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courtforshort15 · 2 years

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A Discussion of Choices

Pairing: Matt Murdock x AFAB Reader

Summary: you're not quite sure what to do about this new development, but Matt will be there, regardless of the choice

Trigger warning: conversation about abortion

Masterlist

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Inspired by the overturning of Roe v Wade

Matt would 100000% support a person's right to choose and to make their own decisions regarding their own healthcare.

Maybe he'd feel a certain way about abortion, have his own personal beliefs regarding the topic, but ultimately I think he'd support a pregnant individual making the right choice for themselves.

Sorry about any typos, literally wrote this on my phone.

You weren't sure when you started crying.

At first, you had been too shocked to feel much of anything, really. Just absolutely numb to everything around you as the two pink lines grew bolder on the stick laid out on your bathroom counter. The timer hadn't even finished ticking down before the results were splayed out in front of you, your future staring you in the face.

Pregnant.

The word bounced across every corner, ledge, and crevice in your brain, speeding up and growing in noise with every pass.

It wasn't long before the breath in your chest struggled to get out, the panic ensnaring your body so completely that breathing was now out of the question. Your heart pounded so hard it felt like it was going to burst out of your chest, the thump-thump roaring so harshly in your ears that you vaguely wondered how Matt could ever stand hearing multiple heartbeats at once.

Matt.

The thought of him caused your body to jolt, the full body twitch imploring you to take a seat on the edge of the bathtub. You forcibly pushed down the bile rising from your stomach, rejecting the idea of losing the contents of your stomach to the toilet for the third time today.

Stumbling, you took the three steps to the bathtub, vision already swimming. Once sat, you buried your head in your hands, a wave of hot, downright miserable tears immediately rushing down your face as you hiccupped.

At first you tried to muffle the cries, biting your lip so hard it bled, but thirty seconds in and sobs wrenched themselves so brutally past your lips that silence wasn't even close to a possibility.

Under any other circumstance, you might have been embarrassed at how suddenly your face had turned a horrid mess of smeared mascara and blotchy skin. You allowed yourself a pass, just this once, as the word pregnant continued to torment your terrified mind.

This

This wasn't

This wasn't how this was supposed to happen.

The world sped back up around you as you cried, body curling in on itself as best as it could from where you sat.

You knew it wasn't the end of the world. You knew that. But it didn't stop you from feeling this heavy weight suddenly being shoved on to your shoulders, one you had always known was a possibility, but had actively chosen to ignore, relying on the pill and condoms to keep you protected from an unwanted pregnancy.

You didn't want kids. Or at least, you didn't want them right now. And Matt....well, you didn't know what he wanted.

You sobbed harder as ideas and thoughts and emotions ran through your head, unable to organize and form a coherent sentence, as if your own mind was on strike against you. You frantically sifted through all the different pieces of information you now needed to consider, trying to gain some sort of an upperhand on a situation that was very rapidly spiraling out of control.

What health insurance did you have? Where was their plan information? Was abortion covered?

Did you have enough money to pay for it?

Where did you need to set up an appointment? Was this something your normal doctor could help you with, or did you need to go somewhere else?

What was your current PTO balance? Did you have enough time off saved for the appointment?

How far along were you? Would it even be considered legal at this point?

What was Matt going to think?

You hated to admit it to yourself, but you couldn't decide if his feelings on the matter were the most important part of the equation, or the least.

You hadn't discussed your thoughts and needs and wishes on the matter. Five months had seemed too soon for such a topic, the two of you just enjoying your time together and seeing what could come of it, but children hadn't yet come up. Maybe it should have.

Your phone rang.

Startled, you reached over to grab it off of the counter, flinching when you saw his name flashing across the screen, as if he had known you were thinking of him. You toyed with the idea of rejecting the call, but grimaced when you realized he'd already called twice and you had failed to notice it. Your beautiful, passionate, stubborn boyfriend was your first thought in the morning and the last one at night, and suddenly he was the last person you wanted to talk to at the moment.

You knew he'd pick up on the fact that was something was wrong, and while you usually loved how perceptive he was and how he always knew what you needed before you did, right now you hated it. And even while you hated it, you were loathe to reject him, to deny him.

You often tried to tell yourself that you weren't as far gone on him as you were, but you failed. Repeatedly. Flat out crashed and burned every time.

Taking a deep breath, you accepted the call and put all of your effort into trying to sound as normal as possible, if only to avoid Matt Murdock's voice of concern that you often found yourself on the receiving end of. You knew he'd had a long day at the courthouse, and he deserved a night of peace, or at least a few hours of peace before throwing himself into the underworld that was Hell's Kitchen after dusk.

Luckily it was only 7pm and in the middle of summer, so he had a few hours left before the neighborhood's criminals truly came out to play.

"Hey, Matt."

"Hey, sweetheart," his voice floated up from the phone in your hand. "What are you up to?"

"Uh," you froze, trying to think up an excuse that didn't include sobbing in your bathroom. You ran a clumsy hand through your hair, ignoring the pain as it forced its way through the tangles that seemed ever-present on your head. "Just finished eating dinner."

"Oh, perfect," you could practically hear him grin. "We were just gonna hop over to Josie's for a few beers. You want to come join us?"

You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose. Under any other circumstances, you would have loved to go hang out with your boyfriend and his friends. "I'm not...I'm not feeling super great. I'm just gonna go to bed."

Matt was quiet for a second, and you cringed. You almost always accepted their invitations. To decline now would send him a signal that something was very much off, and before he even spoke, you knew what he was going to suggest. "Are you ok? Look, I'll just head your way instead. I was with Foggy and Karen all day, I can hang out with them another time."

"No!" You choked out. "No, I'm fine, really. I just need to sleep it off."

He was quiet again, and when we spoke, his voice was a little more firm. "I'll be there in ten minutes. Can I bring you anything from the store?"

Fuck.

"No. I'm ok, I don't need anything. I'll leave the door unlocked, you can just come straight in." It was pointless arguing with the man once he had his mind set on something.

Thirteen minutes later you had managed to change into pajamas and were curled up on the couch, waiting on the man who had so abruptly changed your life, even before this unexpected equation was thrown into the mix. If you hadn't been nauseous earlier, you certainly were now.

There was a gentle knock on your front door before it opened, revealing the Concerned Face of Matt Murdock (TM) as he pushed his way into your apartment. His cane was folded up and placed on to the table you had next to the front door, and he took his red glasses off as he shut the door behind him. His unfocused eyes were aimed in your direction, a soft smile on his face.

He couldn't see you, but he saw you, in more ways than you had ever imagined a partner would be able to, would want to.

He had a grocery bag in his hand and you could spot the bright yellow color of your favorite flavor of Gatorade peaking out. For a man with so little concern for his own wellbeing, he sure had every little piece of information stored in his head regarding the things that you found comfort in when you weren't feeling well. If you hadn't been so nervous, you would have basked in how sweet the Devil of Hell's Kitchen was with you while simultaneously spending so much time bloodying his fists night after night.

"How are you feeling?" Matt asked as he made his way over to your couch. He got down on his knees in front of where you were laying, leaning down to place a gentle kiss on your forehead. His calloused hand found itself on your cheek as he pushed hair behind your ear. "You don't feel warm."

"I'm fine," you told him tiredly. "Just an awful headache." It technically wasn't a lie at that point. Dehydration had set in as a result of your crying episode earlier, and now your head was downright throbbing.

He hmmmd quietly in reply, his fingers toying with the lobe of your ear. "Did you take a Tylenol? I bought you some, wasn't sure if you had picked up another bottle after I depleted your stash."

You smirked slightly. "I'm surprised you don't have liver damage with how much Tylenol you take on a daily basis."

"Shh," he hushed you in good humor. "I'm trying to be a supportive boyfriend here. Don't call me out like that."

"A real supportive boyfriend would let me do what I needed to help numb my pain."

He grinned. "I draw the line at being insulted while trying to take care of you. My ego is fragile and it deserves the same care and affection I am giving you."

You rolled your eyes fondly. "Maybe you shouldn't be such a baby."

The word slipped out so suddenly that you couldn't stop your body from having the reaction it did.

Baby.

Terror.

Anxiety.

Utter panic.

The reaction was so intense that it instantly (and unexpectedly) put Matt on edge. He froze, his focus on you sharpening, and God, you could practically see the hair on his skin rising.

"What is it?" He all but demanded. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," you choked out, chest still tight. "It's nothing." You halfheartedly tried to push him away as he crowded further into your space.

"I've never felt you react like that," he stated fiecerly. "That wasn't nothing."

"Matt-"

He pretty much growled out your name, effectively cutting you off. "Your heart is pounding, I can feel you struggling to breathe. Tell me what that was."

"Alright, alright," you forced out, trying to rotate on to your back, but his sudden hand on your shoulder stopped you.

Sighing, steeling yourself against the possible fall out of this revelation, you mummbled, "I'm pregnant."

Matt froze, unseeing eyes widening. His posture was still stiff, but you seemed to have knocked him off his feet, so to speak. He cleared his throat loudly. "What?"

"You heard me, Matt," you whispered, sitting up slowly, grateful when he finally let you move as he swayed slightly on his knees. "Pregnant."

Matt licked his lips, as he often did when he was nervous. "You're...you're sure?"

"Yup. Took the test three times. To be honest, I'm surprised you can't hear a heartbeat. Must not be that far along," you said faintly, playing with the hem on your sleep shorts. With every breath he didn't say something, your panic grew, until he placed a gentle, yet shaking hand over yours and rose up from his spot on the floor to sit beside you on the couch.

"And...how are you feeling about it?" He asked cautiously. You laughed, trying not to sound bitter, knowing he didn't deserve it.

"Not great," you told him honestly, almost flinching at your own words. "I, uh...we haven't had this talk yet, have we?"

"The sex talk? Bit too late for that," he deadpanned, though his lips caught a quick smirk at the end. A sudden laugh burst out from your chest, this time one that was more genuine.

"No," you shook your head, smile fading. "The...baby talk. As in, do you want babies? In a general sense, I guess."

Matt hmmmd again, though this time he did so as he leaned back against your couch, settling in for what you both knew would be a heavy conversation. You brought your hand up to your mouth to pick at the hang nail on your thumb. It was one of your major tells for any sort of anxiety you were feeling, and Matt quickly caught on to it, pulling your hand into his before it could make its way to your mouth. It was extremely settling, and you wanted to cry at his display of casual yet intentional comfort he offered you.

"No, we haven't," he agreed, briefly kissing the back of the hand he now held in his, before sliding his fingers through yours and bringing it down to his lap. "I guess we're getting that opportunity now."

"Seems so," you replied, fighting hard not to fold in on yourself in prepartion of what you were about to say. This conversation with him needed to be open and honest, and you didn't want him to think you were holding yourself back from him, even while the topic was difficult. "So...I can start first. I don't think I want kids. Especially not now."

"Okay," Matt said easily and without pause. "That's okay."

You were almost taken aback at how simple he made that acceptance sound. Swallowing, you soldiered on.

"And you?"

"To be completely honest, I haven't really thought about it."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah," he shrugged. "Most of my life has been about reacting to what's going on in front of me, not what was super far down the line. I had to pass a class, had to prep for a case, had to fight a man mugging an old woman, had to seduce the pretty, citrus-scented girl Foggy introduced to me." He gave you a smirk at that last one, reminding you of the night you had met five months ago when Foggy had been playing Matt's wingman at a bar in midtown. "But those were all things that were short-term goals, nothing long term."

"Oh, I'm just short term?"

Matt barked out a laugh, pulling you to lean against him as his other hand settled across your shoulder from over the couch. "That's not how I meant that."

"You're doing great at this baby talk, Matt," you told him. "You've made this super simple. No need having the baby talk with a man who was never planning on sticking around long enough anyway."

"Shut up," he you told you affectionately, placing a kiss on to the top of your head. "Can I finish?"

"You did finish. That's why we're here and having this conversation."

"Jesus." He was still laughing, and you found yourself grinning in return, unable to deny yourself, and him, this moment of happiness in an otherwise serious conversation. "As I was saying...I haven't really ever though of kids. If the person I was with wanted them, I'd be open to discussing it. And if the person I was with didn't want them, then I'd be very happy to enjoy our lives, just the two of us."

You were silent as your absorbed his words, brain trying to keep up.

"That's you, by the way," he said when you didn't respond right away. "The person I'm with...I'm hoping it's always you."

"It's only been five months," was all you said. The objection sounded weak, even to your own ears.

"I knew after one." Matt squeezed your hand, another kiss placed to the top of your head. "But even if...even if our situation was different, even if I really wanted kids, or even if this was short term, I'd still want you to do what's best for you."

"But this involves you, too," you said. "I know that I'm the one who makes the final decision, but your opinion matters, too."

"I know. And I'm not sure how I would have reacted if you'd done something without telling me, knowing what we are to each other, but this is your call. I support you either way."

"Ok," you nodded, taking a deep breath, finding a sense of relief in what he had said, but unable to completely squash down your anxiety. "But are you sure? I know how you feel about...killing. Is that what you think this would be?"

"No," he said adamantly.

"But you're Catholic."

"Doesn't matter." He was still shaking his head. "This a medical procedure. It is a personal decision. This, what's growing inside you, has the potential to be more, of course it does. But that's not where we're at right now."

"Some people believe life begins at conception."

"Maybe it does. Maybe it doesn't," Matt shrugged. "But your life matters, too, and I want you to be happy in it. I need you to be happy in it. And if this is what you need to be happy, then I support that choice."

You were crying again. You tried to take your hand from his to cover your face, but he wouldn't let you. Instead, he rejected the idea of you hiding yourself from him so completely that he pulled you fully into his lap.

"It's so hard," you mumbled into his neck. "It's a really hard decision to make."

"I know, sweetheart," he soothed quietly, playing with the ends of your hair.

"I don't want this," you all but whimpered. "Not yet. And maybe not ever."

"Okay. That's okay." He shifted to pull you closer. "What do you need from me?"

"I need you to come with me. Please?"

"Of course. You don't even have to ask." Matt lifted your joined hands to kiss the back of yours again. "And maybe, while we're there, we can ask about something that might help us not to have to make this decision again. Maybe something that might...be an option for me?"

You picked up on what he was saying and made a noise of disagreement. "I can't ask you to do that."

"You're not, I'm offering. If we change our minds in a few years, there's usually success with a procedure that will reverse it."

"I...just don't make the decision lightly, please," you said, fidgeting with the buttons on his shirt. "Not yet, not for me."

"For us, then."

You sniffed loudly.

"...okay," you settled more fully against him, and he responded by squeezing you to him tighter. You didn't know what you'd done to deserve this man. "For us."

You held each other for a few moments of silence before you spoke again. The weight of the pregnancy was still heavy on your shoulders, but Matt was willingly sharing that burden with you, and you found that it didn't seem so awful to bear.

"Thank you," you said quietly. "Thank you for understanding."

"No need to thank me, sweetheart," Matt whispered, pulling back far enough to touch his forehead to yours. "I'll always be in your corner, no matter what."

And you believed him.

If you're planning on leaving a negative comment, please don't. A lot people are hurting over this. The point of this isn't to offend or start arguments, just to highlight the struggles that many AFAB indivduals, and their loved ones, are faced with, regardless of their circumstances.

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#daredevil #matt murdock #human disaster matt murdock #marvel #right to abortion #right to choose #abortion is healthcare #matt murdock x reader #afab reader #soft matt murdock

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