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#regular human bartender
cat-cosplay · 2 years
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"That's all I am. Just a regular human bartender."
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bonelessvampire · 7 months
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Soooo, I made a meme 👉👈
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philipreadart-blog · 1 year
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Jackie Daytona, regular human bartender.
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sixbucks · 1 year
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Sighted in a Joan Crawford movie today.
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nicepodbud · 8 months
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New Episode Out Now!
In this bank episode we have special guest Chris @TheMicroScoop! We talk about What We Do In The Shadows and Wayne is forced to do impersonations. There's historical family drama, Art Talk and Brogan was right!
Everywhere you get podcasts.
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nihil-ghost · 1 year
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just Some Guy (tm) my beloved
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hamilpop · 1 year
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Jackie Daytona Regular Human Bartender™️
This and more What We Do in the Shadows custom Funko POPs available at my Etsy!
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cookinguptales · 2 years
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me, to me: you got behind on answering asks, messages, and comments after that ms deadline. you should catch up today.
me, right back: orrrrr I could get started on wwdits-themed wax melts
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leafatlaw · 1 year
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Guillermo de la Cruz, the type of guy to dress up as a serial killer for Halloween
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fallingdownhell · 2 months
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Genshin men w/ vampire!reader? Like, reader fought in the Archon war as a cold-hearted general, but as time passes on they mellowed out and is now a (bat full of sass n rizz) humble traveler. Perhaps even looking for someone to call a mate~
Yes! I love me some vampires! Characters Included: Diluc; Neuvillette; Heizou Content: gender neutral reader; vampire reader; mentions of blood; general headcanons; some own made up headcanons about vampires that I like Word count: 2k words Enjoy<3
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Diluc
okay, I don't know if I'm the only one on this, but I think Diluc fits so well for the whole vampire astethic
he's got his own mansion, multiple staff, he's got fame and wealth, and he's good looking on top!
he just fills all the checkmarks you could wish for, so there's no reason not to pursue him
from the moment you first ran into Diluc, you were mesmerized by this human, the smell of his delicious blood tempting you
you were originally planning to travel through Mondstadt, maybe stay for a week or so. That quickly changed and within the week, you found a place to stay for a while longer
You started going to Angel's Share on a regular basis. Not to drink, but to flirt up that good looking redhead bartender
Diluc was not at all used to someone flirting so shamelessly with him, he felt embarrassed, but also enticed by your advances. He's never met such an eccentric traveller like you
one particular night, you were shamelessly flirting with him again, he finally decided to do something about it, asking you on a date
happily, you accepted and since then, the relationship with him has been moving forward
being with Diluc was everything you imagined it to be, and so much more. He's a romantic lover, one that constantly looks out for your wants and needs. He always prioritizes your comfort first, always so gentle and, especially at the start of you two dating, very coy
as the relationship progresses, Diluc also grows into it, getting more and more comfortable around you and expressing his feelings to you truthfully
One day, when he told you about his past and the things that had happened to him, you decided that it was time for you to be truthful to him, as well, so you told him about the secret you had kept up until that point
he was shocked at first, he certainly didn't believe you. Surely, he would have noticed if his lover was a bloodthirsty monster that could only survive off of human blood
but when he saw how serious you were about it, not the faintest hint of a smirk or anything else indicating that this was a joke, he grew a bit wary of you
definitely needs time to process the information and will have another talk with you were he asks you questions about your existance. Like, how old you really are, what you experienced throughout your years, how you survived off of blood without him ever noticing, etc.
you're being completely honest with him, answering all of his questions and in the end, he nods and accepts you with open arms again. He loves you too much to care about a not so minor detail like that
but his curiosity is peaked and after some time, he would approach you with the offer for you to drink from his blood, because he wants to know what it feels like
for a second, you're taken aback, staring at him, and Diluc gets nervous, wondering if he crossed some sort of line with his question
you then have to explain to him that you would love to drink from him, but for a vampire, drinking the blood of someone you love means to claim them as yours. You would basically mark him as your mate with your bite.
first, he's shocked by this new information, but the more he thinks about it, the more he likes it. So he tells you to go ahead, even tilting his head a bit so you have better access to his neck
if it's possible to fall even more in love with him, then you just did, seeing how he presents himself to you like that is truly adorable to you
it's a passionate night you two spend, and the next morning, Diluc wakes up, covered in your bite marks all over his body. Some just for the sake of marking him, and some where you had fed from him
looking at himself in the mirror, he traces the bite mark on his neck tenderly, smiling as he's reminded of your gentle touch
and when he thinks about the claim you now have over him, being marked as your "mate", as you called it, he couldn't be any happier. Diluc is looking forward for the rest of his life at your side..
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Neuvillette
being an immortal being himself, I like to think that he has a vast knowledge about other immortal or long living beings and can easily tell them apart from humans
so when he first notices you in a crowd, he knows that you're not just your average human, but he didn't close enough to actually confirm his suspicion before you were gone again
he doesn't mind different species visiting or passing through Fontaine, but he has to make sure that they aren't a threat for his citizens
he's actually quite a bit surprised when one day, you approach him and begin to compliment him on his appearance
he answers in kindas he tries to figure you out, which you soon notice. The chief justice isn't exactly as sly as he may like to think of himself
reaching for the opportunity, you tell him that you'll gladly answer all his questions about yourself if he's willing to go out to dinner with you. To your surprise, he agrees
Dinner goes well and you're surprised to find out that you're actually older than Neuvillette is, but neither of you bothers that fact very much
he figures you out as a vampire rather quickly as well and from that point on, you share a pleasant time with him, conversing with Neuvillette feels so easy and natural to you
the two of you continue to meet up from then on, but the relationship itself starts out years later. Even though you keep flirting with him and dropping hints that you're interested in him left and right, he either doesn't pick up on them or he just doesn't have the courage to act on it
only years later, once you've finally had enough of this game, did you confront the Chief Justice about your feelings for him
You've gotten the Iudex flustered quite a few times with your flirting or some pickup lines, but when you confessed your honest feelings to him, that was the first time you genuinely saw him blush
you decided then and there, that you'd do anything you can to see him like this again
from the beginning, there are no secrets whatsoever between you two. He knows about you, and you know about him. He supports you with whatever he can, like finding discreet sources to cover your need for blood, for example
since he's got quite a bit of knowledge about vampires, he's also familiar that vampires, not all, but most of them, like to take long term partners as their mates, since this species tends to be very territorial towards those people
he can't deny that he's thinking about it from time to time. You claiming him as yours, and him claiming you in return. Forever bound, spending your lifetime together for however long it may last
but yet again, for a long time, he doesn't bring it up to you, fearing that he might scare you off, that you don't want to be bound to him like that, knowing how much you enjoy your freedom and to travel around Teyvat
and over all this worrying of his, he completely ignores the fact that you basically live now in Fontaine, your travels having come to a stop a long time ago to be with him, since you know that he can't and won't just leave his nation behind. And you're perfectly content with your decision
but, if you really want anything like that to happen, you'll have to be the one to bring it up to him again
and as soon as you do, he's all smiles, all his worries fading away, he's the happiest he's been in a long while. Knowing that you want to spend the rest of eternity with him, bound to him like he'll be to you.. it's more than he could have ever hoped for in life
when you drink his blood for the first time, he can't help but to ask you what it tastes like and wether you enjoyed it
will insist that you keep drinking his blood from now on. He will get jealous if you drink any other blood, at all. It's actually quite cute to see him pout like that, but please reassure him that you still love him very much, you just can't always drain him of all his blood the entire time
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Heizou
from his first interaction with you, he knows that something is up with you
he can't quite explain why or what it is that sets him off, but his intuition is telling him that something is wrong. And he's learned that his intuition is always right
so he does some digging, and soon finds stuff that just doesn't add up to him
before you can leave Inazuma to continue your travels across Teyvat, he confronts you about his findings, pestering you until you give up and confess your secret to him
he's surprised, since he didn't think it'd be something so out of the ordinary. And yet, his instincts tell him, that you're speaking the truth. So he decides to believe you
keeps following you around and asking questions whenever he can. His interest about you has peaked, and he wants to figure you out and learn everything there is to know
it's from that point on that attraction begins to settle in between the two of you and soon enough, Heizou invites you out on a date
you accept and the date goes surprisingly well. More dates follow and soon enough, the two of you are actually dating
each passing day spent with you, Heizou learns more and more about you and how you operate as a vampire
will one day ask you to drink his blood, which you refuse, claiming that you already got enough souces to get your blood from. He'll ask you why you refuse to drink his, but you avoid his question and continue to do so, no matter how much he keeps prying
eventually, he'll shut up about it, but still keeps the question in the back of his mind
will ask you stuff like, if you ever plan to turn him into a vampire as well. To that, he's also not granted an answer
at one point, Heizou will have enough and just straight up ask you why you refuse to drink his blood
with a bit of prying, you end up telling him about the process of mating for vampires, how it's done and what it entails. Hearing you explain, he can't help the blush that rises to his cheeks. He can't believe he asked something like of you so casually!
He's mortified, but you laugh it off, reassuring him that you didn't mind it at all
but after hearing your explanaition, he can't stop thinking about it. He actually likes the thought of belonging to you..
so, after a passionate night shared between two lovers, as you lay there cuddled up to him, he asks you again to drink his blood, but seriously this time
looking up at him, you see the determination in his eyes. This time, he knows what he's getting himself into, and he still asked you to do it. How could you possibly still deny him?
So you nod, leaning in and gently kissing the juncture of his neck for a bit, before you bite into the soft flesh. It hurts quite a bit as your teeth pierce his skin, and he can feel the blood rushing out of his body, and your tongue lapping it all up
euphoria runs through his veins at the feeling, he finally belongs to you, completely. His mind, body and soul, all yours
will insist that you only drink his blood from here on out
will definitely ask you, later down the road, to turn him inot a vampire as well. One lifetime with you just isn't enough for him. He loves you, deeply, and if there's a possibility for him to spend even more time together with you, he would be a fool to pass it up...
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cat-cosplay · 2 years
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"I'll tell ya something. Jackie Daytona's life? It ain't so bad. Not bad at all."
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halcyone-of-the-sea · 10 months
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Main Masterlist || Navigation || All works are F!Reader || All images sourced from Pinterest ||
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SONGS THAT SOUND LIKE SEA-FOAM || Mini-Series || Completed
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PAIRING: Fisherman!John Price x F!Mermaid!Reader
SYNOPSIS: In which a lone mermaid finds good company with a handsome fisherman who trespasses in her cove. But the word isn't what it used to be...hunting ships patrol the waters.
CHAPTERS: Part I, Part II, Part III
FANART: “You’re somethin’ beautiful, y’know that?” & "Mermaid Interpretation" by @thedevillovesflowers
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2. RUN AWAY TO ME || Mini-Series || Completed
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PAIRING: Blacksmith!Johnny 'Soap' MacTavish x F!Runaway Bride!Reader
SYNOPSIS: The night started with wine and ended with blood. Racing through the woods after having escaped your wedding, you find a lone homestead in the middle of a rainstorm. Alone, wounded, and bordering on unconsciousness, you have no option but to knock.
CHAPTERS: Part I, Part II, Part III
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3. BLOOD-STAINED WOOL SPUN AT MIDNIGHT || 18 + Mini-Series || Completed
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PAIRING: Werewolf!Ghost x F!Tailor!Reader (Set in Van Helsing Era/Aesthetic)
SYNOPSIS: When you left the town in the year of our Lord, 1897, to buy more wool from the local farmer, the cobblestone streets had come up to meet the hooves of your neighbor's horse.
Along this trip of false hope, the open fields at your sides had led to the backdrop of a brimstone forest; an old shadow seems to loom there. A black thing. A devil with eyes like a burial mound. You were told to fear the Ghost of the Forest, but never had you known you'd be caught in his blackened claws.
CHAPTERS: Part I, Part II, Part III
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4. BLACK METAL AND BOURBON || 18+ Mini-Series || Completed
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PAIRING: Biker/Mechanic!Ghost x F!Bartender!Reader
SYNOPSIS: You've been in this small town for your entire existence, giving up dreams and aspirations to carry on life as a simple bartender despite your hatred of two things: the smell of cigarette smoke and the disrespect from regulars, namely, your ex and his buddies. But on a still-air Sunday, almost overnight, a mechanics shop pops up right across the street - giving sight to new faces and a fresh group of men with a love of motorcycles. One, in particular, seems to only like Bourbon.
CHAPTERS: Part I, Part II, Part III
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5. TO HUNT A SILVER STAG || Mini-Series || Completed
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PAIRING: Knight!Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick x Fae!Princess!Reader
SYNOPSIS: Promised to a greedy king to try and preserve the magic of the land, a princess instead finds herself drawn to a chivalrous knight and his gentle words. But everyone knows magic has a mind of its own.
CHAPTERS: Part I, Part II, Part III
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6. HOW TO ADAPT TO FIRE || Mini-Series || Completed
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PAIRING: Fireman!John 'Soap' MacTavish x F!Journalist!Reader
SYNOPSIS: There is an arsonist in your city, and you're going to catch him. As one of the most prolific investigative journalists in the city, you make a lot of enemies the second your papers are released to the public. Your informant - and perhaps something more - in the local fire department makes a point to tell you to be careful.
But everyone knows he's right beside you when the fires start sparking.
CHAPTERS: Part I, Part II, Part III
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7. MOSS, BONE, AND A FALLING STAR || Mini-Series || Not Started
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PAIRING: Witch Hunter!Price x F!Witch!Reader
SYNOPSIS: Humans have not been kind to you, but they usually are to things that they don't understand. You're offered a deal when a rugged-looking Witch Hunter shows up at your secluded hut. Make him see you for what you truly are in three stories or less. You oblige and give him the limit - a story of moss, of bone, and of a falling star.
CHAPTERS: Part I, Part II, Part III
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8. VIVAMUS, MORIENDUM EST || Undetermined || Not Started
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PAIRING: Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick x F!Reader (Reincarnation AU)
SYNOPSIS: In every lifetime you made a promise to one another: even if you must die, you will find a way to live together for all of eternity, be that five or a hundred years from now. You'd not broken your promise yet.
CHAPTERS: Undetermined
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beskarandblasters · 4 months
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Good Girls Are Quiet
aka riding the hilt of Din’s vibro-blade like there’s no tomorrow
Din Djarin x F!Reader
Main Masterlist | Din Djarin Masterlist
Author’s note: I just want to preface this by saying this is filthy. That is all.
Summary: At the Outlander Club on Coruscant, you try to help Din capture a bounty. But when the bounty makes a move what on belongs to Din, that just won’t do. Din takes you a sleazy motel after and shows you just who you belong to.
Word count: 2.1k
Warnings: reader is able-bodied, canon divergent (long live the Razor Crest), takes place when Din is an apostate, bounty gets handsy with you, possessive!Din, light canon typical violence, brat taming, reader gets “punished”, rough oral sex (M receiving), slapping, cum eating, nipple play, knife kink, riding the hilt of Din’s vibro-blade, daddy kink, helmet comes off, spitting, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, creampie, use of Mando’a words (cyar’ika = sweetheart), pet names (good girl), no use of y/n
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The loud music in the Outlander Club vibrates your entire body, and the smoke hanging in the air fills your lungs. Kriff, this sucks. But it was your idea to help Din distract this bounty. You’re wearing a scantily clad dress, moving through the crowd, and scanning the room for your target; a human male named Colo. You took a good look at his bounty poster before heading inside the club but you’re still going to have to be vigilant. This place is packed and he could easily slip away without you or Din noticing. 
Din’s hanging out off towards the wall to not draw too much attention to himself. He tends to do that everywhere he goes so that’s why you offered to help. And just as your eyes land on the bar, you spot Colo, sitting alone and sipping on revnog.
Now you can set your plan into motion. It’s time to flirt. 
You walk up beside him, resting an elbow on the bar and looking around with wide eyes like you’re lost or something. He notices you out of the corner of his eye and turns towards you.
“You come here often?” he asks, mouth curling into a smirk.
“No,” you say, making your voice a higher pitch, “What about you?”
“I’m a regular, baby. How about I buy you a drink and show you what’s good?
“I think I have an idea about what’s good here,” you wink, internally cringing at yourself.
Maker, please be over soon.
“Oh, really?” he says, picking up what you’re unfortunately putting down. 
He leans forward and rests his hand on your hip, slowly inching towards your ass and squeezing it.
“How about you tell me what that is?”
You open your mouth to respond but before you can, Colo is against the bar with Din pressing his vibro-blade against his neck. It all happened in a blur. The second the hand cupped your ass Din was on the move. 
“Hands off,” he growls. 
But before the fight progresses any further the bartender shouts, “Take that outside! Now!”
You’re frozen, unsure of what to do next until Din grabs your hand and physically drags you out of there. You still can’t grasp how fast all of that happened, keeping your eyes averted to the floor to avoid the stares of the club-goers before stepping outside. 
And now here you are, silently walking the streets of the lower levels. You know Din is fuming underneath his helmet but… What does he have to be mad at you for? You were just trying to help. 
“Din?” you say softly, looking up at him. The neon lights reflect off his armor and you can’t deny he looks sexy right now, especially when he’s mad. You looove to get under his skin even more. You know he likes it when you act like a brat. He can deny it all he wants but you know it’s true.
He doesn’t answer you so you continue.
“I don’t get why you’re mad. I was just trying to help,” you say matter-of-factly, folding your arms and pushing your breasts together. They threaten to spill over the low-cut neckline of your dress. And that’s when he can’t take it anymore. He grabs your hand again and drags you down the street, but he’s going in the opposite direction of the docking yard where the Razor Crest is parked.
“Where are we going?” you ask, glancing over your shoulder at the direction you should be going. 
“To teach you a lesson,” he growls, stopping at what looks like a motel, a sleazy one at that. The neon sign is broken, only a few letters lit and one of them flickering. You can’t even read what it says. He pulls you by the hand inside, and the interior is even more abysmal than the exterior. Seedy characters lurk in the shadows of the lobby, staring at you and Din while he drags you to the front desk. You’re so stunned by his actions. Din never does stuff like this. He prefers to sleep in the comfort of the Crest where he’s in control of his surroundings. Not left at the mercy of whatever goes on at night in this sleazy motel.
You don’t question it when he gets a room for tonight, anxious to see where the night takes you. 
“Room one hundred and three. Down the hallway on your right.”
He takes the room key from the front desk worker and heads down the hallway, the lights flickering above you. He stops at a door, unlocks it, and shoves you inside. As soon as the door is closed he presses you up against it, bringing his helmet by your ear.
“Do you know why you need to be punished?” he growls, a hand sliding up your waist.
“...No.”
“Really?” he says with a low chuckle, “Maybe I need to help you remember.”
He grabs you by the waist and drags you over to the bed, setting you down on the edge. He stands in front of you, the bulge in his flight suit directly in your face. He grabs your chin, angles your face up towards his visor, and says, “Now, cyar’ika. Tell me why you’re getting punished.”
You try to look at the bulge that’s so close to your face by moving your head slightly. But he grips your chin tighter and teases you, “Nope. Eyes up here, slut.”
“For… for flirting with that guy at the club.”
“That’s right. I think you need to be reminded about who you belong to.”
You gulp and the hand not holding your chin pulls his cock free from his flight suit. 
“Be a good girl and suck my cock,” he says, pulling you towards his groin. You open your mouth wide and keep your tongue flat, taking his length in your mouth. He thrusts back into you, forcing his cock down your through as far as it’ll go. Tears spring in the corners of your eyes but you keep going, trying your best to be a good girl for him. His hands move to either side of your face as you bob your head up and down. 
You look up at him and his visor is fixed on you, watching his cock moving in and out of your mouth.
“You like sucking daddy’s cock?” he says, slapping you across the face. 
You moan in response, sending vibrations down his length. He curses under his breath and slams into you harder. Just when you think you can’t take it anymore he cums down the back of your throat, holding your head flush against his groin. 
“Take all of daddy’s cum like a good girl,” he commands, wiping away a tear on your cheek. 
He finally releases your head and you catch your breath. Wiping away the cum leaking from your lips you ask, “My turn?”
“Not quite,” he teases, reaching forward and pulling the comforter off the bed. You watch as he grabs his vibro-blade from his boot, activating it and plunging it through the mattress. You let out a gasp, in shock that he just ruined this motel’s mattress. 
“Din, what did you-”
“You can sit on that,” he says sternly.
“What?”
“You heard me.”
You look at the blade vibrating inside the mattress and gulp before stripping your clothes and getting on the bed. You straddle the hilt of the vibro-blade, hovering over it. He moves behind you, reaching forward and cupping his hand under your mouth. 
“Spit,” he commands.
You do as you’re told, spitting into the palm of the glove. He rubs your saliva on the hilt, lubricating it for you to sit on. You take a deep breath and lower yourself on it, feeling the vibrations throughout your core. 
“Fuck yourself on it,” he says, hand returning to your chin. 
You rock your hips back and forth, just as Din’s other hand caresses the outline of your breast. He pinches your nipple between his fingertips eliciting a loud moan from you. The hand on your chin clamps down on your mouth. 
“Good girls are quiet,” he reminds you. 
You nod and let out a soft whimper, continue to fuck yourself on the hilt. 
“You have to cum on this first. Show me you’re worthy of daddy’s cock,” he continues, growling directly in your ear. He releases your mouth to take off his helmet and set it on the bed. He grabs your chin and angles your head up to face him. You catch a glimpse of him, his curls matted and his skin glistening with a layer of sweat. There’s a truly dark and primal look in his eye, watching as you writhe against him.
“Open,” he commands. 
You open wide and stick your tongue out, just as he spits directly into your mouth. Just for him to clamp it shut again and return his hand over it, making you stay quiet. 
With one last grind of your hips, the hilt is buried even deeper into you, and you can’t hold on any longer. You whimper against his gloved hand, trying to signal you’re gonna cum soon. You’re worried that if you don’t ask for permission somehow he’ll deny you your release. 
“Gonna cum?” he says, amusement in his voice. 
You whimper some more and nod incessantly. 
“Soak it.”
You cum around the hilt, your walls fluttering around the vibrating metal. You feel your wetness seep out of you, running down your thighs and onto the sheets. 
“That’s a good girl,” he praises, slowly releasing your nipple from his fingertips. He removes his hand from your mouth and pushes you forward so you’re on your hands and knees. The hilt slips out of you as you stick your ass up in the air for him, getting ready to take his cock. 
Din hooks his hands on your hips, aligning himself with your soaking wet cunt. He thrusts into you in one clean motion, cursing under his breath before pounding into you unforgivingly. 
“Who do you belong to?”
“You,” you moan out.
“Who?”
“I belong to you, daddy!” you cry out. 
“Good girl, that’s right. Daddy owns this cunt, huh?”
“Yes, daddy. It’s all yours!” you cry out again, just as he slams into you with the most force he’s used so far. You cum around his cock, pulling his own orgasm from him. He cums inside you with his cock pressed right up against your cervix, letting out a guttural moan. He pulls out of you when he’s done and you fall forward, collapsing onto the bed. The vibro-blade is still impaled in the mattress. He pulls it out and deactivates it, leaning forward and hovering over you.
“Do you understand why you were punished now?”
“Yes, daddy,” you sigh. 
“You had a big night, mesh’la. Get some rest,” he says softly, lying down beside you and rubbing your back. 
Just before sleep overtakes you, you whisper, “I don’t know… Maybe I need to act up again.”
“Oh there’s no maybe,” he chuckles, “You’ll act up again. But that just means I have to keep reminding you that you’re mine.”
“Sounds good to me,” you whisper, drifting off to sleep under Din’s touch. 
-
You wake up the next morning and get ready to check out of the motel room, weirdly missing it already. But just as you turn to leave the building, one of the housekeeping employees stops Din.
“Sir?”
Oh, this is definitely about the mattress.
You both turn around to face the worker, an older woman who seems nice enough. She continues, “I don’t want to know how exactly the mattress was damaged. But we can’t let you leave until you pay a fee.”
“Okay…” Din says awkwardly.
She leads you to the front desk and lets the employee stationed there handle the transaction. The woman whispers something in the other employee’s ear. You can only catch bits and pieces of what she said but definitely something about a weird stain on the mattress by the puncture mark. You look over at Din, who's staring directly at you. You’re sure he’s shooting daggers with his eyes under the helmet. Yeah, you’re definitely not coming back here again.
The woman sets off down the hallway to finish cleaning the mess you and Din made, just as the front desk employee says, “That’ll be six hundred credits.”
Six hundred credits.
Din grabs credits from his pocket and hastily sets them on the counter before grabbing your hand and dragging you out of the motel.
As soon as you’re back out on the street he says, “See what happens when you act up?”
“You’re the one who stabbed the bed,” you say, folding your arms.
“You're going to end up costing me a fortune,” he sighs.
“Don’t act like you don’t love it,” you tease.
He doesn’t deny it, of course.
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five-and-dimes · 1 year
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Thinking about human Dream as a bartender.
He’s quiet, stoic, which strangely adds character to the dramatics of his flair bartending. Each week he comes up with new cocktails- beautiful, colorful creations, each one unique but always delicious. He barely talks but will listen intently to any and every patron’s stories, soaking them up, the happy or sad or ridiculous drunken ramblings. 
Hob becomes a regular, always sitting right in front of the well so he can have a front row seat to every flipped bottle and color changing spirit. He tells the bartender all his best stories, considering it a victory any time he manages to get even the smallest reaction- a quirked eyebrow or a twitch of the lips. It takes ages for him to even learn Dream’s name (Dream listens, he doesn’t share) but he comes to think of him as a friend, even if he’s still working up the courage to ask if they could see each other when Dream’s not working (he knows better than to ask someone on a date while they’re on the clock, he’s not an animal).
(He doesn’t know it, but Dream has started trying to make drinks specifically for this particular regular, hoping to impress him, to make him smile. And if he indulges in the thought of knowing exactly what Hob’s mouth would taste like. Well. He makes drinks for himself, too.)
And Hob tells Dream all sorts of things about his life, but not everything, which makes it incredibly embarrassing when Johanna follows him to the bar one night and very loudly announces “Why the hell do you come here when you own a damn pub?” 
Dream snaps to stare at him, and none of Hob’s stories have gotten anywhere near a reaction like that, and his eyebrows are practically in his hairline, and Hob’s face is on fire, and he wants to strangle Johanna and then walk directly into the ocean. 
But before he can, Dream smirks, tilting his head toward Johanna but keeping his eyes locked on Hob.
“I’m just that good.”
Hob knows he’s staring, but Dream’s never looked at him like that before and maybe he’s not as crazy as he thought, and Johanna is making fake gagging noises, and then Dream is placing a drink in front of him.
Pulling himself together, Hob smiles and takes a sip, “So what’s this one called?”
Dream doesn’t miss a beat, “It’s called ‘Fuck Me Tonight’.”
Hob chokes on the drink.
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waokevale · 5 months
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The Overlapped AU [Aka Superhumans disguisted as Dinner Theater workers]
The Owners
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The Managers (Engineer & the HR person)
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The Waiters
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The Security
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The Performers (Wes is mostly on cleaning duty though)
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The Kitchen staff (the others are usually tasked to help, though very few are actually trusted at all times to be there)
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The Bartender and the Host
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The Dishwashers
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The Clerk & The Supplier
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So this AU came to me upon a dream, and I just had to make it real...
The synopsis below:
The event of April 17th 1906 does happen, however instead of Charlie and Maxwell being kidnapped into the Constant, the Constant overlaps with the real world and spreads itself onto Earth.
Charlie and Maxwell in the process become corrupted and have to hide away temporarily. Both of them soon began to hear strange voices, source of which neither is quite sure, telling them, compelling them to hide the corruption's effect from the publicity, for the time being.
They come to a mutual realization they have to fix this mess somehow and hunt down any and all corrupted by the tome, by any means necessary.
(Maxwell still has codex umbra, but it is sealed shut for the time being until he's sure it won't spread more if Their influence. )
But the corruption didn't just appear out of nowhere, it's been leaking way long before Maxwell found the Codex, if to a less prominent extent.
Thus, in few years passing, they form a Dinner Theater, a rather inconspicuous establishment from the first glance. Very quickly they began "hiring" employees, which in reality means tracking down and blackmailing those who have been corrupted but not fully lost themselves to its effects, in order to hunt those who had.
Winona was against the idea at first, as she found out. But seeing the effects of corruption first hand, she quickly had a change of heart and integrated herself into Charlie's new environment.
Eventually they gathered a rather generous amount of people. Once a person's proven to be trustworthy to a point, they're give higher positions in the company.
However those who aren't, are likely to be shunned or "fired" which...you could probably guess what that means.
Many of these people gradually come to terms with the reality of their situation and accept their newfound purpose, being thankful that at least they still have a roof over their head and a warm meal, instead of being viewed as monsters or outcasts to the greater society.
(Wilson though, can't quite accept this notion. He keeps claiming that "this is just a big misunderstanding, I'm just a normal guy!" Yet the truth could be far from it.)
When Maxwell and Charlie hear of the danger looming, they immediately inform their "staff" of the matter. Those who are more experienced in combat come along to face whatever opponent may cross them, while those who aren't, stay behind, to be an additional aid or a medic in case the battle gets too intense.
Whenever any suspicion arises in the town about the shady business going on in that particular building, the two owners alongside their employees practically gaslight anyone and everyone into believing they're but the most regular entertainment center.
The characters who have either willingly or unwillingly lost their humanity, mostly in the physical sense, are given special devices constructed of Thulecite and bits of nightmare fuel (made by Winona, Wicker and the main two), which effectively hide away their true identity, or surpress the effects of their ailment.
There's also a few other people important to this story, especially the One, which even Charlie and Maxwell refer to as "The Boss", though what many most recent hires don't know, is that there's someone who's in a position much higher than the owners themselves, controlling their every move.
Correlating to that, another person, or rather, a set of people per se, working for a much different cause. Though most of them are "people" in only a visual sense of the word.
And while, there might be someone inside the well-known around town diner, who just might be more than what appears on the surface, literally and metaphorically this time.
__________
If you're interested to learn more about this AU, do let me know. If you have any questions, I'm happy to hear and answer them!
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carionto · 3 months
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Humans are Loud
Most cultural exchange is done formally through official channels.
No matter how advanced a civilization you are, when meeting a whole new species, they are fundamentally alien to you in ways that need to be handled carefully and introduced to gradually, or you risk creating a bad first impression, or worse - incite conflict over something that is trivial to one side, but a grave taboo to the other.
However, once you have done preliminary work and both sides have emissaries and ambassadors stationed with each other, it becomes easier and more appropriate to learn about one another through unofficial means. Without curation.
And the most effective method, though legally dubious, is to disguise yourself as one of them and go to some places of public gathering.
Kol Rathar, from the bipedal Jorval race, wanted to experience what a day in the life of a regular Human was. So they picked a random population center on the Earth, engaged their personal disguise kit, tucked in some documents that explain who they are and the legality of their actions should they be discovered, and landed in the city of Neljaes-Helsinki.
It's the dead of winter, a bone chilling -1 degrees Celsius, Kol Rathar immediately turns up their life support to max and heads for the nearest public space. They enter what's called a "bar", take a seat, and order a beer. So as to not arouse suspicion, they "drink" the poison like a Human would, but there is a filter between the mouth on the hardlight holographic disguise and Kol Rathar's that detoxifies the alcohol and turns it into potable water. It still reeks and is hard to swallow, but it won't kill them.
They engage in general banter with some other patrons - Humans tend to dislike quiet in public spaces and often find it odd or unnerving. Universal topics like the weather, traffic, Mondays (most civilizations have an equivalent), and how everything is more expensive again (also a common occurrence across the Galaxy).
Then one of the patrons shouts to "Turn it up!" and the bartender raises the volume of the broadcast receiver to where Kol Rathar almost jumped from the shock, but thankfully the noise suppression kicked in just in time. it displayed a competitive engagement between two teams of Humans in heavily padded suits and helmets, wielding curved sticks and trying to push a small black object into the opposing net.
It did not take long for an act of violence to happen. One participant slammed their gloved fists into another, they retaliated, then a third assaulted the first, another three came out of nowhere and in seconds it was an incoherent pile of bodies slamming into each other, helmets flying off, the safety barriers were constantly vibrating, and it took a whole minute before the referees could dismantle the armageddon.
Kol Rathar thought this was the end of the game, something had gone horribly wrong, but before they could think further, they noticed everyone else in the bar was acting normal, most were looking at the altercation, but their behavior seemed... normal. Like this act of violence was common, expected even. Kol Rathar decided to maintain their cover and continue observing. They still couldn't believe that the competition was resuming after that.
Several minutes passed without another incident, the players of this "hockey" game were all very agile and adept at manipulating the small puck with their hockey sticks. WHILE SKATING ON ICE WITH THIN PIECES OF METAL ON THEIR FEET!
Kol Rathar had not even registered that fact earlier due to the "excitement" and was now awed by the sheer level of mastery and multitasking these players displayed.
Then one team finally scored a goal and Kol Rathar lost consciousness.
When they came to, they were in a hospital bed of the local Coalition embassy building being treated for shock and residual toxin exposure. The dense Human atmosphere saturated with bar patron activities will eventually overwhelm most low to medium threshold filtration systems that disguise kits come standard with.
The medic explained that there are very valid reasons for the strict requirements of Aliens visiting Human environments, and it's not a result of bureaucratic meddling over millennia as is with some other Coalition members. Nobody wants to read five hundred pages of anything, they get that, but Kol Rathar was lucky the Humans at the bar had mostly only recently arrived for the game and were not as intoxicated as they became after they were taken by the ER.
Kol Rathar's experience has been added to the guide for visiting Humans, which has recently been renamed to:
"Don't, but if you have to READ EVERYTHING HERE. There's an embedded audio book too. We know it's thirty hours long, but you will DIE if you don't listen to us!"
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