pictured: Enma, trying to have a normal, non-sexual shower for once; and Hiruzen, doing everything in his power to prevent that

(un-cropped version under the cut)

((content warning: nudity. w/ dicks. hard ones.))

not pictured: whatever Hiruzen is standing on to get his ass up to grinding level

Kirpy i am looking very hard

-hiddleyheh

YEAH SO ME TOO i know next to nothing ab the dsmp and am only invested in tubb.o and ranb.oo’s story bc a friend of mine had an interest HOWEVER. i have been doing research and have come up with this:

everything progresses normally up until team minato are young adults.

obito’s always been invested in politics, and he’s kind of had to be because he’s a) a really good shinobi and b) an uchiha. he still holds his dream of becoming hokage, but can’t reasonably do that with hiruzen still in power. (for this au, assume hiruzen is just a little less passive and a little more malevolent. nothing like danzō, but he has no desire to step down from the chair until somebody makes him or danzō dies. danzō has him on several strings as well, but irrelevant for now)

so the first sign of things going wrong is the uchiha “planning a coup.” really, all they want to do is have a respectful meeting with the hokage to discuss their rights within the village. they’ve been oppressed and feared for years, and they’re tired of it. (they’re prideful, yes, but civilians don’t know any better than propaganda posters.) obito is involved in these discussions and wants to help. but he’s also a shinobi to the leaf and in a way, takes on the role of itachi. he’s a double agent. unlike itachi, though, he isn’t ordered to kill his clan and instead is exposed.

he’s been working alongside danzō this whole time, blind to his manipulations under the guise of becoming hokage. being minato’s right hand man at the very least. actively participating in politics is the best way to gain popularity, after all. but danzō plays to obito’s weakness and when hiruzen is eventually pushed out of power for danzō to take over, the uchiha’s pleas are dismissed and at obito’s obvious outrage, he’s exposed. under “conspiring to revolt” charges, he’s unfairly set up for execution. gai is his executor, aka danzō’s biggest show of propaganda. (anyone can become a shinobi! look at this one who can’t do jutsu!) this is a private execution, but it’s made known to the public that obito will be executed. it’s played as an act of heroism to konoha, but unfortunately for danzō, gai “fails.” (really, he’s just unsure. he manages to severely damage the right side of obito’s body both by physical assault by the gates but also chakra burns. this is the origin of his scars.) obito escapes to rin, who about loses her mind.

she’s able to heal him of course, but only with the use of the diamond thing (i forgot what it’s called LOL). kakashi’s there too, and he panics because he has no idea what happened. he and rin rush obito out of the village bc obviously they can’t live there anymore, and the village turns to shambles. the uchiha revolt and the entire village is practically burnt down. fugaku and mikoto are imprisoned by danzō and root, in a prison they cannot hope to escape. the rest of the uchiha disband and konoha is no more, the tattered remains held by danzō, who nobody wants to follow.

time passes, obito heals, it’s peaceful in the sense that they’re not getting blown up. but danzō is definitely a threat, and the other hidden villages know what’s happened. they encroach on the territory and a war breaks out. this is their state of relative peace, until another nation rises. the uchiha are banding together once more to stand against danzō and reclaim their territory. obito’s happy to help, knows the ins and outs of politics, and…is once again manipulated. itachi can’t help it; he needs his parents out of prison and it’s a necessary blow. he hates that he has to because he loves obito, but they can’t win with jsut them. fugaku and mikoto need to come back.

itachi’s manipulations land kakashi, rin, and some other uchiha charging the prison where fugaku and mikoto are held. obito isn’t aware of kakashi’s coming along, sent off on a separate diplomatic mission. itachi knows that obito probably would’ve killed him if he knew kakashi was coming along (i’ll explain that later)

fugaku and mikoto are freed and too weak to fight, so they’re ushered off. kakashi and rin are left behind in the fray, and attempt to escape. before they can, a root agent (…tenzo? >:)) grabs kakashi and tells him that he knows hoki’s location and he’ll kill him and obito if kakashi doesn’t give him information. he’s ordered to strip himself of his armor, and does so. rin’s panicking bc wtf!!! kakashi tells her they know where hōki is and before she can tell him they’ll protect him, kakashi’s impaled on the root agent’s sword. he tells rin to take kakashi back as a warning. rin goes berserk and three-tails annihilates any lasting root agents in the area.

kakashi appears as a ghost at obito’s side, visible only to him and rin and itachi, mostly to torture him even if he doesn’t actively do so (his presence is guilting enough).

i’ve yet to get anything past that, but now for kakashi.

kakashi spends most of the story docile as a ninja, off the roster due to a severe concussion that caused him extremely damaging memory loss. he regularly forgets who people are unless they’re a constant in his life (rin, obito, and gai). while he hasn’t forgotten how to fight, he is susceptible to forgetting mission objectives and details, rendering him essentially useless. on bad days, kakashi will forget his close people, but those are rare.

he and obito adopt hōki. kakashi does not recognize hōki for several months and even to this day, has attempted to kill the strange child in his room while in fits of nightmares and ptsd. he forgets hōki a lot, but once he’s a constant, does so less. he loves hōki a lot and he and obito are great fathers when they can be.

kakashi is easily manipulated by authority, and i’ll have to tie that in somehow, i’m just not sure yet bc this is a big story. but due to memory loss, he can forget the terrible things people have done (danzō, gai) and be taken advantage of. (but he and obito forgive gai when he explains himself!! their relationship doesn’t stay bad bc gai won’t be a villain anywhere and he’s precious ok)

edit: tenzo (then kinoe) is obito’s executioner. he is later forgiven of course, because he is still kakashi’s friend. and i’m thinking fuu or torune or even sai is kakashi’s murderer.