Hi, I'm back.

This debrief if going to be a two-part so whoever finds this, I hope this is an interesting read for you. I just reread my 2022 recap and it made me realize that everything I said…I have been doing for myself. From the beginning of 2023 til now, I have grown so much as a person and the boundaries I have set for myself. Everything has been in motion. To say the least, even with everything that has been going on, I have stood ten toes down to what I promised myself. I promised myself that I would put myself first, in any situation, even if it means to end relationships, get out of situations, or anything in that accord. I am proud and confident that I haven’t put myself in a situation that will hurt me. I promised myself that I would relearn who I am as a person and relearn to love the things I used to and I have been doing that. I even allowed myself, even if I questioned it, to get into a relationship that was already long gone. That relationship taught me that if it doesn’t work for me, it will never work. I could never change who I am as a person for anyone. If someone says they love me, they would never try to change who I am. My heart stays open, but I am so comfortable in my own space that it’s okay for me to baskkkk in it. I love, love, and I love seeing my closest friends and family share that with someone, but ive understood that everything works out for me and if it does, then it will. I met someone fairly recently that I have enjoyed every moment with, but I planted a seed in bad soil and that was a mistake on my end that I can’t change. I sit with it as much as he does and there’s nothing I can do which hurts me as much as it hurts him. But like I said, I’ve grown a lot as a person. I have made mistakes, some big ones I cannot change, but I know that I can work through it, even just for myself. I don’t ever want to be in a situation that will put important relationships in my life go down the drain because of something that I want to hold onto and that’s something I realized tonight. I’ve been sitting with Monica and debriefing with her about everything. Our mom told me that “You can’t change the past, you either work through the discourse or you let it go”. I wish she was here so I can just hear her voice. I miss you, Mo. But yeah. The art of detachment is something you don’t learn overnight and there’s a proper way to do it where you’re not doing it out of spite or anger or sabotaging yourself. I haven’t mastered it just yet because I love to share the love I have, but as I’ve been told recently, I’m not hard to love, I think it’s just the fact that I believe I am that makes it so hard for people. Hearing that hurt me because that’s probably true, no matter how much I don’t want to believe it. I am just so used to people who turn me into a person that’s just for the moment, or the time, or as a rebound, or someone to keep around because they enjoy my company. I can’t do that to myself anymore, especially with how far ive gotten and how much I’ve been working on myself. That is not something I would be okay with. I always express to everyone I know that they shouldn’t exchange their energy with people who will take advantage of how big their heart is. My past relationship really tested that and I tried to work through it in hopes it will go the right way, but he showed me what he wanted, and it was not ideal or right for me. I’m proud of myself for being independent the way I am now, not just saying it to make myself feel better, but I am sitting with myself and my sister and I’m confident in everything I feel. I just wish some things were different, but I can’t keep reminding myself or guilt tripping myself into thinking that. I’m still human and I will continue to make mistakes, but as long as I’m being truthful to myself, that is all that really comes down to.