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#one of the things I done during my absence
jinstronaut · 22 days
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this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh
#and i might do it again bc its just#a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc#which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow#it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag#people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just#so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what#like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao#and it never ever used to#but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly#or whatever the make believe rules are idk#this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus#bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community#and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit#bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were#i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year#but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad#once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care#ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control#i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile#and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be#a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion#so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao#why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things????#i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just#ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand#so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time#but yeah anyways idk !#be nice its so easy !#tbd
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themagical1sa · 6 months
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ykw?
it would be incredibly funny if crushie liked me back too late
especially when i might be starting to like someone else
#isa and the y/n experience#isa go to sleep challenge#whoever is writing my life can pull the worst joke rn /JOKING#i wonder how my life would look like as an actual shoujo manga.#i wonder how my friends would have ranked in character polls#iirc boys over flowers had that love interest poll for mc#i wonder what the results would have looked like for my life#here's crushie; cute. book and film geek. good at math. gamer. passionate abt films and cinema#and then there's squishie; also cute. squishy even. music nerd. rhythm gamer most especially into project sekai. thoughtful and caring#between both of them during my absence this semester though?#squishie's the one who has kept consistent effort in keeping touch with me outside of our triad's discord server#both have said they miss me but squishie's done more about it#he's also shared brainrots with me more#i've always appreciated squishie bestie as one of my besties but he's hittin' different lately especially after his birthday last sept 24..#Things Happened For Sure:tm:#but crushie is also a good person#when i confessed to him upfront he wanted to think about his response because knew the gravity of me saying that to him to his face#i already told him he didn't have to say it back though#i was always prepared to let go anyway#i'm way too good at goodbyes /lyr /JOKE 😂😭#PWEH enough y/nposting in the tags. i'm going to crushie's bday party later LMAAAOOO#...oh my god right his birthday is soon (today's party is an advance celebration)#anyway eepy time nite nite labyu all mwa
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daycourtofficial · 5 months
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Capture the Mate
Summary: Azriel has to leave on a mission for a few days, but he asks Cassian to help look after his pregnant mate while he’s gone. Someone ambushes you and Cassian, taking you as prisoner.
Author’s note: this was requested by this lovely anon!!
“You look massive today.”
You snort at Cassian as you walked in, your giant belly making sitting down a bit difficult.
“And you look extra stupid today,” you retort, “guess we’re both glowing.”
Cassian laughs, going back to his cereal. You were in the last few months of your pregnancy and you were ready to meet your baby. You loved being pregnant, you loved how hot sex with your mate was because of it, you loved cradling your bump and the way your mates hands always find your bump.
But you didn’t love Cassian’s comments comparing you to a whale, the back pain, the inability to get comfortable, and your mate’s overprotectiveness being dialed up by a factor of a thousand.
Azriel was going on fewer missions these days due to your pregnancy, opting to delegate most of them to his most trusted spies. There are occasionally some missions he has to do himself, not happy about leaving you, practically throwing temper tantrums in the lead up to being gone. When he comes home it’s as if he’s been off at war for decades, checking every inch of you, asking you about every detail of your time in his absence (even down to what you ate exactly - he thinks you don’t eat enough vegetables in his absence).
This is the fifth mission during your pregnancy he’s gone on, and each time he can’t bear to leave you without someone who can protect you. Whenever Azriel has to go, he ensures one of his brothers or Feyre will be present with you at all times. Whenever he’s gone, you just stay in your old room at the House of Wind or at Feyre and Rhys’s new house.
At first it sounded a bit like needing a babysitter, but now it’s more like just staying at someone’s house for a sleepover. Feyre and Nesta always tried to help you have fun, spending the days you’re with them doing the things you love. Cassian loves you being there because he likes to have eating competitions with you, and Rhys likes it because he spoils you rotten.
Before Azriel left, he spent probably an hour saying goodbye to you and the babe. He’d kiss you, then move down to talk to the babe. “Stay in there until I return,” he’ll whisper. “Be nice to your mom while I’m gone, okay? Let her sleep, I won’t be here to rub her back when you kick her in the kidneys.”
This time he actually tears up a bit at leaving the two of you. He looks at you, grabbing your face in his hands, “I shouldn’t be too long, sweetheart. Be safe, I love you.”
-
“Any plans for the day, Cass?”
“Mmm not really, I already had training, so my day is free to be spent with you, my favorite sister.”
You smile. “You say that to both me and Feyre,” you reply, rolling your eyes fondly.
Cassian lifts his spoon to finish off the last of his cereal. “It changes day by day - today you’re the favorite.”
-
You had asked Cassian if you two could go back to your home with Azriel, you had some chores to do and you also wanted to work on setting up the nursery.
Looking around the nursery you take in what needs to be done. A month out from the baby’s arrival and your mate still hasn’t set up the crib. But if you set it up without him he’d give you a big lecture about how he was going to do it and how you could get yourself hurt doing it, so you’ll just leave it be.
You have a dresser set up and a wardrobe that practically rivals your own, so you decide to spend the day folding and putting away baby clothes.
Cassian graciously offered to clean the dishes that were in the sink, along with sweeping and mopping your downstairs floors.
After telling him he didn’t have to do that, he responded, “well I don’t want dirty floors for Cassian Jr. here when he starts crawling, and I don’t want you mopping because if you slip you might hurt Cassian Jr.” He finished his statement by reaching out to rub your belly.
You rolled your eyes at him, as he smiles at your belly. “Cassian, aren’t Jr’s supposed to be named after their father or mother? Last I checked, this wasn’t your baby.”
He strokes his thumb over your bump, hoping to feel a kick from within, “we could convince Az it’s mine. I think it’d be hilarious.”
You snort, “he’d kill you in a heartbeat.”
Cassian sighs, “I suppose. Maybe the next one can be Cassian Jr.” He wiggles his eyebrows as he tries to look at you suggestively.
You fling your arms, bringing on of your hands to your forehead dramatically, “Oh Cassian your powers of seduction are too strong, I’m irresistibly drawn to you! I must flee, to keep myself from pouncing on you.”
Laughter from the both of you echoing through the house as you attempt to scuttle away but it becomes more of a waddle as you climb the stairs to your nursery.
-
An hour or two had passed and you made a remarkable dent in the amount of clothing your baby had. The vast amount of clothes are mostly Rhys’s fault, no one alive loves buying clothes more than that male, but your mate was also quite fond of picking up clothes on the rare occasions he left your side.
He loved watching how happy you got, realizing just how much he was thinking of you and the babe while gone.
You decide to go check on Cassian, not having heard much of anything from downstairs since you’ve been in the nursery. You waddle down the stairs, holding the railing for support. You get to the last step, and you see Cassian in your living room, face down, wings splayed out, blood gushing from his head onto your rug.
You yell for him as you run to him, sitting next to him, checking for a pulse. He’s still alive, but he has a considerable amount of blood.
You press on his head wound, trying to cradle his head in your lap to apply pressure to the wound. He’s starting to wake a little, you can feel his hands squeezing on your thighs.
A hand wraps around your neck from behind, and a cool metal graces the skin of your neck.
“Here’s the pretty little thing we were looking for.”
-
When Cassian came to, his head was pounding. He sat up on the floor of your living room, trying to assess the situation. He was mopping the floor of your kitchen when something struck the back of his head.
He never got a good look at the assailant, the blow leaving him stuck on the floor. He was, however, able to crawl into your living room in an effort to reach you.
You.
You had cradled his head, you had come down here.
Cassian bolts up, causing him to go a little dizzy from the blood loss. He gets up, darting up your stairs.
“Sunshine? Are you here?”
He ran into the nursery, checking all the spots you could be hiding in there - the wardrobe, the closet, amongst the bags and boxes littering the floor.
His panic was starting to rise. “Sunshine, are you here? It’s me, Cassian.” The desperation was leaking through his voice, “please be here, it’s okay to come out.”
He combed through your shared bedroom with Azriel, checked every bathroom, Azriel’s study, your spare room, your library, the kitchen.
He combed through his memories, knowing Azriel kept hidden nooks everywhere. When the two of you moved in together, he remembered Azriel made several small pockets in this house so you could hide if anything were to happen.
You came to training, but you were no warrior. You couldn’t hurt anyone, and Azriel knew you’d have a hard time attacking anyone. He knew that Azriel drilled into you if anything were to happen to hide immediately.
The library.
It’s Cassian’s last hope. Of course Azriel had stuck a hidden panic room in the library. Cassian bound into the room, trying to remember what book it was that opened the secret entrance.
Combing the spines, he’s trying to remember. It was green, something that stands out a little, but not too much. Something someone who knew Azriel would know that this is off.
A book of Prythian maps. Azriel, Rhys, and Cassian had all of Prythian memorized, there was no need for it.
He slides the book from its spot, watching the case move, exposing the empty tiny room.
-
Cassian wasted no time jumping off your balcony, flying like a bat of hell to Rhys and Feyre’s house, screaming mentally, hoping Rhys would pick up on it.
He lands on their balcony, bursting into Rhys’s study, interrupting the intimate moment between them. Feyre was perched on his lap, feeding him grapes, Cassian’s entrance causing her to drop the bowl, the ceramic shattering on the ground, a dozen or so grapes spilling across the floor.
“Cassian!” Feyre yells in shock. She didn’t even know anyone else could burst into Rhys’s office.
Rhys stands up, immediately knowing something was wrong. “Where is she, Cass?”
Cassian points to his head, allowing Rhys to see everything. Your rug he stared at after the blow to his head, hearing your distress, him going in and out, feeling your hands press against his wound, him waking up alone, his frantic search of your house.
Feyre gasps, having also seen all of it.
“Bring Azriel home now.”
-
Your captors had thrown a bag over your head, not allowing you to see anything as they took you away from your home, away from Cassian bleeding on your rug.
They left Cassian, probably as a message that they could take him down if they wanted, but that he wasn’t who they wanted.
Your only hope is that Cassian wakes up soon enough and alerts Rhys and Feyre about what happened, and they could get into contact with your mate.
You were filled with a mix of emotions, between fear, concern, and anger. Afraid for your life, what your captors will do to you, concern for your unborn baby, and anger for Azriel.
Azriel closes off the bond between you two during missions, a decision you both agreed to. However, the second he is available, he opens it, letting you know how he is. Your biggest hope now is just sending him how you’re feeling, hoping he’ll feel that you’re alive whenever he reopens the connection.
They had picked you up and flown you somewhere, so they’re most likely Illyrian.
They land, not nearly as gracefully as your mate or his brothers, emitting a soft ‘oof’ from your lips.
They carry you for at least ten minutes, through what you assume is decently packed area.
Are you in one of the camps?
You knew relations between Rhys and the Illyrians were bad, but would they really kidnap the spymaster’s mate?
Your thoughts are interrupted when you realize they’ve brought you into a building and have set you down in a chair, shackling you to it.
You haven’t spoken a word, barely eliciting a sound, just like your mate would do. You’re not sure if it’s what you should do, but the thought of what he would do holds you together.
You have to be strong, for yourself, for Azriel, for the baby.
They pull the bag off your head, your pupils dilating due to the sudden change in light. Four Illyrian warriors stood before you, 11 siphons glowing throughout the room.
“Hello, beautiful.”
The one who had been carrying you and taken you from your home approached you, caressing your face. You kept a stoic, neutral expression, not letting anything slip.
Just like Azriel would.
Your only response is the eye contact you refuse to break with him.
“That piece of shit struck gold when the cauldron bonded you to him,” practically spitting out the last word.
“Your little shadowsinger won’t stop snooping around our camps, won’t stop telling his precious little high lord everything he sees. They’ve been meddling in the way we deal with our women, the way we govern ourselves. We thought it was time to uh explain to them why they should just stay in their precious little city and leave us alone.”
-
The second the words left Cassian’s lips, Rhys was trying to reach Azriel telepathically. Within seconds of Cassian’s words, darkness was clouding the room, creating an impenetrable black, the only light shining being several blue siphons glowing with rage.
Cassian recounted the whole thing to the darkness, knowing his brother was somewhere in there. Once he got to the part of the story where you were gone, the room exploded even further, making Azriel’s siphons impossible to see now.
A few shadows whiz by Cassian, he’s assuming to double check you aren’t in their home. The rage Azriel feels is coming off in waves, when he remembers the bond is still closed.
He closes his eyes, sending a silent prayer to the mother. Please, please, please.
The bond opens, your warmth filling his chest. He can feel the initial fear you felt at being taken, but he can also feel your constant reassurance that you and the baby are okay.
Azriel feels his eyes prickle with tears as he chokes out, “they’re alive.” His brothers reach out to hug him or soothe him, but he steps back, his male instincts kicking in.
“I can feel it,” he says, holding a hand up, “the protectiveness is ramping up. I want to kill any male in sight.”
Rhys and Cassian start protesting, telling Azriel they want to come with him, but he stops them again.
“Give me a five minute head start. Then I’ll give you my location.”
-
Your silence was an interesting strategy, one your captors did not like one bit, their irritation with you growing by the minute.
“Maybe we should rough her up then drop her back on their door step. Pretty loud and clear message, don’t you think?” He circles around your chair, sizing you up like prey.
“We could show her how women are supposed to be treated by us,” one in the corner shouts.
The one circling you spits at your feet before he says, “those half-breed bastards have gone soft, they forget what it means to be Illyrian.”
In a flash he steps forward, his hand slapping you across the face.
-
Azriel used the bond to find you. He kept tugging, the bond offering him a direction to go. He kept winnowing into the direction of the tug, when he began realizing where the bond was likely taking him. He growled with anger, unable to believe they could be so stupid as to take his mate.
He disappeared into his shadows, sending a few to find out exactly where you were. Once they returned, sans the two that wanted to stay with you, they whisked him away to the room you were being kept in.
The big one who had struck you earlier was mid-strike when the shadowsinger materialized out of the shadows in front of you, his hand catching the brute’s wrist.
“Lay another hand on my mate and your hands will become trophies I hang on the wall.”
You can feel his shadows enveloping you in a soothing wave, checking you head to toe for injuries, but only finding the stinging cheek and the pain from the shackles.
The twirl through your hair, eventually skating over your swollen belly, where they settle and stay.
Your mate’s shadows were very attentive of the baby in your belly, as if your unborn babe were calling to them, too. They reacted to everything the babe did, every kick, every movement, as if telling your babe, “we are here, little master.”
The anger radiating off of Azriel was palpable, but his demeanor was terrifying. A feralness to him you’ve never seen before.
“Whose idea was this?”
Nobody in the room speaks, the assailants just gaping at your mate.
“Speak.”
One of them points to the leader, the one whose wrist was still in Azriel’s hand.
Azriel looks into the male’s eyes, piercing through his soul, as he flicks his arm, breaking the male’s arm.
He screams, shocked at the swiftness of the break. Azriel takes the moment of surprise to pull the first assailant’s head into his knee, bashing his head into his kneecap, throwing him on the ground.
He looks to the next closest one, tilting his head, deciding how he wants to play this. He decides to leave truth-teller sheathed at his side, opting instead to use his bare hands.
“I wanted to savor this, however I don’t want to keep my mate waiting,” he states, coming up to the next closest one and swiftly wrapping his hands around his head, twisting until a sickening crack echoes through the room.
One of them lunges for Azriel, fists raised to fight him. Azriel moves to the side, causing the running assailant to run into the wall behind the shadowsinger. Azriel grabs him by the back of his neck, pulling his arm back, and with all of his force, pushing his head into the wall. Over. And over. And over. His blood splattering the wall, an actual crack in the wall forming from where his head kept hitting it.
He releases his hold, allowing his body to fall to the floor. Azriel turns and looks at the last one, the one that had pointed to whose idea this was, as some of his shadows finally break free from you. “Now,” he says, as they begin pooling at the last captor’s feet, “I’ll deal with you later.”
The shadows at his feet begin pulling the male into the pool of darkness, assumingly to be questioned further about their failed plans.
Azriel undoes the shackles keeping you in place, hoisting you into his arms, the belly making it a bit more difficult.
The second he reopened the bond to find you, he began sending you a constant stream of love down it, trying to convey to you that he was on his way to you.
Being gathered in his arms, the bond was humming a sweet melody, a soft duet that can only be heard when you’re together.
He pulls back, grabbing your face in his hands. “I have never felt fear quite like I did when Rhys made me come back. I knew something was wrong, I was hoping that the babe had just come early.”
He puts his left hand on your belly, the babe inside kicking the exact spot his hand is in. Your mate laughs.
You look at him, seeing the fear and adrenaline in his eyes as he continues, “but when I got back and Cassian said they left him behind and took you, I thought ‘okay, if they’re gone, I have nothing left to live for.’”
“But then, I opened the bond, and I felt you, and I-“ he chokes up a bit, continuing, “I almost started crying. You were alive, and you were okay.”
He pulls your head in, kissing the top of your head several times.
“You’re both okay.”
You reached up, stroking his cheek, “we’re okay.”
He smiles, and you laugh, “I guess this means you’re never leaving my side again, huh?”
He laughs, a tear falling down his face as he does so. “Oh no, sweetheart. You thought I was overbearing before, just wait. You won’t remember what personal space was soon enough.”
You laugh, “at least tell me you aren’t upset with Cassian. He’s a sweet guard dog.”
He smiles at you, rubbing his thumb across your cheek. “They ambushed him, I could never be upset with him over that. Now come on, let’s go see my brother before he gives himself a heart attack with worry over you.”
“He is quite fond of me, isn’t he?” You ask, his arm going around you, preparing to embark through the shadows to go back home.
“He told me he prayed every night that we would be mates,” he says, the shadows beginning to engulf the two of you.
“Why?” You ask, wrapping your arms around him.
Azriel looks into your eyes as he says, “he told me he never thought anyone was good enough for me until he met you.”
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reticent-writer · 3 months
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Hiii, can you please write another fic about a teenage reader (16-18) and anybody from hazbin hotel. It can be about anything
HEloooo
Alastor x teen reader platonic
Headcannon by @ghostly-one: "During Alastor's absence, Reader went to the overlord meetings in his place"
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✿✼:*゚:.。..。.:*・゚゚・**・゚゚・*:.。..。.:*゚:*:✼✿ 
*knock knock knock*
You heard as you groaned and pushed your head up from your pillow.
"It's me, Y/n." You could hear the radio static through your door, "I have an errand to run and would like for you to join me."
"I'll be down in a minute." You replied as you started to get up.
------
"Oh, boy whats the plan, boss?"
"I like your suits."
"What are the antlers for?"
"Can I touch your ~staff thing~?"
"Are those your ears? or is it your hair? I can't tell."
The egg boiz were annoying the fuck outta you and Alastor. If you knew they would've tagged along, you wouldn't have come even if you were going to an overlord meeting.
"Hark Alastor, Y/n. How fare thee this day." Zestial appeared from nowhere in front of the both of you.
"Good evening Zestial, It's nice to see you again." You greeted with a smile as Alastor quickly threatened the eggs.
"Greetings Zestial." Alastor said as the sinners around you three started to take notice and run.
"Ah, the weather doth become this fine day."
"Indeed. Looks like we might have some acid rain this afternoon."
"If our luck doth hold! I do revel in the screams. How art thou? It has been an age since thou hath graced us with thy presence. Y/n hast been in thy lodging since thee've been gone." Zestial looked to you with a pleased expression as he patted your shoulder before continuing his conversation with Alastor.
"Some hath spun wild tales of you falling into... Holy arms."
"Hahaha Oh, I just took a well-earned sabbatical. Nothing serious. Though it's fun to keep everyone of their toes."
"There too hath been rumour of thy involvement with the princess and her recent flight of fancy. TELL ME, how does thou fall in such folly." Zestial would've creeped you out if you weren't used to his (and Alastor's) over-the-top and old-timey ways.
"That is more me to know. But please do guess. I'd love to know the theories."
"T'would be grander folly by far to assume the workings of your mind, Alastor. Thou hath been naught but an enigma since thy manifested in this realm."
"Coming from someone as ancient as you, I take that as quite the compliment."
The three of you made it the the building where the meeting would be taking place as you and Zestial stepped into the elevator you waiting for Alastor to tell the eggs to wait for him before pressing the button.
-------
You sat in between Alastor and one of Carmilla's daughters.
"Welcome, Hell sovereign overlords. I've invited you all here because you represent the controlling powers of out city. Together you own millions of souls. Souls at risk with the new extermination schedule. We need to discuss what can be done to minimize the impact to our interest." Carmilla said matter-of-factly. "Zestial, so good to see you, my friend."
"Enchanted as always Carmilla." He said as he sipped his tea.
Carmilla was about to look around the room when she spotted Alastor. The face that she made nearly made you laugh.
"Alastor?"
"Yes, I know I've been absent some time. I'm sure you've all been wondering." Alastor spoke like he'd been waiting 7 years just to say that.
"Not really. But welcome back in any case." She dismissed him. You could hear the static abruptly stop and had to bite your lip so you wouldn't laugh.
Once the meeting started you zoned out staring at the wall. To be honest you didn't really care about the meetings you were only there to show your face and now that Alastor is back it gave you less of a reason to care, but interesting things did happen quite often.
Like Velvette wanting a war with the exterminators.
✿✼:*゚:.。..。.:*・゚゚・**・゚゚・*:.。..。.:*゚:*:✼✿ 
Zestial translation: It would be much more foolish to think that I understand how your mind works, Alastor. You have always been a mystery to me ever since you came into this world. (just thought it would be nice to add this.)
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@ghostly-one
This is choppy and rushed but parade season is starting soon and I have a lot of performances before then too.
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thehighladywrites · 17 days
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— “You were flirting with me?”
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pairing: Azriel x fem!reader
summary: You leave Azriel mid-makeout to debrief with your girls
warnings: suggestiveness, the ic being nosey, miscommunication, rhys and cassian knowingly riling az up, the girls get drunk and interrogate reader, the boys get drunk and interrogate az,
amara’s note: this might be the funniest thing i’ve ever written. also sorry for my absence i’m posting more soon💗💗
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You’ve had a massive crush on Azriel since the day you met him. He didn’t really notice you and was somewhat nice to you.
Really, you had no idea how you started crushing on him, I mean he paid you no special attention or anything. Maybe it was because he was quiet, handsome, tall, dark, mysterious and only spoke when it was necessary. He also cracked jokes and flashed grins that made your heart flutter. The Mother knows how much it grated your nerves whenever a male tried to hit or talk to you when you clearly had no desire to.
Azriel was the complete opposite and you started worrying that you were the one who grated on his nerves everytime you tried speaking to him.
“Hi Azriel, how are you doing?” you noticed him sitting at the dining table, collected yourself and asked him.
“Good,” he said staring straight into your soul before he realized his answer wasn’t really socially appropriate so asked you, “How are you?”
You just smiled awkwardly and nodded, “I’m fine, thanks.”
And that was how 90% of your conversations went. There was no further comments or extra questions and fuck if it wasn’t awkward. You really wanted to get to know him but you also knew how impossible it was since even the people he had been friends with for half a millennium often considered him a mystery.
Sensing the weird energy in the room, you just swiftly said goodbye, not bothering to stay to hear his goodbye.
He wanted to ask if you maybe wanted to do something, perhaps eat brunch at the restaurant you talked about to Cassian but you were moving before he had the chance. Azriel got extremely annoyed with himself, wondering why the hell he couldn’t ask you out like a normal person.
With determination, he promised himself to try the next time.
The girls all knew about your very obvious crush on Azriel and encouraged you to approach him often. They were all mated and happy and you wish it was you, you that had a mate, you who got loved and kissed and hugged and fucked.
But you just had to be obsessed with a man that paid you no attention… Maybe that’s why you wanted him, you viewed him as a challenge, and you loved challenges. Despite wanting his attention and wanting to get to know him, you still had self-respect and didn’t act like a pathetic, desperate, love-sick puppy infront of him.
So you went from always greeting him and smiling at him, trying to initiate conversations to flat out ignoring him. I mean, he never talked to you first so maybe it was time to accept it and just admire him from afar.
Azriel began to sense a dullness in his days, a void he couldn't really pinpoint. He realized he hadn’t talked to you, or rather, you hadn't talked to him while he played it cool, trying not to make his beating heart obvious. He noticed the absence of your chatter, questions and lovely voice, realizing that his days grew more mundane and boring without someone asking about his shadows, what his plans were, where he got Truth-Teller.
Azriel observed during dinner that you didn't glance at him once; your attention was solely on the girls or his brothers. You chose to stand up, walk across the dining room and grab the bowl of potatoes beside him instead of asking him for it, and it really irked him. Was he not worthy of passing a simple bowl of fucking potatoes?
He wondered if he had done something to make you avoid talking to him. Despite not being the most talkative person, he paid very close attention to everything you said, even if it seemed unnoticed. Azriel loved your presence and he thought he made his interest in you very clear when he looked at you.
Cassian had said girls like eye contact, still everytime he stared into your soul, you only looked weirded out. Was he doing it wrong? Maybe he wasn’t keeping eye contact long enough.
He had grown extremely fond of your talking and felt empty without it. Finding you alone in the kitchen while you prepared a quick breakfast, Azriel decided it was time to talk. The others had already headed to the training grounds as you had slept in. You were cooking your breakfast, not noticing Azriel.
“Hey.”
You stopped dead in your tracks, frozen in place as you slowly looked up at him. Was he really talking to you? But why?
“Yeah?”
He stayed quiet for a bit, just staring at you in that weird way he always did. Even though he wasn't sure if you liked him back and was afraid of rejection, he still wanted to talk to you.
“How have you been?”
You fight the urge to furrow your brows in confusion. Since when the hell did Azriel care? You were truly baffled and tried to act normal.
“Uh, I’ve been good, you?”
Azriel didn’t like this. He didn’t like this at all.
Usually, you'd spontaneously share every detail of your morning routine, even without him asking. He fucking loved to listen as you talked about your broken hairbrush, the struggle of choosing clothes, the snug fit of your leathers due to gained muscles, and the morning hassle with your hair, prompting you to wake up 20 minutes earlier than usual.
“I’m okay. Have you done anything else today? How is your hairbrush?”
A stupid question really, but Azriel didn’t care. He wanted to see that familiar spark in your eyes as you talked about anything and everything. No way would he ever forgive himself if he ruined something between you.
Your face heated at the fact that he remembered such a minuscule detail about something you said weeks ago.
”Oh, the hairbrush? It broke so I got an enchanted one. Heard it's like a hair miracle, tried it, and it really worked. By the way, your hair looks good. Did you cut it lately?”
Azriel couldn't help but warm up at your rambling. His eyes widened at first, and then he threw his head back and laughed. The deep, rich sound was familiar, yet it never failed to feel like the first time. It was a beautiful and joyful melody that always managed to make you melt on the inside.
"I really missed you," he admitted, feeling your heart pound in your chest, unable to meet his gaze.
"You did?" Azriel's soft smile warmed your heart, the one you'd nearly missed.
"I did. I enjoy being around you and hearing your voice," he confessed.
"Oh, I always thought you didn’t." You couldn't help but feel a mix of surprise and relief.
Stepping closer, Azriel's presence loomed over you, his hand gently lifting your chin.
“Please, don’t misunderstand me. I’m sorry that my silence ever gave you that impression. I thought I was making my interest clear, to be honest,” he murmured, sincerity gleaming in his hazel eyes.
“Okay, I promise I won’t misunderstand again. But why did you think you made yourself clear?” you whispered, feeling a rush of energy as you locked eyes with him.
“Because I made a point of holding prolonged eye contact, thinking it was a clear signal of my interest,” he explained matter-of-factly.
You couldn't help but raise your eyebrows, suppressing a laugh. “So, all those times you were staring at me, you were actually flirting?”
Azriel's expression softened, a hint of amusement dancing in his eyes. “Well, yes. I thought you knew.”
Suppressing a giggle, you bit your lip and glanced away, not wanting to offend him.
“Ah, not exactly crystal clear, but I understand now. Let’s go for a walk and chat some more,” you suggested, linking your arm through his.
"Sounds perfect. Now, tell me about those new leathers you got," he said, his playful demeanor easing the tension, steering the conversation towards lighter topics.
Over the next few months, the bond between you and Azriel deepened. He trusted you with secrets of his life that remained hidden from everyone else. These private conversations became the pillars of your connection, sweet moments for you only.
As the months went by, an unspoken desire for more lingered between you and Azriel. Yet, despite the magnetic pull, something kept you from going the final step.
You've had countless close moments where you almost kissed, where just a tip-toe closer would have sealed the deal. But it never happened. So close, yet so frustratingly far away.
Mor's question disrupted the laughter and gossiping of the girls' night, the clinking of wine glasses punctuating the anticipation in the air.
"Remind me again why you and Azriel aren’t a couple?”
Mor's curiosity hung palpably, shifting the mood from gossiping to an interrogation.
“Well, it’s kinda complicated,” you replied, swirling the wine in your glass as you gathered your thoughts.
“We have a great connection, but there's this unspoken understanding between us. It’s like there's a boundary we're afraid to cross.”
Amren raised an eyebrow, her sharp eyes observing you closely. “Unspoken understanding? Fancy fucking excuse”
Elain giggled and nodded in agreement.
You chuckled, “Maybe it is, but it’s like we're both tiptoeing around something, afraid to ruin what we have. I mean, do I want to be with him? Yeah, I do. But we might fuck something up and I think we have too good of a relationship to throw it all away.”
Nesta leaned back with a smirk, “Sounds like a case of unresolved sexual tension. Maybe the only cure would be to finally get a good dicking.”
You shot her a look, “You make it sound like a medical condition. Also that has got to be some plot from your smutty books.”
Feyre chimed in, “Maybe it is. Maybe it's time you took a bold step to see what happens. Who knows, it might get you laid.”
The group erupted into laughter, but underneath it, you couldn’t ignore the truth in their words. You liked him, there was no denying it. But did he like you as much?
“Is she dating anyone?” Rhysand’s casual question caught Azriel off guard as he browsed his big wine selections with Cassian while the girls where out of the house.
Azriel feigned ignorance. “Who?”
Rhysand and Cassian exchanged a knowing look. “Y/N. Is she dating anyone?”
Something about the question irked Azriel. “Why the hell do you care?”
Rhysand shrugged nonchalantly. “Just curious. I might set her up with someone.”
Azriel's jaw clenched as he fought to mask his frustration. Rhysand's casual tone grated on his nerves, igniting a simmering jealousy he hadn't realized he harbored. Suppressing a sigh, he forced himself to respond evenly,
“She's a grown female, Rhys. She doesn't need you playing matchmaker for her.”
Cassian chuckled, sensing the tension in the air. “Easy, Az. No need to get defensive. I think little Y/N might want a lover of her own, no?”
Azriel's gaze hardened, a flicker of annoyance flashing in his eyes. “I'm not being defensive. I just don't appreciate your implication. And no, she doesn’t need some lover.”
Rhysand raised an eyebrow, his smirk bordering on mischief. “Interesting. And why is that?”
Before Azriel could formulate a response, you had returned with the girls, your laughter echoing through the room, shifting the focus away from the questions. Azriel sighed, silently cursing Rhysand's annoying questions and the unresolved feelings stirring within him.
You turned off the tap and brought the glass of water to your mouth, much needed after the amounts of wine you and the girls had downed. It was honestly a miracle Mor had the energy to winnow you to the house of wind.
As the girls walked to the library for more drinking, you snuck into the kitchen for some water.
You put down the tall glass of water, swallowing the refreshing and cool drink before your body tingle.
Your stomach flipped, blood heating as your skin broke out in goosebumps.
His presence was undeniable.
Azriel was here.
Turning around to leave the sink, you saw him standing there behind the island, looking at you with a soft look that made your stomach flutter and cheeks heat.
"Hi," Azriel greeted softly as you approached him.
"Hi, Az." you replied, feeling a surge of warmth at the sight of him.
"Did you have fun with the girls?" he asked, his voice gentle.
"Yeah, I did," you answered with a smile as you looked down.
Azriel's lips twitched, and he gently lifted your chin with his pointer and thumb. He looked down at your midnight blue dress and raised his brows
"You look absolutely breathtaking."
Your heart beat faster and faster and you were damn sure your friends upstairs could hear how hard it drummed against your chest.
You leaned into his touch, the move careful and intentional. Azriel’s thumb rubbed against your jaw, your eyes glistening in awe at his handsome self.
”Thank you. It’s nothing special, I just like the color.”
Azriel's gaze softened, his eyes lingering on yours with a tenderness that made your knees weak. "It's not just the color," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. "It's you. You’re beautiful."
A blush crept up your cheeks at his words, and you bit your lip nervously, unsure how to respond to such sincerity. But damn, he looked good, and the alcohol in your system made you feel bold enough to speak your mind.
"You look really good," you said, your voice a little breathless. "This shirt suits you."
Stepping closer, you let your hand rest on his sturdy chest, feeling the warmth of his skin beneath your fingertips, the tension between you palpable. Slowly, your hand traveled down to the planes of his stomach, each movement filled with anticipation.
As you looked up at him with a mischievous smile, you played with his belt, the air crackling with the electric energy of the moment. His reaction was immediate, his gaze flickering with desire as the tension between you reached its peak.
Azriel clenched his jaw, his hand moving to the back of your neck, pulling you closer until your breaths mingled. The sudden proximity caught you off guard, making you gasp softly.
"Careful," he murmured, his voice low and tinged with desire. "Let's not do things we can't handle."
Your breath hitched at his words, a shiver running down your spine as his proximity sent electric sparks coursing through you. “That sounds like a challenge, Azriel,” you taunted, your voice barely a whisper.
Azriel’s smirk widened, his gaze burning with intensity. “Consider it an invitation.”
You looked at each other, breathing shallowly. Azriel’s intense gaze softened gradually as his eyes traveled further down to your lips. He swallowed, pupils wide with lust.
"May I-"
"Yes."
It was a tender, sweet kiss that caught you off guard in the best way possible. You didn't expect him to be so gentle, but you welcomed it wholeheartedly.
His touch was tender yet reassuring. One hand cradled the back of your head, while the other wrapped around your waist, drawing you closer to him.
You melted into his embrace, savoring every moment of closeness. Your hands found their way to his neck, clinging to him as if you never wanted to let go.
Azriel’s shadows swirled around you lazily, one trailing up your calf and causing you to twitch in surprise. Pulling back, you were met with his clouded, lustful eyes. A mixture of concern and confusion cleared up his hazy gaze.
Suddenly, the reality of the situation hit you like a ton of bricks. Here you were, in the kitchen, making out with Azriel—the very male you'd had a crush on for what felt like an eternity. Panic surged through you, and you took a step back, needing a moment to collect yourself.
“Are you okay?”
“Mhm, I’m fine, just give me one second,” you managed to stammer out before turning on your heel and practically stumbling out of the kitchen.
With your heart racing and your mind in a whirlwind, you burst into the library where the girls were lounging, each with a glass of wine in hand. Feyre perked up at your arrival, offering a lazy smile.
“There you are, was wondering where you went,” she mused, clearly already feeling the effects of the alcohol.
Without thought, you blurted out the bombshell news. “Guys, Azriel and I kissed.”
The revelation seemed to sober up the entire room, and suddenly, you were bombarded with questions and reactions from your friends.
“Oh my gods, finally,” Mor exclaimed, practically jumping in her seat
“Is he a good kisser? Was it rough or soft? How did he hold you?” Nesta fired off questions, her curiosity piqued.
”All of you owe me 10 cold coins each. I’m always right,” Feyre slumped back in her seat, sipping the wine as she nodded happily.
“I knew you were up to something while we were in here,” Amren chimed in with a knowing smirk.
You grinned widely as you shared all the details with the girls, who were just as excited as you were. They leaned in, eager to hear every bit of the story.
As the questions swirled around you, Elain’s confused expression brought the conversation to a halt.
“Wait, why are you here? Aren’t you supposed to be kissing right now?” she asked, her brow furrowing in confusion.
You froze, the weight of her words sinking in. “Well, yes, we were just... making out, and I had to come here. I panicked.”
In response, your friends practically shoved you back outside, Nesta taking the lead. “And don’t you dare come back until your legs are shaking and you have a big smile on your face,” she declared with a mischievous grin.
You took a deep breath, suppressing your smile as you made your way back to the kitchen. Azriel stood there, leaning against the kitchen island with his feet crossed and arms over his chest.
“Are you sure you’re okay? We don’t have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable,” he said, his voice laced with concern.
You softened at his words, stepping closer and wrapping your arms around his neck. Pulling him down slightly, you gave him a loud kiss that ended with an audible "mwah."
"I really couldn't be more comfortable. I love you, Az. Like a whole lot," you confessed, your voice filled with sincerity and affection.
Azriel's eyes softened at your words, a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He brushed a stray strand of hair from your face, his touch gentle and tender.
"I love you too," he murmured, his voice barely above a whisper. "More than I can put into words."
You felt a rush of warmth flood through you at his admission, your heart fluttering with happiness. Without another word, you leaned in and kissed him again, the feeling of his lips against yours sending shivers down your spine.
Azriel grabbed your hips and slowly backed you into the kitchen island. You yelped when he picked you up and put you on the counter, deeping the kiss.
“Let me take you on a date. I want to do this properly,” he whispers breathlessly between kisses as he tucks your hair behind your ear.
You put your hands on his chest lovingly as you nod, smiling up at him. “I’d love that.”
extra scene where rhys and cassian visit azriel in the kitchen:
Azriel stood frozen as you left, his mind going into overdrive, worrying if he had done something wrong. Just as he was about to follow you, Rhys and Cassian popped their heads into the kitchen.
"Yo. Where did she go?" Cassian asked, scanning the empty kitchen.
Azriel furrowed his brows at the pair, or rather their heads.
"What the fuck are you doing here? Go before she comes back," he urged, shooing them away with his hand.
Rhys leaned against the kitchen island, a satisfied grin on his face. "It's about damn time."
Cassian nodded in agreement. "Fuck yeah, took him long enough. But hey, better late than never."
Azriel frowned, feeling the weight of their words. "You guys make it sound like it was some kind of mission."
Rhys chuckled. "In a way, it was. And you finally completed it."
Azriel sighed, "Stop talking like that, you sound fucking ancient.”
Cassian smirked at him, arms over his chest as he said “Y’all kissed?”
Azriel's cheeks flushed slightly at Cassian's question, but he maintained his composure. "Yeah, we did."
Rhys raised an eyebrow, a teasing glint in his eyes. "And?"
Azriel shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant. "And it was... nice."
Cassian laughed, clapping Azriel on the back. "Nice? Come on, tongue?”
"Yeah, tongue,” he said trying and failing to suppress a smile.
Rhys raised an eyebrow, a teasing glint in his eyes. “I knew it, you little freak. What else?”
Azriel's expression turned guarded. “Okay, that's all you dickheads need to know. Now, get the fuck out before she comes back.”
Rhysand’s eyebrows shot up, a finger wagging in Azriel’s face. “You better not fuck in my kitchen, I swear to the Mother, I’ll make you both scrub every inch.”
Azriel rolled his eyes and ushered them out, leaning against the kitchen island, waiting for you.
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1644s · 19 days
Text
ruination
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warnings/tags: minors DNI, dark themes, Bridgerton!AU, woc!reader, playing fast and loose w/ how things work in the regency era, Prince!Charles, soft dark!Charles, manipulation, peer pressure, possessive behavior, these tags are not exhaustive
wc: 6.4k (this is so aksdfljas)
summary: Royalty and greed go hand in hand. Prince Charles is no exception to this rule. If he must ruin you to have you, then so be it.
dividers by @/cafekitsune
rewatched Bridgerton, thought about Charles, and here we are :) obligatory unedited, unbeta'd etc. please let me know your thoughts! and happy reading :P
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You wonder how one finds themselves in a position such as your present one.
He is dripping water onto your floors but your other choice was to leave him to his devices and so really, there was no choice at all. You can only hope your cousins remain engrossed in their conversations with the King and his ensemble. Though, you are certain they would find much more enjoyment in finding out you’ve snuck a boy into your quarters right underneath your parents’ noses.
You bring him all of the towels you have and thrust them into his arms. “The bathroom is over there. I left some of my cousin’s clothes in there but…” you trail off, unsure of how to tell him they might be too big. Your cousin was quite testy at this age and you do not wish to further ruin this boy’s day.
“Thank you,” he says politely, a far cry from the bumbling boy you were ushering into your room just minutes ago. The red in his cheeks hasn’t faded away yet but he no longer resembles a tomato.
You sit on your bed, feet dangling, as you wait for him. Luckily, the day is warm and sunny so his clothes will be dry within the hour. Unluckily, you do not know if you have an hour to spare.
Chewing on your cheek, you wonder how you’ll manage to keep this boy hidden for so long and without suspicion. You are due for lunch soon but there should be a delay due to the royal family coming for a visit. Your father is a man unable to not try and seize every opportunity given to him and these types of opportunities can only be taken advantage of with the absence of children.
The bathroom door opens. There’s a disgruntled look on the boy’s face as he tries to adjust his sleeves to no avail. They hang limply over his hands and it takes every ounce of your etiquette training to not giggle.
“Don’t worry. Your clothes will be dry soon,” you say. Unfortunately, nothing can be done about the wrinkles that are certain to appear. But that is an issue he must deal with so you don’t bother to apologize for it.
“Oh, sorry about the water,” he says, noticing the puddle by your vanity. He drops one of the damp towels on top and half heartedly wipes it away with his shoe.
“It’s fine. I think.” The dirt at the bottom of his shoe is going to leave a mark but you’ll worry about that later. The dress your mother put you in has ensured that you won’t be able to do anything other than breathe carefully and sit upright until the King and his entourage leave.
“If it’s not, I can let my father know and he’ll find a way to fix it,” he says unhelpfully. An almost resigned expression flits across his face but he quickly smooths out the wrinkle of his nose with a bland smile.
For some reason, his immediate assumption that you will take him up on it irritates you. He will be long gone by the time a punishment comes if one is to come. Instead of acknowledging his offer, you ask, “How did you end up in the fountain?”
He blinks, surprised. Then he averts his eyes. “I tripped.”
You twist a loose strand from your bed covers around your finger. “Ah.” If only you had come by five minutes earlier, you would’ve had something to laugh about during lunch. “You aren’t bleeding anywhere, right?”
“No.” But he’s looking over himself as he answers you. “No,” he repeats, more assured. “Mother would’ve killed me if I showed up to lunch with my clothes in disarray. Again.”
“You’re going to the lunch too?” you ask, tilting your head. As far as you know, your family and the King’s immediate family are the only ones allowed. Surely, one of the King’s own wouldn’t find himself in such a silly position.
He cuts you an aghast look. “I’m the Prince.”
You can’t help yourself from giving him a once over. “Are you?”
His clothes are quite nice, you will admit to this. It was the first thing you noticed when you saw him toppled over in the water. But what sort of prince falls into a fountain? And wouldn’t the King ensure his sons are by his side his entire time? You glance out your window as if you’ll suddenly see the Kingsguard crawling up the walls and to your room.
“Yes! I am,” he says, flustered.
He seems sure of himself so you choose to believe him. Maybe the kingdom of Monaco is a much more relaxed place than you have been led to believe. “Alright,” you shrug.
“I’m Charles,” he introduces. Charles stands expectantly as if awaiting a dramatic reaction.
It takes a second for his name to register. The spare as he’s been so crudely called.
You give him your name easily. Your father is a lesser known Earl. He’s clawed his way into his position so you aren’t surprised when there is no flare of recognition in Charles’ eyes. Your title hardly matters as you are merely a pawn for your father to move around the board as he sees fit.
“That…makes sense,” he says after a moment. “I was wondering why you were in the garden without a chaperone.”
Distaste sours your mouth. Ever since your first cycle, you have not been left alone without someone to watch over you whenever guests are around. Fortunately, your estate is not plagued with visitors but it is annoying having to seek out one of your cousins when your family does find itself with visitors. You tend to avoid any man older than you by default so you believe you have more than earned the right to wander your own home no matter how improper your mother finds it.
“Speaking of chaperones, where are your guards?”
At the reminder, he scoffs. “I snuck away from them.”
It’s nice to know even the prince feels smothered at times. “And here I thought you lived a charmed life.”
He wavers and then sits a polite distance from you. It should feel illicit—because it is illicit—but the shame never comes.
“I’m old enough to be on my own,” he complains. “It’s not as if Father forces me to train because he thinks I find it fun.”
“Do you find it fun?”
“I do. But that is not the point,” he huffs.
“What a trial it is to have a father that loves you,” you say with a hand to your chest. “Oh, the travesty!”
Your dramatics earn an amused scrunch of his nose. He flops on your bed, head just below your pillows. He tucks an arm underneath his head and sighs. “It sounds bad when I put it like that, huh?”
“No. I get it.” However, to a lesser degree. For all the freedoms Charles is granted in comparison to you, there are restrictions you can not even imagine that he must have. “Somewhat.”
The bed creaks as he shifts to his side. “Really?” he asks.
“Really,” you confirm with a nod. And then you shrug. “But it will not be forever.”
“It will not,” he agrees quietly. “Once I’m of age…”
You wait for him to finish but he doesn’t continue. But it doesn’t matter for you hear your maid knock on your door with three rapid raps. You scramble off of your bed and hold the door closed.
“I’m coming,” you call, hoping the reediness in your voice isn’t noticeable.
The handle stops turning. “Hurry.” With that, she leaves.
You exhale. You do not want to imagine what would have come if Karina had barged in as she usually does.
“You should leave first,” you say. The spike of anxiety has yet to retreat so you sound harsher than you intend.
Charles does not need to be told twice. His gait is stiff as he leaves. He looks back at you before he disappears around the corner.
After a respectable amount of time passes, you walk to the dining room. You can hear your mother chiding one of your cousins and pray she is too distracted by whatever mischief they’ve gotten into to notice your late arrival. And because you are not known for your luck, you accidentally come across Charles and his mother as they enter.
“Why are your clothes damp?”
You’re close enough to catch the Queen’s question to her son. Charles tries to wave it off but she pinches a cuff between her fingers and asks again.
The resigned downward curve of his mouth is what drives you to interrupt them. “It is my fault, Your Majesty. I was getting a drink of water and managed to spill it on His Highness. I am terribly sorry for the inconvenience.”
Her eyebrows raise. She inspects her son further. Something about him must amuse her for she smiles in that knowing way all mothers do and says, “It is fine, my dear. Let us go eat.”
Charles tries to catch your eyes during lunch but you keep your gaze steadfast on your cousins whenever you speak. It is only when the adults turn their attentions away from your section of the table that you meet Charles’ earnest gaze with a smile. You tip your chin in the direction of your father and give the barest hint at a shake of your head.
Before he and his family depart, Charles pulls you aside. Your parents are too focused on saying their farewells to the King and Queen to notice you’ve been sequestered away. Unfortunately, Charles draws the attention of his older brother much to your horror. Your urge to stomp on his foot is only quelled when Lorenzo shakes his head with a little laugh and holds a finger to his lips.
“Write to me,” Charles says in one breath. “Please.”
“Your Highness,” you say, unsure.
“Charles,” he corrects. He digs into his pocket and slips a folded piece of paper into your hand. He closes your fingers around it. “I’ll await your letters, my lady.”
He’s hurried off to his family before you can say another word. Shaking off your bewilderment, you tuck the paper given to you into your sleeve, and go to join your parents in wishing the Leclercs a safe journey home.
Hours later, when you are finally alone are you able to unfold and read what Charles has written you. It is an address with instructions on how to write it so that any letter of yours arrives at his personal quarters.
You press your tongue at the back of your molars, a little impressed at his confidence. It is not unfounded as that same night, you pull out a piece of paper and begin writing to him.
-
It is seven long years before you see Charles and his family again. But it is as if no time has passed as you and Charles exchange letters in your time apart.
You were able to conceal your correspondence with Charles with the simple lie of having befriended one of the maids the Leclerc’s brought along with them. Guilt did not swirl in your stomach at the disappointment in your father’s face when he realized the sturdy letter in his hands did not come from the King or Queen asking for your hand in marriage whenever you were eligible. It is pure luck you happened upon your father receiving the mail and were able to extinguish his hopes with a nonchalant lie.
He’s funnier than a prince ought to be. It doesn’t take long for you to forget you are talking to a prince and not one of your peers and formality becomes a thing of the past. By the end of that year, you considered Charles one of your closest friends.
You were one of the first to find out about his father’s passing. It took hours of convincing and a smidge of bribery to coax your cousin into bringing a gift to Charles from you the next time he went in for training at the palace along with your condolences. Letters from Charles ceased for a handful of months understandably but you sent your weekly letters faithfully. You detailed everything from your days to your studies to the little warm pockets of memories you had of his father and his kindness to whatever else crossed your mind. You didn’t know how else to comfort him from so far but when Charles finally returned his pen to the page, it was to thank you for allowing him some respite during the worst of his grieving period.
The years pass and while communication becomes strained as you two come to grow into your respective roles, you still consider Charles a very good friend. He’s one of the first to hear about your woes on your upcoming debut into society. You are approaching your twenty first year and you are sweating at the thought of what’s to come. You detail to him the families that have begun sniffing around you as if to test the waters of what sort of prestige your father is expecting. It is taxing but you deal with it well. You have no other choice after all.
Charles is strangely reticent at the topic of your debut. He offers a sympathetic ear but struggles to reassure you in ways that don’t make you vaguely uncomfortable. You can’t quite put your finger on why but his insistent claims that you will not have to worry about the men circling you like vultures does not set you at ease as you suspect he thinks it does. It reeks slightly of ownership but you brush it off as surely his written word is more one dimensional than his thoughts. It is far more likely Charles thinks to soothe you by the implication of an order of protection as he has no way to actually prevent someone asking for your hand. It is the thought that counts, you think.
This time around, the Leclerc’s visit is rather unexpected. You are due to travel to Monaco in a week’s time to make your debut but you cannot say you do not welcome the chance to see your old friend sooner.
Except, he is not the Charles you have kept so dear to your heart over the years. He is a man grown now. And you do not recognize him.
“Hello, Your Highness,” you greet, curtsying as suited for your station. You do not let yourself linger on him, to soak in how much he’s changed over these years.
It feels like a slap in the face even though it is to be expected. With your correspondence spanning from childhood until now, it should not come as a surprise to see Charles as the prince he is. But foolishly, you’ve held onto the image of him as the boy whose sleeves were a tad too long and whose smile hadn’t quite grown into the charming one he’s sporting now. Before, you could trick yourself into believing Charles was a friend of equal standing. But now you know that has never been the case.
He has always been Prince Charles Leclerc.
You greet his younger brother next, dutifully reciting your introductions to one another. A flash of recognition crosses his expression and his eyes flick to Charles for a moment. You pretend you do not notice.
His older brother, the king, makes idle conversation with your parents. Your fingers twitch against the fabric of your lehenga. The weight of your necklace is suddenly stifling and you bring your hand up to adjust it.
“Are you excited about your debut?” Arthur asks politely.
Seeing as your parents and the king have left the three of you to your own devices but within their eyesight, your shoulders loosen. “If my mother asks, I told you I’ve never been more excited in my life,” you say, sharing a conspiring smile with him. There is little doubt in your mind that Arthur is expected to happen upon a wife during this ball somehow.
“And if I ask?”
Charles’ voice is smooth and playful. He is not someone you can ignore regardless but you wish he made it a little easier to look at him without feeling blinded by his beauty.
“I am dreading it,” you confess. And he is well aware of that.
“Still scared no one will ask you for your dance card?” Charles teases.
You look up as if considering the possibility. The thought crossed your mind months ago but your mother had quickly assuaged those fears. “No,” you say. It isn’t arrogance that fuels your adamant denial. It will be a shock if not one man approaches you for a dance at your debut of all things. “More that I am scared my father will throw me to the first man who extends his hand.”
Your dry confession wipes the smile off of Charles’ face. “He would not do that.”
Arthur looks aghast. “Would he?”
“He would,” you say seriously. “We all have our duties do we not?”
You manage to shut Charles up while encouraging Arthur to complain about how his mother plans to spring a bride upon him to keep her wayward son home. Said mother beckons to him after ten minutes to point him towards Lorenzo’s guard, leaving you and Charles with the illusion that you two are alone. Hyperaware of his presence, you take a step back. You may not be searching for a husband but it does not mean you can tarnish your reputation by being careless. You turn to head back to your room with the intention of feigning ill. Except, a set of footsteps echo your own.
Charles follows after you. “Would you like to join me for lunch?”
Not particularly, you think but force the thought into the recesses of your mind. “While that sounds lovely, your Highness, I really must go.”
His hand wraps around your wrist before you can take another step away from him. “Must you be so cold?”
“Your Highness,” you whisper warningly. Your voice pitches at the end as your eyes dart around the two of you. There are eyes in every corner and none are to be trusted.
“Charles,” he corrects. “I’m Charles.”
His grip isn’t so tight that you cannot pull away and yet, you do not make an attempt. You stand there with his hand around your wrist and your heart in your throat like a fool. “We cannot be alone, Charles.”
“We’ll sneak off then,” he implores. His voice lowers. “Please. I’ve missed you.” The words linger as if he has more to say but he limits himself to this vulnerability.
The ache in his voice threads through your ribs until it wraps around your heart and squeezes. You chew on your lip for a moment you do not have to spare and then admit defeat. “Wait for me in my room,” you whisper. “I trust you remember how to get there?”
A boyish grin tugs at his lips. “How could I forget?” And then he is off, walking through the halls as if they are all he’s ever known.
You make your way to the kitchen with half a mind to sneak off into the gardens on your own. But you banish the thought, having briefly imagined the disappointment on Charles’ face if you do not show up. You quickly pack lunch and loop your arm through the handle of the basket.
It’s easy enough to get to your room without any prying eyes but you can never be too cautious. You peek around yourself, angling the basket so it looks smaller than it is to a wandering eye, before opening your door. Charles is digging through your vanity and spins around when he hears the creak of your door.
There’s something crumpled in his hand that he quickly shoves into a pocket. He grimaces. “You are back.”
You shoot him an unimpressed look. “I am. Are you ready for lunch?” You do not have the patience to question what he’s taken as a souvenir. It is likely something innocuous and something you’d give to him without thought anyway. Nothing you have is of value to a prince of all people.
“Are we to eat in here?”
You shake the basket hanging from your arm. “Of course not. We shall eat in the garden.” Eyeing the worn out throw on your couch, you point to it. “Take that so we may sit on it.”
Charles acquiesces, carefully bundling it in his arms. The hallway is empty and there are no echoes of hurried footsteps so you motion for Charles to follow you. Instead of leaving how you came, you lead Charles towards the rarely used back hallway. With two quick turns, the two of you find yourselves near the unused lower quarters.
Charles glances around himself, mildly surprised. “I was not aware these were here. Even from the outside it looks so…”
“Decayed?” you offer, amused at how he doesn’t correct you. “My grandfather never bothered to include these in the renovations so they remain empty. Every once in a while, someone will come down and clean it but if anyone is down here, it’s either me or my cousins.” You think it’s haunted as well but you don’t tell Charles that.
Pushing open a door with your back, you bring Charles to the very edge of your mother’s garden. A quaint pond sits off to the side, hidden from view.
Once the two of you are settled atop of your blanket with food in your hands, you ask, “Is this the season you intend on finding a wife?”
Charles chokes on his sandwich. You jerk back, nearly dropping your own due to his coughing fit. He thumps at his chest a few times before clearing his throat. With watery eyes and a raw voice, he says, “No. It is not the right time yet.”
Charles is twenty two to your twenty. He is considered young in a way you are not granted. Envy begins to drip into you but you quickly cauterize the entry point of it. The freedom you long for is no fault of Charles.
“You do love your dalliances,” you agree teasingly.
Embarrassment scalds his face to a deep red. You are confident if you were to hold your hand up an inch from his cheek, you would feel the residual heat.
He splutters, unable to form a string of words in defense for himself.
You laugh loudly. His reputation as a rake has preceded him. You don’t think it to be as scandalous as higher society wishes to believe but there must be some kernel of truth mixed in with the rumors. Despite the rumors circulation, it certainly hasn’t affected his value on the marriage market.
“I don’t—“ Charles presses his lips together and sighs. “Okay, that is true. To an extent.”
“Oh, is it now?”
He throws a piece of carrot at you. The red in his cheeks is receding but not by much. “I’m young,” he defends. “And I am trying to be patient for her sake. Or else, I would already have a betrothal in the works by now.”
Your ears perk up. “There is someone you wish to wed?” you repeat excitedly. He has not mentioned anyone in particular to you but perhaps they are someone he wishes to keep close to his heart until the match is secured. While so far none of your letters to each other have been placed into the wrong hands, some subjects are too delicate to risk the chance.
Charles looks off to the distance and then back to you. A crumb rests on the corner of his mouth and the casualness of it is at odds with the severity that pinches his face. “Yes.”
“Do they know of your intentions?” You try to think back on if Charles has accidentally hinted at someone being in the picture but you are drawing a blank.
He scoffs. He sounds almost bitter but when you look at him, the purse of his lips is closer to self-deprecating. “Not in the slightest. She would run in the other direction if she knew.”
“Oh please, you are a prince,” you say, exasperated. “You will be hard pressed to find a woman who wouldn’t swoon at a proposal from you.”
“You would be surprised.”
You knock your shoulder against his. Many dream of becoming a part of the royal family and romanticize it to an extreme degree. The insight Charles has given you over the years has proven it is anything but and you do not envy the women who will find themselves by the Leclerc’s sides.
“I am surprised. Besides being a prince, you’re charming too,” you say thoughtfully.
“And handsome.”
“And handsome,” you agree much to his delight.
“See? I knew it. I knew you thought this as well.”
“So then you understand why I think it is absurd you are so hesitant. You’ve always been brave. But maybe that is a testament to how fond you are of her.” You will have to make sure to keep a careful eye on who captures Charles’ attention at the ball. Perhaps, you may even need to deploy Arthur to gather some intel.
“I am very fond,” he says softly.
You look up at him to find his eyes already trained on you. Unease weaves itself through you, opening a pit in your belly. But you ignore it. “Hopefully, you will invite me to the wedding.”
He is silent for a long enough time that you fear you’ve overstepped some boundary you weren’t aware was in place. Before you can apologize, Charles brings his hand up. For a moment, you think he will lay his hand against your cheek and you begin to move away. But he merely picks a stray rose petal that has somehow found flight in the wind and tangled itself in your hair.
Whatever look is on your face softens him and the intensity radiating from him peters off into something less stifling. He leans back and examines the petal in his hand. It’s ruby red and faintly fragrant. It seems to center him for Charles says to you, “Save me a dance?”
Your answer is an easy, “Of course, Your Highness.”
Seven short days later, you find yourself in Charles’ home. The ballroom is stunning but its beauty cannot take away the nerves that have overtaken you. Your bones feel soft and weak and you fear you won’t have the strength to stand in front of the Queen. You long to hold your mother’s arm, clinging to her as a child once more, but you force yourself to take each step into the ballroom by yourself. You take a cursory look around, relief overlaying your anxiety at how many other nervous debutantes there are. Your anxiety is fully extinguished once you see Charles chatting with who you believe is Pierre. As if sensing your attention, he slowly turns to your direction and finds you almost instantly.
You give him a mockery of a curtsy.
He gives you a wink.
And so, your debut comes and goes with Charles dominating your dance card. Arthur manages to sneak himself on there as well as Pierre but other than the Leclerc brothers, Pierre, and a few others, your dance card is barren of any of the men your father hoped to potentially marry you off to.
A sticky sort of relief coats your lungs at managing to delay the inevitable for a while longer.
“Last night would have been awful if not for you. Thank you.”
You must head back to your home this afternoon but somehow, you have managed to carve out some time after breakfast to sneak away to say your goodbyes. It took the length of one dance to convince Charles to abandon his duties to allow you to say goodbye. It makes you think perhaps it is a good thing Charles was not the first born.
The glances you keep taking over your shoulder are more instinctual than anything. According to him, this part of the castle is secluded.
“I am indebted to you.”
Charles puts a hand on the ledge to lean forward until he’s all you can see. This close, you can the brown ring around his irises. He studies you, studies how you can’t help but sneak a peek at his mouth, and hums.
“I’ll be sure to collect my debt then.”
-
You enter your twenty fourth year with no prospects in sight. It horrifies your father.
You have become accustomed to it. The disappointment used to sit bitterly in your stomach but now you’re able to set it aside and put acceptance in its place. You’ve joined your younger cousin for her debut as her chaperone. The castle is as you remember it and so you’re able to impart onto her the two places she can go to for a breather if the chance arises and is needed.
She’s already danced with three gentlemen when she makes her way back to your side. You almost shoo her away but she grabs at you insistently. “The Prince is looking at you,” Sarish whispers.
“He’s probably looking at you,” you whisper back, distracted. You’re tempted to rip your bracelet from the thread it’s caught upon but with your luck, you’ll end up unraveling a good portion of the delicate seam work your mother labored over.
“No, he is not. Look,” she says urgently.
To appease her, you look around until you find one of the younger Leclerc brothers. Arthur has been coerced into a dance with another young woman but Charles remains off to the side. As Sarish says, he is looking at you.
He raises his champagne flute to you, earning the attention of those around him as he does. People crane their neck to see who has caught the eye of the ever elusive Prince Charles Leclerc.
Thankfully, the ballroom is so full, it is impossible to pick out who Charles motioned towards. You have learned to be grateful for the little things and that does not stop now.
“See!”
“I see,” you say through gritted teeth. “Oh look, more gentlemen are coming.” And then you leave your cousin to the swarm of men coming her way because while you are a chaperone, you never promised to be a good one.
It is surprisingly easy to escape to the backyard. Fleetingly, you think they should have more guards around but the lack of them works out in your favor.
You head towards the fountain a few feet away. The gentle lapping of the water soothes you and you take a fortifying breath. Charles can afford to be reckless but you cannot.
Gravel crunches beneath someone’s feet behind you and you whirl around, a hand to your heart. But you find that it is only Charles.
“I hear another betrothal is in the works for you,” Charles says after the silence stretches on for a moment too long. He adjusts his cuff links, smile thin and eyes devoid of all feeling.
You cast a wary glance over his shoulder. The party is in full swing and the guests haven’t quite yet begun to trickle into the backyard. “You called me out here to speak to me about rumors?” you ask doubtfully. Your father, a greedy man with an even greedier extended family, has been anguishing over your lack of proposals. The few courtships you’ve had have extinguished before they could get off the ground. And it is not for a lack of trying on your behalf either. Marriage may not excite you but you see its practicality. It helps that marriage will mean you are no longer be under your father’s thumb and beholden to his politics.
As the months drag and your various suitor’s indecision remains, your father’s hopes at finding a match lessened until he’s now grasping at straws.
“Your father has sent a letter to Carlos,” Charles informs you in a tight voice. “Expressing his interest in potentially being a foothold for the Sainz in Monaco.”
You close your eyes, cursing your father. He must truly be desperate if he thinks to weaponize his little influence to sway an outsider. “The Sainz are a smart family. They will not entertain such a clumsy scheme.”
The gravel shifts underneath his shoes. “Do not worry. I am the only one who saw the letter and I do not think your father so stupid as to think he can insert himself into matters such as this. Desperate, yes, but not stupid.”
The ironclad grip on your heart releases. “Thank you.”
“You have met Carlos though.”
He does not frame it as a question but you answer it like one anyway.
“Yes.” It had been a peculiar week when the Duke’s son found himself at your family home. An accident you still find hard to believe. You smile at the memory.
Charles grinds his teeth. “He is considering making his own offer for your hand.”
That stops you short. “What?”
“He sent the letter before your father’s arrived. The Duke was kind enough to inform me of your father’s…lapse in judgment. He also let me know of his son’s intentions.”
You did not think you left such an impression on Carlos but alas, maybe your luck is looking upwards for once. You cannot control the grin that graces your mouth at this information. If you must marry, you suppose he is a fine choice for a husband. He is certainly someone you know you can come to love and it would be far from a chore to do so. “I see,” you say diplomatically.
“Will you marry anyone then?”
His tone is disapproving and it immediately makes your hackles rise. Charles is a second prince and with his nephew’s arrival, he is no longer considered the spare. He is free to choose who he wants rather than what is good for the nation. Surely nothing holds him back from marrying the girl he loves he mentioned just a scant four years ago.
“I will marry anyone my father finds suitable,” you correct coolly. “It seems you forget my station.”
He rubs his mouth angrily. “Why haven’t you considered me?”
One second you are capable of breath and in the next, you feel as if your lungs have been compressed. The corset is much too tight and there is a sudden lack of air.
“Pardon?”
Charles steps towards you. A perverse sort of torment crosses his face. “Have you not thought of me as I have thought of you?” Another step. “Not even once?”
You must not hide your expression quick enough for his eyes light up. “Charles,” you say with a touch of warning.
“You must have,” he decides, advancing forward. A pleased smile stretches across his mouth.
“If I have, it was fleeting,” you say, taking an equal step back. “I do not dare to wish for more than I can be granted.”
“But you can be granted me.”
“But I don’t wish to be a part of your family, Charles.” Your head is spinning. “I am ill suited. I cannot be your wife. I cannot handle those expectations with grace, Charles.”
“And I cannot bear to be without you,” he interrupts desperately.  “I tire of waiting. I tire of waiting for you to come to your senses.” He says your name, a longing whisper on his lips. “I tire of you refusing me.”
Your blood turns to ice. There is a brief swoop of your stomach as you take another step back from Charles. The back of your heels hit the fountain and you nearly buckle backwards.
“I think you should go inside now, Your Highness,” you say, voice caught in the back of your throat.
Charles has no care for your personal space and neither your propriety for he comes closer. He cups your cheek with a too warm hand despite your flinch. This point of contact is damning. “Why would I do that?”
“Charles, I don’t have a chaperone.” The music is winding down and perhaps that is why your heartbeat sounds deafening in your ears. It will be no time at all before the guests begin to trickle out to enjoy the night air.
If Charles will not course correct, you will. You have every intention of slipping off and fueling a different type of rumor but Charles doesn’t move out of your way. Instead, his thumb rubs across your bottom lip with reverence. His touch anchors you to your spot.
Dread runs sluggishly through your veins when his eyes trail down your face. You are beginning to understand that there is only one way this night will end. And you are a fool for not realizing it the moment Charles stepped foot in this courtyard.
Your ankle scrapes against a sharp edge on the fountain, reminding you of your place. You have nowhere to go and nowhere to hide from Charles. He’s set the trap and you’ve found yourself a willing participant in your demise.
“You haven’t had a chaperone with me for years, my lady,” he points out softly. “Must you start now?”
Charles doesn’t wait for an answer.
For all of Charles’ gentle appearance, he kisses you like he’s starved. He dips you slightly, placing his other hand flat against the small of your back for stability. Without his foresight, you might’ve taken you both into the fountain.
Your hands weakly push at his chest but he pays no mind. Instead, he deepens the kiss. Scandalized does not cover what you feel when his tongue slips past the seam of your mouth.
A gasp is what allows you to pull away from Charles. Shock still clings to you, making your limbs stiff and your reaction delayed. His hand cradles your face even as you turn your head ever so slightly to gauge the damage.
And with the multiple pairs of eyes staring back at you, all with varying degrees of incredulity, you know there is no way for you to sweep this under the rug.
He gently turns your face back to him. A satisfied smile rests upon his mouth. Victory lurks behind his smile as he says, “Spring is a lovely time for a wedding, mon amour.”
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this fic is finished. there will never be a part 2. thanks!
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spacebarbarianweird · 5 months
Text
Widower Astarion Headcanons
Ok, we wanted pain - I bring you pain. @astarionsbeloved @wickedwitchofthewilds @sleepykitty21 @starlight-ipomoea
Masterlist
Headcanons
Astarion isn't an idiot; he knows you are mortal, a topic you've discussed before.
Jokingly, he suggested you find a vampire lord, but even if one were found, Astarion would never allow you to turn into a vampire.
"It hurts, it's painful. The existence of a vampire is miserable. I will never do this to you."
The price of mortality is death.
You made him promise not to step into the sunlight and to keep living, carrying memories of you into the future.
You die as you always wanted: in a glorious battle, or safe and comfy in your bed, or brought home by Astarion to a place you grew up in.
You die with no regrets, sorrows, or complaints.
Astarion is numb; all the feelings he learned how to express are gone with your last breath.
He dissociates; it's not him, not now, not real—he is somewhere else.
He hides in the shadows, safe in the darkness and lonely.
Unfortunately, Astarion has never learned how to be alone; you never left him on his own for a long time.
He realizes he can't meditate; there is a mental block preventing him from doing so in your absence.
It's even worse since he can't give himself a break.
Eventually, some friends of yours give him a Potion of Angelic Slumber. He sleeps for a few days in a row, without dreams and nightmares.
When he wakes up, the first thing he does is look for you, and then he realizes you're gone.
In this moment, Astarion breaks down, crying and cursing in Elven and Common.
His back hurts as if there are flesh wounds; the cold grip of darkness holds his undead heart. The tears burn the crimson eyes.
He mourns, grieves, wishes to be dead, but the given promise and the innate desire to survive prevent him from going into the sun.
For the first few years, he lives as a hermit in your shared house, starving himself by not hunting and spending months on your side of the bed without moving at all.
It's not life; it's an existence, miserable and hopeless when he imagines you alive.
A wake-up call is sudden but almost divine.
Deep in his thoughts, he finds himself in his own grave in Baldur's Gate, seeing you six feet above him as young as you were back during the tadpole adventure.
"I didn't get you out of this grave to let you bury yourself. Come on, you promised to me to live! Then, live! This is my last gift."
He wakes up, starving and cold, goes up and leaves for hunting. He hunts for a few days, satiating himself with animal and sentient beings' blood.
As his mind returns to him, Astarion washes and repairs his clothes, brushes his hair, makes himself look decent.
He ravages through your things, collecting them carefully in one place. You wouldn't want a shrine, so he sells the things he won't be able to use anymore.
He puts on your wedding ring (now he has two identical rings) and also a necklace you always liked.
He re-sews one of your gowns into a shirt; now, it feels like you are still with him.
Astarion leaves his first forever home and starts his own journey, taking the role of a sole adventurer - a monster hunter, a protector of the weak. He has always had this heroic side in him, just never admitted.
The most difficult thing is to stay alone; people praise him for saving someone from a monster, but they fear mingling with a vampire.
Sometimes, Astarion cries in his tent, cursing the evil gods for taking the only good thing he ever had.
He constantly talks to himself, imagining you standing beside him.
He actually enjoys these one-sided monologues because he can pretend you are still here.
Years pass, memories of the happy life fade. Astarion joins groups of adventurers here and there but always feels off.
Eventually, he finds the strength to live up to his promise, to enjoy what he has.
He explores places he has never been to, does things he has never done, and hears stories he has never heard.
He makes friends, mostly among long-living creatures. "Oh, my young vampire friend! It's been a while!" A wizard elf greets him with open arms. "I am 400 years older than you, idiot," Astarion chuckles and returns a hug.
Most importantly, he preserves the memory about you, paying bards and storytellers, talking about you at campfires, and putting you as an example of kindness and bravery.
Once, Astarion hears a song, "The One Who Saved Baldur's Gate." The motive and words are nice, but the more he listens to it, the more in shock he is.
This song known to every decent bard in Swords Coast is about you, a distant memory, a long-forgotten story.
He has fulfilled your promise, made sure you live in people's hearts. This day is bittersweet; he cries his eyes out, listening to that song over and over again.
But he feels happy, the first time in years.
With decades to pass, Astarion creates the Blood Guild - a union of vampires and dhampirs who prefer to hunt monsters rather than be ones. They also keep an eye on other vampires who are a danger to mortals, especially those who make spawns and thralls out of innocent victims.
Having immortal undead friends feels nice; having friends who understand his issues, too.
He finds himself in the position of a mentor; vampires come to him for advice and emotional support.
Then he meets a person, a runaway spawn, angry with what happened to them, determined to do whatever it takes to break their chains. Astarion agrees to help; they constantly bicker about every single thing—views on life, personal experiences, shared interests.
This new person is annoying, obnoxious, brave, and lovable. Suddenly Astarion realizes he doesn't want to stay in his tent alone; he doesn't want to speak to himself anymore.
The long-forgotten feeling of loving someone aches in his undead heart, but now it's not his turn to confess.
"You know, I've been manipulating you into helping me. I am sorry. if you want, I will go away."
"You are a good person, Astarion. No one is like you. But you deserve honesty and something real."
Astarion smiles back and hugs this person.
This relationship is different; the runaway spawn is nothing like you, different in every way possible—personality, appearance, behavior, views on life, everything.
At first, there is profound guilt, as if he betrays your memory by having another romantic relationship.
They talk, sharing the darkest and saddest parts of their immortal lives—crimes they had to commit, lives they lost.
Eventually, Astarion tells them about you—how wonderful you were, how kind, how brave, how much you meant to him. His new love smiles and takes away a strand curl from his face.
"So, this is the person I must thank for you?".
He helps his new love to break the chains by killing the vampire lord.
Returning back, Astarion starts talking about the future.
Adventures? Of course! His partner is also a spawn, they need healing and freedom the same way he needed many years ago.
And then - who knows? Life is full of cruel wonders. Especially, for immortals.
--
Tag list
@tragedybunny @caitlincat-95 @tallymonster @astarionsbeloved @lumienyx @fayeriess @elora-the-slutty-songstress @veillsar @astarion-imagine-archive @micropoe10 @starlight-ipomoea @herstxrgirl @theearthsfinalconfession @ashrio20 @not-so-lost-after-all @vixstarria @wintersire @marcynomercy
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marvelsmylife · 1 month
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Stay with me
Pairing: Cassian x reader
Plot: After being ignored by you when he arrives back from his mission, Cassian discovers why his absence really effected you so much.
A/n this is part two to Don’t go. I hope you like it. I left the ending open just in case you guys would be interested in a part three where we explore the mating bond between the reader and Cassian. With a little bit(ok a lot) of spice in in there. You guys just let me know.
Part One
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Cassian hung his head in shame while Rhysand scolded him for how he left things between the two of you when he left for his mission. “Why would you have such a big argument with your mate before leaving! You completely broke her, and now she refuses to leave her room,” Rhysand was red in the face from yelling at his brother for so long.
“Wait,” Cassian looked up at Rhysand confused: “y/n is my mate?”
“Yes?” Rhysand replied: “Wait, you didn’t know?”
Cassian felt his heart beating fast at Rhysand's question. Of course, he had no idea you were his mate. If he had known he wouldn’t have gone on the mission. “Didn’t you question why she was always by your side?” Rhysand asked: “Why you couldn’t be away from each other for more than a week without being cranky? She is your mate, Cassian, and you obliterated her heart.”
Cassian felt himself becoming enraged at Rhysand’s comment: “If you knew we were mates, then why the fuck did you send me on that fucking mission for four months” Cassian growled at Rhysand: “Azriel was also capable of doing the mission as well!”
“Do not use that tone with me Cassian. Don’t forget that I’m still your high lord,” Rhysand warned: “Azriel was busy doing something else that was equally as important.”
“Then you should have had y/n come with me on the mission!” Cassian exclaimed: “She could have waited in the safe house while I did want you order me to do. That way, I would have been able to see her at the end of each day.”
Rhysand knew Cassian was right, but he didn’t want to admit it: “She would have been lonely in the safe house while you were going to be gone all day. At least here she would have been with her friends,” Rhysand replied, but he knew Cassian wasn’t buying his excuse.
Cassian let out a dry laugh at Rhysand’s excuse: “And yet, she locked herself away from you guys. She hates me now because of you.”
Rhysand slammed his fist on his desk and glared at Cassian: “Do not twist this and blame me for what’s wrong with y/n. YOU were the one she had the argument with, and YOU are the one who left without resolving your argument. Just-“ Rhysand paused: “Just stay away from her for a while. Magda is almost done working on a remedy to snap her out of her state.”
There was nothing but hatred in Cassian’s eyes at Rhysand’s choice of words. Rhysand noticed it too: “Cassian please-” but Cassian stormed out of Rhysand’s office and locked himself away for the rest of the day.
The following day, Cassian tried to talk to you again, but you refused to look at him. He even tried to comfort you through the bond, but you refused to acknowledge him. By the end of the day, he found himself eating his dinner outside your room. He knew it made him seem desperate, but he didn’t care. He swore to himself that he was going to stop at nothing until you forgave him and reverted back to your cheery, happy self.
Every morning, like clockwork, Cassian would enter your room with breakfast for the two of you. While you sat on your bed and ignored the food he brought, Cassian would sit on your floor and talk to you about random things. Mostly about what was happening around the river house, but he would occasionally bring up stories about his childhood he had yet to share with you. 
He didn’t leave to train with the Valkyrie or the other Illyrian warriors until he watched you eat at least a bit of what he brought you. He didn’t want you to go hungry throughout the day.
He would make sure he came back during lunch and dinner. He wanted to know for certain that you weren't skipping a meal and ate at the hours you were supposed to. Of course, Devlon and Rhysand were angry that Cassian was leaving in the middle of either training the Illyrian warriors or the Valkyrie just to check up on you, but Cassian did not care. “She’s my mate. I have to make sure she is ok and being well taken care of,” Cassian argued every time they would scold him for leaving.
Another thing Cassian decided to do since coming back was to make sure he was by your side when you had night terrors. Since you still suffered from them, Cassian always sprinted to your side and comforted you. 
As much as it pained him to hear your screams of terror, a part of him was happy that it was his name you were calling. It gave him hope that you might still want him in your life. 
His protective mate side always came out whenever one of your friends tried to enter your room to comfort you. In his words, She’s my mate. I will be the one comforting her, not you. Your friends would back off but would watch the two of you cautiously as he held you in his arms and repeatedly kissed the top of your head. “It’s ok, I got you. I’m not leaving you,” Cassian would reassure you.
It wasn’t until one particular night that Cassian realized his persistence finally paid off. You were screaming Cassian’s name in your sleep like you always did, and Cassian was by your side, calming you down. Once he knew you were calm, he stood up to leave like he always did when you decided to reach out for him: “Cassian, Please stay with me,” you begged.
You didn’t have to ask him twice. Cassian was under your covers and wrapped his arms around you: “I’m not going anywhere,” Cassian whispered.
Tears started falling down your face at Cassian’s words, and held him as tight as you could.
When morning came, you found yourself lying on top of Cassian. You couldn’t help but stare at him as he slept peacefully below you, and for the first time in months, you smiled at him. “There’s that smile I’ve missed so much,” Cassian mumbled as his eyes fluttered open and sent you a playful smile when you tried to hide your smile: “Don’t go getting shy on me. Let me see that pretty smile of yours.”
You tried to get off of Cassian but failed when Cassian held you in place and stared up at you with love in his eyes. “I truly am sorry for how we parted when I went on that four-month-long mission.” Your smile faded at Cassian’s words: “I should have gone to you to apologize before I left. Fuck, I would have asked Rhysand to ask someone else to go on the mission if I would have known we were mates.”
“So you know?” you asked, resting your chin on his bare chest.
“Yes,” Cassian replied while caressing your cheek: “Rhysand told me the day I came back, and I’m a fool for not realizing it sooner. I mean the signs were all there, but didn’t see them until they were pointing out to me. Again, I’m sorry for all the hurt I’ve caused you. It wasn’t my intention. Please give me a chance to prove I’ll be a good mate to you. That I’ll always put you first.”
You were terrified at the thought of letting Cassian back in your life, but you would be lying if you said you didn’t miss being around him like you used to. Granted, you were still spending time with him, but it was against your wishes, and you were in a zombie-like state. But laying in bed, laying on top of him felt right. You felt complete: “Please don’t make me regret this,” you whispered before you leaned in and kissed Cassian.
Cassian did not hesitate and kissed you back. His hands resting comfortably on your ass and earned a whimper from you.
Cassian was ready to have his way with you when your bedroom door swung open, and Feyre, along with Elain and Mor, wandered into your room: “y/n, Madja finally finished the- oh no,” All three females covered their eyes when they realized they walked in on an intimate moment. “Mother above, I’m sorry. We’ll- we’re leaving,” Elain shrieked and ran out of the room with Feyre and Mor following closely behind. You could faintly hear Mor announce that you didn’t need the tonic Madja had created because you and Cassian were kissing in your room.
You started laughing and hid your face into Cassian’s neck: “I can't believe they saw that.”
“It’s ok,” Cassian tried to comfort you: “They’ve seen worse things than us kissing. We’ve walked in on Azriel doing the kinkiest shit throughout the years.“ 
Somehow, that made you feel better and got you to look Cassian in the eye: “I was serious. Please don’t make me regret giving you a second chance.”
“I promise you won’t regret it. I love you too much to ever put you through that again,” Cassian promised and held his breath, waiting for your reaction to him saying he loved you.
To Cassian's delight, you said it without hesitation: ”Please say it again, I need to hear you say you love again.” Cassian begged and started leaving kisses all over your neck and jaw.
“I love you,” you repeated until you felt Cassian’s lips against yours and proceeded to show you how grateful he was that you gave him a second chance.
388 notes · View notes
rainybubbles · 5 months
Text
What are COD men and women missions as your guardian angel ?
Ghost, Price, Soap, Gaz, Laswell, Farah, Valeria, Alejandro, König, Roach, Nikolai
(Sorry in advance for my mistakes, English is not my mother tongue. So sorry if it's badly written or if they're OOC.)
G H O S T :
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-He was sent to prevent you from accepting a job opportunity that would lead to your death. 
-The prospective boss was destined to be tyrannical, pushing you to overwork, neglect your health, sever ties with loved ones, and gradually spiral into a state of despair. 
-Ultimately, exhaustion would compel you to cross a road, only to be struck by a truck. 
-Simon's purpose was to avert this tragic fate.
-Simon exerted considerable effort attempting to erase all traces of the job offers and announcements from your computer, eager to fulfill his mission swiftly. 
-However, you persisted in pursuing your dream job, repeatedly defying his interventions. 
-”Fucking hell” he whispered one night after passing hours on Indeed to delete everything.
-He realized he had to convince you. But it means getting to know you. 
-He sighed and moved in, thanks to his power, the flat next to yours was magically free.
-Despite his strategic move, Simon struggled with social interactions. 
- He tried the “have you any sugar ?” but it was 1AM, so it scared you.
-God, Simon and his social skills.
- One day, you, alarmed by a peculiar noise, knocked on his door, convinced that an intruder had breached your home. 
-Trusting Simon's intimidating presence to scare off anyone, you spent the night at his flat for reassurance. 
-This incident marked the beginning of a gradual acquaintance.
-As Simon got to know you, a mutual exchange of pastries became a regular occurrence. You started it to thank him for that night, and he offered you ones, and it has became a regular thing.
- Friday nights turned into joint activities like watching matches or cooking together. 
-During these moments, you opened up about your dream job, and Simon, in turn, disclosed the harsh realities about the company.
-The realization dawned upon him as he witnessed the trust you placed in him.
- When you decided not to pursue the ominous job, he felt a sense of joy until the weight of the truth settled in—his mission was complete. 
-Simon waited in anticipation for the next assignment.
-He waited.
-Days
-For another name, another mission.
-Nothing came.
-And he saw Laswell.
-He knew what it meant.
-“Simon, they decide you can either continue as an angel or stay with her and become human”Laswell says.
-Being with you.
-Waking up with you, living a life with you…
-It sounded perfect.
-He didn’t deserve that. Not after all what he had done, not…him with you, you deserved better.
-The following morning, you knocked on his door, only to find the flat deserted.
- Frantically searching for Simon Riley on social media, you discovered an unsettling absence—like a ghost, he had vanished, leaving you with a broken heart.
-“He fucking ghost me”, you cried on the floor of your flat, not knowing the truth.
P R I C E :
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-He had not been sent for you, but for a boy named Clark. 
-Clark was on the verge of homelessness, and John's mission was to help him develop an idea to secure some much-needed money.
-As John succeeded in his task, he couldn't help but notice the negative transformation in Clark.
- The influx of money had turned Clark into a selfish person, threatening his friends if they considered leaving him. And that's how he encountered you—a kind soul who had been there for Clark since the beginning.
-You, always supportive, witnessed how toxic Clark had become towards you.
- Slowly, you began to believe you deserved such treatment, unable to find better friends. 
-John, disturbed by this realization, hoped for another mission to rescue Clark's friend from the clutches of his destructive behavior.
-But nothing changed.
-Frustrated, John couldn't stand idly by while people suffered for the sake of his mission. 
-His purpose was to rectify injustice, not allow someone to turn into a despicable person.
-During a party, he found you outside and couldn't help but express his thoughts
- "I'm glad you're in his life. He's so much better now. He was really broke, and I was scared he'd end up alone on the streets. He lived at my house for a long time." you said.
-"He should have end up in the streets," Price asserted without regret.
-Your eyes widened, but a chuckle escaped you. "You shouldn't say that."
-"But you agree.
-”Money got to his head, but he's a good guy."
-"He's not, and you know it, love."
-"I don't want to lose him. I love him." you admitted.
-And then it clicked. You loved Clark before he became the person he was now.
-"You loved him before all of this." he realized.
-"I know. And it hurts because I still hold onto the hope that he'll realize and suddenly become better."
-"I'm sorry." Price said.
-"It's not your fault."
-It was, but you couldn't know.
-"Maybe in another life, I'll be as happy as he seems to be?"
-Price could have read your life with his power and gotten to know your future. But he didn’t.
-"I hope you deserve it." he answered.
-"Hey John, if I'm not happy, could I count on you? You're always here for me."
-"I promise, love."
-You smiled.
-Later, when John received his new mission, he decided to peek into your future to protect you one last time—only to realize there was no future.
-He rushed to your flat.
-The police were there.
-Clark had been arrested.
-And a body was being taken to the morgue.
-Maybe he should have looked at your future earlier.
S O A P
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-He had been dispatched to safeguard your moral values from crumbling into ruin. 
-The situation was straightforward; you were shattered, and a friend of yours suggested a lucrative opportunity to intimidate someone for a hefty sum. 
-In simpler terms, you were on the verge of joining a gang for the sake of money. 
-Broke, homeless, unwilling to burden your family, and unable to afford food, you were desperate enough to consider anything that paid, given the absence of job offers.
-Soap's mission was to avert this downward spiral, to prevent you from evolving into a heartless figure with bloodstained hands, a potential mafia leader. 
-Naturally, he couldn't just hand you money; you wouldn't accept it from a stranger. So, he devised a plan to hire you at his bakery.
-Initially taken aback, because hell you couldn’t even say or bake croissant. 
-Nevertheless, your role was strictly to sell, not to bake. 
-Moreover, your boss, Soap, emanated a comforting presence. 
-He treated you kindly, just as he did with everyone on his missions
-But to him, your smile was more than just a pleasant sight; it stirred something within him.
-Your laughter, dry and infrequent, motivated him to ensure you laughed more often, even if it meant he made a fool of himself with sugar or butter.
-When your friend said you couldn’t stay at their place, Soap went a step further and provided you with one.
- As you began accumulating enough funds to secure a flat, you encountered difficulties in finding one. 
-Leveraging his magical abilities, Soap helped locate a suitable residence for you. 
-Once settled, he taught you the art of baking, gradually helping you to take charge of the bakery.
-A year later, you had become a skilled baker, and Soap realized his mission was accomplished. 
-Independent and content, you were ready to take over the bakery. 
-Craftily, he fabricated a story about relocating to another country and passing the bakery on to you. 
-Initially hesitant, you eventually agreed after lengthy discussions.
-As Soap sensed the emergence of a new name and mission on the paper, he looked at you and sighed, "I'll miss you, love."
-"Me too, Johnny," you replied.
-Little did you know it was the final time you would see him, but Soap was acutely aware.
- So, for the first time, he allowed himself to act on impulse and kissed you. In that fleeting moment, he wished he could relinquish his wings and live with you indefinitely.
G A Z :
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-TW : social anxiety :) !
-He was sent to help you with your health.
-You grappled with social anxiety, a condition so severe that the fact of being in a crowded bus could make you faint
- Asking for a bag at the cashier's counter filled you with fear, and even a simple "hello" caused three weeks of overthinking
- You existed in a state of solitude, ensnared within a relentless cycle of anxiety.
- Your mental health had plummeted, yet the luxury of a therapist was beyond your means.
-Social anxiety, insidiously, severs connections, making it difficult to seek help, leaving you trapped in an endless loop of overthinking. 
-The act of breathing itself became a struggle
-Walking in the streets became a nightmare, convinced that every passerby scrutinized your every move. Life, for you, felt burdensome, your very existence a weight upon others.
-Enter Gaz, sent to prevent you from venturing too close to the precipice. 
-He initiated contact through social media, engaging you in conversation within a fandom you both shared.
- He witnessed the genuine joy in your smiles as you responded to his messages, the relief emanating from having notifications from a real person rather than an automated system.
- Talking to him felt right, providing a respite from the isolation.
-Gradually, your interactions with Gaz progressed beyond the digital realm.
- Attempts to meet in person were met with reluctance or last-minute cancellations, fueled by fears of judgment, rejection, or even the possibility of an elaborate prank. 
-However, perseverance prevailed, and one day, he succeeded in meeting you face-to-face.
-The anxiety lingered, but Gaz's warmth created a sanctuary, a safe space for you.
- Together, you confronted the formidable adversary that was social anxiety.
-Gaz became your anchor during the lows, comforting you when crowds induced panic or tears flowed at the thought of being among people.
-Of course there were downs, where you couldn’t go out, where you would cry just by the idea of being in a crowd. But he was here for you.
-Every Monday, he accompanied you through bustling streets, holding your hand as you breathed through the anxiety. 
-Small victories were celebrated, such as summoning the courage to ask for water from a waiter. 
-To some, these achievements may seem ridiculous, but Gaz understood the immense courage they required.
-He cherished the moments you shared, the progress you made—ordering food by phone, making a call—each step a triumph on the arduous road of overcoming social anxiety.
- In these moments, Gaz recognized that this was more than a mere mission; it was a lifelong commitment. 
-Social anxiety was not a battle with a finite resolution; rather, it was a continuous struggle.
-A knowing chuckle escaped him. 
-Captain Price, knowingly, had bestowed upon Gaz a life mission. 
-In a quiet moment, Gaz whispered his gratitude, acknowledging that if his mission was to love and support you, there was no doubt he would embrace it for eternity.
V A L E R I A :
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-She was sent to save your marriage.
- Angels, renowned for their influence on matters of the heart, and Valeria, in particular, was on a divine mission to salvage the threads that held your union together. 
-However, as of late, doubt began to creep into her convictions as a guardian angel.
-In numerous assignments, she found herself helping individuals of questionable character.
- Then, she met you—a person ensnared in a wretched marriage. 
- Your wife treated you poorly, arguing with you for trivial matters, asserting your worthlessness without her, forgetting your birthday and engaging in infidelity with others.
-Valeria questioned the purpose of preserving such a toxic bond.
- Was she supposed to save this tormented marriage?
- Was the sanctity of matrimony so sacred that it should endure despite the evident misery it caused?
-No, she had enough..
- She reached a breaking point, disenchanted with being the obedient savior in every situation. 
-She wasn't Rudy or Alejandro—she wouldn't blindly adhere to a mission that clashed with her newfound convictions. 
-Instead, she took a daring step and seduced you, believing you deserved better, deserving her.
-You, with your kindness and generosity, deserved someone who would treat you with the respect and love you lacked in your current relationship. 
-Valeria refused to surrender you to the shackles of your miserable marriage.
- She cared not for the rules of her celestial role; she wasn't a guardian angel any longer. 
-That night, driven by an irrepressible desire for change, she made a drastic choice—she cut off her wings. 
-The pain was excruciating, but amidst the agony, she found relief and liberation.
- She knew this act condemned her to damnation, but the prospect of being with you made it inconsequential.
- Morality blurred into shades of gray as she willingly became a fallen angel, abandoning her celestial duties for the ecstasy of earthly love.
- The sensation of your lips against hers eclipsed any impending punishment, and in that moment, she embraced the fall from grace for the happiness she found in your arms.
N I K O L A I :
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-He was the one training guardian angels. 
-Nikolai wasn't a guardian angel, but a fallen one. 
-In the past, he had fallen in love with the one he was supposed to guard.
- As a consequence, they severed one of his wings and stripped him of his celestial status. 
-To prove his devotion, Nik decided to assist in the formation of guardian angels.
- Laswell and Price supported him, and they agreed.
-So, he began training new guardian angels, and you happened to be one of them.
- He admired how you struggled to fly, resembling a fawn. 
-"Солнце (=sun), use your back muscles, not your arms," he teased as you tumbled to the ground once again. 
-"How could you know?" you snapped back, frustrated.
-He stopped, his lone wing retracting. 
-You realized the impact of your words.
- "Shit, Nik, sorry, that's not what I meant."
-"It's okay, but I used to fly in the past, you know. Don't doubt my abilities again."
-"Of course, I... It's just frustrating to see everyone else succeeding."
"-It's okay. Ghost took six months to fly; Soap burned his wing three times," Nikolai said. "So, don't doubt, Солнце."
-"Really?" you laughed.
-"Yes, so don't doubt, Солнце."
-"Isn't it difficult to watch all those angels and not feel free like them?" you asked, a question no one had posed to him before.
-"It is, but I deserved it."
-"You just loved someone. I don't think it was worth the punishment," you whispered.
-"Maybe, but I betrayed my mission."
-"I still think you did it for good reasons. The world isn't black and white. Sometimes we have to be gray. Loving them, it's not a crime."
-He stayed silent. "Maybe."
-"Sorry, I overstepped, but I think it's unfair they treat you like this. Graves is keeping his wings when he had killed people to succeed in his missions, not very guardian angel of him."
-"You're right, but we can't do anything."
-"I will. I'll fight for you. Use my wings to give yours back," you said, determined.
-That day, Nik felt a spark—the same one that had cost him his wings. 
-The one who was back with you. 
-He ignored it. 
-"If you say so, I'll watch you doing it," he chuckled.
-Little did he know, you would succeed and restore his wings. 
-Perhaps, one day, Nikolai would fly again with his wings and not a helicopter.
A L E J A N D R O :
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-He was sent to protect you, to help you to expose the truth.
-You, a journalist delving into a precarious story surrounding the cartel's sway
-. Alejandro understood the gravity of this mission; his entire previous life had been defined by this relentless fight against the cartel.
- With unwavering dedication, he vowed to shield you with all his heart.
-Thus, he concealed himself, surveilling your residence, neutralizing all dangers, confronting cartel members seeking to harm you under the cover of darkness.
- His magic thwarted explosive threats, and he meticulously tarnished the reputations of those aiming to intimidate you after your initial article.
- He stood watch, silently guarding you.
-His cover was blown one day. In your apartment, a cartel member lay unconscious at his feet.
-"So it was you?" you inquired.
-"I can explain," he stammered.
-"You were the one protecting me, weren't you? I've never felt threatened since my colleagues shared their ordeals. Only words, never physical harm or bombs. My family is unharmed. Someone protected me. It's you, isn't it?"
-Your perceptiveness impressed him.
-"Yes," he admitted.
-"You should have said something. I can pay you if needed. Being a bodyguard for someone who challenges cartels must be challenging."
-"Not as challenging as being a colonel fighting the cartel in my previous life," he thought but refrained from saying.
-"It's okay. I don't need a salary."
-"Then live with me. Let me repay you, in a way. This way, you can keep an eye on me 24/7 but still have a place to stay."
-It was tempting, avoiding the need to surveil you from across the street, being able to follow you closely to prevent traps.
-"Okay," he accepted.
-Gradually, he became a fixture in your life. You shared your findings, and he assisted during investigations, often necessitating clandestine break-ins to gather information. 
-He marveled at how you managed to stay alive with your audacious pursuits.
-But with each cartel member arrested due to your articles, he felt satisfaction and pride. You were making a difference.
-Until one day, the absence of the familiar sound of typing alarmed him. 
-Racing to your room, he found you lifeless, a bullet wound in your head. 
-How was this possible? He had used his magic for protective measures, installed cameras.
- Then he noticed it—a black wing on the floor, a fallen angel turned malevolent.
-He knew who was responsible—Valeria. Of course, she would be entangled in the sinister web of cartels. Mierda...
L A S S W E L L :
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--She was sent to ensure peace.
-You, a fledgling diplomat, had just entered the scene.
-In a matter of months, a critical meeting loomed on the horizon. 
-Unfortunately, one of the other ambassadors harbored nefarious plans. 
-Their aim? To ensnare you, hold your country responsible for an attack, derail any alliance, shatter hopes of peace, and plunge nations into war.
-Laswell, tasked with preventing this diplomatic catastrophe, sought to guide you through the treacherous world of international relations.
-Gaining your trust, however, proved to be a formidable challenge.
-You toiled in isolation, reluctant to confide even in an assistant. 
-Acutely aware of the sordid nature of politics, you had no intention of succumbing to manipulation or falling prey to powerful lobby interests.
-To demonstrate her capabilities, Laswell embarked on a mission to help you confront a corrupt mayor. 
-When she successfully ousted him and exposed the truth, despite the mayor's pervasive connections, you were compelled to extend a job offer.
-"Thanks for this. I couldn't have done it without you. He had connections everywhere," you expressed your gratitude.
-"I have connections too, but I guess mine are just better than his," she replied with a hint of confidence.
-A chuckle escaped your lips.
-It was evident that Laswell, fueled by a genuine commitment to peace, would prevail. 
-Witnessing the purity of your heart, she found solace.
- She had observed how the hearts of political figures often tarnished when power came into play, but you remained an exception.
-"You're a remarkable diplomat, never doubt that," she reassured.
-"Maybe, but niceties don't seal alliances or foster peace," you sighed. "Money does, and we don't have it."
-Together, you delved into the intricacies of contracts and gathered information about other nations.
- Nights were spent in your office, surrounded by take-out containers, punctuated by jokes that lightened the mood while maintaining a serious focus on work.
-Gradually, Laswell began to open up to you. 
-Of course, she concealed her past as a CIA agent, weaving a narrative that shielded her secrets. Yet, you felt a sense of security in her presence.
-One evening during a break, you asked,
-"Do you have someone, Kate? You're always here with me, and I wouldn't want your significant other to worry."
-"I had someone," she admitted.
-"Sorry to hear that," you responded.
-"It's okay. It was a long time ago, like a previous life," she joked, though the truth lingered beneath the surface.
-"How were they?" you inquired.
-"She, and she was wonderful. My wife. I could have given everything to her, except I didn't. I didn't give her my time. I was working too hard."
-"Did you divorce?" you asked.
-"No, but I quitted my job for her."
-"Oh."
-"It was the right thing to do. She deserved it," she smiled.
-"And you never met anyone after?"
-"No.”
-Because after that, she died old and happy with her wife, before becoming a guardian angel.
-She never looked for love.
-"No, but maybe someday." Laswell said
-"I don't doubt it," you chuckled.
-"And you?"
-"I'm too busy with my work. They say I'm mostly married to it," you attempted to joke, but Kate sensed the underlying sadness.
-"You'll meet someone. You're a great person."
-"Thanks," you replied, returning to your work. 
-After weeks of collaboration, Kate unearthed a drug affair involving the other diplomat and dealt with it discreetly.
-On the day of the crucial meeting, the peace offer was accepted without hesitation, thanks to the covert threat.
- The treaties were signed, and a sigh of relief echoed through the diplomatic corridors.
-However, when Laswell awaited her next mission, she discovered a surprise.
-Your name resurfaced, but the mission had taken an unexpected turn.
-"Marry them."
-Confused, Laswell pondered the note. Guardian angels can't love humans. Then, she noticed a message on the back.
-"You deserve a retreat, Kate. And they're your type. Enjoy it. - John."
-She chuckled. John, always meddling where he wasn't needed.
- However, she didn’t know if she would marry you or not but this life as a diplomat, reshaping the world for the better, was the love she had found."
F A R A H :
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-She had been sent to infuse you with the strength to confront adversity with courage and resilience.
- Once a firefighter, you had walked away from the profession after a tragic incident where a child lost his life in a fire. 
-Your attempts to alert your boss about the suspicious nature of the recent fires fell on deaf ears, and disillusioned, you resigned. 
-The question lingered: Why be a firefighter if you couldn't save lives?
-Farah had been dispatched to restore your inner fortitude because, deep down, you were right
-Those recent fires were no accidents. 
-Only you had the power to uncover the truth, having been the sole observer of the pattern.
- Fate placed her as your neighbor, but your demeanor was reticent, a mere husk of your former self.
-Observing your silent suffering, Farah chose a bold approach. 
-She ignited a fire in her own apartment using a toaster, triggering your instincts. 
-Without hesitation, you rushed to her aid with a fire extinguisher, quelling the flames.
-"Thanks, I don't know what happened," she lied, keenly observing the adrenaline coursing through your veins and the relief in your eyes.
-"It's okay; toasters can be tricky, many of them catch fire," you reassured her.
-"Do you often see that?" she inquired.
-"I'm a firefighter," you paused, correcting yourself, "was, sorry."
-She smiled, finding solace in your continued identification with the role.
-"You quit? Injuries?" she probed.
-"No, I... it just wasn't for me."
-"It doesn't seem that way," she said, nodding towards the fire extinguisher still in your grasp.
-"It was just a reflex."
-"Hmm, if you say so. You know, just because there are some bad firefighters doesn't mean you have to quit," she remarked.
-"True, but sometimes it's hard to... fight when you're alone."
-She understood. Without the support of people in her past as Karim, Farah would never have succeeded. 
-"But without brave people like you, the bad ones win," she emphasized.
-"Maybe," you conceded, "but... why am I discussing this with you? I don't even know you," you whispered.
-"It's easier to confess to a stranger, especially one with a burnt toaster," she joked.
-You chuckled, finding an unexpected comfort in her presence.
-"Maybe you're right. I just... I felt useless. I knew something was wrong with those fires, that we should have saved those kids, but... no one believed me. Maybe they're right."
-"Or maybe not. Now we'll never know since you quit," she countered.
"-Maybe..." you sighed.
-"I can help you," she offered.
-"How?" you inquired.
-"I'm a journalist," she lied, "if those fires are really peculiar, then I have a great article, and you could regain your job."
-"…But it means investigating my own brigade."
-"Betrayal often comes from those close to us," she said, recalling what did Hadir.
-"You're right, okay," you agreed.
-And so, the investigation began. Farah watched as the embers of your internal fire reignited. You didn't give up. 
-Gathering evidence, taking photographs, you uncovered a shocking revelation: a colleague was a pyromaniac, deliberately setting fires to play the role of a savior, to feel godlike.
-Presenting the proof to journalists, your chief could no longer cover for the rogue colleague. Farah felt a surge of pride for you.
-"You fought well," she commended.
-"I'll continue, thanks, Farah," you said, embracing her, the lingering scent of burnt still on your clothes after your mission.
-"Never give up, even when I'm gone," she whispered.
-"Never," you smiled.
-When her mission changed, she left you a collar. Months later, Farah noticed how you kept it as a talisman.
- She smiled, realizing that although she couldn't stay, your strength and hers would forever be intertwined.
K Ö N I G :
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-He had been sent to rekindle your passion, to bring happiness back into your life. 
-Once a talented dancer, you had abandoned your love for dance in favor of a more practical career, burdened by financial responsibilities. 
-Your parents, disapproving of a dancing career, further added to the weight on your shoulders.
-König, however, was on a mission to reignite your love for your hobby and give your heart what it truly desired.
- So, in your building, he discreetly posted a classified ad seeking a dance teacher for the waltz.
-When you stumbled upon the ad, you thought, "Why not?"
-A little extra income wouldn't hurt, and you missed the joy of dancing. Intrigued, you decided to respond to his ad, accepting his offer.
-Little did König anticipate that it would work. 
-Now, with his towering 2-meter frame, he found himself awkwardly attempting to move like a swan without crushing your feet. The stress was palpable.
-“Breathe and focus on me, not on yourself,” you instructed, guiding his hands to rest on your waist. 
-Slowly, with the accompaniment of a piano, you led him through the graceful movements of the waltz.
-Suddenly, it felt like home. Memories flooded back – the aroma of onions and Zwiebelrostbraten cooking, the cramped kitchen adorned with peculiar pictures, his mother's gentle dance, and him on her feet as she attempted to teach him how to dance. 
-Dancing, he thought, could be so beautiful, and those who tried to prevent such feelings were truly awful.
-You noticed the sparkle in König's eyes, a reflection of the passion you had years ago.
- “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” you remarked.
-“Yes, it’s like we’re floating,” he responded.
-“Waltz is beautiful. I…I wanted to compete when I was younger – waltz, salsa, and more.”
-“What stopped you?”
-“My parents. They said I would never be good enough to make a living from it. And they're right; only a few dancers can sustain themselves.”
-“But you could still live through it in a different way.”
-“How?”
-“Teaching it. Many dancers become teachers.”
-“I don’t have connections, König. Studios prefer people with a reputation.”
-“Then I’ll spread the word. You’re a great teacher. I mean, you made me dance the waltz, and I'm a giant,” he joked.
-You smiled. “Because you’re a great student.”
-“Nein, believe me, I can’t dance without you.”
-And so, König set his plans into motion, praising your classes to everyone. 
-Soon, a married couple sought your expertise, and as their marriage flourished, the word spread. 
-Requests poured in, and slowly you amassed a following.
-König, with his mysterious charm, helped you secure a studio.
- Although you maintained your part-time job, you now knew you could live from dance.
-“I’ll quit,” you whispered, nervous. “I need to quit to have more classes and finally be happy.”
-“Good, you deserve it,” he smiled.
-“Thanks. Without you, I probably would never have been brave enough to do it.”
-“I’m here to support you,” he assured, even though he missed holding you in his arms and waltzing with you.
-He asked for one last dance to celebrate. Unbeknownst to you, he would soon leave.
-As you danced, he felt your heart beating fast, resonating with happiness. 
-When a paper appeared in his pocket with another name and another mission, he looked back at you. 
-Perhaps now, when alone, König would practice the waltz for the day he would meet you again.
R O A C H :
 
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TW : death (not of Roach or you though) + (i kinda create a past for him, I know it's not canon)
-He was sent to help you to protect Orion.
-The problem was, he had no clue who Orion was.
- Despite attempting to tap into his powers, all he could extract were names: Orion and yours. 
-Thus, he met you out and forged a close friendship, yet Orion remained elusive.
- Not in your familial ties, not as a romantic interest or enemies—nowhere. 
-Until one day, after returning from work, you shared an anecdote about Orion.
-Orion.
- A four-year-old boy. 
-Suddenly, it dawned on him; he comprehended his purpose
-. Roach, with his own history in foster care, knew he was selected because he understood the flaws in the system and how one could make a difference by adopting a child.
- However, Orion had loving parents, leaving Roach perplexed.
-"He's a sweet boy," you smiled.
-He reciprocated with a smile, albeit tinged with fear. 
-Did this mean Orion would lose his parents? 
-Or was he expected to kill them? 
-Roach was uncertain, prompting him to shadow Orion's residence, using his expertise in navigating air ducts, he was not called  Roach for nothing, air ducts were his things.
-As he observed, nothing seemed amiss until he spotted it: a crack in the wall. 
- Regrettably, before he could extricate himself from the air duct, the building collapsed. 
-The landlords had ignored warnings about the need for renovations, leading to the tragedy. 
-Roach barely escaped the ruins, coughing and trying to find his way out.
-Then, he heard Orion's voice. 
-Under a table, the little boy clutched his deceased mother's hand. 
-Roach froze; there was no doubt, Orion's parents were gone. 
-Why was he sent to manage this? 
- Why wasn't he tasked with preventing the tragedy or saving them?
- Why did Orion have to endure such a harrowing experience?
-He crawled to Orion, embracing him as the boy cried and screamed. 
-He waited with him at ER, refusing to leave despite your attempts to reach him. He only sent you a text “at ER”
-You joined him and he…he could only express his pain through a silent hug.
-You and Roach became determined to ensure Orion wouldn't be left in the system after such trauma.
- Despite the challenges, you visited every day, dealing with bureaucracy and, with Roach's magical assistance, eventually adopting Orion
-. Roach didn't leave; he remained a steadfast companion in your collective journey.
-It wasn't easy—Orion was confused, lost, and traumatized. 
-Yet, through your unwavering support, he slowly began to open up to both you and Roach.
- A family emerged, something Roach had only discovered in his twenties during his time in the military.
- He was grateful that Orion could experience it now, but he couldn't bring himself to leave.
-Each day brought the fear of a new mission, a new departure. Until one day, Ghost appeared in your flat.
-"What are you doing here?" Roach questioned.
-"Cutting your wings," Ghost responded.
-Roach recoiled. "I never kissed them." he said, yes he loved you, but he never tried…
-"Roach…"
-"You can't take them away from me, please L.T. I don't want to lose everyone like I lost you and the unit."
-"I’ll cut your wings so you can become human, Roach, not to punish you."
-Roach halted. "You—"
-"You deserve it."
-"Thanks, L.T."
-"You're welcome," Ghost whispered, cutting his wings.
-Roach felt pain but also a strange sense of freedom. He smiled at Ghost and let him leave. Finally, he had found a family.
_____
_If you want more : my COD masterlist
_My masterlist
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shallyouobeyme · 7 months
Text
Map
Platonic!Yandere!Damian x reader (GN)
Summary: Damian and you have to work on a project together and he realizes how you seem to be invisible to everyone else - how you want to be invisible - and something in him makes him want, no need, to figure out why...
! Minors Do Not Interact !
TW: Domestic abuse (not shown directly), planned kidnapping, Dark content, yandere, This is all fiction, I do not condone this
Day 4 of my Yandere Writetober, Tomorrow word is 'Golden' so if you have any ideas lemme know
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People did not think Damian was sentimental, most of all his family. If a person had an idea of who Damian was, but wasn’t close to him or hasn’t personally met him then they could probably still assume that in private he might be a bit more emotional than in public. This person would be wrong though. Sure, in private Damian might be a little more open and showed a few more emotions, but most of those were rage, pettiness and sarcasm. Damian was a lot of things, but definitely not sentimental. At least not usual. And then you came into his life. 
From the moment he was born, Damian had a map of how exactly his life would be played out. Then he was brought to his family and the map changed. From wanting to become the next head of the League of Assassins, he now wanted to become the next Batman. He wanted to step up once his father needed to step down and take his rightful place as the head of the family. Alone.
Everyone and everything else that was a hindrance in that way - be it his age, school, villains, friends or even his own family - was just an obstacle on the map of his life. He thought you'd be just the same, a Problem to be taken care of and to leave behind. Just another annoying child in his class - which Bruce insisted he attend - that weren't fit for the reality of life he faced every single day. It was just typical that he had to be stuck with you working on a project for a class in which he had a grade to make up, because of too many absences. He didn't bother to question why you had to do the project, he just wanted to get it over with.
"I'll be doing the project - I doubt you could help anyways - and you can just put your name on it as well, then I don't have to bother with you," Damian sneered to you once class was disbanded, already more than done with you and with the situation. You seemed to turn into yourself and he recognized how shy and intimidated you were and if he had been just a tad more empathetic he'd feel bad. Damian rolled his eyes and turned to leave when your hand tugged on his uniform's blazer.
"Uhm... I-I'm sorry, but-but I'd really like to-to work on the project together, I-I really need this grade," you stuttered, your head lowered in shame, even though you had no real reason to be ashamed. Damian wanted to make a snide comment about how the project was definitely better off if he was doing it on his own, but something about how small and fragile you looked kept him from doing so.
That was the first detour from the life on his map. That moment of emotion that no one witnessed, not even you because of how your head was held down. And it was only the beginning. He scoffed at your request, but it wasn't truly malicious like before.
"Fine, but we'll do it at your place today after school, no discussion," Damian stated and left no room for arguments, turning around and leaving the room, not hearing your small sound of protest.
During the rest of the school day, Damian couldn't help but watch you from the corner of his eyes, he saw how you were hidden in your uniform, seemingly wanting to merge with the backdrop of the classroom, how you kept completely to yourself and seemingly managed to become completely invisible to anyone but him and some of your teachers.
So after school, he had to keep his eyes peeled open to see you come out since you really seemed to disappear between all the other students. He went over to you and told you to lead the way home, not bothering to offer to have Alfred drive the two of you since, for reasons he didn't understand himself, he wanted to spend the time with you alone. Detour number two.
The way to your home was spent in silence, Damian looking around sceptically and you turned into yourself like you always seemed to be. The route to your home took you out of the more or less safe and high-income neighbourhood of Gotham Academy to the less secure area not that different from the region around Crime Alley. He wondered how your parents were able to afford your tuition for Gotham Academy, but he knew that you were rather good in school so he figured you were on a scholarship.
When you finally arrived at a rundown apartment complex you brought him to a flat on the fifth story, carefully opening the door as if you were afraid of making any sound.
"I'm sorry if it's a bit messy," you mumbled vaguely in his direction as you carefully opened the door and Damian realized it was the first thing he had seen you say since you had asked him to let you work on the project as well. Then you lead him into the apartment and everything somewhat fell into place.
To say it was a bit messy was an understatement. There were empty bottles of beer, vodka, wine and all other kinds of alcoholic beverages, Damian even caught sight of some less legal substances, but he decided not to mention them aloud, already seeing based on the darkening colour of your face and the way you tried to avoid looking anywhere near him that you were highly ashamed and emberassed. Detour number three.
He saw how you looked through the open doors into the other - not cleaner - rooms and he could hear your relieved sigh when there was no one else in there with the two of you. Then you lead him into your room if one could call it a room, which had a size just barely big enough for a measly small bed, a box usually meant for laundry filled with your clothes and a small desk that looked like you had taken it from the side of the road. There was no chair or even a stool.
Damian noticed Jason's influence - much to his anger - when his first thought was that 'Harry Potter would feel bad for you'. His next thought was that you didn't deserve to live like that, that you deserved better. Detour number four brought him right off of the road like never before.
"Uhm... You-You can sit on the bed if that's okay, I'll-I'll sit on the floor, then we can work on the project," you spoke hesitantly and shuffled to sit on what little space was left on the floor, but was stopped when Damian pulled you to sit beside him on the bed.
"There's enough space here for both of us," he argued and turned to you. "But- uhm- we don't have any space for the project then."
You were right, he supposed, as he saw that both of you sitting on the bed were basically taking up all the mattress had to offer. He sighed and decided that he was already neck deep into whatever was happening so he might as well see where it was going.
"Then we won't do the project today," he stated in the same tone that left nothing up for discussion and you seemed almost relieved, "We can work on it tomorrow after school in the library."
"O-Okay, I'm sorry it's so-" You stopped in your tracks, seemingly on the verge of tears, and then gave it another go, "-I'm sorry you came here for nothing, I can lead you to the door."
"I'm not leaving yet," Damian said much to your surprise as he saw the shock displayed on your face, "first I want you to tell me what is going on here." He tried to tell himself that it was just his vigilante persona shining through, but deep inside he knew it was you that made him so curious about this situation.
"What do you mean?" you squeaked, obviously - but badly - trying to hide something. Damian let his instincts lead him as he quickly took your hand and pulled up your sleeve, he had been noticing how you were playing with it every time you were scared or ashamed. He wasn't all too surprised to see blue, purple, green and yellow splotches littered over the area, some bruises new, some old. You tried to pull your hand away, but Damian's grip stayed strong.
He pulled your hand even closer to him as he inspected the arm and asked: "Did your parents do that to you?" He looked up at your face and saw tears welling up in your eyes. It made you look even more fragile and delicate than he already thought you looked like throughout the day, but it also made this rage well up inside of Damian. How dare these people make you cry, how dare they hurt you. He wanted to rip them apart, wanted to make sure nothing and no one ever hurt you again.
"Tell me the truth, I will help you, I promise," Damian encouraged you and received a weak nod from you as your tears started to flow down your face in streaks. "Okay, give me a second, I'll be right back, don't worry." Damian used his blazer's sleeve to gently wipe away some of the tears - something that his family would believe to be a lie if you had told him about it - and got up to leave the room to call Alfred to come pick him and you up.
He told Alfred that he'd be inviting a friend for a sleepover, hanging up on a too-stunned-to-speak Alfred who was surely already on his way to inform Bruce of this new development, he didn't bother to tell him that he planned for it to be a more... permanent... sleepover.
You needed him, you needed him to protect you, to care for you, to make sure you never again had a reason to cry. You were such a pure, fragile soul, one that didn't deserve to be left alone in this cruel world, he was sure that once his father had met you he'd understand. He'd feel the same way. You'd be safe with them, they'd become your family, the family you deserved and needed.
And if Bruce didn't agree if Bruce told him that he was crazy, that he couldn't just take you away from your life, no matter how bad it was, and take over your entire existence... well, he had already become ready to derail his entire plan, had become ready to redraw the entire map of his life just for him to have you along, so he might as well return to his roots because he was sure his mother would be more than happy to take you in as long as it made Damian return...
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thesuperiorrobin · 1 year
Text
“Punished by my body”
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Pairing: Damian Wayne x Fem!Reader
Word count: 748
Warning: Periods!Yay😒
(A/n: currently writing this as I suffer bc I decided not to have a baby 😔)
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Damian thinks you’re mad at him. And he doesn’t know why. You haven’t been to school in two days and you’ve been responding with one word—if he’s lucky maybe five words text response. He can’t visit you at night for a week because he’s grounded and last time he tried to sneak out while he was grounded it didn’t end well. During school he tries to think of anything that made you mad at him—writing down a list of things you don’t like him doing, to checking calendars to see if he had missed any important dates. But he can’t find anything. His last resort? Buying flowers and going to your home to apologize personally. And that’s what he did,
Damian standing in front of your door with a beautiful bouquet of flowers in hand that probably cost him a fortune. He’s still in his school uniform. He’s hesitant when he knocks on your door and he doesn’t know why. The first knock there’s no response. He tries again nothing. A third time and still nothing. He goes to knock a fourth time the door swings open harshly.
“What the hell do you wa—oh Damian!” And there you were. Hair messy, still in your tank top, plaid black loose pajamas pants from the night before. Damian frowns. “What are you doing here?” You move out of the way to let him in. Once he steps foot into your home he hears you close the door softly.
“I came to apologize. '' He turns to look down at you—handing you the bundle of flowers in his hand. You take them, confused
“apologize for what exactly?”
“Your absence? Your few word responses when it comes to our message? Are you not mad at me?” You stare up at his head tilted to the side in confusion before you let out a small laugh. Damian doesn’t understand why you’re laughing
“you’re adorable” you sigh out.
“So you aren’t mad at me?”
“No. I just….haven’t been feeling well is all”Damian's quick to place the back of his hand against your forehead
“Are you sick? You should be in bed resting” you shake your head. His hand slowly sliding done gently—finding its place right on your cheek.
“I'm fine. Not sick. My own body is just mad at me for not having a child growing in me right now” you let out a small laugh. Damian doesn’t comprehend it well—it isn’t until you're leaning on him, your hand gripping his forearm tightly with a pained expression on your face.
You’re suffering from a disease that women call a period.
He doesn’t say much as he takes the flowers from your hand, placing it on a wooden stand by the door and he drags you to your living room couch. Where he has you sit.
“Do you need anything?” You shake your head and grab his hand, pulling him down so he can sit beside you.
“No, just sit down with me? Please?” Damian doesn’t argue—he doesn’t even mention the fact that he is still in fact grounded and has to go home. But you’re more important anyway and he can deal with his father nagging later. Damian ends up placing your legs over his lap as your back leans up against the arm of the couch.
Your relaxation doesn’t last long though—it’s not until you feel a shooting pain down your lower abdomen. Damian can feel your legs go tense against his own. Your pain expression doesn’t go unnoticed by him and he doesn’t like seeing you in pain—a part of him wishes he can just get rid of it but he knows he can’t because it’s just part of life. Which sucks. He doesn’t think twice when his arm reaches out and slides the waist of your pants down a little. Showing your stomach and lower part of it. Gently and softly with fingers glide across your lower abdomen. Damian has naturally warm hands. That’s why you like them so much. A soft sigh escapes your lips as you lean further down and relax.
“Thank you” he doesn’t say anything and keeps his focus on the T.V..
His phone rings beside him and he can already tell it’s his father. He ignores it and keeps massaging  the same spot gently.
He doesn’t stop even if you’ve fallen asleep.
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lolomidi · 2 months
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The Price of Entertainment: An Episode-By-Episode Analysis of Alastor's Facade
I don’t think any character in Hazbin Hotel has been discussed as much as Alastor, and it’s a testament to how much the writers put in his character that the mystery of his intentions, past, and contract have been so debated on.
There are some takes I vehemently disagree with, but something a lot of people seem to have settled on is that Alastor is, behind his massive ego and cool-headed persona, insecure about his place in Hell after his long “sabbatical.” I want to do an episode-by-episode analysis of Alastor’s behavior and how Season 1 shifts our view of him from an unquestionably powerful Overlord to something with more depth, and while I won’t be speculating on who owns his soul and how he’ll break that contract in those post, I will take a guess at the future of his character in a narrative sense. I will also implicitly be addressing my issues with some of the conclusions others have made, or at least playing devil's advocate.
NOTE: I want to clarify that none of this is meant to depict Alastor as some poor woobie. He’s still awful. He’s in Hell for several reasons and being a serial killer is only one of them. Rather, I want to analyze what is shown to us about him, and how those story beats can be used to determine where he’ll end up by the finale of the series.
ALSO NOTE: I haven’t followed all of VivziePop’s comments outside of the show about the characters, and it’s possible that certain details have been changed between the release of the pilot and the show, so take any mentions of what hasn’t been explicitly depicted within the show with a grain of salt.
___
Part 1: Recap Analysis
This section will consist of commentary regarding Alastor's appearance and behavior in the given episodes, with retrospection based on new information given in later episodes if needed.
“Overture”: Alastor is pretty one-to-one with his depiction in the pilot in the first episode. He’s snarky, open about his sadism, but helpful if begrudgingly so. Interestingly, he’s able to put together a well-edited, if tonally awful, commercial, and probably could have done better if he weren’t intentionally being an ass about it. From the finale we know that he and Vox likely used to have a more magnanimous relationship, and it’s likely that he picked up some tools of the digital trade in that time despite or before being turned off completely by it.
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“Radio Killed the Video Star”: Vox effectively plays heel for Alastor this episode as we continue that first impression of the Radio Demon. We spend a good time showing off the former’s power and how far his roots have spread throughout Hell’s society, only for Alastor to effortlessly trounce him and steal from his audience, despite being gone for so long and his position in Hell less stable. This indicates that Alastor does still have pull, but at the same time that his position in the hierarchy of Hell is being contested due to the length of his absence. He deals with it easily here, but we’ll see in subsequent episodes that things aren’t as smooth as they first seem.
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“Scrambled Eggs”: In terms of the eggs, there’s not much to talk about. He begrudgingly accepts Vaggie’s request to get rid of them “humanely,” but brings them back to the hotel after they prove to be useful spies.
More importantly, we get our first small hint that Alastor’s ego can be bruised when Carmilla doesn’t humor him during the meeting between Overlords. Now, I actually disagree with a lot of the takes on this episode in that I think it indicates that at least some of Alastor’s views and need to prove himself as a powerful Overlord are the result of self-delusion. Yes, he does need to reestablish himself as a person not to be messed with after being gone for so long, but I think it isn’t as bad as some are making it out to be, which makes his behavior in later episodes more strange and excessive if anything.
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Carmilla, who mind you is a busy and stressed woman trying to hide the fact that she’s successfully murdered an angel, hits his ego by not caring where he’s been (something he wouldn’t have revealed in the first place), but she also welcomes him back, which is more than you could say to Velvette and by extension the Vees. And minutes before that, Zestial, who’s probably the highest on their totem pole, does go out of his way to meet with Alastor and inquire about where he’s been. Alastor himself gets over the slight pretty quickly and has no issue contributing to the meeting. Overall, he isn’t necessarily terrifying other overlords, but he still has an established place with them and they do seem to get along well enough. He’s “part of the group” unlike the Vees, who are treated more like upstart outsiders.
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I also want to point out that despite Zestial likely outranking Alastor in power, they seem to be alright with each other. Alastor is cordial and does not demonstrate a desire to antagonize him like he does Lucifer in the next episode. Speaking of which…
“Dad Beat Dad”: This episode gives us a lot to chew on and is the first major indicator that Alastor’s issues go beyond wanting to be the center of the room. From the very moment Lucifer walks into the hotel*, his eye is twitching and he is visibly pissed. Lucifer undermining him (notably contrasting Zestial, who is polite despite his power) doesn’t help and makes Alastor let loose his first swear in the entire show. Being the petty bitch he is, Alastor, knowing he can’t intimidate Lucifer in any way, immediately goes for his weak point–Charlie–and plays up the role of a caretaker for her and the hotel. It’s a low blow, but it also feels like a defense–he’s signaling to Lucifer that this is his hotel, that things are taken care of already, and that they do not need his assistance, even though they ultimately do in order to get a meeting with Heaven.
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But then things get more complicated with the appearance of Mimzy, who, to the surprise of several characters due to his solitary nature, was friends with Alastor all the way back when they were alive, and she carries a load of implications with her. She’s the only crack so far at what a “human” Alastor is like–apparently he’s a heavyweight drinker, a good dancer, and most notably, in Mimzy’s words, a sweet man who "becomes a kitten" when he's drunk. This is a huge departure from the unflappable, egotistical Radio Demon we’ve known up to now, and I think it’s a purposeful choice that we’re hearing this information but not shown it like his early days in Hell just prior. It’s simultaneously left to the imagination but difficult to do so because it contrasts so heavily with everything that has been shown to us beforehand. Another thing is that Mimzy is sure that Alastor will clean up her mess–and apparently this isn’t the first time he has, if Husk is anything to go by. So many people seem to miss this, but Alastor, who hates being tied down or disrespected, has been allowing Mimzy to leech off of him, presumably due to their past friendship making him turn a blind eye.
Alastor is on edge for this entire episode and is already unusually snappy when Husk addresses Mimzy, and pushing the button that was his contract is what sends him over the edge. His temper exploding is a direct result of his feeling that his control over both the hotel (via Lucifer) and his personal life (via Husk’s “doubt” that he can handle everything and that his reputation is what it used to be, plus the reminder of his deal) is being taken away from him. Alastor’s threat to Husk, which seems to not be his usual behavior if Husk’s willingness to show concern and talk back in the first place is anything to go by, is an attempt to remind both of them that he holds the cards, that he’s a powerful Overlord that is not to be trifled with, and he explicitly says as much when he goes out to deal with what Mimzy’s dragged in.
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It’s only after he lets his anger out on the mobsters and “proves himself” that he visibly calms down and makes the logical decision to tell Mimzy to leave with a serious attitude, and also doesn’t antagonize anyone for the rest of the episode. It seems like despite his fury earlier, he was listening to Husk, who’s rightfully smug about it. He’s even present when Charlie declares her desire to protect her people, and his smile seems just a tad bit more genuine.
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*Note: it’s not impossible that Alastor has some sort of personal grudge against Lucifer which caused his hate-on-first-sight, depending on the circumstances of his disappearance and contract (i.e. if it’s with Lilith).
“Hello Rosie!”: As opposed to Dad Beat Dad, Hello Rosie is arguably where we see Alastor at his most in-his-element. He gives off a lot of conflicting vibes at the beginning, from mocking Charlie’s distress to, in a shockingly honest moment, lecturing her about the importance of a smile to portray strength, a card we’d only been shown due to comments outside of the show. He smugly holds his knowledge over Charlie’s head but is visibly impatient to have her make a blank check of a deal with him, solid enough to benefit him but vague enough so that Charlie won’t feel immediately threatened. He’s clearly been waiting for an opportunity like this since the events of the pilot.
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After that, he puts back on his gentleman’s demeanor and introduces Charlie to Rosie, and from here on he’s arguably at his most comfortable in the entire show. He’s relaxed around Rosie and is actually willing to ask for her help (something I can’t see him doing with any other character), casually complains about Susan, is encouraging to and praises Charlie even behind her back, and most notably, gives her his radio cane unprompted. More on that later. He also mentioned wanting to guide Charlie to Rosie specifically, implying that he was being genuine about wanting to act as a mentor to her, though his intentions are probably self-beneficial.
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“The Show Must Go On”: The finale is arguably the most revealing episode on what Alastor’s inner world is like, as we see him unmasked several times. For one, his private admission to Niffty, the closest thing he has to a friend within the hotel, that he’s enjoyed watching the other residents connect to each other. This is in direct opposition to his initial (stated) reason for helping the hotel in that he wanted to watch them all fail, and yet he seems content with his initial assumptions being proven wrong. There’s no malice or sarcasm in this moment, he’s relaxed and talking to someone he relatively trusts.
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And so he goes into the battle swinging and confident. Then, of course, Adam.
I want to bring up something before we keep going. Yes, fighting Adam without angelic weaponry was a needless risk. Yes, Alastor fell victim to the very sloppiness and arrogance he accused Adam of, and it’s thematically appropriate that he was the only one to lose his battle in that he was fighting for his own ego more than “love.” But also, people seem to forget that Alastor is the only demon in the entire show with a precedent for permakilling without an explicit reliance on angelic weaponry, as the Overlords he toppled in his original rampage seem to have never returned. He’s egotistical, but not stupid. He may have genuinely believed that he had the means to kill Adam himself but didn’t get the chance/couldn’t due to his contract or absence possibly weakening him. But that's speculation for another day.
So, he has to retreat before Adam double-taps his ass and is too injured to return until after the extermination. He makes a grand exit, but not before grabbing the broken pieces of his radio cane. The one he allowed Charlie to use just an episode prior, and presumably is a conduit for his powers, and he grabs it while a murderous angel is inches away from wiping him off the face of Hell.
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His portion of “Finale” is the first time we see him singing alone and not playing off someone in a duet. It’s obvious that he’s trying to keep his composure, still speaking to himself in his artificial transatlantic accent (which we now know for a fact he doesn't need to do, seeing as he finally broke character when Adam wrecked his cane) and reassuring himself that he’ll come out on top next time. But here his front shatters and we openly see what the show has been hinting he is for the first time: a deeply paranoid, desperate, and unstable man.
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Essentially the worst-case scenario has happened: after a season of interfering with every attempt to capture him on camera, Vox has footage of him at his lowest point for all of Hell to see, and he’ll have “died” a martyr, a weakling, and still in the chains of an unwanted contract. For Alastor, who is so deeply afraid of showing any sign of vulnerability, who wants to be seen as a monstrous Overlord, it’s understandable that this humiliation is enough to send him into a mental spiral and recant any fondness for the hotel in favor of accomplishing his own goals. Worse yet, when we next see him he gives zero indication of any of this even when Charlie and company are simply glad that he's alive, which leaves us to wonder: has he been like this behind the smile from the very beginning?
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___
Part 2: Closing Thoughts and Future Speculation
With everything we’ve taken note of above, we can start to piece together a picture of who this guy is, and what the writers are going to do with him.
Alastor is sentimental. It’s not just his attachment to older technology or his love for being the center of everyone's attention. He likes being around people, he has friends, one of which he continuously indulged despite her using him multiple times, and he ultimately was starting to enjoy his time at the hotel before his defeat spooked him. Despite him using her, the fact that he was even willing to let Charlie use his cane (and note that he takes it from her as soon as she’s given a substitute, so that is a significant gesture for him) is an implicit display of trust whose implications don’t become apparent until the finale.
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But this is paired with deep insecurity. Alastor, despite being one of the most powerful people in the Pride Ring, has a crippling fear of being seen as vulnerable or “lesser” by others. There could be multiple overlapping reasons for this: the general climate of Hell, whatever happened to him seven years ago, his experiences as a mixed-race human living in Prohibition-era Louisiana, his original death, a natural predisposition, etc.
Regardless, this anxiety of his is so overwhelming that, when paired with the ever-present stress of not owning his own soul, it’s driving him insane. He made a splash in Hell upon entry and now he’s desperately trying to reinvoke that in order to defend himself both physically and mentally. He’s the gifted kid who’s slowly going nuts trying to keep up an impossible momentum as they grow older. He’s an ex-human denying his humanity because he doesn’t want to feel human. Everyone’s out to get him, and anyone who could be an enemy is an enemy unless he has total control over them via a contract, power, or the reassurance of years of close friendship. It’s why he’s cordial to Zestial but takes Carmilla (who wasn't even trying to spite him) and Lucifer’s comments personally, in the same way someone with low self-esteem might want to lash out against an authority figure who they feel is looking down on them.
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Worse yet, he can’t/won’t let these feelings out and is bottling them up so that no one will know he feels this way (note how quickly he was able to relax in Dad Beat Dad when he was given an outlet for his stress), because that’s a sign of weakness too. It’s honestly kind of frightening that in his final scene he gives zero indication of being injured or of just having had a meltdown. By all outside accounts, he’s his usual chipper self, and no one at the hotel save for maybe Husk, who can’t say anything Alastor doesn’t want him to, would realize anything is amiss. The reason his part of “Finale” is chilling isn’t just because of the implications that he will become an antagonist in the future–it’s that his mental state is so poor that he is no longer acting rationally, which makes him unpredictable in the worst possible way.
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I think Alastor’s character arc isn’t going to be redemption by way of going to Heaven, I don't think that place is his style anyway, but rather redemption of his own self-image. I don’t think the writers would make what is arguably the most popular and well-developed character in the show just to say that he’s hopelessly evil and simply end it at that. We’ve been exposed to multiple facets of his character, and while his deeds and probably his intentions are sinister, his underlying motivation for it all seems to be “freedom,” which decidedly isn’t (unless your name is Eren Jaeger).
I do believe that he’ll have his villain moment where he indulges in his worst impulses, but that ultimately it won’t do anything to fulfill him, because as we see in the official comics before the release of the show (which may no longer be canon but still give a viable “baseline” for the characters), when his desire to be feared and respected is granted, it only isolates him. Like the others, he’ll have to hit rock bottom before he can climb back up.
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Pentious, who was successfully redeemed, needed to understand that people weren’t out to get him, which allowed him to make the decision to put his friends before himself and trigger his selfless sacrifice. Angel, who’s well on his way to redemption, needed to realize he wasn’t alone and could rely on others, and his confidence and self-love has grown enormously since then. I think these are both lessons Alastor will need to learn eventually as well. He’s the manager of the hotel, but also undoubtedly a patient. He’s hungry for freedom, but only when he learns these lessons will he be truly free.
Or maybe I’m thinking too much into it idk lmaooooo
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forfucksakesniall · 9 months
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Protective Daddy
Pairing: Dad!Lewis Hamilton x Reader
Summary: Lewis and his partner decide to reveal their pregnancy to the world.
Word count: 889
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After Lewis announced your pregnancy on Instagram, everyone's questions and assumptions have been answered.
A picture of your ultrasound and your belly with his face squished next to it.
Lewis is known for his private lifestyle, but he has recently felt the need to address rumors and accusations that have been circulating about him. Speculation has arisen regarding his involvement with certain models and allegations of cheating, including taking them back to hotels, among other things. However, none of these rumors are true, and Lewis felt it was time to clear the air.
On the other side of all that nonsense, you and Lewis have been together for a while now, five years to be exact. He has done some pretty good work on keeping things on the down-low. People knew who you were, but not enough to make too much noise. They knew you guys were dating; you've been seen in a few of the races and even outside the tracks.
But in these few months, people noticed your absence in some of them, and that's how the rumors started bubbling.
Lewis was seen with some people on and off the tracks due to mutual friends, but this caught the attention of paparazzi and gossip sites. As a result, people are slowly assuming that you either broke up or he was cheating.
During all the commotion, you were in Monaco, living the life in Lewis’ apartment. You were laying down on the bed, enjoying your pregnancy cravings.
However, after one too many instances of sneaking your hands into the cookie jar, Lewis caught you red-handed.
“Lew, can I please have one more cookie?” you asked with wide, begging eyes.
"Don't you think you've had enough?" he replied, taking the jar off the nightstand. You, already on edge from your hormones, did the only logical thing and start pouting.
"But..." your voice trailed off.
As you looked up at him then down at your belly, Lewis sighed, "Fine..."
“I love you, Lewis,” you said.
With a small hint of amusement in his voice, Lewis replied, "Are you just saying that because you want the cookies back?"
"No," you answered.
"Then what, my love?" he teases you. "Because if you don't have a good reason, I'm taking this back." while he holds the jar hostage.
"Because.... you.. are... such a good daddy to our baby for giving his mommy what she needs," you replied.
Lewis unable to hide the smile from spreading across his face.
"I'm the best daddy that our little one could have ever asked for," he agreed, leaning down to plant a quick kiss on your cheek.
"So, what about that cookie now?" you asked.
"Hmm..." Lewis hummed in thought, his lips pursing as he pondered his answer.
"You know, maybe one more cookie wouldn't be so bad for mummy," he eventually conceded.
"Of course not," you replied happily.
While you enjoy your last cookie for today, Lewis is on his phone, and his face is obviously distraught.
"What is it?" you ask.
Still not looking at you, Lewis replies, "What is what?"
He seems annoyed whatever was on his phone and is waiting for you to elaborate.
"I know that look. What's wrong?" you ask.
With a sigh, Lewis finally looks over at you and runs a hand at the back of his neck. He pauses before answering.
"I've been reading these... rumors. People have been saying that I'm seen with other women and that we aren't together anymore."
"Well... were you with other women?" you ask.
With a sigh, Lewis leans back against the bed, crossing his arms across his chest. He seems to ponder your question before replying.
"No, I haven't been with other women."
After a moment, he continues, "At least... not in a physical sense. There have been some... conversations with other women, but nothing that should be considered cheating."
"Hmm," you say, curious.
After a few moments of silence, Lewis finally speaks to you again.
"Do you believe them?"
You smile at him. "Of course not. I think it's just that people don't know about my pregnancy, so now they're making up some weird rumors."
Lewis nods slowly, his expression softening as you reassure him.
"Good, my love," he says, using the affectionate term. "Let them talk. They don't know the truth."
Lewis then moves closer to you and wraps his arm around you.
"You and I... we know what is really happening."
"Yeah... but it bothers you," you say.
Lewis is quiet for a moment, then replies, "Of course it does."
He sighs and pulls you a bit closer to his larger frame.
"I may not show it, but I care very much about you, and what people say about us matters to me."
"I know, babe," you say, cradling his face and leaning in for a kiss.
Lewis smiles slightly and gently responds to your kiss, wrapping his hands around your waist.
He pulls you into his embrace, his lips gently pressing against yours while one of his hands rests on your stomach.
Lewis pauses for a moment as though contemplating something.
"I think we should tell everyone that you are pregnant with our child," he says softly.
He seems to be thinking about the consequences of such a public reveal.
"It's a big step, but it would stop the rumors in their tracks..."
"Are you sure?" you ask.
"I want it to be official. Not just between us, but for everyone else to know as well," he says.
Lewis's arms tighten around you.
"You are carrying my child, and I want the world to know," he whispers.
"Okay then," you say.
"Let's go tell the world about our little one," he says sweetly.
With one last kiss, Lewis pulls back and smiles at you.
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Our Home (Azriel x Reader)
Hiiii. This one has long been in the works. It's the follow-up part to this little one I did called "Why Are You Still Here?"
Hope you enjoy!
Warnings: Some alcohol use. Angst. Discussions surrounding mental health. Suggestion of infidelity.
✧: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚
You were not where you wanted to be. And you did not know where you fit anymore.
Solace had once been the home you’d made your own. It had once been the warmth and security of your mate’s arms. A life. A belonging.
It was never supposed to be dark, dingy taverns and drinking yourself to oblivion. You were aware of your hypocrisy — that you were now no better than Azriel, himself, had been.
But you didn’t know what else to do. How else to keep patching over the wound that was opening you up from the inside.
Three days and nights away from Azriel felt like three centuries. Three days and nights spent on Amren’s couch, your ears barely catching the way she groused at you about making things up with your mate — and getting out of her hair. You knew that she only had your best interests at heart; a swarm of concern wrapped up in sharp, barbed words and orders. 
Stop sulking, girl, and speak to your mate. Wallowing on the couch and taking up my space doesn’t do either of you any good. If he knocks on my door and asks to speak to you again, I’m letting him in this time. Stupid, foolish children in love.
You knew that she was right. You’d asked Az to give you a few days…and for what? So you could get yourself into a clear enough headspace to talk to him.
So, no, the wisest choice had not been to end up in a bar on the other side of town — but here you were. If Azriel could spend months upon months pushing you away, indulging in self-serving vices…so could you.
You whiled away the hours on refills of whiskey and off-kilter music and the presence of numerous males coming up to you and offering to buy you another drink — all of which you politely turned away. You weren’t there for attention, or to feel wanted…the mere thought of looking at somebody other than your mate—
It took you right back to the possibility that Azriel may have done just that. That he’d come stumbling home after hours of unexplained absence, stinking to the high heavens of booze and cloying perfume. You wanted — needed — to believe that there was some other, reasonable explanation. That there was no way the male tied to your soul would fall into the arms of somebody else.
But the truth was that you just did not know anymore. He’d successfully pushed you away enough to fill you with doubt.
The feeling was far worse than any battle wound. Far more excruciating than the critical injury you’d received during the war with Hybern. This pain was like a sickness, spreading through you, slicing at you, becoming you. This pain could tear you apart, limb from limb.
“The same again, please.” You rasped, sliding your empty glass towards the pretty barmaid. She eyed you cautiously before fulfilling your request. The amber liquid didn’t burn quite as much this time. 
But it seemed that no amount of alcohol was giving you the desired effect. Drink after drink after drink, and you still didn’t feel it seeping into your bones and blood and carrying you off to a place that wasn’t as painful. You may as well have been pouring the drinks straight onto the floor, rather than down your throat.
Still, you remained sitting at that same spot at the bar, nursing your drink and studying the nicks and callouses of your weapon-worn hands as your heavy thoughts bombarded you. Where would you sleep tonight? You were sure Amren would growl at you if you turned up at her door again. You could go to the River House, but you didn’t want to cause any disruption or upset for Nyx. And it seemed that both the House of Wind and the Town House were a no-go — that Az could be staying at either. Something told you that he was unlikely to be at the house you shared together, but…you didn’t want to go there, either.
Perhaps you would just drink yourself so stupid that you’d eventually curl up on a bench and fall asleep without feeling the cold.
The cold. It swept in, encasing you from behind as somebody entered the tavern, their heavy footsteps carrying across the wooden floor. You paid them no mind, not interested in the various other punters around you. You hunched over your drink, tracing your finger over the rim of the glass, and you didn’t bother to look up even when the stool was pulled out beside you.
“Before you say anything,” you murmured, too used, now, to the sleazy routine of the males around you, “no, you cannot buy me a drink.” 
“Good.” Azriel’s voice came quietly from beside you. “I don’t think it’d be wise for you to have another.”
That voice — deep and smooth and rich. A voice that had spoken countless I love yous, that had breathed quiet laughs at your shared, inside jokes, that had moaned your name in peace and pleasure. A voice that had always been a comfort to you.
It now twisted your stomach. Filled you with a sickening anxiety. You no longer knew what words would be spoken in that voice. You weren’t sure you were ready for them.
Your body tense, you slowly turned your head to meet your mate’s eyes. The look that sat on his face, in his hazel stare…it was one of beautiful agony. Of stunning, twisted devastation.
A flawless face marred by pain.
Azriel studied you, and you couldn’t help wondering what he saw on your face. Besides your cheeks being flushed from the alcohol, and your eyes red-raw from days of weeping. Whatever he found there…it made him flinch.
“What are you doing here?” You willed your voice to sound strong, but it was weak. Pathetic. 
“I followed your scent from Amren’s apartment to here.” He swallowed. “And given that this was where we had our first drink together…”
You looked around. Pretended that such a thought hadn’t dawned on you, even though that exact spot in the corner was where you and Azriel had sat for hours that first night, drinking and talking and laughing. 
You’d known, by the time that he’d walked you home, that you were going to spend the rest of your existence with him.
Or so you’d thought. You weren’t so sure, now.
“Finish your drink.” Azriel nodded to your glass. “We’re going home.”
You snorted, turning back to your glass. The liquid sloshed as you lifted it to your lips. “That’s not been home for a long while. It’s just…bricks and mortar and pain.”
He paused. “That’s not true.”
“Is it not, Azriel? You can’t seem to stand spending any time there, either—”
“I want to talk to you about all of this, Y/N.” He stared at you seriously. Pleadingly. “Just…not here. Please.”
Because Azriel was a staunchly private person.
And maybe he didn’t love you anymore. The thought — though complete agony — was entirely possible.
But he wouldn’t end your relationship in the same place it had begun. 
So you drained your glass, savouring the feeling of the liquid sliding down your throat. And then you set it down on the bar, and turned to face him.
“Where is your coat?” He studied the thin tunic and breeches that did nothing to keep out the cold.
You shrugged a shoulder. “Left it at Amren’s, I guess.” 
“It’s freezing outside.”
“Oh, now you care—”
The clearing of a throat stopped you both in your tracks. You glanced at the young barmaid who stared between the two of you uncomfortably. She had the same look that most people adopted in Azriel’s presence — awe and fear at their High Lord’s spymaster.
“I’m sorry, but,” she cleared her throat again, straightening out her shoulders, “if you two are going to have a domestic, I’m going to have to ask you to take it outside…”
Beside you, Azriel’s cheeks pinkened. “We’re not.” He said brusquely. “We’re leaving.”
Before you could offer your own response, he was tugging you from the barstool and draping his heavy jacket around your shoulders. It swamped you a ridiculous amount, and when he actually stopped in front of you to fasten the buttons, you scowled and stepped out of reach.
“I’m not a child.” You said. “Let’s just…go.”
It was hard to not feel like a child as you meandered your way to the door in that preposterously large coat, the arms swinging and the material swallowing you up. Azriel remained a step behind, following you out into the icy night air. You walked a few paces in a still silence, only stopping to face him when you were well out of earshot of the bar. 
“So.” It was instinctive — the way you wrapped his jacket around yourself. Not something you were wholly aware of doing. Though you were certainly aware of the way you very pointedly sniffed it, looking for some trace of that sweet scent you’d smelled before. But…nothing. “Which house do you want to finish with me in? Ours? The Town House? The House of Wind? We could go to the River House, but I don’t think Rhys or Feyre would appreciate the performance—-”
“Is that what you think?” Azriel cut you off, the pain on his face moulding into something stiller. Icier. “That I’m finishing our relationship?”
You shrugged. And you hated — utterly hated — being so confrontational. This wasn’t you. And some small part of it could be blamed on the alcohol, yes, but…mostly…mostly, you were just at your wit’s end.
After months of trying to reach him calmly, compassionately. Months and months of trying to talk to him gently, to get him to open up to you. It had gotten you nowhere.
You felt your only option, now, was to shuck off that soft, soothing exterior, and go hard. Go real. 
“I don’t know what to think,” you retorted. “You don’t speak to me anymore — besides the occasional grunt. And given that I’m not a gods-damned mind-reader—”
“I am not finishing things with you.” Azriel snapped — so loud, so harsh, so unlike him, that you stopped in your tracks. “Not now, and not ever.”
You stared at him, already feeling your hard demeanour slipping. The words — though a small relief — were hard to believe. Hard to believe, when he’d given you no indication for a long, long time that he even wanted you anymore.
You shrugged weakly, begging your eyes not to tear up. “But what kind of relationship is this, Az? Months and months of silence. Of coldness. What am I supposed to think?”
“...I’ve handled things so badly. But I’d like a chance to explain.”
Perhaps it was the muted pleading in his eyes, the hunching of his shoulders. How he looked the smallest he ever had. Or perhaps it was just because he was your mate…whatever the reason, you found yourself relenting. You swallowed, crossing your arms over your chest and silently nodding towards a bench that overlooked the river. Az dipped his chin in acknowledgement of the request and promptly followed suit. 
You sat, leaving distance between the two of you. Az tucked his wings in as tight as he possibly could; uncomfortable for him, you knew, but he was respectful of the fact that you wanted space. A small glimmer of the Azriel you’d always known and loved.
He seemed to suck in a slow breath, twisting his scarred hands around each other. You could feel the nerves that rolled off of him in waves. This – speaking and baring his soul — was perhaps harder for him than outright combat. 
You cleared your throat. “Before you start…I need to ask you something.”
Hazel eyes turned to study you. Azriel gave a small nod. 
“I have to know if you…” The words tasted sour and wrong in your mouth. In your whole body, in fact. You were sure a shiver shot through you as you blurted in one breath, “I just need to know if you fucked somebody else.”
Azriel paused — and then blinked at you.
Gaped at you, like the suggestion in and of itself was utterly absurd.
As if he hadn’t come home stinking of perfume. As if he hadn’t lied about his whereabouts when you’d asked. As if you were wrong to so much as think it, let alone voice it.
He shook his head, still blinking. “What?”
“Perhaps you were too drunk that night to remember.” Your lips pressed into a thin line. “You disappeared on me for hours, Az, like you always seem to these days. Then you come home smelling of perfume and lie to me that you’d been with Mor when I knew you couldn’t have been. So tell me. Honestly. Did you fuck someone who isn’t me?”
“Of course I didn’t. I would never do that to you. Do you know how sick it makes me feel, just thinking of being with someone other than you?”
He couldn’t possibly have a clue how much you needed to hear that. But they were just words. He’d done nothing to back them up for so, so long.
Your eyes filled with tears as you stared at him. “But you can’t seem to stand being with me, either.”
His own eyes shuttered — as though he was trying to block out your words. He slumped back on the bench, wings awkward and limp around him. You could see his chest heaving, hear his heavy breathing. 
“I don’t—” His voice cracked. “I’m no good with words. I’m no good with…with talking.”
“But I can’t take the silence or the loneliness anymore. Azriel, please—”
“I was with someone that night.”
He blurted the words in such a rush, you almost didn’t catch them. His hands squeezed into fists at his sides, as though the mere feeling of speaking so earnestly was like peeling his skin off.
You fell so, so still. Stared at him. Your stomach plummeted, twisted, and your voice didn’t sound like yours as you croaked out, “who?” 
“That night, I…I was with Madja.”
It was all you could do to stare at him. And as Madja’s face floated through your mind — the old, withered, beloved healer of Velaris…you could do nothing but stare. 
“Is that supposed to be funny?” You demanded.
Az stared down at his hands. “Of course not. A little while ago, I started regularly visiting Madja.”
“...Why? Are you injured?” Your eyes immediately searched him for anything you might have missed. And yet — nothing. 
He shook his head. “Physically, I’m fine, but…in here?” He tapped a finger to his forehead. Moved that finger down to sit over his heart. “And here? I’m…I’m not. I’m not fine.”
Those cold, hard walls you’d thrown up to get you through this conversation…you felt them falter a little. You swallowed, studying your mate. “I don’t understand, Az…”
Finally — finally — he angled his body towards yours. Faced you. And the raw emotion that lay in his eyes…you almost couldn’t bear it. It could cut you. Cut you into pieces and scatter you to the wind. 
Tears were clouding his vision, muddying that hazel into a watery run of colour. He blinked, his lips quivering as those tears spilled over and ran down his cheeks. It was second nature for you to reach out and wipe them away, but he stopped you in your tracks. Allowed his tears to run free as he held onto your hand like he may never get another chance. 
“When I try to sleep at night,” his voice cracked. “When I close my eyes — do you know what I see?”
You swallowed down your own emotion, shaking your head. You’d known of him sleeping fitfully, of course — if he bothered to sleep in the same bed as you at all. But you’d never been overly aware of it.
He blinked another wave of tears away. “I see you in that healer’s tent after the war, covered in blood. I hear—” He cut himself off, voice once again hitching with his emotion. “I hear your screams of pain. Your cries. I hear you begging someone — anyone — to make it go away. I see your face turning far too pale. And I hear, over and over and over again, the moment that Madja told me there was a chance you wouldn’t make it.”
You were unable to stop your own tears forming again. You squeezed his hand, face creasing with pain. “Azriel—”
“It haunts me.” He whispered. “Because what you and I have…I never thought I’d have this. I never thought I’d find my mate. I never thought I’d be able to have such happiness. So when Madja told me there was a chance she wouldn’t be able to save you…I didn’t know what I was going to do. I didn’t know how I was going to go on.”
“But she did save me, Az.” You scooted closer. “She did.”
“I just…I came so close to losing you. To losing the love of my life. It sent me spiralling into this mindset of being scared all the damn time. Every time you left the house, or I had to go on a mission…I was losing my mind with it, Y/N. And I was so terrified of ever feeling that way again that it seemed so much easier to push you away. I was too selfish to let you go completely. I thought if I could just…have you at arm’s length…at least until I sorted myself out…” 
You stared forward. Everything seemed to click into place as you rasped, “which was why you distanced yourself from me.”
Az nodded. And he was unable to stop the sob that broke from him. “But I just ended up hurting you. And I’m so sorry.”
You couldn’t bear a second longer of it — of seeing him so crushed, so defeated. And even though you, too, were a crying mess, you found the strength to slide into his lap. To wrap your arms around him and allow him to rest his head on your shoulder.
“You should have just told me how you were feeling.” You whispered, stroking his hair. His body heaved beneath you as he cried, raw and unguarded. “I would have listened. I would have helped. I love you.”
“And I love you.” He shook. “More than I could possibly put into words. But I was so scared of losing you. And ironically, in my efforts to avoid that…I’ve come so, so close to it happening.”
You shook your head. Lifted his until he was looking at you. And it was like that, his face inches from yours, that you promised him the same thing you’d promised long ago. “You will never lose me. Ever. You are my mate, and I am yours. We love each other, when we’re happy and fine, and when we’re not. This is our life, Azriel. We can’t avoid living it in some pointless bid to outrun death.”
For a moment, he just…studied you. As if your words cleared months and months of accumulated fog and cobwebs, and helped him to see what was right in front of him. That you were right in front of him.
You had survived the war. So had he. 
The two of you deserved to live — together. 
“I can’t tell you how sorry I am. A little while ago, I started to visit Madja for help with these feelings. I knew I couldn’t go on like this.” He explained. “But I don’t — I swear to you, I never went near anybody else. I wouldn’t. I couldn’t.”
And you knew that. Gods, you knew it. You almost felt foolish for even thinking it, but…you supposed, like him, you’d gotten so far inside your head, you didn’t know the way out.
One thing did linger in the back of your mind, though. Torturing you a little. You swallowed, wiping Az’s cheeks free of tears as you asked, “what of the perfume you smelled of?” 
Again, his eyes shuttered. He bowed his head slightly to touch yours. “Check my jacket pocket.”
Frowning, you paused. And then slid your hands into both pockets of the jacket you still wore. It was in the front left one that your hand enclosed around what felt like a small, glass vial. You plucked it out, tilting your head. 
“Smell it.” Az instructed softly.
Your eyes met his. And slowly, you pulled the stopper out of the vial and lifted it to your nose. 
The smell hit you immediately. That same smell — undoubtedly — that had clung to his clothes that night. A little too sweet for your liking, slightly floral…you grimaced, stoppering the little bottle once more. “What is it?” You asked. 
“Madja has been helping me to open up…to get better at voicing my thoughts and feelings.” Azriel explained quietly. “And along with that, she made me this tonic. It has soothing properties that help me slip into a state of mind ready for a more peaceful sleep. That night you smelt it on me…it was the first time she’d given it to me. I’d applied it right before I’d entered the house, because I wanted to see how well I would sleep. If I could truly get past my nightmares.”
It was your turn for your eyes to shutter then. Guilt swarmed you, brash and unwelcome. “And I ruined your sleep by starting a fight and storming out.”
Azriel’s face turned serious. “You had every right to confront me the way you did that night. I should have told you sooner what was going on. That I was seeking help. I should have avoided hurting both of us like this.”
You sighed softly, tugging him closer once more. Your strange, complicated mate…the male you loved happily and proudly.
He’d been hurting. Struggling. You should have known.
But then…you’d been hurting and struggling, too. The aftermath of war wasn’t easy for anyone. It wasn’t a case of slipping back into your old life before you’d almost perished on that battlefield. 
You’d both become chewed up and spat out by your own respective grief from that time. And instead of communicating…you’d both taken your eye off the ball. Allowed deep feelings to fester. 
Never again. Never again would you allow this to happen.
“I think we’re all a little broken from the war, Az.” You brushed his hair from his face, staring at him earnestly. “But now that we know what we’re dealing with…we can heal. Together.”
His eyes threatened to well up again. And before you could see the tears form, he was leaning forward and planting a firm kiss against your lips. “I’m so sorry.” He apologised a third time. 
“Shh. No more of that.” You whispered, rocking him. “From this moment on, we move forward.” 
His arms held you tightly against him, warmth seeping into you. You didn’t know how long you sat there for, in each other’s arms, but as a breeze whipped over you, you felt your home calling. Coaxing the two of you back.
“Let’s go home, my love.” You kissed Azriel’s forehead.
He stared at you through wet lashes. “...To our home?”
Not Amren’s apartment. Not the River House or the Town House or the House of Wind.
“Yes.” You laced your fingers through his. “To our home.”
✧: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚✧・゚: *✧・゚ azriel tag list:
@hanasakr @positivewitch @ruler-of-hades @brekkershadowsinger @nightscourtt @imperfect0angel @luna-1-3-5 @hyacinthoideshispanica @lucyysthings @lahoete @littlemoonash @blacksstarrynight @azriels-mate123 @ghostly-poetic @frieddesigninspiringquotesslime @a-frog-with-a-laptop @illyriansimp @morrie-rose @passingthroughfireandshadow @illyrian-dreamer @azrielsbabyg @96jnie @mich0731 @mulansaucey @truthtellerfanclub @acourtofbooksandmagic @insightsonmylife @basicbittywitty @curbside-cyanide @acourtofchaosandmess @123345566 @starrynights-frostbites @eos-princess @thesillyyogourt @ona-raising-07-l @acediahamartia @dontfollowmepleaseitsannoying @polli05927 @asdfjklbooks @azriel-luvr @amysangel @humanpersonlasttimeichecked @wildflowernightmere @audie-writes @aaronwarnerswifereal @starxqt @lulufairbank @laurzwrites @livelaughlovenestaarcheron @girlwith-thecinder-blockgarden @emturtles @lostpirateinwonderland @kammsinn @localhopedealerr @pee-stachio @tobifeemo @torchbearerkyle @honeycriess @shadowsingersmate24 @azziessidehoe @camillo-420 @aztheshadowsinger
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lasirenatarot · 9 months
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{18+}What turns them ON about you?❤️‍🔥
Pick -a-card reading.
*intended for your specific person in mind, but can be used for future spouse if you modify the question. If traditional gender roles don’t apply to your situation convert the words to feminine&masculine energy.*
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->Pile 1
{Brad and Angelina}
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{cards that fell: king of fire; mirror; justice; the world;5 pentacles;ace of swords; 7wands; ace of swords;2 wands}
This pile is really interesting, this person loves earning you in a way, feeling emotionally $ubmi$$ive, like you have control over them in all aspects without even touching them.
You may be bossy,this is definitely a turn on for your person. Ironically you chose the Brad&Angelina pic, and the situation being painted with those cards is exactly Mr and Mrs energy.
They enjoy a push and pull dynamic. If you try to dominate them I feel like they would also enjoy it👀 (even if they seem sceptical at first).
Arguing may be a turn on of theirs, puni$hing them with your absence or other ways when they don’t act accordingly; (that includes the makeup $£x after.) May sound toxic for some, but they may be one of those people that start little arguments for the smallest things sometimes, on purpose, so you two can ‘make up’ and they can ‘apologise’ by being good and pleasing you however you want (you know how) after..
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They like when you’re acting kinda bitchy & like you’re ‘the prize’ they need to earn, but the key here is to do everything in moderation and not be mean&rude 24/7.
Your confidence may be a turn on for them. When you’re seducing them on purpose and then pulling away &acting like they can’t have you..(yet), because they should work more and ‘be better’ to get your attention. Your person needs constant passion to feel stimulated.
->Pile 2
{Vincent and Monica}
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Cards that fell: 2fire,the punishment,earth,the priestess, 9water,king of water, 9swords,10chalices,knave of chalices,9pentacles,2pentacles }
This person loves the fact that you seem to have no restraints around them, you are quite open emotionally, in tune with your emotional side and know how to balance it well. (earth sign moon/venus energy).
Getting dolled up for them is sth they would probably appreciate- nice dress, hair & makeup done..
It may be a turn on for them knowing only they can have you in ways other people cannot.(you can tell them some bs like ‘yOu’Re tHe bEst I eVer Had..’ etc😂😂 it doesn’t matter if it is actually true, it would make them feel like a God.)
Praising them may be a turn on as well, it would make them feel more dominant, more in their power. Letting them take the control in bed, as well as non-$€xu@l situation would also be a little turn on for them, again, it would make them feel appreciated.
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Knowing they can be the person that is capable of fulfilling all your needs is something very important to them. This pile is heavy on the praise k/ink, they need to feel desired&needed.
When you attend to them & their feelings, have obvious feelings for them ( i feel like this is important to mention, they may have been in a relationship where they’ve felt unappreciated, unwanted, not desired enough by their previous partner. The partner might have used them in a way.)
$€xting and writing notes to keep the anticipation during the day when u’re not together may work on them.👀
->Pile 3
{Jane et Serge}
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Cards that fell: the moon, justice, the tower, 8pentacles, 10wands, 8fire,6air, 4swords, the world, king of air, ace of fire, temperance }
It will be hard to explain this energy but bare with me:
This person probably likes what I like to call more « bright » women- women who are confident&feminine, such who love the spotlight and getting lots of attention. ( in my mind is this scene where Jessica Rabit where she performs..)
People who are sensual & confident but not arrogant may be just their type.
A situation where they can feel turned on by you is for example if (hypothetically speaking) you’re in a group setting with some ppl who do not like you, they are passive aggressive with you, but you choose not to reply with the same energy and remain kind&graceful.(they may feel the urge to protect you and stand up for you in such situations) When you act like a « damsel in distress » basically, and they can be your « savior »..
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A turn on for them I feel like it would be a situation where you’re ‘feeling yourself’, for example if you’re dancing in the club and they happen to be there as well and see you doing that.. $educing them in public places where you can get caught (or public $\€x)
Another turn on for them would be for you to ‘put on a show’ for them (you can decide yourself how, ex. give them a lap dance or sth, beautiful lingerie, a special dress..). They probably like the concept of « femme fatale » type of women who can ‘turn their life’ around.
This may not resonate for all, but if you are from a different culture/country, this may also be a turn on for them.
Decks used: ‘$£xual magic’ oracle deck by Lo Scarabeo; ‘Manara’ €rotic tarot deck by Milo Manara/ Lo Scarabeo;
That was all from today’s PAC.
thank you for reading! Hope it resonated.💞 Don’t forget to follow for more.
-La Sirena.💋
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niningtori · 2 months
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to know him is to love him, and i do | chapter two: he can't keep living like this
pairing(s): choi beomgyu x you, kang taehyun x you
summary: you love beomgyu more than anything. you just wish he loved you, too. or you finally break up with beomgyu and move on, but as for him? maybe he's starting to realize too little too late.
genre: romance, angst, angst with a happy ending (?)
word count: 2.3k
notes: hello again :) here is chapter two! i'm actually really nervous to post this, so i hope you all like it! check the ending for more notes <3 also, shout out to user woncheecks for being my test audience! anyway, enjoy!
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the first time beomgyu realizes just how impactful your absence is, nothing in particular happens. it's a regular tuesday night a week or so after your "breakup" and he's bored out of his mind. he showers, listens to music, texts his friends and makes himself dinner, but something is missing.
as he sits on his couch, he realizes what it is: you. right about now, you should be pestering him to hang out and showing up on his doorstep to watch a movie. he'd roll his eyes at first but eventually relent, as long as he got to pick the movie, of course. he wouldn't say it, but he'd actually enjoy glancing over and seeing your reactions. you were comically expressive and every twist and turn of the plot had your eyes bulging and mouth agape, turning to him for confirmation that he was seeing the same things you were. when you watched inception for the first time it absolutely rocked your world.
he's alone, but he puts on a movie, anyway. every so often, his head turns to the side with the corner of his mouth raised, but you're not there to give a reaction. he should be used to your absence by the third twist, but he still finds himself subconsciously turning to you throughout the rest of the movie. when the credits roll, he's half expecting to hear you chatter on about how crazy it was, but it's silent. the only time that would happen would be when you'd accidentally drift off in spite of how engrossed you were. you'd try to fight it off like a stubborn kid, but would succumb by the final act. he smiles at the memory before shaking his head in disbelief. what's wrong with him?
moments like these plague him more and more frequently, but the most notable one is the night before his first day at a new job. he briefly talks to his friends about his excitement, but he's too embarrassed to divulge just how anxious he is. times like this, he'd come over and complain for however long he needed. you'd sit and nod, asking questions during his pauses to encourage him to continue, always adding appropriate and thoughtful commentary.
his thoughts wander to how you're doing alone. you really love him, it seems, so he can only imagine how you're faring without him. he wishes you hadn't blocked his number so he could at least ask how you are. maybe you'd even tell him you miss him. not for the first time, he begins to wonder if he pushed you too far this time around. you've gotten angry and given him the silent treatment before, sure, but you've never blocked him and you've certainly never done it for so long.
he looks you up on instagram for the first time since your breakup. he's not terribly surprised when he sees he's blocked on there too, but all it takes is a switch to his photography account, which you had forgotten to block, to see what you're up to now.
the first thing he notices is a picture of you sitting outside with an ice cream cone in hand, face flushed and sun encircling you like an angel. your smile is beaming and your eyes are crinkled and he can almost hear your giggle through the screen. the caption reads "ice cream date with my best friend! <3"
he scrambles through his memories to try to remember a time in recent history when you two did something similar, but he comes up blank. what he does recall, though, is you mentioning a new frozen yogurt place you wanted to visit with him for your birthday. he nodded in response but he knew he wouldn't go with you, opting instead to get shitfaced with his friends. in retrospect, maybe you knew it too. he had checked his phone the next morning and saw he had at least half a dozen missed calls and well over a dozen texts from you. when he finally texted you back, you took almost a full 5 hours to respond, which was uncommon. usually, you'd text back within minutes. it occurred to him later on that that was your version of the silent treatment and it amused him that you could only hold out for a few hours. he honestly found it kind of cute.
he remembers what you did for his birthday. how you had secretly invited his friends over to his apartment to surprise him after an especially shitty day at work. he came home to an elaborately decorated apartment and all of his favorite people greeting him. he remembers how happy you looked when he opened up your present to him, which was the guitar he had always secretly wanted but could never quite justify buying for himself. you were so excited, any spectator would think he had gotten you the gift of your dreams and not the other way around. you were practically buzzing with excitement when he pulled you in for a kiss. his friends had whooped at the display of affection and you had felt your cheeks heat up. what did he get you for your birthday again? anything?
he spends days pondering over this and similar circumstances, which eventually turn into weeks upon weeks. what starts as a nagging feeling that he may have gone too far in his neglect for you becomes pure, unadulterated guilt and anxiety. he recalls just how torn up you seemed the last time he saw you. to be honest, at the time, he was mostly just irritated. but he never thought you'd actually leave. all he can see is that awful look on your face when you finally ended everything and all he can remember is the fact that he put it there. he knows in his heart that he has no right to feel this way, but he feels it all the same.
-
you would have never imagined you'd actually like somebody other than beomgyu, but taehyun makes it as easy as possible given the sticky circumstances. you met at a club your best friend dragged you to, both you and taehyun had to remain sober (hello designated drivers) and ended up having a surprisingly engaging conversation amidst the smell of beer, sweat, and sex. after that, the rest is history.
he can tell you've been hurt before, but he gently coaxes you into opening up as you spend more and more time with him. you're afraid of being overbearing and coming across as a lovesick puppy again, but taehyun is gentle and seems to enjoy your attention and affection, even if he's a surface level tsundere. more than that, he actually reciprocates it.
do you still think about beomgyu? of course. do you miss him? well, you'd never admit it to a single soul, but the way you see him in everything has to be an indicator that you do. it's getting better, though. more bearable.
a month or so into your relationship, you post about taehyun for the first time. you don't know why you're so nervous about announcing to the world that you have a boyfriend again, but happiness overwhelms your fear when you're met with nothing but positivity.
-
beomgyu is shellshocked, to put it mildly. the picture of you and your so-called boyfriend is sickly sweet. it's not over the top or anything—just a candid of you in a café holding hands with him while looking over the same menu. the caption is nothing other than a heart and squirrel emoji (why?) and both he and your best friend are tagged. his finger jumps to the boy's profile and he sees the same photo. he scoffs at the cheesiness of it all, but his heart aches at the way all of your friends have commented on the post expressing their happiness for you. they had never approved of him for reasons he's only now beginning to understand.
you always defended him in front of your friends no matter what he did or didn't do. you'd "comfort" him after your friends said something snarky and explain that they just didn't understand him. you'd say that if they knew the real him, they'd see him differently. at the time, he'd scoff and say something along the lines of "i don't need for them to see me differently because i couldn't give less of a fuck about what they think." you'd be hurt, of course you would be, but you'd never say so.
more and more, like an outsider looking in, he can see just how awful he was to you. it's to his horror that he realizes this must be the case for you, too. the chances of you getting back together with him seem slimmer and slimmer, especially now that you've got that pretty boy on your arm. your words echo in his mind as if to haunt him: "what can i do to make you give a fuck about me?" leave, apparently, and don't look back.
he can't keep living like this.
-
a knock on your door is all it takes to ruin your night — you had actually had a really good day up until now. you and taehyun had gone on a breakfast date and napped together until he had to leave in the afternoon, so you're humming now in contentment while applying your nightly skincare, thinking relentlessly about the boy you think you might be starting to love. it feels different from the love you felt for beomgyu, but in a good way. you still think about him and wonder how he's doing, but you always derail that train of thought with a god-given force previously unknown to you. he doesn't care about you, you chant to yourself. it's almost like your daily mantra. in the midst of your thoughts, you hear a knock on the door. you smile widely when you surmise that it's probably taehyun again. you don't realize just how big your grin is until it drops.
standing before you is not your lovely boyfriend, but the man who made you question whether or not you were even lovable in the first place. he has a small smile on his face, and if you were to look a little more carefully, you'd notice that he actually seems a little nervous.
"hi," he says, breaking the silence. his heart was racing a mile a minute. potential scenarios battered his mind the entire way here. what would you do when you saw him? smile? he could handle that. cry? he could also handle that, even if he didn't want to see your tears. what he is not prepared for is the blankness of your features when you ask: "what are you doing here?"
his smile falters almost imperceptibly.
"i, uh. i just wanted to see you." you're merciful enough to give him a nod of encouragement to continue. "a-and i wanted to tell you that i haven't stopped thinking about you for the past few months. and that i think i'm finally ready to be with you," he finishes with a shaky breath.
you're quiet for a moment and squint your eyes as if you're deep in thought.
"but i thought you were dating someone now? your ex?"
"i'm not!" he says almost a little too quickly.
"i heard you were," you counter, not quite believing him. you heard he had been seeing his ex from one of your friends who happened to live in her apartment complex. she had seen his car in the parking lot a few times in the last couple of weeks and had no reason to lie to you.
"w-well, i've seen her a few times, but not seriously. i — to be honest, i was just trying to get over you. but i've finally realized that i can't becau—"
"so, just to make sure i understand, you're not over me so you're seeing her?" his eyes widen in shock before his head hangs in shame as he realizes exactly what he's done and how he must look to you right about now, but you're not finished. "isn't that what you were doing with me?" your voice is low and indifferent, but each word feels tailor-made to slash at his heart. "wow, i guess some things really never change, but don't worry, i'm sure once she moves on you'll finally see the good in her instead of me," you spit out.
"can you listen to me? please?" beomgyu is so ashamed he wants to die. he fumbles for the right words, but when he accidentally makes eye contact with you, they die on his lips. he wishes you would give him time to process what you were saying and mull over what to respond with because you always knew he was bad with words, but he supposes he lost the right to your patience a long time ago.
"you want me to listen to you so you can fuck with my head until the next person rolls around?" the latter words are strangled by the tightness in your throat and he can't help but wince. when he thinks it's over, you continue.
"nobody has ever made me feel as small as you have. i hated myself because of you," your lip trembles and before he can say a word, you're raising your hand to shut the door.
"wait, wait, wait! just let me say this," he pleads as he gently grasps the doorframe. "i... i love you." he almost thinks he hears you gasp, but he's too busy looking into your unreadable eyes to know for sure. he had never said anything like this to you before. you're completely silent for a few moments before breaking the tense atmosphere.
"j-jesus, i mean, i guess i just don't know what to say," you sputter and his eyes alight with what looks suspiciously like hope. "except maybe that... i'm sorry you feel that way?" you finish with a sardonic smile and a roll of your eyes. before he can respond, which he actually intends to do this time around, you slam the door in his face.
notes pt. 2: yeah... sorry ;-; i know this was a lot of background, but i felt it was necessary. also, if you didn't get the memo, there will be a part 3. stay tuned <3
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