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#powers have been getting progressively more complicated and harder to control as the generations go on??
mettywiththenotes · 2 years
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I find it funny how BNHA is one of the most popular anime/manga and yet people seem to forget almost everything that happens. like how.
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ausetkmt · 7 months
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Palwasha Sharwani, executive director of Emgage Texas, left, and A.J. Durrani, right, a Harris County elections judge, pose for a photo on Wednesday, July 26, 2023, in Houston
HOUSTON (AP) — Sylvia Ann Miller-Scarborough remembers when people of color had to pay a poll tax to vote in Houston. She recalls her grandmother, undeterred by such obstacles, reminding her how important it was to be heard at the ballot box.
Miller-Scarborough worries that much of the hard-won progress she’s seen in more than a half-century of voting in the largest county in Texas could be erased by Republican lawmakers. And she says it's gotten harder to convince her own grandchildren that it matters.
“They don’t believe in voting," she said. “They are all in their thirties, but they don’t vote. They won’t go to a political rally with me. They say what’s the use? Nothing has changed, as far as they can see.”.
Harris County, a Democratic stronghold in a state long dominated by Republicans, is one of the most diverse places in Texas, where the minority population has been growing for decades. Democrats have long predicted the state would turn in their favor, but those dreams have been dashed repeatedly.
Still, when the Republican-controlled legislature passed two measures this year to eliminate Harris County’s top election job and give the Republican secretary of state power to take oversight of the county’s elections, political operatives understood the stakes. They also knew that with a mayor's race looming in Houston in November, the changes will be tested early if they survive a legal challenge.
The question of how voters of color in Houston will respond is more complicated.
Miller-Scarborough, 79, lives in Kashmere Gardens, a historically Black neighborhood in Houston. She thinks the legislature's actions will fuel cynicism that already exists among voters who don't remember the struggle for the right to vote.
“I hear my grandkids already saying, ‘See that, granny? I told you that didn’t do any good to vote, didn’t I?’”
Houston Republican Sen. Paul Bettencourt, who authored the bill abolishing the elections office, said the changes will improve transparency and clean up recent stumbles in county elections, including paper ballot shortages and delayed openings at some poll locations last November. More than 20 Republicans are still challenging their defeats last year in Houston-area races.
“Harris County had too many issues to ignore,” Bettencourt said.
The law he sponsored, meanwhile, is hung up in court. Harris County last month sued Texas, its Republican attorney general and the secretary of state, claiming the law violated the state Constitution, which bars the legislature from meddling in certain local affairs. The law prohibits counties with a population of 3.5 million or greater from creating an elections administration office, but Harris is the only county that qualifies.
A state judge put things on hold Aug. 14, but the state's Republican attorney general has appealed to the Texas Supreme Court. The laws would take effect Sept. 1 if the court rules in his favor.
Around Houston, it is easy to find voters who say the political implications of constant legislative meddling in Harris County elections are obvious.
Rita Robles said ever-changing rules confuse people in places like Denver Harbor, the mostly Hispanic neighborhood where she lives.
“It seems like it’s been going this way for a while,” said Robles, 53. “The only way it’s going to get any better is if they make more options.”
In recent years, the Republican legislature has been heading in the opposite direction. It passed a measure in 2021 stripping 24-hour polling places and drive-thru voting, both initiated locally to improve voter access during the pandemic.
To voters of color, Robles said, the message is clear: “It just seems that they’re being silenced.”
Harris County, home to Houston, has more than 4 million people and over 2.5 million registered voters. While Donald Trump won Texas by under 6 percentage points in the 2020 presidential election, President Joe Biden won Harris by a 13-point margin
Just four years earlier, Republicans controlled the county; their slipping grip reflects the shifting population trends.
The non-Hispanic white population of Texas fell below 50% for the first time between 2000 and 2010, when it made up 45% of the total, and continued to decline through 2020 to 41%, according to the U.S. Census Bureau. The changing demographics have cut into Republicans’ typically wide margins of victory and made Democrats, who have consistently won substantial majorities among both Black and Latino voters for decades, more competitive in Texas’ booming suburbs.
In Houston, where the population shift to majority-minority status happened earlier, new voting maps also drew an outcry in 2021 after Republicans lawmakers created no new congressional districts where minority residents hold a majority -- even though Hispanic residents are driving Texas’ surging growth.
That adds to a wariness among voters of color that's deeply rooted in Texas history. White leaders of both parties employed numerous tactics to suppress the minority vote, from the poll tax to literacy tests, for at least a century. Texas was one of five states that still allowed poll taxes when they were outlawed by the 24th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution in 1964, and while the tax went away, Texas didn’t ratify the change until 2009.
That history motivates former Democratic Senator Rodney Ellis, who sponsored the Senate resolution to abolish the poll tax and remove the old stigma. He said the problems of the past should inspire apathetic voters.
“Knowing that my ancestors had to count jellybeans, had to try and recite the Constitution by memory — I’ve got three degrees, including a law degree — I can’t do that,” said Ellis, now a Harris County commissioner. “Yet somehow, they had to make a way.”
Keith Downey, president of the Kashmere Gardens Super Neighborhood Council, a planning forum in Houston, said the legislature's heavy-handed tactics are about control.
“It discourages the voter," he said. “It discourages a resident. The resident wants to have taxation with representation. What they’re getting is taxation and no representation.”
“How can you control a community you don’t live in, and you never visited?" Downey asked.
Palwasha Sharwani, executive director of Emgage Texas, a group that works to increase political engagement by American Muslims, Muslim voters won a hard-fought victory in 2020 when the local election administration office increased the number of Islamic Centers to be used as polling places.
"I don’t know if we will have the same kind of audience and the same kind of understanding because the future is in the air,” she said.
The first test of the new laws will come quickly, when Houston voters elect a new mayor. The laws take effect two months before the November election — a compressed time frame that Democrats and local election officials fear could cause problems that would trigger intervention by the state. The last time Texas rushed to enact a new voting law close to an election, in 2022, 23,000 ballots were thrown out.
Tana Pradia, a 63-year-old poll watcher in a mostly Black and Latino neighborhood, applauded Harris County's decision to sue.
“Closed mouths don’t get fed,” she said. “If you want to make a change, you have to be the change."
Ellis, the Harris County commissioner, said voting should be free of partisan politics.
“I want everybody to vote," he said. "I want you to have the right to vote against me just as much as I want people to have the right to vote for me. And I’ll take my chances. I’ll roll the dice, so to speak, with the voters."
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solomonish · 3 years
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Solomon Headcanons
I didn’t like my old headcanons for him and I think I have a slightly better feel for him so I’m posting these bad boys. Maybe at this rate I’ll just post Solomon HCs every month 
Also this turned into more of a “I’m going to talk about Solomon in depth and maybe throw in one headcanon about kissing him” and is no longer “lol what kind of dates do you go on? <3″ so uh. do with that what you will. It’s also SUPER LONG (or feels that way) so make sure you have a hot second to read them
you can find my for real headcanons for him here but I don’t necessarily stand by them anymore? They’re just there for fun now lol
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Solomon’s Relationship With Relationships
Solomon has been alive for...a long time, and with that naturally comes a lot of experiences, negative and positive. It’s also natural that it would also have him break out of traditional structures regarding...everything, but especially things regarding relationships and specific other people.
(Not to get sociological or philosophical about society or whatever, but the way we view everything is accented heavily by the end. With exceptions, and this certainly varies from culture to culture, but as a general idea, we view things expecting them to take place over the span of 70-100 years. Certain positions in politics or business or something try to look at things generationally, but how capable of that are we and how far ahead can we truly see?)
(What I mean to say is that immortality naturally shifts the entire context in which you would view things that were expected to be “lifelong.” What once existed to enrich a life is now a tether to a system that doesn’t necessarily suit his existence.)
Psychologically, however.....I don’t think Solomon has tried to (or even can) rewire himself entirely to the point where he doesn’t feel love. He’s already got a fondness for Simeon and Luke (always crying about him calling them “dear friends” in the circus event i don’t know if he says anything in the lessons because i’m only on like 21 LOL) so he’s clearly capable of fondness and affection.
Not that those should equate exactly to romantic feelings (because they shouldn’t), but there’s undeniable similarities between platonic and romantic affection and, for the purposes of speculating about an immortal’s capability to still feel both, I think they can be equated in this regard.
There are a lot of assumptions I’m making about him to make this post, namely the following: that there is still reconciling to be done internally between his immortality and humanity, that Solomon’s composed and confident nature is a bit of a front (only a bit - I’ll explain more later), and, related to these two, that he even cares about humanity and that he still wants to preserve his humanity.
While this might be my perspective as a regular human, I really don’t believe that the desire to be human and fully encompass what that means has left. If anything, I think his intrinsic desire for knowledge and power stems from it, and he’s just suppressed the “mushier” emotional parts of that as a sort of....defense mechanism, if you will.
SO the tl;dr of this is that you know how alloromantic people just like feel in love and they get their romantic crushes and it’s natural and they can’t control it? Solomon gets that! He just isn’t the type to swoon over someone or really make it known.
He also as a person is big on being manipulative shady and in control, so if he were to just be super obvious about having a crush on someone and not being able to do anything about it, that would sort of tarnish his whole image.
So yeah, I think Solomon just has his emotions on a tight leash when they probe to be out of control. Clearly, he doesn’t have every part of him under this sort of watchful eye (whether that’s because he still wants to feel genuine happiness or he knows if he came across as emotionless and calculated people would trust him even less, I haven’t decided), but those that cause trouble stay behind locked doors.
Additionally, I don’t think Solomon is opposed to falling in love. I’d bet he’s had lots of different partners over the years and remembers them fondly (you know, assuming they ended well)
I also think his immortal status makes dating different? I feel like doesn’t really date to find a life partner because. well. (gestures).
That’s not to say that he doesn’t date casually sometimes or something. In the terms of a serious romantic partnership, though, it’s rare that it happens because he knows that it’ll die with them (and stay within him for probably forever, even if/when there comes a day he can no longer remember their name or their face).
Another assumption I’m making that I forgot to mention: I think it’s rare that Solomon’s serious, long-term partners know the true extent of the magic he dabbles in. Maybe he lets them know it’s real magic, or he pretends it’s all show magic and parlor tricks. Sometimes he pretends his pact marks are tattoos, sometimes he tells the truth. If ever these confessions are laughed off, he laughs them off too and creates a cover story.
He doesn’t intend to lie, but it’s very difficult to meet someone and explain........all of THAT. On which date to you mention that you can control 72 demons? Do you send a card explaining how you’ve been alive since Biblical times and you’re not even sure if you birthday is your real birthday anymore, let alone how old you are? And should that card be store bought or homemade?
So while it’s rare for Solomon to have a serious romantic partnership, it’s even more rare for him to be entirely understood or accepted for EVERYTHING that he is because he can’t get into it. Arguably, that hasn’t happened since his “death” in his original timeline.
A crush for Solomon isn’t a hopeless affair, either. Should you choose someone else, he’ll allow himself the disappointment and move on.
With Solomon, romantic love sparks naturally, but genuine true love isn’t some all-powerful, unstoppable force. He falls more in line with the people who believe it’s a choice and a decision, somewhere between “it’s purely a biological impulse we just gave a fancy name” and “it’s the magic that makes life more enjoyable”
With MC
In the case of MC, however, I think he might initially see it as bothersome or a hinderance to whatever his plan is with being down there for the exchange program. Maybe he convinces himself he’s just naturally attracted to you because you’re human like him. Once he comes to terms with his feelings and gets to know MC a bit more, he might even see it as a lost cause seeing as you already have several of the brothers vying for your affections.
For Solomon to act on a crush that he’s already decided is hopeless, it’ll be up to the MC to show that THEY are interested in HIM
He finds no particular pleasure in being someone who is chased after or “playing hard to get,” but he already has a complicated relationship with complicated relationships. He’s gonna need a down payment of affection a sign that there’s anything even there to pursue 
Traditional flirting, while he’ll have his fun with it (and probably enjoy it at least a little - who doesn’t like feeling desirable?), doesn’t really work for him. Lots of people and creatures have used it to try and charm him, plus he has a pact with Asmo, so at this point he really sees it as more casual fun then an indication of true interest.
Honestly, to get him to realize “oh shit I actually have a chance,” you’re going to have to do two main things: 1) make him feel chosen over the others, and 2) respond to his displays of affection
Making Him Feel Chosen
This isn’t really a competition thing, or some selfish hoarding of your time. The thing is, Solomon knows he isn’t the only one in the running and he knows that anything he has to offer, somebody else could give you a portion of it.
(You won’t get the same experience or combination of traits with somebody else obvi, but with 11 suitors and an added chihuahua, there tends to be a little bit of overlap with everyone)
A crush for Solomon is a romantic interest, but if he intends on pursuing a serious relationship (which, I feel, is what he intends to be the final goal of his crushes as opposed to more casual affairs), he needs to see SOME reciprocation
Being with him is an ordeal, maybe a lifelong one for you, so he needs that assurance that it’ll be worth it and there aren’t better avenues
Basically, this means that ✨ quality time ✨ is of the utmost importance
At first, it doesn’t have to be anything big. Sit with him at lunch when you see him in the cafeteria, meet him in the library while you wait for your demon escort to be finished with their extracurriculars, chat him up in the one class you have together (and then ask him to help you study what you missed in class by talking. it’s a required transfer class but you already know everything about it, right, Solomon? 🥺)
As your relationship progresses, that’s when things start to get harder. Invite him out to things that you think he’ll enjoy, and say yes to as many excursions with him as you can. Bonus points for making it clear that you want to go when you’re unable to attend. 
(He finds himself a little embarrassed how happy it makes him when instead of just a “no” or a “sorry, not today” he gets something like “I’m on dinner duty so I have to spend that time preparing :( but we should definitely make a date so you can tell me about it later!” It makes him feel like a priority.)
It isn’t until you find yourself comfortable enough to ask him to accompany you to something you want to do that he starts to realize you’re hanging out with him for him and not because he’s just offering up a bunch of fun new experiences for you to try.
You don’t even have to say “hey, i’m pretty sure you know all about the birds in the Devildom aviary but I haven’t had a chance to go and would really like to spend the day with you. Wanna come with?” If it’s something that he knows you know isn’t in his wheelhouse, he’ll be able to figure out that OH.....you’re inviting him for HIM.....oh
Make him feel like a priority, like he’s the one that you want, even out of all your choices. You can be as enthralled by the birds in that aviary as you want, just as long as you make it clear that your enthusiasm to be with him is on the same level and he’ll finally kick himself into gear.
Responding to His Affections
Now, you don’t have to do anything you don’t like. I hear in his dame card devilgram he’s a consent king, and he stands by that every day of the week
He also isn’t the type to need an exact equal to everything he does. Yes a relationship is a two way street, but this isn’t saying that if he gets you a gift you need to present him something with equal or greater value within the next 24 hours. he’s not mammon haha i’m so FUNNY
Just...let him know that he’s doing things right. His serious relationships are few and far between and people change as often as the times do, so make sure that he knows what he’s doing is landing. He’s not insecure per se, but he would like to know that he isn’t making a fool of himself entirely, you know?
Don’t brush him off in front of the brothers or he’ll think he’s read the situation all wrong and you’re back to square one. If you do it because you don’t like touching and he put an arm around your shoulder or something, that’s fine, but if he thinks you’re uncomfortable being with him in front of the brothers he’ll wonder if you even liked him at all.
To him, a secret relationship isn’t really feasible. First of all, those brothers are ALWAYS in your business so bold of you to think you’ll have ANY secrets by the time the exchange program is done, and secondly, don’t you both have enough on your plate that you shouldn’t make something that makes you happy needlessly complicated?
He is an odd case and knows there’s a lot that comes with him, so if you’re uncomfortable simply showing that you’re in a relationship and reciprocating, he’ll think you aren’t equipped to handle.....All That.
In case you haven’t noticed, he’s weird. He’s a weirdo. He doesn’t fit in. And he doesn’t want to fit in. Have you ever seen him without that stupid cape on? That's weird.
If you respond to his affections in a similar way, such as putting you arm around his waist or a hand on his back when he puts an arm around your shoulder or reaching up to fix his hair when he reaches to mess with yours, it’ll make him happy for sure. He doesn’t have any specific expectations for you but he’ll like to feel like you’re on the same wavelength.
A lot of his affections are morphed into specific and targeted teasing (but not like *gently bullies u* teasing). It’s a lot of inside jokes at your expense (and the more inside jokes he has, the more he probably likes you)
It’s also a lot of messing up your hair, sharp pokes and frustrating games like “guess what?” “i don’t know, what?” “i told you to guess, MC.” “ugh...you won the lottery” “guess better” “please don’t do this to me Solomon”
He probably responds best to Acts of Service and Quality Time (though at any stage in the relationship he’s a flexible man). While he’s trying to woo you to solidify his spot in first place against everyone else, if you continue to make the effort to be around him or like. recognize he’s taking time out of his day to romance you and do something for him in return he’ll cement the fact that oh yeah, this is happening between the two of you
(not to say that romancing you is a chore, because it’s not, but man if it doesn’t make him happy that you’re wanting to make his life easier on him so he can pursue the other things he enjoys, too.)
What a Relationship with Solomon is Like
He isn’t the biggest person on PDA, or at least not on purpose. He won’t see you and immediately be like ‘oh there they are i need to kiss them kiss kiss kiss’ or whatever, but he’s not averse to it?
He doesn’t want physical affection to be a big deal, or at least not in public. unless that’s what you’re into ;) If the two of you are out and about and you kiss his hand, or you’re a generally physically affectionate person he’ll smile and respond and be generally unbothered by it, but don’t expect him to ever really have the desire to like make out in public or something. Really, you probably won’t get much more than a quick kiss because he DOES always have other things on his mind.
You will NOT be able to get out of him messing with you. If you need him to tone it down that’s fine, but the more you let him get away with, the less energy he’ll have to redirect into other troublemaking activities
Has a weird thing with licking too probably? like he’s not gross about it and it’s not like a NSFW fixation but he’ll do that mom thing where he licks his thumb because “you’ve got something on your cheek” and then reveal that he’s a LIAR
or he’ll put his face really close to yours and stick his tongue out when you turn your head so it hits your cheek
it just gets such a DRAMATIC reaction out of you so that’s why he does it? if you ask him genuinely to stop he will but if you comment on it he’ll just give you a small smile and not say anything then continue to do it
when he messes with you, it’s ok if you say he’s doing something weird but don’t make him feel childish. setting boundaries (and making regular observations - he is kinda weird) is more than alright but admonishing him just feels......off and will turn him sour for a bit
VERY appreciative of someone who supports his adventurous side. Also fond of someone who’s happy to tag along but knows that some things he has to do on his own.
Even if you don’t want to go, he’ll appreciate the support or the interest you show in what he does. Ask him where he’s going and what he’s doing there, but ask him because you’re interested and not because you’re overly worried.
Please be there for him when he gets back to talk about it. He really likes feeling important or cool when he tells his tales, even if all he did was go and catch a few magic salamanders or something.
PLEASE be a soundboard for all of his ideas. He knows that sometimes he’ll talk about things that are way over your head that he hasn’t learned yet, but he really does want your undivided attention. It doesn’t matter if you’re encouraging him, debating with him, telling him the idea is stupid (though don’t pull this one too often unless you intend to ask to be let in to the fun) or just watching in confusion. It’s important to him that you value what he has to say, and he hopes one day that he’ll be able to tell you anything and you’ll have a response to it all. (Even if you don’t learn magic to the degree he knows it, he hopes you’ll get to a point where you understand what he wants, even if you don’t know what magical elements he’s talking about or something.)
A relationship with Solomon is one where you’re both independent, but also can’t imagine not going to the other at the end of the day. It’s startling how quickly you become constant in the other’s life despite being in COMPLETELY different stages of magical development and learning about the demon world.
The relationship will be lots of fun, but there will be many serious moments, too. 
They’ll happen randomly. Maybe something from a class or a spell reminds him of something from his past, or maybe he’s reminded that he can’t remember so many things that he knows were important to him.
Sometimes, his Tuesday night blues will feel like a life-changing existential crises for you, but please, do what you can to be there for him in these moments. It worries him how much love and happiness he’s lost, especially when he knows he promised to remember it.
Once you get him to think aloud, he’ll say super heavy stuff life “What if I’ve forgotten who I really am and now I’m just something other people and magic have morphed me into?” or “When will the human race evolve or go extinct and leave me behind?” and it fucks you up, really. It fucks him up too
But please be patient with him, because there’s something important he has to get off his chest eventually. He’s worried already that he’ll forget you the way he’s probably forgotten so many others, but he doesn’t want to offend you and know that saying it would come off as uncaring.
You won’t have an answer for these moments, and he knows it. It’ll be best if you just hold him tight, stroke his hair if you’re laying down, and reassure him that you don’t care.
With how long he’s been alive, you’ll have to get past caring if you’re his “one true love” because he doesn’t have that. He gave up the right to having a one true love in exchange for never-ending life. But he still loves and he does love deeply, it just has a lot to cut through to properly be articulated.
So tell him. Tell him you know he’s had other loves, that you know you might not even be the best partner suited to him that he’s had. Tell him that you know when your time has come, he’ll find someone else eventually.
Tell him that what matters to you is that he loves you now, that he’s making things work with you now, and that he isn’t secretly yearning for some lover that’s come to pass or yet to come when he’s with you.
You can’t control what happened in the past or what happens in the future, but right now he’s yours and you’re his and he needs to learn to take things one lifetime at a time. Right now is YOUR Solomon time, and what happens after is just a consequence of time and you’ve already forgiven him for it.
instead of “mom says it’s my turn on the xbox” it’s “god says it’s MY turn on the Solomon”
send that to him for real and he’ll probably never forget you lol
How to Make a Relationship with Solomon Work
With all this in mind, the key to a good relationship with Solomon is keeping his head on his shoulders.
He’s ambitious, powerful, scary smart, and capable of so much more than you can even guess and he knows it. It’ll be good for him to have somebody to keep him on the ground.
Now, don’t be overbearing. If you try to stop him from going places or try to hinder his pursuit of knowledge out of fear for his safety, that’ll cause unbelievable strain on him. You will have to learn to let him work his things out the way he wants to, and it won’t always be the safest or most responsible way either.
He doesn’t mind a gentle scolding if he gets hurt. He won’t say it, but he kinda likes to be reminded how important he is to you.
Also be down to have fun and be a little reckless. Your safety will always be a priority to him, but nobody ever got anywhere without a little struggle, right? Sometimes adventuring with him and following him into the darkest magical corners of the world will require multiple (sometime literal) leaps of faith, but he’ll always be there to catch you.
Let Solomon work for you and the relationship, and you work to keep him sane and remind him that he can belong somewhere, even when he’s been himself for who knows how long and nowhere ever really stays the same.
You’ll always have to remind Solomon that not everything revolves around magic and power. He’s not been mortal for some time, so he gets caught up in the heady and lofty topics and ideas. 
Remind him about the simple joys of just having fun and goofing off, that not every moment not spent on homework has to be spent on potions. Remind him (in the human world) how cool a sunset is, or convince him to go through a museum and pretend he’s seeing everything for the first time. 
As much as he lives for understanding the grand topics most people can only dream of beginning to grasp, remind him of the little things. Remind him of human indulgences that he’s abandoned. Get him back in touch with that part of himself.
Solomon as a character feels like he’d be really aloof, but he’s honestly extremely devoted to what he invests his time in. He shows this devotion in small ways that feel more like riddles sometimes, in the way he always comes back after a rather dangerous magical excursion, in the way he shortens his time away so he can get back to you, in the way he learns to quiet his mind so he can properly take care of you and what you need and strengthen your relationship.
One thing that I think is a hallmark of a relationship with him is that Solomon loves things that can teach him more about what he doesn’t know. You don’t need to be the smartest person on the planet, or have a specialized and thorough education in some bizarre topic, or come from somewhere entirely different than what he knows to keep his interest.
You are uniquely human, and you help teach him about himself, the one thing that he can never seem to properly grasp and understand the way he wants to.
More importantly, you are you, the one who made pacts with all seven demon lords, the one captured his heart and promised to take care of it when you could throw it away for anybody else.
And you are the only one who could say those words that he believes. Hopefully, you’ll believe him when he says them, too.
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ilovejevsjeans · 3 years
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‘I’M BACK AT SCHOOL’ – INSIDE RICCIARDO’S MCLAREN REPROGRAMMING
Daniel Ricciardo’s going to humbling lengths in a bid to overcome his tricky start to life with McLaren.
Though Ricciardo has a 100% point-scoring record with his new team and finally beat team-mate Lando Norris in a race for the first time in the Spanish Grand Prix, his tricky switch from Renault is one of the main sub-plots of the season so far.
Daniel Ricciardo’s going to humbling lengths in a bid to overcome his tricky start to life with McLaren.
Though Ricciardo has a 100% point-scoring record with his new team and finally beat team-mate Lando Norris in a race for the first time in the Spanish Grand Prix, his tricky switch from Renault is one of the main sub-plots of the season so far.
Ricciardo’s struggled to handle certain limitations of the MCL35M as well as Norris, who’s established himself as one of this year’s early stars.
But there’s light at the end of the tunnel thanks to progress the team is making with the car and a painstaking process Ricciardo is going through as a driver as well – one he says leaves him feeling like he’s “back at school”, trying to re-programme himself to learn how to drive the 2021 McLaren.
We knew after the first three races that Ricciardo had been trying to adapt his driving style because he was finding McLaren’s F1 car “a little unique”. Both he and Norris have said the MCL35M can have a slightly loose rear end, particularly at higher speeds.
Ricciardo struggled with that more, describing his car as on a knife-edge at corner entry.
A big part of that problem may be the changes to the tyres and the reduction in rear aerodynamic performance caused by the new floor rules, which have combined to take away enough rear grip to make the car more nervous – especially at high-speed, which is all about commitment.
But at lower-speed, McLaren reckons those changes have also impacted the characteristics of its car under braking as well.
It seems that Ricciardo prefers to ride the brake further into the corner but can’t do that in this year’s McLaren without generating understeer, so he’s slightly slower through the corner than Norris and out of it as well. He’s been waiting for updates to tune the car more to his liking and address that permanently, while trying to learn how to drive around his limitation in the meantime.
The Portuguese GP weekend, where he was a shock Q1 elimination, was made more complicated by Algarve’s low-grip surface and difficult wind conditions. But Ricciardo’s rise from 16th to ninth in the race there left him hopeful he could make progress without waiting for upgrades, as he was happy with the peak of his pace and felt potential set-up tweaks, mainly to the suspension, could bring the car more to his liking.
Then he earmarked the Spanish GP weekend as one without “excuses” given how well everybody knows the track and the fact it’s a grippier, higher-downforce circuit. So Barcelona became a significant reference point in his bid to adapt.
The tweaked front wing that arrived in Spain might be the first example of Ricciardo’s preferences driving McLaren’s development. Lifting up the outer section of the front wing mainplane will reduce the airflow separation in that area, produce more load when that part of the wing is close to the ground, and reduce the understeer.
Ricciardo certainly seemed happier with the feel of the car over the Barcelona weekend. But the effort to address his issues went well beyond changes to his machinery.
We followed Ricciardo onboard for every lap of practice and qualifying in Spain and he was getting consistent messages about trying to shift more brake pressure to corner entry.
In FP1 there was a particular focus on his braking technique, as he was initially riding the brake too far into Turn 5 and at risk of inducing understeer.
Some in-car changes related to differential settings were used to help mitigate that but Ricciardo was also urged to try feeding in steering lock slightly earlier and apply more initial brake pressure at Turn 4 and Turn 12 – two medium-speed right-handers.
That continued in FP2, where the feedback was again to get on the brake harder before releasing it, and relayed to him as trying to create “more of a stabby brake profile”: a sharper initial application of the brake and a quicker release.
The extensive advice he was being given on braking would suggest that Ricciardo is still in a phase of consciously trying to adjust that technique at lower-speed. We put that to Ricciardo after qualifying, and he agreed.
“It’s like being a beginner, all over again,” he admitted. “Tutored every corner: ‘Good job, do that better. OK, improve a bit more here.’
“I’m still having to be a little bit conscious about that, and teach myself enough that it does become natural.
“It still does require a bit of [conscious thinking] in some moments.
“I’m trying to programme myself to basically learn how to drive it faster. So I’m back at school.”
The more confidence Ricciardo feels in the car, the more he expects faster corners to take care of themselves, describing those as requiring technique but effectively rewarding a driver who can just throw it and hold on.
But slower corners are where the big chunks of laptime are, because a driver is in those corners for longer.
The braking phase is a delicate and precise process, the pedal feel and braking traits of the Mercedes-powered McLaren will be different to the Renaults Ricciardo drove the last two years and the Red Bulls before that, and it also happens to be an area the McLaren is still sensitive in at the moment.
That’s not an easy combination to manage, which is why Ricciardo’s still working so hard to get on top of it.
He’s admitted he’s found it difficult to be patient in his bid to improve, but that’s his reality with just one-and-a-half days in the car in pre-season putting the emphasis on learning during these early race weekends.
To his credit, Ricciardo has approached the situation with exactly the right attitude. He has shown tremendous humility in doing so. Ego could easily get in the way. As an F1 driver it could feel embarrassing, or he could turn his nose up and say ‘no, I know what I’m doing, I’m not the problem here’ – but there’s no sign of that.
“I’m very happy with how it went in terms of the integration of Daniel into our team,” says team principal Andreas Seidl.
“It’s not a surprise how it went, we all know the personality Daniel is, which character he is, so I wouldn’t say it’s a surprise how he approached these first races.
“We knew that it is a challenge with this limited testing time to get used to the car, to become one with the car. I will say we are not where we want to be, where Daniel wants to be.
“But I’m 100% convinced it’s just a matter of doing more races with us and we will see the performances we are all used to.”
Key adds: “It is just a process of adapting your feeling and what you want to do, to what the car is actually doing.
“Of course from our side we’re trying to adapt the car and facilitate what Daniel’s trying to do. We’re getting there slowly, there’s certain things we can’t change, tyres and other things will be the same, but in terms of the way the car behaves, the mapping of the engine, the feeling of the pedal are all things that are in our control.
“We are chipping away at all those things to try to find a solution which works.”
Ricciardo’s getting his head down and doing the work that he needs to do as part of that. That was shown with constant progress through practice at the Spanish GP, and he did a good job in qualifying. He was perhaps a bit lucky to outqualify Norris given his team-mate’s compromised session but the performance was very close before that.
And then Ricciardo drove an outstanding race. He grabbed a couple of positions early on and he just did a really solid job thereafter, never looked like slipping down the top 10, quite enjoyed pushing the car to the limits. It was his best drive of the season and matched his best result so far in sixth.
In fairness to Ricciardo’s performances pre-Spain, despite lacking a bit of outright pace relative to Norris so far his race drives have been very good.
It’s a shame for him that on the weekend he hooked it up better, McLaren wasn’t quick enough to give him the kind of emphatic Class B victory that Norris enjoyed in the first three races.
But it can be viewed as a clear indicator of progress, and an important step in Ricciardo re-establishing himself as the force we’ve come to expect. (X)
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maxwell-grant · 3 years
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You are your top 5 Shadow agents
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I don’t talk about the Agents as much as I should, even though I constantly try to stress their importance, because I’m working on essays for them individually. To be honest, I think about the Agents practically every day to the point I have a hard time separating my headcanons from the actual canon material, but I have to stay true to it, and the lack of material regarding them means that the only way I can truly talk about their characterization is by diving deep into the novels and taking notes, which I don’t have much time to do, and then finding the right books or moments to talk about, which is even more difficult. 
This by no means constitutes my big thinkpiece on them, but it’s a start, and ultimately narrowing it down was a lot harder than I expected. This order is by no means final, if you asked me this question next week or next month I’d probably have a different answer, but it’s the 5 that I find myself thinking on the most. 
Honorable mentions: Jericho Druke and Myra Reldon, who are incredibly awesome characters conceptually and who have great moments each, and whom I definitely think deserve big turns on the spotlight if the Agents ever get put on the spotlight again, but are held back by issues with their presentation and lack of prominence. Margo Lane, whom only just narrowly missed the cut because, as much as I like her and think she gets an underseved bad rep and definitely has great things going for her, I sadly have to concede isn’t as consistently great or well-written as she should be. Clyde Burke, whom I definitely like a lot based on what I’ve read and consider an integral part of the line-up, but haven’t read enough of the novels he’s in to really solidify him as one of my favorites just yet. And Slade Farrow, who is a bit too complicated to talk about superficially.
Allright, so here they are
Number 5: Burbank
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As the center of all communications within The Shadow’s network and the only character in the series who is even more mysterious and elusive than The Shadow himself, Burbank is fascinating and the kind of character who simultaneously seems to be both begging for an in-depth exploration and yet who also should be dead last on the list of mysteries about the series we want spoiled, because nobody wants the mystery ruined. He’s a bit of cipher personality-wise compared to the other agents, but he kind of has to be, and I think it helps to illustrate the many forms the agents of The Shadow can and should take, that one of them is this total mystery whom we know nothing about and yet is so vital to the whole thing. And it’s interesting also because, for all the many variations we’ve had on The Shadow’s life and thoughts and feelings and etc over the years, Burbank has stayed more or less the same. Whatever variations he’s had in design aside, Burbank just is. 
The pulps did often have moments where we would get to see moments that told us a little more about Burbank, gestures he did, capabilities he had and didn’t have, little details Gibson would sprinkle in to keep people fascinated. Several scenes with Burbank are almost presented like you’re watching a movie, in the way Gibson keeps describing his face being mysteriously blocked from view by objects or lighting, like not even in your mind you are supposed to know what he is. And it’s all the more fascinating because, unlike The Shadow, as far as we know, Burbank is just some guy who’s good with tech, who was only recruited in the 2nd story but apparently knows The Shadow from before it, and whom The Shadow entrusted with virtually every secret necessary to keep his operations running. 
It’s kind of a sign as to how utterly neglected the agents are that, to this day, few writers who’ve ever touched The Shadow has ever come close to giving us any sort of explanation or backstory or anything on Burbank, and I refuse to believe these people had that much self-control. Of course I have my own ideas for Burbank, but even I would hesitate to put them on a story, because Burbank epitomizes that double-edged sword that comes with a solid narrative mystery. Burbank just is, and hopefully he will stay that way. 
Number 4: Dr Roy Tam
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Mention of Dr. Tam meant much to Sayre. He was acquainted with Roy Tam, the Chinese physician. He knew that Tam was a power in Chinatown; one who worked for good
Unrolling a map, Tam showed the entire Manhattan area, studded with tiny dots in districts quite remote from Chinatown.
"These represent my outposts," he said soberly. "They are places, owned by Chinese - restaurants, laundries, curio shops, other places of business. In each of these places, I have a friend."
The Shadow understood. Dr. Tam was the motivating factor among the Chinese who adapted themselves to American ways. His mission was to create good will among races, to put an end to prejudice and superstition.
A newer and more sober spirit had replaced the old and dangerous festivities. Feuds in Chinatown were a thing of the forgotten past. Dr. Tam and his associates had done much to bring about the present sentiment; but there were persons - even among that group - who felt regret at the passing of old traditions.
Dr Tam is a remarkably layered character for one that only appears in about ten stories, and he’s one of the agents I’m most eager to discuss in-depth. He’s another one of those agents that Gibson introduced by tricking you into seeing him as a villain, as a Yellow Peril cliche, until he is revealed to be in fact a good man. Not just good, Roy Tam is presented as a powerful, influential and cunning Chinese man with a lot of assistants secretly working for him, and who is consistently presented as a progressive, pacifistic, benevolent civic leader and ally, even friend, of The Shadow. 
Tam is very much westernized and the stories paint that mostly as a good thing, and this is one of the areas that I think could very much result in an interesting story that looks at the ramifications of his role, because of course not everyone is going to agree with his viewpoints, of course him being an advocate against superstition and tradition isn’t necessarily a good thing (and it’s not how Yat Soon, The Shadow’s other major Chinese ally, works, which puts the two at odds), and of course it’s a complicated situation, but the fact that Tam invites this kind of debate at all I think is something very interesting
Largely because of the movie, Dr Tam is one of the few agents of The Shadow who’s managed to sustain appearences in modern stories, and none of them have ever really went with his original angle as a powerful civic leader. Instead he’s been largely painted as either a scientist, like in the movie, a general practitioner, and a psychiatrist, and his age has been all over the board. 
I prefer him in his original form but I also very much like the idea of Roy Tam being, like the Chinese supervillains he was created to be a subversion of, an incredible genius who’s got skills in all fields that can fit under the “Dr” part of his job and is also an incredibly capable leader able to unify splintered communities under a cause of unity and cooperation, someone who absolutely could be the adventuring genius so many other pulp heroes are, except he dedicates himself wholesale to his community and the fight against prejudice and the betterment of lives, even if he’s misguided or wrong at some of the causes he takes up. I really think this character could partake in really great stories if ever brought back.
Number 3: Cliff Marsland
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(Fan-art by @cryptixcreations)
Cliff may have actually been the first agent I really fell in love with based on concept alone, even before I read the stories he was a part of and started loving all of the others. He’s one of the few agents who has prior history with The Shadow and we get ever so tantalizing hints at his background that we ultimately never get to learn about in full. He’s the resident tough guy and underworld contact of The Shadow, which in any other series might have made him the biggest badass and a loner action hero who’s too cool for things like thinking and relying on others for help. But here, trying to be that only gets Cliff into trouble, and circumstances gradually morph him into the series equivalent of a Team Dad. 
He was one of the agents who we got to see develop as a character. As he appears more frequently past his introduction, he grows from a headstrong, careless jackass, mostly interested in the action parts of the job, who “resigned himself to an adventurous career with violent death as its inevitable termination”, into one of the most reliable and capable agents, taking the lead during action scenes but otherwise fully defering leadership to Harry, and being the agent most likely to partake in gunfights and rescue The Shadow out of trouble, joining in missions like infiltrating circuses or high-society clubs and forming very strong friendships with Harry, Clyde & Hawkeye, who almost kills a man with his bare hands when he thinks Harry’s been killed. He’s the hardass, square-jawed ex-con who plays the reputation of a brutal killer, and is in reality a great friend, ally and husband (Arline has sadly only been mentioned in three stories), on top of being an invaluable fighter and secret agent.
Cliff could have easily been the protagonist of a long-running series all his own and that’s one of my favorite aspects of The Shadow’s agents. They are people with agency, goals and dreams and relationships and lives beyond the roles they play, they all have strengths and weaknesses and faults and positives that bring them much closer to us than The Shadow could ever be, with no end to the variety of roles they can take, and Cliff in particular is a character I’m very attached to. 
I do hope that he eventually found peace in a quiet life with Arline once his business with The Shadow was over.
Number 2: Harry Vincent
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The Shadow as a franchise has been vastly worse off as a result of Harry Vincent being completely sidelined and mischaracterized in virtually every adaptation since, and the sheer love that Shadow fans hold for Harry purely may be the closest thing to a true universal opinion in the fandom. 
Harry is a lot of things: the audience surrogate, the protagonist of much of the early stories, the leader of the agents in field duty, the dude in distress who gets kidnapped far more than even Margo, a hopeless romantic, an action hero, the one who gets sent to recruit agents because all The Shadow has to do is send Harry on an assignment and wait for him to come back with a new friend. He is a competent, resourceful, strong, extremely kind ball of sunshine who's got the potential for greatness, even if he can't see it. 
And for this post I’m going to highlight this: Harry is, on top of all that, the ultimate embodiment of what The Shadow strives to protect, help and uplift. He is the living proof that The Shadow's mission has a good, positive effect in the world, long after criminals are brought to justice and plots are failed and victims are rescued, purely by the fact that he’s alive and helping others who were once like him. Someone who, despite having so much to offer, could have easily been swept away by the world’s callousness and cruelty, if The Shadow wasn’t there to rescue him and uplift him.
I liked The Shadow pretty much at first sight after seeing the character’s design and listening to episodes of the radio show, and my appreciation for the character grew after reading The Shadow’s Shadow, but it wasn’t until I encountered @oldschoolcrimefighters and her brilliantly informative writings on The Shadow and Harry that I not only fell in love with the series, but decided to do everything in my power to try and get other people to love it too and see the potential it has. I think a lot more people should at least be aware of why Harry matters. 
Number 1: Moe Shrevnitz
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I was honestly a bit surprised when I rounded up all of the agents to make this list and Shrevy here ended up in Number One, but in hindsight, it may have been obvious all along. 
My reasonings as to why Shrevy is my favorite agent do get a bit too personal, especially because of something that happened to me as I was writing this post, so I’m putting it on a separate post here. 
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The first thing you notice is the bite. It stings, throbs, bleeds. It's not a clean wound, not like a minor bite from a dog or cat. Not a few neat little punctures, or some gashes that would at least stitch up neatly. No. It's an ugly rip, the torn flesh from blunt teeth that are not and never were designed for biting. It's still startling how the human's muscles are powerful enough to bite through skin like that anyway. Strong enough to rip out a chunk, if you got snagged in a soft, tender place.
The next thing you notice is the infection. If you're lucky, you can use some precious water to wash off the bite and some gauze to wrap it, but most people aren't so lucky. Most have to rely on strips of acceptably dirty, sweaty fabric from old clothes, if they can even spare that much. Most don't want to "waste" a resource as precious as clean, drinkable water. So infection sets in fast and hard. Within a few days, your wound is a stinking, oozing mess. It's painful. Painful to look at, painful to touch, painful to move. It's swollen as your body desperately tries to fight the concoction of bacteria introduced from being bitten by a decomposing mouth. Then it itches. It itches madly. It itches so much you won't be able to sleep. It itches so bad that if you stop focusing on it, you'll find a surge of new pain as you've absently scratched it and started to bleed again, so you have to keep thinking about how badly you should never scratch the itch. Maybe you'll have a raw spot, where you've been tricking your mind into relief by scratching just above the wound. You might even have dug new cuts into your flesh, more wounds to host infection, more places to sting with pain. 
The itching is the virus taking hold, but you don't know that.
All you know is that you have a swollen, itchy, stinking bite. 
Next comes from the infection. You'll start to get a fever. Your bite will swell more, and feel hot. But mostly, you get a fever. Nobody feels good then. You'll switch between being far too hot to freezing cold, you'll sweat in a tank top in the middle of the night or you'll shiver under as many layers as you could possibly procure. You'll get nauseous, so you won't want to eat or drink, leading to more nausea as you dehydrate. As it progresses, you'll feel weaker. It might be harder to breathe normally, you might even feel your heart racing as you sit still. Even just a ten minute walk will exhaust you, but your group has to keep moving. As it goes on, you'll find it harder to keep your grasp on reality. The pain, the nausea, the smell, the weakness, it all blends into one as the virus takes its hold in your mind.
Oh, yeah. It's now when the virus kicks into action, having made it to your brain. Maybe you were taking care of yourself, and the infection actually hadn't gotten that bad through sheer luck and winning the biological lottery. But now the virus has made it to its destination. The first thing it does is impair your immune system. After all, it can't have you fighting it off. It doesn't want you healthy. If you're healthy, things get complicated. That natural system has to go, so away it goes. If you were sick, you'll suddenly find yourself getting sicker.
Next, it overrides your appetite. Maybe you were just craving crackers and water, maybe you didn't want anything, maybe you ate through the nausea just fine. It changes that. Subtly, day by day, it makes you feel hungrier and hungrier. The kind of hunger that sits in your belly and gnaws at your bones from the inside. It's also an unnatural craving for meat. Fresh meat, red, straight from the bone. Still warm, still flowing with life. You'll be able to smell your friends now, or the recent tracks of others if you're alone. Of course, you've always been able to smell them, but it got filed away into your subconscious. But now you're aware of it, because that virus tells you it's important. And they will smell decadent. 
It's all the virus, scrambling your neurons to connect hunger and appetite to humans instead of a plate of cookies, cake, fruit, veggies and juicy steak, mashed potatoes and meaty stew, anything you used to enjoy. It will change how you taste. Sweets will stick to your throat, bitters are more bitter, and if you're lucky to have a nice plate of steak, that fresh-grilled meat will taste rotten. What you crave is no longer any real sustenance, your mind has been altered. Now, you won't see a warm hand to hold, because the sight of bare, moving skin activates your salivary glands. The urge to sink your teeth into the soft flesh on a wrist or neck will be overwhelming in the blur of sickness from the infection. And if you do actually bite, especially if you taste blood, the virus will reward you. It'll flood your system with dopamine, and afterwards, for just a few moments, the edge of that hunger will release. It hopes you'll get addicted. It wants you to crave more biting, more flesh, because it feels right, because maybe, just maybe, if you eat enough the hunger will finally go away. 
Finally, it'll change your sense of fear as well. Dangerous situations that instinctively make humans nervous won't affect you. If anything, you'll crave the rush that deadly moments give you, the rush of feeling real and grounded in the midst of the foggy world from the mess in your system. Just fourteen days, and the virus is fully mature and ready to spread. Now, it needs you to die. So it makes you reckless. It does its best to turn a regular, self-preserving person into an actual train wreck. It will actually give you dopamine and serotonin when you get an injury, in a ratio equal to the wound. So, you'll die the happiest you could possibly be from something like a knife through the heart, or a shot through the gut. Some people are driven to jump from heights and impale themselves on something below, or even just hit the pavement and let themselves die wrapped in the gentle hands of joy. Some will just injure themselves, without the help of gravity. Some will aggressively antagonize other humans, hoping they'll eg them into a violent, deadly fight. But generally those people were already jerks in the first place.
Once you've died, however you died, the virus can take over. Because, this whole time, it wasn't really a virus. It was a worm, which starts so tiny you would never stand a chance of noticing it. Tinier even than those little red bugs you might see crawling over paper when you're out in the woods, so small that if you brush your hand over them they become nothing more than a smear of coppery brown. So small and fragile, they couldn't possibly survive outside of a host. But inside a host, they grow. They grow and grow, so thoroughly burying themselves in your brain they may as well have always been in it. When you die, they can finally take control of your muscles, no longer held back by the complexities of the human mind. This is why zombies shuffle and jerk around so awkwardly. They're merely puppets, meaty sacks of flesh controlled from inside by a worm that's found the strings. It knows just which ones to pull which way to make motion happen. It doesn't breathe, not really, all it might use is that sense of smell it learned while you were alive. It will use hearing, because those little organs in your ear won't stop feeling sound just because your body is dead. All those other systems aren't essential for a worm that's single purpose in life is now to find hosts for its own horrible offspring. Because that worm isn't alone. 
It's not one worm. It's dozens of them, all now breeding and gathering their safely hatched larvae on the cold teeth and tongue of the corpse within which they reside. And yes, they might have been able to spread before now, if your environment was just right to keep your mouth the right temperature for this breeding. Yes, you might have infected others while you still lived and breathed in your own skin.
You see, those adults can't reproduce at the natural body temperature of a human, let alone the temperatures they can reach during the height of a fever. So they need that host to die and cool off. It just takes a day. Just one day for enough eggs, enough larvae to let that monstrous parasite begin searching for a new host. Those larvae can't grow in the cold, decomposing bodies of the dead. Although, the adults are surprisingly resilient, uncharacteristically long-lived, for a parasite. And so, the zombie rises, shuffling after any hint of breathing humans to continue their cycle of life and death.
If you crack open a zombie's skull without blasting the contents within into oblivion, you might be able to find dozens of these foot-long worms wiggling in distaste at their unexpected situation.
Of course, all of this depends on the physical and mental toll that getting a severe infection does. Ideally, the parasite doesn't even get to the stage where it has to drive you to seek death, because septic shock has already come and destroyed you from the inside out. So, in theory, it is survivable. If you aren't wracked with sickness, if you have a strong will, you might be able to fight the parasites long enough for them to die. You might just be able to recover.
But that's never happened. Besides, would you even want to survive? How permanent, how treatable are the alterations these parasitic worms cause? No one knows.
Here it is, the zombie "virus" and how it works written in a weirdly disassociated perspective, specifically for the few bitten!hermit headcanons. Feel free to ask questions and write stories! Please tag me in them @basaltdragon, I wanna hear it all •v•
I'm sorry if this triggers anybody (including mod) in any way, it is... a Lot.
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Episode 0
Judgment of Corruption, pages 4-18
Is it greed to wish to be pure?
.
This world has now become a bundle of impurity.
I don't think that's a bad thing. This world certainly wasn't originally created to be absolutely clean and free of imperfections.
Take, for example, "water".
This thing that is vital to so many living beings is not pure in actuality, by and large. Mud, sand, salt, bacteria, and other sorts of organic matter besides…Despite all these impurities being mixed in it still wets the earth, or falls from the sky.
You need to perform a little bit of effort if you want to get purified water. The simplest and easiest method that humans undertake is distillation. You heat water until it evaporates, and then you cool it so that it condenses back into liquid. What you produce by doing this is still not “pure” water in the true sense of the word, but it is at least relatively safe to use to slake one’s thirst.
Even such a fundamental component like “water” needs to go through these phases in order to become pure. And since it isn’t completely so even then…It’s obvious that it’s a much harder matter to make pure something more complicated than that, like “humans”.
You could say that for humans to become pure beings in a material sense is largely impossible. Therefore, humans seek a spiritual “purity”, and have the tendency to make this into a virtue.
This in turn means that when it comes to those who differ from them physically and spiritually in this world—Or perhaps calling it “society” would be more accurate?—they have a habit of taking these heretics in society and loathing them as “impurities”.
.
Leaving the preface aside for the time being, right now I shall elucidate on the sight that stretches on beneath me.
First, relating to the whole region that this area is in--Humans have given this place the country name of "Holy Levianta". There was also a time long ago when it was called the "Magic Kingdom Levianta". Or, going off of a denomination particular to this current time period, combined with several of its neighboring countries you could also call it the “USE (Union State of Evillious)”.
Anyway, a red-brick building stood at the very center of this country—and I was clinging to the ceiling of its biggest room.
A big black star was painted on the ceiling. I don’t know if this building was named “the Dark Star Courthouse” as a result of this feature or if it was because it’s called “Dark Star Courthouse” that this star was painted--I know I learned it somewhere, but I've forgotten which it is.
Here and now, a bit of history was coming to an end.
A woman who had sought to be “pure” was now, for that reason, being eliminated from society as an “impurity”.
This social event by the name of a “trial”—she was the lead role, standing in the center of the Dark Star Courthouse’s great courtroom as the defendant.
“I will declare my verdict.”
The young head judge's calm voice rang through the courtroom.
The whole visitor’s gallery was packed full of people. That spoke to how much of the world’s attention this trial had.
“For the crimes of murder, larceny, and violation of the special law on witchcraft, the defendant Elluka Ma Clockworker…is sentenced to death.”
Upon hearing the judge’s verdict, all of the audience started to rustle.
"Oh…Oh God."
"How could this be…"
All of those who clutched their heads despondently were wearing the same religious habits. There were also those among them praying, rosaries in hand.
They, and Elluka who had just received her death sentence, were clergy of the Levin faith.
On the other hand, there were those who smiled with satisfaction at the verdict, those who glowered at the defendant with anger in their gaze, and those who simply watched over the proceedings without changing their expression.
"Kill the witch!" someone in the gallery suddenly shouted. Perhaps one of those who had a grudge against the defendant.
With that shout as the trigger, the courtroom began to grow increasingly into an uproar, and the judge slammed the gavel in his hand twice against the stand.
“Silence.”
His voice was unconcerned, and by no means loud, but with that the court became quiet once more.
The power to command the room—you could say that was one of the abilities sought after by judges. Just by seeing this single scene you could infer that he was quite capable in his job.
After letting out a sigh, the judge began his explanation on his verdict.
"To begin with…Though all present to witness this today already know of this, bizarre phenomena have been occurring in every region. For example, the other day a small forest here in the east of Levianta changed into a desert overnight. That was something that occurred spontaneously. If that were the only thing it would not be entirely beyond the realm of possibility. However, the issue is not limited to just that. --A baby was born between a certain husband and wife. By all rights this should be a happy occasion, but the second he saw that child the husband went mad with rage, and the wife grew severely disturbed. Why? ...Because even though the husband was an Elphe, and the wife was from Marlon, the baby was born with black skin, resembling neither of them."
I could hear a woman sobbing from the visitor’s gallery, but the judge ignored it and continued on.
“The husband sued the wife for the crime of infidelity. This trial was conducted by one of my subordinates, and the end result was that the wife was cleared of any wrongdoing. For no matter how extensively the World Police investigated, no evidence came forward to suggest that the wife had had an affair. Perhaps there are those who think this absurd. But the Dark Star Courthouse judging the wife innocent was not done on the basis of this fact alone. –Examples like this are occurring in every household in the world right now. The birth of children that are unlike their parents or their ancestors, completely ignoring their genes…Things that are scientifically impossible are genuinely occurring.”
His explanation seemed fairly roundabout. I would have liked him to just get onto the main topic of the basis of his verdict, but perhaps it was appropriate consideration for a judge to have, given the world’s interest in this trial.
Not all of the people in the visitor’s gallery were highly educated. By so neatly explaining the line of his reasoning, he may have been trying to get them to understand how he arrived at sentencing the defendant to death.
“In the kingdom of Beelzenia to the south, creatures with skin an inhumanly white like limestone are said to be rampaging all over the region. The truth is unclear, but there are reports that these are corpses that have crawled out of graveyards. The world is in a whirlpool of chaos so severe that we cannot laugh these off as jokes. And the source behind all of these things—"
“Are witches!"
Again someone shouted from the gallery.
The judge cleared his throat, and pounded the gavel.
“—The USE unified government has concluded that the cause of this progression of bizarre occurrences is that they are done by the magic of ‘witches’. At first there were objections that this was an unscientific, even anachronistic conclusion. However…as a result of the research done by our scientists, we have already confirmed the existence of ‘witches’ throughout Evillious history. This was made clear by the testimony of historian Sir Heaven Jaakko given in this court.”
The judge dropped his gaze to the defendant's chair. The woman there—Elluka, having just received her death sentencing, made no sign that she was losing control. She only looked up at the judge’s seat, silent.
She just looked to be faintly smiling.
“—Due to the ‘special law on witchcraft’, the World Police have up until this point arrested many suspects who were thought to be witches, and in this Dark Star Courthouse all of them have been given the death sentence. However…the strange occurrences in the world have shown no sign of resolving. This does not mean the conclusion of the World Police and the Dark Star Courthouse is incorrect. This worldwide chaos cannot be brought about by a single ‘witch’. Peace will not come to the world until we have exterminated all witches.”
The judge once again looked at Elluka.
“The defendant is also someone who was arrested by the World Police under suspicion of being a ‘witch’. However unlike the others, she bears the name of the witch ‘Elluka’, who appears in history. This court is treating the name ‘Elluka’ as one that is passed down among witches throughout the generations, and has acknowledged that the defendant is the current holder of the title.”
Humans are clever creatures, but that doesn’t mean that they could always derive the correct answer on everything.
I knew that the woman in that defendant's chair was certainly "Elluka". But she by no means was a figure who had merely inherited that name.
The Sorceress of Time, “Elluka”, had always been the same being.
Of course, the average human wouldn't know that.
--It sounded like the judge’s story had finally moved on to the main topic.
“The immediate charges the defendant was arrested for was the murder of Sir Mata Corpa, the Minister of Finance of the Lucifenian Republic, and larceny. A priestess of the Levin church, the defendant did on the night of April 4th, Evillious year 944, sneak into the Corpa estate and murder the afore-named victim. Upon stealing the ‘Marlon Spoon’ which was being stored inside the estate, she was caught in the act by an investigator of the World Police’s International Works Department ‘Justea’. Thanks to investigation taken afterward it was confirmed that the defendant had eighty-four other offenses—”
After that the judge rattled off both the nature of those offenses, and just how heinous a person Elluka was.
“—Furthermore, the World Police’s main office has determined that the defendant is ‘Elluka Ma Clockworker’, who is thought to be the leader of all ‘witches’, and this court has now indicted her as such. The defendant has acknowledged all of her crimes but shows no sign of introspection in her conduct; the blame that she must take responsibility for as the cause of all the chaos in the world is enormous, and from a societal point of view I have determined that there is no other recourse than for her to face capital punishment.”
The long explanation on his verdict had come to an end.
“Court is adjourned.”
Immediately after the judge pounded his gavel one last time, the viewing gallery once more broke out into an uproar.
But the judge showed no sign of quieting them down. He silently stood up and then started to walk towards the exit. Other judges followed suit.
Several reporters with notebooks in hand dashed outside from the gallery. Their articles that “Defendant Elluka Ma Clockworker Given Death Penalty Verdict” would surely be front page news tomorrow.
Elluka did not look towards the viewing gallery. She showed no indication that she concerned herself with the cries and jeers from behind her, still simply standing there with the same expression on her face.
Two of the courthouse’s guards approached her, and seized her arms. She did not resist them, and was taken out of the courtroom.
.
I also left the courtroom, following after Elluka. When I caught sight of her in the hallway I once more clung to the ceiling.
Elluka and the guards walked on without saying a word.
But an intruder suddenly appeared there.
"Elluka!"
I could see a single man running towards them from deeper in the hallway, opposite the direction they were heading.
Three other guards were running after him.
Right before he could reach Elluka he was tragically seized by the guards.
"Let go!"
The man struggled but his lean body was no match for the brawny guards, and he was unable to shake them off.
Elluka stood in place, silently gazing at the man.
Her expression appeared to have changed slightly from when she was in the courtroom.
It was slightly…it was only slightly, but she looked sad.
After a moment, a new figure appeared from a nearby door.
"Release him."
It was the young head judge who had run the court session earlier.
“Uhh…But…”
While the guards holding the man hesitated, the head judge continued, "It doesn't matter. He has a relationship with the defendant. We can allow him one last conversation with her at the very least.”
An act of kindness by the soft-hearted judge…so it may have looked to someone watching.
But as the guards released the man he grew enraged at the judge.
"You bastard…So you betrayed me, did you!?”
“Betrayed you? Now now, what are you saying, Gandalf? I merely made a just and upright judgment…No more, no less. What? ‘The defendant will surely be found innocent, as she has the backing of the Levin church and the Freezis Foundation’--Was that your simplistic line of thinking?”
"Guh…"
"You're far, far too naïve. Unfortunately she earned far more enmity than necessary. ‘Elluka Ma Clockworker’ must be put to death…The people who believe such are in far greater number than you’ve imagined.”
“…And how much did you accept from these ‘people who hate Elluka’?”
“Ha ha, now what could you mean by that, I wonder…Are you suggesting that I, the director of the Dark Star Bureau, have been paid off by bribes? To think that I would be suspected of such by one of my own colleagues…how sad,” the head judge said, pressing on the inner corner of his eye in an affected manner.
“How dare you speak to me so shamelessly—"
“It’s quite unlikely, most unlikely for that to have happened, Gandalf. Unlikely, and yet…Well, let me put it this way…‘Money is the best lawyer in hell’.”
“Why you…”
Even now Gandalf grit his teeth as though he were about to knock him out, but the head judge quickly held a hand out in front of him as though to restrain him.
“Please calm down. I have no wish to make you a defendant too. …Honestly, on the contrary, you should be thanking me. Right until the end I never revealed your—relationship with Elluka. By all rights that is improper of a head judge to do. But…I didn’t want to tarnish your career with this. As a colleague, and as your friend.”
“…I no longer have any wish to stay in the Dark Star Courthouse. I’m fed up with this corrupt organization.”
“Are you insane? You would waste my help after I went to such pains…Fine. You’ve made your decision. I won’t stop you,” the judge related, his tone extremely mournful but his expression joyful.
Gandalf clenched his trembling hand into a fist, but eventually he let it drop, shoulders dropping with a crestfallen air.
No matter how he struggled, he could not stop Elluka’s execution—He had given up on it.
Someone else starting walking over from the entrance to the courtroom that Gandalf had run in from.
“Sir…”
It was a woman wearing a servant uniform, looking roughly thirty years old.
She was holding a young baby against her chest.
After briefly patting the baby’s head, Gandalf made this request of the head judge:
“In the end…Only a few words would be enough. Please, let me speak with Elluka.”
“Of course. That’s why I originally had the guards release you, after all.”
“With…the baby, if possible.”
“That baby—Ah, I understand. I see. So that’s how it is. Well, I don’t mind.”
Upon hearing those words, Gandalf gratefully inclined his head. Then he and the servant started to move towards Elluka—but there he turned back to the head judge for a moment.
"I said this earlier, but I will quit being a judge. …However. This doesn't mean that I have completely lost hope. This doesn't mean I'm going to quit being a man of "justice". I know that someday, someone who has a truly just heart will change this corrupt institution. When that happens, I know that rotten bastards like you will see hell. Head of the Dark Star Courthouse—Hanma Baldured!”
"Ha ha ha, that’s quite the bark for a beaten dog. …Well, I look forward to when that day comes." The judge--Hanma, returned once more to the door while laughing him off.
After seeing him leave, Gandalf turned back to Elluka and walked to her side.
"Elluka…"
"Gandalf…"
The two of them gazed at each other, bringing their faces closer and gently exchanging a tender kiss.
"That I should be parted from you like this--"
“I’ve been prepared for this, Gandalf. I do use ‘magical arts’. That is a true fact. …And you accepted me anyway, despite knowing that.”
“But…this trial is no more than a farce! I know there’s no way these bizarre events in the world are your fault. You—the Elluka that I love, could never be the kind of person who would do such things! It’s obvious that this story of you murdering the Minister of Finance is a false accusation!”
"--Thank you. It does my heart good just to have someone here now who believes in me."
The two of them kissed one last time.
.
A tragic parting of two people who loved each other.  An innocent defendant and her lover. Well, something like that I suppose.
But I’ll say it again. Humans are not always wise, and cannot always derive the truth.
I knew. It was indeed utter nonsense, this idea that Elluka was causing the chaos in the world with magic.
And not just Elluka. All of the "witches" judged at this Dark Star Courthouse were innocent.
These strange occurrences. Their cause lies not in “witches”.
These were errors induced within a much larger stream than that.
And the only ones who knew the true reason for them--
Were "Gods".
…In that sense, you could say that Elluka was innocent.
However.
The other crime that she’d been charged with—the murder of Minister of Finance Corpa, that was without a doubt something Elluka committed.
It was a crime she had carried out in order to obtain that “Marlon Spoon”…Or to speak more accurately, to obtain the being that was inside it.
.
The baby abruptly started fussing.
“Oh dear, do you need some milk? Or a new nappy?”
The servant flusteredly started to rock the baby.
Upon noticing that, Elluka leisurely made her way over.
"Lady Elluka…Please, hold your baby,” the servant said with tears in her eyes, handing the baby off to Elluka.
The moment that Elluka gently held him in her arms, the baby immediately ceased crying.
"…He's a smart boy."
“Yes, he properly knows who his mother is."
"And he also understands that his mother--is a 'scary woman when angered'."
"Ha ha…Perhaps so." While holding the baby, Elluka turned to Gandalf. "What you said to Hanma earlier--"
"Hm?"
“That one day, someone who has a truly just heart will change this corrupt institution…I hope our boy becomes that person.”
“…Honestly I have no desire for him to ever get involved with the Dark Star Courthouse.”
“…That’s pretty unfair coming from you, having already made your decision to quit this place.”
"I'm sorry. I know better than anyone what a weak man I am. But—"
“It’s alright. Not everyone has the determination to fight. But…the one who will ultimately decide what he does is this baby himself.”
“Yes…True.”
Elluka brought her face close to the baby and lightly kissed his brow.
“Bye bye. Grow up to be a good man like your father…Gallerian.”
.
Led along by the guards, Elluka disappeared further inside the courthouse.
As he watched her from behind—No. Gandalf could not continue to watch any longer.
He had fallen to his knees on the floor, and started to loudly sob.
As though following along with him, the baby being held in the servant’s arms also began to wail.
.
Well then.
This is a very intriguing matter to me.
In this world—this space that I call the “Third Period”—Elluka is a very singular being.
She possesses an extremely long lifespan, and has continued to involve herself in the history of this world.
…To speak more strictly, it’s a bit of a faulty expression to call who she is now by the name “Elluka”, but explaining that would be very complicated, so I’ll leave that alone.
She is a mere shadow of what had once been the Sorceress of Time “Elluka”…If you think of her that way you would not be mistaken, for the time being.
I’m not just interested in her, but also the fact that she’s given birth to a baby.
As far as I know, she has until this point never done such a deed before.
What sort of change has there been in her mental state?
And what sort of path will that child—Gallerian Marlon, take from here on out?
I think I shall observe Gallerian for a short while.
Perhaps he could become a savior for this world.
Or perhaps he could become a pest that leads it to its ruin.
I still don’t know which.
All I can do is to simply gaze on.
.
--I have yet to introduce myself.
It’s not that I’m trying to hide it, or put on airs about it.
Only, in this story I am a simple observer, and as such I don’t have any particular importance.
Even so, if you would like to know about me—
Then for now I will at least tell you my name.
.
My name is “Sickle”.
I am a simple bat, with nothing unusual about me at all.
directory------next>>
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dustyphantom · 4 years
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Fraxus week Day 1
So this is actually apart of a larger(unpublished) fic and is a bit loose on the prompt(Growing Old Together), but I hope it suffices. It takes place seven years after the 100 year quest.
Nobody had any clue how Freed and Laxus had survived two and a half years with twins. Laxus was generally pretty anxious, and Freed valued organization almost as much as he loved his husband.
But somehow, they were still alive and well, and they loved their little family more than anything else, however exhausting it might be.
Freed flopped unceremoniously onto the couch, resting his head on Laxus’s lap. His shoulder-length green hair was askew, hair tie lost somewhere in the process of putting their two children down for their afternoon nap. 
Laxus noted his page number before setting his book down on the coffee table. He ran his fingers through Freed’s hair. Between two grabby toddlers and a series of ensuing incidents, Freed had decided to cut off most of his hair, much to Laxus’s dismay. The rune mage had agreed to grow it out again once he felt it was safe to do so.
“Any progress?” The Lightning Dragon asked with a sympathetic smile, brushing Freed’s bangs away from his face.
The rune mage sighed, shaking his head, “I feel like we’ve done everything. What else is there to try?”
“I’m sure we’ll think of something.”
Laxus hoped so. He loved his children with everything he had, but sometimes they could be a bit… problematic, as all toddlers were. Yuri was a sweetheart who would never hurt a fly, but his sister was another story. Robin was a handful, thrashing about and refusing to behave, no matter what they tried. On top of that, nobody knew when her magic would present, or what it would look like.
Robin was biologically Freed’s child, which led to quite a few complications. Freed’s magic was hereditary, a very unusual trait, which he’d had for as long as he could remember. Robin showed signs of carrying her father’s magic, which had a tendency to be unpredictable and hard to control, especially in someone so young. They had no idea if or when she would tap into it, and what that would be like, on top of her attitude. She was already developing a magic presence, so it was only so long until they found out, most likely the hard way.
Yuri, on the other had, was concerning for the opposite reason. He had no magical presence at all, and showed no signs of developing anything. Normally, that would be fine for a two-and-a-half year old child, especially since his surrogate mother had developed her magic when she was eleven. The only problem with that was that Laxus had never developed magic properly, and of course he feared that his son would suffer from the same condition and would never be able to become a powerful wizard because of limitations he could never do anything to fix. Having a condition like what Laxus had when he was young and a monstrously powerful sibling couldn’t be good for anyone.
He was pulled from his thoughts when a mischievous smirk crossed Freed’s face. He sat up, twisting to sit on his knees. He leaned forward, pressing a kiss on his husband’s temple. Laxus smiled, “What’s got you so excited?”
“The twins are asleep,” the Rune Mage said, “So we effectively have the house to ourselves.”
The Lightning Dragon chuckled, “I like where this is going.”
Freed shifted to straddle Laxus’s lap, “You’re here and we’re free, so why don’t we indulge ourselves for once?”
Laxus smirked, putting his hands on his husband’s waist, “Yeah, this would be the perfect opportunity…” He shifted his grip, sliding his hands underneath Freed’s ass, picking up the smaller man. The Rune Mage smothered a yelp, allowing Laxus to carry him to their room, arms wrapped around the lightning dragon’s neck. He dropped Freed on the bed, and then promptly flopped down on top of him.
“Ack! Laxus, get off! I can’t breathe!” Freed cried through his laughter. Laxus rolled off of him, smiling playfully.
It was nice to see Freed so happy. For a long time, he’d been uptight and lived in the shadow of his troubled past, but he’d finally started to get over it seven years ago, just shortly after they’d started dating. Nothing made Laxus happier than seeing the love of his life unburdened and content. He’d never thought the sound of someone laughing would ever make him feel like his heart was going to burst. He placed a kiss on his husband’s lips, which reciprocated without hesitation. 
The Rune Mage wrapped his arms around Laxus’s waist, holding him close so his face was buried in the taller man’s chest, “I love you. More than words can express.”
“I love you too,” Laxus responded, putting a hand on Freed’s back, between his shoulder blades. Freed’s hum of approval was muffled in his chest.
In recent years, moments like this had become less and less common. Raising children took up a lot of their time already, and it had only become harder once Laxus became a part of the Magic Council. He’d been named a Wizard Saint less than a year ago, which meant he had to be out of town quite often, working with the Council and making public appearances. Of course Freed was happy for his husband, but he did miss having Laxus with him almost all the time, spending whole days just cuddling and drinking hot cocoa and mulled wine in the winter.
Even so, he could never ask for a better husband. He was happy with what he had. There had been no fighting between the guilds in seven years, and for once he could just rest and be at peace with the family he would do anything to protect.
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unfragilelove · 4 years
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when all is lost, then all is found.  (1/1)
This is the idea that’s been knocking around in my head and refusing to let me rest until I spat it out on paper.   I hope you all enjoy.  <3 (begins post-Frozen 1, and ends post-Frozen 2.)
Frohana/Kristanna    ||   No warnings/rating    ||    ao3 link
“If you don’t mind my asking, why did you travel with ice harvesters as a child?   Why didn’t you live in an Arendelle orphanage?” Kristoff just shrugs.  “Because there isn’t one.”
aka:   The royal family establishes the first orphanage in Arendelle, and the children are not the only ones who find a home within it's walls.
Arendelle has always prided itself on being well-run kingdom, fortunate enough to have an abundance of resources, plenty of trade, a fairly stable economy, and residents who rarely disturb the peace.
Which is why it comes as such a shock to Anna and Elsa when, in a conversation with Kristoff, full of quiet admissions and tales of their childhood, the topic comes up:
  “If you don’t mind my asking, why did you travel with ice harvesters as a child?   Why didn’t you live in an Arendelle orphanage?”
  Kristoff just shrugs.  “Because there isn’t one.”
  Anna’s jaw drops and Elsa looks a combination of surprised and uncomfortable, both of the women falling silent for several long moments, seemingly at a loss for words.
  “There isn’t one?”  Anna speaks up first, her voice incredulous, “Not anywhere in our entire kingdom?”
  “No.   But, to be fair, it’s not like there are a lot of displaced kids in Arendelle.”
  “But when there are,”  Anna says, her voice rising with her building emotions,  “When it does come up, and there are parents who can’t take care of their baby, or a kid whose parents die,”  Elsa and Kristoff both wince a bit at that, and the waver in Anna’s voice speaks for itself,  “We don’t have anywhere for them to go?”
  Kristoff presses his lips together in a tight frown, unable to find the words to ease her mind.  Admittedly, it does bother him, too— the thought of other children growing up without homes, and perhaps not ending up as fortunate as he did.  (Trolls they may be, but they’re his family, all the same.)
  “I feel awful, for not even knowing.”  Elsa says, her voice quiet and eyes pensive. 
  “Up until a few months ago, you two spent your entire lives inside the castle walls.  It’s not your fault that you don’t know every inch of Arendelle yet.”  Kristoff says, looking at the two downtrodden sisters, and hoping to assuage some of their guilt.
  “But we can change that, right?”  Anna asks, though her voice leaves little room for argument.  “We could create a place where kids can be safe.  Somewhere that they can stay until they find home and families, somewhere they don’t have to be alone anymore.”
  None of them seem inclined to disagree.
  It’s a fairly small thing, Arendelle’s Home for Children, but it’s plenty homey, with plush blankets on warm beds, and boxes full of toys, and a view of the fjord through the dining room window.   It’s located right outside the castle gates, too, which makes overseeing the building process all the easier.   (They all play a role in it’s creation, Kristoff helps with a lot of the hands-on work, Elsa oversees the plans, and Anna is the creative force behind it all, offering ideas and helping in any way she can.)
  The demand for an orphanage was not immense, but it's a cause that proves itself more than necessary.
  This rings particularly true, when it hasn't even been a week after they finish painting the outer walls, and they are approached by a woman, tears rolling down her face, a young toddler in her arms.   A child that is not hers, but her brother’s, who went out for what was supposed to be a two-day trek into the mountains and failed to return alive, and she simply can’t raise the boy herself anymore, she’s sorry, so sorry--
  (It isn't long at all before a couple-- two lovely women, both skilled blacksmiths-- tentatively come into the Home.   They’ve wanted a child of their own for years now, and considering the way the couple’s eyes well up with tears when the two tiny hands reach up toward them,  Anna, Elsa and Kristoff all have no doubt they made the right decision.)
  As time passes, the amount of children in the Home ebbs and flows— thankfully, they’ve rarely had more than five residents at any given time, and in the two whole years since it’s been open, they’ve said tearful farewells to almost a dozen children who’ve found happy homes with new parents.
  Turns out, there are kids in Arendelle who need a safe place to live, but there are also plenty of couples--  same-sex couples, or ones who cannot bear children, or individuals who simply want to adopt a child into their life--  who are equally grateful for the opportunity to expand their family.
  It may be far from a lucrative business, but it’s brought them far more fulfillment than any amount of coin could.
   When they first opened Arendelle’s Home for Children, Gerda had offered her assistance in running the place.   Anna, who remembered how kind she was to her as a child, knew she’d be as good a fit as any.   And now, coming up on two and a half years into the endeavor, it still rings true.    However, while Gerda remains the primary live-in caretaker, the royal family’s presence has been far from absent.
  Kristoff spends a fair amount of time down in the Home, often bringing Sven, who happily brays and lets the kids hang off his antlers, or ride on his back.   He can’t help but talk for Sven, too, which almost always makes the younger children giggle and squeal in delight.    
  There’s one little girl there, Sylvi, with pale skin and tangled blonde hair, who mostly keeps to herself— she’s nonverbal, and hasn’t quite warmed up to any of them yet, curling away from any sort of physical contact. 
(They’re not sure if she was born that way, or if it’s a coping mechanism, or some combination of both. They know next to nothing about her past, but they’ll do everything they can to ensure her a happy future.)    
  She still remains rather closed-off, despite being at the Home for a few months now.   But then, on a crisp Spring morning, something incredible happens-- Kristoff breaks out in Sven’s voice, and Sylvi’s face lights up like a Christmas tree.   She smiles-- the very first smile they’ve seen cross her face in all the time she’s been there-- and she wanders over to bury her hands happily in the thick texture of the reindeer’s fur.   It’s the most progress they’ve seen her make thus far, and Kristoff has never felt prouder.
      Meanwhile, Anna spends any free time she has at the Home, too-- enthusiastically telling the kids stories of her adventures, (usually with Olaf at her side, reenacting the scenes with equal enthusiasm.)   And she’s almost always bringing the kids more toys. (“Your highness, how many times must I insist there are already too many toys to keep the place tidy!”   “Oh, come on Gerda, how am I supposed to be considered a kind and generous princess if I don’t spoil my favorite little Arendellians!   Plus, Kristoff and I already started building them bigger toy boxes, don’t worry.”)   
  There’s a boy there, Fredrik, with wild curly locks and a gap-toothed grin, who always runs and flings himself into Anna’s arms.  He, too, always has a new story to tell— of he and the other kids playing pirates, or this baby rabbit he saw in the woods, or the way he swears there’s a sea monster in the fjord.    Sometimes he’ll stop himself mid-sentence, as though realizing he’s rambling, and stumbles over an apology-- in a way that feels painfully familiar to Anna.   But she’ll be damned if she makes a child feel any of the same inadequacy she did.    With a shake of her head and a smile, she’ll urge him on, “Well, don’t leave me hanging!   You’ve gotta tell me what happened next!”   
The way his face always brightens in response is worth more than anything in the world.   
    Elsa stops by frequently, as well— though at first it had taken her a bit longer to get used to being around children, mostly due to the fear she still wasn’t fully in control of her powers.     Once she had begun to visit, though, the children quickly grew on her, and she’ll often make them little flurries and piles of snow to play in during the hot summer months.   There’s an older girl in her late teens, named Runa— who starts to sit next to Elsa while the younger children play.   Runa is mostly blind, but she often requests little ice sculptures from Elsa, a smile always gracing her face as she runs her fingers along the frigid curves of each figurine.    Of course, they have plenty of wooden toys that could serve the same purpose.  So one day, Elsa can't help but to ask, “Doesn’t the cold bother you?”  
Runa shrugs,  “I’ve never minded it.”  
  Perhaps it’s not so much the ice figurines she enjoys, as much as it is the company and kindness of another.
   Of course, all the children who have come into the Home hold special places in each of their hearts.   It’s a complicated sort of love, as every farewell they have is a bittersweet one (it means they’ll see the child far less, if at all--  but it means they've found a real home, which is so, so good.)   
  And on a similar vein, every child they watch get passed up by potential families breaks their hearts.   
  It's Autumn when a lot changes in an incredibly short span of time.   By the time the dust fully settles in Arendelle, Anna’s both engaged and coronated as Queen, Elsa lives in the Enchanted Forest with the Northuldra, and there’s an entire chunk of their kingdom’s history that needs retelling.    For Anna, in particular, the queendom comes incredibly natural to her— but the journey it took to get there, the mass of secrets their family kept, holding Olaf as he perished, the gripping fear that she was truly alone , followed by nearly dying on the dam--  well, that all is a bit harder to come to terms with.  
  Eventually, though, things calm down enough for them to fall back in to a mostly normal routine, and they waste no time visiting the Home regularly once more.   There, they find a couple new residents, and, unfortunately-- three familiar faces who’ve yet to find homes.
Sylvi, despite most families passing her by, makes great strides-- she warms up to Kristoff through her comfort around Sven, and begins to trust the sisters, too.   Elsa, with her calm and composed demeanor, seems to put her at ease.   And Anna, though far more excitable than her sister in nature, is always careful to not to overstimulate or stress the child out.   Eventually, the first time Sylvi makes proper eye contact with someone is with Anna, her curious little eyes becoming absolutely fixated on the princess’s face as she tells her a story.    The little one doesn’t even seem to realize she’s doing it, and yet it takes Anna all the willpower she can muster to stay focused on the tale she’s weaving, and not start to cry right then and there.
  Fredrik, meanwhile, is a lovebug with just about everyone, as outgoing as ever and never seeming to run low on energy.   He loves nature, always asking to ride Sven, or picking up little snails off the cobblestone path and moving them to safety, or doodling different plants he finds throughout the town.   He can almost always be found running around playing with Olaf, or dragging the other children into games, or asking Kristoff and Anna to take him on hikes, or running headfirst into a snow pile Elsa made-- (to which she quickly has to add extra snow to cushion him from hitting the ground beneath, and dear gods , these children will never fail to keep their reflexes sharp.) 
  Elsa, although no longer living there, still visits Arendelle rather frequently.   While it’s their family game night that keeps her coming back weekly, she makes time to visit the Home, as well.    Despite it being a regular occurrence, Runa’s face never fails to light up when she hears Elsa’s voice.   It always makes her heart feel full-- that is, until the day Gerda pulls her aside and shares that they haven’t had many potential adopters, lately, and those that do visit are almost never interested in Runa.   
“Beyond being blind, she’s nearly an adult, in most people’s eyes.” Gerda tells her in a whisper, her voice thick with sadness.  “And I fear she may not find a family before that day comes.”    
  It sticks with Elsa, the words ringing in her ears and refusing to grant her peace.   She feels like it’s the siren’s call all over again, something nagging in the back of her mind, except instead of being mysterious and exciting, it’s an echo of a far more grim reality.   She returns to the Enchanted Forest that night, and it’s several weeks before she visits the orphanage again.
  “You came back!”  Runa exclaims when she returns, “I was starting to think you forgot about me.”
  “Quite the opposite, actually, I’ve been thinking about you a lot lately.   There’s something I need to speak to you about.”  A sharp breath, and then:  “How would you feel about coming to live with me and the Northuldra?”
  A few more months pass, and while the newest children have come and gone from their system in nearly record time, Sylvi and Fredrik still remain.   It’s just the two of them in the Home now, and with the holidays only days away, it doesn’t appear they’ll find homes before the new year.
  As a result, Kristoff and Anna, in addition to the time they spend with them during the day, have taken to inviting the kids for dinner with them in the castle, most nights. (“They deserve to eat in a proper home, you know?” “Of course, and I’m sure Gerda will enjoy having the afternoon off--”  “Right, and Fredrik didn’t get a chance to finish telling us about how he saved that baby bird!”
“And really, no child deserves to feel alone this time of year.”)
It’s not the first time they’ve all eaten in the castle together, but there’s something about the way Sylvi erupts into a fit of loud giggles when Fredrik puts a carrot up his nose to imitate Olaf,  or the way Kristoff feigns shock to amuse the kids each time he looks away only to find more and more brussel sprouts being snuck onto his plate,  or the way Fredrik, with a belly already full of hearty food, looks at the dessert tray being brought in and says, “Man, I love you guys.”   
  The moments are happy ones, and yet Anna’s chest aches  while watching how well these two children seem to settle into their everyday life.  The Home would continue to keep them safe and comfortable, yes, but it’s still not… well, a home .
  The short trek back to the orphanage that night is a heavy one, as they know the kids need to be back in their own beds, but find that it’s getting harder and harder to say goodbye each time.   Sylvi tucks her nose into the crook of Anna’s neck as she carries her, no longer terrified of touch as she once was (at least, not from Kristoff and Anna.)    And Fredrik sits on Kristoff’s shoulders, his boundless energy finally waning as his eyes droop closed.  
  They tuck them in and say their goodnights, returning home to a castle that suddenly feels far too empty.
    It’s only a few hours later, when Kristoff and Anna decide to retire to their room for the night.  The two of them are quietly getting ready for bed when Kristoff speaks up, his voice tentative.  
  “Anna, do you, uh-- do you still want to have kids?” 
  “I do.   Why?  Wait, are you having second thoughts—“
  “No, no, definitely not!   I still do too.  I really do.”
  Anna watches him, her fingers playing absent-mindedly with his hair as she waits patiently for him to get to the point he’s clearly trying to build toward.   He takes a deep breath, and then:
  “Do you want only... biological children?”
  Her heart swells as it occurs to her where he’s heading with this, and she wonders how she got so lucky, to find someone whose soul aligns so perfectly with her own.
  “Not at all," Anna says, and oh, she can already feel the tears building in her eyes,  "I’d be happy raising a child with you, however they come into our life.” 
   “So say there was a boy with curly hair and a kind heart, as feisty as you, to slide down the bannisters with--”
  “Or maybe a little blonde like you, who trusts us more than anyone, quiet but brave as can be, who comes out of her shell more and more every day--”
  “Or both?”   He asks with a sheepish, yet oh-so radiant grin, and Anna mirrors it tenfold.  
  “Yeah.  Both sounds good to me.”
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Fragment: Violence
This short text is part of a collection of critical writings in progress concerning “civil anarchism”, as put forth by Venona Q. and Dark Matter publications, which is a response to a statement by the UK Anarchist Federation/Libcom denouncing the non-fatal shooting of CEO Roberto Adinolfi of Ansaldo Nucleare in Genoa, Italy [1]. Two anarchist comrades, Nicola Gai and Alfredo Cospito are accused of the action, which was claimed by Olga Cell-FAI/FRI. Solidarity to the accused, who are imprisoned in Ferrara, Italy. This fragment is simply a meandering series of thoughts, the results of a notepad and a rainy afternoon, rather than a ‘manifesto’ or the kind of dry political statement that it is in response to.
I
“By having carried out dozens of attacks against targets of the system, with especially destructive material results, we were and will always be precise. We aim specifically against the institutions and the officers of the system, giving special attention to not injure someone who is not a target to us.” CCF
Violence is neither good nor bad.
It is the State’s basis for it’s domination and consent. Any one who breaks this relationship is usually deemed criminal and/or insane. Any acts used in this transgression are usually deemed “unlawful” or further, “terrorism”.
II
“There are no innocents. We all make part of the social machine of Power. The question is whether we are oil or sand in its gears. Therefore, we reject the notion of the apparent innocence of society. Silence is never innocent. We hate both the hand that holds the whip and the back which passively endures it.” CCF
The willing citizens, media, police, law courts, judges, prisons and military are the lines of defence for the order of this relationship in Society. Anarchist violence is the shattering of this order, the reclamation/expression of our power and the rupture of the complicity of the submissive crowd. It is the seizure of the existent reality and the beginning of its destruction.
III
“Life obtains value based on the choices every individual makes.” CCF
It is obviously still needed to say that when anarchists use force, it is never indiscriminate. The civil anarchists, whose sole domain really is in the realm of politics, react to the rhetoric of “terrorism” which is imposed by the State by merely repeating their dogmas about “risking the lives” of postal and clerical workers. It’s clearly a matter of technical and operational questions, to strike the intended target, but I won’t cry for the secretaries of Swissnuclear [2], the Chief Director of Equitalia [3], nor for the boss of Ansaldo Nucleare. Nor will I be alarmed if an employee of an embassy is harmed, for everyone other than idiots understands what those places represent. The new anarchist guerrillas don’t look for clemency based on their clear targeting but express their opposition in their own terms in their own ways.
IV
“The tigers of wrath are wiser than the horses of instruction” William Blake
The civil anarchists draw the same line as the Marxists regarding the “criminals” and themselves: “Good people” who are within the laws of their self-designed parameters of behaviour and the “bad people” who are condemned by their rules. Outside of the UK many of the comrades have a much closer relationship to “violence” and “criminality” through bank robberies, organising attacks, fierce demos, stealing, fraud, counterfeiting etc. and added to that possibility the experience of clandestinity or living underground. Illegalism is the bread of the insurrection. Many have gone to prison already and we can learn about their cases in many places. In the UK there is a widespread lack of experience concerning the organisation of the attack, the recognition of the ideas and relationships of the affinity groups to the “criminal acts”. Going beyond the law is part of developing the anarchist-insurrectional project and this is part of the reason why the civil anarchists despise and neglect the cases of the imprisoned and fugitive comrades- because they reject their actions, the tendencies of attack and the global discourse of anarchists of praxis. Individual acts of violence/negation which are not approved by their group-think are regarded as part of the “criminal” or “terrorist” sphere and smeared as provocations. In this way, the civil anarchists become part of the discourse of power and compose themselves as a sector of repression.
Ask yourselves, in all their rhetoric of the “worker” – where is the “criminal”? Not all “criminals” are rebels but there is an entire world which is not touched upon. It is not a mistake, the civil anarchists despise criminals and do not seek the end of prisons, simply their reformation. They are scared of the anti-social mob, King Mob, who has come back to torch all the houses of the politico-meritocrats and burn the city, because the civil anarchists are ‘the cops of the future’.
For the civil anarchists, essentially in their Christian-socialist thinking, the ‘worker’ is simply one who toes the line in their projection, does what everybody else does, does not take more than he is due as a worker and will only ask for more, but seldom take. The “criminal” does not toe the line, she is an Outsider. The criminal takes what they want, even more than they need, and bows to no one. The criminal is not to be managed by the civil servants or the civil anarchists, and so the criminal is excluded from their conversation. Or suppressed. It’s the same process for the uncontrollable Unique.
V
“For us, there is no middle ground. They who declare openly their anarchist intentions are facing a decisive dilemma, to either act or give up anarchy forever. There can never be anarchy at the rear of coffee shops and gossiping… Either act or shut up…” Conspiracy of Cells of Fire-FAI/IRF — Consciousness Gangs-FAI/IRF — Sole–Baleno Cell
Attacks are the primary goal of the new anarchist urban guerrillas, to disrupt the patterns of activity of functionaries, conduits and engines of the economy-megamachine, and to spread terror amongst the included classes. Destruction of banks, businesses, electrical infrastructure, internet transmission, mobile phone, television, radio antennas and attacks on technologies of domination might not be properly defined as “violence” or “terrorism”, but the blows they inflict are troubling enough to the authorities to be regarded as such by them. Property destruction aggravates the enemy and the submissive crowd, and has a clear insurrectional purpose. I reject the “non-violent” label often attached to actions of sabotage, and consider them part of the polymorphous struggle reaching beyond such definitions that benefit social control.
Anarchist violence is “criminal” in the sense that it goes against sociable expectations of order and consensus, so it is probably perfectly acceptable to presume -especially within the post-industrial core, where the sense of social peace is high- that the closest enemies the anarchists can expect trying to prevent them enacting their deeds are other anarchists, -civil anarchists- those who are eager to avoid repression and carry on with their harmless routines in the metropolises of the world.
VI
“We speak through fire. To remember and always keep on our mind, our sisters and brothers who are kidnapped by the state and seized behind bars. To continue the urban guerilla warfare against enemies of freedom. Let the action speak for us.” Anger Unit FAI/FRI Indonesia
The shooting of CEO Roberto Adinolfi I do not regard as being particularly “violent”, more an anarchist act of free will and liberty. These acts are sadly rare and do not happen with enough frequency, it’s a challenge to try harder. Certainly I consider such actions should be one of the constitutive parts of any anarchic insurgency, and despite the elitist bleating of the civil anarchists I am really yet to get upset that the Federazione Anarchica Italiana share the same acronym as the Federazione Anarchica Informale. This is because it’s not necessary to give glasses to someone who cannot read. It’s been ten years since the Federazione Anarchica Italiana declared that the Federazione Anarchica Informale was a police phantom. A false opinion that the civil anarchists in UK eagerly parroted for a decade already because it suited their blind politics. In their statement decrying the shooting of Adinolfi, they conflate separate actions of attack as the acts of a singular group, but the FAI does not exist in the way that they like to portray, not incidentally, it’s the same way that repression promotes in manoeuvres like Operation Ardire, the Marini Case etc. In this way they try to spread the lies around, so for what goes for one, it goes for the other, a priori.
Their aim was denunciation and suppression of an uncontrollable new anarchic tendency, which threatens their organisations. They fear criminalisation of their hobby-groups, drinking holes and minor events, so they aid in the criminalisation of the next generation of anarchic struggle and attempt to repress it. As they have made their decisions, we have made ours, and the results are there for any one to see – an informal international insurrectional force that multiplies and doesn’t rely on one single line, theory or method, and is true to the anarchist ideas. I return the charges of ‘vanguardism’ and ‘elitism’ back to the controlling organisations of civil anarchist tedium and reserve. I do not need to become a signed up member of a centralising political cult and give a percentage of my income to the committee to be an anarchist! Or to organise!
For them, Capitalism is only a “social relationship” which can never be changed without adhering to the “aims and principles” of their formal organisation which speaks of a “culture of resistance” that there is no evidence of them ever creating in any concrete way. Speaking for myself at least, Capitalism is only a small part of the domination I face today with my comrades scattered around the world, that fight against the totality of the existent and accept all anarchist methods and consequences of using them. The international actions of the FAI/IRF and the anarchists of praxis are more than just vapid hot air and vacuous socialist propaganda speaking of “a world where our whole lives are really under our own control”.
VII
“Moreover, do not forget that actions follow speech” CCF
Unlike the civil anarchists, I consider there to be no essential difference in validity between individual or collective revolutionary anarchist-insurrectional violence, whether it comes out of a “broad based class-struggle movement” or not. A small action or a big one; a minor fracas or a large riot; a banner drop, a broken window, a trashed corporate office, a burned bank; an act of solidarity, a favour, a gift, a meal, a bed; a pamphlet, an article, a poster or a spray-painted slogan can eventually become a bullet in the head of authority, and remains as valued by the new anarchist black international.
VIII
“FAI/IRF is an international conspiracy of anarchists of praxis that sets fire on the defensive positions of reformist society-ist anarchists. It gets rid of the smell of mold that has settled in anarchy seen at amphitheatres, and fills the air with the smell of gunpowder, black anarchy, night-time, explosions, gunshots, sabotages. This explains why the International Revolutionary Front of FAI and Conspiracy is on top of the anarchist dangers list as cited in recent Europol reports.” Conspiracy of Cells of Fire-FAI/IRF — Consciousness Gangs-FAI/IRF — Sole–Baleno Cell
In this collapsing world I consider my words, ideas and deeds as raindrops that add to a storm of catastrophic proportions that my known and unknown comrades are bringing forth. It is already causing havoc across the world and the pressure fronts still build. Together with other wild, violent Unique ones we will meet in the days and the nights to commit crimes against Society and the State.
A hug to my friend Giannis Naxakis [4]. An incendiary hug to all the imprisoned comrades.
L
[1] 7 May 2012 — Genova, Italy: Roberto Adinolfi, chief executive of Ansaldo Nucleare, a company linked to Italian defence conglomerate Finmeccanica, was shot in the street outside his house in Genoa in northern Italy. The bullet fractured his right knee but he is not in a serious condition. Finmeccanica controls Ansaldo Energia, the parent of Ansaldo Nucleare.
[2] 30 March 2011 – Olten, Switzerland: A package bomb exploded in the offices of Swissnuclear (the Federation of the Swiss nuclear industry) giving two office workers superficial burns. The attack was claimed by the FAI.
[3] 09 December 2011 – Rome, Italy: Chief Director Marco Cuccagna of Italy’s tax collection office, Equitalia, receives a letter-bomb which explodes after he opens it, causing damage to his hands, blowing off part of his finger and almost blinding him after his glass desk shatters in the explosion.
[4] 30 April 2013 — Athens, Greece: anarchists Yannis Naxakis and Grigoris Sarafoudis were arrested in the district of Nea Filadelfeia, as they were coming out of a cafeteria. At the same time, a large police force stormed the café and caught the anarchist fugitives Argyris Ntalios and Fivos Harisis-Poulos. Both comrades had arrest warrants pending against them since mid-February 2013 (after the double robbery in Velventos–Kozani and the incarceration of anarchists Andreas-Dimitris Bourzoukos, Dimitris Politis, Nikos Romanos and Yannis Michailidis). All four have been remanded in Koridallos prison, formally indicted on ‘terrorist organization’ charges based on DNA samples for separate bank robbery cases.
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phagechildon · 4 years
Text
That Which is Human - Chapter 6
Sorry I couldn't upload for a bit! The holidays were crazy and I ran into some personal problems x.x Thank you @kanamizaki for being very kind and editing this chapter for me~! I kept deleting large portions and they came to my rescue x.x Trigger warnings for this chapter: suicidal thoughts, guns, and someone being shot
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“Thank you for seeing me on such short notice,” Matoba bowed to his most secretive business partner, his black tie dangling annoyingly away from his body. He couldn’t find himself to care much though. They were lucky he put his black suit on in the first place.
“Of course, anything for the head of the Matoba clan,” the Onabyn, who was the leader of the Yakuza said with a welcoming smile as the two bodyguards on each side of him returned the bow. Last time Matoba saw them, he exorcised two very dark youkai that someone deliberately attached to them; it seems they were still grateful. “What can I do for you, Seiji Matoba?”
“I don’t have a lot of time, so I’ll get to the point,” he said, not sitting down as another guard pulled a chair out for him. “A very powerful ally of mine is being targeted by someone in your group. I need those orders cancelled immediately.”
The boss’s eyes widened in both shock and fear, though Matoba wasn’t sure what the man feared more: the fact that they targeted someone very important to him or the fact that he had to cancel an order because someone outside the Yakuza was demanding him to.
“I-I see, I’m afraid some orders are harder to cancel than others,” the boss carefully said, obviously trying really hard not to upset him. It was kind of amusing to watch him battle against pride and fear as they both knew there was only one right answer. “What’s this ally’s name?”
“Takashi Natsume,” Matoba said as another bodyguard brought a small computer over. The boss wasted no time typing the name in, his eyes filling with confusion.
“You said Takashi Natsume, right?”
“Yes,” he said, disappointed that the boss wasn’t smart enough to put the pieces together. Someone was only useful and worth saving if they had value, which was something they liked to discuss at length. If he considered Natsume to be worth saving, then he should’ve realized the child probably saw youkai too. It seemed like the Boss’s pride was winning over reason. Maybe a threatening push would bring him back to his senses. “His uncle Teppei Hojo is the one who hired someone to kidnap, torture, and murder him. Thankfully for you, he survived unless we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”
The boss grew pale at the threat as he gulped nervously, seeming to catch himself. “I agree. If we had known he was such an important ally to you, we would’ve never approved the mission in the first place. I’m terribly sorry for the mix up. As things stand, I see new orders for his nurse to keep him sedated with meds until the therapist and officer gets there to hand him back over to the Disposal Team. But these orders… they’re nearly a day old. The officer and therapist may have gotten to him already.” Matoba’s eye narrowed, his whole demeanor instantly darkening.
“Then call and order them to stop immediately. I will not tolerate this mission progressing any further.”
“Y-yes, of course,” the boss fumbled for his phone, his bodyguards nervously looking at each other, not sure what to do. Against someone like Matoba, who could see and control what couldn’t be seen, they didn’t stand a chance. “Dammit!” The boss cursed as the call went to voicemail, not even bothering to leave one as he redialed. Matoba frowned, having a feeling they wouldn’t answer. “Dammit, pick up the damned phone!”
“Is the Disposal Team the ones that originally took Natsume?” He asked, to which the Boss nodded, trying to get a hold of another person. “Where do they conduct their business? I’ll personally go down there and pick Natsume up myself.” There was no way those youkai would let someone take Natsume, but the Boss didn’t need to know that. However, he was very interested in the youkai he saw in the vision. He could kill two birds with one stone by visiting the person who was ordered to ‘take care’ of Natsume.
The Boss grew a bit pale as he diverted his attention back to the computer. “It’s… complicated,” he hesitantly said. “We have the address, and know the general area, but no one’s ever been able to actually find the place. Usually we have to meet up somewhere in town or at one of our villas.”
They had a hard time finding them? For some reason he had a sinking feeling it had something to do with the youkai. That powerful cat of Natsumes would’ve found him within a day, yet he didn’t. There had to be a good reason behind that.
“Give me the information anyway. If I can’t find it I’ll cross that bridge when I get there.”
----
It’s quiet, he realized as he felt himself stirring again. It hasn’t been this quiet in a while, it was honestly a bit unnerving. Nothing could’ve happened though, not with everyone watching over him.
“Oh, he’s waking up,” he heard a nearly foreign voice comment, making him stiffen. Who was this, and why was he in his room?  
“My my, he was only asleep for three hours this time. Hopefully you guys can ease his mind so he can fully rest again.” Touko said, convincing him to slowly open his eyes. Like the past few times, the lights were dimmed as he saw Touko still standing at his bedside as Detective Oishi and Investigator Akasaka stood at the foot of his bed. Upon seeing his gaze the two smiled warmly, though there was an overwhelming sadness and guilt in their eyes.
“How are you feeling?” Detective Oishi asked, Touko smiling at him happily. Natsume couldn’t help the happiness that swelled in his chest. They listened to him - of course they'd listen to him.
“Okay,” he quietly said, his eyes drifting to Nyanko Sensei who was still in his true form with his eyes closed. Somehow Natsume knew he wasn’t sleeping, which made him feel safer. As long as Sensei was there, he knew everything would be okay.
“Good, then Mrs Touko, we’ll call you back in once we finish,” Detective Oishi said, to which she nodded.
“We’ll be right outside, Takashi,” she reassured as she squeezed his hand, unable to hide the worry in her tired brown eyes.
“Thank you,” he said, feeling a bit sad as she let go of his hand.
When she closed the door behind her, the two moved to where she had been before, their faces growing a bit grim. “We want to be frank with you, especially after everything you’ve been through,” Oishi started, making Natsume gulp a bit nervously. “Protocol wasn’t followed at all. Typically you’re questioned before you’re introduced to a lot of outside people, even your family members to ensure no one influences your statement. Your coma made things a bit difficult, but even so, once you were awake, they should’ve cleared everyone out until the officer on duty was available to take your statement. However, the officers assigned to you never took a statement and, from what I’ve heard, weren’t really here at all. After doing some digging, we learned they were part of the Yakuza.” Natsume felt his heart stop as he clenched the bedsheets, fear coursing through him. Those guards had been members of the Yakuza the whole time??
Lightning lit up the sky as thunder shook the ground. Natsume felt his eyes widen in terror as his whole body locked up, letting his bare swollen feet sink in the runny mud. A loud squeak to his right snapped him back into reality as a weight pulled on his right hand, nearly knocking him off balance. His eyes quickly focused on the small child who was nearly as horribly beat as he was.  
“A-are you okay?” His shaky voice managed to ask. The child opened his mouth, thunder echoing with his lips. Natsume felt his heart quicken, his own lips trembling with his soaked and bloody body.
‘Lightning is worse, you know.’
No - he couldn’t freeze up here, not when this child’s life was literally in his hands. The chances of lightning hitting him while down on the ground was significantly less than when he was on Sensei’s back. Someone in his situation had to be truly cursed to incur such wrath.
“I-I’m fine,” the boy whimpered back, those dark brown eyes looking into his with worry. “Are you?”
Natsume felt himself flinch at the question, his face contorting in shock. That was a genuine question from someone who spent the past day or so in hell with him. Any other typical kid would’ve focused on himself, but not Toshiki.
“Yeah, sorry,” he said with a soft smile the rain easily smeared away. “Let’s go.”
Pulling his foot out of the mud, he took another step forward, his heart stopping upon hearing the child let out a short pained cry. Pivoting around, he saw Toshiki leaning on one foot as one of his small bruised arms reached down towards his ankle.
The mud caked skin was turning slightly red and purple, indicating an injury. It was injured before, did he twist and hurt it again just now? Walking on it would only make it worse. If something happened to him, Toshiki needed to be able to escape.
“Stop,” he ordered, seeing the other try taking another step forward. Upon his command, Toshiki jumped, his cautious brown eyes staring into his own. That look of pure terror made Natsume sigh, knowing his own eyes probably held the same expression when he was caught off guard.
Kneeling to the ground, he turned so his back was facing the child. The purposeful knife wounds along his inner thighs were screaming at him, but he ignored it. They didn’t have a lot of time. They weren’t deep enough to make him bleed out. “Get on.”
“Wh-what? No, I-I can walk!”
“Don’t argue with me,” Natsume sternly said, the child instantly going silent. Guilt ran through him as he took a deep breath, trying to come up with a good medium between being protective and stern. “Sorry… we don’t have a lot of time, so let me carry you for now, okay?”
Another clash of lightening and thunder made Natsume squeeze his eyes shut as his arms went stiff, his ears ringing and veins bursting with phantom pains.
Small, gentle fingers against his shoulders pulled him from his shock, letting out a sigh of relief as the child wrapped his arms around his neck.
Right, the lightning wouldn’t touch them.  
Carefully wrapping his arms around the child’s legs, he stood, ignoring the sharp and fiery pain shooting throughout his entire body. The wounds on his back were screaming at him at the top of their lungs, making him whisper a slight sorry as he trudged on.
Everytime he stepped on something sharp under the mud they nearly tumbled to the ground, especially when he stepped on a particularly sharp stick that pierced his skin. Stumbling against a tree trunk, he bit his bottom lip tightly, desperately hoping the sharp pain would subside soon.
A gentle tap on his shoulder made him follow Toshiki’s hand as he pointed at something that was surprisingly close. Squinting through the fog, his heart raced in both fear and excitement.
A gas station - it was a gas station! A tear of pure relief fell past his cheek as peeled himself from the tree, a bright hopeful smile singing on his lips. For once he didn’t fear being noticed by others, not when it mean the humans could protect them.
Pushing through the pain, he made his own path through the woods, his eyes never losing sight of the gas station that was dimly lit up alongside a dirt road. So many things impaled his feet, making him stumble here and there. But it was okay, because they were going to be okay.
There was only one car in the area he assumed was the parking lot, but he didn’t let that dampen his hopes. Taking a deep breath, he looked in the window, a smile blossoming on his face. It was small sure, yet it radiated warmth. There were a lot of memories surrounding this place. Pushing the door open, both he and Toshiki shivered as a burst of cold air came over them, followed by warm air. The child couldn’t help the moan of relief as he relaxed a bit against him, making Natsume smile a bit.
“Welcome-” a young man stopped, a noise of distress leaving his throat. “A-are you guys okay?!”
Natsume looked up, seeing a man who seemed to be in his early twenties with shaggy brown hair and light green eyes staring at them in shock behind the counter.
“We need help-” Natsume managed out, glancing over his shoulder, realizing he should stay away from the windows. “We were kidnapped, they’re probably after us.”
The man instantly grabbed a set of keys and hurried over to them. Natsume couldn’t help taking a few steps away as the man approached, a shadow of fear and doubt casting over his face. The man instantly slowed down, putting his hands up to show he meant no harm.
“I’m gonna show you guys to the back room in case they show up, okay? Follow me.” The man turned and went to the side of the store where there was a door with a sign reading ‘employees only.’ Natsume hesitated as he followed a few steps behind, not sure if he could trust the man as he unlocked the door. When it opened, it revealed a rather small cramped looking room with a sleeping bag on a rather small run-down couch. There were pizza boxes amongst others scattered around the messy room.
“Let me get you guys some bandages-”
“Do you have a phone?” Natsume interrupted, the cramped room unnerving both him and the child. There was only a very small window above the couch barely big enough to fit a pizza box through. What if this man locked the door behind them and never let them out?
The man blushed as he quickly fumbled through his many pockets. “Y-yeah, sorry one sec.” Finding it he let out a triumphant smile, instantly calling for help. “Get settled in, I’ll grab some bandages and medicine.”
Natsume glanced back at the room, hearing the other start talking to someone on the phone. “Hey hi, I’m Ryuu Wisteria and I work at the Cube Stop Gas Station right off the high way - yeah, that one. A teen and kid just showed up in really bad condition. They say they were kidnapped.” Hearing he was indeed actually talking to someone, the injured teen reluctantly went into the room, his shaky legs threatening to give out at any moment.
“Imma set you down on the couch, okay?” He forewarned. When the little one nodded, he turned his back to the couch and let go of his feet. Seconds later Toshiki’s grip around his neck disappeared. In an instant his body practically hummed in response as his vision started fading in and out. Blinking a few times, he felt those small hands on his back, shaking him a bit, his voice soft, quiet, and worried. He didn’t even realize his legs gave out, nor that he fell against the makeshift couch. His head ached where it hit the side of the couch on the way down, along with one of his already sore ribs. His chest didn’t feel right as he gasped a few times, the wind seemingly knocked out of him.
“I’m fine,” he tried to reassure, though both knew it was a natural response at this point.
“Are you okay?” He heard the man from outside ask, his footsteps coming close to them, only to stop. “Oh wow, you guys work fast! I see an officer pulling up already," he said to the person on the phone.
An officer already responded to the call? It almost seemed too good to be true. The highway must’ve been closer than they thought.
The door to the store opened just as the man’s tone of voice started to change as he pressed the phone closer to his face, seeming to grow uneasy. “Really? But his lights are flashing on his car and everything-”
“I heard the situation from the radio,” another man’s voice said, making Natsume stiffen. Something wasn’t right, he could feel it in his gut.
“The other two are injured, no? Where are they?”
Natsume quietly stood, motioning for Toshiki to hid under one of the larger boxes in the room. The child looked uneasy, his terrified brown eyes seeking comfort and protection with him - both of which he knew he couldn’t provide.
“I-I’m sorry sir, I don’t know what you’re talking about,” the clerk said, as Natsume knelled at the corner of the doorway, seeing everything happen through a reflection on the ceiling. There was a police officer standing in front of the clerk with his hands on his hips, glowering at the man who seemed scared for his life.
“Are you serious? You’re on the phone with the station now!” He spat. “Hang up, the chief knows I’m here.”
“He does?” Ryuu asked, lowering the phone slowly, as if not sure. “They ran into the forest just now. They didn’t trust me and thought I was working for their kidnappers.”
The officer’s posture fell, those hands sliding off his hips. “Oh? What direction did they go?”
“Up the road,” the clerk said, pointing in the opposite direction they came.  
“Thank you for the valuable information,” the police officer said, Ryuu’s eyes widening in complete disbelief. Natsume felt his heart stop in his chest, hardly able to grasp what he was seeing.
The officer had a gun pointed at the clerk’s head, the man that had been so thoughtful and protective moments ago. He barely even had a chance to take a deep breath as a shot rang out, red spraying in the reflection.
He shot him - he shot him in the head. The haunting hollow sound of Ryuu’s body hitting the floor sucked the air from his lungs, his entire body feeling heavier than lead as hopelessness settled in.
This was a police officer, they were supposed to be safe from their captures with him! Who could they turn to if they couldn’t trust the police?!
“Wow, you two got a pretty good kid killed. I couldn’t even tell if he was telling the truth or not, and I’m usually really good at reading people.” The officer’s eyes met his own through the reflective surface on the ceiling, making him blanch. “Then I saw you at the corner of my eye. Now come out, before I put a bullet through one of your limbs.”
Natsume’s said limbs were frozen in place, his mind still reeling in shock. This officer just killed their hero, what would he do once he came out?! Wouldn’t he just shoot him too?
“You have five seconds before I start shooting!!”
His body acted on it’s own as he jumped up, the adrenaline dulling the pain that wracked his body. The officer smirked upon seeing the reaction, moving his hand so his golden eyes were staring down the barrel of the gun.
Never in his life did he ever think he’d be staring down the end of the barrel with a maniac ready to end his life with a simple flinch of a finger. He’s gone up against powerful dark youkai and gods yet nothing was scarier than this moment. Even if he did what he was told, would the man shoot him anyway? Wasn’t that how humans typically did things?
“You’re turning blue, don’t forget to breath now,” the man laughed. “Now get over here before I run out of patience.”
He didn’t have a choice. Unlike youkai he didn’t stand a chance against a human. His powerful punches were useless on humans, especially against someone who was no doubt trained in hand to hand combat. If he didn’t have so much to lose, he would’ve tried finding a way to fight back, but he couldn't throw his life away anymore, and he couldn’t risk getting Toshiki shot.
“Where’s the other kid?” The officer asked as he approached, Natsume’s stomach rolled as he gagged, the sight of the clerk being far too much, even for him. “Not that your trembling isn’t amusing, but the kid - where is he?!”
Ryuu didn’t deserve this, that kind hearted soul deserved life. It wasn’t just fear that had him trembling, or the pain. Most of it was anger. “The storm separated us, I don’t know where he went.” The officer glowered at his harsh tone as he walked up and pressed the gun to his forehead, the cold metal a foreign sensation to him. This did feel familiar though, like the time Houzuki realized he was posing as Fuzuki to prevent the drought. His face resembled the same stoic expression he bore then, his fear gone.
They stared at each other for what felt like forever before the officer clicked his tongue in annoyance, unable to get a read on him.
The door to the gas station opened, the officer peeling his gaze away as a smirk formed. “You’re fast, Toma.”
Toma - it couldn’t be-! Turning his head, he saw it was true, wanting to do more than scream in frustration. There was no escaping them, no matter what they tried. Not even the god could help him escape, his eyes catching sight of Shirudo whose eyes were closed and head hung low.
“I’m sorry, Takashi. I… have to reveal Toshiki too. You should tell them yourself, so… you don’t get hurt.” The rope was tightening around his head, he could see it at the corner of his eyes, only making him more frustrated.
If only he had the Book of Friends, he could cheat the god’s curse and call for help.
“Please, Takashi. I don’t… want to see you get hurt anymore.”
No - he refused. They could do whatever they wanted to him as long as he knew he didn’t sell Toshiki out. A small smile that held both sorrow and pride came to the god’s face as he flicked his wrist. The box hiding the child suddenly moved, alerting the two adults. The gun was pulled from his face and pointed to the room.
Now he had no choice.
“Don’t shoot-” he said, clenching his fists. “It’s just Toshiki.”
Toma turned to him with a deep fire burning in his eyes. He moved closer, a ripping pain across his chest making him yelp and gasp at the same time. His knees buckled, his hands instinctively going to his chest as he grew light headed. The world around him shifted back and forth as a warmth flooded over his arms.
It should hurt, but it didn’t. Even as he felt himself being dragged, he felt nothing but a deep coldness seep over him.  
He blinked a few times, finding everything darker than before. His blurry vision saw a pair of panicked dark brown eyes staring into his own, his mind slowly registering that this was Toshiki. The child was being gagged, and he didn’t even fight. After what they both just witnessed, he couldn’t blame him. In fact he would’ve encouraged him to do as they said.
“You wanna dump the small one at a beach, right?” He faintly heard Toma ask, his head starting to swirl again. He heard Satoshi answer, but his words were muffled.
Sleep… he just wanted to sleep.
“I’m sorry, Natsume,” he heard the deity whisper in his ear. “If I hadn’t been so selfish, I could've ended my life, and saved yours. I’m sorry, grandson of Reiko.” Something wet fell on his brow, which he assumed was a tear from Shirudo. “The wound isn’t too deep, you’ll survive, but it’ll hurt. Since your life is tied to Satoshi, you won’t be able to die easily, not while he’s still healthy. He’ll keep you alive long enough for help to come. But… just in case someone doesn’t find you, I’ll put a second curse on you, one that’ll keep you asleep until you’re safe-”
“Takashi?” Akasaka called, making Natsume blink the horrific memory from his mind. His hands were desperately clenching the sheets as Sensei breathed against him, his red eyes staring into his own.
“You panicked, you’re fine,” Sensei gently nuzzled his hair, earning a confused sound from one of the detectives. All they could see was his hair being rustled by something that wasn’t there.
“S-sorry, I-I guess... I panicked,” he admitted, slowly looking up at them. “But my friends, they’re in danger! Those officers saw everyone, they even had access to their names and addresses! They could’ve passed the information before they were caught!”
The detective and investigator frowned, knowing they couldn’t provide an answer that would settle his nerves. “If it helps, everyone on your guest list is here except for Shuuichi Natori who went home to get some rest. We’ll talk to the others to implement extra precautions, okay?” Fear still raged in his heart, but he was relieved that these two weren’t undermining him. “Let’s take your statement so you can focus on healing, okay?”
Taking a deep breath, he told them everything. He didn’t dare meet their eyes, he just stared at the sheets as he spoke with a slight tremble in his body and voice. They were recording him, thank gods. This way they wouldn’t make him repeat what he said. Sensei even remained strangely quiet, not saying a word as he finished. Recalling everything that happened made him feel both sick to his stomach and light headed.
“Is there anything else you can remember?” Oishi asked, both seeming horribly unnerved after learning of Toshiki and Satoshi.
“No, that’s everything,” he said, making sure to leave the details of the youkai out. The last thing he needed was for them to think some of the reports from his family members were true.
“And you’re sure they didn’t mention what beach they took Toshiki?”
“I’m positive,” he reaffirmed with a deep sigh, wishing he had more information to give them. “I… think he only as a day or two left.” They nodded, understanding the grave situation.
“I remember seeing the news talk about finding someone shot at a gas station, I think it was just outside Shiro Town.” Natsume’s eyes widened, his heart stopping in his chest. Shiro Town? Were they really that close to his parent’s old home and he didn’t even realize it? “We’ll get this to Chief Tsunemori right away. She’ll know the best way to go about this.”
“Thank you,” Natsume said, frustrated with the fact that he was feeling tired again. He hated to accuse someone without evidence, but in his state it was impossible to gather any.  “May I ask a favor?”
“Of course, what is it?”
“Well… I know I’m not in the best condition, but I’m so tired even after the nap. I know it could be my body trying to heal but… I don’t know, I only feel this way after the nurse comes in.” The two went silent as they glanced at each other, their expressions turning grim. Natsume felt a nervous bead of sweat start forming on the side of his face, knowing this couldn’t be good.
“She came in around ten minutes before you woke up and changed the bags.” Oishi stepped forward and looked at the bags on the IV stand, his eyes squinting.
“Odd…” he trailed off as he took his phone out and snapped a picture.
“Wh-what?” The teen nervously asked.
“The label seems as if it was peeled off then put back on.” Very delicately he held his phone in one hand recording his other hand peel the sticker away. There was nothing underneath it though, which made them all nervous. “We’ll look into it,” he reassured, putting the label back on. “I know it’s hard, but don’t ask for pain medication until we sort this out.”
Natsume wanted to say he never even asked for it in the first place, but decided to leave that out. He’d have to try to convince the others that the pain was minimal and that he didn’t need medication right now. Not like it was a big deal considering he was planning on leaving tonight anyway.
“Change of plans. Akasaka, stay here with Takashi until the approved officers get here. I’ll get this over to the Chief.” Oishi ordered, to which the other nodded. Natsume couldn’t help but feel more at ease with the decision, smiling delicately up at the investigator.
“Thank you. I’m… sorry for inconveniencing both of you.”
“You’re not,” Akasaka smiled warmly. “This is our job.”
As soon as Oishi opened the door, he could hear everyone outside go silent. “We’re done, don’t harass him too much.”
Touko and Shigeru were the first ones in, followed by Nishumra, Kitamoto, Sasada, Shibata, Tanuma and then Taki. The fact that everyone was here aside from Natori completely blew him away, making him blush a little.
“Natsume!!” They all collectively cried. Tears fell down Nishimura and Sasada’s cheeks despite their best efforts, making Natsume smile warmly at them. His foster parents stayed along the wall with Akasaka, speaking to him quietly as they gave him time with his friends. This was the first time he actually got to speak to them, even to Tanuma and Taki.
“What took you so long?! We’ve been waiting for you to wake up!” Nishimura cried, not even seeming bothered that he was shedding tears in front of Taki. He was sure he’d hear all about how embarrassed he felt later; in fact he was looking forward to his scolding.
“Hey, we agreed we’d give him a break!” Sasada scolded. “How are you feeling Natsume?”
“Getting better,” he reassured. “I’m sorry to put you guys through all this.”
“Don’t start with that crap,” Shibata’s voice cut in, making Natsume look past his three normal friends to his old classmate, seeing him, Taki and Tanuma all carrying something colorful in their hands. His three normal friends turned, Sasada’s face turning red.
“N-not now-!”
“Why not now?” Tanuma asked, meeting Natsume’s eyes with a warm relieved smile.
“Natsume,” Taki said, making him slowly look at her as Nishimura and Kitamoto moved out of the way. A deep blush burned into Natsume’s face as he saw what they were holding, finding himself in disbelief. “Sasada came up with the idea to fold a thousand paper cranes, so we did, with everyone’s help.”
“I-I just came up with the idea. Everyone helped gather participants,” she blushed, looking away.
“My father, Shigeru, Touko, Ponta, and even Miss Yorie made one,” Tanuma said.
“I did too!” Shibata quickly shouted, which made Tanuma snort.
“There were even people who heard about what happened and wanted to make one for you. A lot of them said you helped them, so they wanted to return the favor,” Sasada explained as she tilted her head curiously. “You know a lot of people, Natsume. There were people of all ages! I had them write their names on the cranes because I couldn’t keep track.”
Natsume’s eyes widened in complete shock as Tanuma gently handed him one end of the paper cranes that were all stringed together. He didn’t even see half of them were still in a big box behind everyone.
“I…” he trailed off, not even knowing what to say as he looked at the first paper crane, reading the names as he went down the line:
Shigeru Fujiwara, Touko Fujiwara, Satoru Nishimura, Atsushi Kitamoto, Kaname Tanuma, Tanuma’s father, Jun Sasada, Akifumi Sugino, Shuuichi Natori, Tamiko, Tooru Taki, Katsumi Shibata, Chizu Sakanaka, Yuriko Ogata, Miyoko Aoi, Ito-san, Tsukiko Yousuke, Takuma Yousuke, Aoi, Kaoru Sonokawa, Beniko, Daisuke Yuki, Yorie Tsumura, Isamu Taki, and many, many more names of his precious friends, and even kind hearted strangers who crafted these beautiful cranes for him.
His hands trembled as tears trailed down his cheeks. So many people... most of them even lived somewhat far away, yet they traveled all the way here just to do this? How’d they even know he was hurt? Why would they use their time to make one and hand deliver it? They obviously couldn’t mail them without crushing them.  
“Sasada organized search parties after the police suggested it, so word of your disappearance spread,” Tanuma said, noticing Natsume’s beyond confused expression.
Always the observant one, Natsume sniffled as he looked to Sasada, finding it hard to believe she was able to keep it together to organize all this. “Thank you, Sasada. I… honestly don’t even know what to say.”
Leaving him speechless made her blush even deeper, but smile even wider. Small tears formed in her eyes as she beamed, trying not to lose herself to her emotions. “I’m the class president, I can’t have one of my classmates disappear, let alone a good friend.”
“She was sooo bossy!!” Nishimura groaned, making Kitamoto smirk. “We couldn’t even sneeze without her yelling at us to take it more seriously. But that’s the most serious I’ve ever been!! There’s just no pleasing her!”
“You should’ve seen him Natsume,” Kitamoto laughed, nudging Nishimura with his elbow as a teasing smirk surfaced. “You wouldn’t have recognized him.”
“H-hey! I can be serious about things!” Nishimura pouted, feeling attacked as everyone laughed, even Natsume. It was cut short when he started coughing, much to his embarrassment. It felt like a lifetime since the last time he laughed so hard, even if it only lasted a few seconds.
“S-sorry, I’m fine,” he quickly reassured with that fake smile. Tanuma seemed to notice it as he frowned, looking worried.
Taki quickly grabbed a plastic cup and let Tanuma fill it with water the staff left for them, holding it out to him. “You should drink some water. Do you need help?” She asked kindly, making Natsume blush. His friends were doing so much for him… how could he ever repay everyone for their kindness?
“I think I got it,” he reassured, not wanting them to yell at him if his wrist did give out. Very carefully he moved his hand up and took the water, surprised that the effort didn’t hurt much. Not too long ago he could barely move his hand from the bed. Was this due to Sensei sleeping next to him? He’d have to thank him for lending him some of his power.
“Oh yeah, we have a bone to pick with you Natsume!” Nishimura pouted, making everyone look to him confused. Natsume unwillingly tensed, hoping it had nothing to do with his kidnapping. “Why didn’t you tell us you knew Shuuichi Natori?! He’s our favorite actor!!”
Natsume let out the breath he was holding, unable to help but genuinely smile. “When I first met him, I honestly didn’t know who he was, so we were able to talk to each other without the fame barrier.” He had practiced the answer when Natori started visiting him more often just in case one of his friends saw them together. “I felt like telling you guys who love him as an actor would be betraying him, so I didn’t.” Speaking of Natori, he knew the other didn’t go home. He probably set off to search for Toshiki and the deity, god, youkai - whatever his status technically was. Hinoe, Chobihige, the Middle Ranks, Kappa, Benio, and Misuzu were gone too. Much to Natori’s displeasure, some probably all accompanied him while others raced them there. For some reason, he was sad he didn’t get to see that.
“I guess that makes sense,” Nishimura pouted, trying to be mature with the answer as Natsume’s eyes fell a little, his body suddenly feeling very light. He smelled the ocean again, but also blood. ‘Hurry… please…’ Sensei opened one of his eyes, snapping Natsume out of his thoughts. For a moment he felt disoriented, almost forgetting where he was.
“Need to rest?” Sensei asked, to which he merely shook his head slightly, grateful for his bodyguard’s cautious watchful gaze.  
“Natsume?” Shibata’s voice came next, much to Natsume’s surprise. The other was strangely quiet, probably feeling a bit uncomfortable knowing he couldn’t say anything about youkai in front of the other three. He’d have to thank him for his understanding later.
“I’m fine,” he reassured, though his smile didn’t reach his eyes this time. When he ‘disappeared’ again, he realized he’d cause them even more emotional distress. Sasada did so much to bring people together just for him, he hoped he’d be back before she could waste anymore of her time.
“You’re not going,” Sensei growled, somehow hearing his thoughts. Natsume merely smiled more, deciding to stay silent.
They’d argue about this later.
“Did you guys bring a game? I’d like to watch you play,” Natsume suggested, hoping to lighten the mood a bit. A hand gently wrapped around his own, making him go stiff.
“You’re shaking,” Tanuma whispered as the others cheered and started fighting over what game to play. Natsume looked down at his hand to see Tanuma holding his, allowing the water in the cup to stop spilling from the sides. “Are you really okay?”
“Yeah,” he said, though let his eyes fall. He was lying again… he didn’t have to lie to Tanuma. “Actually, not really. It’s something I can’t involve you guys with.” Taki and Shibata leaned closer, ignoring the others who were still arguing over which game would be the funnest for Natsume to watch.
“You’re hurt, Natsume,” Tanuma glowered, gently squeezing his hand as if protectively calling him an absolute idiot. “Whatever’s going on, you don’t have to do it alone. You can’t do it alone, not this time.” The other two nodded, looking at him with intense determination.
“I know,” Natsume reassured, giving Tanuma a genuine thankful smile. They deserved to know the truth. “There’s a curse only I can lift, but I only have a day or two before it kills me.”
“Wh-what!?” Shibata quietly choked as the others went pale. They knew there was another curse, Natori explained it could be draining his life force away.
“I have to find the youkai that’s bound to the family that kidnapped me, and no one but me can find it.” “Are you sure?” Tanuma asked, a nervous bead of sweat forming on the side of his face. “What about Sensei or Natori, or even the other youkai that were here earlier?”
Natsume shook his head, hating the look of fear on their faces. “The youkai can’t be found when you deliberately search for it, just as the people who are in it’s sphere of influence can’t be found.”
“Which means… the other kids won’t be found,” Taki said, going even more pale. “Natsume, you can’t go back-”
“It’s the only way,” he said, feeling Tanuma clench his hand even tighter. “The curse allows me to find them. If one of them dies before I find them, then I die. So… I don’t have a choice.”
Nyanko Sensei stood angrily, bringing his face close to his own. “You are not going anywhere, and you are not going to die. Leave it to the others, you need to focus on healing.”
“Sensei-” he stopped though, facing his friend’s horribly pale faces so the others didn't see him talking to thin air. “I have to return their name, Sensei. You know that I’m the only one that can.”
“Return their name?” Tanuma asked, to which Natsume shook his head, not wanting to explain it.
“If I disappear again, just know I’ll be back.”
“How can you be sure you’ll come back!?” Shibata lectured, wanting to slap some sense into Natsume despite knowing it was impossible to avoid the situation.
“Because I have a lot of friends helping me right now,” he reassured. “And Sensei will be with me too.” This time Nyanko Sensei didn’t say anything, seeming almost caught off guard by the information. He was thankful when the others finally came back, Sasada holding Uno in her hands.
“We figured a card game would be easier since the others are board games,” she informed before tilting her head, noticing their pale faces. “What’s with you three? You look really pale!”
“J-just haven’t gotten enough sleep,” Taki quickly reassured. She didn’t seem to fully convince the class president, but she decided not to comment on it.  
“I shuffled these last time, so everyone get seven cards!”
Tanuma slowly removed his hand from Natsume’s as he took the half empty cup from his hand and set it on the side table. “Be safe, and… let us know if we can do anything,” he whispered as he was handed some cards.
Natsume felt horrible for scaring them like this, but it was better than just disappearing again. Shibata kept glancing back at him, unsure about it, but he was sure Tanuma and Taki would reassure him everything would be fine.
Because it would be. He had too many people he cared about to carelessly throw his life away.
They didn’t even finish the first round before he was out, hoping he wouldn’t sleep too long.
----
“Do it!!” Toma’s voice aggressively hissed at Satoshi as he slammed his hand against the wooden table, making the trembling teen jump. “Do it or I’ll do it to you!”
Natsume’s head lulled to the side as he watched Satoshi stare at his bleeding strapped hand in terror. It was locked in a device that removed fingernails. Just moments ago, his father ripped one of them off, the pain temporarily blinding him. He couldn’t help the way his own body trembled, though his dulled golden eyes focused on the other teen. He was shaking and whimpering with a look of absolute horror in his eyes. Those eyes didn’t belong to a killer, let alone someone who loved to hurt others. These were the eyes of a scared lonely boy who was backed against a wall with no way out. If he didn’t do this, Toma would give the child a whole new meaning to hell.
“Do it,” Natsume managed out, surprising both his captures. “I… can take it. Do it.”
Toma let out a demonic sounding laugh, looking to his son then to him. “Isn’t that Noble of you,” he smirked, roughly grabbing his chin and forcing Natsume to look at him again. “But foolish. If you want pain, we’ll give you pain. Do it now, Satoshi. Show this trash how naive his bravery is.”
Natsume glanced over to Satoshi, their eyes meeting even for a fleeting moment as his chin was yanked harder, forcing him to look back at the father.
“Do it!!”
With a choked cry the trembling teen slammed his hand down on the lever, the blinding pain coming back, being even worse than before. This time it felt like something was impaling his finger, forcing his stern determined face to waver. A faint ringing came to his ears as he felt the hand leave his chin, Toma’s mocking laugh making him feel sick to his stomach.
“You need more strength to remove the whole nail at once. Try again!” Natsume desperately wanted to shake his head no, the pain so overwhelming he almost did. The image of that boy’s terrified face came back to him, forcing him to take a deep breath.
He could do this. Pain was only temporary. He’d slip away eventually.
Satoshi rose his hand again, earning a cheer from Toma as the blinding pain shot through his arm and down his spine, the world finally fading to black.
“...-son… grandson, are you awake?” A faint voice gently called, hardly audible above the fiery pain he felt in nearly every nerve in his trembling body and agonizing throbbing in his left hand. “Please wake up, we don’t have a lot of time before they come back!” This voice… ah, it was the youkai, wasn’t it? He could sense it even with his eyes closed, but it’s poisonous aura from earlier was gone. The difference reminded him of the guardians Gen, who was at the cusp of becoming an evil spirit, and Sui, who had been fully corrupted.
Very slowly he opened his eyes, seeing the dirty white mask with a rope around it’s head and the lone red dotted blue eye staring into his own. Relief instantly flooded through the youkai as he let out a sigh. “Thank goodness I thought… well, it doesn't matter what I thought. You don’t have to speak, I know you’re in pain but please just… listen. We don’t have a lot of time.” His voice grew shaky, as if tears were close to the surface.
Despite wanting to say he didn’t have much of a choice considering he was tied up, Natsume didn’t. There was a desperation in the youkai’s trembling voice, one he couldn’t deny.  
“I was born from a shield created by a powerful and talented craftsman who wanted nothing more than to protect his family during one of the wars. However, it was one of his family members that turned on him, the shield - and me -  being unable to do anything as he was betrayed. Grieving over the loss of my master, I gathered what energy I could and fled. I wanted to find a place without humans and war - I wanted to find a place of peace. During my journey, I encountered many different humans, ones with kind hearts, some corrupted, and others in between. Each human I observed slowly restored my faith, and over time I learned that whoever I was with became encased in a protective aura, one that made it impossible for others to find them. As I traveled, humans were drawn to me, as if feeling my protective shield. Youkai started following shortly after, until we found the perfect haven together in a beautiful, lush mountain.” The youkai sighed, his gaze seeming far away and clouded now. “The more people that gathered, the more they worshipped me, the stronger I became. Soon I was strong enough to extend my shield over the entire mountain, allowing those who sought safety a place to call home.”
“There were festivals, so many festivals and parties. There was no violence, just happiness. Youkai helped the humans even though they couldn’t see them, and the humans, in return, gave offerings. It was peaceful times... so… peaceful.” His one eye closed as his posture fell. “Then… someone found us by accident. They weren’t looking for me or anyone else, they just stumbled upon us. When they learned of my power…”
An exorcist, Natsume sadly realized. Of course humans couldn’t leave such a rare and beautiful utopia alone.
“He cheated the system. Knowing he’d probably never find this place again, he had the local messenger send for his friends, not telling them why he asked for them to come urgently. Since his friends held no malice against him or anyone else in my protective sphere, they were able to find us. Shortly after that, chaos broke out. The exorcists sealed away all the youkai in our home as they put a cursed rope around me that bound me to their leader’s family.” Natusme’s eyes drifted to the rope, realizing this youkai really was just like Hiiragi. “If I don’t make sure they succeed, the rope will tighten around my head until it completely crushes me, which is why I couldn’t let you escape earlier.” The teen felt himself tremble a bit in fear, finally becoming aware of the situation he was in. Not only would he have to escape from that man and son, but he also had to escape from this youkai too. Unlike the others, the youkai would hate every second of it.
“So, you want me to free you?” He managed out, his voice scratchy and hoarse, but he didn’t care, not after learning how much this youkai suffered. If that utopia still existed today, he wondered how those people would react to those who could see them. “Your home… sounds like a paradise.”
“It was,” the youkai sighed, his blue and red eye meeting his warm golden ones again. “But my request is more complicated than that.”
“Huh?” He asked, wanting to tilt his head a bit to the side, but didn’t dare risk it.
“Satoshi, Toma’s son… I want you to free him.” Natsume’s eyes widened, recalling how he froze up and silently begged his father not to make him hurt him.
“Toma wanted his son to learn all about the family business so he can become the next heir after turning fifteen, but his wife quickly found out what he did for a living and tried to flee with Satoshi. In his rage, my master killed her and dragged his son back, literally beating the teachings into him.”
As sad as the story was, Natsume wasn’t sure how this story made the youkai want to protect Satoshi, especially after becoming a tainted deity. As much as he wanted to keep the peace back then, the corruption should’ve blinded him to nearly anyone in plight. There had to be more to this story.
As if sensing his confusion, the youkai continued. “My master’s actions only made my hatred towards humans to grow, that is, until one day, a terrible thunderstorm rolled in. Satoshi was sitting on the back patio, staring blankly at a tree with an intense desire to die as he clenched a rope in his hands. I was drawn to his negative thoughts and feelings, and sat down on the patio next to him. To my surprise, the child jumped, but didn’t do anything else but stare. Even if I meant to harm him, he wanted harm to be done to him:
“It’s alluring, isn’t it?” I asked, hiding my trembling voice. It was the first time a human actually looked me right in the eyes. I saw my corpse in the reflection of his hazel eyes that held little to no light in them. Just like me, he had been torn away from his happy life and forced into one where light no longer reflected in his eyes. I couldn’t help but feel a small desire to help the child since I couldn’t help myself.
“What?” The child asked, his voice sounding so fragile.
“Ending it all,” I repeated, glancing back to the tree.
“Oh,” the child responded meekly, becoming stiff beside me. It was obvious he was uncomfortable with the fact that I could read his desires, but it didn’t seem to bother him too much as he pulled his horribly bruised and wounded legs to his chest. “Yeah… it is.”
He didn’t ask who I was or even questioned why I was there. He merely accepted me into his reality, the reality he didn’t want to be apart of anymore. Despite being thrilled that he could see me, part of me grew sad. This human was only a child, yet he already desired eternal rest. There was still so much he hadn’t experienced yet. Was it really okay for me to encourage a child of man to end it all when he had barely lived at all?
That’s when I realized something. Even if the child tried to run away to start over somewhere, I would be forced to stop him from escaping. But would that really be so bad? While he ran free, I’d do nothing but feel the rope bring me long awaited peace.
“I… don’t necessarily want to die,” the child suddenly said, surprising me. “I want to live, I-I want to be loved and cared for. I’m sick of hurting people, I’m sick of being pushed to kill. I want to create life, not take it! But... it’s useless. My father’s friends are powerful - they’re everywhere. I wouldn’t last a day without them finding me. I’d be dragged back and severely punished.” He hugged himself tighter, burying his face into his legs. “At least in death, I won’t have to hurt others, and he can’t hurt me.”
They were mirrors of each other, Natsume realized. Except one was human, and the other was a youkai. Their similarities combined with the storm probably set the perfect conditions that let them meet.
“After that, whenever a storm rolled in, we met on the porch, free to speak our minds. We learned about each other, and learned of our desires. But lately, Satoshi hasn’t talked about his dreams. He hasn’t really spoken at all. When I gathered the courage to ask him what was wrong, he said he had given up on his dreams and looked forward to eternal nothingness: ‘It’s the only thing I can control in my life.” The youkai took deep shaky breath before continuing. “Grandson of Reiko, I cannot help him, nor can I help you. But you can help each other. I know it’s wrong and cruel of me, especially after the hope Reiko gave me, but I refuse to let an innocent human soul end up like me.”
Natsume didn’t even get a chance to ask what he meant as he felt a darkness press against him, merging with his body. His eyes rolled into the back of his head as a pressure settled over every inch of his body.
“I bound your life to Satoshi’s. If he dies, you die, and vise versa.” Natsume’s eyes snapped back open in fear, looking at the youkai in anger.
“As much as I want to help, I’m just a human child, there’s nothing I can really do-”
“There is,” he said, the youkai’s one eye looking off to the side. Natsume couldn’t help but follow his gaze and froze in horror. Staring at them was Satoshi, but it was obvious he didn’t see the youkai.
“If you return my name, I will gain enough power to break the curse. After that, no one will have trouble tracking them down. If you lead the police to the general area, their dogs will pick up the scent of dead bodies and come running. But you have to do it before Satoshi loses his will to live. If he’s forced to kill Toshiki, or you for that matter, it’ll be the end of him.”
“Wh-who are you talking to?” Satoshi asked, his voice sounding so shaky and vulnerable. Natsume couldn’t help but glance over at him, offering a warm smile. It was hard, especially since the other tormented him, yet his body acted on its own.
“Someone who’s very worried about you,” he said softly. “Someone who wants to see you free-”
“Natsume-” Shirudo’s voice interrupted the dream, the images slowly rippling away. “We’re out of time you have to hurry-!!”
Natsume jolted awake, feeling his heart nearly thudding out of his chest. He was sweating, but he wasn’t hot.
‘Killer… I’m a killer!’ Satoshi’s thoughts rang as a sharp pain shot through his head.
Satoshi was hurting himself, he was starting to lose it already-!
“Sensei,” he cried, seeing his bodyguard already hovering over him. Had he been there the whole time?
“I know,” he said with a defeated tone, glancing at the door. “You were dreaming so loudly it flowed into me. I understand now.”
There was so much he wanted to ask regarding that statement, but they didn’t have the time for nonsense. “Where’s the book?” Nyanko Sensei moved his head and grabbed something from under the bed and dropped it on his lap. Natsume blinked a few times, realizing it was one of Taki’s bags.
“The Tanuma kid and Taki brat left and came back with this bag. Tanuma even packed some of his clothes so you don’t have to stay in a hospital robe.”
Tanuma and Taki went all the way home and back just for him? His hands gently opened the bag, seeing the clothes, his new phone, and what looked like a protective charm Taki must’ve carved. Feeling even deeper, his fingers grazed the familiar cover of the Book of Friends, making him smile in warmth.
“I’ll change once we get away from the hospital,” he said, zipping the bag back up. “I’m sure the Fujiwaras will be back any second.”
“They’re just outside the door, talking to the Police Chief or whoever,” his bodyguard confirmed, moving his head close to the bed. “Can you climb on? If not, I’ll carry you in my mouth.”
“I think… you’ll have to carry me, just until we get out of the hospital cause of the machines,” he admitted as he moved down, seeing the machines and devices still attached to him. He unhooked all of them, leaving the heart monitor to remove last. “Okay. One, two, three-”
The heart monitor flat lined. There was a huge ruckas outside, but he didn’t even get to hear it as he was surrounded by a moist warmth. He clenched the bag as tightly as he could in his hands, feeling the wind brushing against him.
‘I���m so sorry, everyone. I’ll be back soon…’
This time, everything was different. This time he had Nyanko Sensei with him and a rejuvenated spirit.
He wouldn’t be caught a second time, and he refused to let himself die. There was no way he’d bring his loved ones that kind of permanent sorrow.
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How to proceed About Packed Overhead Receptacles
During the a 3 week period prior to the begin from the New 12 months, about 43. 3 million Americans had been likely to consider flight journey aircraft, as outlined by Flight companies for Usa, a business control group.
Many in the persons traveled with fat, and several didn't verify their luggage simply because they desired to certainly not pay trolley suitcase fees. Amongst main home service providers, simply JetBlue and The west always enable people to check on a ladies handbag free of charge. Travellers about various other airlines are actually commonly inspired to spend around $25 per carrier per airline flight. Jointly, air carriers required in $3. four billion really and almost $1. several billion throughout the initially 1 / 2 of 2011 by baggage charges, relating to the Division of Transportation.
While an individual who lures frequently for people who do buiness and private factors, I dislike baggage costs. Of all First, like the majority of everybody else, I actually merely may wish to dedicate more income just for the similar support. Since the costs not necessarily generally added till check-in, it's now extremely difficult to determine the entire price of routes in order to make convenient evaluations among airline companies when creating programs, if you don't memorize numerous air carriers ' gear procedures.
But what troubles me much more compared to costs themselves may be the rise in carry on bag baggage sparked with the service fees. " Wise " travellers, seeking to use less, are progressively determining it makes ideal feeling to continue everything they require for any week or even more, even when which means carrying suitcases they could hardly lift up. I was certainly not just in becoming irritated by complications this will cause. In a latest study released through the U. H. Travel Relationship, 72 percent of participants reported "people who provide a lot of carry-on palm bags inches as one of their particular biggest worries with contemporary air travel.
The sight of vertically questioned or seniors attempting to lifter weighty carry-ons into packed overhead receptacles has additionally persuaded me that there's a minimum of a small safety risk involved right here. Many able-bodied people, personally included, create a habit of providing to assist when additional medication is noticeably experiencing their bags. But all this filling and shuffling will certainly small to advertise quick boarding and on-time take-off.
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Almost all the baggage which are becoming moved from your recently pricey valuables area towards the over head region should also end up being cleared simply by secureness. Regarding to Homeland Protection Admin Janet Napolitano, that extra scanning services costs the Vehicles Safety Supervision $260 mil annually. "The improved quantity of carry-on luggage causes significant gate blockage, adversely impacting reliability and leading to significant strains in TSA assets and staff, very well TSA elected chief executive and Main Professional Roger Dow informed an Us senate panel. (1)
Florida-based Spirit Airline carriers finds you solution towards problem: demand for carry-ons too. Seeing that 2010 August, Heart continues to be requesting individuals to pay for extra for carriers whether or not they check them or offer all of them aboard. To my shock, Character has grown its traveler count number by simply nearly 25 % because it added the luggage payment. Nevertheless not a large number of tourists want various other airline carriers to consider this method.
Rather, persons plus some congress possess contended that Congress should control baggage fees. Senators Bill Cardin, D-Md., and John Landrieu, D-La., have suggested laws that will prohibit flight companies from recharging guests an extra fee for his or her first examined bag.
Airline flight marketplace organizations counter-top that an authorities requirement about them might move back again the work schedule for the purpose of the times of large air travel regulations when ever, whilst Sam Lott, a spokesman with respect to Airline carriers with regards to America, place it, " consumers paid many had fewer alternatives. inch
Mainly because practically as much ast I actually would prefer to not necessarily accept the air carrier lobby about this one particular, My spouse and i do. Representatives and government bodies haven't any business informing flight companies as well as their consumers what conditions they're able to concur upon. In the end, while I choose to not travel around on Soul Trip companies and pay out the cost to find carry-on side bags, other folks do apparently. In the event that our elected representatives start discussing travel and leisure offers on individuals ' account, they might find yourself just removing selections rather than enhancing them.
U. S. Breathing passages, as an example, might possibly not have the next whether it weren't to luggage costs. After a 10 years of enormous deficits, the fees performed various in getting the company again for the dark. Circumstance. S. Air passage published $450 million in revenue this year. Its income was straight down considerably with all the preliminary 75 % of 2011, mainly because of higher gas prices, however in both years the airline's whole income might be related to baggage along with other non-ticket expenses.
In the situation of baggage costs, the simplest legal repair would be to close the tax loophole that mementos firms that demand separate luggage charges around the expense of people that include regular baggage allotments in ticketed prices. Even though flight tickets, which will for JetBlue and Freebie southwest consist of travel luggage transport, are taxed, independent baggage are certainly not really Provided the quantity of authorities facilities air carriers need, fees upon seat tickets seem sensible. Free of charge goes by for individual suitcase sets charges might.
Relating within the Authorities Responsibility Workplace, costs upon suitcase set costs might have produced one more $240 mil this season for that Airport terminal and Airways Trust Account, which will help purchase international airport building, visitors control security and systems home inspections. Our elected representatives may also need to have airline flight companies to speak their suitcases charge insurance policies to people a lot more obviously and previous inside reservation procedure.
A good harder job for Our elected representatives is going to be fighting the present hub program. Clients soaring away from particular single-airline-dominated towns actually have little chance to workout any actual choice. Almost two-thirds of persons who also are available in or perhaps beyond Atlanta's air-port, by way of example, turn out about Delta arrivals, depending on the Bureau of Transfer Figures.
That may switch since Southwest quickly, which acquired fee-charging AirTran this past year and therefore obtained a 12 percent talk about of Atlanta's industry, presents their very own baggage-fee-free Atlanta plane tickets the following month. Georgia travelers can therefore possess a better quality rival to Delta on travellers to Denver colorado, Houston, Chi town, Baltimore-Washington and Austin tx. Although there aren't any fee-free choices for travel arrangements on essential non-stop ways to Fl, Nyc as well as the Western Coast also, primarily because JetBlue, a significant participant on all those tracks, doesn't have existence found in Metro atlanta.
The nation's lawmakers can't buy other airline carriers to begin shifting their organization to City atlanta. But it may remove hurdles that actually entrench airline carriers ' positions of electrical power within their hubs and keep others inside the dark areas. Granting regional air-ports considerably more expert to reallocate entrance and airport terminal space may possibly go quite a distance toward developing a more versatile force framework. In occupied and space-constrained airfields, the cut of takeoff and obtaining places performs a sizable part too.
Seeing that we view throughout the so-called South west impact, the moment one trip inside a market place begins to present buyers better gives, other folks follow match. Without options, nevertheless, clientele include zero method to take action for the discontentment with guidelines just like luggage service fees, and air travel companies encounter zero pressure to switch.
In the long term, with a few Congressional support, customers might be able to convince airways they will no longer appreciate getting hit by costs together with the check-in countertop or simply by suitcases dropping in the section. Until after that, the carry on shuffle will probably carry on and become as well-known a game title inside the heavens while Angry Parrots.
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Some Issues with Johann Hari's Article
When I opened up my news feed this morning and saw an article in the Guardian about depression, I was excited and intrigued. As someone who has major depressive disorder, as a medical student planning on going into the mental health field, and as a clinician, I was hopeful that I would learn about some new therapy, some new resource or insight I could gain or offer to others. Instead I was met with the self-promoting, sensationalized ramblings of disgraced journalist who is dangerously promoting polarizing views of depression, treatment, patients, and the medical community as a whole.
As you can probably already tell, I found Hari’s recent works offensive - on many levels. From the perspective of a medical student, Hari’s “novel” insights were incredibly disappointing. Our social and physical environment has an effect on our mental health? Shocking! Hari presents this insight as if this is some sort of fringe, radical idea rather than the well accepted theory upon which a good portion of treatment for depression is based on today. The biopsychosocial model has been a standard of treatment and teaching in the medical field for decades. Any decent professional acknowledges that this is one of the major complicating factors in treating patients who have major depressive disorder or a major depressive episode. While pills are incredibly easy to prescribe, it is much much harder to control what happens outside the clinic, which is often the major influencing factor in a person’s mental health. Physicians know this, and there is a growing portion of the medical community that places a priority on dealing with the psychosocial part of the biopsychosocial model of medicine. Hence the swelling of interest, over the past decade or so, in the medical community around community involvement and building resilience.
Furthermore, Hari’s comment that the medical community only offers “one option” for treatment of depression is spurious at best. Pharmaceutical intervention may play a role in an individual’s prescribed treatment, but nowhere does it say that it should be the only or even the major portion of the treatment. Ideally, a treatment regimen is a complex combination of multiple different resources, from pyschodynamic or talk therapy to mindfulness activities, and yes, medication. Ideally, treatment regimens should be deeply personal and individualized, decided on by negotiation between the physicians recommendations and the patient’s desires. Of course this is an idealized model and this doesn’t always happen for a multitude of reasons*, but to claim that that patients are offered only one option for therapy (pill-way or the highway?) is a gross misrepresentation.
Hari’s article was also triggering on a personal level. I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder about a year ago, but likely had it from childhood having grown up in a deeply toxic household. When, finally, as an autonomous adult, I started to seek treatment, no one pushed me towards medications. My therapist and my psychiatrist didn’t even mention medication until I myself had reached a point where I felt that life was untenable. At that point, I was willing to try anything. Anything - just so I could get out of bed in the morning and do my school work and pass my exams. Medication was offered to me then and I was hesitant, but I tried it and transformed my life. I am not saying taking antidepressants “cured” me - they didn’t. But they did lift the fog a little to the point that I could do talk therapy and actually have it make an impact. I spent the whole of my childhood in and out of psychologists’ offices, like a revolving door and it made little to no impact on my mental health. In comparison, the strides I have made in the last year with the help of antidepressants have changed my life. I feel like I have a future and even when it feels like the world is in flames around me, I feel I can walk through the fire and survive. It’s not all because of the pills, but they certainly helped kick start my progress.
But from the first day that I started taking antidepressants, there were always people around me who were trying to get me to go off them, despite the improvement they saw in me. Always the constant question and nudge - Can’t you cope without them? Maybe learn new coping strategies? Have you tried yoga? Turmeric? Meditation?
Yes, yes, and yes. I have lived with this problem for 20 years. I coped with my depression for 20 years and never really lived because of it. I am not trying to say that just because antidepressants worked for me, that everyone should use them. But I am worried that my experience of people trying to take away the things that do help me is not unique and the pressure put on vulnerable people seeking treatment to just power through without help (whether pharmaceutical or therapeutic) will turn people away from trying something that may help them. Hari dangerously veers toward this perspective, adding additional pressure on top of the extreme social pressure that treats depression like a personal weakness. Tomorrow, when I go into clinic, I am worried that there will be patients who Hari has convinced to drop their medication. Of course, no patient should take anything they feel uncomfortable with, but it frightens me that I will have to stand to the side and watch people who are slowly getting better regress because some journalist published an irresponsible and highly polarizing account to springboard his own flagging career.
And maybe I am being exceedingly paranoid about Hari’s own reasons for publication, but I can’t help but feel that this is a publicity ploy. From the monolithic, black-and-white, good-and-bad characterizations he makes of the medical community to the way he chose to sensationalize long held and accepted theories to the excessive media campaign and promotional advertising for his book, I can’t help but feel that this is yellow journalism. Hari’s own journalistic integrity has come under suspicion more than once- for plagiarism in the past as well as anonymously editing his critics’ wikipedia pages. Who’s to say this is any different?
And just one final plead. Even if you read my entire monologue and decided that it is just the over bilious nattering of a self-important windbag, please, please DO NOT STOP YOUR MEDICATION COLD TURKEY. You put yourself and you health at considerable risk stopping antidepressants immediately without tapering off. Please go and talk to your doctor (doesn’t need to be psychiatrist, primary care will do) who can help you adjust your medication regimen to your satisfaction.
*Dear G-d, the medical field is so, so far from ideal. Can you believe that it takes 8 months to make an appointment with a psychiatrist in Chicago? And that an initial 50 minute consultation costs about $400, which is likely going to be out of pocket because so many psychiatrists don’t accept insurance? And when you mention this as an ethical problem to psychiatrists they just shrug as if it isn’t in their control to accept insurances (It is. It totally is.). Don’t get me started on physicians not spending enough time with patients to explain their medications and potential side effects so they can make an informed decision, corporate structure in large hospitals, and any one of million things I could rant about.
Please, please read this response. I know it’s long, but it brings up some incredibly important points. 
And yes, PLEASE do not quit any medication cold turkey without consulting a medical doctor. There are so many things that can go wrong if you do.
The rest of this you can ignore if you want, it’s just me blathering
It is relation to this article, which I reblogged earlier today. This is a very important criticism of a topic that is near and dear to me, one where I let my emotions get in the way of my critical thinking.
I did a brief search on the author of the book, Johann Hari, and found that not only is he know for plagiarizing and hack journalism, but he has been open about having issues with drug addiction which makes me suspect that his views on medication in general might be a little biased.
I didn’t realize until a second reading that I had been internally refuting aspects of the article in my head, and how damaging it might be for people who don’t have an intimate knowledge of the medical system, or for those who already distrust it. Sometimes I forget that some of my experiences are not universal.
I’m so glad you took the time to write this, and for your willingness to share your own story.
Thank you so, so much for sending this in.
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peterinpa · 5 years
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Two years ago, plus one day, this Apprentice assumed office in spite of losing the popular vote nationwide. In 3 states alone, Pennsylvania, Michigan and Wisconsin, less than 40,000 voters pushed the electoral college to him. He had said all along that the system was rigged.
He said it so many times, combined with a clear message that he would not accept the results, that the Obama Administration sought the cover of no one less than Mitch McConnell when they had irrefutable evidence of Russian meddling. He refused, and promised to skewer any announcement of tampering. I doubt Obama knew of all the things going on, independently at Putin’s direction, or in concert with Trumpettes. But they knew Putin didn’t want Hillary to win, and wanted to embarrass America by showing us how fragile our election system is. He never forgave Hillary for calling the Russian elections a farce while she was in Red Square when the comical election of Putin was taking place.
If you’ve read this far, you’re likely thinking “Wow, Peter has some sour grapes to dole out”. And you’d be partially right. Partially. I was not a Hillary fan. I supported Obama from the start of the primaries in 2008, and found her campaign then to be void of inspiration. But I thought she handled herself with grace and class once it was clear that Obama would gain the nod. And I thought she was as effective Secretary of State as one could be. So, yes, I was all in with her two years ago, and once it was clear Trump would be the nominee, broadcast warning bells from the spring onward that he would win if we let our guard down. So I was more personally invested in a campaign since I left Connecticut in 1993.
Clearly, the animosity many felt towards Hillary made him viable. And the venom many people felt toward her, friends and relatives included, was, in my humble opinion, misguided and based on spin the Repuglicants had woven around her for two and a half decades.
I do understand the anger and reality many feel towards being left behind during the last 30 years. Our economy transformed from making things to doing things. The blue collar jobs my parents generation thrived on, and which motivated my grandparents to emigrate here are gone. As are the labor unions that brought them safety net benefits and a pathway to the middle class. You just can’t raise a family working as the greeter at WalMart, or the cash register at Acme.
And as importantly, we lost the sense of hope that our kids would have it a little easier, a better way of life perhaps than we would. Once hope is lost...
So, in retrospect, I understand why the would be a undercurrent of backlash towards Obama policies that attempted to shore up the safety net through things like Obamacare, or lay the groundwork for seamless economies world wide through trade agreements. He published “The Audacity of Hope”, and Bill Clinton was the man from Hope. They both sowed hope when Hope was dwindling. What they failed to realize that hope does not put food on the table, pay the mortgage, or send someone to college. The policies they did espouse were more visible to those on the bottom rung. Those a few steps up, but falling behind, didn’t see anything tangible.
It’s no coincidence that Bill and Hillary failed in 1994 to achieve their national health insurance program, and Obama took intense heat and and was tarred and feathered forever by passing a modest version of one.
What I don’t understand is how Trump got and gets a free pass. Confirmed misogynist and degrader of women all his life. That’s ok, they said. Everyone does it. A con artist who ran shell games with other people’s money, and created a mystique with smoke and mirrors. They looked the other way. Tax evader and embezzler. “He’s a genius” was Giuliani’s rebuttal.
“I’m the only one who can do it. Only I can drain the swamp. And only I can bring you better health insurance for less cost. It’s going to be beautiful!”
“I’m the deal maker! The most brilliant and successful businessman in the world! Yeah, I got a small loan from my father, but I paid him back, and it really wasn’t a lot of money!”
And in spite of the facts we knew, yes we did, he garnered enough votes and just enough votes in key states to have the pretense of the Electoral College place him in an office he was unfit for. The very electoral college written into our constitution to prevent the very type of candidate from becoming president: a despot controlled and installed by a foreign power.
Claire McCaskil, in one of her final interviews before vacating her senate seat, said Trump was an aberration. That this will pass, that we will survive this. She is right, I think. But much of the damage is already done. Rules that protect us from financial peril inflicted by faceless banks and corporations have been loosened or repealed or not enforced. We jump started global warming on so many levels it’s mind boggling. We’ve given huge tax cuts to those who didn’t need it, further concentrating wealth in the elite. And we’ve let them stack the judiciary with activist judges who have a clear agenda. Yes, activist judges who would like America to be great again. America of 1952, that is. And we’ve not only abandoned our allies and forfeited our leadership of the world, but we’ve spit in their eye doing so.
And Russia. He’s lied about his relationship from the start. He was and is in bed with the oligarchs and autocrats. And shown out democracy to be available to the highest bidder.
He lies, cheats and steals.
I doubt we will ever find out about how incestuous he and his family have been with the Russians. But let’s be clear: there are lots of smoking guns here.
I hope the Democrats won’t impeach unless it rises above high crimes and misdemeanors. The Repuglicants simply are not going to convict. His “Art of the Deal” skills, always a farce, hopefully will open the eyes of the 40%. And what’s up with the evangelicals? Seriously!
We can throw this despot and wannabe dictator out in less than two years. We can. We must.
I don’t know which of the Democrats will emerge from the field of 50 currently assembling. But I’ll be going all in again. We we’ve seen the results. We are better than this. My advise to those Dems: tell the truth. Embrace the progressive cause. Tell us we need higher taxes on the rich, that it’ll fund a strong public education and public works infrastructure. Have an honest discussion of the safety net FDR hoped for, and the one LBJ started to put in place. And the one Repuglicants have been chipping away at since.
It’s not magic. Trump slid in on a message of dividing us and tearing things down. It’s easy to tear things down. Far harder to build and achieve.
At the end of the 4 years, as he departs office having been severely rejected, perhaps history will reuse him to a catch phrase:
“Nobody knew {insert text} could be so complicated!”
Oh, we knew, Donny. We certainly knew.
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boglog · 5 years
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HoC Onion !
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[TW mention of sexual abuse/violence]
I’m foregoing the pros/cons format here but generally-speaking my negative points are still gathered at the top w the highlights near the end.
Obviously, between letting a sex offender have a platform in mass media and potholes, I’d choose the latter. My below crits absolutely are not a demand for Spacey to be brought back and he can die in a fire for all i care. I just wish his character’s absence was not the nº1 reason for this season not making any sense
as far as i can gather, this season’s primary arc is as much about Frank’s death (in lieu of Doug’s) as it is Claire’s emotional and political divorce from Frank while she undergoes your traditional postbreakup analysis of who she was pre Frank and post Frank and were Frank actually there this idea might have legs
...but instead we have Doug ://
the level of intensity that the plot demands cannot be carried by forcing Doug into being a deeper character than he was intended, all the way until the end, he truly just reads as either a pitiful sadist or a henchman. It’s disharmonious and dangerously close to bad. 
Frances Underwood makes more sense if Frank dies in episode 8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She’s literally going to be his reincarnation!!!!!!!
literally...who cares if Doug gets stabbed by Frank’s letter opener? whomst?
Doug can’t be Frank’s proxy, but sans a certain pedoph*le, the plot will just have to suffer. 
Other side effects of Doug’s undeserved promotion include but are not limited to: 
forcing Doug to share the role of antagonist with the Shepards, yet another New Villain © that feels totally unnecessary and confusing (the Conways at least got two seasons)
Frank’s diary feels forced and out of character for someone decidedly so unsentimental  
How does Claire have a bun in the oven when she clearly didnt sleep with Frank for all of season 5 and locked herself in her room while he was being assassinated? How is a Dramatic paternity test not going to be insisted upon in the show’s universe?
fixation on Frank’s will as a McGuffin is really... I don't know boring considering no one cares for the guy? What property of his does claire stand to lose? I’m sure the rich people fandom can speculate but i honestly needed this manifested in the show via some examples instead of the grand abstraction that is The Will bc losing Frank’s assets would set Claire back but it would not directly threaten her presidency. Not to mention that i’m not entirely sure Frank’d have Doug of all people as his sole heir if it didn't serve as revenge against Claire, which just lowers Doug’s importantance even more
Frank never cared for Doug, a largely unlikeable character, which we already knew from the beginning, so Doug’s entire arc is pathetic at best as well as his tangential inclusion in the Cliare v Frank arc
My major problems with Doug’s character began as early as season 4. 
Did not understand why they didn't actually have Doug switch sides by joining the Dunbar campaign in earnest in season 4. Like... it’s such an obvious opportunity to Thicken The Plot © that it’s reached this gif levels of dropping the ball:
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P much everything about Doug’s character since then is just so.... lacking, while for the last few seasons they give him depth when he magically has empathy for one (1) woman before she dies (possibly as a direct result of his actions). This entire plot about him evaluating why he was so loyal to Frank could've been unpacked whilst he avoids Dunbar finding out about the murders he did commit. I’d rather him having agency than be a flat, troubled underling.
Aright I'm going to stop complaining about Doug. In season 3 and 4, his insecurity over being replaced and his sacrifices for Frank (and subsequent guilt) came close to giving us a real Moment with him as we delve more into how colourless his life outside of work really is. But beyond that, when his character started getting repetitive, there’s very little to compensate for his alternating acts of extreme narcissism/violence versus his childish confusion / self pity when he doesn’t get what he wants.
Anyways I'm basically at a point where I’d be okay if Frank’s long-lost cousin replaced Doug replacing Frank 
I’m appreciating the writers’ distinct refrain from plot formats and that the seasons progressively move towards the Underwoods but what if just for circularity and added balance we return to having a full-on reporter B plot in s6? More emphasis on Janine and Tom’s sleuthing, culminating in Tom’s assassination and Janine publishing the tell-all expose against Frank---including a reference to Zoe---that becomes the magnum opus of her career (and Claire using that against Frank). I just think the season needed more balance that Doug, the Shepards and Tom were not offering 
The Shepards and Tom, meanwhile, are decidedly banal. First of all, I had a hard time even telling Bill and Tom apart esp given that they were introduced one after the other. All white guys are the same.
Bill just kind of sits around until he has a platform to reference his favourite action movies doesn't he?
Moreover what does Tom do!? he doesn't want power, he doesnt seem to want anything. He’s just kind of there?
Unlike the Conways, the Shepards don’t have a clear goal and are not often in direct conflict with Claire the way Frank and Conway were. They want to control the presidency for money and Claire is always bouncing back from reliving her girlhood to political rivalry w Anette, yes, but what does that mean? What are the consequences? The logistics are so indirect and complicated, what precisely does Anette want? And why does anyone care? The Shepards are extremely boring.
Frank’s asides were purple and long af so I appreciate Claire’s succinct style not to mention her fantastic screen presence. I’m left to wonder, though, if maybe hers and every other aside in HoC is a little too on the nose. Like, they didn't hafta spell it out that the bird in the wall was a representation of Frank’s shadow trapping her, I think we got that 
The artistic intercuts to Claire’s troubled childhood wherein a group of bullies coerce her into stripping naked through the forest, while visually stunning and clever for its self-explanatory nature, feel really passive. They don't visually show us any reason for her not to resist, the bullies even let her keep her clothes after cutting them off her so we’re left to wonder why she does nothing....
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Claire was raised to be ~proper~ so her resistance (likely) comes in the form of biting, passive-aggressive poise which is hard to get across in a silent montage but it just feels.. weird
Frances Underwood is going to have a very sad childhood
nearly all the Claire flashbacks are cinematic masterpieces and as much i think Claire’s backstory deserves more attention, i also appreciate the minimalism and the choice humanising moments of her adolescence 
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listen I'm sure we all agree Robin Wright is peak acting but the actor for young Claire, who has the arguably harder task of copying Wright is fantastic 
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Of all the characters who crop up every season seemingly out of nowhere only to disappear once more once when the plot the Underwoods are done with them, Jane is one of my favourites and possibly one of the greyest characters alive. Smart, mysterious, worldly, a bit of a hippie despite her job, severe despite her sense of humour. Really loves her extremely pedestrian surname. We stan.
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Secondary characters rarely get anything close to a backstory on this show, esp ones that were introduced so late. Still, her motivations seem more complicated then others (i.e. betraying Cathy, one of two people she cares about) and I wonder if they deserve a bit more of an explanation. Especially seeing as she has a relationship with every major character.
If anyone deserves a spin-off it might be Jane and her name-dropping career/social life
Cathy faking her own death with a terrible french accent? On stan !!!
Seth teasing Doug even while he’s completely undervalued by everyone around him is a power move
Impressed that they managed three characters named Tom, their distinctly different appearances and the fact that they're almost never in the same POV shots works to separate them.
Claire using the word “female” even facetiously is cringe
Whenever they use the cinema room, the movie they watch is always symbolic. Before the 2017 election, Frank and Claire imitate the characters in Double Indemnity, and this season a pregnant claire watches Rosemary’s Baby. Clever.
i liked the whitehouse tour guide’s inclusion and the cameo from _____ though this season was especially white without their usual token secondary character
So overall i liked season 6 as an exploration of Claire’s character even while it did v little justice to most of the other characters and unfortunately spacey’s absence did affect the storyline
and finally: that cinnamontography !
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Not that the series should be pushed past its prime, but wouldn’t it be interesting to see Claire as a mother?
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Blog: why women are under more pressure to lose weight than men.
Think about it- women have always been under more pressure to lose weight than men. And men are less likely to seek help for it. But why should that be the case? After all the health complications that come with being overweight (risks of heart disease and stroke, high blood pressure, diabetes, some cancers, gallbladder disease and gallstones, gout, osteoarthritis, breathing problems like sleep apnoea and asthma) apply to both sexes. Stats from the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare show that 70.8 per cent of men are considered overweight or obese compared to 56.3% of women. (1)
Yet if you google weight loss and have a look at the articles and images that pop up most are about females. Have a look at products for weight loss and almost all feature women or are focussed on women. Jump online social media and see how important looks are to women and what an impact this has on younger women. Look at the most popular actresses and see that most of them are slim. And the fact is that, historically, conversation about weight has been perceived as more of a feminine than masculine thing. But the times they are a changin’ (slowly) and body-image anxiety is becoming equal opportunity.
Professor Dixon, head of clinical research at the Baker IDI Heart and Diabetes Institute, has an opinion on why men are less likely to attend weight loss programs or buy weight loss products or visit dieticians compared to women. The fact that weight loss programs are more focussed on women than on men means men can be reluctant to attend. Women are most likely to say they are attending because of body image, embarrassment over their body or social stigmatisation. Men are more likely to say that they are there because they’ve been diagnosed with heart disease or diabetes or are worried about their fitness rather than say anything about body image or being unhappy with the way they look when they look in the mirror. (2)
Another reason starts from early on where men grow up wanting to not be the wimpy, weedy guy, but rather the big, strong, bulky (but not fat) guy. We assume men aren’t fazed by body image because it’s usually women we see who freak out about their looks and weight but that’s not true. Research has shown that 11% of men in Australia over 15 years have dieted to lose weight in the last year. (3) Furthermore there are increasing numbers of teenage boys and men engaged in muscle building to achieve the male muscular ideal through body-building and/or the use of protein supplements and, worse, steroids. In recent years men have worried less about going bald than getting “man boobs” or “beer bellies” (aka dad bods which I personally prefer over muscly men). In fact a study in The Guardian a couple of years ago said that 38% of men would sacrifice a year of their life to have a better body. (4) [NB: If that was actually a thing you could do I would sacrifice 5 years for a great body.]
Alan White, a professor of men's health at Leeds Metropolitan University, said: "These findings are worrying but not surprising. There's been a big increase in the numbers of British men having cosmetic procedures such as a nose job or removal of breast tissue; that's gone from almost nothing to quite a significant industry over the last 10 years. All this fuels the idea of the body beautiful and encourages a quick fix rather than appropriate diet and physical fitness levels." (4)
Dr. Phillips Diedrichs, from the centre of appearance research at the University of the West of England completed a study of 394 men which was commissioned by the Central YMCA and Succeed Foundation- an eating disorders charity. And she reported some very interesting findings around men, body image and dieting. Such as 80.7% talked about their own or others' appearance in ways that draw attention to weight, lack of hair or slim frame. And 63% thought their arms or chests were not muscular enough. Whilst 29% thought about their appearance at least five times a day. And 18% were on a high-protein diet to increase muscle mass, and 16% on a calorie-controlled diet to slim down. (4)
The major difference in the way women and men see their body-image is that women are more about being thin and toned and men, as I mentioned earlier, have been conditioned from a younger age to want to be muscular and strong. An American study published in the Jan issue of JAMA Pediatrics, revels that nearly 18% of boys (I.e under 18) are very concerned about their weight and physique. (5) Dr Alison Field, an associate professor of pediatrics at Boston Children’s Hospital and the lead of the study says this trend among [younger] boys towards weight obsession is a major cause for worry. She explained that these boys were more likely to be depressed and more likely to engage in high-risk behaviors such as binge drinking and drug use.
Dr. Raymond Lemberg, a clinical psychologist and expert on male eating disorders says in terms of media portrayals we used to really discriminate—and we still do—against women. Dr Raymond Lemberg, a Prescott, Arizona-based clinical psychologist and an expert on male eating disorders says, “If you look at the Miss America pageant winners or the Playboy centerfolds or the runway models over the years, there’s been more and more focus on thinness.” (4)
A disturbing study by the Girl Guides has found that girls as young as seven want to lose weight. The Girls’ Attitudes Survey, completed by 1288 women aged seven to 21, found 87 per cent of girls between 11 and 21 thought women were judged more on their appearance than their ability – and one in five girls between seven and 11 said they had been on a diet. (6)
Nonetheless at the end of the day women are the ones most pressured to lose weight and judged more harshly than overweight men. And the majority of those ideals come from social media, and magazines or advertising. Social media is an important part of the lives of young people around the world. In Australia, approximately 72% of people actively use social media (Australian Bureau of Statistics, 2014). The most popular social media platforms for young people are Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat and Youtube (ACMA, 2013, Pew Research, 2015; Sensis, 2016), and these platforms are predominantly or entirely imaged-based. (7) Research undertaken by Jennifer Mills, an associate professor in the Department I’d Psychology at York University Toronto and Jacqueline Hogue, a Ph.D student in the departments clinical program, about the effects of social media on the self-perceived body image of young woman was published in the journal Body Image. The study found that “[the participants] felt worse about their own appearance after looking at social media...of someone that they perceived to be more attractive.” (8) This went for both those with poor self-perception of their body image as well as those with a healthy one.
Magazines and advertising also have a huge impact on how one views their body image. Consider the fact that magazines are almost always photoshopped and almost always use exclusively thin models regardless of the products they are selling. The same images are on buses, billboards, and in shopping centres so there is no real escape. There has been a progression towards thinner and thinner models in ads and magazines: twenty years ago, the average model weighed 8 per cent less than the average woman – but today’s models weigh 23 per cent less. Even models who are considered underweight or dangerously underweight by the medical profession are still heavily photoshopped. Furthermore the advertising I diary is so strongly associated with creating insecurities that when women are shown images of products like shoes, perfume or deodorant in the context of these ads they are more likely to answer questions such as how satisfied are you with your body or how attractive do you consider yourself more negatively than if they had, for instance, seen the same photos in a neutral context. (9)
The Girl Guides study mentioned earlier found that one in five 7-11 year old girls had been on a diet. (6) Susan Jack from Glasgow Women’s Aid pointed out that young women are very critical of each other and oftentimes much harder on each other than boys are. As a result if you feel you don’t look like you should it can negatively effect your confidence leading to an impact elsewhere in your life such as “You might not do as well at work or not stand up for yourself. In an abusive relationship, that lack of self-confidence can be used to keep women down.” (6)
So why is it that women are judged more harshly for being overweight than men? One such reason is that while there is a socio-economic divide between women’s weights there is not such an issue for men. In fact while the more wealthy and educated a woman is the more the social pressure on them increases compared to men who are likely to be accepting of having a few extra kilos on them regardless of whether they are wealthy or not. (2) Another possible reason could be that women care more about their appearance because looks are more consequential for them. I’m not going so far as to suggest this is a reflection of the continuing power imbalances favouring men in our society though. These worried about body image are not because of a general lack of confidence as a 2011 study from the University of Basel based on over 7,000 respondents of both sexes young woman now had as much self esteem as young men but rather this disconnect in how women view their appearance can be attributed, in part, to concerns over body image. The evolutionary process of sexual selection- whereby we are changed so as to attract mates- is also a factor. As is the depiction of women with hour glass figures over the centuries. (10)
Sources:
1.) http://www.news.com.au/lifestyle/health/diet/overweight-men-are-judged-less-harshly-than-women/news-story/f1e67f057968257a428ce3b438d2c3a2
2.) http://www.abc.net.au/news/health/2017-01-26/men-losing-the-battle-of-the-bulge/8213070
3.) https://www.betterhealth.vic.gov.au/health/healthyliving/body-image-and-diets
4.) https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2012/jan/06/body-image-concerns-men-more-than-women
5.) https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.theatlantic.com/amp/article/283897/
6.) https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.dailyrecord.co.uk/lifestyle/local-lifestyle/young-women-girls-under-more-3209721.amp
7.) https://nedc.com.au/research-and-resources/show/issue-46-social-media-and-body-image
8.) https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/amp/323725
9.) http://mediasmarts.ca/body-image/body-image-advertising-and-magazines
10.) https://www.google.com.au/amp/s/www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-human-beast/201305/why-women-feel-bad-about-their-appearance%3famp
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