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starry-eyes-love · 1 day

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Never Letting You Go

Masterlist

Pairing | Agent Javier Pena x Agent F!Reader

Summary | What starts out as a shitty Valentine’s Day turns into everything that you’ve ever wanted. Javi treats you the way you need, by never letting you go.

A/N: First time writing for Javier's character, forgot this was in the vault. Enjoy

(As a reminder I'm no longer doing tag lists, make sure to turn on notifications on my page for when I post).

Warnings | 18+, Minors DNI, Smut

Language, angst, mentions of prostitution and Agent work, mentions of the cartel, mentions of cheating (from your previous relationship), grinding, mentions of penetrative sex, soft fluffy moments.

Word Count: 5.5K

“Fuck baby,” he said, grinding against your ass with a little bit more force. “Do you feel that? See, that’s what you fucking do to me woman.” Javi was now rocking harder into you, giving you slow deep thrusts. You could feel his hard outline in his pants as he was seated firmly against you. “This is what you’ve always done to me. I don’t hate you, fuck baby, I like you. I want you. So if you’ll shut up long enough, then maybe you’ll hear me say it.”

Today was Valentine's Day, and usually this was something that didn’t concern Javier Peña. He was a DEA agent that was in the middle of trying to bring down drug dealers and drug lords, he didn’t have time to be concerned about feelings or emotions on a specific day on the calendar. But yet here he was, in the files room pacing back and forth, trying to calm his nerves. Javier was never nervous when it came to the opposite sex. He usually was always so calm, cool, and collected when handling them. Well, except for today that is, and especially when dealing with you. Somehow you had gotten under his skin just enough that now he was pacing back and forth, mind racing of what to do if you didn't like the gift that he just left you on your desk. He was so lost in his own head that he didn’t hear the door open and Steve Murphy step in.

“Javi, what the hell are you-” Steve said, stopping dead in his tracks when he saw Javi pacing back and forth, running his hand down his face.

“She ain’t gonna like the gift. Why did you say it was from you and not a secret admirer? Jesus. Soy un idiota (I’m such an idiot).” Javi mumbled to himself.

“You got a lady a Valentine’s gift there Peña?” Murphy said, slamming the files on the desk and causing Javi to jump. Javi just stood there, not answering his friend and fellow DEA agent’s question. Steve, seeing how nervous Javi was, continued to tease him slightly. “Who’s the lucky girl, Peña?”

Before he could answer, they both heard you marching down the hall, yelling, “Peña, I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you, you arrogant bastard.”

About a year ago you were transferred to Columbia in an attempt to assist in the capture of Pablo Escobar. At first, you were excited about serving your country and bringing the bad guys to justice. That was before meeting your two male DEA partner’s, however. The first time you met Steve Murphy and Javier Peña it was love at first insult. You were the head female DEA agent hired to work alongside them in helping bring down the Medellín Cartel, and subsequently Pablo Escobar. However, your transfer to Columbia somehow pissed both of them off.

Since you had arrived, all those two idiots did was piss you off one way or another. They were the biggest source of your headaches and irritations to date, and one of the biggest reasons why you hated your current job. They wouldn’t listen to you, and they continuously left you out of the loop on information. To make matters worse, when they got bored you were the target of their practical jokes, like today.

Today was Valentine’s Day, and one day on the calendar that you wished you could just completely remove. You hated Valentine’s Day with a passion, ever since you found your ex-fiance balls deep in your sister on Valentine’s Day one year ago. It was after that you found out that the man who you thought loved you had always cheated on you with your sister, from Moment. Fucking. One. You were together five years with him, and apparently all those five years he was also fucking your sister every chance he got. You were happy to hear that her husband caught them in bed and had filed for a divorce. You thought it was poetic how she lost a man who made a shit ton of money for an asshole who could hardly pay rent for his shitty apartment. So when you took the job transfer to Columbia you felt okay with the situation that had happened, as shitty as it sounded.

But then last night your sister called you and informed you that she was getting married, and that she was pregnant too. She advised you that it would be best if you didn’t attend the wedding because of hard feelings the two of you had. When you asked who the soon-to-be husband and dad was, she had informed you that it was your ex-fiance and that they both were happy they found someone that loved them deeply. As soon as you heard that, you told her to ‘go to fucking hell,’ and then slammed the phone down. Out of anger and rage you grabbed the bottle of alcohol that was on the counter, and downed most of it in one go. Yeah, you weren’t going to that fucking wedding.

When you woke up and realized it was Valentine’s Day, you seriously contemplated calling in work sick. But you remembered that you had a morning meeting with your bosses and you knew that Javi and Steve wouldn’t show up. So you begrudgingly got up and showered, swearing underneath your breath of how life wasn’t fair. You hated today, Valentine’s Day, with a passion. Six years ago you met your ex on Valentine’s Day because he was stood up on a date, a date with your sister you found out much later. Then last year, on Valentine’s Day, you caught him cheating with your sister. How did life get so fucked up?

To add to your already sour mood, when you got into work early you noticed that all the rest of the females in the office had big bouquet of flowers on their desks from Javi and Steve. Each of them had a note saying that they really appreciated all the hard work that they have done, and that they were special angels for helping them out. When you got to your desk you didn’t see any flowers or note telling you that you were special. The only note that you saw was from Steve saying “don’t fuck up this meeting” and asked if you took your “anti-bitch pill today yet.” Yeah you hated this fucking day.

The meeting that was only supposed to be an hour went on for three long hours, and you were berated for two out of the three hours in the meeting. You had to once again mop up the mess that both Steve and Javi had created, promising to get results instead of excuses. Recently, all the leads that your department was getting in capturing Escobar were cold, no one had seen him or heard of him in almost a month. Even when you went in and shook the crime tree, nothing fell out of place which made everyone uneasy, especially your superiors.

Finally when the meeting was over with you were able to return to your desk to try to let your heart and blood pressure return to normal. When you approached your desk, you saw a little basket there with a pretty red ribbon with sparkles in it. You looked around quickly to see if anyone noticed or was standing there, you also glanced quickly under your desk to make sure Steve or Javi wasn’t sitting there waiting for you to relax so they could scare you. When you noticed nothing was out of the ordinary you felt your heart flutter in your chest, especially when the tag read “to the most special DEA female agent” in Javier’s handwriting.

At first your heart fluttered, thinking that finally someone, Javi, took the time to give a shit. If you were being honest with yourself, you did like Javier Peña. He was very sexy and attractive. When he wasn’t being an asshole, he was truly sensitive and understood the female sex with their emotions. You thought that he didn’t care anymore about you, but the longer you looked at the name tag on your gift, the more you thought that maybe you were wrong at your assessment. Your heart raced and you felt the heat creep up your neck at the thought that maybe Javi did see you as something more than just an individual who worked with him each day. But when you opened the basket and saw the gift that was laying there for you, your wonder turned into embarrassment as your face fell. Then when you read the note inside you saw red with anger. That bastard took it one step too far this time.

Once Javi heard your voice he suddenly froze, slowly listening to where you were coming from. When he realized that you were getting closer, he glanced over at Murphy with wide, scared eyes. He mouthed “shh, shut the fuck up,” when Steve went to open his mouth to ask Javi something.

As Steve stood there he was trying to understand what the hell his partner had done to anger you so much. He mouthed to Javi ‘what the fuck did you do man?’ Javi just shook his head and placed his finger to his lips to silence Steve’s further questioning. He wasn’t trying to be a coward, but with how angry you were right now, he didn’t want to come face to face with you. Yes, Javi had a knack for pissing you off so much that you’d threaten to kill him. But from how angry you sounded, he figured that if he was standing in front of you right now, that you would in fact shoot him dead.

Javi and Steve continued to stand in silence together for a few minutes. Javi was hoping that you would just continue down the hallway and not stop outside of this door. For a moment it sounded like you had moved on, so much so that Javi felt himself visibly relax and let out a sigh. But that moment was short lived. When Javi heard the door knob turn he quickly said, “shit Murph, lie,” and then he ducked behind one of the filing cabinets against the wall.

“What the-” Steve said, looking confused, but for only a minute as you quickly came bursting through the door seething with anger.

“Murphy, where is he?” you said, steam practically coming out of your ears at how mad and pissed off you were at Javier Peña.

“I don’t-”

“Don’t give me that I don’t know shit. You two are practically glued together at the hip, so where the hell is he?” You bit back, standing right in front of Steve’s face.

“Woah, now wait just a second there princess, don’t be biting my head off. I don’t know where he is, or what he’s done, but you can just curb that attitude of yours and-”

“Don’t act like you don’t know what he’s done. This smells like both Peña and Murphy antics to me,” you said, crossing your arms over your chest.

“Well sorry cariño, I don’t know where he is or what he’s done.”

Huffing, you let out another long sigh, balling your fists up and slamming them tight against your side. “This is what he’s done,” you said, shoving the box you were holding with the card in his face. “And if you happen to see him, you can tell him that I’m looking for him.”

You went to leave, but Murphy blocked your exit saying, “wait a second here princess, don’t go and give me something like this and then take off. Let’s see what’s gotten your panties in a twist.”

“I knew it, it was your idea. I don’t get why you both have to always be so-” But before you could finish Steve had opened the box and saw what was inside it. Steve pulled out a pair of black lace panties that had a vibrator attached to them, and as he did he noticed the note at the bottom of the box. The note was written in Javi’s handwriting and said, “for all those lonely nights baby, when you’re so wound up and don’t have a man that can be inside you. Enjoy.” Signed, Javier Peña.

Murphy was shocked at what he saw and couldn’t help but laugh out loud. He knew Javi loved to rile you up, and he had to hand it to his partner, he definitely got you going. It was the perfect gift to get even for all those irritating moments the three of you had. But when he looked up at you he immediately froze, his laugh dying out in his throat. Your eyes were red and puffy now as frustrated tears streamed down your face. Steve could tell that the jokes maybe went a little too far this time.

“Sweetheart, we’re-”

“Don’t, just don’t Steve,” you said, grabbing the box and throwing everything back inside, not wanting to look up at him. “I get it, it’s a joke. A really fucking mean joke, ya know. You all can have any woman that you want. And here I am, in Columbia, and I can’t even get sleazy drug lords to choose me when I’m undercover. Shit, I couldn’t even keep my ex-fiance faithful on this day. You guys will find this hilarious, last year I found my ex fucking my sister. Apparently he never wanted me, wanted her cause now they’re getting married and having a baby and I’m not welcome around my family any more, cause I guess I can’t keep anyone happy. So nice of you to give the other girls flowers, and tell them how great they are when they don’t even fucking do anything for you. Meanwhile I have five bullet wounds and several cracked ribs for covering your asses. By the way, you guys are getting a raise in pay and I’m getting a 5 dollar reduction in pay. Apparently the superiors feel that it’ll give you guys motivation or something. So yeah, you’re right, perfect joke. Happy fucking Valentine’s Day to me.” And with that you left, slamming the door.

This was a joke that Peña and Murphy started with you about six months ago when you were placed undercover to go and try to extract information of the whereabouts of Pablo Escobar. They placed you at a brothel, knowing that some of Pablo’s higher up men were going to come to choose women to give them sexual favors for the night. With the help of a few informants, they had dressed you up and gave you pointers on how women acted in these places in Colombia. Javi had made a joke at you that you were the highest paid prostitute on the street, but when it came time for Pablo’s men to take you, you were the only one left behind. You weren’t ugly, you actually were quite beautiful, but that night Javi and Murphy had a hay day with you, as you were the only one that was not chosen. To make matters worse, you had gone out with them that night and couldn’t even get a guy to buy you a drink at the bar, let alone talk with you. And now the joke, you thought, had gone too far. Humiliated and embarrassed, you went and gathered your things and left to go home for the day, not wanting to see anyone again.

After you stormed out, and Murphy knew you were gone, he walked over to where Javi was, facing the back wall. “You got her vibrating panties?” Steve said, shaking his head and laughing.

“At the time, I thought it was a good idea. But something got lost in translation I suppose,” he said, still not wanting to leave his hiding spot.

“Peña, let me give you some advice. If you like a girl, don’t get her vibrating panties and then give her a card that says ‘for all those lonely nights when you don’t have a man.’ It just makes you look like an even bigger dick than what you already are.”

“Yeah, I realize that now,” he said, still not coming out of his hiding spot.

“Did ya know any of that other shit she was talking about?” Steve said, pulling a cigarette out and lighting it. Javi shook his head no as he came out of where he was hiding.

“Kinda fucked up if you ask me. Fucking her own sister and then marrying her. Talk about a cold hearted son of a bitch.”

“Yeah, I never knew. Fuck Murph, what do I do?”

“You already know what you gotta do man. Or do I need to call her back in here so she can spell it out for you?”

“Fuck you,” Javi said, walking out the door to go find you. He felt like the biggest dick right now. The gift and note wasn’t a joke from him, and he hated to think that you felt like it was.

Javi eventually learned that you had decided to go home for the day, leaving your work here. “She’s taking a sick day,” is what Maria, the secretary in the front office, had told him. Javi had attempted to get some paperwork done, but he kept thinking about you and how hurt you sounded when talking with Murphy. He didn’t mean for it to come off as a joke, in fact Javi wanted you to have the panties for a good reason, he wanted you to wear them for him.

Javi had been the biggest pain in your ass from the start. He was always coming over to your desk, forcing you to work through his work, making you work in the field with him, etc. To you it felt like he was punishing you for being good at your job. But in reality, he secretly liked you and wanted to be with you. Javi didn’t know why he couldn’t communicate his feelings to you, why he always had to make fun of you or rile you up. “I’m taking a sick day,” Javi told Murphy as he walked towards the door.

Murphy, who was still at his desk, said “Connie said she’s at home now.” Connie was one of your best friends here in Colombia. Being in a foreign country was hard, and making friends was even harder, especially what you did for a job. Your friends back at home disagreed with your career choice of being sent to Colombia, so your entire support structure was no longer there. Connie was one of the nicest women you had met or seen in the longest time. She understood your career choice, and didn’t hold it against you when your plans would change.

Javi had stopped and bought a dozen flowers from a street vendor before he got to your house. When he knocked on the door he softly said, “querida, I’m so sorry. Please open up, I didn’t mean to make you cry, I-”

“Who the fuck said you made me cry Peña?” you said, opening up the door suddenly, looking up at him with bloodshot eyes, tears at your lash line.

“No one I, Jesus woman, c’mere,” he said, stepping inside and placing the flowers on the end table by the door when he saw your face. He then reached for you, pulled you tight into his chest, holding you as the dam opened up again and the tears fell. “I’m so sorry baby, so sorry. I didn’t mean how it came out, fuck-”

“What did I do for you to hate me?” you said, voice muffled in his chest.

“Nothin’ baby, I don’t hate you, I-” he said, rubbing his hand up and down your back, trying to soothe you. This was not going the way that he had hoped.

“I mean, I pull extra duty, and am one of the strongest hitters on the team. Fuck Javi, I even have brought in more leads than Murphy and yet you publicly humiliate me.” You said, as a sob broke free from your mouth. You didn’t know why you were opening up, allowing Javi to attempt to soothe you. You just didn’t have it in you to fight right now, too emotionally worked up to even care.

“No, no, baby. It ain’t like that, look at me,” Javi said, pulling you away from his chest and gently cupping your face with his hands. “Querida, I got them for you and for me, for you to think about me.”

Shaking your head you stepped back and said, “what? Peña, what the fuck are you talking about for you and me? I’m not-”

“Shit, this ain’t coming out the way I wanted it to,” Javi said, pacing back and forth in your living room. Javi was mumbling to himself, unsure of how to deal with the situation and correct it. Not knowing how to place it into words, his feelings, he thought that he could show you. He immediately reached for you and kissed you hard on the lips. Javi, once again, was hoping the kiss would show you that he cared, but all you read was he was being condescending once again. You immediately pulled back and found your strength and slapped Javi hard across his face.

“Javi, what the fuck do you think you’re doing? Just because I’m crying, trying to understand why the guy I have a crush on hates me, doesn’t give you the right to-”

“I like you,” he said, rubbing the sting site he felt across his cheek. Damn that woman could hit hard, he thought to himself. You continued to talk overtop of him, not realizing what he just said. You kept saying how much of an asshole he’s been to you and how much you hate men as you’ve always been taken advantage of. Javi shook his head at you, hearing words such as dickhead, asshole along with other words such as, pendejo and cabrón. You kept telling him off, not listening to anything that he had just told you.

With a sarcastic laugh, he said, “I can’t fucking believe you, you don’t listen baby.” He was now getting just as frustrated at you for not listening to him. She says I don’t listen, hell, she doesn’t listen.

All you heard was ‘I can’t fucking believe you’ and nothing else. Once again, you marched over to smack Javi hard across the face. But this time, he caught your hand mid-air saying, “I don’t think so cariño. You only get one free hit, and you already used it up for today.”

The sadness that you felt earlier had now turned into blinding anger and rage. You started fighting back. You were done with men treating you like assholes, for cheating on you with your sister, for not listening to you or even attempt at paying attention. You started hitting Javi’s chest, yelling at him and saying, “you’re an asshole,” over and over again. You were throwing a temper tantrum, frustrated about the last few days, and Javi was your outlet. However, Javi didn’t see your attitude nor behavior as enduring or even cute. Him, having about enough of you using him as a physical punching bag, decided to take matters into his own hands to calm you down. He grabbed your hand and threw it behind your back, slamming you to the ground while yelling, “Enough.”

You kept trying to kick him, to hurt him more. You weren’t part of this planet anymore, you just saw red at reliving every shitty moment for the last six years. Of taking the smacks to the face your boyfriend gave you when he was drunk and you questioned why he had red lipstick stains on his shirt and around his cock as you undressed him from a night out with his friends. What you didn’t know is that it was your sister’s lips that were around him, and not some other woman. It didn’t make those moments easier, but you always thought that maybe it was just a one night stand, not a five year long relationship behind your back.

You kept kicking Javi, yelling that you were done with people hurting you, clearly not seeing him anymore. To help calm you down, Javi maneuvered his body so he was sitting on your ass, with your arm behind your back. Your chest was laying flat on the floor, his chest then tight on your back as he snarled in your ear, “you’re gonna stop this shit, right now, stop trying to hit me.”

“Fuck you David-” you said, not realizing that you called him your ex.

“I’m not him baby. I never was, nor will I ever be him. So stop calling me David, my name isn’t fucking David.” Javi growled in your ear, leaning harder into you to get you to calm down.

You finally relaxed at hearing Javi speak to you, reminding yourself that he wasn’t your ex. As soon as you relaxed Javi released your arm, but stayed firm against you, hands on both sides of your head as he breathed hard and fast at the fight that you gave him. It was then that you remembered everything that Javi and you were, everything that you were alone.

Sometimes at night when you couldn’t sleep you’d go back into work and find Javi working alone at his desk. He’d always come over and ask you why you were showing up at work around midnight on a day where you just placed in 12 hours. Alone the two of you would always find moments where you could be soft with each other. He’d order you both greasy pizza to eat at night and he’d tease you of picking off all the pepperoni. Nights where you were scared to be home alone, he’d take you back to his house and you’d sleep in his bed when he slept on the couch. When you got shot several times, after you were discharged home, he’d stay with you in your apartment. He even slept next to you on your bed a few times.

He also bathed you when you got sick with a fever from the infection of the bullet wounds, and nursed you back to health for several weeks. If you were being honest, Javi was your best friend when the two of you were alone. But at work, he was the biggest dickhead. You were jealous when he started flirting with the new secretary that came in, Phillis, and hated when you saw him at the brothel down the street. Javi never attempted sex with you, and honestly, it upset you. You wanted him, but apparently he never wanted you. So at work you took out your frustration the only way you knew how, you became a pain in his ass like he was a pain in yours.

But when Javi didn’t move, continuing to breathe hard in and out, you knew that something had changed. You went to move your ass and immediately he hissed “don’t” as his hips stayed tight against yours, not moving nor letting you up. After a moment of submitting to him you heard him ask in a strained voice “are you calm enough for me to move or do we have to keep you like this for a little longer?”

You didn’t know why you felt like saying it out loud, but you didn’t want to play this game of not being honest with him anymore. “I’ve calmed down, but Javi, I’d like it if you stay like this for a little while, hell you can even push deeper into me if you want.” You gave Javi a little wiggle of your ass at his statement.

The air around the two of you changed, thickening with sexual tension. “Shit baby, ya can’t say that to me,'' he said, slightly leaning forward and pushing his crotch tighter to your ass. You felt him slightly rock back and forth, groaning at the feel of you beneath him.

You slightly arched your back, pushing up so he could kiss your neck. When you changed the position both of you moaned loud in unison, feeling his hips slowly grind harder into you. You never remembered feeling this good by just letting a man grind into you, but fuck, Javi was slowly making you feel feral.

“Javi, I don’t-” you said slowly.

“No,” He growled, not wanting you to tell him to stop. He couldn’t take it anymore, couldn’t hold back. He wanted so desperately to be deep inside of your warm cunt that he was struggling right now to keep his composure. “Fuck hermosa, feel what you do to me.”

But you were, you felt how much Javi wanted you and you knew how much you wanted him. You laid there and let him slowly grind his hips into you again until something snapped inside.

“Javi, fuck me,” you said, pushing your ass harded back into him.

Javi immediately stilled his hips at your statement, looking down at you, trying to determine if what you were asking was what he thought. When he didn’t respond again, you said with a little more bite, “Javi, you gave me a vibrator for all those lonely nights when I don’t have a man’s dick inside of me. Please, I don’t want to use the vibrator tonight. For once on Valentine’s Day I want a man inside me that fucking cares. If you really care, please give me that.”

You felt Javi get off from you and walk away, towards the door, rustling around with something. You laid face down in the middle of your living room, tears welling up in your eyes at being rejected once again. You hated this fucking holiday, but when you let out a little sniffle you felt his hand cup your chin, turning you to the side. With the softest eyes possible he said, “come on now, no more crying. Now up you go,” as he helped you stand. Once you were standing he smiled down at you and then gave you a slow tender kiss on the lips. When he pulled back he held out the black lace panties in front of your face.

“Here, I bought these for you. Now, go and put them on, and let me see them on you. Then I’m gonna fuck you like you deserve, like a man that’s wanted to be with you from the moment he laid eyes on you. Fuck what you stupid ex did to you last year-”

“And every year before,” you said softly.

Javi’s eyes got impossibly dark, anger and lust mixing with them. He hated your ex, the man that broke you. If Javi had to spend the rest of his life showing you that you deserved more, then he would do it. Fuck his superiors, or anyone else that thought he and you shouldn’t be together.

“The fact that you say that makes me angry that any man would ever-”

“Forget it Javi, it’s-”

“No. Now pay attention sweetheart, cause I’m only gonna say it once. No man should ever make you feel like this, ever, you hear me? Now, go put them on baby, and let me see you in them. Then, I’m gonna take you to bed and show you how a man is supposed to treat the woman he cares about.”

“Oh, and how’s that Peña, what are you gonna do that makes me forget all the stupid shit other men have done?” You said, playfully nudging Javi and his cockiness that you have found you love.

Javi grabbed you by the hair and tilted your head back while whispering above you, “I’m gonna fuck you so good that you’re gonna forget every man before me, baby. Then I’m gonna show you how a real man treats the woman he’s crazy over. It’s just you and me, and I’ll remind you of that every night before we go to sleep. There’s no one’s pussy I’d rather be buried in than yours. I only want to be balls deep in you, and not anyone else.” Javi then slammed his lips onto yours and gave you a kiss like you deserved.

Maybe you had to have David be in your life and screw you over, because without him, you’d never have met Javier Peña. Javi was a real man that made good on his promises, of being the man that you needed. Before the night was over, and after you came down from your intense rough sex with him, you found yourself looking into his eyes and seeing the potential for a future once again. As Javi slowly rocked into you, making slow love at the end, he whispered, “you’re mine cariño, and I’m never letting you go.” And that was the thing that tipped you both over the edge, moaning each other’s names and kissing each other like you both had just found your future soulmate.

Javi did make good on his promises, he never let you go.

80 notes · View notes

mcflymemes · 2 days

Text

AS SAID BY GARRUS VAKARIAN, updated version * assorted dialogue from the mass effect trilogy, adjust as necessary

i can't find any hard evidence.

good luck, [name]. maybe they'll listen to you.

i'm coming with you.

sometimes it feels like the rules are only there to stop me from doing my work.

i just couldn't take it anymore.

maybe i can get the job done my way for a change.

if you're wrong, we'll pay for it. but if you're right, and we did nothing, i think we'd regret it a whole lot more.

i thought you were dead.

it sure is good to see a friendly face.

at least it's not hard to find criminals here. all i have to do is point my gun and shoot.

my feelings got in the way of my better judgement.

i'll make you a deal. you get me out of here alive, and i'll tell you the whole damn thing.

nobody would give me a mirror. how bad is it?

don't make me laugh, damn it.

some women find facial scars attractive.

i'm fit for duty whenever you need me.

when i got to the meeting point, no one was there.

kill you? no. but i don't mind slowing you down a little.

what do you want from me, [name]?

i know you want to talk about this... but i don't. not yet.

it's so much easier to see the world in black and white. gray... i don't know what to do with gray.

my instincts are what got me into this mess.

never knew you had a weakness for men with scars.

well, why the hell not? there's nobody in this galaxy i respect more than you.

if we can figure out a way to make it work, then... yeah. definitely.

you're about the only friend i've got left in this screwed-up galaxy.

you don't ever have to worry about making me uncomfortable. nervous, yes... but never uncomfortable.

i brought wine.

your hair looks... good. and your waist is... very supportive.

hopefully that's not offensive in human culture.

i want something to go right. just once.

think you can win this thing, [name]?

i'm pretty sure we'll still need giant guns... and lots of them.

so... is this the part where we shake hands?

the scars are starting to fade. i remember they drove you wild.

i've been doing some more research on human customs.

glad to know my romantic skills made an impression.

let's not go there.

i can afford the good stuff.

what about you? i'm starting to see some wear and tear.

don't forget to come up for air. and not just because all these people need you. because i need you.

if you're suggesting i'm scared... game on.

still trying to make me blush, huh?

i'd be lying if i said i didn't hope it would inspire a certain... mood.

it seemed like you needed time to... figure us out.

the worst part about the galaxy going to hell would've been never getting to see you again.

not saying you don't know how to handle a gun. just saying some of us know how to make it dance.

i've actually seen you dance. no comment.

i know there are other things you're good at.

probably not a lot of air in here. an hour if we're lucky.

so tell me. think a girl would fall for that?

it gets even better when you try it in bed.

you don't lack for places to get lost.

did we break anything last night?

you'll find a way to win. and when this is over, i'll be waiting for you.

if this thing goes sideways and we both end up there... meet me at the bar. i'm buying.

forgive the insubordination, but your boyfriend has an order for you.

come back alive. it'd be an awfully empty galaxy without you.

we're in this 'til the end.

we didn’t kill these people. and we’re going to shut down the bastards who did.

looks like we’ve got a siege on our hand.

if anyone needs fresh clips or a bathroom break, now’s the time.

oh crap!

guess he didn’t like the food.

looks like we got the jump.

pretty extreme, but those were desperate times.

we won’t get a second chance.

that was me, sorry.

nothing like being stranded.

we’ll do more than that.

just the usual minor flesh wound.

what would these people have done if we hadn’t shown up?

i was there when you two had your thing, remember? just get a room and work it out.

stay angry. we’ll need it to get through this.

drinks will be on me.

one of my favorite places to fight!

i’m hard to kill. you should know that.

it’s gonna be bad all over.

for whatever it’s worth, i’m with you.

you’ve waited long enough for this day.

just wait ‘til this war is over.

you came along and warmed my heart with your winning personality.

maybe you’d like to go work for them instead?

how do i not have one of those?

surprise on our side for once. i like it.

brutal, but it makes a certain kind of sense.

#garrus vakarian #mass effect #mcflymemes #rp prompt #rp meme #rp memes #roleplay memes #roleplay prompt #rp starters #ask meme #ask memes #roleplay meme #roleplay inbox prompts #rp inbox meme #inbox prompt #inbox meme #sentence starter prompt #sentence starter #sentence starters

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bunviie · 2 days

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you sit on the floor, utterly defeated. your mind drifts over countless thoughts and feelings at once. you stare at the numerous binders and loose paper sheets, eyes hot and threatening to slip your unwanting sorrows.

your boyfriend stumbles into the room, breathless as his eyes dart around before finally landing on you. he’s quick and crouches before you, a blatant startled expression scattered across his features.

“i heard a loud thud, are you okay?” he scans your body for any injury, hands gently holding your head while adjusting it left and right. he stops mid-inspection and notices your sullen expression. “yn, baby what's wrong?” he caresses your cheeks and for some reason, this only makes you cry. his eyes only widen and he stands on his feet, offering his hands to you. with blurry vision, you take them naturally. he helps you up and guides you to the bed behind you. he sits down first and welcomes you in his embrace.

you continue to sob, tears now completely clouding your vision, falling freely down your cheeks and onto your shirt. leaving small wet droplet stains.

“talk to me, what happened?” he feels frantic but keeps his composure for you. he didn't want to provoke the situation further. you take a deep breath, swallowing past the awful lump in your throat that left your breath choppy and stuttering. too overwhelmed to steady your cries.

“it's too hard,” you start, agitatedly wiping your wet face. eren doesn't say anything and only stares at you sincerely, giving you the room to speak. “i just…i try my best a-and nothing works out,” you glance at the paper mess below you two and eren follows your gaze. “i-im gonna f-fail and never graduate. i’ll forever be stuck and stressed about things that don't even make sense,” you ramble, pouring your emotions out into the room. his hand smooths over your back soothingly allowing you to air out your grievances as he listens intently.

once you’re done, he kisses the side of your head and wipes away the remnants on your face. his thumb massaging along your now silky skin.

“feel better?” he asks sweetly. you aren't able to see his face, yet you still felt his kind smile, beaming assuringly. you sniffle and shake your head. he chuckles lowly, finding your response endearing. “well…know that i'm here for you and that there’s nothing at all you can't do. you’ve come so far, there is absolutely nothing you can't figure out. even if you have your moments of struggles, just know that i'm here to support you through it,” his words were even sweeter and were said with so much love. his lips meet your knuckles tenderly before he stares up at you fondly. you swoon internally, wondering how you managed to be so lucky.

“so, how about, we get you something to eat– or sleep, whatever it is you’re in the mood for right now?” he moves to hold you securely in his lap. you shift, making yourself more comfortable as you drape your arms around him, nestling your face in his warm embrace.

“can you just hold me?” you request softly.

“of course,”

eren lays down slowly, careful not to ruin your relaxed position. he lays you on his chest and you hug him tightly. he doesn't mind, his hand soothingly rubbing long strokes on your back. your worries went away one by one. emotions quelled down with ease, almost like you were never upset at all. you sigh contently, remaining close to him as you both lay still in each other's affectionate hold.

#eren x black reader #eren x chubby reader #anime x chubby reader #attack on titan x black reader #eren x black y/n #x chubby reader #x black reader #bunviie writes #aot

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luvyujun · 1 day

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secrets.

“i’m just as mean as all the other girls before me.”

it started as a little study session, which consisted of him trying his best to understand what you were saying. but when it turned into his own personal secrets getting shared to the world, it was either he gave in or suffered a lifetime of issues.

osaki shotaro. suggestive. dark content. angst. blackmailer!reader.

part of creeps.

i will repeat this one more time. d a r k. DARK content. i wont warn you again. xoxo - yana.

he needed help and he needed it quick. shotaro had a secret. a secret that would make heads turn, people whisper, the earth fall off its axis.

he was cheating in all his courses.

so maybe he was a little dramatic about the severity, but in his defense he was considered an academic weapon, even if it wasn’t necessarily the truth. ‘excelling’ in everything he did. not only that, he was a skilled athlete. your stereotypical “perfect guy”. the type of dude that everyone wanted to be or be with. but no one had to know that he was an absolute fake and everything he did wasn’t necessarily his work. until he found something that he couldn’t cheat his way through.

he was sure that he had exhausted all his options. rubbing his temples as his eyebrows knitted together. why did he even bother taking a french course? impending doom fogged the mans mind. until he saw you across the study — looking all put together, neat, and organized. recognizing your face from the shared course, he would constantly overhear your self praise when getting yet another perfect score as he sat right behind you. he couldn’t even compare with his fake 90s’ and 100s’ on almost every test. every assignment. but you? you passed with flying colors, just by using your own brain.

every. single. fucking. time.

he was jealous, but shotaro would never say that outloud. his happy-go-lucky persona never once faltered, he couldn’t possibly show that he was jealous of your success. at least not in public. so that’s how he got here. standing in front of your table while your eyes burned holes into his. shotaro had never felt so, judged. yeah, you were judging big time. what kinda weirdo stands in front of someone in silence. the silence was thick. the type of silence that you’d expect strangers to have, it was almost unnerving.

fingers clawing at the back of his head, as if looking for his words, a nervous smile spread on his face. “can i help you?” not sparring another glance as he stood idly. you had all intentions to study for the whole afternoon. glancing at the electric clock that clicked on your wrist, this detour was messing with your schedule. truly a wast of your time as he stood there in silence. a hushed scuff slipping past your lips, so quiet that he almost missed it.

just almost.

he took it as a sign to quickly jumble the words together. “i was wondering if you could help me. you know, study a bit for this upcoming paper in french.” he seemed — embarrassed. so used to being the one being asked, never the one asking. or maybe he felt embarrassed at the thought of you saying no. but you had no reason to deny him a little extra help. no reason at all.

taking small glimpses from your screen to his face, you couldn’t help but be . . . surprised? skeptical? amused? all of the above. you could sit here and simply say no. that seemed like the most reasonable option, because why did you need to help him? shotaro was known to have his shit together so why did he need help now. eyes darting across his features for any hint of malice, none was found. maybe he genuinely needed help. but wasn’t he supposed to he some prodigy?

huffing, your body relaxed in the chair, arms draping over the armrest, head hanging off the back of the seat. “yeah,” stopping to pull yourself to your feet, “yeah i can help you.” but you had close to no intentions of lifting even a finger for him. and with that, you were gone. he wasn't even able to get your number.

as the days progressed, he couldn’t help but feel more and more hopeless. watching you leave without giving him an update, as if you forgot. he sat in the lecture hall. fingers running through his hair as shotaro started his fourth attempt at writing his paper. it was due in a week and frustration was quickly overcoming his senses, cheeks flushed and red as his staring contest with the laptop in front of him continued. he was so stressed and focused that he didn’t see you leave today. before you were able to even step out the lecture hall, his sadden face caught your eye.

maybe

sliding in next to him, you placed your bag on the ground — reaching in to slip out your laptop. “what are you struggling with.” your voice ringed in his ears, causing his neck to snap around, your presence scaring him blue. “everything.” he muttered. letting his body go slump in the stiff chair, hands hiding his face as he tried to relax himself. taro hated how much this was getting to him. “well, what are you writing about?” leaning over, you dragged his laptop closer to your side. reading what little he had. amused by how . . . how bad it was. fighting back the laughter that desperately wanted to escape your throat, you waited and waited for shotaro to finally speak.

and god did he take a long time.

“i don’t even know anymore. i can barely keep up.” his usual happy expression being replaced with one of dread.

craning his neck, he watched as you typed on his device. stretching every here and now. noting how your brows furrowed every time you had to backspace, or when your tongue poked at your cheek when you were thinking.

“there.” sliding the laptop back over to him, he stared at his screen. bullet points of what he could do to make his essay somewhat acceptable. he looked over at you, watching as your fingers darted around your own respective keyboard. “and if you ever need help with anything else, call me.” you spoke, eyes still glued to your screen as you finished up — soon the lid of the device was closing and you were rising up from your respective chair. “and you’re welcome shotaro.” watching as you left, shotaro looked back at his screen. catching your number at the bottom of the document that he’d missed the first time around.

the week had come and he was anxious. granted that his professor wouldn’t notice that it wasn’t completely his work, but it was never his work, so why did it matter? his face lit up and he immediately when he got over a 50%. scanning the room for you — he watched as other individuals filed out the double doors and shotaro found himself walking to your seat. standing behind you, the male placed his laptop down on the desk. “look” he spoke, excitement lacing his voice.

nodding your head, you stared at the 85% blaring on the screen. nodding your head at the number, he slotted in next to you. “next time, i’m gonna need some payment for assisting you.” standing up, your patted his back before heading for the door — shotaro followed in suite.

“well actually, i was wondering if you could help me study. i want to actually do my own work this time.” he spoke while trailing behind you. unsure if his words were being acknowledged. your pave faltering for just a moment at his sentence while his sentence lingered in the air.

his own work for once.

thrudging to your car, he hadn’t realized what he said would inevitably lead to the next string of unfortunate events. it wouldn’t hurt him per-say, if he didn’t make it difficult. maybe you could get paid too. maybe you could get something extra. reaching the drivers side, you turned on your heels to face shotaro who was still behind you. “you know what, i guess i could do that.” the silence was heavy as he digested your words.

“i’ll text you my address then. does 7 today sound good?”

nodding in agreement, you slide into the seat of your car. watching as he walked away, painfully oblivious to the hot water he was standing knee deep in.

what a shame.

by all means, you weren’t a bad person. at least not to the public eye you weren’t. bad people do bad things and get caught, so if you didn’t get caught, you couldn’t be considered a bad person. the people who knew what you do and why do it would consider you as, frankly disgusting. but they don’t dare say a word, because if you go down, everyone goes down with you. but why would a student with a seemingly clean record blackmail people? for the power.

it’s quite simple and cut-throat actually.

arriving in front of shotaros’ house, you pulled out your phone — sending a quick here before getting out of your car. stepping up to the door of his home, it was quickly swung open and a weirdly excited shotaro stepped into view. after a few quick greetings, he was leading you through the house. pointing out bathrooms and the kitchen, saying something along the lines of make yourself at home before opening the door to his bedroom.

throwing your bag onto his bed, you sat on the edge of the mattress. pulling out your laptop, shotaro stood awkwardly in the doorway. not noticing until you went to look at him, but he wasn’t next to you. it was almost as if he was waiting for you to tell him what to do. i mean, this was his house. why was he waiting for you to call the shots.

“are you going to stand there or are you going to make this worth my time?” your voice coming off a little, harsh. it was what he needed to get his ass into gear. stumbling over his own two feet, shotaro grabbed his own laptop from off his wooden desk. sitting against his headboard, he watched from above his laptop screen as you shifted at the foot of his bed. taking in your attire, as it was drastically different from how you clothed yourself for a school setting.

the usual crisp, minimalistic cardigans and blouses being replaced with a thin black tank top with a deep u-neck that allowed your necklace to slip a little too far down your chest. modest skirts and leggings replaced with shorts that left nothing to his imagination.the only thing indicating that it was in fact you, being the shining jewelry that complemented your skin and of course way you broke him apart with your stare.

the same stare that you were giving him as he eyed you with no shame. a loud cough bringing him back to reality. “you barely know me and you’re already being a creep.” he was greeted by a repulsed expression on your face. mumbling a quick sorry, he never realized how hostile you were. or maybe you were good at hiding it.

before shotaro knew it, 30 minutes would turn into an hour and an hour into four. “i need a break.” slamming his laptop down, shotaro let his head fall into the palms of his hands. tears threatening to roll down his cheeks at any given moment. not use to actually putting in the work, it was making him second guess his own intelligence.

intelligence that was never quite there from the start.

hours had passed and the intense studying atmosphere was too much for him. from the way you got irritated when he got a word wrong, down to the nonverbal ways you’d belittle him. strategically placed snickers when he would get visibly worked up. seeing his usual smile fade into a deep frown. glancing forward, a gut wrenching smile on your lips, you took his distress as an easy opportunity. sliding your now warm laptop onto his bed, you crawled up the bed and situated yourself next to him. using the palm of your hand to rub slow circles onto his shoulder, giving him some sense of comfort. comforting that unbeknownst to him, wouldn’t last long.

“you know, this wouldn’t be this hard if you had been doing your own shit from the very start.” the way you paired such cruel words with a sweet tone nearly gave him whiplash. whipping around to look in your direction, his words got caught in his throat when he realized you were smiling.

“and you know, you should reaaallllyyy watch what you say. the wrong people might hear it!” continuing to taunt the man, it only further pushed him into a state of hysteria? fear? both? whatever he was feeling was only getting fueled by your words. “but listen, i won’t tell anyone. as long as you just, give me what i want. and i’m not asking for much taro.” hands sliding over his thigh, the muscle tensed and but was quick to relax. boarder-line breaking down, shotaro quickly collected him.

it was bad, but it could be worse.

“what do you want me to do?”

“you know what i want you to do.”

“we love when yana gives us a cliffhanger” you all said in unison. ok but am sorry it’s not actually smut. my creative uh, jucies were running low. first taro writing and its not even complete. whoops! question of the day, will yana ever write a fic thats 3k. the answer is probably no!!! this is like 2.1k words though so cutting it close. after 1k i start to get a little groggy. love you junebugs.

#luvyujun #riize shotaro #shotaro #riize angst #riize suggestive #riize x reader #creep!riize #riize reading #riize

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bethanydelleman · 1 year

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Often online I see something like this, “Will Emma have kids?”

and I reply, “If Emma and Knightley’s equipment works, then yes, they will have children. Probably many.”

and then someone comes back and says, “Well, ACTUALLY, they had such and such birth control method...”

STOP. PLEASE STOP.

Yes, it isn't like old timey people didn't have any birth control methods. But nothing is as effective as modern birth control. Not even close.

Modern birth control is a fucking miracle.

Stop pretending it's not because you've never lived without it.

And women have historically had very little control over whether they got pregnant or not. No such thing as marital rape, methods like pull-out are completely up to the guy, and most methods of abortion could maybe kill you.

Even modern condoms rely on MEN USING THEM and we know how that can go. A woman can take the pill in private. The control is in her hands.

Women being able to have sex, for pleasure, without getting pregnant did not exist until modern birth control. And yet, because life is always a little extra fun for women, poor mothers were blamed for having so many kids.

When the pill entered common use in the 1970s, women did things they had never done before. They signed up for medical, dentistry, and law school IN DROVES. They raised their collective wages by leaps and bounds. They drove the birth rate into the ground. And they had tons of non-reproductive sex which THEY DESERVE AS A TREAT!!!

The pill changed the world. Give credit where credit is due.

#rant #slightly related to Jane Austen #I just can't #yeah I'm sure using crocodile dung was a great time #or a freaking lemon #modern birth control #women used to have a ton of kids #or just stop having sex with their husbands #or if they were lucky something stopped working

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hella1975 · 1 year

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worked four sections today bc we were so understaffed. i had 20 tables. a normal section is about 5/6 tables. the way i didn't maul anyone will go down in the guiness book of world records as strongest silly guy alive

#MY FEET HURT!!!#like my sister worked at a HUGE place one time and she had around 20 tables to a section #and she has complained loudly and at length that it's just not something that works #like a single waitress CANNOT take a section that big especially when it consists of tables ranging from 2 people #to 15 people like that's a ridiculous amount of customers relying on a single amount of staff #and that was in a place that was BUILT TO WORK LIKE THAT #MY PLACE IS VERY MUCH NOT BUILT TO WORK LIKE THAT #WE HAVE ONE WAITRESS TO A SECTION AND TWO ON THE BIGGER SECTION NORMALLY! NOT THIS!#IT WAS INSANE #i was soooo lucky we werent busy bc it meant i wasn't slammed off my feet but there was a constant flow of things to do #like i could JUST keep up with the tide of it if that makes sense #but i knew if i fucked up even minutely then id lose it and get overwhelmed #not a fun position to be in #ALSO I DROPPED A FUCKING PLATE #FOUR YEARS OF WAITRESSING AND I FINALLY DROPPED A PLATE IM GONNA KILL MYSELF #IT'S BC THIS BOY WAS TRYING TO BE NICE BY STACKING HIS PLATES BUT HE DID IT IN SUCH A TWATTY WAY #AND THEIR TABLE WAS LITERALLY THEE FARTHEST ONE FROM THE KITCHEN I NEVER STOOD A CHANCE TRULY #IT WAS MORTIFYING THE TABLE NEXT TO WHERE I DROPPED IT WERE SO ANNOYING ABOUT IT #like they were TOO nice about it the bloke asked me like 4 times if i was okay i was like YES IM FINE STOP TALKING ABOUT IT #then i dropped a wine glass like an hour later should've just quit right there and then #the lad i was on shift with went for his fag break at one point and i was joking with him like 'oh you slacking off?'#this boy goes 'im having a fag break for each thing you break' COME ON 😭😭😭#i am hateful today. i am very sleepy #hella slaves to capitalism

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aceyanaheim · 2 years

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it’s baked into my understanding of kakashi hatake that he has absolutely no clue how children work and thats just part of team 7s dysfunction listen.

#this man was all of 14 when his only support system died and hten went to work for Black Ops With Masks #like do you think that man knows Anything about how to human he was on the field while he still had milk teeth #when Minato got him he was legit 'this child the size of half my arm'#i cannot speify enough how much that warps what 'being a functioning peson' is #team sevens lucky he had dogs he went 'okay feed positive reinforcement make sure they dont trip over their own ambition to walk' and just #Went From There #like he'll show up with vegetables for naruto but also 'i was on my own by 8 bc my dad yknow Died so hes probably???#fine??'#this man looks at Sasuke and thinks back when he was 12 and his best friend had just died and he saw his eye in the mirror nad lowkey the #dogs were taking care of Him and goes 'hn he's probably good right? I'll just teach him something i always cried less when i learned #something '#'how am i supposed to know how kids work i dont even know how 'I' work doesnt even begin to fucking cover it Why Is This So Funny #everyone: poor kakashi he got the biggest gremlim kids with more issues than vogue #babes kakashi was the og he and the kids are just one big ball of what pray tell the fuck lilke hes Part of it he needs an adult #preferably one that didnt need a booster seat for his own chunnin exam #okay im done #just..its unhinged theyre All unhinged i love it #wtf i cant stop laughing #honestly Everything makes so much more sense

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holyluvr · 7 months

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Getting a good hit of indica that’s a little stronger than vapes I had last time after I ran out of my indica is Hallelujah Praise The LORD and that kid with ADHD

#…#I need indica or antipsychotics both to function. an upper and a downer of some sorts. stimulate then depress. over and over again. daily.#TBH one of the dreams/goals that I still haven’t let myself let go of despite knowing the stats and likelihoods of the outcomes….#well anyway one of those dreams is to somehow fix this. to meet a doctor who has a treatment plan or life change idea that works on the drug #dependency / the ‘maybe’ acquired brain injury issues.#the ‘is this idiopathic narcolepsy or is this ABI from drs or would you consider this probable narcolepsy from ABI from drs or?’ issues.#the ‘it’s harder to put together a clear understanding of your health overall’ comments followed by silence bc they don’t need to say it lol #it’s hard because no one has known what my health ‘should’ be like. know one has any labs without me on psychotropic medication combos.#they have partial proof from brain scans for the conclusion that my brain was just .fried to deal with me/make me easy and good. didn’t work #and they don’t even need proof to know that medication combos in their own profession shouldn’t be used together or are only used together #in extreme cases with no options left that they immediately fucking jumped into and were lucky I didn’t DIE so many times but fuck yeah #now my brain hurts and I’m not how I was beforehand but don’t rlly know why or how to express it #and I feel alone there and then I have bitch ass doctors telling me to Just Stop The Meds For A Fee Weeks :-)! …..Dr u have no idea huh do u #a few weeks? give me 3 days before I’m having a psychotic episode that’s severe enough to warrant police arrest or 911 called for me.#that’s thousands of dollars in a legal psychiatric hold. and that’s if someone catches the signs on time before I potentially harm myself or #like yeah no I’m sorry doc but i can’t just Simply Stop or Substitute anti-anxiety drugs when I’ve had them holding me together b4 puberty.#anyway I’m still. hoping I’ll find some info somewhere or stories and people like me who figured something out or anything idk #because my medical testing is interfered by medications that I cannot stop taking (mainly benzodiazepines) without losing my mind now. bad.

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xxlelaxx · 11 months

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I'm so used to stuff just working out last minute... I'm starting to get worried this time it won't. But I'm sure it will. It will be okay. Like always.

#ignore me #trying to find an apartment...#hope things work out but they are terrible for everyone else and honestly we got lucky with this apartment thanks to connections #but usually everything works out fine for me and we have a good application that we worked hard on #a friend did cause honestly she's an angel but still #i just wanna move closer to my parents #just wish there were more places to live for younger people #everything is too expensive and it's like the world doesnt want you to start a family #and that just makes me so angry cause then they complain about it but instead of making the situation better they just blame people who #dont want kids like they are at fault which is stupid!#my friends are not the problem they are the only hope i have #genuinely they've been so supportive and loving and i know they will love this kid as aunts and uncles and they will be great at it #my baby isnt even here and there are people planning gifts and wanting to start saving money for their future and i know this kid will be #loved and supported by all of us but at the same time I'm angry that the people before us had it so much easier and refuse to make it #easier for us! stop letting others horde the wealth we all need and start actually helping us out #you want kids but are not willing to put in the work for it and quite honestly I'm so fucking sick of it #like instead of building 2 room apartments build something big enough for the big families you want so much but that means missing out on #people to exploit so you lazy fuckers get rich but yeah sure keep pushing your shit conservative views on all of us to protect the same #families and kids that you refuse to support with your shit policies #god this went on a big tangent but in my defense pregnancy hormones are one hell of a trip #and I'm starting to get pissed #and I'm tired #but not tired enough

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quilleth · 2 years

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I behaved and resisted the sale on Ringdoll’s doll lucky bag, but did decide to buy a book on making hanfu so I can make clothes for my dolls xD Here’s hoping the listing for Ying Zhou has all the measurements I’ll need since I won’t have him here for a few months to take measurements myself.

Maybe I should start by trying to make some fancy robes for Xie Lian instead, since I have him here and can practice that way.. plus i have a ton of fabric that might work for those...

#quilleth in real life #doll customizing #sort of? idk i might need to come up with a new tag just for my bjd adventures lol #i think i have exactly 3 fabrics here that might work for mobei jun so i'll need to buy some before i actually make clothes for ying zhou #i really was tempted by that lucky bag but it's a lucky bag and the chances of getting something i didn't want were too high to risk #plus i'm still paying off ying zhou lol #i can just order a doll later on to be sqh once i stop waffling #i might end up going with ringdoll ozhu..he was one of the firsts i was considering but idk. mentor hui was too but he's sold out now T_T #ozhu is very cute but the rgm4 body won't work for what i want. i could get apprentice hui it looks like he's still available #possibly also telesthesia xiao bei...too many options that *could* work but none of them seem perfect for me yet lol #quill's bjd adventures

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ilovedirt · 1 year

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#triggery stuff in tags alas #every time i see a pic of me pre recovery im like holy shit how was no one concerned for me #i mean i realize now i go off the rails for fun and stuff but im so proud of me #and i wish i could reach back and hug that confused person w no idea how to deal with anything but refuse to eat #as a means to have control over something when everything was out of control for me #and drink when that wasnt working #listen it gets better if you decide better is who you want to be and put the time in to figuring that out earnestly #i am really lucky to have been able to come back from the things that were happening to me and i am grateful for it w every breath i have #to not be 95lbs and drinking daily and hallucinating and not sleeping and dissociating and doing anything i could to stop feeling anything #to be able to have a relationship w myself and be working towards being able to have that again with those around me #in ways that are fulfilling and meaningful and worth something more than numbing #ill never be totally better and thats ok with me because at least i know how to deal with me now #anyway im just having some thoughts and radical vulnerability on this wednesday

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undyinglantern · 30 days

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logically I don’t even think I’m doing horribly (the guy training me told the manager I was doing “pretty well” about handling a “mini-rush”) but mentally my mind keeps telling me oh he’s just lying because we keep getting out breaks at the same time and since I’m practically tailing him of course he’s say that to be nice during the only opportunity to speak to the manager. Only since I’m around and can listen in is he saying something nice.

#I keep trying to rush myself because I don’t want to make the customers wait #The first time I grabbed the popcorn myself I didn’t lift it high enough when I turned back around and knocked some onto the counter #Unless someone orders a large popcorn (which is a bucket) I feel like I’m taking too long fumbling trying to open up the bag #And then another TOO LONG scooping it in with the handle in there instead of just scooping the whole tub in there #One time I tried to rush too much and ended up lifting my hand too high and burned it on the popper #Twice actually once on my pinky knuckle and another larger spot on the other side of the back of my palm #One customer specifically I couldn’t understand and asked them to repeat like 5 times #And I could’ve SWORN they said ‘temp’ like I thought they were referring to ME as a temp or something #So I responded like ‘no I’m in training’ like a fucking idiot when it turned out they were asking for a motherfucking cup of water #Of all things.#I still keep getting confused and forgetting that hi-c and lemonade are the same drink #Instead of filling a cup with the proper fountain which is right there right text to the register oh no I turned around and went and got #Team before fixing the order and doing the right thing. And the tea machine has like 3 buttons for different flavored iced teas #So I just pressed a random one too like! Look at this idiot !!!!#Oh god and I still don’t know what’s in what drawer for refills. As in when we run out of cups for the sodas or icees or popcorn buckets #I still don’t understand how to make the popcorn. You press a button to hear it up? Wait until it beeps I think?#Then put it into the popper and let it keep popping even when it beeps again? Until it stops popping then you can pour it out? I think????#Could be completely fuckinb wrong for all I know #I work til past closing hour (cleaning. Roughly until midnight so go to bed around 1-2am) on Friday then have to be in again by 10.30am #Even if I’m lucky that will only be maybe 5 or maaaaaybe 6 hours of sleep. Ending and starting the day the same way wtf man #Why did I apply to a place that’s half an hour drive away when they only pay minimum wage #Why did I think a movie theater job would be manageable for me #Well actually that one I can answer it’s bc I thought I would be put to cleaning (sweeping theaters between shows) not customer service #It’s. Almost 5am now. I feel like my schedule has gotten even WORSE since applying here.

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thebibliosphere · 8 months

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Every time someone well-meaning suggests I see a chiropractor for my migraines, I have this little moment of "ah, you're new here. You weren't here prior to 2018 when a chiropractor very gently adjusted my neck for my migraines, and I ended up having to get an emergency MRI because the ensuing symptoms were indicative of a brain bleed."

It wasn't a brain bleed. The muscles on the entire right side of my neck "just" tore (Spoiler there is nothing "just" about that kind of traumatic injury. I am still in physical rehab for it), and I couldn't hold my head up, see straight, walk or do any of the things I'd previously taken for granted until several weeks later when the area finally started to heal.

This was before I knew I had Ehlers Danlos, btw. But this is true even for people who don't have a connective tissue disorder: Don't let chiropractors touch your neck.

There are a lot of vital nerves and blood vessels there, and even gentle adjustments of the area can have life-threatening consequences.

I know chiropractic care can be pain relieving--I still get it for my lower back and hips because I work with a chiropractor who knows about Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, and sometimes my hips need to be popped back in at short notice, and it's easier to hop walk in and see her than wait for physical therapy--but it is a short-term relief that doesn't actually correct why something is happening.

If you can afford it, physical therapy will likely help more in the long term. I know not everyone can afford it, and that's why chiropractors have such a booming trade in the US, but please, I'm begging you, don't get your neck adjusted.

The spinal cord specialist I saw after my injury told me the number one reason he used to see people for traumatic brain injuries was car wrecks, followed by other major roadside injuries. He said those numbers were still the highest, but after that, the majority of his patients were survivors of chiropractic injury.

Do Not Get Your Neck Adjusted.

It's been over 5 years, and I still can't move my neck properly on my right side. I still struggle to eat and drink because my muscles will randomly seize up. It feels like my skull no longer fits on top of my spine because of the scar tissue. Please. I just want people to be safe.

And if you are a chiropractor reading this and thinking, "Well, I've never injured anyone, skill issue." No. You Have Gotten Lucky. Rethink how you apply your trade. Please, you can still help people while recommending safer options for specific body parts. Learn to do pressure point release and acupressure. Teach patients how to stretch and relax the area safely. Just fucking stop cracking people's necks like pop rock candy.

#chronic health tag #medical psa

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osaemu · 4 months

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GOJO SATORU: KISS & MAKE UP

✩ ‧ ˚. streamer!au: after the breakup, you two decide to make up in the traditional way—by having sex! NSFW

contents: fem!reader. oral (f. recieving), p –> v, teasing, praise, hair pulling (m. recieving), missionary, unprotected sex, creampie, squirting, use of pet names (too many to list here). not proofread bc you couldn't pay me to read all this again. 2.5k words. read this fic beforehand for better understanding of the context, but you don't have to.

author's note: tumblr hates me and that's why the banner quality's trash. if u wanna see the details, click here. anyways the streamer!gojo smut has finally arrived, tagging @satorena @screampied @cultrise, enjoyyy ;)

“did you tell them we’re back together?”

satoru nods in response to your question, plopping down on the couch next to you. he's spent the last hour chatting with his stream, and eventually he broke the news that you and him were back together after the breakup.

“yeah, i did,” he confirms, wrapping his arms around you and burying his face in your neck. your hands automatically move to his hair and you thread your fingers through the soft white strands, pausing after a couple seconds to give him a quick kiss on the forehead.

a week ago, you and satoru had an admittedly messy breakup—not messy in the sense that it got toxic or dramatic, but messy in the way that it could’ve easily been avoided. it wasn’t that big of a deal, but thankfully, you and satoru resolved your misunderstanding within a relatively short time.

since then, things have been a little different—satoru’s been taking a break from streaming, which gave him move time to spend with you and away from his thousands of fans. it was his suggestion, and not surprisingly, it worked. but all good things have to come to an end, and your “honeymoon” away from satoru’s stream seems to be coming to a close.

“something smells good,” satoru notes, lifting his head and glancing at the kitchen. “wait, is that ramen?” your boyfriend gasps, eyes rounding as he looks at you hopefully.

“yeah, you said you were craving it, so i made some,” you reply with a smile, untangling yourself from his arms and walking over to the kitchen. satoru blows you a flurry of kisses that you see out of the corner of your eye as you check on the ramen, which looks pretty much done.

“y’know, i still haven’t forgiven you for the shit you pulled last week,” you say dryly, turning off the stove and draining the water from the ramen into your sink. the steam rises up as the boiling water slips down into the drain, clouding your face for a moment before it dissipates into thin air.

“...does that mean i don’t get to eat that ramen?” satoru asks tentatively, a nervous smile on his lips as you empty a packet of flavored powder into the ramen. you shoot him a look and raise an eyebrow, turning back to the stove to hide your smile.

“maybe, maybe not,” you reply coyly, not wanting to give in too soon.

“boo, you whore.”

you roll your eyes and divide the ramen into two bowls, one for you and one for your boyfriend. “you’re lucky i’m too nice to let you starve, regina,” you say pointedly, walking back over to the couch and handing one of the bowls to him, which satoru takes with both hands—a habit from his childhood that never went away. “otherwise you’d be—”

satoru cuts you off by poking your lips with his chopsticks, steaming hot ramen wrapped around them. you reluctantly open your mouth and let him feed you, smiling when he seals the bite with a kiss.

“best girlfriend ever,” satoru proclaims when he pulls away, a lazy smile playing on his lips. his soft blue eyes study your own, observing your unusually guarded expression and frowning.

“how many times do i gotta apologize for my bullshit before you stop making that face at me?” he grumbles, twirling his chopsticks in his bowl and taking a bite of the ramen. it’s cute how satoru’s face lights up at the taste, and it’s even cuter how his eyes round at you in awe when he takes another bite. “i didn’t know instant ramen could be this good,” he muses, licking any lingering flavor off of his lips.

“very funny, satoru,” you laugh, swirling your chopsticks around the broth and watching the rest of the steam rise from your bowl. “and to answer your question, i don’t really know.”

satoru tilts his head and takes a sip of his water, ice clinking against the side of the glass. when you respond to his question, he pauses and tilts his head in confusion. “...wait, what does that mean?”

you think for a second, choosing your words carefully. “i’m not sure how long it’ll take until we’re back to… normal,” you say cautiously. in all honesty, you weren’t that pissed off at him—you never were. but the fact that satoru was so ready to throw your relationship away over something as small as that was upsetting, to say the least. and you weren’t entirely sure it wouldn’t happen again.

satoru looks at you thoughtfully, more serious than you’ve seen him in a while. you can almost see the gears turning in his head before he replies. “any idea how i can make it up to you?”

you shrug, swallowing another bite of ramen before you meet his eyes. “you tell me. actions speak louder than words.”

your boyfriend drops his chopsticks, letting them clatter around in the bowl before he stands up. he extends a hand to you, a determined glint in his eye. “then lemme prove it to you.”

“satoru, you can’t bribe me with sex.”

“that’s not all i’ll be doing, sweetheart. trust me.”

and that’s how you ended up in his room, hands tangled in satoru’s soft white hair as he eats you out. his tongue laps at your cunt with quick, kitten-like strokes, and he presses a gentle kiss to the inside of your thigh. “feels s’good, satoru,” you breathe, involuntarily tugging on his hair and dragging out a groan from his lips. “sorry—”

“don’t apologize,” satoru mumbles in reply, nose brushing against your dripping thighs as his tongue slips past your folds and goes in deeper. he looks up and locks eyes with you, unable to resist smiling at the way your legs tremble around him. “aw, you’re so fuckin’ cute,” he murmurs, flicking his tongue in and out of your cunt with a grin. “and i’m the one who should be—fuck, you’re gorgeous—apologizing.”

this isn’t the first time satoru’s eaten you out, but it feels like it every single time—somehow, his tongue has a talent of rendering you unable to focus on anything else but him. you grind your hips against satoru’s face, eyes squinted shut as your boyfriend flattens his tongue before lapping your slick up with cloudy eyes. “shit, i don’t know what i’d be without you,” he murmurs, voice low and steady—and something about his tone makes you certain he’s being completely honest with you.

“you’re so—fuck, satoru, i’m gonna cum,” you breathe, back automatically arching when satoru’s tongue reaches that spot inside you. he laughs, and the vibration of the soft sound against your puffy, sensitive cunt almost makes your legs give out—but thankfully, satoru’s hands are secured around your thighs, holding you in place. “‘toru, i can’t—”

“yeah, y’can, just relax that pretty pussy for me,” he cooes, licking up the slick dripping down his chin. “c’mon, you’re doing so good f’me, keep going, baby.” and just like that, his tongue slips out of your cunt and he lets you cum—the sheer force of your orgasm hits you like a truck, and your hips roll against satoru’s face in a choppy rhythm as you desperately ride it out, hands gripping and accidentally yanking his hair.

you stutter out his name a couple more times, unable to focus on anything but the feeling of satoru’s mouth on your sensitive, gushing pussy. your boyfriend praises you the whole way, gently murmuring soft words about how sweet you are for letting him taste you, even while your relationship was rocky. when your voice steadies enough for satoru to make out what you’re begging him to do, he’s not at all surprised to hear you plea for him to fuck you—so stands up and tugs you down onto his bed, hand intertwined with yours as he pulls the sheets over your bodies.

you squeeze satoru’s hand and lean in to kiss him, chest still heaving from your earlier orgasm. naturally, you miss his lips and end up kissing the side of his face, which is flushed bright red from the way his body reacts to the taste of your pussy. “don’t ever leave me like that again,” you whisper, tears pricking at your eyes for some reason—maybe it’s the lovesick way satoru looks at you, or maybe it’s the way he’s holding onto you like there’s no place he’d rather be.

“i won’t,” satoru promises, pressing an affectionate kiss to your forehead and pulling your head into his chest. his lips touch the top of your head as he murmurs, “and if i do, shoot me.” it sounds like a joke, but you both know that he’s dead serious.

“good thing i won’t have to do that,” you say with a soft giggle. your smile is heart-achingly familiar to satoru, and it feels like home—and that’s the realization that has him stripping off what little clothing the two of you still have on before he climbs on top of you.

satoru touches the tip of his dick to your pussy, waiting for your nod to allow him to go in all the way. after a second, you dip your chin and trail your fingers down satoru’s jaw, grabbing his chin and pulling him down into another kiss. his lips linger for a couple seconds, still-minty breath tickling your face, before he pulls away. satoru slowly lowers his hips and nudges his dick inside of your desperate cunt, hands resting on either side of you.

even though it’s only been a little over a week since you last had sex with satoru, it feels like it’s been forever—your boyfriend curses when he feels how tight you are, mumbling something about missing you “so fucking much” as he goes in deeper and deeper. it hurts a little at first, but you quickly get used to the feeling of him inside of you.

“fuckin’ hell, i’m never gonna get tired of this,” satoru breathes, dipping his head and kissing your collarbone. a single drop of sweat drips down the side of his face as he watches you squirm, eyes soft and endearing as you do so. he starts rolling his hips back and forth against you to loosen you up a little, dragging out soft moans from you as he does so.

“yeah, you better not,” you mutter, tilting your head back and drawing in a long breath of air. you can’t remember the last time you felt this good—maybe it was the last time satoru fucked you. “satoru, y’re going so slow—”

your boyfriend cuts you off with a particularly harsh thrust, making your body jolt against his mattress. satoru lifts his head and looks you in the eye, a breathy laugh slipping out of him when he sees the pout on your lips. “the fuck you mean, i’m going slow? you want me to tear you apart? silly girl,” he tuts, back to his usual cocky self. he shakes his head and goes deep enough in you to force you to arch your back, starting to grin at the way you paw at his chest. “always so selfish, aren’t you?” he cooes, dipping his head and giving you a sloppy kiss on the forehead. “but you’re always—so—fuckin’—sweet,” satoru whispers, punctuating each word with a thrust hard enough for you to moan out his name more times than you can count.

“you’re the selfish one,” you mumble, lips trembling enough to muffle your voice. satoru huffs out a sigh and kisses your mouth, teeth gently brushing against your bottom lip. “you broke up with me for no reason,” you continue, tears pricking at your eyes again. “you think i’m gonna forgive you this fast?”

satoru shakes his head again and caresses the side of your face. “will you?” he asks, slowing his pace enough for you to notice. you mutter something about him edging you on purpose, to which satoru shushes you and repeats his question.

“maybe.”

“you gotta stop giving me maybe’s, baby—y’re drivin’ me crazy here.”

in the past week, satoru’s done so much for you, and it hasn’t gone unnoticed. on the day after your breakup, he picked you up from your house and took you for a picnic entirely curated by him. on the second day, he made you breakfast, lunch and dinner—it wasn’t the best food you ever had, but it was definitely the most memorable (in more ways than one). on the third day, he took you out to your favorite amusement park and did everything he could to make you smile—by then, you had pretty much forgiven him, and the giant teddy bear he dropped in your bedroom only made you love him more. the rest of the days were filled with longing glances and little gifts left around your house, which only helped him earn more and more of you back.

so, you figure that satoru deserves what comes next.

“okay,” you whisper.

satoru’s eyes widen and he hesitates before he tentatively asks, “does this mean—”

you don’t let him finish his question, instead grabbing his face and tugging him down into a full kiss. he lets out a soft hm? in surprise, but kisses you back more than gratefully. “c’mon, make me cum,” you breathe when he finally pulls away. satoru nods dazedly and mouths “i love you” before he goes back in you, pace faster than before.

one of his hands snakes down to your waist, holding it in pace while the other caresses your face. you gaze up at him with a soft smile, eyes fluttering open and closed every time his dick hits your sweet spot—which is more times than your body can handle, but you welcome the feeling of him deep inside of you. after barely a couple thrusts, a coil forms in your stomach, growing tighter and tighter with each movement of satoru’s hips.

satoru laughs, chest heaving as he grins down at you cheekily. “i knew you’d forgive me,” he murmurs, pinching your cheek affectionately. “m’ so sorry—”

“shut up and fuck me,” you interrupt, tongue starting to loll out of your mouth as you feel yourself getting closer and closer to cumming all over satoru’s dick.

“as you wish, princess.”

satoru’s breathing slowly changes, becoming more choppy and uneven the closer you watch him get to his high—it’s so, so close for both of you, and when it comes, it takes over both of your minds like a drug. satoru curses and groans out your name, thrusts growing sloppy as he desperately rides out his orgasm. cum shoots out from his dick and coats the inside of your cunt white, dripping out once you physically can’t take any more.

you run your hands all over satoru’s body, clawing and gripping at every inch of skin you can latch onto—satoru’s always been your anchor, and you hope that he always will be. one of his hands leaves the side of your face and tangles with your fingers, holding it down against the mattress as he promises to never screw you over like that again, and you’re only too welcoming to him and his words as you squirt all over his dick. “fuck, satoru—”

he lifts his eyes and meets your own, and unlike you, his vision is clearer than ever. “shoot me if i ever leave you again, baby. i’m serious.”

you raise a shaky hand and touch the side of his face, eyes fluttering shut as you murmur, “i know i won’t have to.”

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