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an-angels-fury · 2 years

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Why Erik (and the story of the Phantom of the Opera) means so much to me:

Well, I think it's already obvious for everyone who follows me that The Phantom of the Opera (book, musical and movie adaptations) is one of my main interests and I created this page to spread all my love and admiration for this story and how it brings so much joy to my life.

You probably already noticed as well that I have a thing for dark, monstrous characters who are capable of unspeakable acts of cruelty but are also misunderstood, pathetic (and when I say pathetic, I say in the sense of being worthy of pity and simpathy) and needy for the smallest bit of human affection (Anakin Skywalker and Carrie White are two of my favorites characters that are definitely included on the top of this list 😍)

So, as it might be stated, it isn't big news that I felt so drawn to my dear boy Erik. For some, he's better known as the scary and frightning Opera Ghost. For others, the talented and majestic Angel of Music. And don't get me wrong, he's, in fact, all that. But those are not his only facets. He's so much more than those titles. He's not truly a mystical being or a supernatural entity. He is, above all, HUMAN. A MAN. A REAL man, of flesh and bone. He's a exceptional, genius and extraordinary person.

His presence itself is powerful enough to silence a entire room full of people. He has the power of creation and destruction in his hands, capable of composing the most heavenly melodies that make every spirit cry and soar in delight and, at same time, punishing his victims in the most painful and agonizing ways to the point of making them crawl and beg for death. His angelic, enchanting voice, hard as lightning and soft as candlelight, is able to penetrate your soul so intimately to the point of touching the depths of your core and hypnotizing even the most sane mind. With a single gesture, he makes you bound to his every will. With a single song, a single note, your heart is no longer yours. Now your heart longs for him and only him. It beats and it bleeds for him.

In this moment, there no difference between you and him. It feels like you always knew him. It feels like he was always part of your existence. He knows you. He lives in you. HE IS YOU. This is the sensation that invades me always when I read about, watch, talk about or think of Erik. This is the sensation that, right now, is possessing me while I'm writing these words. He's here, singing songs in my head. He's with me, inspiring me and motivating me to share my art, to open my heart, to reveal the real me to the world.

Since I remember and knew myself as a person, music was always very present in my life and, as time passed and I grew up to learn more about myself and acquire new hobbies and passions, like drawing, reading and writing, my love for music not only remained but became stronger to the point of revealing to me and the others around me another gift of mine: singing.

Right now, in this moment of my life, I find myself reflecting about this constant inner conflict of mine between the role the society expects me to play and the personal search for my real vocation. When I finished High School last year, I was still very insecure about college. I wasn't sure about which university I wanted to go to, nor which course I would like to major in. I was always a dedicated and hardworking student, so my parents didn't mind at giving me a year to rest and think better about it, something that I'm totally grateful for. Still, a part of me wasn't at peace. I kept comparing myself to all my other friends who were already in college, who seemed to know exactly what they wanted, the path they wished to follow and and what the next step to take. Everybody seemed to know their place. Except me.

I'm still at home, seeing people with the same age as mine not only studying, but also running after jobs to pay for their studies. It's like everyone had already accepted the fact they're adults now and the responsibilities that come with it while I'm the only one who is being lazy and refusing to grow up for being too scared of letting go of my comfort and stability. Even with my parents being kind and patient with me and never putting any kind of pressure on me, I have a hard time trying to stop putting pressure on myself, which can become pretty exhasuting.

Luckily, a month and a half ago, I started to attend to weekly sessions with a vocational coach (I'm still in the middle of the process) and I'll confess you: it has been a very liberating experience. I'm in a journey of self-knowledge where, day after day, I'm not only feeling more confident about my abilities and aspirations, but also understanding better my fears and where they come from. "Yeah, that's really nice, Bia. But why does this have anything to do with Phantom?" Don't worry, my dear, we're about to get to the point of this post.

During the sessions, I talked a lot about my love for the arts and how impactul they were in my life. My couch told me I have a huge necessity to express myself and to help other people. I consider myself a very sensitive person (I feel things very deeply, even though I don't always demonstrate it and I make many life choices based on my emotions - not solely on them, but they are definitely a big deal for me), but I'm also very quiet and shy. And that's one of the aspects of Erik's character that I relate so personally with: we both don't enjoy talking and being surrounded by crowds. Our souls are a burning tornado of chaotic emotions, but we have a hard time trying to open up about ourselves using common words. But through the arts, we find a channel to transmit our feelings in a language that we and others can understand us. Everytime I draw or sing, I feel this wonderful and cathartic sensation of freeing myself from my fears and insecurities, even for just a moment, of revealing a part of me that no one else knew until now. And, just like Erik wished with his whole heart to teach and share his many gifts with the world, I wish to use my empathy and deep desire for self-expression to try to understand the complexity of the human soul, explore their infinite facets and inspire other people to find themselves just like I did (and I'm still doing every single day of my life).

Erik's loneliness, his fear of rejection and desire for acceptance and love are also characteristic traits that not only me, but also many others, can relate to. I mean, I definitely have my moments of peace and pleasure when I'm by myself and, after all the abuse, trauma and abadonment Erik has been through during all his life, it's obvious his issues are much more serious and complex than mine. I was raised in a warm home full of love and I was always surrounded by friends and family members who cared about me, accepted me with all my flaws and supported me when I felt lost and helpless. I never doubt that I was truly, deeply loved. But this never make the nightmare of suddenly, one day, waking up all alone and realizing that there's no one else out there to take my hand, to hold me tight while I'm shaking and sobbing uncontrollably, to ease my fears with a calming voice whispiring in my ear "It's okay, I'm here with you, you're safe..." totally disappear.

That's why Erik and Christine's bond is such a high spot for me in the story. People could talk all day long about how their relationship was 'gross', 'toxic', 'abusive', and that what Erik felt for her was nothing but pure obsession. I surely agree that what they have was unhealthy and wasn't built in solid ground or in the best conditions to become something safe and long lasting. It's a point of view to be considarated, but you have to be careful with it because, if you summerize all the narrative like this, you might risk to erase most of the symbolism, the complexity and other subtle, but still essential elements of the characters' development, making your take in the story, if I'm really being honest, quite shallow.

I just love the concept of music as a heavenly, divine force that is just powerful enough to bring two lonely souls scarred by death and the pain of loss together and unit them so strongly to the point of bringing new inspiration to their art and making them feel more alive than they ever did before. These two remarkable, passionate and gifted individuals, whose images in the mirror reflect each other's spirits, create a unique bond between them and, through it, find shelter, build a home and bring out the best versions of themselves. They are the light to each other's darkness. They are each other's angels of music.

And, to me, that's where the true beauty of Erik lies: he's not only a mere representation of our dark impulses, the mysteries and fears buried in our minds' subconscious or the ugliest parts of the human soul. Erik is the light we hide behind our shadows. He is our fascination for the unknown. He is all the goodness and dreams and potential we think we are forced to hide behind a mask because the society taught us that being different is wrong, that we should feel ashamed by what makes us special, that our singularities transform us into deformed monsters.

I have no doubt that if Erik was raised in a very similar environment as I was, he could have become the best version of himself and make a difference in a world, just like I dream to do one day. He makes me remember that I shouldn't let myself be shaped by societies' expectations and that I don't need to live my life to satisfy the others' necessities. If I want to free myself from these chains, so I can finally compose the Music of the Night, I need the courage to finally let my inner Erik, my true self, bloom.