to stay there. That would’ve been a nightmare. But there was something about that night… I think it made me see myself in a way I never had before. That night, I got to be the gayest, sparkliest vampire there ever was. I got to be the most me I’ve ever been, and I liked it. Shit, I loved it.

I dunno. I’ve always been something less-than-masculine, much to my father’s chagrin. All those times I let my hair get just a little too long, whenever I wore a shirt that was just a bit too silky… he always had some carefully selected words. I never cared much for what he said about me. My goal back then was to push the limits of what he’d allow, but… maybe now that I’m with Simon, things will be different. Maybe I can finally be an adult about it and communicate. I could make up for all those years of repressed emotions.

Here goes nothing.

“Hey, Simon?”

“Hmmm?” He turns his head back to me but barely opens his eyes.

“ I-I need to tell you about something. And I don’t want to make you more stressed than you already are, or-or anything like that. So don’t feel like you need to understand me or act differently around me or feel--”

“--Baz, are you okay?” Simon cuts me off. He’d opened his eyes now, and seemed concerned.

I take a shaky breath. “Listen, I- I’m- I don’t really know if I’m totally… a guy. Like, I don’t think I want to be a girl, but what if I’m… neither? What if I’m non-binary, or something… like… that?” It all comes out in one big waterfall of words. Crowley, I hate feeling so out of control like this.

Simon’s brow is knotted. He’s thinking. “Alright, so non-binary… do you want to use different pronouns? And I shouldn’t call you ‘boyfriend’ anymore, right?”

“I...yeah. Yeah, exactly. I have wanted to try out they/them pronouns, if you don’t mind…”

“Of course I don’t mind. Baz, I-- you know I’d love you no matter what, right? I won’t stop just because you’re not a boy. Christ, I still don’t know if I’m gay or what, but I know I love you.”

He loves me. He said he loves me, that’s the first time he’s actually said it. The tears are coming. For once I don’t try to stop them or even hide my face. Simon pulls me into a hug, and I just melt into his arms. Somehow, nothing is wrong anymore now that I’m here.

***

I knew I would tell Simon first, and maybe I should leave it at that, but I just want to get this off my chest as soon as possible. After a while of being disgustingly vulnerable with him, I make my way back up to the house and onto the balcony. Shepard is here, too. Might as well kill two birds with one stone.

Deep breath. “Hey. Um. Can I say something? I’m fairly sure I’m non-binary, and I’d like to try out they/them pronouns for a bit.” The words are coming out much easier the second time around.

Bunce’s eyes light up. “You are?! Oh, I’m so glad you told me! Wait, wait, I think I just saw an article about this the other day… some American celebrity who came out as non-binary? Hang on, I can find it real quick--”

“--That’s fine, but I appreciate it. Really,” I can’t help smiling at her excitement. Somehow this whole “coming out” thing has sapped me of all my sarcasm.

“Cool. I know some non-binary folks. Have you got a new name, or are you still going by Baz?”

“I’m still Baz, thanks.” Shepard hardly looks surprised, and I can’t say I blame him. I haven’t exactly been trying to act straight since we’ve known each other.

Just then, Wellbelove slides the balcony door open, looking anxious. I prepare myself to give the speech again, but she speaks first. “Hey, Baz, I’m sorry if you didn’t want me to know anything yet but I… Well, I heard everything. The doors aren’t exactly soundproof. Still, I’m happy for you.” She manages a nervous smile.

“No, no, it’s alright. Makes things that much easier on me.” Everything happened so quickly. I’m not sure how I feel about Wellbelove finding out, but it was bound to happen eventually. I guess it’s good that she knows now, even if we’re not exactly close friends. Maybe that’s another thing I should work on, now that I’ve decided to be an adult. I could leave all these weird grudges in the past.

***

Later, Simon comes back inside and we all eat dinner in relative silence. It’s less like a family meal and more like the casual school dining halls we’re all accustomed to (except for Shepard, I suppose. Or maybe he had something similar). Wellbelove has been looking at me weirdly since she found out. I know she said she was happy for me, but I can’t help but worry about what she really thinks. I try to focus on Shepard spilling barbeque sauce everywhere.

Simon leans over to me. “Hey, Baz, I was wondering… does this mean you would want to wear different clothes? Or, like, makeup or something?”

I had expected questions like this. “Well, yeah, I have wanted to try wearing a skirt. Just to see if I like it, I mean.”

To my surprise, Wellbelove speaks up again. Maybe I was wrong. Perhaps she’s also attempting to mend our strange relationship.

“I’ve got some skirts that you could try on. If you want to, that is. I… don’t wear them much, anyway.”

“I--yeah, that would be really nice. You’re sure?”

She nods and stands up. I hesitantly follow her into an (unnecessarily posh, even by my standards) bedroom and can barely take in the surroundings before she shoves an armful of skirt in my face.

I crane my neck over the pile of fabric. “Um. Thank you, really. You didn’t have to do this, but…”

She looks down. “No, I wanted to. You know, I’ve been kind of questioning myself as well, but I didn’t want to say anything about it until I was sure,” she lowers her voice, “and at this point maybe I never will be. But this is the least I can do, right?” She offers another half-smile, and I do my best to return it.

“Well, that’s… thank you. Again. And you can talk to me about it. If you want to, of course. I… It might be nice to have someone to relate to.” I’m not sure if I’m reassuring her or myself at this point. Wellbelove seems to understand, and brightens up a bit.

“No, thank you. And you can keep the skirts if you want. I don’t think they suit me.”

She leaves me to sift through the pile. I eventually land on a possibility: it’s a deep forest green, smooth and swirly. When I hold it against my waist, it comes down just above my knees. Part of me feels like I shouldn’t be holding this; like nothing I do will ever turn me into the person I see myself as. But part of me also thinks skirts are fun, and that’s good enough for me. Nothing left to do but try it on.

I look in the mirror and-- Crowley, not again. I’m starting to cry again. It’s just a skirt, but-- well, something about this just makes me feel… different. A good different. More like myself.

Okay, take some deep breaths. I dry my eyes and stand up straight, twirling around a bit. I’m smiling like an idiot now, but I don’t mind. This is the happiest I’ve been for a long time.

I grab the doorknob and throw the door open, shamelessly strutting out and modeling the skirt for everyone. I hardly ever get to be myself like this, and I’m going to enjoy it if it’s the last thing I do.

Everyone’s looking at me. Everyone’s looking at me. Stay calm. Wellbelove is beaming, though she’s trying to hide behind her hands. Shepard just grins and gives me a thumbs-up. Simon’s face is bright red (can’t say I don’t enjoy that), and Bunce puts her hands in front of her mouth and squeals.

“Baz!! You look so good! The color really suits you!”

“Thank you,” I can’t control my smile at this point, “I--” Wait. I have an idea. My mother’s scarf--it’s still folded up in my shirt pocket. I unfold it and tie it around my hair, just like how she used to wear it. Simon’s regained his senses by now and gives me a small smile. I wonder what my mother would say if she could see me now.

Simon gets up and pulls me into a hug. I hug him back, and any apprehension I had fades away. Something about this is familiar; much as we used to hate each other, seeing Simon at Watford always felt like more of a home than my “real” family ever did. Now it’s still the same: I’m at home wherever he is. Nobody can tell me who to be anymore.

***

Bonus:

Simon

Baz looks so good in a skirt. Of course, they do. They look good in everything. Still… something about the way they carry themselves now, how comfortable they look… this is more meaningful. I can’t pretend to know how they feel, or what they’re going through, but I do love them. I’m finally brave enough to say it.

As I pull Baz into a hug, I whisper it into their ear once again: “I love you. So much.”

They squeeze me tighter and return with an “I love you too. Even if your hair smells like barbeque smoke.”

Thank you for reading! This is the first fic I’ve ever published so hopefully I did good haha

This was like… wAYY longer than I planned to write but in my defense, this prompt was lovely and I just wanted there to be more. #noregrets this was very fun and I hope it’s fun for others as well :)

Also, I planned to post this earlier today but..... my laptop died and then I had to catch a flight. And then I thought "you know what would be a great idea? Writing a bonus section!!" ...so r.i.p. my schedule I guess ://

#transmages exchange #simon snow trilogy #carry on #wayward son #rainbow rowell #nonbinary baz pitch #questioning agatha wellbelove #simon snow being a supportive boyfriend #The Gang (TM) being supportive friends #uhh yeah idk what else to tag #i wrote too much #im very tired #this is the first fic ive ever posted!! so I'm super nervous lmao #thats it #i hope you enjoy!

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pretending-ican-write · 3 years

Text

Tinder but make it your girlfriend

I'm so sorry I haven't posted anything in agesss but I've been very much preoccupied with university and writer's block but this came to me after reading @sour--disposition 's fic on a similar idea!

In this, the reader is a mcyt/streamer and Tommyinnit's sister and dating Ethan.

Y/H/T (your hometown)

Y/A (your age)

Y/H (your height)

You were sat in the green room, idly scrolling through twitter responding to replies from fans and your friends, waiting for one of the crew to let you know it was your turn. Everyone else had already had their turn, returning to recount the lines used by the boys through laughter.

Originally you weren’t meant to be in the video but one of the girls had pulled out last minute so the boys had asked you to fill in the spot. As Ethan’s girlfriend you’d agreed to take part because you thought it would be funny to be involved instead of just being behind the camera.

Emma came back into the room, drawing you out of your thoughts, “good luck Y/N, I think you’ll need it.”

You smiled at her before getting up to follow the crew member into the shoot room. As soon as you walked in, the boys cheered. You stepped onto the footprints and looked at the camera to introduce yourself.

“Hi. I’m Y/N, from Y/H/T and I’m Y/A,” you looked at the line of your friends in front of you, “do your worst boys.”

Simon stepped up to the cut out first, trying to hide his smile, causing you to smirk back at him.

“Hi. I’m Simon, I’m 28 and I’m taller than Ethan,” he deadpanned, looking straight at you.

Alongside the other boys, you burst out laughing at Simon’s line, as Ethan made noises of insult from further back.

You stopped laughing enough to respond, “I mean the thing is, you’re right. So I’m gonna go for yes.”

The laughter resumed as Simon went to the right, flipping off your boyfriend as he went when JJ went up next. You took a deep breath, steeling yourself for what your friend was going to say.

He looked at you, “I’m JJ, I’m 27 and um, I’m not a weatherman but you can expect a few more inches tonight.”

“Oh God I feel sorry for your girlfriend, “you replied with a small laugh, “I think you might be exaggerating with a few inches there JJ.”

JJ put his hand to his chest, staggering back into Stephen at your response.

“It’s a hard no for me JJ. Not sorry,” you decided, dramatically swiping your hand to the left.

He moved over to the left, with an overdramatic pout, “I will never recover from this Y/N.”

“I’m sure your ego is big enough to survive this,” you smiled at him sarcastically, “who’s next?”

Stephen stepped up to the footprints, “I’m Stephen, I’m 25 and- you know what? Nah.”

You looked at him in shock as he went over to JJ whilst the others descended into laughter, Simon falling over and a couple of the others leaning on each other for support.

You pointed an accusing finger at him, “you know what? I expected that from Freezy but not you Stephen. I’m disappointed.”

“What did I do for this slander?” Cal protested.

“We haven’t got the time to explain that,” Lux laughed.

Tobi was next up, “Hi Y/N.”

“Afternoon.”

“I’m Tobi, I’m 27 and I’m 6 foot tall.”

You looked at him with amusement, “Ethan how tall am I?”

“Y/H,” he replied with a matching look.

“I thought so. If you’re 6 foot Tobi then I must fucking snow white,” you answered, pointing him towards the no side, “that’s just a bold faced lie.”

After Tobi came Callux who you knew was gonna be using a pick up line, “give us your worst then Lux.”

“The standards are high Y/N?” Asked Simon, currently the only when who you’d said yes to.

“We’ve established the bar is in hell, I’m dating Ethan,” you deadpanned, smirking at the laughter that followed.

Cal began after you’d all recovered, “I’m Calum, I’m 29. I have 206 bones in my body. Want to give me another one?”

You nodded, “yeah sure. Come here and I’ll break your leg in 2.”

Lux looked at you in complete shock whilst you just stared back at him, “off to the left you go Luxxy.”

Following him was Vik, “I’m Vik, I’m 25 and I play minecraft.”

“I mean I think Tommy would disown me if I said no but because you’re also an mcyt I feel I’m legally required to swipe right,” you explained, gesturing to the right.

Finally it was the turn of Ethan. He stepped up to the cut out and looked at you. You stared straight back at him, not breaking eye contact.

“Are they having a fucking staring contest?” Exclaimed JJ.

You nodded, “and I won.”

“I’m Ethan, I’m 24 but I’m pretty sure you know that. If you swipe left then I’ll no longer give you access to my wardrobe.”

You sucked the air in between your teeth, “see as funny as it would be for me to swipe left that is not something I’m willing to risk.”

You put your hands in a heart as he joined the other boys. He smiled back to you and you knew you’d be stealing the very t-shirt he was wearing later.

As Freezy stepped up you took a sip of water from the bottle in hand, “Hi. I’m Cal, I’m 26 and I’m also taller than Behzinga.”

Ethan put his middle finger up at Freezy which made you nearly spit the water from your mouth. You managed to swallow the water before pointing a threatening finger at your boyfriend warning him to behave.

“It just isn’t funny when you steal the joke Freezy. But I guess that’s why most your content isn’t,” you mused, siding him to the left.

He staggered into JJ who brought him to the floor as he ‘died’ at your take down.

“You’ve managed to kill 2 of them today Y/N. I hope you’re proud,” Ethan huffed.

You nodded, “yeah and now I’ll steal all their subscribers. Thank you KSI for your help, Freezy less so.”

“Can we have her removed from the set please?” JJ complained, “she’s destroying all of us.”

Vik shook his head, laughing, “it’s hilarious.”

“Only because you’re on the other side of it, fam!”

A crew member called out to you all, “can we move on to Harry please.”

When your best mate stepped up with his upside down notebook you burst out laughing, “I’m sorry Bog. Please continue.”

“Um, I’m Harry, I’m 24 and I actually have a poem for you.”

“Let’s hear it then.”

Harry cleared his throat to read, “Roses are red, the sun is bright, Y/N can’t play bedwars, she is so shite.”

“Insulting her doesn’t work,” shouted Stephen.

You flipped him off, “shut up Stephen. See I have some issues here. On one hand, you’re insulting me Harry but it’s also true. Plus, I actually wrote that poem Harry.”

The others 'ooed’ teasingly at your point before you continued, “but because it’s you I’m gonna say yes.”

He gave a little cheer and joined the others on the right, fist bumping Ethan.

The last one left was Josh, who you were praying wasn’t going to say anything weird given that you saw him like a brother.

“I’m Josh, I’m 29 and… no I just can’t do it. It’s too weird,” Josh laughed and walked to the right.

You breathed out a sigh of relief, “I’ll be honest I’m quite glad for that.”

With the boys all sorted to either side, the shoot was finally over and you were all free to go back to your flats.

You arrived back at your apartment to take a shower and change into Ethan’s t-shirt with a pair of leggings before joining him on the sofa to order takeaway and pick a movie.

He slid his arm easily around your shoulders, pulling you into him, allowing you to rest your head on his shoulder. You closed your eyes, the exhaustion of the long day finally hitting you.

“Thank you for being in the video,” Ethan murmured in your ear.

You smiled into his shoulder, “it was fun. Any opportunity to take the piss out of the boys.”

#sidemen #sidemen imagine #behzinga #behzinga x reader #ethan payne #ethan payne x reader #sidemen x reader #mcyt

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