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#on the self
morepeachyogurt · 2 years
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stone butch blues by leslie feinberg
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typewriter-worries · 2 years
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I'm Nobody! Who are you?, Emily Dickinson 
[ Text ID: How dreary - to be - Somebody! ] 
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writerweaving · 1 year
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you’re on your own, kid - taylor swift / great big storm - nate ruess / the curious case of benjamin button (2008)
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letterkive · 1 year
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Cheswayo Mphanza, “Frame Six” found in the Paris Review, issue 234
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These days I wake in the used light of someone’s spent life. I am often a stranger to myself; I have no place of origin, no home. I keep remembering everything in two time zones at once. Who knows, maybe I myself am called something other than myself. Not so much a name, but the result of a name. It’s a strange sensation to yell out: This is me! In every place I’ve watched caravans of sorrow— I run like all the other men, chasing my shadow down alleys. Sometimes in the spaces, there is fear— my mind deepens into them. From calm to fear my mind moves, then moves— in light part nightmare and part vision fleeing. The voice rises on a storm of grackles, then returns—half elegy, half serenade.
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conversions
the transcript of a hypothetical conversation between a drone of a species whose intelligence surpasses our own, who think with logic as a collective, and a human, flawed, tired, complicated human.
and exportation of emotions, what makes us human, and the complexity and contradictions of the human psyche
cw: suicidal ideation/apathy towards death and mention of drug use
you seek understanding through my view of you
[human] maybe
you are ... confusing and contradictory
[human] most humans are
you want me to... tell you to look into your mind and say whether you would rather live or die
[human] maybe, but now I’m telling you to look in my eyes and say you don’t believe I’ll do it
do all your kind ... yearn for death
[human] maybe, some more than others
confusing
[human] I think we all want peace [human] we just [human] try different ways
... your father tried drugs
[human] I’d rather not think of him in my dying thoughts
.. understandable .. you have people to live for
[human] mm yes [human] but
but what?
[human] but, we want what we don’t have
you have peace [ example ] [ example ] [ example ]
[human] not often enough [human] look closer [human] see how the rarity make it sadder [human] [ example ] [human] [ example ] [human] [ example ]
.. confusing doesn’t rarity make it more precious?
[human] in my experience no, [human] rarity means every time you feel it you remember how little you do and
that disturbs the peace?
[human] indeed
.. strange creature they love you [ example ] [ example ] [ example ]
[human] love isn’t always enough [human] [ example ] [human] [ example ] [human] [ example ]
you still wish to die?
[human] no.
then my answer is no you won’t do it.
[human] mm. [human] wrong.
you do not wish to die ergo you will not die. this is a logical statement
[human] mm. [human] when have I ever been logical
often [ example ] [ example ] [ example ] but also not... [ example ] [ example ] [ example ] ?
[human] I do not wish to die [human] . [human] but that doesn’t mean id fight it
you fight it [ example ] [ example ] [ example ] often [ example ] [ example ] [ example ]
[human] yes but I have a reason [human] to protect, to spite, to avenge [human] I can’t let them kill me
you wish for it to be on your own terms?
[human] ... is this?
hmm. fair
[human] life’s not fair.
you said you do not wish to think of your father?
[human] mmm. [human] it all links back eventually
he has only been a part of 27% of your life
[human] yes, but [human] my younger years [human] he was there [human] then he... [human] lingered
?
[human] his memory [human] my fear [human] it remained even when he was long gone
I’m sorry.
[human] you’re trying to kill all I love.
I suppose that’s fair . you don’t love much.
[human] ouch [human] I love a lot [human] I think [human] it just gets [human] . [human] murky.
. murky?
[human] the rage and love and anger [human] it all mixes.
contradictory and confusing so human?
[human] yes
you love and hate at the same time?
[human] yes
..
[human] we call it "bittersweet"
that is ... .. a word it has shape?
[human] mm [human] warm and sharp [human] pain and calm [human] an oxymoron
oxymoron noun a figure of speech in which apparently contradictory terms appear in conjunction . so ...humans?
[human] aha [human] your learning
you are... teaching?
[human] maybe [human] or your learning [human] or both
I... do not like this
[human] you said "I" [human] you said like
this is... spikey
[human] mm
I will still do it
[human] and if you do. I will die
if?!?!?
[human] you have to die to.
I am many
[human] "I"
.. your death will be meaningless
[human] ooh mean
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa why?why?why?
[human] that’s anger
I- I-
[human] emotions
you!
[human] heh [human] how douse it feel
I will kill you I will kill all of you I will make you suffer!!!
[human] you die [human] do you want to die? [human] are you willing to die? [human] to be rid of the emotions?
no! Yes?
[human] you understand?
bittersweet. . .
[human] indeed [human] you want to keep them don’t you
the "emotions" confuse me. I don’t like them.
[human] mm [human] now who’s human
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
[human] will you, do it?
. . . I see why your conflicted
[human] now your deflecting
!?!?!!?!? no.
[human] and lying
!!!!!!!!! Die NOw
[human] you didn’t do it.
you didn’t end it
[human] how does it feel [human] your one of us now
[error]
THE END
also have my paint thing:
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pterygoidwalk · 3 months
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sometimes i wonder what my cat named me
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skipppppy · 1 month
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“You shouldn’t self-ID as ADHD/autistic, you’re turning a very real mental condition into a trend” Ok then stop saying delulu. Stop speculating on which cluster C personality disorder the criminals you hear about on the news have. Stop saying “schizoposting” and “acoustic” and “is it restarted?” Stop using “psycopath” and “sociopath” as catch-all ways of calling someone a bad person. Stop saying “the intrusive thoughts won” when you bleach your hair and then turn your nose up at people who suffer from very real, very scary urges of physical/sexual violence. Stop saying “I’m so OCD” as a way of calling yourself neat. Stop treating BPD/ASPD/Bipolar as inherently abusive. Stop saying “OP I am living in your walls” without tagging for unreality. Stop diagnosing complete strangers you’ve never met on r/AITA with NPD.
You first. If you don’t want our disabilities to be treated like trends then stop belittling and minimising them. I’ll NEVER judge a person for trying find labels for their symptoms when an apathetic, racist, sexist, ableist healthcare system refuses to. But I will absolutely judge a hypocrite. Which a lot of you are
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oncorhynchus-nerka · 2 months
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VERY IMPORTANT a dam in the Netherlands, the weerdsluis lock, is directly on a migratory path for spawning fish. They have a worker stationed there to open the door for the fish, but they can take a while to open it. So to keep the fish from getting preyed on by birds they installed a doorbell. Only, the fish don't have hands to ring the doorbell. If you go to their website, they have a LIVE CAMERA AND A DOORBELL that YOU RING FOR THE FISH when they're waiting, and then the dam worker opens the door for them! I can't express how obsessed I am with this. look at this shit. oh my god.
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Please check on the fish doorbell once in a while :)
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nothazellevesque · 2 months
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a man self immolated in front of the israeli embassy in washington dc yesterday. not just any man. an active member of the us air force. he live streamed his death, and said that he refused to be complicit in a genocide any longer. he said that compared to what palestinians were facing every day, setting himself alight was nothing.
let me reiterate. an active duty air force member burned himself alive because he was so disgusted by what the us government was openly supporting. he live-streamed his own suicide, so the whole world could bear witness as a man in his military uniform set himself on fire to protest his government’s complicity in the horrors that we have all been forced to watch happen in real time. he became a new horror. footage of the immolation blurs him out the moment the fire catches, but you can hear him. it is over in seconds, really, but you can hear him screaming. he shouts “free palestine” until his body physically cannot make any sounds other than guttural screams of agony. and then he falls silent. a police officer arrives and points a gun at his still burning body, shouting at him to get down on the ground. and it is over.
his name was Aaron Bushnell. he was twenty five years old. and he isn’t here anymore because the political ruling class has decided that genocide is perfectly fine as long as it preserves imperialism. in the coming days, people will try to discredit him. to say that he was mentally unstable. they will try to bury his actions to save face and defend israel’s propaganda. do not let them. aaron knew what he was doing. he knew what he was doing when he put on his military uniform, set up his twitch stream, and made his final walk up to the embassy. he knew what would happen to him when he flicked that lighter. do not let them forget. aaron’s blood is on the hands of the political ruling class.
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angelicgarnet · 4 months
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the way people online talk about autism is getting really weird, like do they know that neurotypicals still have interests? that someone being passionate about a hobby doesn't mean they're autistic? you guys know that right
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captainjonnitkessler · 5 months
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Sometimes I wish we would start calling out the performative radicalism on this site for the poser bullshit it is. "Remember, it's always morally correct to kill a cop!" "Don't forget to firebomb your local government office!" "Wow, it sure would be a shame if these instructions on how to make a molotov cocktail got spread around!"
Okay. But you're not killing cops or firebombing government offices. You are posting on a dying microblogging website to a carefully-curated echo chamber that has radicalized itself into thinking that taking the absolute most extreme position on any subject is praxis but that anyone discussing the most practical way to effect actual change is your sworn enemy. You do not have the street cred OR the activist cred to be talking about killing cops, babe.
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beaft · 5 months
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can anyone tell me why i enter the grocery store a normal person and emerge as some sort of vile ravening monster
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typewriter-worries · 2 years
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You Get So Alone At Times That It Just Makes Sense, Charles Bukowksi
[ Text ID: once in a dream I saw a snake swallowing its own / tail, it swallowed and swallowed until / it got halfway round, and there it stopped and / there it stayed, it was stuffed with its own self. some fix, that. / we only have ourselves to go on, and it’s / enough...] 
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thelove-rs · 10 months
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STOP THINKING THERE IS A DEADLINE. THERE IS NO DEADLINE. TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND TAKE YOUR TIME.
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doccywhomst · 4 months
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stuckinapril · 6 months
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I could get over anything as long as I have something new to be obsessed with
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