I Assume For The Worst
I Assume For the worst
And Hope for the best
When strangers tell me words
That seem so far fetched
They tell you dreams they wish to spew
As reality tangled up as half-truths
It's easy to lie to someone new
When they eagerly buy any story you choose
Subtly it turns to subtle regret
When there's nowhere to turn when they unlock your mindset
As they hint you toward A socializing debt
For the not so free time we've already have spent
So time reveals the hidden things they spill
As suggestions, accidents, or sorrys until
You mark a no as a line in the sand
From the very thing they wish they could have
Some will retreat and some will fight back
Some will manipulate you into saying a yes
Some will go home and tell everyone trash
Some will accept and hope for the best
The best you can do is relax and think fast
Play the life that you own like a chessboard in fact
Everyone's out for their own selfish tasks
With little to stop them from abusing what you lack
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I am Second
I am a hearth first and a threshold second.
I am a fire first and an Irish exit second.
I emanate warmth at first, with one foot crossing the threshold from the first posed question-
I’m gone in a second.
I didn’t know what a hearth was,
Until I knew, that blood too creates a spectacle of art upon my face,
I know a fireplace does not insinuate a warm place,
and an audience doesn’t imitate the heart-to-heart I always chase.
Artists don’t know anything, except for how to create space
To perceive and be perceived;
I am an artist second, and first
A literary receptacle, or
A candlelit canticle, or
A memory semantical; I am
A digression indigestible.
I’m fascinated by perspective, popcorn and rare pennies,
My grandma’s orange lilies, and your lack of spatial awareness around me.
I named a garden after myself, and I damned every root and bud yet to bloom to Eternal Internal suffering.
I read aloud my words, then cleanse my teeth with antifreeze,
I bake inedible pastries for the sake of constant fleeting company.
Fringe jacket sleeves depict perfectly
my fear of touching what is forbidden, not realizing until it is too late.
I love Christmas, for I specialize in giving my gifts away recklessly
Abandoning myself,
And I am at home because I know how to do something right when I am second.
I still need permission to enter a room first, I beg for mercy over every mess I make.
I keep my blinds closed, wondering how to be perceived, comfortably.
I keep my door closed, wondering
Who will be the first to leave with the best of me?
If my words are my favorite part of me, then
What am I worth when they’re working against me?
I never wanted to become wild, when
I was seeking forgiveness before permission,
I was spoken to like a child as
My seeking acceptance gave way to remission.
I’m a teacher’s pet, and I’m not sorry for that.
I love learning and I hate being my biggest distraction.
I was a teacher’s pet until they introduced me to fractions.
I wanted to be a teacher until they all
Reduced me to a distraction wearing jean shorts.
They spoke their intentions, and
Eventually I learned to savor such adult attention.
Why do we keep pretending to care about intentions?
How they litter tainted, moral principle remnants?
I still don’t know if I have ever been a good friend.
I have yet to remember not to reach for bread and butter across the dinner table
When I eat with my elbows on the table, I think of my grandmother,
how I love her without needing anything from her,
how I have come to accept people that do not accept me.
Morally obligated intentions haunt my ancestry, but lightning struck my family tree.
It ends with me.
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Breakfast or Lunch
I love you like breakfast while loathing you like lunch;
Craving clarity with my first bite of today, a blend
of your strawberries melted in my honey, granola crunch
Residual and golden, how you and the morning transcend.
A swift, morning apple is my foundation for the day,
As a tight grip on your gaze starts me off the beaten path.
Surrounded by fine art, yet my hands beg me to portray
Your hands cupping coffee, as steam rises from the birdbath.
So scatter my remains about the whole backyard by noon,
As if I am your coffee grounds– a mess made just for you.
Slowly sip my ashes, while you reminisce on the moon
How I held you close like she did, until breakfast time was through.
How I love you like my whole life preceding you was blind,
So I welcome you to stay for lunch, should you feel so inclined.
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