#rani writes
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Out of context paragraph I'm rather proud of:
text: "Sometimes, I’d get this feeling in my shoulders. I’d feel the brush of my shirt against my shoulder blades, and something under my skin would flutter, twisting inside me and sending shivers over my chest and down my spine. I’d get a pull in my stomach that made my breath falter, that snatched at my soul and said come, come. It always left me feeling empty. Like there was something I should have, but didn’t."
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for fanfic asks, 2 & 9? :D
2. What fanfic do you wish you got more response on?
those of you that follow me on Twitter know I'm mostly a threadfic writer, so it's hard to guage how well something does when a lot of it is just, 'did you get lucky with the timing of posting?'
because of that, there's actually a few that I wish had done better while they were still getting attention, but if I had to choose one I'd say this threadfic, mostly because of how much time and effort I'd spent on it. I'm not a planner when it comes to fics and I really don't like doing multiple updates. and yet this one ended up longer than intended, and I was forced to think ahead on how I wanted things to turn out. it was an idea I was super excited about and thought was pretty fun, so even though it didn't do poorly exactly, it didn't get nearly as much attention as some of my other threadfics, both shorter and longer. I hope it gets a second life when I eventually find time to copy it over to ao3, at least.
9. What’s your favorite line(s) or scene(s) that you have written?
this is hard because my prose and writing style is never as good as I want it to be, but I do rather like "Cloud Recess has burnt down before. it can be rebuilt. I do not need it the way I need Wei Ying." from Wei Ying is Home.
it's not the most prevocative line, but I really like the idea behind it. the fic is very short, just one scene really, since it was originally a one shot threadfic, but I'm proud of the way it captures their relationship. all those times Lan Wangji was asking Wei Wuxian to go back to Gusu with him, it was never about Gusu itself, or any other place they could have been going. it was always about being in the same place, trying to figure out the problem together.
and also how it makes Wei Wuxian realize he too now has a permanent home in a person, which he's never truly had before. I'm not gonna start analyzing every detail of my own fic, but I'm really intentional with my writing despite the overall lack of plotting, so any line or scene that can convey multiple underlying messages about their individual characters or relationship are ones I really like.
this was really fun, thank you for the asks! 💚 I'm always happy to talk about (and analyze!) my own writing 🤠
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↠ WIP
Heart Of The Guardians | Lee Hyunjae x Reader | Jack Frost / Rise Of The Guardians AU
↠ Status
Writing & Planning // ? Scenes // W.C. 568
↠ Progress
02/02/23
Working on scene 1 which is relatively short and mainly world building I think. Introducing all the main characters and I have to finish planning the rest of the story. Hope to have a few scenes finished by the end of the week and everything planned out 🥰 I'm really excited since I've changed up the characters from the movie and given them backstories that I need to fit in! I hope I do a good job, the movie is definitely the basis of inspiration but I've made a lot of changes.
Along the Han River, Jae Frost finds himself skating ice into the water's surface in the night.
He often returns here, to the place he was raised and to the place where he met his end.
Whenever he feels alone, he skates across the river and closes his eyes and pictures his old life, his old family, the sister that he died saving and it all feels worth it.
Along the path from where he is, he spots a bunch of highschoolers. They must have just finished at the study academy. Some of them have corn dogs in hand and he smiles when he spots a girl feeding her friend some steaming hot tteokbokki. As a thank you, her friend offers her a bite of her fish bread.
Jae longs for that.
For friendship and companions and the simplicity of connecting and sharing.
Yes, he has his own ways to bring joy, but he can't deny the yearning he has to feel and experience as humans do.
Because that's what he isn't anymore. Human.
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Cersei and Kevan are interesting because their personalities mesh kinda well, and Kevan talks to Cersei with the sort of blunt deference that Cersei would respond best to (she thinks she needs someone fawning over her but what she needs is someone who respects her mind but will argue with her, and Kevan has a certain amount of deference for her because of her station and the fact that she’s Tywin’s oldest). He has the years of training that she needs, without the stubborn mindset that Tywin has regarding the succession of Casterly Rock (he calls her Lady of the Rock, and asks to be made castellan and not Lord because he understands she comes before him in the succession and Jaime is a lost cause!!). BUT. Like Tywin, he takes her every failure and erratic move as confirmation that she’s not fit to rule instead of a confirmation that she has the drive but not the training!! So he just writes her off completely, let’s the Faith utterly humiliate her, and gets shanked the moment he gets into power. rip kevan you could have been barth or otto levels of powerful if only you could get past your misogyny and cersei’s debilitating mental illnesses.
#lannister men always shooting themselves in the foot by writing cersei off. it’s okay she’s deranged enough to destroy your house on her own#i mean that with love aksjjd#valyrianscrolls#kevan lannister#cersei lannister#rani liveblogs asoiaf
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Humanity and the Lack Thereof
This essay was co-written between Rani and Viridian; Viridian's text is in green and bracketed.
Humanity is an interesting thing.
I am otherkin. I am nonhuman, a dragon-in-human-skin, draconic to my core. I feel phantom wings and tail, the instinctive knowledge of how to breathe fire even though I don’t understand how it works, a bones-deep longing and homesickness for the sky, numerous instincts and urges tied to being something other than human. Many who are like me reject humanity entirely, don’t feel human at all. And yet, I am also human, deeply and truly. I am just as human as I am dragon - I like my human body, I love the things I can do with it (hands, dexterous hands, are a wonderful thing), I overall enjoy my human life. I am nonhuman, but I am not not human.
Viridian, who is watching “over my shoulder” as I write this, is a vampire. She is a fictive, from one of the Vampire: the Masquerade games that I play in, wherein vampires are typically considered to be… on the boundary line between “human” and “nonhuman.” Many vampires cling to their humanity and adamantly consider themselves human; I would go so far as to say this is the norm. Those who do not often become monstrous indeed, though often they do not.
[ I do not consider myself human. I am Kindred, vampire, Cainite. I am part of humanity, as a general populace - but I do not like being called human.
[ I think part of it is that being human is often put in direct opposition to being vampire as a personal identifier. Those who adamantly insist they are “still human” often mean as opposed to being a vampire instead. Being no longer human is, as Rani wrote, often considered a sign of becoming a monster instead.
[ But I worked hard for my Embrace, my being turned into a vampire. I worked to earn the right to call myself Kindred for nearly a decade. And yes, perhaps some of it is that I was taught by my original sire that the Embrace was an ascension above humanity, and that still colors my feelings on my own vampirism even if I acknowledge that he was wrong to consider us inherently above humans. But much of it is that being called human feels like a denial of my vampirism, a rejection of it, and for me that is not empowering - it is denying and rejecting something deeply important to me. Kindred is who I am. Human was only ever circumstantially true, a circumstance of birth - Kindred was something I actively sought out, pursued, chose. ]
Which is interesting, because to a certain extent, “human” is only circumstantially true for me, too. If I hadn’t been born human, I sincerely doubt I would identify as one in the same way that I identify as a dragon despite not being born into a dragon body. I could be wrong, of course - I have no way to prove it either way - but I suspect that if I am correct about reincarnation and I end up in another body after this one, I will not have the same “spillover” of humanity that I do of draconity from my dragon life.
And yet, I am human, and I actively dislike it when people try to strip that from me. Part of that, admittedly, is that the handful that try to see me as only dragon, and reject that I am human, are usually doing it because they’re violently misanthropic individuals, so it’s soured the whole thing for me because the reason they’re rejecting my humanity is so they can try to get me to shit-talk the rest of humanity with them. (If I have to hear one more dragon legitimately, whole-heartedly say that they think humanity should be extincted, I’m going to lose it.) But part of it is that my humanity is important to me, just as important as my draconity. I am both. I’ve written whole essays on this topic.
[ In that way, perhaps we’re not so different after all. I dislike being called human because it feels like a rejection of who I am, who I chose to be; you dislike being called not-human because it is a rejection of who you are. ]
Maybe so. Funny how different societal circumstances can yield opposite results from the same kind of pressures.
I think that part of the discrepancy between us is also that I’m a very physical person. Frankly, I am a chemical creature; I enjoy physicality, I enjoy affectionate touch, I enjoy the physical pleasures life has to offer. I enjoy food. I enjoy sexual pleasure. I enjoy the exhilaration of getting my heart going and my instincts fired up in a self-defense class. I live, I live, I live! is ever a cry of joy in my heart. And a lot of that ties into my animality! I am a dragon animal, yes, but I am also a human animal, and both of these things must be satisfied! The dragon yearns for the wind and the view when I climb up to a height, for the fire of battle I can get out of a sparring match; the human yearns for the taste of sun-warm berries right off the bush, for the warm press of bodies when I hug and cuddle with loved ones. Both of them love a good nap in the sun. I am a physical creature, I am an animal, and my animal-ness connects me to my body and thus to my humanity, rather than separating me from it.
[ Meanwhile, none of this has ever been true for me. Yes, of course I enjoy certain delicacies; I miss my brother’s cookies periodically, it’s true. But I’ve never loved these things the way Rani does. It’s not that I dislike the pleasures of life, but I’ve just… never really cared. It wasn’t much of a loss when I was Embraced, to trade food and sunlight and heartbeat for immortality and knowledge and power. It was almost convenient to not have to deal with the maintenance a living body requires - no excretion of waste, no inconvenient aches or pains or stomach cramps, a frankly much more manageable frequency of requiring sustenance. My body is just a tool, and the Embrace made it more efficient in most ways. And now, after twenty-three years of being dead, being in a living body again is overwhelming in some ways and just downright unpleasant in others. Even most of the physical matters Rani actively enjoys are either overwhelming or uninteresting for me. I am happy to leave the care and maintenance of the body to them. It’s not necessarily that I actively had a disconnect from my human body, originally, so much as that I didn’t have an active connection to it to make me identify with it, and thus my being “human” was, as I said, only ever circumstantial. My becoming Kindred overrode it, and I prefer to leave it that way.
[ Ironic, that the one whose nonhumanity is so human-shaped should be the one to reject humanity, but here we are. ]
Here we are.
#otherkin#dragonkin#plurality#fictive#rani talks#caldwell#journaling#community writings#essay as promised
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Generally curious how the fuck the Bannerman Road gang are doing during The Giggle from the looks of shit happening in it so far.
#the sarah jane adventures#sarah jane adventures#luke smith#sanjay smith#sky smith#rani chandra#clyde langer#i know show flip flopped on how human luke and sky are#aka what affects them and what doesnt#but i like to think they at least immune to whatever toymaker is doing#also yes i know dw is trying to act like luke and sanjay are off doing unit stuff and sky is...whatever really#but given its stupid writing decisions here with unit and not even trying with sky#electing to ignore them#just like to live in reality where they still doing alien stuff together and none of them are in unit and such#doctor who#the giggle
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Summary:
Due to some strange irregularity, Hakuno and Shirou take each other's places and have to go through each other's holy grail wars. They have to make new allies and adapt to their new worlds.
Hello sorry for this 14.5K words chapter
#fate stay night#fate stay series#fate extra#fate extra ccc#fate extra record#shirou emiya#hakuno kishinami#hakunon#rin tohsaka#rani viii#artoria pendragon#saber#arturia#fate series#fate#my writing#nero#red saber#blue saber#swap au
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luther: the golden child
diego: the mastermind
allison: the peace keeper
klaus: the clown / mascot
five: the rebel / truth teller
ben: the lost child
viktor: the scapegoat
is this something i think this is something
#the umbrella academy#rani makes text posts no one will read#hargreeves siblings#ben being the lost child is kind of forced bc he’s dead but i find it interesting even then#bc ben was unique in the family for already hating being a superhero and his powers due to the horror of them. and however it is he died#it had to be horrific bc viktor doesn’t write about it in his book bc five doesn’t know what happened. and before he died ben’s unique self#awareness seems to have meant they all loved him in a normal way only for his death to poison those bonds completely#so through no decision of his own this very sullen and cranky child has to become a self sacrificing wallflower bc the only way he gets to#even exist is if he takes care of klaus and tries to sober him up. his big moment is sacrificing himself for his siblings! they can’t ever#escape the abuse that reginald heaped onto them!! even in death they’re playing roles reginald forced them into#and sparrow ben is clearly so used to being the manipulator so he’s thrown when his family dies and sloane refuses to be manipulated anymore#and he winds up kind of lost child esque accidentally *anyway* - ignored and repressing his feelings and unable to connect emotionally#also before anyone says diego is too stupid to be the mastermind google ‘the mastermind dysfunctional family role’ it doesn’t require you to#not be a himbo only to be willing to be cruel & as they all say in s1 diego never knows when to stop#pogo is an adult enabler. grace has a weird function bc the umbrella kids love her and diego is convinced she killed reginald bc of abuse#five seems similarly attached to her (makes sense given delores) but the others see her more as an enabler which is INTERESTING#i’m gonna stop rambling now
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Fuck this. Mommy issues OC is go. Vent fic because adulting is hard and leaving home is hard but sometimes going home is harder
Content warnings: noncon/dubcon kissing, misgendering, deadnaming, emotional abuse, guilt tripping
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Shadow. Darkness. Night-bringer. Sunset. Twilight. Dusk.
They looked out to the balcony as the day faded, then turned to face the demon within.
He leaned against the wall, fading as their darkness grew. He was beautiful, even now: his fair skin and clothes stained with dark blood, once-immaculate snowy locks tangled around ivory horns, silvered eyes hazy and unseeing.
Yet still he wore a smile.
It unnerved them. Someone dying shouldn't smile like that, shouldn't be sitting with such perfect posture. They'd driven a blade through his lungs and heart... and they realized with a sinking feeling that all the blood on him was too dark to be his own.
"You're not dying." They crossed the room with two long strides and knelt beside him, grasping his collar. "Why aren't you dying!?"
"Oh, darling. You might as well hope to kill the sun itself." Long fingers indicated his own chest, confident despite the weakness in his voice. "I am the light, Shadow. I am all that is bright in the world, and I will return to drive you away like sunrise chases away the night."
"Liar!" Their voice cracked. "You're as mortal as I am, anything can be killed."
"But not by you." His fingers caught in their long, dark hair, dragging their head down. Their lips met his, and, despite themself, they kissed him back.
"I'll be back, my shadow."
The mouth on theirs faded, dissolved into a thousand shimmering particles, and within moments the demon was no more. The light that had made up his body melted into the vanishing sunlight, and he was gone.
They stood slowly, shaken. If he wasn't dead, everything they'd fought for was at risk. They had to find him, end him.
They drifted through the celebration in a haze. Everyone wanted to speak to them, to thank them for doing what they did, for ending his regime. They didn't know what to say. They hadn't ended anything, they'd only given a brief respite. Would it even be enough?
As all celebrations will, it drew to a close, and the people drifted back to their homes, to go back to their everyday lives. Most people's lives hadn't changed too much, not yet.
The newly anointed hero gave one last look at the white stone palace and made a sharp jerking motion with their hand. With a great shudder, the delicate structure reshaped itself into a sturdy, simple building. This one was not white, but age-greyed, beautiful in its simplicity rather than a fairytale creation of spun sugar and mist. This one was real, and true, and lasting.
They turned and left the city. They had to figure out how to truly end him, but before that... They'd left home for a reason. Was home even still there?
People poked their heads out and waved as they passed. Unlit lanterns stood in windows still, a symbol of support for the rebellion. Some doors were splashed with black paint, others bore wreaths of brightly colored weeds, and still others sported brightly colored ribbons tied together with a black strand. Almost everyone wore some article of clothing in black or gray, white nowhere to be seen.
They reached the edge of the city and vanished.
Many miles from the city the air shimmered, and they stepped out at the edge of a small village. It still looked the same as it did seven years ago. Every house was in the same place, the same state, the people looked much the same as they moved about their daily lives.
They looked around the village, and their chest constricted. They took a breath and kept moving.
The door they knocked on was green. That was new. The paint had been blue and peeling last time they were here.
A woman opened the door, her nut-brown skin a match for their own. Her hair was pinned up, her hands floured. She studied them for a moment with sharp dark eyes.
"Phoebe," she said in greeting. "You're home."
They flinched. They'd forgotten that name, it had been so long. "Mother. I'm--"
"Come in." She took a step back, and they automatically followed her. "I can't believe you, leaving for years with no word! We thought you'd been eaten by a wolf, or that soldiers stole you away! A pretty young girl like you, you're in danger alone!" Bread and cheese and a bowl of stew were shoved into their hands. "Here, eat. You look half starved. I'm so glad you've come back, we needed you around here, especially the last few years." Her tone was reproachful, blaming. "Why did you run off, my love?"
They stared down at the stew.
"Sweetie?" Her tone wasn't harsh, wasn't sharp, but her voice... Her voice made their legs tense, their chest tight. They needed to get out before they broke down crying like a child. They couldn't stay here
but they couldn't leave.
The young hero who had fought off soldiers mounted on dragons and stood up to the emperor stood frozen in their mother's house.
"I- I can't." They set the bowl down. "I can't do this, I have to go."
"Wait, what?" Their mother hurried to the door, blocking their path. "Seven years without a word, you show up for one minute to show me you're alive, and now leave again?! I'm your mother, I bore you, I raised you and fed you for twenty-one years, and this is how you repay me?! Sweetheart, please don't do this to me! Can't you see I love you? I've missed you so much."
The tears finally fell, and they choked up, turning away. "M-Mother, I can't, please, I have to go."
"My daughter, light of my life..." She stepped closer.
They flinched away from her touch and stepped towards the door. Freedom was just on the other side, but their feet seemed heavier. They sniffled, rubbing their stinging nose.
She really did miss them. She'd always loved them, and they loved her.
"Mother?" they said softly.
"Yes, Phoebe?"
"How much do you know about the rebels?"
She frowned. "They're a group of violent terrorists trying to destroy the empire. Don't worry, sweetheart, our emperor will stamp them out."
Their breath caught, their hand on the knob. "I'm sorry, Mother. Goodbye." They flung the door open and dashed out.
"Phoebe!" Their mother's desperate wail pierced their heart and dragged at their feet.
Fists clenched at their sides, they spun to face her, tossing their hair back. They hadn't cut it in seven years. "My name is LILAH!"
Their mother stopped short.
"I'm not Phoebe!" Tears threatened, and they furiously swiped them away. "I'm not your light, and I'm not your perfect daughter! I'm sorry, but I haven't been for a long time. I'm Lilah, I'm the Shadow, the Nightbringer. And the Light Lord is dead!"
Her hands were clasped over her mouth. "Phoebe, please, I know you don't mean it."
"I do." Their voice caught in a sob, their arms folded tight over their chest. "I'm not your daughter anymore."
"Then what are you?" she whispered.
"I'm the Shadow that killed the Light."
Their mother stared at them, her gaze cold.
Lilah's shoulders shook as they backed away.
"Come find me when you can accept me as I truly am," they whispered. "Come find me when I'm more important to you than your daughter."
And they fled, inhumanly fast, the wind whipping away their sobs.
#rani writes#mommy issues#oc#original character#original world#dedanan#darkness and light#emotional abuse#phoebe - light#lilah - hebrew for night#hey isn't it funny i feel better after writing vent fic#it's nice that i can do whatever i want with my ocs#and i can decide that shadow#the most powerful wizard of all time#who fought against a dictatorship and brought down the ancient and powerful emperor#who later goes on to be a hero spoken of and loved worldwide#i can decide that they were once like me: frozen at their mother's house‚ stress crying and unable to stop#someday i'm gonna be strong like them too#but they left for seven years and still froze to come back#so i think it's okay that i've only been out of her house a few months and still freeze up and get stress-sick dealing with her#twenty-eight is an eternity away rn#but i think someday i'll be okay#and free to be me#not anyone's daughter or granddaughter#just me#shadow and light
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Hey remember when the ghost said that “a spirit’s love pours with the rain.” And then when Lachchi found out she was pregnant the well diggers literally struck water.
#AND NOT TO MENTION THE RAIN WHEN THEY WERE ON THE ROOF#Paheli#Paheli 2005#srk#shah rukh khan#rani mukerji#this movie makes me rip my hair out at how all the writing just fucking fits together so well#also in Laaga Re Jal Laaga it goes from like Sandy dunes to green grass#bollywood
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I miss when Rani losing her wings was the most traumatic, emotional backstory I’d ever read.
#writing#backstory#characters#rani#pixie hollow#pixie hollow fairies#disney fairies#the arcadia ledger
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going through tremendously painful contractions just to give birth to a 100 word paragraph…
#rani’s rambles#i wrote 3K in 1.5 hours on this SAME chapter not even a few days ago help#to be fair that was a lot of dialogue#good god i write so much dialogue#i wanna be one of those cool writers who writes hella description as well as rlly engaging n sexy dialogue here and there
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Fan-made Animals and Hearthome
I think it is interesting how my brain reacts to non-canon animals, plants, and lore for Pandora. I've just seen a fun fan-made animal design (here, for reference), and besides just enjoying seeing a New Animal and the creativity of other people, it struck me that my brain is fully ready to accept that critter as a part of my hearthome. It's sold on it instantly.
Obviously that's a testament to the fact that the artist did a very good job following the rules of Pandora's biology to make a believable addition, but it's interesting from a fictionfolk perspective, because rightfully speaking non-canon animals... shouldn't trigger that response, I guess?
But then again, it makes sense. I am pretty sure my hearthome isn't tied to some actual life I've lived there or anything, so why should it matter whether an animal "actually" exists on Pandora or not? If it matches well enough, my brain is apparently fully willing to accept it as "real" in that way. And why shouldn't it? Fuck it, that can be "canon" to my Pandora.
I don't know where I'm going with this. Something something not restricting myself artificially by fake rules of "should" and "shouldn't," and instead just accepting the weirdnesses of it.
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I’m so normal about the Singhs
#sweet tooth Netflix#sweet tooth season 2#Aditya Singh#dr singh#rani singh#I might write a fic about them reuniting and spending time together before Rani passes away#that’s also just my prediction for season 3 also#Adi you better go make up with your sweet wife you fucking dipshit#anyways I’m probably gonna be posting about them for a bit because I’m sad#i remember youuu
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