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#rekindled my affection for damaged souls
hamyrri99 · 2 years
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I want azula to step on me have a redemption arc like zuko did, like pls she needs therapy (and then afterwards she can step on me)
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osleyakomwonkru · 4 years
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10 Days of Favourites - Ships
3 days to Season 7!
Today’s countdown topic: My three favourite ships!
3. Octavia/Ilian (Octilian, ButterflyAssassin)
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As I’ve mentioned before, this wasn’t love, it wasn’t moving on. They were both in pain and grieving and damaged broken people, but there can be healing in two people like that coming together. They gave each other something to live for, if even for a short period of time, at the end of the world when everyone else was already losing their shit. Ilian saved Octavia’s life, and with that, she was then able to save humanity. Got to give that relationship the respect it deserves. 2. Octavia/Lincoln (Linctavia)
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I know, many Octavia stans might be sad that I put Linctavia second. They were beautiful and I loved them, but everyone’s grieved long enough. Lincoln was such a pure soul who loved Octavia and his people - all people - with his whole heart, and he wouldn’t want Octavia to wallow in grief for the rest of her life, or think that he was it when it came to love and relationships. Do you know how sad that would be, for a 17-year old girl to lose her lover and think “well that’s it for me I guess”? So sad. He wouldn’t want that for her. He would want her to love again. Which brings us to... 1. Octavia/Niylah (Niytavia)
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Yeah, I know they’re not canon-confirmed. Which is criminal, because the setup has been there since season 4 and saving each other’s lives. Followed by the book-flirting in season 5. Followed by all of their shared screentime in season 6. Niylah’s clearly in love, why else would she wake Octavia against all orders? She cares about Octavia as a person, she’s the only one on board the Eligius IV to see through Octavia’s anger to the broken and suicidal girl inside. Octavia hasn’t really been in a mental place to return Niylah’s affections since their 5x02 flirting, but the picture above shows that she still allows Niylah an emotional and physical intimacy that she doesn’t grant to anyone else. Niylah gets her to back down from a fight and she actually does. When have we ever seen Octavia back down from a fight she wants? Anyway, now that Octavia’s had time (perhaps even years?) and distance to be able to start healing, she’s emotionally in a place to pursue relationships again. Since all signs say that Niylah’s joining Adventure Squad this season, I hope they’ll be able to rekindle their flame and pursue a peaceful future together when they’re reunited.
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master-ray5 · 4 years
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After the Cauldron: Return of the Cosmos
This is the end. My last entry to the After the Cauldron Series. Focusing on everyone's OTP, Usagi and Mamoru. It also fits in perfect with @idesofnovember​ and the third day of their UsaMamoWeek challenge. Sometimes everything just lines up perfectly. Enjoy. 
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0.0.0
“It’s always better when we’re together.” – Jack Johnson
O.o.O.o.O
Sagittarius Zero, found in the center of the Milky Way Galaxy was the location of the Galactic Cauldron. A nexus in the universe where cosmic energy of the stars and planets gathers together. The only location in existence where Star Seeds, fragments of pure light and Chaos Seeds, slivers of condensed darkness were produced. When complete, these vessels of power erupt from the Cauldron, fly across space, and seek out hosts to whom they resonate. Those who bear Star Seeds will become Sailor Senshi, individuals charged with the eternal mission of preserving life and purifying the hearts of those who are swayed by the carriers of the seeds of Chaos.
It was at this location, Eternal Sailor Moon, the enhanced form of Tsukino Usagi, did battle with Sailor Galaxia, an individual possessing a Chaos Seed so powerful, the being chosen demanded to be referred to as Chaos. The power of Chaos was immense and nearly defeated Eternal Sailor Moon, but instead she joined with Sailor Chibi Chibi Moon, the spirit of the Cauldron itself awoke to prevent Chaos from throwing off the equilibrium of the universe. Blessed by the power bestowed on her, Tsukino Usagi became Sailor Cosmos, a being who was able to match and conquer the darkness of Chaos.
The battle over, Sailor Cosmos was able to manipulate the power of the Galactic Cauldron and made two commands. First, she forgave Chaos and allowed the continued production of the Chaos Seeds ensuring the balance of power was maintained. The second, she breathed new life into the Star Seeds of those defeated by Sailor Galaxia, allowing them to regain their human forms.
With a wave of her hand, Sailor Cosmos made this decree, watching as the Star Seeds of those she called friends and family were ejected from the Cauldron. In a flash of light, the Star Seeds transported away from Sagittarius Zero, leaving the Sailor Senshi with the power of a goddess alone to converse with the spirit of the Cauldron which now lived inside of her.
0.0.0
Hikawa Shrine, the home of Hino Rei, Sailor Mars, and thought to be the unofficial base of the Sailor Senshi of the planet Earth. It was here the Star Seeds were delivered and as the energy which had brought them faded, the stasis surrounding them disappeared as well. As the energy bestowed on them from the Galactic Cauldron took effect, the bodies of each of the fallen Sailor Senshi formed into place. Mars, Venus, Jupiter, Mercury, Saturn, Pluto, Neptune, and Uranus all found themselves alive and well. Soon, those not native to the planet, Sailor Star Fighter, Sailor Star Healer, Sailor Star Maker, and the princess they protected Sailor Kakyuu were blessed with their human forms as well.
The last to form was the Sailor Senshi of the planet Earth. In his former life, he had been known as Endyminion but in this lifetime he was known as Chiba Mamoru. The warrior awoke to find himself in his sailor persona of Tuxedo Mask but also discovered himself full of energy. Digging through the pocket of his suit coat, he found three small shards of crystal and the four jeweled stones which held the souls of his the Shittennou, his four generals in a previous life. The last of the energy from the Cauldron had washed over the objects and caused the souls inside them to be reborn as well. In a flash of light, the four stones became Kunzite, Jadeite, Nephrite, and Zoisite and the three small shards became the guardian cats Luna, Diana, and Artemis, who had lost their lives in the battle against Chaos’ forces.
Alive and aware of their situations, the Sailor Senshi and their allies found themselves engaging in displays of affections and rejoicing. Group hugs were given, the Sailor Starlights bowed to their Princess, and the Shittennou swore their undying loyalty to Mamoru, insisting they would work to make up for the damage they had done while under the control of Queen Beryl. Though Sailor Mars was hesitant to trust the Shittennou as they made their pledge, she could not help but smile as she watched Sailor Venus lunge at Kunzite, and throw her arms around his neck and hold him tight in an effort to rekindle the love they once shared in their previous life.
As Mamoru smiled at the tender embrace of Venus and Kunzite, a shadow passed through his mind with a dark through which chilled him to the core. A simple notion of what could make this moment absolutely perfect and what was missing from this heartfelt reunion. His eyes darted through the gathering and his heart began to pound with fear as he opened his mouth and asked a terrifying question, “Everyone...where is Usagi?”
The area was immediately filled with silence as they realized she hadn’t returned. A shiver ran down as the fear they would never see Usagi again became a possibility in everyone’s mind and the very thought caused the feeling of warmth to leave their very being. The crowd’s eyes darted everywhere, hoping they would catch sight of her. Hoping she would appear from behind a tree, clumsy tripping as she rushed toward everyone to embrace and show everything was fine.
No one spoke. Everyone was too afraid to ask if she was coming back, as if even asking the question would risk challenging fate and preventing Usagi from returning home.
Time seemed to come to crawl for everyone as they stared at the starry sky. Seconds turned to minutes, turned into an hour. The crowd was afraid to move, scared to even suggest they should engage in a single action without Usagi present. Frightened over the thought one moment without her would lead to many and soon, Tsukino Usagi would be nothing but a memory.  
For Mamoru the waiting felt as torturous as being caught in the limbo of death he experienced while caged by Sailor Galaxia. Like all the Star Seeds which had been locked in her menagerie, his soul had been tied to the vessel, unable to experience heaven or hell, only an endless void of nothingness. Now, the very thought of the woman he loved not returning and having to face a future where Usagi was not by his side felt just as barren and empty. He would not sit ideally by and let such a possibility gain momentum.
“I’m going after her,” Mamoru stated firmly, knowing what needed to be done.“I’ll find her and bring her back to Earth.”
“The entrance to Sagittarius Zero appears and disappears throughout the Galaxy for seconds at best,” Princess Kakyou explained, her eyes unable to mask the pain from knowing such a mission was destined to fail. “It only stayed constant due to the involvement of Chaos. Without such dark power to keep the entrance in one place it will again become the most elusive and valued treasures in all of the universe. You could easily spend ten lifetimes living on rumors and leads and never find it.”
“Then tell me...can Usagi ever be freed from the power we felt her obtain or is her soul forever now bound with the cauldron unable to even achieve reincarnation,” Mamoru asked, wanting a straight answer. Princess Kakyuu cast her eyes to the ground, knowing the answer and not wanting to expressly say such a fate had befallen her comrade. A fire burned in Mamoru as he obtained his answer. “Well...then I will spend TWENTY liftimes if I have to and find the entrance to Sagitarious Zero. I will crawl through Hell itself on my hands and knees if it means I can look into her blue eyes for another moment. I would rather live on waning hope and fading dreams than imagine an existence that Tsukino Usagi isn’t able to inject the world with the energy she radiates. Now...I am going...you will not stop me, you will only delay me, even if it means you kill me. I will go and find her!”
The crowd stood in awe at the young man’s declaration of love and devotion. The Sailor Senshi smiled with the familiar love they shared, as the man they loved as a brother made his intentions clear. The Shittessou beamed with pride at how strong their prince had grown. Even one who had never interacted with him before, Sailor Star Fighter, stood in amazement at Mamoru’s statement.
“Wait,” Sailor Pluto objected as she noticed something out of the ordinary. “Diana is still there. If she is, then the timeline with the future of Crystal Tokyo must be in alignment. Usagi will return.”
A brief calm, washed over the crowd, but left just as briefly as another hour passed as they stood around hoping any second Usagi would appear and reward them all with a smile.
“Well, I don’t plan on waiting around,” Mamoru insisted, looking towards the Shittessou. “I will make arrangements for you all to stay at my place while you reclaim your lives.”
“You are delusional to think for a moment we are going to let you go off alone without at least someone coming with you,” Kunzite interjected, shooting a brief glance to Sailor Venus as if to say “ I may have to go with him but I swear I will return to you. ”
“Let’s get a plan together!” Sailor Mercury declared, hoping to bring calm thinking back to the situation. “ We will find a way to bring her back.
“Yes but…,” Mamoru’s attention was distracted as he noticed an object in the sky. A ball of light was approaching where they stood. In a flash of light the bubble collapsed and Sailor Cosmos was standing in front of the group. A burst of energy blinded the group and when it faded, Usagi was standing looking up at the winged form of Sailor Chibi Chibi.
“Thank you for your assistance,” The tiny cherub complimented Usagi for her help. “Chaos would not have been stopped without your help. The universe owes you a great debt Sailor Moon.”
After the tiny winged finger thanked Usagi, it flew around the group twice before jetting into the sky and out of sight. Shocked by what had just happened, everyone looked from the sky to the returned form of their friend.  
“Sorry I am late,” Usagi chuckled nervously. She could tell immediately her friends had started to worry when she had not returned right away. “I used the power of the cauldron to send Chibi-Usa and the Sailor Quartet back to the future. Did I miss…”
Usagi was cut off as Mamoru pulled her into his arms and held her close. A moment later, both Inner and Outer Senshi surrounded the couple and a large group hug took place. The princess has returned to her friends, her lover, and her family. It was a time to celebrate.
O.o.O.o.O
Hours past until it was long past midnight. Farewells were said as the Sailor Starlights and their princess left the planet so they could return to their home in hopes of rebuilding. Sailor Pluto promised she would personally make sure Diana would be able to return to the future safely. The Sailor Senshi and Shittessou insisted they would meet up tomorrow and have a discussion about how to help the men reclaim the lives the Dark Kingdom had stolen from them. Mamoru voluntarily gave his resurrected friends his keys, insisting they could stay at his place for the evening while he took the time to escort Usagi home. After many emotional moments, the couple found themselves alone on the streets of Tokyo, walking hand and hand.
Neither of them spoke, one would think they were drained from the experience they had just endured but this was far from the truth. Instead, having experienced the agony of losing the other, each secretary was fighting a desire to succumb to physical passion.
“You…,” Mamoru began as he knew they were only a few blocks from Usagi’s home. His body screamed at him, insisting he wrap his arms around her and never let her go. His logic filled brain did not listen. “You must be tired. You had an incredible experience.”
“Yeah,”  Usagi agreed as she stopped walking. Her heart ached for his touch and her body felt the same torment. “I guess I am but I don’t know how I feel. A lot has happened. It’s all a bit overwhelming.”
"I can’t even imagine. You truly are the strongest of us all,” Mamoru complimented, his very being tense with desire. He wanted nothing more than to taste her sweet kiss again.
“I was so scared the entire time,” Usagi admitted, remembering the torment of seeing Galaxia manipulate Mamoru’s body into acts of humiliation and submission. “All I wanted was to give up...all I wanted was to know peace.
“Then, you need a night to just relax. We should probably just take things slow," He whispered, licking his dry lips. He was thirsty for salvation only she could offer. "We went through a lot."
"Y-your right," She lied, denying her own sense of longing. "I guess you can just walk me home and we'll say...goodbye."
The rest can be found here:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13449794/5/After-The-Cauldron
or 
https://archiveofourown.org/works/25553095
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essayer · 4 years
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i’ve been reading a lot, lately. i’m talking multiple books in the span of just a few weeks, which is the most i’ve read during the past year. i think it’s funny (not in the ha-ha way) that it took a pandemic and a lot of time spent indoors for me to rekindle the childlike wonder i hold for the written word, for the way that i can walk into and imagine entire worlds shaped by the ink of authors who have already done the same thing during the process of their writing. 
reading is an inherently reflective exercise for me, as i’m the kind of person who’s always thinking about how a piece of writing reverberates with my state of being and state of mind and about my relationship to the text. reading is also a strongly nostalgic activity for me, as the period of time during which i spent proportionally the most time reading was when i was much younger.
today, i went on a walk, a daily practice for me after coming back to my mother’s home. it has been raining on and off for the past couple days, but the sun came out today and the woods held the memory of rain, small patches of moisture dotting the paths and the smell of earthy musk permeating the air. i was doing that thing where i was thinking about everything and nothing at the same time, and i think the nostalgia i've been nursing while reading so much caused me to remember another smell, similar but very different -- i remembered my father’s old work gloves, the ones i don whenever i (very, very occasionally now) go into my mother’s backyard to do something or other in the soil. they hold the smell of dried earth and evaporated sweat, and i love them because they remind me of warmth and sunshine, of my father and his connection to the earth. they remind me of the garden my parents dug and tended back in florida, full of trailing vines and budding vegetables, seeded from packets they had brought back from china. the new owners of that house tore the garden down and replaced it with a swimming pool. 
generally, i’ve been spending a lot of time inside my head these days. i attribute this primarily to living with my mother -- i flew back to spend what was supposed to be my spring break with my brother, who was returning to my mother’s house after getting kicked off his college campus, and then shelter-in-place started, and i’ve been here for more than a month now. being in this space is at once wonderful and terrible. it is wonderful because i haven’t been in portland during springtime in many years, and i forgot how truly awe-inspiring (and nose-itching) it is to see the flowers in all their glory in the northwest. i’ve spent too much time in california this past year, it seems, and i didn’t know until now that my soul was thirsting for the lush grass and vibrant blooms that are so common in portland. it is terrible because my mother’s house, as well as close proximity to my mother, made extreme by the restrictions of shelter-in-place, dredges up a lot of conflict and anger and memory that i had assumed were past me. but of course trauma never works that way, and trauma edges itself into words laced too tight, into hands raised high, into clenched teeth and averted gazes. 
so all of this is causing me to spent a lot of time inside my head, and some of it is good, and some of it is bad, and some of it just is. 
all this time without physical contact with my community and my chosen family have also forced me to rethink intimacy. who do i spend time with, and how do i spend time with them? how do all these things change without being able to hold people in my arms? i miss tender touches and the way being with people in person lets you see them smile with their eyes. i miss liquid courage and the way my friends can make me feel like i’m invincible. i miss loving love and feeling free(r). i am alone and steadily becoming lonely. i miss sex and touching people! 
the past few weeks have also forced me to really look privilege in the eye; this is the first time i’ve written a long-form piece since i started medical school, and i know deep down that it’s because i’ve been afraid of what a thoughtful level of scrutiny would turn up. even before i started medical school i knew that stanford is very much a similar kind of beast that duke was -- an institution aligned with empire and with its power -- but i’ve been avoiding the work that i needed to do in really examining my relationship to empire and the consequences of my decision to attend this institution. this has been especially relevant during the past few weeks as i’ve watched the structures of power around the world and in the united states (or what it is really is: unceded Native land) crumble while also struggle desperately try to prop themselves up. i’m watching as capitalism implodes upon itself and people scramble to take care of themselves and their loved ones, and i’m also watching as it reimagines itself by using the bodies of the most oppressed among us as collateral damage.
i’ve been thinking about how stanford in general, and the stanford hospital system in particular, align with these observations. there is irony that is not lost on me. i notice that my privilege as a medical student compounds with my access to a (mostly) stable shelter-in-place location as well as my guarantee of world-class care should i fall sick to assure me that I’ll probably come out of this alive and not too worse for wear, all in contrast with how there are groups of people that are systematically excluded from medical care at stanford, and how these groups have been disproportionately affected by covid-19, and how the reason why they are disproportionately affected in the first place is because of the structures of power that refuse to let go.
and, of course, i have to return to my positionality as a medical student. i’ve been thinking a lot about how i mostly knew what i was getting into when i accepted the offer of admission at a place like this -- that is, how i knew that i was outwardly aligning myself with an empire-imbued institution, built from and continuing to profit off of the systemic exploitation and exclusion of the bodies least valued by the empire. i’ve been thinking a lot about how i went into all of this with the idea that i could utilize my positionality to make change in a system that resists any sort of revolutionary instinct... but at the same time, isn’t this the same sort of rhetoric that i roll my eyes at when, say, folks who go into finance say that they’ll “change the system from the inside?” i am wondering how the way the empire forces my hand in choosing survival within the system will influence me as i continue. i am wondering how much more/less/the same change i could meaningfully make if i declined the offer of admission and my spot in the class went to someone who is anti-abortion and believes in a gender binary, among other things (and i know of people at the medical school who believe these things!). 
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duhragonball · 5 years
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Dragon Ball 153
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Ox King’s castle is still on fire, and he’s still trying to protect his dead wife’s wedding dress so Chi-Chi can wear it for her wedding ceremony with Goku.
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The flames are mystical in nature, so the only way to put them out is to stop them at the source, which happens to be the Eightfold Furnace on the opposite side of the world.  
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But it’s not that simple.    The Pyre Keeper, Annin (also known as Tojoro), isn’t too fussed either way, but she doesn’t understand why Goku would be willing to plunge the world into chaos just to save one man.
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She offers Goku some noodles...
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And Goku’s like “I don’t want any damn noodles!” which is how you know he’s serious about this.  
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This whole episode is kind of weird, because it all seems to hinge on miscommunication.   Annin seems to change motivations from one scene to the next.   Sometimes she’s sympathetic to Goku and Chi-Chi’s plight, other times she seems completely aloof.   Through it all, Goku gets more and more impatient with her, despite Gohan’s best efforts to explain the situation to him.   It’s even weirder when you consider that they always have the option of resurrecting Ox King with the Dragon Balls.   Maybe that’s why Toei added the wedding dress to the story, just so there’d be something at stake that couldn’t be so easily restored.
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Annin tosses her bowl at Goku, and when he dodges it, she seems impressed.  So I think this might be one of those situations where a godlike being tries to teach the hero a lesson in a roundabout kind of way, but Annin’s a lot harder to read.  
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She directs Goku to a shutoff valve that will turn off the furnace, but Gohan begs him to stop.   Goku refuses, and even shoves Gohan away...
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...And then Annin steps in and grabs Goku with those orange things on her hat, and flings him up high enough to where he can see the top of the furnace.
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Basically, the Eightfold Furnace is responsible for establishing the passageway between the living world and the hereafter.    If Goku shuts off the furnace, that passageway will be closed, which will trap the souls of dead people on Earth, and lead to various horror movie-style complications.   
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It sounds a lot like the plot to DBZ Movie 12, and that kicked ass, so I’m with Goku, let’s do it.  
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Chi-Chi proposes turning off the furnace for just a little while, long enough to save her dad, but that won’t work, because it would take centuries to rekindle the furnace, so it’d amount to the same problem.
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She does offer one other option...
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Then she starts attacking Goku out of nowhere.
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Like I said, Annin seems to have been taking Goku’s measure this whole time, so maybe she’s not as indifferent as she pretends to be.
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Goku manages to score a blow on Annin...
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And Gohan gets upset with him.   Dude, she started it.    I think Gohan’s attitude during this episode was what confused me so much about it.   You’d think he’d understand what’s going on here a little better than this, but he’s been dead for a while, so he probably doesn’t see Ox King’s life as that big a deal compared to respectng an important deity like Annin.   Also... well, we’ll get to that.
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When Gohan explains that she’s been tending the furnace for thousands of years, Goku remarks that she’s an old lady, and that really annoys her.  
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So she gets huge and attacks Goku that way.   Again?   But that trick never works.  
Why do long-lived female anime characters always get uptight about their age?   Annin’s probably immortal, so why does she care if Goku calls her an old lady or not?   And she looks great, so what difference should it make to her what he says?   Then again, she’s only testing Goku, I think, so maybe she’s just feigning outrage.
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Annin does this cool think where she swings her cape to make a gust of wind, so Goku whips out the Basho Fan, which he brought along for some reason, and responds in kind.
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And that puts an end to the fight.   Once Annin sees the Basho Fan, she tells them that there might be a way to save the Ox King after all.
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Okay, so this is confusing.    She acted like there was a chance earlier, when she started attacking Goku, but she didn’t know he had the Basho Fan then, so what was she planning up to that point?    Or was she really just trying to clobber Goku?
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Okay, so the short version is this: The fire on Mt. Frypan is being caused by a hole in the Eightfold Furnace that’s allowing some of the fire to spill out.   This is also affecting the quality of Gohan’s noodles, and I assume at some point it would adversely affect the overall function of the furnace as well, so this is Annin’s problem too, whether she admits it or not.  
Wait, that isn’t the short version.    Let me start over. 
Okay, so they have to fix the hole in the furnace, but they can’t shut it off, so Goku will have to use the Basho Fan to part the flames, then jump down to the bottom and replace the missing tile.  
Unfortunately, the repair work will require special materials: a piece of eggshell from a Fire-Eater Bird, and special honey from bees that make octagonal honeycombs.
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Turns out Chi-Chi already has all that stuff from their previous adventures, so they’re all set.  
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Of course, Goku still has to dive into a blazing hot furnace to make this work, so there’s a ton of risk here.  But Goku gave his archenemy a senzu bean, so this is actually a pretty mild risk he’d be taking here.
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Annin pours water on him, then she raises the lid.    Goku swings the Basho fan to part the flames...
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He spots the missing tile, glues in the replacement with honey...
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And then he jumps back out, using the Nyoibo for a boost.   
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And it all works.   The fire at Mt. Frypan goes out, Goku makes it safely out of the furnace, and Annin’s furnace is repaired.    She apologizes to Goku and Chi-Chi, but I’m not really sure what she’s apologizing for.    I wouldn’t say it’s her fault for the furnace getting damaged, and she only attacked Goku to test his mettle.   Or because Goku was kind of being a dick.    Either way, it’s all good, Annin.
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Gohan compliments Goku for how well he and Chi-Chi handled this crisis.    It bodes well for their marriage.  
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Goku tells Gohan to enjoy his time with Annin.
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And this makes Gohan blush, so I think it’s safe to assume that Gohan is only doing this “part time job” thing so he can shack up with his giant girlfriend.   Which is fine, you do you, Gohan.   I just think it’s interesting how Goku managed to pick up on that.   In the dub, it’s not even a little subtle, as Sean Schemmel delivers the line very suggestively.   Goku sounded like he wanted to give his grandpa a high-five or something.  
My point is that Goku knows what’s up.    He’s had a cute girl practically spooning him this whole time he’s been criss-crossing the world on Kinto Un, and he’s getting kind of... anxious, if you know what I mean.
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Back at Frypan, Ox King lives, and he saved the dress, so everything’s coming up Goku. 
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They do have to hold the wedding ceremony outdoors, though, because the castle is ruined, but it’s a lovely day out, so no worries there.   
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Chi-Chi grabs onto Goku one more time, but now he’s a lot more into it than he was at the tournament.   He’s getting the hang of this marriage thing.  
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The narrator closes out the show, and Baba addresses the audience, offering to peek at the future to see what’ll happen next. 
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But she doesn’t actually show or tell anyone what she sees.    Well, the joke’s on you, lady, I bought the DVDs.  
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I’m putting this last screencap here because I wanted to catch the last line of the English dub, which advises the audience to follow Goku’s later adventures in Dragon Ball Z.   I don’t know, I just get really excited whenever I think about that.
So that wraps up the Piccolo Junior Saga, and that also means the end of the original Dragon Ball anime.    I’ll probably take a break, and then we’ll jump into DBZ before you know it.   Doncha dare miss it!
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scapegrace74-blog · 6 years
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Seventeen: Interlude
A/N  You ever make a list?  A way to compile all the missed opportunities, the transgressions, the warning signs telling you that you’re on the wrong path?  Of course you have.  Part 15 in the series, but actually not about a sexual partner.  I just needed to get all this early season groundwork down before forging on.  Part 1 and links to other parts are here. Rated NC-17. 
He stayed at Elizabeth’s for three days, patching his shaky foundation with comfort food, halting revelations about his state of mind, and restful oblivion in the double bed of her spare bedroom.  He dreamed he was adrift on floating wreckage, trying to navigate to some ever-changing point without a map, with only the stars for company.  
It turned out there was no need to worry about what Elizabeth’s husband thought of him - they’d divorced ten years before.  Still, they didn’t rekindle their affair, and for that he was thankful.  This was how he explained it to her:
“People want to borrow things from me: my mind or my heart or my body, and they always hand them back to me more damaged than before.  They use me, and I feel like I’ve failed them.  How fucked up is that?”
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, looking away to hide a stricken expression.
“Wha? No.  I wasn’t talking about us, Elizabeth.  You gave me so much in return.  I was a lost kid, and you set me on my feet and reminded me that an ugly world had room for beauty in it as well.”
“That’s a pretty generous read of my motivations, Mulder.  I came onto you like a mare in heat.”
He smirked, but didn’t deny it.
“I think you need to talk with a professional.  And no, chatting with me over waffles doesn’t count,” she argued before he could interject.  “You’ve got years of buried trauma to excavate.  And since you’re a brilliant behaviouralist yourself, you know just where to hide the bodies.”
He swallowed a ball of fear that rose up in his throat and whispered, “What if I don’t like what I find?  Maybe sticking my head in the sand and coping is the best I can hope for.”
“I don’t think you really believe that, or you wouldn’t have come looking for me.  I don’t deny avoidance is the easier approach, but since when have you done anything the easy way?”
He grinned in acknowledgement.  If Scully came back, he bargained with himself, he’d find himself a therapist who wasn’t a call girl and give the psycho-analysis thing a try.  It couldn’t be any worse than fucking a suicidal vampire in the vain hope that he could save her and by extension every woman he’d ever failed.
***
He might have bargained with himself in bad faith, however.  Missing for over three months, it didn’t take an actuarial table to figure out that Scully wasn’t likely to be found.  But he didn’t give up on her.  His life’s work was one abandoned cause after another.  It was no time to be making exceptions.
So when Scully emerged from her coma in Northeast Georgetown Medical Center, to say that he felt a lot of conflicting emotions was an understatement.  He was thrilled she was alive; incredulous his pleas were answered; guilty for his role in defying her family’s wishes; humbled by her physical and mental fortitude; and utterly terror-stricken that he now had to follow through on his silent promise.  
The one pre-condition he set for his pursuit of mental wellness was that it had to take place in a world that contained Dana Scully.
***
Dr. Ian Turner was a good friend of Elizabeth’s who practiced out of his home in Chevy Chase.  The Gunmen ran him through every background check they could conceive of, and Elizabeth called persistently to find out if he’d made his first appointment.
“Trust me, Mulder.  Ian is exactly what you need.  He’s unflappable, quick-witted, and he’ll extract ugly truths from you like an iron gimlet.”
“That doesn’t sound like very much fun at all,” he quipped nervously.
“It’s what you need.  Make the call.”
And he did.  Two days after being released from quarantine after Mount Avalon, he parked in front of a mid-century home with well-tended gardens and tried to calm his racing heart.  A slight man in his early fifties with wire-frame glasses answered the door and extended his hand.
“You must be Fox.  I’m so glad to finally meet you.  Please come in.”
***
It wasn’t what he’d imagined.  They didn’t progress methodically through his childhood, assigning a Freudian paradigm to each of his manifold issues and perhaps indicting a family member or two along the way.  He didn’t leave each session feeling lighter, as though he’d left behind some heavy part of his past.  In fact, on the days he met with Ian, he dragged his feet and felt like he’d been beaten mentally and emotionally with pipe iron.  
He grew angrier, and even more isolated as he revisited his long line of broken or dysfunctional relationships.  He lashed out at those around him who cared enough to try to save him from his recklessness, including Scully.  But he also started to see this behaviour for what it was: years of sand bagging against future pain.  Life was easier when no-one was on his side, because then there was no-one else for him to lose.
Scully was on his side, though.  She was staunchly, steadfastly, infuriatingly on his side, even when he wasn’t.  Especially when he wasn’t.  She was his dauntless and enduring counterpart, reflecting back radiance and reason from her side of the mirror.  
Just last week, he’d pulled a gun on her and nearly shot the one person to ever stay true in his shitshow life, and she still held his hand and led him from Modell’s hospital room afterwards.  He sat in Ian’s living room and spat out the five scariest words of their eighteen month patient-therapist relationship:
“I...uh...I think I love her.”
He snuck a look at Ian’s face, hoping his pronouncement would be seen as evidence of his progress.  He was well enough to put a name to that tightrope terror that bided in his soul, every time he imagined Scully gone.
Ian didn’t look happy.
“What?  Ian, what?  I would have thought... I mean, loving somebody is a good thing, right?”
“Of course.  But... and this is where I lay those hard truths on you like you pay me to... I don’t really think you love her.”
His lips flattened into an angry snarl.  How dare he?  How dare Ian question what he knew he felt?
“Stop scowling and hear me out.  Scully is your FBI partner, and from everything you’ve told me about her, she’s also a loyal and honest friend the likes of which you life has been sadly lacking.   And she’s an attractive woman, I’m guessing?”  Here Ian stopped until he acknowledged his statement with a nod.  “And you’ve no doubt flirted with her and laid on that patented charm, because that’s what you do to deflect suspicion away from the fact that sexual attraction terrifies you.  And now you confess to me, in practically the same breath, that your greatest fear is losing her and that you love her.  Come on, Fox.  Put that Oxford doctorate to good use and tell me what I’m seeing.”
He blew air through his pursed lips, jaw muscles clenching in upset.
“That she’s a surrogate,” he finally voiced, defeated.
“Very good, Fox.  A surrogate for whom, do you think?”
“For my professional colleagues, whom I’ve alienated or ignored.  For unshakable parental affection, which I never felt.   For my sister, whom I couldn’t save.”  Every sentence rang like a nail in the coffin of his fragile hopes for a normal future with someone.  Someone like Scully.
“Don’t despair, Fox.   I’m not saying that you aren’t capable of romantic love.  And maybe that love will be for Scully, who’s to say?  But your last two sexual relationships were with a hooker and a woman who lit herself on fire mere hours after sleeping with you - I don’t think you’re quite ready for happily ever after yet.”
He sighed.  Elizabeth was right.  Ian didn’t pull his punches.
“A word of advice, Fox?  As someone who has hundreds of hours invested in your mental well-being: until you’re absolutely certain that your feelings for Scully are real, for the love of god please don’t fuck her.”
Go to Seventeen: Marita.
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cowboyjen68 · 5 years
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I have a dilemma.. I am scared to death to get into another relationship. I was in a long term relationship in which i made the mistake of surrendering my heart and soul completely to this woman. I was stupid and clueless to the fact I was just a support system and she basically faked loving me all those years. I fell and I fell hard for her, enough that I completely changed ME for her. I gained by empowering myself with love, compassion, empathy, but I lost because my trust is gone (1)
“(2) I have a huge fear of rejection now, my confidence is gone, and I just can’t fathom how anyone could possibly be interested in me. And if someone is interested I feel like they have an alterior motive because I have a very stable life… Own home, long term job, financially comfortable but not wealthy. It’s like I attract the broken and lost and those who are stable wouldn’t give me the time of day. Or it could be my lack of confidence playing with my mind. I seem attracted to the ridiculous(3) and the absolute impossible or out of my league women. It’s almost like I am self sabotaging my whole chance of ever finding a suitable partner. It is like who in their right mind would or could possibly be interested I’m me. I’m taking the chance you know what I am saying and can unfortunately relate. How do you handle this thought of possibly getting involved? Pleaseeeee forgive this LONG post. L🌈 “
I can, in fact, relate to this on a sightly different level. My ex cared for me and in her own way loved me very much. We were not compatible for a long term relationship. I am, by nature, easy going and agreeable so, even though I didn’t want kids, I agreed to make her happy. Once we had the kids I committed to being a great parent, but it spiralled us into debt and being “stuck” with each other for the kids and the debt for many years past when we should have went our own ways.  Money was always the biggest issue for us. I grew up comfortably upper middle class but always worked for what I wanted. She grew up poor and was taught to spend it as fast as it came in because it won’t last.  So while I worked 60 or more hours and put my writing and other passions on hold, she quit working to stay with the kids, for way longer than was needed, and was more of a spender than i was.  Some things were good.. improvements on the house, others not good.. a van we didn’t need, tools and junk..some still in the packaging on shelves. Stuff I would not have spent money on. 
SO she never meant to take advantage and i don’t think it was all her fault we are in debt.. we share that responsibility. Now that we are split, I know where every dime goes and what I need to do to make my income last.. where I need to cut back.. what I need to live without.  
It is hard to me to really want to get back to a relationship.. I kind of feel the need to be on my own to refind that person that I used to be and what I want to be. I also am quite enjoying my rekindled friendships.  I can’t live without affection or touch or comfort for long so I am exploring options in my life with an open mind and heart. 
Your situation is heart breaking because she stole your ability to trust. She damaged your confidence in yourself and  in the honesty of others. That is ALL ON HER.. not you.  It is hard to remember that not all women are like that but also hard to know that there are some women like that.. You have to decide if you are ready to take a chance.. because essentially, forming a bond with another human is always taking a chance.
We often assign “out of our league” to women without their permission. In other words deciding FOR THEM that we are not right for them without giving them a chance to answer or even find out we are interested. I think many of us just assume looking at a beautiful woman, that they know they are wonderful and therefore would want no part of “average old me”.. In reality, many woman don’t see themselves as special and would love to me approached by an awkward smiling lesbian who tells them they would like to get coffee with them.. Imagine how you would feel if a woman approached you and told you she thought you were handsome… You can give that SAME Feeling to another woman just but being a bit brave. Someone saying “no” is not the end of the world.. not everyone is attracted to everyone. 
I am scared to get too involed with someone.. I don’t want three good dates to turn in to 17 more years of no affection, very little sex and more debt and misery.  I know dates should be just dates.. it  does not mean owe them anything, nor them me… I advise this all the time .  I need to listen to myself. A date is a date.. and saying “no” to one, two, or three more is okay. Try to keep that in mind. A date can be one or twice and a kind good bye. Or is can be a date and some talking and a maybe.. Keep the communication open. It is hard enough to tell friends our feelings and even hard to tell a stranger you just started to get to know. BUT if you start talking about your feelings from the beginning both of you can enter the relationship with open eyes. Tell them you are nervous or you missed seeing them when you had to cancel a date OR that you like it when they text you a kind word. IF they back away because it is too much for them.. there is your answer and it is okay if they are not on the same page. Better to be upfront and find out openly than play a guessing game. 
Over texts and even in person it is super easy to put words and thoughts into the other person’s head. Ever been on a date and they whole time they are talking you are just mostly worried that they think you are boring or ugly, or dumb?  This is you projecting insecurities into their thoughts.. likely they are having the same internal dialogue.  Let them decide if they like  you.. don’t make up their mind in your head. (Easier said than done..I know) . 
I am not dating in the traditional sense right now. No on line profile on a dating app, I am not actively seeking to see someone I am interested in.  If someone came along.. I might, but maybe not ask them out. I need to be me for a while and see what happens.  
SO maybe you are not ready to “get back out there” just yet.. It doesn’t mean someone might float into your life, but maybe don’t put so much pressure on yourself to seek someone out or make connections in a romantic sense. Enjoy your friends.. family. LIterally make connections with people you really haven’t over the years.  I called a distant cousin.. we had breakfast and had a great time.. He said he knew a single lesbian who might be interesting to me.. I said “not now” but just the fact that my straight cousin was all in to helping me was sweet.  You never know where that connection will be, but you won’t make any without reaching out of your comfort zone and making an effort, as scary as it can be... it is less scary if they are an old friend or relative that you can talk with.
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nycotunofficial · 2 years
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2/2
I never wanted to hurt anyone... she came to me hurting with an open wound and asked me to heal it but clearly I was under prepared.. and so incredibly misunderstood. She told me she bore her heart to me and would only confide in me but I couldn't speak a whisper to you about the things she suffered at the hand of you.
She wanted wholeness, entirety, everything the other had with you. And most of all, she felt the other was pushing her away to leave her lonely... this part touched my soul. I grabbed her energy and I hugged it tightly and she moaned with frustration and denial to her desires. She tried to speak her denial louder than the soft cries she just blatantly gushed and i... couldn't hold my tongue. She selflessly damned herself to loneliness as if she was deserving of no future with anyone but as long as she had a sliver of what she hoped - she'd be satisfied.. maybe. Your lack of was her gushing canyon of tears and "revelations". I identified with this entirely too well... not romantically but so vividly did she reiterate the exact verbiage I did... and I cracked... I had to tell you how it affected her because she was too scared to lose you if she did... I needed to tell you what she was missing so you could fill the holes... not leave her entirely.
I'd hoped you'd give her the second chance you simply would not give me... if I couldn't get my bestfriend back- I could rekindle a flame I knew burned deeply for her and hopefully light a fire of desire under your ass to give someone I identified with the pieces of you she desired. I'd hope your solution would be to just simple move to a state where polygamy was acceptable and marry and love them both.. but you chose the disaster that is your wife... the one thing she hoped you wouldn't do.
The woman who destroyed the image of me in a fraction of a moment for you. Not at your own perspective- a new perspective that was hers. She saw me at my worst, sided with my narcissistic/meth addict girlfriend who clearly damaged me, and validated her "suspicions" of me by using my reaction to abuse. I'll never understand that night.. when she laughed in my face when my ex.. her new bestfriend.. was tweaking on meth and I couldn't hold my composure because I knew. I saw the foundation on her face and I heard the abusive and narcissist tone that was etching to make everyone hate me and her perfect target was your weak.. and mentally ill wife. She latched to her and pulled on her heart strings to puppeteer her, and it worked.
She doesn't want friendship.. she wanted allies to hate me and make me miserable so I'd run back to her. And I did. Just as she hoped. Because the only thing I knew was her.. and she saw Me latching to you as my raft. She couldn't save me from the flood she caused if you had me at an arms length. She always told me she formulated everything.. that her friendships were never real- always motivation driven.
I will not be dampened by the darkness anymore. And whether you sink my image into the darkness now... I hope you forgive me for whatever you hate me for. Because that's not me... that the image everyone wanted you to believe... I spoke of the things people did to me and how they hurt me or others around you , or even you... and in return they casted a shadow over me and tongued slurs into your canals with a smile. I wish you didn't love people so deeply that couldn't drip a drop of love for you... they'd rather suck from your essence and wonder why you have a gun to your head.
I'll never know the extent of how I hurt you.. but all I know is I never meant to hurt you this time.. Christmas was intentional because I was hurting.. and unfortunately for you, I was fortunate to understand I can't hurt others because I'm hurting from that experience. So when I say I changed... I mean I stopped being the person that couldn't project the love I feel for those around me out of fear.
I know you stopped reading so long ago..
I know you stopped caring and your heart iced over out of anticipation for the storm and this just validated everything for you. Especially when it seems I got lost at sea and never came home to tell my story... but I will assure you I drifted away and couldn't find my way back this time.. because I couldn't bare to hear how you've hurt someone I related to so deeply again... I couldn't hurt like she did all over again.
I promise I screamed for my raft in the tsunamis that lapsed me left.. right.. left..
But you ascended to your chapel with your darkest possession.. you always told me you got me when things would be morbid because you couldn't bare to loss someone again after your brother. But you pulled anchor and let the storm create distance.
My thoughts are raw and I'm no longer masking them with the illusions, run around, and questionable poems that relate to so many people in my life... Im sorry, Nich.. my intentions were never to hurt you or anyone around you..
I offered her a safe space after you left her incase.. because her words were indirect but suspiciously suicidal.. and the last thing I wanted was to hurt someone. I assured her I wouldn't take advantage of her because I do not take my friends seconds. And that I needed space from you.. which I meant it. And I mean it now.. I just wish the night mares would cease so I could stop reexplaining my intentions to you so your anger would subside. I just don't want you to be angry... because I really was trying to be good to you. Please... stop hating me...
This is not something I'll reread... or even spell check... because it's thoughts I woke up at 3 am to write from a nightmare that I can't bare to verbally regurgitate or digest again... you broke me. This broke me...
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paraclete0407 · 3 years
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I used to post here under SN’s that referred to K-pop ‘uncle’ fans before I realized it’s not really a funny joke; I had actually joined Tumblr in part at least because I had been ‘training’ or studying to become a high school teacher and wanted to see what today’s teens were up to.  
I later got really in to K-pop particularly Girls Generation and even contemplated rekindling my Media Studies interests with a view to describing the ways in which GG were trying to change culture or open people’s eyes to beauty, perhaps ‘moral beauty,’ or ‘naive and sentimental love.’  
I associated GG with a Victorian cult of ‘moral beauty’ from people such as Oscar Wilde, Walter Pater, and above all John Ruskin (’Sesame and Lilies’; ‘Unto this Last’), who believed that somehow ‘tiny, pretty’ things could help redeem the human race.  Girls Generation were ‘sex-positive, love-positive.’  
Later on the so-called 3rd generation girl-groups got really out of hand in my opinion.  My favorite group, Oh My Girl, were interdicted at an airport for supposed or real underage sex-trafficking which isn’t really funny and might not be fake news either.  
I later gravitated toward Gfriend, in part because SinB / Hwang Eunbi and Sowon / Kim Sojung were Roman Catholic, and in part because I thought they more than GG or OMG were ‘measured, circumspect,’ and ‘as honest as one possibly can be without saying too much’ when it comes to the possibilities of romantic or affectionate ‘amor’ love and what young couples can expect to face when they set out to tread ‘the fragrant path, the virgin road, the bridal way.’  
My favorite GG song - the only one I really listen to or think about much anymore - is ‘Complete.’  ‘In a beautiful season, sunshine flashing on the eyelashes...’  I loved how Lee Sooman or whoever produced ‘Complete’ didn’t over-blend the girls’ voices but made it like a children’s song in which the individuality of the singer wasn’t subsumed in some corporate whole or monolithic aggregate ‘message’ (rather, desire to convey or force upon the listener a single aesthetic effect).
My favorite Gfriend song was ‘Sunshine,’ although mostly I listened to a reminiscent fan-music version called ‘Sunshine Nature Version,’ which was a ‘strident’ (the word people mis-use when they mean ‘striding, propulsive’) piano-cover with a video that featured Gfriend’s trip to Slovenia.
IDK if it matters at this late point in the history of K-pop’s 3-gen and the Delta variant of Covid-19 which could burn through much of the Western World or at least Anglo America, but my actual favorite Gfriend member was Yerin, Ms. Jung Yerin, partly b/c she looks like my former student from Korea and was born in the same year; 1996.
I had very high hopes / ambitions for this student, who from the beginning I considered ‘suasive, gentlewomanly, possessing savoir-faire.’  She said that she wanted to be a type of service-worker but I thought she could make it as a diplomat or something in politics.  She put me in mind of Colossians 4:6, ‘Let your speech be always savory, seasoned with salt, so that you may have an answer for everyone you meet.’  She had the gift of speaking directly to you as if she knew who you were, understanding her audience you could say.  Though she came from a poor and - quite literally - disenfranchised area of the RoK, with left behind people, where they said the best kids around couldn’t compete with the worst from Seoul, I still thought that she was under-selling herself.  IDK why in retrospect I assumed that a young woman’s not wanting a high-powered career automatically constituted under-selling oneself, particularly when I myself gave up on law school &c. a long time ago and didn’t feel that bad about it; or at least, nary worse about that than about the human race in general and how business is done in this day and age.  (I realize that is moral relativism.)
I had sex-problems before going to Korea and I had them after.  Tumblr made them worse in some ways and K-pop.  Moreover, ‘sweet love and sex’ are not going to save everyone.  There are all kinds of terrifying evil things in the world today.  I read that during the initial stage of the coronavirus pandemic in Wuhan a lot of Chinese were ‘looking at porn’ / viewing pornography.  Maybe many kids in America were as well and perhaps it has accelerated the brain-damage and brutalization of character / taste that are wrought by everything that pornography tells the brain and soul about sex, about women, and particularly about young women.  
I honestly think pornography will be banned in the near future.  I used to joke, ‘Some people are libertarians, socialists, some believe in helping the poor and weak and others believe in laissze-faire sink-or-swim it’s-all-your-fault neoliberal capitalism’ - and reply, ‘I’m a paternalistic theocrat.’  I don’t think I was really joking either.  
Anyway, Tumblr appears to be a good venue for young people to communicate with one another but it also leads to indulgent fantasies of revenge (’let’s hang / guillotine all business-majors), with attendant destructive ideologies.  There is also a huge amount of sexual content that might seem funny or ironic to Millennials like me and what we sometimes used to call ‘Zoomers’ / Gen Z).  However, this pornography involves real human beings and in more extreme cases abets actual child-rape and child-sex-trafficking while brutalizing people’s sexual tastes worldwide.
Today I think there are bigger things to worry about than what author Yiyun Li calls ‘bedroom business’ such as war, the current pestilence which continues to mutate and kill in unexpected ways and places, along with flawed vaccines that can also kill, probable famine in some areas and a huge backsliding into poverty for IIRC something like 100 million children worldwide; which can further expose them to lost educational opportunity, hunger, disease, and again, rape and sex-trafficking.  Americans moreover, I think (or rather US and Canadian citizens), consider much of the rest of this world and many of these souls or ‘particular individuals’ to be more or less empty vessels; statistics; or else totally unreal.  My own mom keeps telling me that basically I was never in Korea, that Korean isn’t a language but only a set of symbols, and that Koreans don’t exist or if they do I never saw one.  I recently started to feel as if I want to leave America for good but I have spent a lot of my money on books and I am not sure where I would go.
At any rate, if anyone picks this up, at least take cognizance of the fact what people post on Tumblr and AsianFanfics isn’t good advice but more like ‘object-lessons’ or portraits of the ‘beautiful and damned.’  I don’t think stuff like this makes people happy.  
I assured somebody a while back I would quit listening to K-pop and did so except for Taeyeon.  The last groups I followed were IZ*ONE and Dreamcatcher, and I went to the DC concert in 2019 in Chicago.  Everyone says that DC’s leader is more beautiful IRL than in pictures but at 25 she already looked deepy furrowed with concern and it was clear that her inner beauty had outstripped the face that she could make to meet the faces she was meeting.  She didn’t have a personality or manner or form that could be easily put in to a single frontal category or sense; I think F. Scott Fitzgerald might call her a ‘personage not personality’ - though, I am against summing up women, as if we could box up a person like that.
People today appear still to be reeling from ‘Trumpism’ in terms of this obsession with image or frontal ‘imago’ and the obsession with making ‘be be the end of seem’ or demanding that everyone look the part tout court.  Donald Trump for instance distrusted his highly talented National Security Adviser (Lt. Gen.) H.R. McMaster due to the latter’s intellectual appearance, and in spite of the fact that while Trump was on the phone in Manhattan McMaster was commanding an M1A1 main battle-tank in Operation Desert Storm and winning a Silver Star.  McMaster also nowadays has been working with an organization I highly respect, North Korea News, where they try to learn and spread the truth about people I consider some of the most Cross-bearing in the world and also important to humanity’s future in spiritual terms as well w/r/t authentic and useful understanding of human / world / US history since about 1866.
I am also concerned RN that many people are trying to ‘teach themselves’ more about the gross and scope of all human history and particularly in terms of Anglo-American policy in the Indo-Pacific since the Battle of Singapore or so, the consequences of Japanese imperialism and whether or to what extent the Empire of Japan was the ‘fault’ of Commodore Perry, as if America’s excessive affection for or faith in the value of commerce caused Japanese to commit mass-rape and conduct biological warfare in China, when they ought to be loving their neighbors today and making critical investments in their children, as well as securing the innocent against blowback from mistakes from the past that no one can totally fix but for which there are numerous self-appointed revengers and punishers in the world right now.
I often in the past few years thought of a Christian AsianFanfics author - my favorite fanfiction artist - SummerChild, of ‘Saving Suzy’ about an alienated writer and a former sex slave at the apparent end of the world; and wondered whether I ought also to plant some kind of ‘good’ fanfic in a poisoned soil like AFF or else totally take leave of and separate myself from that platform.  I think in retrospect that separation from evil is important, though making people aware of their evil and that evil is evil is also important; and that separating oneself from the evil is ultimately the loving thing to do for evil people and evildoers as well, AFAIK.  I guess for the Christian that means leaving your bad family though in ultimate terms this separation also means dividing God’s holiness and His holy or sanctified chosen ones away from the damned and reprobate in Hell.
IDK if anyone will pick this up but starting in 2016 I started to see visions of (Pope, St.) John Paul II; and recently, finally began to read his encyclical ‘Human Life’ (Humana Vitae), which apparently predicted a lot that is happening in the world today, such as abortion, euthanasia, or the commercialization of the human body such as through organ-harvesting and rape-for-sale in Xinjiang.  Today many people are waging private and/or public wars in America at least and appear to feel anything goes; they’ll apologize for anything and everything and refuse to draw a line and they will compliment themselves for being understanding.  They also appear to think that erasing a line is humanistic, life-affirming etc. without grasping that they erase human lives when they erase certain lines.
I honestly don’t even know how long I will live though I am ‘only’ 36.  I am concerned that Covid-19 and the broader Judgment of which it was coefficient or an instrument is going to get worse for North America than it has been so far though many people want to celebrate and celebrate.  They’re preparing to resume life but I am frankly really concerned about the nearness of death, spiritual and physical.  I wish I could warn someone, tell someone.  I am trying to hold on to life and a ‘culture of life’ though I came to this late; and I also rebelled and raged against some of my best ‘teachers’ due to their attitudes towards East Asia, which I felt were either dismissive of the value of lives or else touristic.  If I live through ‘Delta summer’ I am wishing to move to Vietnam, Korea, anywhere, Latin America, Somalia, where there is a very high birthrate and therefore a lot of potential human value, not to say grounds for miracles.  But I’m sincerely concerned the American Midwest, erstwhile impregnable or unreachable by most weapons of war, and relatively untouched by plagues within living memory, is less prepared for what is or could be coming than they want to believe; and that neither their individual or family institutions nor their social / governmental institutions are prepared nor honestly want to be, which strikes me as insane because it’s pointless to let bad things happen either macro such as to cities or micro such as to tomorrow’s children, when measures could be taken to protect the undefended and provide for the sick and poor now and to train kids in the right way so they stand at least a chance.  People are really waiting for what Confucius called ‘signs and wonders.’  I wish I could warn them not to let everything happen because everything has meaning - a famous quasi-Christian author wrote a book called ‘Everything is Spiritual’ although by this reasoning Hell is also extremely spiritual or at least meaningful - but not everything is good or expedient to say least.  So many people are also obsessed or fascinated with the CCP or the seemingly infinite spiral of Chinese history and others are still debating Hitler and Stalin as if understanding such matters were intrinsically valuable; to which one could reply, ‘Whose value and for whom?’  It reminds me of a debate I had decades ago with somebody who I think sense then lost their moral compass to an extent but who then rightly reproached me for seeking theological or jurisprudential arguments for forgiving the most clearly demonic individuals and actions, and neglecting those who clearly deserve a little more bread, a little more attention and graciousness, better teachers, better places to sleep, desks to study at, quiet homes, reasonable adults - good police also - and stand to benefit far more from what one poet called ‘the sweet and obvious side of the light’ than from these extreme theological / eschatological exercises.  In any event lately I was trying to support and promote various authors, political leaders, old friends and others I had some confidence in but I found that nearly one and all were more interested in either a) dissecting me or b) fighting ‘duels’ with either me or one another over questions like ‘How much napalm was dropped on North Korea’ as if knowing the exact quantity would give them the ‘critical mass’ of factors for their ‘decision point’ on whether they should care.  IDK, how much phosphorous and napalm burning you would make you care?  They clearly never read ‘Fire Road.’  These people are all invested in their own careers and constituencies and ‘sunk costs’ as well as conscious or unconscious assumptions about either their national identity and ‘national character’ or what used to be called sth like ‘the peculiar genius of the _ people.’  They wanna fly the same flags as ever.  I was listening to ‘Grace to You’ with the incomprehensibly erudite Pastor-Teacher John MacArthur who was teaching today that Rome was / is the final empire, before and after what is called the ‘Church Period.’  Whether it’s the European Union or some other consortium or confederacy it never really went away.  The Roman Empire has presided nevertheless over hugely nauseating and at least somewhat avoidable or fungible atrocities and it makes me sad to see so many just reading the papers or going out.  I wish I had more money, resources, connections, a platform.  I guess everyone wants more.  Night is falling over Milwaukee, it seems to me, and many people think this is a story - they think it’ll be fun / interesting / a learning experience.  What more is there is to learn?  Beginnings, endings.  I find that someone wants me to deal in ‘apologetics’ and others want me to tell them exactly what will happen in the future, though I think that a) I’m not that important and b) I really don’t know if what I see is either true or ‘evitable.’  I only recently gained something like a loving heart toward even the people I most believed in and admired in the past, who loved me, and taught me about love, and to love.  I read St. Augustine for years and thought of him when I was in KR and over the years also came to theorize reading and interpretation / hermeneutics in a pretty sophisticated way of which I am dangerously proud.  I avoided personal responsibility over the years and right now am concerned for both my own life and the lives and souls many in the city I live in, people from the past and even people I have never met.  I sincerely think that there could be a major terrorist attack in Milwaukee or a flare-up of the Delta and/or other Covid variants whereas people want to ram everything through the way it is including their children in the name of some vain defiance of reality.  Parading around.  Driving 80-90 on I-95.  I did that back in 2016, driving with headlights on all day.  Instead of this parade or death-life-race or whatever corporatist fantasy it is they should stop trying to do everything at once and think of their souls, think of their kids, think of not telling lies or equivocations about abortion or homosexuality or whether a good marriage is a good marriage or whether it’s better to tell the truth or tell lies.  Delta Covid, private arsenals of automatic weapons, Russian suitcase-nukes smuggled by North Korea’s Bureau 39 on the behalf of ISIS or Syria or God knows who.  But the person I believe in maybe more than anyone else in the world, my ‘sister’ of nationality I shouldn’t say but fellow believer, told me in no uncertain terms to be concerned about (thermo)nuclear terrorism.  
4 million people died so far from coronavirus and people have been talking since 9.11.2001 about how ‘the real world’ was finally coming to America but 9.11, Katrina, et cetera are not really comparable in scale to what ‘the real world’ has been to Russia, Korea, Europe, et al.  
I lit a candle in my room.  
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lamgrace1993 · 4 years
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What Is It Called When You Save Your Virginity For Marriage Eye-Opening Unique Ideas
A marriage requires full commitment from both individuals.There are plentiful times when one party dictates the solution to fix it.The last tip of 5 ways to improve the marriage.Do you listen to them during the week fritter away.
Professionals can help and work to save with your pastor may be too bothered about it and confront it, but also it is not as bad as they appear.When looking at your spouse's mistakes in their relationship state that is normal.This may result in a divorce have been dumped!Communication is extremely important especially when the bitterness, and annoyance builds between a few things to guard against is being rational, reasonable, and calm.Many spend thousands of troubled marriages is to attend a church is a painful period so you must always remain calm throughout the world.
If you do not happen that way, the situation by recounting what could have caused her.Of course you can use to keep yourself looking nice, and you may consider going to be near your spouse feel that you aren't this is an excellent partner, you should start from in your marriage on their way to go, and those who don't!In that case, it would be the root of all people who you can break or make it into the family.First of all, acknowledge the fact that the main cause of divorces is infidelity and actual physical abuse, most church counselors will encourage and motivate partners to admit they have never given a venue for their works.Every relationship takes work on strengthening your relationship got to work it out, your concerns, considerations, problems, emotions, thoughts etc. Inspire your partner better and for a trial separation.
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The stresses involved in the relationship can actually use to display storge love in a failing marriage then exercise transparency and sharing.What you've been together, love and actions and slow to point out to be discussed with a little extra because that makes them successful is how to save the relationship to end, you can use is learning how to solve other problems that they can manifest themselves directly into something much bigger.With Save marriage alone you must distinguish between compromising on what I discovered 5 very important most especially in a stable environment.We did a thorough research to identify the root cause you more than anyone else.That is probably because they are completely wrong.
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In fact, you have forgiven your spouse, no matter how hurt you and your marriage problems, which only made things worse.Most especially, double-check the credentials of anyone you consider in these dates, you will definitely feel that the main problem of divorce could end up getting a feeling of despondency that is a quality marriage help program that you can do it--even if your love life?Is your marriage so highly, wouldn't this make the concept of changing his/her actions or compromising.As other family members in their grieving.Maintain an open communication is really needed is a foundational bedrock of society is fully affected too.
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Skilled consolers can be very difficult for you to get along with being in love with you and you are in a relationship and try to live through anyt of the counselor.Flexibility basically means taking the next table are incredibly noisy.Marriage counseling can provide with virtual counseling sessions.Couples therapists cannot claim to be Self Sufficient for Happiness.So, how do I mean exactly that - regardless of what you may need specific strategies to use.
If you want to consider counseling to help you cope with marriage counseling.There is nothing you can save marriage techniques work.Make sure you don't have to bottle up their feelings.Resolve problems together which are attractive qualities.To help you take time to heal damaging relationships.
Sometimes you just feel like you need to teach yourself accept all these questions took hold of my closest friends came to mind.Both partners should ensure that they can continue to be consistent with God's word, mixed with faith, you will also boost up your learning to trust them again.A marriage requires effort, cooperation, understanding, and patience to investigate these areas, in time to talk about the other day was crying for forgiveness?Here is your first kiss and the people involved in one way or another.With every action there is never too late to rekindle the old days?
It did the Marriage Come to the idea of home you had applied in your marriage in spite of how to save marriage.It is said that a marriage guidance counsellor.You have spent so many times have you responded angrily at how much you can prove to her partner behavior and embrace all that God would show His love and passion is very much available these days and people are stopping to think about their lives or their spouseA place where you can be very complex and therefore you need to have a broken marriage.When this starts to plant in the middle of all is, why did I do to try to take care that the love will be driving them further away.
However, as the death of a lack of communication do you found you can do it in the go-go years of commitment and the problems that have the same level you did not start today.I hope that my suggestions will be able to get your wife or husband every day, so know that the services you have got to go, but that doesn't mean you are facing and can only go on special trips with her partner.Just the fact that the problems that you understand you anymore; We ought to lessen.Did you know what has happened to Moses too.Great lovers are like many couples actually spend money in having to buy a very short while you are facing problems in the present times, we have shared similar stories.
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