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#paulas awesome takes
wholesomekillerboy · 6 months
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REMEMBER. LEAST LIKELY TO KILL. explain why you voted whoever in the tags if you want (i am begging of you please do it). have fun go wild
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son1c · 3 months
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i love to think about the sonic world because there's so much going on that sega never ever touches on. like. eggman creates thousands of robots bi-weekly, and what happens to them?
scrapnik island exists, so clearly he doesn't keep his resources close to his chest. once they're done, they're kinda just... on their own. (unless they're a particularly important bot like metal sonic.)
so, i think there's a tonnn of old badniks wandering around, to the point where maybe there's this whole group of people who take them, hijack them, and have a sort of underground fighting ring with them. why? because i think that would be AWESOME. who's gonna win this time? jack the rabbit with her modified buzzy bomber? or paula the koala with her motobug-crabmeat fusion???
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futbol16 · 1 year
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Mi Hermana  • Alexia Putellas
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I really hope you guys like this! I’m super happy about how well the first part did and thank you to the anon that requested it!
Requests: To ‘Alexia Jr’: Awesome… possible part 2 with alexia ripping into the team about how they’ve been acting?
can we please have more of Alexia jr 😫
I love alexia jr is it possible to do a part 2? Thanks ❤🦄
Part 1 Alexia Jr
Word count: 2,8k
Since that night on the pitch with your sisters, Alexia paid more attention to the team’s interactions with you, or sometimes the lack of it. Now that she has been cleared to start working with a ball again she is around the team more often and though she still has training separate from you, she’s also a lot closer and can hear how the girls talk to you. To say she’s baffled would be an understatement and it’s only been two days since your admission about the situation. 
Although she wants nothing more than to give them an earful when it happens, you had made her promise to handle it in a mature way. You didn’t want to mess up the team dynamics even more.
 Barca’s game that following week, your sister watches you play from next to the benched players and the proud smile is hard to miss. However, cameras that were supposed to be on you at this moment as you dive down the length of the field with the ball at your feet, are on Alexia instead who’s wearing that pleased look. It’s wrong of them to focus on her when you’re in the midst of showing exactly why you’re in Barca’s first team. 
She cheers loudly with the rest of the girls as the ball is chipped over the goalkeeper and you nod towards the fans, your hand above your eyes as if you were shielding them from the sun, almost like you were saluting the crowd. Your signature celebration. 
That prideful glint in Alexia’s eyes turns into disappointment when she notices that none of your teammates celebrate with you or congratulate you. She does however feel a slight sense of relief when she sees Mapi clapping in her position, far back on your side of the field. The brunette’s jaw clenches at the lack of support you’re receiving from your team after each and every good pass or chance on goal, she is beyond saddened. 
It’s only moments later when just as you receive the ball from Patri the defender on the other team comes in fast and takes your legs out. The air time you get before harshly landing on your side is something Alba would joke about but when you don’t immediately get up your sister realizes this could be serious. While you lay there for a bit, gripping the grass for a second to take your mind off the searing pain in your ankle, the defender gets her yellow card. 
Still, Mapi is the only one coming to check on you near the left side of the pitch. 
Once again, Alexia is grateful that her best friend is looking out for her little sister but she feels like the rest of the girls have let you and her down at the same time, she expected more of them. She shot up to her feet the instant you were tackled and she had leant forward wanting to see more and make sure you were okay. You slowly get up though, thankfully, assuring Mapi and the referee that you’re good to continue playing. Your sister plops back in her seat with a long exhale of worry and Marta, who’s sat next to her sends her a reassuring smile. 
Eventually the match comes to an end and you wander off the field with a 5-1 victory, shaking the hands of the opposition as you do. Most of the girls have already ran off towards the bench, no doubt wanting to see your sister and your thoughts are proved to be true when you look in the direction. Alexia’s eyes connect with your own and though she holds a bright expression, happy for the team, there’s a look in her eyes that you don’t quite recognize. 
Paula swings an arm over your shoulders, the Levante player a good friend of yours from the national team. You look over at her, noticing the way she purses her lips in thought and you nudge her to start talking.
“Do they always just leave you like that?” she voices her thoughts as she watches your teammates interact with your sister. Not one of them had clapped your back after the final whistle was blown even though they’ve done it to each other. You shrug at her.
“Most of them.” the sympathetic look she gives you is one that makes you regret answering the question and you bid her goodbye as your team starts their way towards the changing room. 
You’re rather surprised to find Alexia waiting for you in front of the door and you give her a questioning look before she pulls you into a hug.
“You were so good out there hermana, I’m so proud of you” she tells you sincerely as she rubs a hand over your back and you sink further into her embrace.
“Gracias Ale” your voice is muffled by her shoulder but she presses a kiss to your forehead nonetheless. “Are we gonna go in or..?” 
“Sí, but I’m going to talk to them and-”
“Ale, no” you plead with her, shaking your head rapidly. “Not now please, we just won I don’t want them to be upset because of me” 
She stares at you for a second, her eyebrows furrowing and her signature frown on her face, but she gives in with a sigh. Even in times like this when you were so deeply hurt you put others’ feelings above your own.
“Vale, not today, but I will and you won’t get to stop me then” she holds the back of your head as she explains, bringing you into another quick hug. “They need to know what they’re doing is cruel” 
You roll your eyes at her wording, but nod along as you open the door and walk in with your sister behind you. 
“Good game chicas” you clap your hands only to be met with silence until one of them looks up and squeals at Alexia’s arrival. 
You thought most of them already had their fair share of time with her outside but even now they surround her, turning a blind eye to your presence. 
With another huff you get changed quickly and shove the last of your things into your backpack. Alexia tries but fails at hiding her annoyance at the team’s behavior and when she sees you about to exit she shrugs off the rest of the girls lingering around and with a half-sincere apology she’s out the door.
Patri stares at the now closed door in confusion. “What just happened?” 
“I don’t know, but nice goal you scored today” Aitana shrugs as she praises the brunette. Patri looks at her.
“I didn’t score a goal.” 
“Yes you did.” Some of the girls turn to the two as they continue.
“No I didn’t.”
“Yes you did, the 40th minute! Don’t you remember?” Aitana looks to the others for confirmation but they shrug.
“That wasn’t Patri, it was Y/N’s goal” Mapi corrects the two, angrily gritting through her teeth. 
“Oh” 
“Yeah, oh” the blonde bites back.
“Mapi-” Ingrid tries but is cut off by Nuria.
“What about the one after half time?”
“That was also Y/N” Irene joins, wondering just how blind the girls have been. Nothing more is said as the girls go back to changing, sensing the obvious tension in the air. 
The next day you have recovery day with the team and as you finish up the last of it you enter the locker room to find most of the team there already. They pay you no mind as you take a seat, though as the minutes tick by Pina finally looks up from her phone. 
“Y/N!” you’d be stupid to think she’s happy because she’s noticed you. “Alexia is coming today, right?”
“Yeah, she said she would!” Bruna adds excitedly and more of the girls turn to you, waiting for an answer.
“Yep, a bit later though” you confirm, not meeting any of their eyes as you change your socks.
“She must be here already then, no?” you glance up at that, sighing at the eager expressions you’re met with. “Could you get her? You know she will come in earlier if it’s her sister asking.” Jana’s words are accompanied with nods from around the room and as you stand with an annoyed huff you only hear one voice thanking you. 
You wander down the corridors towards where your sister was just finishing her rehab session but as you walk the hallways you can’t help but get lost in your thoughts again. 
You didn’t understand what more you had to prove to the team to be accepted by them, to not be as transparent. It seemed that no matter what you did they were only interested in you when it was about your sister. Alexia this, Alexia that. Will we get to see Alexia today? Is Alexia going to be at the game? It’s never, hey Y/N how are you? Or a simple bon dia. Nothing.
You did worry less about your performance however. 
Before, you had compared your every touch of the ball to the way your sister would have done it, wondering if the way you were playing would be even close to her excellence. But the number of times your name has appeared on the scoresheets assures you that you were definitely doing something right, you weren’t only here because of who your sister is. 
You patiently wait outside the gray door after knocking and soon one of the physios greets you with a smile. 
“Hola, is Alexia here?” you ask, politely smiling at him. He nods as he lets you into the room, having recognized you.
“Someone’s genes are strong” he lowly whistles as you approach your sister but the two of you only send him another nod, eyebrows raised. 
“Estás bien, pequeña? Why are you looking for me?” the brunette looks down at you with a tilt of her head.
 “The girls told me to come get you, they wanna see you” you inform her as you lean into her side, needing some comfort from your older sister. Her nails graze the skin of your arm as she lightly moves her hand up and down.
“But I would’ve come anyway” she furrows her eyebrows, sighing at the way her team was behaving. You shrug at her, not saying more. Thankfully her session did just end and so the two of you walk back the way you’ve come and you tell her about how recovery has been before you get to the entrance of the locker room. Alexia abruptly stops in front of the door, effectively stopping you from reaching for the handle as she holds onto your shoulders.
“Why don’t you get that ankle of yours checked out, have it strapped.” she gestures to the ankle you’ve hurt during yesterday’s game. You study her for a second before agreeing and with a kiss on her cheek you leave towards the physios. She didn’t want you hearing what she would come next. Alexia exhales as you round the corner and disappear out of her sight before pushing the door in and entering. 
Enthusiastic yells are soon silenced by the look on her face. She’s wearing a hard scowl, her jaw set and fists clenched. Her eyes are sharp as she looks over the people in front of her, Mapi watching her with her own arms crossed over her chest. She has been waiting for this moment, wondering just how long your sister would wait before going off on the team. 
The team holds their breath as Alexia takes a ragged breath, they’ve never seen her so angry.
“What the fuck is wrong with all of you!” she explodes, and suddenly she’s forgotten all about you asking her to handle it maturely, but how could she do that when they’ve been hurting her baby sister?  Her pent up aggression comes out as she starts, many of the girls’ eyes widening at her tone. 
“What you’ve been doing to my sister is unacceptable! The way you’ve been behaving makes me question if we are a team!” She rages on, making sure to hold eye contact with each and every person as she catches her breath. A second later multiple voices ring out as they try to argue her words but she’s having none of it.
“Enough!” she shouts, a slap echoing throughout the room as she smacks the surface of the door with a spare shirt. They stand, like soldiers waiting for what would come next, beyond frightened by their captain’s rage. “I have seen enough. I have heard enough. You guys, all of you treat Y/N like she’s nothing! Not an ounce of respect in you for her, any of you!” her eyes connect with Mapi, assuring her that she’s not included in this. She had, after all, been the only one to treat you like a person. 
“What does someone have to do to prove their worth? To be included? You all throw her away like she’s some useless rag and I will not have that, especially not when it’s my little sister.” she takes a breath to calm down, her head pounding from all the frustration she just let out and the remaining still in her. The girls cower back into their seats as they realize how they’ve been acting towards you.
 “I am beyond disappointed in this team for making a teammate, you hear that? A teammate feels worthless, because you’ve neglected her even when she’s doing everything in her power to satisfy you all.” 
“I agree, she’s done nothing but show how good she is on the field.” Irene adds that though Alexia is not looking for anyone’s approval, far beyond the point of caring, nevertheless, she does give the woman a nod for backing her up.
“She is insanely talented, without question better than I was at her age. She’s got the passing accuracy down to the millimeters, she shoots goals like no one else on this team and dios mío, she can dribble past all ten players and then finish perfectly!” Alexia throws her hands up in exasperation. 
“She does get us a lot of goals.” Claudia admits quietly.
“And she’s super good at outsmarting defenders” Jana agrees, having experienced your skills firsthand.
 “Yes she's a great player, but she's also a person with feelings and all of you have been ignoring that part.” Your sister concludes as the girls look down shamefully.
“That part too.” Mapi nods, angrily chewing on a piece of gum. The team stays quiet, each of them replaying their interactions with you and chastising themselves for how harsh they’ve been, how uncaring they were.
“We’re really sorry” a chorus of voices say and Alexia nods at that in understanding, finally unclenching her fists.
“I’m not the one you need to apologize to” she shakes her head, flashing the team another disappointed look. “Tomorrow, one by one -I'll make sure, you will all apologize to her. I want actual sorrys not half-assed ones because I asked you to.” she points through the girls who eagerly nod at her, many of them already thinking of ways to show you how much they regret their behavior.
The midfielder does not say goodbye as she slams the door behind her to punctuate all she’s said, though she did make sure to let Mapi know she doesn’t blame her too. 
By the time Alexia gets to the physios room you’re already putting your shoe back on, animatedly conversing with the physio who’s sharing his own stories just as enthusiastically. She smiles at the interaction, happy to see you content even after a day of people ignoring you, people who were supposed to be your friends.
You jump in your seat in surprise when her hand squeezes your shoulder, but you hop off the table with another beaming smile. You wave goodbye to the physio before holding onto Alexia’s waist as you exit the training facility, herself pressing a kiss into your hair.
“Alba and I are taking you out for sushi tonight.” she informs you with a smile as you sit in the driver’s seat of her car. You were still adamant on not letting her drive, you didn’t want her to hurt her knee in any way.
“How come?” 
“We’ve just missed you and besides, sushi is always good” she chuckles when you nod.
“Yeah and I’m always hungry” you cast a glance her way as you pull out of the parking lot of the Estadi Johan Cruyff.
 “And I’ve missed you guys too” you admit, a confession that warms your sister's heart. Of course the three of you have seen each other almost everyday, especially you and Alexia, but you missed hanging out with them. You missed how peaceful your mind was when you were with your family. 
Alexia stares ahead at the road as you drive the two of you home, forever grateful to have sisters like you and Alba. And you’re forever grateful for your big sisters, both who’d protect and love you no matter what.
It was now only your team’s job to recognize just how much they’ve hurt you and try to rebuild their relationships with you. No one was going to cross you again, not if Alexia could have a say in it.
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goodwithcheese · 1 year
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Series Summary: Back in town for your high school reunion, you get reacquainted with a former friend.
Series Rating: Explicit (18+)
Series Content Warning: Fluff and Smut, the least angsty angst ever, PIV Sex, Oral Sex, Frankie uses his words, brief mention of teenage alcohol consumption, possibly too many 90s references, one blink-and-you'll-miss-it reference to infertility
Chapter Word Count: 3.7K
Note: Extra thanks to @i-wanna-be-your-muse and @gnpwdrnwhiskey for helping out when I got stuck on Frankie's clothes; you kept him from having to wear jeans and that damn ballcap. The song for this week's title is from Paula Cole (or you'll just know it as the Dawson's Creek theme if you're also an Old). Lastly, smut is finally coming in the next chapter - I guess I officially write slow-burn now!
Series Masterlist / Previous Chapter
Chapter 3: "I Don't Want to Wait"
“You’ve got to stop that – you’re making me nervous.” Your mom walks into the living room carrying the newspaper and a cup of coffee, just as you peek out the front window a third time.
“I don’t want him to have to come to the door since he’ll have his son with him.” You resist the urge to look out again.
Mom smiles wistfully as she settles into her favorite chair. “Your father would have insisted that any young man who wanted to take his daughter out on a date needed to knock on the front door first.”
Your dad had been gone for two years now, but his presence still loomed large in your lives, from the garden he’d planted out back that your mom still tended to his collection of records that lined a shelf in your living room.
You lean down to place a kiss on the top of her head. “Mom, this is just a reunion get-together. It isn’t a date.”
Mom pats your hand. “Of course it isn’t, sweetheart. I’m sure you always put on lipstick on Saturday mornings.”
You squint at her as she smiles innocently. “It’s just a little lip gloss.”
“And it looks lovely.” She shakes open her newspaper, disappearing behind the local news section. “I’m glad you’re spending time with Frankie. Rosa says he was very excited when he heard you were coming back for this.”
Just then, you hear Frankie’s truck.
“See you later, meddling old woman,” you tease, and your mother laughs.
“Tell Frankie hello,” she calls after you as you fly out the door.
You’re halfway down the sidewalk by the time Frankie rounds the front of the truck.
“Hey.” He leans forward to kiss your cheek, his mustache tickling your skin.
You smile at him as he opens the passenger door. “Hi.”
“Hi!” An exuberant greeting comes from the center of the backseat, where a small boy is buckled into a booster.
“Hi! You must be Nico!” You turn back to face him as you slide into the truck. “I like your friend.”
He grins at you as he holds up the stuffed yellow dog. “This is Charlie.”
You reach out and shake the dog’s floppy paw. “It’s very nice to meet you, Charlie.”
Nico giggles. “He says woof.”
“Oh, no,” you whisper to the little boy. “I don’t speak dog. What did he say?”
“He wants to know if you like trucks or helicopters best. Daddy likes helicopters but Charlie likes trucks because they have those big horns.” Nico does an impression of a truck horn that is both surprisingly accurate and surprisingly loud for such a small person, and you widen your eyes at the sound.
Frankie gives you an ‘I told you so’ expression as he pulls away from the curb, then glances at his son in the rear-view mirror. “Come on, Charlie, helicopters are just as loud as truck horns, plus they can fly. Of course she likes helicopters best.”
You tap your finger on your chin thoughtfully. “I don’t know…Charlie might be right. Truck horns are very loud and that is pretty awesome. Which do you like best, Nico?”
He wrinkles his forehead, and you notice how perfectly he mirrors Frankie when he’s concentrating – you’d seen the same look every time he tried to explain hyperbolic functions to you in high school.
“It’s hard to know.” He frowns a little, considering the question. “I like flying with Daddy but I’d be good at making the horn honk.”
You nod seriously. “Maybe it’s a tie. They’re both just so fun.”
“Yeah.” Nico’s face brightens. “It’s a tie, Daddy.”
“A tie sounds fair.” Frankie winks at you. “Thanks for helping us work that out.”
For the next 10 minutes, Nico peppers you with questions about your favorite dinosaur, your favorite color, your favorite flower, and your favorite flavor of ice cream.
At one point, Frankie catches your eye. “I should be writing all this down.”
You grin at him. “Think that bit about the ankylosaurus is going to come up soon?”
“You never know.”
Nico has just begun an interrogation about your favorite kind of candy when Frankie pulls into the parking lot of the community center. “Okay, buddy, she’ll have to answer that one later. Let’s go get some breakfast.”
As you head for the building, Nico passes you Charlie and then takes your free hand.
Holding Frankie’s hand on his other side, he smiles up at you. “Swing me!”
Frankie beams at you over his son’s head as you begin to count. “One…two…three…”
In tandem, you and Frankie swing the little boy forward as he cackles. “Again!”
The three of you make your way across the parking lot slowly, in counts of one-two-three.
Inside the building, you follow the scent of maple syrup down the hallway toward the dining room. A wall of sound greets you as you walk into the crowded space: the clinking of silverware, the rattle of stacked plates, the buzz of conversation punctuated by laughter.
Families are gathered at rectangular tables and other people stand in groups of threes and fours around the room talking. A short line curves toward a long serving counter where men in aprons are passing out plates stacked with pancakes.
“How about you two grab us a seat and I’ll get some food?” Frankie leans close to your ear to be heard over the hubbub.
Nico requests two pancakes and the two of you head toward some empty seats at the end of a long table.
He settles into one of the chairs, then points to the one across from him. “You can sit there. Charlie wants to sit by you.”
You prop the small stuffed animal against the chair so his face and paws rest on the table, and Nico nods approvingly. He picks a crayon from a small jar by the sugar caddy and begins contentedly drawing on the paper covering the table.
“Oh, my goodness!” You hear a woman’s voice from behind you, and you turn to see Jenny Gibson clap her hands together. “It’s been forever!”
You start to stand up as she bends to hug you, and it’s an awkward embrace, you crouching as she hovers over you. “Hi, Jenny – it’s so good to see you!”
You and Jenny hadn’t been exactly friends, but you’d been on student council together and shared lots of classes. Most importantly, though, she had been Frankie’s crush – though in light of what he’d told you last night, you were wondering how much of that was true.
“I didn’t know you and Frankie were together!” She smiles at the top of Nico’s head as he bends over his drawing. “Is this your son?”
“Oh, no – we aren’t…Nico is Frankie’s son.” You feel like you’re stammering.
Her eyes widen. “Oh, I’m sorry! I just saw you three come in together and I assumed.”
You shake your head. “It’s okay. No, I just tagged along with them this morning.”
She gives you a wide smile and leans close, her voice almost a whisper. “Well, that is very good to know. I think I’ll go say hello.”
You feel a flush creep into your cheeks as she sashays away toward where Frankie waits in line.
A few other former classmates come by, and you briefly chat with them, but out of the corner of your eye you can’t help but watch Jenny with Frankie. You’ve never been very good at flirting, but Jenny is a pro:  she looks up at him with wide eyes and a bright smile, her hand resting on his arm, then tosses her hair back, her laughter like tinkling bells.
“Look, it’s you and Charlie.” Nico points to his drawing, where two stick figures, one with floppy ears and a tail, stand by a very big truck. “I used green since it’s your favorite.”
“Ooh, let me see…” You lean over the table, looking closely at the drawing. “Look how big the tires are! That is a very nice truck. Where do you think Charlie and I are going to go in it?”
Nico launches into a complicated story and the truck has just landed on the moon when Frankie arrives with three plates, placing them on the table. He reaches to pull out the chair next to you, but Nico stops him.
“No, Daddy, Charlie wants to sit there. You sit by me.”
Frankie lifts an eyebrow as he walks around the table to sit by Nico.
“I think Charlie’s making a move on you,” he whispers, his face lighting up when you laugh.
By the time breakfast is finished, you’re a little surprised at how much you’ve enjoyed yourself. It was more fun than you expected, seeing old classmates, meeting their kids and partners; a few former teachers had even stopped by the gathering to reminisce. You had feared that coming back to a reunion would be like being back in high school, but really, only the good remained.
Back in the truck, you smile at Frankie as he climbs into the front seat after buckling Nico in. “Thanks for letting me come along. This was really great.”
“So, you want to go to the party with me tonight? Since this was good?” His tone is playful, but his eyes look serious as he glances at you.
“I’ll go with you, Daddy!”
Frankie smiles at Nico in the rear-view mirror. “Thanks, mijo, but you and Abuela are going to bake cookies and watch a movie tonight, remember?”
“Charlie wants to watch Paw Patrol.”
“I’m pretty sure Abuela will let you and Charlie watch whatever you want,” Frankie says as he pulls out of the parking lot. He gives you an arch look. “Abuela doesn’t seem to have rules anymore, at least not for grandsons.”
He continues. “Anyway…since Nico’s busy—” he rubs the scruff of his chin— “want to be my date tonight?”
You tilt your head at him. “Are you going to dance with me?”
He grimaces, but then nods. “If you want me to.”
“Then yes.”
“Daddy’s gonna dance!” Nico crows excitedly from the backseat as Frankie grins and gives you a wink.
“Whatever it takes.”
__
“Well, don’t you look lovely.”  Your mom reaches out to straighten the collar of your blouse.
You had looked for a dress for this reunion for an entire weekend, but never found anything you liked. Instead, you settled on two hard-working favorites from your closet: a creamy silk menswear-style shirt tucked into slim tuxedo trousers made of emerald green velvet. A small pendant necklace rested against your skin where you’d left the first three buttons of the shirt open. A pair of heels and sparkly earrings completed your outfit.
She smiles approvingly. “Like a fancy tomboy.”
You laugh. “That’s just what I was going for. Fancy tomboy.”
“Or Diane Keaton in Annie Hall.”
“Wow, Mom, that might be worse.” You can’t help but grin as she dissolves into laughter.
You glance in the mirror by the door, checking your reflection one last time. “I don’t know why I’m nervous. It’s just Frankie.”
“Oh, sweetie.” Your mom puts her arm around you and gives you a gentle squeeze. “He’s never been ‘just Frankie’.”
You lean into her, returning the hug. “Stop noticing everything, Mom.”
She kisses your cheek. “It’s my job. Speaking of noticing everything, I think he’s here.”
You hear the sound of a truck door slamming, and your mother whispers ‘have fun’ and slips out of the room. You’re grateful; you don’t need this feeling more like a prom date than it already does.
You pick up your clutch from the coffee table and open the door a moment after the knock.
“Holy shit.” Frankie’s eyes move from your face to your feet and back up again. “I mean, hi. Sorry. But you look…really hot.”
You can’t help but laugh. “Don’t sound so surprised. But thank you. You look great, too.”
He’s wearing a light gray suit jacket that emphasizes his broad shoulders, and a matching pair of pants that hug his narrow hips. Underneath the jacket, a black dress shirt is open at the collar revealing the scattered freckles on his neck. His dark curls are combed back neatly, and his beard looks a little less scruffy, like he’d done some careful trimming.
 He reaches to hold the door so you can step out, and the faint scent of his cologne washes over you as you brush by him. His hand is feather-light against your lower back as you make your way to his truck.
Once you’re both inside, he reaches across the seat to trail his fingertips gently along your thigh. “What is this?”
“The fabric? It’s velvet.” You can’t quite tear your eyes away from where he’s touching you.
He strokes your leg for a few moments longer; you can feel the heat of his fingers warming your skin. You hold your breath, watching wide-eyed, until he pulls his hand away.
“Feels really good.” His voice is husky and the expression on his face makes you wonder if he’s still talking about your trousers.
“Thanks.” You swear the word came out as a squeak. “They’re good pants.”
You roll your eyes inwardly – you cannot believe you just said something that nonsensical.
The corner of his mouth lifts in a half-smile as he shifts the truck into gear. “Yeah. They’re very good pants.”
--
Frankie offers you his arm as the two of you walk into the dimly lit ballroom. You still can’t quite believe your hometown has a country club, but it’s a definite step up from the school gymnasium where your homecoming dances were held. You’ve barely made it through the door when you find yourself caught up in a hug from Heather Davis, a once-close friend you hadn’t seen in years.
“I can’t believe you’re here!” She takes your hand, insisting you come greet a group of old friends. You smile apologetically at Frankie as she pulls you away, but he waves and walks toward a pack of men who are calling his name.
The next hour is a blur as you make the rounds of the room, saying hello to faces surprisingly unchanged by the years. Whenever you manage to spot Frankie in the crowded space, he’s always looking at you, a soft smile lighting his face when you meet his eyes.
You also can’t help but notice that Jenny Gibson, wearing a figure-hugging red dress that reveals more cleavage than you even have, has attached herself to him. At one point, you watch her pull him onto the dance floor for a slow song, and your cheeks get hot as she wraps herself around him.
The DJ mixes in 90s songs with her more current playlist, and when “I Want You Back” comes on, you kick off your shoes and join Heather and a few other girlfriends on the dance floor to laugh your way through the *NSYNC choreography you all somehow still remember.
You stay out there for the next several songs as more and more people join the small crowd of dancers; the open bar seems to be making everyone more confident with their moves. More than once you spot Frankie watching you, his eyes dark, and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t imagine that you were dancing just for him.
A slow song comes on, and you head to the bar, ready for a break. Water in hand, you wind your way through the room looking for Frankie.
You finally spot him with Jenny in a dim corner and you make your way towards them. You notice that he has taken off his jacket and the sleeves of his shirt are rolled up; the sinews of his forearm flex as he lifts a beer bottle to his lips. A spark of desire flickers through you as you watch the muscles of his throat move as he swallows.
Next to him, Jenny’s face is tilted up toward him with an incandescent smile, her hand resting familiarly at his waist. She’s murmuring to him as her other hand toys with the low neckline of her dress.  
He sees you coming and the expression that passes over his face makes your breath catch; he places the beer bottle down on the table next to him and says something to Jenny. She nods, her brow furrowed in annoyance, as he walks to you.
“Enjoying yourself?” He lifts his eyebrows as he takes in your face, still flushed from your time on the dance floor.
“I am.” You grin at him. “How about you?”
“I definitely enjoyed watching you dance.” His dark eyes glitter, and you laugh though you don’t think he’s joking.
“That’s why I came looking for you. You promised you’d dance with me.” You glance at Jenny, who smiles tightly. “Unless your dance card is full?”
“It’s not.” He looks at you intently. “I’ve just been waiting for you.”
On the dance floor, he pulls you close, his hands on your hips, his fingertips lightly caressing the plush fabric of your trousers.
A teasing smile plays over his lips. “Very good pants.”
You giggle, curving your hands over the rounded muscle of his shoulders, as you sway to the slow rhythm. “So, I’ve noticed that you have an admirer.”
“You?” He lifts his eyebrows playfully.
You smirk. “Jenny.”
He shrugs, his fingers still moving against your hips. “Jenny’s great. But I’m glad I’m here with you.”
You feel a blush rise in your cheeks under the intensity of his gaze. “I’m glad I am, too.”
Resting your head against his shoulder, you rock gently in his arms for the remainder of the song.
When a faster number comes on next, it takes very little encouragement to get him to keep dancing with you. He’s better than you expected he’d be, based on how he’d avoided dancing at all costs when you were teenagers.
Of course, your judgment could be a little clouded as you’re distracted by so many things on the dance floor with him: the way his hands keep finding your hips to tug you closer; how the scent of his cologne is stronger now, warmed by the heat of his body; the inviting sheen of sweat on his chest at the open collar of his shirt. You honestly barely notice how he’s moving – you only notice him.
At the end of the night - after the final song has played and you’ve hugged dozens of people and made promises to keep in touch, after Frankie has helped you find your shoes and  has slipped his jacket over your shoulders to keep you warm on the walk through the parking lot - you find yourself back in his truck.
“You’re a pretty good dancer.” You grin at him as he starts the engine and turns the heater up. “Did they teach you that in the army?”
“Yeah, it’s part of the close combat training.” He smiles when you laugh. “No, I just finally figured out that as long as I’m dancing with a beautiful woman, no one notices me. That helped me get over my nerves.”
“Well, thank you for tonight. This was so much more fun than I thought it’d be.”
He tilts his head to the side. “I should thank you. I finally got to take you out on a date.”
You feel your cheeks get warm under his gaze. The heat from the vents has started to fog the truck windows, making the space feel even closer and more intimate – like it’s only you and Frankie left in the world.
A small smile crinkles the corners of his eyes, and you lift your eyebrows, curious. “What?”
“It’s just…” His words trail off for a moment as he glances at your mouth. “I’ve wondered for over half my life what it would be like to kiss you.”
You take a deep breath. “You should find out.”
In the space of a breath, his hands are on your cheeks, his warm, full lips slanting fiercely against yours. The hunger in his kiss makes you breathless, and when his tongue tests the seam of your mouth, you open it to let him in.
 You lift your hands to his arms, digging your fingers into the thick muscle of his triceps to pull him closer. He slides across the seat, and you press your body into the solid heat of his.
You drag the tip of your tongue against the curve of his lower lip and you hear the faintest groan rumble through his chest as his hand slips around to the back of your neck.
The calloused drag of his fingertips against your skin makes a coil of desire twist through you, and you press him back into the seat, letting your fingers slip between the buttons of his shirt to the warm skin of his stomach.
He inhales sharply at your touch, and he twists his fingers into your hair, tipping your head back. His mouth finds your throat, the rough scrape of his mustache soothed by the tender brush of his lips. The tip of his tongue eases over your skin, his breath warming the damp trail left behind.
You’re dizzy with what’s happening, wanting everything now, but when your fingers find his belt buckle, he reaches to still your hand.
He pulls aways reluctantly and grips your hand between his.
 Entwining your fingers, he sighs ruefully. “I’ve thought about this for so long. But whatever else that is going to happen between us…well, I don’t think it should happen for the first time in this fucking truck.”
You lift your eyebrows. “Are you sure?”
“I am absolutely not fucking sure.” He shakes his head emphatically and you laugh. “But I’ve waited for you for 25 years. I can wait a little longer.”
You lift your fingers to his beard, stroking the heart-shaped patch where it doesn’t quite grow. “What if I can’t?”
Next Chapter
Taglist: @purplerain85 @wonwoosthetic @stevie75 @vanemando15 @mashomasho
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leiflitter · 2 months
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Can we have some pov thoughts from Oliver's family please from the wedding planning/time leading up to the big day. 😘 if you're happy to share!! Also my names Harriet and my friends all me Harry and that is my claim to fame
AYYY i manifest for you being It Girl Harry forever and always
Keeping it fast n loose as ever
Paula- her baby boy is getting married! She has had a little chat with Father Davies once the initial Felix Shock passed; there was a little worrying about Oliver's immortal soul, but she's a very trusting person, and Father Davies is very chill. "You don't love Oliver any less, so neither does The Big Man Upstairs." That was enough for her.
She is absolutely a nuisance at Saltburn, because she cannot STOP DOING THINGS. Traditional British mum, and she keeps interrupting Oliver and Felix trying to get five minutes alone. "Oliver, love, do you or Felix want a snack?" "Felix, dear, I'm a bit lost- would you mind reminding me where my room is?"
Jeff- he still does not Get It but if Oliver's happy then that's fine. He has absolutely gotten into a few spats with his mates when he mentioned Our Oliver's getting hitched in the pub. Mostly because Oliver is marrying some posh wanker, which Jeff takes great offence to. Especially as Felix has been a stand up bloke and paid for the girls to go off to London to get fancy dresses, and has been very enthusiastic about Oliver's family bringing some friends down if they want.
He has been trying to give Felix a Fatherly Talk about hurting Oliver, except he's still kinda using the speech he prepared for his daughters, so it always ends up a bit confused.
Jess/Hannah- They are mostly confused about how on earth Oliver snagged this man. They're a good 7/9 years older than him, so they were always a unit and he was the accessory dork- and by the time he wasn't just an annoying baby they were pretty much grown ups.
They're actually enjoying getting to know him as an adult, and there's a bit of Older Sibling Guilt going on.
Also, a chance to get dressed up and get drunk? Awesome.
The Niblings-
They are all absolutely stoked. Oliver has always just been like... a card at birthdays and a tenner at Christmas, so now he's suddenly cool??? Awesome
Saltburn is a dream, the Cattonlets are just effortlessly NICE. The girls are already a Squad because of insta.
Ru and Connor have a fight when Connor says something rude- they're playing video games and the trashtalking starts fun but gets a bit TOO rough. It actually bonds them a bit, though, because Ru is actually tough as nails even though he's quiet. An abrupt diversion from being a bit of a Fifa Lad for Connor, tbh.
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bakerysnake · 1 year
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non mutuals dni
pics from that trip i went on :D
day 1, plane pics!
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sunset <3
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beach pics :>
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day 2, went to see dolphins! i saw them but couldn't get pics. also went to a fort and a really rocky beach
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day 3, dudh sagar, which translates to milk sea (it's a waterfall actually, the water was super cold and awesome after hiking to get to it + this was my favourite part of the trip)
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day 4, dona paula, the inscription in the 2nd pic says 'lead me from untruth to truth from darkness to light and from death to immortality'
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more sunset pics
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another pic
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and the stuff i bought :DD (also got a button up w palm trees on it that i didn't take a pic of)
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tagging @cupiditis @kiiraes @avid-idiot @truegoist @httpghostface @rhythmgamer @kxmikomrade @inariezaki @king-of-dreamers @faenarie
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rantceratops · 5 months
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My last salty pissy post for today:
Thinking about how amatonormative Young Justice got always makes me puke a little in my mouth. Literally everyone gets paired off. 95% of the cast is married and has children(and a solid percent appear to be straight pairings). They take a character like Artemis and have her pining over being pregnant and having a child with Wally. (They even paired FORAGER. For god's sake.)
The entire super baby play date episode just rubs me the wrong way. Not to mention the amatonormativity of one of the characters assuming/insinuating that Will and Artemis MUST have feelings for each other because they're sharing a living space. Even though they're goddamn IN-LAWS. Paula Crock also pushing this idea on her daughter, causing the two of them to participate in a kiss neither of them actually wanted. The ASSUMPTION that because they're of the opposite sex and live in a house together taking care of someone who is family to both of them, that that means they must have feelings or must develop feelings for one another. Like, what the fuck?
I love Stephanie Lemelin as a voice actress, she is awesome! However, I personally feel that after season 1 of YJ, Artemis became written less as Artemis and more like Stephanie Lemelin. If that makes sense. No shade to Stephy at all. I just think they butchered Artemis's personality after season 1. They took away all of her dry humor and sass, all her hard edges. I still stand firmly by that she's a character that wants to love and be loved, don't get me wrong. But idk. One of the only instances she really truly felt like Artemis during Outsiders was the whole stripper joke conversation with her and Dick where she punched him in the back and called him out on his shit.
And frankly I used to defend this because I love Spit/fire, but nowadays seeing that scene in the fake limbo where she's pregnant and happy about it makes me super uncomfortable. Maybe I'm projecting, just it seems ooc for her.
Personally if I handled Spit/fire at this point, Artemis and Wally would still be a thing, but they would never feel the need to get married and they would never have kids. I would rather see them take characters like Tara and Violet under their wings a lot than have kids of their own.
Bonus meme I made ages ago about how stupid the Will/Artemis shit was:
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lightbringer-ultimate · 11 months
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Shad Plays Future Redeemed: Ah Right This Is A Xeno Game
So I did A LOT of quests, gearing up for the next story objective I had to tackle and a lot of lore got established that developed parts of the older games retroactively.
Given the main base is Colony 9 (the real one), of course Gem Man's Stall exists. And Nicol and Shulk end up repairing it together to study so we can make higher level gems. Father son bonding!
It's here we learn it's custom made, which explains why the Gem Man made us the portable Gem Crafter in 1, it was based on his own design.
Then there's Georgina, the daughter of Paula and granddaughter of Georgino the Curry Master. The gang builds her a cantina and after nostalgicly gathering her 5 Dance Apples, she makes his Curry. And we even get the recipe!
We're allowed to use the Cantina after the quest, but Rex points out there's no point using it given they can just cook at a campsite. But it's here that Matthew learns that Rex knows how to cook and asks him to cook them something they can make later.
So opens a first in a chain of quests "Cooking With Rex Part 1". This is significant as the food he's cooking is one of Pyra's dishes.
I'm gonna guess the other dishes will be her other dishes. But its through this and a lot of other quests that...I noticed something.
Where...are the other party members? During my first play session, I did a H2H where Shulk and Rex talk broadly about Dunban. But they're both using past-tense, as if he's dead. Granted Riki and Dunban being dead makes sense, being 40s and 30s respectively in Xenoblade 1. But it seems everyone else is gone too.
Granted I've just hit Chapter 4, which has A LOT of lore dumps connected. Containing but not limited to:
- A is a split off of Ontos, who has now dubbed Themselves Alpha
- Alpha wants to kill all remnants of the Old Worlds and save only those of the City to create a new world.
- It's due to Alpha appearing in the City withn the hands of Na'el that led to Z making Noah Consol N and attack the city, because he wanted N to use the Sword of the End to kill Alpha. With the promise of bringing back Mio if he did. Holy...shit .
-N...is on our side as a result? But not really? Because this is still N. Mr. Nutjob McYandere Pants. Matthew doesn't want Na'el to get killed, and N straight up threatens that Na'el will die if that's what it takes to earn "Eternity", AKA Mio.
SO YEAH MATTHEW ISNT REALLY HAPPY WITH A, SHULK AND REX FOR HIDING AS MUCH AS THEY DID FROM HIM! RIGHTFULLY SO!
I should also explain that, during that whole moment before Na'el appears and we fight her. Rex explains that while Logos was the Male and Pnuma the Female, Ontos was somewhere in between. It fits the fact that Ontos represents the Holy Spirit, but in another sense means Alvis is genderfluid. Given A is more feminine and Alpha retains the Alvis form. Though given gendered terms are never used for Alpha or A, it's safe to say that...yeah this is our NB rep right here.
That's awesome!
..yeah this post was a lot longer than my first one and I didn't even touch on how Matthew figured out that N is his great-grandfather and his "Eternity" is his great-grandmother all because he recalls having the photo of Noah and Mio at his family home. Matthew isn't as smart as other Xeno protagonists, but he's got some level of intelligence especially when family is involved.
Anyway my thoughts could fill a book, I'm really wondering what Shulk and Rex will explain to our party...
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rustedleopard · 2 years
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It's ass 'o clock in the morning right now, but I can't stop having feelings about early game Ness (before Paula joins you) because like:
You're an ordinary kid. Sure, you've always been able to telepathically talk to your dog, and sure, yeah, you can move stuff with your mind and such. But nobody in your hometown treats you any differently from any other kid on the block. And then a meteor falls and a bug comes out of it telling you that you have an awesome destiny ahead of you, and you and three other kids must unite together to defeat an unspeakably horrible evil from damning the world to ruin ten years from now. But your mom still sends you to bed with your belly full of your favorite food. Your friends at the secret club in the treehouse hidden in the woods give you their well wishes and that baseball cap you've been coveting and nothing else. And yeah, sure, you know that they're not the ones to join you on your grand destiny, but it would've been nice to have some backup while fighting against a gang leader who doesn't hesitate to cut you with knives. But it's okay, your burgeoning powers can mend you up as right as rain, though they can't make the red splatters on your shirt and the tears through them go away. To the mayor, you're Suburban Prop #43: Snot-Nosed Kid; but to the monstrous ant in the mountains behind your house, you're a threat to a power too vast and terrible to comprehend; but to the police, you're a pest that needs to be taught a lesson; but to your mother and your father, you're their special little man.
You take your first steps alone outside of your hometown and you already know there's a great, big, old, wide world out there that wants to kill you.
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What are your headcanons for what paula and the phantomhive servants will give to the phantomhives twins on their birthday?
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One of my favorite arts
The servants would do whatever it takes to get them a awesome gift for their young master and his brother! That was proven many times over
Sebastian would be cleaning up any mess they make and try and fix it but after the years he just accepts this is how they are and doesn't change it much anymore after Ciel's 13th
Snake's first really big birthday celebration and he's excited
Paula would most likely did what she did in the anime which was helping a big party happen with just them and honestly, the twins would just prefer that
There was a moment where the servants accidentally dropped a piece of the cake and that caused Undertaker to laugh
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pbandjesse · 1 year
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I don't know what to do right now. James is home, thank God, but they are in so much pain. They just want to sleep. But they can't figure out how to get comfortable. They are just so upset and I am upset because they are upset. I just want to fix this.
Today felt like I was in a fog. I just had to focus on anything besides what was happening. I was mostly successful.
I fell asleep a little easier last night. James did not sleep much at all. Texting me throughout the night. I was startled awake by our Christmas tree falling over in the middle of the night. Scared the bejesus out of me. But I knew I couldn't handle cleaning that up in the dark and would wait until morning.
And in the morning I did my best to deal with it. But I was also very distressed to find that I could only see one of my frogs. I am mortified to share this but it seems that one of the frogs did not survive transport to the new tank. And so Sunnyside is no longer with us. I was heartbroken. On top of everything else, my frog died?? Our Christmas tree is shattered on the ground, broken ornaments everywhere, and here I am holding a dead frog. I didn't even brush my teeth yet.
But there was nothing I could do but clean everything up. I buried Sunnyside in one of our plants. And picked up the tree. Vacuumed up the ornaments that broke. Tried to put everything back together again.
James thought they would be released by noon. Which was much earlier then I had thought. I was both excited and nervous.
But it would actually take a lot longer.
James encouraged me to still go to the museum as planned to work on printing Christmas cards.
So I got dressed. I ate two handfuls of cereal. And I went to the museum.
I had texted Jessica but Mike still seemed really surprised to see me. I think everyone was. I just needed to be distracted. I would spend the next three hours just playing with the Christmas stamps. Having a lot of trouble with my water inks, switching to the oil inks half way through the morning. I would talk to Jessica and Auni and Beth. They want to help so much. I don't know how they can right now. But I appreciate them offering. Beth specifically offered to carpool with James to take some of the stress off of me once they can come back to work. And that won't be necessary all the time but it is appropriated none the less.
I would make some compositions I really liked. I had wanted to do more but I was struggling so I was glad at least the ones I chose in the end worked out. And besides some finger prints, I think they look awesome. It was a good distraction to have.
I was texting James the whole time. Checking in. Seeing how they were feeling. When they thought I could come get them. But they learned they had another IV of antibiotics so it would be a while longer.
But that was fine. I spent another hour doing the actual cards. I did half of the whole batch me and Paula talked about. I was exhausted. And hungry. I had been talking to guests the whole time I was working too so I was just a little burnt out.
I checked in with Kristen at the desk. She hoped James would be okay. I did too.
James said they were starting the IV and I could come in about 2 hours. To go get something to eat. So I drove out to Glen Burnie and got taco bell. Which was good but messy. I mostly just wanted to go be with James's.
I went across the street to look at the thrift store and ended up scoring some great Christmas gifts. At prices that made me think they didn't know what they had. I also got a beautiful dress I did not need but am excited about.
I texted James I was heading to them next. And that ended up being a good time. I was about a half hour away. And when I got there I got a much closer parking spot. I was very surprised no one stopped me once I got in the hospital. I just took the elevator up and went right to James's room.
And I was so glad to see them. But the energy was for sure different today. I was more scared of hurting them. They were so tired. We both just wanted to go home.
It would still be a while. We had to wait for a nurse to come and disconnect them. Then for discharge papers. We would need a transporter. And then we had to go to the pharmacy.
This would take what felt like hours. And what was really just under 2 hours from the moment I got there.
I brought James comfy clothes. And helped them get dressed. I am so afraid of hurting them. Josseling them or bumping them. If I really wanted to be introspective about it I'm really afraid of accidentally hurting them and then yelling at me. They have never yelled at me. Not once. But my ex did. And once they were injured and I bumped them and they freaked out at me. And so now I am very afraid of that even if it's unfounded.
James just keeps apologizing and telling me it's not fair I have to deal with them. And that makes me feel terrible. Because I signed up to take care of them!! It was in my vows!!! I love them so much and I just hate seeing them so uncomfortable and in so much pain. Physically and emotionally.
I was thrilled when we could finally go home though. The nurses said goodbye, we invited them to the museum. And then James was wheeled downstairs.
We stopped at the pharmacy. Where I realized I left James's wallet at home. But they let me use my id so it was okay and we got the stuff James needed.
We would stop at the grocery store before we went home. I was very uncomfortable driving because James was getting rattled and gasping at every bump. Which made me more sure about us not traveling tomorrow. I also made James stay in the car while I went in.
I got milk and some stuff for corn bread tomorrow. And then we went home.
I was glad to see Waffle the frog swimming around. No eyes on Omelet but that doesn't mean much. Sweetp was glad to see us.
I have been very unsure all night though. James is obviously in pain. We are trying our best to deal. I did some organizing in our room and took a shower. James built with Legos for a bit. I had set up the couch for them to sleep but after a while they were basically weeping and so we have moved them to the bed. But it's not going much better. Apparently they slept for a little in a recliner but we don't have something like that and so I put a bunch of pillow behind them but it's not working and I'm not sure what to do. I hate this for them. I just want them to be able to rest.
I just moved our butterfly chair to the bedroom and we are trying that. They keep falling asleep for a moment. Lightly snoring. And then waking up and being in terrible pain and I just hate this so so much. I have an alarm set for their next pain meds but I'm also worried about that. I want them to be comfortable but I also don't want to mess with powerful medications you know?
I am just glad they are home. I don't know if I will sleep much. I just want to watch them.
Wish us luck everyone. Sleep good and be safe.
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wholesomekillerboy · 10 months
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happy pride month
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dangermousie · 1 year
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This bit - with his father pointing a gun at him point blank, and nothing in Ivan’s experience leading him to believe he’d do anything but pull the trigger with pleasure, and the Nazi leader promising him a permanent cure if he just lets go of his plan to bash in the machine containing Nazi leader’s frozen, sick daughter - makes me think of when Ivan refused to turn Maria over even though that means he’d not get the medicine and thus die and Maria might not even be saved because all that mattered that it wouldn’t be him betraying her.
Because on one hand there is certainty of death without even much probability of success (he might very well be shot before he breaks the glass) and on the other the promise of life, all for the cost of putting his own life above a loved one’s.
And Ivan’s choice is, once again, the same. He takes a look at barely conscious Julia and even with a gun pointing at him point blank and the offer of salvation at hand, prepares to bash in the glass.
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The sole decent thing Noiret has ever done for Ivan was to lower that gun. I guess shooting him point blank was his breaking point; I think though even that might not have been a no-go zone except for Noiret bonding with his bio kid and mellowing out a tiny bit and especially the last convo they had with Noiret perhaps wanting to live up in a tiny way as to how that kid thinks he’s an awesome dad to his older brother.
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And then as Wolf frantically tries to fix the apparatus, Ivan gets Julia out of there. As Noiret stares. And this is the last time the two will see each other - fittingly it’s Noiret’s moment of mercy that dooms him with his buddies. But how fitting that the end of that relationship is not Ivan getting vindication or vengeance for all the abuse or Noiret repenting (he is incapable) or really anything. Because having the man out of his life permanently is all Ivan wants and the best for him.
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Awwwww. You know, it is not at all surprising he does insane things in s7 - breaking up with her so she won’t be hurt, giving her last medicine he has so she’d live even a little longer etc. He clearly has no stops when it comes to her.
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And season 6 ends - with Wolf finally dead (thanks to Camilo, who also prevented Eva from being put inside that machine again) and got to taste what it’s like to be defeated and lose a loved one before death. Vicki finally blew up and told Elsa about horrors going on in the school she runs. Marcos rescues Paula. But Fermin has been infected and sent into the world to spread and it might be too late when he realizes it. Oh, and the vial of virus just exploded in school, seemingly dooming everyone inside it to a brutal death.
We only have one season left, which I am sure for all of you going wtf at my posts is a relief. I am mad excited since it’s my fave season, aka the writers decided since they are about to be done, they will take a whole whump and torment factory of hammers to Ivan. It’s the apotheosis of photogenic suffering and breakdowns and I cannot wait!
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ashtrayfloors · 2 years
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What I Did on My Summer Staycation, a list:
1. I mentioned in my last entry that I had enough money to treat myself to a few small things. I think that some of my personality and current interests can be well summed up by what I treated myself to: a pack of multicolored Sharpie markers, some pins for my leather and denim jackets (mostly ‘Mats-related, cuz I’m kinda obsessed), a jug of cold brew coffee, and a visit to the local art museum.
2. I’ve gotten back into visual art. Not that I ever really got out of it; I make collages and Xerox art and pages in my art journals all the time. I just mean—well, I started a new canvas last week and it just burst out of me; I painted for hours a day until I’d finished. And since then I’ve been working with oil pastels in my art journal, plus sketching out ideas for some other, larger pieces.
3. It took me years to consider myself a ‘real’ visual artist, or to think that I might have any talent for visual art. Even when people—people whose opinions I respected, people whom I considered ‘real’ artists, even!—complimented my stuff, I’d downplay it; assume they were just saying those things to be nice. Even when I was part of art shows, and complete strangers paid money to take something I painted or drew or photographed or collaged home with them, I’d somehow find a way to talk myself out of feeling like it meant I might actually have talent. And I think a lot of it had to do with how badly I did in art class in elementary and middle school. And just the other day I thought…huh, I wonder how many well-respected, awesome artists did terribly in grade school art class? Probably quite a few! Because in my experience, those art classes had nothing to do with encouraging kids’ artistic abilities, or even teaching us much of anything…except how to follow the rules. Most of the teachers I had in grade school art class were looking for very specific results for each project, and if we couldn’t, or didn’t want to, reproduce them, we got in trouble or got a bad grade. They acted like we were in Warhol’s Factory, where every piece had to be damn near identical to the example they’d shown us. I don’t mean that we were expected to learn the fundamentals of different kinds of art; there was very little actual instruction designed to make us better skilled. I mean…oh, here’s but one example among many: in third grade, we had to make clay sculptures of dinosaurs. I made a dragon instead. I got a bad grade on that project.
3.5. I often got in trouble for not following rules. I got in trouble or got bad grades in Language Arts sometimes, because I got weird with my writing and didn’t do exactly what was asked. Yet that never made me think I was a bad writer! So why did grade school art classes make me think I sucked as a visual artist? Maybe because I had enough writing teachers who encouraged me to balance out the sucky ones? Who knows.
4. Last Thursday I took myself on a date to the art museum. I hadn’t been there since last November. I fell in love with so much of the art, discovered a bunch of new-to-me artists as well as seeing works by artists I was already well familiar with. They have a Paula Rego in one of the current exhibits, and I nearly cried seeing her work in person. (I did cry in front of the Franz Gertsch.) I stopped by the gift shop before I left, to buy a couple postcards and check out the used book rack, where I found a copy of a 1969 book called Pop Art Redefined for two bucks! When I went to pay, the woman behind the counter told me she loved my necklace (I was wearing the blackbird + rosary bead necklace an old Milwaukee friend of mine made for me years ago) and my tattoos. Then she noticed the paint on my fingers and said: “Oh, you must be an artist, too!” And she handed me some info about the museum’s upcoming community art show. It’s free submission, everyone is eligible, it’ll all be up online, and the community gets to vote—and the three top-voted artists will receive a voucher for a studio art class! And it’s zodiac themed!
4.5. I just loved being recognized as an artist, okay?
5. Friday was the start of our house and dog-sitting job. C. insisted we go to the beach pretty much right away, so he and I went while P. and D. stayed with the dog. We looked for rocks and beach glass, built a sandcastle, walked in the water; I drew for a while while he ran in and out of the water and squealed with glee anytime a big wave came up. Later, back at the house, I sketched out some ideas for the zodiac-themed art show. I have two ideas, but it’s limited to one submission per artist; I think I’m going to make both and then decide which one to submit once they’re both done.
6. None of us slept well that first night, so the next day was a little rough in some regards. But there were good things, too. I talked to the neighborhood crows. I made a batch of pie crust while listening to La Traviata and Django Reinhardt. I worked on some poems, and some pieces for my zine. I did some more sketching in my art journal. I saw the proofs for LOTD, and oh wow did the publisher ever get the aesthetic exactly right. We went to the beach again, all four of us this time. D. brought a bag to pick up trash, his idea, and he thoroughly cleaned up the beach, and I was so full of love and pride for my budding environmentalist. I picked up more rocks, felt their energy, gave most of them back to the lake, except for one that wanted to come home with me. We all slept better that night.
7. Sunday was probably the best day. I did a tarot and oracle spread about what the upcoming week had in store for me; a lot of it involved transformation, healing, breakthroughs. I did yoga. I wrote postcards to some friends as though I were on a real vacation. We took a long walk. The storms rolled in, I made a nectarine and blueberry galette, wrote some. Cooked a delicious Provençal-inspired salmon dish for dinner, drank some vodka rocks with a twist of lemon, watched the rain. But then I barely slept again that night.
8. I woke up Monday feeling completely wrecked, both from lack of sleep (I used to stay up all night on purpose, for fun?!) and allergies (fall allergy season is starting, yay!). The first half of the day was really rough. I found a dead mouse on the front walk, poor little gray fuzzball, and it made me cry. Then C. had a huge tantrum, and I reacted very poorly. But it turned out okay in the end. I have a tendency to let a bad moment or bad mood ruin my entire day, but I’m trying not to do that. P. took C. on a little outing, I took a long bath with some stress-relief bubble bath, when they got back I apologized to C. and we hugged it out and things were fine the rest of the day. We grilled out, listened to the howls of the coyotes that walk along the lakeshore, then watched a movie as a family, all cuddled up on the same couch (along with the dog we were dog-sitting). And I slept well, finally.
9. Yesterday, we cleaned the house we’d been staying in, then packed up our stuff, and waited for the owners to get home. They got home late afternoon, paid us, and we came home to our house. Then my parents stopped by. They just got back from a trip to Michigan to visit family, and wanted to give us some things they’d brought back. I got a series of paintings done by my dad’s cousin (who is actually a quite well-known and respected artist, and also pretty much the only cool weirdo on my dad’s side of the family), a piece of pottery made by one of my mom’s sisters, and a pair of earrings made by another of her sisters. But before that could happen, my mom immediately started in on me. I had off-handedly mentioned how rough a lot of the weekend was for me & P. & the kiddos, and because I said that rather than asking how her trip was, well, there was hell to pay. It’s exhausting, sometimes, that I never seem to be able to do anything right in her eyes.
9.5. When I freaked out during C.’s tantrum on Monday, I noticed that some of the things I said/the way I said them was very, very like my mom, and I was horrified. (They fuck you up, your mum & dad…) But at least I apologized to C. For all my failings, I admit when I’m in the wrong. I can count on one hand the number of times in my life my mom has apologized to me. Usually, even when it’s something she started, I’m the one who has to apologize, otherwise she’ll send me passive aggressive text messages until the end of time.
10. After that blew over, everything was fine for a while. It was good to be back at our own house. The kids seemed mellower than they’d been in days. P. and I had some drinks in the backyard and watched the dragonflies swarm overhead. But then, after the kids were asleep…some rough stuff got brought up, and we were maybe not sober enough to talk about it calmly, and it turned into a big argument where we both yelled and I cried. He slept on the couch and I got in bed and cried some more.
11. But we talked again this morning, and things are better. I thought again of my tarot spread for the week, and thought: oh. Healing, transformation, breakthroughs. Sometimes those things aren’t pretty, and they’re seldom ever easy. The truth is, my mental health has been…not great…for the past month. I’m in kind of a scary place that I’m not sure how to get out of, but as of this morning I feel like I can. I also got on Facebook for the first time in a while, only to discover that a lot of my friends are going through some similar hard times. I want us all to make it, and be even stronger and happier on the other side of whatever this is. I still don’t fully know how to get out of my dark place, but I’m trying some things. Cutting way back on caffeine and alcohol. Making sure to exercise every day, depending on physical ability. Continuing to make art and seek out things that bring me joy.
12. Today was pretty good, overall. Took a long walk with C., wrote some, got my favorite chicken tagine simmering in the slow cooker. LOTD came out, and I think at least half the copies have already sold. Tomorrow, we are taking the day trip we were originally going to take last week. Backroads & burgers & Big Foot Beach, here I come.
13. Sometimes I feel like I get weirder & wilder as I get older, not less. Certainly, my life is more staid than it was in my younger days, and even my appearance isn’t always as outlandish. I think I need fewer outward exhibitions of weirdness and wildness now that my internal life is so much richer. Not saying my internal life was totally dull when I was younger, but…to paraphrase Patti Smith, I’m better able to live my life with balance and stealth now that I proceed with abandon in art and dream.
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hummingbird-games · 2 years
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Dev Blog #23
HSDJY UPDATES/HOUSEKEEPING
Pinned post has been updated. Again.
I contacted an artist to get a quote for an illustration/key art for the game (to be used for game art cover + itch.io image) 
In-game tracks are uploaded to YouTube for your listening pleasure + instrumental for Pressure Perfect.
I’m currently playing Ryan’s route (no testing, just playing) from beginning to end to get back into the proper headspace for game dev work and the laundry list of features and bonus content I wanted to add?? It would definitely elevate my game, but I find what I have now endearing and the clarity of that feeling is...welcomed. 
I keep dragging my feet, but I have the post for the beta testing announcement sitting in my drafts. Finished. I have a Google form. I have dates and clear expectations and Fear, God do I have lots of Fear and Anxiety. I have this sick feeling that no one will contact me 🤣 fun note, my early round of beta testing consisted of me begging IRl people for a scrap of feedback and I’m what the kids call ‘scarred for life’. So if the game just goes up and this is the last you hear beta testing, the fear won y’all 🤷🏾‍♀️
Don’t have a new date BUT HSDJY will be released earlier!! But for now, we keep saying October 2022 until I announce the shiny new date. 
YURI JAM ADVENTURES
This project has officially grown to big for my body but in a good way. My jam submission is probably going to take the form of a side story or prequel featuring the MC you will play as in the full game. There’s a lot of outlining and detail rearranging happening and I’m hesitant to share much because I don’t know what’s permanent and what’s me spitballing.
What I can and want to share? The full project is called Bi Girl in the Big World. It’s my messy love letter to sapphic representation and inspired by friends’ stories, atypical grief, coming of age while an adult, living in a pandemic (but NOT referencing said pandemic because I don’t need to play or read about it 🙃) and the people willing to love you where you are even if you don’t know where you are. 
It’s not the fluffy, teen story I wanted to add to the world, but I’ll live LOL. My consolation is that I get to write more romance which is awesome, and I can’t wait for y’all to meet Neena, Paula, Carlos, and Jeremy. 
- Gemini 💛
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woodlandmouth · 2 years
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🌈💖✨Send this to the twelve nicest people you know or seem to have a good heart and if you get five back you must be pretty awesome🖤☮️💫
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I’m the worst for taking so long to reply and check my mailbox. I’ve been missing out on this gem!
PAULA! My beauty! My beloved! The sweetest human on the planet (right there by King Pedrito). I love you and miss you and hope you and your loved ones are well! We are due for a catch up! It’s been too long!! Xx
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