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abbyromanoff · 9 months

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i have an idea/request!

could be series worthy, who knows

but basically, if you’ve watched purple hearts on netflix, i’m kind of thinking about type of storyline where g!p nat is (kind of) in luke’s position and y/n in cassie’s position (both of the character’s backstory can be changed) but yk, i was just thinking about military!natty and how hot she would look wearing a military uniform 😋

HEART TO HEART

PAIRINGS: Natasha Romanoff x reader

WORD COUNT: 2168

WARNINGS: angst, small smut near the end, fluff, Nat is in the military, mentions of death, arranged marriage, money problems, miscommunications, think that’s all!

NO ONE IS PERMITTED TO STEAL, COPY, OR REBLOG MY WORK AS THEIR OWN!!

“Look, I don’t understand why you care so much, we both knew this day would come and besides, this was supposed to be an arranged marriage, we aren’t meant to actually fall in love.” Nat argued, turning to look at your saddened state with guilt hidden in her features. The two of you had only known each other for a few months after you had gotten married. Neither of you had wanted to, but your parents made sure that you both knew it was needed.

She was going into the military, a dream of hers since she was a little girl watching action movies with her dad. She had been struggling with finances for years, and so was her family. And in hopes of caring for both herself and her loved ones, she needed the benefits of joining the army, but that was only achievable with marriage.

You had come from a well-financed family, but that didn’t mean they were willing to hand you money whenever you asked. While trying to reach your goal of becoming a singer and songwriter, it had cost you loads of checks with no return. You were barely making it by every week with your part-time job and needed money quickly. Your parents offered a suggestion, and at first, you thought it may be a good idea, that was until now.

It would be a platonic marriage and once it was no longer needed, you’d depart with a divorce signing, a possibility of remaining friends or forgetting each other’s existence. But it didn’t go as planned, you felt wrong for trying to go on dates or sleep with others, and you’d dream of your wife on the regular. It wasn’t hard to fall for her, she was a respectful woman with dreams of meeting another similar to her and becoming a family man. Not to mention her beauty was beyond imaginable, you were star-struck the moment you laid eyes on her.

“You think I don’t know that, Nat? Do you think I wanted this? To fall in love with you when I’m not supposed to even sleep in the same bed as you?” While the suit she wore made her look even more attractive, it only pained you to know she’d be wearing that as she left to risk her life for the ones who didn’t even know of her name.

“I can’t help how I feel, Natasha. I know this is your dream and I love that for you, I do. But, I- I just don’t want to lose you, I don’t think I could handle it.” She sighed and averted her eyes to the wooden floor, quiet sniffles being heard from your end. You suddenly felt arms being wrapped around your body in an attempt at a hug and you graciously accepted it, knowing whose warmth it was.

“It’s okay, I’m here.” She whispered into your shoulder as her hat poked your head. Truth be told, you weren’t the only one feeling this way. She had tried hiding it in hopes you wouldn’t pick up on it, and you didn’t, you were too busy worrying about your own feelings that you hadn’t even considered hers.

She was hoping that this marriage wouldn’t have to end or else she’d have to learn to live without you again. She hadn’t feared the thought of death before you came into her life, now she feared losing you more than anything.

“I’m sorry-”

“No, no, don’t apologize, Y/N. I understand, okay? I’m not mad at you, I could never be.” She interrupted, mumbling her sweet words into your neck. She was able to catch a small whiff of your perfume, and she could suddenly remember the time you begged her to take you to the store and help you pick out a new fragrance. After nearly an hour of searching, she chose this one, and you had worn it every day since.

“I don’t think I’d be able to handle hearing that you…that you died without getting to tell you how I truly feel.” She nodded, letting you continue on. Her heart felt like it was ripping when you stuttered over your words, your weakness on display. You were never one to show it, but you couldn’t stop the shake in your voice or the tears on your cheeks.

“I know, baby, I know.” The name brought a small crack of a smile to your lips, but it soon faded when you were brought back to the remembrance of where you were. She was set to leave in less than an hour, and you didn’t know if this would be your last hour with her.

“I- I need to go, I’m going to be late if I don’t leave.” You quickly rushed to tighten your hands around her when feeling hers start to loosen.

“No, no, no, please. Please don’t leave me here, Natty.” She wanted more than nothing to listen to you and stay, but her hopes and dreams were coming into play and so were the lives of many, she couldn’t ruin this opportunity.

“I have to, Y/N, I don’t have a choice.” You understood, you did, but your heart and mind were at a battle. Your mind was telling you to force her to stay, live your life happily and tell her how you feel, but your heart was telling you to let her go, that you were being selfish trying to ruin her dreams when she only supported yours. You always told her to follow her heart, and you knew you had to take your own advice.

“I know, I know you don’t. God, I- I’m sorry, I just- I don’t think I can see my life without you now. All I see when I look into the future is you, and I don’t want to lose you, I can’t. I really can’t, Nat.” She wanted to tell you everything, that she felt the same, but there was no time. If she didn’t leave she’d risk everything, she’d risk her job that she went through so much mental and physical pain to have.

“I love you, lyubov moya. (my love)” That was the last time you heard her voice in what felt like years. You weren’t able to handle the pain of living in the house that carried so many memories in it, so you made the tough decision to move out. The house was still in her name, and you continued to pay for as many bills as it required, even while still struggling to pay for your own.

It took eight months and twenty-six days before Nat was able to return, she counted each day. You were on her mind the entire time. When she had gotten badly hurt on a mission, the unbearable pain causing her to wish for death, she thought of you. She thought of everything you had together, how she wouldn’t be able to confess if she didn’t make it.

At the same time, she worried you moved on, found someone new and started a life with them that she would only be able to dream of having. Would you be able to move on this quickly? She knew that if you truly did love her as much as you said, you wouldn’t be able to, and she didn’t want you to. But another part of her wished you would, she wanted you to find peace and happiness, and she feared she wouldn’t be able to give you that.

Every day that she could, she’d write you letters. She wasn’t able to call or text you as she was told, so she’d pick up a pen and write paragraphs on end about how much she missed you. She could only hope you read or even received them.

She came home today, and hearing the complete silence in her home brought tears of anguish. All she wanted was to be greeted by you, but she was guessing you had left her, maybe even for good. There was a pile of sealed letters on the doorstep and she realized they were the ones she sent without knowing of your new address. She felt ashamed, embarrassed to have sent all of those with the thought that you’d read them and realize she still thought of you every damn day. But you didn’t know, you were left clueless to her love. She needed to change that.

You heard a knock on your apartment door as you finished brushing your teeth and were about to grab a glass of water. You furrowed your brows in confusion before slowly walking to the door, you never had guests, especially at this hour. You looked through the peephole and stepped back at what you saw, or who you saw.

Nat heard a rushing of locks unlocking and smiled to herself, you knew she was home. You opened the door and hurriedly let your arms wrap around her in a hug, finally feeling her warm embrace after so long. The emptiness in your heart was slowly being filled the longer you held onto her.

“Hello, detka. (baby)” Her eyelids squeezed shut as her arms held the same tightness around your body as yours did to her, she was too afraid to let you go.

“When did you get home?” She finally leaned back, resting her forehead against yours gently as her hand moved to cup your cheek.

“Just a few hours ago, you were the first person I wanted to see.” You smiled before your eyes drifted to notice the cardboard box sitting on the ground next to her. She looked in that direction and chuckled to herself before explaining.

“I wrote to you every day that I could. I didn’t know you moved so I sent them to the house, I thought I’d bring them in case you, I don’t know, wanted to look at them or something.” She hesitantly spoke, fear of rejection scorching through her. She didn’t know why she was so afraid, it was you, after all, and she didn’t fear anything when she was with you.

“Oh, Nat, I don’t know what to say. I’m so sorry.” She shushed you and moved her other hand to your face, cupping both of your cheeks and having you look at her.

“Shh, don’t apologize, I’m not upset with you. If anything, I’m more upset with myself.”

“You did nothing wrong, nothing at all.” She looked down suddenly, shuffling her feet nervously.

“I’m sorry for leaving that day. I wanted to stay, I wanted to tell you everything, and I wish I did. That’s why I wrote all these letters in hope that you’d realize I feel the same. I love you, Y/N. I love you more than anything in this world, and I think I always have.” She was swapping her gaze between your eyes and lips, and you knew that if you didn’t make the move, she never would. So, you leaned in closer, letting your mouth press into hers as you sank into the feeling of her plump lips. You were standing on your tiptoes to reach her height, and you reached up to pull her hat off of her head, letting your fingers run through her hair as you pulled her further into you. Her body pressed against yours as she grinned into the kiss, her tongue poking your lips and exploring your mouth when you granted her access. She was desperate to feel you in any way that you’d let her, and you were on the exact same page.

“I love you so much, Y/N, and every day I regret not telling you that sooner. So, if you’ll let me, I want to make it up to you.” She mumbled when you pulled back to catch your breath. You panted, your chest rising up and down as you admired her in full glory. You weren’t able to take notice of her clothing when you were too busy registering that she was actually here and it wasn't just a dream. But seeing her in the camo pants adorned by a buckled belt and a dark green shirt made you feel things you’ve never felt before she came into your life.

Her hands found their way to the back of your thighs as she lifted you into her hold, your wandering hands stopping at the biceps that flexed under her shirt. You could feel a small tint in her pants and bit your lip as you shuttered. Your hands traveled to the back of her neck as you played with the baby hairs, feeling goosebumps rise to the surface of her soft skin.

“May I?” She walked further into your cheap apartment, and you suddenly felt ashamed at the state of the place. It showed off your struggles in payment, but hidden under that, it showed the reason you were able to meet what you hoped would be the love of your life.

“You may.”

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