Steven Universe discourse still cracks me up like

Y'all got a show made by people who clearly love doing their job with explicit LGBT+ rep including non-binary rep and a majority female cast with a variety of body types and with multiple women POC voice actors regarding topics like mindfulness meditation, forgiveness, trauma, PTSD, establishing boundaries within relationships, compassion, with an overall message of forgiveness

And yet y'all seemed to wish for the series' demise at every moment and complained about the most insignificant details like that the storyboard artists had slightly inconsistent art styles

The messages and characters are so complex and compelling and the show gets you to think about difficult concepts and topics which flew over people's heads completely

People still think Steven should've idk wiped out the Diamonds? In the show where the whole message is that people are complicated representations of their experiences and trauma and people deserve second chances?

Idk I feel like a lot of "fans" who start discourse don't actually like the show, otherwise they'd actually absorb the basic premise of it

SO i just finished wonder egg priority and i think that with confidence i can say it has been one of my favorite animes like... ever ?? and not even from hyperfixation or obsession over it just... its so fucking real yet so simple in a way that i havent rlly seen shown in any other shows you feel ??

but first i wanna talk about how sexy the art and animation is real quick... HOMIE ITS SO GOOD LIKE EVERYTHING ABOUT IT JUST... serotonin... the characters are all so unique and iconic and fun but not over the top in their designs yknow ??? they seem like regular every day girls but they stand out and theyre all sO CUTE !!!! also i love how the style is like this soft bubbly slice of life lookin stuff with bright happy colors and the most beautiful scenes you could find but they also have the SICKEST fight scenes complete with whimsical animal helpers and terrifying villains and crazy weapons unique to each character. and the animation. god DAMN shawty i am obsessed with everything in this show. i might make a post solely about the art later lol bc i wanna get into the other stuff.

so the themes in the show right ?? it starts just as this cute lil magical girl kinda deal but within the first episode we see that like.. oh damn... thats kinda heavy... tbh i was a little shocked and thought about stopping bc yknow bad mental health BUT i was so intrigued that i had to keep going and i am SO GLAD that i did. because this show just so beautifully discusses all these heavy topics in such an eloquent and artistically expressive way. and also like, , the juxtaposition of the charming childlike vibe with bright colors and 14 yr old girl protagonists against the dark themes of suicide and so much else,, i think is just perfect. bc a lot of heavy animes are more of the seinen genre and have some middle aged dude as a protag or make the entire color palette dim or offer little relief to the pain of these heavy themes right ?? but NO not wonder egg bitches B) because these problems arent just things that ppl face later in life or just problems that need to be talked about among adults or the edgy seinen watching squad,, these are REAL problems that face people of every age, gender etc and i think its awesome that wonder egg addresses that. some may cringe at the thought of their high schooler watching animes that discuss sexual harassment, suicide, abuse, self harm, eating disorders etc,, but in reality it is the most comforting thing i have ever come across and is basically jsut free anime therapy. because not only does wonder egg present these themes to the viewers as something real that happens to all kinds of people (making said people feel heard in a way that maybe they hadnt before), but it also makes sure to vanquish all of these forms of trauma. and the way the trauma is vanquished isnt always beautiful and it isnt always just magically gone with a poof. the struggles of overcoming or living with that sort of thing are shown in such a real and relatable way that addresses every hardship trauma survivors have to go through. and i just. god i cry bro. 

oh m y GOD and the lgbtq+ rep in this show ?? like shawty... as soon as i saw episode one i was picking up on some gay/lesbian themes but then again im sapphic and project that a lot so i tend to see that sort of stuff like... everywhere... but NE WAYS... episode ten made me FUKCING CRY BRO LIke i cant believe there was a whole trans character with a whole trans pride hoodie like LKGHKDGH my heart is just so.. so fucking full thinking about him. bc like yeah i know there are trans characters in anime but i feel like theyre always very ambiguous about actually being trans or not or erased or portrayed as a harmful stereotype or theyre constantly misgendered and still refered to as their assigned gender at birth and i hate it. HOWEVEr... Kaoru.. *chefs kiss* it was so amazing to see a character straight up say “yeah im trans” in such a casual yet powerful way bc i personally have never seen that before. and i love love loved how he went into his backstory and talked to momoe about gender bc i think thats what she rlly needed and that it helped her find herself and it makes me so happy oh my god,, and the way they talked about it never seemed forced or like it was the focal point of his existence yknow ?? like yeah he existed to help momoe overcome some of her trauma but he also just existed to be HIM yknow ?? also... personally, i headcanon momoe as a trans girl even though i dont remember it being explicitly stated plus the school scenes of her and stuff would seem like they suggest otherwise ??but,,, SHAWTY THE AMOUNT OF SUBTEXT and her complicated relationship w gender is... something i feel like a cis girl would not go through so harshly yknow ?? with all of the questioning and feeling detached from femininity or feeling like ppl dont see her as an actual girl and only like her as a guy or for her masculine traits,,, but dont take my word on this bc i myself am a cis girl but that was just my take on it as someone in the lgbtq+ community trying to educate myself on the transgender community :) either way,, wonder eggs portrayal of momoe and kaoru and the way that momoe becomes so passionate about expressing herself the way she wants to as a girl is just... good lord im gonna cry its so perfect,,,.so ... i just love this show way too much. i also am honestly super lost about the relationship btwn acca and ura-acca ?? bc i was gonna mention ura-acca as a canonically gay guy bc when i was watching i interpreted ep 11 as him being in love with acca and being jealous of Azusa (bc i mean,, they lived together (i swear to god there was only one bed in that apartment) and had a daughter together and def loved each other and also when Frill said they were husbands and then when ura-acca said he wasnt attracted to azusa but he was def jealous of their relationship ??) but then i saw somewhere that theyre brothers ?? which would make sense ig since they look kinda similar and accas daughter called ura-acca “uncle”.. but at the same time its ANIME SO THEY ALL LOOK SIMILAR and referring to gay couples as siblings is an EXTREMELY common euphemism soooo... IM JUST LOST HERE... but yeah i tried doing research and found different things so i cant say anything for sure >:( however,,, if they are canonically a lil fruity for each other... when frill refered to acca as ura-accas husband i imploded dude you never hear that sort of wording in anime.. but if theyre related i am so sorry. 

god this is so much longer than i planned it to be oops but i also love the theme about like.. relying on friends to help carry your weight but at the same time not becoming completely dependent on those friends and using their support to learn how to love yourself and rely on yourself yknow ?? bc that is exactly what healthy friendships look like. bc i think ai sort of had a codependency thing goin on with koito maybe ?? but now she has a whole squad of funky friends that are so so different but all struggle with different kinds of trauma and although they fight over it, they always get through it with each other together. and they push each other no matter what to be the best versions of themselves and they teach other that getting hurt is okay because theyre always gonna be there to pick up the pieces no matter what happens. they can give each other space when they need and adapt to meet each others needs but theyre always able to balance it out with their own needs and thats such a beautiful thing in friendships especially at their age like damn i wish i had that maturity when i was 14 but no all i had was depression. another thing is that through these friendships you get to see all the different sides of each girl; you get to see them being strong or a shining light to their friends when theyre hurting but you also get to see them being hurt and weak and allowing themselves to be on the receiving end of the comfort. their friendships allows them to have weaknesses but it also allows them to highlight their strengths and thrive off of each others. I LOVE FRIENDSHIP DUDE

next i wanna briefly mention some of the themes connected to suicide that ive noticed. a big one is the survivors guilt that ai feels once koito is dead. several times she screams that she wishes she couldve gone with koito and she dreams of a “perfect world” where they committed a double suicide. one of the main reasons for her troubles is that she blames herself for koitos death and feels like it should be her thats dead... but at the same time she feels like too much of a coward to do anything now that koito is gone. she just has all these complex and contradicting feelings that wear away at her in ways that ppl that havent gone through the suicide of a loved one could never imagine. a lot of the times when things like this are portrayed in media i feel like its more in a way thats meant to guilt trip those that have taken their own lives and paint suicide as this selfish sin thats unforgivable but... not only does wonder egg reject that idea and instead portray it as a heartbreaking tragedy with,,, so so many terrible reasons, but it focuses on the feelings of ai separate from koito without blaming her in any way. not once did i feel like the show antagonized koito or that ai blamed koito for doing any of this, but they simply mourned her loss and touched on ais reaction towards the event but separate from koito herself if that makes sense. and i think that discussing survivors guilt without painting koito as the bad guy is something so beautifully done in wonder egg that can really resonate with those that have lost a loved one to suicide and have struggled with these same things.

okay i think this is the last thing ill mention,,, but HOMIE THE PARALLEL UNIVERSE BIT AT THE END. I AM. OBSESSED. i am such a whore for anything about the multiverse okay n e ways...,, not only did this make a super epic trippy ending of season one and add a little bit more magical girl whimsy to the show,, but it had such a powerful message. from the perspective of og ai,, finding out that you killed yourself in another world is... i mean its definitely not a surprise but at the same time it rlly makes you think how close og ai herself couldve been to that point and what decisions led her out of that dark place in her life. if i were in her shoes i would be terrified and id cry bc the thought of going back to such a dark place and actually going through with something like that is my worst fear and probably something that ai fears too. but at the same time,,, think from the perspective of ai two !!! like yeah its true that theres this awful terrible version of ai that dies but theres also a whole version of ai that is a superhero magical girl fighting off monsters to save countless ppls lives !! and she has a badass lizard and a gang of awesome friends !!! at first i was worried that ai two would be jealous of og ai and compare herself to her and feel inferior but like.. THEYRE LITERALLY THE SAME PERSON AND CAPABLE OF THE SAME THINGS !!! and ai two realized that !! just within the span of one episode, she went from the version of ai who took her life,, to the version of ai jumping in front of a friend to take a bullet for them and save their life. and that just inspired THE SHIT OUT OF ME. i think that ai was sent another version of herself to sort of beat her own worst enemy yknow ?? those doubts and fears that shes no good or that shes that same bystander from episode one and that she hasnt changed at all. but getting to interact with her parallel self and see her grow was just what she needed to realize that while yeah sometimes the worst thing can happen and things can be terrible but on the other hand sometimes the most wonderful thing imaginable can happen because she has the power to do either. 

so im gonna go ahead and stop rambling bc i got all my thoughts out that i wanted to for this post :D but yeah lol i might make another if i feel like it sometime. long story short: this show is perfect and it is going on my favorite of all times.

Friendly Facade - Reddnook

Made this instead of sleeping, and since I just couldn't get the idea out of my head. I've only ever wrote angst once before, so this might not be as good as my fluffier oneshots and stories. I'd also like to point out that this does NOT relate to my 'Hate is Such a Strong Word' AU at all, and that this is a completely different AU I made.

Redd has that cocky aura to him, that con man look. Everyone knows this fact, it’s not like it's a secret. But no one knew who he was when he was alone. Alone with his thoughts and the silence. When all he had was time to contemplate his life decisions and where he was now.

Redd hated himself for ruining his and Tom’s relationship. He had a chance to change and he ignored it. It ate him up inside that he could of been so selfish, so idiotic, so corrupted. When he was younger, he was full of greed. He wanted money and fame, so he found comfort in scamming. He liked his comfort zone and refused to leave it.

It may have been how he grew up. His parents were mentally abusive and all they cared for was for him to grow up to be rich and famous. They compared him numerous times to his sister, who had a perfect record and grade in everything because she lied and blackmailed - not that his parents knew or cared. He’d been forced to believe that the only way to live was to become rich and famous, otherwise he’d die alone. It was his worst moments in life.

In order to seal the deal of a con man he put on that condescending smirk and acted as if everything was alright and going to be fine. And in those moments, it was. He truly believed, when he was putting on his facade, he was alright. He believed that he had a great future ahead of him, but when the customer left, his facade lasted a couple more seconds before slipping back into a frown and leaving him back with his thoughts.

He knew it wasn’t healthy to only have negative thoughts, but what was he supposed to do? No one wanted to talk with him. No one cared for him after they’d gotten their artwork. Redd was left alone every time he tried. A few times he’d offered tea, or instant ramen, but customers quickly declined before speeding off.

He couldn’t bring himself to be mad at them. He understood. He wasn’t everyone's favorite guy, he wasn’t their best friend, or a close relative. They didn’t need to associate themselves with him because he wasn’t of any significance to them. He was only the guy to go to when you wanted some lousy artwork to hang in your house.

He really was boring in the long run. Just another ‘businessman’ - if you could even call him that - trying to trick you into buying something of no use. The cocky smirks and fancy talk just like the rest.

He’d scammed big time company owners to poor townsfolk just looking for a job. No matter who it was, in the end, deep down, he still felt bad. When he was younger, he’d ignore it and avoid the subject like the plague, but now that he was older and more mature, he’d come to terms with it. Redd could recall the times he’d messed with the wrong bunch and gotten seriously injured. In his years, he’d broken his nose seven times, had dozens of black eyes, broke his arms a handful or more of times, gotten large gashes too many times to count, and had numerous scars for proof.

Although he wishes he could forget all these things, he can’t. Believe him, he’s tried multiple times. He’d tried to occupy his mind, clear his thoughts, try and make better memories, but nothing seemed to work. Redd would just have to live with the fact that he was a worthless con man that had ruined everything for himself.

And he was alright with that.

Afterall, everything thought and memory had reminded him of this. Every time he sold something, he was reminded of it. Every morning he woke up,his first thoughts told him he was useless and didn’t belong. It was just how it had to be.

He was already thirty, and he wasn’t getting any younger. Although it didn’t seem old, it felt like it. He wished he was younger sometimes, only to cringe right after. Getting older meant life would only get tougher for him. The more years that passed, the more burdens and mistakes that would haunt him. He thought he dwelled on the past too much - which was quite obvious - but as said before, he couldn’t help it. He had managed to calm his mind at night, just so he could sleep.

Although that didn’t work so well, because here he was, sitting at the end of his bed at two in the morning, contemplating his whole life - again. He didn’t even notice he was crying until he had to choke back a sob. To say he felt pathetic was an underestimate. How could someone out there possibly care about him? He had no worth, and that point just kept coming up. If only he wasn't so- so-

“Redd?…..Why are you still up?”

The redhead went rigid. He’d completely forgot about the other male who had been sleeping soundly on the bed. He could hear the light shuffling of covers moving and so enough, that male was right by his side.

“Redd, are you...crying?”

The male questioned softly, sleep evident in his voice. Redd dread waking him up all because he was being greedy, the man worked too hard and deserved every ounce of sleep he could get.

“Redd, what’s wrong?”

He sounded generally concerned for the redhead, but Redd still didn’t speak. His voice was caught in his throat, and if he spoke, it’d just come out jumbled and choked.

“Redd.”

He sounded serious now, making Redd wince slightly. He didn’t want to be a bother, he wanted the other to be worry free. When a two tan, plump arms wrapped around his middle, he couldn’t help himself. Finally, the dam had broken.

Redd flung himself onto Tom, allowing the other to embrace him as he clung and sobbed into his shirt.

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

The redhead’s sobbing was muffled by the brunette’s shirt. The brunette frowned at him, not out of disgust or hatred or any other negative feeling, but out of pity. He’d learned only slightly of his habit of bottling up all his feelings and thoughts, and felt horrible when he learned he was one of his main causes for it. They’d gotten back together a while ago, - five or six months ago to be exact - and their relationship was still a bit bumpy and had things that needed to be sorted out.

He sat there, at the edge of their bed, comforting his boyfriend as he continued to sob ‘I’m sorry’ over and over again.

Redd had come a long way. When he first appeared on the island, Tom was furious, but when he had gone over to the man’s ship to confront him of his forgeries, he’d caught him off guard. Instead of being greeted by a cocky smile and witty remark, he was greeted with a man crumpled into a ball, sobbing softly and mumbling nonsense. In all honesty, it caught Tom off guard as well. When Redd had heard the soft creaking of the ship's old floor boards, he went completely still before hastily getting up, rubbing his eyes, and plastering a smile on his face as he greeted Nook.

And Tom couldn’t bring himself to stay mad. After seeing someone who was always so peppy and arrogant at their weakest point, he felt awful. He’d wondered if that was how he always was, outgoing on the outside and sad on the inside. Tom wanted to ask all the questions racing through his mind, but all he could bring himself to say was that he needed a permit to park his boat on the beach.

After that, Tom tried to ignore the images of Redd, sad and sobbing, on the old floor of a rusty boat. He knew that they were over and had been for a decade or more, but it still broke his heart.

Eventually, Tom gave into his urge to talk to Redd, and walked back to his ship, this time with a softer approach. They made small talk and talked about the permit - that of Redd unsurprisingly didn’t have - before Tom brought up the other day. The redhead visibly cringed, obviously not liking the feeling of talking about his weak point.

Thus opened into the topic of Redd’s mental health. Tom was extremely concerned - when he had originally wanted to be mad at the poor guy - and listened to every detail given to him. In the end, the brunette had decided to give him a second chance, although they would take it slow.

It was hard to make sure Redd didn’t sell one of his forgeries, seeing as he had grown accustomed to it. Sure, he did slip up a bit in the beginning, but at least he gave the money back and promised a real painting for free. After only three months, he was doing pretty good, and Tom was happy for him, although not about the lovesick feeling that haunted his every thought. It’s not that Tom didn’t want to love him, it was just hard to truly accept it after what he had done. But two months later the brunette had come to terms that this was how it was going to be, and had managed to get the former con man alone to talk about it.

To say Redd was ecstatic was an underestimate. Tom could vividly remember him doing a small dance of victory with a bright, genuine, smile plastered over his face. It made the brunette laugh and smile with him.

About a month and a half later they - mostly the island rep and Redd - had the grand idea of building the redhead his own shop instead of having him continue to use that atrocious boat as a shop. Nook agreed, and also gave into the former scammer’s whining to keep the boat off to the side because he’d grown attached to it.

Redd had come a long way indeed.

He snapped out of his daze and looked down at the male in his arms who was now softly snoring, having tired himself out. The business man shook his head softly, letting out a breathy laugh. Smiling weakly and fondly, he stared at his significant other for a few moments before tightening his grip and pulling him a little closer. He mumbled a few words soft enough for only them to hear, and with that, he fell asleep, a smile on his face.

“It’s okay, I forgive you.”

----------------------

I want you to know that this hurt me to write. I almost cried at my own work, but I think it’s good for something I’m not used too

topsydead a réagi à votre billet “Arophobia and the ace community: a few bullet points”

I'm alloace. I haven't seen this behavior in other alloaces but it is concerning and I accept the call to action. It's clear that people don't understand the SAM and don't acknowledge aros. What can I do to help?

You probably don’t realize you see it because you’re not the...target? of arophobia, but I would be very surprised if you’ve actually never encountered it! Maybe you’re really lucky.

I’m glad you’re willing to challenge this habit, but I’m afraid I won’t be able to give you concrete advice. I’ll try though.

From my point of view, because ace people are oppressed under our society’s assumption that everyone feels sexual attraction, and are often seen as subhuman because of that, there’s this kinda desperate desire to be seen as still valuable “despite” the lack of sexual attraction. As a result, alloaces kinda rely on their romantic attraction to gain “approval” from other people and society. That’s because romance is seen as the most important thing in people’s lives, so, from an ace’s point of view, it makes sense to...double efforts, to “make up” for the lack of sexual attraction? I think it’s important to first realize “why” amatonormativity and arophobia are so rampant within alloace’s communities. Of course, that it’s something understandable, doesn’t mean it should stay that way. That’s my hypothesis on the matter: not necessarily that the alloaces’ arophobia is stronger than in the general population but rather, that the emphasis on romance and amatonormativity is pushed more obviously. If that makes sense. So, the arophobia is extremely visibly and harmful to us (especially because of our shared spaces).

So yeah that’s the way I do things, I try to understand the systems behind things. This is the first step, now what to do?

I’d say, try to train yourself to recognize the assumptions of romance. Try to do a parallel with the sexual assumptions, the systems are very similar. Not going to lie, this is gonna be difficult, because amatonormativity is very strongly ingrained in us, to the point where we perpetuate it without ill intent. It’s pretty sneaky. For an example, you can take the sentences like “we can still love!” as part of this shit. The concept of soulmates, is another instance (yes, even when people try to argue soulmates can be platonic, doesn’t change anything). Or, the constant invisibilization of aroaces/using them as tokens. Everyone’s different, but as a general way of thinking, it’s pretty disrespectful to assume aroaces prioritize their ace identity and will relate to alloace posts. Idk, I’m not ace (i used to identify as aroace though) so it may not be my place, but back when I was in the ace community, everything just seemed so...focused on being in a romantic relationship while ace. It’s not bad to have these resources, they’re needed, but if your blog/activism focuses on that, then it’s not “ace activism” but “alloace activism”. Nothing wrong with that, just, don’t pretend any ace can relate. Aroaces can’t, and I’m sure a lot of non-Sam aces can’t either. Basically, does the post (or anything of the sort) assume “ace” means “alloace”? If yes, then it’s alienating. 

Those behaviours are also harmful to non-ace aros, of course. Because we’re sibling-communities, and (allo?)aces have more visibility than us. If someone places romance over any other kind of relationship, this is amatonormative. Beware of that, don’t ignore it. Obviously no one can be on edge 24/24 but it would be nice to have some alloaces challenge those thoughts!

Basically, before you can do anything, I think it would be useful to read through some aro blogs! There’s mine of course, but I’m a non-sam aro so it could be cool to also read from aroaces and alloaros. We all have different experiences with the ace community. 

Challenging those thoughts takes a lot of work. Stop putting romance on a pedestal, challenge any relationship hierarchy that pretends to be universal - it’s fine if it’s personal I guess but not if it’s supposed to be the norm - and challenge the very idea that what makes us humans is love. Regardless of the type of love I’d say. 

As another example, when you have an ace character in some kind of media with no explicit romanticism...don’t assume they’re alloace. If you know the content the character it’s from, read critically. Maybe there’s no answer but there often is. I’m thinking Jughead, who’s either non-sam ace or aroace, but without romantic feelings anyway. When shitterdale straightwashed him a lot of people were like “he can still be ace! We can still love!” when...yeah, but he’s supposed to be aro to. The “ace” part wasn’t what we were worried about. Same thing happened with (I think, don’t take my word on that) Raphael from Sh/adow hunte/rs, and again, the alloace community rejoincing for the ace rep. How shitty is it to rejoice over the erasure of an aro character? This second example wasn’t great rep from the start apparently, but yeah. Still an asshole move. I also think it’s important to be critical of how all ace rep either is, or is washed to be, alloace rep. Alloace rep is cool and important, but not at the expense of aroaces. Also, I think it’s worth mentioning that aro characters aren’t made to be alloaros so there’s definitely a double standard. Bo/jack for an example, “became” alloace when a lot of aroaces related to him at first. That’s what he was coded as but the ace community pushed against it and the creator decided to make him allo (probably in good faith!). 

So yeah, maybe try to react when alloaces get angry when people draw pride art and. Draw the ace flag as a single person, because again “ace” doesn’t mean “alloace”. The “ace” community is shared by allo aces, non-sam aces, and aroaces. 

Please be aware if you see di/s/k h/orse things, when ex/clusio/nism is discussed, of the aromantic erasure that always happens. Even when the ex/cl/u mentions aros, the inc/lu’s answer systematically ignores that part. There was this survey last year, on this topic, and it was shown that people who include aces do not necessarily include aros. Of course, I didn’t see any alloace mention that, even though they showed the results to be all “see everyone/most people think(s) we belong!”. Without mentioning that very important and very telling aspect. I would have loved it if an alloace had mentioned it, and had tried to open a discussion about it! But I didn’t see it happen. I know this is a very specific example, but basically, I think what would be nice, would be for some alloaces to stick for us aros whenever something like that happens. I’m not saying to actively look for such things, but if you follow ace blogs, you’re going to see it happen. 

Oh and also, I don’t know what’s your stance on this, so I’m going to write it just in case but. “Aspec” means aro + ace. It comprehends everyone: non-sam aro, non-sam aces, aroaces, allo aros, and allo aces. It’s not the same as “acespec”! It’s really erasing us aros whenever someone uses “aspec” to mean “acespec”, it’s alienating us from our own community. There’s the aro community, the ace community for our specific, different needs, but the aspec community is supposed to be our shared community so. Definitely “call out” (by that I mean comment on) people who do that! They may not have bad intents but the result is still here, and it’s just. Spreading everyday, and pushing aros further under the bus.

So yeah all it boils down to is, try and comment/reblog posts that antagonize us? Within the limits of your energy and mental health of course. And maybe try to spread knowledge about what amatonormativity is (I have a tag but you can also google it, there’s an easy to find definition), why it’s harmful, and how it operated, within the ace community. As an alloace, maybe you’ll get more attention than aros (whether we’re also ace or not, people don’t listen to us). I personally think it would benefit everyone (including alloaces) to get rid of amatonormativity but for now, pointing it out - whether for yourself or in a more public manner - should be a good beginning. 

I...hope this answers your question? 

Meta: Physical and Emotional Ramifications of Hydra’s Experimentation on the Maximoff Twins

INTRODUCTION:

Anyone who knows me as a writer knows that I enjoy writing these kinds of huge metas and really getting down to the details about my muses and their lives. Not only does this help me to come from an informed place when I write my muses, but I also genuinely enjoy over-analyzing things that probably no one should really be looking that closely at, haha. 

Narrowing this down to just MCU Wanda and Pietro, I am going to look at what might have happened to them during their time in the Hydra laboratory and what the short and long term consequences of that might have been for them. MCU has a habit of saying “hey this traumatic/terrible thing happened in a character’s past, and now we’re going to completely ignore it and said character’s reaction to it forevermore,” which can get annoying when trying to flesh out my muses’ emotional and psychological health. It feels incomplete to me, and so, even if I never specifically write any threads during this time in their lives or referring to these specific things, it helps me get into my characters’ heads to have a complete picture of what they’ve been through and where they’re coming from mentally as they react to new things that arise in rp threads.

DISCLAIMER:

Lots of triggering themes ahead! Things like doctors, needles, surgery, physical and emotional abuse, behavioral conditioning, and bad things happening to minors (depending on what ages you ascribe to the twins at the time of their experimentation). Please take care when reading!

(Under the cut because LONG. XD)

LOSS OF FREEDOM / VOLUNTARY IMPRISONMENT:

We see in Captain America: The Winter Soldier that the twins are kept in cells. Observational rooms, to be more accurate. Arguably, they are not being treated very well, for reasons I will get into as I continue this meta. So the question is... why do they stay? MCU gives us the reason that they wanted to strengthen themselves and gain a means to fight back against those who were making Sokovia a war zone, but once they volunteered for Strucker’s experiments and saw what they entailed, they probably realized they were in over their heads. Not that they weren’t capable of surviving, since they were the only ones who actually did survive, but just that this would require things of them that maybe they weren’t expecting... like a lot of invasive medical procedures, punishments for not doing as their told, and worst of all, separation. So again, why do they stay?

Once could argue that they aren’t free to leave, but this isn’t true. In the beginning of Avengers: Age of Ultron, we see that the twins are permitted (at least sometimes) to move about the facility freely. Strucker’s not an idiot, and neither are probably a majority of the soldiers and scientists employed at that facility, so they had to know that with Pietro’s and Wanda’s power combined, if the twins wanted to leave, they absolutely could. And yet, they stay. I don’t have a great answer as to why this is, but I can hazard some guesses.

First, maybe they really believed their cause that they were willing to sacrifice a lot to see it through to the end. I buy that mostly, except for the separation issue and the fact that they were each probably incredibly stressed out and upset by anything happening to the other. That had got to be one of the most central themes with the twins: don’t separate us, and don’t hurt my sibling. I feel like Pietro especially would not be cool with staying in a place that treated Wanda poorly, regardless of what happened to him. So there must be something else keeping them there.

I have sometimes thought that, as time went on, maybe there was a strange sort of psychology going on here, something akin to Stockholm Syndrome, where they might have come to psychologically see their captors as allies in some way. This is especially believable if you remember that the twins thought they were in good hands, namely being taken in by SHIELD. Hydra is likely well acquainted with the signs of this syndrome, and therefore probably felt comfortable letting the twins have some freedom, knowing they would always come back. Not that they would have necessarily befriended people who kept them in cells and treated them poorly, but they might have identified with them as far as feeling like everyone in the facility was working toward the same end for the same reasons. Of course that wasn’t true, but they had no way of knowing that.

EXPERIMENTAL DESIGN AND MONITORING:

Alright, now we get really depressing. I was thinking the other day about what these experiments would have entailed, and I think most people assume that oh, we’re like touching the staff to the twins or aiming it at them and boom, magical powers. But as a scientist myself, I started to think about Hydra actually running real experiments... as in, not fly-by-night, haphazard, hey let’s try this, sorts of things... but true structured experiments with hypothesis, scientific methods, reps, sampling, data, results, and conclusions. Once you do that, things get pretty grim for the twins.

The actual experiments were never described in the movies, but just thinking about what they could have entailed is rather shocking. They could have involved transferring energy from the scepter to the twins, perhaps with wires or some other sort of delivery system. Restraining them would probably have been necessary, and I would guess that once wouldn’t have been enough. Once Hydra began seeing actual results with the twins, they most likely would have wanted to push further to see if greater enhancement could be achieved by repeating the process. 

So how could they tell if their experiments were doing anything, aside from the twins developing powers? In order to standardize their experiments and ensure that real changes arose in their test subjects, Hydra would need to not only monitor them visually, but medically and genetically. This would require a lot of samples of things... Blood, certainly, but also perhaps hair or cheek cells or maybe even skin. Blood is great for certain types of genetic makeups, but swabbing the inside of someone’s cheek for cells can provide detailed genetic information about them upon analysis of those cells. And hair is like a time capsule as far as showing when certain physiological changes might have occurred. For example, certain dietary changes, heavy metal exposure, or other types of poisoning can not only be detected in hair, but how close to the follicle it is found would determine how long ago it occurred. If the twins were there for several months or a year, this type of monitoring would have been ideal for data collection.

So not only were the twins probably subjected to needles and scalpels and other things that may have been used to collect biological samples from them, but they would have been subjected to this on a regular basis. The more data points you have, the more sound your data set is, and Hydra probably would have wanted to be very sure and thorough. They also have little regard for humane treatment of those they view as test subjects, so that would not have helped the twins. Which brings me to my next topic...

ASSURANCE OF THE TWINS’ COMPLIANCE:

Even if the twins did develop some sort of psychological rationalization for remaining in the laboratory voluntarily, they likely resisted things that hurt or scared them or their sibling. It is realistic to think that Hydra would have employed physical punishments such as withholding food, use of shocks or maybe even tasers, and goodness knows what else. Maybe even the threat of these things would have been enough to get them to submit to testing and sampling.

Depending on how long the twins were at the laboratory, these punishments and behavioral control mechanisms would gradually have changed the way the twins behaved toward the scientists and soldiers who either were administering these things or were doing the testing they were ordered to comply with. Especially if they were each threatened with the other’s pain, suffering, or deprivation in order to ensure that they obeyed, which I’ll come back to later.

PHYSICAL / HEALTH EFFECTS:

If we look closely at the twins’ appearance during their time in the laboratory, there are many signs that they were being neglected or outright abused. There is also a definite indicator that they may have been drugged at times. Let’s take these ideas one at a time.

(gif cred.)

Looking first at Wanda, she seems pale and gaunt, which may be an indication of malnutrition. Her eyes are red (aside from the red glow in them) and there are dark bags under them, which might indicate that she’s not sleeping well. Her hair looks stringy, greasy, and not brushed, an indicator of poor hygiene. She’s also wearing a glorified smock, so... not much dignity or care taken there with her clothing.

(gif cred.)

Pietro isn’t much better in his loose sleeveless shirt, although he might have needed a cooler outfit due to his high metabolism. His hair also looks a bit greasy and is overgrown compared to what it looks like later in Ultron. Notice the tremors in his right hand? I’ll come back to that in the emotional/psychological section.

Now... all of these things might have just been the result of intense scientific experimentation and the fact that they were often confined to cells, the time and space afforded them just not enough for proper bathing or conducive to good sleep. Maybe Hydra monitored their sleep or woke them up for testing. Maybe they have them on a very strict or limited diet for some reason. Or... Hydra may have been attempting to control them by not letting them sleep a lot, withholding food, and otherwise depriving the twins of basic human comforts and needs. Given the nature of Hydra, I tend to go with the latter when writing their backgrounds.

The last thing I noticed was that Wanda and Pietro have matching hand wraps. Both of their right hands are wrapped up in similar ways. At first I thought this was just meant to make them look injured or otherwise poorly treated, or that it was meant to imply that something had happened to Wanda’s hand while using her powers and to Pietro’s while repeatedly running into the wall, but now I don’t think this is true. I think the bandage is securing something that’s not only on their hands, but in them.

You see the little white piece of plastic near the little blue round piece of plastic on the centers of the backs of their hands? It’s most visible in Wanda’s gif. To me, that looks like an intravenous injection port. In other words, it’s a little port inserted into their hands, into a vein, and it’s left there for convenience sake. Anytime Hydra would need to administer medication or maybe a sedative of some kind or even a test drug, they could open the port, insert a needle and inject the liquid directly into their veins with a syringe. I won’t paste the picture here in case anyone is triggered by images like this, but this is what an I.V. injection port looks like here.

This pretty much confirms that the twins were being injected with something. The most likely thing to be would be a sedative, although I doubt this would have lasted very long or worked very well on Pietro with his increased metabolism. Maybe they just upped the dosage for him and did what they needed to do quickly before he woke up. The use of sedatives may have been necessary while procuring blood or other tissue samples from them if they were frightened, panicking, angry, or just plain unwilling to comply. Also, while something was being done with one twin, they may have drugged the other so they wouldn’t have to put up with one trying to come to the other’s defense.

Of course it might not have all been completely nefarious (although it’s likely, given that it’s Hydra). Maybe they were injected with antihistamines to prevent allergic responses, anti-inflammatory agents to prevent tissue swelling, antibiotics or antivirals to prevent infection, things like that. It opens up a lot of possibilities for development as far as what the experiments might have entailed and what sorts of things were done to the twins during the course of them. It also makes the idea that Wanda was drugged at the end of Captain America: Civil War all the more traumatizing for her if she had lasting psychological effects from having this done to her by Hydra previously, which takes me to the next section...

EMOTIONAL / PSYCHOLOGICAL CONSEQUENCES:

The stress and trauma of the experiments themselves, the monitoring and sampling, the restraining and the confinement, the separation from each other, and being deprived of their basic needs has got to have had some emotional and psychological effects on the twins, both in the moment and long-term, right? Let’s take the twins one at a time and look at what their experiences might have meant for their mental health.

Wanda’s experience would have been one of both fear and frustration. She might have seen her brother treated poorly, been drugged against her will, felt pain as a result of the effects of the scepter on her or from being treated roughly by Hydra scientists and soldiers, and she would have most likely been restrained in some way to ensure the safety of those working in the lab. Maybe Hydra had some kind of high frequency device or collar or something similar to prevent her from using her powers. So... what might the effects of this type of experience be?

While at the lab, Wanda might have started out afraid and later grown rebellious and angry. Definitely, she would have developed a general distrust for people, and may even have some fear of being accosted by people or approached too quickly. Anytime someone approached her in the lab, she learned she was going to feel pain or have something frightening done to her, so through this type of conditioning she might develop fears of strangers getting too close, of needles and medical equipment, and of being grabbed. Even certain seemingly insignificant things like the sound of a syringe being flicked to void the air from it, the smell of latex gloves, or the sight of a white lab coat might make her panicky or even send her into a flashback. PTSD is a reality for Wanda, and for Pietro as well.

And just like Pietro, Wanda’s sense of solidarity and the psychology of “us against the world” with her sibling would be greatly intensified. If Hydra thought that separating them and subjecting them to all these terrible things would break their bond, they were wrong. If anything, their bond would have been strengthened even more by these experiences. Even if Hydra sought to employ behavioral modification tactics (such as hurting one twin until the other complies), I feel like this wouldn’t drive a wedge between the twins, but would only cement their dedication to one another and desire of each to protect the other.

Which brings me to the effects on Pietro. Pietro... I feel had the worse time here, and I’ll explain why. He would have had the same experiences as Wanda as far as everything else I’ve mentioned in this section so far, but then on top of that would have some problems, fears, and side effects unique to him. So let’s go into what some of Pietro’s unique issues with the experimentation might be.

Some believe that Pietro is so protective of his sister because he loves her and is the older twin and therefore feels a great responsibility to watch over her, and that is certainly true. But for those of you that draw from the comics, as I do, and incorporate that Wanda was the victim of a sexual assault as a child and therefore believe that Pietro felt a lot of guilt over not protecting her then, her treatment in the Hydra laboratory might have really hit upon Pietro’s protective instincts and brought all that guilt from their childhood back up to the surface for him. Especially if the scientists used Wanda to get Pietro to obey, such as hurting or threatening to hurt her if he didn’t do as they said, he would once again be responsible, however indirectly, for Wanda being hurt. That would have had a big and traumatic effect on him, and once they were freed from the lab, he would have been even more protective of her because of this.

That’s how his sibling’s treatment would have effected him, but how would he be dealing with things on his own? Aside from probably developing all the same fears of scientists, doctors, needles, medical equipment, etc. that his sister would, Pietro would also have felt confined, maybe even claustrophobic in that tiny observation room.

Look at the impact here with the wall. My goodness. Yes, he was learning to use his powers here, so he wouldn’t have had the kind of control he had in Ultron, but he’s also not stupid. After a couple attempts, he would have realized that launching himself inside a tiny room like that would have painful consequences. Continuing to slam himself into the walls would have resulted in all sorts of bruises, maybe even torn muscles or broken bones, and maybe things like dislocated shoulders. He heals very fast, but even so, he would feel the initial pain of these injuries, which is in itself traumatic. The reason I didn’t include this in the “physical effects” section is because I feel like there is a psychological component to him doing this as well...

Have you ever been to a zoo, especially one that isn’t handled all that well and has really small enclosures for the animals, and they’re behaving really funny? Walking in circles, making repetitive motions, walking around in the same pattern over and over again within their enclosure, sitting facing a wall or corner, or even walking into the walls? This is because they are actually suffering from psychological trauma (that could result in physical trauma depending on what they’re doing exactly) from not being free to move, run, or just exist as they wish to. Not just wish to... need to. Well, Pietro needs to move.

I headcanon that even before the experiments, he was a high-energy guy, and if you go with the comics and say the twins are mutants, then their powers are also genetic/hereditary. So Pietro is, by nature, someone who is high energy and needs to keep moving and to move fast. Being confined to a tiny room would have had an immense effect on him psychologically, and he might have developed the same strange behavioral patterns as mistreated animals at a zoo. He might have rationally known that attempting to use his speed within his cell would harm him or at least be really painful, but emotionally and physiologically he is driven to move and simply cannot resist doing this, even if it harms him.

Which brings me to the tremors in his right hand in that first gif of him. If you look closely enough, you can actually see the muscles all up his arm spasming as well. They could be an indicator of many things. It could be a sign of neurological damage. Whether the result of the experiments or from the impact of hitting his head or back against the walls of his cell, Pietro might have injured himself, resulting in nerve damage. It likely healed, given his body’s fast healing capabilities, but that’s what it could be.

However, it could also be entirely psychological, and if so, there are three potential reasons for it. First, Pietro may be so full of energy and filled to the brim with a desire to use it, that running for one second inside a cell isn’t cutting it. Kindof like if you have a lot of caffeine and get jitters, he’s literally shaking from being so high-strung and not having a sufficient or positive outlet for his energy. Second, and this is kindof sad, but it may simply be a sign of psychological stress. Like when someone shakes during an anxiety or panic attack, his nerves might be shot from all the stress he’s experiencing in the laboratory. And third, it may be another behavioral tic resulting from feeling like a caged animal in a zoo, a sign that he is not emotionally or psychologically stable that is manifesting as a physical tic.

CONCLUSION:

All of this amounts to either 1) it’s a wonder they were as normal and stable in Ultron as they were (and beyond for Wanda), or 2) they should not have been this stable but MCU didn’t want to deal with all the physical, emotional, and psychological impacts that being treated this way would have had on the twins. I tend to incorporate a lot more of the potential damage they have suffered into writing them because it lets me write what I feel are more realistic and rounded characters. I’m not cherry-picking the easy or happy bits, avoiding mentioning when things would upset them, or sugar-coating their reactions to triggering things, but instead I’m letting them express it as I feel befits their personalities. Wanda and Pietro don’t deal with things in the same way or express their emotional traumas the same way, and part of fleshing out these characters and taking them through arcs of healing and recovery is acknowledging that they are damaged people. MCU glosses over so much with them that either the twins would not have been able to ignore or would have come back to haunt them at a later date. I instead want to present them as they are, two people who have been through many different kinds of hell, and see what they can do with it, how other muses can help and guide them, and what they can become through the process of recovery. That is what is most fun and fulfilling for me as a writer, when I can realistically flesh out a character and take them to places the canon never dared or bothered to tread. =)

Alright I’ve rambled enough! I hope you have enjoyed this, and if you’ve gotten to this point I just want to say thank you for reading! Feel free to comment through replies, asks, or messages if you wish. As with all metas I write on any of my blogs, I love to get feedback and hear other people’s takes on what I’ve mentioned. 

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New Post has been published on My Fitness and Nutrition Store

New Post has been published on http://myfitnessnutrition.princefamily33.com/2018/12/01/hit-the-gym-and-try-out-these-awesome-fitness-tips-2/

Hit The Gym And Try Out These Awesome Fitness Tips!

TIP! Often, people try to improve their fitness through weight lifting. You just need leg raises, pull ups, sit ups, handstand push ups, squats, bridges, and regular push ups.

Keeping your body fit is an important part of your overall health. It is a broad topic with much to learn. You may even find it difficult to find a place to start. Luckily, there are tips like these below that are oriented for a broader range of people and can certainly help you begin looking in the right direction.

TIP! Try fitness classes with your friends to increase your level of motivation. Changing things often will give you the chance to discover new things you like and will keep you happy with what you’re doing.

Many people spend time at the gym lifting weights and working on the machines in an attempt to get toned muscles. You just need leg raises, pull ups, sit ups, handstand push ups, squats, bridges, and regular push ups.

TIP! Cycling can be an intensive fat burner. Try to pace yourself with 80 to 100 rpm.

Take the time to discover exercises that you find enjoyable and sustainable. Make sure your exercise routine is enjoyable, so that working out becomes a treat instead of an ordeal.

TIP! To increase the strength of your forearms, try this great tip from tennis and racquetball players. Start by placing a large sheet of newspaper on a table or some other flat surface.

When you do begin to lift weights you are going to want to do a lot of reps of lighter weights, this will help your muscle mass increase. Gaining muscle is not about lifting the most amount of weight, but how much can you lift for the longest amount of time. This is a very popular technique among many professionals.

TIP! A visible, touchable sign of weight-loss progress can provide the sort of motivation many people need to stick with their goals. Instead of obsessing about the number on the scale, use some clothes that are a size smaller than your current size to gauge your progress.

Before you lay down on the bench, test the quality of the pad by pressing your hand down firmly on the cushion. If the wood can be felt under the padding, choose a machine that has more padding. The padding is important for support while you are working out and can cause bruising if it is in bad condition.

Mental Health

TIP! Test out the bench before using it. Apply pressure to the bench with your thumb to test for adequate padding.

The benefits of fitness are not only physical. Doing regular exercise has been shown to improve mental health, as well. The endorphins released during a workout can lead to a feeling of well being. You can improve how you view yourself by working out and giving yourself some confidence. So, think of your exercise routine as a way to improve your mental health along with the physical improvements.

TIP! Stretch your muscles between each set while you workout. Hold each stretch for 20-30 seconds.

Some people try to exercise their abs every day. However, this is just not the case. Abs are like any other muscle and need rest periodically. Wait two or three days between each ab workout.

TIP! You should schedule your day and plan on eating and exercising at specific times. Staying true to a schedule will help reduce cravings as you will know when the next meal will be.

Sprinting requires that you run fast, not just by getting faster, but by perfecting your stride. To do this, you must make sure your foot always lands under your body instead of in front of it. Use your rear leg’s toes to push off and go forward. By practicing this method, you will notice the speed of your runs increase over time.

Box Squats

TIP! Muscles you have worked hard one day should get only a light workout the following day. Simply use less effort on those worn out muscles.

Box squats can help you build up the quadricep muscles located on the upper thigh. If you want to have explosive power, try doing box squats. Setting a box of the appropriate height behind you is the only preparation you need. To correctly perform this exercise, proceed with a normal squat, and take a pause when you feel the box beneath you.

TIP! To increase the effectiveness of your running routine, lift weights. Many runners don’t even look to weights as an accompaniment to their sport, but they’d be wise to do so.

Count your reps down. While counting reps in your workout, count down instead of up. This can help all of your workouts feel like they take less time to complete as well. Telling yourself you have a certain amount left can help you retain motivation.

TIP! Get chores done and get exercise in by working on your yard. Your yard requires maintenance, and you need exercise.

A great tip to help you get physically fit is to buy some rollerblades. While the sport may not enjoy the popularity it did two decades ago, it is still an effective way of burning calories. Rollerblades are still sold in many sporting goods stores.

TIP! Get outside for your workouts whenever you can. Get outdoors, and go for a walk or run, or play a sport.

Like we said above, if you follow these tips, you’ll be on your way to being in better shape. That information can be used as a base on which you can build even stronger knowledge of fitness. Better health is created over the long-term, so practicing these tips and others, regularly, is the way to go.

13 Reasons OH GOD WHY WAS THIS MADE

FUUUUCKING LORD. So many trigger warnings guys especially w sexual assault and mental health issues.

I can’t begin to talk about this without starting angry because holy shit theres so much wrong. I was initially sent this by someone who thought I’d appreciate the fact it was a bit bad so I’m gonna start with the good things about it as they’re limited.

Premise: It’s okay, the premise is fine, its a little bit I dont know forced and pretentious and even a little insensitive but frankly its not that bad so I’m putting this in the good category.

General message/moral: Dont be a shitty person. Treat people nicely and dont talk about them behind their back. It also has a subtext about how rape is viewed by people when deciding whether they were raped or not and frankly like the rape issues are a whole separate thing but this subtext is actually fine imo (pls someone tell me if I’m wrong). They hint very strongly at the fact that people only see rape as what it is if the victim says no, if they were sober etc. The show hints at the idea that its more complicated than that which is good.

Technical: The camera work is okay, like its industry standard cant complain. I’m a filmmaker like I get this, this is about it though everything else in technical has problems.

Diversity: You tried and I’ll give you it, various POC characters often not with stereotypes which has pros and cons to, gay and lesbian representation, not very good rep of the LG characters given but not the worst but i’ll go into that.

OKAY THATS IT THATS ALL I CAN SAY ONTO THE BAD

Technical: FUCKIN SOUND HOLY SHIT. PLEASE. Atmosphere is so goddamn important and it was crazy noticeable to me at least that atmosphere had super hard cuts at times. I’m being pedantic. This legit doesnt matter in the grand scheme but that’s why I’m putting it at the beginning of the bad.

Writing: Did a 40 year old spend a week on the internet and try write this? In the second episode they say FML. No one says the fucking acronym holy shit. Also just how the kids talk its like aight sure some kids could talk like that but generally nah. Also the insensitivity of the #NeverForget scene right at the start like maybe sometimes happens but its so jarring in this scene because you can tell its just a throwaway thing to go “fuck millennials” and its like please just stop this broken record.

On Pretentiousness: I’m super pretentious okay, like tapes, records, etc like sign me the fuck up but this goes back to the millennials suck sentiment where Hannah uses tapes and physical maps because “google cant help you with this” or whatever like??? fuck man stop its so awfully written and its fake as hell. I get the reasonings sort of, but, at the same time those reasons are so tenuous to the plot and easily gotten around. The whole thing is trying really hard to be Perks of Being a Wallflower and fucking bombing hard.

On sexuality: You deal with it...sort of? You have various gay characters one of whom’s entire subplot is based around the fact. Another who feels like he plays into this whole straight idea of what gay people are like and uses good old ‘faggot’ in it because “I can use it, you can’t” and its just sort of like ehhh its all so forced. Then Tony coming out is actually....not the worst, its hinted at a couple times and Clay’s complete misinterpretation of it is hilarious to me bc its accurate representation of straight people. However I feel like they made Tony gay PURELY so he could have this whole “Oh I wouldnt want to bang hannah anyway” thing going like??? Please dont do this guys his sexuality is worth more than to aid the story of a (bi? is it ever explored or is Hannah just a straight girl who got w a girl once?) white girl.

On sexual assault: I’ve never been sexually assaulted, I’m not an expert on the topic, I fight for what I can when it comes to these issues but I wont pretend I am an expert. From a filmmaking point of view the rape scenes were...almost too graphic, generally they should make you feel uncomfortable, its not a comfortable situation or one you want to watch, but this felt almost too much. While its good to talk about these issues I feel they went about it in not the best way. I dont want to say more on this because it was fucking harrowing having to watch that, which christ its a harrowing event but i dont know if that is too much or not, I can’t say.

Onto Mental Health: This is where it gets more complicated and frankly I can barely put into words how I feel about it. The whole premise becomes vindictive in a way which sure goes with the morals to an extent but whatever like they almost turn  hannah into a villain in a  way instead of her being treated as a victim. It all happened very quickly, I mean the events on the tapes were over what a year total? but the decision to commit suicide was like two days and from a personal standpoint and from what I know of friend’s feelings and experiences with mental health, this just isnt the way it happens. Frankly I dont even want to talk about this anymore, the whole thing treats mental health as a thing caused by events rather than chemical imbalance and while traumatic events certainly fuck you up it never treats it as that until the very last two episodes and then its all over. The suicide scene. Oh god the suicide scene. Fucking. Horrible. There was absolutely no need. It was too brutal. I understand from a nuerotypical filmmaker point of view why this is good. But from a mentally ill filmmaker, no. This was so unnecessarily brutal, close up, and needless. If anything this could do more harm than good. I dont think I want anyone to watch this show for all the reasons above but mostly because of the suicide scene because I know how it made me feel and its not that great i’ll tell you.

This show sucked ass but has a good hook and honestly I’m pissed that to an extent I enjoyed it.

Football Night in America 2: Always Concealing a Secret Doubt

Football Night in America

Jamie Lauren Keiles tweeted “as writers, as we look for opportunities to act, what we can do in the meantime is keep clear personal records of what reality is like now”. I’ve had multiple discussions with friends about the disability of push notifications during the neverending news drip, how it makes us crave distance and how that alone, itself, is alienating, that distance cld ever be a destination. Like flying just for the miles. What we cannot afford to be, as writers or as friends, is distal, even when the body is in decay. Decay doesn’t always hurt, as any dentist looks forward to telling you. Is it hard to stay together? Is staying together a viable form of organization? I texted Ben, how will our data plans ever survive any of this. He texted back, I’m afraid if I unplug from the tl I’ll wake up like Neo naked in a tub of fluid. This was right after I discovered the Russians are flexing on Ukraine again. Delimitation is more than a meme, or maybe not.

What is reality like now. It was Super Bowl weekend in America. The movie star quarterback of the Vegas favorites, praised as a superager and hated for his great qualities, was said to “choke up” when a little kid asked him who his hero is. The vegas favorites were the Patriots, whose name is fake, as proven by the WE ARE ALL PATRIOTS tagline on their merch. The debate over what constitutes fake news, to the extent such a debate is even being had in a society that is essentially debateless, keeps glossing over the cusps of it: that fake news has the same exquisite definition as mansplaining. Mansplaining is not telling a woman something she may not already know, it’s telling her something she already, for sure, knows. Fake news is not news you may not believe or may disagree with, it’s news you generate with the intent to mislead. Both mansplaining and fake news have the same rottenness at core: not just raw self-interest, but the overcompensation of people who believe themselves to be ahead when they are utterly behind. Why do you need to harangue a woman into submission? Because if you don’t, who else will. Like, that’s what the supremacist Right, and the misogynists who operate it, have always cudgeled as truth: that whites, and men especially, are permanently Ahead and enforcement is solely up to You. You are ahead, and you must stay that way. Always look over your shoulder, bc someone is definitely gaining on you.

Trump’s identification with the Patriots is irritating, if only bc Brady and Belichick are the great erotic male literary collaboration of our time.They proved this in the Super Bowl by first not playing to their audience (falling embarrassingly behind) and then playing overtly to their haters (by exerting an ethic that never confuses extraordinary force with medium-term precision). Twitter instantly fell apart with exasperated threads comparing the alleged trauma of this Super Bowl outcome with that of the Election, which is the Super Bowl for fat people.

Carly was the only other one for the Patriots in my closed circle. We agreed Tom Brady is handsome in the Adonisian sense, and not in the red-skinned bro-with-squinty-eyes sense like most jocks. He cld model! she gushed. Wokeness will only get you so far when it comes to American sports, and you can’t just show up for the day and rep the minority city. Atlanta is a new American beauty capital but if its athletes are demonstrably less terrible than Boston’s or anywhere else’s, I’d need to have a look at those findings.

As an extremely shallow person, one of the things that bothers me most about the new regime is how wholly, defiantly unhealthy everyone in it is. From the purple of Sean Spicer’s undereyes to the puce of his pursed lips, from Steve Bannon’s terminal unshavenness to the wattle every last one of them has, Rex W. Tillerson (W. for Wattle) as particular offender, cld their bathrooms all have lighting this bad? Do they not have access to leafy vegetables? Or purified drinking water? Yes, in America commenting on someone’s overt lack of health is definitely shallow, just as the right to look and be unhealthy is a certified letter of aggression. These people will play politics with their own bodies, and repulse us by any means necessary. While there may be something nice about current highly-paid NFL players having fat guts, there is also no word to describe how spectacularly out-of-shape former athletes get. And there should be.

What else was going on? Conrad and Angelo and I went to DJ Spinn’s birthday party at Tokyo Beat and watched the footwork dancers corkscrew themselves into bright bonfires of joy. Watching street dancers is strangely purifying, like thrown birdseed on your day. The bone-breakers on the Red Line haven’t been as active lately, and I wonder why. Maybe they formed a union and are now protected from their dazzling impromptu hat-in-hand protests, their sudden cleansing of the filthiness of the trains. The union will ensure that the bone-breakers and all the other street dancers are guaranteed compensation and health insurance for scapulas they might tear too far. Meanwhile, footwork dancing looks like a first-rate Chris Brown dream, can you tell I have zero clue how to technically break down forms of dance? I put them on an Instagram story but didn’t want the flash to distract so you couldn’t really see much. Conrad ordered a drink. Angelo disappeared into the crowd. I kept watching, mesmerized from the waist down.

Ben and I and two girls from Orange County I met in the Lyft Line went to see some guy play funk and disco records in a warehouse at 4 am. Going out when you’re this wobbly and constantly waiting for some kind of drop feels like when the Wi-fi goes out, like how can we occupy ourselves rn?? A sort-of drawn curtains mentality takes over, and you hope nobody sees you having even the most circumstantial kind of fun, but it’s necessary? Drugs and alcohol suck but at least they don’t lie abt it. Then I got home, or at this point the timeline collapses, but I got home and my Wi-fi really had gone out. It was just me and the Criterion Collection, like Lena Dunham in bed sick with mono in some kind of Google witch hunt.

Ignorant is the Western way of life. Richard Burton says that in The Spy Who Came In From The Cold, from the outré black and white universe of 1965. Burton acts from a denomination of power that’s no good anymore, but his restless methodism always finds the enemy like some kind of software. Geopolitics and instincts actually going together is one of the great reliefs of the period spy movie, and now they couldn’t be farther apart. Money has always been the only thing anyone cared abt, and yet the only thing anyone cares abt anymore being money still feels like a plot twist.

In one of those talks with friends, where we practically examine each other’s nail beds for signs of Nazi flesh, she named kleptocracy, autocracy, and fascism and told me no ontological database would support all three being true at once. I said Trump, simply as electoral phenomenon, produced the first two as fluid states, knowing the third would take care of itself. Some people just want to rise so high they don’t have to hate anymore—they can get people to do it for them. Ignorance has never been so much the Western way of life as with these old white people who elevate the unread brief to a form of pulp art, who are nevertheless hilariously, decrepitly, skull-clutchingly in charge of reality again—reality as unclear personal record. Trump, unlike Tom Brady, only thinks he’s a superager. Only white supremacy cld ever explain it, and only a parody of rectitude could ever intervene, interfere, and interlope as much as he and his nightmare of whiteness are.

Remember when the Feed was just libs talking abt television? Yeah, I almost miss it. Most of the television I have watched in 2017 is Hannibal, that hot flash of homoerotic giallo that somehow lasted three seasons on an American network. In the same manner of the Trumps looking rich only to the most depraved poor people, the character of Hannibal Lecter, with his spread collars and foodism, looks tasteful only to the most depraved rich people.

At one point on it, Hannibal tells Will that fanatics are always concealing a secret doubt, which I found amusingly “topical” but not enough to actually tweet it. Skip the blind, or bland, poetics of replacing “fanatics” with “all people” and a very clever recipe for coping emerges: whatever the fanatic says, know that in his heart he is always calling it wrong. That’s living under autocracy.

laxogenin powder: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

Laxogenin FAQ

What is Laxogenin?

Also known as five alpha hydroxy Laxogenin or 5a hydroxy Laxogenin, Laxogenin is actually a plant compound and the very best recognized member of a bunch of compounds collectively often called brassinosteroids, which also involves mustard to call only one.

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Laxogenin is actually a plant steroid that is comparable in construction to the better recognized plant extract ecdysterone. Investigation has demonstrated that it exhibits comparable anabolic Attributes to anabolic steroids which include Anavar, one among the preferred oral anabolic steroids of all time.

Does this mean it’s a prohormone?

The shorter reply isn't any. Prohormones operate by delivering the human body which has a compound which is closely relevant to testosterone. Any time you have a prohormone, your body senses an increase in androgen stages (the collective term for prohormones and testosterone) and shuts down its have creation of testosterone to compensate.

Contrary to prohormones, Laxogenin will not interfere with Your system's endocrine program. Quite simply, it neither raises nor decreases hormones for instance testosterone and estrogen.

How does Laxogenin do the job then?

The analyze of Laxogenin has mainly been carried out in the previous Soviet Union. While its mechanism of result has still to generally be fully elucidated, specified its position to be a brassinosteroid, the prevailing see is it right raises protein synthesis although reducing protein breakdown.

protein breakdown

This seems to get a consistent topic across the full class of brassinosteroids or at the least Individuals that were researched in almost any detail. Laxogenin is usually believed to boost muscle mass Restoration and development by inhibiting the pressure hormone cortisol. Abnormal cortisol amounts may make it almost impossible to get muscle mass, not to mention energy.

Who can use Laxogenin?

Given The point that Laxogenin is not really a prohormone and doesn't have an impact on your HPTA (hypothalamic-pituitary-testicular axis), it can be used by practically anyone like Women of all ages.

Girl education from the gym

Mainly because Laxogenin improves muscle mass and Restoration by expanding protein synthesis and cutting down protein breakdown, it is highly useful for anybody who would like to make improvements to their physique.

How much time can Laxogenin be utilized for?

As it received’t affect your hormone ranges, there is not any serious require to restrict Laxogenin use to a short time frame. It's not at all like testosterone boosters, to which your body finally adapts by cutting down its personal all-natural exam degrees in response.

We frequently see folks applying laxogenin nutritional supplements for three-4 months at a time and suffering from superb progress all over that interval, regardless of whether their intention is to develop muscle mass, boost efficiency or lower overall body Unwanted fat.

Laxogenin utilization

Dosage

Serving dimensions: 25mg

Tips on how to use it: Just take three-6 doses a day for a complete everyday consumption of 75mg-150mg

When to consider it: Preferably Laxogenin need to be taken with food stuff to maximise absorption

Added benefits

Helpful option to prohormones. Look at the sorts of muscle building nutritional supplement. If you disregard people who influence hormone stages such as prohormones, SARMS, testosterone boosters and estrogen blockers, the list of substances that will help users improve functionality and Recuperate speedier turn out to be somewhat limited. Laxogenin is a single such component.

Complements the usage of protein supplements. If You furthermore may disregard All those health supplements that are dependent all over protein or protein breakdown merchandise like BCAAs, the list becomes shorter nevertheless. Laxogenin sits On this camp together with other elements we is going to be reviewing On this series, for instance epicatechin, arachidonic acid and creatine.

Fast-performing. With Laxogenin supplements tending to kick in very quickly, they are ideal for any person seeking to Construct muscle and strength swiftly.

Male instruction biceps while in the gymnasium

May be stacked with prohormones. Laxogenin is often stacked with other health supplements for example testosterone boosters and estrogen blockers to amplify muscle creating and recovery throughout two distinct pathways. This makes a lot more perception than the greater typical solution of stacking 2 or three distinctive testosterone boosters that each one focus on the very same pathway.

May be used for PCT (submit cycle therapy). This also would make Laxogenin merchandise a sensible selection following a prohormone cycle as they assist advertise anabolism via a unique pathway into the likes of testosterone boosters.

Noted effects

Accelerated Restoration

Reduction in article exercise routine muscle soreness

Speedier gains in toughness

Improved resistance to physical and mental fatigue

Brand names and opinions

There are various all-natural muscle constructing dietary supplements in the marketplace that count Laxogenin among their list of components and A few supplements that comprise Laxogenin as the principle ingredient. At Predator Nourishment, some of our hottest Laxogenin products contain Progenadrex from Fusion Health supplements, Adamantine from Hydrapharm, Massacr3 from Olympus Labs and Anogenin from Blackstone Labs.

Fusion Supplements Progenadrex

Fusion Complement Progenadrex

Progenadrex is really a non-hormonal muscle builder formulated to encourage muscle mass expansion In a natural way by leveraging the benefits of foods. By optimising the absorption of glycogen, amino acids, water and also other Electricity compounds in the muscle, it boosts the human body's normal testosterone stages, accelerating lean overall body mass gains and increasing Restoration.

Evaluation from Killahertz, considered one of our customers:

“Laxogenin is a little bit of an in-detail in the mean time, nonetheless it's truly been around for quite some time. Carried out proper it's a pretty potent organic anabolic, and Progenadrex is Laxogenin finished appropriate.

Progenadrex is very well further than straightforward Laxogenin thanks to Rob (the formulator), who's got the understanding of normal anabolics to leverage probably the most from them. Both equally in terms of precise formulation but in addition the standard of raw elements that go into them.

In use Progenadrex kicks in inside of a working day or two, by using a general sense of psychological wellbeing and a marked increase in pump aspect and vascularity. Given that the cycle settles, Vitality availability and mental drive significantly strengthen. However the get noticed enhancement for me was Restoration, which was off-the-charts good. four-6lb acquire, and retained post cycle. Power availability and push are Keeping way too, which indicates a attainable regenerative result outside of simple Restoration. In any event, This can be potent organic item, and a person I will be managing yet again extremely soon.”

View our Progenadrex solution web page For additional reviews together with one particular from Rob Regish, creator of your really acclaimed Mass Pro Synthagen.

Hydrapharm Adamantine

Hydrapharm Adamantine

Adamantine is yet another normal testosterone booster which contains a stack of revolutionary elements - Laxogenin, epicatechin, creatine nitrate and vitamin D3 - that function with each other to bring laxogenin about anabolism by way of many pathways, enhancing power, size, Restoration, performance and endurance.

Overview from Craig, considered one of our customers:

“I had been a little doubtful that Adamantine could live up to the assessments but if something It truly is basically a lot better than I imagined. I am not Ordinarily a person who leaves critiques but soon after these am practical experience I felt I had to. Gains in just a few months to date of use:

Added 10kg on bench going from 120kg for 6 to 130kg for six. Which is fairly awesome presented i had been stuck for months and practically nothing else changed.

Squat - Enhanced by 10kg and included two reps to my finest hard work.

Pull-ups - Included weight and reps heading from 40kg for four sets of 4 to forty two.5kg for six,six, 5, and 5 reps.

Other factors worthy of mentioning: Excellent recovery, rise in sex drive, appear to have significantly less joint aches, experience superior concerning mood

In general, for anyone who is within the fence with this one particular inquire on your own if if you have a protein shake, intra workout, test booster and so on. if you will get the type of results I've gotten. If the answer is no, get this and also at the cost The actual fact it is a thirty day source so you don't need to take just about anything with it IME implies Adamantine might be lots cheaper than most health supplement stacks and unlike them it essentially is effective.”

Take a look at the Adamantine item website page for a complete compose up plus much more opinions from genuine users.

The latest rant:

A common picture of the Republican Party is that of a cabal of big-money plutocrats, rubbing their hands gleefully as they kick starving children into the cold and knock retirees over for the Social Security benefits while lighting cigars with $100 bills. And while this is useful as agitprop, it creates a divide in the discussion of serious issues. Granted, there are some on both sides of the aisle who are craven and corrupt, and unfortunately they also make the most noise. It also doesn't help that the top figures in the party -- trump and his staff (Spicer, Conway, et al), Ryan, and McConnell -- further this perception with their words and actions, but such is a topic for another day ... The thing is, though, almost all Republicans are working with the best of intentions. They honestly believe that their proposals and actions are in the best interest of the American people. So why is there such a gulf between Republican and Democrat, liberal and conservative, trump and normal people? My opinion? It comes down to a fundamental difference in how progress is measured. The Republican Party measures everything in terms of dollars and cents. This is fine as far as it goes -- it is a completely objective measure, with no wiggle room for interpretation. Something costs what it costs, and revenue is revenue, and the numbers are going to be the numbers whether you like them or not. As a result, for many things this is fine ... but there are aspects of the things the government does that do not translate well into currency. Things like quality of life for a family that can no longer afford health coverage. Or environmental quality. Or lives lost fighting bullshit wars on false pretenses. The modern Republican Party is, on paper, dedicated to the idea of fiscal responsibility. They believe that deficit spending is fundamentally bad, that social welfare programs impede individual initiative, and (at least, on the far right) that many of the problems faced by marginalized populations -- the poor, people of color, and so on -- are the result of moral failings at the individual level. Proposals presented by the Republicans are centered around the idea of "if ya ain't got the dough, don't spend it." Nowhere is this demonstrated more clearly than in the following statement made by Rep. Mo Brooks on May 1:

“My understanding is that it will allow insurance companies to require people who have higher health care costs to contribute more to the insurance pool. That helps offset all these costs, thereby reducing the cost to those people who lead good lives, they’re healthy, they’ve done the things to keep their bodies healthy. And right now those are the people—who’ve done things the right way—that are seeing their costs skyrocketing.”

On the surface, this seems like a pretty cruel, heartless stance. After all, what Rep. Brooks appears to be saying here is that if someone gets breast cancer, say, then it's their own damned fault for not living a clean life and they deserve to pay more for insurance as a result. Now, everybody knows this is bullshit, and it's a pretty safe bet that's not what Rep. Brooks meant. My guess is that he was speaking more to the apparent fairness of premium amounts, taking a position that people who need more health care should be paying higher premiums. And while this does seem like a reasonable proposition, it misses the point entirely on how insurance is supposed to work (the people who need less subsidize the people who need more, thus spreading the cost more or less evenly ... but diving into the intricacies of health insurance actuary is way beyond the scope of this article). This illustrates a higher point, though. Whether it stems from ideology, or the need to maintain viewership across the basic cable spectrum, or just pure salaciousness, we have been trapped in a cycle of "gotchas" for the past several decades. Barack Obama says "So it's not surprising then that they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion ..." as a statement on small-town America's reaction to steady job losses over the prior twenty years, which is clearly evident when the entire quote is used:

"Our challenge is to get people persuaded that we can make progress when there's not evidence of that in their daily lives. You go into some of these small towns in Pennsylvania, and like a lot of small towns in the Midwest, the jobs have been gone now for 25 years and nothing's replaced them. And they fell through the Clinton administration, and the Bush administration, and each successive administration has said that somehow these communities are gonna regenerate and they have not. So it's not surprising then that they get bitter, they cling to guns or religion or antipathy to people who aren't like them or anti-immigrant sentiment or anti-trade sentiment as a way to explain their frustrations."

However, the right-wing shriek factory chose to highlight a specific phrase in a manner designed to generate the most outrage, furthering the narrative of Obama as a Kenyan Muslim terrorist atheist communist dictator, hellbent on taking away everyone's guns and forcing them to adhere to Sharia law (which, let's be fair, almost none of the target audience knew anything about except what they had heard from the right-wing shriek factory in the first place ... and not for nothing, but it is impossible to be a Muslim and an atheist. Just sayin'.). To be fair, this sort of nonsense happens on the left as well, but again ... a topic for another article ... The thing is, there are actually very few Republicans who hew strictly to this line. The vast majority of them do not agree with ideological purity at all costs; instead they adopt a stance of "Okay, I have my ideology, you have yours, and there has to be some agreeable middle ground." For example, as you may have guessed, I am a liberal. Very liberal. Not quite to the anarchist extreme of some, but definitely more than most. One of my best friends is a hard-core conservative Republican. We argue about politics all the time, and rare is the occasion when one of us makes a solid enough argument to change the other's position. Despite this obvious mental deficiency on his part (kidding, and he knows it), he is a wonderful stepfather, a good and decent person, and regularly kicks my ass at pool. And this is the fundamental point. Republicans are not, by nature, evil. They are not the sort of cartoonish, sinister villains portrayed in the media, any more than liberals are all a bunch of skinny, stoned, granola-munching whiners with acoustic guitars militantly guarding against trigger words. Republicans just have a different viewpoint from Democrats. That's all. They are both still Americans, they both still love this country, they both still respect the Constitution. Go to any firehouse, police station, military barracks, elementary school, restaurant, grocery store, auto shop. Unless there is only one person there, chances are pretty good that there will be a roughly even split between conservatives and liberals. And I guarantee that the EMT who is driving the ambulance taking you to the hospital doesn't give a hairy rodent's posterior about your political affiliation, the only concern is getting you to the goddam hospital. This is what we, as a society, are losing sight of lately. It is incumbent upon all of us -- right or left, Democrat or Republican, conservative or liberal -- to always remember this, and to accept the fundamental humanity of those with differing views, and to allow the respect that is born from this acceptance to be shown. And it has to start with a decision on which media outlet to frequent. Yes, there are no purely objective sources. Every media outlet has some sort of political leaning. It's only natural, considering they are all people. Where the differences lie is in how this slant is addressed. Some, like Breitbart and the Daily Wire on the right or Occupy Democrats and the Palmer Report on the left, make no bones about their political leanings. Which is fine, as long as people understand that their content is all opinion, not fact. Others, like the New York Times and the Washington Post on the left and the Wall Street Journal and Forbes on the right, acknowledge their political stance but strive to keep it from coloring their reporting. Yes, sometimes they are better at it than others, but they all have one common characteristic: when a mistake is made, they cop to it. Publicly. They issue retractions and correct the erroneous information. If there are enough retractions credited to a specific reporter ... well, that reporter is then out of a job. So I urge everyone reading this -- both of you -- to ask the following questions when considering a news source (not including articles clearly labeled as opinion pieces):

Does this news source use objective language, or are there subjective terms (excluding quotes) used to attempt to sway the reader to a particular way of thinking about an issue? For example, the Daily Wire recently published a story about funding being pulled from a Shakespeare in the Park production of "Julius Caesar" because it depicts the assassination of donald trump. While the story may be true, and it is not at all uncommon for theater companies to adapt Shakespeare to modern settings, the Daily Wire uses language like "objectively despicable contents of this production" to describe the play. Rather than just reporting on the "who, what, where, when" of the issue, the Daily Wire attempts to apply a value judgement to the play, thus robbing the reader of that opportunity.

Can the story be verified by multiple reliable sources? For example, if you see a story in the New York Times, or Forbes, or the BBC, or even the Daily Caller, can you also find reporting on that same topic from another source? This excludes the latest practice in which someone creates content that may or may not be factual and distributes it to like-thinking outlets, who then publish it blindly (basically, what happens here is that the article appears in multiple outlets, with identical or near-identical language).

In the case of erroneous reporting, does the source acknowledge it and issue a retraction? This only applies to factual errors. For example, an article about Ivanka Trump's clothing line that reports on a pair of shoes costing $2,500 when they are actually $250 deserves a correction. An opinion piece stating that they are the butt-ugliest things to come down the pike since the Pontiac Aztek does not.

It is vitally important that we all -- Republican and Democrat alike -- do our due diligence when consuming media. It is only once we emerge from the shriek factories on both the left and right and into the light of day that we can start to find common ground on the issues facing this nation today. Please like and share my page at http://ift.tt/2rkD9UV for more.