Tumpik
#shame I can't make this anymore
pigeonclaws 10 months ago
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mikesmoustache a month ago
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I just wrote all of this in the tags because I feel like my thoughts don't matter and I shouldn't make anyone read them but no, I'll write it in a post instead.
I just had a really fun realisation (that was sarcasm)
it doesn't matter what name I go by - as soon as I start associating a name with myself/identifying with it, it feels gross.
I thought it was because I associate my real name with mainly negative memories (and also because of gender stuff)
but no. even when it's something that only my friends call me, something that's only been used in a positive context. even when it's something silly like a username or tumblr url. as soon as it starts feeling like 'me' it's bad.
if I hear or read or think about any of those names/usernames, I feel nauseous. I feel afraid. I feel disgusting. the name doesn't matter because *I* am disgusting and bad.
so that's great. and I don't know what to do about it. guess I should write this down for my psychiatrist appointment (because if I don't I will forget but the problem won't go away)
no name no pronouns please pretend I do not exist 馃檭
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trashpremium-moved a year ago
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how do y'all deal with the soul-crushing guilt of existing
#i feel so much guilt and shame all the time. just for being alive.#it goes away sometimes if i'm distracted enough. I'm so easy to distract that I'll forget about the emptiness and actually be happy#but then the moment i have a second to think. the emptiness comes back and I feel so fucking guilty for being happy in the first place#and then i feel guilty for being sad. because I can't be sad. I'm not allowed to be sad. im supposed to be the one that helps everyone else#and i cant talk to anyone about it because everyone else has their own problems and I don't want to be responsible for them being sad#a friend of mine recently told me that they tried to commit a few months ago. and I feel so fucking guilty about it because I wasn't there#we had drifted apart and i wasnt there and she couldve died and I wouldnt have been able to say goodbye#i still think of her as my best friend. and Im so tired because im so alone and the things that make me happy just. don't anymore#the things that used to keep me alive now just make me feel so fucking empty. because I feel guilty for enjoying them. i know i'm annoying#i know that i talk too much. but I feel like if I enjoy anything im going to push away every single person that I like spending time with#because i know im only there to be a support friend. a background npc in everyone elses stories. and I accepted that years ago#but it still fucking hurts knowing that im never going to have anyone to talk to#and i feel so guilty for that even because what if im fucking crazy and a manipulative piece of shit and i dont deserve to have friends#theres no point in me existing at this point but the guilt keeps me alive. i dont want to be a problem by killing myself#i just want an excuse to die. i want to stop existing and for my memory to be wiped from this earth so no one feels guilty#even venting makes me feel like a piece of shit but if i dont let it out i really will die#and its paradoxical. because if anyone tries to comfort me I'll feel so guilty about them feeling like they have to reassure me#because i know they don't really mean it and only feel guilty. but no one reassuring me will make me feel so alone like i am#so theres no winning here. i'm mentally ill and probably not going to make it to my 18th birthday. or the end of the summer. whatever#vent
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red-talisman 11 months ago
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I'm getting through my work day by imagining how CQL characters might manage it, especially given some past popular posts positing Jiang Cheng as a social worker.
(Advocacy is different than social work: long story short, our focus is crisis intervention and supporting folks in getting to a place of safety, emotionally and/or physically. We're kinda like the street medics/paramedics to the longer term care of mental health, case management, and healthcare workers. In the context of social services in my region, the main areas of advocacy are domestic violence, sexual assault, and human trafficking, although of course advocacy also exists as a more general noun.)
#i don't do direct service anymore so it's not that#it's just the tedium of administration and behind-the-scenes of being an educator/trainer#the more i ponder on this though the more ways i find of self-projecting onto JC ahahaha well fuck#i think he'd make a very effective legal advocate#not so much an advocate working on a hotline or running support groups lol#ngl i miss being a legal advocate#our system is absolute bullshit and a mockery of justice and so it was a pleasure to turn it against itself#for the sake of someone's immediate well-being#i think wwx would quickly get so frustrated with limitations of navigating the system that he'd do something stupid#'what do you mean i can't kill judge jin guangshan for being a motherfucker'#but he'd be excellent on a response team or as a youth advocate#if wwx took on the survivor-facing aspect of direct service and jc took over the systems-related advocacy?#their complementary strengths and weaknesses would make them an excellent team#lan xichen would be an incredible social worker#i think he'd be better suited to that work than to advocacy because of the longer-term relationships that social workers build with clients#i haven't been able to place lwj yet#i'm leaning towards another systems-related position e.g. a victim's witness with law enforcement or the DA#there's still an element of 'going where the chaos is' but - like jc - less emphasis on the peer counseling aspect#and being able to Shame authority figures just by staring them down
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vypcr 9 months ago
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idk what to tag this post with but we need to talk about Tory鈥檚 new job for a moment and how they framed it in the show
The hardest scene for me to watch when I go back to comb through season 4 without competition is Tory getting ready for her new job. You can see in her eyes how much she hates it there, how soul crushing it is for her, and how she feels like she has no other options. And the fact that they made very direct allusions to s*x work before revealing what she鈥檚 actually doing?? When she鈥檚 17?? My heart dropped into my stomach.
#seasons 4 spoilers tw#s4 spoilers tw#spoilers tw#do I need to censor the word s*x? probably. tumblr is dumb.#but this is the most horrible thing for me to watch BY FAR because I can't help but notice the comparison's they're trying to draw#sitting there doing makeup in a bikini top#the other women in the room preening and one of them specifically trying to push her chest out#the manager comes in and says 'take their tips but be discreet about it'#tells tory 'more red lip' despite the fact she's already got plenty on but he wants her to oversell it#and then a brief montage of all the women walking out showing only their faces before they cut back for the reveal#they know EXACTLY what they were implying with this scene. they know what they were trying to make us think for a moment.#which let me make it clear there is absolutely no shame in s*x work. the issue is that Tory is seventeen years old.#and it's not something I think she would want to pursue. not something I think she would be okay with.#they made us draw those parallels because they wanted us to equate her situation to that. I don't know how to feel about it tbh#I get that they're trying to show how she feels stripped of agency of choice. how she doesn't even have control of her own body anymore.#and that they wanted to show her in a situation that's full of despair yet is something she has to do because she has no options#but part of me feels like this went too far???#I'm still processing but like. you can show that without making those *very specific* allusions.#I don't even know how to word this just know it made me feel so weird and made my heart hurt for tory in the worst way possible
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irritableteadrinker a year ago
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聽 聽Huh... kinda miss my Handsome Jack blog tbh
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krawdad a year ago
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Me: hon?
Gf: hm?
Me: We are like. Kind of incredible, actually. Aren't we
Gf: it's fucked up, right?
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My tumblr really is just a time capsule huh. I've been here since 2011 when I was 14 and it SHOWS.
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archieism a year ago
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i loved sabrina so much when watching the show, love how she challenged and questioned all the bs rules in season 1 lol and i was honestly shocked when i saw a viral tweet about her being the most annoying show protagonist. she's amazing. havent watched season 3 yet though.
i honestly remember nothing of any seasons it鈥檚 all just a big jumble of poly witch events and something about a green man but i kind of prefer it that way tbh. riverdale鈥檚 my shit cw show of choice that i obsess over to a worrying degree.
the take that sabrina is some feminist icon is a bit meh to me considering she definitely has more radical white feminist icon vibes, but if i put on different goggles that don鈥檛 have that expectation stamped on it, i like how flawed and honestly horrible at times she is; not because hashtag feminism or that it鈥檚 defendable, but because it鈥檚 just... interesting to me idk lol i have bad taste in things, but yeah, i enjoy her and her spooky riverdale remix show <3
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kingandqueenwang 10 days ago
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Just woke up and prayed for God to get Jackson to Heaven for like an hour. Am I ever going to stop obsessing over things and people that will never have anything to do with my life? 馃檮
#like you don't stop praying for someone right? but at some point you have to accept that maybe something is not part of God's plan#you can't beg hard enough. you can't force it through prayer. you can't sent enough unnoticed dms and verses#you can't make God change His mind because it matters to you and your little spec of a life that much#of course gripping hard to the hope that God will say yes when the time is right he will obey the gospel and enter Heaven#whenever I wake up I can't help but wonder if Jackson's done anything to bring himself nearer or farther from God and just panic pray#I still don't know if it's something I'm meant to care about and continue or just a silly wordly obsession I need to let go of#I've already tried letting go. But... who can just give up and accept someone they (delusionally) care about might not be saved?#does God really ask that of us? to just accept that for our loved ones? no way right....#btw I saw Jackson refer to his fans as 'loved ones' on twitter and I'm devastated that I'm probably not included in that#I'm not worthy of being considered jacky or ahgase or stan or fan of anyone or anything anymore....#why love anybody but God that deeply... no matter how much good and potential you see in them... right? God says don't be inspired by man..#so how can I dare to think highly about people and see good in them?#goodness this is torture. I keep saying I can't care anymore but instead I care MORE. I'm not supposed to. I was never supposed to...#I'll keep praying until I'm 9000% positive God doesn't want me to have a single thought or care towards Jackson ever again....#I truly hope that never ever happens until I know he's saved. then I'll relax. a little...#anyway have I mortifyingly embarrassed myself enough yet and exposed my shameful heart#gotta go. shame me while I'm gone. for whatever reason I keep coming back to my dead blog like there's something here for me....#laters gators#quoting mcu even though I'm supposed to not love that anymore either 馃お馃お馃お k bye forreal
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glacial-snowflakes 4 months ago
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Nanny // Eddie Munson x Y/N
A/N:聽Didn't think I'd ever write a ST story but here we are. @eddie-munsons-sweetheart
Pairing:聽Eddie Munson x fem!Henderson!reader
Word count:聽549
Summary:聽It's so short I can't even write a summary to not spoil anything haha
WARNINGS:聽none
Likes, comments, and reblogs are greatly appreciated. It鈥檚 really motivating <3
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"One more minute, and I leave."聽You thought to yourself, looking at the watch. You promised your mom you'd pick up Dustin from the Hellfire Club meeting, but you were so done waiting for him and his friends.聽"He owes me this time."聽Your leg's been stomping every second in impatience.
You glanced at the minute hand, ready to leave just when the club's door opened rapidly. The group of people flooded the school corridor with your little brother ahead, too excited to even notice you.
"Ekhem." You grunted loudly. "Dustin!"聽
"Hi, Y/N!" Dustin, Mike, and Lucas greeted you at once.聽Oh boy, they were so coordinated.
"Do you realize how long I've been standing here? It was supposed to end half an hour ago!"聽
"We had to finish the campaign, and it was so-"
"I don't care. We're running out of time." You interrupted him. "I promised to give you three a ride home, so let's go."
"Why so eagerly? Late for the date with Andy?" Dustin wiggled his eyebrows with a significant smile.
"No, I'm tired. That's all." You sighed. "And don't even mention this douche, ew."
As you sprang from the wall and turned to leave, you heard another voice, much more mature yet with a hint of silliness.
"Yo, Dustin. Didn't know you had a nanny."聽
You probably wouldn't react but being called nanny for the first time in your life made you feel like ripping out your guts. However, you didn't even have time to open your mouth. Your brother jumped into the conversation as his pride was visibly hurt. "She's actually my sister."
"Oh, that's a surprise, Henderson." The man with dark, soft-looking curls stepped into your tracks, making you stop.聽
"I. Just. Want. To. Go. Home."聽You repeated in your head like a mantra over and over again. "And why is that?" You asked, looking into his eyes.聽Oh, they were mesmerizing.聽You were drowning in their pitch dark abyss for a while, and you didn't want to scream or ask for help. No, quite the opposite. You let yourself sink.
"Well, I didn't think he has a sister and, on top of that, such a beautiful one." There was a bit of mischief behind his smile.
"Smooth talker, are you, Eddie Munson?" You could feel your brother's stare grinding into your head as he probably thought,聽"what the hell is happening?".
"Lovely lady knows my name?"
"Oh, how could I not? Although, I must say I'm a little disappointed. Everyone thinks you're a pure devil, but I don't see any horns. Such a shame." A playful smile appeared on your face.
"If you're interested, I can show you them someday."
"Woah, Woah, Woah!" Dustin stepped in between you two. "You. Him. Gross. Stay away from my sister. Now goodbye." Your little brother grabbed your hand and dragged you to the exit, with Mike and Lucas following you and laughing in the background.
"Can I at least know your name?" Eddie shouted after you.
Before your brother pushed you through the doorstep, you yelled, "Y/N!". You couldn't see Munson anymore, but he was thankful for that. The smile that appeared on his face was never so big, and he wouldn't want you to see this side of him. Not yet, at least.
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nyanggk 2 months ago
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PICTURE PERFECT: PARK JAYS F*CK LIST 鈥 p. js
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SYNOPSIS park jay is known around your campus as a resident fuck boy. him and his friends compete in a game wherein by the end of the year, they have to complete their fuck list in order to win, but what happens when jay meets a girl who can resist his charms?
PAIRING rugby player jay 脳 art club member reader
GENRE smut with plot, highschool au, romance , enemies to lovers, romance comedy kinda
WARNING(S) profanity, dark humour, discrimination, dubcon, alcohol consumption, bullying, smut, dom/sub dynamics (sub!jay, dom!reader), making out, corruption, degradation, male masturbarion, oral, nude painting
WC. 28k+
鈥 this is suppsoed to be stereotypical, yes 銋犮厾 it isn't meant to be misogynistic. it's just the world I built them in. yn/I literally stated that this is her highschool and this is what she noticed. don't send asks if you're gonna go through with it with anonymous.
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In all the years you spent dwelling inside the same old boring highschool, you've come to the conclusion that in every campus, there's always three breeds of people paying amongst you that seem to avoid the brink of extinction; the slutty cheerleaders, the attention seeking fangirls, the ones that annoy you, the varsity jocks.
These varsity players are your typical ball heads who have their minds wrapped around the game and only the game. They're one way ticket to college is their varsity scholarship and inevitably making the dull-witted excuse to throw away everything related to academics and instead, centering their focus on their balls. It's stereotypical for you to say that, you acknowledge that for sure, but you can't help but speak the truth as most, if not, all of them, are the same.
Albeit, yes, these are the usual qualities found in these ball fondlers, but there's a different kind laying amongst these babbling baboons that's even more toxic, more abominable, and those are the varsity fuckboys.聽
These varsity fuckboys are always entitled, period. There's never a day in their lives where they don't stop talking about their latest slutty agendas or how awestrickingly good they are at playing the game. It also doesn't really help how their fan base鈥 which consists of ignorant, ovulating, and in heat females, not only throw compliments their way, but also themselves at every passing moment towards these good for nothing jocks. It's as if these people have lost all sense of their humanity and become objects that do nothing but lurk around the school grounds, waiting to be inserted with a schlong and become teenage mothers.聽
Do they even have a sense of self respect anymore?
Going back on track, it's a great dismay that all these complimenting words go straight to their head, making it even bigger.
Shame that not one ounce of it went to their dicks.
In accordance to that, yearly, these pubescent rats participate in an event called "Picture Perfect" wherein they hand pick at least more than ten different names of those who study in their school who, by the end of the year, they have to "connect" with. They mix them inside a bowl and let each one of them draw one by one. Once that person has their own paper, they have a set of rules they have to follow.
1. For proof, take a picture of the girl in bed or wherever while the two of you are fucking.
2. Threesomes are allowed if both players have the same person on their list.
3. Varsity players with girlfriends can't participate鈥 unless you're Jake. We don't want to be caught in your drama.
4. First one to complete their list is the winner.
5. Failure to comply with these rules will get you disqualified from the competition indefinitely.
With that said, they have the whole school year to finish this list. Now, a year may seem too long for some, however, with the mix of competitions and practices, there's only a handful of times in a week that these boys can have a day off and hunt for their prey.
No one remembers when this whole shenanigans started nor do they remember who started it, the only thing that matters is the game and who comes out on top. They take this seriously鈥 too seriously, you think.
For the record, they say that this game is only for fun and that no one should take it all too seriously when they lose. The prize is an ego boost for christ sake so which logical person would try so hard in such an idiotic game? If that's what you thought then you're clearly a normal person with a normal thought process along with a naturally working brain. However, it's safe to say that if you think these boys we're even one bit of the word "normal," then you're completely wrong because these ball players have rugby balls for brain cells and will do everything they can to win; showing off is a big enough prize for them to try their hardest.
A rugby team is normally composed of fifteen players. However, for this year, there will only be a total of 9 participants as the other six already either have girlfriends that they were strongly committed to鈥 unlike Sim Jake who changed girlfriends more often than he showered, or like Riki and Jungwon who were still too young to be doing any funny business, and like Sunoo who didn't want to participate in some pathetic child's play.聽
Moving on, one of the many other foolish participants in this wretched dog show is Park Jongseong, otherwise known as Jay amongst his peers and the students of Decelis High. It's his second year as an athlete playing rugby, meaning this year, it'll be his second time competing. As you can tell, he wasn't so lucky on his first try, barely getting pass three when he had ten on his check list, but this year, he's determined to do whatever it legally takes to come out on top.
"Alright, dickheads!" Their captain, Lee Heeseung, calls out.聽
Currently, all the willing participants are sitting around a mess of multiple chairs and tables merged close together as they busy themselves with writing the names for the person who'll draw their paper.
"Times up. Pass your papers." Heeseung commands with folded arms, impersonating a teacher who's instructing their students. He fetches a clear bowl and gestures for all nine members to put their papers in. Shaking the bowl, he continues on saying, "Now, as last year's winner, I strongly advise all of you to have fun and not take things overboard."
"Aw c'mon, Cap," Jay mocks in a whine. "You know everyone takes this game seriously, don't you?"
Heeseung rolls his eyes, shaking the bowl in circles. "I know but I'm still obligated to say that so I won't be involved in the fallout when one of you idiots decide to do something stupid, again." He says, eyeing Choi Beomgyu from across the table. All the puppy-faced boy does is smile at his coach sheepishly, earning snickers and nudges from the people around him as he scratches the back of his head guiltily.
Last year, Beomgyu took the game a little too seriously. It was already his third year in the rugby team and he still hasn't won. He felt antsy, wanting to experience the glory of winning. And so, knowing that Heeseung was in the lead, he did whatever he could to stop him from finishing his list. He hid the girls from the other, he told them he had aids, that he cums too fast, that he likes being treated like a dog in bed, and a whole lot more dumb shit just to keep Heeseung from winning. But all his efforts were inevitably for nothing as by the time winter break was over, Heeseung had won, laying out all the pictures he took of his one night stands out on the table at lunchtime with a cocky smirk plastered across his perfect face.
One by one, the boy's take their turns fishing for a piece of paper inside the bowl. As Jay grasps his own in the palm of his hands, he takes a look at the others' expressions when they open their own checklist.聽
Some cheered and some winced. Seeing the latter made Jay's confidence run through the roof, thinking that he was so lucky that he already had the upper hand on the others without having to even take a look at his own paper.
"Mark Lee?!" Choi Yeonjun screams in outrage. "Bitch! Is this even allowed?!" He genuinely asks in an outraged tone, however, the others just simply burst out laughing at his predicament, not providing him with a coherent answer.
"Cap?" He calls out to the younger, voice pleading.聽
Heeseung sighs out seemingly tired of the whole ordeal as he pinches the bridge of his sharp nose, scrunching his eyebrows together. "I'll change it on my own, hyung." He assures the older in a low tone, making it so that Yeonjun was the only person who got to hear what he said.
"I thought we agreed on keeping it strictly to girls?" He said, crossing his arms once again and repeatedly tapping his feet on the ground to show his annoyance. "So, which idiot was it?"
At that question, continuous screams of denial and bursts of cackling laughter erupt, occupying the small room, but Jay tunes them all out as his eyes zero onto the lack of names written on his checklist. His eyebrows knit together in confusion as usually there were at least ten different names listed on every checklist because everyone wanted to make it harder for the person who drew it. However, his list only had one聽
Although writing less than ten names isn't against the rules, it's certainly out of the ordinary as he doubts anyone on his team had a heart made of gold and be that merciful.
Before he could tear his eyes away from the paper though, he caught sight of a note written beside it.
1. YN 鈥 goodluck on this one bro ;) tell me how getting pegged feels like, I kinda wanna try it soon.
Looking at the note with a mix of confusion and disgust, Jay wonders why this girl seemed so unfamiliar.聽
In all his years spent in the same school, he's never heard of anyone with that name before. Granted, he doesn't usually pay attention to anyone other than the boys, much less try to remember the names of the girls he fucks around with in school. He thinks they're all irrelevant and are just getting close to them because they want the attention and fame being the girlfriend鈥 or even an acquaintance, of a varsity player gives them. But the thing is, for the sake of the competition, he has to know who you are, however, no matter how far back in his memories he searches, he still can't seem to remember who that girl is.聽
Eventually his curiosity takes over and asks "Who's YN?" while showing them his list and gesturing towards the only name written on it.
Hearing his question, the chattering stops and their gazes focus on the tip of Jay's finger. Jake is the one that answers his question, the rest of them stare with their mouths slightly agape. "You don't know YN? From the art club?"
When all Jay does is shake his head, the boys stare at him in a mix of wonder and shock, baffled by how oblivious the boy is when it comes to you.聽
"Dude, how do you not know YN?" Park Sunghoon asks in disbelief. Jay only shrugs at him in reply, wondering what the big deal about this girl was.聽
"Bro, Jay, whoever wrote YN down is absolutely bad-shit crazy. I got her on my list last year and she was the fucking reason I lost." Choi Soobin says, groaning. "I was so close to winning as well!" He bursts out, slumping on the back of his chair as he pouts.
Everyone knows about the rugby team's yearly antics and you're ashamed to say that nearly everyone is ecstatic whenever that time of the year comes鈥 especially the whores. It gives them the not so once in a lifetime chance to sleep with the hottest varsity player on campus.聽聽
However, as the loner with one singular friend that you are, you'd like to say that you're different from everyone else鈥 and you are not saying that so you could be the IRL version of YN from a Wattpad book made in 2013. You don't feel excitement coursing through your veins when the year starts. Your panties don't drop at the sight of them all sweaty and dirty while practicing. You don't try to manifest your name to be on the list so they could flirt with you, get in your pants, and then leave you cold and naked when they get what they want. They're just boys who can play one filthy sport, what's so mind blowing about that?
You hate rugby. It's not just some petty thing, you despise it with your whole mind, body, and soul. You can't ever stand that sport and you hate it that all the school funds go to that dumb piece of shit and not your precious art club. If only your school treated the art club the same way they sucked that god forsaken sports dick off then maybe鈥 no, not maybe, then for sure, your school would have much more elegance.
God! Just saying the word "rugby" makes your tongue bitter. Not to mention, the players! They're just horrendous; full of pride, ego, and everything bad. You just can't stand breathing in the same air.
So last year, when misfortune dawned upon you and they had the audacity to involve you in their wretched game, you blew up; like a volcano waiting to burst and set fire to the whole nation.聽
When Kang Taehyun, a rugby jock, approached you and started shamelessly flirting with you while you were having a peaceful time replicating the Mona Lisa, you erupted in a fit of anger and threw your palette covered with fresh paint onto his white varsity jacket.聽
Every single member of the rugby team wore that shit everywhere they possibly could. It's as if to show his underlings that he is superior. You knew it was for their weird Picture Perfect event, that's why you acted in such a barbaric way. And for the record, you regret none of it鈥 not even when you got sent to the principal for a 3 hour scolding session.
Word around campus spreads fast so even though you detested hearing useless gossip, you're somewhat thankful that Liz is such a chatterbox because through her, you're able to know who everyone is in the first few months of school. Truthfully, you have yet to decide whether this trait of hers should be considered as a con or not. For example, last year, she had the bright idea of telling you that Park Sunghoon slept with a 40 year old milf, offering to spill you the rest of the details鈥 not like she knew what the word 'milf' meant. She just tells you whatever new story she hears. Needless to say, you didn't want to hear any other features of that story.聽
So, you weren't surprised when you caught sight of one of them throwing curious glances your way on one Monday morning whilst you were talking to your best friend, Liz, in front of your locker.聽
You know who that boy is. His name is Park Jongseong and he's in your literature, meaning that you get to see him too many times a week for your liking. Why such a strong distaste for the boy you ask? Oh, that's because you already know what breed the scoundrel is. If that jersey wrapped around his lean body doesn't scream jock to you then you don't know what else.聽
It annoyed you how he was looking at you and it made your skin crawl. Already, you could feel waves of nauseous chills skimming down your spine, making you shudder as no doubt that if he continues, your breakfast is going to spill to the floor. You could only guess that he's interested in you because you're on his list and that he's trying to make a move on you.聽
Before, you were used to them glancing at you out of curiosity. It's a normal thing to do when you see someone pretty on campus, but no one ever made a move to introduce themselves. Truth be told, these guys never messed with you until last year, when they found you're a hard girl to get with.聽
If your hunch is correct and you're in fact on the list once again then you could only wish him good luck because you aren't interested.
To you, the boy throws what looks to be a constipated looking smile your way and your lips tug further down in a frown, suddenly feeling your stomach get upset.聽
Although taken aback by your expression, Jay ignores it and persists to throw a charming smile your way, this time adding a small wave鈥 both of which you turn down, only replying with the same frown on your face as you bore holes on his face with your so-called "Resting Bitch face." His face falters when he realises that you've indirectly turned down his gesture, scratching the back of his head in concealed embarrassment as he turns back to his group of friends as if nothing happened.
"Why's that psycho looking at me?" You ask, cutting Liz off on her rant and nudging your head towards where the guy stood.
Liz follows your stare and without warning, she squeals, jumping in place with excitement when he catches sight of the boy. "Oh my gosh, YN! Jay was looking at you?!"
With your face scrunched up in disgust, you look at your lifeline and wonder if it's too late to change friends because if it isn't, you'd pick that snot covered geek with braces back in 3rd grade any day.聽
"Oh don't look at me like that." She says, slapping your arm. "He is totally your type!"聽
Gagging, your gastric reflexes are about to show you just how displeased your whole body is with that sentence. "My type?! What do you mean by 'my type'?! Whatever my type is, it is certainly not that!" You say, repeatedly making frustrated air quotes whenever you say the word 'my type.'
"He is! Look," She persists, tangling her arms with yours and pulling you to gaze at where Jay stood. "Nice jawline, feminine and cat-like eyes, pretty lips, prominent nose, and last but certainly not the least, look at that stunning birthmark on his neck! Don't tell me you don't want to lick that." She dares on.
Now, you're ashamed. Where have you gone wrong in raising your friend and how did she become such a disgusting simp?!聽
To some extent, you suppose she is quite right. Usually, guys like him would be your type. If only that varsity jacket wasn't wrapped around his body then maybe, just maybe, you would've shot your shot by now. To them, that jacket signifies authority, fame, and an excessive amount of self importance. One glance at these arrogant motherfuckers and you already know they're narcissistic and my God, you hate it.
The first ring of the school bell finally pulls you out of your murderous glare, eyes diverting from the annoying jock and moving towards your schedule instead. You sigh gratefully once you see that your first class is literature. Not only is literature class the only subject you enjoy but because of it, you like to think that teaching students the power of words and poetry brings back some of your schools integrity.
With Liz, you travel towards the classroom with your hand possessively trapped in hers. Liz likes physical touch and even though you aren't the kind to be touchy with anyone, you'll let a few of your principles be set aside for your dearest best friend.聽
As you enter the room, you tell Liz to pick a seat somewhere near the front and beside the windows. She nods, understanding your love for the subject and setting aside her dislike so you could have fun. You sigh comfortably in satisfaction as you skim your hands on the newly polished face of your desk, only to be disrupted later on when you hear your friend shouting in a pouty way.聽
Your face stays neutral and observing while the boy, supposedly named as Jay, takes the seat beside yours. He ignores the complaints of your blonde headed friend as if she wasn't even there. He continues to pay no heed to Liz and when she realises he won't be moving any time soon, your friend leaves with a hmph and stomps towards the seat right behind yours.聽
Sulking, Liz taps at your back, hoping to get some of your attention and to her delight, you turn your body towards hers while your front in is in Jays view. Ignoring the feeling of his eyes blatantly staring at your neck, you focus on whatever gossip Liz tells you, humming and nodding every now and then to show her that you were listening.聽
No matter how long you and Liz have been talking, Jays fixation on you doesn't waver, only intensifying within the passing moments. Jay stares at every crevice of your body that's shown. Your neck and the exposed skin of your collarbone is what draws Jay in; pale, pretty, and plush, making it so nice to look at. Each muscle clenches as you continue to crane your neck towards your friend and it only takes his mind into a deeper frenzy, thoughts occupied with your skin and the desire to touch it. The boys mouth somewhat begins to salvate, making him take a loud gulp as he feels himself grow hottrr and flustered.聽
Knowing how much he looks while you're just there striking simple pose, he finds himself kind of embarrassing in this situation as he's never been one to be so easily riled up. But what can he do? it's something his body can't help but feel and the worse thing is, you weren't even doing any of it on purpose. It's all in his mind and Jay can only blame his teenage hormones for the fantasies it's creating.
Eventually, the boys strong fixation on you gets disrupted by your movements, pulling him out of his trance as now, instead of craning your neck and semi twisting your body to talk to your friend, he's met with your judging and questioning gaze. You continue to stare at Jay, cocking your eyebrows up as if to question whether he had anything to say. Still awestruck, the boy fails to form anything coherent and as a result of being caught, his cheeks start to flare up a sweet pinkish colour, one that you would've cooed at if he wasn't who he is.
Now, you're bored as while Liz playing on her phone, there's an annoying jock sitting beside. You huff feeling the symptoms of boredom spread through you. Picking up your pencil, you opt to scribble on your sketchpad聽 the small flower that laid idly on your table becoming your muse.
You were busy sketching when out of the blue, you hear a deep voice speak up from beside you, ruining the serenity you've made for yourself.
"Life is the flower for which love is the honey, don't you think?" The man beside you cites, trying to mimic a poet citing his own poem. He picks up the small flower that strayed on top of your desk with his nimble fingers and gives it to you with the same smile he showed you prior to this moment. "It's a quote from Shakespeare. Have you heard of it?"
'This is it.' He thought in his head, thinking that since you were into art and literature, you were probably screaming on the inside right now because of Jays romantic gesture. He watched you as you eye the flower in his hands, his ego swelling with pride thinking that he's won you over. You repeatedly look back between his face and the flower before heaving out a small sigh. He watches your face morph into the most charming smile Jay had ever seen and at that moment, the boy felt something tugging on his heart strings.聽
In awe of your beaming beauty, he sat frozen on his seat as you leaned closer to Jay, taking the small flower in your hands. His breath couldn't help but hitch at the slightest contact of your fingers brushing against his as he continued to stare at you in wonder as you inspected the flower, twirling it between your long fingers.
"That's sweet, Jay." You compliment, looking at the said boy. He struggles to maintain eye contact with you, once again feeling overwhelmingly flustered under your gaze鈥 not to mention the way his name rolled out so smoothly out of your mouth. "But鈥" Dragging out the word, you leave Jay in suspense.
He's at the edge of his seat as waits for you to continue, cheeks flaring up as you smile at him with such a sickening amount of sweetness. Jay thinks you're going to finally flirt back at him. That all his friends' words were untrue and in reality, you're actually just a shy tsundere.聽
But Jay was proven wrong when you pressed the flower between your fingers, crushing it with little to no thought. "...That's from Hugo, not Shakespeare. I suggest you get your facts straight before you try to get inside my pants." You finish.
The sweet moment between the two of you ended the moment those words left your mouth and pierced its way through Jay's confidence. With your eyes, you dared for him to retaliate, but just like how you expected, Jay was too embarrassed that his brain couldn't even process what was happening.聽Gone was the pretty smile that Jay's so head over heels for as now, an annoyed expression falls upon your features鈥 a complete one eighty in just a span of five seconds.聽
"Also, do me a favor and leave me out of your dumb fucking game."
After that, Jay was too ashamed to stay in your presence. So, wanting to keep the rest of his dignity, he left with his head bowed down. The action prohibited you from seeing his flustered face which he was thankful for. Instead, he made his way towards the back of the class and picked a seat a few chairs behind you, making it so that he could still watch you freely from afar without your knowledge.
For the sake of his pride, he tried to think that he only left because class was starting and because he didn't want to be stuck in the same seat when he's done doing his business with you. However, he knows those words were all lies鈥 a way for him to deny his blossoming feelings.
Jay can't seem to understand how you made his heart pound so hard, ear deafening from the relentless beats that was orchestrated by your mere presence. He's not one to blush like an idiot in front of someone and he's certainly not one to feel like his heart had been thrown until beaten and battered by one negative gesture. You make him feel something foreign, something he's never felt before in his life. It scares him in a way; not being able to put into words how he's feeling. There's something about the way you feel so strongly disgusted by him that makes him want to provoke you even more, wanting to see more ways you'll respond. He sees the fire crackling behind your eyes whenever he looks at you so why is it that even though he knows he'll get burnt, he is still dying to touch you?聽
There's clearly something wrong with him.
He knows it's unhealthy; wanting to get closer to you when you clearly don't like him, but he can't help it. He's drawn to you in some mind consuming type of way and he's willing to do anything just to get an ounce of your attention.聽
His feelings are still confusing to him because just hours ago, his mind was so enveloped in winning, willing to do whatever it takes just to have you in bed and get the glory he so despretely wants. But now that he's gotten a glimpse of what it's like to be occupied by you, the objective has changed. It's not about the game anymore because fuck the game. Right now, he couldn't give a shit about winning鈥 okay, maybe a just little bit.聽
Of course, he still has the game to thank for introducing you to him and he still wants to rub his victory onto his teammates' face like Heeseung did when he won. But right now, all he wants is to have you.
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It's your second month back in school and Jay hasn't let a single moment in literature class pass by without him trying to get on your nerves. It seems as if God has put your morals to the test because each time he opens his mouth, your hand seemed to itch for some impact, preferably on someones face.
His routine would always be to sit beside you when class hasn't started yet, try and build up a conversation with you in which you'd reply with something dry, he'd ignore it and continue to talk about his day whether it would be about practice, rugby, or just how his day went in general, and then go back to his permanent seat when the bell rings.
If you're being honest, in the past you would've been so dejected, disgusted, and nauseated by the fact that you're even within five metres in range of one of them.
When have you gone wrong in raising yourself and where have your principals gone?
They're still insufferable, you know that for sure. But after finding out that no matter how hard you try and kick Jay Park out of your life, there's no reason to keep trying anymore and that you've completely given up. You've tried everything you could imagine just to steer away from him. There was no way in hell that you'd ever change classes so instead, you opted to convince the boy to work his magic and change classes and go somewhere, preferably, far far far away from you. But of course, as you can tell, that didn't work. There was also a time where you tried to ignore him in hopes of him finally giving up, however, to no avail, he was persistent and didn't relent. You've also begged Liz to not let Jay switch seats with her before class, but to your luck, your best friend seems to have her mind wrapped in the fantasy that you and Jay are just perfect for eachother. She kept on giving you the reason that God would bring her back as cockroach if she got in the way of your blossoming love. So believe me when I say, you've tried it all.聽
Granted, if the opportunity to get rid of him ever came, would you still take it?
"Hey, YN." He greets cooly, casually sliding in Liz's seat. Already used to it, your friend just shrugs, momentarily switching seats with the boy as she knows that he'll eventually switch back.
Without turning your head to face him, you only reply with a hum, respectfully acknowledging him despite your dislike.
Jay ignores your clear lack of interest before he heaves out a deep loud sigh. He throws his head back, adam's apple protruding at the middle of his throat as you peek at him brushing his hair back.
It's hot. He's hot. But you bury that feeling deep down, shaking the thought away. You return your focus towards where your phone lay in the middle of your desk. The screen opens, a quiet beep catching your attention. You were about to ignore it, suddenly feeling too tired to socialise, but to your dismay, it doesn't only catch your attention but also of the man sitting beside you.聽
He leans over towards your side, an arm sliding on top of your desk, resting in front of you while the other rests behind you, on top of your seat. His head is right next to yours as he eyes the message on your phone and you can't help but catch a whiff of the delightful scent of his shampoo. Trying to stay composed, you sit idly in your seat as you watch Jay scan through the notification on your lock screen as if it was his own.
"Mrs. Hwang sent you a message, YN." He informs you, head now resting comfortably on your desk. "Should I open it?"
You scoff in disbelief, rolling your eyes to feign annoyance. "No, gimme that." You say, snatching the phone away from his view.
Pouting, Jay sits up from his seat, suddenly feeling more invasive than usual as he rests his head on top of your shoulder to watch you reply to the message your art teacher had sent you. Feeling vexed, you shrug your shoulders harshly, trying to shake Jay off of you only to fail. After multiple times of trying to take him off of you, you finally heave out a sigh, gathering all the composure you have left in your body to not beat him up. Eventually coming to terms at the fact that Jay isn't going to let you have your own space, you accept your fate and let him stay there as you tap your fingers on the screen of your phone to answer your teachers request.
Mrs Hwang (Art Teacher): YN, we still don't have a male muse for the portrait project tomorrow. Do you mind asking some friend of yours to volunteer?
Is she insane or just totally oblivious? Everyone knows you're an art geek loner. You're already thankful to have one friend permanently stuck to your hip so, when did she ever get the impression that you had more?
"Ooh, looking for a male muse?" You jump at the sudden voice, completely forgetting the boy that laid on your shoulder against your will.聽
"Can you stop meddling with other peoples businesses?" You say, now feeling actually annoyed because you have to worry about having to find a muse for your art class. It's not even like you can say no as well. Your teacher loves and adores you. At this point, she treats you like her own kid because she acknowledges the drive you have to share your painting with the world. She also said that she'd be happy to offer you an internship with one of her fancy artist friends once you're done with school and you just can't mess up your chances.
Ignoring your clear irritation, Jay continues, "I can be your muse." He suggests, smirking.聽
"In your dreams, Jongseong." You say clicking your tongue whilst not meeting his eyes.
"Hey!" Jay exclaims. "I told you to call me Jay not Jongseong." He presses on, tone persistent as he leans his face closer in order to persuade you. However, you don't give him an ounce of your attention, refusing to give him the satisfaction. And so, he chases you, body unconsciously pressing onto your side while he busies himself. Amidst your teasing, you don't realise this either, too busy trying to suppress the grin fighting to form between your lips.
Your playfulness lasts for a few more moments before Jay finally grunts out in defeat, letting his head fall on top of your desk with a thud. "YN, look at me." He whines like a child.
Rolling your eyes as you heave out what seemed to Jay as a deep and tired sigh, you finally turn your face to look at him. A deadpan expression is on your face as you await his next actions. Seeing that you've finally given in to his request, Jay feels his stomach start to flutter, tickling him and making him feel bubbly. The smile on his face is adorable, pleased that he's victorious and this time, you fail to keep the corners of your lips from twitching upwards. Seeing a genuine version of your smile is what sets Jays heart into a frenzy, a billion flutters that set his heart soaring through the roof.
Flustered, Jay ducks his head in an attempt to hide his giddiness from you. However, he inevitably fails when he hears a chuckle escape from your mouth. His head shoots up, eyes wide and unbelieving. His heart seemed to have accelerated faster than what he could imagine, face now burning a deep red.
Even your laugh is beautiful to him and he can't help but want to hear more. He's tempted to crack a joke or do something dumb in order to push you over the edge and reveal more of the amazing sounds that comes put of your mouth. But he decides against it, thinking that instead of making you laugh, he might overstep his boundaries and ruin his chance with you鈥 well, that's him thinking he has one.
Clearing his throat while fixing his blazer, he resumes. "I'll be your muse." He says, tone trying to show you that his decision is final.
"No, Jay." Despite being delighted that you've used his prefered name like he's asked you too, he still frowns. Again, his pout is adorable and you almost want to give in and let him take on the job.
"But, why?" He whines, shaking defiantly in his seat. "I'll be a great muse!"
Notwithstanding, you roll your eyes for what seemed like the umpteenth time this whole interaction. "I said no." You say firmly as if commanding the boy.聽
His adorable pout turns into a bigger frown upon being rejected. However, the expression doesn't stay for long before it morphs into one you can only assume as mischievous as his plump lips turn into a plotting smirk, eyes gleaming with playfulness.
Seeing that, you squint your eyes at him, brows furrowing as you try to depict what's behind that look. "I swear to god, Jay. If you're planning something鈥"聽
"What? I'm not doing anything." In contradiction to his words, his face tells you that he is plotting something. If it isn't the way his smirk doesn't relent and the way his eyes still bask in the same glint, it's the way he finishes his reply with a teasing tone, clearly choosing to defy you despite your clear warning.
You were about to call him out on his actions when you're suddenly being cut off by the bell ringing and not even a second later, Jay is pushing back his seat and striding towards his own. With his hands in his pockets, there's not a doubt in your mind that he's still wearing the same smug look as he sits down on his seat. You eye him from afar and when he notices this, he gives you a curt nod, brows rising upwards as if to ask you if you needed anything as he grinned.
Why are you so against Jay being the art clubs muse, you ask?
Truthfully, you should've been ecstatic to find out that Jay, one of the hottest guys on campus鈥 Liz's words, not yours, wanted to volunteer. So why are you prohibiting him from doing so?
Is it because you only want the two of you's interactions to strictly be inside this classroom and nowhere else? No, not really. Is it because you're ashamed to be seen by your other club members being associated with his type? Deep down, you know that's not true. In fact, you're sure that when Jay steps inside your club, he'll be bombarded by his female art geek admirers and you'll be thrown aside and forgotten. Maybe, that's what you're opposed of; having to share him with other people.
Does this mean that you're jealous? No, no, no, it can not be that. It can't possibly be that. If you're jealous, then that means you like him and you know you do not like him. In fact, he can go ahead and be a brat and ignore what you said. He can walk in there tomorrow and be crowded with fangirls and you won't even bat an eye.
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If you see one person tugging on his blazer one more time, you swear to every God up there that you're going to commit a vital sin and you can only pray that they forgive you. You hate to admit it, but your right eye is twitching. Not just once, not twice, but every time some random person touches him and it's infuriating you鈥 both the fact that someone's touching him and the fact that your eye is twitching without your consent.
Again, you're not jealous.
There you stood with your arms crossed over each other, away from the small crowd that had formed around Jay. Your back is pressed against an empty wall as you watch them gush about how hot he is, how handsome he looks, how great his physique is. It all makes you scoff, clicking your tongue as you look out of the window in annoyance after you see the smirk that paints Jays lips when he sees the annoyed expression on your face.
The girl in front of him catches his attention when she suddenly threw herself at him. Jay only chuckles before his eyes flicker towards you and you swear a light bulb just lit up beside his head. The excited girl starts talking animatedly at him and he makes it look like he's invested in what she's saying. He even did that panti dropping move where he swayed her back behind her ear. Afterwards, he looked for you, a cocky smile painted across his features, knowing full well that he did that to get a rise out of you.
Despite practically being mobbed and having every female member of your art club pressed against him, his eyes are on you and there's not a single doubt in your mind that he's doing this to set you off.
He's certainly loving the attention, isn't he?
Despite your prohibitions, that hard headed motherfucker still had the nerve to come. Hence, why you have a permanent scowl on your face.
The moment Jay introduced himself as your friend and that you've brought him here as todays muse, you knew you were in for a fun time鈥 note the sarcasm. To Jay, this must be all fun and rainbows, but to you, this is hell on earth. Admittedly, you're embarrassed to be caught with the likes of him, especially when you've vocalised time and time again how much you hate people like him. Yet, here you are, watching your art teacher usher everyone to take their seats in front of their easels while Jay sits on a sturdy table placed at the centre, posing attractively with his hands resting behind him on the table as he leans backwards. His gaze is pretty and somewhat intimidating to look at from an outsiders point of view, his lips sitting comfortably in its normal pout.聽
Abiding by your teachers words, you sit on your own chair and surprise surprise, it's placed right in front of him. Jay didn't know that that was your assigned seat, but seeing so, his lips had a mind of their own as no matter how hard he tried to stay still like how your teacher had asked him to be, the corners of his mouth still tinged upwards.聽
Already accustomed to Jays teasing antics, you only heave out a tired sigh, shaking your head in defeat as you pick up your pencil.聽
Might as well draw him while you're at it, right?聽
Truth be told, it has been a while since you've drawn someone, so you wonder how you'd do and surprisingly, you're good at it. It was scary at first, feeling nervous that you might mess up, however, the longer your pencil drags on top of your paper, the more you feel at ease. Drawing someone as pretty as Jay made you appreciate the finer things in life; the way his nose stood ever so perfectly at the center of his face, how his collarbone peaked through the shirt he wore, how his hair seemed to have been placed perfectly without effort, and lastly, the way his body looked so inviting despite being covered. All of that combined with the natural lighting of the sunset peeking through the glass windows made everything so much more appealing. Using the excuse of drawing him, you hide between the mask you wore in order to not seem like a hunter salivating for its prey as you continue to draw the guidelines for your portrait.
"I didn't know you had friends on the varsity team."聽
Turning your head, you come face to face with An Yujins annoying smirk plastered on what you could only assume is her face. Most of the time, you can't really tell if it's her ass or her face that's in front of you because she pushes both onto any guys face. You didn't even notice that she was sitting beside you until she opened her mouth, too preoccupied with sketching the greek god in front of you to care about her existence.聽
She's the definition of an ugly jealous slutty cheerleader that wants everything nice for herself. You don't even have a single clue why she's part of your club nor how she's still in it since she rarely ever attends. To add to that, you've never seen her pass a single one of her projects.聽
Above all the days in the week she could've chosen to come, she just had to go today and see you with the one and only varsity fuck boy.聽
"Well, to be honest, I'm surprised you have any friends at all."
People like her are the type to make fun and point their fingers at you for wearing your grandmas hand knitted sweaters and they're just the worst! Seriously, how can someone hate something made by someones old grandma?! The audacity these people hold still baffle you to this day, although not as much as before.聽
Through the years, Yujin seemed to have grown a liking for you. A liking you never asked for nor wanted. You had no idea why but she just loved to make fun of you every chance she got. It didn't matter how petty she looked nor did it ever matter to you when she tried to belittle you with rude comments and backhanded banter. Honestly, you're more upset at the fact that her jokes were never funny. If it was, you'd laugh, no matter if it was supposed to offend you because hey, if it's funny, it's funny. For instance, yesterday, she made fun of you for wearing your reading glasses, saying that you looked like you're an old maths teacher who's either widowed or divorced. A week ago, she caught you eating a chocolate bar in front of your locker while you were casually minding your own business with Liz and she told you how fat you were getting. You were about to tell her to get lost when Liz decided to fight back and told her that she had more fat rolls than Fat Amy. That little firecracker! Ugh, you just love her to bits.
In the early days, you would fire back at her mercilessly, coming up with the wittiest of replies, but before you knew it, you grew up. Suddenly, you felt spent. You got tired of the whole cat and mouse bickering and for once, you turned your life upside down and chose to be mature. That didn't seem to have sat well with Yunjin though as from then on, her attempt to torment you went from every so often to very often. Of course, being the strong and independent woman that you are, you never took any of her insults to heart鈥 not like they offended you either way. You simply ignored her or told her to get lost and that you weren't interested. Obviously, she gets angry but being the pussy that she is, you knew she was never going to get into anything physical with you because if she did, she'd lose in an instant. With that lanky ass body of hers, even your four year old sister can.
So, wanting nothing to do with the likes of her, you divert your attention back to the hunk of a man that sat in front of you. However, you're greeted with a different expression than before as now, his brows are furrowed with wonder and question. He looks at you silently, his eyes somewhat shining thinly with jealousy and betrayal while his normal pout drags down into a frown as if to ask how you could take your eyes off of him when he's laid out in front of you so deliciously.
"Mr. Park, please refrain from moving your face." Your art teacher asks.
Jay replies with a grunt at being told off before he looks up front. He lets out a satisfied hum when he sees that your eyes have found their way back to him, now happily resting them back in their previous form.聽
After that small fiasco, Jay tried his hardest from then on not to move. He didn't want to cause any more commotion and make you fuck up the portrait you were drawing of him. He wanted to see how well you sketched him later on when the session was done.
Staying still for an hour proved to be harder than he thought, especially when your eyes looked so deeply at every part of him. After a torturous ten minutes of you looking at every detail of his face, he's fought and lost to the blush that persistently wanted to make its way up his cheeks when he saw you eyeing the skin of his throat. Correct him if he's wrong but he swears he can see the way your eyes fire up after he took a huge gulp. The way you were staring every time his adams apple bobbed or when the muscles on his neck flexed made him even more flustered.聽
He fought the urge to recoil with every feeling of you overwhelming him in such a public scene, suppressing the sexual thoughts that clouded his mind. You were doing nothing but what you were asked to do, so why does he feel so bothered by something he's supposed to be used to? Girls staring at him is a normal occurance to Jay, but for some reason, you make him feel overwhelmed.
Jay is terrible at concealing his thoughts and it's apparent in the way he avoids eye contact that you're the reason behind it. Seeing just that, you try to hide the egotistic smirk that鈥檚 on your face, not wanting to stand out amongst your peers. In an attempt to recollect yourself, you intake a hefty breath before rolling your shoulders back to loosen your tensed muscles before going back to work on adding shadows onto your portrait.
From then on, the minutes passed by staring at you. I mean, what else was he supposed to do? It kept him preoccupied and it gave him the excuse to stare back at you; the way your brows furrowed together in concentration, the way you pout whenever he assumes you made a wrong stroke, heck, he even longed to crane his neck to the side so he can see more of the way your fingers wrapped elegantly around your pencil. Everything about you seemed so enchanting to him, captivating him and encasing him in your prison. He's addicted to having more of you and he's driven to have just that because one way or another, Park Jay always gets what he wants.
The hour soon then passed and before he could even grasp what was happening, your teacher's already patting him on the back, telling him how good he did.聽
As asked, you all lean your canvases on an empty wall, awaiting for your teachers evaluation as the others compare their respective portraits with each others. Jay was told by your teacher he could leave if he wanted, but like he said earlier, he wanted to have a look at your portrait. So, he declined.聽
Jay never had any interest in art and poetry, but since meeting you, he feels like a whole new person. Never in his lifetime did he have to search the web for romantic poems nor has he ever awed when looking at someones canvas and yet, here he is. Everything he's doing is foreign, like the way you make him feel. And as he continues to stare at the portrait you drew of him, he's once again in awe of you. He can't help but wonder how someone can be so perfect doing something they're passionate about.聽
Folding your arms, you stand next to Jay, patiently waiting for his feedback because after all, he was your muse. "So," You start, palms pressing onto your thigh to wipe off the thin layer of sweat forming. "How'd I do?"
The boy jumps. He didn't notice you were there, standing beside him. "G-Good! Really good, actually." He answers, stuttering to blurt out an answer. Jays cheeks blush, feeling flustered.
Heaving out a sigh in relief, you chuckle at yourself, finding it funny how you were nervous for nothing.
Jay clears his throat, trying to compose himself before blurting out his next response. "You must've enjoyed looking at me a lot, huh?"
And just like that, the adorable smile on your face is wiped off, a frown replacing it. However, Jay isn't complaining because as much as he loves that cute smile on your face, he's just as deeply in love with the fire in your eyes whenever you get annoyed at him. He thinks your scowls are pretty, it makes him want to tease you more often and that's just what he does to you every single day after that.
The day he saw the way you scowled at him after he teased you, is the same day his heart seemed to have fallen for you. And along with his heart, came his body next as it seemed to have always yearned to be either close or next to you.聽
Since that fateful day, Jay has gotten even touchier than he already was. As time went by, it started to evolve from Jay poking his fingers at your sides for fun, to jumping you and taking you in for a hug whenever he sees you in the hallways. It was never romantic though and was always accompanied by a teasing glint.聽
That's why you never thought much of it.聽
Granted, you did get angry every time he tried touching you, still deeming him as more of an acquaintance rather than a close friend. However, as moments pass, Jays repetitive routine of touching, teasing, and then annoying you became as normal as you and Liz walking to school together. Although you never asked for Jay to be in your life, there's no doubt that it'd feel incomplete without him.
Over the course of the months, you've developed an odd relationship for the boy. It kind of makes you reminisce of the time you and Yujin used to bicker. The difference is that Jays mischievousness always takes one of three forms; flirty pick-up lines, defiance, and lastly, clinginess. Out of the 3, you adore the first one the most and could make good riddance of the second. As for the last one, you're only left confused.
Jays pick-up lines are to die for. They're always either humourly cheesy or impeccably horny鈥 both of which make you double over laughing even when he hasn't finished his line yet.
"I'm not even playing cards right now and I pulled a queen." Jays triumphant grin is contagious and no matter how hard you hold back your laughter, you just can't鈥 especially when Liz is cackling behind you.
"That's so stupid, Jay." You say, shaking your head. Contradicting your own words, your smile is evident and Jay can't get enough. So, he decides to tell you more, hoping to get the same, if not, a better reaction out of you.
"You know," He starts. "I'm like Nike and you're like McDonalds."
"Oh yeah?" Seeing the smirk on Jays face only makes your own grin grow wider as you await to complete his joke, already at the edge of laughter. "Why?"
Clearing his throat, he answers. "Because I'm just doing it and you're loving it."
"Oh my god." You sigh before covering your face to hide the guilty smile you wore while your giggles furiously try to break free. "Now, that's just you being horny Jay."
Wanting to see your bright face, Jay leans closer to your seat. He wraps his fingers around your wrist in an attempt to pull them away from your face, but to his dismay, you don't budge. "Let me see you~" He whines.
"No~" You drag, mimicking his tone. "That was so bad!" You press on, feeling a mix of frustration and disappointment in yourself for laughing at such a stupid pick-up line.聽
"You clearly love it!" He exclaims, teasing you while leaning his face closer to yours despite it still being covered by your hands. "Now let me see you!"
"No, I don't." You fire back, pulling your hands away and looking at him. "But, tell me more."
Second, the boys defiance brings edge to his comical personality. Jay lives to see the enraged look on your face whenever he defies your simple orders and he'd never admit it to you himself, but that's what gets him going.聽
At night, when he's all alone with his thoughts, his mind fills with scenes of him under you, begging for mercy. With all the authority you like to show, there's not a single hint of doubt in his mind that you like being in control, and he's willing to give you just that. Above all the women he's been with, you've repeatedly brought out a side of him that even he was heedless of鈥 and this isn't any different.
Laying with his chest up and back pressed onto the soft fabric of his mattress, Jays breath quickens as he pushes himself to dive deeper into his fantasy. The thought consists of you and only you. With his hands dragging across the wide of his chest, he imagines it's your long and slender ones and not his. He drools at the possible feeling of your nails scratching on his body, making him release a quivered breath.聽
Already feeling the pent up frustration building up in his boxers, he pushes his hair back before groping his hardening dick. He presses the palm of his hand directly on it, teasing himself as he envisions the proud look on your face as you watch him crumble under your supposed touch.聽
"Fuck this." He concludes before pushing himself off of the mattress. Reaching beside him to open his bedside drawing, he grabs something he usually only uses for desperate times.
Jay gets bitches. So, there's simply no need for pocket pussies and fleshlights. But there'll come a time in a varsity players life where sleeping around is simply impossible to do. When schedules are pact with classes he has to attend to, practices he has to participate in, and rugby matches he has to win, there's just no time to be flirting. So, he bought a fleshlight just to solve that predicament.
Leaning back and getting comfortable on his bed, Jay leans against the headboard and quickly shakes off his pajamas, lifting his hips up in the process. Once that was off, he watched as his cock lay tensed and angry on top of his stomach, ready for any sort of pleasure. Already feeling impatient, Jay spurts a good amount of lube inside the toy and afterwards, he spits on it, letting the lube mix with his own lubricant.聽
Feeling his breath growing faster as the excitement grows, Jay brings the toy closer to his dick. His mouth salivates, anticipating the pleasure that's yet to come. "Shit, YN. Just give it to me already." He says as he imagines you teasing him, lining the toy close to his dick.
Finally taking the whole skin of his leaking head inside, Jay releases a cross between a broken moan and a satisfied groan before taking all of his dick inside it all at once. Immediate pleasure fills the boys consciousness as he takes his bottom lip in between his teeth to suppress himself from moaning too loud. It's been too long since he's had any sort of pleasure from anything, mind too caught up in your existence. Not to mention the fact that he literally only wants you and no one else. After Jay found out that his feelings for you were growing more intimate than he'd like to, he tried his hardest to get hard for someone else.聽
The boy has never had a crush on anyone and naturally, he felt scared鈥 both at the unknown and the possibility of being rejected. So, he went out to parties, tried to hook up with the usual sluts around campus. But whenever someone other than you touches him in any sort of provocative way, his mind just shuts down and his body starts reacting in a negative way. What used to be Jays favorite pastime now became his worst enemy because from then on, Jay couldn't think of having sex with anyone other than you. Soon enough, Jay accepted the fact that he can never have someone better than you. You've never even flirted with Jay yet his mind is already creating scenarios of the two of you together.聽
That's when he started working harder to get close to you because maybe, just maybe, if he played his cards right, you might end up liking him back. It doesn't even have to be on the same heights as his feelings for you. If he succeeds and you like him back just a tiny ounce, then he can die happy. If he doesn't succeed and he fails to make you fall in love with him then it'd be a curse he'd have to bear with for the rest of his life because he knows that despite it, he couldn't ever leave you alone anymore.聽
He imagines the scenario of you chuckling at him, mocking him for breaking apart so easily, calling him your desperate little slut in the process. Too immersed, Jay replies, "S-Shit. 'M not your slut."
The sounds of the toy squelching with every pump drives Jay mad, mind growing hazier by the minute. The toy makes him feel wonders and he's only left to imagine how good your pussy would feel if you ever let him fuck you. He thinks that if a toy feels this good on his dick, then there's no way you won't feel euphoric once he gets a chance to bury his dick inside your wet cunt.
It's not even past five minutes and yet, he can already feel his high approaching so quickly. With his mind flooded with images of you, his hand guides the toy faster, trying to drive him over the edge of his orgasm before pulling the toy off his dick completely.聽
He chokes out a small cry in vain as all the pleasure vanishes. A string of curses leaves his lips after, not believing the fact that he's actually聽 torturing himself just to get a taste of you in his imagination.
He envisions you doing this to him; bringing him close to ecstasy and then taking it all away right before he can get the chance to cum. It's torturous having to repeat the same agenda on himself, especially when it's not you actually doing it. But he does so either way despite the pain and after a few more agonising denials, Jay finally decided to change positions.
Now positioning himself on all fours, Jay takes a pillow and places it right below his groin, resting the toy on top after. His right hand holds the fleshlight in place while the other rests on top of his pillow as leverage. Feeling comfortable again to resume his actions, he inserts his dick back in the toy, throwing his head back in pleasure as he releases a long dragged moan of your name.聽
Jay starts thrusting into the toy with more vigor, jaw flexing as he clenches his teeth together. "Come on, Jay." Your voice says from inside his head. "Prove to me you aren't some worthless toy I can easily throw away."
If there's anything in this world that Jay holds dear, that's you鈥 and his pride. Jay knows he's good at everything so, when you, his beloved crush, tells him that he's practically a piece of filth you can't wait to throw away, Jays body fills with rage. How can you come up with such a lie? Those days that were filled with staring at you didn't go to waste because now, Jay feels like he knows your body inside and out. He knows every dip on your body, every mole visible on your skin and if there were more that he hasn't yet discovered, then he'll make sure to scout for them when he gets the chance to. He's determined to prove to you that he's irreplaceable, that no one can give you a better time than he does.聽
Without wasting any more time, Jays thrusts grow near animalistic, pounding into the toy with more force. Lube mixed with his precum drips onto the mattress whenever he makes the move to retract his dick from the toy before drilling his dick inside.
"Fuck, YN." He pants your name out, voice shaking with each powerful thrust. "I'm so close, YN. I'm gonna cum."
He tried to wait longer, he really did. He didn't want to cum in his own hands. Instead, he wanted to cum in your presence, wanting to show you how hot he looks when he cums. But inevitably, he failed.聽
Chanting your name, Jay finally lets himself reach his own high. With his body lurched forwards as he presses his face onto the sheets, his hips grind onto the toy while he rides himself off of his high, filling the toy with a huge load his hot cum.
His gut tells him that you'd love to humiliate him after. He can see you telling him how dumb he is for letting himself cum before you and he can only imagine how you'll punish him. Would you sit on his face and tell him to eat you out until you cum on his tongue? Or maybe, you'd tell him to sit down and ride him until you're satisfied, ignoring his pleas despite the overwhelming feeling of your vagina on his cock after he just came?
Either way, he's drunk and spent. But despite that, he won't make it easy for you. With all his might, he'll talk back and fire senseless retorts at you, wanting to drive you over the edge of insanity, completely unaware that it's already happening to him.
Lastly, Jays clinginess is something you didn't think you'd get used to this fast. All that talk about not wanting to be in the same vicinity as rugby players seemed to have flown past your head because look at you now; a jock practically purring on your shoulder as it napped. For a gym addict, Jays body is strong yet gentle, muscular yet soft, and heavy yet light. Polar opposites yet they conjure up the perfect qualities for a human being.
You have no idea how you two got into this situation nor do you remember who instigated it. The only thing you know is the feeling of comfort being close to Jay brings.聽It's odd, feeling the skin on skin contact with someone you're supposed to despise. Yet, you don't have the will-power to pull away. Perhaps, you have Jay to blame for that. Maybe your resolve isn't as strong as you think and you're developing feelings that're deeper, more romantic.聽
How did you let yourself fall for him?
One Friday afternoon when your literature class unfortunately got cancelled, the whole class was told that they were free to go and spend their vacant time however they wanted. Finding nothing else to do, you offered to go out to the school field and have a small picnic date together with Liz. But with your pro procrastinator best friend having a ton of pending assignments left, she told you to just go there with Jay while she tries finishing some of them.聽
Of course, still refusing to prove Liz right, you fake vomited, telling her that there was no way in hell you were going to have a picnic with Mr. Hot Shot Rugby Player and proceeded to go alone. Luckily, the said boy didn't hear your best friends suggestion and you were able to have a moment of peace before you realize that Jay was actually following behind you all this long.
"Jay," You call out his name in warning. "What're you doing here?"
"Nothing really. Just casually strolling since I have nothing to do." He answers, eyes staring at the horizon as his hands rest inside his pockets in a carefree manner. "Oh, having a picnic? Mind if I join?"
The boy doesn't give you a chance to reply before he's already making himself feel comfortable on the blanket. Prior to this, you had set up the blanket near a tall tree. You wanted to enjoy the cold breeze outside without the scorching heat of the sun burning your skin.聽
Noticing the small canvas that sat idly on top of the blanket, he asks, "You gonna paint?"
Accepting your fate and the fact that you aren't going to get rid of him, you take a deep breath as you try to compose your thoughts. "Yeah, I was planning to."
"Well, don't let me stop you, babe." He says right before leaning back on his hands, feeling smug.
Complying with his words with a huff, you take the small canvas in your arms either way. With your watercolor paint set securely on top of the picnic blanket, you take a fine brush, ready to start painting whatever comes to mind when Jay speaks. "Do you think you can draw me again?"
"No," Thinking that you're done, an immediate pout makes its way onto Jays face and he's ready to convince you otherwise when suddenly, you cut him off by finishing your sentence. "I don't have a pencil right now. I only have these with me." You add, gesturing towards your palette.聽
At that, Jay nods his head in understanding, however, a pout is still set on his face, yearning to be your muse once again. Looking over to him, you watch his face silently and while oblivious to your stare, Jay picks up a few small pebbles laying near the tree. He tosses them towards the distance, finding nothing to do. You sigh, feeling yourself cave in. "Come here then. I guess I can paint your silhouette or something."
Like an owner calling their cute kitten over, Jay whips his head towards your direction, feline eyes shining immensely with happiness before he conceals it, wanting to play hard to get. "Nah, I don't wanna bother you." He says in a mockingly sad tone.
Rolling your eyes at Jay antics, you pull his arm lazily so he could lean closer to you. "Come on, Jay. Before I change my mind."
Though it wasn't the first time yours and Jays skin has touched, it was the first time you instigated it. Jay has always been the one touching you, being clingy, and annoying鈥 It was never you. The feeling is new and he can't help but freeze at the contact. Even after, his cheeks are set ablaze as the skin of your arms are still pressed together while he sits stiffly next to you. Noticing this, you ask, "You okay, pretty boy?"
Clearly, you said the name to tease him. Since day one, you were in love with the picture of Jays face looking dangerously red and flustered. Wanting to see the look on his face that you missed so dearly, you used the nickname in hopes to see it again. And it worked, Jays posture goes stiffer, his back straightening while he holds his breath.聽
A simple act of skinship initiated by you is new to him, although he knows it doesn't have the same effect on you as it does him. The gesture also doesn't tell him what your feelings are for him. But this, a pet name, was something he could only imagine receiving from you and here he is now, receiving it. It makes him speechless, mind searching desperately for a comeback that conceals how weak he is for you, but he fails to do so, heartbeat beating too loud for his mind to function.
From your perspective, Jays reactions are always adorable. Yes, he has his moments wherein he acts like a brat鈥 a spoiled one at that, but you can't deny the fact that you're willing to entertain him. It's something that's beyond your grasp, something uncontrollable. You do it so often and most of the time, you aren't even aware of it. Your body just seems to react that way to him, whether you like it or not. Right now, you know deep down that Jay holds a place reserved only for him in your heart. So, you ask, can his feelings ever be true?
Despite what you think, you continue spending the rest of the free time you had had with the boy and from then on, you've come to form a bond with him that was totally unexpected, and yet, you wouldn't trade it for anything in the universe. If only you just had the guts to tell him how you feel.
"By the way, Jake's holding a party at his house this Saturday. I was sorta hoping you'd come?" He asks as the two of you lean side by side on the tree.
"We'll see."
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Dusting the nonexistent dust off of the fabric of your black leather jeans, you take a look in the mirror for the first time since you came rushing back to your house.
Prior to this, you had gone home last Friday night to go and visit your parents back in the countryside. You came back at around 7pm and since then, you've been hastily trying to gather an outfit for the same party Jay had invited you to come to, all the while fighting with your own consciousness whether or not it was a good thing to go.聽
You're not one to go to parties like this one. There's just something about partying with people you know from school that irks you. You'd much rather go to some local bar and get drunk off your head with strangers. But, like most decisions you make when Jay's involved, it gets thrown away towards the deepest corner of your brain, forgotten and neglected.聽
Stepping inside the huge mansion decorated with tons upon tons of littered empty beer bottles and chip bags, you almost turn around and leave before the sweet fragrance of Jay's cologne hits you, enveloping you in such a sweet scent. How can you leave?
"YN~" He whines, obviously drunk out of his mind as he clings onto your arm. " 've been wai鈥攖ing for鈥 you鈥 all night." In his drunken state, Jay leans his full weight onto you, legs probably feeling like jelly as the alcohol floods his system.聽
"Well, I'm here now, aren't I?" You reply to him, enveloping his hands in yours to guide them towards your shoulder to provide him some leverage. Afterwards, your hands find their way towards the small of his waist in order to steady his body, afraid that the boy might collapse from the amounts of alcohol he's intook.聽
He answers you with several cute nods before stuffing his face into the crook of your neck, sighing comfortably. The boy seemed as if he was drunk out of his mind and you were about to ask him if he was okay before he cut you off. "I鈥 I thought you not gonna come~" He drags in a pout. "Thought you鈥 ditched鈥 me."聽
By the tone of his voice, you can tell that Jay's about to pass out. So, making the decision to help him to bed, you made your way through the mass of sweaty teenagers on the dance floor and made your way towards the kitchen. There was no use asking Jay where a guest room was located as the boy was now practically half asleep. With half of his body weight hung on your shoulder, the boy's purring onto your neck as you drag his body while you walk.聽
Catching sight of a familiar blonde haired boy rummaging through the fridge with a few bottles in his hands, you decide to call his name. "Jake," You huff, readjusting your grip on Jay as you feel him slipping between your arms. Jay whines at the sudden jolt, hands tightening around your neck as he places airy kisses onto the side of it, where his head was tucked in.
At the call of his name, Jake turns his attention away to find you with an impeccably drunk Jay clinging onto you like a koala. To Jake, the scene looked funny and amusing because this was the first time he saw Jay in such a vulnerable scene. If it was any other girl he was clinging to, Jake wouldn't have wasted a second to take his friend away and tend to him on his own, feeling worried for the boys well-being. But since he knows Jays romantic bond with you, he's at ease.聽
"Hey, YN." He greets, posture straightening. "That's quite the situation you've got there." He says, hands gesturing towards you and how Jays arms seem to be wrapped around you without a thought of letting go.
"Yeah," You agree with a huff, feeling out of breath. "I could use some help actually."
Without missing a beat, Jake replies. "Nah." He smirks. "I think you've got it under control."
Rolling your eyes at the boy, you accept your faith, realizing how alike the two best friends are. "Thanks鈥" You trail off. "Is there a room I can put Jay in? I think he's gonna pass out."
"Yeah, there's a guest room upstairs. Just go up. Last room to the right." He points towards the flight of stairs and you nod, taking the information in before you grip Jays body tighter as you make your way up the stairs and into the room the blondie told you to go to.
Opening the lights inside the dark room, you try not to stumble and fall to the ground, feeling your grip loosening. In fear of dropping the poor boy on the hard ground, you quickly waddle towards the bed and gently plopping Jay down into the soft mattress.聽
Attempting to untangle his arms from your neck proved to be difficult as the boy just seemed to bound himself to you like steel. No matter how hard you try, Jays resolve doesn't falter, leaving you with no choice but to lay there awkwardly until he falls asleep.聽
"YN~" You hear his sudden voice call out to you in the same drunk and dragged out manner. "Stay~" He pouts.
All you do is smile at his cuteness, reaching a hand up to sway his bangs away from his face. "Go to sleep, Jay. Get some rest." You say as your hand stays on the crown of his head, scratching his scalp.聽
At the act of service, Jay groans contently under your touch. "You're so pretty YN." He sighs, drunk eyes watching you take your jacket off in a dreamlike manner.
This time, you laugh, both at his drunken confession and because of the look on his face. Sober Jay would never confess that you were pretty aloud鈥 not in this way at least. When complimenting you, Jay always had more creative ways to get his message through, whether it's by teasing you or by using his corny ass pick-up lines. Still, those simple words made your heart flutter and so, in a whisper, "You're pretty too." you say.聽
A dopey smile makes its way onto the boys face, undoubtedly feeling satisfied with your answer. "Lay down with me." He commands.
Although you know he's just being playful, you still wanted to tease him back by lecturing him and you were about to do just that before he suddenly pulls you down under him. All the air gets knocked out of your lungs, the action taking you by surprise. With wide eyes, you stare baffled at the man position on top of you, body placed between your legs while his face hovers only mere inches above yours. "J-Jay?" Hearing yourself stutter, you almost curse yourself for being so easily vulnerable.
Despite you calling out to him, Jay doesn't move an inch off of you, only moving nearer and in the heat of want and need, you do too. Quite frankly, now that he's so close, your senses fill with every bit of the boy. His cologne is the only thing you can smell, your bodies are practically pressed against each other, and with his face so close to you, he's the only thing you can see. The only thing missing is the taste of him then you'll be complete, the both of you will. And it seems like that's just what's about to happen because before you knew it, your surroundings seemed to move in slow motion, the only thing making sense is him as his nose touched yours, eyes begging for progress.聽
Satisfied with his silent plea, you bring your faces closer and let him get a taste of what it's like to be engulfed by you. Both yours and Jays eyes are now closed, lips awaiting to collide and when it does, an endless spray of fireworks seem to erupt. You kiss him light and gentle, afraid he'll regret his actions and pull away. But when he does, your heart melts, feeling joyous at his acceptance.聽
It's not only you who feels that way, but also Jay, maybe even more so. He's the one that fell in love with you first, thus, meaning he's waited the longest out of the both of you. He tried to keep his emotions at bay, but the beer in his system seemed to have other plans as what Jay thought would be an innocent night where the two of you can get to know each other now turned into a hot makeout session. Jay isn't complaining however, how can he when he thought this was only possible in his dreams?聽
When the plush feeling of your lips leave his, Jay craves for more and you happily dive back into him. This time, you kiss him harder just like he requested. The whine he lets out just fuels your sex drive even stronger and you're determined to ruin him.聽
The feeling of having you, kissing you, feels so surreal to the boy. It's like a dream and he's just waiting to wake up and feel reality crashing down on him and disappoint him. He can't help but compare it to the numerous wet dreams he's had of you, except this time, it's all real. You're really making out with him, you're really putting your tongue inside his mouth and he's letting you. The wet muscle of your tongue explores the space of Jays mouth as Jays hand possessively roams around your figure. His hands trail between the valley of your breasts to the curve of your hips and roots them there. The grip he has on you only gets tighter when you retract your tongue from his mouth to suck on his lips instead. His mouth hangs ajar, his loud moans spilling out uncontrollably, feeling your hips grinding up to rub on his boner.
"YN," He calls with his eyes closed, feeling breathless. You reply to him with an airy hum, hands caressing the wide of his chest under his shirt, nails barely grazing over his nipples before wrapping them around his waist so you can continue teasing him with your hips. "S鈥 ah, stop. I鈥 I might鈥"
"Might, what?" You ask, voice laced with ego while cocking an eyebrow up as you watch him struggle to form words knowing that you're the cause of it. "Baby can't speak now?" You pout, cooing at the quivering boy on top of you.
With the feeling of you tapping his cheek so affectionately, Jay groans in embarrassment. "You're the one getting worked up." He teases back in an attempt to collect the pieces of his pride that's chipped off, digging his knee into your clothed vagina, wanting to get a reaction out of you. He ends up moaning instead of you though, throwing his head back when he feels the mixture of your heat and wetness through the fabric of his pants which, by the way, he was just dying to take off. His teasing seems to be for nothing because you just lay there all pretty whilst agreeing to everything he says because you couldn't deny the fact that his words were all true. He is making you hot and bothered and there's no use in denying it.聽聽
Your confidence only makes Jay harder, now grunting at his failed attempt to fluster you. At this point, Jays pants are suffocating and he desperately wants to tear them off. He feels like he's getting blue balled and that has never happened to a hot boy like him. With you, Jay experiences all sorts of firsts; first crush, first love, first blue balls鈥 he could do with the last one, but in the end, he wouldn't trade the experience for anything in the world.聽
"YN, please." He begs, practically on the verge of tears as his cheeks blossom a deeper shade of red, both because of the heat your body exudes and your words. "Do something鈥 Oomf!"
Ignoring Jays pleas, you catch the boy by surprise by flipping the both of you over. Now, you're on top of him and he's below you, looking up, like how it should be. As Jay lies down with his arms bent at the same level of his head, you take your place and sit on top of his lap, feeling his erection pressing into your heat.
"There we go." You chuckle, looking down at the boy and leaning closer to his face. Thinking that you're going to kiss him, Jay leans up in expectation, only to chase your lips up when you pull away. Jay prepares himself for an endless night of teasing, now practically sober yet it feels like he's getting drunk again. It's just that this time, it's not because of the alcohol, but because of you. "Isn't this better, Jay?"
"It was better when I was on top of you." He says, snarkily.
"Ah," You sigh out, realizing what Jay's doing. "You aren't going to make it easy for yourself, are you, baby?"
"Yeah," He laughs, loving the way he's rilling you up. "Fuck you." Both Jays body and mind tries his hardest not to show a reaction when you had called him by his favorite pet name and he almost succeeds, but alas, Jays dick has different things in mind.聽
Feeling his dick twitch under you, you can't help but laugh at his pathetic attempt to mask his emotions. "Oh come on, baby. Don't act like a brat now." You coo, steadily grinding down onto his dick. "We both know you're just dying to please me."
With every motion of your hips grinding Jays boner, he can't help but choke on his own saliva, feeling his mind growing dizzy with every act. "YN鈥 Do something."
Both yours and Jays body crave to be touched, to be against each other and so, you do just what your bodies want. Leaning forward, you bring your lips to his. Initially, you had planned to tease him further with light feathery kisses but the thought soon flew out the window when Jay tried to make it dirtier by inserting his tongue inside your mouth. The innocent, teasing kiss soon turns into a hot and messy make out session as you gladly suck on the muscle of his tongue, soon falling in love with every sound that falls outside his lips.聽
Your hands make their way to Jays face, holding his face steady as you angle your face to the side in order to deepen the kiss. Jays eyes are closed, too occupied with kissing you that if he were to open them and see the mouth watering view of you on top of him, he'd just cum in his pants and that's the last thing Jay wants to do.聽
Brushing his bangs back, your fingers then thread onto the strands of his hair, tangling them before pulling his head back so you could have free access to his neck. Your mouth leaves his and he almost whines at the loss of contact before he cuts himself off when he feels you lick a thick stripe from the bottom of his neck to the edge of his jaw.聽
"You're such a whiny little thing, Jay." You comment, breath fanning his neck and effectively sending shivers down his spine. You don't give him a chance to reply before your mouth latches onto the skin of his neck, sucking and biting enough for it to give Jay the harsh feeling of pleasure but not enough to leave marks. The said boy releases a string of curses, mouth falling open as he doesn't doesn't bother to conceal the desperate moans in his chest. Your tongue licks at the bump of his adams apple before taking it in your mouth. When Jay gulps, his adams apple moves and you chase it, humming delightfully when you feel Jays fingers latching onto your shirt to get a grasp of reality. Effectively covering the cartilage with your saliva, you then move on to the line of Jay's jaw. You've been eyeing this specific part of his face for the longest time since you've met him. Whenever Jay would randomly pop up and decide to stick with you, you always take the chance to admire his jaw whenever he's looking away. You just know that if he ever catches you, then you're in for a life of endless teasing.聽 But now that he's here, willingly angling his head to the side to show off his stunning jaw to you, you can't help but greedily feast on it. There's not a chance in this world you'd pass up the opportunity to do whatever you wanted to him. And you do just that; you use your tongue to trace the sharp line of Jays jaw, peppering it with kisses from time to time. As you kiss him, Jays hands rake your scalp, trying to find something to hold onto as you cover him with your scent.
After all that's done, you take a look at the dishevelled man under you. His forehead is shining with a thin sheet of sweat, lips plump and swollen due to the endless amounts of kissing the both of you did, his chest rising and falling deeply with each breath he takes, and lastly, the hint of his abs peeking through his shirt is what sends you over the edge. Your mouth is watering, searching for something to do just to get a bigger reaction out of you and not to mention the fact that your wetness is practically seething through the thin layer of your jeans.聽
You want to fuck Park Jay so bad, you're willing to beg for it. Luckily, it's Jay who breaks first. With stray lines of tears falling from the corner of his eyes, Jay begs, "Please, YN. Fuck me, please, please." And that's all he had to say before you quickly took his pants off and threw them to the ground in a hurry, unafraid to show your own eagerness.
"Wait, shit. I forgot," Suddenly, your hands stop from pulling his boxers out. Feeling edged, Jay lets out a choked sob, followed by a loud whine. He looks at you expectantly, eyes begging for you to just forget whatever it is. "Condom, honey. Do you have one?"聽
A condom, a fucking condom. That's what's banning Jay from getting his noodle wet. He's about to throw a tantrum, it's going to be loud, childish, and annoying. You can just tell from the way his face consorts in disapproval that you're going to be dealing with a bigger brat if you don't give baby Jay what he wants. But at the end of the day, your point is valid, and as Jay rummages through his pockets in search of a condom, he fails to find any. You watch him as he leans to his side, looking through the drawers of the bedside table practically looking like a starved dog looking for food when he cries out and you can only take that as a sign that there isn't any here.
"None?" You watch him amused, a smile dancing across your face. Leaning close, you take his head and cradle him to your chest, attempting to console the boy.
"There's none!" He screams out, pouting as he digs his nose deeper into the crook of your neck. "YN~ My balls are hurting." He whines, kicking his legs behind you.
Acknowledging his pain, you pat the boys head before leaning away. "I'll go get one, yeah?" You ask.
Like an excited child, Jay hurriedly nods while watching you get up from his lap and standing in front of him at the foot of the bed. "Hurry hurry."
"Oh, don't sound so eager, Jay. You look like you're just begging for me to fuck you." You chuckle, hands resting on your hips.
"But I am, though." He finally admits. Jay bites his lip when he sees you coming closer before pecking him, telling him that you'll be quick and ordering him not to move.
You don't even get ten steps away from the room before you see Yunjin leaning against the wall with her hands crossed in front of her chest. She turns to you, giving you a once over. "Oh, it's you." She says before scoffing. "I didn't think Jay would be able to win this year because of you, but I guess that man's just has his ways, huh?"
Like a million pound truck sending you flying aback, or like a bucket of ice cold water being poured onto you, you're frozen, unable to move as reality comes crashing down onto you. Your heart beat stops and for a moment, you thought it would stay that way forever before she speaks again. "Oh?" She asks with interest, a smirk playing across her lips as she tilts her head to the side in order to provoke you. "Did you really think Jay, the Park Jay, wanted to fuck you because he loved you? Did little miss artsy YN fall in love?"
Blood rushes through you and you can feel your knuckles itching for contact. Yunjins face looks so punchable right now and you just want to ever so lightly tap it. How can you be so stupid to forget? To think that all the teasing, all the pick-up lines, and all the moments you shared together were just part of his stupid plan to get you. Now, It all makes sense; Him suddenly growing interested in you and him acting like you're the most pretty thing in this crude world.聽 In the end, it was all for show. And you knew it. From the beginning, you had already suspected that he was only getting close to you because you were apart of his fuck list. But can you blame her? The adoration she felt with him was so addicting it felt real. Maybe, that's how Jay worked. Maybe, that's the effect he has on people. You knew from the start that Jay was the type of guy to get whatever he wanted and yet, you were stupid enough to forget it all because you fell in love with him.
Why does loving someone always come with a catch? You guessed that this is why it hurts so much, because love is sinful and unforgiving. Just when you were ready to let him inside your bubble, thinking that he'd take care and cherish it with you, but instead, he popped it with little to no care.聽
"You know, I didn't think you were going to be that easy to get, YN. But I guess I was wrong about you." She comments without you asking. "You're just a little two faced nerd looking for attention."
If you weren't coursing with anger before then you are now. Eventually, your knuckles turn a baffling shade of white due to the amount of strength you're putting on it and just when you were about to leave and head to your car, Yunjin breathes and that's all it took for your fist to collide with her jaw.聽
Despite the booming sound of music through the speakers, the crackling sound of her jaw breaking still finds its way to tear through the tensed air. Yunjin doubles back, palm cupping her jaw as she looks at you with shock and bafflement. You can feel her hatred for you bubbling up, but you don't care. You leave her there despite her enraged calls for you to come back and fight her again, to show the world who you truly are, but you tuck her voice at the back of your mind as you make your way down the stairs and out of the god forsaken mansion.
You're enraged with hatred and disgust, both for the boy and Yunjin. The more you think of it, the more you realize that you should've thanked her actually, because of her, you've finally come to your senses. If it weren't for her, there's a possibility you would've given in to his plan and lost all sense of your pride. Making a mental note to apologise to her soon, you speed up your car, trying to erase all the memories you have of the boy in your mind.
Too caught up in your own feelings, you don't realize that you've left Jay there in the guest room by himself, waiting for you to return. And he would've waited even longer if Yunjin hadn't staggered inside and told him that you left.
"Wh鈥 Huh?" Jay asks, still surprised to see the girl inside the same room you two had made out in and promised to have sex. "Did something happen? Is she hurt?" Jay rushes to button up his pants as he stands up from the bed, ready to look for you in case you really were in trouble.
"No," Yunjin says, sliding down the wall and planting herself on the carpeted floor. "She already knows, Jay. You don't need to pretend you like her anymore." She chuckles.
Jay looks at her with question marks practically floating above his head, wondering what the hell she was talking about. In fact, Jay doesn't doesn't know who this girl is. When Yunjin sees this, she carries on to remind him.聽 "The game, Jay."
That's when it finally hits him. You think that he's doing all this because of the game. Jay immediately goes into panic, mind creating alarming scenarios of you leaving him forever. He thinks he fucked it all up even though the game was the last thing on his mind at this point. He can't let you think that's why he's doing this, he can't let you think that he isn't ready to do everything for you. He needs to confess and that's what he plans on doing.
Noticing the panic in Jays eyes, Yunjin finally realizes that this wasn't his objective, that this isn't what the boy wanted. Slowly, it dawns on her that the boy isn't doing this because of the game anymore. It's evident in the way he rushes to find his phone, feet jittering as he hurriedly taps on his phone to dial your number and when you don't answer, tears start spilling from Jays eyes.
"You love her," She asks, eyes concentrated on him as she too, is in shock. "Don't you?"
Looking blankly at your contact number on his phone screen, he answers, "Yeah," He gulps, mouth catching his lips, trying to conceal his whimpers. "I do."
A whole three hours have passed since you left Jay alone in Jakes mansion and the boy has never felt this depressed in his life. He had tried calling you a staggering total of 163 times, left messages asking to talk and yet, none was answered.聽
My muse: YN, please answer. Let me explain.
My muse: YN, I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I never wanted to hurt you. I never intended to make a fool out of you.
My muse: I need you, YN. Don't leave me, please.
My muse: Are you safe at least? Did you get home safely? I'm not sure if you brought your car so if you need me to bring you home just call me or send a message, anything's fine.
He was on the verge of stopping by every house in the city just to find you when Heeseung told him to go home and rest. The boys had been trying to comfort Jay for hours now, but nothing had seemed to work. Not being able to cope with the sadness mixed with the flashbacks of your rendezvous, Jay accepts his friends suggestion, going back to his own house where he can rest peacefully鈥 or so he thought.
All this while, Jay had been absentmindedly carrying your jacket around like a lost puppy, the one you left in Jakes guest room. It's the one thing he has of you at the moment and he can't help but grip on to it like his life depended on this sole object.
He sighs as he plops down onto his bed, both feeling spent and exhausted. Jay wanted to sleep, he really did, but how could he when the memories of your night together flashes in his mind on repeat. Not to mention how your jacket sits there on his bed, tempting him to sin.
It's sad, he knows. The memories of you becoming too extreme and plus, he's too miserable. How did a night so perfect become this disastrous?
Tonight, Jay was about to confess his undying adoration and maybe, you were going to do the same too. But it was all ruined because of something so trivial. Yet, how can he blame you? If he found out you only looked at him because of a game, he would walk out too, maybe even do something even worse.聽
But that's not the case for Jay. There's not a single hint of doubt in his body that he loves you. But then again, you didn't know that. If only he had just confessed to you sooner, then maybe, this could've all been prevented and because of his actions, he lost you. So, for now, as he spends the night wide awake, Jay tortures himself as his mind dive into the memories of both you and him, to the times you spent together doing something as simple as sitting next to each other and to the ones where he almost made love to you.
His mind drowns in all the possibilities; of you under him, on top of him, beside him. It's all making Jays mind fuzzier. The line between imagination and reality blurring as his erotic fantasies intensify. Forgive him. He knows it's not the time to be feeling this way, but what else can he do when you left him in the middle of the night, hard and horny. He's already cried his heart out, maybe now is the time to temporarily mend it.
Yeah, let's just patch it up with tape for now.
Jay is boisterous and never easily flustered when it came to topics like sex. If so, then why is he shaking?
His hands continue to trail around his stomach, thinking that it'd be an image you'll be impressed in. Jay takes pride in his physique because after all, he's trained ruthlessly for over three years just to get this kind of body. So, of course, he's going to want you to put at least some attention to it.
Eyeing the grip he has on your jacket, Jay debates whether or not to do it before finally saying fuck it. In a desperate attempt to keep his emotions at bay, Jay covers his face with the fabric of your jacket. The cloth is covered in your scent and it's intoxicating to him as only a few moments ago, you were the only thing in this world that he could feel, taste, hear, and smell. It's a simple perfume and it doesn't suffocate his nostrils when he inhales it.
As he does, the scent of you fills his systems and he's yet again reminded of the things that happened in Jakes guest room. He wonders what else you would've done if the two of you went further. Thinking like you're doing it to him, Jay begins by trailing his hand up to rest on top of his abs, caressing and tracing the soft skin. His breath hitches as he inhaled, getting another strong whiff of your scent coated on the jacket. "YN," He sighs.
Eventually, the light caresses he's making are just not enough anymore. He wants something stronger, something to distract him from his sorrows. Wanting to do so, Jay grazes his fingers on top of his nipples, stimulating them as he breathes in once more, nostrils filling with your scent before pulling the jacket off his face. His brows are furrowed, feeling the way his mouth waters at the actions he had been planning to do. Jay releases a small whimper when he finally moves tug on his nipples, imagining it's you doing it to him. Jay has never touched his nipples while misturbating before and he'd never once thought of doing it. Not until he got a taste of you.聽
Wanting to get a better simulation of your wet lips on his body, he takes his fingers in his mouth and coats them with a thick layer of his own saliva before using it to pinch his nipples, tweaking the bud in his own fingers. It's only then does Jay notice the red colored tint that managed to mix with his saliva. It's the remnants of your lipstick that got smudged onto his mouth. This time, the boy releases a loud and drawn out moan, the scenario feeling all too real for his rotting brain.
"YN," He moans. "I l-love you." He chokes out the confession in between pants.聽
As time goes on, Jays pants start to suffocate him, his bones getting harder the more he plays with himself as the various different scenarios on top of him on top of you plague his mind.聽
The only position Jay could imagine the both of you in right now is you on top, taming and punishing him like the brat he is. He applauds himself for coming up with such a logical scenario. It's the only one that makes sense.
Bunching up your jacket into a small ball, Jay presses the fabric onto the bulge of his pants, imagining it as your cunt instead. He shuts his eyes close, head throwing back at the slightest stimulation. Jay flexes his jaw when he grinds his hips upwards into the fabric as he holds it in place. He feels ashamed of his actions. It's something he thinks a sane person won't do, but at the end of the day, is Jay still right in the head?
But it'll have to do for now. While he doesn't have you in his arms, he's going to have to make do with what he has.
He's not. It's clear in the way he hurriedly plies his pants off that he's not able to think clearly anymore. He wants you to ride him, wants to feel himself deep inside your pussy. But he can't because he's a stupid fucking piece of shit that can't get his priorities straight. Maybe if he had just remembered to tell you about how the game is fucked and that he doesn't care about it, then maybe, it would have been you on top of him right now instead of this makeshift pocket pussy.
With his goal in mind, Jay wraps the whole of your jacket around his dick. His hands hold the fabric in place, suffocating his dick with your scent as his hands start to guide it up and down. Endless rays of moans, whimpers, and groans spill out of Jays mouth, the sound of your jacket rubbing on his dick making his mind grow crazier. Like a broken record, Jay chants your name over and over as he continues to jack off.
That's how Jays night went. Despite the pleasure he received from his high, Jay was still depressed and sad. Now, however, it's mixed with a sense of shame and guilt, both at the fact that despite losing you, his mind still managed to come up with dirty scenarios of you together and because he soiled your jacket with his cum.聽
It's no worries though, he can just get it dry cleaned before giving it back to you. Shame your scent won't be on it anymore, but maybe it's for the best since his mind might make up erotic fantasies of the both of you again.
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"Alright, ladies! Come over here." Heeseung calls and tuts for his team to come closer. He continues once all of his members are gathered around him. "Coach is out today. Something about getting his balls cut off." He informs, voice monotone with disinterest as his eyes never once leave the clipboard he's holding.
"As per his majesty's request, we're going to be doing 30 laps around the field today鈥" His words get cut off with a series of protests and groans coming from his own team. "Don't make me up to 60."
"3 reps of 200 Bench presses, 150 military presses, 150 squats. After that we're going to do deadlifts. Coach said Sunoo and Jungwon need to gain more muscle. So鈥" Heeseung continues to list on, reading the exercise routine their Coach provided for them while he's away.
Listening from the back, Jay eventually tunes out Heeseungs voice once he moves on to personal exercises. Instead, he diverts his attention towards the bleachers where multiple girls begin occupying the seats as per usual. It's normal for their fan girls to begin occupying the seats once classes are over, wanting to catch a glimpse of one of them naked and sweaty. Jay doesn't mind the attention, however. What he does mind is how he still can't seem to find you anywhere. The boy has been searching for you for a whole day now. The two of you had literature class today and he was going to take that chance to talk and explain himself to you. But when he stepped into class, you were nowhere to be seen. You blonde little friend wasn't there either so it wasn't like he could ask her for your whereabouts. He could only pray that the two of you just decided to ditch literature class today as there's a dark corner in his mind that thinks you might have transferred to a different class, or maybe even a different school. But he knows better than to think that, especially when he finally saw the said blonde there, sitting on one of the bleachers. To Jays dismay though, there was no trace of you.
Ignoring Heeseung's call and his teammates' wandering glances, he joggs over to where your friend sat. She lets out a surprised yelp, quickly composing herself when she sees the man standing in front of her so suddenly out of nowhere.
"Hey," Jay casually greets her and then asks, "Liz, right?"
"Yes鈥" She drags, tilting her head to the side, eyes shifting back and forth between Jay and everywhere else as she begins to feel flustered under his intimidating aura.
"Do you know where YN is?"
An excited squeal escapes Liz's lips, struggling to contain her excitement when the question leaves Jays mouth. Liz is an innocent little thing and an oblivious one at that. No doubt, she's a friend you can come to when you're in need of a shoulder to cry on or a body to seek comfort in, but you can never lean on Liz when it comes to topics like relationships. In the best way possible, Liz is an airhead dreamer. Liz always looks as if she's in a different world, a world filled with her likes. She's tooth achingly nice and almost as pure as milk. There's not a bad bone in the girls body and that's why you love her to bits. Sure, there are times when she breaks character, but mostly, that's because she senses trouble in people. It's like the time when Yunjin dissed you and Liz fired back with her own reply. She's different and you can only curse her mother for letting her watch Harry Potter's Luna Lovegood on repeat as a child as there's no doubt in your mind that that was the reason for Liz's behaviour. But, nevertheless, you love the girl to death.聽
That's the reason why Liz is still fond of Jay. When her dear friend came to her that night to cry her heart out, she comforted the girl in her arms, hushing her and telling her that everything was alright despite not knowing the horrors she just experienced.聽
Liz didn't know what happened and if she asked, she knew you wouldn't tell her. So, she sticks to consoling you despite whatever events took place, oblivious to the fact that the man standing in front of her was the cause of it all. Maybe, not telling Liz was a mistake. Maybe, you should've tried using everything in your power to make her understand that this world isn't full of butterflies and roses. Instead, you should teach her the truth, that this world is unforgiving, so many worshipped God's and yet none of them take pity on you. But, despite what you think, you just can't taint her. Let her think that the world is wonderful, that everyone has kindness in their hearts. You'll carry all the burden just so she could stay happy.
"She's in the art room!" Liz eagerly replies, smiling crazily at the boy as the thought of Jay and you together still plague her mind. She's still convinced that you and Jay are meant together. Knowing Liz, she'll do whatever it takes if she thinks it'll make you happy and right now, she thinks that bringing Jay to you will help her achieve her dream. "You should go now. The art room is usually empty around this hour, so YN is the only one there." She ushers.
Smiling appreciably, Jay nods and thanks her gratefully. Jay doesn't question why YNs supposed best friend sells him the information so easily. Aren't best friends supposed to hate the guys who made their friends cry? Oh god, Jay didn't even think about it before, but he could've made you cry. The thought just makes Jays heart ache even harder and the feeling of self disgust seeps back in his system again. Nonetheless, he's grateful that Liz is giving him the chance to make it up and explain himself to you. He's determined to do so and if things go better than planned, he might come back to your good graces.
Before making his way towards the art room, he makes a detour and heads towards his locker. There, hang the same jacket you wore the night he was about to love you deeper and the same night where he had unintentionally broken your heart.聽
Securing the jacket in his hands, he catches a whiff of your scent on it and he can't help but bury his face in it, savouring and trying to imprint your scent into his brain. The possibility of losing you is great. If you decide that you don't want Jay anymore, he'll at least have your scent to carry him out through his life. Stray tears leave his eyes at the thought, heart wrenching as it struggles to handle such a sorrowful thought. He's praying to every God above and below for some sort of miracle, for him to be forgiven. He swears with his life that if some supernatural phenomenon does happen and you end up loving him, Jay's not going to mess around anymore. He's going to be yours to own solely. He's going to turn his life around for the good. Fuck that wretched game. Fuck winning. He doesn't care about any of it at all. If he's being honest, even if you don't take him back, he's never going to participate in playing that silly game ever again. There's not a chance in this world he's ever going to get over you and there's an even bigger chance that he's never going to have sex with anyone else other than you. Abstinence is fine, he doesn't care. He knows he's not going to get you back with that, but he's trying to make a statement here, people. And plus, he has to start somewhere, right?
Peeking inside through the small gap he made on the door, he finds you sitting in front of a canvas with your back turned to him. Just like what Liz said, there was no other occupant in the room, but you.聽
With your back turned to him, he's able to see what you're painting on your canvas. It's a picture of what seems to be a field of green. A huge tree is painted on the side of the canvas while two figures of a couple seem to be sitting down on a blanket. He stares at your canvas in awe, amazed at how something so breathtaking can come out using only someone's mere hands. His eyes are entranced, unable to look away as you stroke your brush on the canvas with so much confidence, unnerved of the possibility of making any sort of mistake. But, even if you were to ever make a wrong stroke, he's already sure that with the way your hands move so freely on the canvas, you can make even the ugliest of things attractive.
"If you're going to keep staring at me like that then just come in. You aren't really doing a subtle job at stalking me." Your voice catches Jay off guard. It makes him stumble on his own feet, falling down on his butt on the ground, slamming the door back on the wall with him along the way. Jay's cheeks flare up as once again, he has embarrassed himself in front of you.聽
"S-Sorry." He stutters out, feeling flustered now that he's in your presence. Everything he's planned to tell you dissipates and it feels like he's choking. Your tone is vicious and it's clear to Jay that you're angry at him. He has to compose himself fast so he can't anger you any more by wasting your time.聽 Taking a deep breath, Jay breathes in and out, trying to tame his heart. It proves to be harder than expected however when he locks eyes with you, brows furrowed and lips pressed in a thin line.
"Why're you here?" You ask in a tone so cold and monotone that Jay almost whimpers. It's been a while since you've used such a way of speaking with him. The last instance he could remember was when you had met for the first time. But even back then, your tone was welcoming to Jay in a sense that he could tease you.聽
This time, however, it's serious and you're angry. There's no room to joke, no room to tease and Jay feels like he's going to suffocate. He's never been this nervous to be around you. It's always him being comfortable, teasing, and messing around while you react to his jokes. This is too harsh for the poor boys heart and he just wants to be forgiven already.
"I鈥 I came here鈥 to鈥 to鈥" He's mustering up the courage to speak, but it's hard when your stare is so intimidating.
You cut him off before he could stutter even more. "To, what? Don't waste my time, Jay." You say, harshly. "I don't want to see you right now so get to the point."
"Y-Your jacket!" He says, feeling a thin streak of sweat running down his temple as he utters out the first thing that comes to mind. "You left your jacket at Jakes house. Here." The boy murmurs before shuffling closer to you to pull out the said jacket you had left.
Looking at Jay blankly as if feeling dumbfounded, you then stare back and forth between him and his outstretched arm before taking the jacket from him slowly. At first, his grip on the jacket makes it seem like he doesn't want to hand it over to you. It's when you quirk an eyebrow up to question him does his grip relent, letting you take the jacket. "Thanks鈥"
You should be angrier, colder, you say to yourself. That was the initial plan; to live on the rest of your life ignoring Jay so you could forget about the love you have for him. But why is it that when the time came to execute your plan, you backed out? After what he did, your feelings should've been gone and yet, why do you feel such an immense sense of longing whenever you look at him and he's not by your side. It's impossible to ignore the boy, and it's even harder to do so when your heart yearns for his presence. It's suffocating having to be without him. You feel as if you were ripped in half, broken and can only be fixed by one person.
You wanted to be logical, you wanted to hear him out because maybe, just maybe, he actually cared for you. If he did and you didn't hear him out now, then you would've lived the rest of your life filled with sorrow and dread. You wait for him, watching him as he fumbles with the buttons of his school blazer.聽
"Do you need anything else?" You know your tone is harsh, but you can't help it. You want to show him that you're mad, that you want an explanation, but you can't beg. No, you just can't. So, instead, you give him the decision to flip the coin whether or not he's going to explain himself. You just want one thing to come out of his mouth besides the word sorry. Just one thing. You need to know if he's true, if what the both of you had was real, because if you don't, you're going to go crazy. Love makes you crazy and it's ruthless, but for Jay, you won't hesitate to dive back in and eperience its horrors.
"I鈥 I wanted to say sorry. It was never my intention to hurt you, YN." He says as a few moments pass with the both of you just staring at each other, savoring your possible last moments together if either of you makes the decision to reject the other. Jay needed to get his act together and tell you how he feels. He wants you and he's fighting to fight for it. "I just wanna say that鈥 that I'm in love with you. I really do. And before you say anything, can you please let me explain myself?" He begs, eyes filled with desperation.
Silently, you nod, letting him let out the words he wants to say as you try to process his words. He loves you. The one phrase you wanted to hear from him, it's there, he just said it to you. All this time worrying about whether or not he actually loved you was all just for nothing. Deep inside, your heart feels alive and joyful. It may sound stupid, but with those simple words, you already feel like it's worth forgiving him.
Watching Jay exhale almost made you want to giggle. But of course, wanting to intimidate the boy, you refrain from doing so.聽
"I love you, okay? A-And it's okay if you don't like me back. I mean, it鈥 it isn't okay, but I would respect it." He stutters, cursing his awkward nature for coming out while he's in such a situation. "I just鈥 My feelings for you, they were all real. Please believe me because I really do love you. My heart, I-It's never done this before, but whenever I think of you, it just starts hurting and it only stops when I'm finally next to you. I guess, in a way, you kinda鈥 uhm, complete me." Feeling shy, he mutters the last part, debating whether or not it was too cheesy to say or not, but he ended up saying it either way because of nervousness.聽
When he looks back at you to see your reaction, you only nod. Taking that as a sign that you're permitting him to continue, he does. "A-And about the game. The game鈥 I'll be honest with you, I completely forgot about it. I promise, I never intended to take pictures of you that night. Honestly, just鈥 just fuck the game, in general! Will you be my girlfriend, instead?" Jays mouth acts before he could stop himself from unintentionally spilling the words out.
Hear me out, it's not like Jay doesn't want you to be his girlfriend, he just doesn't think now is a good time to ask. Since you haven't said anything, you're still technically mad at him. He just couldn't help but feel carried away as he poured his heart out and of course, his heart also wanted to ask the very question he thought should come in last.聽
Jay slaps his mouth shut as he's struck with bafflement. "I鈥 I'm so sorry, YN! Ididn'tmeantoaskyouthatallofasudden. Iknowarelationshipisthelastthingyouwantfrommeanditotallyunderstanditifyoureiectme!" He stammers all in one breath in an attempt to redeem himself.
Thinking he had completely fucked up his chances, Jay takes buries his face in his hands, too ashamed to look at you. Perhaps, if he looked up, he would've seen the amused smile on your face as you watch the boy cringe at himself. He continues to drown himself in embarrassment, chanting an endless degree of apologies as you sit there. Eventually, you start to giggle as you watch him. The euphoric noise pulls Jay out of his self-humiliation, now looking at you with incredulity as he watches you continue to burst into a fit of giggles. Throwing your head back as you clutch your stomach while wiping the non existent tears in your eyes, eventually making Jay realise that you aren't mad at him anymore.
Still though, he looks at you warily, wondering if this is a trap and that you're actually about to yell at him. He waits for a scream to tell him to leave, but nothing comes. "YN?" He asks you when you've calmed down.
"Oh, Jay." You manage to say in between deep breaths as you try to compose yourself. "You're just the cutest thing ever."
"I.. Wh鈥" He stumbles on his words, unsure of what to say nor what's happening. "Huh?"
He's just too cute! Ugh, you just want to squish his cheeks together. It's as if all the anger in your body has dissipated with those simple words of affirmation. Honestly, it might seem like you're letting him get off the hook so easily, but what can you do? The boy has you wrapped around his fingers.
Smiling, you open your arms for Jay, spreading your legs in the process so he can step closer to you. When he does, you take him in your arms in a huge hug. Jays body grows stiff, the situation still feeling odd to him. It was that easy? He was so ready to drop down his knees in front of you and start begging for you to take him back, to call himself worthless, to tell you that he's really really changed and that if you didn't believe him, he'll try his hardest to prove himself worthy of your affection.
"I鈥" He trails off, unable to form words as he stands with your arms wrapped around the span of his thighs while your head rested on top of his toned stomach. "You really don't hate me?"
Chuckling against his stomach, you nod, head rubbing on his skin before you tighten your arms around him as if to prove that you were serious. You can feel the boys sincerity through his words; how honest and true his feelings are. Although your wall has already been slowly chipping down, now, you let it fall completely. Your guard is no more and you've willingly pulled it down for only Jay to enter.
This time, you're dedicated not to make anymore accusations. You believed in Yunjin too quickly, and that was your fault. You put yours and Jays relationship at risk, and that was also your fault. Even though you've made so many mistakes, Jay is still at your front door, knocking and asking if he could enter. Despite hurting him, he's still begging for you to take him back. In a way, you feel bad for Jay. There's a part of you that thinks that because you've hurt him so much, you shouldn't have the privilege of being with him anymore. But Jay only wants you; your love, your touch, and your kisses. He doesn't want anyone else and he's willing to take the pain that comes with loving you because after all, what's love without a little pain? Jay's a masochist after all.
"I hope you know I'm not going to continue playing your little game, Jay." You say as you pull away to get a good look at him.
"I wasn't going to ask you to play the game in the first place." He replies, confidence slowly building up as the hope for a romantic relationship with you bubbles. "But if you want, you can just play with me instead."聽
Taking a bold move, Jay leans his face downwards, closer to yours. Jay eyes the way you bite your lips while your own locks onto the attractive cut in the middle of his bottom lip. You want to lick it, to kiss it again, but you hold yourself back, wanting to tease the boy more.
At his offer, fire spreads through your eyes like wildfire and it doesn't help the fact that he's so close to you as you try to contain yourself from jumping him. Jay looks so hot when he's confident, when he's cocky. You remember a time where you used to hate this look on him and his other peers, but look at you now. With Jays classic smirk on his lips, it sets your mind into a frenzy and you're on the verge of losing all your self control. It's only a matter of time until you break, but you hope to god Jay crumbles first, for the sake of your pride.聽
You can see the determination in Jays eyes and it only makes you swell with pride how eager the boy is to have you. With that being said, you wonder and ask him with a teasing tone. "Are you normally this shameless Jay?"
"Shameless?" He asks in such an innocent manner you almost forget how close he is to you without your permission. "I'm only like this towards you." He says, smiling cheekily.
"Ah," You let out, nodding your head before telling it to the side. Smirking, "You don't let girls go down on you normally, hm?"
"No," He answers, eyes trained to you and voice sounding far off and breathless as if in a trance. "Only you."
That's it. That was the last straw and now, your resolve is completely broken. The initial plan to keep things PG is thrown out the window. Now, you just want to have him, kiss him, lick him, break him.
Just like how he's so in control whenever he's in the field, you're going to play with him whichever way you want.
With the way Jays eyes look, you can tell he wants to close the gap and bring himself closer to you, however, before he could, your hand squishes both his cheeks as you hold him in place. Dejected, Jay whines and his mouth forms into a pout. His eyes plead for you to let him near and you're certainly not blind blind the way his eyes yearn pleadingly while looking at the smirk coating your lips, silently begging for you to let him kiss you. Jay's used to getting what he wants, and he wants you. You're willing to give him what he wants of course, but not without teasing him first.
"Aw," You coo, hands brushing his hair back before using your nails to scratch behind his ear, like a cat. "Is my kitty that needy?"
Having been caught so easily, he blushes at your question, wanting to look away in embarrassment, but your gripping on his cheeks are hindering him from doing so. Then, he whines, both from the restriction and the nickname you gave him. "Answer me first, please." He meekly says, voice sounding small.
"Answer what, kitty?"
Jay blushes even harder, whining as he knows damn well you're aware of what question he's talking about. "Be my鈥" He starts, but his voice falters afterwards when he catches you staring at him with a teasing smirk on your face.
Biting your lips to conceal your laughter, you continue to mock him, loving the flustered look on someone so boisterous like Jay. "Be your, what?"
"Fuck," He mutters when you decide to take your teasing one step farther by standing up and wrapping your arms around the small of Jays waist, pulling his body close to you to the point where your noises touch. "Will you鈥 be鈥 my girlfriend?"
"There you go, baby." You say in a childish tone, applauding Jay for finally being able to mutter the question. Hearing another pet name come out of you makes Jay even shier than he was before, head now burying into your neck as he tries to conceal his feverous blush. "But, yes, Jay. I'll gladly be your girlfriend."
Fireworks erupt in Jays stomach, now feeling even bubblier as you accept him as your boyfriend. Unable to contain his happiness, Jay buries his head deeper into your neck while his buff arms wrap around your thighs so he can lift you up and spin you around. Both yours and Jays laughter fill the vacant room, uncaring whether or not someone in the halls might hear. They'll think the two of you are crazy, but you don't care. All you care about is the happiness of finally being complete and whole.
"Can I kiss you now?" Jay asks all too quickly as he carefully sets you down.
Laughing at your boyfriends eagerness, you nod, letting Jay capture your lips in his.
The kiss is innocent and light, but most importantly, it's perfect. It's not your first time kissing Jay, yet, there's something different about this time. Maybe, it's because now, neither of you are intoxicated. Maybe, because now, the two of you have shown your love for each other. Neither Jay nor can you suppress your joyous smiles as the both of you continue to kiss each other despite your teeth hitting from time to time.聽
You hold Jays head still so you could properly kiss him and this time, you don't hesitate to kiss him harder in order to show how much passion and care you have for the boy. Of course, Jay immediately responds. It's like his second nature now. If you kiss him, his body automatically responds even before his brain can process what's happening.
Jay tilts his head to the side, deepening your kiss and letting out a muffled moan when you slide your tongue past his mouth. For the second time, he lets you explore every crevice of his mouth, tangling his tongue with yours from time to time. You hum into the kiss when you feel Jays hands slide down to cup your ass. If it were any other day, you would've slapped Jays hand away while you scolded him, telling him how bold he's getting without your permission. But for now, you let him enjoy himself, let him explore and caress every part of your body. It's like he's trying to familiarise himself with his new property and like any other new owner, he wants to see everything bare and naked.
When you bite down hard on his lip, Jay whimpers, hand clutching your shirt as he looks at you with a gaze that tells you he wants something. Releasing the skin with one final nibble, he talks, "Let me fuck you."聽
Jay should've seen it coming. He knows you're a tease, and that you'd never let him take the easy way in life. When you chuckle at his request, he knows he's in for the time of his life. "No."
"No?" He asks, unsure whether you really won't let him do anything despite showing the same amount of eagerness.
You hum, nodding. "No."
"Uhm, then鈥" He asks, shifting his weight between his legs awkwardly.
"I have something else planned for you." You tell him, a mischievous grin set on your face as your hand traces his shoulder in an attempt to help soothe his abnormally quick heartbeat "Be my muse again."
Dumbfounded, Jay looks at you with furrowed brows wondering why you so suddenly asked to paint him out of nowhere. But despite that, Jay agrees because at the end of the day, he'll do whatever you ask of him.
Seeing him nod, you bite your lips before giving his lips a quick peck. You guide him to sit on a chair a few inches in front of your easel. Placing yourself in between his legs, you ruffle Jays hair in a way that makes him look sweet and edible. you don't let a single hair go untouched as you hands rake his scalp and Jay only sighs in delight as he lets you do whatever you want to him and his body.
Finally deciding that you're done, you take a step back to admire the image of Jay that you've created; hair tousled like the two of you had been making out for hours, lips slightly swollen, and eyes looking at you wide and expecting.聽
You let out a hum in approval as Jay watches you saunter back to stand in front of your canvas. "Take your shirt off." You instruct while your eyes stay occupied with picking the colors you want to use for your portrait.
When you're finally able to draw out your palette, you look at Jay. You raise an eyebrow at him, ignoring the shocked look on his face as his shirt still clings onto his body. Realising that he hadn't misheard you, he quickly shuffles to take his shirt off, letting it fall gently onto the floor close to where he sat. He looks at you expectantly, wondering if there's anything else you'd like for him to do.聽
You let out a hum as you ponder, chin resting on your palms while you tap your feet on the hard ground. "Take your pants off too."
Now, Jay has an idea of what you want to do and he's just as excited as you are. So, after quickly kicking his pants off, he stays on alert for your next instructions.聽
"Oh, Jay." You dreamily sigh, looking at your boyfriend as if he was your prey. "You look so good right now. I can just eat you out."
The fog in Jays mind is moving quicker than usual as now, It's actually you talking to him and not just his imagination creating scenarios for him. The way you talk to him is making him go crazy and he can feel his dick in his pants rapidly hardening despite you not touching him.聽
"Shit, YN. Do something." He tells you while his body looks for your touch.聽
When he looks at you with strong eyes, you only laugh at him. "Be good, baby. Don't wanna ruin my portrait, don't you?"
"Fuck the portrait. I wanna fuck you." He curses, voice strong and demanding, both traits you aren't seeking as of the moment.
You click your tongue at how disobedient Jay is, rolling your eyes as you warn him that if does something he isn't told to, he's going to get punished.聽
It's clear that Jay wants to challenge you when he shakes in his seat out of unruliness. It seems as if Jay doesn't believe your warnings, doesn't believe that you'll really punish him if he misbehaves. So, just to prove to him that your words are true and not empty threats, you walk up to Jay and yank his boxers down. Now, Jays dick is exposed to your stare and the cold air, both making Jays dick harder. Initially, you had planned to take things easy and paint Jay while he's naked. But now that he's shown you his lack of respect, you're going to kick things up a notch by torturing him. It's a shame you didn't bring a vibrator with you, you could've used it on your brat, but no matter, you have other things planned that'll surely help you tame him.
Taking his dick in your hands, you let a thick glob of your saliva drop down onto his tip, spreading your lubricant around his dick while you jack him off. Jay immediately reacts by bucking his hips into your hand, choking out a surprised moan as he didn't expect for you to touch him so boldly. Despite you clicking your tongue at his actions, you love to see Jay getting desperate. Although your mouth drools at the sight of him fucking your hand while you jack him off, you hold his hips down, planting them on top of the seat as you continue to work on hardening his dick.
"Y-YN." He stutters, voice calling out to you as he closes his eyes and throws his head back in pleasure. "Keep鈥 going."
Loving the reaction Jay's giving you, you gladly fasten the pace of your hand, seeking more of the noises he lets out. "That's it, kitty. Be a good boy and moan for me."
Now, Jay's panting, trying to catch his breath. Opening his eyes, he peeks a glance at you from between his spread legs, only to curse himself off for being so stupid as when Jay thought he could last atleast a few minutes before he blows, it's now cut to mere seconds, the image of you eyeing hisnfick with hunger making him too horny. "Stop! YN, please. Don't wanna鈥 so soon鈥"
Hearing his cries, you slow your pace down a bit, grin only widening when you realise how quickly he's getting worked up. You let him recollect himself for a second before resuming back to work. This time, you press the palm of your hand on the tip of his dick. His head is leaking so much precum, it looks like it could amount to the same as your saliva. You collect him precum in your palm before going back down to the base of his dick. Jay lets out a strangled sob, the pleasure you're giving him feeling too good and despite his attempts to quiet himself down, he's just unable to when you're moving like you know every tick he has. The veins on Jays dick start to come out and it catches your attention so, you take your index finger and trace every vein on his dick with wonder.聽
It's not that long before Jays orgasm starts building up, and this time he makes it a point to tell you without the intention of stopping. Jay places himself on the edge of his seat, orgasming approaching the faster you jack him off. You focus on his head, taking the head in your fist and circling your wrist. Jays orgasm is right around the corner and before he could reach it, you pull away, leaving him to choke on air while his orgasm dissipates.
You look at Jay with humorous eyes, tongue coming out to lick your lips at the image of him panting heavily with his back leaned onto the chair. When he finally opens his eyes, they're completely drunk. "You're so mean." He pouts, still hung over his ruined orgasm.
"I told you to be good." You remind him. "Now, keep touching yourself while I paint you." You command, tossing his dick on his stomach before leaving him to go back and stand in front of your easel. Noticing the mess on your hand, you smirk before quickly locking eyes with Jay, taking your fingers in your mouth to suck and clean them off as you lick the palms of your fingers. Through that, you got a small whiff of his taste, mouth now watering as you feel your patience running low.
Jay looks at you speechless yet again as you never seem to fail to surprise him. He whines, trying to persuade you to come do it to him instead and give up on the painting, but all you do is shut him up, telling him that if he doesn't do as he's told, he's never going to cum.
Finally acknowledging your threat, Jay nods his head disappointedly. The boy takes his dick in his hand, finally getting to feel how hard he's gotten and it's painful having to endure more of it. He'll never admit it, but he loves this side of you, loves it when you over power him and boss him around. He'll try to hide his liking for it by misbehaving or by talking back as he knows he'll never hear the end of it if you find out.
"Go on, big boy. Show me how pretty you are."
And with that, Jay immediately gets to work. Starting off by using the remnants of your spit on his dick, he starts gliding his hand up and down in a slow manner, trying to build up the stimulation so he doesn't get overwhelmed too quickly and cum. From his half opened eyes, he sees a glimpse of you dipping your wide brush onto the circular palette. He's tempted to ask you for a peek as Jay always gets excited whenever you paint him. He feels special whenever he gets to be your muse, oftentimes wanting to do a good job both because it's a portrait of him you're doing and also because he plainly just wants to do his best for you so you could praise him.
It may not seem like it but Jay's a sicker for your praises. It's just masked by how often you scold him for teasing you, but what can the boy do? At this point, teasing is practically his primary love language. He loves the way you react to hum when he teases you, how good you are at putting him back in his place. He lives for that shit, annoying you and then paying for it later on. It's an event he won't ever get tired of no matter how often or how long you two do it.聽
"Aw, baby." You coo, voice pulling Jay out of his head.聽
"Y鈥 ngh, yeah?" He seethes out, dick twitching uncontrollably because of your stare.聽
"Your head looks so angry, kitty." You comment, chin nudging towards his direction.聽
Indeed, his head is angry and not only that, but his body feels like it's on fire. Your words provide him not a single drop of help with keeping his orgasn at bay, mind only going crazier as he listens to all the dirty words you throw at him. "That's a good baby. You look so hot right now Jay. Painting you always feels so nice."
With the quickening pace of his hand, Jay can feel how close he is to cumming. His only regret is telling you because the moment he announces that he's about to cum, you tell him to stop.
Despite Jays will to cum, his body only abides to your words and thus, he has no choice but to halt his movements. Jay cries out, small tears trickling down the corner of his eyes at having been denied his orgasm twice. With pleading eyes, Jay sends a look of longing towards you, however, it gets ignored as you busy yourself with finishing a rough outline of Jays body.聽
He calls out to you like a lost baby, pout only growing as he tries to make himself look cuter, hoping that you'd take pity on him. "Yes, baby?" You ask, head popping up at the side of the canvas to look at Jay.
"I need you, YN.鈥 He answers, hand still wrapped around his dick as he bites down on his lip. The sight of him makes you wet and it's hard to resist him when he looks this amazing.聽 Because of the sweat, Jays abs are now glistening, the light shining through the window highlighting each pack of his muscle. When Jay pumps his dick, his stomach can't help but clench involuntarily at the stimulation, making it so that his abs flexed at the motion in an arousing manner.
You can't take it anymore, even just the thought of him makes your pussy wetter. All you want to do is plant your hands around Jay and that鈥檚 exactly what you're planning to do鈥 after you finish your portrait. Jay doesn鈥檛 need to wait longer though. You only need to do a few more messy outlines before finishing. To be honest, when you asked him to sit down and be your muse again, you didn't expect to get technical with all the details, knowing deep down how little self-control you have when it comes to handling Jay. Like him, you just melt with every slightest touch he gives. You鈥檙e just better at concealing it.
Finishing off the portrait with highlights on his biceps, you nearly throw both your palette and paintbrush away in a rush to get to Jay. You don't even try to conceal the eagerness in you as you capture Jays lips in yours, turning it into a full on makeout session not even seconds after. A hand comes up to tangle into the strands of his hair, pulling and gripping onto his locks, making Jay grunt as your other hand graze over curve of his collarbone, nails scratching his skin from time to time, eliciting a moan from the boy under you.
Alas, you鈥檙e finally on him and it鈥檚 everything Jay has ever wanted. Gone is the poor simulation of you in his mind because it just doesn't compare to the real thing. You haven鈥檛 even done much to him and yet he鈥檚 already moaning into your mouth like your fucking him. Jay doesn鈥檛 care if he looks desperate anymore. He鈥檚 waited long enough and now that you鈥檙e here, he鈥檚 not going to hold anything back.
Jay whines when you leave his mouth, wondering why you鈥檇 put him through this misery. He ends up eating his words soon after though when he feels your lips kissing the side of his neck. The kisses you plant are ticklish, making Jay recoil and giggle. Finding him cute, you smile at your boyfriend with adoration, eyes twinkling with love as he continues to laugh when you chase him and dive back into his neck.聽
It鈥檚 cute for a moment while you plant a mix of short and sweet kisses all over Jays neck. Occasionally, Jay giggles, unable to contain his laughter as he grips on to your hips, making sure that you鈥檙e still close to him no matter what. However, the said innocent kisses soon turn into erotic ones when you sit yourself on his lap and right next to his erect penis. You take the same arm that used to be knotted in Jays hair, now placing them on top of his dick. Your lips go back to clash with his, spit mixing with each other as you let him suck on the bottom of your lip. Your hand starts pumping Jays dick at a languid pace, body leaning closer to his so that you鈥檙e chest to chest with him. Your free hand rests on top of Jays heart, feeling the rhythm of his heart beneath his skin.
Jay leans his head back, letting you kiss all over his throat. "Mark me."
"What鈥檚 the magic word, baby?" You ask, licking a long line on Jays neck.
Moaning, he answers, "Please. Please, YN. Mark me. Wan鈥 show everyone 鈥檓 yours."
"There we go." You tell him, patting his head. "That's a good, kitty."聽
As per his request, you start to suck on Jays neck harder with the intent of creating bruises on his skin. Jay thanks you with a loud moan, hand wrapping around your body as he thrusts up into your hand. You plant hickeys on all over Jays skin, not forgetting to lick it better afterwards to soothe the abused skin.
Time goes on with you and Jay just making out with each other, limbs tangling in a desperate attempt to be closer. It鈥檚 not enough anymore as both of your bodies start to crave each other harder鈥 not to mention the fact that Jay鈥檚 leaking so much into your hand, you鈥檙e afraid his dick is going to have a serious issue if he doesn't come sooner. And so, using that as an excuse, you finally stand up to pull your underwear down and hiking the pencil skirt you wore upwards, letting it sit on your waist.聽
The boy stares at you with wide eyes filled with wonder, mouth hanging open as he eyes you pussy in front of him.聽 Noticing his intense stare, you chuckle, finding him adorable even in this state. 鈥樷橸ou want it, honey?鈥欌
鈥樷橤od, yes. Give it to me.鈥欌 Is that even a question? Of course he wants to have a taste of you. It鈥檚 all he鈥檚 ever been thinking about so, of course he鈥檚 going to say yes.
Wrapping his hands around your thighs, Jay pulls you to him abruptly, making you yelp. Spreading your legs apart, Jay slides his nose in between your folds and inhales your scent of arousal. Your hands ravel themselves into Jays hair where you feel his nose bump into your clit. You鈥檙e so horny, the slightest touch already has your knees weak.
Jay then gets to work when you push his head towards your cunt, taking that as his signal. His tongue dives into your wetness, immediately groaning against your vagina when he finally gets to taste you. The vibrations made by his mouth sends shocks of pleasure throughout your body, feeling it tingle harsher when Jay starts to lap onto your hole.聽
"Jay, baby," You moan, rolling your hips harder into his face.
Unable to talk, Jay replies to you with a hum, pressing his tongue harder and making you buck against his face. Jays pace picks up when he hears the way you鈥檙e moaning for him. He wants to hear more, wants to hear how good he is at eating you out. He鈥檚 desperate for more so, he shifts his attention from your hole to your clit instead, wanting to see your reaction. When Jay opens his eyes, he had to desperately pray to all the deities in this world just so he could compose himself and not cum at the sight in front of you. There you are, with your back arched, one hand pressed on to the back of his head to keep him place while the other tangles with your own hair. Your face is contorted in pleasure, brows furrowed, eyes closed, and lips caught in between your teeth, Your mouth opens from time to time to give Jay more affirmation, whether it鈥檚 in the form of moans, grunts, whines, or words, he doesn鈥檛 care, he鈥檒l take what he can get.
"Baby鈥 fuck," You hiss, thighs shaking as you feel your orgasm near. "I鈥檓 so close, baby. Keep going."
Only replying with a firm nod and a low hum, Jay fastens his movement onto your clit, circling his muscle around the bud. The action makes you go crazy, hands now gripping on to Jays hair with force as you concentrate on achieving your orgasm. It鈥檚 so near that you start shaking, moans growing louder when all of a sudden, everything is ripped away from you.聽
Jay backs away from you with a smirk, feeling proud of what he did as he grins at you in a cocky manner despite his mouth and chin being covered by a mixture of his saliva and your wetness.聽
You should鈥檝e known that was going to happen. It鈥檚 Jays nature to tease you. Plus, you knew he鈥檇 get back at you for edging him so many times in the past. The thought just flew out of your head, too focused on the thought of cumming. Frustrated, you tug on Jay's hair, trying to get back at him for what he did. Even though you didn鈥檛 get the chance to cum, your thighs are still quivering like they did.聽
鈥樷橦ey hey, you can鈥檛 get mad at me.鈥欌 He says, backing off while he stays seated on the chair when he sees the way you eye him. 鈥樷橧f I don鈥檛 cum, you shouldn't either. We should cum together, riiight?鈥欌 He says, dragging out the last word in a teasing voice.
鈥樷橳rue,鈥欌 You agreed before abruptly pulling him by his hand towards the huge table in the corner of the room. You take your place on top of the table, leaving him there to stand in between your legs. With your thighs spread open, Jay gets a clear view of your leaking vagina as well as your throbbing clit. Jays mouth waters at the sight, feeling enticed to just lean forward and eat you out again. But before he gets to, your legs wrap themselves around him, pulling him forward. His dick presses perfectly into your vagina and it even gets coated with some of your wetness. The two of you moan in unison, both desperate for their release.聽
As the both of you can鈥檛 wait any longer, you throw him the silver packet that鈥檚 been hiding inside chest pocket, telling him to put it on. Jay does so without complaint, grateful that he鈥檚 finally getting some pussy after such a long time.聽
He almost can鈥檛 believe this is actually happening. He thinks that at any moment now, he鈥檚 going to wake up from this wet dream alone and without you. But now is not the time to dwell on such thoughts when you鈥檙e literally right in front of him, with your legs spread, eyes keenly watching as he slides the condom on his dick with shaking hands.
Jay lines himself with your cunt, breath quickening as he readies himself for what's to come. It's been awhile since he's done this with anyone, and the nerves are getting to him. Now that the real thing is hereward, all the skills he learned in the past seem to flow out of his head.聽
What if he doesn't perform well, would you be disappointed?聽
What is he even talking about? Of course you're going to be disappointed. All that talk about wanting to fuck you yet, he can't can't use his dick right.聽 What kind of woman wants their man to be so incapable? Obviously, not you. Jay can tell from the way you carry yourself that you wouldn't lower your standards for anything other than perfect and yet, here Jay is, your boyfriend.
Still, his baseless doubts doesn't stop plaguing his mind. His breath is shaking, palms starting to sweat as he eyes your entrance. Jay wants to do good, show you that he's worth the risk you took. Jay's not a fool. He knows his reputation around school. That he's a manwhore that gets around by flirting with multiple girls at once. Not only that, but he knows how much you despise the varsity team. Yet, here you are, ready to let him fuck you. It means more to him than you think. You letting him be this close to you means that you trust him enough to show your most vulnerable parts and that just makes Jay even more nervous.
From where you laid, you watch with soft eyes as Jays hands start to shake. Your own hands shooing his off so you can put his dick inside you yourself. "You don't have to be so nervous, baby. Here, let me do it."
Placing his dick in front of his dick inside your vagina, the both of you groan simultaneously. "Jay鈥 fuck. You're so big, kitty."
Hearing you moan his name and compliment him at the same time makes Jays thighs tremble, the feeling of being inside is you is too overwhelming and he feels like his knees are about to fold. Noticing this, you take Jays hands in yours, letting them rest on the bottom of your stomach to provide him with some support.聽
He knows you're just trying to help him, but it really isn't working. Placing his hands there is only driving him nuts as once he was able to fully push his dick inside you, he got to feel the outline of his dick when he pressed down on your stomach.聽
"I鈥 I can鈥" Jay's his best to talk, he really is, but whenever he tries, it just gets cut off with a sound of a sound if appreciation.
"Yeah, baby?" You chuckle when he fails to complete his sentence. "You feel yourself inside?"
Jay responds with a semi loud sob as he nods his head to your question.
"Take it easy, honey." You tell him, patting his cheek to console the worried boy. "I'm not going anywhere."
You're not going anywhere.
That's when Jay calms down. Hearing you say those words put his thoughts at ease. No matter what happens, you'll be there beside him so Jay shouldn't worry so much about messing up. He has your whole lives to love you, your whole lives to treat you like his queen. It makes Jay realise that he shouldn't be so caught up on trying to be perfect. I mean, he wants to perform well and he knows he'll achieve that when he shakes these invasive thoughts away. Now knowing what to do, Jay shakes to get a grip of himself and before you know it, he's already thrustint his hips into your cunt.
You release a dragged moan, hands pulling Jays head down so the two of you can kiss each other. Angling your head to the side, you put your tongue inside Jay and he gladly sucks on your muscle. Amidst the messy kiss you and Jay share, drool starts to seep past between your lips and pooling down your chin.聽
The urge to hold on to something arises and he can only think of your boobs to grip onto. Muttering the request to you, Jay's quick to act as the moment you tell him that he can, he's already ripping your blouse open and tearing your bra down. Jay leaves the sanctuary of your lips, wanting to give your boobs the attention they deserve. Your nipples lay there erect, inviting Jay on to lay his tongue flat on your nub. He licks the skin greedily before sucking on your skin harsher while he busies himself with groping your other breast.聽
Both his movements inside you and on your tits are making mind crazy and you can't help but scratch your nails onto his broad back, trying to grasp back a sense of reality. His movements are so good and so precise, you can feel yourself slipping between realities. Jay does a good job at finding the spot your crazy for the most as once you start to thrash around under his hold, he knew he was hitting your g-spot and your boyfriend doesn鈥檛 hesitate to abuse it. It only makes you crazier, moans spilling out uncontrollably as it mixes with his own.聽
The noises Jay releases are euphoric and you don't hold back from commenting on it. "You sound so pretty, Jay. Keep moaning and I'm gonna cum."
Those words are what fuels Jay to thrust into you with more vigor. It's different from the casual pace he had used on you beforehand. Now, his pace is harder and rougher with the goal of making you cum in his mind. He wants to see you fall apart under him, wants to see the face and the noises you make when he makes you cream on his cock. Jay spreads your thighs apart, wanting to reach a deeper part of you.
Feeling his own high coming, Jay announces that he's about to cum. "Wanna cum with you."聽
Despite being so close, you nod your head, willing yourself not to cum. Your breath gets caught up in your throat when Jay starts hitting that specific spot inside you faster, making you release a loud moan. "Shit! Baby, cum for me."
With the way your pussy's squeezing the entirety of Jays cock, milking him for his release, Jay can't help but go feral, especially when you insert such dirty words through his ear. The sweat on Jays body paints a perfect picture of him His, muscles flexing every time he moves. His thrusts become more frantic and less rhythmic as he feels his high washing over him and before he knew it, he's already gripping both of your breasts in his palm, lips latching on to yours as the both of you cum.
Jays body lurches forwards, making him push his hips deeper. He tucks his head into the crook of your neck, body becoming numb as your skin pressed into his lips muffle his cries. Jay spurts his cum inside the plastic, some of it even spilling out because of how much he'd cum. After, he lets himself thrust into you at a languid pace, letting the both of you ride off your highs together.聽
"I love you, too by the way." You say, realising you left his confession without an answer.聽
He chuckled against your neck and then smiling right after because of how happy he was. "I love you more." He hmphs, egging you on for a challenge.
"Oh, yeah? I doubt it." You reply with a mischievous grin, leaning up to rub your nose against Jays. While doing so, your eyes catch a glimpse of the portrait you had previously made. "Think they鈥檒l still accept your entry even though it鈥檚 not me on the picture?鈥欌
Looking at you, your eyes lead him towards where your gaze is focused. He blushes, completely forgetting the naked painting you did just minutes prior. Catching on to what you were saying, Jay jokes, "They better. I need an ego boost after all that torture you put me through."
That day, you created your best artwork while Jay got his ticket to victory.
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houseofwm 3 months ago
Text
Silence
A/N: Thank you so much for all the love on the previous one-shot... I love my readers! A special thank you to those who sent in your ideas! This is dedicated to the lot of you :)
Pairing(s): WandaNat x Reader
Summary: Sequel to Secrets. You have been attempting to avoid Wanda and Natasha after what happened at the bar two weeks ago but tragedy just has a way of pulling your lives back together.聽
Tags/warnings: Alludes to self harm, super angst, hurt and lots of comfort. Read at your own discretion!
Word count: 6236
Please do not plagiarise, translate or repost as your own. I only post on tumblr via this blog: houseofwm.
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Do read Secrets here before proceeding with this work.
Day 11, Monday
Wanda: Why didn't you come for class this morning?聽
Eleven and a half days, that was how many days worth of messages that were piled up on your phone right now as you sat at the back of this Lyft crawling into the woody lands of upstate New York.聽
The days had begun to blur into one another and even though you had requested from your telecom to close your voicemail for now, their daily messages hadn't stopped since you broke off all forms of contact from the two women.
You couldn鈥檛 talk to them, let alone see them. Even a floating memory of what happened two weeks ago set your cheeks ablaze with shame.聽
You stared at the message with a neutral expression. It felt as if nothing would phase you anymore. No threat, no ultimatum, no humiliation, no promise would pull you out of this hole that you had dug yourself. Though you had decided to react to every message indifferently鈥 for the third time since this morning鈥 you found yourself scrolling through your phone finding past messages from the two women.聽
You shifted in your seat, craning your neck as your hand reached up to give it a comforting rub. The skies outside your Lyft mirrored the growing darkness in your soul. Yet, in an odd and inexplicable way, you found their messages just enough to sufficiently ease the growing lump in your throat.聽
Day 1, Friday
Wanda: Hi, Y/N. Don't worry about the essay that's due today as I am giving you an extension until next Friday. I hope this will ease some things.聽
Wanda: Kate says you're down with a cold. I shouldn't have made you stand out there in the cold for so long last night. It was my fault. Are you feeling okay?
Day 2, Saturday
Wanda: Hey Y/N, are my messages getting through? Are you okay?聽
Day 3, Sunday
Natasha: Y/N, how are you? Heard that you were down with a cold on Friday. Have you seen a doctor? Are you feeling better?聽
Day 4, Monday
Natasha: Wouldn't ask if this wasn't urgent but Wanda and I would appreciate your help with the boys around noon tomorrow. Are you up for it?
Day 5, Tuesday
Wanda: Hi Y/N, you haven't replied Nat so we assumed that you were not free today. Are you able to come around 8pm tomorrow night?
Wanda: Hi Y/N, are you avoiding our messages because of what happened last week?
Wanda: If this is what I think it is, I just want to affirm you, Y/N. You are a lovely girl and you have helped us so much in the past 6 years with us. We have seen you grow into a beautiful young woman. I am sorry we were so ignorant to your struggles. And I am sorry for making things uncomfortable last Thursday. Nothing has changed. I am so worried for you. Please give us a chance to talk.聽
Missed call from Wanda.
Missed call from Natasha.
Natasha: Our family loves you and misses you very much. The twins can't stop talking about you, they keep asking where you are. We told them you were on vacation. We cherish you so much, more than you know and we are sorry that it didn't come across that way to you. Please text us back?聽
Wanda: Nothing has changed, Y/N. We are still here if you want to talk. Let us know when you're ready?聽
You paused at this longer string of texts from a single day, reading and re-reading it as glassy drops began to crowd your eyes. You weren't sure if you were touched or angered. They knew nothing. You were strangers to one another. How did they dare treat you with such tenderness?聽
You hated this. The push and pull of this relationship. The push towards accepting love as a norm and the pull of your reality.
Day 6, Wednesday
Natasha: Are you able to come by tomorrow 4-6pm? We want to talk to you, see how we can set things right again.
Missed call from Natasha
Day 7, Thursday
2 Missed calls from Natasha.聽
Natasha: Hi, Y/N. I just wanted to apologize on behalf of the both of us. We were very concerned for you as you haven鈥檛 replied in a week. Please text us back. Please.
Day 8, Friday
Missed call from Wanda.
Missed call from Wanda.
Wanda: Asking Kate to submit your essay on your behalf is not acceptable to me. Please drop me an email explaining your absence and late submission. I expect to see you personally at my office on Monday with essay in hand.聽
Missed call from Wanda.聽
Wanda: Please don't walk further away from us鈥 We want to help.
Day 9, Saturday
Natasha: Hi, Y/N, can you reply to either of us please? Or at least go to class? How will you graduate if you keep this up? We will understand if you are mad at us, and maybe we are annoying you with all these texts but we just care so much for you. Please text us back?
Day 10, Sunday
Missed call from Wanda.聽
Wanda: Please see me after class tomorrow.聽
Day 11, Monday
Wanda: Why didn't you come for class this morning?聽
You shrugged as you reread the latest message from today again, imprinting it into your mind.聽
Wanda: Why didn't you come for class this morning?
Wanda: Why didn't you come for class this morning?聽
Wanda: Why didn't you come for class this morning?聽
You couldn't have been able to make it for class today even if you wanted to. With your household's sudden loss of income due to your pathetic inability to face your two employers, you had to take on a new job. Housesitting.聽
However, this job also meant that you wouldn't be as close to home as you'd like. The thought of this sent a pinch through your heart. Your first assignment was almost an hour and a half away from home. But your initial hesitancy about the distance was curbed when Kate offered to keep a lookout for your siblings while you were gone.
Although this morning when you looked at them, they suddenly looked all grown up.聽
Without the income from babysitting, the two older boys have gone and done odd jobs, with James, who was 17 and a junior in highschool taking up a cashiering job at Bergdorf while John, despite only being 13, was taking time after school to tutor Lotte's friends. Little Charlotte or Lotte, who was 9 and the baby of the family, would help out at Kate's family bakery after school, although you weren't sure if she was more help or trouble.聽
Even though part of you knew that the day your siblings going to work would be inevitable in a household like yours, the other part absolutely detested yourself because you had always wanted to shelter them from this reality as long as you could but you had failed so miserably.聽
So this job would be perfect to tide the family over for a month鈥 At least until you could make a decision about what to do on the Maximoff-Romanoff's end.
Your hands hovered over the phone, contemplating a reply to Wanda that would be mercy on your end but you were interrupted by the car coming to a halt before a beautiful cabin.聽
"Hi Miss, we are here," the Lyft driver said as the doors unlocked with a click. You quickly shoved your phone into your pocket before joining him at the boot of the car where he lifted your luggage to the ground.聽
You stared at the house as the mechanical whir of the car rolled further and further away, your ears becoming acutely aware of the nature around you. You had forgotten how it felt like to be amongst nature. After your mother died, your father uprooted the whole family and moved into the shoebox apartment you all still lived in. Better job opportunities, he had explained. But really, you knew it was because the woods reminded him too much of your mother.
You believed in the concept of fate. The only thing one could do to stop it from catching up to them was to keep moving. That was why people were always asking other people to move on. Let go. Forgive. Forget. Do it as fast as possible. It was integral that we moved on鈥 to stop fate from growing arms and gripping us in its steady hold.聽
In the end though, fate still caught up with your father.聽
Because fate has it that he was to be with your mother. So when fate finally caught up with him, it led him to a metaphorical cliff where there was nowhere else to go but downwards. When he fell, you could hear his tranquil scream crawl against your skin and you could feel, smell, hear and see him everywhere, though you were too young鈥 you weren't sure how to catch him.
That had been six years ago. Today, you were twenty-one years old. Those years felt lives ago. Yet, you found yourself still struggling with this raging self-hatred. Why? Why me? You questioned. But there were never any answers.聽
You took in a deep breath of fresh green notes and allowed a quiet smile to appear on your weary face.聽
The door opened with a creak as you were let in and you made a beeline for the kitchen, hoping to get a glass and when you couldn't find the right ones, you headed back to your own luggage and pulled out a bottle of pinot noir that, ironically, was gifted by the two women on your twenty-first.
The phone was vibrating in your pocket and as you pulled it out, you saw that Natasha was trying to call you again.聽
Ping!
Natasha: This has been going on for too long. You wanted space and we have given it to you. But we are done giving you space, Y/N. It has been over a week.聽
You rolled your eyes at her message and turned your phone off even though you knew that there would be endless messages for the next two weeks. But it would hurt to read the messages and hurt even more to look at their futile attempts of communication.
The bottle popped open as you hit it hard against a wooden pillar, planning to drink straight from the bottle. You made a feeble attempt to fling your phone to the back of your luggage because you knew that an hour from now, you would be drunk enough for the melodramatics and your phone would have found itself at the bottom of the garbage disposal.聽
Then about a half bottle in, you ran yourself a sub-zero bath and sank yourself into it, fully clothed. It was enough to shock your system but you persevered, knees, waist, breasts. The unhealed angry slashes on your arms were both soothed and angered by the frigid water. As they soaked, tiny red wisps escaped them. Blood. You swirled your arms around in the water, watching as the red wisps diluted with the water molecules to disappear.
Finally, you closed your eyes and lowered your entire head into the water where you allowed yourself to suffocate for a while until the little aveolis in your lungs were bursting with un-exhaled carbon dioxide. The feeling of your finger pads ghosting over the slippery edges of the bathtub was numbing.聽
When you finally pulled yourself up and out of the water, you were shivering so hard it became a great struggle to barely contract your diaphragm enough for full breaths. The oakwood floor hungrily soaked up all the fat water droplets dripping from you until you made it a point to wrap yourself in a towel, wet clothes still on your body.聽
And you sat there in a growing dark spot on the couch where you stared outwards into the woods and contemplated the state of your life.聽
____________________
Day 12, Tuesday
Wanda: Why didn't you come for class again?聽
Natasha: If you鈥檙e wondering why we haven鈥檛 called the police on you, you may thank your friends who have been keeping us updated about your life status but their lips are sealed. Are you really this mad at us?
Natasha: This incident has led us to realize that we don鈥檛 know you as much as we would like to. And for that, we are sorry. We would like to get to know you. Please reply us鈥
Missed call from Natasha.
Natasha: When are you going to stop being angry at us? We are trying to help.
Day 13, Wednesday
Wanda: Y/N. Please come for Friday's class as I am going through important information for the upcoming test. And if I don鈥檛 see you essay by Friday, I will be writing you up to the student services and I will definitely be seeing you again in my class next semester.
Wanda: I can鈥檛 believe Nat and I are only now realizing that we don鈥檛 know your unit number. If we don鈥檛 see you on Friday, Nat and I will be personally ringing up every door in your block.
Missed call from Natasha.
Missed call from Natasha.
Natasha: Hi Y/N, Wanda鈥檚 pissed. Maybe just send us an emoji if you鈥檙e well?
Day 14, Thursday
Natasha: Please be present at Wanda's class tomorrow. The both of us would like to talk to you after the lesson.聽
___________________
Day 15, Friday
Radio silence. That was what Wanda was at the receiving end of. It had been two weeks. Natasha and her were worried sick about you. Although she knew you were most likely still alive, having seen your other friends around in school, the feeling of not being able to keep track of where you were still made her uneasy.聽
Wanda whipped out her phone. It was ten minutes past her evening class which would be the last for most of the students here. Except, your group of friends were obviously missing from the hall.聽
"We are still missing some people. I'll just give it 5 more minutes before we start," Wanda reported uncharacteristically before whipping out her phone to text you.聽聽
Wanda: Y/N, class is starting soon and I don't see you here. This is not okay. Where are you?聽
The door opened with a click and a hopeful glint was in Wanda's eye as she looked up. She saw your tall dark haired friend. The professor craned her neck to try to spot you amongst your usual group and her heart sank when she realized that you weren't with them.聽
"Kate," she called out as your friend made her way into class.聽
Kate looked at her friends for a bit before moving down the small seminar room and towards the brunette.聽
"Yes Prof?" she feigned innocence.聽
"Where's Y/N? She didn't come with you?"聽
"She's not coming today." She shrugged.聽聽
"Why? She's supposed to submit her essay today." Kate hesitated for a second and Wanda caught on. "You know why. Tell me," Wanda requested sternly.聽
"She told me not to tell anyone, especially you."聽
"Tell me."
"I don't know鈥 I鈥"聽
"Tell me," Wanda insisted, before adding on a reassuring note, "I won't look for her."聽
Kate sighed deeply. She knew that the brunette professor was not going to start class until she had gotten something out of her. "I鈥 Well鈥 She got a new job. It's upstate. She started on Monday so she's going to be there for another week or so. I don't know where she went exactly because she knew you were going to get it out of me. Sorry," your tall friend shrugged, "Wish I could tell you more. But she's safe and she's doing okay."聽
"She's still in contact with you鈥 and your other friends?"聽
"Up until Monday when Lila updated Prof Nat. But Y/N did say she'll be offline for a while."聽
"Okay鈥 Okay, okay. Thanks Kate. You may go back to your seat."聽
She took out her phone and began typing at it again.聽
Wanda: When you're back from your upstate job, Nat and I would like to speak with you whether you鈥
The professor was so focused on crafting her text that she failed to notice the appearance of her wife in her lecture hall. A murmur was spreading amongst the students which was atypical of this class.
She looked up, confused at the growing loudness of the class and was shocked by the sudden appearance of her wife who was already at the bottom of the steps.聽
Natasha leaned in and whispered into her ears, her hand coming up to hold tightly onto the brunette. By the end of the conversation, the rest of the students could see Prof Maximoff's quivering lip.聽
"Class is dismissed today," she declared lifelessly, the class erupting with joy. Natasha watched her wife鈥檚 muted expression as the brunette hastily shoved the clicker and laptop into her shoulder bag and following her wife out of the lecture hall.聽
___________________
The heavy thumps on the door jolted you from your laptop. You turned to look at the raindrops cutting across the sky and deciphered that it would be impossible for anyone sane to pay a visit in this weather.聽
The thuds grew heavier with each pound but you calmly took a jumper to cover yourself before walking towards the door. Just by looking at the silhouette across the stained glass door, you already knew who was standing on the other side and you weren't looking forward to this.聽
With your chin held up high, you looked at the woman who stood at your door, allowing the headlights from Wanda's car to cast a long shadow of tragedy into the cabin.
"Y/N," she trembled, unable to decipher if she was shaking from the cold or from shock. Her coat was wrapped tightly around her as she held the umbrella close above her head. The wind was whipping her hair around.聽
鈥淣o,鈥 You said.
鈥淧leas鈥撯澛
The door shut right in the brunette's face. The storm sent another loud clap through the sky but even then, she remained still.聽
Wanda knew you could see her figure outside the door though you were not even close to flinching when rain drops lashed upon her, whipping her skirt around her knees, slapping her clothes wet against her chest. Wanda's silence was her plea. Like the winds, her words died mid air鈥 mid sentences. When you opened the door once again, green into brown, you both remained like this, searching and discerning.
Her eyes looked desperately frantic鈥 glazed over with a sheet of tears so thick, you fought to see what laid underneath.聽
The car door opened and slammed, causing her to look back.
"Myshka, I told you to stay in the car." Wanda snapped at your little sister as she darted through the heavy raindrops. You were about to hiss back at the woman for using a tone on your sister but she continued, "You're gonna get sick in this weather!"聽
You found yourself looking over her shoulder at your little sister in disbelief. The little girl was completely drenched in both rain and tears by the time her face plummeted into your chest.
"Lotte鈥 Wanda鈥"
You watched another sob wreck through your sister and you felt puzzled, trying to comfort her as best as you could. "Lotte, what's wrong?"聽
"Listen to me," Wanda said, "Nobody could contact you but you were listed as his emergency contact and guardian. We have to go, now."聽
You couldn't believe your ears. This was what the police had said when they turned up at your house right before you had to go to the hospital to say goodbye to your mother. What was Wanda doing? Was she trying to mock you misery?聽
"What? No! First you kidnap my sister and now you're trying to trick me to鈥"聽
"Y/N." she warned so sternly it stopped you mid accusation.聽
You glared at her.聽
"Y/N," she said again, this time quieter, "It's your brother."聽
Wanda, unable to look you in the eye, turned her gaze into the distance and you imagined her to be recounting the accident as though it was happening right here, right behind you, right now.聽
It was only a half past four but the sun was setting very fast that particular evening. While the skies were still a purple bruise, twin boys were playing their favorite playground with a new babysitter. One of them was hit by the other and the one hit bolted towards the end of the playground. A driver was in a heated argument with his wife who was in the passenger seat. A teenager was walking home from school with his younger sister. The driver had missed the first traffic light, halting abruptly at the stop line. The teenager ushered his sister across the pedestrian crossing instead of the next one. And one of the twins slipped past his babysitter and onto the busy Manhattan road.聽
As the teenager reaches the end of the crosswalk, and the lights turn green and the driver accelerates, the teenager catches a little boy dashing across the street.聽
And it all happened too expeditiously鈥 too hastened for something this bad to occur. 鈥淏ecause it would make it impossible to stop."
Your brother jumped into action, pushing Billy onto the other sidewalk as the distracted driver continued driving forward.聽
If one thing had just happened differently. If the Tommy hadn't hit Billy. If the driver hadn't been distracted in his argument with his wife. If your brother hadn't chosen to pick your younger sister up. If the new babysitter had kept a closer eye or had better reflexes. If the driver hadn't missed his traffic light. If your brother hadn't crossed this particular street.聽
If it had been you babysitting the boys instead. None of this would have happened.聽
But all the circumstances had fallen into one another to create the perfect tragedy. And James was run over; Twice. Once backward, once forward by an oblivious driver who wasn't sure what he had driven over. And the grotesque cracking of a teen鈥檚 strong bones, that sounded just like a tree branch breaking off during a heavy storm, impaled the stale evening.
鈥淥h God," you clasped your free hand over your mouth. You felt yourself queasy with grief but when you wanted to lurch over and pour out your emotions, you had to look at your little sister still weeping harshly against your chest.聽
In the midst of everything, you attempted to bring yourself down from that cloud of anxiety to calm her but her sobs weren't getting any shallower even with each comforting circle drawn on her back.聽
Wanda could tell from your faltering hand on your sister's back that you needed space for yourself but that you were trying to be the stronger older sibling, the same way her own brother was to her. So she pulled your little sister from your small frame and allowed the girl to wrap her legs around steady body, carrying the nine year old as she would a toddler. She bounced lightly, up and down, up and down, despite the extra weight, trying to pacify the girl.聽
Yet, her eyes remained firmly on you as she watched your face contort with sharp agony, as though someone had sent a knife through you. At the relieving loss of your responsibility as a pillar of support, your knees suddenly buckled to give out underneath you. Despite having her hands full with your sister, she still managed to dip herself to catch you.聽
"We have to go," she whispered to you once again.聽
And this time, you didn't resist.聽
____________________
In, out. In, out. In, out.聽
The ventilator that was helping your brother breathe was chugging at a consistent pace, never letting up. You allowed yourself to breathe in the same intervals鈥 a free therapy tool to keep yourself calm as you were alone now, with your thoughts.聽
It was just past eleven at night and way past bedtimes for your younger sibling. But they had insisted on staying over together with you. So your sister and brother were on the couch in the hospital, sound asleep.聽
And you weren't exactly sure where Wanda and Natasha went but there was a vague memory about getting clothes and toiletries for your family.聽
Your head was buried deep into your hands, and you felt guilty that the first thing that crossed your mind was how you were ever going to afford any of the surgeries, treatments and therapies your brother would eventually need.聽
You were not in the right state of mind to make any decisions but at that moment, you decided that you wanted to sign him out Against Medical Advice now. Right this instance. You couldn't even think straight. How would you even cope with the ventilator at home? What would happen if he had another medical emergency? He was due for another surgery in the morning but getting everyone back home where it was safe felt like the number one priority right now.聽
You had poured all these demands out over the nurses counter where the women were trying to conciliate your inner monologue.聽
Before long, you were screaming at the top of your voice, at the nurses, asking them why this had happened to your family again, screaming at yourself about how you could let this happen.聽
By the time both Natasha and Wanda returned, your two other siblings' faces were soaked in tears of fear and concerned looking nurses while you flailed around like a mad man.聽
"Y/N," Natasha gasped before rushing towards you. She looked concerned but you were suddenly scared of her. You took a a few quick steps backwards in quick succession, the sheen of glossiness in your eyes cracking as tears bled down your cheeks. But she was much faster and much stronger than you expected. And her hand hooked onto your back, halting your retreat.
"Y/N," she tried again, "Hey."聽
You looked everywhere but at her.聽
"Hey."聽
She tugged you closer so you were half in her arms. "Hey." She said again, firmer this time. This time you pointed your gaze at her but her face was filled with so much tenderness, it made you feel disgusted.聽
"Fuck you," you shout echoed against the hospital walls.聽
Her eyes grew wide at the explicative.
You tried again, "Fuck. You."聽
She opened and closed her mouth several times, seemingly at a loss of what she should say to you. And you felt her grip falter for a split second, only to snake around your back, pulling you into her chest.聽
鈥淟et go of me you fucking Bitch!鈥 You shook your arm out of Natasha鈥檚 form grip with a mighty explicative.聽
She held onto you and pulled you in but you didn鈥檛 freeze like the last time, no. You were going to do everything but that. Because doing that would mean you've accepted this. Whatever this was. So you squirmed, pushed, bit, slapped and hit her.
Your struggle felt like an endless pit suspended in time, at least until she lost her rigid grip on you and you slipped away like sand from a closed fist.聽
"Y/N!" voices yelled after you but you were long gone, back into the darkness.聽
____________________
Keys shook with a might as Natasha's shaky hands guided them into the keyhole of your family apartment. They dashed in, searching every crevice until they laid their eyes on the room in the deepest corner of the flat.聽
"Fuck!" the redhead yelled as her hand turned the knob to your bedroom.
Wanda tried after her wife. It was locked shut.聽
"Y/N!" they both yelled in a chorus, "Let us in. Are you okay? Please open the door now."聽
Their pleas were only met by your silence.聽
It had been at least five minutes of pounding on the door. "Please let us in," Wanda's distraught pummel against the door grew quieter with each passing one as she no longer found the will to do so. "Please鈥"聽
"Kick it down," Wanda whimpered to her wife with tears streaming down her eyes. Natasha took in a shaky breath as she reared herself the furthest she could in your small living area before charging towards the bedroom door.聽
Their steps were frantic as they approached you with a haste they didn't know they had in them. It was Wanda who entered first, her breath hitching. She found you in the far end, back slumped against the cold bathroom tiles opposite from where they stood, door wrecked.聽
At the sight of you, both her hands clasped tightly over her mouth in soundless horror.聽
"Y/N鈥 oh God. What did you do?" Natasha gasped behind her wife as a metallic scent in the air assaulted her nostrils.
Nothing would have prepared them for your bloodied body. There was a razor blade lying adjacent to your arm, a careful placement that contradicted the messiness of the environment. Even through their blinding tears, they could see that your sleeves were pushed up to the elbows, bare skin bleeding from angry and open slashes that you had reopened with a ferocious might.
Natasha looked over at her wife whose knees hit the ground so hard she was sure that a bruise would be forming right about now. With her brunette partner immobilized by fear, Natasha pushed past her and began rummaging through your medicine cabinet, looking for anything鈥 anything to stop the blood that was leaking like a faulty faucet from your gashes. But even then, she knew that nothing could stop the hemorrhage of your soul.聽
You sat there for what felt like twenty minutes, Natasha鈥檚 hand holding steady pressure on the deeper ones. It was supposed to be comforting, yet you found that the concentric circles of pain just kept widening.聽
"Can you look at me?鈥 Natasha鈥檚 thumb gently lifted your head but you shook your head off her hands.聽
You winced again, though not out of pain.聽
鈥淣o,鈥 your weak voice was feather-light, 鈥淚 can鈥檛.鈥
She pulled the cloth from your arms, observing for any more bleeders before concluding that you were going to be alright.聽
"Please?" she begged.
You looked up, just for a brief moment, although that was enough to catch the raw state of her face, puffy with emotions and so wounded with pain, your pain.聽
鈥淚 have to clean you up.鈥
You inspected your arms. You鈥檝e been here just long enough for your body鈥檚 clotting mechanism to start working. It was difficult to tell but it looked like none of it was too deep for you to handle.聽
鈥淚 can do it myself. It鈥檚 not like I鈥檝e never done this before,鈥 you snapped at her pointedly but felt sorry almost instantly. 鈥淪orry,鈥 you managed under your breath, 鈥淚 just wish you鈥檇 go away. I don鈥檛 want you to see me like that鈥.聽
鈥淚t鈥檚 okay,鈥 she breathed, taking a single step back. Curious eyes watched as you cleaned yourself expertly and her heart wrenched when she heard tiny winces escaping you, creases growing on your forehead from the pain.聽
鈥淗urts?鈥 Natasha observed aloud.聽
鈥淣ot if I deserve it.鈥
The redhead was stunned at your casual statement of self directed hate. She turned to look at her wife for help. There was an awkward silence.聽
鈥淵ou don鈥檛 deserve this, myshka,鈥 Wanda finally spoke.聽
鈥淵ou hesitated. You didn鈥檛 even mean that,鈥 you shot back at her as you continued running your arm under the cool water. But you saw her hand appear from the side, stretching out towards you. There was a curiosity in your hum as her fingers danced expertly across your slashed skin.
She trembled as she held your arm, and you watched on in curiosity as her fingers dived between each gash, cleaning away any stubborn blood stains. Once the faucet was turned off, she didn't hesitate, setting the gauze into neat rows on your arms, preparing to hide them under a layer of bandage.聽
鈥淵ou don鈥檛 deserve this," your body seized at her susarate that was spoken into your ear. Wanda took in a deep breath, using her thumb to sweep away at the tears you didn't even realize you were crying. You sat still for a while and allowed her gentleness to comfort you, your chin leaning slightly into her touches.
But then you shook your head, which swatted her hand out of the way, because you knew it was a lie that you didn't deserve this softness.聽
"Don't lie to me if you don't know anything," you said. Because you knew you only deserved every mistake, every tragedy, ever self-inflicted harm.聽
You weren't worthy. You had struggled for so long to reconcile between the state of your life and your worth. So when you made the decision to accept your unworthiness, you thought things would hurt less, except they didn't. You only felt nothing from then on, but even then, your decision brought you to this state of mind and you took pride in that. .聽
"You don't know anything," you echoed your words from earlier with a loud hiss at them, an attempt to remain indignant, angry and self-righteous that you were in control of everything鈥 about the life you were in control of throwing away. And up until now, you were so sure of the inevitability that is鈥 leaving this world.
But here these two mothers were, disrupting your plans and making it harder and harder to let go with each kind word, touch and embrace that they showered you with. Each one making you crave to be worthy once more and more and more. So you hated them. Because you didn't want to struggle again.
You said nothing.
"Please, Y/N. We want to help," Natasha's pupils were dilated with pain, "We want to help but we can't help if we don't understand." The last of her words came out like a whimper. You had never seen Natasha this vulnerable before.聽
There would never be enough words that could explain that you were hollow and completely alone. They couldn't understand the dull ache of abandonment and detachment that lingered in your body long after your parents' last touch.聽
They could never understand the weight of your pain and the desperation to be free.聽
They would simply never understand a life of being you.聽
So despite their pleas, you allowed both of their worlds to collapse into one another as they weighed in on your silence, unsure what exactly they would, wanted, or could to do with you. They watched as the transparent beads began to form between the crevices of your eyes for the umpteenth time this evening.
And suddenly, you felt desperate to say more. You wanted to say, please don't leave me. Please, you're the only people I have. Please be here for me. Please hold me. Please. But the rest of your words were drowned in deep guttural choke.聽
At the sight of your struggle, Wanda took a tentative step forward to you. She looked at you and you tilted your head into your shoulder and tried to give her a coy smile but she saw right through your facade. She pulled you straight into her, her hand tangling through your hair to the back of your head as she inched you towards the crevice of her neck where your trembling chin rested. Where her body made contact with yours, you felt your skin burning up, a flame you didn't know you needed and a powerful sob was released from your chest.
"I'm sorry," you wept bitterly. And you could feel her relax in a shaky exhale that she let out.聽
"It's okay Y/N, we've got you," Natasha said as she stroked your hair from behind and placed a firm kiss on your temple. You nuzzled yourself further into Wanda who held you with all her might. Even in your weakened state, you wanted more. More of their touch, more of their love. You were so hollowed out, so starved, so painfully desperate.
The fierce spirit in you refused to rest and that was what helped you survive all these years. You had been destined an orphan but this鈥 This spirit made you a fighter. Though, you didn't want to fight anymore. Fighting hurts so much. And an ache tightened across your heart, a deep yearning to be saved.聽
You opened your eyes to look at Natasha and you didn't dare to look away because they looked like they held a promise. For so long, the agonizing little hope that stewed in your heart was what kept you on the threshold of living, where you were neither really living nor really dying. Just searching.
She could see your body shaking against Wanda, a shameful lie was burrowing itself deep into your ribcage. Natasha wanted to stop it. She wanted to stop you from believing lies. She wanted you to know the truths.
"We see you," she whispered, her breath cutting short.聽
That phrase lit something up in you. It wasn't about making lemonades out of lemons or about things not being the end if they were not okay because that was just utter bullshit and you knew it. Instead, her words stuck like faith to a religious man鈥 A promise to a desperate soul. Your desperate soul. Natasha sees you. Wanda sees you.聽
Even in hiding, they found you and now, they saw you in the light. And they were never letting you go again.
She sang a Russian lullaby to you, one you could only imagine was from her own childhood. Her singing voice was filled with a silky warmth, like torched milk on a bitter winter's night.聽
Wanda pulled herself apart from you slightly and dipped her head to catch your sparkling eyes.聽
"Tomorrow," she promised softly.
"Tomorrow, you will tell us everything."聽
You didn't realize how much you needed to hear those final sentences. Somehow, the thought of salvation had always been far away, an endeavor too impossible. But alas, Today, you laid here, between the arms of two mothers鈥 Your salvation within the reaches of Tomorrows.聽
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Next Up: What About Pain (Blurb)
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Post A/N: I cannot thank you guys enough for all the crazy support on Secrets. All of you are the reason why this sequel exists. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I am willing to continue expanding this AU one shot at a time as long as there is a decent demand for it! If you鈥檇 like me to consider writing an idea of yours for the threequel of this work, do send it to my ask box or comment below :)
I don't have a taglist anymore but you may follow my library sideblog @houseofwn and turn on alerts if you wish to get updated when I post a new work. Thanks for reading!
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lovesickwriter 5 months ago
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Big dumb puppy Itto who finds out you're fertile this month 馃ズ
warnings: breeding, dubcon
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Itto doesn't know why you're saying no to him.
He may not be as smart as you but it's only natural to want to mate with the person you love, isn't it?
Well, it's also probably because he can't control himself whenever he catches a whiff of your dizzying scent or when you finally arrive back home and greet him excitedly after a long day at work.
He'll play it off as being innocent at first, nuzzling affectionately into your neck as you sit on the couch, his big and heavy tail wagging happily.
You're busy reading a book and only give him a little scratch behind his ears until you notice he starts moving in a peculiar motion.
He's rubbing his body on you, or more specifically, he's rubbing the very large lump between his legs on your thigh.
You gasp before immediately shoving him away. "No! Bad dog! Bad Itto!"
He falls back on the floor before staring up at you in shock and with shame. His tail stops wagging and his ears perk downwards. You called him a bad dog...
You look guilty for a second but quickly walk away as Itto's eyes followed you, his painful erection still present.
Ever since then, you've been keeping your distance. Telling him off whenever he tried approaching you with a excited look in his eyes.
And you won't even let him sleep with you now!
He'll whine and scratch at your bedroom door, begging and pleading but you never open it for him.
If that doesn't work, he'll howl a sad melody with his head raised into the air so you can hear him.
But luckily you wouldn't have to deal with all that anymore. At least not after today. It was finally over!
Now your scent shouldn't drive Itto as crazy anymore since he won't know you're fertile enough to conceive children.
And of course you felt bad about abandoning him during this time but you couldn't risk it.
Deciding it would be safe to go out and make breakfast for the two of you, you step out the confines of your bedroom and head downstairs.
Itto stirs awake from his bed on the couch and looks over when he sees you. You haven't noticed him yet so he decides to slowly crawl over, his nose picking up this curious scent.
He follows it to your crotch and buries his nose inside, earning a startled squeal from you as you try to push his head away in a panic.
"I-Itto what are you doing?!"
His pupils dilate in shock. You're fertile. How did he not notice sooner? So that's why you've been avoiding him so much.
Now you're the one whining and begging as he keeps you trapped underneath his weight with your ass raised high in the air. He's torn off your shorts, revealing your bare cunt to his ravenous eyes.
It's funny really. seeing you in the same position he was once in.
Too bad he's stronger than you.
You sniff. "I-Itto please. Just wait one more day! T-then we can be together."
He lets out a low growl. "You were trying to keep it a secret."
You break down sobbing until Itto licks your shoulder reassuringly. Don't worry, he'll forgive you. Just let him breed you and it'll be all forgiven.
~
He's heavily panting, drool dripping down his chin as he vigorously humps against your ass, his cock buried to the hilt.
It's so fleshy and warm inside you. He can't contain his excitement and growls every time he delivers a bruising thrust to your weak body.
"o-oh f-fu...so big, you're so big, Itto.." You mewl, your brain a muddled mess as you scratch down the wooden floor.
Itto's heart swells from the praise but just to double check, he reaches down and caresses your protruding belly.
A loud and proud howl leaves his mouth from the way he was leaving an imprint on your tummy.
So perfect for carrying his pups. He's going to give you so many you'll lost count!
His tail starts wagging energetically as he slams into you harder with his hands planted on both sides of you. He's ready. His knot is ready.
He sinks his fangs into your shoulder, making you cry out before forcing his knot inside and spurting out thick ropes of white cum inside your walls.
Your eyes roll back and you shiver, your walls clamping down and milking every last drop.
Even your stomach grows a little bigger from how much he's pumping into you. This is what your body has been craving as well despite your best efforts.
Maybe now you should become his dumb human instead.
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鉃 if you enjoyed this, consider buying me a coffee?
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kazuwhora 5 months ago
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AFTERCARE! 鈥 TOKYO REVENGERS
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ft. mikey, draken, kazutora, mitsuya, sanzu, benkei, takeomi, shinichiro
cw. fem!reader, aftercare, crying during/after sex, adult content
an. I haven't done headcannons in a while! here are some aftercare headcannons mixed with a little mini drabble for you! reblogs & comments are appreciated <3
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#MIKEY isn't the king of aftercare by any means. he's the type to indulge himself in the sweetness of your cunt until he can't take it anymore鈥 the kind that nearly passes out right after spilling his seed inside your cunt. instead of showering you with praise, cleaning you up, and telling you how pretty you look, he'll comb through his hair with dazed eyes before collapsing beside you. you'll be rather unamused鈥 you're used to it by now, but you can't help but roll your eyes when he begins to snore.
"mikey" you groan, rolling his dead weight away from your spot on the bed. "mikey move"
it's too late鈥 he's already gone鈥 committed to taking up as much space as possible and his arms wrap around your torso in a trap you'll never escape.
鈥忊忊忊忊 鈥庘
#DRAKEN will go the extra mile just for you. he watches the way your chest quivers with each breath, taking his time to press his hands against your shoulders as you calm down. his lips press against your forehead in a gentle kiss, feeling satisfaction in the way your body responds to his touch. draken is focused on your comfort before anything else, bringing an extra pillow to support your back as he props you up against the headboard.
"did so good for me princess" he whispers, tracing the sides of your face as his palms rest over the marks he left across your skin鈥 he's always been good at calming you down. "gonna clean you up, okay? wait here"
鈥忊忊 鈥
#KAZUTORA is always the one that needs the aftercare. he's emotional, and fragile during sex鈥 always brought to tears as his body trembles under your touch. he often finds himself biting his lip to keep the tears from falling鈥 he doesn't want you to think you did anything wrong, but he can't help but feel his lip quiver the second your hand cups his face. he can't help that the feeling of his own bliss is too much for him to manage鈥 it feels too good.
"pretty boy" you hum, brushing sweaty strands of hair away. "you can cry baby, it's ok"
the softness of your voice is enough to make the tears drip down his cheeks, and he pulls you into a hug鈥 sniffling against your chest as you rock him back and forth.
鈥忊忊 鈥
#MITSUYA much like draken, can't help but feel a sense of pride as his eyes scan your shaky body. he loves to admire the mess he made, watching his cum drip from your cunt as he toys with your folds. but the second you wince and whimper at his touch, he clicks his tongue with a smile.
"you ok angel?" he'll ask, sitting himself beside you as you press your knees together and nod. you'll whimper when he leaves, listening to the sound of water running in the tub as he hums away. but when he comes back, the sweet smile that rests on his lips makes up for it.
"c'mon" he motions towards the bathroom, slipping his hands under your legs as you cling to his shoulders for support.
"taka you don't have t鈥"
"shhhh" he cuts you off with a kiss planted against your lips, and shakes his head. "you deserve it"
鈥忊忊 鈥
#SANZU can't help but knit his brows when tears form in your eyes. he's always rough with you, pushing you to the edge of your composure until your body becomes too much for him to handle much longer. but when you need him the most, he struggles.
"haru" you whimper, grasping at sheets to cover your body with embarrassment. it isn't till he sees the shameful look that falls on your face that he realizes how much you need him, and his lip juts out in a pout.
"what's wrong?" he'll ask, swallowing his pride as he watches you fall apart.
"come" you pout, outstretching your arms for him to join, and as cold as he may try to act, he can't help but submit to your needs and pull you flush against his chest.
sanzu is warm鈥 his hugs, while rare, are intoxicating. they make you feel like the world around you is melting, and they burn your cheeks with tiny tears that trickle from the corners of your eyes
"I love you" he'll whisper into the crook of your neck, wanting nothing more than to keep you in his arms forever.
鈥忊忊 鈥
#BENKEI is attentive鈥 there's no doubt about it, but he's also easily exhausted. he's the type to collapse beside you鈥 chest beaded with sweat as he struggles to catch his breath. it takes him a moment to come back to reality, finally remembering you beside him. he'll turn to his side, propping himself up on his elbows as he draws patterns across your skin.
"you ok angel?" he'll ask, stroking the sides of your face as you turn to face him. when you nod, a sweet smile crosses his lips as he leans down to kiss you.
"wait here" he coos, before slipping his pyjamas back over his hips and escaping to the bathroom.
he'll wet a towel with warm water like a spa, taking care to dab at your skin as gentle as he can feeling like you could break under his touch.
"is this ok?" keizo asks, watching the way your body relaxes as he presses the towel against your skin to wipe away his cum. your nod brings him comfort, and he can't help but plant gentle kisses up the inside of your thighs.
鈥忊忊 鈥
#TAKEOMI's first instinct is to reach for his pack of cigarettes on the nightstand. you might hate the smell of smoke, but he doesn't seem to care, and you're used to it by now.
"omi" you'll whine, turning to your side as your skin stings with imprints of his fingers that had dug into your skin.
"hmm?" he mumbles, ashing the cigarette off to the side.
"c'mere" you cling to his torso as he struggles to take the last drag from his cigarette without getting smoke in your face. it's almost cruel, the way he nearly neglects you as his cum drips from your cunt.
"alright alright" takeomi groans, rolling out of the bed as he trudges to the bathroom to run you a bath. "gimme one sec princess"
鈥忊忊 鈥
#SHINICHIRO doesn't know the first thing about aftercare. in fact, he's almost over careful every time. it takes him a minute to gain his composure again鈥 it's all too easy for shin to get lost in the bliss of his high. but when he finally comes to his senses, all attention is on you.
"are you ok baby?" he inspects your body as he speaks, eyebrows knitted deeper with every mark he comes across.
his fingers graze the tiny bruises down your neck鈥 ones tender enough to make you wince.
"m'sorry" he whispers through kisses pressed to each spot. "couldn't help myself baby鈥 you just feel too good"
it's almost funny how much he seems to care about the marks reminiscent of his pleasure, and he'll make up for it by pulling you flush against his chest as his heartbeat nearly lulls you to sleep.
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馃敄 @manjiroscum @tettatonin @tirzamisu @maytey @keisaint @haruphilia @miytsuya @champagnej @lovemegood @tofu-and-aesthetic @strawberrysanzu @dilf-city @z-na @souyatr @icecreamranwich聽@toyomitsus @saitaso @chieeeeeee @lalalemon101 @wakasa-wifey @coldcoffeeholic @ryuugot @blueparadis @crybabylisa @zitabob @bxnten @minoozi @whosarlet @arozaur @iwaizumisbicepss @zuuki @thevoidwriting @h-shibas @thekillingtimethekillingmoon @chronic-claire-universe @kazutivity @dukina @chifuyuslilkitten @justhere @sofiakujo @sloth-fox @cults-soundtrackthree @plumtora @kazutorahugger @hoesplay @r-indou聽
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butterfluffy 7 days ago
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鈥渂itter end鈥
鉅鉅喋堚櫋顺路 tired of all the fights in this unhappy marriage of yours with your husband, you finally had enough, now having the courage to take your wedding ring off, putting a bitter end to your relationship.
鉅鉅鉃 angst, pure angst | kid, law, zoro x f!wife!reader | multi-character oneshot/scenario
鉅鉅鉃 warnings 鈥 swearing, arguing, slight violence, break-up (separation/divorce, really) and angstttt...! mistakes may be present too.. so do ignore them, thanks!
鉅鉅鉃 requests are closed until further notice! but i do take requests here and there, though it'll take me some time to finish 'em..!
鉅鉅陹 馃崹 陹 notes: mhhhmmm, good smell, angst. 馃グ i originally wanted this to be hcs but nah, this is much more painful~ alt title; taking your ring off after a fight.
ps. i can, and i will make a part 2, one day, but not today, hehehehehe. 馃懟
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EUSTASS KID
鈥測o, i'm home..鈥 eustass kid, your husband announced, arriving home at 3AM after spending his night partying with his friends, getting drunk and having fun鈥攍iving a teenage life despite having a wife, which is you.
鈥渨ow, welcome back. seems like you're done enjoying your life to the fullest.鈥 you said monotonously with an eye roll, sitting on the couch with crossed legs as kid snickered, wobbling to you with a stupid smile on his face.
鈥測eah, 'twas a fun night, such a shame that i gotta go home bacause your were bombarding my phone with calls and messages.鈥 he says with a scoff, catching you off guard, head snapping to him immediately. 鈥渆xcuse you?鈥
鈥溾榮uch a shame鈥? kid, what the fuck? do you not know that you're a married man鈥!?鈥 鈥渟o what if i'm married!!? am i not allowed to have fun, hah!?鈥 kid grumbles, cutting you off, frowning as he spoke. while you, on the other hand, gasped by his words. not being able to believe that your husband had said such response.
鈥渒id, i'm saying that you aren't supposed to be always living a teenage life when you have a wife!鈥 you defend, getting agitated. 鈥渋t frustrates me that you arrive late and drunk, worse, i experience this shit of yours almost every day!鈥
鈥渨ell why can't you just let me be!? you nosy assed woman!鈥 shouts the male, pushing you aside before he stomped to the kitchen, getting himself water as you stood frozen in place for a few moments鈥攕oon following him with a teary, frowning look on your face.
鈥渆ustass kid.鈥 you called, catching the annoyed tulip-haired man's attention. 鈥渋 want to remind you that i am your wife. your wife who longs for you鈥攂ut it seems like you don't feel the same, huh?鈥
raising his non-existent brows, kid then puts a 鈥榟ah?鈥 expression on his face, looking at you before speaking up. 鈥渨hat the hell are ya fuckin' talkin' about?鈥
鈥測ou don't even treat me like i'm your wife, kid. and鈥攁nd it raises a question in me; why? why did you even marry me? did you do so just for fun? but, you know, i鈥攊 don't think i can keep up anymore. let's.. end this. go ahead and live a teenage life as you wish, without me, your nosy assed wife.鈥 you sighed out, taking your ring off and returning it to the now stunned kid who seemed to immediately sobered up, holding you by your wrist to prevent you from going anywhere further from him.
鈥渇uck, no, you're not鈥攚e're鈥攚e're not ending anything, no, no. i'm not letting you go鈥攊'm鈥攊 messed up, i know, so i'm sorry. don't.. d-don't give an end to us that quickly... please.鈥 kid begs with a stammer, voice turning small as his chest heaved up and down, panting as he held his tears back knowing that you are serious with your words. 鈥...sorry too. but i really can't anymore. so please, let's just put this to end, let's end this relationship of ours.鈥
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TRAFALGAR LAW
鈥渁gain. he's home late, again, and forgotten our anniversary, again.鈥 you whispered to yourself, biting your lower lip in anger as you stood in front of the door of your shared home with your husband, trafalgar law who seemed to just arrived after you've waited for him for hours on your anniversary.
鈥渢rafalgar d. water law, you're home late, again.鈥 you growled with a big frown on your face, arms crossed as you called your husband by his full name, only to be silently cursed by the raven-haired male.
鈥渇ucking hell... not now, y/n-ya. don't start a fight now. i'm tired, i want to sleep.鈥 passing you, law headed upstairs to your room while you grit your teeth in anger, following him up with loud shouting, and stomping.
鈥渓aw, i can't鈥攊 can't fucking believe you..!鈥 storming in the room and swinging the door open to reveal your husband who you saw sitting up, preparing to sleep, rolling his eyes at you, looking at you in disdain.
鈥渋 told you, i have no time for this, y/n-ya. i don't wanna fight, i wanna rest.鈥 he repeats, scratching his head in annoyance鈥攚hile you, on the other hand stood like a stone by the door, a heavy sigh leaving your lips, and soon later, tears streamed down your face.
鈥渨hat the鈥攚hat drama is this now? i just arrived late because of work, it's not a big deal for you, since you're used to this right? so stop that crying and just sleep or something.鈥 clicking his tongue, law then went ahead and laid himself down the bed to rest, brows still stitched to a frown.
鈥測eah, it's not a big deal, for you,鈥 you said with a swallow, fist clenched tightly before continuing, 鈥渋t's not a big deal that you're making your wife wait for you for hours every single day for your arrival, and today, which is our goddamn anniversary that is not a big fucking deal at all, yeah?鈥 you croaked, wiping your tears away鈥攜our words striking a realization to law. shit.
鈥渦nhappy anniversary to you, law. don't worry, this will be the last time i'll be waisting my time waiting for someone who thinks that i'm not a big deal. now, good bye, law. enjoy yourself all alone on our anniversary.鈥 you greeted, swallowing back your sobs as you took your ring off, causing law to shakily stand up, stumbling to you the instant he had grasped what you're implying.
鈥渘o, no, no, y/n-ya, honey鈥攕hit, i'm鈥攊'm sorry, so please, don't do this. i love you, fuck. i'll do better, i'll change, please, please.鈥 letting a string of pleads leave his mouth pathetically, law held you tight, taking the ring and trying to put it back to your finger as you shook yourself away from him.
鈥淣O! this is the fucking end of us. you told me that you're tired, right? well i'm tired too, so fucking tired of keeping up with you, and keeping this marriage alive myself! i've been hurt so much, and i can't do this anymore, so let me go, trafalgar.鈥
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RORONOA ZORO
slamming the door close after spending your day waiting for your husband, zoro, who never showed up for your date, you let a loud screech. tossing away your bag then stomping to the kitchen鈥攇reeted by the moss head who was drinking sake.
鈥渙h my fucking god, zoro! where the hell were you!?鈥 you exclaimed furiously, snatching the bottle of sake from your husband, pouring it down the sink before throwing it away, anger filling you up.
鈥渨hat the hell's wrong with you..? i was drinking that, you know? and before you get mad, i was here, the whole entire day, you crazy bitch.鈥 zoro grumbles, slumping himself against the wall as you gasped, totally out of words.
this is.. annoying, frustrating鈥攔age, and sadness is eating you up as you stared at the moss head who was frowning, same as you who clicked your tongue.
鈥測ou're鈥攖his鈥攖his is absurd, zoro. i cannot with this! first, you refuse to spend your dearest time with me, your so-called wife. second, you missed our date that i arranged today, completely forgetting it. and third, you call me crazy bitch for wanting to be with you!鈥
鈥渄o you really love me or no!? because i don't think that you do, and it's painfully obvious!鈥 you stated, tears streaming down your reddened cheeks as zoro looked down to the floor, seeming guilty.
鈥..i do, i.. i love you.鈥 zoro mutters, avoiding your eyes while you frowned by his words. 鈥渄o you, now? i don't sense any sincerity with what you had said.鈥
鈥渋 am not happy by this, zoro. i don't enjoy this unhappy marriage of ours anymore.鈥 pulling your ring out of your finger, you sniffled, stopping your tears as you looked at zoro, his mouth agape.
鈥渟o please, let's just give this an end, okay?鈥 you mumbled, extending your hand that held your wedding ring to zoro who's lips quivered, tugging downwards, shaking his head.
鈥渘o... no, i.. i don't want to. i鈥攏o. let's fix this, please.鈥 鈥..i don't think we can do that anymore, zoro.鈥 trying to return the ring to you as he turned your plea down, zoro's world spun as be thought of his life without you..
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漏 butterfluffy 2022
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ssentimentals 16 days ago
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dating mingyu feels like..
being loved for your flaws, not despite them. mingyu falls hard and falls fast, and for him all the wonders of the world don't come close to you. he's tripping over his own feet in a rush to be next to you, to take your hand and shout to the whole world that you are his and he is yours.
('gyu, look at that sunset!' you shout and turn around to check if he's paying attention only to find him with a camera focused on you, obviously taking multiple pictures when you were not looking. 'gyuu,' you whine, embarrassed. 'stop taking pictures of me, capture the beauty of this sunset!'
'i am capturing the beauty,' he comments and laughs, when you pretend to gag. 'what? i will print it and put it into my wallet!')
mingyu is the 'you are always on my mind' and 'i am counting days and hours till i see you again' kind of guy. he feels a lot towards you and he's not ashamed to remind you over and over again of what you mean to him (text message with 'i miss youuuu' featuring bunch of hearts of all colors because he's extra like that, audio messages with declarations of love, phone calls just to tell you that he loves you).
he is such an 'act of service love language' type of guy: cleans the house if he knows you hate doing so, cooks to lift up your mood, walks your dog if you have some other tasks to close, learns your favorite orders by heart so he'll know what to bring. he wants to look reliable in your eyes and he's there whenever you need a warm embrace or a shoulder to cry on.
(you sniff and hiccup, reaching for glass of water while mingyu wipes away tears from your eyes. he swipes his thumb over your cheeks and pulls you in, holding you close. 'i didn't want to spoil our night,' you mumble, pushing away a little so you could look into his eyes. 'the stress pent up and i just couldn't take it anymore. i'm so sorry, gyu.'
'don't apologize, there's nothing to be sorry for,' he assures and leans in. your eyes close on instinct and he kisses both of your eyelids, cradling your face in his hands. it's something so intimate that you hide your face in his chest then, not being able to face him. 'if anything, i'm happy you shared with me, that you feel safe to do so.'
'of course,' you utter, rubbing your nose on the soft material of his hoodie. 'you are my rock.'
maybe it's your imagination but it feels like his heart started beating faster at those words. his arms tighten around you and his voice is a little shaky, filled with raw emotions as he whispers: 'that's all i want to be.')
dates with mingyu consist of him worrying too much over everything being perfect ('no, but it was supposed to go like that! this was not the plan!), him buying you anything you find cute and not listening to your protests, him holding your hand proudly and taking bunch of pictures ('those are memories of your happy moments, we need to collect and treasure them!').
(mingyu's pouting and you chuckle, leaning in to give him a kiss on the cheek. he tries to hide his smile but corners of his lips keep twitching much to your amusement. 'baby, really, it's alright, i like rain.'
'but now we don't have the good view because of the clouds,' he points out, still sulking a little. 'it was supposed to be very clear and pretty, i specifically picked this day!'
'aw, gyu, it's still perfect.' you convince him, wrapping arms around his torso. 'i liked everything about this date, you planned it perfectly.'
'apart from the weather.'
'even you can't control the weather,' you say. he doesn't look fully happy yet, so to make him smile you add even if it makes your insides twist: 'you know what you have a full control over though? my heart.'
a second passes and then he gasps loudly and cheshire cat grin adorns his face. 'oh my god, i rubbed off on you!' he starts clapping, enjoying your embarrassment. the amount of pick up lines you hear from him on a daily basis is honestly horrific, but mingyu has zero shame in using them unlike you. 'not bad for the first try! i knew you'd eventually give in and become like me, you know.')
dating mingyu is like throwing away the cloak of invisibility and being finally seen. he sees the real you (not the picture perfect version side you show to vast majority) and he loves the real you with his whole heart. he makes you feel truly wanted and his personal goal is to make sure you love yourself as much as he loves you (which is a whole lot, by the way).
a/n: this was requested by two anons and i hope you liked this, dears, let me know if you did!
link to my other works is here and i'm still accepting requests, so drop a message in my inbox or simply come to say hi <3 -nini
tag list: @pearlygrayskysky (let me know if you want to be added as well :)
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