#schlock cinema
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Vampire Man of The Lost Planet
#al adamson#horror of the blood monsters#vampire men of the lost planet#drive in cinema#schlock cinema#1970
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I just paid $37 for this, it better be either the best dinosaur movie ever made, or the very, very worst.
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Ricky Giovinazzo in Combat Shock (1986) Dir. Buddy Giovinazzo
#combat shock#buddy giovinazzo#troma#horror#schlock#film#films#movie#movies#cinema#edit#action#war#frankie teardrop
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just found out that sofia coppola is a flowers in the attic fan. sofia listen to me it’s not too late to channel your father’s energy and make a very successful book to film adaptation series. i genuinely think coppola could do wonders with cathy’s character arc. THINK ABOUT IT
SOFIA LISTEN TO ANON!!!!! SOFIA ANON IS MAKING SOME REALLY GOOD POINTS IF U JUST THINK ABOUT IT!!!!!!
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Death Curse of Tartu (1966)
"Now look, Billy, the human brain is very mysterious. Sometimes it makes us see things that don't exist and hear things that never were."
"How do you explain the people that were killed, then?"
#death curse of tartu#william grefé#1966#horror film#american cinema#fred pinero#babette sherrill#bill marcus#mayra gómez kemp#sherman hayes#gary holtz#maurice stewart#doug hobart#frank weed#brad f. grinter#more deep digging into the rural schlock misadventures of Florida's own H G Lewis‚ the singular Bill Grefé esq#somehow even less polished than previous monster mash Sting of Death‚ this is an almost maddeningly inept film#Greféy baby‚ to give him his dues‚ makes the most of his Everglades location but that's about all he nails#filled with subpar performances‚ an inexplicable and grotty script and delightfully naff effects#all of which sounds like i hated it but truthfully there are small joys to be found in this bizarre slop of nonsense#be it an impromptu disco party by a swamp‚ or the sullen way our chief archaeologist lead fishes for the remains of his students after a#poorly staged shark attack‚ or just trying to figure out whether or not Tartu is wearing pants in his final struggle (my verdict: he's#wearing some kind of flesh coloured tights). absolutely terrible as indie filmmaking but somehow irresistibly compelling as trash cinema
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the correct response to hasta la vista baby is "see you later, terminator"
#the terminator#terminator#arnold schwarzenegger#t-1000#movies#film#cinema#80s#1980s#other schlock tags here to boost my reach
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I'm so excited to share with you all a new Zine I'm working on called Hexie! It's all about horror, exploitation, and cult cinema and will feature articles and reviews by myself and some of your favorite creators from this and other platforms. The zine is hosted by Hexie, a sarcastic demon with a taste for the tasteless. Head to @hexiezine to learn more 🤘
https://linktr.ee/hexiezine
#announcement#hexie#hexiezine#zine#cultcinema#horror#exploitation#schlock#comic#pinup#girlpower#movies#cinema#art
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The release of Hexie issue #1 draws nigh! I guess it's a good time to get to know Hexie herself a little bit... Enjoy!
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Links in bio 🤘
#Hexie#HexieZine#zine#cultcinema#horror#exploitation#schlock#comic#pinup#girlpower#movies#cinema#art
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#Guinea pig 4#Guinea pig: devil woman doctor#funeral parade of roses#japan cinema#80s cinema#horror#horror movies#schlock
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Dracula Vs. Frankenstein
Afro-adorning Dracula has found Frankenstein working at an amusement park 🤣. He convinces Frankenstein to resurrect his dormant monster.
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The Hollywood executives gather around the base of the water tower on Warner Brothers studios. They utter prayers as they walk up the ten thousand steps to where the Oracle sleeps.
Lo! It is Dot Warner! In her regalia as The Oracle of Studio City!
Executive: "O Oracle, the studio system is failing! We are fat upon our merchandising rights, and struggle under the weight of the writer strike. What can we do?"
The Oracle: "Look to the past ye ingrates! Thou hast forgotten the bearings of thine forefathers!Remember the studio crash of the 60s! Remember what ponderous budgets and lackluster production do to the foundations of our nation!"
Executive: "What the, is the path, O Oracle?"
And the Oracle paused, channeling the muse and hallowed Apollo. And the Oracle spake:
The Oracle: "Schlock."
Executives: "But it was banished! Bound to the time prison of 1988, and sealed within the earth! We cannot allow the B Studio system to return!"
The Oracle: "Schlock! I say! Let there be Schlock! The wheel turns! The light of heaven shines upon low-budget watchbait!"
Executives: "I cannot be!"
The Oracle: "Let streaming services collapse at their knees! Let a new generation of directors be forged in the fires of independent cinema! Now is the time of the hidden gem! The cult classic! Let there be unwatchable tripe! Let there be Schlock!"
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New logo! Hopefully good for the *next* decade of making videos!
Originally, I had hoped to spend this weekend putting the finishing touches on my video about “The Thing,” but I’m afraid a family emergency is going to keep me away from my computer for the next 2 weeks. In the meantime, I thought I’d leave you with the new logo.
I won’t be able to record or edit anything for the next fortnight, but I *will* be able to write scripts, and so I hope to have the next several videos all written out by the time “The Thing” video (finally) goes live.
Later this year, be on the lookout for videos re: sexy cinema, LA-set disaster films, a videogame review, an updated version of my very first video essay (Top 10 Favorite Superhero Films), and the next installments of Saurian Cinema and Schlock & Awe!
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🔥
you'll agree with me on this one i think.
we have to be okay with disturbing films. i do believe there's a line between disturbing and shock schlock but even within that shock schlock there's things to be said about the state of cinema. american film watchers especially need to understand that our domestic cinema is very toned down compared to what is in many international theatres. even our horror films are generally tame compared to what's in other countries.
like holy cow guys i promise there's more twisted things out there than a serbian film. PROMISE.
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I heard about “Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone” (prod. Ivan Reitman) in some clickbait about Star Wars knockoffs, but it’s really more Mad Max with cooler tech, a lighter and weirder tone, and some ridiculous (affectionate) segments with Sewer Xenas and a creepy children’s chorus and a local dialect of corrupted English. Molly Ringwald does a great job as one of the least-annoying chaotic teen sidekicks in 80s adventure cinema. The hero is a Han Solo knockoff that could really have used more of a personality, but it kinda comes with the territory. Overall like a fusion between “Firefly” and “Flash Gordon” and one of the few of these schlock adventure movies I’ve watched that I can actually and unironically recommend
Why isn’t this thing more famous? It’s more fun than most of the stuff it was ripping off and has some names that were pretty big in 1983!
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So general fnaf movie thoughts that nobody except me cares about (spoilers obv):
In general I think that the writing on the human characters had some strong moments but everyone's character arcs felt kinda rushed and hollow to me, which I get since I'd imagine it'd be hard to make a typical three-act structure movie with an actual storyline and characters when the game it's based on is literally just an eight-minute something gameplay loop repeated five times with next to no variety. My mom said it felt like we were missing segments of the story and I absolutely agree with her on that, it feels like there were a whole bunch of scenes that were fully completed and integrated into the story and then got cut last minute. Not like I was expecting high cinema with this in the first place but still.
Build-up felt a bit too slow and by the time the plot was actually starting to pick up and the animatronics were actually playing a key role in the story there was like 40 mins left in the movie and they had to cram like 70% of the plot into that last chunk
Vanessa being William's daughter was a pretty good way to transition her character from the games to this movie's continuity, even if it is a bit generic.
I was happy that Abby made a bunch of robot friends. Even if they did try to kill her that one time but hey everything worked out in the end. I like the trend the franchise has been having lately of the kids getting robot surrogate family. keep it going. The table fort scene is the best piece of cinema I have and will ever see I was having the time of my life when that was playing.
The fanservice could definitely be a bit in-your-face at times (i.e. the whole 'dream theory' thing, Waiter MatPat's 'That's just a theory' line) but also I get that's like half the point and I loved every minute of it. I seriously wish I was recording my reaction to Waiter MatPat I was laughing so hard I almost fell off the couch. And the more sublte(ish) things like the FNAF World Rainbow being the mascot of the ice cream shop and the diner being called Sparky's were also really fun.
Yes this movie might be objectively garbage and fanservice schlock but also that's all it was trying to be so shut up this movie is fantastic actually
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College is a Scream
All-New Ghost Rider meets Scream, set when Robbie is like 20 and Lisa is in college. Part 1 of ? Posting this now in case I don't finish the rest. Thanks @wazzappp for troubleshooting this!
The first time Lisa O’Toole narrowly escaped being stabbed to death, she was walking alone across the UCLA campus on a breezy October night, chatting on the phone to a member of the student advisory committee doing a survey.
“Again, sorry to bother you so late,” the other student was saying. He cleared his throat and Lisa heard a wuffling sound, like wind across a microphone. Maybe that was from her end. “We’re just trying to take everyone’s preferences for activities into account. Uh, do you like movies?”
Lisa laughed. The guy on the other end seemed so earnest, and she could picture him crouched in his dorm room by the light of his desktop, working his way through a script and a list of numbers. Had to be such a drag. “Pretty sure everybody likes movies.”
“Any movies?”
Lisa was getting better at catching sexual innuendo. “Most movies.”
“How about scary movies?”
“Oh, you bet your bottom I do!”
She could practically hear the other student grinning back at her over the line. “What’s your favorite scary movie?”
Lisa bounced on her toes as she crossed a courtyard and approached the gap between the art building and the theater building. “Omigosh. That’s so hard. That’s a hard choice. Like, what’s my favorite good scary movie, or which do I watch the most, or what do I recommend to a friend or what’s the best one for a party? A party, you know, I think you want late eighties/early nineties pop-culture schlock. Like Chucky. It’s not too hardcore for a large audience, and the effects hold up, and there’s a lot going on, like with the serial killer practicing hoodoo to tie himself to the living world. Or, maybe? Elm Street II. Nightmare. If you know the behind-the-scenes story before you start, the queer cinema story, it like blows you away, and the body horror? The transformation scene where Freddy Krueger tears his way out of Jesse’s body and possesses him? Umph. Haunting. And his kinda-girlfriend has the same name as me, and she survives. Or, wait, did you mean the movie that scared me the most? I’ll be honest...you still can’t beat The Brave Little Toaster.”
“How about the Stab franchise?” the student prompted, his voice going a bit growly.
Lisa squeaked. “I love Stab! They’re so cheesy. Stab V is my favorite, it’s like the best take on time travel in cinema, it’s totally underappreciated.”
The line fell silent for a bit and Lisa checked her reception as the tree-lined walkway narrowed between the massive theater building and a freestanding wall that cupped a little wooded park at the end of the art building. “Every Stab movie starts with a phone call. A stranger calls a woman alone, seeming friendly until he suddenly ropes her into a sadistic game. So...Lisa—”
Was that movement beyond that stupid cinderblock wall up ahead? Lisa slung her purse off her shoulder and let it dangle low and heavy from her free hand. “Gotta-go-nice-chatting-call-you-back-bye!” she hissed, hanging up. It was awfully narrow between the little park and the theater building. Awfully dark, with the security lights casting harsh shadows in exactly the wrong places.
There was no law against hanging out in parks. Could be somebody sleeping rough, shooting up, waiting to meet somebody for a deal—but this wasn’t Hillrock Heights, Lisa reminded herself. On campus, nobody should have any business lurking around in the dark.
The brightly lit street was less than fifty yards ahead. Turning back would mean turning her back on whoever this was. It was probably just a couple students making out, anyway. “Hey,” Lisa called, so as not to startle whoever it was. Her phone buzzed in her hand, and she silenced it, wishing she’d worn something with pockets today. She backed toward the theater building, watching the wall as she went.
No one there as she started to round the corner, just darkness and trees. She kept watching over her shoulder as she passed by, and just as she was about to look away toward the street, someone dressed in black with a shining, twisted face charged out from behind the wall. Lisa shrieked and swung her purse and struck the figure with a crack. They dropped slacklimbed to the pavement and lay still.
It was a person in a Ghostface costume, with the screaming mask and black robe and mall-ninja hunting knife and the whole bit. Not a monster, not La Leyenda, not a gang member on steroids, but a fellow student. “Oh no.” Probably some twisted fraternity prank. “Oh no!” And Lisa had gone and gotten herself involved.
She could just leave the guy there. But he’d been unconscious for thirty seconds already. That was bad. If she left him here and he died, no-one would know, but she’d know, and that would set a bad precedent. She called campus security as she kicked the knife away from the student’s slack grip.
“So, like, I was walking to my bus stop from the library and there’s this guy just lying there in a Halloween costume,” Lisa explained after greeting the dispatcher. “He’s not answering me? I think somebody needs to check on him.”
“Is he breathing?” the dispatcher demanded.
Lisa crouched behind the student’s back and watched it rise and fall. “Yeah. Like, can I go? It’s kinda creepy out.”
“Please stay with him until first responders arrive,” the dispatcher requested. “Clear any obstructions away from his nose and mouth. You need to be ready to answer questions.”
Crap, crap, crap. Lisa pulled the mask off the student’s face; it was a guy, looked like an upperclassman, white, eyes open but unfocused, blood dribbling down his scalp. “But my bus is coming!” she lied. She turned on her phone flashlight and checked the outside of her purse for blood: nothing. Looked like the guy’s hood had caught it all; small favors. This was really bad.
“You have to stay with the unconscious person!” the dispatcher insisted. “You could be legally liable for abandonment if you walk away!”
“Okay, okay,” Lisa said, stepping around to the non-staring side of the man’s face. “I’ll stick around. It’s just really creepy here, okay?”
“You’re doing the right thing. Paramedics are on their way.”
As sirens wailed in the distance, Lisa fished her lucky brick out from the bottom of her purse and threw it as hard as she could into the park. “Crap.”
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