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spoofymcgee · 9 months

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sometimes, i stand in front of the mirror before getting in the shower and i just think 'god. this body is so beautiful.'

i haven't always thought so. there have been innumerable times where i looked and wondered whose face that could possibly be, because i was sure it wasn't mine.

my hair was too frizzy, sometimes, my shoulders too wide, my head too small. why did my stomach move like that, stick out above my waistband and ruin the line of my body.

there have been late nights where i would stare at the ceiling while i showered, desperate to be clean and just as desperate not to live inside this skin. dressing rooms of stores where the waistband wouldn't fit past my thighs. coats pulled on in a rush after a long summer of sitting in storage that no longer fit.

other times, where my favorite pair of jeans were suddenly too big, where shirts and dresses hung loose and strange.

i don't know if that will happen again. bodies change and we don't get to control how.

but for now.

i stand in front of the mirror.

the rolls on my back are the same ones my mother had. when we were very small and would ask about her body, she told us that she loved her body, because it had made us.

the crinkle of my eyes is mirrored in my brother and the way he laughs, high spirited and so very carefree with every emotion.

the way my chin textures and my eyes puff up when i cry is something i share with my sister, so i always know exactly how upset she is.

my stomach is soft and round. when i was smaller, and still, sometimes, when i get the chance, i curl up to my father on the sofa, leaning into his side while i read or play on my phone. his belly is big and soft and when i listen i can hear his heartbeat.

i have never had defined muscles. i can do thirty push ups in a row and take the groceries up one trip, but you cannot see it in the shape of my arms. not in my aunt's either, but when i was young i changed her contact name to 'nice hugs' because she gave the best ones.

my body is a patchwork quilt of the people i love, the people they loved, and every part of it has been loved and cared for and cherished before i had it. eyebrows and ears and fingers and rolls and folds and skin and fat and bone–there have been countless people who looked at these things and thought 'that's beautiful. this person i love is so, so beautiful.'

it is my body, but it has belonged to others before me and it is made up of so much love and care that it seeps out of my skin, like a tangible thing able to sink into the thoughts of too much and too little and not right and burst them apart from the inside out.

bodies come in all shapes and sizes. this is what i was told when i was young, whenever i asked. they are beautiful for that, but most of all they just exist. they can't be wrong. the truth is not wrong and it is not right–it simply exists.

they have been doing that since before anyone can remember. they will do that long after i am dead and gone. and along the way they will be loved, and i want to be the one doing some of the loving.

#body positivity #body image #body image issues #tw body image #people come in all shapes and sizes and i don't mean that as a trite line #fat #poetry #thinking about how much i love the people around me and how it makes it so much harder to hate my body if i love theirs #spoof.txt

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demonslayedher · 1 year

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How do you think the evolved form of Akaza was? Would he have changed his appearance or would he not have had any physical change? How do you think the change would have been?

If demons were Oni-mon, a collectable trading card game, there would be set courses of their potential based on how hard they train and how many people they eat. Like a road-map in their genetics!

But Muzan doesn't play Oni-mon. Muzan's too mature and scientific so such trite and childish games. Muzan is a man of science! That mean he's more likely to have a passing curiosity in bacteria and do a bunch of swabs around the house, and then he gets tired of waiting to see the results, and then he forgets about them until he comes back later to be pleasantly shocked how his bacteria cultures overgrew their containers in all sorts of unexpected shapes and colors.

That is to say, I think demons would have a very active form of epigenetics, that is, how their DNA responds to different behaviors and environmental factors, as opposed to following some set course in their DNA. As a simple real life example, years of diet and exercise will impact how you look at middle age, and two versions of yourself in alternate universes may be hard to recognize as having the same DNA because of this.

Demons are like extreme versions of this; they start with a certain set of DNA, and that DNA accounts for a lot of how they start out as a demon, and the ways that DNA is expressed will be more volatile to changes in their diet--or in Akaza's case, exercise.

So if we take Akaza as a demon developed through physical training and limited diet, then he's bound to look like some kind of gym dude bro no matter how far he gets from where he started.

Hang on, I gotta check something. Ufufufufufufu. Basketball was introduced to Japan in 1908. Moving on.

Something that's been key in major physical developments in demons, at least when we've seen them as they first occur (we don't know how and when Hantengu, Gyokko, and Daki discovered their own transformative abilities), is that there's an emotional elemental, like a sense of desperation. Specially, I'm referring to Nezuko and Kokushibo achieving what we might think of as their "ultimate forms," at least for what we saw, but given the "infinity" theme so common in demons, I'll bet they still could had gone further. Akaza really likes the idea of training forever, but it doesn't seem he's got a specific outcome in mind.

Other times, there is intention in how one develops, like when Nezuko figured out she could get small just because Tanjiro asked her to, or when Enmu was straining himself to merge with a massive physical object. I... I kinda don't think Akaza thought that hard about the pink hair (but something in his memories was drawn to pink, he must not had been able to help it.)

We've also seen cases of demons choosing not to show their most powerful, achievable form, for whatever reason, from convenience to aesthetic (Nezuko, Daki, Muzan especially). Akaza seems to have no qualms about this. Would he get angry about Speedy stealing his look, though? Annoyed at least, probably, Speedy is weak.

So if we take these factors into account, like desperation for some desired outcome and admiration of strength, who knows, maybe in some AU out there he figured out a way to merge his dislodged hand with Kyojuro's body as a means of forcing him to stay alive so they can fight forever.

But maybe we needn't look any further than Akaza's desperation not to die himself, so much so that he sealed the injury at his neck. If he were to keep developing from that point, perhaps before he manages to pop out a new head, his other muscles bulge first, especially in the upper chest area and arms. He'd probably be capable of taking of a much, much larger physical form than just his kinda short human-sized one.

And then maybe what would pop out...

.........would be a football-shaped head.

#Akaza #aka #Askaza

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