#self reblog because i really like this
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roy kids with underpants on their heads
#reblogs super appreciated ily#i really love how this piece came out because it feels like. self-explanatory#all the details are intentionally both crude and benign#crude as in like. look at kendall dgfhhghgr#and yet theyre still just kids. behaving like kids#munch and crunch on this one because i munched and crunched rendering for an insane number of hours#i get crazy in my pit (room. or bed where i draw)#art#fanart#digital art#painting#digital painting#succession#succession art#succession fanart#shiv roy#siobhan roy#kendall roy#jeremy strong#roman roy#kieran culkin#sarah snook#roy siblings#this is something my brother would do as kids with clean laundry thats how i got the idea#then tailored it to the individual visually symbolic fuckeditudes of the roys etc etc etc blah blah blah#god i love baby shiv#GOD I LOVE SHIV#shivs face. okay? like yes kendall yes romans little roman eyes. big eyes. But Shiv#SHIV
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another painting
#because i have no self control lmao#käärijä#jere pöyhönen#digital art#this was surprisingly fun to paint#i usually prefer working in black and white because it's easier for me#but this one was fine lol#also#i just wanted to say#thank you to everyone who leaves nice comments in the tags of my posts#i read all of them and seriously i appreciate this so much you have no idea#i've been absolutely miserable recently#and reading all the nice things you guys wrote#really made me feel better#so yeah... thank you!#(i do appreciate all likes and reblogs btw and i don't want anyone to feel pressured into leaving a comment or smth)#(i just really had to say thanks lol)
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had an odd dream that i was reading a comic book. sketched a couple of the pages i could remember.
#i might adapt this into an actual story because i am SO SO SO mad that it isn't a thing i can go back to reading#oc#im definitely keeping the concept of save-bot i fucking love save-bot he's just doing his best. i love a robot who wants to help people#im not equipped to be writing about underground rebellions with any sense of real tact though#besides its in a superhero universe/story so you know it would just be so sucks lol#sketch#god the colors were so interesting. the teal parts were all very precisely crosshatched and the fire was this gorgeous brush pen looking#colored inks that just seemed like they were MOVING#and i mean some of that was because i was dreaming but god even in my halfhearted copy you can see some of the movement#it was a bad scene but a really really REALLY fun dream. i love when a book can *get* to me so i was really enjoying it#put it aside so i could take a break and woke up. instant fury at the universe for not having it be a real book instead#ill reblog with details if anyone's curious. i can explain this scene but i dont feel like it#the green people are in a secret basement though. hiding from the government. blue jacket guy is a speedster robot named save-bot who does#rescue stuff with every fire department so fire suppression technology is not very good because save-bot "can just save you''#however they're badly over their legal occupancy and the secret basement has One (1) exit so everyone is like really fucked here.#includinig save-bot who is going to do his job until he dies because he is an ai without any sense of self preservation and he cares#which i didn't even CATCH until i woke up and started tryin to frantically note everything down#and then i was like wait. the glitter on that last page before i realized i needed a glass of water to keep reading... what WAS that...#(it was tears suspended in midair because save-bot goes so fast and also knows he's so fucked LOL)#seriously i'm so mad someone else didn't make this.
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hmmm unfollowing and blocking lots of people
#this is raw in the tags so if you're easily triggered by mental health stuff don't read it!!!!!!!!!#last night i reblogged one of those asylum posts before i was like wait that's fucked up and i deleted it and i feel really bad#like i've been to a mental health hospital a few times i know what it's like in there and how dehumanizing it can feel#i remember everything that happened. and the things i saw and the people i met there. the time i was threatened with sedation.#watching you take your meds and ensuring you swallow them because you can't be trusted#the hard beds and them opening your door every 15 minutes to make sure you aren't hurting yourself#taking my clothes off in front of people multiple times to prove i didn't have drugs and that my self harm scars had already been there#and i'm seeing lots more and other mental health/lobotomy/asylum 'memes' and jokes and it's.... it's really not okay guys#you have to think about how this might make someone else feel who has been through this shit#it's reality and it's not a meme#please be more careful#jen talking to herself#ttpd
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Porfiry telling Raskolnikov that at least he was honest and in one bound took the furthest leap to put his theory to the test of actual action——
#Taylor believing a man who is obviously lying to her#like. it’s fascinating to me how they’ll say anything to her and she’ll be like ‘okay let’s go’#she’s never read Jane Austen and it shows. but that’s okay because she’s the character in an Austen novel#she has no sense of self-preservation she has no common sense when it comes to love#and the reason I have endless patience for that is because she IS different. she is extraordinary. she is WEIRD. she’s so needy#so angry so fragile so stupid so brilliant so completely helpless#like the bolter———I can’t even LOOK at it right now#because you know she was like this since she was 5 and SHE knows it#just so. Different. so strange. I mean she ruled her family with an iron fist from the age of 11#and her packaging is so basic and she she had so much access to everything anyone could want#so there are none of the usual marks of someone being so Different#but like. people HATED her from day one. you know her own strength of personality was drawing out many people’s hatred or envy#and she’s so helpless in her own personality because she can never change#like thank you aimee? or whatever? heck yeah there was some girl who bullied her and brutalized her on the playground#and you know it devastated Taylor from day one and still does#and it’s just. I don’t know how people can’t see that someone with that extraordinary set of gifts#wouldn’t also suffer in such an extraordinary way#and ways that elicit so much scorn and non-sympathy because people are unsettled and jealous and annoyed by her#because she WILL find a way to win#but isn’t that proof enough that she is the very OPPOSITE OF NORMAL#it’s why people have to be like ‘oh she sold her soul to the devil for this success.’ or whatever the psy-op spy thing is#because there’s no human way to explain her success if she really were as basic/talentless as people say#ugh this is all so incoherent and irritating and I’m so sorry but I just. I cannot explain how protective my heart is of her#and all the many many mistakes she’s made and the prisons she’s made for herself because she’s LIVING the tragedy#of never having denied herself one time/getting everything she wants#and discovering the poison at the bottom of everything she reached for with desperate hands#like. I love her so much and I am so protective of her because she is so helpless and she is getting shot in the face every time#and she feels every blow!#whew I need to turn off reblogs and will probably delete but I just#this album is all of her spilled out and people DO hate to see it because a lot of people hate her!!!!
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me nd my f/o in a nutshell…
#BAD DOODLE. I AM ON PHONE….#i wrote a fic once about exactly this actually. never finished it and probably wont show it here?#because it dives a little bit into f/o’s world and that kinda reveals who they are so#but like….. the two navigate their touchstarvedness together. going from holding hands to hugging#love themaugergh..#❥ vels ramblings#self ship#❥ blue hydrangeas#putting it under our ship?tag cuz i can and i will#not really a ship for me like. duoname.#if u wanna reblog this with u and ur own f/o u can btw! if anyone will
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Last year I started this huge project of redrawing a bunch of my Self Inserts in my more plump body style, a few of which I posted sporadically as I made them. The plan was to full a whole page with all my old S/Is and then full color all of them and post them all together.
I recently picked that project back up and added a few more S/Is but.. The longer I look at my massive canvas the less motivated I am to color it and then the less motivated I am to do other art
So! Here's the clean sketches for all the ones who go together, the rest I'll be posting as before, just random bunches of unrelated S/Is, uncolored until someone asks about them.
#Emile's Arts#Self Insert#Feel free to ask about any of these btw I've talked about all of them before#But now they're all New and to keep myself sane I won't color them unless someone shows interest in them#Because my coloring game is off recently kfjgkdfjg#Anyway!#I wanna thank everyone who follows this blog for hanging around#I know I go through weird bursts of creating a bunch and then reblogging a bunch with a few days of radio silence every here and there#So I wanna thank you for you patients and more importantly for your encouragement#When I started this redesign project and was posting just 4-5 unrelated S/Is at once I was always so excited to get asks about them#I really only ever want to do something if someone else is interested in it so my motivation waxes and wanes with what y'all interact with#So just. Thankyou for interacting so I can have the motivation to create!#It really has been an uplifting experience self inserting like this with y'all here with me#So thank you once again
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MITCHELL AKUTAGAWA EPISODE!!!!!!!!!!
#MITCHELL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!#///AND/// AKUTAGAWA EPISODE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! And Yosano and Kenji spotlight too. Episode written precisely for my personal liking#Too bad no Atsushi then it would have been perfect (╥﹏╥) At least we got his voice in the episdoe preview#Alright I **LOVE** Mitchell. This is not the space to talk about it properly but I just really like how flawed she is‚#but also in a way that results funny and endearing. And I love love love how much she cares about her family and is loyal to it!!!#It makes her so noble and virtuous. I know she has so little screentime but really the way she's so harsh and in apparence self-absorbed–#But in reality so kind and altruistic... The way her hearsh ways are implied to be only a consequence of a life of struggles and her will–#to save her family's name through a noble behavior and appearance too... It makes her so complex and multilayered imo#AND just how her innate tendency to defend people spans out of her family too!!!!#In my interpretation she did NOT care for Hawthorne or like him. But she still gave her life for him because she just instinctively–#protects the people around her. I don't have any strong feelings for haw/mitch but like how to blame Hawthorne I would have–#fallen for her right that istant too.#Now to Akutagawa. I'm really endeared by this episode because I'm pretty sure that's when I started sympathizing with / liking him :')#Like that's the moment when the things Dark Era showed us and the canon Akutagawa behavior click together and the watcher goes “Oh. OH.”#At least I'm pretty sure it was for me. It's bittersweet but especially sweet.#One more thing is... Wow bsd really has been like *that* since the beginning hasn't it. It's kinda silly to think back to all the criticism#the latest arc got now.#The criticism regarding how the ridiculously high stakes have been solved seemingly effortlessly in a way that resulted very anticlimatic??#That's ALWAYS been there. “Oh no the ada is done for if they found out our base!!” *holds literally ZERO consequences*#“Oh no the Guild is done for if they destruct Zelda!!” *holds literally ZERO consequences*#“Oh no the Guild knows were our clerk is!!” *holds near to ZERO consequences*#And#“Oh no Akutagawa died!” “Oh no half world population was tuned in vampires!” “Oh no Fukuchi obtained One Order!”#“Oh no Chuuya is a vampire siding against Dazai!”#It's really the same‚ isn't it?#But like‚ we're still glad all of it happened right? Because it makes the experience enjoyable lol.#It's really about enjoying the ride I suppose.#I have more to ramble about but I've ran out of tags so I'll be doing it on my main blog reblog later#random rambles
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Being a self-shipper is writing out other people's blog names in a word document and naming it:
#I HAVE LIKE THREE BLOGS I REALLY REALLY LOVE BUT I WIL NOT FOLLOW THEM BECAUSE IM SCARED THEY'LL SEE ME LMFAOOOOOOOO#self ship shitpost#ok to reblog#self ship#self ship community
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"Did you not say that Lorenza was the princess of this domain?
For a princess to be fretting like a nursemaid, knelt beside a bed..
It speaks volumes of the devotion she has towards her lover."
I made it past the 6.2 trial tonight with the help of one of my other friends very kindly queueing for it with me, and the game presented a decent opportunity for a bit of an angst moment.. so I took it!
(To anyone who may be concerned: don't worry, Zero will be okay soon! It's just the immediate aftermath of the 6.2 trial that leads to this situation, but she recovers. That isn't going to stop Lorenza worrying about her, though - a rare instance of actually seeing her so concerned about someone or something.)
#heart of the void#selfshipping#..I don't really know whether to tag this as a creation or not. like I posed the camera and stuff but#screenshot tag#that'll do#you can still reblog it if you want to but i probably won't use the tag list#since all I did was mess with the lighting and time lorenza's pose/expression in /gpose and angle the camera#let it be known that trying to get the camera in the right place was quite the ordeal because of the angles/surfaces involved.#selfship: in a land forever strange (zero/lorenza)#except here we are not in that land! this is home in zero's domain (which in my version of events is also lorenza's because we're together)#love: final memoriate (zero)#self‑insert: wings of the void (lorenza)#of shards and crystal (FFXIV)#the caption is.. in *theory* spoken by varshahn but honestly it could kind of have been any of the others who are currently there in-game#varshahn just makes the most sense because he's least familiar with lorenza so that makes the first line/question make more sense to say#also I don't know if this was just because I messed about with glamourer but zero's eyes are actually open right now which is. odd.#hence the angles trying to obscure that .w.#anyway please ignore the time of night and I hope you are all having a good day/night/etc.
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...
#i am only typing this because im tired and feeling more loosey goosey than i usually would i guess#but ive just been debating something for a while now#so basically i used to just openly talk about like. everything on this blog but then due to a multitude of reasons#i stopped posting about certain things 1. because irl people found my blog and probably still could if they Really tried#2. because i didnt want to post about certain things and have absolutely anyone know shit about me#like as much as it can feel like a cosy wee community. just me and my mutuals <3 etc. its like. actually the fucking internet djdbdjdhdhjdh#anyways whats prompting me to type all this is that i used to post kinda negative stuff on here i guess you could say. like just my feelings#and shit. but i stopped because i want this to be a positive blog and i do feel like you can manifest shit you know? if i constantly reblog#posts where im like “i feel worthless and i am a piece of shit” that isnt helping anything you know? i think what really hammered it home#for me is when i saw a mutual rb something from me like that and it made me so sad tbh. because like. no youre not. youre amazing and ily#you know? anyways. overall i think it has been a decision for the best and i enjoy that my blog has become a more positive space. but i#do sometimes just feel like im kind of going the opposite direction where i act a certain way when im really just. feeling crap.#like all the time. idk maybe tumblr isnt the place for it but it used to be my outlet you know? and i have other things like my diary and#art and even a sideblog lmao. but i guess i do just mourn my whole self not being on this blog. idk what im trying to say by all this#is it this deep? am i thinking about this way too much lmao. idk. idk.#le text post
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girl help I’m experiencing
#weird addendum but pls don’t reblog my vent posts??? why would you even want to????#everything has been So Much lately and I wasn’t gonna vent but then I remembered this is my blog and I can do what I want#one of my best friends left the country last week and he’ll be gone for like two years and I’m so sad without him around#I mean he’s been messaging me every day since he left but it’s still hard not having him here yknow?#and I’m moving into his place but it requires a lot of work before I can so I’m always exhausted#and my joints have all but given out on me completely so I’m always covered in KT tape and braces#which doesn’t gel very well with moving furniture and heavy boxes#and I have no money so I need to be job searching but I can’t do that until I move. BUT I NEED MONEY TO MOVE#on top of that my grandpa died and there’s so much family drama involving that it’s unreal#and weirdly the thing I’ve recently felt bad about is I’ve been neglecting my self imposed Fandom Duties#maybe not fandom specifically but like. creative duties#I want to write fic. I want to draw. I want to read and comment on other people’s stuff#I also really want to do more of my non fandom writing because I want to get something published this year. but i got no good idea aaack#or early next year#and I’ve just had like. no time at all to do any of it and the time I have had I’ve been too drained to do it#ughghghghghghggh#I think today I will drink and try to write something. as a treat.#after I go on a reblog spree to bury this because emotions are very embarrassing#anyway how are you?
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I haven’t read the first arc in forever but if anyone else was a jerk to their best friend, ditched their clan, then ditched that clan and came back, killed someone, and didn’t even train their apprentice at all, that sounds like a horrible warrior and villain right?
But Graystripe is excused because Graystripe.
Also I swear Graystripe wanting to become a father came out of nowhere for me. Like yes, the treatment of half clan kits sucks, but Graystripe was well aware that there would be consequences if he fathered half clan kits, so he’s already ignoring that responsibility. And then he just goes into father mode and wants to be with them? And then he just leaves 💀Bro is a menace
I think the fact that Graystripe kills Clawface is super interesting, because Fireheart let him go to be a good warrior... and then Clawface attacks AGAIN, proving he will continue to be a problem until he's put down.
I think that's actually a really interesting vibe, that Fireheart WILL hold himself back for honor's sake. But Graystripe? Nah, one chance is enough, threaten Fireheart and Gray's gonna snap your neck LMAO
He is absolutely a menace, but I think that moment where Silverstream tells Fireheart she's pregnant is one of the scenes that makes me really like Gray in spite of it. She snaps, saying that is loving Graystripe is against the code, then it's the CODE that's wrong... and in this instance I think she's totally right!
The way that Graystripe breaks the code is exactly why I like him. For his own benefit; but he doesn't cross the line to put the people he loves in danger, you know? That's why he couldn't stay loyal to RiverClan... it came down to choosing.
Choose. Savage the clan of your best friend, or be banished from your children.
And more than just entering father mode, the death of Silverstream is so, so traumatic. It's sudden, it's bloody, it's violent. Cinderpelt AND Graystripe both walk away from it absolutely shaken.
Everyone forgets that Bluestar was ready to go to actual war with RiverClan over keeping the kits, at a point where RiverClan was their ONLY ally (Wind and Shadow had both united to try and kill blinded Brokentail)... and Graystripe is the one who begs for it to stop.
Bringing his kits to the Clan that demands them, but also, he can't bare to leave his children. Not after watching Silverstream die for them.
I just find him and his choices very interesting. I wouldn't have him any other way; my biggest problem is that the writers refuse to let other characters see him for the complicated, self-centered person that he is, you know?
#I don't always see being self-centered as a bad trait; it's more of a WAY of making decisions#If that makes sense#Some people make choices based on others and some people make choices based on themselves#And everything Graystripe does is based on what he's feeling and what he thinks is correct#I don't think that ALWAYS makes him an awful person... but it DOES make him self-centered.#He doesn't really make sacrifices#My buddy Jace said something in a reblog pointing out that Graystripe wouldn't see himself as wrong and I agree totally#Graystripe always follows his heart for better or for worse#AND LIKE... I think that is exactly the kind of mindset he can unironically HELP Squilf with#Because Squilf only ever does things for others even if it hurts her#Even if it hurts a lot of people#But that exchange in ALITM where she feels like she NEEDS to go into the DF to confront Ashfur#the part where Graystripe comes in and tells her to not give Ashfur what he wants#I think it was a strong moment that could be EVEN STRONGER if Graystripe was there to walk her through making a choice FOR HERSELF for once#Graystripe is a menace but he's MY menace#warrior cats analysis#graystripe
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more of a psa on the blog but I’m going to try to post more solo shoots of the other SMAP members. Because I have a lot of pretty shoots and I just want to ☺️
I know some of you are probably here mainly for the Takuya things, but please enjoy the other shoots that get posted. All of the SMAP members are really lovely…
#I know these are also not going to get as much ‘support’ like how smap ones sometimes go but thats okay#it’s not about that#tbh i think the THING that upsets me the most is that on occasion a post breaks containment for a bit#but only because a specific person reblogged it at THAT specific moment#and i see the notes and im like…#‘my home is wide open…do you want more of this because i have loads more??’#i feel like a nan that wants to make sure everyone is well-fed even though they JUST got a heaping portion of food#…didn’t really mean to ramble about that…#nor am i trying to guilt-trip anyone into reblogging because again its not about THAT#i just wish more people visited people’s pages if they see a post they like#(talking about tags like ‘omg i love kimutaku’ and i just kind of have this face 😗 waiting for them to show up and then 📭 nada)#or the ones that only reblog that ‘howl japanese va’ post that has a bajillion notes but there’s like…an entire ocean of pictures of him?#why are you only reblogging one?#how do you have such self-restraint?#teach me your ways#actually don’t#i like being insane about old men#*loud incorrect buzzer*#OMG IM STILL WRITING TAGS WHAT THE FU#ramblin but not a gamblin man
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Just canceled all of my future therapy appointments. Big fudgin’ bummer. Did I mention I lost my insurance? Didn’t even find out about that until the day it lapsed. Trying to find a way to fix it now, reapplying and whatnot, but ya know, it’s bureaucracy so who knows how long it’ll take. Just fingers crossed I don’t run out of meds first.
lol it’s underwater 🐠
#ugggghhhhh so sad#like genuinely I think my therapist rocks#he’s the best one I’ve ever had. nice and cool but no BS and just harsh enough to push me#I feel like such a baby for saying it but literally the number one thing I’ve wanted these last few weeks was to go to therapy#I had to skip my last appointment so I haven’t seen him in weeks#between my mom’s organ transplant and driving back and forth to see her everyday and taking care of my bros aaand super suicidal birthday#I’m just… I’m tired. I want to vent. I just want to spill my guts for an hour and maybe cry a lot#and I can’t do that with anyone else. I know that’s dumb to say#I 100% can’t complain to my family because ya know I gotta be strong and they don’t need me being a burden#and I love my mutuals but I don’t know any of you anywhere well enough to feel comfortable venting#I mean. y’all can vent to me all day. I’ll gladly listen to you talk about yourselves. I’m here for it. I just can’t do it myself 😕#I’m so tired and anxious and I don’t want to really get into the self harm talk but I’ve had some serious self destructive thoughts lately#I don’t know what I’m going to do#I have to believe it’ll get better#because if I don’t believe that then… what’s the point?#also.. I’m really fucking lonely. just to throw that out there. if you can’t tell by my reblogs.#I am like desperately and ravenously lonely and full of longing#and you add that to everything else it’s just the sad little cherry on top…#now I want an ice cream sundae… mmmm….#I need 1000 hugs and to sit with someone and maybe get fucked up and complain and sit in silence and and and blegh#but that’s life. it’ll be… it’ll be whatever it is.#sorry. this is a bit too heavy for this time of morning#I’ve been sick. really bad vertigo and vomiting and I’m just wiped out and sad#but I love you stranger or at least I like you enough to be okay with you reading this#okay be safe#goodbye forever#text
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that is not a silly complaint at all, it's very gross how musa has the cyberpunk stuff stapled to her even though TECNA fits that vibe in canon perfectly because they can't unthink of east asian people as a bunch of blade runner caricatures.
NO LITERALLY
dude it's so weird how the fandom treats musa and melody like 😭 every single redesign is either making musa look like a walking festival or making melody a neon cyberpunk wannabe it's so embarrassing,, if it's not one extreme it's another
it's like non-asian and especially white fans are completely incapable of regarding asian people and by extension asian characters as just like,, normal people instead of whatever Aesthetic they enjoy the most. it's SO prevalent with musa especially like people refuse to treat her as a normal person. in canon she's this amazing girl who doesn't mind dressing up occasionally but prefers wearing comfy clothing, who has issues with her dad because he emotionally neglected her after her mom died, who tries to express her feelings so much but often has trouble doing so in a healthy manner,, and the fandom looks at that and goes "okay so she wears a qipao 24/7 and also hates her dad and culture and also melody is a cyberpunk retrofuturistic kpop dream!!" like bro SHUT UP
i've said this before but despite all the wrong rainbow did and continues to do, musa's entire deal was genuinely fucking perfect. she's one of the ONLY early 2000s asian characters that isn't a walking caricature. the ONE thing that rainbow did right,, and the fandom constantly fucks it up
like white fans really see all this and go "ah yes melody. the scifi tech planet with neon lights where musa, our cyberpunk queen, comes from 😀 i see no problem with this headcanon and will not ask myself if it could possibly come from a racist stereotype that often hits east asian characters 😀"
and listen dude i Love redesigns and i would never just shit on someone's headcanons for fun but the way the fandom treats characters of color is so fucking gross. and i'm so tired of being like one of Two people who ever call it out or even notice. the amount of fully racist redesigns, headcanons, and art posts that get hundreds of notes just because people don't even Notice? like i honestly don't have the energy to constantly call out whitewashed art and it sucks so much to see people who claim to love winx sooo much and hate whitewashing and racism sooo much Also constantly support and love these very Noticeably Racist posts like,, okay. sure.
#i went on a rant sorry about that#it just sucks so much dude#like so much of the fandom just does Not care#and they get so defensive about it too#like dude do you really think i care that your white fragile self got oh so offended by someone telling you not to be racist#oh boo hoo man#like.. everyone makes mistakes but its genuinely so easy to Not be racist and its astounding how much white people just... cant do that#the amount of people ive had to block/unfollow because they constantly reblogged whitewashed art..#while also rbing posts about rainbow being evil for whitewashing#like babe the call is 100% coming from inside the house#answered#like dude zenith is RIGHT THERE#HUH?????
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