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a-small-batch-of-dragons · 3 years

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Let's Call It Funny

Prompt: Hi! If you know about those gen z peter parker posts, could your write something based on that? With Steve Getting It (tm) because fatalistic nihilism in humor tended to show up during the world wars and we’re seeing a reflection of that now? Sorry- I just think it’d make great options for steve and peter bonding, and dad!tony but actual emotions (gasp!) You can totally ignore this if you want!

Don't ever apologize for giving me such a great ask

Read on Ao3 Part 2

Warnings: uhhh gen z humor

Pairings: none! all found family in this bitch

Word Count: 2529

Here’s the thing about humor. It’s not necessarily that one generation is any funnier than another, it’s just that high school kids are perpetually the funniest people alive. Something about being in a pressure cooker of an environment with a bunch of other people whose bodies are changing in new unpredictable ways whilst having very little say in how their lives go creates humor. Gasp of shock, right?

So basically what Peter’s trying to say is that he’s fucking hilarious.

Come on, not only does he have the default high schooler stuff, he’s also gay, which gives him an instant bonus. He’s trans, which opens up a whole new subset of humor for him to explore. He’s neurodivergent as fuck, and we all know that makes people funny as hell. And if that weren’t enough, he’s severely traumatized and he’s Spider-Man.

Peter Parker is funny as hell.

What is truly devastating—and really, it’s their loss—is that so few people seem to appreciate it.

Ned gets it. Ned’s not someone Peter would expect to not get it, just because hey, it’s Ned. They’ve met each other in the hallways and been like ‘hey! You’re still alive! Congrats on having a body!’ Only for the other one to go ‘hey! You’re alive too! I wish I had an intangible form!’

Because bodies are stupid and evolution really fucked us over but at least we’re not horses.

A solid 50% of their interactions are just quoting John Mulaney and Bo Burnham bits back and forth at each other. Peter’s never gonna forget the day they both had detention and had to watch that stupid Cap PSA—it’s propaganda, you Nazi fuckwits—and something reminded them of the ‘horse loose in a hospital’ bit and they just did it. Full out. Stood up and did the actions and everything. The rest of the room was either trying to do it with them—and failing, because they didn’t have nearly enough practice—or looking so confused. The security guard—Paul, he’s great—just looked at them blearily after they finished and went:

“I mean, you kids are right, but you’re not supposed to talk in detention.”

Well, excuse them for trying to make it more entertaining for everyone.

MJ gets it. If Peter’s being honest, he learned most of his humor from her. She is the master and it is an honor to study in her wake. He’s definitely hijacked the asking whether or not anything’s actually meaningful existentialism jokes and they’ve wormed their way into his day-to-day repertoire.

“Why are you late, Mr. Parker?”

“Time is a social construct, Mrs. B, none of us are ever late or early except in the subjective spacetime paths. The limits of our sensory perception make it so we can’t tell if anything is real, let alone whether or not they conform to some arbitrary definition of ‘time.’”

“…just sit down, Peter.”

See? It works.

Aunt May gets…worried.

Sure, they’ve actually talked about when Peter needs help and wants to reach out and when he’s just making jokes off the cuff because hey, humor’s a great coping mechanism or it’s just a joke and not that serious. Peter loves his Aunt May, so so so much, and the last thing he wants to do is really worry her. And she’s gotten pretty good at figuring out when he’s just joking and when he’s spiraling.

Sometimes, though…

“Peter,” Aunt May calls from the kitchen, “did you remember to stop by the store on your way home?”

Peter freezes halfway through the door.

“Peter?”

He swallows. “…no.”

“Why not?”

“Because I am too stressed and consumed by the swirling pit of blackness deep in my soul to remember my head is connected to my body, let alone remember to go to the store.”

Silence.

“…Aunt May?”

“Do you want to drop off your stuff and then go to the store?”

“…yeah, please.”

“Love you, Pete.”

“Love you!”

“Try to remember that you’ve got arms so you can pick stuff up.”

“Got it!”

See? It’s fine.

The Avengers don’t get it. Like, at all.

Natasha and Clint like, sorta get it? They make the same jokes all the time when they think Peter can’t hear them, which—come on, you guys are super spies, surely you know people are gonna hear you when they’re gonna hear you. Natasha will make a crack about something, Clint will laugh and shove her shoulder. It’s their dynamic, we get it. But when Peter does it…

“Hey, Baby Spider?”

Peter sticks his head up from the ceiling. “Yeah?”

“Where’re you crawling off to?”

“I’m gonna go hide in the garage.”

Natasha blinks up at him. “Why?”

“Because if I get crushed by the airlock doors then I won’t have to do my paper tomorrow.”

Silence. Natasha’s mask is too good for Peter to actually see what’s going on with her, let alone from this angle, but silence isn’t good.

“Nat—oof!”

Something blurs out of the vent nearby and tackles him down onto the couch.

“Clint!”

“Nope,” Clint mutters, wrapping Peter up in a hug as Natasha comes to join them. “You’re staying with us now, Pete.”

“Guys, I’m fine.”

“Peter,” Natasha says softly, “don’t joke about that, you’ll make us worry.”

“I don’t wanna do that,” Peter mumbles, “but it’s fine.”

“Coping mechanism, huh?”

“Yeah.”

“He’s got too many brain cells to do that,” Clint says, ruffling Peter’s hair.

“Stark has a lot of brain cells, you see what good that does him?”

“Hmm. Guess you’re gonna have to stay awhile, Pete.”

There are worse fates. Definitely.

Thor just kind of gets confused by it. He acts like Peter isn’t going to be absolutely fine because there’s no need to do anything like that. No, Peter, you don’t have to put the bleach in first into your cereal, there’s plenty of milk left over. No, Peter, you don’t have to throw yourself off the roof because your laptop is freezing, Stark has so many just lying around. No, Peter, you don’t have to pack a rucksack and run away to the Alps and live like a recluse, come here and get a hug.

Peter suspects Thor’s playing dumb on purpose. The man is smart as hell, there’s no way all of this is flying over his head. And honestly, it warms his heart a little bit when he sees Thor’s sincere, concerned look when he thinks Peter’s not looking.

Banner and Rhodey just kinda shake their heads and move on. They’re used to it. They live and work with some of the most dramatic fucking people in the goddamn universe, they’re used to a little bit of extra humor. Occasionally one of them will give him a look that says he’s pushing his luck, but that’s not often. Less often now ‘cause he knows what he can get away with. He’s also seen them hiding smiles behind their hands or poorly disguised coughs. They’re not as slick as they think they are.

Tony.

Tony is the fucking worst.

Peter can’t get away with so much as sighing too hard before Iron Dad™ is swooping in all soft words and concerned touches. Jesus. You’d think he’d get it, he uses humor as a coping mechanism too, goddamnit, why is he so worried about Peter?

Okay, fine, he knows why.

MJ’s over at the Tower, having another one of her ‘sketch people in crisis’ appointments with Natasha. Peter is coming off of a 32-hour caffeine rush and is violently wishing for death. Tony is in the kitchen doing…something.

“Hey, do you think bleach would make a good smoothie?”

Tony wheels around to see MJ pulling a glass out of the cupboard.

“Kid—“

“Sounds like a filling breakfast,” Peter groans, “can you make me one too?”

“…I’m legitimately concerned,” comes Tony’s mutter.

MJ ignores him. “Who’s the bitch on your forehead?”

Peter rubs absentmindedly at the massive knot on his head, courtesy of a wall that rudely decided to move at the last second while Peter was attempting to walk through a doorway. “He’s called DJ Braindeath and he’s my only friend in the world.”

“Peter—“

“Oh did you meet him at the furry convention?"

“Technically it’d be a buggie convention.”

“What the hell are you two talking about?”

“The pantry doesn’t have good coffee, I’m going to Starbucks.” MJ grabs her bag. “You want anything?”

“A will to live?”

“Peter, what the fuck—“

“Oof, I’ve only got like…20 bucks.”

Peter lets his head drop back to the counter. “Then just leave me here to die.”

“Can I have champagne at your funeral?”

“I’ll be dead, I won’t fucking care.”

“God, I wish that were me.”

Then MJ’s gone and Peter gets treated to a 20-minute conversation with a very concerned Tony Stark that he doesn’t remember most of because hey caffeine crashes aren’t fun.

He definitely does it on purpose sometimes just to wind Tony up. Like there’s this one incident with an interview he does as Spider-Man and he gets asked what he thinks about Tony Stark’s newest intern, Peter Parker.

“That boy’s an embarrassment, just…complete failure. Can’t speak without stuttering through every other word and self-esteem issues all over the place. Also looks like he got dressed in the dark.”

The reporter had awkwardly moved on to another question. The interview aired later that day while Peter was at the Tower. Tony sat next to him on the couch about halfway through.

“You look good, Pete.”

Peter had mumbled halfheartedly, only to hear the reporter ask the same question.

“See, that’s the problem with having a secret identity, you don’t…” Tony trailed off as he heard the answer.

Peter snorted as Spider-Man finished talking. “Say that to my face, you bitch, get a real job. At least I don’t look like someone vomited silly string all over my spandex.”

“Are you okay?”

See? Fun.

The only one he’s made a conscious effort to not be this funny around is Steve.

Because, okay, here’s the thing. Steve’s disappointed look has no effect on him anymore. He’s immune, motherfuckers, he’s had detention too many times for it to still work. Here’s the other thing: Steve doesn’t actually use that tone of voice that often. It’s this meticulously crafted image he plays up in interviews because it catches all the bad guys so off guard when Captain America is suddenly swearing a blue streak at them and telling them to go fuck themselves in, honestly, quite creative ways. The sincere Steve Rogers disappointment and concern still very much works. Also doesn’t help that Steve does caring so fucking well, like…who gave him the right to say a few things and hold Peter like he’s something precious and do the quick one-two punch of saying a super sincere compliment and following it up with ‘I love you.’ Who did that? It’s rude. Stop it.

And yeah, Steve’s the resident Mom at the Ready. It’s a risk to even sit on your bed looking sad ‘cause here he comes, wearing something snuggly and saying ‘hey’ in that stupid, stupid compassionate voice. So Peter knows he’s just gonna end up crying from too much soft if Steve actually gets concerned. Which won’t be fair because he’s gonna try and explain that he’s fine and it’s just his sense of humor while crying. Yeah, like that’s gonna be believable.

So he’s trying not to but damnit it’s hard.

Then he walks into the kitchen one day to see Steve struggling with the toaster.

It’s one of Tony’s new prototypes—which means that anyone struggling with it is so fair—and from the looks of it, it’s managed to not only burn the bread to a crisp, but also mangle the slices beyond recognizable shape.

Peter’s not paying that much attention. He’s on his phone, heading towards his spot in the corner with the beanbag chairs and definitely doesn’t recognize Steve as he goes.

He only plops down and hears someone declare, in a completely deadpan voice: “There is no point to existing at all.”

“Oh, mood.”

He doesn’t think much of it. He doesn’t even know who said that, that’s how hyper-focused he is right now. He hears the others come in and feels Clint plonk down next to him.

“Hey, Pete.”

“Sah, dude.”

“Just vibing. Did I do it right?”

“Yeah, man you’re going great.”

“You teach Thor ‘yeet’ yet?”

“We’re getting there.”

“Steve,” he hears Tony call from the kitchen, “what the fuck did you do?”

“Language.”

“Don’t fucking talk to me about language when you’re making toast that looks like a goddamn welder’s table, what is that?”

“Your prototype’s work, I imagine.”

“How did you even—“

Clint chuckles next to him as the two of them start fondly bickering. Peter’s too busy speedrunning the five stages of grief in his head.

Did…did Steve say the thing about there being no point to existence at all?

No…no way.

He must be imagining things.

Then, of course, there’s a chime on his phone.

Ned: Did u do the bio hw?

There was bio homework?

Ned: yeah, due at noon

“I now know why God abandoned this timeline and when will death come to take me?”

The room goes silent.

Shit.

“Peter,” Clint says, “it’s gonna be fine, you can do bio homework in your sleep—“

“Are you okay?” Ah, that’s Thor.

“Kid—“

And Nat, and Tony’s probably rushing over here as he speaks.

Then there’s another voice.

“We can only pray the reaper arrives early for his appointment with us, kid.”

Peter’s head snaps up.

Steve.

Steve fucking Rogers raises a coffee cup at him in salute and takes a sip. He makes a face.

“…that was definitely salt,” he mutters, before shrugging and downing the whole thing.

…what?

Peter’s still staring at him until he catches his gaze and winks.

Oh, fuck yes.

“Steven Grant Rogers,” Tony says, hands on his hips, “explain.”

Steve just gives him a look. “I grew up in the Great Depression, Tony, and I was in the army. You don’t think I have a fatalistic sense of humor?”

“Plus the fact that most of my generation is resorting to types of humor found when death and stress are so ever-present that you have to joke about it says something,” Peter adds, “doesn’t it?”

Steve raises his cup again. “See? He gets it.”

And just like that, the bond between Peter Parker and Steve Rogers was written, formed, and sealed in salt and existentialist depression.

“There’s two of you,” Tony mumbles, “oh my god, there’s two of you.”

“Oh, you just wait ’til Buck and Sam get back.”

Peter can’t fucking wait.

#marvel #mcu #avengers #spider man #peter parker #fic #dragonbabbles

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toujoursmiraculous · 3 years

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Thoughts and Reaction to ROCKETEAR!

It's a long post, but when are these ever really short? xD Seeing Carapace first made me so excited. I've been sad we haven't had much of him in the show. And then I saw that it seemed like Ladynoir was doing pretty good as they only had Carapace helping them this time. More S2 & S3 like. So I was like cool, cool, this is great. But what the heck scientist WHY ARE YOU BRINGING TYRANNOSAURUS REX'S BACK! Obviously she's going to be something big later on, she's too nicely animated not to be back. Not to mention Bob Roth's plans. Anyone else both intrigued but also scared at what that could do later? Big upcoming plot point, I think.

I screamed awwww because this is everything. I've wanted a LB/Carapace and Marinette/Nino friendship bond in this show since season 1. This scene made me incredibly happy! I'm a huge Nino fan, for those that don't know, so you can imagine how much I love this episode. Even though sad Nino.

"Alya, everyone has to believe that you will never use the Miraculous again!" End of episode: So anyway... So what I'm seeing here is, Alya's not fond of the idea of being just a spy, not being in on the action. Even though it's Ladybug's plan. Chat Noir isn't fond of what's going on right now either, where he thinks what's going on is all Ladybug's plans. Alya makes the decision to not do what Ladybug wants and tells Nino she's still Rena Rouge. So what's Chat Noir going to do to go against her? Because that's coming up on the horizon. Despite everything being easier for Marinette since everything's not just on her shoulders now, she's still been unable to play video games with her dad, and we know how much she loves doing that. :c That's really sad she doesn't even have time for her family anymore. DJWifi over here being all adorable. "You don't love me anymore!" Me: *Chat Blanc flashbacks* Alya suggests her new content could be Chat Noir edits and Marinette's like YES DO THOSE. Then those edits helped push Nino into thinking she was into Chat. Big oops. Not gonna lie, the rewind freaked me out for a moment. Last time I saw that was Chat Blanc so I thought something big was up. But nope, it's just like that scene in Puppeteer 2. Ugh poor Nino! He knows something's bothering Alya, but she won't say what it is and her behavior's too off from how she normally is. Poor guy. x.x Grumpy Nino that Carapace doesn't get attention and then they wrote his girlfriend with Chat Noir. I remember when Alya was grumpy for a bit about Rena Rouge not getting a party to celebrate her. Movie Ladybug telling Movie Chat Noir that he's better with Movie Rena Rouge. Is this a reference to the episode in Avatar, The Ember Island Players? Getting strong vibes when Play Aang and Play Katara were like, we're just friends nothing more and it's great! Play Katara was extremely into Play Zuko. I can see why Ladybug dismissed the movie (or was it the previous one since it's been awhile? Maybe?) because Rena Rouge and Chat Noir???? The writers (of the movie) just wanted to be different because everyone can see Ladynoir, unless they're blind. Alya and Nino are Andre's favorite couple. YES THANK YOU. I mean they're not my favorite because Love Square. BUT they're my second favorite next to them. Those kids are super adorable but definitely that kid playing Chat wasn't doing Nino any favors. First picture Alya shows. Chat with a heart tail. Yeah that's not doing her any favors lol. Nino: UGH CHAT NOIR'S COMING IN BETWEEN ME AND MY GIRLFRIEND. I KNOW, I'LL CALL MY BEST FRIEND TO VENT TO ABOUT IT. Best Friend Chat Noir: Best Friend Chat Noir: Welp maybe I should see what's up. Maybe I went a little to hard on the cat charm and she's fallen in love with me. Me: Oh oof here we go. Also can I ask, if anyone knows, who animated this episode? The fluidity is great and it looks really pretty. But it doesn't quite look like SAMG's work either. Whoever did it, I love it. S2 Chat Noir: You're not replacing me with a turtle, are you? :c S4 Nino: Who would want a reckless turtle as a partner? BOYS STOP. But yeah this whole scene had me laughing so hard XD Very dramatic and I love it. Nino's hilarious even when he's worried and sad! I would've absolutely loved to have heard this in English with the old English voice of Nino, but the new one worries me on whether or not he'll do a good job sounding like Nino and less high-pitched and whiny. :/ New York Nino was great but S4 Nino....x.x THE TRANSITION BETWEEN HIS INNER MONOLOGUE AND SPEAKING REGULARLY AGAIN 😂😂😂😂 Brilliant! It doesn't really feel like Miraculous Ladybug this episode, and I love it. Not that I don't love the show as usual but wow this is great. Okay, I want to point out that Chat Noir

probably was more worried about it than he would've been otherwise because of what happened with Marinette in Weredad. It probably made him more cautious about this sort of thing.

LOL Chat's sulking because Alya's laughing at the idea of being interested in him. 😂😂 I know that's a blow to one's ego and all, and he's dealt with this kind of thing a lot so I do feel bad for him, but that is his best friend's girlfriend and he definitely doesn't want her to like him. Alya: With him it's not just ❤️it's *makes massive hand gesture indicating she loves him deeply* SO SO SO CUTE OKAY ALL THIS DJWIFI 😭 Alya: And I don't even know your secret identity! I would never fall in love with someone I don't know. Chat Noir, literally fell in love with Ladybug, whose identity he doesn't know. Well Alya, I wonder if you saying that matters for later somehow.... o.O Nino running away crying is honestly one of the things that hurts me most in the entire show. Ugh. Adrien over here being all, I'm having a good day. I'm happy and smiling and it's great. And then it wasn't. Adrien, if Nino let him and didn't interrupt, would've told him about how Alya really doesn't love Chat Noir, and that would've seriously led up to his identity being exposed since Nino was watching and filmed them. o.o Did you notice how he was going to tell him about it? S4, the basement is where it's at. Adrien: Uhh, when did you arrange all this? Nino: *pounds fist on desk* I ASK THE QUESTIONS! 😂 So like. Why is Nino interrogating Adrien when he's after Chat Noir? He doesn't know they're the same person. XD He's looking at him like Adrien has info he's keeping or something omg.

Also again this animation is so nice. Adrien, feeling uncomfortable and so turns the music off. Nino, wanting his dramatic music on while he interrogates Adrien, turns it back on. Adrien, feeling even more irritated and uncomfortable, wants the music OFF and turns it off. Nino, turns the music back on. This may be a reference to something, I don't know, but lolol it's so funny. This episode is both super hilarious and super angsty! Honestly they've done such a good job in my opinion. Nino: I'm talking about something that I shouldn't tell you! ...but I'm going to tell you anyway! Alya's Rena Rouge and I'm Carapace! Okay but the way Adrien went from shock to utter anger, knocked his chair back and grabbed Nino's shoulders like "Tell me the truth. You two know about each other?" Aw man, my poor sunshine boy. A lot of the stuff bothering Adrien is all circumstantial, none of it is to purposefully keep him in the dark. And yet from his perspective, that's how it looks. "I thought secret identities must be protected at all times! If that was the truth, you would never tell me this!" Alright so three things. If he's referring to him saying that Nino and Alya know about each other, that was situational and important info for him to know now that this is out. It wasn't important to know before this. The time it happened was dire and was really no time to get around it. If he's talking about Nino telling him the secrets, well yeah that's not supposed to happen and Nino broke that trust. But also, I get the feeling pretty strongly at this point Adrien's going to be breaking some rules too and one of which is he's going to tell Nino who he is. Adrien's being too emotional in this scene to not be involved in it all, I'm wondering if that's going to be questioned later by Nino. He's acting like he knows too much to be a random viewer of the heroes like the rest of Paris. Also Adrien's best friend just totally dissed Chat Noir and went off about how he throws himself at Ladybug whenever he sees her with roses and love confessions. 😂😂😂 This is just too funny! "But he's always rejected because Ladybug finds him annoying! And she's completely right!" Omg Nino, that's not the reason anymore, shush! "And then Rena Rouge appears and he goes *tickles under Adrien's chin* hey pretty lady! You look elegant and you have great perfume." OMG does Chat Noir actually say and do stuff like that to Rena Rouge or is he just exaggerating here XD "If I could I would shut his mouth forever!" Yeah Nino, say what you really think about your best friend in the entire world. Yikes poor Adrien though. I never imagined he'd hear all these bad things about himself from his best friend directly like that. :/ That's a major misunderstanding of him. Which kind of pushes me more towards the "he's going to tell Nino" theory. Sad Adrien transformation DDDX Alya: *explained everything about why Chat Noir went over to her house in the middle of the night* Marinette *facepalm* Ugh that Chat Noir... Well at least there will be no misunderstandings there! xD "Chat Noir, you stole Alya from me! I will steal your life from you." Good lord man calm down. You can't just kill a man! Fanon: Chat Noir gets attacked by a guy over Marinette. Canon: Chat Noir gets attacked by a guy over Alya. Time to go back to the basement! lol Nino's music's still playing xD And the video is left with it paused on Chat Noir hugging Alya. Marinette looked a bit sad, but it was probably more about the situation being a mess rather than being sad he'd hug her. Meanwhile, Chat Noir's fighting Nino and would rather get beaten up by him than fight. x.x "I can't believe that I doubted you." "I can't believe I chose to do anything but be with you!" She wiped away akumatized Nino's tear just like how Ladybug wiped away akumatized Chat Noir's. ALL THE PARALLELS 😭😭😭 But that hug is so sweet!! Nino broke off the akumatization just like Alya did :o Dang, I wonder if that means something later too. "Love and secrets do not go well together, Ladybug. And I'm sure you have a lot of

them!" Secrets = from Chat Noir. Love = for Chat Noir. Yeah even Shadow Moth knows at this point. xP Thanks for that foreshadowing. Nino's charm is my favorite charm so far! It's my favorite shade of blue. Chat Noir: Everybody has doubts sometimes...even me." Ladybug: Is everything okay, Chat Noir? Chat: Oh yes...pound it!

So um. The placemet of Adrien's poster in between Chat Noir, Ladybug, and just with this entire situation feels very strange. Very intentional. But no clue exactly what that could mean..... Nino and Alya are happy over there watching those two, like they're waiting for them to figure things out or something. But really, Adrien should've talked to Ladybug when he could still do so calmly and be reasonable. I doubt that's going to be the case later on. And honestly Ladybug doesn't even know what's going on. Every episode we've seen really either has them working together or she's unable to be Ladybug when he's unable to be Chat Noir most of the time. I've said it before but these two really need to communicate. Nino and Alya are like a less adorably romantic version of what they'd be. "But they're a couple and they know their secret identities, so why does that rule exist for us but they can know?" Very simple. Because they were temporary holders and the Miraculous they had, Hawk Moth hasn't made it his life's mission to obtain, unlike them, who are permanent holders and Hawk Moth's been after them fiercely to make a Wish that could destroy everything. But. The fact he's asking this, and Marinette's Chat Blanc nightmare, really points in the direction that he's going to eventually find out that while she's thought about telling him all along, Chat Blanc's kept her from doing so.

Okay, so while it looks like he's staring up at the moon, if you notice, it really is just one of the pink bubbles.

Now, they could be making it seem like it's the moon though to give it a double meaning. But poor Kitty, he's feeling so awful right now over in that dark corner Dx Nino felt bad for only two episodes? and it got resolved, so hopefully this all won't last too much longer for him! Marinette had a few shaky episodes so hopefully he'll have a few before it gets resolved. But somehow I think that may be wishful thinking. This episode was so amazing, honestly. Wonderful writing, made me laugh a lot, aw a lot, and hurt a lot. It focused on the core 4 characters which I've wanted more of for a long time. The animation was beautiful. And it just felt so different in such a good way. Chat Noir's having a hard time right now, and I know there's a lot of anger and hate about it going around. But please, think of this as him hitting a rough spot in the road to a much better and brighter future. He's going to end up okay, he'll understand it all someday. And that day's honestly not that far for him if you think about it.

#ml #miraculous ladybug #ml spoilers #ml season 4 spoilers #chat blanc #rocketear spoilers #ml spoilers season 4 #toujoursmiraculous thoughts and reaction #ladybug #chat noir #carapace #rena rouge #alya cesaire #nino lahiffe #marinette dupain cheng #adrien agreste #miraculous tales of ladybug and cat noir

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angeltrapz · 3 years

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saw ur post 4 saw asks n im here to deliver!! (also fully gonna answer the one u sent me i just had a busy night 💚) — hmmm would personally love to hear more abt the Matthews-Faulkner-Stanheight-Blank family dynamic? esp maybe Daniel + Art, but rlly just anything u wanna talk abt there! maybe if they have any sorta family traditions, what holidays look like for them, that sorta deal

shfajs tysm!!!! (also tht's totally okay, take yr time!!!)

also oooo I love this question okay. so like u mentioned this when I asked abt what Eric n Daniel's relationship would b like post-trap, but I think it's very very good fr Daniel 2 like. see tht Eric has ppl who love him n who don't mind helping him when he needs it n who are THERE fr him bc again, like you've mentioned, seeing a parent so utterly shattered th way Eric was after his trap is incredibly difficult, esp for a kid (though Daniel is like. at least seventeen? still). knowing tht his dad has a good support system n is surrounded by ppl tht care abt him helps put him at ease bc he knows he can trust Adam n Art. he knows they'll keep Eric safe n tht they'll help him to heal, tht they love him n want 2 see him do well n get better. plus, Daniel knows tht if he needs to talk 2 some1 abt how difficult seeing his dad like tht is, he knows both Adam n Art r there fr him and tht helps a lot. of course, he also has Rigg + maybe Hoffman (until th whole. u know.), but they don't live w Eric. they don't see him every day th way Art n Adam do. that's not 2 say they don't know Eric is struggling, but there is a difference btwn them n Eric's boyfriends. basically, Daniel is very much grateful fr Art + Adam.

I feel like Art wld be VERY good at lending an ear fr when Daniel needs 2 talk. whether that be abt their trap + tht whole experience, Eric's trap n the consequences/rough aftermath, just plain venting, etc.; Art is there 2 listen to them + offer a solution if they want one. most times I think Daniel just wants to b listened to, esp when it comes to what they went thru in the Nerve Gas House - tht's smth they don't feel comfortable discussing w Eric right away fr obvious reasons, but therapy can only do so much. I think th two of them have more in common than they might realize at first, bc hey, Art Killed A Man Because Trevor Was Going To Kill Him If He Didn't, and Daniel Killed A Man Because Xavier Would Have Killed Both Them And Amanda If They Didn't. I feel like Art is like. very reserved abt th details of his first trap + how they affected him (and th second one tbh; it's not smth he vocalizes often at all), but fr Daniel he wld gladly talk abt it if it meant Daniel didn't feel alone. if it meant it could help them, reassure them that hey, it wasn't yr fault, u did what u had to, n I know tht can be hard 2 believe right now n that's okay. u need to process things at yr own pace.

and so Art tells them abt the Mausoleum, bares a part of himself he keeps locked away where he doesn't often give it much thought/actively ignores it. n I think tht's healing fr him too, maybe. there's solace in tht shared experience, as horrible as it was in th moment. 2 know there's someone out there who has even th faintest inkling of what u went thru + what u had to do to survive. of course Daniel relates 2 Adam fr this reason too, but like. Art will use his Lawyer Voice n make sure Daniel understands tht what they did doesn't make them a bad person or confirm tht Jigsaw Was Right And They Deserved It. n tht's rly important fr Daniel 2 hear, esp early on. it's honestly one of th first times Art is truly honest abt his feelings on th matter + the Mausoleum, n it's just. a step tht much closer to healing for both of them.

family traditions!!! they do have a few! in the summer, every sunday they have Daniel w them, Eric Art n Adam go out fr ice cream, even if they get it at the drive thru n eat it in th car bc none of them want 2 be around all th people/sit outside in th muggy weather. it's a good way to get them all out of th house fr a little while, something enjoyable tht doesn't require too much energy or even interaction. it's just smth nice they can do where they're all together n chilling n just enjoying each other's company!

this is mostly a Daniel one but every year around April Fools he just. puts fucking googly eyes on everything. n every time some1 discovers some, it doesn't matter where in th house he is, u can hear him cackle abt it. Adam thinks it's an absolute delight n has assisted on multiple occasions. tht's abt as far as pranks go fr them, bc none of them like surprises like that, but god is it ever hilarious 2 hear Eric frm the kitchen while Art Adam n Daniel r in the living room when he says "I found another one!" while he's looking fr smth in the fridge kjdkfsf.

holidays!! every Christmas they all sit down in th living room n watch a couple of movies w the blankets spread out on th floor w snacks n hot chocolate. the first Christmas following his trap, Eric was sat on th couch between Adam n Art while Daniel chose to sprawl out on th floor, n he just looked around at his boyfriends n his son n the fake pine tree they had all decorated together n he like. needs to take a moment bc this is it. this is all he cld ever want out of life right here. this is a level of peace Eric never knew he wld ever be able to reach after what he went thru fr those six months. n he just sort of presses his face into Art's shoulder n breathes thru it. he doesn't even have to say anything fr Adam n Art to know what he's thinking bc Adam's hand is on his arm n Art's resting his cheek against th top of his head, n he might cry a little, but he's happy. surrounded by th ppl he loves n who love him, love him enough to keep the lights down low n the volume on th television soft, to use subtitles so he doesn't get overwhelmed, Eric realizes he has a home n it's just. oof.

fr Valentine's Day, this one was actually Adam's idea initially: wht they do is take sticky notes n write little affirmations on thm fr each other, n stick thm in places where they'll see it. sometimes Daniel joins in on this one, but usually it's an Art Eric Adam thing. so like it'll be little things, like a note frm Adam telling Eric how proud he is of him, or one from Art letting Adam know he couldn't have had a better best friend, or th one from Eric that thanks th both of thm fr helping him w his rashes + helping him 2 accept tht part of him n start to see it as nothing to be ashamed of. it starts on th first day of February and ends on Valentine's Day itself, n sometimes they get those packs of cards u get fr kids just to write goofy shit on thm to pass back n forth n make each other laugh. they also get th discounted candy!! (Adam steals all th twix bars tho. tht's okay bc Eric likes snickers anyway n Art is fond of reese's peanut butter cups. they share th sweet tarts + conversation hearts!)

Halloween is when they get a big bowl of candy 2 leave on th porch fr the kids who're trick-or-treating while th three of them stay inside (+Daniel sometimes!) n watch some classics, like their Christmas tradition. they Also add in some bad movies 2 mix it up a lil bit bc sometimes u just need a laugh. I am like in Lov w the idea u had abt Eric n Adam sometimes building cozy pillow forts, so they do tht n the three of them just vibe in there n lay together n look n talk. n like it's So Much Fun 2 have ppl to like. discuss movies w while yr watching them! esp when they're ppl who won't be annoyed w u when u wanna share a thought! like Eric n Adam will get into this deep discussion abt horror movie decisions n Art will just lay there n listen bc he loves them so much n loves hearing them get amped up abt things. he'll offer his own two cents if asked too! mostly he listens, but he can definitely contribute.

inevitably at some point, someone's hand ends up in Eric's hair n he's just. asleep not too long after that. usually on someone's shoulder or against their chest, n depending on who's still awake, they either try 2 move to th bedroom or they just sleep in th living room (i.e.: Art will try to convince Eric n Adam to come to bed properly, whereas Adam will just b like "fuck it" n pass out right there. has this led 2 them waking up sore b4? absolutely. but it's like. "we r adults who live w our decisions n this one happened 2 be sleeping on th floor" so.

n then a minor one is on their birthdays, some1 (usually Art, to be completely honest w u) will cook tht person their favourite comfort food fr dinner n they all help make cake/cupcakes/cookies/something dessert-related of their choice. so like Art rly likes brownies, Adam is fond of strawberry jello poke cake, n Eric can make some RLY good carrot cake cupcakes w homemade frosting too. it's just smth fr them to do together + like! it's celebrating! they've all been thru so much hell but they're still here! n that's rly th focus for the three of them. sometimes they have ppl over too - like Rigg, Gibson, Brit, Mallick, Lawrence, William (all of them best-case, obv); it's nice 2 have a lil party sometimes! after what they've endured they've kind of earned it I think!

thank u sm!!! this was so fun 2 think abt fjdkjsk

(lil random hc: when Daniel was little, Eric used 2 write letters to him frm Santa. eventually Daniel got "too old for that," but honestly? they cherish tht memory. I wanted 2 include it bc it makes me kjehfje!!!)

#thank u so much I love getting asks frm u!!!!!!#mutual support hours <3 #saw #eric #adam #art #daniel #others r mentioned #listen. a family can be u yr dad n his two boyfriends n yr all traumatized but yr coping together.#it pulls u together instead of tearing u apart.#which is a concept I desperately wish we could've seen more!! it's what they all deserved damn it!!#long post #asks #gnna go thru n tag these w that so I can like. maybe make a masterpost l8r?#if any1 is interested in tht!

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marithlizard · 4 years

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Ace Attorney: Rise From the Ashes (Day Two, Investigation Former) (part 4)

(There’s so much to speculate on at this point in the game that I ended up just plain narrating all the events in detail. It was fun to write - but is it fun to read? Or do people prefer the less wordy format?) Today on Ace Attorney, we have our mission clear in mind: bring down Stinkyhead Gant the police chief, thereby saving both Lana Skye's life and Miles Edgeworth's career. And oh yeah we should probably figure out who killed Detective Goodman.

Twice.

Simultaneously in two different places. Could be twins, but my money's on the second victim being someone else dressed up in a white trenchcoat and fedora, and Gant was playing elaborate word games at the trial to technically not lie about it. No idea why.

A quick review establishes that the two crime scenes are 30 minutes apart by car, and then we're off to the parking garage to do Science(tm), I guess?

Ema announces that no body was found in the evidence room murder. Huh. That certainly wasn't mentioned at the trial! How, exactly, do you ID a nonexistent body? In particular, why would you think it was someone who was provably elsewhere and also dead?

Also Ema: Murder, sure, but my sister would NEVER erase evidence, that's unthinkable!

She's all excited about spraying for blood traces. And she has a point that we can't trust the police. Pink glasses on, new game mechanic engaged, and... we find some splotches right next to the car trunk. Not enough for a fatal knife fight, though. Lana's shoe has more blood on it than the ground.

Hello, lunchlady. You're much more friendly today. Though your bentos are no more appetizing than usual.

Angel Starr: Yes, I totally lied about these key facts to make my enemy seem more guilty. But you haven't caught me in any lies about these OTHER things, and that's what's important!

Instead of pointing out that we have no reason to trust ANY of her testimony, Phoenix muses that the photo she took must have a Clue in it. Hm. Re-examining it, I see:

Lana still has both shoes on and they do not match the shoe submitted as evidence. Clue or low production values?

Lots of blood on her trenchcoat, no scarf, gloves, she's about to shut the trunk. But she didn't, since the crime scene outline tape shows the body was hanging out of it when found.

I dunno, man. The Clue eludes me. We ask Angel about her past as a detective instead. I get the distinct sense she is bragging about having tortured suspects.

Ema rises ten points in my estimation for a perfect delivery of the obvious food-poisoning insult. Angel barely notices, though; she's too busy being bitter about the case that got her fired. The SL-9 incident - same name as the tag on the knife, no surprise there.

Our victim Goodman was the lead detective on the case, she says. The knife was the murder weapon (duh), and in her eyes the case isn't over. (Goodman probably thought the same. Does Lana?) But it seems that's all she wants to say. We give up and head to the police department. There's another crime scene that could use a dose of Science.

The moving doll is still out front. Inside, the head detective won't talk about the situation, but will brag about his plush version of the doll. The other detective at his desk is working on his Agatha Christie fanfic. I'm not exactly sensing grim determination to avenge a fallen colleague, here.

We reach the security guard office. Cheesy cowboy decor, eleven booze bottles plus a full glass right on the front desk, and a line set up for hanging laundry. Somebody sleeps under his desk and has no fucks left to give. A lasso "trap" in front of the inner door looks like something set by Wile E. Coyote on an off day.

Ema's imagination is good enough to compare her sister to a cactus - but not good enough to think of using the ID card in our inventory to get into the evidence room. Or looking up stuff on the conveniently unguarded security computer. Instead we stand around waiting for Marshall until I give up.

Detention center: Lana is being interrogated. Will she be charged with both deaths, common sense not being an obstacle around here? But no, Phoenix remembers that Gant said they'd caught a suspect for the second murder. I really hope it's not Gumshoe.

The Prosecutor's office doesn't seem to be available right now. With no other options, we head back to the lunchlady and try again. I throw everything in my inventory at her this time. To my surprise, she has some solid observations to make:

- If Angel hadn't witnessed the crime, Edgeworth would've been the obvious first suspect. ...Was that the plan? I assumed before that she was planted at the scene as a witness, but now I'm not so sure.

- She's backed off from her blind rage against Lana enough to admit that it's very odd for such an organized person not to have brought her own murder weapon.

- She could've taken her photo from the overlooking guard room, instead of spending five minutes running all around the edge of the parking garage and climbing a high chain link fence. Her testimony looks fishy because of that.

Ema points out that lying on the stand is fishier. Angel retorts that her testimony was "disregarded" before in THAT case, and she was determined not to let it happen again. Do tell, lunchlady. Vent your bitterness at us.

And she does. (Flashback image: Angel, Goodman, and Marshall bent over a map, with a fourth person mostly hidden by the speech bubble.) The prosecutors, she says, were desperate for decisive evidence of guilt. They did not find it...so they used fake evidence to convict and execute the suspect. And then fired or demoted all the detectives involved.

Oof. So, falsified evidence *isn't* common practice here, depite the rumors about Edgeworth. It's so rare and so unacceptable that this level of coverup was needed to prevent major scandal. Angel has reason for her hatred of prosecutors - but who exactly was responsible? Edgeworth was new on the job at the time. It would have been Lana, pressured by Gant. And that's why Lana has been a cactus ever since.

I still don't like Angel, but she's smart enough to recognize Phoenix will serve her ends. She gives us an actually tasty-looking lunch! I thought it was a present in recognition of allyship, but no, it's a bribe. Presumably the smell of steak will lure someone back to his assigned guard post.

Ema blurts out her concern for Marshall, who apparently was a lot nicer before SL-9 and did not use to refer to her as a baby cow. Angel assures us Marshall is not one of her many boyfriends. I'm not sure why this makes Ema feel better, but it does.

Back to the PD we go with steak in hand.

Gumshoe is not arrested! He'd tell us who is, but we only have one piece of protein in the inventory and there's no need to trade it for the name. I can easily imagine who would be "having a good cry" in detention...but I can't imagine him doing murder. Even the judge wouldn't buy a whopper like that.

Waving the steak around at the security guard office fails to summon Marshall, so we head back *again* to lend the Sniveling Mailman a handkerchief. (Phoenix is racking up a lot of taxi or subway expenses, here. And he won't have the heart to bill Ema if Lana is convicted.)

S.M. Meekins, left hand thoroughly bandaged, can't imagine himself doing murder either. He is very confused and very loud. I am confused too, about why the guards haven't taken his portable loudspeaker away. But his garbled tale of woe clears things up for me if not for our heroes.

Meekins saw a "suspicious person" in a white trenchcoat and fedora on the monitors in the guard office, went into the evidence room and asked him for his ID. The guy pointed a knife at him and Meekins freaked out and tried to attack. Then he fainted and awoke alone with a bleeding hand. Soo...There's no body because nobody died. Gant is just *claiming* there was a murder because

well um because

Why would he claim that??? It's easily disproven. The security videos would normally show what happened clearly so they must've been deleted, or the cameras weren't working. And Marshall was not at his post.

Ema, bless her heart, connects the lack of dots and points out there was no murder - so why is Meekins in jail? Apparently there IS a security tape, I was wrong, and it shows the crime...and that it really was Goodman in the evidence room.

Twins? Lies? But which parts are lies? I throw some inventory items at Meekins just in case, and he recognizes the knife. The broken-tip knife with the SL-9 tag that was found in Edgeworth's car muffler, wrapped in Lana's scarf. Meekins is incoherent so Phoenix writes it off - but I don't.

Twin Goodmans AND identical knives is too much even for this series. And that means the real lie is about the time. Goodman was not in the evidence room and the parking garage simultaneously. He was in the evidence room first, perhaps? Getting the knife? But the security video must have timestamps...

I really want to see this security tape now. So we take our meat back to the police department, only to find Gant bullying the chief on duty. You. YOU ARE EVIL AND CONFUSING. I'm going to leave a 1-star review on ratemyvillain if you don't organize your nefarious plot better.

Gant is demanding that everything of Goodman's be found/removed, down to the trash in his wastepaper basket. (But he's happy to stop and chat with us and slander Edgeworth some more, with a bonus suggestion that Phoenix too is corrupt for having "proved" his innocence last game.)

The duty chief must not like being bullied, because he shows us something he kept back: a lost item report Goodman half-filled-out on the day of his death. It doesn't say what was lost. His ID, perhaps?

Surprisingly (suspiciously), Gant is willing to let us investigate the evidence room. He even gives us a guest ID card. And Marshall finally deigns to show up to work, though with the clear intention of not actually doing any.

Meat: deployed Marshall: impressed Me: ...those two ARE dating, and moreover communicating in a secret code of boxed lunches. It suits them.

"Steak filet lunch" apparently signals "render all assistance". Marshall willingly admits he's a grade-A slacker and doesn't even bother to understand the security system. (That explains the lasso.) He still doesn't want to tell us what the SL-9 case was about, but reminds us it was officially closed two days ago on evidence transfer day.

(That's the key to everything that happened on the day of the murder, isn't it? Goodman took the knife (and maybe more?) from the evidence room to keep it from being permanently "archived". He was killed for it - but someone protected it by hiding it in the car muffler, and now it's in the court record. That knife must be the key to solving SL-9. ...And that's why Gant showed up at the courtroom! He must be *so pissed* that this deadly piece of evidence is back in the public eye, it's a real danger to him. Okay! Now I have the shape of what we're dealing with.)

Marshall hasn't bothered to look at the security tape, but from what Meekins told us, other officers have. (Wait. Is that a safe assumption? Since all that matters is Gant's official talking points. they could simply be claiming the tape shows Meekins stabbed Goodman. I'd say this was implausible but I live in the US in 2020. )

Ooh, this looks useful - a list of every use of the card reader on the day in question. 4 different IDs are recorded. 2 of them must belong to Goodman and Meekins. One is nothing but sevens, that's certainly not ominous.

Next: the evidence room!

#ace attorney #aa #ace attorney spoilers #tumblr is going to screw up the formatting #sorry about that

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literalbuzzkill · 3 years

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Below I'm gonna vent so y'all can ignore that XD

I'm basically making this post as a timestamp/reminder for myself about Covid2020 and what I had to deal with during it (even though it's still a relentlessly ongoing problem, as of Jan2021, yikes)

Below is my personal experience in switching from working everyday as an essential retail worker to now a stay at home unemployed/leave of absense person. Don't feel bad about not reading it, it's long, boring, and I can't really expect anyone to actually be interested because the struggle is real and who wants to be reminded of the grim reality we can't currently escape? XD

[The Start:]

I was still working retail up until a few months ago because most people left. And being short staffed already before covid at my store, things became an even worse unmanageable nightmare because they started to work the remaining staff to death because no one really knew what to do which sucked and everyone was rightfully afraid of what was happening all around them, plus everyone internally was hoping that this would all blow over in a decent amount of time and we could all return to normal and never speak of it again. Considering Covid started around late January/early February in 2019 and today's date (for my future reference) is Jan 4th 2021, I'm going to go out on a limb and say that it certainly has not blown over in a decent amount of time like originally hoped for. Oof.

I was a closer but because of covid my job turned into 'every position at the store and everything/anything that you can possibly get done'. All the stuff from morning team, mid shift, and nightshift rolled into one. Cashiering, phone calls, cleaning, ship from store, backroom, covering multiple breaks, and every department on hardlines salesfloor,

(I did everything except for guest services, food service, clothing, and hr)

you name it XD because most people abandoned ship and Yeeted (which I dont blame them for, t'was a big mood) our store did not hire replacements until literally a few months ago. After I left. Nice.

We were not getting paid any extra, having to stay late, running around with an unending unfinishable list, having to deal with rude customers and cranky bosses, full 8+hour shifts having to wear a mask (even in the break room, and sometimes missing breaks all together because of the large work load) Another problem, my job did not supply masks, proper cleaning supplies, gloves etc to us until an unacceptable amount of time had passed since the start of the virus. Now I didn't expect them to be stocked and fully prepared immediately, obviously.

It was also pretty frustrating getting reprimanded by customers when supplies were low everywhere and some things necessary for existing safely could not be bought anywhere due to high demand, which was only natural, but some people actually acted like it was our personal fault for the store for being sold out of things like hand sanitizer, masks, gloves, toilet paper, and even accused us for holding it in the back for ourselves (which wasnt the case, customers are top priority at our store so the workers usually got nothing to take home or buy, even if we had pulled it from the truck or stocked it ourselves.)

Aside from the excessive draining from normal retail where we already suffer from Karen's and the often unpleasant general public, the Rona made the daily grind even more intense, as if we already thought it couldn't get any worse.

Straying away from that for a second, personal lives were now also affected greatly. Added on top of this new fear/caution/lifestyle was not being able to see my fiance or his family for months because they are all at very high risk. (Unfortunately I am too, but I really needed the paycheck so I thought I had to keep working until the inevitable, which was not looked forward to, but as long as I was potentially exposed with my job we all had to be apart unless I decided to quit and risk not having enough money to pay my bills or survive.)

(Side note for context: My fiance and I have been very lucky enough to see eachother almost every day for 4 years. Surprisingly we have not gotten sick of eachother yet and kept up with that regularity. And though we are engaged, we dont live together, but we do only live 15 minutes away so we just drive over to eachother everyday. Anyway, point being that going months without seeing him at all killed me internally hardcore. This was before zoom was popular and we were not about to resort to Skype. His parents are older and closer to me than my own family and were not comfortable with any form of in-person visits so we usually just did phone calls.)

And eventually I gave up,

I made it halfway through this pandemic working everyday, not seeing the only people I considered family, and I couldn't do it anymore. It literally didn't feel human.

Not to mention this did not help whatsoever with my pre-existing problems, bad depression, anxiety, ptsd, Self h, etc... it was all just getting way too out of hand with more stress piling up daily and taking too big a toll on me to the point where I couldn't deal with my regular lifestyle anymore. I needed a break and a change to severely turn myself around.

So a few months ago I finally went on leave of absence and it was the hardest thing for me to do but honestly the best thing I did. Because everything was so uncertain and I worried about how helpful unemployment would be towards my bills, if I'd lose my job for being gone too long due to an open ended leave of absense for the sake of my health/safety, and honestly I loved my job and my coworkers, but many of them had already left so at that point it became easier for me to leave.

I'm currently making more on unemployment than my job was paying my bi-weekly and doing leagues better mentally, emotionally, and physically, than before when I thought I could last the whole time working through covid hoping I wouldn't catch it and probably die because my health is not 100% gucci in the first place. I was too stubborn to quit until I got to a breaking point and then realised that putting my health/life on the line when I'm at risk during a pandemic for literally no reason other than feeling bad for my one really kind boss (who ended up leaving for a better job anyway right after I left)

in my brain the whole time I figured "eh if I die then I die" but there was a major upside to saying "you know what, fuck this" and leaving.

I've gotten to take up hobbies and do things that I've wanted to do for like 10 years, I improved my financial situation, bought my dream car(A 2004Crossfire), got engaged to the love of my life, had more time to read, write, learn, create, help my fiance record his first official music video, support smaller businesses, get back in better physical health, regain stability, and a new respect for life, health, friends, family, acts of kindness, and how easy things used to be before covid and how it was unintentionally taken for granted.

Not gonna lie, at first I was pretty mad that people on unemployment made more than essential workers, but I also knew that it wasn't their fault for their personal situations or reasonings for needing it. The problem was mainly that many Companies/jobs could have done more, treated essential workers better, given more help, compensated financially, offered forms of protectionagaint the virus, or done literally anything extra at all to help employees who were struggling or who stay to continue working there during a terrible pandemic, and some companies/jobs have done good things for their workers in response of the outbreak which is awesome.

Workers should absolutely be compensated for their extra efforts, time, and pleasant attitude in this difficult time, and treated better than they are. Some things should 1000% be different but some things in this world are still a work in progress.

And also, for people with health issues that are at risk but working anyway for whatever reason, there shouldn't be any shame felt for taking care of yourself or by the people who have to go on unemployment, those who can't work, lost their jobs, need help or a break, or just can't do it anymore, because it hits hard when you realise that even though your effort is important and you're doing your best, playing an important role in society, you could also be risking your health/life or even possibly someone you live withs, for a company that will replace you pretty easily if you're suddenly gone.

I worked at my store for 4 years, was extremely hard working and did everything and anything I could to stay as long as I could during this, but I realised that I'd rather not risk myself and be treated how I was.

Ultimately, the sad reality is that covid has some people forgetting that humans (whether working or not) are humans too that can die or fail at any time given the current circumstances. Some situations are unavoidable like a pandemic, but we can do our best with whatever reality we meet, whether it's being essential the whole way through like some are able, and knowing your health well enough to be able to judge what's best for you individually for now.

but regardless making sure you're not taking yourself for granted in the process.

I'm lucky enough to not have gotten covid yet, and I hope it stays that way.

If your job isnt doing what it can for you in this time, dont be too stubborn about staying

Its not worth risking yourself for your job honestly, and I really hope peoples jobs do as much as they can for those they employ.

If you aren't working, do something with your time that you'll remember (safe things obviously) and if you are still working keep up the awesome progress, stay safe, and be blessed. ❤

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flusteredmountainman · 5 years

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Bullet-pointed predictions I have for each of the new 3 routes

For like an in-depth prediction I did of Muriel’s one a couple months back see this old thing

So a huge commonality in the first three’s arcs (as I mention in that linked post) is reconnecting with family (both found and blood) and so I first and foremost think that this will be present in each LI’s route; I’ll go into more detail on what I think this will look like for each of them individually, plus upright/reversed end speculation based on the definitions for their patron arcana.

***Spoilers for Muriel, Portia and Lucio’s routes so far and references to Nadia, Asra and Julian’s routes***

I’ll start with Muriel because I’ve already talked to his route the most and I think it’ll be the easiest place to start!

Muriel:

The role of family in his route:

Obviously as we’ve seen so far, Muriel has a lot of unresolved feelings of abandonment, shame, self-loathing and loneliness associated with his family and the fact that they’ve abandoned him.

He’s already had the very beginnings of opening up to MC in his last book (The Hermit - very fitting), and he will perhaps continue to do so

I think a central theme for his story will be reconnecting with his family and hearing their perspective on what happened for two reasons: firstly because of one of the options for MC’s response to this discusses that he actually doesn’t know his parent’s reasoning and that maybe they Did want him, and the second relates to Nadia’s route and her arc with reconnecting with her sisters

In her route, similarly she vents about how annoying and patronising her sisters were throughout her life and you can either agree or posit that maybe they were just trying to help/showing they cared about her (reversed vs upright choice)

I’m also hoping he generally creates a stronger support network - I think at least Portia, Nadia and Asra (and maaayyyybe even Morga but that might be pushing it) will end up helping him and MC in the confrontation with the devil at the end - just based on who we’ve seen interacting with him the most in positive ways so far

Upright meaning: Look inside yourself for the answers you seek. Take time for introspection in the days ahead.

He’ll recover from his trauma, recognise himself as a person who is deserving of love and support and who has Needs (including like. a bed. lol.)

Honestly I don’t have a lot else to say ‘cept that bc I said it already so kjaefjef check my aforementioned post if you want More for my favourite man

Reversed meaning: Be wary of retreating too far within your own mind. Others still have valuable things to share.

He decides that he needs to handle the confrontation with the devil alone - probably erring more on the side of self-sacrifice than anything else and/or seeing his sacrifice as just (still blaming himself for his trauma, he believes that his only way to “Redemption” is by falling on his own sword, so-to-speak)

Portia:

Oof, Portia’s a tricky one so far.

The role of family in her route:

So, obviously she has a lot of baggage with Julian. Some of this is hinted at just around her arcana’s definitions, but I’ll get to that soon.

She’s a compulsive secret-hoarder and collects information about everyone around her. I think this is probably a hang-up that she has around control - or loss of it. She doesn’t have security or wealth or even anyone to permanently look after her/mentor her (Julian left and Lilinka - her adoptive grandmother - passed away leaving her to fend largely for herself).

I think that information is the one thing she feels that she has control over, because so much of her life has been out of her hands (and also just chasing Julian around trying to clean up his messes)

She’s literally a head servant as her job -so much of her life is being told what to do and also telling others what to do. I think she fears loss of control in her life, but she’s also never been in a position where she’s been able to be an active agent and do things just because she wants to do them.

She craves validation, safety, and support and that’s why she found herself in this employment role with Nadia - and even then in Nadia’s route (and her own), she’s terrified that Nadia will abandon her in a heartbeat - even though she literally nursed her for years and has been nothing but loyal. Girl has some Mad abandonment issues

Edit: Portia ultimately blames herself for the people around her leaving and thinks that people will only stay if she can be useful in some way - hence why she so doggedly pursues Julian's innocence because she thinks the only chance she has of him staying is if she can literally fix his mess

Largely I think her arc with her family will be about her feeling emboldened to be honest about her feelings and letting Julian know in a meaningful way how much his absence impacted her, but also realising that she Actually Can lean on Mazelinka (who she obviously loves but has made Many excuses as to why she’s too busy to see her - probably again a thing of “if I control when and where I see you, then I can’t get hurt in this relationship”), Nadia, and probably also Asra and some of the other servants even?

Upright meaning: Believe in your inner light. You may have endured great hardship, but it only makes you shine brighter.

Idk man lol this is honestly quite vague.

I think this will prolly be a similar thing to Muriel - just specifically confronting that Yes, she’s had a hard time of it but she shouldn’t let that impact her quality of life

Also probably a lot of stuff around her realising she’s worthy of love as a person and that the people who love her won’t abandon her

Reversed meaning: Now is not the time to despair. Keep believing and let your star shine bright. The world needs you

Again.... aefkjfkae...... very vague.....

I think she won’t be able to let go of her fear of abandonment generically - or alternatively will perhaps? Try to bargain with the devil? I could see a similar thing happening with her that happened in Nadia’s reversed end - perhaps she believes she can save the world/MC by offering her servitude to the devil and being beholden to him? This is Fully a reach, I honestly have no idea :P

Lastly, Lucio:

Don’t worry, I’m not dunking on him lol. I don’t like him but that doesn’t mean I don’t have Thoughts about his route.

The role of family in his route:

Well. This one is clearly quite literally maybe the messiest out of these three (I mean that literally, in terms of, the amount of blood lol)

Obviously, he has a lot of baggage with both of his parents. I’ll disclaimer and say that I personally don’t see Morga as abusive - that doesn’t mean people can’t - but I’m making speculations specifically about their relationship just based on the in-game context clues we have and nothing else

As a person, Lucio is ultimately obsessed with power and attaining it. He’s clearly insecure and is desperate for any sort of validation, which is made messier by his natural sense of entitlement. This combination means that he chronically chases power, thinking that leadership means being able to do whatever you want to do with no consequences (e.g. in his route and also in Nadia’s when he briefly discusses killing people as count/countess) - and especially he thinks that if he has the power, the wealth, and the status then he’ll get the validation that he desperately craves.

As count, he throws lavish parties and spends a lot of time with the vagabonds in the south end - trying to win petty devotion and admiration with meaningless shows of wealth meanwhile his people are starving and suffering in the flooded district. He just wants to be popular at the end of the day, he doesn’t care about actual leadership or using his power for good, unselfish reasons. He claims his people love him, but it’s hollow, ornamental love based upon flash, not substance

Morga as a parent is harsh - she’s critical and derisive at times, but it’s also clear that she does love her son (specifically how she says she spoiled him by never letting him get hurt). Lucio as a teenager grew up somewhat spoiled and expected that power would fall to him by virtue of heritage from his mother when he came of age.

I think that Lucio didn’t get what he needed from Morga necessarily as a kid, and as a result he craved that first position of power because he saw it as a source of validation he hadn’t previously had - and when it was denied him, he became resentful and even murderous towards his parents.

Woof, long fucking paragraph. I do think that Morga and Lucio will end up reconciling in his route somehow. I think it’s central to his character and to filling the void inside of him that he learns that you can’t buy people’s love - also just because his whole story and entry into the world was sparked by that essential conflict with his mother. I think it would feel weird narratively if that weren’t at least addressed - whether or not it ends in reconciliation

Upright meaning: Shake off his veil: you are not trapped. There is always a way out of even the darkest places.

I think that this will be a redemption arc for Lucio. I think that in order for him to be redeemed he’ll have to relinquish the devil’s influence over him - which will involve addressing the wrong he’s done and apologising/trying to atone for it (whether or not other LIs accept his apology is another thing - as they all have very valid reasons not to)

I think the “way out of the darkness” for Lucio is in giving up his quest for power. He will learn that it’s ok to just be Lucio as a person, that he can be vulnerable and responsible for himself, and that people will love him as he is and not for the way he throws his money around

Reversed meaning: It is time to clean house: purge the things that harm you from your life. Take back your power.

Now this literally includes the sentence “take back your power” so. whoomp there it is. Lucio can’t let go of his power-hunger and becomes even more selfish and self-righteous.

I think also unfortunately this will mean he will literally probably kill some if not all of the other LIs, and also (especially) his mother. He will see anything that challenges his power as opposition to be removed, and he will rule (alongside the devil? who knows) in chaos and blood.

Ookey!! kajefnkae glad I got that out of my system. If I missed anything/if people have their own ideas/thoughts I’d love to hear them! Have this giant essay lol, we’ll see if anything I predicted comes true in the next several dozen updates eh? B)

#muriel #portia devorak #muriel the arcana #lucio #the arcana #the arcana game #lucio the arcana #long post #meta #jaye writes #the arcana spoilers #nadia #julian #asra #mazelinka #morga

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iffeelscouldkill · 5 years

Text

it only means there is no room for you to fall

A/N: I wrote a fic! This very fun, self-indulgent ficlet helped me get out of a bit of a fic-writing rut that I’ve been stuck in for the past month or so, and I loved writing it. I wrote a longer ramble about it in my notes on AO3, but basically, it’s a post-Episode-5/alternate-Episode-6 fic in which Sana talks Violet through a panic attack after Elion, and then pining ensues between Sana, Violet and Arkady. But don’t worry, it ends in cuddles <3

Content note: This fic contains a description of a panic attack - not from the perspective of the POV character (that is to say, outsider POV) - quite early on. If you’d like to skip over that section, it starts about a dozen paragraphs in with the line “It’s Sana. Are you all right?” and ends with “Eventually, Violet’s breathing slows and quiets.”

Cross-posted to AO3

After the complete and unmitigated disaster that is Elion, Sana is angrier that she can remember being in a long time.

She’s angry at not having been able to do more to protect Violet, Brian and Arkady from what just happened. She’s angry at the creeping certainty that they’ve been sold out, and at what that must mean. And she’s furious at the Regime for causing all of this, for hounding her and her crew across the galaxy, never giving them a moment to rest.

Because she’s the Captain and the crew are depending on her to get them through this, she pushes the anger down, compressing it into a tiny ball, and does what needs to be done. She helps Arkady dump the body of the unfortunate guard at the Capitol Landfill; there’s a hollow look in the other woman’s eyes that Sana hasn’t seen in years, and had hoped she wouldn’t see again. After they get back to the ship, she watches Arkady disappear into the air vents, and tells Krejjh to chart a course for Rosalind.

As she walks through the ship’s corridors, Sana fans herself with her hand. Is she imagining things, or is it warm in here? Her train of thought is cut short as she runs into Brian, who is humming to himself, looking perfectly at ease. Sometimes she thanks God – well, maybe not God, but the universe, or fate – for Brian and Krejjh, and their unwavering positivity at times like these.

“Hey, Captain. Anything more I can do to help?” Brian asks. “Violet and I got the cargo all stowed away.”

“Thanks, Brian. Nothing much at the moment, but if you can help Krejjh keep an eye on the rearview in the cockpit for the next hour, that would be appreciated,” says Sana. “Is Violet around?”

“Pretty sure she went back to her room,” Brian says. “She was starting to look kind of pale and shaky, so I told her I could finish up on my own. I think she went to go lie down.”

“Thanks, Brian,” says Sana. Brian gives her a salute and heads off in the direction of the cockpit.

Sana worries her lips together, thinking about what Violet just went through. She knows that some people – Arkady being a prime example – prefer to be left alone and not bothered with company when they’re upset. But she has a hunch that Violet would benefit from some company right now.

Her mind made up, she walks along the corridor to the other woman’s room and knocks on the door. “Violet?” she calls gently. “I just wanted to check that you’re okay.”

There’s no answer, but the light around the button next to Violet’s door is green, so it’s not locked. Sana hesitates, wondering what the odds are of Violet having fallen asleep this quickly, and then knocks again. “Violet?” she calls, a bit louder. “It’s Sana. Are you all right?”

She listens, and thinks that she hears ragged breathing coming from the other side of the door. Okay then. Sana puts on her Captain Voice (Arkady calls it her Mom Voice) and calls through the door, “Violet, if I don’t hear anything from you in the next few seconds, I’m coming in, okay?”

There’s a pause, then she hears Violet call, very faintly, “Come in.”

Sana presses the button, and the door slides open to reveal Violet sitting on her bed, clutching onto a pillow for dear life. She’s shaking all over and taking uneven, panicked breaths in, her pupils dilated. Sana rushes forward, catching up Violet’s hands without thinking about it and looking into the other woman’s eyes. “Violet. Focus on me,” she says, speaking as evenly and calmly as she can. “You’re safe. We’re all safe. No-one got hurt.”

“Sana-” Violet tries, her breaths becoming faster and sharper. She grips Sana’s hands tightly, her skin clammy and cold.

“Don’t try to talk, just breathe, Violet,” says Sana, squeezing Violet’s hands. “Breathe with me.” She starts taking slow, deep breaths in and out.

For what feels like an age, Violet’s panicked breathing pattern doesn’t change, and Sana wonders if she’s just making things worse with her presence. Then, slowly, she notices Violet’s breaths in getting longer, and her breaths out becoming slower and more even.

“Good. That’s good,” she murmurs, rubbing soothing circles on the backs of Violet’s hands with her thumbs.

Eventually, Violet’s breathing slows and quiets. Once she’s sure that the danger has passed, Sana moves to sit beside her on the bed.

“Thank you,” Violet says quietly, hoarsely. Then, “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to apologise for,” Sana says immediately. “You went through an unbelievably stressful situation and managed to stay totally calm the whole time. You did amazingly. But it’s okay to be…”

“A total mess afterwards?” Violet asks, wryly.

“I was gonna go with ‘shaky’,” Sana replies, smiling. “The point is, don’t feel bad about it.”

“But… all of the rest of you are so calm and collected when dealing with this kind of situation,” Violet says, quietly. “And here I am just… having panic attacks-”

“Hey,” Sana says, squeezing Violet’s arm, not wanting to let her go any further with that train of thought. “First of all, we’ve had a lot of practice in dealing with that kind of thing. We didn’t develop a whole system of colour codes from nowhere. And secondly, you do not want to see how hard my hands were gripping the steering wheel when Arkady and I drove back from meeting the Fowleys. I think they’re still shaking.” She holds her hands out to show Violet. They are trembling slightly, though in reality it’s more due to the adrenaline of talking Violet down from her panic attack, along with her suppressed anger over everything that’s happened.

Violet laughs slightly (so, mission accomplished) and leans into Sana a little. It feels natural for Sana to put an arm around her, so she does. She’s a tactile person, but keenly aware of other people’s boundaries, and usually prefers to let them initiate contact. Violet, to Sana’s slight surprise, rests her head against Sana’s shoulder. Sana looks down at Violet’s dark hair and thinks about pressing a kiss to the top of her head. Instead, she holds Violet just a little bit tighter.

What started as a brief spark of attraction the first time she saw Violet laugh – startled, when Sana offered her a cup of moonshine that she mistook for a cup of tea – that Sana was sure would die down in a couple of days has grown and grown, into a mixture of attraction, respect and fondness that some days feels too much to contain. Sana has watched Violet devote herself to the hunt for the other Violet Liu, take being thrown into the midst of a crew of renegade smugglers in her stride, and drastically reconsider her entire worldview. She’s resilient, brave, funny and insightful. Also, Sana will admit to having always had a thing for smart women.

Unfortunately, so does Arkady. Sana has seen the way she looks at Violet (and vice versa), and she doesn’t intend to stand in the way of that. Not when Arkady has had so, so few good things in her life to call her own.

Sana used to be on the receiving end of those looks, once upon a time. But she’d been too afraid to act on them, back when it was just the two of them, in case it all went south and they both lost the only person they could really depend on. She told herself she’d rather have a best friend who had her back than a romance that might not last, and she almost believed it.

It still hurt a little when she realised that, at some point, Arkady had moved on from her. But if it has to be anyone, she’s glad it’s Violet. The two of them go well together.

Sana has her crew; she doesn’t need any more than that.

“Um… Have you seen Arkady since we left Elion?” Violet asks, as if she’s somehow picked up on Sana’s thoughts.

“Yeah, uh…” Sana tries to think what answer to give. She doesn’t want to lie to Violet, but she isn’t sure when Arkady plans on coming down from the vents. “She’s around. I think she just needed to… regroup for a bit.”

“Oh, yeah. Okay.” Violet sounds a little resigned. Sana waits for her to say or ask something more about Arkady, but instead she says, “Is it just me, or is it pretty warm in here? – I mean, not ‘me’ in the sense of that cheesy joke, but uh, in the sense that I can’t tell if I’m just-”

Hiding a smile, Sana takes pity on Violet and cuts her off. “No, it’s definitely not just you, I’ve been feeling it too. I may need to take a look at our temperature reg.” Violet tenses, as if about to pull away. “If you need to go do that now, I can-”

“No, it’s fine, it’ll probably start working again on its own,” Sana assures her, and Violet relaxes back against her side. “Some of our equipment is a bit temperamental.” “Temperamental?” asks Violet, with a tiny smirk.

“Oof. Bad pun,” Sana says, smiling. “If it’s still acting up in a few hours, then I’ll give it a closer look. And pray that we have the parts to fix it.”

Violet winces. “Right. And if we don’t?”

“I’ll cross that bridge if we come to it.” Worst case scenario, Sana could probably jury-rig something. They would just need to make sure they picked up the right parts on Rosalind.

Violet nods and sits up. Sana’s side feels suddenly cold.

“Well, still, I shouldn’t keep you any longer - I’m sure you have plenty of more important things that need your attention.” “My number one priority is always the wellbeing of my crew,” Sana says firmly. “Anything else can wait. Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah. I’m.. I’ll be fine, Captain,” says Violet with a small smile. “Really.”

“You know you can call me Sana if you want to,” Sana finds herself saying. She’s not sure why; the others all call her “Captain” and “Sana” interchangeably, but she doesn’t think she’s heard Violet use her name yet. Maybe she just wants to hear it once.

Violet gives her a full smile, and it’s devastating. “Thank you, Sana.”

—

The temperature reg does not start working again on its own, and the next six hours are hellish as temperatures slowly and steadily climb inside the ship. Despite Sana’s best efforts, it’s past two in the morning by the time the temperature reg is finally fixed. Arkady spends as much of that time as she can bear lurking in the air vents, avoiding Violet. Finally, when she thinks the stuffy recycled air might be preventing oxygen from getting to her brain and she’s sick of playing back Violet’s horrified expression on a constant loop, she eases herself down and heads for the cockpit.

She winds up talking to Krejjh about the war. It’s been on her mind ever since they ran into Eejhgreb and Krejjh recounted the tale of how – and why – they deserted the military. Arkady has her own memories of that night, but they’re bittersweet. She and her unit had celebrated all through the night, but lurking under it was a fear much greater than anything Arkady had felt during the war. Of what would happen when they no longer had a common cause.

Sana would probably say the conversation has been a “long time coming”, that it’s good for Arkady to get it all out. But all it does is make Arkady feel more frustrated and angry over things that happened years ago. All she’s ever wanted is to put her past behind her.

After they’ve exhausted that topic, as Arkady digs into Krejjh’s stash of fruit jerky, Krejjh jokingly changes the subject. “Speaking of which… do you want some love advice?”

“No,” Arkady says flatly.

“Cripes, trying to lighten the mood a little here, First Mate Patel,” Krejjh says, holding up one of their pairs of hands. “Y’sure?”

“Krejjh, remember when you and Brian weren’t officially together yet?” Arkady reminds them. “And he kept asking you to dinner, and you kept inviting the rest of the crew?” God, that was a shitshow. A very funny shitshow, but by the end of it even Arkady was feeling sorry for Jeeter. All that time spent studying mediaeval Dwarnian hadn’t given him a single clue about Dwarnian romantic customs.

“Yeah, romantic tandem eating is not as universal as you guys think it is,” Krejjh says.

“Well, I don’t need your advice.” God, nothing says ‘romantically incompetent’ like taking love advice from a purple space alien.

Krejjh, of course, persists. “Just sayin’, if y’like someone, maybe don’t spend all your time hiding from them.”

“I’m not being bashful, Krejjh,” says Arkady shortly. “I all but murdered someone in front of her.”

She looks up to find Krejjh giving her an odd smile. “I wasn’t just talkin’ about Science Officer Liu,” Krejjh says.

Arkady stares at them. “What are you talking about?”

Krejjh leans back a little in the pilot’s chair, seeming to look up and out at the stars. “Ya know, one of the other human romantic customs I’ve never understood is why relationships are supposed to be limited to just two people. I guess it’s a hold-over from the whole gender binary thing, but from what I can tell, even most humans don’t think that’s important any more. So why keep limiting yourselves?”

Arkady swallows, her throat suddenly dry. “We do have polyamorous relationships too,” she points out. “They’re not even that unusual these days, but legally there still isn’t that much recognition. A lot of human society is still geared around two-person relationships. And a lot of people still… prefer them.”

“That sounds like a pretty big assumption,” Krejjh counters. “Why not just talk to ‘em? See how they feel about it? What’ve you got to lose?”

Arkady raises an eyebrow. “Okay, assuming we’re talking about me and Liu and Tripathi here and not about you and Jeeter inviting me to some weird interspecies ménage-à-trois…”

Krejjh laughs. “First Mate Patel, I am wounded that you would reject our advances like this.” They put a hand on their chest, a distinctly human gesture that Krejjh has picked up – Dwarnians don’t have a heart in the middle of their chests in the way that humans do.

Arkady snorts, but then becomes serious again, looking down at her lap and toying with the half-open pack of fruit jerky. Now that they’ve broached the topic, she might as well keep going. She could have pretended that they were still speaking hypothetically, or discussing human social conventions, but all of a sudden she’s too tired to keep dancing around things.

“What do I have to lose? One of the best friendships I’ve ever had, with one of the only people I can count on to always have my back,” she says. “And at the same time… someone that I’m only just getting to know, who is also the first people I’ve felt any kind of connection with since…” Since Sana, she doesn’t say.

Arkady can feel Krejjh’s eyes on her, but doesn’t look up for fear of seeing pity in them. “Besides which, Krejjh, my life just doesn’t work that way. I don’t get things that I want – it’s a well-established fact. I’ve had a long time to come to terms with it.”

“That doesn’t sound fair at all,” Krejjh says quietly.

“Yeah, well, life isn’t fair,” Arkady replies. She meets Krejjh’s gaze defiantly, but instead of pity, all she sees is empathy.

Silence falls between them, and Arkady figures that as the person who brought the mood back down again, she should be the one to lighten it this time. But while she’s casting about for another change of topic, Krejjh says,

“Where has Crewman Jeeter got to with that ice? I can’t think who he could be talking to down there.”

Arkady gives Krejjh a suspicious look, not trusting their casual tone. “What, are you implying that-”

“Krrrejjh to all crew,” Krejjh sing-songs, activating their comm. “Folks, this is your pilot speaking. I’ve got a very important announcement to make to the whole crew.”

Arkady stiffens in alarm. “Krejjh, what are you doing?” she hisses.

“Boy am I embarrassed,” Krejjh goes on, in a rueful tone, “but I seem to have misplaced something important. My fiancé? Crewman Jeeter? Along with a cup of ice he totally still owes me? Gonna advise that you sit tight as I dispatch our very own First Mate Patel to the kitchen to solve this little mystery. So, keep an eye out for that, crew, and plan accordingly. Krejjh out.”

Krejjh meets Arkady’s unimpressed stare with a smug look. “Maybe you can’t have everything, but you can at least go talk to Science Officer Liu,” they point out. “Can’t hide from her forever. You might as well clear the air.”

Arkady rolls her eyes and reluctantly makes for the door of the cockpit. “Fine, but if it’s a disaster? I’m officially blaming you.”

—

It’s not a disaster. Although Arkady would never, ever admit it to anyone, least of all Krejjh themself, Krejjh was right. After they’ve got past the horrible first five minutes of what Violet would call “puking it all out”, things get… better. Violet pours them both a cup of kai shui (Mandarin for boiled water – something Violet says her Chinese grandparents drank back on Earth) because they’re out of tea, and they talk properly for the first time since Violet came abroad the Rumor. And okay, maybe Arkady had jumped to a few too many conclusions based on those fraught early interactions.

She’d still liked Violet in spite of what she thought was Violet’s hero worship of the regime, but she’d been fighting it down, convinced that it was just a front that Violet was putting on because she had to, that she’d be shot of them tomorrow if she was given the chance to clear her name and make a clean getaway. It had made it much easier to ignore the feelings flaring in her chest, the way that Violet’s admiration inexplicably lifted her mood, the guilt that she felt over having tricked and lied to her.

Now that she’s come to terms with the fact that she’d misjudged Violet (or at least, judged her too quickly), those feelings have come rushing back in full force. Arkady tries to will her frantically hammering heart to calm down at Violet’s gently affectionate tone as she says,

“Okay, I’m not going to keep arguing with you, because I don’t see us getting anywhere on this tonight, and I’m not even going to try to thank you again for saving my life-” here, a small smile that threatens to give Arkady an aneurysm “-but. For what it’s worth? Except for the times it really does seem like we’re all about to die, living on this ship is the safest I’ve felt since before the war.”

“Well, Violet,” Arkady begins after a beat of trying to find her voice. “That’s very disturbing!” She utterly fails to keep an answering smile off her own face.

“Then why are you smiling?”

“Sometimes I smile! Y’know, every now and then.”

“Good to know,” Violet teases. Arkady mentally composes an epitaph: Here lies Arkady Patel, slain by a cute girl flirting with her. She hopes she’s not blushing as hard as she thinks she is.

An expectant silence falls between them, and Arkady reaches for the first thing she can think of to fill it. “Look, I’m… sorry for vanishing on you right after we left Elion,” she blurts out. Violet gives her a quizzical look, but Arkady has been feeling worse and worse about disappearing and avoiding Violet in the wake of what happened. Sure, she’d been feeling like shit about killing that guard, and part of that had been down to the look on Violet’s face, a look that had seemed to confirm every one of her fears about how Violet saw them. Saw Arkady.

She hadn’t been thinking about what the aftermath of those events would have been like for Violet. How she’d managed to suppress all her panic and terror, remain calm, act and improvise in the face of mortal danger – only to get caught and believe she was about to die. Again. Finding out that Violet has an anxiety disorder only compounds Arkady’s guilt.

“I wasn’t thinking about… you did really well with the, uh. Setting aside your panic thing. But I know it was hard for you, and then you literally thought that you were about to die again when everything went south…” Arkady’s rambling, and she really wishes she could stop. “I just mean, I could have stuck around. To make sure you were okay.”

“It’s okay,” Violet says quickly. “I mean, you’d just – been responsible for getting us out of a really bad situation-”

Arkady snorts. “If that’s what you want to call bludgeoning a guy over the head-”

“-and then I, well, kind of freaked out,” Violet continues over her. “So I don’t blame you for needing some space.” She pauses, and smiles a little. “Actually, the Captain – Sana – came to find me. To make sure I was all right.”

“Really?” Arkady asks, feeling a lurch in her stomach like she’s missed a step. She supposes it must be jealousy, but she’s not sure who she’s jealous of.

“Yeah.” Violet has a soft, admiring look in her eyes that Arkady recognises all too well, though she stopped gazing starry-eyed at Sana years ago, wanting the other woman to see her as more than just a naïve kid. “She just talked with me, calmed me down, and then… sat with me until she was completely sure I was okay. She didn’t once act like she had somewhere else to be.”

Arkady swallows. “Yeah, that’s the Captain for you. She’s one hundred percent genuine with how much she cares.”

“And then she must have gone straight on from sitting with me to her shift in the cockpit, and then to fixing the temperature reg,” Violet goes on. “Brian said she was pretty worn out… Does she ever take time for herself?”

Arkady snorts. “It’s a battle. She can’t rest until she makes sure that everyone on the ship feels loved and appreciated.” She’s aiming for snark, but the words come out fonder than she intends them to. “Trust me, I’ve tried to get her to take more breaks. She acts upbeat, but I think things get to her more than she lets on.”

Violet looks thoughtful. “Maybe next time we should try together.”

She meets Arkady’s eyes, and gives her the tiniest of smiles, just a quirk of the lips, and her eyes are so knowing, and Arkady feels it again, that missed-a-step lurch in her stomach like she’s taken a leap into the unknown. This time, she doesn’t think it’s jealousy.

“She might listen to both of us,” Violet finishes.

“I- uh- sure, yeah, we should. Do that,” Arkady stammers. Jesus. Tonight is not her finest night for dignity, but somehow she finds herself not caring as much as she normally would.

Violet smiles fully and looks away, down at the floor, her cheeks red. “Cool. Great. Um, listen, on a different topic, there’s something that I’ve been meaning to tell you – well, more like show you…”

—

Sana is having a no-good, very bad night.

As if having to run for their lives on Elion and barely making it out hadn’t been enough, the broken temperature reg had stubbornly resisted Sana’s attempts to fix it. She’d sworn and sweated in the engine room as the temperature climbed steadily higher, and eventually managed to improvise a solution with some spare fuse wire and a viciously-applied screwdriver. (She’ll have to switch it out for a more permanent fix after they get some proper supplies, but for now, it’ll do).

It’s coming up on 3 a.m. and she’s hot, irritable and exhausted, but instead of being able to get any kind of rest, Sana has had to endure a tense and difficult call with Campbell that resulted in her cutting off contact with one of their longest-standing and most reliable customers, and leaving Sana with the nagging feeling that she’s made a serious error in judgement. But she hasn’t even had the chance to process that, because minutes after Campbell severed the connection, Ricky Q rose up like an elitist, blackmailing spectre from the depths of her and Arkady’s shared past to make threats against Sana’s crew.

Something about it doesn’t fit right, and she’s convinced that there’s more to what’s happening than Ricky Q’s “middleman” story. Unfortunately, the only way she can know what it is is to play along for now.

Sana can feel a headache building as she practices how she’s going to sell the idea of changing course for Hafizah to the crew. It only gets worse when, in the middle of making the case to Brian and Krejjh, Violet and Arkady enter the cockpit, full of shared excitement about some epiphany they’ve had. They’re standing closer together than usual, shoulders brushing, and as badly as Sana wants to be happy for them, she just can’t deal with this right now.

“So, me and Violet were talking about that alien robot swarm cloud, and she said-” Arkady begins.

“Arkady, is this pressing?” Sana interrupts tiredly.

“It could be,” Violet puts in.

“Is the swarm outside the ship right now, knocking on the door, trying to get in?”

“No, but we think we might’ve found a possible connection-”

“You think you might’ve found a possible connection,” Sana repeats, placing sceptical emphasis on all of the relevant words. She knows she’s going to feel bad about her tone later, that normally she’d be in favour of Arkady and Violet devising theories and following whatever lead they can, but her headache is intensifying and she’s just done with everything tonight. “Have we made any progress on tracking down the other Violet Liu? Are we any closer to solving Alvy’s mystery? Given how we changed our entire course for this, I’d love to get past speculation and into… anything else.”

She sees Violet’s face fall, hurt flashing across it at the implication that the detour to rescue her had been a burden for the Rumor crew. Sana will feel terrible about that later, too.

“Look. We all liked Campbell,” Arkady says gently (for her). “But when somebody turns on us because we missed an appointment? Their loyalty was never worth shit.”

Arkady clearly believes that Sana’s terrible mood is due to Campbell’s probable betrayal, and it’s far easier to let her go on believing it than to go anywhere near the truth, so Sana doesn’t correct her. “I appreciate that. But honestly, it’s just – been a long couple of days, and it’s almost 3 a.m., and I don’t see why this can’t wait until tomorrow?” She injects a pleading note into the last syllable, in a last-ditch attempt to soften things.

“Yeah. Of course,” Violet says.

“Captain, if there’s anything we can do-” begins Arkady.

“Don’t worry, I’ll let you know,” she promises them, already turning to leave the cockpit. As a result, she misses the look of concern that passes between Arkady and Violet, Violet’s raised eyebrows, and Arkady’s slight nod. “Krejjh, I’ll update you on those coordinates as soon as I’m able to.”

“Aye-aye, Captain.”

Finally alone, Sana trudges down the corridor to her room, goes in, and presses the button to lock the door behind her. She flops face-down onto her bunk with a groan.

“Fucking IGR. Fucking Ricky Q,” she mumbles into her pillow.

Barely a few minutes later, there’s a knock at her door, polite but firm. Sana raises her head angrily, and only just manages to clamp down on her urge to shout, “Go away!” She knows that being a captain is a full-time job and that the others depend on her, but damn it, can’t she rest for just a few hours?

“Who is it?”

“It’s me, Captain,” comes Arkady’s voice. Sana frowns. Arkady wouldn’t bother her in her room unless it was important, but…

“Kady, seriously, whatever it is, can it wait?” she asks. “I’m really just… I really need to crash right now.”

There’s a pause, and Sana thinks that her best friend is going to relent, but then her voice comes back, insistent: “This will only take a minute. I promise.”

Sana sighs heavily and sits up, brushing her hair out of her face. At least with Arkady she doesn’t have to be as put-together as she does for the others, but she also doesn’t want Arkady to start asking questions about what exactly has got to her so badly. She walks over to the door and presses the button to open it. “What do you need?”

Arkady stares at her for a few seconds, almost as if sizing her up, and then very slowly and stiffly pulls her into a hug.

“K-Kady?” says Sana, shocked. Arkady doesn’t do hugs unless she’s really, really drunk. “What are you doing?”

“Giving you a hug.” At least the flat, snarky, I’m-stating-an-obvious-fact tone is one hundred percent in character.

After a moment, Arkady lets go. That’s when Sana spots the other person standing slightly apologetically behind her. “Violet? What are you doing here?”

“Also giving you a hug,” says Violet a little shyly. “If that’s okay.”

She waits for a second, and when Sana doesn’t resist, she wraps Sana up in a warm, gentle hug. It’s a little more satisfying than Arkady’s stiff embrace, though Sana was touched by that, in a bewildered kind of way. Violet is very good at giving hugs; she squeezes just enough to make the hugged person feel cared for, but not so much that it becomes suffocating. After a few seconds, Sana hugs her back, feeling a little guilty for taking as much pleasure in it as she does. The only real downside is that some of Violet’s hair is tickling her nose.

Violet lets go after a few minutes, and Sana tries to summon up a breezy dismissal, or better yet, to ask just what exactly is going on, but the words get stuck in her throat.

“Captain,” Arkady begins. “Is something going on? Something you’re not telling us about?”

“Whatever it is… we want to help you,” Violet puts in. “You don’t have to deal with everything on your own.”

“I…”

I’m fine, Sana wants to say. Needs to say. But her throat is closing up, and she’s so, so tired. She’s been holding it together by a thread, and suddenly, that thread is fraying. She squeezes her eyes shut against the suddenly-spinning room. Damn it, don’t let me do this, not now…

“Okay,” she hears Arkady say, and then there’s a tug on her hand, leading her into her own room. Sana goes. She hears the door swish shut behind them and the lock engage.

Sana follows the pull of Arkady’s hand down onto her bunk. Someone is gently taking off her shoes. She lies down and feels warm, strong arms around her, holding her together. Violet slips in on Sana’s other side, a reassuring presence at her back.

Sana blinks and looks into Arkady’s dark eyes. “I don’t understand what’s happening here,” she mumbles.

“We’ll figure it out in the morning,” Arkady tells her.

Violet slides an arm around Sana’s waist. “Go to sleep, Captain,” she says, and so Sana does.

#TSCOSI #The Strange Case of Starship Iris #Sana Tripathi #Arkady Patel #Violet Liu #femslash #just fluff and cuddles and some pining thrown in #this was actually meant to be much shorter but someone (ARKADY) insisted on pining longer than I expected #in all seriousness though I can't blame her #Krejjh is a matchmaker in every timeline #also hugs for Sana plz #this is a fix-it of sorts for Episode 6 in which Violet doesn't bring up the samples right away #and Sana gets the love and support she deserves in the midst of all that ugh #also I have a lot of headcanons about Violet's little smiles okay #I just realised I put them in like... every fic #but she definitely has a cute smile #Tripateliu #Sana/Arkady/Violet #I realised that I originally used two different ship tags for this and the epilogue SMH #but ghostsquidandspacebees came up with the perfect OT3 ship name!

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blog-in-a-corner · 5 years

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TSOTBL - Blurred Perception

I was able to post this on time yeehaw!

It was a beautiful, fresh morning at the lodge. Although the snow was only getting thicker, and the cold was ever so vicious, there was something nice about the warmth inside the lodge. A kind of winter coziness.

Garroth walked out of his room, still in his pajamas. He rubbed his eyes, stretched his arms out a bit and yawned, he hadn’t been feeling well the past few days and tried to stay in his room for the most part, but he figured it was time for some fresh air. He went down the stairs and sat by the fireplace. He took a few deep breaths as he relaxed in the familiar warmth of the fire. He sat back and reminisced about all of his childhood winters, how often he and his brothers would play in the snow when there was not much else to do.

“It’s only 5am huh….” Garroth muttered to himself.

Good. The earlier he got up the more likely it was that he wouldn’t have to see...Zane.

Garroth took a deep breath, and stood up. He walked to the windows and looked outside. Although it was still kinda dark outside and the windows were frosted, there was enough light for Garroth to make out the trees and plants outside.

“The snow is so pretty.” He thought, gazing out the window.

Growing up Garroth had always loved the winter. The warmth of a fire, the cold winds, the snow, the variety of smells you couldn’t get from any other time of the year. It was without a doubt his favorite season. How unfortunate that he should be feeling so unhappy before the end of his favorite time of year.

“Spring is gonna be soon huh....in about two weeks.” Garroth spoke to himself, looking glumly out the window, proceeding to look away from the window. “And dad will be here and...Zane can finally leave...and I...and he can be much happier...” Garroth sighed, as single tear trailed down his cheek.

Just then, Garroth heard a noise come from the stairs that caught his attention. He instantly looked back to see what it was. It was Aphmau, still in her pajamas.

“Aphmau? What are you doing up so early?” Garroth asked, walking to Aphmau. “Oh, I just got up kinda early and couldn’t fall back asleep. What about you?” Aphmau explained, playing with her hair. “I...wasn’t really able to sleep much last night. I got tired of lying in bed so I got up once there was enough light out….” Garroth said, looking back to the window. “Ah I get you....” Aphmau mumbled, as she walked to the fireplace and sat by it. “Gosh it’s so cold, I don’t know how you guys put up with it!” She whisper-shouted. “Heh, I guess it’s something you have grow up with to get use to…” Garroth muttered, sitting down next to Aphmau.

They both sat quietly with each other by the fireplace, and soaked in the warmth of the fire. It was a nice silence, not one of isolation and loneliness, but a quiet time as a change of pace with everything that has happened recently. Aphmau huddled closer to her childhood friend, and rested her head on his shoulder. He didn’t mind, it was something she always did to all of her friends, especially because the only person she’s ever met in her life that was shorter than her, was her mom. Garroth let out a deep sigh, as he made a glum expression.

“Is something wrong Garroth?” Aphmau asked, changing her attention from the fire to him. “I’m fine….” Garroth sighed, still keeping his eyes on the fire. “Are you sure? You've seemed a bit off since yesterday…” She added, nudging his arm a bit. “I'm fine. Aphmau.” “But ever since yesterday you've been-” “So how has the situation with Aaron been.” Garroth cut off Aphmau, quickly changing the subject. “Oh, erm, things have been...I..I don’t know. Just….the break up has been harder to deal with then I thought…” Aphmau mumbled, moving her head off Garroth. “I thought you guys were just taking time apart...?” Garroth asked in confusion. “Ughh I don’t even know anymore...this whole thing’s been so damn confusing and just….” Aphmau trailed off, getting up from the floor. “I don’t know anymore…Aaron is, honestly just so great and wonderful, and I’m just...me, I guess….”

Garroth went silent for a moment.

“Well, I think you're nice...” Garroth assured his friend, placing his hand on her shoulder. “I...understand what you’re going through right now and...I know these things are hard to talk about and, well, I just want you to know that I’ll always be here for you okay?” “Thanks Garroth…” Aphmau said happily, hugging Garroth. “I’ve got your back too y’know! If you ever need to vent out…” “Aw, well I’m never sad so you’ll never have to worry about that!” Garroth insisted, y’know, like a liar. “I’ve seen you cry!” Aphmau retorted in a teasing manner. “When we watch disney movies!” “Same difference!” She giggled.

The two shared a hug.

“Man we need to hang out more, I can't remember the last time it was just you, me, and Laurance just sitting around and playing video games. Y'know like back in the good ol’ days.” Aphmau commented. “Yeah that's right huh, we should all try to hang together again...you, uh, wanna walk outside for a bit?” Garroth asked Aphmau, gesturing to the door. “Are you kidding? It’s freezing! Plus, what if wolves eat us?!” Aphmau replied in horror. “Just throw on a coat! Besides the suns come out a bit more and I doubt any wolves are gonna eat us.” Garroth chuckled, insisting that Aphmau come with him outside. “Okay, Okay. Just give me a second.” Aphmau gave in, walking back to her room to grab her coat.

Once Aphmau was ready, she and Garroth walked out of the lodge. They looked around them and admired the scenery.

“Everything out here is so pretty...don’t you agree Aphmau?” Garroth commented, taking in a deep breath, of the fresh morning air. “Y-yeah!” Aphmau stuttered, as she was so could her teeth were chattering. “Are you chilly?” “Chilly. You call it chilly.” Aphmau responded with a straight face. “Okay so maybe not chilly but… you’re definitely freezing.” “Really? I thought it was pretty warm out…” “YOU’VE MADE YOUR POINT! Now here let me help warm you up a bit.” Garroth laughed, trapping her in a hug. “hEY!” “THERE. NOW YOU CAN’T BE COLD SO YOU CAN'T COMPLAIN!!” Garroth shouted, shaking Aphmau around. “LET ME GO YOU DUMMY!” She yelled, throwing her body hard enough to the side to make them both fall. “Oof...!” Garroth uttered, falling to the snow and dropping Aphmau, who also fell in the process. “Agh! Garroth, are you okay?!” Aphmau asked in concern. “I’m fine…” Garroth muttered, getting up from the ground. “But you won’t be!” He shouted, throwing a snowball at Aphmau. “OOOOW! FINE, YOU WANNA WAR? THEN YOU’RE GETTING A WAR!” Aphmau yelled, proceeding to make a snowball and throwing it at Garroth. “YOU’RE ON!”

They continued to have a snowball fight-well, more of a snowball war, but they laughed and laughed, pelting each other with snowballs.

“IS THAT ALL YOU GOT?” Aphmau coughed, preparing another snowball. “C’MON APH, YOU’RE COUGHING, THE COLD AIR IS GONNA GET YOU SICK JUST SURRENDER!” Garroth insisted, throwing yet another snowball at Aphmau. “I’LL NEVER SURRENDER!” Aphmau yelled, coughing in between her words. “THEN YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE.” Garroth shouted, walking towards Aphmau as she pelted him with snowballs. “AHHH NO!” Aphmau coughed in distress, as Garroth came closer. “WE CAN DO THIS THE EASY WAY, OR THE HARD WAY…” Garroth told Aphmau, cornering her.

Aphmau went silent, giving thought to Garroth’s words and looking around herself. “.... I'll do it the hard way.” Aphmau mumbled, as she began to run away.

“NOT SO FAST!” Garroth yelled, tackling Aphmau to the ground. “-NO!” Aphmau screamed, trying to squirm away.

“I’M SORRY APH I’M NOT LETTING ONE OF MY FRIENDS DIE OF LIKE, PHUNEUMONINIA OR SOMETHING!” Garroth explained, carrying Aphmau over his shoulder and walking inside. “IT'S PRONOUNCED PNEUMONIA.” “WHATEVER.”

As the two of them walked back inside they were greeted by a familiar face.

“Oh hey you guys! I was wondering what sounded like bloody murder out there.” Aaron greeted the two. “Hey Aaron, what are you doing up so early?” Aphmau questioned him. “What are you doing up so early? You always sleep in.” Aaron replied. “Early to bed, early to wake, makes a lady smart, pretty, and great!” Aphmau retorted. “Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy but socially dead.” Aaron added. “Oh shuddup!” Aphmau chuckled. “Ha, well anyways you two start getting dressed, we have a busy day ahead of us.” Aaron insisted. “Okay!” Garroth and Aphmau said in unison.

The two walked back upstairs.

“Hey... Garroth?” Aphmau asked. “Yeah?” “I’m really glad we’re friends…” “Thats, uh, that's...nice.” Garroth uttered, walking into his room. He grabbed the book he had been so infatuated with for the past few days and stared at it. “I don't know...”

#aphmau #mystreet #writeblr #fanfiction #tsotbl #garroth ro'meave #aaron lycan #lucinda #kim #zane ro'meave

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inspirelocked · 5 years

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A step by step guide to mental healing

I wanna talk to you about something

I know everyone is sad and healing from stuff, and everything sucks

But if you even kind of wanna heal, the way you're posting and thinking and talking is digging you deeper into the pit

So i wanted to talk about how i got over a lot of AWFUL feelings with a little work, its not even that much, when you think about it.

first of all, y'all are only ALWAYS complaining or talking about negative things. Talking about things you hate about yourself, what went wrong today, all the sad feelings you felt. My best advice against this is to simply slow down, and pick up whats going on around you right now. For instance, my old brain would have said "today was awful. I barely saw some of my best buddies, self harm thoughts came back, time moved so slow, in all my classes i was reminded of something im failing at, and the people i love are acting like they hate me." But, lets rewind a little bit, shall we? My new brain reflects, and processes things a little slower, because i taught myself how to see the good in things, which, yeah, cheesy, but GOD it's real, and the only reason im still breathing today. Today actually went a little something like this "i woke up in time today, and i changed shirts before i went to school, i remembered deodorant, and i had a lot of good talks with my good friend about our ongoing roleplay. I have a good doctor's appointment to look forward to tomorrow, and i have everything prepared to get ready for it. Yeah, the bad self harm feelings came back, but i coped with them in a healthy way all day by drawing and writing about them, venting them as much as i want without hurting myself. They've since gone away, but if the urge comes back i have several methods for dealing with them. I ate 3 normal meals today, back to my usual self again and my body hurts less. Im passing almost all my classes i need to graduate, and theres time to fix the problems that are still there." And thats just a feW things. And i dont even wait til the end of the day. Here's how i did it. Every day, the moment i think something negative, i wonder if there's a positive way to spin this. "Oh my god i just tripped and fell, i skinned my knee and it hurts, bad day!" Really difficult to spin, right? Think of it like this, try to see someone you dont usually get to see in the hallway on your way to the nurse, or think about that annoying activity you can skip because ouch oof leggy hurty. It can be little things, like oops dropped my pencil, got to get out of my seat and stretch for a second while i went and got it!

Not only is that a good option, just looking around and finding things you like will bring more happiness into your life. Oh, that bush has some nice shaped leaves, that poster has my favorite color on it, my favorite teacher is dressed very nice today and she's really pleasing to watch and listen to her talk. Small happy things add up to big happy time!

And now, avoid talking down on yourself. Mistakes are good and okay! You are not bad in any way for messing up now and then, in fact, it is to be expected, OF EVERYONE. It is a normal, human thing to do.

Let yourself feel bad. Yeah, ouch, but do it. Please. All good feelings turn into all bad feelings. You need to balance it out. Start trying to recognize when a bad feeling is and isnt necessary. But they dont always need a reason to be around! They can just be! Its whatever you feel, let yourself feel it, it's freeing!

Next up, avoid making suicide/self deprivation jokes or comments. Im SERIOUS. I weaned myself off of them and now it feels wrong to do it anymore. I never say mean things about myself. Sometimes i slip and say "oh my god im gonna fucking kill myself" but I make sure and check my feelings to be sure i don't mean it. And it's okay to not mean it! Im constantly seeing it normalized to be suicidal and self destructive, but you're alright if you dont feel like that. Even if you used to and dont anymore.

Anyway, idk if any of this was organized in any sort of way, or if it made any sense, but there you go. I hope literally anyone can get ANYTHING from this. If anyone wants, i can go over specific points and explain them in seperate posts, this was just getting long.

#inspire screaming #positivity #healing #self love #self loathing #self harm #self confidence #self help #self care #love #long post

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ldoismoving · 5 years

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ok so the rest of the drama story from the last post

Uh yeah

Things have been good but a little I think toxic is the word with Loki the past two months. I've had two world breaking things happen the first was my Mothers death on thanksgiving (I sensed something bad coming thirty mins before she passed part of my oracle status I guess) and then being diagnosed with type 2 diabetes and the after math of all this and the after math is still happening and now my dog decides to get sick but I digress. He warned me that getting closer to Christmas something was going to happen and boy was I so not prepped for it.

Now back to the high school drama

I was hella depressed and messed up mental a few days ago because of having to clean out my mothers horder house which btw is a bio hazard and I lived in that house from age 10 till she passed so 11 years literly half my life. Anubis showed up and calmed me down from my panicked state but Set showed up and uh well let's just say he's kinda known as a bit of a horn dog in Kemetic circles and things happened and Loki was not pleased about that cause the next night he busted into my room with Thor and ran Set out.

Their energy was oof and made me uncomfortable and they just would not leave when I ask then commanded so Sehkmet showed up and picked them up by their collars and belt and tossed them out the door (my interacts with the divine is never anything but drama central) I didn't even call her. Anubis also showed up again and just death glared Thor (and the face Thor made was one I've never seen on him). So Thor and Loki were just standing out my door try to get back in eventually Thor walked off pissed (apparently he hates Set btw). Loki just stood there scratching at the door very upset. I'd say Thor was trying to be protective and was just pissed and Loki was more jealous and heart broken (I think I don't lean on him as much as I should I guess) than anything.

The whole interaction along with my feelings and the red flags and mostly Lokis behavior I was so upset and angry I snapped at them and tbh more at Loki (this wasn't the only time I've fought with him but this was the last straw) I gave him my mind about his actions and how of relationship has been sour and toxic and that I need my own autonomy cause as much as I love the bastard I felt trapped and part of this was the oath we had. He tried to argue but eventually he saw I was right. And he broke the ring of runes that repped our oath and the look on his face. I didn't like that face it was so heart broke that I instantly want to take everything back and hug him and be like don't be sad as I hate hurting ppls feelings.

The next night and a little bit of the night before he tried to convince me to take him back. He was doing puppy eyes but it was like his whole body (he also kept trying to lay on me like when your dog knows your sad and tries to cheer you up.) and he was saying he knew messed up and wanted a second chance but I wasnt having it I told him to stop and leave that I was still mad at him. Eventually he did and I won't lie I want to forgive him right then and have our relationship again but I couldn't live with my self if I forgave that easily. He seems panicked

Last night I expected him to show up again but he didn't and I was kinda sad at that but I guess he thought I wouldnt listen or talk to him and idk if I would have. I've told him multiple times during this that after this goes away he can pop up and visit but I think he just wants to stay my patron and be a friend (I guess we are a little more than just friends but still) I think I should try reaching out we need to fix this, the both of us

So I feel I need to clarify our relationship. You see Loki refuses to allow the words worship, devotee/God be labeled to our relationship ( rn now as I type my body is shaking and losing control of my emotions and starting to try and cry. I'm an extremely emotional person) he actual gets mad when I use those terms. Our relationship is more that of friends, good friends who've seen hell and back. I know most or it seems like like ppl here see him as goofy,crazy loud . Kinda memey trickster side of him the most if only that part. I personally see mostly his “blue” side the one that's used and abused, had see his kids tortured and caged and tied, the on earth that bound by his sons inners and burned by acid. The version o Loki that just wants to be loved and liked and that's the point I think we really bonded one other than our chaotic brains. Yeah he still pranks and be silly but there's a lot sitting in silence and talks in the dark. He always comes at night and early morning. We show each other our scars and vent about our bullshit and relax around each other for the most part though it seems it's been five year and I still get tense around him sometimes but maybe it's because I haven't forgotten that he is a god and he can't be controlled easily if at all. He can be dangerous as a wild fire as a riot if he wants too. He's a world breaker and even though I almost never see it I haven't forgotten.

The bastard has my heart and I call him a bastard lovingly. I think I have his too

One point before this I tried to take a break and separate from him and I didn't last 3 hours before my body just started screaming and the chest pain started and I came back to him crawling. My body reacted violently to being removed from him.

I also have this toy fox that's connected to him and acts a physical extension of him and when I don't sleep with it I can't sleep. I toss and turn and wake up multiple times in the night. Like after this fight I didn't sleep with the fox. I woke every three hours from my sleep all night. I usually sleep with fox on my chest or next to it over my arm and under my chin. I basically sleep with it near my heart

I wonder if he's watching this? Ian he reading it?

#lokean #lokideity #shit this was a long ass post

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an-chan-thevolleyballplayer · 7 years

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Kinktober 2017

Day 10 | Fucking Machine | Kiribaku | Part one

This is a first part to the oficial kinktober fic that I'll post tomorrow because it's not finished yet. I keep delaying things and this is the result.

"They won't catch us." Kirishima parroted his classmate for at least the twentieth time that day.

"Be quiet!" He knows he shouldn't be playing with Bakugou, but he just can't help it. In the boredom of this dark room, every attempt on a joke is a good one.

"It's easy to turn it on. Noone will know about our night visit." Kirishima imitates Bakugou's voice what only angers the other male more.

"SHUT UP!!"

"That wasn't manly at all.." Kirishima mutters under his breath, earning a groan from Bakugou and then he glances over to watch as Bakugou restrains himself from exploding and causing even more damage. He chuckles.

"Anyway it's not my fault we broke it." Bakugou finishes it, not even looking at Kirishima now, because they both know the truth, but Kirishima doesn't point it out and smiply stays quiet. Better stay quiet than talk about Bakugou's mistakes, he learnt.

"Doesn't matter. Do you know how to connect these?" Kirishima holds up a metal box with a lot of holes which are probably for connecting electric things, but he's not sure. He has never done this.

"No." Is Bakugou's simple answer, but he also reaches into the mess they caused last night and finds a few mechanic parts that may fit into each other. But they don't and so he just throws them away with an angry humph.

Kirishima sighs and leans back on his hands. He begins to regret the last night, even though he still thinks it was fun. But fun can be less dangerous and without a punishment.

He was just leaving the class with Bakugou, talking about an incident that happened earlier that day and about the cool heroes that helped with it. Kirishima adored the way heroes could keep their heads cool and their super cool quirks.

"I'll be a better hero." Bakugou exclaimed, more for himself than for anyone listening and drags himself in front of Kirishima. "I'll fight them all."

"You definitely will. Your quirk is the coolest." Kirishima agreed, speeding up to match Bakugou's pace. "Hey where'ya going?" He asked with curious eyes, the ones that always made Bakugou blush, and smiled brightly.

"Not your bussiness." Bakugou mumbled loudly and ignored the way Kirishima's face kept poping up in the corner of his vision.

"I want to join you!"

"Not happening."

"Please~" Kirishima whines, pulling at Bakugou's sleeve.

"Fine!" Bakugou bakred out, turning to Kirishima in irritation. "Follow me."

Kirishima quickly followed his classmate down the halls of their school. They passed the first floor, but they still went lower and lower.

"Where are we going?" Kirishima asked in anticipation.

That was the plan. To sneak out after school to practice a bit in the underground where teachers stored the robots, apparently. To practice, win against the bots that nearly destroyed them on the last festival and then leave without anyone noticing.

"Don't slack off!" Bakugou yells at him and throws a nail on him, which only hits the skin of his arm and bounces away.

"I'm not!" Kirishima protests, but doesn't say any more. Let's fix this so we can go home. Just a while longer and Bakugou will kill me.

Kirishima returns to his work, searching for any cables that could fit into the holes on his box.

But still, it was a good fight.

They agreed on turning on just one of the robots in the case they'll be set on a too dangerous level or something, or the button would be self-destruction. It was not, fortunately, and so the fight could start.

The bot wasn't quick nor strong, but could shoot slightly paralyzing bullets. They just exploded on your skin and paralyzed you for a second. That was a regular weapon, well known among the students and a favorite to use on pranks.

At first Kirishima fought his own fight, when the robot noticed him first. It was easy to dodge all of his strikes and it made a funny noise everytime he striked it with his power. Sometimes it even dropped some of it's shields.

Training one on one absolved every student on the academy and not was hundred times better at it than any bot they could find here. The bot was slow and he wasn't avoiding his attacts at all.

"I want some fun too!" Bakugou yelled at him and that was when the bot noticed him. He scanned Bakugou through his eyes and then made another funny noise, completely different from the ones it made on Kirishima and all of it's light turned red.

It dashed forward to where Bakugou stood, but it didn't get far because Bakugou's reaction was to laugh at it and blow it away.

"Nice one-OOf!" Kirishima wanted to praise him, but was stopped by a left hook to his head. The explosion turned on another few bots and they began the fight without a warning.

These were faster and stronger, though not by much. Both boys striked some of them down, by explosions, but smaller this time, afraid not to turn on whatever number of robots were hidden in the darkness of the room, and with Kirishima's strenght as a helping hand for Bakugou's fighting technique.

And it would end up nicely, without harm, but the bots were not happy losing. They had programmed in some intelligence, probably because they began to communicate with each other, the few of them that were still standing, in a weird way that contained clicking, changing the colors of the lights and in a few moments, they encircled them, trapping the heroes in the middle of angry battlebots.

Kirishima adored heroes that kept their heads cool during a fight, but this situation was so absurd he couldn't even believe it, not to keep calm. And Bakugou did not keep his calm as well. But he still found a way to escape them, as by making a big - enormous - explosion.

And that brings them to present. Long story short, the explosion was big. And it not only caught attention of everyone in the school halls, but it also gave off their location when the smoke from broken machines started to vent out of the room.

Couldn't run, couldn't hide, they were found by Aizawa-sensei, very annoyed that he had to interrupt his afternoon routine (probably taking care of his cats or reading).

And he forced them to fix everything they broke. Without help. They were banned from school until they fix everything, and Kirishima bets they won't attend school for at least a week.

"I think I've got this." Bakugou says, preoccupied with connecting metal pieces with the construction in which was placed the box that Kirishima doesn't remember giving him, so Bakugou had to take it from his lap while he was day-dreaming.

"Oh? Is it working?" Kirishima asks carefuly as if he's scared it will break down again if he speaks any louder.

"Lets try. If it does, then all it takes is to do the same thing with the rest of them." Bakugou says, less angry than before and hands the thing to Kirishima.

"Wha-"

"I'll just break it. You can try." Bakugou explains, ears red as he places it in Kirishima's hands that turn warm from the wave of electricity the touch caused. He gulps and looks down at the box. It does not look like the bots they were fighting against.

When Kirishima pushes the button, there is a dead silence in the room. He can hear his own heartbeat, hoping this to be enough, so they won't have to stay there any longer. The robots slowly wakes up, blinking and making weird electronic noises.

He holds his breath. It's working!

Long time nothing happens, only the lights on the surface of their bot blink, and then it moves. A mechanic noise fills the room as the bot starts working, stretching his limbs that appeared out of nowhere high in the air. They almost touch the ceiling and Kirishima wonders how could such long things be hidden inside the small box.

Bakugou shifts next to him, smirking at his creation.

And then the bot makes another noise. It's the one that he made at Bakugou yesterday, Kirishima realises and is about to say that the robot wants to tell them something, but then it dives its mechanic limbs down and encircles Bakugou waist.

It’ll get more nsfw in the second part i swear

<< Day 7 | part 2 >>

#kiribaku #my fanfictions #kinktober 2017

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animalexpert · 5 years

Text

Wlrs; VIII

Big oof, didn’t get a chance to finish up my thought train yesterday and part of it is gone, I’m gonna read back and see if I can maybe catch it. The scramble was tasty af though, I want to make more, yet I also want to keep the meal refreshing so I think I’ll chill a minute on it. I’m happy to have had a busy day yesterday, it was fun too. But today has been a little more difficult, tomorrow is the birthday of my passed nephew Lysander. And every year these few days hit me differently, on his 1st birthday I felt only remorse for my sister, I was so focused on being there for her I didn’t really think about it. His 2nd, after my most recent nephew Oliver was born, and I developed a relationship and love with him, it slammed into me. He never even got the chance to crawl, see anything beautiful nature has to offer, he didn’t really even go outside, of course he wouldn’t have been able to perceive them anyway, but it still just hit. And this year, he would be 3, it has been heart wrenching but in a different way, because of Oliver. Seeing Oliver grow into so much personality and character makes me think about Andy, and how close to him I’d be. Oliver squeals and runs over to me when he hears my voice coming down the basement stairs, stretches his arms out to me nearly every time my sister walks past with him, and is the cutest when he tugs on me and yells “ay, ay, AY” giving his best shot at my name while frantically trying to understand why I’m not picking him up letting him try and stick his hand in a ceiling fan. I don’t ever get to know how Andy would act around me. I hope he would think I was a cool uncle. I don’t get to know what he liked, or if he was a stubborn lil babster, I don’t have anything to remember him by, except his name. And that’s really depressing, what do I think about when I think about Andy? A dead baby, he wasn’t even old enough to like distinctly like anything. My nephews are aged 7, 5, and 1. There’s a number missing in that pattern, and it’s these things that help me understand how my sister just sometimes can’t avoid thinking about it. She has to look at her kid and her baby and try to not think about that gap in the middle and I can’t even imagine. I’m hoping that we have a good day tomorrow, we’re going to the zoo in his name. Every year we try to pick something that he would probably like based on his age at the time, I like remembering him this way. I think that’s healthy, but I don’t know if it is for my sister. It worries me how she can’t get away from this, throughout the whole year. She still makes an outfit for Andy whenever she makes matching clothes for the boys, she remembers him as often as she can. I hope that we can help lead her forward towards healing. Because nearly 360 days of the year my main focus regarding my nephew is making sure my other 3 nephews have fulfilling lives and fun memories and great park visits so that if anything happens to me or them, there are plenty of memories full of joy to bathe in when we think of each other. Because having to think of limp dead baby when I hear his name fucking sucks. Build a bears, zoo trips, and gardens made just in his name over these past three birthdays are really hard on us, but they help us give live to his name, and something uplifting to remember about him each year.

I think I’m done talking about that for now but I may revisit it tomorrow because I’m in an emotional SPAT right now and I really feel like writing and venting. As confused and lost as I may seem from this series of posts, I AM. But I’m really not doing bad or feeling too unhappy in the scheme, I’m confident my future holds peace, these posts are mainly about the strife I’m feeling and help me talk to the second me in my brain that is usually rather hard to reach rationally. Normally they’re very far from the joy and life I’m ordinarily filled with. There’s been some bad weeks but seeing my friends so often recently has been v healthy for me and assisted in avoiding depressive episodes. I think I did talk about an especially fun day I had a time or two, but apart from that it’s just my emotional stuff and insecurity in where I want to move forward with my life. Which I think is pretty normal for a 23 year old, at least looking at most of my friends, but I guess you surround yourself with people you fit in with so that’s not really a solid argument. But I’m PRETTY SURE that’s normal stuff to be feeling. If I don’t know what I want out of my end life how can I be any sure of what I’m doing right now? It seems helpful to constantly be questioning myself rather than precisely following a decision I made when I was likely a different person, considering how fast we grow mentality in my age gap. I’m happy I have these writings they help open my own brain up so much ugh. I wish they could help me stop thinking so much about the things I vent, but they really only aide in understanding them. I’m still riled up in emotion the same, understanding it may not even be a good thing in hindsight, I was doing better voluntarily hiding from it while knowing it was there. That’s like being haunted though. I’ve started having a recurring dream where I’m defending from zombies. And I haven’t been playing any zombie games or watching zombie movies. I used to have dreams like this a lot, but it’s been several years, I think it might’ve been since like high school and a little bit after times. But the speed of zombies and scenario is and has always been different. Although I’m never like in the open surrounded by zombies I’m always like defending some kind of structure. But almost everything else is variable. There should be a dream.md where you can enter key words/scenarios and it will diagnose you with some of the likely psychological reasoning's behind your dreams. That’s actually a cool idea although I’m sure it exists in a simpler manner because that would likely be HELLA difficult to code. I was without my car for a few days which was odd, I’m happy I have it back I wanna go get myself some Qdoba for dinner, oo but I want fried rice THOOOO. Nick had to drive me to bowling but bet I had his ass come pick me up because I ain’t missing one week of bowling. I’m getting so good, I rolled a 198 this week. And I walked in SET on getting my 200 that night, so although I was shaking my head at splitting my game with an open frame on 5, I was v pleased because my best games the previous weeks apart from a really solid 186 were around 165. I can tell I’m really closing in on the ideal line for my throw though, feels hype.

Hopefully the rest of today is easy, I think I’m rather at peace with all the thinking about Andy I’ve done today, I’m having happy thoughts of him now, and I know my sister will need support tonight. It’s so weird talking to her about it though, because it’s just listening really, and showing love. She can talk to me about the things that I think about and feel about him, but no one here can really talk to her about what she’s feeling, I can just hear her out. She doesn’t even expect responses which is kinda odd when it happens, cause she just kinda talks, pauses for a moment, and either goes on or begins to talk about something else, like I don’t feel awkward much I’m fine in weird situations and weighted silence but phew this is somewhere I do. She needs to find her peace or the stress will kill her young, I hope I can help her.

#Me Fuckin feels m8 #Hi

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