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handmadehazefromtheheart · 22 days

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FUN FACT:

If you buy an ORIGINAL HANDMADE PENGUIN PLUSHY from me, I will have SIXTY-ONE EUROS and you will have A CUTE NEW FRIEND in the time it takes DHL to deliver from MY LOCATION to YOUR LOCATION.

#crochet #häkeln #amigurumi #plushies #penguins #on the shop

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suddenlysomewherethatsgreen · 9 days

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#my post #little shop of horrors #lsoh #solar eclipse #da doo

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io-lu-art · 26 days

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A tale of Ba Sing Se.

#my spirit animal #lee #junior #tales of ba sing se #zuko #ma man #he's so sleepy #just like me #iroh is just happy his nephew is at peace #illustration #art #procreate #fanart #uncle iroh #tea shop #avatar the last airbender #avatar the last airbender fanart #atla #atla fanart

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foldingfittedsheets · 2 months

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Every sales job I’ve worked has that one item. The white whale. The biggest ticket you can sell. The sale you brag about when you’re chatting with other industry people.

When I sold mattresses it was a split king adjustable base. That’s two twin extra long mattresses next to each other to make a king, but each side can move independently. They’re insanely expensive and honestly kind’ve impractical but it was the biggest ticket thing to sell.

When I sold sex toys though our white whale was the 20lb ass. It was a female pelvis, a cut out from the waist to the tops of the thighs. It was hyper realistic material and cost about $500. I definitely had bigger tickets but not in one item typically.

In my time at the sex shop, I sold three. Each time was completely different in terms of how the guy acted about buying it. The first man was a little embarrassed and shy about it. I was professional and supportive as I rang it up. Once I handed him the receipt he looked at the box. Then he looked at me.

If you’ve ever wondered how big a box has to be to fit a 20lb ass let me just tell you: it’s pretty damn big. It’s an uncomfortably large armful of box and every side has a picture of the sex toy inside on it. It’s not subtle.

“Could I get a bag….?”

There was no bag that existed that could possibly contain all that ass. “Hang on,” I told him.

I got scissors and tape and covered the box in cut up black bags. Looking relieved he picked up his purchase and left.

The next man to buy one carried it proudly to the counter; self assured and not embarrassed in the least. When I said I didn’t have a bag, but I could wrap it for him he gave a hearty shrug and hefted it into his arms, marching out the door with the butt on full display.

The last man to get one was just kind’ve an odd guy. Not creepy, but eccentric. We got along great, and as I rang him up I said, “Well one guy wanted his taped over, and one guy carried it out. What would you prefer?”

“There’s no bags?”

“No store bags. I think our jumbo trash bags in the back might fit it….?” It seemed rude to suggest putting a $500 item into a trash bag, but he wasn’t bothered.

He considered this then said, “Bring me the trash bag.”

When I delivered it to him he still managed to surprise me. Instead of shoving the huge box into it he opened the box. He took out his new $500 sex toy, and all the little things it came with, tipping them unceremoniously into the trash bag.

“There! Now I don’t have to deal with the box later!”

I was slightly stunned but agreed that I could easily deal with the trash. Then in a move I still think about with delight he flung the trash bag over his shoulder like a Santa with a sack full of ass and sauntered out the door.

If this or my other escapades made you laugh you could pop a tip into my Ko-fi! For more like this check my tag "ffs foibles".

#ffs foibles #funny #story #writing #story time #sex shop #retail #funny story

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m3djed · 3 months

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"he would not fucking say that" but you ever be looking at fanart and suddenly its "he would not fucking have abs"

#txt #guys. guys this is not about hcs. do you hear me this is about when a guy with no logical reason to have abs is drawn like a hollister model #like when a guy who does nothing but go to coffee shops and read books is drawn with abs like hes been hiking mountains and climbing trees #do you hear me are you hearing me

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teaboot · 9 months

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Whoever needs to hear this. Please know.

"Closed at 6pm" does not mean "The entry door locks up at 6, but if you're already inside you can keep on shopping."

It means, "you should be finished and out of the store at 6pm."

This is not up for debate

This is just how things work

#The lights went out 20 minutes ago and this woman is comparing ingredients on soy sauce #Straight up shopping in the dark peering into black freezers and shit #Her car is parked in a fire lane and I hate her

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mebssann · 7 months

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local old man finally gets new clothes

#this was inspired by that one AT comic where Ice King goes out and shops for new clothes with pb and marcy it was soo cute #but fr let this man wear something other than a suit and tie #adventure time #fionna and cake #simon petrikov #marceline abadeer #princess bubblegum #fanart #digital art #my art

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and-corn · 1 month

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shoutout to the "foolproof" bread recipe I fucked up entirely for inspiring this

#something different from what I normally draw!#I said this when I realized the bread was NOT making it and I made myself laugh out loud #also...if you happen to really like this it's available in my threadless shop - acorn.threadless.com #tw: cursing #typography #lettering #graphic design #illustration #original art #digital drawing #digital illustration #comedy #humor #relatable

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zytes · 5 months

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this manatee looks like it’s in a skyrim loading screen

#misc #I encourage anyone dyslexic to try rotating him in your mind. I can’t do that; which is why I’m asking you to.#also: a bunch of tags are surprised this isn’t ‘shopped #it’s the lighting. backlit by the sun (which is diffused through the water) but also forelit artificially #the artificial light - a flash pack or something - casts a hard shadow under the creatures arm #which normally wouldn’t be possible if backlit by the SUN; you’d see a less-hard/more-fragmented shadow above water #as light sources ‘compete’ in a sense - and since there aren’t any light sources which can outshine the literal sun #it looks a bit weird when the darkest shadow is being cast from any other origin point - which is what’s essentially happening here #I don’t know the mechanics of how light travels through water; but I know the effect is substantial even with relatively short distances #also: it’s been balanced and color corrected by the author of the photo - who made deliberate choices to bring out the full potential #so it’s not like it’s a fresh and untouched export #but the kind of ‘tacked on’ appearance of the creature is a result of the lighting conditions within the image

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nonasuch · 5 months

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hey did I ever post the best business card I’ve ever been given by a customer?

a woman wanted me to let her know if I had a particular item in storage, and she went to get a card out of her purse and went ‘oh no. I’m out of my work cards, I’m so sorry about this’ and handed me this:

apparently her husband made them for her as a joke but then she just had like 300 of them so they’re her backups when she runs out of her real business cards.

#vintage shop life

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guooey · 10 months

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they are like beautiful tropical birds to me

#getting distracted as i shop for bypass pruners

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handmadehazefromtheheart · 10 days

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For reference, it takes about 7 hours to make a big bag like this that costs $96 plus shipping:

And just under an hour to make a small plushy like one of these which costs $17 plus shipping:

I'm thinking of listing very very very small and simple things like yarn chain bracelets for 5€ but that'll never be most of it.

#crochet #plushies #stuffed animals #cute bags #small business #disabled creator #Indie shop #captioned #on the shop

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dogmotif · 9 months

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when someone says "why would you want a physical copy of that? you can just stream it" i physically recoil. a feeling of dread comes over me like an evil spirit just passed through my body

#pirating and physical copies I LOVE YOU #got 19 new dvds today :) (one was a blu ray but i always say dvd as a blanket term sorry)#and by new i mean. got them at charity shops for 14.50 in total yayyy #will speaks

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mostly-funnytwittertweets · 7 months

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