#overcome ur internalized transphobia
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trying to stand up for Yourself as a marginalized person is gonna be something that’s scrutinized and judged and policed until we are liberated and you just have to overcome your guilt and shame about doing it anyway. it took me years to really value my own voice and words on transphobia and how it affects me and to be able to speak about my own experiences and demand people treat my feelings about my oppression with as much (and more) legitimacy as they treat cis people’s perspective on transphobia and even now people all around me still constantly try to police the way I talk about and deal with my own oppression and express my feelings about my oppressors. even among other trans people and leftists it’s still much more acceptable to make generalizations about how the queer community is annoying or leftists are irritating and don’t get things done than it is to be like ‘fuck cis people I don’t care about them or what they think about me’, whether ur being hyperbolic or not. it feels alienating and I have a lot of moments where I want to regress back into being quiet and letting people walk all over me just because it feels easier in the moment than being pushed out and rejected all the time but at the end of the day I’m not going to re-learn internalized transphobia I’ve already shaken off just because other people would be more comfortable with me if I made myself smaller than I am and im happier because of that.
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Do you have any fandoms you want to write for but for any reasons you just can’t/don’t? Also any tips on writing any “murderous” scenes? - 🛎️
1. SO MANY !! kinda off topic but I have a lot of crushes on female characters from fandoms im in that I don’t write for simply because writing mlm fan fiction is my main way to overcome my internalized transphobia/homophobia butt like actual fandoms I would say
• genshin impact (not rlly into it but was)
• x-men (characterization fears)
• twisted wonderland (lots of characters + characterization fears)
• some slasher characters (I’ve only written for ones that I’m more comfortable with in personality and even then I hate a lot of my slashers fics cs I think my characterization of them is SOO bad (mainly bo sinclair) + I’m still figuring out how to write characters that are mute in any capacity and have rlly only practiced with Vincent but still that’s in a headcanon format which is easier than actual fics and overall all my slasher character writing fears sucks cause I love characters like bubba sawyer, thomas hewitt, michael myers, jason vorhees, etc and want to write for them but I’m scared to)
that’s mainly it I think ?? I still have these characters on my masterlist tho cs i can write for them and will I just need that push so my requests with those fandoms are cooking (very slowly) but can fun fact I almost discontinued scream for u out of fears my characterization of billy and stu and some other characters such as tatum, randy, etc was AWFUL (I still think it is but I’m not changing it at this point)
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2. these scenes are HARD buttt I would suggest practicing recreating horror videos or movies onto a writing format to learn how to do that. before I wrote scream for you, I did this a lot just to practice for it. for instance, I rewrote the horror video “no through road” into a short horror story and it gave me a really good grasp on how to write that type of scene/story.
i would also suggest reading a lot of different horror or tragedy stories and taking and learning from what you can from that. seeing how different authors use phrases, setting, etc to set up a good horror is a great way to learn. if u want a more sad rather than violent type of scene, tragedy is a great way to learn how to make readers sympathize and feel sad at characters deaths etc (I recently re-read mice of men which I think is a perfect example of a murder-tragedy gone right and how u can make murder sad for both the victims and the perpetrator) Edgar Allen Poe is great too but I just love his work a lot so I might be biased 😭 just surrounding urself in content that is grounded in murder is a great way to familiarize urself whether it’s books, shows, movies, YouTube videos, etc !!
also don’t focus too much on making it insanely busy with murder and stuff. I hate to use this as an example but my friends when writing an horror story for class got into this mindset of “the more grotesque the better” and starting thinking of the most horrific ways for someone to die rather than taking the time to delve into what makes the story scary. focus of characters and the effect u want their death to have on the audience and on the story. imo, u can make death scenes grotesque but don’t rely on that yk? idk if that makes sense but stuff like “he plucked the woman’s eyes out one by one, the wet, slippery sockets squelching in the clenched first of his blood soaked hand. Then he peeled each layer of skin off in a torturous fashion; fueling his momentum on her screams of agony yada yada” wont make ur readers feel scared nor sad but rather uncomfortable
THERES JUST SOOO MUCH AND IM NO EXPERT !! like my murderous scenes were half baked at best 👎 research is ur best friend tho and learning what works and what doesn’t is a process so don’t be afraid to take risks and get feedback !! Hope I could help in my very scattered advice 🙏
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when u think u know what label would fit ur gender best but u still got some Internalized Transphobia leftover from when u were like 12 and saw all sorts of nb/transphobic garbage and thot “hey this is the Normal Good Trans Opinion” and honestly u deal with internalized transphobia every day bc as much as u support all ur trans brothers n sisters n siblings u still feel like u need to dress and act and look a certain way or else u aren’t a Real Trans whatever the fuck that’s even supposed to mean
and so u just lie in bed looking at positivity posts for this gender u think is probably right so that u can try to accept urself and overcome that internalized transphobia but u just keep doubting urself and feeling ashamed over something that nobody should be ashamed of
anyway fuck the entire transmed community u do nothing to help the trans community as a whole
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Hey!! We know each other irl but havent talked in forever but I read ur post abt being trans and Im also trans and like HOLY SHIT SAME to the whole "If I cannot make a body that is Fully Indistinguishable then what is the POINT!" You have my FULL SUPPORT FRIENDO AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
GOD TYSM
i’m so so happy for people who love who they are and for people who take pride in their identity. i WISH i could be like that, you know?
but the reality of the situation is, i’m stuck. i don’t want to be trans, i want to be a guy. full stop. and like, i am a guy, mentally. but physically, i’m not, and that is an inescapable fact of life for me.
i’m learning to take more pride in my identity, to come closer to acceptance, to cope. but for some people it’s so incredibly hard to overcome the knowledge that it’s literally impossible to where you know you should be.
a lot of that comes from society and internalized transphobia. from not knowing being trans was an option, and/or maybe from upbringing.
maybe someday medicine will get there and i’ll be able to get a transplant or some shit. i think at that point i’d be close to being happy with who i am. but still... people will have known me as i was; they will fundamentally remember that i was, at one point, a girl. and that haunts me.
it’s nice to know i’m not alone in feeling like this, but i also don’t wish it on anyone, and for that, i’m sorry friendo. i hope someday we figure out ways of accepting our real selves and our identity. but we’ve come far already, and take strength in the knowledge that this flag belongs to us. 🏳️⚧️❤️
#trans#trans shit#my stuff#sorry it got a bit sad but i tried to turn it around at the end#i have a little LED thing on my desk and i have it set up to cycle through the bi flag and every once in a while the trans flag will pop up#doing that for myself felt good. it’s like a private victory#ya know?#getting all this out felt good too#i think i know who this is and i’m super sorry i’m shit at talking with people#sending u good vibes#🏳️⚧️
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Hehe. Ohohohoho. Guess *hehe* guess what I'm finally starting to- *heh heh* to overcome
*hehe*
*whispers in ur ear* The internalized transphobia/enbyphobia
*excitedly skidders away, giggling*
#I haven't slept in 22 hours#and im becoming more and more desensitized to hate#lol#if i ever say 'kill me' know that it's not a request#it's a dare
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"shut up and let me help you" logan × virgil? 💜💜💜 (also hi side note i just found ur blog and read for like an hour ily)
OMG, thank you so much! I’m so glad you’re enjoying my writing!
And since you and an anon both asked for this:
AnalogicalWarnings: mentions of violence(fist fights), SO MUCH CURSING(omg, Virgil, your potty mouth, I swear), and brief references to homophobia(including the f slur) and transphobia(no slurs)Words: 850Tag list: @randomslasher, @frustratedwaffle, @prplzorua, @justanotherpurplebutterfly, @tssanderssidestrash, @thebeautyofthomas, @daenerysraine, @person-without-a-life, @cosmic-chu, @fandomsandanythingelse, @sanders-sides-sins
Logan’s fingers fumbled for the light switch as he let the door fall shut behind him. He winced away from the sudden brightness, squinting as the vague colored shapes of the apartment were illuminated.
“Lo? Jesus Christ, Lo, where the fuck have you...Fuck! What the hell happened to you?”
Shit. That had been Virgil’s car outside. Logan drew himself up, hoping he didn’t look as bad as he felt. “I’m fine, Virge, you don’t have to...”
��Like hell you are,” came the reply, as the dark blur that was his boyfriend separated itself from the general gloom. Virgil approached and cool fingers gripped Logan’s chin.
Logan sighed internally, but let Virgil lift his face to the light. “I suppose this is where I say ‘you should see the other guy’?”
“He’d better fucking hope I don’t,” Virgil grumbled, though his fingers were gentle on Logan’s face.
Logan still winced when they touched torn flesh. “Really, I can take care of it, you don’t have to...”
“Shut up and let me help you, asshole,” Virgil cut him off, releasing his chin only to take his hand and start leading him to the bathroom as he talked. “You owe me after fucking making me worry you were dead in a gutter or something. Why the fuck didn’t you check your phone?”
“I did. Couldn’t see the screen,” Logan admitted, letting Virgil push him down onto the closed toilet. “Hey,” he added, reaching out and grabbing a handful of Virgil’s hoodie, pulling him away from the medicine cabinet. “I’m sorry.”
Virgil sighed, his hands settling on Logan’s shoulders. “I know. And I know you didn’t do it on purpose. What was it this time?”
Logan snorted softly at the resigned sound of his boyfriend’s voice. He leaned forward to rest his forehead against Virgil’s chest, feeling suddenly exhausted. “A drunk jackass harassing the barista at that coffee cart on 5th. The Hideout, I think? In any case, I’d stopped for a latte and this guy was just...”
Logan trailed off, feeling an echo of the anger that’d overcome him at the fear in Tristan’s face, at the vile, bigoted, stupid, inaccurate shit the drunk had been spewing. “I told him to leave them alone, he told me to go to Hell, I told him I’d be more than pleased to take him with me, he said he’d like to see a skinny fucking fag like me try, so I punched him. He fought back, etcetera, etcetera, leaving me as you see me now.”
Virgil groaned. “For a smart guy, you’re a fucking idiot.”
Logan shrugged as Virgil released him. “It’s highly probable, but it seemed like the simplest solution at the time.”
“Wish it wasn’t always your solution,” Virgil muttered under his breath, quiet enough that Logan almost didn’t catch it over the sound of the faucet. “Did you at least win?” he asked in his normal tone, coming back with a wet washcloth.
“I think it would technically be considered more of a draw,” Logan replied, trying not to wince away as Virgil began gently cleaning his face, though whether it was from pain or guilt, he wasn’t certain. “He managed to land a few hits, but I at least blackened both his eyes. I also had the opportunity to break his nose, but I didn’t. He fled when a crowd started gathering.”
“Taking your glasses with him?” Virgil asked, setting the washcloth aside.
Logan shrugged, grinning ruefully in Virgil’s general direction. “No, I have them. But the lenses were smashed in the scuffle.”
“Of course. Do you have a back-up?”
“Several,” Logan assured him, closing his eyes as Virgil leaned in, spreading ointment over his cheekbone and the bridge of his nose. “Virgil...I am sorry that I worried you. I should’ve called.”
“At least,” Virgil agreed, his voice thick, hands shaking slightly as he finished treating Logan’s injuries. “Lo, I know...I mean I get why you do shit like this. Hell, tonight I guess I’m glad, Tris doesn’t deserve that shit. But...”
“But I worry you, and I should take your likely reactions more into account before doing something similar,” Logan finished for him, catching his hand and pressing a soft kiss against it. “As you may have mentioned before.”
“Either that or give me a call so I can help you kick ass,” Virgil said, voice shaking now.
Logan pulled him closer, until Virgil settled on his lap, his head resting on Logan’s shoulder. “I promise,” he murmured softly, a slow, still unexpected warmth spreading through him at the obvious outward signs of how much Virgil cared about him. It still astonished him, the fact he could hardly believe it was no reason to risk losing it. “It doesn’t excuse my behavior, I know, but I...I forget I no longer have nothing to lose.”
Virgil squirmed somehow closer, shifting enough to catch Logan’s mouth in a gentle, careful kiss that left him breathless nonetheless. “Start remembering. I’m not losing you, got it?”
“Got it,” Logan promised, knowing this time he’d do his utmost to keep it, and kissed him again.
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