#shh… they’re sleeping <3
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(via)
#shh… they’re sleeping <3#cottagecore#cats#kittens#animals#cute#soft aesthetic#bedroom#cozycore#cosycore#grandmacore#sleeping#comfy#comfycore
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✩ ‧₊˚ ✩。GOODBYE KISS — GOJO SATORU. (rich boy! au)
contents. college! au, rich boy! gojo, established relationships, morning cuddles wif toru <3, morning tantrums with toru too lol, ft. our fav: momjo !!
satoru’s head is on your chest as he snores softly—normally, you adore the feeling of him so close to you, but right now, it’s five minutes until your wake-up-for-real-this-time-or-you’re-late alarm will go off. you’ve already hit snooze on the other six—how satoru’s slept through them all is a mystery to you.
you peer down at him, watching the way his lips are parted as soft breaths escape him in gentle sighs. his hair is messy over his forehead, and the sun makes his skin glow in that way only satoru could glow. you sigh, pressing a soft kiss to his forehead, and as if he feels the affection in his sleep, he hums a little while still unconscious.
too bad you’ll have to break this peace in just a moment.
and this is going to work out poorly—you already know that. if you move from under satoru, he’ll wake up. if he wakes up, he’ll realize you’re trying to leave. if he realizes you’re trying to leave, he’ll have a meltdown. if he has a meltdown, he’ll surely win and convince you to stay. if you stay, you’ll miss class and fall behind on the notes. if you fall behind on the notes, you’ll procrastinate on catching up. if you procrastinate on catching up, you’ll know absolutely nothing by the time the next exam rolls around. if you know nothing by the time the next exam rolls around, you’ll have multiple mental breakdowns and lose yourself to stress the night before as you cram all in one sitting.
simply put, your entire grade resides on the fact that satoru is currently sleeping on your chest, and he definitely won’t let you leave.
you try anyway—and just as you suspect, you fail.
“huh? wha—where are you going?” he groans, rubbing his eyes as he blinks them open. “wait a sec—baby no,” he whines.
“shh, toru, you’re dreaming,” you kiss his forehead, “i’m not actually leaving.”
“i’m not stupid!”
“shhh, your dream is tricking you,” you insist, “i’m still right under you.”
“you can’t gaslight me! i’m not falling for your tricks,” he huffs, “how gullible do you think i am?”
very, you want to say—but that would be a bad idea.
“you’re not stupid at all, toru,” you say sweetly, “you’re the smartest man i’ve ever met.”
“this is definitely not a dream because you’re even meaner to me in my dreams,” he raises a brow, “dream you would never be this nice.”
“what do you mean i’m mean in your dreams?” you gasp. you’re not mean to satoru—you wouldn’t have to yell at him if he just behaved half the time.
“they’re more like nightmares,” he huffs, “last one, you made me sleep outside. that was rude.”
“how could you dream me being a jerk?” you ask, offended—and before he can answer, your wake-up-for-real-this-time-or-you’re-late alarm blares.
satoru glances down at your phone and stares for a moment—and then he flops back against his pillow as he whines miserably.
“don’t leave,” he begs, “please, just skip this one class for me? i get so cold in the mornings,” he pouts.
“then put a shirt on,” you sigh.
“i’ll be lonely!”
“not if i’m bullying you in your dreams, apparently.”
“baby, i can’t sleep without something to cuddle,” he tries again—that one almost makes you cave. you have to admit that cuddling isn’t something you enjoy passing on either, but class is important. more important than class is your sanity that you would like to keep intact instead of lose while cramming six chapters in one night.
“cuddle my pillow,” you sigh, “satoru, please. i’m already late.”
“just this once, okay? i won’t ask again,” he says innocently, his eyes wide and pleading as they peer up at you.
“you said that last time.”
“last time i crossed my fingers,” he winks, “so it didn’t count. so now you have to—”
“goodbye, satoru,” you mumble.
he slumps in defeat, grumbling under his breath before rolling over to turn his back to you petulantly. you sigh, rolling your eyes—though fondly, before you head to the bathroom, getting ready for the day.
by the time you’re out, satoru has fallen asleep again—you know it’s because he’s stayed up late again to play video games with suguru. because you don’t want to disturb him from his much needed sleep (and because you don’t want to risk waking up him and dealing with another tantrum), you decide to gently pull the blankets over his bare chest and skip the goodbye kiss.
it won’t be a big deal if he doesn’t get a kiss goodbye while he’s asleep, right? he won’t even be awake to notice.
evidently, you realize in the middle of class that you’re wrong. very wrong.
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤToday, 8:32 AM
baby boy 💋:
you left without a goodbye kiss???????????
are you ignoring me????????????
baby
sweetheart
sunshine
angel
peaches
i know you’re reading this.
ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤ ㅤToday, 8:41 AM
mrs. gojo ❤️:
please answer satoru. i really don’t want a headache today
this is very short and silly sorry. anyway rip momjo she deal with too much that boy is a handful
#teepods.writings#drabbles.#rich boy! au#gojo x reader#gojo fluff#gojo x you#jjk x reader#jjk x you#jjk fluff#gojo satoru fluff#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru x you#jujutsu kaisen x you#jujutsu kaisen fluff#jujutsu kaisen x reader
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cocky loser stoner modern ellie hc’s
• such a job hopper. fast food, retail, random places like menards, the zoo
• her car is so shitty and it’s kinda stinky from the weed and maybe a bit dirty.. but she’d so clean it for you and put some air fresheners in the vents <3
• in the not so distant future she totally becomes one of those rich famous streamers and buys joel a house but shh that’s in the future so for now
• also her seat in her car is leaned back so far and so low there’s no possible way that’s comfortable right??
• sorry idk why i keep thinking about the car but also she has snacks in there always! but they’re like. opened, old, stale, half gone.. yeah
• a player, community strap if you will, but like come on can you blame her it’s not her fault she gets bitches (her words not mines)
• will smoke you out and take you to mcdonald’s what more could a girl ask for
• and she’ll pay even though she’s broke 90% of the time
• always texting joel memes he doesn’t understand in the slightest
• tells him about girls she’s been with just to embarrass him LOL
“joel you have to see this girl she had the most juicy-”
“alright that’s enough, i know i didn’t raise you to talk like that.”
• sometimes (most times) she’ll just wake up and throw on whatever she first puts her hands on. and doesn’t even care enough to pretend to be embarrassed when you see her in public in baggy pants with one leg rolled up, the most wrinkled shirt ever, and socks that aren’t even the same length
• refuses to wear any other shoes than her beat up busted up converse. they have several holes. you can see her socks. the shoelaces are torn. come on
• says stuff like she’ll buy you the most expensive gifts when she “makes it”
• you have to force her to put chapstick on and she’s so one of those people that only uses the original one with no fun flavors
• basketball shorts or boxers to sleep kind of girl
• always so warm omg (i am putting my cold feet on her idc)
• in conclusion i need her 🫡
#it’s been a while…#sorry <3#feel free to give me attention now#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams imagine#ellie williams headcanons#ellie williams#ellie williams tlou#tlou ellie#tlou ellie williams#ellie williams x you#ೀbunsdreams
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hi! I noticed ur response to my request just now!
I was wondering if u could still do that request? I can be more specific tho!! something more angsty like y/n feels like a bad mom and she starts crying. also u can include the nighttime and the baby won’t sleep and they’re struggling a lot as new parents <3 so neteyam let’s y/n sleep in the next morning and talks to the baby super cutely? tysm I love ur stuff❤️❤️❤️
heck yeah! ofc i can :)
⊱✿⊰ ⊱✿⊰ ⊱✿⊰ ⊱✿⊰ ⊱✿⊰ ⊱✿⊰ ⊱✿⊰ ⊱✿⊰ ⊱✿⊰ ⊱✿⊰
neteyam is cleaning up from dinner as you’re attempting to feed your son for the final time tonight. however, your son refuses to latch. he begins to grow fussy, arms and legs jolting around as he squirms in your arms. tears begin to prick your eyes, as your breasts grow uncomfortable, weighing down your chest from the excess of milk building up.
“come on, tsantu.” you coo, gently bouncing your newborn. “drink for mama.” you guide his lips to your nipple once more, hoping he’ll finally latch.
only he doesn’t. instead, he turns his head aside, and begins to wail.
“shh shhhh shhhh, don’t cry.” you hush him, rocking his small frame back and forth.
his cries grow louder as neteyam walks over, a cloth draped over his shoulder. holding his hands out towards you, he asks “want me to take him?”
your lower lip quivers as you look up at your mate. “he-he won’t eat, i don’t know what to do! i can’t not feed him, ‘teyam. but he won’t eat! w-why won’t he eat?” tears are streaming down your cheeks now, crying along with your son.
neteyam sighs. he feels awful, helpless even. he knows everything he’s feeling, you’re feeling twice as much, if not more. “let me take him. when he calms down, you can try again. okay?”
you blink more tears away as you hand your son off to your mate. “i’m s-sorry, ‘t-teyam. i’m an awful mother.” you bury your face in your hands, tears falling harder now as you break down.
neteyam is bouncing your newborn in his arms, gently patting his back.
“my love.” he kneels beside you, one hand reaching out to tuck your fallen braid behind your ear. “you are the most wonderful mother. you’re learning, no one gets everything right the first try. we’re learning, together. right? you and me? i’m right beside you, every step of the way. we will figure this out, together.”
you meet your mates gaze with tear-filled eyes. “together.” you agree, as he places a soft kiss to your lips.
you hadn’t noticed at first, but while neteyam was soothing you with his reassuring words, tsantu had stopped crying.
“ready to try again?” neteyam asks, waiting for your consent before handing your son back.
you take a deep breath in, as neteyam sits beside you. one of his hands cradles tsantu’s head, while the other wraps around you, rubbing your back gently.
“take your time.” he says softly, kissing the top of your head.
you give your mate a half smile before pulling tsantu close, leaving just enough room between him and your breast. you lean forward slightly, your nipple just grazing your son’s lips. he turns his head, opening his mouth to finally latch.
you turn to look at your mate, relief washing over you as you both watch him feed. neteyam continues to rub small circles in your back, kissing the top of your head every now and then. “you’re doing great, mama.”
once tsantu is finished feeding, neteyam carefully scoops him up in his arms. “i will put him to bed. lay back, relax, please. get some sleep, my love.” he plants a kiss to your forehead, thumb brushing your cheek as he helps you lay back.
your eyelids immediately droop, exhaustion setting in. you curl up on your mat for the night, taking only a few moments to fall asleep.
neteyam gives you a half smile, before turning his attention back to tsantu, who is also asleep now. he settles his small body in between the two of you, as he lays down for the night.
“goodnight, my loves…” he kisses both of your foreheads, before making himself comfortable.
⋆｡ ﾟ ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ ☾ ﾟ ｡⋆⋆｡ ﾟ ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ ☾ ﾟ ｡⋆⋆｡ ﾟ ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ ☾ ﾟ ｡⋆
after a few peaceful hours of uninterrupted sleep, tsantu wakes. it starts off as innocent babbles, but they grow louder. soon, the babbles turn into cries.
you sit up, yawning as your eyelids are half open. neteyam wakes too, rubbing his eyes. both of you are exhausted, having barely gotten any sleep. neteyam goes to pick up your son, cradling him in his arms before handing him off to you.
you shift the feathers that are draped over your chest, moving them aside to free your nipple. tsantu is quick to latch, his plump lips immediately drawn to your breast as he feeds.
when he finishes, his lips fall from your nipple, heavy lids drooping as he falls asleep within minutes. neteyam takes him from your grasp, cradling him in between your bodies. his thumb rubs your cheek gently, as he gazes over your sleepy form. “get some sleep, beautiful. i love you.”
your hand reaches up to cover his, as you close your eyes. “mmm…iloveyoumore…” you mumble, falling back asleep.
⋆｡ ﾟ ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ ☾ ﾟ ｡⋆⋆｡ ﾟ ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ ☾ ﾟ ｡⋆⋆｡ ﾟ ☁︎｡⋆｡ ﾟ ☾ ﾟ ｡⋆
tsantu is first to wake, naturally. his babbles growing loud enough for neteyam to hear, rousing him from his sleep.
“what’s that, my little warrior? hm?” he gently picks tsantu up, planting a kiss to your forehead before walking him over to the front of your marui. neteyam grabs the sling you both use to hold tsantu to your chest. carefully, he slips tsantu’s tiny arms and legs through the sling.
tsantu kicks and pats his hands against neteyam’s chest, babbling happily.
“oh, is that so?” neteyam asks, like he understands exactly what tsantu is saying. tsantu giggles, squealing happily as his tiny hands hit neteyam’s chest.
“you love mama? i love mama too.” he glances over at you, sleeping soundly on your shared mat. “how about we cut some fruits for her to have when she wakes, hm?”
#dad!neteyam#dad neteyam#daddy neteyam#dilf!neteyam#neteyam x reader#neteyam x y/n#neteyam x omaticaya!reader#neteyam smut#neteyam sully smut#neteyam x na'vi!reader#neteyam x you#neteyam sully x y/n#neteyam sully x reader#neteyam sully x you#neteyam fluff#neteyam sully fluff
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Surprise
Summary: You surprise your Ma for her birthday.
A/N: Just a short one, based off this request.
It was the day before international break, a period of time in which Katie’s Birthday feel, she was upset that yet again your little family would be split on a birthday, little did she know that your Mum was planning to come visit her, she had arranged with Tony to have a break however that was after the team had already been announced, so she asked Tony to wait until the day she surprised Katie to announce that she was no longer available.
“What if I just don’t go to camp this time, they’re only friendlies” she said as she opened a present.
“Katie, babe, no, you should go, it will be okay. Oh, and also you will get your main present on your Birthday” Caitlin said, she of course knew what this was, it was you and her, but Katie didn’t.
“What is it?” “You will have to wait to find out”.
_____
“Which plane ours?” You ask your Mum, you were standing on the window looking out at the planes in the lounge, Steph and Kyra were with you, as always, except for some reason you didn’t have nearly as many bags as them, where usually you would have more than them.
“We aren’t getting on a plane today, Monkey.” She replies, “But why?”
“Because we are going to fly to Ireland tomorrow, so we can surprise Ma for her Birthday,” your Mum informs you excitedly.
“So why we here then?” “To send her photos like we always do so she doesn’t get suspicious. We’re tricking her into thinking we are going to Matilda’s camp”.
“But you say tricking is bad” you pout.
“Well, most of the time it is, but this time it’s for a good reason, so it isn’t bad”.
“Because Ma is sad, she won’t see us on her birfday and if we go and see her she will get all happy?” you question trying to make sense of the situation “Exactly” “kay”
_____
“PLANE!” You exclaim as you watch a plane take off.
“Shh, Monkey, inside voice, people are trying to work and relax,” she tells you softly in your ear before she turns to a group of businesspeople near her, “I am so sorry, she is just very excited, we are going to surprise her Ma today, she is currently away for work, and its her birthday today,”
“Oh no, it’s sweet, and that is such a cute thing to do,” one of the Women say.
“It’s alright, we’re not really doing anything that important, trying to figure out what colour to use for our design, but I’m sure Katie will be happy to see you. Oh god I sound like a stalker, my daughter is an avid football fan, she plays and wants to become a professional”. The man who seems to the boss says.
“That’s okay, but I am sorry, if I ever see you at a game, I’ll make sure to say hi,”
“Thank you, we are actually coming to the first game after international break,”
“Well, I’ll keep a look out and maybe I’ll have a gift for her”.
“Now boarding flight BA830 to Dublin, flight BA830 boarding now”
“Oh, that’s us, nice meeting you all sorry for the noise again,” your Mum picked you up and headed to your gate, you got checked in and sat on the plane, it wasn’t a verry long flight, but you still fell asleep, something about planes sends you to sleep, you had also not slept much last night as you were excited about seeing your Ma.
_____
There was a car in the pick-up spot waiting for you, your Mum had asked Eileen if it was okay if she did surprise your Ma, she was nervous that Eileen would say no as it might cause some tension/drama in the team but Eileen said absolutely, she even offered a driver to pick you up from the airport and take you to the grounds, your Mum had said it’s okay but Eileen said it was the least she could do,
You got in a car with you Mum, which stopped outside a local flower shop, you went inside with her and helped her pick out the biggest and bestest bouquet for your Ma, after you had purchased it, you got back into the car. After about 3 minutes you were there.
“You ready?” “See Ma!”
Eileen was on the sidelines, near where you were entering, when she saw you, she yelled out “Katie, can you come over here for a sec,” you Ma turned around and started jogging before she saw you and stopped, her mouth dropped before she crocked out "Y/N/N, Cait".
“Ma,” you said as you started running as fast as your little legs could go, when you neared her, she put her arms out and you jumped into them, she lifted you up to give you a big hug before perching you on her hip, your Mum wasn’t far behind her.
“Happy Birthday my love,” your Mum said as she placed a kiss on your Mums lips and hugged her, before putting her arm around her shoulders. “How?” “That doesn’t matter now does it, we’re here.” “I love you so much, thank you for surprising me and for coming” your Ma said as a few tears left her eyes, but Caitlin was quick to wipe them away.
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— emo txt as ghostface headcanons!
warnings <3: !smut, cursing, yandere txt (they’re dark and toxic), death, gore, !coquette reader, emo txt, ddlg, !!size difference!!, (reader is in college), crybaby reader ):
a/n <3: i wasn’t expecting that much likes on my first post ! ty ty ily guys sm :€ lemme know if i should make a taglist too !! n don’t be shy to leave requests !! hope u guys enjoy !!
ghostface txt! who would insist on watching all six of the scream films together, they’re absolutely obsessed with the gore and the ghostface reveals in the ending of each film. “see that babe? see how jill almost got away with it? all she had to do was make sure old sydney was dead dumb bitch”
ghostface txt! who loves to see you scared, “daddy? did you see that ghostface is back in town? im really scared” you’d whimper cuddling deeper into your boyfriends chest for comfort “what if he kills us next?” you’d tear up worrying making them laugh at you, “you’d really think i’d let them touch even a hair on your little head baby? if anything i’d die for you and give myself up as sacrifice wait no i’d kill ghostface for you” they’d coo at your eyes softening before teasing you again, “that only applies if you’re a good girl for me though otherwise i’ll let ghostface slit your throat” and you immediately burst into tears
ghostface txt! who loves making you cry “n-no more mister ghostface please!” you’d sob hysterically as you continue to lay under your bed taking the older man’s rough assault against your pretty pussy. you were ashamed of how your failed attempt of hiding from the infamous killer resulted in your getting fucked from behind, that and the fact that a man other than your boyfriend was using your body or so you thought “shh what did i say hm? you tell me to stop one more time princess and i kill you and your boyfriend” they’d laugh menacingly at your pleas before you blabber a ‘im sorry sir’ praying to god that your boyfriend wouldn’t find out about you basically “cheating” on him
ghostface txt! would purposely torment you and then gaslight you about it “i dunno i felt like i was being watched last night when i was sleeping it was really weird” you’d frown as your boyfriend bounced you on their knee “oh? are you sure babe? i think maybe we need to stop watching those scream movies so much seems to me you’re getting paranoid” they’d pet your hair as you nod pouting deeper
ghostface txt! who would kill anyone your friends with at school staging it as accidents/suicide and being there to comfort you through it all, “she was my bestfriend!” you’d sob at the reminder of your friend from your classes passing on as your boyfriend faux frowned at you shushing your cries as they held you in their arms
ghostface txt! who would laugh as you finally figure out who ghostface really was, “how’d you catch on?” they’d faux coo at your face as more tears flow down your face you’d whine at the harsh thrust of their cock going in and out of your pussy “catch on?” they’d grin like a cheshire cat at your response, “you’ve been flinching everytime i go near you i know you know something” you’d gasp softly as your felt your gummy walls being filled by your boyfriends cum “i found your ghostface mask under your bed” you’d hiccup “im sorry for not saying anything i was just scared you’d get mad” you’d sniffle as you finally cummed your little legs giving out
#coquette#emo boyfriend#emo x coquette#txt x reader#angelina’s garden ♡!#txt#txt smut#ghostface x reader
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The Surrogate: Part III
Miguel O'Hara X Peter B. Parker X GN!Reader (+18)
Part one
Part Two
Series Content: Planned pregnancy, Breeding kink, PinV sex, Oral sex, Threesome, Web knotting, Aftercare, Possible Angst/fluff.
Miguel and Peter want a third child, and apparently they've run out of options. That is, except for you, their friend and colleague. They offer to cover everything, and the pay is life-changing. There's just one catch: they went to concieve naturally.
You woke up barely able to feel your own body. It was like you were just a head floating in a cotton void, soft, numb, and still. You breathed in and out through your mouth, lightly drooling on the pillow as your body regained feeling inch by inch, minute by minute.
In that sweet space between waking and dreams you felt nothing. You were just drifting away, away—
“COME ON PAPA, HURRY UP!”
Your eyes shot open as a young girl’s voice echoed in from under your bedroom door.
God, you were so sore.
You were still Miguel and Peter’s spare room, or as they’d declared it, your room.
You barely remembered falling asleep. You remembered vaguely that at around 2am you’d hit your limit, having taken both men approximately 3 to 4 times each, and Peter had tenderly made sure you were comfortable and safe before they both left.
You moved your leg across the bed and flushed as you felt it hit a wet patch to your left. Huh. Peter must have shifted you out of it so you could sleep. You didn’t even want to think about how messy that side was.
You yawned and rubbed your face as you tried to gather your thoughts.
Well, it was done. Or at least, it was started. You’d officially had sex with them both, multiple times, unprotected, while ovulating. It hit you quite hard how serious this was, how serious it’d gotten. You’d had fun last night but now dawn was breaking, and you’d have to start planning your day, thinking about how every step you took their seed was in your womb right now, possibly creating some strange amalgamation baby.
It also hit you that… you wanted to do it again. You wanted them both, you wanted those two men on you, inside you, breaking the bed with their firm, aggressive thrusts, filling you until there was no more room.
Your face flushed violently. You’d hoped you’d at least enjoy the baby-making part, since it’d suck to just have to put up with it for the money, but… you hadn’t expected to enjoy yourself THIS much, right?
Right…?
Was it, wrong, to enjoy yourself this much? You were supposed to just be here as their surrogate, their support, but you could feel your gut tightening at the thought of both men. You felt a small pang of anxiety. You knew you were supposed to be professional, so why could you not stop your mind from wandering?
Your concentration was broken when you heard voices from behind your closed door.
‘Shh! Shh, look- you deal with the girls, I’ll go make sure they’re okay.’
That was Peter speaking, you thought. You could quite easily pick up his voice now. Wait, so both men were awake? Did they think you were still asleep? Then you heard something more.
‘PAPA!’
That was the girls. They must have been dropped home this morning at some point while you were blacked out. You instinctively ducked beneath the sheets.
‘Yes, mi amor! Just a minute, go put your shoes on!’ said another low male voice. Your heart fluttered a little; that was Miguel. He appeared to be calling to who you presumed must be Gabi, before he returned to whispering with Peter. ‘Ay Dios mio- I meant to talk to them though.’
‘I’ll relay the message, big guy. Okay?’
‘Mm... Okay. Fine. Just… Come here, just, quickly—’
You heard a soft, romantic moan as the two presumably kissed against the door. You couldn’t see them, but it sounded like just a quick peck.
‘Muy guapo’ you heard Miguel whisper, his voice just barely audible as it drifted under the door. ‘You know, I kind of hope the baby is yours, biologically.’
‘Oh, really?’
You heard them chuckling and awkwardly shuffled yourself deeper into the sheets. ‘Mhm,’ Miguel confirmed. ‘You make such cute babies. I want to see another one. Pedro’s bebito, eh?’
You felt like you shouldn’t be hearing this, but… It was kind of nice, even if it was a little voyeuristic, and perhaps a little melancholic. You’d been single so long yourself that to hear their soft, romantic platitudes in private was soothing on your own heart. Nobody got to see what they were like alone.
You heard them chuckling again, and this time the door creaked a little. They must be cuddling up against it. ‘But I want another one of you’ Peter whined softly. ‘The red eyes would be so cute. Little red-eyed baby? And the wittle tiny fangs—’
‘Oye, a tiny me will be a tiny nightmare’ Miguel chuckled in a whisper. ‘I’m just glad we’ve got their genes to balance it out, if that happens.’
You blinked. They? Were they talking about you now?
‘Oh, true. Very true. Ah- I hope they’re okay. I was SHOCKED they took as much as they did’ Peter whispered. You felt your face burn up a little as you shuffled down into the sheets, suddenly aware that they thought you were still asleep. You didn’t want to come into their home and look like an eavesdropper.
‘They did a good job, we picked right’ Miguel replied. He sounded happy, despite his professional sounding tone. ‘I agree, that uh- that’s the one issue with it being a friend. I do feel bad about pushing too hard.’
‘Oo, but they liked you though’ Peter said, practically purring as their whispers continued. ‘I could feel it. My big stud did such a good job, you better be careful. You’re gonna ruin them for anyone else.’
Miguel let out a slightly huskier chuckle. ‘What, you want us to keep ‘em?’
You felt your chest grow tight. Something about this whole thing was making you anxious. They were joking about, yes, but… Joking about keeping you? In what way? As the giggling died down, you finally heard Peter’s voice drifting beneath the door once more.
‘They’re pretty aren’t they?’ Peter whispered as low as he could.
‘Ay, Pedrito—’
‘NO, don’t make that face! You know I’m right!’
‘Mm… Yeah, yeah, I know, just- Don’t make me jealous’ Miguel grunted. You heard Peter scoff and felt your face get redder.
Wait, jealous?
‘Don’t make you jealous? You big dummy- You don’t get to look at them with those dark, brooding eyes and then get mad at me for it. You’re my man, and I am yours, heart, body, and soul, but we both know, very well, that our friend is hot, and it’s making the whole thing easier. Mm? Okay? Okay, Mr big soft baby?’
You heard Miguel chuckling again, his soft, dramatic tone now gone. It seems Peter was good at calming him. ‘Mm. Whatever. Maybe you have a point’ he whispered.
‘I always have a point, thank you. Hey, actually, speaking of, uh- I got some time before work if you’re taking the kids. If it’s an option, would you- like me to try and go with them again, or—’
‘No’ Miguel said firmly, quickly shutting Peter down. You tensed a little as you sank into the sheets. ‘No’ he repeated, ‘I want to… watch, if you do. It… mm.’
Your face went bright red as you heard Miguel let out a dark, deeply sensual chuckle, the door creaking as he pushed Peter into it again. ‘You both look, real pretty, when you’re moaning like that. Making me my precious little mjito. Eh? Lemme watch you make it. Don’t tease me.’
You felt your insides flutter and pulse as you listened to Miguel’s filthy little comments about your breeding process, and from the sounds Peter was making he felt the same way.
‘We can try again tonight if they’re willing. But remember, don’t push them. They need to rest’ Miguel said, and you heard him kiss Peter on the forehead. He must have noticed the time as he was suddenly talking much faster, eager to leave.
‘Excuse me, sir, you went four times last night, I only went three. I tapped out first. I’m not the one pushing them’ Peter quietly insisted. You heard Miguel chuckle again.
‘Mm. Okay, you got me there. I did a get a little… overzealous’ he admits, only for his words to be drowned out by the screams and shouts of their daughters. You could hear May and Gabi racing through the house. You felt a slight tug in your heart; you hadn’t considered how you were supposed to interact with them yet either. You just sank deeper into the sheets.
‘Okay, I gotta go. Hasta luego, mi amor’ you heard Miguel murmur, and after what sounded like one final kiss he was gone, calling to the girls to behave and follow. You listened to their voices growing distant until at last the apartment was silent, and only then did you let your guard down.
You collapsed into the sheets and grunted.
For a few minutes, you pondered the conversation you’d overheard in a bit of a daze. The way they talked about you was certainly flattering, which was nice, but, it made you feel weird inside too. It gave you a strange, almost bittersweet form of anxiety.
You buried your face into the pillows, unable to escape the way Miguel’s deep, sensual voice hung in your ears, or the way you remembered Peter’s breath on your back as he worked you, one hand on your neck and one on your hip, curving you like a bowstring.
‘Oh, fuck’ you mumbled to yourself. ‘I’m down so bad…’
‘Hi!’
You almost fell off the edge of the bed you flinched so hard. You spun and glared at the door, only to see Peter giving you that dorky half-smile with the bright, burning light of the sun at his back. You slowly forced yourself to relax.
‘My god… Ah- hey, Peter.’
Peter beamed down at you, his smile sincere. His hair was a mess and he was wearing pyjamas under a loose pink fluffy robe, both of which looked well worn at this point. The man liked the lounge.
‘Good morning, good morning’ he said, practically purring as he crept in and sank down onto the bed beside you. You gazed up at him with curious eyes, trying hard to seem like you just woke up and didn’t hear the two men’s intimate conversation.
‘Ah… ah, good morning Peter—’ you said, stopping to give a fake yawn to sell it further. His soft, sympathetic coos informed you that it worked.
‘Oh! Look at you, so sleepy. I’m sorry to wake you but I wanted to be sure you were okay and just, you know, go over some ground rules for today.’
You blinked and instinctively went to repeat what he said. ‘The what? Ground rules for toda—’
‘OH! But first!’
Before you could even finish your question, Peter had sprung up and hurried back out into the main house, his robe flapping around him as he went. You just chuckled to yourself. What a sweet man.
A few minutes later he threw himself back through the door, now preoccupied with a plate and a glass in his hand he was trying very hard not to spill. He crept over and carefully laid them down on the bedside table. He’d brought you a very simple, plain bagel and coffee.
‘Here, ah- this is what I’d call, pre-breakfast’ he whispered. You blanched a little.
‘Pre, breakfast? What—’
‘Obviously I will feed you more!’ he insisted, both hands raised as he sank down to his knees beside the bed. ‘Or, you can uh- feed yourself more later. The fridge is open to you. I stocked up over the weekend, I had to keep wrestling May out of there because she wanted to eat it all.’
You nodded along slowly as you began taking small bites of the bagel he’d brought. It tasted good, really good, perhaps homemade?
‘Mm- You’re tryna feed me up, huh?’ you replied mid-bite. Peter beamed.
‘Mhm! Gotta make sure you’re well taken care of’ he said, his voice strangely affectionate. Seemingly unable to help himself his eyes roamed down to your belly beneath the sheets, his gaze darting a little, as if he could somehow see the process occurring inside you. It made you strangely shy.
You’d been fine with the arrangement, of course, but it was weird to feel yourself being looked at like a broodmare. You felt how differently Peter talked to you compared to Miguel.
But then his head shot up, and he grinned at you again. ‘Can I see?’
‘Can you see wha- AH!’
You squeaked as he pushed the sheets aside and physically threw himself onto your lower torso, burying himself into your stomach. He squished you hard, his hands grabbed fistfuls of fat and muscle to squeeze, as he held you taut to his face and lovingly smothered your bare skin.
‘MM! Mm! You did so good’ he hissed affectionately, the words flying from his lips as he raised his head. He found you utterly confused, frozen in surprise, with his hands still gripping you tight. ‘You did good’ he repeated in a whisper, his soft smile widening. ‘You did really well. I mean really. The first time I tried to sleep with Miggy I think I nearly passed out. He was ah- a little less restrained back then, to be fair, but—’
He paused mid-ramble as he realized you were still frozen in shock, and his smile turned lopsided.
‘Ah… Sorry. Am I being too much?’ he whispered. You instinctively shook your head, your eyes still unblinkingly fixed on his face. ‘N-No. No! No. it’s fine’ you stammered back. ‘Just- ah, thank you, I guess. I was a little nervous but it, went better than I expected?’
‘Much better! Much better’ Peter reiterated as he sank down beside you. ‘You did an excellent job.’
‘Mm..’ You couldn’t help but chuckle a little at his gleeful expression as you took another bite. ‘Well, again, thanks. So uh, what did you wanna ask, Peter?’
‘OH!’ Peter cried as he clapped his hands, ‘I just wanted to make sure you were okay! And also ah- oh, yes, make sure you know general rules for living here.’
‘I know the rules Peter, I read the contract Miguel sent’ you scoffed a little.
‘You- you did? But- my god, it was almost 30 pages long’ Peter suddenly hissed, seemingly genuinely confused by the idea that you actually read the contract you’d been given. You rolled your eyes again.
‘Yes. I read it. I take my job seriously.’
‘Oh, I know you do’ Peter said, his voice still low but now taking on a slightly subdued flirty tone. ‘You took me very seriously last night.’
‘Peter!’
You gently slapped his thigh as he tried not to chuckle. ‘Okay, okay, I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Let’s start again. So… How are you doing?’ Peter asked, holding his arms out as a gesture of goodwill. You huffed and gave him a tilted smile.
‘Hm. I’m fine, don’t worry. A little sore but not that bad, I’ll be better by this evening, I think. No bruises, no uh- lasting damage, you know.’
You noticed the way Peter’s eyes roamed a little as you mentioned the state of your body. They widened just a little when you mentioned being better this evening. ‘Mhm. Mhm. Okay! Well, that’s great then. So, I need to head off to work in a few minutes, but I wanted you to know the house is all yours. I can go wherever you want, you can use the kitchen to your heart's content, you can use the TV, the games console, we have a few books but uh- neither of us read as much as we should. Obviously, just, exercise the usual safety precautions you would with everything. We know you will, just- yanno.’
‘Peter come on, it’s still me’ you scoffed. ‘You don’t need to talk to me like I’m a total stranger.’
Peter pouted a little. ‘I KNOW, I know, but I rehearsed! Also if I don’t talk professionally I will get VERY inappropriate very fast, so—’
‘Okay! Okay. Gimme your prepared speech then, before you wind up balls deep in me again’ you teased, lightly punching his shoulder. The way his mischievous brown eyes narrowed in response made you just a little warm inside.
‘Mhm. Very funny. Like I said, you’re free to leave, obviously, I left you a spare set of keys on the kitchen counter by the fruit bowl. Everything in the fridge is available except the leftover empanadas and the big stack of unflavoured protein shakes, that’s Miguel’s, he won’t get mad if you touch ‘em but he WILL give you that sad little disappointed pout and talk very curtly for the rest of the day so PLEASE avoid them!’
You couldn’t help but chuckle at Peter’s warning. ‘Oh, yeah, sounds about right. Don’t worry, I wasn’t exactly craving unflavoured protein shake.’
‘Good, because they’re disgusting’ Peter insisted, causing you to laugh again. He then gave you one final smile before noticing the time on the bedside alarm clock, and with a sigh, he pushed himself up. ‘Okay! Well, I gotta head out. You take care, okay? I’ll see you later!’
You raised your hand to say goodbye only for Peter to hurry off, leaving you alone in bed once more. You shifted a little awkwardly in the rich, silk sheets.
‘Ah, sure thing, Peter. See you later’ you said, your voice lingering in the empty air, and in the distance, you heard the front door slam shut.
…
You spent the rest of the day getting accustomed to their house. You had a few days off work to adjust, luckily Miguel had ensured that, but already you were finding it a little boring without your friends.
Their apartment was certainly plush. You could admire it properly now; it had huge window walls overlooking the city, giving a perfect view of the moon rocket, the distant skyrise buildings, and of course the Spider Society HQ standing tall in its center. The windows initially surprised you since Miguel’s eyes were slightly sensitive to sunlight, but as you explored you quickly realized they were tinted with an almost invisible holographic sheen to stop the light from getting through in the same way.
They had a big open-plan kitchen and living room in the same beautiful modern shades of white and black. Everything looks very organized spare for the children’s drawings and toys strewn about the walls and floor. It seemed despite his need for perfection Miguel couldn’t bring himself to impose the same thing on his and Peter’s daughters.
You kept having to jump over balls of webbing and plush spider toys to get to where you wanted to go. It was… almost endearing.
You were left to muse your position and slowly adjust. You made breakfast with the copious amounts of food in the fridge, and you made lunch in the same way. You dozed on the huge, plush couch with your legs up and a thick blanket covering you and caught up on your favorite shows.
As the day wound into the afternoon, a storm came over, blanketing the city in heavy rain and darkness.
You did what you’d usually do on a weekend day off, but… all with a slight niggling thought at the back of your mind. It was the thought reminding you of what you’d done, of what could be happening inside you right now. Miguel’s baby, or Peter’s baby, just- sitting inside you.
You had to wonder how your relationship would change when it happened. You’d been naively certain nothing would change between the three of you after doing this, or after getting pregnant, but you were realizing that just couldn’t be true. They were still your friends of course, without a doubt, but… You had a craving now. A craving for something new, something sweet. Something you’d eventually… have to give up.
Because you were their friend, here to do a job. Nothing more.
You didn’t even notice your body drifting to sleep on the couch. As your mind went wild with a million scenarios you drifted off on the plush cushions, lulled by the rain, white noise, and warmth surrounding you on all fronts.
You only woke to the sound of childish giggling, something that was very unusual in your day-to-day life.
‘Shh! Shh, don’t say anything!’
A strange, muffled voice filled your ears, forcing you to flutter your eyelids open.
You immediately yelped.
Mayday and Gabi were kneeling by the couch barely an inch from your face. The girls were grinning as they looked you up and down, and they giggled more when you tried to scramble backward.
‘HI!’ May squealed, waving her hand. You awkwardly raised your own. Oh god, what did you do? What did you say? You’d forgotten that you’d have to engage with these two.
‘I… H-Hi, there’ you stammered. The girls began pulling on the couch as if trying to get closer.
‘You’re daddy’s friend, right?! You’re here to give us a sibling, right?’ May said, bold and unbothered in a way only a child can be. You felt heat rising to your face.
‘I… Y-Yeah, I am. Your, dads told you about that, huh?’ you said awkwardly. You were forced to make room then as the two girls sat beside you, eyeing you up with curious gazes.
‘Yeah! Dad said they gotta get your help to make it. I hope it’s a girl again!’ May crowed. ‘You’re here carrying the baby for them, right?’ Gabi added, the slightly older of the two being more tactful with her response.
You slowly nodded again. ‘Y-Yeah… Yeah, I’m just- carrying the baby, since they can’t.’
‘So, are you gonna be our parent too?’ May asked loudly, already moving to braid and play with your hair. You grunted at the intrusion but felt too bad to make her stop.
‘Aha, ah- n-not quite, sweetheart’ you said with a nervous laugh. ‘I’m just—’
‘If you’re gonna be another parent then you have to take my side!’ May blurted, putting her chubby hands on her little hips. ‘Papa tells me, I can’t have sugar before bed, a-and daddy says I can’t either! So if I have YOUR vote, then maybe I can win next time!’
You made mental notes in your head as you dumbly nodded; Okay, papa must be Miguel, and daddy was Peter.
‘Papa won’t let you just out-vote them, Maymay, it's not how math works! There’s two of them and ONE of them, it doesn’t work!’ Gabi drawled, smugly folding her arms. May scowled and stuck out her tongue, something Gabi immediately returned. You awkwardly tried to butt in again.
‘Well, I—’
‘Will you watch Bluey with me?’ May garbled a little, gently slapping your arm as she sat down on your stomach without warning. You let out a soft oof, but couldn’t help laughing, especially as Gabi settled at your head in a calmer, cross-legged position.
‘Ah- well, I—’
‘If you watch Bluey with me, you can be my third parent’ May said, gently slapping your arm. Bit by bit, to your surprise, you smiled. Her energy and boundless joy were infectious. What a sweet kid.
‘Sure’ you said gently. ‘Sure, okay, I’ll watch Bluey with you.’
May beamed at you, giving a gap-toothed grin with her big blue eyes and wild ginger hair covering her forehead. You smiled back.
‘Girls! Girls, girls, come here you!’
As you stammered with surprise Peter suddenly appeared, swooping in to your rescue as he lifted the girls into his arms. He held both as they squealed and waved their arms. For a moment, you felt bad that you’d been interrupted.
‘Mi amors! My little demons, mm—’ Peter chuckled as he kissed both girls on the cheek one after the other, going over and over until they squealed and begged him to stop.
‘What did I tell you about pestering our guest? Now, did you at least say HELLO to daddy’s friend?’ Peter said firmly, raising them both to look at you. May groaned while Gabi giggled.
‘Hi, daddy’s friend!’ they both said in unison.
‘Hi, papa’s friend.’
That dark, husky voice filled the apartment, and while the girls squealed you felt your body melt at the sound. You watched Miguel slip in and throw his work down on the kitchen counter so he could scoop up his girls as they ran toward him. His stoic face softened and melted as he pulled the girls towards him.
‘Mi amors, mis pollitos, cómo fue tu día?’ he whispered to them both, letting them tug on his hair and touch his cheeks with infinite patience.
You watched from the side as he talked to his daughters, feeling your heart melt even further at the sight. He looked so effortlessly calm here. While they vied for his attention though, he did shoot you one look. It was a glance only, but you swore you saw his lips tilt into another smile.
‘Pst, hey!’
You jumped and turned to see Peter leaning over you, a huge smile on his face.
‘Come by our bedroom later, once the girls are asleep’ Peter whispered into your ear, instinctively making you freeze. Your face flushed.
‘You- oh, uh… Okay, sure’ you said, but before you could ask why he’d run off to blow raspberries on May’s cheek, tenderly lifting her up and swinging her around the living room. You watched them with a mixture of endearment and confusion.
Come by later? Did… did they want to go again?
It felt like a full age passed as you made your way through the motions of the evening. You ate with the family slightly awkwardly, making small talk where you could. Miguel made an effort to include you, as did Peter, but you still felt like an outsider sitting here while this family chatted and laughed and talked about their day.
You spent the rest of the evening in your bedroom, waiting until it went quiet. Once the girls were asleep, and at least a half hour after that, you decided to sneak out and see what was going on exactly.
When you approached their bedroom door you heard soft laughter inside, which made you pause. It felt strangely intrusive entering their home like this, even though they’d asked for you. It felt… voyeuristic.
You paused for a second before forcing yourself to push it open.
‘Ah, there you are!’
The moment the door creaked open Peter looked over and beckoned for you to approach, his face spread into an eager grin. You took a moment to admire their room as you entered. It was gorgeous, a wide spread of blacks and reds and whites, with high ceilings and paneled walls and a walk-in closet with holographic attachments.
Their bed was huge too, one that was built for dual purpose. It was a bed built for a very large man who liked to move and get rough, who wanted space to throw his partners around, but also a bed with enough space for a whole family to cuddle in on a lazy morning.
Miguel and Peter were currently on the cough though.
You approached with a flushed face, surprised at how bold they were being. They’d clearly been messing around before you arrived, as Peter’s shirt was slightly torn at the hem and unbuttoned down to his pecs, and he had slightly bloody bite marks on his neck.
What you noticed the most though was Miguel’s very obvious erection beneath his pants, one that was throbbing a little beneath the fabric. You felt your body tense as his beautiful red eyes looked you up and down.
‘Sorry, ah- we weren’t sure you wanted to come in’ Peter said as you approached, gesturing to his neck with a dorky half-smile. ‘We didn’t mean to get started early.’
‘Oh. Ah- no, it’s fine’ you murmured. Miguel just grunted.
‘How did you hold up last night, and this morning? Are you in any pain at all?’ Miguel asked in that husky voice, putting Peter and his own arousal aside to lean forward and look you over. You flushed as his eyes undressed you in your pajamas, roaming up your legs, hips, and belly.
‘N-No, no I’m fine’ you insisted. He fixed you with a look to ensure you were telling the truth, then grunted his approval. ‘Did you settle in okay?’ he then asked.
‘Y-Yes, it was all fine. The kitchen was, easy to use.’
‘Were you comfortable?’
‘Y-Yes.’
‘I don’t mean for this to sound like an interrogation, hermosa/o, I’m making conversation’ Miguel said, now raising both brows. You went stiff.
You hadn’t realized how, after getting so stuck in your own head, you’d forgotten that you were friends. You knew Miguel and Peter. You used to talk so normally. You swallowed all of that down and let out a small, familiar chuckle.
‘Your house is a mess, my guy, you’re- clearly baby whipped, those girls run this place, but… I can see why. They’re really sweet’ you said. Miguel’s smile widened, flashing a full fang.
‘There, that’s better’ Miguel chuckled in that husky tone. ‘I want you talking like that when we’re done…’
‘So, you… Wait, you do want to try again? With me?’ you asked then, your eyes darting between the two. Miguel didn’t nod, instead raising both brows as he looked you up and down.
‘Try again?’ he murmured back at you. Despite feeling like it was a reasonable question, his presence always made you feel a little dumb. You swallowed hard. ‘Try for, the… baby.’
‘Oh’ he grunted back, his eyes roaming for a second time. You froze up for one agonizing second before noticing that his lips were tilting into a smile. ‘I mean I guess, yes, but… It was more, whether you want to just, have fun, while we can.’
You almost squeaked. Wait, they just wanted to have sex for the hell of it?
‘O-Only if you want to, of course!’ Peter added quickly. Miguel grunted at him. ‘That went without saying’ he murmured, his low, calm voice a total contrast to Peter’s.
‘No, I… I mean, I do’ you said, the words coming out of your mouth just a little too quickly. Miguel smirked, and you felt yourself sweating all over again.
‘Do you want me to make you cum again, hermosa/o?’ Miguel asked smoothly, almost politely, in a way that made your knees tremble. His unwavering eye contact made you feel so damn small.
‘Or… are you eager to get on?’
His slippery tongue whispering those last words sealed the deal. You felt your entrance clench as if tying itself in knots beneath the fiery gaze of his eyes, his faint smirk, the flash of a fang behind his lips. Peter watched with a hand covering his mouth to avoid showing his own smirk.
‘I… I-It’s up to you, Miguel’ you replied in a slightly stilted manner, stammering over your words. His eyes softened just a little.
‘No, hermosa/o. It’s up to you’ he said, his sweet voice dipping into something more soothing. ‘This isn’t just about us.
You swallowed hard and got to thinking. The more you thought about last night, and the more you thought about how it’d felt to be held, crushed, filled, fucked to the brim by that enormous man…
‘I- just, wanna get on’ you said, panting slightly with the confession. Miguel grinned.
‘Then get on, hermosa/o.’
Miguel lay back and let you and Peter jointly unbuckle and shift his pants down, letting his hefty cock spring forth with such force it almost scared you. Peter groaned at the sight, unable to stop himself from gently kissing Miguel’s neck like he was worshipping a God, and you were left to carefully strip your own clothes aside.
His eyes didn’t leave you, not once. He was locked on as you stripped, and Peter wasn’t much better.
‘Gorgeous’ he whispered, ‘you’re doing so good…’
You mounted Miguel’s lap slowly, like someone trying to saddle up a horse that was much too large. It was almost intimidating to shift your legs around his thick, muscular thighs and clamber on.
He must have noticed this, because his huge hand came down to cup your rear for stability, taking a soft little squeeze of your right ass cheek as you tried to settle. Your resulting squeak of surprise made his member twitch with excitement.
‘There, hermosa/o, down you go’ he murmured, gently easing your hips towards his shaft. You felt it pushing up, the tip twitching for a second time as it started to bury itself into your folds. Another squeak escaped your lips, followed by a low, dull moan.
‘Yeah… That’s it…’
Peter watched with his head on his fist, admiring how nervous you looked despite your arousal.
Miguel held you there, his red eyes darkening with arousal and amusement as he gently nudged his member at your clit, his claws digging into the soft fat of your rear as he gripped you in place. He let the smooth, velvety skin of his tip rub at that little swollen nub until you started to mewl.
‘Come on, mi amor, don’t tease’ Peter said, but he was purring the entire time he talked. He pressed a few soft kisses to Miguel’s neck, something that in the swirling chaos of emotions you were already feeling caused a little pang of jealousy.
‘Get me wet, then, and I’ll get to work’ Miguel grunted. You squeaked then as you were lifted up into the air by Miguel, almost like you weighed nothing despite your size, and Peter moved beneath you instead. To your private joy, he kissed your thigh before going down and eagerly swallowing as much of Miguel’s cock as he could.
His soft, breathy moans filled your ears and made you quiver, your cunt clenching with arousal at the sound, and especially at the look on Miguel’s face. That big man let his eyes roll, his tongue snaking out to lick at his lower lip and fangs only to let them quiver as he felt his thick, veiny shaft being sucked down.
‘Mmmfff—yeah’ he grunted hard, almost growling. Peter only took a few pumps before pulling back and coyly wiping his mouth, only to then use that same hand to give your right ass cheek a wet, firm slap.
‘Alright, go on, giddy up gorgeous’ he panted, and without giving you a chance to even offer a snide rebuttal you were dropped down and thrust into hard by Miguel.
You were in too much shock to even scream. You just felt your eyes roll as your soul ascended, as that perfect, meaty, veiny shaft pumped its hot way into your cunt, smooth and wet with saliva and pre-cum. Your lips parted into a silent scream of ecstasy, as Miguel bit his lip until it bled to avoid screaming with you. You squeezed that throbbing organ like a fist.
Despite thinking you’d be the one riding Miguel refused to give up control for long. He started throwing his hips as he leaned back on the sofa, his arms behind his head as he threw you about like you were riding a bull. He made you bounce, made every inch of you jiggle with the force, his thick member punching at your cervix until you begged for release.
But you couldn’t get too loud this time, so Peter was forced to tenderly cover your mouth and muffle your moans while checking to ensure you weren’t uncomfortable.
‘There, good, good, well done’ he purred in your ear, his breath hot and sweet as it stirred your nape. ‘Good.’
You were once again torn between Miguel’s violent, domineering thrusts, his thick pumps and sweaty, hairy thighs bucking up against you, his bared fangs and dark eyes, and Peter’s soft, kindly words in your ear as he nestled and soothed you.
It was when you felt your orgasm rising that you were once again met with something new. Miguel moved in too, kissing Peter’s lips before nestling into your cheek, as if the closeness aided in his arousal.
You could feel it yourself; his member twitching at your cervix, kissing your womb, closely followed by a full throb that rose up through the veins in his shaft and resulted in a little quiver. He was enjoying this too.
‘Mm… that’s it…’
You were in a total daze with both men on either side, nuzzling each other and then nuzzling you as you were jostled on Miguel’s lap. You could feel at that point that Peter was equally as erect, his own length twitching and making a mess of your thigh with his thick pre-cum.
As your glazed-over eyes met him, you saw his mischievous, hungry smile, his hot breath hitting your parted lips. You knew you’d be riding him next.
‘Make that baby for us, hermosa/o’ Miguel whispered.
‘Make us proud’ Peter moaned.
You knew, at that moment, that this was going to get messy. You also knew that, at this point, you didn’t care.
#miguel o'hara#miguel o'hara x reader#miguel o'hara fanfiction#miguel x reader#miguel o'hara x you#spider man 2099#smut#miguel o'hara smut#atsv peter b parker#miguel x peter
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I see you’re taking Halloween requests. Yaknow how pets will suddenly stare or bark at a corner and freak ppl out bc it looks like nothing’s there? Can I request headcanons for Tighnari + Gorou where they’re the only ones capable of sensing 👻 Reader who keeps teasing and flustering them?
Scaredy Cat! (and dog. Technically Tighnari is a fox...not a cat...shh)
Tighnari
The first time that Tighnari feels someone touch his fluffy tail only to turn around and find no one was on a trip foraging for fungi
He's a bit confused but he just brushes it off and assumes that he either ate one of those hallucinogenic fungi or that it was a bug
It's not until he gets back home, later in the night as he's trying to sleep, that it happens once more
The distinct feeling of someone petting his ears jolts him awake, shooting up in bed and scanning his room frantically...though once again, no one is there
He's definitely spooked by it, but eventually Tighnari grows accustomed to the strange sensation of phantom touches
Especially late at night when he's all alone, or even during a trip out into the rainforest, the touches become more intimate
You'll suddenly grab his hips and pull him against your transparent body. The little squeak that slips out is far too cute for you not to tease him like this 🤫
Sometimes you'll even slip your ghostly hands down his pants during a conversation and Tighnari will stutter, forced to stifle his moans if he doesn't want to get caught
Gorou
Oh boy...the poor sensitive general is far too fun to fluster
One day, when Gorou was busy patrolling the outskirts of Watatsumi Island, you decided to make your move. Eagerly floating towards him and petting his fluffy ears
The touch startled him, seeing as he was supposed to be all alone out here. Yet he was so sure that he'd felt someone's hand on him?
After this, the touches became more frequent. Phantom hands roaming the expanse of his pretty chest while he was trying to shower, combing through his tail fur every once in a while, brushing against his cheeks occasionally
And as Gorou grew used to your touch, you escalated things further as phantom hands trailed down his stomach and slipped his pants off one night...
Gorou's little whimpers are one of the best parts about teasing him. He's so noisy even when he clamps a hand over his mouth
Sometimes you'll just...stick your fingers in his mouth and hint at him to suck on them. Confused beyond belief as to what or who is currently invading his wet cavern in public like this...
Reblogs are extremely appreciated <3
Please check my blog title to verify whether requests are closed or not! Thank you!
#my writing#genshin impact#genshin impact smut#genshin smut#tighnari#gorou#tighnari smut#gorou smut#sub tighnari#sub gorou#headcannons#requested#tighnari x reader#gorou x reader#halloween specials 🎃
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hi! soo i’m on my period rn (tmi tmi) & i can’t sleep. had 2 write this cuz ellie’s been consuming me!!! + indulging into my fantasies …
cw: 18+ please!!! fem!reader, boob sucking, fingering (both r!receiving) no blood at all if you're worried, enjoy ! 💋
<3
getting close to ur period, and everything is sore and hurting, especially your boobs. your nipples hurt when they brush up against the fabric of shirts, they’re often hard and extra sensitive. ellie offers to take some of the pain away… coaxing you into letting her suck on them w her sparkly green eyes while she’s pushing you onto the bed, eyes trained on yours as she goes down on you to lift up your shirt, and she’s already beginning to knead at the soft fat with those cold fucking hands of hers before you can even speak, sighing out of relief, eyes fluttering closed—which is how u end up with her sucking your boobs and fingering you until you’re grabbing at her arm to stop because she’s hitting that spot over and over with her slender fingers that somehow always reach the right places, overwhelming you with how good it feels. slapping and grabbing at her arm, digging your nails into the tattooed flesh, “e-ellie, fuck, waitwaittt m’gonna cum—“ whining when she pulls her fingers out of you and watching as a string of salvia connects from her mouth when she detaches to kiss you quiet, whispering ever so gently, “shh shh, hey, lemme make you feel better, okay?” heart skipping a beat when she pecks another kiss to your swollen bitten lips, “my girls just need a little attention, so relax for me, yeah? got you babe,” you nod meekly and she’s back to sucking, hot tongue swirling and kissing on your nipples, thumb circling over your swollen clit and your head just reeeeeels at the sight of her with wet puffy lips, utterly entranced by the hormonal daze of you.
#ellie williams smut#ellie williams x reader#ellie williams drabble#ellie's hands hands hands... *faints*
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SKDNWJSN THAT ASK ABOUT STEPBRO HOON THREATENING TO BABY TRAP YOU. I'M SICK.
he'd visit your room at night and put a hand over your mouth while he fucks into you. "shh, take it like a good girl."
and he would pin you down as he cums inside of you to make sure you can't get away.
might even do this when you're asleep too, pumping you full of his seed every night so there's no way he won't knock you up <3
and when he does... he'll be a thousand times more horny. now that he's claimed you and ruined you for everyone else, you'll just have to put up with his kinks. he doesn't even tell you beforehand when he stuffs his cock into your ass unprepared or ambushes you while you're busy just to have you open up your mouth for him because he needs to piss.
slowly but surely your bump will become too large to hide and you'll be forced to come clean to your parents about what you and your stepbrother have been doing <3
pairings: park sunghoon x f! reader
warnings: stepcest + perv! hoon + innocent! reader + creampies + breeding + dacryphilia + virgin killer! hoon + pregnancy + lactation + anal + omorashi + hair pulling + impact play + toys + throat fucking + manipulation + blackmail + inflation + filming
💌: this ask has haunted me since i received it /pos i cant believe i was gifted w this incredible idea 💔
your parents trust sunghoon wholeheartedly. they trust him to protect your innocence and to take care of you while they’re away, and god does he take advantage of that. convinces you to sleep in his bad and let him spoon you, unaware of how he grinds his cock against you, cumming on your back as you sleep. he’s weirdly obsessed with being your first everything. the first to spread your pussy open with his fingers n cock, the first to make you cum on his tongue, first to fuck your asshole open and the very first to paint your womb with his cum.
he acts like the perfect stepbrother around your parents but little do they know he’s spitting mean words at you and calling you degrading names while he pulls your hair :( slaps you too and forces you to touch his cock. don’t even think about snitching either because if you do, he’ll make you pay. threatens to show everybody the pictures and videos of you begging for him to cum inside you again as you cream around him.
you’re forced to put up with his sick kinks and let him use you however he pleases. you don’t even pull away when he shoves his cock in your mouth, piss trickling down your throat as you swallow every drop, whining when some of it spills out. the obsession he has with your virginity involves your unruined asshole too btw. he doesn’t bother wasting his chances to knock you up by dumping his cum in your ass. instead he fills your asshole with piss, grinning like a freak when you squeal and cry because he’s never gone this far before. and when the stream of piss finally stops sunghoon slips a buttplug in you, forcing you to feel the way his pee flooded your insides.
he’s the biggest perv and can’t go a day without fucking you full of cum. goes on and on about how he’s so looking forward to the day his semen finally takes and it’s not long before that happens. you’d honestly be more surprised if you didn’t end up pregnant with your stepbrother’s child because he pumps you full of so much cum. when you start lactating sunghoon finally realizes he can’t give you up. would rather get disowned by your parents than be forced to stop fucking you because he’s trained you to be the perfect cum n pissdump for him. every time he fucks you during your pregnancy his mouth always finds its way around one of your nipples, drinking your sweet milk while his fingers roughly pinch ‘nd pull at the other one to make your milk leak out <3
#i hope yall like this bc im obsessed#♡.signed. sealed. delivered.#♡.the honeypot#💌.breeding#💌.somnophilia#💌.noncon#💌.blackmail#💌.pregnancy#💌.lactation#💌.omorashi#💌.throat fucking#💌.manipulation#💌.creampies#💌.stepcest#💌.impact play#💌.anal#💌.toys#💌.inflation#💌.dacryphilia#park sunghoon#enhypen#park sunghoon x reader#park sunghoon smut#park sunghoon x reader smut#enhypen x reader#enhypen x reader smut#enhypen smut
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Headcanon for Noah who first met Y/N and his first impression of her was that she was shy and sweet
Fast forward a few years later, they’re now dating and her true colours show that she’s actually a menace. She’s hyper, chaotic, she bites Noah sometimes (he’d bite back in retaliation), when they go out shopping sometimes, she gets distracted and gets lost (ADHD lol)
she’d call him dude sometimes instead of babe or baby and has a energy of a ginger cat
I’m sorry this is a lot but I like the idea of a calm boyfriend and his chaotic tiny girlfriend
"she's adorable" was his first thought the second he had his first interaction with you
He loved the way you could only hold eye contact with him for about 30 seconds and right away look away and bite your lip
the way your cheeks would blush and how you'd trip over your words
He thought you were adorable! In addition to being adorable he thought you were just the prettiest thing he'd ever seen. You were so hypnotizing to speak with, and just the sweetest!
He had to take you on a date! and so he did :) and took you on more and more and finally made it official :D
The first year was great, you were getting more comfortable with one another, opening up and feeling just so in love
You met his friends, had gone to the studio to watch him and even went backstage to one of their shows.
Once you hit 2 1/2 years there was a change........in you :3
this man was NOT expecting the amount of ADHD and biting he was going to be in the middle of
Comes home from work, cuddling on the sofa with a movie and soft caresses and lil kisses...only for his arm to be met with either a bite or a lick
🧍♀️🧍♀️"babe?"🧍♀️🧍♀️
this was the first time you had ever bitten him and he was just confused but then you looked up at him and he thought it was funny and just oh so cute! He responds to this by pinching your cheeks or even biting you back
Now in the evenings just before bed he's watching you have a mini concert in his clothes and even pretending to be him on stage with his screams, bending backwards and his spins. And yes he does clap at the end of your performance
Some days you just wanna sleep in and others you're just running from one side of the house to the other
He either films you and keeps them as memories, or joins in. Next thing you know you're both running around the house giggling like little kids because of the sudden rush of energy
"So then, Oh my god! She says 'well if you don't want to work then you can get your shit and tell him that....that..... "
"That what babe?" he asks for you to finish the story
".....ah shit I completely forgot what she said "
He thought you were doing it for jokes...but you were serious you couldn't recall what it was you were talking about or what you friend had ended up doing in the tense situation. Noah gets left on a lot cliffhangers and he's just waiting for the moment where you blurt out how it ends
2:49 am "..pst noah....are you awake?" you poke his face
"mmmmm" was all he could manage
"well he ended up taker her keys and stealing her car! Can you believe that?!" you whisper yell
He just brings you into him, covers your face and goes "shh...sleep"
then a few seconds later he goes ".....what a piece of shit...."
"I know right?"
“Kay….sleep….now”
「✨Taglist✨」 @lilhobgobbler @cncohshit @vir-tual @tdopomymind @concretenoah @misspygmypie @fvckmeorchokeme @lust-for-sacher @thescarlettvvitch @cind6547 @itsmrsfuentes @just-pretend-again @lma1986 @daylightlvrs @darling-millicent-aubrey
#noah sebastian x reader#noah sebastian#bad omens#bad omens cult#star’s anons✨#noahsebastian#badomens#bad omens band#bad omens fanfiction
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Dos and Don’ts IV
A/N: hello my loves this final part to this fic completes the birth of one of my favourite fics I’ve written. Thank you for reading and enjoying it just as much—every like, comment, and dm meant the world <3
Parts: 1 / 2 / 3 / 4
—————————————————
We have an extra day in Barcelona and the team is buzzing to enjoy their nightlife since we could sleep all day tomorrow. I’d visited here while I was a uni student so I give some suggestions.
Harry’s a little on edge the whole time. Earlier today some headline from a musician Harry worked with was taken out of context and thus took the internet by storm. Now he was being flooded with people wanting to know his thoughts and feelings. It was a hot topic.
With a joint effort of me, Jeff, and Graham, we tried to keep the spotlight on his Barcelona show. Well my role was mostly to screen Harry from seeing any further discourse online.
The show itself was one of the loudest I’d been to—I was glad I had my own ear protection. The tense Harry falls away and he’s electric on stage. Even coming backstage he’s on a high; he hugs the crew and thanks everyone like he usually did at the end of shows and disappears into his dressing room with Jeff. They look like they’re talking intensely.
“So,” Sarah slides in beside me. “We noticed you’re a bit different coming back. What’s happened?”
I try to play dumb but the girls keep pushing.
“Me and my fiancé ended things,” I confess. They gasp, Claire’s eyes actually fill with tears.
“Shh!” I shush them. “Keep it on the down low please I don’t want anyone to know.”
“But y/n why are you even here!? Is it because of tour! I’m sure Harry could have rearranged things-“
“No no,” I appreciated their support but I didn’t want to hash things out. “It’s just…I think it was a long time coming. God, I don’t wanna cry. I’m good. For now. And I want to be on tour I need the distraction.”
“I get it,” they sympathize. “We’re gonna make you forget so hard tonight.”
“Okay but don’t,” I look around us to make sure there was nobody else around. “Please don’t tell Harry. Seriously please. I don’t want him to know especially. I don’t want him to treat me differently or something.”
“Lips are sealed.” Sarah zips her mouth. “But we can all tell you’re off. It’s hard not to practically living together these last couple months. If he asks we’ll say…”
“Just say she’s on a break?” Charlie suggests.
“Yeah,” I shrug. “Things are complicated, I’m on a break, whatever that’s fine.”
The girls lean towards me and envelop me in a hug. It reminds me of my friends I’d said goodbye to.
“Thanks,” I say through tears.
And the girls hold me to their promise.
After we get dressed for the night—I chose a corset-style top and trousers—we head out. The sun dips below the horizon and the old city is cast in a warm orange glow that could inspire anyone who set eyes on it. String lights come on and music plays from various doors; the city is alive.
We tease each other about looking so glam as we wander the narrow cobblestone streets. Aside from the shows we all wore sweats and tees.
Every place we pass sets my senses alight. We grab tapas from a place that smells irresistible and chat over each other about tonight’s wicked show. I continue avoiding Harry by sitting as far away from him as I can get.
As we wander off in search of the club I can’t help but feel a twinge at how incredibly romantic the moonlit streets felt.
The club is loud and alive, the noise levels even feel normal after the roar of the last few of Harry’s shows. My mood starts shooting up steadily as I drink in the energy around me.
We join the crowd and I give away my worries and my annoyances to enjoy the music. I feel it in my chest and for a blissful moment I’m grateful for my whole damn life despite everything.
“Cute guy!” Someone shouts in my ear.
Charlie nudges me to one of the guys dancing nearby. “Get distracted!”
I shake my head no.
“Do it!” She cheers. It barely travels to me. She grabs Claire’s hand and tugs her, letting her in on the plan and they goad me into going for it.
I motion a drink. I’d need another shot for the courage.
We trail back to the bar and do a round of shots, and they grin with thumbs up as I hesitantly enter the crowd again.
The dude they pointed out is tall and beautiful. Like beautiful not even handsome. I get stuck looking up at him in awe, he wasn’t really my type. A tad too pretty boy but when he notices me looking he smiles and I’m won over. I couldn’t deny a good smile.
“Hey!” He turns his body to me. At least I think he say hey.
“Hey!” I shout back.
“Que pasa?”
“What?!” I couldn’t hear a single thing. What did I expect.
He smiles and takes my hand that had been anxiously playing with the edge of my top. The other has a hand splint that I’d received in Madrid. Apparently I sprained my fingers.
The stranger wriggles both my hands to loosen them, raising his brow at the splint. I laugh.
He asks in my ear but I don’t understand. It sounds like a question, something bylar. When I scrunch my brows he laughs, “Dance! We dance!?”
“Dance!” I laugh. He was cute! “Yes! I want to dance with you!”
“Vamos,” he pulls me in. I understood that at least.
I used to do this in uni, I think. I should be able to do it again.
He teases me a little because I’m so tense. His hands knead down my back to my waist to get me to relax. It feels nice, being touched by a man that looks like he was carved from marble but filled with music.
I begin to find my rhythm and sway with him, eventually letting go completely. He compliments me as I start to move with him and pretty soon I’ve channeled my 20-year-old self. It feels pretty spectacular.
When his lips ghost my cheek I don’t protest. Right now, I felt good. Everything was on the back burner’s back burner and I felt grounded in this nighclub with this random stranger who was paying attention to me, just me. And it’s just us. And it’s just temporary. And I feel good.
When I turn around, my back to his chest, he moves my hair to the side and kisses down my neck. It felt good.
I run my hand up into his hair and he moves lower murmuring foreign words on my skin, our bodies still dancing in the same language, his hands still gripping my waist and my hips. I feel blissed out.
It ends in a split second.
“What are you doing?” Harry’s suddenly tugging me towards him. His mouth makes the words I just fill them in with his annoyingly bossy voice.
“Hey man,” the guy I’m dancing with tries to get in between us.
“What are you doing!?” I snatch my hand away from Harry.
Harry puts his hand on my partner’s chest and says something to him, maybe in Spanish. He looks at me with puppy dog eyes and I look at Harry. What had he said.
“What did you say?” I ask. I try to call back my dancing partner but he just salutes me with a smile and fades into the crowd. No wait, I’m being dragged away.
“Y/n what are you doing out there?”
“What am I doing?” I shout. “What are you?! I was having a nice time with that guy what did you say to him?”
He walks away, further back into the edges of the club. There’s a few people milling about with a number of them involved in heavy makeout sessions.
Harry turns to face me finally. “You’re engaged y/n, Claire and Sarah said things are complicated at home is that why you’re doing this?”
“What!” I throw my hands up, tears prick my eyes. What the fuck was his problem! Since when did he care? “Why do you care?! Yes, things are complicated and I was getting my mind off of said things—what is your issue? You want to drag me back here and remind me of how shitty things have been?”
“This isn’t the way,” Harry insists. “You don’t even know that guy!”
“Whatever I’m over this convo.”
I turn to leave but Harry grabs my hand, the one in the splint, and pulls me back.
“Sorry,” he lets go of the splint. Then picks it up again. “Look. I’m worried about you. This isn’t you, you’re not the girl that goes home with another guy when your fiancé is back at home! I just don’t want you making any regrets.”
“Oh is that it,” I step towards him so my hand isn’t so outstretched. He stands still but on my second step he inches back. “Since when did you get a high horse huh? Don’t tell me who I am and who I’m not. You barely know me! If I want to make decisions I regret I can do that. They’re mine to make.”
“No. Y/n, as mad as you are don’t go home with a stranger.”
“As if you don’t!” I scoff. “What’s your real agenda here? What’s going on?”
“Nothing!” He insists.
“Why do you suddenly care so much about my chastity?”
“It’s for your own good!”
He’s lying. I know he’s lying and I don’t know why he pulled me away from my beautiful Spanish dance partner but I was actually relaxing and now he’s put me right back into this crazed and tense headspace I kept finding myself in.
Fine, I decide. I could make him regret it.
“Really? You care about my morality that much?” I ask.
With my hand flat on his chest I’ve pushed him further into the wall behind him. He watches me with a guarded look.
But I want him unguarded, vulnerable. The same way he’s made me feel. I lean in, “Are you really worried about the technicalities of me cheating on my fiancé?”
I hover a half foot from his lips. Finally his eyes flicker down to my lips and I know I’ve got him.
I slide my hand up his chest and when my hand inches up the skin of his throat his eyes grow unguarded and heady with lust. He doesn’t push me away. He doesn’t say no.
Hypocrite.
I drop my hand.
“That’s what I thought Mr. Styles.”
I watch for a wonderful moment as the lust clears from his eyes and he realizes what happened. Shame, embarrassment, resignation, and then anger.
I spin on my heel and head away from him. He could deal with the consequences of his actions all on his own.
I’m half-afraid he’ll come after me but luckily I make it out of the club alone.
“He’s such a dick,” I say more to myself. Just to get it out because I’m pissed. “Who the fuck does he think he is!?”
My night is over. I just want to take this all off and forget about it. Maybe I can lock myself in my room and raid the mini-fridge, get drunk and cry myself to sleep. Those seemed like the best options right now.
I take an uber to the hotel. As I walk up to it I notice a weird crowd outside. For nearly 2am I wasn’t expecting this and my instincts kick in that this wasn’t normal. Especially when I notice all the camera straps.
“Excuse me,” I ask the front desk. “Why are there a bunch of paparazzi outside?”
“Is there?” The man behind the counter asks. “Sorry we will tell them to leave. Are you staying with us?”
“That’s a privacy concern out there, and a concern with your staff because they’re here. How do they know who’s staying here?!”
It seems to dawn on him I wasn’t just asking out of curiosity. He promises me he’ll get management. In the meantime I call Jeff and explain the situation. He starts to panic the way I hated, looking for something to blame. He calls Graham who sounds like he’s driving in nascar. It’s a very noisy and over-stimulating conversation.
“Call Harry!” Jeff orders. “Tell him he cannot go back to the hotel no matter what! Fucking vultures man!”
“Y/N,” Graham says in a calmer voice. “You need to go back to where Harry is with some sort of disguise. A hat or sunglasses. That sort of thing-“
“It’s night.”
“Yes night. No glasses. Book the closest hotel you can find. Tell his band they can come back, but to go through the back. They might get spotted but they’re trained on dodging questions. That will keep the vultures there waiting for Harry and we can pick you two up back to the airport tomorrow morning. Where’s after this?”
“Glasgow,” I bite my nail as I think. I had to call Harry asap. What if he was on his way back. “I gotta go now to call him though. Talk later.”
I hang up and call Harry. He picks up the second time.
I explain the situation and he reacts the same way as Jeff, swearing and cursing the papps. I tell him what I was going to do and tell him to go right back into the club. To pass on the word to the team even though I was going to send them a text.
I head up to my room and grab what fits in my bag. I didn’t have Harry’s room key so I decide he’d have to wear my hat and head back out. The vultures stay waiting, now just a few feet further away from the entrance.
I speak briefly to management—I figured Jeff could talk to them and give his classic earful.
On the drive I find a nearby hotel to the club and collect Harry to get him there. We’re too tense to talk when we meet up. Once inside again, I tell him to sit in the lounge while I go up to the desk.
Act above it all, I channel a rich bitch. We needed privacy and we needed nobody to know Harry was here.
“Hi I need a room.” I say.
“Of course, how many night will you be staying with us.”
I glance back to see where Harry sits. He’s in a wingback chair that’s mostly turned away and with his hair stuffed in the baseball cap you can hardly tell it’s him.
“Just a night. I need your best room please.”
“Absolutely,” the woman smiles and I feel bad for only giving a tight-lipped smile back. I wait as she clicks away, finally looking back to me with a slight frown. “So miss unfortunately we are very booked tonight. There are a couple events going on in the city making things very popular.”
“The best room will do. Preferably large.”
“Well,” she hesitates. “A lot of our larger rooms are taken um. I can offer you a bed with one king, it is a bit smaller because it’s by the elevators. I also have one with a queen that is tucked away in the corner with a better view.”
I wanted to be as far away from Harry as possible but by an elevator was asking for trouble.
“Well, I’d rather stay far away from noise so we’ll take the queen.”
“Is that just you or…” she glances at Harry.
“Yes. Two. We’ve had a rough day of travel he’s just resting.”
I hand over ID and my card, trying not to balk at the total. At least I’ll get reimbursed.
“Do you have any bags?” The concierge swoops in as I get the key card.
“No! No. Like I said, bad travel day. We just need somewhere to sleep and we’ll reunite with the bags once they arrive tomorrow.”
They leave us alone after that. I hoped it was because I’d been standoffish enough and not plain weird.
The elevator ride up to the 8th floor is stony and I spend the spare second to text Jeff and Graham the hotel’s address.
The room itself is pretty sub-par and the adrenaline of getting Harry here safely wears off.
I drop my bag by the door and pull out my toiletry bag.
“I don’t have clothes for you to change into, I didn’t have your room key.”
“Yeah. S’fine. I’ll just sleep shirtless unless that bothers you.”
We stare at each other for a tense moment.
“I’m fine with that, you’re the one with the high horse.”
After doing all this for him I wasn’t going to be easy to deal with if he wasn’t going to be easy to deal with.
He chooses to ignore me.
“How the fuck did they know I was staying there? We were under a-“
His phone rings and he answers. Sounds like Jeff.
I use the time to go to the bathroom and finally take off the makeup. I realize I should have grabbed my pjs from my bag too. I take my hair down and massage my scalp with my fingers, letting myself calm down despite the aggressive voices outside.
“Yeah whatever. Keep me updated.” I hear. Great. That was done with.
I leave the bathroom and Harry’s still pacing the floor.
“You’re gonna wear the carpet down if you keep doing that.”
He stops and looks at me, his eyes trail down my body.
“You didn’t bring yourself a change of clothes either?”
“You wish,” I head for my bag again and grab the tee and shorts. “I just forgot them out here.”
“Do you always have to be so snarky?”
Oh, so he wanted to fight. Good news for him, so did I.
“Depends. With you? When you’re being a dick? Yeah. I do.”
“It’s really quite unbecoming.”
“Is it?” I mock his accent. “It’s not proper for a lady to be snarky?”
“I don’t sound like that. You just never let anything go.” He continues.
“I never let anything go?” I repeat.
“Yeah! Ever!”
“What do you want me to let go?” I ask.
“Everything. You’re bothered by everything just let it all fucking go.”
“No like specifically what should I let go?” I turn on him and with each question I stalk towards him. “Being treated like trash by you? Being told I’m replaceable and unnecessary? Getting bossed around about who I can and can’t dance with because you suddenly decide to be the morality police!?”
“Jesus take it down a notch y/n.” We’re fuming as we square off. “I’m not your bloody fiancé.”
“And thank fuck you’re not!” I throw the clothes in my hand on the bed. “You’re my employer Mr. Styles and I’ve been nothing but a good fucking employee for the last year! I try to keep my patience and do everything I can to do my best! You’re the one always trying to blur lines! You’re the one always getting in my damn business when I don’t pay you to!”
With every accusation I poke my finger into his chest and it’s like literally pushing buttons. His face gets stonier and stonier until I’m sure he’s going to crack.
“You wanna know what your fucking issue is?” He swipes my hand away.
“Oh sure tell me, wise Harry Styles who definitely has no issues at all. Tell me.”
“This. This is your fucking issue,” he spits. “You’ve always got such a temper on you! I’m not blurring any bloody lines I check up on you and you get all offended over nothing!”
“Over nothing?” I ask. I laugh sarcastically and walk away from him. I was seeing red. “Over nothing?”
“Yes! I don’t do shite and suddenly you’re trying to bite my dick off.”
“You fucking wish,” I turn on him. “It’s crazy you don’t realize what an absolute jackass you are! We should be refunding all those fans who’ve come out to see you because the man they’re paying for is a fake! You’ve treated me like nothing and embarrassed me countless time-“
“Embarrassed you,” he scoffs.
“Yes!” I go on. “What do you call what you said on our way to Paris huh? You can be so cruel! So if I have a temper it’s justified because you’re one of the worst people I’ve met!”
“What did I say?”
“Are you kidding? You’re going to make me repeat it?” He was crazy. He was depraved and absolutely insane. Or he just hated me.
“I’m not playing a game just tell me!”
“You said I could have skipped the whole tour and nobody would notice.” I say the words that had looped through my head. And of course, he has the audacity to look surprised. “Thanks. A lot! It makes it even worse that you were so casual with your cruelt-“
“You need to stop being so sensitive,” he has the nerve to say. “Then maybe you can manage your temper.”
“I can manage my temper any time but you’re moody like a pre-pubescent teen and that looks to be a lifetime fucking problem!”
“What’s your fucking problem Y/n! What is your problem with me!? Why do you still work for me if you are this angry all the time!”
“I’m not this angry all the time, you just makes me this angry! And I hate you for it!”
“Then quit!”
“Maybe I will!” I had to. After tonight and this blowout I had to. How could I work for Harry like this.
“Great! Then you can take your problems with you.”
“Don’t gaslight me,” how dare he. “You’re not innocent in this! You create my problems and blame me for being this way.”
“Whatever y/n.”
“No.” I wasn’t letting him off the hook. I get in his face again. “Why did you stop me tonight? Why did you keep me from doing what I wanted tonight?”
“What? I told you I was looking out-“
“Bullshit!” I cut him off. “That’s a bullshit excuse, I want to know why!?”
I feel like I’m made of flames and in desperate need of a lobotomy. How could one guy make me this crazy. How could it all revolve around him.
“I was doing it for your own good! But clearly I understand why it’s so fucking complicated with your partner-“
“Don’t you dare talk about him,” I seethe. I was mad. Fuming. I want to get physical, I wish I could throttle him or at the very least access one of the pillows from across the room and smash it to the floor. I want him to see how angry I am because my words are twisted with every angle Harry could find. I wanted him to admit to something he’s been skirting for a long time. “Tell me.”
Harry stares at me with hate in his eyes and I know I have the same look. I wasn’t going to let him get away.
“You don’t even have the balls to admit it,” I poke. “Is this why you’re so hard-headed to anything I say? Because you can’t even admit something like this to yourself?”
“Just shut the fuck up y/n and stop being so mental.”
“I refuse to shut up. I want you to talk.”
His breathing gets faster and I watch him flex his hand. He was as angry as I was. Good.
“You’re a fraud. And I hate you.” I step into his space. Our bodies are a hair’s breadth away from each other’s. I want to show him how mad he makes me. I want to do something. I want him to admit this thing he’s been dancing around. It makes me so mad!
When he starts to shake his head at me I lose it. Instinct takes over where I want to physically show him how angry he was making me. I grab his face in my hands and push my mouth against his. I meet teeth.
But it doesn’t take long for him to respond. To correct the unadulterated anger with purpose.
He pushes back, kissing me harder whilst pushing me against the wall. I feel sandwiched, my chest crushed against his and I bite down on his lip trying to get back some control.
My hands are all over him, grabbing his shirt, running through his hair, pushing under his shirt to touch skin. Harry does the same, pulling at my hair and lifting me onto him.
Our tongues clash together, his hand grabs my ass, squeezing and moving up. His hands feel hot on my skin, his metal rings an icy contrast. Neither of us want to give up control. We keep fighting, just now with our bodies.
“Why can’t you ever just let it go,” he traces his teeth over my collarbone. It all feels too much.
In response I push him back, he stares at me for a heated second before we crash into each other again. We don't care where we are. All that mattered was here and showing the other who was in control. Who hated who the most.
Harry pulls away, his mouth a deep pink from our fight. His eyes are half lidded, his pupils dilated. I can tell he wants this but a part of him hesitates.
"We're doing this," I commit, not taking my eyes off his lips.
"I’m doing this," he growls and lifts me up, any hesitancy washed away. I wrap my legs around him, not thinking about anything but what I was going to do.
He whirls me around and deposits me onto the bed, and his body covers mine while his mouth attack my neck.
He wasn't gentle or slow, but then again, I didn't want him to be. I pull off his shirt, not wanting anything between us, not caring that my nails would leave marks down his back. Leaving something permanent on him sounded exactly what I needed.
I tug on his hair as his teeth come down on my chest. I feel heated as he swears, “Teasing me with this top all night was a fucking sin y/n.”
“Fuck off,” I gasp as he figures out the row of clasps at the front and the icy rings of his fingers presses against my sternum. I grit my teeth, “I didn’t wear this for you.”
His abs contract as he pushes himself back up, his eyes dark as his hands find the clasp on my trousers, undoing them with ease and tugging them off. His other hand comes back up to tilt my chin up.
“D’you really hate me?” He asks.
“Yes,” I respond with zero hesitation.
He moves his body, covering mine with his own again. My breath catches in my throat as he presses his lips to my neck, slowly moving down. He drives me crazy with anticipation and I wriggle up to keep up the pace but he holds me in place. I let out a moan as he kisses my inner thighs, his fingers gripping the tops of them. I'm squirming under his hold, the heat pooling inside of me.
“Do you hate me?” He asks again.
“Yes,” I cry, not wanting to relent to him.
“Good,” he says and that’s the last thing I remember.
The rest is a tangle of limbs, an out-of-body sensation, and seismic wave after wave coursing through my body. It’s unlike anything I’ve experienced before; the fury we felt with each other fuzes to the passion of the moment and it blitzes every damn thought out of my head.
Hours later, or maybe the whole night later—I don’t know but all I do know was that my body was spent and I was barely hanging on.
“I can’t,” I plant my hands on his shoulders and nearly pitch forward just from pausing. His hand splays on my back, keeping me in place as he turns us around.
“Okay?” He asks low.
I nod, grateful that he was taking over.
And after riding out what I know would be my last wave he rolls off of me, and we lay there just trying to catch our breaths.
After a few minutes, I sense him tilting towards me, his eyes on my face. When he stares for so long it becomes obvious, I look back at him.
His eyes are not the same ones that started this mess, they’re breezy meadows of green compared to the icy sea glass from before. But it’s not surprising. With each round and each minute we spent with other tonight, things had grown softer. Not gentle, but softer.
And as we look at each other with the awareness that the anger had bled into the threads of these tangled sheets a long time ago, we’re left with something neither of us want to distinguish. At least I don’t.
His gaze holds something too real for a place like this and I quickly look away and back at the ceiling. I feel his eyes on me a moment longer before he himself turns away to stare at the same ceiling.
“Y/N,” someone suddenly calls my name, tapping my cheeks with a gentle pat. I have to pull myself from the depths of wherever the fuck I just went to open my eyes and look up, at Harry. He looks concerned and asks me a question that I don’t register—I was truly out of it. I must have dozed off.
I push his hand away and grab the closest piece of clothing to wrap around myself in which ends up being a sheet. I take myself to the bathroom to clean up.
I hardly recognize the girl in the mirror. My eyes are blown out and my neck looks like it was rammed by a bull. I can hardly look at the rest of me. I would need to buy something high necked before we got picked up tomorrow morning and use all the concealer I had. I know I marked every inch of him I could find too.
I had never felt that level of passion with anyone. It was unnerving.
My knees collapse under me as I sit on the toilet and try to count the tiles on the opposite wall, just to come back to earth. To my body.
I sense a shadow under the door after I’m in there for a while, I watch it move from one side to the other and then move away. I wait longer, nearly falling asleep there before going back out.
The bed looks a right mess and most of the duvet is twisted to the side. I don’t bother with it, I use the sheet I’m wrapped in and crawl right into bed. Harry seems to have fallen asleep too but as I near sleep I feel the bed dip and the heavy weight of the duvet drapes over me.
I don’t have enough clarity or energy tonight to think about what any of this meant but I know I was right about leaving.
***
We return to London on a Wednesday morning and nearly kiss the ground. Harry was still playing two shows here but getting to go back home instead of a hotel room was enough to make us weep.
I didn’t really have a home to go back to. I’d been thinking about that a lot as the tour took us closer and closer to London. I had texted Gray yesterday and we agreed I could crash there until this weekend to get my stuff together.
London had a metaphorical grey fog over it in my mind. Nothing felt appealing about it and the only thing on my mind these days was home—my childhood home.
I already knew I was going to give in my resignation letter to Harry after tour but I had a 3 week period under contract. I don’t think I could afford a hotel for three weeks and staying with any of my friends is out of the question.
These thoughts kept me preoccupied.
It helped me not to think about that night though. I avoided Harry unless it was for work, returning to the solitude of my first few months working for him. He does the same: curt and avoidant. I know others notice but nobody dares to ask.
It was the most intense thing I’d done in my whole life and that was saying something. There was a way that Harry got under my skin that nobody else could. And it was hard to find a balance after the scales had shifted so far in that direction.
I felt like I had to block it out until I could have space to process it. And yet memories still seeped through when I was quiet for a moment too long or when he’d walk past me with the same cologne as that night and I’d catch a whiff. I was doubly sure this chapter had to close.
When I get back to the flat on Wednesday Gray has vanished as he promised. He told me he’d drop by that evening to talk. Surprisingly, I felt calm about it. I don’t know if it was getting all of that ferocious energy out that had been churning for months, but I feel level-headed and I appreciate the space to myself.
Gray texts me before he arrives. Like this wasn’t the flat he was now paying for alone.
I know what he wanted to talk about—we were all supposed to go to Harry’s last show at the o2 since I had tickets for everyone. Josie was stoked and based on the way she’s been texting me leading up to the day I don’t think she knew. Gray confirms it.
“So,” he rubs the back of his neck. He looked nice in a beanie and corduroy jacket. I wonder if any of the effort was for me, then vanish the thought.
“So,” I echo.
We stand awkwardly across from each other—him propping himself up behind the couch and me leaning against the dining table. Like we needed to get as much furniture between us. Like we hadn’t shared a bed a few weeks ago.
“We should sit?”
“Yeah,” he attempts a laugh and sits on the sofa. I choose the closest chair and turn it to face him. “Yeah. Um, I don’t know how you feel about Saturday. But I haven’t told Josie yet. I haven’t really told anyone.”
I nod, “Me too. Not really. People at work think we’re on a break.”
“Right. Good.” He says. “I’m not tryna lie to people but I don’t really want to get into it…”
“Yeah,” I agreed. “So Josie?”
“I’ll let her know once…once you move out?”
Move out. Of this flat. It’s been home for nearly 3 years.
Gray had surprised me with it when he found it—I had been broke and only been able to pitch in for utilities and groceries but he’d been gracious. He’d been supportive once. But I guess his support had boundaries too. I didn’t entirely blame him for that.
“Sounds good. Or later, maybe when she’s done her exams.”
He leans back on the couch, arms spread over the back and sighs as he studies me. “Yeah of course. I should’ve thought of that. You’re always good at that stuff. She’s gonna be gutted.”
I nod. Not sure what to say to that.
“So you’ll be out on Saturday yeah?” He asks after a while. It seemed both of us had a lot on our minds. But his question stings a little.
“Yep. I’m off for most of the week so I’ll just pack things up. Uhm, with Josie and whatnot I guess we’re still acting like a couple? Will that be weird?”
“Yeah. It will be but we’ve got no other option.”
“Right.” I respond. His voice grows an edge I’m not a fan of. “Well. Thanks for letting me stay here. If you need anything else I guess you can grab it now.”
I want to ask how he’s doing, who he’s staying with, and just hold his face one last time to really remember. But his cold apathy grows like frostbite over the room and creeps into my heart. I always thought where there was love there would always be love but I’m not as sure tonight.
I stay busy and when I can’t sleep at night; I map out a dream, an exit plan home. I write up my resignation letter, I look at flights and rentals and talk things out with my family, I cancel wedding and couple shit, and grieve a fair bit.
On Friday afternoon, my only formal shift this week, I head to Harry’s with an anxious weight in my chest and a buzz in my head from the hope. Hope that this chapter of my life could end soon, and I can head home and recuperate and plan out what my life was going to look like.
Harry’s on a call when I get in. He spares me a glance but I head to the office with my stack of mail. Today was mostly for some housekeeping/admin but I hope to avoid Harry for the most part like I’ve done since that night. My letter sits like a bar of gold in my bag.
I hear him move about the flat. I restock some pantry items, and we speak as little as possible. Going with him to his meeting was my final task for today so I decide it’s a good time to hand in my letter.
I find him sitting in the studio, tapping a pen against the table.
“Mr. Styles?”
“Hm?” He drags his eyes away from his screen to look at me.
“So we’re heading to your meeting in 10. Before then I just wanted to hand this in.”
The envelope stays outstretched in my hand and he eyes it, not taking it.
“What is that?”
“Can you just take it?” I shake it a little, like a bag of treats for a puppy.
His muscles move one inch every ten seconds, that’s how slow he is to sit up in his seat and finally take the letter from my hands. I almost let out a big sigh of relief. The process was finally in place.
“What is it?” He asks again, tearing the corner and down the side like he usually did.
I wait for him to unfold the thirds before answering, “my resignation letter.”
His eyes scan the sheet left to right right to left and when he looks up at me it’s hard to say what he’s thinking.
“Is this a joke?”
“No? Obviously not? I’m handing in my 3 weeks. I’ll also email a copy to Jeff and you.”
“Why are you doing this?” He stands, his tall frame rigid.
“Why? Because I’m…I’m quitting? I think I’ve learned everything I could here a-and it’s time to move on.”
By here I don’t mean working for Harry Styles and co but just here as in London. I’ve learned a fuck ton of life lessons here, and it was time to process them elsewhere.
“Is this to get back at me somehow? I don’t understand,” the papers crinkle in his fist as he grips it tighter. “Do you want a raise? Can we talk about this?”
“No.” I say and even though there’s so much more I could say I think that sums up my answer.
He looks puzzled, then annoyed. Just then my phone buzzes. The car was downstairs.
I grab my laptop and we head down. I was coming along to take minutes and then head home. In the car I reassure Harry,
“I plan on wrapping things up in the next three weeks and making sure everything is set up for an easy transition. I’ll leave continuity notes and reach out to people I regularly communicate with to break the news. The next couple months are pretty easy anyway coming out of tour and going on holiday so there should be plenty of time for the new PA, whoever your hire, to catch up.”
He doesn’t say a word. It reminds me of our first drive to the studio together. How naïve I was. How things changed.
He continues staring out the window, resting his face on his fist. I remember my teeth dragging over that jaw. I blink the image away; this was why I had to go.
When we get to Graham’s office Harry tells Jeff, “we don’t need minutes.”
Jeff looks over at me for answers and I shrug. I guess I came here for no reason but at least I had my laptop to work.
“Uh y/n please come i-“
“She’s fine working out there,” Harry cuts Graham off. Graham looks offended, his gaze drawing between Harry and I. Again, I shrug. I wasn’t leaving today I don’t know why he was acting like it.
For the next hour or so I sit at a spare cubicle and do just as I said in the car. I type out lists for upcoming interviews and studio days. I send emails for information to note for whoever the poor person was to replace me.
I had been keeping the Dos and Don’ts updated over the last year and it feels like a baby the way it came together with so much thought. I was almost sad to part with it.
Nobody tells me the meeting is over. The door simply opens and Harry breezes past.
“I’ll be in the car.” He mutters. Any faster and I would have to hold down the papers around me.
When he’s gone beyond sight, I turn back to the open door.
“What’s the matter with him?” I hear Graham asking inside.
“You keep pushing him,” Jeff responds with irritation. “That’s not his brand Graham.”
“Well that’s a different tune. Prior to this you were singing my praises with these new ideas.”
“I don’t know. Something’s been up with him for…a while-“
“Since that article isn’t it?” Graham references the Harry Styles slander when we were in Spain. Little did they know other things had also happened.
“We dealt with that article.”
Shit, I think. Has he been any different? I think I was keeping too much distance from him to notice.
“Y/n,” my name snaps me out of my thoughts.
“Mhm?” I’m beckoned to the meeting room. “Yes?”
“Find out what’s wrong with him. Or better yet just convince him to be a bit more alive at his last show tomorrow with his usual charm? He hasn’t been his full capacity the last few shows has he?”
Shit. “Um. Burnout?”
The two men look at each other. They make a face like that couldn’t possibly be why. I tell the men what they want to hear, that I’d try to find out and get him back to his charming self (yuck) before joining Harry in the car.
“Jeff and Graham aren’t all that happy with you,” I say when we start driving. Harry was giving me a lift home. “They’re insisting you do it right at your final tomorrow. Be your charming self.”
He grunts in response, head facing the window again. Was he allergic to look forward in the car or something?
“Are you coming?” He asks after a good ten minutes of silence.
“Tomorrow?”
“Mhm.”
“Yeah. I gave my extra tickets to…my fiance,” my brain fumbles my words as it remembers what he was and now is. And the lie I had to keep up. “And his sister and her friend.”
He just nods in acknowledgement, somehow stonier.
When the car pulls up to my familiar building I thank his driver and begin my shimmy out but Harry puts a hand to my knee to stop me. His touch sears right through my stockings and he must feel it too because he slides his hand back.
“Answer this,” he looks at me for the first time tonight. Wow, this really did feel like my first week on the job.
“Sure,” I reply.
“Is it because of that night?”
It’s the first time it’s been mentioned, and his gaze burns brighter than a forest fire. It’s mesmerizing and I can’t look away.
Wait, he wanted an answer.
“It’s because of a lot of things,” I answer truthfully.
He clenches his jaw. Leans back in his seat. The seatbelt reverses to hold him in place again and he’s no longer looking at me. I take that as my cue to go.
***
Josie bursts into the flat dressed to the nines in a groovy floral jumpsuit and boas in her hand. “Don’t worry. I have one for each of us.”
Her friend trails behind her in an equally 70s inspired look.
“That’s what you’re wearing?” Josie judges her brother’s hoodie and jeans. “You’re lowering the vibe Gray do better. Y/n? Why didn’t you brief him?”
“I did!” I eye Gray. “Don’t blame me.”
This was way more awkward than I thought. Or I really was not as good of an actress as I wished.
“What am I supposed to wear?” Gray asks. “I’m not wearing a jumpsuit.”
Josie rolls her eyes. “Y/n please drag him back and find a decent tee or something?”
“Yes ma’am,” I take Gray by the arm and take him back.
“This is kinda weird hey?” I whisper when we close the door.
“I don’t really like it either,” Gray scratches his head. “But it’s for the best.”
I nod and then louder announce, “Well it’s Jo’s night so find something a tad more retro?”
We end up with a red tee and find a belt to tie the look. Josie hugs her brother with thanks when she sees it.
I had on a pair of black bellbottoms paired with a blank tank. My hair was in spacebuns and Josie plucks a few boa feathers to accessorize my hair. It’s cute.
We head off and I have to make a conscious effort to remember my mannerisms with Gray before all this. I feel woozy while I slide my hand into his on the ride there, as Josie snaps our pics on her disposable, as she tells us to get one of us where Gray’s kissing my cheek and she’ll save it to show our kids. It makes me sick.
He keeps an arm on my waist as we walk. I want this night to be over so bad but every time I look Josie’s way I perk back up a little. I wanted her to enjoy this.
And she does. I’m sure she’s lost her voice by the end of the concert. At one point we drift away a little and breathe easier to drop the act but when she’s back Gray wraps his arms around me from behind and we act like a happy couple. Again, I felt sick.
Being in Gray’s arms held none of the spark it used to. I just feel awkward and sad.
At one point Harry looks my way, I don’t know how he spotted me in such a big crowd. It’s between songs and he looks at the group I’m with. I give a pathetic wave and he nods ever so slightly, his gaze sliding off soon after. Gray’s arm tightens around my shoulder and my heart gives a squeeze in response. I’m reminded: this era was ending.
The band told me to meet them backstage at the end, to join in on the final-show celebration. Josie and Gray would wait at a local pub and with the way Josie’s Instagram stories were glowing I could imagine her sitting there uploading it all.
“I couldn’t have done it without any of you,” I catch Harry saying as I slip behind stage with my pass. “I know I’ve not been the easiest to be with but you all sit in my heart. This is our Euro tour, concluded.”
Somebody pops bubbly and I congratulate the whole team as they drink. They insist on going out for proper drinks and I’m denied not going. They tell me to invite my guests to party with them and I know, based on where we were going, Josie was going to flip.
Juniper, a club that gets us all in on Harry’s face card, is opulent and lively on the inside. Josie is buzzing about with her friend—Gray had opted to go home, claiming he had early morning sessions. Josie didn’t think twice about him, but we pretended to go back and forth with a final warning from Gray to Josie to behave.
“He’s a broody one,” Charlie comments on Gray as we chatter while we get drinks. “Sister?”
“Yeah. Doesn’t know yet though so,” I put my finger to my lip.
“So no Barcelona dancing tonight?” Sarah teases. I laugh and tell them to keep me tamed. “We gotta do some shots with the team though where is everyone?”
We gaze around the room and manage to get everyone together. After one round of shots and another that Harry forced on all of us I feel the tension I’ve been carrying with me most days slide away.
We end up sticking together as a group and dance together, laughing and cheering each other on. Even Harry’s in a cheery mood—I suspect the alcohol. I catch him watching me at one point and when I raise my brow he takes my hand and spins me in a friendly twirl. I trip on my wide-legged pants and he catches me from behind. With my back to his chest I have the urge to turn around and kiss him and feel the peculiar comfort I had received from him before. That thought drives me away from him again. Despite the tight knit group there’s too much between us to even attempt being close.
I call it quits when Josie finds me and announces she was going home. I hug the newfound family I had made over the last few months one final goodbye, knowing I might never see them together like this again.
***
Jeff’s reaction to my news surprises me the most. He’s visibly upset and tries to sell me anything to stay. I tell him there was nothing to keep me at my job but I would rely on him for a good reference. I think it’s the first time he’s ever reassured me.
Between Harry and I it remains curt. Sometimes even edgy. I post my own job replacement and Jeff keeps me updated on potential candidates. By the time my last week rolls around I’m host to a roil of emotions.
The first week homeless, Charlie had let me crash on her couch and promised not to say a word to anyone. I didn’t want to overstay my welcome and so I had checked into a hotel and called it home for now.
I’m on my way back home to the hotel after being at Gray’s. We’d invited Josie over for dinner now that her exams were over and she’d been suspicious from the start.
We had told her the truth and she refused to believe it, hurt and betrayal in her eyes as she looked at me and realized she had been kept in the dark for the last week. I felt worse then, than I did when Gray and I called it quits.
I promised her a lunch together this week to talk more. Just because I was out of Gray’s life didn’t mean I had to be out of hers. I thought I could also tell her then that I was leaving to go back home.
On my second last day at work, Harry sends me on an errand near the end of the day. When I get back there’s a small group of friendly and familiar faces waiting to surprise me. I’m touched by the gesture, and I try to corner Harry to say thank you but it feels he avoids me at every chance, always in a larger crowd.
I finally catch him while I’m heading out of the bathroom and he’s heading down the hall.
“Oh hey,” I step in his way. He looks cornered. “I just wanted to say thanks for throwing this.”
“Yeah,” he gestures it was nothing. “It was Jeff’s idea.”
Ouch. I hide the sting. “Well. Thanks regardless.”
He nods, staying mute, but his eyes speak a thousand words—just none that I can read. They stay trained on me, communicating whatever.
Slowly the furrow between his brows eases and the sharp edges of his face give way to a softened expression. I’m scared to move in case I break the trance and don’t get to hear whatever his racing thoughts spit out. Just when it looks like he’s about to say something, a guest turns the corner up the hall.
“Anyone in the toilet?” It was Mitch. Damnit.
“Nope,” I step out of the way, inadvertently brushing Harry. A shiver runs up my spine and I try to act casual but he stiffens beside me. Was it that awful being around me, jeez.
I give up. If he wanted to continue staying moody, so be it. I leave to go back to the party and don’t look back.
My final days in London are hard. The same way I arrived, I go: alone and unsure of what’s ahead.
I always thought here was where I would stay forever. And maybe one day I would return but there was a little too much friction between me and the Capital.
I finish work on an unremarkable note after going through processes with the new hire, and dotting all of my i’s. Harry is nowhere to be seen and I’m gone before he gets back. I’m frustrated that he’s behaving this way but there’s also too much between us for the simple goodbye I yearn for.
I visit all of my old favourites, have one last drink at my old local pub somewhere in between Gray’s flat and Harry’s. I shed a lot of tears on my pilgrimage through the city’s veins. I promise the paved and cobblestone roads I would be back one day.
The walls of my lungs ease open on the flight home. Still, tears cascade down my face silently as the plane sleeps. Eventually I do too. When I wake the sky is filled with bright blinding sunrise, and American soil peeks out below me: I was finally home.
••••••••••••••••••••
Present (2 years on):
My heart flutters seeing Harry here, I chalk it up to anxiety. But it annoys me that despite all the distance and the growth, he still had an effect on me.
Harry’s head turns and before I can be smart about it our eyes lock. His eyebrows raise ever so slightly before his face falls into a nonchalant facade again. I don’t even want to know what my face looked like.
Then he gets the nerve to smirk, hang his head, and then grab his drink and walk towards me.
“If I had a cross I would be holding it up right now.” I have to shout a little so he hears me before he gets to me. He was an emotional vampire feeding on all of mine.
“Now why’s that?” He continues towards me. My emotions swirl through me. “I thought time heals all wounds. Why the unfriendly welcome Mrs. Duran?”
I grit my teeth at the name, he was still filled with poison. “Right, the timeless wisdom of clichés.”
“I like to think I’m pretty timeless.” He smiles.
“I’ve found that time may heal wounds, but scars make sure you never forget.”
“Well, scars aside, you look good,” he moves on and I feel like an idiot the way I was used to feeling around him.
“Of course I do.”
“What are you doing in London? Last I checked I was getting a reference check from America.”
I debate not answering him but I was trying to straddle the line between indifference and confidence. It was like walking a tightrope.
“I’m in London for a little while,” I give vaguely.
“Ah,” he smiles and damnit I forgot how handsome he could be. How handsome could then turn into seductive so quickly. I had to remember: Still a devil. “Are you looking for a new employer? Because I could be hiri-“
“No.” I cut him off. “I finally have a job I love so I’m good.”
Something flickers in his eyes but surprisingly he stays quiet.
“What are you doing here?” I ask. I sort of wish I still had a drink in my hand, they feel awkward and clunky and I want to avoid playing with my hair. Gah. “Global star drinks alone at his local bar?”
He laughs but I can tell I hit a minor nerve. “Here I’m just a local. Always have been—it’s nice to be anonymous for a little bit.”
I roll my eyes. I didn’t believe that for a second. He loved his fame and everything that came with it.
Plus I used to come here all the time, I would’ve known if my employer was a local too. He was lying for some reason.
“Mr. Styles if there’s one thing I remember about you, you’d choose death over anonymity.”
“Firstly,” he leans in and I get a whiff of his usual cologne with a hint of malt. “A person can change a lot. So maybe you don’t know me as much as you think you do-“
“Oh I don’t think anyone can change that drastically in only a year-“
“You seemed to have.”
His words take mine out of my mouth. I hadn’t changed, not really. I’d always been this y/n but the further I got away from him the more reassured I had gotten being that y/n.
“And secondly,” he continues before I could think of a response. “You no longer work for me. Harry is fine.”
The smile he throws me is almost sweet if I didn’t know the cruelty that could hide underneath. I don’t return the smile, I only raise my brow and look back down at my phone. My cell service hasn’t gotten any better and I’d missed the wifi password.
I could connect to Harry’s wifi, ask him so that I could order an uber.
I’d rather van gogh my ear.
I weigh all my options and consider the last one again. I look up to see what Harry was doing in the silence and find him looking at me. A shiver runs up my spine as our eyes clash. So much history and words unspoken fall in between. A very specific night flashes through my mind. I wonder if it does him because he looks down first. Damn.
“So I’ve gotta get going,” I say.
“Let me buy you a drink.” He says at the same time.
He laughs awkwardly and repeats, “One drink?”
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”
“Why not?”
“We’re not drinking buddies.” I pull my purse to my chest, wanting to hop off this stool and run home if I need to. Put as much distance between myself and this man that was put on this earth to confuse me.
“Then what are we y/n?” He asks, his voice silky smooth as he leans in. The voice that whispered sweet nothings into my ear in my worst nightmares, nightmares of cotton sheets and heated limbs, of passion and shame.
“Ex-employer,” I point to him. I point to myself, “Ex-employee.”
“Exes have drinks together,” he grins full well knowing the double meaning.
“Never ends well,” I eye the door.
“Just as stubborn as I remember.”
“And you were saying people change?” I raise my brow.
He drops the smile and sighs, “I’m not gonna be able to convince ya am I?”
I shake my head. He should know that by now.
“Can I walk you out at least?”
I shrug, couldn’t hurt.
“What is this?” I ask as he opens the door for me.
“What?”
“This? Why are you trying to be so friendly?”
“I thought we could be friendly exes.”
And when did he get so cheeky.
“Something weird is going on,” I watch him stay in step with me as I walk up. With no service I was going to take the tube. “And I don’t like it.”
“Nothing weird is going on don’t get all paranoid on me.”
“Don’t call me paranoid! You never call a woman paranoid.”
“I thought that was conspiracy theorists?”
“Nooo. You’re being weird.”
"Alright, no need to get all Freudian on me. Just trying to be a decent human here."
I shake my head, somehow in our exchange my face had decided it was okay to smile. To forget what he put me through and remember instead that when things were good between us we actually got along.
Damnit. The devil knew how to play tricks. I wipe the smile off my face while he continues walking with me.
“So…what have you been up to?” He asks.
“Working, you know me.” I say after trying to figure out what his angle was but unable to find one.
“Oretta Smith I hear, how did you manage that?”
“I’m just that good Harry,” I say. His name is weird in my mouth. Sure I called him that in my head but I usually used Mr. Styles. I can tell he feels the same with his quick glance my way.
“How do you like that?”
“Yeah, she’s a great employer like I said. Very professional. Lots of flexibility.” Each praise is a knock to his ego. But it was all true, plus with Winnie joining the team I had a friend my age that felt great.
But there was also a darker side called burnout that I barely admitted to myself. Ever since we landed in London and I had time to orient my new self in a city that molded my old self, I felt the familiar singe of purposeless. But I keep it to myself of course.
“Great.” Harry responds curtly. “What about yourself? How’s your life, are you finally married?”
My instinct is to raise my defences and chew him out, he must know Gray and I were done what with me living in the States.
And yet, when I peer past the defences and take a long hard look at him I realize he is asking earnestly and without another angle.
We’re nearing the tube now. I hesitate in lying or telling the truth.
“We broke up,” I choose to confess. I peek at him and he looks surprised, even sorry.
“I didn’t know. Sorry.”
“I’d hope not,” I reply. “Otherwise you’d be an asshole calling me Mrs. Duran.”
He huffs an awkward laugh.
“Anyway this is me—
“I can give you a ride home—wherever that is right now?” He asks.
We’re stood in front of the glass doors. There’s not a lot of people this time of night. And as tempting as his offer was, the way he looks at me right now sends poisonous butterflies to my stomach and I think it’s best I get home for the big day tomorrow and not make any regrets.
“I’m not too far,” I lie. I point a thumb to the doors behind me. “I’m just gonna…”
“Yeah. Yeah right.” He’s awkward, which is a first. He clears his throat and stuffs his hand into his pocket. I watch him with a removed sort of curiosity. Eventually he coughs out his question. “How long are you in London for?”
“A few weeks,” I reply.
He finally meets my eyes again—and there goes my stomach. He was supposed to have zero effect on me, I was supposed to stay mad at him. Why was my body betraying me? Why did it continue to loop memories from that night and remind me of the things he whispered in the dark?
“A few weeks,” he murmurs back.
His gaze travels over my face openly, no longer holding back the barely-hidden expressions from before. Because I told him Gray and I weren’t a thing? Because I was entertaining whatever bullshit this was?
“Yep,” I nod. Awkward. Nervous. Cautious.
“My number’s the same,” his eyes snap back to mine. “If you want to go for that drink later.”
“Harry,” I try to break it to him another way. I wish I could just say I never want that drink. “I don’t think-“
“Don’t think,” he cuts me off. He laughs when I furrow my brows. “I mean, I’m right here for most of the next few weeks. When you feel like you want to have that drink just give me a call. Or text.”
Why, I want to ask him. Why, after all this time, after everything that happened? And it’s like he reads my mind in the silence.
“I know you left on a pretty poor note.” He shuffles his feet. “I know a lot of that was my fault. I apologize for that. Um, but I did enjoy having you around. You were excellent at your job and…you are missed. Even Jeff remembers you fondly. Which is saying something.”
This was some sort of prank. Or Harry had gotten so famous he now had a doppelgänger roaming the streets as him. It couldn’t be that Harry, my Harry, would say something so sentimental and so…genuine.
“So uh yeah, I would love to see you again while you’re in town.” He says when I don’t respond.
“Right.” I choke out.
He shrugs when I can’t bring myself to say anything more. “We do change, whether you believe it or not y/n.”
I swallow, hoping to lubricate my vocal cords and find my voice. “I-I really do have to go.”
Crestfallen, he nods. His hand comes up to touch my elbow. “Yeah ‘course. Just…think about it?”
I look down at his hand and he lets go, we stay in another bubble of silence. His eyes flicker down to my lips and I feel a wave of warmth as I try not to do the same.
“Goodnight,” I blurt and get to the other side of the glass doors. He watches me go.
On the escalator down I risk a glance back and he’s still there, watching until I’m out of sight. That ended incredibly awkward.
Leave it up to Harry to confuse me in coming back into my life. Damn him, he could never be consistent.
***
Waking up super early to catch the train out to Cambridge is so worth it because I get to watch Josie walk the stage and graduate with distinction wearing her famous smile that beams over the vast room.
Despite what happened with Gray and I, Josie and I have kept in touch steadily over the last year. It started as weekly facetimes which reduced down to monthly calls and have now become a steady stream of texts and memes swapped back and forth.
When she found out I’d be in London around her graduation dates she gave me no choice but to show up, sending me a ticket without asking.
I knew I’d see Gray, and a part of me was nervous and curious how that was going to go. But mostly I was grateful to still be in Josie’s life and spend time with her in person. She was the part of this life I missed most.
I’m sat somewhere in the middle of the room and Josie was smart enough not to seat me with the rest of her guests. But I know I would see everyone during photos and the dinner we were having later on. I try keep my focus on the ceremony however.
“Y/N!” Josie rushes towards me when she sees me after the ceremony. The group she departs from I recognize is a mix of her girl friends, her family, and a few others.
“Josie!” I return the same energy and she leaps into my arms. I squeeze her tight to me. “I’m soo proud of you my girl.”
We sway side to side, until we get enough hug.
“Look at you!” She exclaims when she leans back. “Your hair looks amazing and you are glowing. Please tell me you have a boy in your life.”
“No,” I laugh.
“A girl?” She asks hesitantly.
“No! I’m just…happy where I am right now! How about you look at you! You look phenomenal as per.”
“Oh thanks,” she takes the compliment and giggles. “I asked my dad to grad gift me a salon and spa visit so I am rejuvenated and blown out.”
“Aren’t you ever,” I touch a lock of her hair. “Congratulations.”
“Eek!” She squeals. “Finally finished this hellscape! I can’t wait to never write an exam again—ooh wait I want you to meet my boy…”
“So that’s why we’re actually glowing,” I tease as she tugs me towards the group. That definitely has Gray. My stomach drops the closer we get, he doesn’t seem to notice. He looks busy talking to one of Josie’s friends.
“Anyway,” she deposits me in front of a 6 foot something guy made of angles. “This is Jax. My boyfriend. We met during a Friendsgiving Myles threw last year.”
“Nice to meet you,” Jax smiles. “Y/N right?”
“Yes!”
“I was supposed to get around to that,” Josie huffs.
“Sorry she talked about you a lot when she found out you were coming. She was really excited.”
“Ugh,” she turns to me like she was embarrassed but her face is glowing. Josie was in looove.
“You two are so cute,” I tease which just makes Josie blush a little harder. “So are we getting any pictures?”
“Oh yeah,” Jax swivels his head. “Liliya has the good camera if you want to get-“
“Oh we can use our phones,” Josie cuts him off.
“No get the high res one—Liliya, camera?” Jax motions a shuttering action to the friend Gray was talking to. He’s so tall above the crowd that both look up at him and comply.
“Y/N,” Josie drags my arms back and takes me on the outskirt of the crowd. “I’m so sorry I never mentioned because I thought you wouldn’t come if I did tell you but you-“
“Y/N?”
Josie’s rushed whispers are cut short when Gray notices me and calls my name. He looks stupefied. I spare a glance to Josie and she’s paled.
She didn’t tell him.
“Hey,” I force a friendly tone. I was going to kill that girl.
“Did you all want a photo?” Josie’s friend Liliya shoulders her way back into the circle with the camera on a strap. She turns to Gray, “Babe?”
It’s an odd sensation, like all oxygen has left my lungs and they’re being squeezed as if tightened in a vice. Gray’s eyes drag away from me to his…girlfriend? Definitely not Josie’s friend.
It shakes me in the moment how much I realize I still cared, still carried a shred of hope for…something. And not consciously knowing this makes this moment feel a little like a slap in the face.
What did I think? I was going to leave this country for a year and people were going to pause where I last left them? Of course Gray’s moved on. Aside from the end he was a great partner and anybody would want that.
These thoughts race through my head in the few seconds Gray responds to his girlfriend and I look at Josie. She looks guilty as charged.
“I tried to tell you just now?” She whispers.
Deep breaths, I remind myself. You’re not the hot-headed y/n these people knew last. This day is not about you. It’s about Josie.
“It’s cool. Let’s get some photos,” I smile. “Don’t want to miss having them with you.”
She sighs but keeps her eyes on my face as we walk farther out.
“I am really sorry,” she whispers.
“Hey it’s alright,” I lie. This was the worst of it—Gray had moved on, had a great girlfriend, and I was living the life I wanted. No harm and no foul. “Honestly Jo I get it, you wanted me here reallllly bad.”
“I did!” She says. “But I’m also gonna kill Jax.”
I laugh and we straighten up when we realize the camera was already pointed at us. Josie flashes her degree and a few of her friends join the pictures too. We hustle back to Gray to see them and flipping back on the first few makes my breath catch in my throat. There’s one in particular where Josie is turned to me talking and my mouth is in a big grin because I’m laughing.
I catch eyes with Gray in an uncomfortably intimate second.
“Send me that one for sure wow Gray that’s a really good shot.”
“Oh wow,” his girlfriend peers over. “That’s a great candid.”
“Yeah,” I agree. I’d love a copy too. And of course that’s when Gray’s girlfriend notices me and introduces herself.
“I don’t think we’ve met—is that an American accent I detect?”
“It is,” I smile. “I’m Y/N.”
“Oh!” Two spots of pink appear on her face. It seems she’s heard of me. “Well it’s nice to meet you—nice that Josie invited you! I’m Liliya but Lily works too.”
“C’mon!” Josie interrupts the awkward by grabbing her brother’s arm and pushes him in the direction of where her friends are posing for photos. He takes some shots but Josie hates the look of them and gives the camera to Lily instead.
With just Gray and I left behind it grows very awkward.
“I thought Josie told everyone I would be-“ I say just as he says, “I didn’t realize you would be-“
We stop and chuckle awkwardly.
“Sorry,” I shake my head.
“No,” he shrugs. “It’s cool. It’s cool you’re here actually.”
“Okay,” is all I can say. Until the awkward silence stretches. “So…Liliya?”
“Yeah. Yeah, Liliya. You?”
I want to lie, but I shake my head. “No. Sorta needed the year to breathe a little.”
“Fair. How’s America?”
“Oh y’know, still super-sized and politically a guessing game.”
“Have you turned on our news while you’ve been down at all?” He raises a brow. I laugh because he was right. It was all a shitshow everywhere.
He asks me about my family as Josie jogs up to us.
“Okay, tell me the truth is my hair going flat?”
“No,” I look behind her where her friends are hovering over Lily and the camera going over their photos.
“Good. Where’s mum and dad?” Josie asks Gray. “Dad was just here 10 minutes ago he said he’d come by for—oh there’s mum! Look!”
We turn to where she points. Michelle—what I’ve always called Gray’s mom, spots her daughter at the same time and waves. She starts to walk towards us.
It’s nice to see her but I also feel a bit nervous; going cold turkey on relationships you only had because of an ex are always weird to come back to. Especially ones you were fond of.
“Mum! You’re missing all the pictures!” Josie says. “Where’ve you been!?”
“I just saw somebody I knew back from my first job as a librarian can you believe that?” Michelle says as she joins the group.
“Crazy. Well mum look who got to show up today! Isn’t that crazy too?”
Michelle looks at me and the bright smile that was intended for her daughter dies like a flower in overnight frost. The look wipes the anticipation off my face.
“Who?”
That one word shades the sun from the sky and brings forth a gust of western winds through the group.
“Mum,” Josie look between me, her mum, and Gray. She’s confused. “Y/N?”
“Hey Michelle,” I croak. Maybe my hair was too different for her to recognize me, or maybe she had early onset alzheimers. Surely this woman who I’ve had a better relationship with than her own son has wouldn’t be treating me like your worst frenemy at your high school reunion.
But Michelle looks right through me. I can’t explain how it feels, not in the moment. I’m gutted, and feel an unexplainable wave of sadness.
“Mum…” Josie sounds hurt and Gray finally decides to swoop in.
“Mum let’s check out the photos we took already. We gotta get some of the three of us.”
They walk away and I feel seven inches tall but I turn to Josie with a brave face and face her teary one.
“That was kind of awkward,” I downplay.
“Y/N I’m honestly so sorry I-,” Josie blinks rapidly.
“No it’s ok!”
“I don’t know why she acted like that-“
“Hey It’s natural for her to feel that way I’m alright don’t get upset-“
“It’s not alright though! That was such a…she never acts like that.”
It was true. Michelle was a free-spirit as she called herself. That’s why Gray had such a hard relationship with her; in his words, she was too emotional and ungrounded for him.
Yet apparently, she was able to find enough ground to stand on when it came to treating me like a nobody. I wonder if it’s because she heard Gray’s biased side of the story or she was hurt herself—still, the way she’s always talked about herself never struck me as someone who would believe a one-sided story. Or be a bitch to someone they previously called their daughter. It hurt like a mofo.
I didn’t want Josie to find out this way, here of all places, that her mom was just human after all. She idolized that woman.
So even though it hurt, I comfort her instead.
“She probably just feels betrayed by me leaving and stuff since we were close too. Imagine if Jax broke up with you and she gave him the cold shoulder—wouldn’t you feel justified?”
Josie scrunches her brows to think about the simplified story I’ve just fed her to feel better. I can tell it still doesn’t sit well with her but she nods in acceptance, “I guess.”
“Yeah, just forget it Josie. Plus you’ve got pictures to take so dry those eyes.”
“Shit I know,” she blinks some more. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to invite you here and twist the knife at every bloody turn.”
“Jo I’m honoured to get to be here and see all your hard work pay off. Don’t worry about anything else.”
“It’s unfair,” she says before she drifts to her group of friends. “I feel like nobody understands how…how understanding you are. But I’m really glad we’re still in touch. And you came for me.”
Her words bring tears to my eyes and I nod, afraid that talking would bring them forward. I watch her crash her group and start instructing photo coordination. I help hold things for people while they take photos and feel like a stranger outside the crowd. If it weren’t for Josie, I think I would have regretted coming here. I feel homesick and unwanted. A tough combo.
I was supposed to crash on someone’s couch tonight and do brunch with Josie tomorrow before going back to London but from the last half hour alone I know I’m going back to the city no matter how late it gets tonight. I think of the hotel room that was home right now, of how lonely that was going to feel to go back to too.
Home right now was in America, in the same time zone as my family, and comfortable in my shared apartment with one of my high school best friends who I reconnected with after going back home. I miss it so bad. And I feel like I’ve bitten into an unripe fruit coming back to the UK before I was ready apparently. My experience feels soured.
I shake off the doom and gloom when the party breaks. We were all going to meet at the restaurant at 6–my plan was to explore the university city and find a place to kill some time in. Maybe go outside to a park with lunch. Josie tries to convince me to join her and her friends for their mid-day celebration but I lie and tell her I had some work to do.
I call Winnie on my stroll through the city. I insist she update me on last night first, and she has more to tell—the guy had a yacht and he was inviting her to a party tonight. She tells me to join if I came back early and we cross our fingers that Oretta wouldn’t need her before then.
I originally called her to rant about Michelle and Gray but I don’t, I didn’t want to kill her vibe. So I scroll through my other contacts but don’t want to worry my mom and it was too early back home to reach anyone else.
My eyes catch on Harry’s name, he was at the top of my texts currently because he sent me a link this afternoon asking me for thoughts on it. I hadn’t opened it yet, I wasn’t sure what to think about this new persona he was wearing or that he thought yesterday’s run-in went okay enough to casually message me for my thoughts.
I remember the weird electricity of yesterday and shove my phone back into my pocket.
He genuinely wanted to have a drink? And talk??
I did enjoy having you around. You were excellent at your job and you are missed.
Was he trying to make up for his cruel words? But he also seemed a lot more mellow than before. Maybe that was just because I didn’t work for him. What did he want? And was I twisted for believing the new schtick?
Most curious of all was him at the pub in the first place. He was not a local there—that was a big lie.
I try to conjure up my previous hatred, calling him the Devil in my head. But it’s harder to do. Seeing him yesterday, he was just a man standing in front of a woman with a head full of cautionary tales and bad experiences.
Without warning images from that night come back and I feel my heart flutter. I shut them down just as quick. Not all bad, my body tries to remind me. I tell it to shut up.
I’ve barely stepped foot in this country again and already my mind was running circles around my heart. How exhausting.
***
I’m early to the restaurant, before anyone else apparently. As the hostess finds my name on her floor plan Josie comes in behind me with Jax.
“Oh! Y/n you’re early!” She seems flustered.
“Yeah I didn’t think I would be,” it was only a few minutes to 6.
We make small talk while we’re led to the table, Josie’s eyes keep darting to where our table might be.
“Sorry I was hoping to do this before you came,” she says when we get there. There are name cards along the 7 seats and she picks the one in front of me. “I’m just gonna move mum to my other side so it doesn’t get weird. Which means she’ll be closer to dad but…I think he’s bailing since his girlfriend doesn’t want to do this.”
Josie shrugs, I know how she feels about her dad’s girlfriend. She begins explaining the plans she has to do dinner with her dad later this week and the more she talks the more I can tell that she feels awkward. And I hate that it’s because of me. At one point Jax and I catch eyes and pass an awkward smile.
“Josie,” I walk up to her fiddling with the name tags. She stops talking immediately. I grip her shoulders. “Thanks.”
“Sorry,” she whispers. I wrap my arms around her and she melts into me.
“Stop apologizing.”
“Sorry. I can’t help it. It’s a disease.”
We let go with a laugh and she seems more stable. “This is going to be fine.”
Famous last words.
It’s definitely not fine and very awkward. Jax ends up sitting in front of me, and even though Liliya’s name tag was beside mine it’s suddenly swapped as they slide in and Gray sits beside me. I guess it might be too awkward for her but not awkward enough to fit someone we both dated between us.
I can sense Michelle’s pinched face as she notices us sitting beside each other and I feel badly for Josie the most as she tries to play the gracious host. At one point I sense Jax laying a hand on her arm and taking over, asking Michelle questions about her yoga and getting her talking.
“Did you need more?” Gray turns to me with the wine bottle, it’s the second thing he’s said to me tonight. Otherwise he mostly just watches me talk and leans back enough when others are talking so I can be involved.
“I’m okay,” I whisper. I didn’t want to draw any attention while Michelle was talking. She hadn’t said a peep to me, even when Josie tried to involve us both in a shared memory. She continued acting like I was Casper the ghost.
I can feel Lily’s eyes on us as Gray offers wine, of course they would be. No wonder Gray barely spoke to me all night. Fuck me, what was I doing here.
Jax is a sweetheart, asking me about my job and encouraging conversation between the both of us. I’m so happy for Josie that she found a partner like him.
By the time dinner is over I mostly want to cry. I feel spent. But I also feel like I crashed an intimate dinner and everyone’s polite enough not to mention it. Despite Josie, I do actually regret coming.
As we pay the bill and shuffle out, Josie grabs my arm.
“So I have two friends where you can crash at their place or Jax can sleep over at mine and you can sleep at his or-“
“I think I’m gonna head back to the city.”
Her face falls. But it’s like she knew I was going to say that.
“Sorry Jo. I think you should come to the city next week—maybe visit your brother? And while you’re down we’ll do brunch then. I’m mostly free while I’m here. I’m just pretty tired and have to help Winnie with something tomorrow.”
“Really?” She says in the smallest voice I’ve heard out of her. Salt to my wounds.
“Yeah, I’m sorry. I know we were looking forward to getting time together.”
She juts out her lip and I’m reminded of the girl I met when I first started dating Gray. How she’d taken to me so quickly. How the whole family had. How things could end up like this.
And suddenly I see the future laid out in front of me. After tonight it would be hard to keep this relationship going—Josie and I. She’s just seen her mom be an unreasonable bitch for the first time, I can tell she’s been trying to compensate all night but the cracks won’t go away. It’ll always be a sitting duck between us.
We might try to stay in touch, maybe I’d reach out if I was ever in London or if she ever visited the west coast. But this would fizzle out.
She was still young and naive enough that her mom hung the moon and stars; mom’s beliefs were gospel, her opinions were rulings, and she’d just delivered my ultimate sentence: I was a black sheep to the family. How could sweet Josie walk through a mess like that?
“I’m so proud of you,” I tell her as I fight tears. “Congratulations again and thank you for inviting me.”
“Thanks. And you don’t have to be so nice. I know it was kind of a shitty invite.”
“No,” I insist. “I loved being here. I don’t regret showing up for you. I can’t wait to hear what you get up to.”
“I’m going to make sure to make it to the city next week,” she squeezes my arm. “We’ll see each other soon.”
“Exactly,” I look over at the rest of the group, where her boyfriend waits for her. Her family. “And I really like Jax, so good on you for that.”
“He…” she twists her lips, swallowing what she was going to say before vomiting it out. “I always aspired to have a relationship like yours and Gray’s. I never wanted to settle for anything less so that’s…that’s why Jax.”
“Hm I think you made us the bar and you leapt over it babe,” I wrap my arms around her again. I ache with the loss of what we used to be.
“See you soon,” she says before she drags herself back to the group.
I stand off to the side, awkwardly ordering an Uber. The group begins to walk the opposite way waving bye to me. I breathe easier without the weight of them around.
As I tap my foot in anticipation of the ride to the station arriving, I feel a hand tap my shoulder.
“Y/n,” it’s Gray. “Hey I…I just wanted to say something before you left.”
“Oh. Hey yeah. Shoot.”
What was it with everyone wanting to say something to me.
“Uh…ok give me a minute,” he laughs in the way I know to mean he was feeling nervous. “I just sort of jogged back impulsively.”
“Yeah well you have,” I glance at my phone. “4 or so minutes.”
“Damn,” he ruffles his hair. “Alright. I think I just wanna say sorry.”
“Oh.” That was it. Everyone had something to say to me and the something was apparently sorry.
“Yeah I’m sorry. I…when we broke up I was so upset and caught up in my own head. I blamed you for everything. I think it only hit me when you just up and moved out of the country how things actually went down.”
I hadn’t told anyone but Josie that I was leaving.
“Yeah you were just like gone.” He continues. “I guess a part of me thought we’d get some space, maybe circle back later…”
“You really betrayed me,” I remind him.
But even I know what he means. He hurt me bad and it might be crazy stupid but on some level we were both aware we were in an ugly place and maybe with some space we might come back to the place that was good for us again. Maybe bump into each other one day, strike up a conversation, find there might still be a small amount of love left. Enough to water and grow again.
“I know,” he sighs. “I know. I hate that I hurt you like that. I regret…I actually don’t really hang out with that group of friends as much anymore. I sorta have myself to blame but I didn’t like who I was with them.”
I listen, letting him speak. It hurt too, knowing this was the Grayson I had fallen in love with. Kind and supportive, and now apparently he’s learned to communicate. Maybe that was a Lily thing.
“I guess,” he blows the air out of his cheeks. “I want to say I’m really truly sorry. I missed you a lot after you left. Nothing was the same and life was fucking hard. I wish things didn’t end the way they did and I stayed mature but I was just jealous and angry.”
I nod to acknowledge what he’s saying and watch him take a breath to continue.
“And I always appreciated how you never let us shake your relationship with my sister because she bloody loves you—I don’t think how mum treated you was right today but I never really understood her in the first place. I’m sorry about that.”
“Yeah,” is all I can manage without making it obvious how emotional this was all making me. How one year could make me feel like a completely different person. How this man I loved, and still love in some way, could stand in front of me talking about us as something in the past. Because we were. Long past.
My phone dings with a notification that my ride would be here. We glance down and out into the street.
“Anyway,” he swallows. “I just wanna apologize. And say I genuinely hope you find love y/n. Love that’s as fierce and loyal as you are. I hope you can forgive me one day. And I hope you’re successful as hell in whatever you pour yourself into.”
“Thank you Gray,” I want to say I was sorry too. For what it was worth. But my car pulls to the curb.
I wave at the driver to let them know I’d ordered it and we walk the few feet to the back door.
I face Gray and open my mouth to say it. Say something more: how I appreciated his words, how I was sorry for how things ended too, how I hope he is happy. But nothing comes out of my mouth. I just stare at him, my eyes welling with tears instead.
Gray holds out his hand and I look down at it. I knew those hands well and it’s like walking into a place you used to frequent in the past and have memories rush towards you as you remember: those hands held me and wrapped around my own and comforted me, they made me food and stroked my hair, and carried my bags when they got too heavy. They once wore an engagement band I gifted, they once held a small box with a life-changing question I had said yes to.
Now it was just a hand.
I clasp it and he squeezes.
“I know,” he says, his eyes trained on my watery ones. He squeezes again and lets go.
I rush into the car, those two words nearly cracking me in half. I wave goodbye through the tinted window and feel a wave of despair that pulls me down into the depths of darkness.
Too much was happening at once.
My emotions spiral out of me and I feel alone in this foreign country; I needed comfort where none could be found.
I don’t mean to. Or maybe I do. But on the train back to London I text Harry: is it too early to cash in on the drink?
His response is immediate: no, I was waiting for this text last night
I smile, despite myself.
Can I come over? I text with shaking hands.
H: For drinks?
Y: For drinks
H: Ofc.
***
The taxi drops me in front of the familiar building. I feel an echo of anxiety pierce through me as I go through the familiar doors. I nod at the concierge, the night replacement was new and I’m grateful nobody can recognize me making this potentially stupid decision.
For a brief second I wonder if Harry had other plans tonight but decide not to overthink it. He’d invited me openly. And maybe I was making a decision based on sadness and loneliness and grief and needing to be wanted but I make it. And I would make it like a grown woman—ready to accept the consequences.
I didn’t want to go back to my lonely hotel room. I didn’t want to call anyone and talk about what just happened. I didn’t have words. My body was taking the beating, feeling everything under the sun and now bruised and battered for it. I just wanted my body to forget that. And there was only one person in this godforsaken city that could help.
I’m let up to the penthouse and I forgot it had a distinct smell, wood-like and something indescribable. Weird that it felt comforting.
“You made it,” Harry comes into view in a simple pair of shorts and a long-sleeved white tee pushed up to his elbows. It’s the sleeves that really do it.
“I did.”
I leave my bags beside the elevator next to the umbrella stand, keeping my eyes on him. He doesn’t take his off mine either. I’m glad he doesn’t. Now I know he knows we both said drinks but meant something more.
He reaches out for me before I even get to him, and I know I would think about that later. A lot. But right then in the middle of his entryway I wrap my arms around his neck and lean up on my toes to reach him too.
His lips are soft against mine and he tucks me into him, his hand splayed out on my lower back. It feels like a return to a lover, someone who knows you, like I would’ve thought seeing Gray again would feel. But it’s just Harry, and the thought of baseless familiarity freaks me out a little.
The next time I feel his lips they’re on my jaw and neck and down to the base of my throat. He murmurs my name as he makes his way down and my body reacts immediately. He takes me by the waist and backs me up against the nearest wall, and I have a feeling I might fall.
I had made the conscious decision to walk into the devil’s lair because it was the only place I could get what I needed.
My fingers dig into his shoulders. My body wants this. Every part of me wants to pull him close and hold him and never let go. I wanted all of it tonight.
But I am so tired.
I put a hand on his chest and press gently. I can feel the warmth of his skin, the firmness of his muscles and the beat of his heart as he pauses.
“Sorry, I should have started with a hello. That was too fast was it?” He whispers, looking me straight in the eyes.
I have a million answers, but nothing comes. He puts his hand over mine and I feel it as a shiver runs up my spine.
"Is this too fast?" he asks again, and I hear the worry in his voice.
I shake my head.
He gives a breathy laugh, "Then tell me."
"I think I-“
“Don’t,” he covers my mouth with a laugh. “Please please. Don’t think.”
I smile under his palm and he drops his hand, I can tell he’s proud of lightening the moment by the sheen in his eyes. The moment is tender in a way that takes me back.
He brushes back my hair and kisses my forehead. I close my eyes, breathing in his cologne.
“That’s not where I want to be kissed,” I tell him.
“Then where?” He plays along.
“Anywhere but there.”
He kisses my nose. “There?”
“Not there,” I open my eyes to look up at him. “I’ll have you know that was very snotty just an hour ago.”
He groans, “you really have a way of taking the desire out of a situation.”
But his brows furrow and he watches me even closer.
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I respond to his unasked question.
With that statement he takes a painful step back and I nearly slide down the wall without his support.
“What?” I ask.
“We should take that drink first.”
I feel the loss of his body pressed against mine, I realize miserably.
“What do you mean? I thought the drinks were just an excuse?” I ask.
He laughs a little, “Maybe tonight, but I really did want to have a drink with you. And talk.”
“Harry,” I groan. “I’m all out of talking tonight. Truly.”
“As much as I want to say forget talking and take you to bed I need to do this…just follow me,” he leads me and my flushed body through to the main living area which I was well familiar with but it’d gotten a facelift. I make commentary on the changes and he tells me more about it as he pulls a wine he wants out for us.
“I changed things around a little after you left,” he says as he hands me the wine glass. “I needed it. The change.”
“Oh.” Is all I can muster. I follow him to the sofa, tonight he doesn’t leave as much space between us but it still feels like a weird parallel to the night I landed in the hospital; a confrontation with Gray leading me to wine with Harry. “Look Harry I don’t know if I can do this.”
“Why not?”
“I…I’m at minimal capacity right now I just-“
“Just let me talk then.”
“Why does everyone want to talk!”
“I need to tell you what I should have said a long time ago and I want to apologize-“
“You already did-“
“Properly.”
I cross my arms and sigh.
“Y/n bloody hell I forgot how quickly you can get under my skin.”
“So this isn’t a great thing then.”
“Y/N,” he says my name like a warning and I want to comply. I roll my eyes and knock back my glass of wine, the buzz from the glass at dinner has long since worn away.
“Part of me wants to top you up but another part remembers what happened last time.” Harry eyes me.
“No I’m okay with just one glass. Drinking when I’m upset doesn’t end well.”
“Yeah…I don’t want you concussed on my watch again.”
“No we don’t want that,” we smile at each other, a soft and sentimental smile that gets the anxious stuttering of my heart to calm down a little. He just wanted to talk, so what?
But the anxious voice runs through the scenarios he might want to—his recent text, or something I did as his PA he wants to take up now. Gah.
“I really have missed having you around,” he says softly.
“Didn’t feel like you would with how you treated me.” I raise my brow.
“I know.” He pauses then mumbles something before talking to me directly. “You must have heard about the PA before you? Maybe from Riley?”
“Kind of.”
“Kind of?”
“Hmmm this feels like a trick question.” I say but he tells me he just wants to know what I knew. So I rip the bandaid off. “You had a fling with her.”
He hangs his head back over the seat of the sofa and sighs. “I knew that piece of…Riley makes me really mad when I think about him sometimes.”
“Does he?” I raise my brow. “I can think of someone else who makes me madder.”
“I know that’s supposed to be me. And I don’t know what to do about that except come clean right now.”
“And why is that?” I ask. “Coming clean? I came here just to get distracted in bed with you. I never thought I’d live to see the day where a guy like you wants to talk instead.”
“Y/N,” he says with such an intense look my way my stomach flips. “Trust me. I want to have you in my bed more than you do. But I told myself if that day ever somehow happened it would be after this.”
I shrug, let him continue. In reality his words make me weak and I can’t speak. Which kind of annoys me—why did he have such a strong pull over me? How did he so easily admit he’s thought about me, about having me in his bed!?
My heart flutters amongst other things.
I remember a brief conversation I had with my mom last year when she asked me why I wasn’t putting myself out there and dating again and I told her I just didn’t have the heart for it. She had said it seems I left my heart in London—my passion and my heart. Sitting here with Harry stirs something inside of me, scares me, and I want to distract that with more wine. But I manage to control myself.
“I was fairly new to the industry when I hired Riley and it was his second proper job or something so we were both a bit young and we ended up being friendlier than we should have.” Harry starts. “But he was great at his job and never gave me any issues. I stayed naïve that people in this industry would look out for my best interest-“
“That’s really naïve,” I can’t help but comment but he throws me a look and I zip my lips. “Sorry.”
“I was lucky that the first few relationships I built as I got my foot in the door were genuine but I realized too late that it wasn’t a norm. Everyone wanted a piece of me and they all wanted me to be someone else. Some angle. Shit hit the fan pretty quickly. So when I needed more help I decided to create a new role for Riley and hire a PA. She was seasoned and came highly recommended.”
I nod along to his story.
“Long story short, she started out good but she kept trying to get me alone and get me talking. And back then after being friends with my old PA I didn’t have the wisdom of setting boundaries—don’t give me that look.”
“What!” I raise my hands. “I’m just listening.”
“You’re judging me.”
“Just continue,” I encourage. I was judging a little.
“Anyway, where I thought we were just friendly she thought I—I dunno I was falling for her or something. And one night she was working late so she had dinner here. She kept refilling my drink I didn’t realize she wasn’t drinking as much. It’s not much of an excuse but by the time she came onto me I was pissed and it didn’t take much.”
He continues the story like it was nothing but his voice catches a little and he doesn’t look me in the eye. My insides grow colder. I want to reach inside of him and hold the old Harry, the naive one who didn’t know better.
“Please don’t feel bad for me,” he cuts my sympathy short. “I didn’t turn into a great person after that. Especially with how I treated you.”
“That’s right.” I pretend to be unaffected by his story like he wanted me to be. But it’s near impossible.
“So that’s how I decided it was best for me to play the asshole. I couldn’t fire her after that—it would look awful and she could report me and screw me over. But I could make working for me a nightmare and so I did. A few months later she quit.”
He sighs and takes a swig of his wine, “Then you came along and I thought ‘I should play the asshole from the get go.’ I had gotten good by then at compartmentalizing my personality in the industry.”
“Hmph,” I raise a brow. He has the decency to look embarrassed but he continues.
“But the more time we spent together the worse I felt. You were nothing like the previous PA. You were genuine and down-to-earth. Pretty fiery but I wouldn’t find that out until later,” he grins. I roll my eyes. “I tried to ease up a little but things kept happening to push me back into the asshole box.”
“But you were so snappy, and a dick.”
“I know. I didn’t know how to tell you you worked too hard without dropping the asshole act and making you feel even shittier.”
“What do you mean?”
“I had to be the villain in your story-“
“What?” What was he talking about?
“Yeah like, you were working all the time even though there were some times I told you to wrap it up for the day.”
I remembered that, thinking he was kicking me out.
“But you took the job so seriously. I appreciated everything you did but you were dogged at making sure you did the best at any cost.”
“What do you mean? At any cost?” I ask, a cold sensation running down my back.
“For example take that one time a few months in when I asked you to call me because you forgot to order wine. You bloody came all the way back to hand deliver it-“
“Yeah because you said to call you and you were gonna be pissed if I-“
“No, y/n,” he lays a hand between us. “I just wanted you to call to know where you usually ordered from so I could order that for myself. You weren’t in any trouble! But I could only blame myself for playing the hard asshole too well.”
I think about that night, Josie’s birthday party. How I left early and upset Gray. How I didn’t need to but I had been following the Dos and Dont’s list.
Shit, the lists. They were added onto by the last PA who, now I know, was having her life made into hell just so she would quit. Some of those lists were on an extreme I didn’t even have to follow. Fuck. That was on me.
My face must be a painting of regret because Harry apologizes again.
“I’m sorry but I didn’t want you to…I just felt like I had to play the villain so you could do what you had to do. So you could continue hating me and we could establish the clear boundary.”
“Right.” I have a bitter taste in my mouth.
“But I genuinely liked you, I thought you were funny and sensitive-“
“You don’t like my sensitivity.”
“I do. I just hated how angry you were-“
“Because of you.”
“I know. I created a monster, I’m Frankenstein.”
“Damn straight.” I agree and we pause a beat before laughing.
“Anyway,” he continues. “You were funny and sensitive and resilient, passionate and smart, and you cared so deeply. It was rare meeting people like you in this field. I wanted to wrap you in bubble wrap but I think I shattered you instead. I’m sorry for the way I just let my past colour your time here. I feel like you left because of me-“
“It was really a lot of reasons.”
“I know but I was part of that and I felt no good. After you left I was a miserable son of a bitch for a while. I couldn’t even enjoy my holiday because I kept thinking of you. I was miserable so I barely even said goodbye—I didn’t realize you were going to run away so far. But I also didn’t want to say goodbye because I was scared I would convince you to stay by spilling my truth.”
His words sit on my chest and they slowly sink down to my stomach. I don’t know what it meant, what he wanted me to do with this confession. It’s too much.
“Mostly,” he continues, shifting closer to me on the sofa. He lowers his voice, “Mostly I’m sorry about Barcelona.”
I flush at the mention of it. At the heat and passion from that night. His eyes roam my face.
“I’m not that guy. I should have treated you nicer, should have been the one to keep my patience.”
“I didn’t make it easy,” I admit.
“No,” he chuckles. “You really fucking did not.”
We smile.
“But you’re so much more than anger y/n. I could barely sleep that night, I kept regretting giving into the anger and not being slow and soft with you the way you deserve. I regret it all the time.”
His confession pulls the veil off my eyes and I see a sharper image of my past. Of everything. It all comes at once and I can’t sort through it in the moment but I know what I want to do.
I shuffle over until I’m up against Harry, I hold his face in mine and he cups my face in his hand.
“You drove me crazy,” I tell him. “Made my life hell.”
“I know. But you drove me crazy too. Nobody got under my skin like you did.”
“Same.”
His hand snakes down to my thigh and he nudges it over his lap so that I’m straddling his body. I feel vulnerable and scared—not the first time these emotions have coursed through me in this very room. But today I don’t feel powerless.
His lips are soft against my cheek, my jaw, down my neck. Unlike the first time he’s slow and deliberate like someone who’s waited so long to unwrap a cherished gift and can’t stand ripping even the gift wrap. He pushes my hair out of the way and trails his fingertips down the back of my neck.
“I’m glad you’re here,” he whispers in my ear. The more he talked the more nervous he was making me. I turn my head to capture his lips, run my fingers through his hair which is too short to really grasp. I missed his old hair.
We break apart for a breath and I can feel the tension. The desire to have him near clashing with the need to go slow. To savour this. Somehow we both feel it.
“We don’t have to do anything tonight,” Harry promises me, his finger trailing down my arm. “Just having you here is enough.”
Oh god. How did he know just the things to say. This man was way too suave. He really was the devil.
But I needed him. It’s scary to admit but I did. I wanted to be here, I really did. I needed to be in this moment with him. Fulfill some shut-out desire that had grown dusty in the corner of my heart.
“I want to do this.”
With a gentle kiss he gets us up and takes my hand. I feel myself being pulled through the living room and towards the bedroom. The sheets are cool, but not cold and when he crawls in beside me I forget that I had ever been anywhere else.
He’s attentive and deliberate and I’m buzzing with anticipation. I decide to pick up the pace, propping myself up to take off my blouse. I watch his throat bob up and down like he’s never seen me like this before even though he has. It’s endearing.
The way his hands fit in the curve of my waist makes it harder to breathe. He moves his hands up my torso and to the straps of my bra. He pauses, as if asking permission, and when I nod, he kisses me. He unhooks it and slowly slides it off my shoulders, eyes fixed on mine.
The intensity of his gaze is overwhelming.
I pull him close to kiss him again, and he pulls me under him so I can feel the full weight of him against me. This is what I needed. To be physically present and not stuck in the after tremors of the earthquakes of my past. Not that he wasn’t part of my past but this is different. A non-verbal agreement to just be present. I knew his ways with women, it could be a one-night thing and that’s what I needed.
But that’s why the moments of tenderness and adoration nearly take my breath away. I don’t know where to put these things.
He kisses down my shoulder while his hand trails down to my trousers. He hooks his finger into the belt loop and tugs gently, looking up at me for consent.
I nod.
He slowly takes them off, and when his fingers brush against my bare legs, my breath hitches.
It happens again when he presses his lips against my hip bone.
He stops for a moment, and I can almost see the cogs in his brain whirring.
He moves up to press his forehead against mine.
"I don't know how to do this right," he says quietly, and his eyes search mine.
“What do you mean?”
“This is always how I should have treated you,” he whispers. “I want you to know-“
“Harry,” I smooth out the lines on his forehead.
"No," he grabs my hand and kisses it. "I don't want you to feel like I don't care because I do. I don’t want to hurt you. I'm not good at saying these things. But I want you to know how much I value you. That I like you as a person. I respect you. I want you to be okay.”
“I-“ who was this Harry, seriously!? “I get it. I’m okay. I am.”
He smiles at me tentatively and my heart does a somersault.
I grab the back of his neck and pull him down, pressing my lips against his. I could taste the sweetness of the words he had said.
I tug at his shirt and it flies into the darkness of his bedroom. His skin is heated against mine.
It feels like an eternity before he finally reaches the band of my panties, and my heart thumps wildly.
"May I?" he looks up.
"Please," I whisper.
For the first time since I’ve met him he doesn’t make it about himself or what he needs. It’s almost intimidating how intense he is as he looks after me and it’s hard to reconcile this man with the man in my head. We’re of one mind and it’s like he knows everything I’ve been through in the last 24 hours; he just attends to my every need reminding me that I was here, right here, in his arms and in this body.
And it doesn’t go unnoticed.
“Are you staying the night?” He asks later with a final kiss to my shoulder.
“If that’s alright?” I ask. I didn’t want to be alone in a cold hotel room.
“I’d love nothing more.” He says earnestly.
Love. I brush the word away.
He warns me that he was a slug if I stayed and he’s not exaggerating, with his arm draped over me and tucked up against him he’s like a child with a plush. He falls asleep just as quickly.
I should too but can’t. I feel so intensely about this body laying beside me, I want to crawl inside of him, understand him, understand us and how this worked.
Or maybe I wanted to just understand me, and why I felt a piece of myself sliding back into place tonight. I had to be the most fucked up person in this city.
Instead of sleeping I lay awake thinking about everything and I can’t help it. I go over this morning—god it felt like weeks ago. Josie’s graduation. Josie. Gray. Even Michelle.
I feel slightly paralyzed by everything that transpired today—it truly felt like peering through a glass window into a life I used to have. I try to break open the glass, sort it all out.
On one side is me and everything I’ve done this whole year to move on from the crumbs of my life here in London. I don’t know why but I really did think that coming back I would be 100% untouchable by my past. I was an idiot for thinking that because I was bothered that Gray seemed to have a steady girlfriend. Why did I think anything would rekindle between us?
I dig deeper, did I even want that to happen? Or did I just want to prove to myself that I was the one Gray let get away because I was too scared to face the possibility that I was the one who let Gray get away.
But clearly something didn’t work with us, I think bitterly. A few months with his new girl and he found the balls to open up with me and communicate his grievances and his apologies.
Love that’s as fierce and loyal as you are, he had said. Was I too much for Gray? Is that why we were made to burn out? It hurt too that he had damaged all my relationships I made in my life here in London only to cut those same people out of his life immediately after I left. The more I think about it the angrier I feel.
And his mom, I still feel bruised by her acting like she didn’t even know me. It stokes the anger higher. Her own son has called her crazy on multiple occasions, I was always nothing but kind to her. Gray was the one who put the final nail in our coffin yet the woman who called me her daughter and claimed to love me had been cruel. Even in the face of getting along for Josie’s sake she had put her petty feelings in the forefront.
These people made me so angry.
How did I ever think I could rekindle anything with Gray? As much as I was to blame, I realize, Gray couldn’t even be kind in the end. Just because the year apart was good to him didn’t mean he would still be good for me.
I think about the man laying beside me, in a hypothetical situation if things got ugly I instinctively want to say he would be cruel too. But I have to push past the persona he claimed to have put up and think about the glimpses of the man I saw underneath. Something tells me he would be just as fiery in letting me know how he was feeling. But with his recent apologies I’m not as convinced he would go out of his way to hurt me again.
Even in the bar last night, I just assumed he called me Mrs. Duran to be cruel but he hadn’t known. Or when I had assumed at Josie’s birthday party I would be fired for forgetting wine because he was an asshole when really he just acted like one so I wouldn’t feel worse.
How many times had I judged people because of how skewed my own lens was? It’s a sobering reminder.
Josie’s face flashes through my mind and I tear up at knowing we were going to cut each other out. No matter how much we loved each other staying in touch at this rate was no longer sustainable. For her best interest.
I think of my younger brother back home, my older sister, our family of 5. When I went back home there was so much to catch up on and eventually, apologize for. I had missed out on so much of my family’s life because I believed I needed to leave to grow. Well, life sure handed me a lot of lessons but I needed to go back home to plant them and let me grow.
Harry stirs beside me, nuzzling my neck in his sleep. I feel myself go teary eyed for no reason.
I wondered if this was just a one-night thing. If we would see each other again while I was in London. Did I want to see him? My heart sings yes immediately.
Damn.
What was it about him that pushed my emotions to the highest highs and lowest lows. How did he know every button to push and every bruise to kiss. This had to be toxic, we couldn’t just take our great big baggage of a past and see each other casually while I was in London. It couldn’t be that easy.
What if it was, hope whispers. I squirm. Could I forgive Harry for everything he’d done?
“Y’sleeping?” Harry mumbles to my left. Shit.
“Yeah,” I say which invokes a throaty chuckle from him. I check the time, it was nearly 4. Double shit.
“Liar,” he tugs on my hips and I turn to face him. “Talk to me.”
I couldn’t. Half of my thought were about him. And how could I tell him I was thinking about my ex after spending the night with him. So I just shake my head.
“Please?” He brushes my cheek with his thumb. “You need to sleep.”
“I-“ I try to say I can’t but the words get stuck in my throat. The emotions of everything I’d been thinking in the last couple hours threaten to dislodge the words from my throat so I close my mouth. But it doesn’t work.
A sob bursts out of me and before I can reel it all in the floodgates swing open and it carries all the pent-up sorrow and confusion, grief and anguish I had bottled up.
Harry freezes for a moment, probably very confused to wake up and have me reacting this way. But he recovers and pulls me into his warm chest.
“What is going on in that head of yours love,” Harry murmurs. Love. I sob even harder.
He murmurs reassuring words whilst stroking my back and I cry an embarrassing amount in the same bed where just hours ago I was blissed beyond comprehension. Life moves fast.
Finally when I gain enough composure I lean away, covering my face because crying into him was one thing but seeing my ugly cry face was another.
“Here,” I feel his body move and then tissues pressed into my hand. I’m grateful for them but I wasn’t going to blow my nose here. I sit up and try to dry my nose. His hand reaches out and the tips of his fingers rest on my spine like he was tethering my lost body to him. Somehow even that is reassuring.
“Don’t go trying to kiss my nose this early on again,” I try to joke through a stuffy voice.
“I wouldn’t dare,” he tugs my arm a little and I fall back beside him. He holds me in both his arms and I watch in horror and affection as he kisses the tip of my nose.
“Stop being so nice,” I laugh and cry a little too.
“You’re actually complaining about me being nice?”
“No I just—I’m not used to it,” I press the tissue to my eyes again.
“Well get used to it,” he peels the hair off of my face and pushes it back. “I don’t want to be the one hurting you. I swear to never ever be the reason you cry like this to anyone.”
“Don’t say those sorts of things if you don’t mean it.”
“I do,” he caresses my face. “You’re breaking my heart y/n, I don’t know who hurt you but I never want to see you like this. Especially not because of me alright? I’m sorry if I ever-“
“Stop,” I put my hand to his mouth. Which is kind of gross since I just blew my nose but I’m pretty sure him kissing my snotty nose means he didn’t care.
“But-“ he says behind my hand.
“I’m embarrassed right now,” I admit.
“You have seen me in every compromising situation,” Harry says. “And we have been through too much together to be embarrassed right now.”
“Fine,” I sigh. “It is tiring.”
“Maybe you can finally sleep now that it’s…almost 5?”
“Sorry,” I sigh. “I hope you don’t have something early?”
“Nope,” he kisses the top of my head. “And even if I did it wouldn’t matter.”
So we both try to go back to bed and I manage to fall asleep, all of those tiring racing thoughts washed away by a good cry. I feel warm and cared for and vulnerable and protected. A stark change from how Harry has made me feel before. Maybe this was temporary or maybe this was the start of something new. I’m just taking it minute by minute while all I can think is Do I or Don’t I?
***
It’s my final week in London and if you’d asked me a couple weeks ago if I was looking forward to going back home I would have said without hesitation yes.
But that night at Harry’s and putting my past to rest brushes away an old and tired film I had been viewing the city with since I landed.
We had seen each other a couple times a week since—I’ve been cautious despite my body saying otherwise. There were many days I had been free but I had made up some excuse not to see him, I was scared of getting too attached and having to leave.
But I can’t deny how nice it was to be with Harry without any labels. Most of the time I went over to his, it was tricky going out somewhere too public and risking getting papped. Together we just talk about life and work, my life back in America and my relationship with my family, his life growing up and his relationship with stardom. We watch movies and listen to music and make jokes and I open up a little about what had been weighing on my mind that night.
Winnie teases me that I was lighter than she’s ever seen me, that London looked good on me. I tell her she’s crazy. But even Oretta admits it when Winnie brings it up to her.
Harry makes the effort to make up for how he acted until it’s not just words. I believe what he was saying. And I admit to my faults too.
We still get under each other’s skin.
The thing we argue about the most is an opportunity Harry tries to get me to sign off on. The link he texted me when I was in Cambridge was an upcoming single one of his friends was releasing and he wanted to get me to bid on executing a music video for it. I tell him he was nuts and that I had no experience, plus I had a job. But he persists. He thinks I should explore putting my creative skills to use and not just my organizational skills. The arguing continues.
I have a date with him tonight, at the same bar we bumped into each other that first night. I have a question I’d been meaning to ask him.
“You aren’t actually a regular here are you?” I ask when we’ve settled.
“Of course I am,” he says but I know he’s lying. I raise my brow and he looks everywhere but at me. “Fine. I’m not.”
“So how the hell did you end up here that night?”
“Coincidence.”
“Liar.”
“I’m an honest man.”
“Truth please?”
“You’re embarrassing me here let’s move on.”
“Nuh-uh,” I’m enjoying his bright cheeks and darting eyes. “Did you stalk me or something?”
“I…I knew this was a local spot for you. Or was.”
“Really? How?”
“You mentioned it a few times? And I dropped you off here once after work.”
He might’ve. I’d met many friends and especially Gray here. I motion for him to continue.
“I might’ve known you were in town, might’ve found out you were here and…”
“So you did stalk me,” I gasp. “Oh my god ladies and gents he is obsessed.”
“That’s a strong word.” He argues.
“You. Stalked. Me.”
“Oh fine, I’ll confess: I’m used to the stalkers and I thought it was high time I did some stalking and see what the fun was all about,” he joins in on making fun of himself.
“Someone get me a restraining order,” I say just as someone approaches our table with drinks. As soon as they leave we burst out laughing.
“So have you given the music video any more thought?” Harry asks as the evening continues.
“Can we not talk about this right now?” I ask.
“I just think you should give it serious thought. I know you want to go into PR, be somebody’s Graham, but you have a really good eye for this thing. Before you pursue what you think you want, try this out.”
“You’re one dude,” I say again. “Who believes I can do this. You want me to throw away the career I’ve worked on for years to dabble in this and potentially waste time instead of getting to where I want?”
“Firstly, if you love doing something it’s not time wasted. And secondly you only ever need just one person to believe in you, angel.”
His fingers brush mine on the table, the familiar electricity courses through me just through the small touch. And of course, his use of pet names always turned me to putty. I hated how malleable he made me.
“Consider it. Just write a proposal y/n, it’s not betraying Oretta or anything. I can talk to her if you want if they choose your idea.”
It was scary putting myself out there for something I didn’t believe in myself for. But my echoes of burnout grow towards the idea of doing something less demanding than being an assistant just like a sunflower to the sun. It basks in letting my creativity flow.
“I’ll think about it.”
“Not for too long,” he taps my fingers again. We were cautious about being too touchy in public, even in a place like this where people genuinely didn’t care who he was. “Proposal’s due at the end of next week.”
When I would be back home in America. Away from here. Him.
We hadn’t talked about it, if we would try to keep in touch. I can’t really imagine a long-distance thing with Harry. Not at this stage. Mostly we enjoyed being in each other’s company and I was scared forcing labels just because we would be apart would ruin this fragile thing.
“Fine.” He’d worn me down and I submit. “Fine I’ll get something in for you.”
He pulls back with a shocked expression. “Did I just convince the stubborn y/n y/l/n to do something she didn’t want to do?”
I scowl. “Don’t get used to it.”
“I won’t,” he laughs, waving his hands around him like he was fanning in an aroma. “I’m soaking this in though.”
“Whatever,” I say with a smile.
“You make me work hard,” he smiles back. “For everything y/n. That’s one of the things I l-I-that I really like about you.”
We ignore the near slip of something far too serious for what we had going. We move past it but it sets my heart racing.
“So this friend of yours,” I change the subject. “With the music video. Didn’t you guys have like, beef when you were on tour? All that article stuff?”
“You of all people should know not to believe what you see online. It was all manipulated and put out of context.”
“I know but you were all moody for all your shows afterwards. I remember Jeff and Graham complaining. I assumed the articles had worn you down a bit.”
He raises a brow like he’s waiting on me to figure something out.
“What?”
“Really? You think it was the artcles?”
“Well what else happened that-“
Oh god. Was I that stupid?
Of course it wasn’t the articles, it was me! Us.
A smile stretches over the contours of his face as realization dawns on mine, “Twice in a row I’ve got you today, I should buy a lottery ticket.”
“I’m off my game today is all, don’t get used to it.”
I can’t believe it. Not that I didn’t believe Harry after the last few weeks but I—that night—really meant that much to him that his feelings over it had affected the rest of his tour? I had affected his tour?
“Why didn’t you say anything if it was weighing on you so much? If I recall I tried to talk to you a couple times.” I ask.
“What could I say,” he snorts. “You were engaged and my loss of control was why you cheated. Then you were quitting and I knew if I said anything you might have stayed. I didn’t want to keep you where you didn’t want to be.”
His words tug at my heart. He really had thought up a storm.
“Harry,” I lean back. “Gray and I broke up before I joined you guys on tour again. We weren’t cheating.”
His forehead creases, “What?! But you were together at my London show. I thought you two broke up after you moved back home?”
“No,” I guess in the last few weeks I’d just mentioned we broke up a long time ago. He didn’t know any specifics. “We were fake-together because he hadn’t broken the news to his sister then. But that’s why I was all…y’know in Barcelona-“
“Fuck me,” he groans. “No wonder you thought I was an ass for pulling you away-“
“Well you were-“
“Yeah alright-“
“Why did you really pull me away though?”
“I…I was feeling a bit possessive.”
“What?”
I wasn’t expecting that to come out of his mouth. He smiles sheepishly, “I thought we already came to terms with that.”
My stomach does a few somersaults. Until tonight I don’t think I’ve really focused on the magnitude of how Harry felt back then. Parts of my mind were still remembering him as a prick just because it was easier to remember my side of things. But this spins things in a brighter light.
“I was just your assistant though.”
“Y/N,” he tilts his head to the side. “Did I not already tell you what I thought about you that night in my flat?”
“Yeah but-“
“I’d never met anyone like you, I really liked you. I couldn’t have you though and I had to push you away constantly. And that drove me a bit crazy sometimes.”
I let out a noisy breath, wondering if how he felt about me was just as intense now as it was then. A part of me knows it must be. Feelings like that didn’t fade. But here I was, barely knowing what it was I felt for him. All I knew was that it was nice when we were together.
Why me, I want to ask. But I hold back. It wasn’t a question I could ask my ex-employer current-lover part-time-asshole.
“Sorry,” he apologizes. “Was that a bit strong?”
“No,” I sigh again and he laughs. “Fine. A little. But it’s fine, I’m okay.”
“Okay,” he believes me. “So you broke off your engagement and didn’t tell anyone?”
“Kinda, we weren’t in a place we could come back from. We decided that mutually after things blew up. He didn’t even know I was leaving the country actually.”
Harry whistles. “You ran out on all of us.”
I scratch the side of my head, “Maybe?”
“Well I’ve enjoyed having you again, here.” He says with sincerity. “I’m really relieved to be able to get to say everything I wanted to your face.”
I agree. Neither of us mention I was leaving later in the week.
Even by the night before I’m leaving London we still hadn’t discussed a thing. But there’s a heaviness to us as we have dinner at his, as we pretend to watch a movie only to cuddle on the couch. We lay there facing each other and I trace his eyes, his nose, his wonderful mouth. It’s so odd to me that this was the same Harry Styles performing in sold out venues and on the walls of teenage bedrooms. That I got to have him in these quiet moments and be present.
I feel so grateful for this. That I didn’t have to carry around these draining stories within me anymore, that it felt like it happened to someone else. In a way even if nothing came from all this, I got closure. I was able to move on now.
I imagine my heart and it feels like when you take a stroll mid-March and realize nature was healing from winter’s blues. Warm and blooming the earth was growing again—my heart was growing stronger. Now the idea of a date or a partner didn’t seem so daunting and exhausting. I would never have guessed that it would take the man who almost broke me to come into my life again for me to see how to fit those pieces back in place again.
“I don’t know what I’m gonna do not having you in town anymore,” his lashes flutter as I run my hand through his hair. It was still shorter than I was used to but it had grown in the last three weeks.
“Oh you’ll be fine,” I say. “I’ve worked on your schedule before: meetings and studio sessions and photoshoots and interviews.”
“A busy life isn’t always a full one,” he whispers. And it’s the closest thing to a confession we were going to get to. I cover his mouth with mine and we indulge in each other one final time.
There is a symphony of unexpected but undeniable intimacy woven between the beats of our entwined hearts. I know I would probably never feel this way with anyone and I don’t think I’d want to. Being with Harry was passion. It was losing myself and finding myself at the same time. It was being vulnerable and guarded and cherished and known.
My flight out tomorrow is around noon but I can’t stay the night as I’d have to help Oretta in the morning to make sure everything gets to the airport in time. Harry walks me down to his lobby and we stand there for a few, just holding each other tight. He doesn’t ask me to stay and I don’t ask him to come.
“This isn’t goodbye y/n,” Harry says when we part. His hand rests on his heart. I know the feeling, mine aches so hard I want to press my hand to it just to tell it everything would be fine.
“No,” I shake my head. My eyes had been teary ever since he squeezed me to him. “We’ll talk soon.”
“You’ll be directing music videos soon.”
I roll my eyes, “I’m still working on the proposal.”
“I have a good feeling about it.”
“That makes one of us. But…thanks for believing in me.”
“Thanks for believing in me,” he whispers. “Even when you didn’t have to.”
I’m glad I did. The only time in my life not paying attention to the warning bells had paid off.
“I’ve been working with this new producer and he wants me to come out to a studio in Cotati?” Harry mentions. “How far is that from where you are? Are you still in m Burbank?”
“Burbank’s where my parents are,” I shake my head. I look up what he’s talking about and feel a thrill when it’s less than a couple hours. Still, I try to maintain neutrality. “A little over an hour?”
“Well,” he brushes my hair over my shoulder and keeps his eyes looking just over it. “Depending on what you’re doing—maybe if you’re free…we can see each other again?”
I would love that. My heart is bursting just thinking of getting to have him in the place I called home. Of this meaning something. Of him wanting to see me again.
“Of course if you have a boyfriend by then and he doesn’t want you to see me that’s…I mean, live your life and if it works out we-“
“Yes,” I cut him off. “Yeah. Let’s see but that sounds good.”
He meets my gaze and I laugh a little, he was nervous and that was rare.
“Good,” he smiles with. “Until next time.”
“Until next time,” I step into his arms and it’s a quick affair before he steps away. I turn to head out the door, shielding my eyes from him. Not wanting him to see that this was stupidly hard to say goodbye.
He waves me off and I head back to my hotel with a heavy heart. But I think about him asking to see me again. Who knows when that would be. And I know this wasn’t the end of our story.
***
I’m happy to land in SFO the following evening, happy to busy myself with Oretta’s business, happy to have Winnie chattering away. I spent parts of the flight I wasn’t sleeping working on my MV proposal and it awakens a familiar passion inside of me I’d been afraid I’d lost.
I send out a silent thanks to Harry for knowing what was good for me.
I think of Harry often, Gray even less until I don’t think of him at all. I dream of London weekly; I missed it this time around. And as life resumes again I anticipate the change I sense on the horizon.
So when life gives me lemons I stop asking Do I or Don’t I. If one thing the last year has taught me was I had to listen to my gut and look at the signs. I had to start asking what I wanted and go after it. Even though Harry and I barely talk, I remember the lessons he’s taught me.
I stop looking to others to make decisions. There’s no guidebook or lists to help me make my decisions either. I take deep breaths and I believe in myself.
I build a new life on the remains of my old. I don’t let it dictate what I did anymore, I simply leave it as the foundation to elevate me even higher. I reach for the sky with my feet planted firmly on the ground. And I grow with reckless abandon.
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TAGLIST: @boomitsallie1 @indierockgirrl @ndunad @jerseygirlinca @sunshinemoonsposts @ninasw0rld @love-letters-to-uranus @mayamonroem @sassamanda77 @harryspirate
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#writingsfromhome#harry styles x reader#harry styles fic#harry styles#harry styles fanfic#harry styles imagine#harry styles angst#harry styles fluff#musician!harry#harry styles series#harry stylesxreader#enemies to lovers#dos and don’ts#this is DONE#I HAD THE MOST FUN WRITING THIS I REALLY POURED MY HEART INTO IT#IM SO HAPPY ITS DONE#AHHH#I LOVED WRITING THESE CHARACTERS#EVEN THE FRUSTRATING ONES#fic#<3#i considered an epilogue but firstly not enough space and secondly idk if this open-ish ending suited the series?#if you didn’t like the ending I’m sorry just consider the alternate ending to be right after the grad dinner#but listen distance and experience provides perspective so nobody stay mad#okk byee#love ya
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Can you do one and they surprise Y/N by coming home early from a mission? Xx
hello again my love, i apologize for how long this took forgive me <3
— ‘oh you’re back…YOU’RE BACK!’
characters. rooster, hangman, phoenix, bob, payback, fanboy, coyote
themes. fluff
[summary] they surprise you by coming home early from their deployment
[warnings] not proof read (i’m lazy)
❥ bradley “rooster” bradshaw
it had been a whole day since bradley had last texted you and he had missed your routine phone call that is always scheduled for seven so needless to say you were worried. you texted him asking if he meant to miss the phone call and he only responded a hour later with ‘busy.’ which provided no comfort whatsoever.
you were doing your best to distract yourself by folding laundry when you came across one of his old sleep shirts. it was a concert tee that he had gotten at the first concert you went to as a couple, you could help but stare at it for a little too long when your eyes started pooling with tears. gosh why is being always from him is long still so hard? you should be use to it.
“we should go to another one of their concerts, i still really like their music” you know that voice, you body moves on it’s own as you turn away to see him standing there smiling like an absolute idiot at you in the doorway.
“surprise!” he drops his bag and opens his arms for you and you happily run into him, only crying a little totally not sobbing. “aww baby you miss me that much?”
“you missed our scheduled phone call you dick” you laughs at your remark.
“i was hoping this would make up for it”
“only a little” he shakes his head and holds your face in his hands while you kisses you.
“i missed you”
“okay you’re forgiven” you are a sucker for coming home kisses.
❥ jake “hangman” seresin
exhausted didn’t even begin so describe how you felt after your shift at work, it’s like there isn’t even a busy season it’s just always busy. you open the front door after struggling with the lock for longer than you care to admit, it’s empty since jake is still deployed over seas. you throw your bag and jacket on the couch and it responds with an oof.
“shh i have a headache” you responded without thinking too tired to register that your couch just talked— well made sound not really talked per say. wait couches don’t talk. “wait..”
“did you just shush me?” jake asks turning on the light next to the couch. you turn around and try to process the fact that he’s here in the house like right now with you not over seas. you run to him and basically pin him down to the couch with your body as you hug him tightly.
“you’re home. you’re here like actually here” you say burying your face into his neck.
“thought it would be a nice surprise. i’m a little concerned on how long it took you to register that someone was in the house though.”
“long day, you’ve made it so worth it”
“aww pumpkin” he kisses you gently while you hold his face. “i missed you too”
❥ natasha “phoenix” trace
you never realize how much you hang out with someone till they’re gone and you know that sounds like natasha is dead, but she might as well be she you don’t get to see her. honestly it sucks having an amazing pilot as a girlfriend cause she’s always busy when deployed cause she’s the best. curse her incredible skill and hard work.
as sappy as it sounds you love looking through your photos with her when she’s away, sure it makes you feel sad but also makes you look forward to seeing her again. when she’s away you like to try to plan a date for when she gets home and when she told you that she’d be coming home in a couple of months you wanted to getting started sooner rather than later.
so after you come home from your quick trip to the store you find natasha standing in the house with flowers in hand smiling that beautiful smile right at you and at first you’re truly too stunned to speak.
“surprised much?” she places the flowers down on the table beside her. “i just missed you so much i had to come home early” you’re still in shock, then you snap yourself out of it and run into her arms.
“i am so surprised, i missed you so much”
you hugs her tightly and you both fall into a comfortable silence once she kisses the side of your head. until you break it with a gasp.
“i didn’t have time to get all the ‘welcome home’ date stuff” she laughs.
“i can wait a little longer for the ‘welcome home’ date”
❥ robert “bob” floyd
bob is awful at keeping secrets and even worse at executing surprises but he was determined to have this surprise for you be successful, so much so that he had natasha get you out of the house just a little so he could set up flowers he bought down the street and some romantic candles.
you were a tiny bit confused on why natasha asked you to go grocery shopping with her but you had nothing else to do and you love her company so you didn’t mind in the end. little did you know that natasha had to make up an excuse to get you out of the house for at least and hour or two so bob could set up and the first thing that came to her mind was grocery shopping. she didn’t need to go grocery shopping yet here she was standing with you in the produce section wondering which apples to get.
“so granny smith? no no macintosh” you roll your eyes. you love hanging out with natasha but she was really hung up on which apple to buy and it had almost been a half hour.
“nat, it’s an apple”
“okay but they’re all so different” she replies back praying in the back of her mind that bob is almost done and by the grace of the almighty she receives a text for the all clear.
“you know you’re right this is a waste of time who needs food let’s go” she takes your arm and drags you out of the store entirely to your surprise.
“wait what i thought you needed to—”
“let me bring you home” you are baffled at your friends out of character actions but let her do her thing anyhow. when you get home your jaw is on the floor with everything that bob has set up.
“ta da! how’d i do? i kept a secret for once.” he smiles at you happily. you run into his arms and hug him tightly.
“oh my god baby you actually surprised me” he laughs and kisses you gently while waving off phoenix who was standing in the doorway.
❥ reuben “payback” fitch
reuben wanted to see how long you could go without noticing that he was home, not one of his brightest ideas really specially since you had just watched a horror movie the previous night.
he arrived back early in the morning and unlocked the door to your house quietly and went to the hall closet to put his things out of sight so you wouldn’t see them and instantly realize he was home. before long he heard you wake up start to make your way downstairs. he carefully placed down some flowers in the kitchen table and hide behind the door.
you woke up with an awful headache and just felt in your bones that today wasn’t going to be good, nevertheless you walked downstairs to the kitchen to make some breakfast alone. being half asleep you didn’t even notice the roses placed on the table until you turned around and reuben was behind you.
the scream you let out could’ve broken glass.
“baby baby relax it’s just me!”
“REUBEN!” you tried to calm your breathing. “i am going to kill you”
“i’m sorry i’m sorry!” he feels awful but he can’t help but laugh at your reaction a bit. “baby i’m sorry” his hand takes yours as you scowl at him. he kisses your cheek multiple times while apologizing.
“you are so lucky that i missed you”
❥ mickey “fanboy” garcia
believe it or not mickey decided against surprising you in a big way, he was far too tired. when mickey got home to you it was very late at night and he just wanted to hold you. placing his bag quietly down on the edge of the bed, he stripped off his uniform and glances over to you sleeping soundly in bed.
“my love” he whispers softly has you feel him climb into bed with you.
“mickey?” your voice is scratchy then you expected.
“hey baby” he pulls you into his arms. “i’m sorry i took so long” he kisses the side of your head and then your nose.
“i missed you”
“i missed you too, now go back to sleep you can process that i’m here in the morning”
“mmm okay” you feel sleep take hold of you once again as you close your eyes. you think about how mickeys finally home and a warmth spreads across your chest. he’s home with you.
you move your hand to hold mickeys and squeeze it gently before kissing it softly. he chuckles quietly.
“goodnight honey”
❥ javy “coyote” machado
“javy?”
“ta da!” javy stands in the doorway with his arm opened.
“javy!” you shout booking it across the living room into his opened arms. “you’re back so early!”
“i wanted to surprise you of course” he squeezes you tightly and takes in your scent.
“you smelling me again weirdo?”
“..no” you laugh at his hesitation. javy has always had this weird thing about how you smell, he says it’s comforting and he wishes it was a candle that he could light. you call him a weirdo.
“you weirdo!”
“okay okay, yes but i missed you and you smell amazing!” you chuckle at him.
“i missed you too” he pulls away to look at you and moves some hair out of your face to kiss you gently. his kisses always have made you feel weightless. gosh you missed his kisses so much and him i guess.
before you can be completely lost in your own thoughts javy scoops you up to take you to the bedroom so you can show him how much you truly missed his kisses.
please reblog to show support ✧·˚ ༘ * ༄
.love always <3 pearl
.masterlist
#top gun#top gun maverick#top gun fanfiction#top gun fic#top gun imagine#top gun x reader#top gun drabble#bradley rooster bradshaw#jake hangman seresin#natasha phoenix trace#robert bob floyd#reuben payback fitch#mickey fanboy garcia#javy coyote machado#bradley bradshaw x reader#jake seresin x reader#natasha trace x reader#bob floyd x reader#reuben fitch x reader#mickey garcia x reader#javy machado x reader
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hiii!
i saw your dad!neteyam post, and i loved your other dad!neteyam fics!
i was wondering if you could do something like this, maybe the reader got hurt protecting their kids when she was teaching them how to hunt (maybe an animal attacks them?) and then when neteyam hears, he rushes home and tends to her wounds
sorry, im really bad at requests 😭
love you <3
hi hi!<3
thank you so much lovie 🥹💓
i absolutely can work with this! i hope it’s what you were hoping for🥰 love you<33
promise to protect
⊱✿⊰ ⊱✿⊰ ⊱✿⊰ ⊱✿⊰ ⊱✿⊰ ⊱✿⊰ ⊱✿⊰ ⊱✿⊰ ⊱✿⊰ ⊱✿⊰
“mama! daddy! up!” nima, your youngest, shouts at you, jumping up and down with excitement.
“shh, don’t wake them! they’ll be up soon, be patient.” tsantu says, holding his arm out, signaling his siblings to back up.
she shakes the collective lump in front of her that is you curled up to your mate, his arms wrapped around you in a comfortable embrace.
“nima…” neteyam says groggily. “let mama sleep, please.” he pats her arm gently.
“for whyyy!” she juts her tiny lip out in protest.
txonuk is playing with the hand me down toy that aunt kiri and uncle lo’ak gifted your children, flying it around your mates head.
“the sun is up, so we must be up!” he yells, running in small circles as he swings the toy around.
“we want to play ikrans with you and mama!” se’ayl says, flapping her own arms up and down.
you hide your face in the crook of your mates neck, placing a gentle kiss to his skin.
“goodmorning” you mumble against his skin, eyes still closed.
he chuckles as he lowers his lips to yours, kissing them softly. “good morning, mama.”
“ewwwwwww! they’re SMOOCHING!” your children collectively squeal, running away from you two as they giggle.
you sit up then, stretching your arms. “we can play ikrans, little lovies. but we must eat first, okay?”
nima starts jumping up and down with excitement, while se’ayl claps, and tsantu and txonuk yell “HOORAY!”
each of them walk the small distance to grab a fruit from the basket in the corner of your marui. sitting in a circle, you help your youngest peel the flesh back on her yovo fruit. neteyam hands you a banana fruit, as he sits with his own. your children eat quickly, finishing their fruits before you.
“and what do we do with our peels?” you ask, as they each stand to bring their peels outside.
tsantu digs a small hole for him and his siblings to place their peels in, returning them back to the soil they grew from.
you look down at your youngest, who’s struggling to finish her fruit.
“nima, are you all finished? can you take one more big bite for me?”
she shakes her tiny head no, holding the fruit out to you. “all done!”
you split the remaining fruit left, handing the other piece to your mate, as you get up to bring the peel outside. your three other children come running back in, arms spread wide as they mimic that of an ikran.
“can we play now, mama?” se’ayl asks.
“pleaseeeee?” txonuk begs, as they run around you in a circle.
you smile, spreading your own arms out now, slowly flapping them as you run to the other side of your marui.
se’ayl follows you, mimicking your every move, giggling every step.
neteyam scoops tsantu up in his arms, carefully guiding him around the hut as tsantu’s arms are spread wide, laughing as he holds them up.
nima follows you and se’ayl, frantically flapping her arms whilst jumping up and down, unable to contain her excitement.
txonuk follows neteyam, holding onto his toruk toy, “flying” it around, patiently waiting his turn to go next.
neteyam raises tsantu to your face, just enough where you could place a soft kiss to your son’s head.
he sets tsantu down then, picking up txonuk, repeating the process.
the sound of lo’ak’s voice rings through your ear piece, breaking you away from the precious moment with your children.
“bro, come on, dad and i are waiting for you. we have to train the new warriors today, remember?”
neteyam sighs, setting txonuk on his feet.
he pages lo’ak back, saying “i’ll be there in a few minutes.”
“dad?” se’ayl questions, hands behind her back.
“yes, my little flower?” neteyam answers, grabbing his bow and slinging it around his shoulder.
“…can you stay home with us today?” she asks, rubbing her arm and staring at her feet. it was only when she looked up that you both realized she was crying, shattering both of your hearts in two.
“oh, se’ayl…” you frown, kneeling down to tuck her hair behind her ear. neteyam also kneels, gently wiping away her small tears.
“i cannot today, my little love. i have to train the new warriors of our clan with grandpa and uncle lo’ak. but, if you behave for your mother today, i promise we can go swimming at the creek when i return. okay?”
she sniffles, nodding as she wipes her own eyes with the back of her hand. he kisses her forehead, wiping away the last of her tears.
“the day will go by fast! i promise you. i’ll be home before you know it.” he kisses the other childrens foreheads, before planting a passionate kiss to your lips.
“i love you.” he says against your lips, before planting another quick kiss to them.
“i love you more.” you state, smiling against his lips.
“impossible.” he shakes his head before saying “i’ll see you all tonight! behave for your mother!” he yells as he disappears into the brush of the forest.
“mama?” txonuk questions, looking at his own bow in the corner.
“yes, my son?” you say, brushing the baby hairs out of his face.
“can we go hunting? like dad does?” he pleads, looking up at you with his big, innocent eyes.
“hmmm…..i suppose we can. you have to promise to stay close to me, though. understood?”
“yes mama!” both boys grab their bows, followed by se’ayl. nima is just excited to come along for the fun of it, not that she was old enough to participate, anyway.
securing the flap closed to your marui, you lead your children into the thick forest. you all hold hands as you arrive at the spot you had in mind. about twenty five feet away, there was a moss-coated tree that you’ve come across before, making a perfect practice target.
you reach in the bag you packed, for three small arrows that your kids could use. handing them each one, you stand to the side, holding nima on your hip.
“all right, my little loves. see the tree over there, with the moss covering it? that’s going to be your practice target for today.”
each of them raise the arrow to their bow, drawing the elastic back, waiting for your “okay”.
“now one at a time, please.” you say, swaying nima back and forth on your hip, who’s playing with the feathers around your neck.
being the good older brother he is, tsantu says
“se’ayl, you can go first.”
you smile as you kneel next to se’ayl, setting nima down gently.
“all right, se’ayl. lift your elbow slightly, that’s it! just like that. go ahead.”
se’ayl takes her shot, her arrow landing just below the soft moss on the tree.
“good job, se’ayl! that was a great shot!” you say, clapping for your oldest daughter.
she smiles as she steps aside, letting txonuk go next.
“i don’t need help, mama.” he says, confidently pulling his bow back.
“all right, my ‘itan. go ahead.”
his arrow lands to the left of se’ayls, making his shoulders slouch. “aww, man.”
“it’s okay, that was great! just remember to keep your elbow a bit higher next time, okay?” you say as you brush one of his curls behind his ear.
“okay, mama.” txonuk sighs, taking a seat, with his hands on either side of his face, pouting.
he glances over at nima, who’s playing with a plant.
“tickles!” nima squeals, yanking her hand away from the plant, just to stick it back in.
“nima, touch this one, like this!” txonuk says, lifting himself up before poking at a helicoradian, causing it to coil up.
nima giggles, going to touch the one next to it. “again!”
“nima, stay close to mama.” you warn her, as your focus goes back to tsantu.
“go on, tsantu. your turn now.” you say gently.
your oldest son’s arrow flies exactly where you had intended, right in the center of the soft moss.
“good job, tsantu!! a perfect shot, just like your father.”
tsantu smiles proudly before going to retrieve his arrow. se’ayl follows him, grabbing hers as well.
“txonuk, don’t you want to retrieve your arrow and try again?” you glance around, spotting him poking all of the helicoradians with nima. you give a half smile, watching the two of them giggle.
as the last helicoradian coils up, you see an angry viperwolf hiding behind it. baring its teeth, it snarls at txonuk and nima, slowly inching closer.
you immediately launch yourself in front of your children, crouching on all fours. you hiss back at it, reaching for your knife, your tail upright. without taking your eyes off the animal, you speak to your oldest.
“tsantu. keep your siblings back, please. do not move a muscle.”
“mama!” nima cries out, her arms stretched towards you.
“shh! mawey, nima!” se’ayl speaks, in a hushed tone.
you inch closer to the viperwolf, hissing, in an attempt to make it back off. it wasn’t letting up, though, and continued to move closer to you.
it launches itself towards you then, sending you both tumbling through the forest.
“call dad!” tsantu hits txonuk’s chest, grabbing his bow and arrow, running after you.
txonuk stands with se’ayl and nima, speaking quickly as he presses a finger to his throat comm.
“dad?? dad it’s txonuk, w-we need help! it’s mom.”
“txonuk, slow down! what is happening?” neteyam immediately answers.
“mom took us hunting, and…and there’s a viperwolf! tsantu and mom went after it.”
neteyam’s heart drops as he hears the growl of the viperwolf in the distance.
“i must go, it’s y/n and my children!” he yells to lo’ak and jake, before taking off in the woods.
meanwhile, whilst you were pinned underneath the viperwolf’s paws, you notice something sticking out of its side.
a banshee of paradise spine, lodged about four inches in the wolf’s glistening skin.
that explains everything, you thought to yourself.
the foaming at the mouth, the dilated pupils, why it was attacking you and your children in broad daylight.
while attempting to reach for your knife, you grab it, only to drop it in the dirt beneath you, needing both hands to keep its snapping jaw away from you.
shifting your legs, you kick its face away, frantically feeling around for your knife.
you cry out as its teeth sink into your leg, panicking as you fight to get it off of you.
“mama!” tsantu calls out, as he raises his arrow to the viperwolf.
just then, another arrow hits the creature, causing it to collapse on top of you.
“daddy!” nima points, to the arrow now lodged in the viperwolf’s side.
se’ayl and txonuk look to where nima is pointing, seeing that it is indeed neteyam’s arrow.
“dad!” they both cry out, watching as neteyam sprints through the forest, hopping over a moss covered log to get to you.
“y/n?!” he pushes the viperwolf off of you, carefully pulling you out from underneath it.
“ma’teyam?…” you ask, before a sharp pain shoots through you, causing you to cry out.
“yes, my love. i’m here, i’m here.” he assures you, gently picking you up, wiping dirt from your face.
“tsantu? se’ayl? txonuk! nima!’” you cry as you whip your head around, frantically searching for your children.
“shhh, shh. they’re all here.” neteyam calmly says, walking you over to them.
“are you hurt? are you okay??” he asks each and every one of them, all their answers the same.
“…is mama okay?” txonuk asks, glancing up at you in your mates arms.
“she’s bleeding!” se’ayl states, pointing to your leg, which was indeed dripping with blood.
“come. we must go see grandmother at once.”
neteyam walks behind your children, who are walking in pairs of twos, holding each other’s hands. tsantu is holding se’ayl’s hand, while txonuk is holding nima’s.
“‘m so sorry” you mumble against your mates chest, as you begin shivering, yet sweating at the same time.
“shh, we’re almost there, y/n. we’re okay, you’re okay.” he reassures you, placing a kiss to your forehead.
tsantu and txonuk hold the flaps to mo’at’s marui, as neteyam carries you inside, setting you down on a cot used for injured warriors.
your shivers get worse by the second, and sweat begins to drip down your neck.
mo’at looks you over, concerned. rushing to your side, she asks “what happened here!” demanding an answer from her grandson.
“tsantu.” neteyam says, looking over at his son. “what happened??”
“the viperwolf was hiding, it jumped out and attacked mama. it had a red spike stuck to its side…and it bit mama.”
“oh no…a red spike? a red spike, is that-”
neteyam is cut off by his grandmother, as she answers
“a banshee of paradise spine. they are filled with poison. it must have caused the viperwolf to go mad.” she states, reaching for her bowl of syekalin flowers.
grabbing a wet cloth and bowl of water, mo’at works to clean your infected wound.
“ow! it burns, ‘teyam it burns!” you cry out, tears streaming down your cheeks as you shake uncontrollably from your chills.
he holds your hand in his, pressing a damp cloth to your forehead. “i know, i know. mawey(calm), little one. it will be over soon.”
mo’at presses a flower to each puncture wound you have, holding them in place.
“the flower absorbs the toxin. she will find relief soon.”
after a few moments, mo’at removes the flowers. grabbing four new ones, she places them over your wounds again, but wraps a cloth around your leg so they don’t shift around.
“keep an eye on her wound.” mo’at states, before going to see her great-grandchildren in the other room.
through your puffy eyes, you glance up at your mate, squeezing his hand.
“i’m so sorry.” you choke out, more tears flowing now.
“sorry? my mate, you didn’t do anything wrong.” he reassures you, rubbing his thumb along your cheek.
“i took them h-hunting, they w-wanted to practice.” you say through sobs, still delirious from the bite.
“my love, how were you to know you would be approached by a rabid viperwolf? it is all right, the children are safe.” he kisses your hand before speaking again. “you are safe.”
“i w-want to go h-home.” you cry out, squeezing his hand again.
“okay, okay. let’s go.” he picks you up gently, cradling you in his arms as he walks the few feet to where your children were.
you close your eyes, exhausted from today’s events.
“come, my little warriors. it is time to go home.” neteyam instructs, holding the flap of the marui open.
“wah-we-a?” nima questions, the word foreign to her.
“come on, nima.” tsantu takes his younger sisters hand in his, leading her out of mo’ats marui. se’ayl and txonuk follow, also holding each other’s hands.
neteyam thanks his grandmother before beginning the short walk back to your own marui.
“so.” neteyam starts “how was your hunting trip, little ones?”
“we took turns shooting our arrows, mama helped us!” se’ayl says, swinging her arm with txonuk’s.
“mama didn’t help me!” txonuk exclaims.
“me and ‘nuk poke pwants!” nima says, giggling.
“nima and txonuk were touching all of the helicoradians.” tsantu says, opening the flap to your marui.
neteyam chuckles as all the kids file in, using one arm to hold you and the other to tie up your marui flap for the night.
bringing you over to where you all sleep, he sets you down gently, as your children lay next to you.
you open your eyes, to all your children peacefully lying beside you and your mate.
you bend down to kiss each of their foreheads, before saying “goodnight, my little loves.”
“goodnight, mom. i love you.” [tsantu]
“goodnight, momma. sleep tight. love you.” [se’ayl]
“night, mama. love you.” [txonuk]
“night night! wove wou!” nima says as she brings her hand to her lips, blowing you a kiss, saying “muah!”
neteyam kisses you gently, wrapping his arms around you securely.
“goodnight, oeyä muntxatan.” (my mate) you whisper.
“goodnight, oeyä tstew syulang.” (my brave flower) he whispers back, intertwining his fingers with yours as you both drift off to sleep.
#neteyam x reader#neteyam x omaticaya!reader#neteyam x y/n#neteyam smut#neteyam sully smut#neteyam x you#neteyam x na'vi!reader#neteyam sully x you#neteyam sully x y/n#neteyam sully x reader#neteyam sully#dad!neteyam#daddy neteyam#dad neteyam#neteyam fluff#neteyam sully fluff
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@jegulus-microfic december 14 - stare - 2127 words (i apologise)
aka the Hogwarts School charmed mistletoe predicament
The first time it happens it’s truly purely by accident.
Regulus is walking back from the library, exhausted and sleep sluggish. It’s certainly close to curfew again or else Ms. Pince wouldn’t have woken him where he’d fallen asleep over his 3 feet parchment of Potions essay.
He’s barely keeping his eyes open, cozily buried in an extra cloak, imbedded with a heating charm and books hugged closely to his chest when he rounds a corner and runs directly into something.
Someone, Regulus realizes, as deft arms wrap around him to keep them upright.
The collision had shook most of Regulus’ slumber out of him and they only stagger for another moment, bodies pressed together before Regulus is about to pull his wand and tell this unattentive, idiot berk of a human being what he thinks of people that can’t keep their fucking hands to themsel—
“Shit, sorry- I’m sorry, did I—” and oh, Regulus knows that voice. Would recognise that scent of broom polish, citrus, spice and boy anywhere. James’ atrocious mess of a hair is tickling Regulus’ temples and the older boy is speaking again before he’s even entirely reared back to blink him into focus. Just the three soft syllables of his name whispered against the shell of Regulus’ ear.
And only then does James Potter take a half step back and pull to his full height, beaming down at Regulus with his stupid dimpled grin and his stupid round glasses that rest always just a smidge crookedly on his big nose.
“Hi Regulus,” and fuck James, honestly. Fuck him and then fuck him some more for the way the words drip like molten honey from his tongue and send a shiver racing down Regulus’ spine.
That’s when Regulus notices James’ hands still being wound around his waist. “Potter,” he says pointedly with a look between them.
All it does though is make James’ eyes droop and his grin tug into a lopsided smirk.
Regulus rolls his eyes and sets onto just striding past James when he feels his feet eerily unable to move.
He looks down in confusion, tries again to shuffle his feet and take a step in any direction, unsuccessful.
When Regulus’ head snaps back up to scowl at James this one is regarding Regulus’ predicament with a lax jaw, lips parted.
“Unstick the bloody charm, James, before I hex your kneecaps away,” Regulus threatens, wand pointed at James’ broad chest. He’s only wearing a T-shirt, the nutter. It’s freezing!
James, in a very unimpressed manner, simply bats the wand away gently and then does something weird with his knees and hips, twisting and turning.
Regulus watches this foolery for about 15 seconds before he’s done with it. “What in Merlin’s name do you think you’re achieving here?”
“Shh.”
“Wha– Did you just shush me?” a humorless laugh tumbles out of Regulus. He might be a little sleep deprived. “Oh, you must be fucking joki—”
Regulus breaks off into an incredulous noise when James clamps a palm over Regulus mouth to shut him up as he tips his head back to stare at the ceiling.
The wood of his wand is searing in Regulus’ palm, itching him to use it but he can’t quite help himself when his gaze follows James’.
Above their heads are the usual wall torches, adorned by greenery and Christmas decorations in all kinds of forms and house colors. There’s a little bow of green silver and red and golden tull adorned in these particular fir twigs.
Though when Regulus blinks the adornment a little sharper into focus he realizes that they’re actually two.
The second one floating just shy of the sprigs wreath and oh, no.
Regulus recognises the white little berries. The dull, tear-shaped leaves where it floats right above their heads.
Oh, Merlin, please don’t let it be-
“A charmed mistletoe,” James confirms, voice husky.
Regulus’ eyes widen and when his chin drops down James’ chocolate brown eyes are already there, right in front of him. Bright and glinting a little in the flickering light before the skin around the corners crinkle in a sickeningly adorable way when he erupts into an enormous smile.
“No,” Regulus says, shaking his head. “No.”
James, the bastard, huffs a laugh, frame shaking with it. Completely at ease apparently.
“Regs,” James tries, tone placating.
“Nope, nah-uh– Non.”
“Resorting to French, are we?”
“Not in a million lifetimes, Potter.”
“Reg, love—”
“No, I- how would we even- fuck, merde. Je n’arrive pas à y croire—”
“Regulus.” Broad hands circling his waist again.
Regulus is momentarily startled into silence by the contact.
“It won’t let us move until we kiss in any form, I’ve seen it happen just this morning,” James says, voice low and honest. Before he adds in a grumble, “Made us late to Transfiguration third period when Sirius refused to let Remus give a Ravenclaw sixth year a little peck.”
Regulus is going to scream.
Instead, he punches James in his stomach with his free hand.
The older boy grunts, hand wrapping around Regulus’ wrist as if to confiscate it. “Easy there, now,” he presses out between gritted teeth, tone low and warning.
A frustrated noise rips from Regulus’ throat as he feels himself flush, boring a hole into the air above James’ shoulder with his eyes. Oh, this can’t be happening. Why must these things always happen to Regulus?
“What were you even doing down here?” Regulus asks, incredulously.
“Snack duty,” James shrugs—the way his pecs and shoulders are stretching the thin cotton is bordering on indecent, “Know a shortcut or two into the kitchens.”
He’s still holding onto Regulus’ wrist, now carefully caressing the pad of his thumb there in small circles that do little to slowen Regulus’ rabbiting heartbeat.
Regulus sighs explosively and then promptly raises their joined hands up to James’ face, his knuckles up.
“Here.”
“‘Here’ what?”
Regulus jabs his slack hand more pointedly in front of James’ nose.
James gives him a look that’s equally fond as it is patronizing, “That won’t do.”
“How would you know?”
“Because I saw,” James snarks back. “Remember, I told you? This morning. Pads throwing a tantrum. Jingle any bells?”
Regulus growls in the back of his throat, “Try anyways.”
And yeah, that was probably the wrong thing to say. A mistake.
Regulus swallows hard, wishes he would chew the words back. But it’s already too late.
“Oh?” James makes, a satisfied little smile on his lips. Momentarily digging his teeth into his lower one before he adjusts his hold around Regulus’ hand.
Fingers sliding down until their encircling his and his thumb brushing over the bony length of Regulus thin fingers there too.
His gaze unrelenting, unblinking as he lifts Regulus and gives him a small kiss on his knuckles. Chaste, unlingering but warm. Warm and so, so soft. Very pleasant.
With that thought Regulus immediately rips his hand back, flight kicking in. Although he doesn’t come very far when he realizes he’s still unable to move his feet.
Still stuck.
Regulus feels a vein throbbing in his forehead.
James sighs across from him. “It has to be somewhere on the face.”
Regulus balks.
James rolls his eyes. “C’mon Regs, the cheek? Isn’t that how French people greet each other anyways?” His brown eyes regard him a little pleadingly. Always so honest and eager and true.
“Fine,” Regulus presses out, absently biting on the inside of his lower lip. “Just the cheek.”
James nods, raising his hands to presumably pull Regulus’ closer.
Regulus bats them away with his books but before James can do more than raise his eyebrows impatiently he grumbles, “I’ll do it.”
James lips part around a silent oh and then he blinks a little stupidly at Regulus. Like a slow owl that’s flown into one too many windows or something. Regulus wants to squeeze him to death.
And then the urge to hit him overcomes that again when he can see James’ lips twitching with a terribly badly suppressed grin.
So Regulus punches him in the shoulder for good measure before he sets his hand down there on the juncture of James’ neck muscles. He’s warm under Regulus’ touch, despite the thin clothing, and he allows himself one last glance into those doe eyes before he lifts slightly onto his toes and sways in.
James’ scent is even stronger there, and Regulus is a little confused for a second when a wave of mint and something sweet and tangy hits his nose. James’ soap, perhaps?
Regulus doesn’t know how much time has gone by yet with them standing so close, and that’s dangerous. He focuses back on the task at hand, mapping out the appropriate patch of skin to place his lips. Merlin, this is bonkers.
There’s a faint shadow of short stubble along the hinge of James’ jaw and up into his hairline. A pair of dark freckles just past that, right under the jut of his cheekbone. That’ll do.
Regulus takes a steadying breath and leans in.
The skin there is warm too as Regulus brushes his mouth against it. Warm and alive and making his lips tingle with it. Just the tiniest press, barely making a sound and Regulus has to work hard to extract himself from James’ orbit. The smell, the warmth of him almost like a magnetic pull to Regulus’ fingers, his lips, his chest.
James is gazing at him a little drunkenly when Regulus pulls back again.
“Again,” he rasps.
Regulus cocks his head, scowling at him as he strangles the books to his chest, clutching at them like a lifeline before he makes to leave.
Unsuccessful. What?
“I’m sorry, bad joke,” James amends quickly, taking a half step to the side, “But don’t already leave ag—”
“James,” Regulus cuts him off.
“Why don’t you join me on the way to the kitc—”
“James.”
The older boy shuts up.
“Why were you able to step aside when I still can’t?”
A crease forms between James’ thick eyebrows, “Er–”
“Why can you move?” Regulus asks again, baffled. To drive his point home he nudges James, prompting him to take another step.
James looks back at him with big eyes before his features erupt into a gleeful smile. He chuckles a little disbelievingly and then steps in again.
Regulus instantly fixes him with a narrow eyed glare.
James really leans in, moving slowly to cup Regulus’ face. Slow enough for Regulus to bat him away again. He doesn’t this time.
“Because I haven’t fulfilled my part of the equation yet.”
It’s spoken so softly in the small space between them that it doesn’t even cross Regulus’ mind to do anything besides give a tiny nod and then tilt his head to the side accommodatingly.
There’s shaky breath over his lower face, minty, and then James physically angles his face how he needs him. A smidge more to the side and his thumb guiding him beautifully by the chin. Body warmth radiating off him and reaching Regulus anywhere he isn’t shielded by his books. And then it’s the press of even warmer lips on the center of his cheek. Long and sweet, not firm but not shy either. A prickle of facial hair, just a hint of it. And the spice of him again as James keeps his lips pressed against his damn cheek and Regulus stares unseeingly over his shoulder, fingers nearly cramping in their grip.
The pressure lifts gradually at some point and when James pulls back his lips ghost over Regulus’ skin up until the corner of his mouth and for an insane moment Regulus thinks James is going to turn his head and kiss him on the mouth too.
There’s a second of damp breath spilling over Regulus’ parted lips that he’s not entirely sure he imagined and then the barely there touch is gone.
Regulus swallows heavily, nearly chokes on it, a strangled sound escaping him when he tries clearing his throat.
James’ lips twitch onto a sweet little smile, like he’s just so happy about all of this and if Regulus’ legs weren’t seconds from giving out he’d kick him in the shins.
His gaze is even droopier now and he’s not really meeting Regulus’ eyes. Fixated on a spot just a little lower and when Regulus licks his lips—simply a nervous habit, no intention behind the action—he sways dangerously in again.
Regulus takes an instinctive step back, a breath of relief spilling out of him at the fact that he’s able to again. “Don’t get any ideas now, Potter,” he adds, if a little shakily.
“Mm, that’s already too late, I’m afraid.”
“Goodnight.”
“Think I just found my Christmas sweetheart, actually,” James calls after him, grin evident in his voice.
#hopefully gonna turn this into a little 3+1 things series over the next few days prompts#jegulus#jegulus microfic#starchaser#sunseeker#james potter x regulus black#regulus black x james potter#jegulus fic#christmas fic#james potter#regulus black#lune’s tiny fic#lune writes
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Hi! Congrats on 1000 followers!
Could you do a cg! Rafe Cameron x little! Reader with the prompts "shh, go back to sleep. you need it." and "shh shh, no, it's alright. you're fine, shh."
Btw, I love your blog and I’m so happy you’re doing obx fics now!
˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ you’re fine ⋆ﾟ⊹ ➢ event masterlist
» rafe cameron x reader
» a/n: hope you don’t mind me taking some creative liberties and making this pouge!reader turned kook!reader
» warnings: set sometime in season 3, talk of canon events, pouge!reader turned kook!reader, pet names, nightmares, angst, crying, hurt/comfort I’m still not sure I like this
Rafe jolts when you wake up with a choked off scream that quickly turns to a sob, he moves from his place in a chair in the corner of the room to the side of your bed in seconds, already reaching to rub your back.
“Shh, shh, no, it's alright. you're fine, shh.” He soothes and pulls you up into his lap when you reach out for him.
“It’s okay baby, you’re alright.” It’s so gentle coming out of his mouth you’d swear it wasn’t Rafe if it wasn’t for the moonlight coming in through the window lighting up his distraught expression scrunched on his face.
It’s been months of this. Of waking up in nightmares that leave you shaking and grasping for Rafe to be at your side, of Rafe doing absolutely everything he can to comfort you, of you trying to adjust to living in Tannyhill with Rafe rather than back on the Cut near Jj’s house where you grew up. You and Jj don’t talk anymore, none of the pogues give you so much as a sparing glance, they’re all too aware of what side you chose when you didn’t flee off that cargo ship with them- you stayed with Rafe.
“I- I was back there-.” Rafe tightens his arms around you with a low shh that you listen to easily, leaning into his touch and letting him start to rock the both of you in place.
“You’re not there, you’re here with me. We’re safe and back in obx, we never have to be there again.” It’s not the fear that was steadily coursing through your veins on that boat that bothers you, really it isn’t, it’s the look of absolute betrayal that spread over all your old friends’ faces.
It’s something you can’t shake and while you know you made the right decision- you, Rafe, and Barry melted the cross down, you’re all rich, Ward isn’t around to bother you, you’re living a better lifestyle than you’ve ever dreamed- it’s still stomach churning to think about the pogues. You don’t even know where they are right now or what they’ve been up to, once they found out you helped melt the cross that was it, you had hope that maybe they’d see where you were coming from but that crossed the line. A line you truly didn’t think existed.
You grew up on the Cut with them, hell you had problems with Kiara when John B introduced her because she had a house on Figure Eight, you never thought you’d end up on this side of island for anything more than a job or a party, you thought you’d be with them no matter what, that nothing that happened would break the bond between you and the other pogues and now-. If you think about this too much you’ll get a headache.
“Shh, go back to sleep. you need it." The feeling of Rafe’s chin hooking atop your head brings you back to where you are.
“I’m sorry.” After that day on the boat where you had clung to Rafe the second you two were alone, crying and scared, slipped so far into your headspace you couldn’t think about that fact that you were hugging around Rafe Cameron- it feels like all you’ve done is apologize to him. The guilt of absolutely everything you do eats at you, no matter what choice you make it ends up hurting someone, you end up being the problem.
“You don’t need to apologize, you didn’t do anything wrong.” Rafe replies with zero hesitation as he always done. He’s never questioned your loyalty to him or said you need to get over what happened with the pogues, in some weird way you think understands it, he doesn’t have anyone but you and Barry left. And even then- Barry betrayed him once, you can still feel the tension between them at times because of it.
“You’re always taking care of me and I’m still a mess.” It took all of two seconds for Rafe to jump into caregiver mode on that boat when he realized that you were regressed, you don’t think he’s ever gotten out of it. Months later and nothing has changed, he’s taken on the role as your caregiver without a single question or judgement made, as if he already knows everything he needs to know to watch you.
“Shush baby, it’s not your fault those pogues put you through so much.”
Logically you know Rafe’s version of events are skewed and probably will be no matter what you say- but it still hurts a little to think he blames them in full. It was your own fault, you went along with every plan they came up with from that first day John B said you guys should go out looking for the royal merchant after that storm, and even if you eventually felt out of your depth and like things were getting too hectic and you wanted to tell them to stop- to go back to how you all were before- it’s still on you.
“They’re never going to forgive me.” You whisper and truly don’t mean to, that was supposed to stay in your head.
“They’ve put you through hell, you aren’t the one that needs to be forgiven, you made the right decision. The smart one.” You nod at Rafe’s serious but soft tone and curl farther into his chest.
“Yeah, I’m glad I have you.” Everything else aside- you’d do anything to keep Rafe around, he’s there for you in a way none of the pogues ever have been and you can’t ignore that.
“You’ll always have me baby.” He presses a kiss to the side of your forehead and lays you both back against the bed, shifting slightly so you can lay over his chest and he can pull a blanket over both of you.
“Try and sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up.” You hum to Rafe, letting your eyes slip shut in contentment. He will be here when you wake up, you know that, you’d never doubt that, and it makes some of that guilt slip off your shoulders.
#jj writes#jj events#outer banks agere#little!reader#caregiver!rafe cameron#rafe cameron x reader#rafe cameron#pouge!reader turned kook!reader#<< I’ll probably write more of this if yall like it
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