expose your most hated narnia fancasts that you’ve seen

oh boy before the manslaughter begins, shoutout to tumblr who didn’t notify me i had gotten an ask so that i only saw this message three days later when i accidentally clicked on my inbox

the thing you gotta understand though is that i am old and withered by current narnia fans standards. much like the asoue fandom, though out of different reasons, there’s a new generation of fans that seem to be producing content. when i was young? we were three people with a stick and a piece of paper. so like, the kinda content we put out before was… different. world’s changed tbh.

so i can’t tell you i’ve moved on, because i will never move on from narnia ever you’ll pry it off my dead cold fingers, but i don’t really pay attention to the fandom quite as much as i used to do. i’ve seen the new content tho! i even dragged my ancient ass to a network! that i don’t post to bc university dragged the joy and life out of me! (sorry to the admins). this current gen is producing Top Notch Content. it is not… standardized, let’s say, and it’s mostly for fun so it’s cool. i don’t take it for more than it is. hey, it’s gay and brown, right? it suffices my taste. when i wanted to make a narnia fancast with brown and gay people, i had to plot out the entire series WITH background characters and shit. i had papers of all the characters in the bloody universe fancasted with people who could actually play them (which is why my black, age appropriate pevensies idea died as soon as i had to pick somebody else but lucy, who was oscar nominated quvenzhané wallis who is now sadly too old). some a bit out there but you gotta attract big names to attract big crowds sometimes. this happens less, as the growing trend of casting models and people who cannot act develops as idk overall fandom culture, but it’s still much much better. i’m not criticizing anybody, i swear to you i love yall. you gave me park boyoung as lucy pevensie!!!! nobody’s made me happier!!!!!!!!!

now, for the people of my time…

(i speak like im 84. it’s only been like six years). anyway, a list of my most hated narnia fancasts:

bradley james as anyone. the narnia fandom’s boytoy! our generic White King! the only fucking face i saw for like fifteen and a half years!!! now i love bradley james  BUT. he was everywhere. peter? of course. tirian? why not. rilian? sure. caspian? uh yeah he was blond in the books. i couldn’t get rid of his fucking face bc everybody used him bc idk he was the top first result in blond people that look medieval but without rotting teeth or something list

katie mcgrath as susan or the lady of the green kirtle. again, same thing. pretty lady with black hair that has worn a crown and looks slightly evil, first result, our designated susan. bc what’s having a personality. also she wore a green dress Once so like, what’s the logical choice.

colin morgan as edmund. do you see a pattern here??? i guess merlin was the only medieval show everybody watched back then??? they didn’t cast angel coulby as lucy bc boy would the pevensie parents have some shit to explain.

adelaide kane as lucy. i looked at this once and promptly had a meltdown. an anon yelled at me for being too mean and look, yes, i was too mean and it was not the space to say i Fucking Hated It bc op could see it (top notch graphic tho op sorry for the cursing) but reign was going on and, nah. nah. 

elle fanning as polly plummer. i saw her be polly much more than jill so im jotting her as that, though she was used liberally by lots. at some point i hated elle fanning just bc? idk why tbqh, i can’t remember, but it was maybe that fancast. i still think she lacks all of polly’s spunk anyway. polly? literally yelled at a two meter woman presumably looking like tilda swinton? please.

asa fucking butterfield and chloe moretz as digory and polly. i have a personal vendetta for asa that i forget all about except when our birthdays come around. anyway, they made hugo and people said, well the magician’s nephew happens in the same time frame? they’re white and young? sign me up! i turned the sheet away.

freddie highmore as cor/corin. again, same old. i don’t even know if he ever acted on anything medieval??? and i love freddie okay i kissed his picture when i was in third grade bc i thought blond freddie in arthur and the minimoys (????) was the Shit. but he was Everywhere.

gemma arterton as susan. i don’t hate it i just think she doesn’t fit susan and the whole thing was sloppy when weaponized femininity was all the rage and hansel and gretel came out

sophie nélisse as jill or polly. again dont hate it but it’s uninspired. she lacks the spunk. also, if you notice a pattern here is bc whenever a period drama movie came out with white kids vaguely resembling the pevensies or something, everybody flocked to photoshop. myself included (forgive me lord ive sinned)

francois arnaud as rabadash. he’s white?????????? fam. (sorry i dont have the cedilla on this keyboard)

a few people i want to never see near this: uh, the entire merlin cast, the entire reign cast, the entire white queen or something?? cast, the borgia cast, the harry potter cast, the hunger games cast, the cast of the next child movie that comes out… idk. 

i honestly can’t think of any more but i know i’ve raged before. i have like a real clear idea of how i want the characters to look? and i have like different concepts for them, i just can’t find anybody ever lmao.