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blairrwaldorfs · 2 months

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Sad Beautiful Tragic

Joseph Quinn x Fem!Reader

Summary: Sometimes things just doesn't seem to work out and maybe sometimes that's okay.

Author's Note: Here's one of my angsty fics. So, I apologize.

Wordcount: 2.9K

Six months.

That was exactly how long it has been since you have last seen him. Since that night. You haven’t fully found yourself yet, but you took it day by day. The first two months since he left were the worst parts of your life. You would stare into nothingness, while you sat on your sofa. You would barely eat. You would barely move. You would barely go out with your friends. Busy, that was what you would tell them. You have been busy with work. But weekends were spent on your bed, sleeping all day, or crying at certain times when you would find a piece of him around your flat. An old t-shirt tucked into the corner inside your drawers, his scent still lingering on the fabric. A piece of paper where he would doodle little flowers or hearts for you. It all consumed you in a way where you couldn’t move the moment you found little pieces of him in your place.

You should start cleaning around.

You told yourself that, but you never got around to it. It was almost like you were too scared to throw away the things he had left because you knew that the moment all of his things were gone, you knew that you had to face the reality that he really wasn’t part of your life anymore. That you would never see him again. It was four years of you two being together and in one blink of an eye, he was just gone. It was like those four years didn’t exist, but in your heart and in your mind, those four years were still crystal clear.

“Hey,” He would appear behind you after a long day of filming.

He would come home, and he would find you cooking dinner in the kitchen. There was something about having these domestic moments with him that made you feel warm and cozy on the inside. His lips would linger at the back of your neck, his warm breath creating goosebumps on your skin and you would lean back against him and sigh happily.

“Joe.” You warned. “I’m cooking dinner. Don’t distract me.”

A small giggle would come out of you, and he would make it even worse as he would start kissing down your neck and on your shoulder.

The kitchen was always a special place for you two. Joe loved to cook and when he was not filming, he would show you his love language and that would be spoiling you with some delicious homemade food and spending the day watching movies in the living room. Sometimes, you two would find yourselves taking a nap on the sofa. It was little moments like these that made you love him even more. It was little moments like these that made your heart ache every time it reappeared in your memories. You couldn’t bring yourself to enter your kitchen in the first two weeks since he left. You would order take out and completely avoid it unless you really needed something. You even bought yourself a mini fridge to store your bottles of water in your room just so you could avoid that one room in the flat.

The kitchen may have good memories, but it was also the last memory you had with him, and it wasn’t a good one. You knew that things between you two had been distant lately. He had been busy booking more roles, and you had been busy with your own job. After you got promoted in the office, you saw less and less of each other. Joe would fly to the States for filming, and you would sit in the flat alone, eating dinner by yourself. It didn’t really occur to you at the beginning because of the fact that you were also busy. Supporting each other’s careers were one of the strongest traits you two had in the relationship but how did it become like this? How did it end like this?

It took about two months of Joe being away from you that you started to feel the distance between you two. Not just the fact that he was across the pond but how he was starting to be distant to you even if he was home. He would text or call on the first few weeks of his filming in the States but then, he started to go silent on you. The only time you would see him would be paparazzi pictures of him and his co-stars hanging out at a bar or at some concert.

It bothered you. It bothered you that he couldn’t reply to one text or pick up his phone when you would call after not hearing from him for a week, but he had the time to hang out and go have some drinks with his newly found friends. It bothered you even more when he was seen with one of his co-stars getting too close. The picture you saw on the internet made your stomach drop. They were in a concert with his other co-stars, and she was sitting next to him, whispering something in his ear, while her hand was on his thigh. Joe had a smug smile on his face, and you immediately exited Twitter as soon as you saw it.

It hurt. It hurt a lot when you saw that.

After that, you didn’t hear from him. A month of you indulging yourself on the internet and staring at every new picture of him and the girl. You wanted to scream. You wanted to say something to him. You wanted to call and ask him what was going on, but you didn’t bother because he didn’t even bother replying or calling you back. That was until he came back home to London. You just had a long day at work, and you stayed later than usual in the office and when you came home, you saw Joe sitting on the sofa. You couldn’t look at him. You felt disgusted. So, you muttered a hello to him and made your way to the kitchen to heat up some leftovers.

“How are you?” Joe asked you, following behind you.

He slipped his arms around your waist and gave you a kiss on the cheek, but you pushed him away. You occupied yourself by taking the bowl of leftover chicken from the microwave and pulled out some utensils.

“What’s wrong?” Joe asked. “Look, I’m sorry I haven’t called. Filming had been really busy and–”

The sudden clang of utensils got Joe’s attention as you let out a sharp breath. Tears were starting to form in your eyes, but you held it in. You couldn’t let him see you like this. Your back was still turned to him as silence took over the both of you.

“Busy filming, huh?” You finally said, your tone of voice sounded angry.

“Yes.” Joe’s eyes stared at you as you turned to face him.

“Tell me, Joe. Is that it?” You raised your brow, holding the spoon tightly in your hand. “Is that the only reason why? It’s not because you were cuddling with some girl in the States?”

“For fuck sake!” Joe shook his head. “Is this what it’s about?”

“No, Joe!” You exclaimed. “This isn’t just about her! It’s about how you don’t reply to my texts or when I call, you never answer! It’s the fact that I haven’t heard from you in a month, and you come back in here like there’s nothing wrong!”

Your voice shook. Your whole body trembled in anger as you stared at him, tears welling up in your eyes. Joe didn’t say anything because he knew. He knew you were right. Both of you had been distant from each other, and he had denied it. You both had denied it. It didn’t mean that he had stopped caring. Things had just been different lately with all the things he needed to do for his career.

“Hey.” He walked around the kitchen island and wiped the tears that started rolling down your cheeks, but you pushed his hand away.

“Don’t!” You warned him, taking a step back. “Don’t act like you care because I know you haven’t cared for a while now.”

“That’s not true!” Joe barked. “I care about you!”

“Not like the way you did before!” You argued, your eyes widened.

You felt stupid. You have been denying this for months now, and you knew that things had not been the same lately. That things had changed. You just couldn’t face that reality and maybe, Joe couldn’t either that was why he was still here standing in front of you.

“We kissed.” Joe admitted, his head hung low. “Once. But that was it. It didn’t mean anything!”

You nodded your head as reality creeped in slowly. You couldn’t move. You felt angry. You felt that knot in your stomach, and you felt like vomiting as you heard those words came out of Joe’s lips. Four years of being together just all washed away by those words. Those words that stabbed you right on your chest as you grabbed the bowl of chicken and threw it at Joe. Fortunately, for him, he had ducked just in time as the bowl shattered on the wall behind him, leaving the chicken a mess on your floor.

“I’m sorry.” Joe tried to walk towards you, but you kept stepping back as you sobbed in front of him. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.”

He shook his head as he tried to cup your face and looked into your eyes, but you were pushing him away, hand scratching and grabbing the fabric of his sweater as you slapped his hands away from your face.

“I’m sorry.” Joe cried, tears rolled down his face too.

You shook your head as you sobbed in front of him as you started pacing back and forth in front of him, while Joe tried to reach for your hand. So many questions were running in your mind and so many emotions washing over you.

“Please.” Joe murmured. “I’m so sorry.” He pulled you in his arms as he hugged you from behind and buried his face on your shoulder.

You closed your eyes, feeling his strong arms around you, while tears streamed down your face. Joe continued to murmur his “I’m sorrys,” but the image of him and that girl just kept flickering in your mind, and it made you angry and disgusted. How could he do this? How could he just easily throw away everything you both had?

“It didn’t mean anything.” Joe turned you around, his hands sliding down your arms and taking a hold of your hands. “I know I have been distant, and I’m sorry. Work had been stressful, and I didn’t want to drag you into it.”

“We’re partners, Joe.” You sniffed, sliding your hands away from him and wiped the tears on your face. “I thought we knew how to communicate with each other. I thought we knew how to be there for each other no matter what the situation was. You were the one person I thought that would never hurt me like this.”

“I know. I just…” Joe sloppily wiped his own tears. “I just couldn’t bring you into this crazy world that I entered, and I… I know. I’m so sorry. I was drunk and it happened so fast.”

Another silence took over before you asked him the one question that had been repeating in your mind for the past month.

“D… Do you still love me?”

Silence.

It hit you like a ton of bricks when he couldn’t answer your question. The silence was enough for you to know the real answer from Joe. No, he didn’t love you anymore. It was the silence that you never thought would make you feel that sharp pain in your chest. Joe took a step forward to you, his hand reaching, but you couldn’t look at him any longer. He was a different person to you now. He wasn’t the same Joe that you knew for the last four years.

“The kiss meant nothing to me.” Joe repeated it again, but you weren’t listening anymore. “I’m sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter.” You sniffed. “I know how you feel about me and the fact is you don’t love me anymore.”

Another silence.

“I think you should go.” You stated, wiping the last remaining tears on your face.

“What?”

“I think you should go.”

And just like that, it was the last time you saw his face. You walked away from him and went to your room. You never saw him again. You only heard the sound of him packing his things and the door closing behind him as you sobbed in your bed that night. Ever since then, you haven't gotten any sleep at all. That was six months ago though. You have been okay since. At least that was what you thought until you had walked by a coffee shop one day and the sight of Joe had given you that negative feeling in your stomach again. He was with another girl, kissing her softly as they waited in line inside. You stood there outside by the window as you felt yourself breaking down again.

You couldn’t breathe.

You couldn’t move.

You shouldn’t be here.

You thought that the feelings were gone. You thought the hurt that Joe had caused you was enough for you to hate him, but you were wrong. You still loved him. Perhaps, you always will. He was always going to be a part of you no matter what but seeing him with another girl made you face the fact that you needed to also move on with your life. You needed to stop dwelling on him. Stop feeling sorry for yourself.

So, that was what you did. You worked on yourself for weeks and weeks turned into months and months turned into a year. You started going out again with your friends. You started smiling little by little again, and you finally had brought courage to yourself into stepping into that kitchen again. The mark on the wall where the bowl had shattered that night was still there. You ran your fingers through it, but you felt okay now. You didn’t feel anything. You had told yourself to fix that hole on the wall and maybe re-decorate the kitchen and so, you did. It was almost like the more you had fixed that kitchen, the more you were fixing yourself too.

You saw an ad of Joe on the internet one day, and he looked different. A good different. He looked okay. Just like you. You were okay. You have moved on. You have focused more on your career, friends, and family for a while now. Another year passed and you were more than okay. You were good.

Two years.

Exactly two years since that night. If only you could go back in time and tell yourself that you were going to be okay, you would. Though, you wouldn’t have had it either way because it taught you lessons. It taught you new things about yourself that you never knew before. Your only hope was that Joe was okay too. Even if the relationship didn’t end well, he was still Joe. Your Joe. The Joe that you knew for four years and loved you then. The Joe that you loved.

You were walking down the streets of London one day just right after office hours when you had heard that familiar voice call your name. You froze in place as you slowly turned around and saw Joe standing there in front of you. He looked different. You couldn’t explain it, but he just looked different. He looked more mature and older.

“Hey.” You gave him a small smile.

“Hi.” He gave you a tight lipped smile as he slid his hands in his coat pockets.

“It’s… It’s been a while.”

You didn’t know exactly how to react. You didn’t expect to ever see his face again, but you were glad that you did. Somehow, you didn’t feel that pain in your chest anymore as you looked into his brown eyes. You didn’t feel that knot in your stomach. You just felt content and relaxed.

“Yeah, it has been.”

“How are you?” Joe asked.

“I’m good. How are you?” Your eyes studied him. “You… You look great.”

“Thank you. I’m good. I just got back from the States. I had a movie premiere that just finished.”

“Oh? Well, congratulations.”

For a moment, you two just stood there, looking at each other. Both of you knew that the pain had washed away. That both of you had learned something from it. That both of you had grown from it. That maybe the two years had healed the both of you. That maybe the two years had made you both mature.

“Listen,” Joe started. “I just want to thank you for always being so understanding and supportive of me. I truly am sorry for giving you the pain that I know you didn’t deserve.”

It was closure.

Something both of you needed after that night.

A small smile appeared on your face, your eyes twinkled for a moment. “It’s alright. I didn’t regret being with you.”

Joe’s lips also curved into an understanding smile. “Well, I guess I’ll see you around.”

“Yeah, I’ll see you around.”

Both of you walked away in opposite directions and for a minute, you stopped in your tracks and looked over your shoulder to see Joe doing the same thing. You gave each other one more smile before completely walking away.

The End.

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