Hirano to Kagiura light novel translation 2-4
Chapter 2: Summer preparations.
Part 4
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Basketball club practice is held inside the gym for the most part, but they use the outdoor space for warm-up runs.
They can hear the wind instruments club tuning and practicing marches, and it feels like they have their own personal pep band.
Although they keep hydrated, warm sweat flows freely.
While squinting against the blazing sunlight, Kagiura thinks of Hirano’s bright blonde hair.
Dyed blonde despite his position in the student council, Hirano’s hair is unfortunately quite damaged. It suits him so well, though.
And the small earrings that normally adorn his earlobes are as of yet still missing in action.
Although it’s already been a week, Hirano seems unconcerned; as such, Kagiura is the more worried of the two.
If the piercings are healthy, they won’t easily close up, but they’re still technically wounds, so they’ll undoubtedly shrink if left unattended.
Hirano had told him they’re his first piercings, so Kagiura had asked “shouldn’t you hurry up and put something in them?”, to which Hirano had replied, “If I took them out at the same time, I should find them sooner or later”, and seemed content to leave well enough alone.
While he took shelter in the gym, mopping his sweaty face with the towel hanging around his neck, Kagiura thought about what color earrings would look good on Hirano.
His image of Hirano’s personal clothing is vague, since he only sees him in loungewear.
He would be able to see them on the weekend, but Kagiura’s days off are dedicated to club activities, so his chances to see him are few and far between.
At school, when he’s wearing his uniform, most of the time they don’t end up running into each other. In the mornings, Hirano wakes up first and even wakes Kagiura up, but even Hirano wouldn’t wear his uniform that early in the morning.
He returns to the dorm earlier than Kagiura, and by the time Kagiura gets home, he has long since changed into loungewear.
That’s why going the traditional route of choosing ones that will easily coordinate with his usual clothing is easier said than done.
Besides, we don’t have any free time before summer vacation to go buy some together.
So what is he supposed to do?
Kagiura tried to figure out where to go from there, but before long, the rest of the club members finished their run and foundational practice began.
If your head is in the clouds, it won’t be long before you get injured.
He had taken that concept to heart, so it only took a moment for him to switch gears and focus on practice.
It’s strange; when he gets in the zone, he doesn’t even care about getting sweaty. He can’t even tell if the wind instrument club’s performance is still audible from outside, through the gym doors that are closed to conserve their pathetically weak air conditioning.
The application review for the plan selection qualifiers went by without a hitch, and they passed through the second round of judging immediately afterwards with flying colors.
Niibashi is doing just as well as anticipated—in fact, he is going above and beyond. The presentation he gives with a smile brimming with confidence is overwhelmingly effective, and his preparation is immaculate.
They deliberately address the open question of food safety measures, and are now at the stage where they’ll probably be able to get a space in the courtyard or somewhere else that can accommodate their customers.
They were able to get through the research in just a few days thanks to their 2nd and 3rd year acquaintances, so they’re grateful.
Normally, upperclassmen make good use of their past experiences and prepare for the cultural festival ahead of time. That’s why it’s difficult for ill-prepared first years to win real estate in the courtyard, or so they’re told, but they faced their audition with such flawlessness that it was hard to believe they had completed it in such a rush.
Niibashi is excessively skilled at networking, so their stock of materials piles up with the help of other classes, and just like that Kagiura and the other two assistants take a back seat.
In contrast to the energy of the executive committees from the other classes with passionate appeals, the student council, who are in charge of the judging, are, to put it nicely, relaxed.
To put it not so nicely, their reactions are deadpanned, by which Kagiura was caught off guard.
One would think that the student council at a school where independence is so highly valued would be filled with the type of people who like planning things, but the student council president, Touou, seems to be the high-strung type.
As expected from someone who serves as the student council president as a second year, he’s used to directing others, and he even has a certain dignity about him as he subjects each proposal to a barrage of questions from on high, yet he doesn’t seem to enjoy doing so.
There was one other thing that was unexpected.
Which is that, the sometimes excessive amounts of nitpicking by the latter notwithstanding, Niibashi is actively involved with Touou.
I wonder if they’re good friends? Kagiura wonders, but he wouldn’t want to put a damper on them when they seemed to be enjoying themselves, so he bites his tongue.
*****
It isn’t long before summer vacation, so there were only morning classes today.
The gym is undergoing inspections and can’t be used, and the advisors are absent for training, so the coaches are also taking the day off, which means the basketball club isn’t meeting today.
That’s just fine by them, as it gives the first year club members the chance to go to a sports shop to purchase new shoes, which Kagiura, as a veteran, is happy to give recommendations for.
This shop is familiar with their school placing orders for uniforms, and they’re glad that the proprietor memorizes their faces and supports them even though they’re still just first years. Apparently he’s even come to see their practice matches.
His heart bounces on his way home, thinking he’ll ask Hirano about it too.
Despite eating lunch and going shopping, he still gets back much earlier than usual, and it’s not yet 3 o’clock. Even if he does his homework, time is just crawling by today.
“I’m home!”
There’s no response to his statement as he swings the door open.
“Huh…?”
Inside, Hirano’s bag is missing, as if he hasn’t come home yet.
Maybe he’s at a committee meeting, he thinks while he spreads a sheet out on the floor and begins tending to his club equipment.
After more or less cleaning up, he starts on his homework, imitating the self-study techniques Hirano had taught him.
If he could see this, would he be surprised?
But, contrary to his expectations, even when dusk falls there’s no sign of Hirano coming back.
Starting to get antsy, he opens the door to their room open halfway, but Hanzawa comes by and shuts it, saying “if you leave the door hanging open, it’ll be in the way!”
He’s on the same committee, which means it’s not a late-running meeting that’s holding Hirano up.
“Hanzawa-san, Hirano-san isn’t back yet—did he tell you he had something to take care of, or something?”
“Hm. I have no idea. Well, you’re not a child, so you’ll be fine. That aside, aren’t you going to go for dinner? I’m heading there now.”
Just as he’s said, dinnertime has indeed started. Although there’s a large window when you can go, you can never be too early if you don’t want to impact your bathing time.
“.....I’m coming.”
I really, really hope nothing’s wrong.
Slightly troubled, Kagiura follows behind Hanzawa.
Apparently, Hirano returned to the dorms just before dinnertime ended.
He went straight to the dining hall without even dropping off his bag, and didn’t come back to the room until after the first years’ bath time had started.
They kept just missing each other, and could say no more than passing greetings, but Hirano seemed to be in a bit of a bad mood.
He has always been the kind of person to speak brusquely, but it is rare for him to be so blatantly terse. I want to ask him about it, but would that be okay? What if it’s something serious that he can’t talk to me about?
He has a completely different set of problems from his comrade, because the depth of their lives are different by one year, a difference he can sense each and every day.
If Hirano has a problem he can’t resolve, there’s probably nothing Kagiura can do to help. If he asks him if anything happened, it might just make him even more upset.
But—he can’t just do nothing. That is the conclusion Kagiura came to.
While wondering how best to broach the subject, Kagiura leaves the bath, and hurries back to the room.
When he knocks lightly on the door and says “I’m back from the baths,” Hirano replies “yeah, welcome back,” in a lower tone than usual.
Hirano sits at his desk, the look in his eyes predictably sharp.
“What happened today?” Kagiura asks, although for a moment he almost folds under the pressure of that gaze.
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You came home late today, Hirano-san. And it doesn’t seem like it was because of a committee meeting.”
“Oh…sorry. Did I worry you?”
“Yes. I was really worried.”
That’s right, he’s worried. He only realized it when Hirano said it.
The feeling of uneasiness that had been plaguing him all afternoon was an awful lot like the loneliness of being left home alone as a child.
Like the feelings he’d had when it seemed like he’d be swallowed up by the swirling anxiety at the thought that something must be something wrong with his parents, or something terrible had happened to his siblings, for them to not come home like this.
“I see. …..It’s not exactly a cheery story, though.”
“That’s okay.”
“There was a fight—or rather an incident of violence—at the school today. It was one-sided; the guys were playing dirty.”
A kouhai from the committee tried to get them to stop, but Hirano’s friend held him back, stepping in in his place, and sustained injuries.
Apparently the reason Hirano had been late is that after asking about the incident from his friend in the committee room, and then hearing what the first year victim and his kouhai had to say about it, he’d been discussing it with the committee advisor.
Hanzawa hadn’t known about it because the advisor had stopped Hirano from calling him back from the dorm even though he was the vice chairman.
“Do you not know who did it? I’m sure they’d be suspended or something…”
“The guy who stepped in to stop it isn’t that great at fighting, so the culprits were able to get away. He knew that they’re first years, but it’ll be summer break soon, so I don’t really know what’ll happen. …He won’t even tell me all the details, either. He probably thinks it’d be lame to snitch or something.”
The longer he talks, the more it seems like he’s just going off on his friend. But rather than being angry at him, it seems more like there’s something else spurring him on. Regret, perhaps, or frustration.
Imagining the pain of someone he’s supposed to be close with refusing to talk to him, Kagiura gently reaches out his hand.
He strokes that beautiful blonde hair.
Although their usual roles are reversed, this is essentially what Hirano always does for him.
Listening to him talk, comforting him, encouraging him. Hirano does it more skillfully, but for Kagiura as he is now, he doesn’t have the words to nurse his indignation.
As he smoothes down his hair, Hirano’s eyes go wide.
“.....What.”
“I thought if I did this maybe you’d calm down.”
“.....”
Letting out a small huff, Hirano murmurs, “you’re right.” The tension slowly drains from his face..
He makes such soft expressions.
Now it’s Kagiura’s turn to be surprised. Hirano’s just like a cat that’s warmed up to him.
“Hey. How long do you plan on rubbing my head?”
No sooner had he spoken than Kagiura pulled his hand back, but even after Hirano leaves for the baths, Kagiura flops onto his bed and ponders how comfortable it felt to stroke that blonde hair.
Twenty minutes later, Hirano returns from the bath, having washed away his sweat and his air of gloom.
Having sat at his desk and pulled out a map of the school, he says, “I’ll do what I can to get this taken care of before summer break,” his usual vigor restored. He’s not sulking at all. He’s back to his normal self.
When Kagiura asks about it upon his return from the bath, Hirano tells him that after discussing with Hanzawa, they’d decided on a plan of action moving forward. It seems the best thing to do is to check out the vicinity the perpetrators had been walking in, and ask the clubs and groups that use that area at the time of the incident for eyewitness statements to try to deduce the culprits.
Putting out a notice aimed at students in clubs seemed unlikely to succeed, but the thought was that if anyone had been acting strangely after the fight, someone might’ve noticed.
After that, with not only Hanzawa but the collective force of the whole disciplinary committee to gather intel and the support of the faculty advisor, they were able to suss out the culprits before summer break.
The school decided to take disciplinary action against them, due to their maliciousness and the fact that there was a second assault.
Just as Hirano had declared, it was just in time for summer break.
Upon returning to his room after chatting with the club senpai who were also dorm students, Kagiura finds that Hirano had already finished getting ready for bed and turned off his desk lamp. It is unusual for him to try to go to sleep early without studying or reading.
Kagiura follows his lead and softly crawls into bed.
Normal classes end tomorrow. The day after that is the closing ceremony.
The basketball club has practice for the weekend practice matches, so Kagiura won’t have the chance to see Hirano, who’s going home immediately, until the new semester.
As his awareness of this fact sinks in, so does his loneliness.
He didn’t sign up for the mock exam, but his week is full of morning make-up classes, so there’s just no way to swing it.
I never thought I’d come to feel like this.
He’s become fond of that flashy personality that caught him off guard at first.
But that was really just the beginning. Things like moving his slippers out of the way for him, eating the peppers off his plate—he was touched by the kindness Hirano had shown him throughout those days.
Being with his side, more than he would’ve expected from living with someone who isn’t family, is comfortable.
“Hey, Hirano-san.”
“Hm?”
“You’re going home the day after the closing ceremony, huh?”
“Yeah, that’s the plan. You’re staying until next week, right? Practice matches and whatnot.”
“Yep. Besides, I also have supplementary lessons this week.”
“You’re actually gonna go? Good for you.”
To tell the truth, he’s actually a little unsure about that.
His grades aren’t exactly something to write home about, but he’d made a rebound at the end of the term, and managed not to get such crappy scores that he’d be forced to take the supplementary lessons.
If he can go, he probably should, but due to club activities he might be exempted.
After checking the prerequisites, he’d declared his plans to attend, because he foresaw putting it off until the end due to a combination of his own personality and being lulled into a false sense of security by the words “you don’t have to attend if you don’t want to”.
Up to now, he’s accepted his senpai’s help, and so far hasn’t let him down…within reason.
“Because it looks like they’ll even be able to teach me how to do the homework we got assigned for summer break. You’ve never been called to attend, have you?”
“Nope, because I take school seriously.”
“Speak for yourself…”
“Haha. You take it seriously too, I bet, and you’ll keep it up in the second semester.”
“Right. …..Um, Hirano-san.”
It’s not as if he’s about to say something weird, but his heart thuds against his chest, and for no real reason, his fists clench atop the bed.
“Hirano-san, do you have any plans for summer break yet? Like around the end of July, or the beginning of August.”
His voice is hesitant, as if he’d confessed to doing something bad.
“Nothing set in stone. Why?”
“What do you think about coming with me to the countryside?”
“Hm? You mean…me tagging along when you go visit your family?”
His questioning reply is slow and tinged with sleepiness.
He hasn’t said no yet, so Kagiura remains hopeful.
“Yeah.”
“.....Your place isn’t really that far in the countryside, is it?”
Hirano’s and Kagiura’s homes are in the same prefecture, and furthermore, they’re right above a transit station. Ignoring the distance between the station and their houses, their respective stations are a 30 minute ride from each other. They’re both familiar with the area.
“Not there, to my grandparents’ house…is that not gonna work out? It’s a huge house and there’s a ton of rooms, so it won’t be cramped, and every year my relatives end up bringing other people anyway, so you wouldn’t be out of place or anything.”
The words had spilled out of his mouth unchecked, but what he said is true. His cousins in university bring along their circle of friends, and more distant relatives with small children come to stay with someone who has a close connection with the main family, so during summer break his grandfather’s house hosts a wide variety of guests.
“.....What days are you going, Kagi-kun?”
“I’m taking the night bus on the 30th, arriving on the 31st, then I’m thinking I’ll stay two or three days and take the night bus back home.”
Up until last year, he’s come with his immediate family, so they’ve usually stayed a bit longer. But for Hirano to come along, he figures this span of time is an easier ask.
He doesn’t want to push back the dates if it can be helped.
There’s a reason it must be this timing.
If Hirano has a prior commitment with this timing in mind, Kagiura will have to give up, but—
“If your relatives give permission, it’s fine by me. I don’t have summer classes around then.”
At the readily given agreement, Kagiura quickly sits up. His phone is charging on his desk.
“Hey, you’re not trying to call them right now, are you?”
“Whaaat, I can’t?”
“You definitely can’t. Do it tomorrow. Look at the clock; it’s almost time for lights out. We’re not allowed to use phones or other devices now.”
Because Hirano himself doesn’t usually follow this policy to the letter, Kagiura immediately understands that cutting off their device time is for Kagiura’s sake.
That sort of thing is what makes him such a good person.
“Fiiine. …Good night, Hirano-san.”
“Yeah. ‘Night, Kagi-kun.”
With the click of the switch being flipped, all the lights shut off.
As the room falls to darkness, the waves of unbelievable nervousness and elation begin to ebb, and before long Kagiura falls asleep.
*****
On the first night of summer vacation, for the first time since he’d started school, Kagiura greeted the night alone.
The two-person room is spacious for one person by himself.
Thanks to the departed Hirano, who’d cleaned thoroughly while Kagiura was at school, even the air in the room had seemed different when he opened the door.
In fact, just by Hirano, who is always there before him, being gone, it feels like everything from the atmosphere to the scent of the room has changed.
Homes are living things, so without people living there they fall apart, or so Kagiura has heard.
He is also hoping that with the number of guests increasing during summer break, that countryside house with many extra rooms will become lively, just as his grandfather said.
Up until now, he hadn’t had words to put to the feeling, but now it feels like he understands what it means to start your own family after leaving your parents’ home.
It just doesn’t feel right if someone isn’t here.
And being with someone is better than being alone.
*****
After talking to his parents and grandfather, Kagiura was given permission to bring his senpai from school home without any issues.
He has yet to tell Hirano anything more than that, but it seems like today they’ll have the opportunity to talk about it.
That night, during the time when phone calls are allowed in the dorm, Kagiura tries bringing up the topic while talking with Hirano.
“By the way, Hirano-san. My relatives said that since you’re my dorm roommate and I’ve probably gotten used to you, it’d be fine for you to stay a week or even two.”
“That’s way too long. And what does ‘used to me’ even mean?”
“I don’t know, either. …..As a matter of fact, we do have guests that stay around a week.”
“I’m grateful to your relatives, but that’s a long time.”
Hirano’s voice as he stifles a laugh is lower over the phone than his natural voice. The husky sound jumps a bit; it’s the first time Kagiura’s heard this voice.
“Are you busy with summer prep courses?”
“Well, I’m finished for tonight, so not really. What about you? Doing okay?”
“Club is going really well, of course. I want to go swimming since it’s so hot, though.”
“Not that, your supplementary classes. You’re going to them and doing the assignments properly, right?”
“I’m doing them. …..There’s a range of topics designated for each day, so I’d be in trouble if I didn’t do them.”
The teacher in charge of the supplementary classes claimed that the majority of students who say they “can’t study” are simply not in the habit of sitting at their desks, rather than having a large difference in their basic academic ability.
He’s not entirely wrong, Kagiura concedes. Because, after all, every time he sits at his desk, he finds himself watching Hirano’s back as he studies or after he’s finished his homework.
If he hadn’t been observing Hirano’s day-to-day life, he probably would’ve said something like “we’re just built different” and not thought anything of it, but thanks to Hirano, he can see the difference between himself and someone who continually puts in effort each day.
“That’s for the best when you’re in your first year. You’ll get more points by reviewing the material from the first semester than by choosing units based on trend.”
Due to the large difference in their characters, Kagiura is skeptical of the theory that if he seriously worked hard, his scores would rise accordingly, but Hirano, who is always studying much more difficult subjects than Kagiura, is sparing him some effort. He has no choice but to do it.
“.....Yeah. I’ll do my best. But, you know…” Although his voice is already subdued so as not to carry into the hallway, Kagiura drops his voice even lower.
“But, what?”
“Our room feels kind of empty when you’re not here.”
When the little huff of laughter reaches his ears, he closes his eyes, unable to stand the way it tickles as if the breath had brushed him directly.
“You must be getting tired. Go to sleep already.”
He wants to protest that he’s not at the age when sleepiness makes him needy, but just as Hirano pointed out, exhaustion is beginning to weigh on him.
I want to fall asleep just like this, without hanging up.
Even though he knows that’s impossible, he almost blurted it out.
I want to see him soon.
*****
T/N: (1) The phrase here is actually 親の実家, but this concept doesn't really translate well into English, so I figured grandparents' house conveyed the meaning best. Basically, in traditional families, the 実家 (true home) is the main house (think Akito's house in Fruits Basket) where the grandparents still live and the extended family gathers for events. This tells us 2 things: 1, that Kagiura's family's probably loaded, and 2, they're traditional, so if he and Hirano ever actually start dating (lol), we can expect some juicy family drama
(2) Full disclosure, Kagi's super cheesy/romantic line at the end is more literally "When you're not here, this room is too big and too quiet". I was going back and forth about how to write it, because I'm a stickler for accuracy, but ultimately I think what I ended up putting conveys the wistfulness and longing a little better than transliterating it would
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well since you obviously said it isn't a trap! what are your thoughts on hirano and sasaki :)
so it was a trap in the end. surprise! it’s just that it was supposed to be like a pit trap and it still is one just stupid deep. I’ve been in this pit for so long. sorry for leaving you waiting. it’s been ruminating for this long now and my thoughts aren’t organized to begin with so we Might as well just get on with it
tldr Tfw you and your best friend are queer at the same time and are sort of constantly orbiting around one another about it in weird liminal space where you’re simultaneously telling each other everything but never saying something
so I don’t know if you’ve gotten the chance to read the sasamiya first years novel yet highly recommend it Sound of the summer. but there was. like. an unprecedented amount of stuff in there that gutted me. like the last chapter. here’s the chapter image by the way
psychological warfare on me specifically. just Look I’ll bold the highlights:
He wants to pull himself up, I thought. He just hasn’t found anything to give him that push.
Not that it was any business of mine.
“Sun’s pretty high in the sky by now. There shouldn’t be any direct sunlight on your desk this time of day,” I said. “You came all the way to school. As long as you have the chance to make the effort, why not make it?”
With that encouragement, Sasaki got to his feet, swaying slightly. As I watched him brush the dust off his uniform, I decided to suggest to the Disciplinary Committee that we should make sure this area got swept periodically. We wouldn’t want any part of the school, even one off-limits to students, to look grimy.
“Mmm… Well, I guess I could handle one worksheet. If you’ll help me, Hirano.” The way he still seemed completely harmless was almost funny.
“Yeah, I’ll help you. If you really have it with you. If you don’t, then go talk to the teacher and get another copy before lunch is over.”
“Yeah, yeah.”
I almost cracked a smile at the sense of friendliness he exuded. “You should only say ‘yeah’ once. Break’s over in five minutes, you know. You could stand to look like you’re sweating it a little.”
This time, Sasaki drew it out into a single “yeeeah.” He started down the stairs, and I fell into step beside him. “Hey, give me your phone number,” I said softly, rushing it out.
“You?” he said, apparently not expecting that at all.
I was surprised to discover I felt a rush of embarrassment. I kept my eyes determinedly forward. “It’s a pain in the ass not being able to get ahold of you.” It felt funny, looking after a guy my own age like this, but I couldn’t stop myself. I figured getting Sasaki’s contact info now would make it easier if I needed something with him in the future.
Sasaki Shuumei.
My first impression was that he did things by the seat of his pants. My second—that he was a lot of trouble.
for my own peace of mind. will largely copy-paste what I’ve already said
like. how else do I say that this feels like. pre-romance. you’d think it’s WEIRD for these two. but there’s still that feeling. that hirano feels drawn to look after sasaki in like EXACTLY the same way he felt drawn to look after kagi. the like. “Hey, give me your phone number,” I said softly, rushing it out. sasaki sweeping dust off himself and hirano getting the idea to suggest the disciplinary committee sweep EVERYWHERE. with that underlying feeling of I don’t want you to get dirty. seeing where sasaki is, not wanting to move forward, and wanting (quietly, subconsciously) to help him with it. Maybe we were supposed to be having this conversation.
like what’s WITH that. why does it FEEL LIKE THAT
like part of it totally is the whole I have feelings for you I have feelings for you too (the feeling they’re both feeling is friendship) but it’s ALSO. ITS SOMETHING ELSE TOO. and it’s SO interesting to bite into because this novel like. very suddenly threw at us this different angle at which to view the relationships we’re already familiar with. and without even knowing it hirano and sasaki’s friendship—which was ALREADY liable to tear me asunder—was actually EVEN MORE LOADED with things to blow my dick clean off No don’t leave that in.
like we knew already that hirano’s this diligent kind of guy, but he gets this task that he feels is absolutely not his fucking job (tell sasaki to turn in a worksheet) and then he, like. gets pissy about it Yeah but also takes it exactly as seriously as you’d EXPECT him to. he complains about not feeling full at lunch even on a regular gym day, but he ate fast to have more time. to look for sasaki. he looked in every typical playing-hooky kind of space in the school, physically moving up the school, floor by floor, as he searched. and then he’s out of places. except for the school roof, which is locked, but he gets suspicious and goes to check anyway.
Ogasawara said Sasaki hates the heat. From that perspective, the stairway looked like a cozy hole in the ground.
I pushed aside the whiteboard proclaiming that the roof was for “authorized personnel only” and took a hesitant step onto the stairs. I worked my way up to the landing, doing my damnedest not to make a sound. I turned and saw someone.
“There you are!” I sighed.
Sasaki was at the uppermost part of the staircase. The door to the roof was indeed locked, and the only window that let any light in was far away. Sasaki was sitting in a shadowy spot, leaning against the cool wall, listening to music.
“Oh,” he said, his eyes drifting open. His ya-caught-me expression seemed out of place on the dusty staircase. It was the disinterested reaction of a guy who just didn’t care about school.
“The hell are you doing here?” I said. Had he really been sitting there all day? Didn’t his butt get sore?
Sasaki slid off his headphones and gave me a questioning look. “Er, Hirano, right? Whatcha need?”
He remembers my name? That surprised me. Maybe my golden hair gave it away.
“What do I need? To tell you that you have to turn in a worksheet for Modern Literature today. You’re the only one who hasn’t.”
Only then did it occur to me that it would have been far more efficient just to have Ogasawara send him a text. I’d been asked to tell him to turn in the worksheet, but I wasn’t ordered to collect it from him. Still, it was true that I was concerned about his “flying by the seat of his pants” approach to life. Maybe we were supposed to be having this conversation.
and really when you read the entire chapter with this understanding of its Weirdness you’ll notice all these various ways hirano has noticed things about sasaki (“No wonder he always seemed to be eating bread at lunch.”) and it’s just like. Where do we go from here.
and then you look at early hirakagi and sasaki’s subtitle is “The Classmate” and it’s BEWILDERINGLY FUNNY
like this is hysterical to me. you share this strangely intimate moment with this guy you feel drawn to look after despite everything and then after that he’s not even your friend yet.
we see what the beginning of their friendship looks like, we see how invested hirano is in sasaki’s just. everything! we see how much he sees sasaki (apathetic, placid, a couple steps from delinquency, though he’s not moving towards it) and we see how much he WANTS sasaki to get past it!!! and then they aren’t even friends yet. because hirano is unbeatably weird about his relationships with all people. what the hell is wrong with you hirano taiga. I love you.
AND THAT ISN’T EVEN GETTING INTO THE WAY SASAKI GETS ABOUT HIRANO.!!!!! because just. god I think the reason I was putting this off is because it makes me want to cry. We all remember this scene right
because I remember. think I could probably get whacked over the head with a fire extinguisher, get amnesia’d, and still remember this scene in blinding detail. have I said already that I’m insane. I went on this big long tangent in sunnnfish’s tags about it one time, and I’m gonna quote myself on that:
the way sasaki who even now at this point in time is generally apathetic and walled off from emotion / who is walking with a friend of his who also generally isn’t much for externalizing how he feels / sees an aspect of that friends life that he hardly sees / and thus sees an aspect of that FRIEND he hardly sees / and that aspect is. it’s so. / like i’m losing my grip on this framing / sasaki knows hirano to be kind of a hardass and stick in the mud / and all of a sudden out of nowhere hirano is like Head back without me and sasaki / who until that moment hadn’t been paying attention. had therefore been observing and feeling nothing / looks up and sees. hirano doing something so (to sasaki) UN-hiranolike / because of kagi. and sasaki has to notice that. because he and hirano are friends. and sasaki is someone who notices things
the much shorter quote that sums up my feelings on this scene just about as well is as follows: LIKE GOD. LOOK AT SASAKI’S EYES. YOU GET WHAT I MEAN / DON’T YOU?
like you. I have to collect myself this is so embarrassing I hate you sasaki shuumei….. <- lie YOU GET THESE PIECES AND START PUTTING THEM TOGETHER. that their friendship started at the top of a stairwell that was kind of like a cozy hole in the ground, and hirano saw the sasaki there that was kind of just. not in a place to care! and he reached out to him in his pissy hardass way and asked shyly for his number and agreed to help with his work and started this process that got sasaki to. HERE!!!! they weren’t friends until somehow someway sometime they were and when hirano tells sasaki to go back without him he placidly agrees until he sees what hirano is doing and he gets this look in his eyes and it’s. I think I subconsciously know to avoid talking about sasaki because I can’t ever help but get unbearably emotional.
they’re just
they’re friends. and they care about each so much and the jump from their first year first-contact fucking. rendezvous in the stairwell leading to the roof, where it’s just them two in a place where neither of them is supposed to be, where hirano still resolves to keep it clean. which could mean nothing. to their second year where you can just look at sasaki’s eyes and glean something beyond words that has permanently ruined my life. to their third year where they’re so easy and comfortable and hirano smiles easily and with affection and sasaki has grown into someone who would be a stranger to first year hirano, but not an unwelcome one. you just. you have to get it! you have to understand!
so hey. we’ve made it this far in. right? we have. so can I please just
hirano sees sasaki, wants to help him despite being the same age -> sasaki, two years later, undeniably friends with this guy who he can be deeply himself with, wants help with something, sees hirano, notices how focused in on his own work he is, probably puzzles together how worn out he’s gotta be, and resolves not to ask for it.
we’ve made it this far in together, right? so I’ll do you the favor of not drawing this comparison to kagi even though I kind of want to, both for your sake but mostly for mine. because it might kill me to put those words together and I need to wipe my eyes AGAIN I HATE YOU SASAKI SHUUMEI!!!!!!!! <- liar
but there’s this thing that is so so evident through hirakagi specifically where you see sasaki seeing something and resolving to hold onto it for hirano’s sake. sasaki sees how worn out hirano is and refuses to put more stress on him. sasaki sees hirano interacting with roommate-kun and makes up his mind to keep as many of those details from miyano as possible.
he just cares. sasaki just cares.
so now this If you thought I was being weird before. man. let me quote myself again
like. it . these two. it almost feels like sasaki is thinking about miyano just to remind you that the weirdness here is totally Not something we should be latching onto. like sasaki SHOULD know already that miyano would NOT want him hunching over. but how else would we get THIS
what is with sasaki and hirano and this FEELING.
sasaki’s own line of ellipses. I mean, it’s not like you’re short or anything. Oh. But then Roommate-kun’s taller than me, isn’t he?
WHAT IS WITH SASAKI AND HIRANO AND THIS FEELING.
@sunnnfish comments here on the liminality, “a special space where time and space feel weird. Almost like it shouldn’t exist”
a couple steps to the left
like sasaki and miyano.. they don’t really get all that many liminal moments. and hirano and kagi get their moments but they’re like. MOMENTS. but sasaki and hirano…… every one of them, it feels like, when they’re alone, just the two of them. every one of them has that liminal feeling where everything’s weird, and you’re speaking around this impossible SOMETHING in your mouth, sat on your tongue, not going anywhere, and your words come out sort of jumbled for it. your brain tunes it out, thoughts about this and that, anything else, but the busyness just serves to emphasize that space on your tongue that is being taken up by….. whatever it is. like an x-ray, what’s being seen through and what isn’t.
…
like this moment where it’s just them and liminality is inescapable, they HAVE to talk about roommate-kun and he HAS to think about miyano. they have to. just a couple steps to the left, but this isn’t that. Oh. But Roommate-kun’s taller than me, isn’t he?
I’m a rotten husk, if you couldn’t tell. going to take one more second on that FUCKING. LINE because there’s something about it to me.
S: You of all people?
H: Huh?
S: Oh, no…
S: ………
S: I mean, it’s not like you’re short or anything. Oh. But then Roommate-kun’s taller than me, isn’t he?
his demeanor, his nine point ellipses, scratching the back of his head. then he thinks about kagi and draws the comparison. I’m gonna be sick I think actually
and then sunnnfish threw a right hook re: recontextualizing hirano’s They really have gotten close… …… Well, I guess there’s nothing wrong with that.
SF: … it’s like. In our canon universe that Not shifted a little to the left Hirano watches Sasaki evolve so much. Because of Miyano. Sasaki rather suddenly became such a close friend of his who he actively wants to see get better and find purpose and he sees him find that. At least a little. Even though he’s still apathetic he has more pep in his step. And there’s something there in all of that too. Just. Watching your best friend fall in love and change. That’s like it’s own kind of fucked up. Especially considering on some level he wanted to be the one to help sasaki. But he’s also happy that sasaki seems happier. I’m getting lost in the sauce I feel
DB: NO YEAH YOURE GETTING ME THERE
so I’ll drag back the tldr. sasaki and hirano have a really queer friendship and it’s a pang through the heart if you’re at all like me. number one secret third thing of my heart, because they’re actually really mundane and their friendship is so liminal and. look when I say. okay I’m gonna say something. their friendship is kind of romantic. just not necessarily in a romantic way. okay? all right.
one last. Let me sort of quote myself one last time I promise
sasaki too this GUY…. like of course I like the sasaki sasaki is with miyano. he’s everything to me even. but I think part of this secret third thing with hirano is like. the clear shot of the sasaki that. well not everyone sees him this way, tashiro thinks he’s scary. and ogasawara is gonna have a different view of him too because they’ve known each other for a few years now. but hirano went looking for him—when he realized HIMSELF that he literally could have just had ogasawara SEND HIM A TEXT—he went looking for him and found him in that stairwell that he was NOT supposed to be in and spoke to him, like he was maybe SUPPOSED to, and he sees this clear shot of the sasaki that is so. quiet friendly lonely and kind, a little timid and reclusive and aimless but not for lack of WANTING to pull himself up. this sasaki. and hirano gets a little short with him but he also wants to help him, wants to help pull him up, or at least help him WANT to pull himself up, wants to look after him
they’re weird and they care about each other so so so so sooooo so much because they’re friends. and sometimes they’re weird about each other. which is super normal. but as much as I’m waving my hands around clarifying this and that I’m standing by my initial statement with the stairwell. that was a really romantic framing. all right? okay.
I’m giving you a ladder out of the pit trap now. thank you very much for asking you’re a real good sport for that
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