What a great use I made of a base I saw on facebook to make it Peter B x Miguel version, I loved the sexy result!
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It hurts me so bad to think about Peter B Parker's story. This man lost his parents either at a young age or at an age he could somewhat remember them. Which in itself is traumatic, and painful, and changes a person for the rest of their life. How many birthdays did he go without having his parents with him? How many school events did he have no parent to take with him? "Take your dad to school day" isn't the same when your uncle, who you do love dearly, is the only masculine figure you can take to school. I can't imagine the looks, the conversations with teachers, the, "Is that your grandpa, bud?" questions that he probably was asked for years.
Then he loses his uncle. In ATSV we see its probably a sudden thing. Probably an accident or a crime being committed against him. Something along those lines. No one deserves that. How painful must it be to say you're the man of the house, the only man in the house, at 14, 15, 16+ years of age?
He becomes Spiderman. Its probably amazing, probably freeing and thrilling and- it's probably traumatic, let's be honest here. This is New York, I can only imagine the crimes he witnesses very young, if he got bit young like Miles. But even if he got bit as an older teen like some of the other spidermen, its still trauma. Getting hurt, seeing people die, being practically in charge of saving people. It takes a toll on you.
And then his aunt dies. And in ITSV his reaction to Aunt May's house hurts. He didn't want to even ring the doorbell. Why would he? She's gone. He doesn't want to see his dead aunt now alive, its not even his aunt. It's an interesting parallel to Miles seeing living Uncle Aaron. Miles hugs him and is shocked, rightfully so, but Peter doesn't react that way and its interesting to me.
And Peter has no one. He's actually alone. Besides MJ, and for a while I'm sure its okay. Until they divorce. He seems terrified of settling down, of having kids, of having people to take care of. Because realize, he had so many people that he likely feels he failed. They're gone because he couldn't save them. Why would he want kids? Why would he want to risk losing them? I saw someone post about how in ATSV Peter keeps Mayday close to him even in fights because he doesn't want to lose her. And I agree.
Peter is a clingy person, we see it with Miles. At the beginning of ITSV, Peter wants nothing to do with Miles, he wants to get back home and sulk and cry and be comfortable in his sadness.
And sure, comfort is nice, but he realizes caring for others feels so good. Loving others feels amazing. Being loved feels so warm. Being proud of others, being supported by others, being wanted and needed by others is the best feeling. It's uncomfortable, being so loved because he's afraid of losing it all. And after seeing Miguel lose his daughter, its likely worse. And after Miles feels betrayed by him for not visiting, for giving away his location, for planning not to tell him about his father's death, it's likely more worse.
He does not want to lose people again. He's happy and flippant and jokes around so much its funny on screen, but goddamnit is this man so full of hurt. He loves people so much, you can see it on screen. The way he teaches Miles in ITSV. The way he touches the people he loves, hugging Gwen and Miles close to show them pictures of his baby, holding Mayday close when he's feeling vulnerable, patting Miguel's shoulder to get him to loosen up, standing close to Miles trying to talk him down- he loves people and he loves them so big and he's just so scared to lose them.
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